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Maid for Marriage by Jaylin
Chapter 1

Results were out. I worked really hard but I wasn't too sure about my marks.
The exams were difficult, and I needed to pass. Otherwise, my father would
drag me back to the village and make my life a living hell.

My father wasn't exactly the father of the year. He was a very violent man, and
he was power-hungry. This probably stems from our family heritage. My father
was the chief of the village he stayed in. The village wasn't even all that big
but he thought he was king of the world. He ruled that place with an iron fist.

After my mom's passing, my aunt brought me to the city to escape from him.
He did eventually find us, but my aunt convinced him I would get a better
education here. There's nothing better about it. I was living in the township
with my aunt and her two babies. The one was two years old, the other eleven
months old, and she was pregnant again.

They all had the same father, and he kept on saying he would make my aunt
his second wife. Three sons later, and still nothing. He always complained
about his first wife only giving him girls. So, on weekends, when he came
here, he would be the happiest man I've ever seen, and the money he was
giving my aunt was enough for us to live comfortably. I knew rhat when I fetch
married I would need to give my husband a son as soon as I could.

I was supposed to go back to my village when I was sixteen but my aunt and I
convinced my dad it was a good idea for me to stay. My dad had big plans for
me. The start and end of my future would be marriage. My aunt made a deal
with him to teach me all there is to being a traditional Zulu wife in exchange
for me staying at home. And she kept that promise. I was trained daily. I
needed to be strong and fit for chores on a homestead. I needed to be able to
cook and clean and maintain a house as well as a hut. I knew everything there
was to know about tradition and being a traditional wife. My aunt also taught
me how to take care of myself and to make sure I stayed looking young and
beautiful.

I was extremely sexy and I developed breasts and curves at a very young
age. Men drooled all over me. I kept my waist thing and my ass fat. People
pay millions to get a body like mine. And I show it off. As much as I liked my
body, it got me into a lot of trouble. The girls at school hated me. They bullied
me from the moment I started developing curves. It was so bad that
sometimes it got physical but luckily I was done with school.

In my culture, it was common practice to remain a virgin until marriage, and

my father expected me to uphold that tradition. In fact, it was one of the only
things keeping me here. Recently, however, there was a little mishap. I was at
a party and I met a cute guy. I was a little bit tipsy, and things wet a bit too far.
It was only a matter of time until my father found out, so we were trying
everything in our power to avoid him.

Every month, I go for a virginity test, and we send the results back home. My
aunt pays a doctor to fake it, but the doctor still requires I take a pregnancy
test. It was annoying, but it was the only thing keeping me here. Otherwise, I
would be back in that damn village doing chores.

"Ma, I don't want to go to that school. Can't you just go fetch my results for
me? I don't like those people." I complained, taking an apple from the fruit
bowl. "Thandi, you're already dressed." She replied, looking me up and down.
I just sighed and said my goodbyes.
I didn't take a bag because I wouldn't need it. I was just collecting my results,
and then I would be done with school forever. I waved to my neighbors as I
walked by. They were an elderly couple. I helped them after school with a few
chores and sometimes a few errands they couldn't get to. I heard a lot about
their son. He was some businessman in the city. I had never seen him but I
would love to meet him. If I could find a husband here in the city, a husband of
my choice, a husband who would give me a nice life, then I wouldn't have to
worry about my father.

My neighbors treated me like their own granddaughter. I loved them like they
were my grandparents. When I first came to the city, they took care of me
while my aunt worked. Now that they're getting too old to take care of
themselves, I go to their house every day and help with anything they need.

It was sad that their son never visited them, but they spoke about him all the
time. They were really proud of him. I just wished he would show his face
sometimes. His father is not doing that well. The old man is very weak these
days and there was nothing much we could do.

I went to school and minded my business. Luckily, it wasn't a full day. We just
collected our results, and that was it. I passed well, so I was hoping that would
be enough motivation for me to stay in the city, but I could only hope.

My aunt was on the phone with my father. She told him about my results and
then started spewing lies too. Most likely, so I could continue staying here.
"Brother, she's doing well. It would be a shame if she went home. She's a
great example for all the girls here in the township. She got a few elders
together to start virginity classes just like the ones we have back home, and
she plays an important part in it. You know she's taking care of our elderly
neighbors, and she's talking about getting a job. She has big dreams, brother,
and those dreams are led by the ideals you instilled in her. Are you really
going to crush her dreams now?" I was laughing into my hand in the
background.

"He wants to talk to you." She handed me the phone. "Sawubona, Baba." I
greeted my dad. "My little princess. Your aunt has been telling me all about
your efforts with those girls in the city, and I'm proud of you. I was afraid that
her ways might influence you, but I see that you're strong. I'm very proud of
you, Princess. You can stay with your aunt permanently but I have one
condition. I will send one of my own people to come confirm that you are a
virgin, and then you can stay as long as you like."

My eyes went wide. I was in huge trouble.

2

"Ma, what are we going to do?" She seemed completely calm. "The person
who he trusts to do the test... that old lady... What's her name again? She did
your tests when we visited that one time. Sindiswa. Yes, I think that's what her
name was. You don't have to worry about her. She'll do anything for money.
She's notorious with the woman for this. She's been taking bribes for years
now."

That calmed me down a little bit. "Okay, how much?" She sighed. "Back in the
day, she used to ask nothing under five hundred rand, but that was a few
years ago. We'll need to ask her. Don't worry about it. I don't want you to go
back either. That place is toxic. Especially for young girls. I'll make some story
up and pay her whatever she asks. The children's father increased my
allowance, so it's fine."

"Thank you!" I hugged her tightly and then went to check up on our
neighborhood. "MaRadebe, do you need anything done?" The old lady was
sitting on the couch. "Oh, I finished everything, my dear. I'm just too weak to
move my husband out in the sun. Can you please help me?" She asked,
wanting to get up. "No, ma, it's fine. Relax. I'll go get him."

I went into their room, and he was in bed. "Thandi, good to see you, my child."
I greeted and helped him out of bed. I got him out off bed and helped him
outside. He loved sitting in the sun, and MaRadebe and I took him outside
whenever we could. He seemed to gain some strength after being in the sun.
We all decided to sit out there and just enjoy it.

"Is that... Is that my son?" A black car with tinted windows stopped outside the
fence of the house. The whole entire neighborhood came to see. "It's my son!"
He shouted joyfully when the man got out of the car. I helped him up and he
went to the man.

The guy was wearing a suit. He had a bald head and a little bit of a belly. Not
too much. They hugged, and he helped his dad back into the yard. He greeted
his mom, who was crying. They eventually went back into the house, and I
was about to leave. "Thandi, come meet Senzo!" MaRadebe said excitedly.

I went back in the house with my head bowed, which was a sign of respect in
our culture. "Senzo, this is Thandi. She's the neighbor who has been taking
care of us. Thandi, this is Senzo." We shook hands and greeted. I made and
served tea, and I could feel their son's gaze on me.

They spoke about his business and his family. I didn't know he had a family.
His parents gushed at his stories. Their smiles were so wide it could break
their faces. It was the cutest thing. This would surely help his father's
recovery. I just know it.

"I know you guys don't want to move out of the neighborhood. I know, but I've
seen a few nice houses a few streets down. If they're not on the market,
maybe I can convince the owners to sell." His parents just sighed, and we
were left in an awkward silence.

"So, Thandi, what will you be doing now that you're done with school?"
MaRadebe asked. "I'll be looking for a job, ma." She looked worried. "Full
time?" I nodded. "What would happen to us?" She asked her husband, and
then they looked worried. "Ma, I've said this a million times. I could get you a
full-time caregiver." Ma rolled her eyes.

"Stop it. We're not moving, and we're not letting some stranger take care of
us. I have an idea. I know I've said in the past not to do anything to the house,
but we can renovate and make it easier to move around. Then, we need
someone to help us, and Thandi needs a job. So why not pay Thandi for what
she's already been doing?"

I was shocked. I was not expecting that, and by the look on Senzo's face, he
wasn't either. We just sat in awkward silence until ma brought up another
topic.

I cleaned the dishes while they continued speaking. I was on my way out
when Senzo grabbed me by the arm. "Stay away from my parents. I've seen
women like you. You're a leach. Just look at how you're dressed. What do you
want from them? What do you want from them?!"

"Leave that girl alone!" One of the neighbors yelled. "Nthombi! Come see what
this man is doing to your niece!" A small crowd gathered quickly because the
woman kept screaming for my aunt. "Senzo! What are you doing?!"
MaRadebe yelled. My aunt came out of our house and saw him holding my
arm. "Let go of my child!" My aunt yelled, and he finally let go of me.

"Sies, you ungrateful pig! My child has been taking care of your parents and
this is how you treat her!" Most people my age around here hated me, and I
had no friends, but a couple of the older women knew my aunt from church.
They had a problem with how I dressed, but they tried ignoring it. They always
kept an eye out for me. Mostly to catch me doing something I wasn't
supposed to, but in situations like these, it came in handy.

My aunt and MaRadebe were yelling at him, and I started crying. That was
one of my talents. I could cry on command. "Look what you've done!
MaRadebe, I won't tolerate this. My child and I have been nothing but nice to
you because this man failed as a son. Look, you've made my daughter cry!
Come, Princess. We're leaving and you won't come back here until this thing
apologises!"
My aunt took me and we started walking. "I won't appologize. Look how she's
dressed. She's trying to take advantage of my father and get to my money!"
He yelled and angered the women of the community. While they shouted him,
my aunt walked me back home.

What the fuck?

He didn't even know me!
3

That night, we cleaned around the house, and I complained to her about
Senzo and told her everything he said. He wasn't the first to say things like
that about me. People around here always said stuff like that because of the
way I dressed. Most people were just jealous of our lifestyle.

Our house was one of the bigger ones in the township. Four rooms and two
bathrooms, a living room, and a kitchen. We even had a hut outside in our
yard. That was way more than most people had around here. I suspected that
adds to why some people don't like us.

I woke up to banging on the gate. "We have come to check if the Princess's
flower is still intact! Open up! We've been sent by the chief!" What the hell?
That was quick. Why are they here so early, and why are they yelling. "Open
up! We've been sent by the chief to confirm the virginity of his daughter!" Oh
no! Why did this lady have to scream it to the whole world. What's worse is we
have to bribe her first. What if she doesn't take the bribe, and I'm further
embarrassed by this.

"Thandi, get dressed!" My aunt went to speak to them while I took a bath and
got dressed. I put on a short skirt and a tube top. When I walked out of the
bathroom, I almost had a heart attack. I was met with my dad and uncle, and
two old ladies from the village were there too. How the hell was I going to fake
this now? I was going to be dragged back to the village by the time we were
done today. I didn't know what to do.

"Princess, don't just stand there." I hugged my father and uncle. They spoke
about how proud they were, and I was sitting in a silent panic. My aunt was
keeping it together better than me, but I knew she was panicking.
"What the hell are we going to do?" I asked her panicked while we cleaned
the hut. "I don't know. I do not know. Just do the test, and when you fail, we'll
fight to keep you here. I won't let you go back there, okay? I promise. I know
it's going to be embarrassing and difficult to get through the backlash, but it's
either that or go back with your dad and marry one of his disgusting, broke
friends. Thandi look at me. I will fight with everything in me to keep you here. I
won't allow him to take you, okay?" I nodded and took a deep breath, mentally
preparing myself for the outcome of this test.

My heart was beating in my chest. I was terrified. I was in my room, and I was
told to take off my skirt and underwear and wrap one of my red and white
traditional print wraps around my waist. I looked out my window and saw the
whole neighborhood standing outside of our house. This was the thing I hated
most about living here. Everyone was always in everyone else's business.

There was a knock on my door, and my aunt came in. She wiped tears from
my face that I didn't even know I cried. "Pull yourself together." I took a deep
breath. "Will you come in with me please and hold me?" I asked with a shaky
voice. She nodded and hugged me. I held her hand as I walked outside. My
uncle drew even more attention by shouting our clan praises.

The two ladies sat in the hut waiting for me. A grass mat was laid out for me.
My aunt took a seat at the other end, and I went to go lay down. I laid my
head in her lap and shut my eyes tightly. They lifted my legs, and I felt cold
hands touching me. My breathing picked up, and my aunt held my hand.

"It's too dark in here we can't really see." This was taking forever. "I'm going to
have to feel. Just relax, okay?" How the fuck was I supposed to relax after
some old lady who looks like she on her death bed told me she was about to
put her fingers in me.
I didn't want her anywhere near me so when I felt her fingers I clenched.
"Cry." I heard my aunt whisper. The lady was still trying to force her boney
finger in me, and I decided to do as I was told. I cried but she didn't stop so I
pulled away. "Okay, okay! We're done right, ladies? We're done, Thandi."
She held and spoke to me like a baby, and I decided to be even more
dramatic. My dad stormed in. "What did you do to her?!" He screamed.

I felt a hand on my back as my aunt held onto me tighter. "I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to hurt you." I cried in my aunt's arms. "I'm sorry, princess. Did she
pass?" My dad asked, and I cried hard. "Yes, she passed." The lady said, and
I was shocked.

My dad went outside, and they shouted our clan praises and told all the damn
neighbors that I was still a virgin. We didn't quite do the test right, but I
couldn't even get one finger in properly without hurting her, so that's good
enough for me. What do you think?" The one lady asked the other. "No, she's
definitely a virgin. I saw you struggling. You wouldn't have struggled like that if
she wasn't. We're sorry, princess, for hurting you."

"I think it's more the shock than anything else." My aunt said, and they
hummed in response. "Let me go get her some sugar water." Both of them
left. I heard one of the ladies start singing, and the neighbors joined.

"How did that happen?" I asked my aunt when I was sure. "We got lucky. You
know these tests don't really wor, and these ladies are old and stupid. Just be
grateful. Don't question it." I drank the sugar water and eventually left the hut.
Our yard was full of people. My dad invited everyone to a party the next day.

My dad and uncle made a sacrifice to our ancestors and asked them for my
safe keeping. I didn't really have any traditional clothing in the city but a
wrapped the same cloth around my body again. I danced and sang with
everyone. Everyone was getting drunk, but I decided to stop drinking when I
got tipsy. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of my father.

"Thandi, there's someone here who wants to talk to you." My aunt pulled me
away from the group. "It's Senzo." I rolled my eyes. "Oh, stop being so
dramatic. He's come to apologize, and he has flowers." I looked at her
confused. "I'm pretty sure his tune has changed because everyone thinks
you're a virgin. He basically called you a slut the other day so he probably
feels guilty. Also, this is your chance to win him over."

Win him over? I guess but what about the family? I went to the front of the
house and there he was. He had flowers in one hand and a box in the other. I
couldn't really see because it was dark.

"Hi." He said awkwardly and cleared his throat. "Hi." I said back and kept my
head bowed. "I'll leave you two to it." My aunt said and left. "I just wanted to
say I'm sorry about the other day. I was a complete fool. It's just that I'm
protective about my parents and I didn't want anyone to take advantage of
them. Not that I'm saying you were taking advantage of them." He said
nervously. "It's fine. I understand." I said softly.

"These are for you just to say I'm sorry." He handed me the flowers and I
couldn't help but smile. "Thank you. They're beautiful." I said smelling them. "I
got you something else but why don't we step out of the yard and go stand
under the lamp post so you can see properly." He took my hand and led me
out the yard. He was gaining more confidence.

I saw the velvet box in his hand. "This is a gift to you to say thank you for
taking care of my parents and to hopefully start a new friendship." He opened
the box and I gasped. In the box lay a diamond necklace. Well, I was
assuming they were diamonds. "That's beautiful. I don't think I can take that.
That's too much."

"Come on." He said gently pulling me against him. "Its a gift. You have to take
it. A gift as beautiful as it's recipient." Okay I was actually blushing. "Turn
around let me put it on for you." I did as he said and I shivered when the cold
metal touched my skin. "Thank you. It's beautiful." I said and we fell into
silence looking in each other's eyes.

"Thandi! It's getting cold and late! Come inside!" My aunt shouted from the
porch. "Okay, I'll be there in a minute!" I said, and she went back inside. "I
guess you need to go. I hope to see you again. Can I have a hug, or are you
still mad at me?" He joked, and I kind of liked the confidence he was showing.
I giggled a little bit. "How could I still be mad at you after such a beautiful gift?"
He smiled. "Okay then. How about a goodnight hug.

I smiled shyly, and after a few seconds of contemplation, I stood on my tippy

toes and put my arms around his neck. He immediately wrapped his arms
around my waist and held on tightly.

"Thandi!" I heard my aunt yell, and we let go of each other. "Goodnight." I said
and went into my house.
4

My aunt was extremely excited about my gift. The next morning, We made
breakfast for everyone. I had on one of my longest dresses so they would
leave me alone. It had long sleeves, and it came down to my knee. It didn't
have a back, though, but that was the best I could do.

"Thandi, how long does it take to make a cup of coffee? Will you have your
husband waiting this long, too?" I just rolled my eyes. "I'm done, Baba. Here
you go." He took a sip of the coffee and pulled a face. "Sugar. Did you even
put any in? Give it here, let me do it myself." I passed him the sugar, and he
proceeded to make diabetes in a cup.

"Nthombi, where is my brother-in-law?" My father asked my aunt. "He's with

his first wife this weekend, brother." My father just nodded. "I was hoping I
could see him. It's about time you two had the actual ceremony. You haven't
completed all the marriage rites of our culture, and it's been years now." My
aunt just sighed.

"Brother, we'll get to it when we feel ready."

My father out his cup down. "You're not getting younger, and you just keep on
having children. You'll be thirty soon. Time is running out." I could tell my aunt
was upset, but she kept quiet. "Nthombi, either you speak to him or I will." My
aunt dropped my dad's plate in front of him and stormed off.

"Chief, maybe that wasn't the way to handle it." My uncle who came with my
father said. "I've been patient with her for way too long. All she's done is bring
shame to this family. Thandi, you better not follow in your aunt's footsteps. By
twenty you should be getting married. If not I'll arrange a marriage for you. I'm
tired of the women in this family being sluts! And you better learn how to make
a proper cup of coffee!" He said and threw the cup at the refrigerator. It fell on
the floor and the cup broke.

The two babies started crying. I wanted to go help them. "Stop! They have a
mother!" My father yelled and I started crying. I felt so small. This is exactly
why my aunt tries so hard to keep me away from him. He's always gets
extremely angry and for no good reason.

"Why are you crying!" Before I knew it he had jumped up and pulled my arm.
"Why are you crying!? Do you want me to give you a reason to cry!?" He
squeezed my arm so tight I screamed. My knees buckled and I fell to the
ground. His grip only tightened. "Please!" I cried. I couldn't form any other
words. I heard yelling and screaming. It felt like he was breaking my arm. He
eventually let me go. "Leave her alone! She'll get up by herself!"

They left me and eventually he went to go sit outside with my uncle. I was left
crying on the floor. "Thandi." I heard my aunt whisper. "Come baby. Get up.
Come on." She helped me up but I was in so much pain it felt like the rest of
my body wasn't even there. She helped me to her room.

"I'm sorry babygirl. I'm sorry." She was crying while undress me to see the
damage. "I didn't do anything, Ma. I swear."
"Shh, I know. I know." She held me to her chest. "I know you didn't do
anything. I know. Shh, baby. Shh, we don't want him to come back in. Shh."
She said desperately. And I had to force myself to be quiet. She took care of
my arm, and the whole time, it felt like I needed to scream.

I was laying on my aunt's bed with my arm elevated and an icepack on it. My
aunt came in with my dad following her. "Thandi, I know I hurt you, but I did it
so you could learn. I did it out of love. I only want the best for you. Anyway, I
spoke to the neighbors son, and they want to employ you. He's willing to pay a
reasonable amount. Half of it will be sent back home to me. They'll work out
the rest of the job details with you themselves. Also, I'll be leaving early
tomorrow morning."

He left the room like nothing happened. The next morning, I didn't even get
out of bed to say goodbye, and he didn't care either. I was just grateful I had
my room back. I took a bath and spent the rest of my day in my bed.

"Thandi." Someone whispered. "Thandi." I heard it again. I opened my eyes

and saw Senzo in my window. It was starting to get dark outside. "Let me in.
Quickly, your aunt's on her way back from the shop now." I told him to go to
the back door. I found a tiny robe that hardly covered anything and went to
open the door for him. He choked and started coughing when he saw me.

"Are you okay?" He nodded, and I led him to my room. We took a seat on my
bed. "I wanted to find out how you're doing. We heard awful screams
yesterday." I just lowered my head in shame. He shouldn't have heard that.
"Thandi." He took my hand, and I couldn't keep it in anymore. I started crying.
He moved closer and hugged me. "I'm sorry." I said frantically. "No, don't be."
He rubbed my back and let me cry on his chest.

I jumped up when I heard the kids outside. "Hide." I said and opened my
closet door for him. He went in, and I laid on my bed. "Thandi, are you
awake?" My aunt asked, coming into the room. I just nodded. "I didn't feel like
cooking, so I went to get some food. Here's yours." She put a styrofoam box
next to my bed. "How's your arm? Let me see." I took off my robe for her to
look. I flinched when she touched it. "Let me get a new bandage and
something for the pain."

She left, and Senzo stepped out. "Go back." I whispered, waving him back in.
She came back with some juice and tablets and then wrapped my arm back
up. "Thabo is coming, so the kids will surely be crazy. I'm hoping to talk to him
about what your father said. I just want to get it done so we can stop hearing
about it, and he can stop taking the frustration he has for me out on you. I'm
sorry, princess. I'm sorry my brother is this way, and I'm sorry he did this to
you." I hugged her because I knew she was feeling guilty about it.

"Good luck with Thabo." I said when she left the room. I locked the door and
put my robe back on, and then I opened the closet door. He was standing with
one of my thongs in his hand. "What are you doing with that?" I asked softly.
"Nothing. It just fell in my hand." He said suspiciously. "Hmm." We sat on my
bed again.

"I know it's none of my business, but what did your father do?" I didn't know
how to answer, but for some reason, I wanted to tell him. I took my arm out of
my sleeve and lifted my bandage. He looked shocked. "No man should ever
do this to their child." He said saddened. "It's fine. He's gone now." I said,
putting my arm back. "It's not fine. What about when he comes back." I bowed
my head in shame. "Can we talk about something else? My aunt brought
food."

I heard my cousins scream and laugh and knew their dad was here. "Thabo is
probably here." I said. "Who's Thabo?" He asked and kicked his shoes off.
"My aunt's fiance." I leaned over and got the food. "Can I get in bed next to
you?" I nodded and moved over. I opened my box and we started eating. It
was chicken and fries.

"I'm lazy. How about you feed me." I rolled my eyes playfully but fed him by
hand. I couldn't help but stare at his lips. I really wanted to kiss him, but I
wasn't going to make any moves just yet. I kept reminding myself that I was a
'virgin'. "Would you like some juice?" My voice came out breathy. I'm sure he
could tell I was horny from how I spoke. He nodded.
I opened the bottle and held it for him. All of a sudden, he 'bumped' the bottle,
and it spilled on his chest. "Shh." I said, jumping up and holding my hands to
his lips. His shirt was completely wet. "Take it off, or you'll be all sticky." I
whispered, and he smirked. "No hands, remember." He said and raised his
hands and dropped them.

"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
He just sat there with a smirk on his face. I got up on my knees and started to
unbutton his shirt. Luckily, we had babies around, and there were wet wipes
everywhere so I could wipe his chest clean.

We were up all night talking about random things. The kids were already
asleep, and we were still up playing with each other's hands. "We should
really fall asleep." I said, and he sighed. "Do you mind if I get more
comfortable?" I shook my head. He got out of bed and started taking his pants
off. I looked away immediately. "Don't worry about it. I have shorts on under,
and I won't try anything. I promise."

He got into bed again, and we fell asleep

5

We were woken up by constant banging and moans. The first thing I felt was
his hand on my ass cheek. "Oh no." I groaned, knowing it was my aunt and
Thabo going at it.

"I think now would be the best time to sneak me out." He got dressed, and I
sat on my bed making a sad face. "Can we do this again. Maybe we can go
for a drive and go grab a bite." I smiled shyly and just nodded. We walked to
the back door and gave each other a long hug. This time, one of his hands
moved down to my ass. I let him out and went back to my room.

I couldn't help it. I was desperate. I took off all my clothes and started playing
with my nipples. My hand moved down and I started rubbing my clit. I rubbed
in circular motions and bit my lip to keep from moaning. I was so wet and my
pussy was making so much noise because of it. I didn't care I just rubbed my
clit faster and faster. My legs started shaking and it was getting more difficult
to keep quiet. My hips lifted and I squirted all over myself.

I was completely out of breath and it still felt like I needed more but I knew if I
carried on I wouldn't be able to keep quiet. I got up because it was morning
anyway and cleaned up.

After changing my sheets I got dressed for the day. By the time I was done
the sun came up and I knew my aunt would not wake up because they were
going at it the whole night.

I cleaned and when the babies woke up I started making breakfast. I gave
them their bottles and fixed the adults plates. I was feeding Sizwe, the eight
month old and Thabo Jr was in his highchair feeding himself.
"Thandi!" Thabo said excitedly. "It's good to see you babygirl." I got up and
hugged him. I hissed at the pain in my arm. I forgot about it for a moment.
"Sorry. Your aunt told me what happened. If I was here that man wouldn't
have walked out of here standing." I couldn't help but smile. He's always been
nice to me. He's been more of a dad to me than my father ever has.

"I made breakfast. It's on the table." I said and he thanked me and took their
breakfast in the room. I got the babies ready for the day and went to play
outside with them until their parents got up. "Thandi!" I heard my aunt call.
"We're outside, Ma!"
"Bring them in! We're all going out!" I got their blanky and toys and we went
back inside.

"Thank you for looking after them." She said. "Anytime. Sizwe will probably go
to sleep in a few minutes." I handed him over to his mother. "How's your
arm?" I just started clearing the kitchen island. "It's fine, Ma." I didn't want her
to feel guilty so I lied. The pain was killing me. "Thandi, don't do that. Come
here." I just continued clearing the dishes. "Thandi. Let me see."

I sighed and walked over to her. "Why must you be so stubborn sometimes?"
She said and looked at my arm. She took the bandage off. "I need to tie it a
little bit tighter. It's swelling and getting darker. Don't worry about it. It'll start
healing in a few days." She walked me to the couch like a toddler and went to
get a new bandage.

"Here, keep it elevated." She put one of the couch pillows under my arm and
brought me ice. "Okay, we'll leave in about twenty minutes. Thandi just needs
to ice that arm a little." She said to Thabo, and he just nodded and put the tv
on. "You can go without me. I'm fine." My aunt just sighed. "No, we'll wait.
We're going to the mall. You did really well in school. You deserve to be
spoilt." I rolled my eyes. "My marks were average."
"They we're not average Thandi. They were really good, especially for the
school you were in. You're fifth in the district. I saw it in the newspaper. And I
know we live in the township, so there's no public recognition for it, but that's
incredible. Stop diminishing your successes. Now, like I said. We'll wait for
you."

We went to the mall and I could pick out anything I wanted. At first I didn't
want pick a lot of stuff but Thabo said if I didn't shop to my heart's desire he
would start picking things for me and then held up a pair of granny pumps. He
bought clothes for everyone and then we went to lunch. The boys were worn
out and fell asleep on the way home.

My aunt and Thabo were taking a "nap" when there was a knock on the door.
It was Senzo. "Hi." I said and caught him staring at my boobs. "Um, hi. I was
wondering if we could talk about my parents. I didn't want to struggle bringing
them over here, so I was hoping you'd come over." I agreed and got my
shoes.

"Thandi!" His mom cheered. "I'm sorry we couldn't come to your celebration.
My husband had to be rushed to the clinic. He fainted, and his blood pressure
was really high. Come sit. Let's talk."

We took a seat and spoke about my new job. "So you'll be working from
Monday to Friday. Wednesday will be a half day. I need help with cooking,
cleaning, and getting my husband to move around. I'm not starting to forget
yet, but will you please keep us up to date on our medications. I wrote all of it
down for you. It's a lot to remember, and it really stresses me out. If I had that
stress off my back, it would be a huge help."

I took the page from her and saw all the medications with the amounts and
times on them. It was so organized, and I could see how that would stress her
out. Their diet, which I was quite familiar with, was on the back. "Okay, I'll
leave the two of you to talk about the business side of things." She left the
table with a weird grin on her face.

"I know you're not a trained caregiver, but this is the only way I know my
parents are safe and looked after. I know I should've spoken to you first but I
had a talk with your father and we came to the agreement of ten thousand
rand a month." My eyes went wide. "I'll add another three thousand, and
that's to spend in the house for little things that they might need. Or if they
don't need anything just to make it more comfortable.
Then I want to speak about the house. My mother has just requested a bigger
kitchen, but I know there are more needs, and she just doesn't want to tell me.
I was hoping you would."

I showed him everything that needed fixing and replacing to make the house
more comfortable. We agreed on a bigger toilet and a while new set of
furniture because everything was worn out and uncomfortable to sit on. He
was quite pleased that I already knew his parents' needs so well.

Sunday came, and everyone else in the house went to church. I cleaned up
and cooked. MaRadebe also went to church, so I would cook their Sunday
lunch. I fished three plates since Senzo was still there and took it next door.

"My mom said you'd be coming by." I put the plates in the microwave. "Yes,
ma usually comes out of church late, so I just bring something to eat on a
Sunday so she doesn't stress about it." He thanked me. "How about we got to
the beach for the day?" I bowed my head shyly. "I don't know." I replied softly.
"Why. You said you'd go on a drive with me." He said and pulled me closer to
him. I smiled shyly.
"Thandi, are you playing hard to get with me?" I cleared my throat and shook
my head. "No, it's just that." I sighed. "I don't do things like this. It's just new to
me, and I don't want to... Arg, I don't know how to say this." He lifted my chin.
"Don't worry about it. I know what you mean. I'm not expecting anything, and I
promise on my parents' lives that I won't do anything without your consent." I
have out a sigh of relief and laid my head on his chest.

"You good?" He asked, and I nodded. "So what do you say? Are you up for it?
Do you want to go to the beach." I agreed and went to get ready.
6

I got one of my aunt's human hair wigs and sprayed in wet so it would get
wavy. I clipped it to me with a million clips because I didn't have time to glue it.
I tied a scarf around my head like a headband to secure it even more. I put my
white bikini that I knew if it got wet, he would be able to see everything. I threw
on a short spaghetti strap dress and some sandals and left the house. He was
already waiting for me.

He held the door for me, and I already saw a few nosy neighbors snooping on
us, so I was probably the talk of the town again. I put on my seat belt, and we
were off. "You're so beautiful." He said, and I blushed. "Thank you." We put on
some music for the drive. Both of us just acted a complete fool. The houses
got bigger and bigger the further we drove.

I was amazed and excited. I pointed out every single one I liked. We even
made fun of a few. We eventually got to the beach. We parked, and he got a
basket and blanket out of the back. "Okay, can I at least hold the blanket?" He
wouldn't let me hold anything, but he rolled his eyes playfully and handed me
the blanket. "Only if I can hold your hand. Let's go." He grabbed my hand and
didn't even wait for a reply.

We walked in a comfortable silence. We both decided to take our shoes off

and walk at the edge of the water. "Let's go set up." We went to go put our
blanket down, and he packed out our picnic basket. It was filled with loads of
fancy finger food and a bottle of pink champagne. We ate and drank and
spoke about random things.

"I want to go in the water." I said and took my dress off. He took off his shirt
and joined me. We played around and splashed each other. I could tell by the
bulge in his pants that he was getting turned on. I took his hand and went
deeper into the water. The water was very calm and we just stood there in
each other's arms. "Thank you for bringing me here. This has been one of the
best days of my life." I said, looking into his eyes. "Thank you for coming with
me. This has been one of the best days of my life, too. I haven't been this
happy in forever.

We went back to the beach and packed up. "Follow me." I was confused
because we were going further down the beach and not back to the car.

We came to a huge house with a pool that seemed to go on forever. "We can't
go in there. It's someone's house." I tried pulling him back. "It's fine. I know the
owner." I didn't budge. "Are you just saying that to get me to go in with you?" I
folded my arms. "No, I actually know the owner. He's my friend. I can call him
if you want." I decided to believe him, and I went with him. He got more
alcohol and snacks, and we sat in the shallow end of the pool.

He fumbled with the whipped cream bottle and "accidentally" sprayed some all
over my chest. "Oops. I guess I should clean that up." He moved me over to
the steps and crawled between my legs. "Do you want me to clean it up?" He
asked, rubbing my thighs, and all I could do was nod. He started licking the
cream off my chest. I opened my legs wider and I could feel his dick resting on
my aching pussy. He was making all sorts of patterns on my chest and I was
loving it so much I threw my head back and bit my lip.

He started placing kisses on my chest up to my neck. "Mm." I couldn't help but

moan when he started sucking on my sweet spot. I bit onto my lip harder to
keep myself quiet. "No baby. Let me hear you." He used his thumb to get my
lip out between my teeth and then continued sucking. "Aah!" I moaned when
he grinded his hips further into me. "Wait, stop." He stopped immediately. I
held onto his arms for support because I was already out of breathe. We
weren't even kissing.
I couldn't stand it. My pussy was throbbing. I was extremely horny. "Wait." It
came out in a moan. He placed a kiss on his cheek and smiled in satisfaction.
"You okay?" I nodded. "Okay, I'll go get us some more drinks." I nodded and
he got out the pool. When he went inside I got out and sat in one of the pool
chairs.

"Here you go." I took my glass and he sat at the edge of my chair. He was
rubbing my leg and it just made everything worse. Somehow we
ended wrapped in each other's arms watching the stars. It finally clicked that
it was dark outside and I jumped up. "We should've been home by now." I said
and he sat up in the chair. "We could always stay and you could just call your
aunt." I shook my head.

"I don't want the neighbors to see me tomorrow morning in the same clothes."
"Well find something for you to wear." I sighed. I wanted to stay. I really did
but I didn't want this to get back to my dad. "I have work tomorrow
remember?" He sighed and agreed. I put my dress back on and we made our
way to the car. Luckily it was closer to the house than I thought.

We held hands the whole way home and we stopped in front of my house.
"Today was amazing." He said playing with my hand. I couldn't help but stare
at his lips. I guess he caught my gaze because he started moving closer to
me. Just as I closed my eyes and we were about to lock lips we were startled
by a knock on the window.

"Thandi, get in this damn house." I heard my aunt's angry voice.

Oh no.

This was going to be bad for me.

7

"Thandi really? You couldn't call? You couldn't text? It's almost midnight. You
literally had a whole virginity celebration just this weekend, and then you
disappear with the neighbor's son for hours!" I just rolled my eyes. "We didn't
have sex." I wanted to go to my room because she was just annoying me.

"That's not how it looks!" I don't know why she was making such a big deal out
of this. "Nthombi, calm down. For the sake of the baby." I didn't know Thabo
was still here. He never stays this long. "Fine, I'm going to leave it. Go sleep.
Because apparently you start work tomorrow. A job that I didn't even know
you already had!" I stormed off to my room.I got pajamas and went to take a
shower before going to sleep.

On my first day working full time, Ma showed me all the medicine. I cleaned
and made their meals and even prepped for the next day before going home.
Senzo wasn't there. Apparently, he had work.

I went home and I wasn't looking forward to it. The last time I saw my aunt
was last night. "Hey, Thandi!" I heard someone call me when I got to the door.
It was one of the girls I went to school with. "I saw you leaving with that old
man yesterday! You came back pretty late! Maybe the chief should come back
so we can make sure you're still a virgin!" She yelled at me, and obviously,
everyone could hear.
"Go to hell!" I shouted back. "You first you fat bitch! Fucking weirdo!"

Our door flew open and my aunt pulled me inside. "Why would you do that?
You're giving these people more reason to talk. Thandi, what's happening?"
She looked worried and I didn't understand why. Why was she going on like
this. "That bruise on your arm will be nothing compared to what will happen
when your father finds out the truth. When he's done with you, you'll wish you
were dead. Believe me. Now get in here and act like you have some sense!"

I went to my room and fell on my bed. I wish I could be normal. My aunt and I
were always living in fear of my dad. Every time we see him, all he does is
hurt us. My aunt usually takes the beating, but she's pregnant, so this time it's
me. I was so annoyed at myself because it wasn't even that bad.

"Thandi." My aunt came to sit on the bed with me. I didn't even realize I was
crying until she wiped my tears. "Can't we just tell him? I know he'll kill me, but
I don't care anymore. I don't want to keep doing this." She sighed. "Thandi
don't say that. This test going wrong has been a blessing in disguise. Can't
you see that? It buys you time.
Your father probably won't contact us for a few more months. You know how
embarrassed he gets when he hurts us.
Besides, this gives you plenty of time to find a husband, and then you can
blame losing your virginity on him. If you get married, your father will probably
no longer care about whether you're a virgin or not.

The next week, I went to work every single day. At least I was getting paid to
do what I would usually do. I was getting used to their full routine, and Ma was
starting to relax. Senzo didn't come by, but he kept in contact with me and I
sent him daily updates.

I was sitting outside doing Ma's nails. "What's going on here. Can I be next?"
Senzo joked. He didn't tell me he was coming. His parents always got so
excited when he showed up. I made their dinner and went back to my house.

"Thandi, can I come see you tonight?" I smiled shyly and nodded. "Tell me
when everyone is asleep and you can sneak me in." I nodded. "See you then."
This time, I got a little bit more dressed. I was wearing very short pajamas
shorts. It was pink and basically see-through, and I wasn't wearing underwear.
It came with a matching pink crop top. I waited for my aunt and Thabo to start
getting it on until I texted him. I went to open the back door and came over the
short fence that separated our houses. We sneaked into my room and hugged
immediately.

"I missed you." I giggled. "You saw me today." I said while he held onto me.
"Yes, I saw you but not like this. I love it when we're together like this." Did he
say love? I know he didn't say he loves me, but he said love. "I understand. I
missed you too." We went to go sit in bed. "I need to tell you something. I
hope you understand and that we can still be together like this." I could kind of
tell where this was going, but I acted confused anyway.

"Okay." He said nervously. "I have a wife and kids." I knew it, but I acted
shocked. I moved away from him a little bit and avoided eye contact. "Actually,
I had two wives. My first wife passed away three months ago." I looked up at
him. He looked sad and nervous. I noticed his hands were shaking, so I held
onto one. I still avoided his gaze as he carried on.

My first wife had trouble conceiving, and I took a second wife. We have two
daughters. By some miracle, my first wife became pregnant last year. She
was warned about her age and her heart condition, but she insisted on having
the baby. Three days after my daughter was born, her mother passed away." I
rubbed his hand with my thumb. "I'm sorry for your loss, Baba."

"Thank you. I felt you needed to know because I wanted to ask you if you'd be
my girlfriend." I was shocked. I looked up at him and didn't know what to say.
"So would you..? Be my girlfriend?"

I sat there speechless.

8

"Baba, I..." He looked a little bit nervous, and I looked down at our hands.
"Baby, what's stopping you?" I bit my lip. "It's just that I've been avoiding
having a boyfriend because men want..." I acted like I couldn't say it. "What is
it?" I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Men want sex and I can't give them that." I
acted like I was embarrassed. "Well, I just want you." I couldn't help but blush.

"Also... There's a lot of things we can do besides sex that can give us the
same outcome." I instantly got shy again. "So, what do you say? Will you be
my girlfriend?" I smiled shyly and nodded. "Come on. Let me hear you say it."
I giggled. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend." He pulled me onto his lap. "Kiss me." I
didn't hesitate. He held my waist. I loved every moment of it. He grabbed my
ass and I moaned. "Shh baby. We don't want to interrupt the lovers next
door." I giggled, and we started kissing again.

I came up for air and said, "Teach me." He looked confused. "Teach me the
other things we can do besides sex." He grinned and moved me off him. I
watched him take his pants off and adjust the bulge in his boxers. He sat back
down and bed and told me to straddle him. He positioned me on his bulge and
started thrust up. "Ah." I clasped my hand over my mouth immediately. "Wait."
I said, and he stopped.

"You're very sensitive, baby." Of course I was. My clit was throbbing and his
dick was right there rubbing against it. "Okay, how about you do it at your own
pace. Just grind your hips into mine." I did as he said and took a sharp breath
in. It felt good. He started squeezing and groping my ass as I started rotating
my hips and finding my rhythm.

"Baba." I whispered. My breathing picked up and I had to bite my lips to keep

my moans from escaping. I looked to see that he was biting his lip too. He
started grabbing onto breast and squeezing my nipples as I thrusted faster.
My moans came out as sharp, quick breaths, and I knew I was close.

I quickly took my top off and he started sucking on my nipple. My whole body
started shaking. And my thrusts were loosing their rhythm. I couldn't control it
anymore. I held my hand to my mouth to muffle my moans as I squirted in his
lap. I fell forward on his chest, and he held me as my legs twitched.

"Let me see, baby." He laid me on the bed and held my legs open. "Oh, you're
a squirter." He licked his lips like he had seen the most delicious meal ever
and pulled my wet pajamas off. "Look at those thick lips." He said to himself
and laid down with his head between my legs.

"Let me taste this virgin pussy." He said and I squirmed as he blew on my clit.
He flicked it with his tongue and I moaned softly. He did one long lick and
slurped up my juices. I was going crazy. He start sucking and flicking my clit
and I was about to scream. I sat up and moved away from him. "Stop." I said
completely out of breath. "I can't take it." I said laying back. I could see the
grin on his face. He was extremely proud of himself. "You okay baby?" I shook
my head no and he chuckled. He laid next to me and kissed me.

When my breathing got back to normal I had an idea. "Can I do that to you?"
He looked shocked but nodded. "Teach me." He was enjoying this even more
than I was. He took his boxers off and I acted shy see his hard dick. He sat on
the edge of the bed. "Come here baby." I stood in front of him and he made
me sit on my knees. He took my hand and put it around his member. He
helped me at first. "There you go baby." He said and let go of my hand. "Spit
on it baby." I looked up at him to make sure that's what he wanted me to do.
He nodded and I spat on it while jacking him off.
"Now used your mouth instead of your hand." I gulped nervously but did as he
said. I slowly started sucking his dick. I gained confidence and went a little bit
fast. "There you go baby. Just like that." I knew he was close. His hips lifted
off the bed and he came in my mouth. Some of it escaped but I swallowed the
rest of it.

He lifted me on top of him and we laid in bed. "Did you swallow it baby?" He
asked surprised?" I looked up at him. "Was I not supposed to?" I asked
worried. "No baby you can if you want to. We laid there until the first light was
visible. I jumped up and made him get dressed so he could leave before
anyone woke up.

I took a quick shower and then laid back in bed. I was way too excited to even
fall asleep. "Thandi, get up. You have work in a couple of hours." My aunt's
said behind my door. "I'm up ma." I got a bodycon dress and sneakers and
tied a bright scarf around my hair.

I ate something and I was out the door. I made breakfast for MaRadebe and
her husband and then made sure they took all their medication. I cleaned a
little and then Senzo woke up. I served him his breakfast and went back to my
tasks. Every now and then we would stare at each other and smile knowingly.
I was busy cleaning the mirror in the toilet.

"Here you are." He said and closed the door. He immediately came to kiss
me. I dropped everything in my hands. "Wait, your parents." I said and he
started kissing my neck. "They're sitting outside." I didn't hesitate to keep
kissing him. He pulled my dress up and went down on his knees. He pulled
my lace underwear off and stuffed it in his pocket before spreading my legs.

"Oh you're so wet baby." He said licking my pussy. "Thandi!" It was

MaRadebe but he didn't stop. "Thandi!" I moved his head and pulled my dress
down before leaving the bathroom.
"Yebo, Ma." She wanted tea, and I made. It felt like the kettle took forever, but
when I served their tea, I went back into the bathroom.

Senzo had his dick out. He pushed me against the wall and started kissing me
again. He lined his dick up to my pussy. "Baba no. I can't." I said nervously
and he kissed my cheek. "I'm not gonna go inside you. I'm just going to rub it
against you." He said, and I nodded.

He continued and I moaned when I felt his dick on my clit. He was thrusting it
in my folds. "Baba." I moaned. I was close and he was too. In a few more
thrusts he came.

"Senzo! Senzo!" We heard screaming from outside. "Oh shit it's my wife." I
moaned when he pulled away. "You're so sexy." He said kissing me one more
time and he left me there with his cum all over my pussy. I cleaned myself
hearing the screaming going on outside. Senzo took my underwear so I was
going commando.

The screaming stopped quite quickly and I could hear they were making their
way back into the house. I finished the bathroom and made sure I looked
presentable before going out. I walked past them and went to the main
bedroom so I could clean it.

"Who's that?! I saw someone! Come out here you!" I walked out with my head
bowed as a sign of respect. "Sawubona, Ma." I said to her. She seemed a
little bit shocked. "This is Thandi. She looks after us and the house. She lives
next door."
"Really Senzo? You're fucking the help?! Just look how she's dressed!"

I could fake cry all too well so I started crying silently. "Listen here you sorry
excuse of a wife. She's doing the job you should've done. You refused to
come care for us so we had to hire someone. Thandi was already doing the
job it's only right she gets paid for it. You better appologize to that girl because
now I've got to explain to her aunt why she's crying. You're a grown woman.
Have some self-respect." She looked like a fish gaping air.

"If she's a maid why is she dressed like that?" She asked coming up to me.
"What type of maid wears such a tight dress? Are you after my husband little
girl? Or maybe your after my father-in-law? Ma you better watch out for this
one." She said walking away from me. They continued arguing and I went to
finish the main bedroom. I was almost done when Senzo walked into the
room.

"No. Just no." I said putting the clothes I folded into the cupboard. "Baby,
please. Just listen to me." The noise started moving towards us and both of us
knew she was coming our way. "Thandi I'm very sorry. I know this is really
unprofessional." He said when she came in. I carried on folding my clothes.
"Unprofessional? The way she's dressed is unprofessional."

"But I'm fully dressed and covered from head to toe." I finally spoke. "Who do
you think you're talking to?" I could tell Senzo was getting extremely upset. He
turned to her and pushed her out of the room. The screaming began again.

"Thandi." Ma came in the room and took a seat on the bed. "I'm sorry my
child. Please don't listen to that woman. You can dress however you want to
as long as you carry on working for us. Having you here has been a pleasure.
Please don't leave us now." I wiped my tears and she pat the space next to
her. I took a seat on the bed.

"I don't want to leave you Ma. You know I would be helping you even if I
wasn't getting paid but I'm not used to this. I'm not used to the fighting and the
name calling. I don't like it Ma."
"Oh you're defending that tramp!"

She stormed into the room and began to choke me.

What the hell?

9

It took all three of them to get her off me. I ran out of the house and went back
home. People started to gather in the street, but I didn't care.

"Ma!" I screamed. My aunt was in the kitchen. "She choked me! She choked
me!" I cried. My aunt was confused, but she hugged me anyway. I was
hysterical. Even Thabo came to see what was happening. "His wife called me
names and choked me." I explained to him, and he was livid. He grabbed the
whip behind the door and stormed out of the house. We ran after him.

"Come out! All of you! I don't hit women, so you need to choose who's going
to take this beating! Father or son! If you don't come out, I'm coming in!" My
aunt held me as I "cried". Senzo came out with his wife. He was dragging her.
She lost all of her confidence now. She was even hiding behind her husband.

"So I assume you're taking the beating?!" Thabo asked Senzo. "Look, I'm sure
we can talk this through. Let's go inside and talk. My wife made a mistake."
Senzo said calmly, and his wife nodded. "Ma, your husband is lying!" Came a
scream from the crowd. "I saw both of them get in the car yesterday, and they
came home late!" The same girl screamed.

"Oh!" The wife started gaining confidence again. "Don't 'oh' me! We went into
the city to sort out renovation details, and then we tried getting my parents an
anniversary gift. Get your head out of the gutter, Mbali." He lied swiftly.

"I don't care what happened! Who is taking the beating!? You!? Or your
father!?" Thabo yelled, hitting the ground with his whip. "Do you think you can
just lay your hands on my daughter, and I'll let it go!?" Senzo put his hands up
in surrender. "Please, let's go inside and talk about this." Senzo tried
reasoning with him again. "Baba." My aunt said, and he looked at her. She
nodded.
"Fine, meet us in an hour at our house. Bring your parents too. Let's go." He
led us back to our house. "Thandi, what happened? Tell me before I call your
father." I went into shock as soon as he mentioned my father. "I swear nothing
happened. I was cleaning when she came. She was shouting. I finished in the
bathroom and then went to the main bedroom. That's when she saw me. She
called me to them and shouted at me and called me a slut. Then MaRadebe
shouted at her and I tried to go back to the room. I was cleaning and
Bab'Senzo came to appologize she came into the room and choked me. They
got her off me and I ran."

He rubbed his face. "I have to call your father to see what we have to do. But
don't worry this is not on you. You were only doing your job." He called my
father and explained what was happening. I heard some shouting and then
they were speaking about a fine. They seemed to be agreeing.

"He wants to speak to you." I didn't want to but I took the phone. "Baba." I said
with a shaky voice. "Thandi, are you okay?" He seemed genuinely concerned
and that made cry for real. I've never experienced this before. "Thandi?" His
voice was soft. "Yebo, baba. I'm fine." I knew he could hear that I was crying.
"Don't cry. It'll be fine okay." This was too much for me. It was the first time
ever in my life that it seemed like he cared for me. I cried like a baby and my
aunt came to comfort me. "Brother what did you say?" She asked angrily. "Oh.
She's going to be okay. Don't worry about it. Here baby. He wants to say
goodbye." I shook my head. I wouldn't be able to. All of this was too much.
"Maybe another time brother. I'll make sure she's okay. Bye." She hugged me
tightly. "Shh babygirl. Thabo! Bring some sugar water! I think she's in shock."
She held the glass for me while I drank the water.

"Okay, go wash your face baby. They're going to be here any minute now."
Just as she said that there was a knock on the door. I went into the bathroom
and washed my face and fixed my headwrap. After a while I just sat there until
there was a knock on the door. "Come join us." I sat on the grass mat next to
the couch my aunt was sitting on. Senzo and his family was sitting across
from us. I didn't look up once.

"I've contacted the chief, Thandi's father and he's advised me on the situation.
We trusted you with our daughter and this happened. Gogo you were
supposed to protect her and you let this woman hurt her. What do you you
have to say for yourself?" He was speaking calmly unlike before.

"I'm ashamed and very sorry. You know us. This is not how we behave. I'm so
embarrassed. Please forgive us and pass our appology on to her father. We
are sorry." Ma said in her soft voice. She really was sorry. "The chief has
insisted on a fine of three cows. You can't just hurt the princess and expect no
punishment. Each cow's value is ten thousand rand. So your fine to the chief
is thirty thousand rand. Here are his banking details." I was shocked but kept
my head bowed.

Senzo took the piece of paper and took out his phone. The room filled with
silence as he did the transfer on his phone. "Here you go." He gave Thabo his
phone. "It's immediate. The chief should have it." Thabo handed the phone
back and excused himself to go call my father. The room was filled with
awkward silence and it felt like we were sitting there forever.

"The chief has received the fine and he accepts your appology. He also says
that going back to work is Thandi's decision."

"Thandi, what do you say?"

I didn't know what to do. So much happened and I was just confused. I
couldn't answer.
10

"Oh, you're up." My aunt sounded shocked. "Are you going to work?" She
asked, and I nodded. "I wasn't going to, but I don't want MaRadebe to struggle
with Bab'Dlamini. He's very stubborn when it comes to his medication, and it
gives her a lot of stress." My aunt nodded. "I'm proud of you." I smiled to
myself.

I didn't compromise on my clothing. I put on a long sleeve crop top with a

matching skintight highwaist skirt. I put on sandals this time and covered my
head again.

I was early, but I went to go knock at their door anyway. "Thandi!" Ma grabbed
me and hugged me tightly. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She kissed
me on my cheek and pulled me into the house. I started on their morning tea.
"What's all the noise..." It was Senzo. He had dumb smile on his face. His
smile disappeared when his wife joined him.

"So, are you back?" I bowed my head. "Yebo, Baba. I've prepared tea and
then I'll start on breakfast." He nodded, and they joined ma at the table. I went
to go wake up his father and helped him to the table. He was really struggling
this morning. "We're almost there." I helped him sit in the chair, but he didn't
seem comfortable.

"How's the chair, Baba?" He shook his head. "Too hard. Can you help me to
the lounge so I can sit on the couch?" I agreed, but Senzo insisted on taking
him. I fixed the pillows the way he liked it, and everyone joined him in the
lounge. I put everything on a tray and served him his tea.

"Thandi, don't make oats today. Just make soft porridge. My throat doesn't
feel good." I nodded and prepared their breakfast. I brought out a bowl of
water and went on my knees and held the bowl so they could wash their
hands. Senzo's wife Mbali looked surprised.

"Bab'Dlamin, do you want me to crush your medication and mix it into your
porridge." He nodded. Heseemedd very weak. I did so and continued with my
work. I was busy with lunch when Mbali walked into the kitchen. "I'll be done
soon, ma." I said to her. She glared at me. "Whatever game you think you're
playing, trust me, you won't win. A girl who dresses like you doesn't act like
this."

I just kept my head down and carried on. I got through the day with Mbali
following the whole day. I served dinner and then went home. I walked into
chaos. My aunt was on the couch screaming in pain, and the boys were crying
because their mom was too. "I got everything. Thank God you're here. Thandi,
the baby is coming. We've got to go. Please look after the boys." I nodded and
helped them to the car. The people in our neighborhood were so nosey that
they were all outside again. "Good luck, Ma!" She just screamed in pain, and
they sped off.

"Is the baby coming?" MaRadebe asked. "Yes, Ma. In a few hours, you'll have
a brother." I said to the screaming baby on my hip. I took his brothers hand
and walked them back into the house. I eventually got them to stop crying. I
chased them around the house until they were exhausted, and then they fell
asleep. I woke up extra early the next morning. My aunt was still in labor, but
MaRadebe was extremely excited to be spending time with the boys.

Sizwe and Thabo Jr had the best time with MaRadebe and Bab'Dlamini. By
lunchtime, Mbali had to go. All of us were relieved. Senzo also seemed more
relaxed. I got a message from Thabo, and it was a picture of the new baby.
"Ma, he's here. The baby is here." I showed ma the picture. He was beautiful.
He was the exact copy of his brothers. "What's his name?" Ma asked, so I
asked Thabo. "Lethu." I answered when I saw the text. "Sizwe, Jr., come see
the baby." I showed them the picture. Sizwe didn't understand because he
wasn't even one yet, and Jr wasn't interested.

They stayed in hospital one more night, and we waited for them outside the
next morning. Thabo carried the baby inside, and I helped Ma. "How are you
feeling?" She just sighed. "Tired." We sat, and I held the new baby. I spent
some time with them but I had to go back to work. I took the boys with me.
Sizwe was sleeping on my back, and Jr was keeping Ma and Baba company.

"Baby, we need to talk." I sighed when I heard him say that. "We lied." I said,
continuing to cut the vegetables. "I know, but we had to. I asked you to be my
girlfriend because I wanted you to know how serious I was about you. Baby, I
love you. It was love at first site for me. I know you can't say it back yet, but I
know you will grow to love me too.
I just need you to know that I'm serious about you.
I love you and I'm going to marry you."
11

I was confused, but there was absolutely no time to be confused because my

aunt's inlaws arrived in their numbers. There were fourteen women on our
doorstep, and they quickly came to take over the house.

My aunt's mother-in-law spoils her. In their family, boys were rare. In fact,
Thabo was one of two boys. So every time my aunt gives birth, the whole
family comes and spoils her. I usually end up sleeping in a random corner of
the house.

I was woken up early by pots. Even earlier than I'm used to. I made a
makeshift bed on the floor so my body was in pain. I took a shower and got
dressed. I said goodbye to my aunt and went next door.

"You're early, and you look terrible." Ma laughed. "The in-laws have arrived."
She laughed because she knew exactly what I was talking about. "Why don't
you come sleep here. You know you're always welcome." I was contemplating
it, but I didn't know what to do. "Come on. Senzo can sleep on the couch, and
you can take his room."

"I don't know how I feel about kicking Bab'Senzo out of his room." Just as I
said that, he came in. "What about me." I bowed my head. "I was just telling
her you wouldn't mind sleeping on the couch if she slept here for a couple of
days while their house is full." I didn't even want to look at him. I knew he
would love the idea.

"No, I don't mind. As long as I'm home." He said nonchalantly. "Thandi, would
you please make me a cup of coffee?" He asked and took a seat. "Yebo
baba." I made his coffee and tea for everyone else. Senzo requested bacon
and eggs, and everyone else ate their usual porridge and fruit.
"So what do you say about sleeping over?" Ma asked as I set the table for
dinner. "I'll think about it, Ma." I said my goodbyes and went back home. I
checked on my aunt and the boys. I ate and then finally got a chance to use
that bathroom. The next morning, my whole body was in pain. I could hardly
walk.

"Thandi, are you okay?" I nodded. "Don't lie to me. My aunt grabbed a water
bottle from the fridge. Her mother-in-law was also there. "My back and neck
hurts, but I'm fine." She sighed and kissed my cheek. "Sorry baby. Maybe we
can get you a blowup mattress."

"MaRadebe offered to let me sleep there like last time." She gave me a weary
look. "Do you want to?" I couldn't even shrug. "I don't know, but I can't work
properly if I'm going to be sore. I don't know, Ma." She sighed. "Can I be
honest with you?" I nodded but had to rub my neck immediately. "After what
happened the other day, I don't want you sleeping there. I don't think it's safe,
especially if that woman finds out."

I cleared my throat. "Okay, ma. I won't sleep there then." I agreed with her. I
was just a little bit disappointed because I really did want to sleep there just to
see what would happen, but I didn't want to stress my aunt out.

"I'm always so amazed at how obedient your niece is. You're a good mother,
Makoti." Her mother-in-law said, and she thanked her. "Let me go tell my son
to go buy a mattress. Your niece is right. She can't go to work hurting.
Especially if she's looking after the elderly. Thabo!" She went to get him. "I'm
going to go now. Luckily, it's Friday. Bye, ma." I kissed her cheek and went
next door.

The whole morning, Bab'Dlamini was difficult. Not even Senzo could control
him. My neck and back were killing me. "Are you okay?" Senzo and his
mother came to the table for dinner. "Yebo, Baba. I'm fine." They looked
worried and sat down. "So what do you say about sleeping over? I can tell
your back is hurting." Ma said, and I put their utensils down.

"I spoke to my aunt, and she doesn't like the idea." Ma looked confused. "But
you've slept here many times before. I don't understand." I wanted to tell her,
but I kept it to myself. "Spit it out, Thandi. What's going on? I know you, and I
know you're hiding something." I bit my lip. "After what happened the other
day, she doesn't think it's a good idea for me to sleep over."

She sighed heavily. "Do you see now? Do you see what your wife has
caused. Never have we had conflict with our neighbors. Thandi and Nthombi
are like daughters to me. I take Nthombi's son's as my grandchildren now your
wife has caused a rift in our relationship. Do you see what you've done." Ma
was so upset she stormed off.

"I'm sorry." I said because I felt guilty. "It's not your fault." He went to go check
on his mother, and I left. "How was work?" Ma asked when I walked into the
kitchen. "MaRadebe asked about me sleeping over, and I might've mentioned
you said no because of what happened the other day. Now she's upset. I
need something to drink." I was looking for alcohol in the fridge, but there was
nothing.

"Eat something. I'll massage your back before you go to sleep, and then you'll
feel better. Thabo bought you a blowup mattress." A plate of food was put in
front of me. "Here, baby. Eat." Her mother-in-law was being extremely nice to
me. Usually, she doesn't really interact with me.

"Is my father coming to see the baby?" She shook her head. "No, he says he'll
come when we get married." I rolled my eyes. I thought he would at least use
it as an excuse to check up on me.
"Ma!" Thabo ran into the kitchen. "It's Sethu. She's at your house." He said,
holding the phones speaker closed. "Tell her I'm away with the church."
"I already did she doesn't believe me." I don't understand why he won't just tell
his wife that he has another wife. According to tradition, my aunt is his wife
because he paid lobola, and the families have exchanged gifts.

"You really should've ignored the call. What now?" My aunt looked annoyed. "I
think it's time that she knows about me. This is getting annoying. Technically,
we're married. We just haven't signed anything. I just gave birth to your third
son. The fact that I'm still a secret is ridiculous." My aunt said and stormed off.
She was pissed.

They all sat there awkwardly. Thabo put his phone off. "Thandi, go ask your
aunt to come back out, please." I did as she said. My aunt was standing over
Lethu's bassinet. "It's not fair, baby, I know. Someone as special as you and
your brothers shouldn't be hidden. You deserve a father. No, you deserve a
dad."

I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. "Ma, they're asking for you." She sighed
and sat on her bed. "Okay." Was all she said, and she followed me back to
the kitchen.

"Makoti, what's the issue. I believe in talking things through and venting. All of
us do. It's the reason why we're all so close. Everyone here is your mother,
sister, and best friend. We want what's best for you. Come, talk. I've heard my
son's side of the story countless times. I need to hear yours because I don't
understand what just happened. According to Thabo, you're the one who
doesn't want Sethu to know you exist."

My aunt's eyes widened in shock. She looked at Thabo, and he looked

extremely nervous. "Wow." Was all she said. A tear fell from her eye. I'm not
used to seeing her cry. She's always so strong. Even when she deals with my
dad. She doesn't flinch. I didn't even realize this situation with Thabo affected
her so much.

"Makoti." She just shook her head. "It's fine, Ma. Leave it." She seemed like
she had given up. She never gives up. What was going on with her? "I think
I'm going to go rest." She said and walked away. Thabo didn't even try to go
after her.

"Ma? Can I come in?" I opened the door, and she was under her covers.
"Ma?" She sat up. "Yes, princess. Come in." I went to go sit next to her. "Are
you okay?" She took my hand in hers. "I'm okay. Don't worry about me." I
hugged her. "I don't like seeing you like this." We laid in bed and eventually
fell asleep. I helped her with the baby that night.

"Please, can we talk." I was sitting on the couch with her when Thabo came
towards us. "If we're talking, then we're talking in front of everyone because
you seem to be lying about me. How many times did I not beg you to
introduce me to her so we can have a normal life? So my children could have
a father who doesn't only visit them when he's fighting with his first wife. So I
could have a husband who is not scared to be out in public with me. How
many times, Thabo?
When you wanted to get married, I told you we need to be introduced. You
said she would ruin the wedding if you told her. A wedding which by the way
I'm still waiting for. You come here every odd weekend and play house as if
I'm a side piece.
I must listen to you go on and on about her as if I'm a therapist. If she doesn't
want to hear about me, what makes you think I'm comfortable with hearing
about her for hours on end.
You complain about her not giving you sons every chance you get while your
actual sons lay asleep in the other room. I'm tired. I'm tired of being treated
like the other woman while simultaneously giving you everything your wife
couldn't. Either go fetch your lobola and leave me alone or tell your wife she
has a sister wife."
12

Thabo was furious. He stormed out. "You are the one who wanted to talk!
Now you can't handle it!" My aunt got up and shouted at the door. "You
wanted to meet her so bad, so I'm going to fetch her. You'll see for yourself!"
My aunt just rolled her eyes.

"Go fetch her, and let's see what happens! Let her come and see how your
whole family betrayed her! Look! All your aunts are here! Let her find out she's
the only one who doesn't know you have a wife and sons. Son's whose
pictures your mother has to hide every time she comes around! Go! Go get
her so she can see how much of a coward you are!" His car sped off, and my
aunt stormed back into her room.

Nobody knew what to do. The kids were crying, and the adults were
panicking. My aunt wouldn't open the door for anyone. Not even me. She
eventually came out and took a seat on the couch. "Makoti Thabo says they're
on the way." She just sat there. Almost like she already knew and she was
waiting for him.

The car stopped, and I was panicking, but she seemed to be calm. I looked
out the window and saw a thin, tall lady. She seemed to be all smiles. "Baba,
whose house is this?" I heard her ask. He voice sounded kind. She walked in
with a big smile. She greeted everyone enthusiastically, but they didn't
reciprocate her enthusiasm.

"What's wrong? Did someone die?" Nope. Worse. Your husband has a wife.
"No, I want you to meet someone." They went to got sit on the couch in front
of my aunt. "Siphosethu, this is Nthombi. Nthombi, this is Sethu, my wife." He
said, but the two of them were completely quiet. "Sethu, Nthombi is my
second wife." Her eyes went wide, and she moved away from Thabo.
It looked like she was struggling to breathe. She got her inhaler from her bag
and got her breathing under control. Her hands were shaking. "I knew you
were cheating but a whole wife?" She sounded crushed. I really thought she
was going to be a monster. "How long?" She asked my aunt. "We were dating
for two and a half years before I fell pregnant, and he paid damages and
lobola."

"Pregnant?" She clutched onto he chest. "All in all, we've been together for
almost five years?" My aunt was not hesitating. "You have a child together,
and I didn't know?" She asked him, and as if my aunt was trying to punish this
lady, she delivered his final two blows. "Children. We have three children. I
just gave birth to his third son a few days ago." The woman broke down
crying.

"Is that why everyone is here? Because you had a baby? How blind could I
have been? All of you knew, and no one told me me?! I'm such a fool. How
could I have been so blind?" She sat there with her head in her hands. The
room was silent. Only her cries could be heard.

As if to rub salt in her wounds, Lethu started crying. "Excuse me." My aunt got
up and went to tend to him. Just then, Sizwe woke up from his nap. Their
timing couldn't have been worse. One of the aunts went to check on him. My
aunt eventually came back and took her seat.

"Did you know about me?" She nodded. "Yes, I did." The lady just nodded.
"How old are your kids?" She wiped her tears. "Thabo Jr will be three into two
months, Sizwe will turn one next month, and Lethu is a week old." Wife
number one just nodded. "Congratulations on the new baby. Thabo, I would
like to go home now." She turned into a robot. Her cheerfulness vanished.
She showed no emotion. She got up and went outside. "I hope you're happy."
Thabo said before leaving.
Thabo told me to sleep in the room again after I finished making the air
mattress bed. My aunt was lying in bed and I joined her. "Are you okay?" She
sighed. "I'll be fine. Distract me, please. Tell me about you." I just sighed.
"That bad, huh? What's been happening?"

"I think Senzo is trying to play me." She narrowed her eyes. "He told me that
he loves me and wants to marry me. He said it was love at first sight, which I
don't understand. He was so rude to me the first time." My aunt did not look
impressed. "Marry you? Really? He's married Thandi. Believe it when you see
it. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

"He's polygamous. His first wife passed away a few months ago." Her eyes
widened. "So why did his wife carry on the way she did?" I shrugged. "I guess
I'll have to ask."

We fell asleep and I woke up early for work. I put on a black g-string, which
was held together by a metal circle at the back. I put on a short skin tight off
the shoulder dress. I couldn't find the proper bra, so I went without. I didn't
care that my nipples were showing. I put on some sneakers. I had time left
and put on one of my aunt's straight wigs and styled it as best I could.

"Is that my wig?" She asked when she saw me. "Yes, I'm taking advantage of
your condition. Love you." I kissed her goodbye and went to work.

"Morning, Ma." I put my bag in the cupboard. "Morning Thandi. I know it's
Monday and you have a lot of cleaning but I couldn't go grocery shopping this
weekend. I was too weak, and Senzo didn't understand the list properly when
he went. Will you please go to the shops for me. I'll give you the list and my
card." I agreed. They had breakfast, and I started prepping lunch.

"What are you doing?" She asked, coming into the kitchen. "I'm preparing
lunch in case I'm not back in time. Are you fine with sandwiches?" She
nodded. "I know sometimes your wrists get weak, so I'm just cutting up
cucumber and tomato and grating some cheese so you don't struggle. I'll
butter a few slices of bread as well so that you just have to assemble. They'll
be soggy by lunchtime if I make them now."

I felt her hug me, and I hugged her back. "What's wrong, ma?" I asked when I
heard her sniffing. "Thank you. Thank you for always knowing what I need
before I even ask." Her voice was shaky. "It's a pleasure, ma." I swept and
mopped before I got the list and her card.

"Where are you going?" Senzo asked when I reached the door. "I'm going to
take taxi to the supermarket. Ma needs a few things." He showed me his key.
"Don't worry about it. I'll take you. I don't want her getting her groceries at that
supermarket anyway. Most of the stuff is processed and sometimes old. Let
me just go get shoes." I waited for him by the door.

"Let's go. Ma, I'm taking Thandi to get the groceries!" He called out, and we
left. His hand slowly moved up my thigh during the ride. I felt his finger playing
my thong and moved his hand away. "No. Stop." I crossed my legs so he
wouldn't have access. "Thandi, you're still my girlfriend." He said with a smirk
on his face. "Yes, and that doesn't change the fact that your wife tried to kill
me. I thought you were polygamous. Shouldn't she be used to other women?"

He sighed. "She should. My first wife said she'd only agree to one, so Mbali
always knew she would be the last wife. I told her about a month ago that I
would find another wife since it was only her. She's been insecure ever since.
Please don't let her affect our relationship. Please baby, I love you. And
nothing she says or does is going to change that."

I sighed because I had no idea what to do. He took me to some upscale

market that only had organic foods. I got a few stares, but he held my hand
the whole time. I wanted to be out of there, so I shopped as fast as I could. He
paid with his card, and then we went to a pharmacy. I got the medicine ma
needed and we went back to the car.

"I've never seen a woman shop this fast." I just smiled. "Baby, come on." He
begged and pulled my hand when he saw I wasn't responding to him. "Can
you help me so we can get back into the car. He sighed but helped me pack
the groceries anyway. We got in the car, and he seemed upset.

"Thandi, I'm not playing games. Do you or do you not want to be in this
relationship. I'm not going to continue fighting over stupid things. I'm trying to
build a relationship with you so we can get married. If you don't want that, tell
me now." He said sternly, and I knew I was losing him.

I cried to myself.

"Do you want this?"

The way he was questioning me made me angry.

13

"We might as well leave it if you're going to threaten me like this. You say you
love me, but you also say you'll leave if I don't act how you want me to?
Please, take me home. I'm not going to fight about this. If you're not going to
allow me to process what happened to me the other day, then it won't work
between us."

He seemed shocked. His lips moved as if he wanted to say something, but

nothing came out. "Start the car, please." We drove off in silence. When we
got home, I carried the groceries in. He didn't even help me. I was sweeping
outside when Mbali's car stopped.

"Come here!" She called rudely. I could hear crying from the backseat. "Take
the baby and her bags." I did as she said. I took the pink suitcase and the
baby bag out before I took the screaming baby girl. "Close the door." I closed
it, and she sped off, leaving me there with a screaming baby.

"Ma!" I called walking into the house with the screaming baby. "Who's baby..."
She stopped in her tracks when she saw me. "Thandi, where did you get
her?"
"Mbali dropped her off and drove away."
"Senzo!" She called, and I started rocking the screaming baby back and forth.
"Chumisa? How did you get here, babygirl?" He took the baby from me.
"Apparently, Mbali dropped her off."

He sighed. They spoke in the lounge, and I prepared dinner. "I'm sorry." I
heard and turned around to find Senzo. "I didn't mean to treat you like that. I
was just frustrated, and I also didn't realize how much the other day affected
you. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" He put his arms around me. "Come on,
baby. Please forgive me." He said and started kissing my neck. His hands
moved to the metal ring on my thong. "Baba, stop. Not here." He licked my
neck, but let me go.

I still wanted an explanation for the baby, but I let it go. The next day, they
were all up early with the baby. She was his late wife's child, MaRadebe,
explained to me. I eventually took her and put her on my back while I was
working. The constant moving around calmed her down, and she slept.

"Sisi! Sisi!" I heard a litte voice shout from outside. It was Jr. "I want Gogo!"
He said to me from across the fence. I lifted him over. "Okay, but only for a
little bit. Gogo is tired."
"Otay. Gogo!" He squealed and jumped around, excited when he saw her. He
dug in his pocket and held out a plum. It was MaRadebe's favorite. "For me?"
He nodded proudly. "Thank you. Come, let's eat it. Come." They went to the
kitchen, and the baby woke up.

"Okay, okay." She was crying, and I took her off my back. I held her and went
to get her bottle. "You must be hungry." I went to go sit on the couch to feed
her. She drank her bottle peacefully until her father came. He riled her up, and
she was babbling and squealing. "Baba, do you see what you've done now.
Tell him you need to eat. Yes, you do. You need to eat." I got her to eat, and
then she went down for another nap.

I served dinner and went home. I was tired. "Oh, you look terrible." My aunt
said, and we both laughed. "I'm tired. I think I'm just going to go shower and
sleep." She shook her head. "No, come sit down. Eat something." She heated
my food, and I swear I could've fallen asleep waiting for it.

"Did Jr give MaRadebe her plum?" I nodded with a smile. "He wouldn't eat it.
He insisted on taking it to her." He was such a sweet boy. "MaRadebe always
has a great time when they come around. When can she come see the
baby?" I asked. "Tell her anytime. Maybe tomorrow? It's your half day, isn't
it?" I nodded, taking a bite of my food.

"Ma, can I get some juice, please?" She rolled her eyes. "I'm only letting you
order me around because you're tired." I went to work the next day. I prepared
all their meals so they could just heat it, and then I cleaned. "Ma, my aunt
said you can come see the baby whenever you want to." She all but jumped
up. "Can I go now. I nodded and got my things.

She greeted everyone, and we went into the room. "Hi." She whispered. They
spent some time together and I went to take a long shower. I used to go to
school and then just go and check on them afterward. I was not used to all the
cleaning, cooking, making sure they had the proper medicine, moving
Bab'Dlamini around, and now a baby.

After my shower, I put on a tights and a croptop. I dried and cornrowed my

hair and then went to go check on my aunt. "Come lay with me." She said I
didn't hesitate. Her bed was extremely comfortable. "I miss you during the
day." She said, rubbing my back.

"I miss you and the boys too. How are things with Thabo?" She just sighed.
"That bad, huh?"
"We haven't spoken, and he's avoiding me. Saturday, we're introducing Lethu
to the ancestors and cleansing the house." I just nodded.

"So, tell me. What's been happening? I saw you leave with Senzo the other
day. What happened?" I just rolled my eyes thinking about it. "He tried to give
me an altimatum? He said if I didn't want to be with him, I should just say so
because he's going to marry a second wife, and if it's not me, it's going to be
someone else." She was shocked. "What?"
"Yes. I told him I wasn't over what happened with his wife. He shouldn't rush
me, and if he is going to threaten me like this, we should just leave it."
"Good for you."
"He appologized, so now I'll just wait it out and see what happens. Im tired,
Ma."

Saturday came in no time. I was surprised to see Senzo come in with his
family. After my half day, he went back into town, so I wasn't expecting him.
"Thandi, that man sitting with Thabo says he'll only eat food if you dish and
serve him." One of the aunt's said. When I looked to see who it was, I saw
Senzo. I rolled my eyes but dished him a plate anyway. He thanked me and
finally ate.

I tried avoiding him the whole day, but at some point, he found me next to the
house. "Why are you standing here alone?" He came closer to me. I wanted
to move away, but there was nowhere to go. "I'm hiding." He chuckled. "You
seem off. What's wrong?" He placed a kiss on my cheek. "Just tired." I was
hoping he could tell that I wasn't in the mood.

"Let's go sit in the car." I rolled my eyes. "No, not for that. I can tell that you're
tired, but there's nowhere else to sit." I thought about it but still didn't want to.
"No. Everyone will see us, and I'm tired of being a topic of discussion." He
held my hand. "Fine. We'll stay here. Is that okay?" I nodded. He put his suit
jacket on the floor for me to sit down. We sat there speaking until it got dark.

"Thandi!" I heard my name being called. Before I could react, my aunt came
around the corner. "What the hell is going on here?" She asked softly.
"Nothing happened, Ma. We were just talking." She looked at me skeptically.
"You've been gone for hours, and you expect me to believe you and this
grown ass man were just talking?" I nodded. "Yes, because we were." I said
calmly.
"Nthombi, she's telling the truth. We were just enjoying each other's company.
Nothing happened." My aunt narrowed her eyes at us. "Fine, but Thandi is
coming in with me now. You better wait out here long enough for people to not
notice the two of you were here together. Come Thandi." I got up, and we
went back into the house.

"So? What's going on? Usually you tell me everything and all of a sudden I've
been cut off." She said when got to her room. "You haven't been cut off, ma.
You just have a lot going on at the moment." She rolled her eyes. "Let's not
talk about me. You two were there for hours. Were you really just talking?" I
nodded, getting into bed. "I think he really likes you." I couldn't help my smile,
and she looked at me suspiciously.

"Thandi, you like him too, don't you?" I just rolled my eyes, but my smile
wouldn't go away no matter how hard I tried. We just giggled because I had
nothing to say.
"Oh my word. You're going to marry him, aren't you?" I just looked away
because I was sure I was blushing.
14

"Wake up, Mrs Dlamini." My aunt teased. The party went on into the morning
hours, and it would probably carry on today, too. "Are the people still here?" I
asked, refusing to open my eyes. "Yes, they are." I just groaned. "You need to
stop having babies." She gasped dramatically. "Rude. Come on. Get up. I
don't want to eat alone with these old ladies." I forced myself up and went with
her.

"Here you are. We made a big pot of soup for all the hungover people, but I
can make you some real breakfast if you want." Her mother-in-law was really
being extra nice this time. It wasn't weird, but I wouldn't usually get spoilt like
this. "No, it's fine, ma. We'll eat soup. It smells delicious." And it was. I even
had a second bowl.

"So... Thandi... Are you single? You know I have another son, right?" I choked
in my soup. I just heard my aunt chuckle. "Are you okay?" I just nodded.
"Anyway, he's a bit older than you, but the two of you would make a great
couple." Thabo rolled his eyes at his mother. "Ma, Thabang has a boyfriend.
He is gay. Get over it." What? Was this maybe why she's been so nice? She
wanted me to marry her openly gay son? Some mothers were actually the
worst. The festivities continued, and I spent most of the day by my aunt's side.

"Thandi! Will you please go buy more juice!" I got up and started walking to
the small shop around the corner. "Where are you going?" Senzo was coming
out of their gate when I passed the house. "I'm just getting more juice. Want to
walk with me?" He didn't hesitate to join me. He wanted to hold my hand, but I
pulled away.

"I don't want people to see. They might tell my dad and I would have to go
through a virginity test again. Let's just walk." I didn't mean to sound so mean,
but that's just how it came out. "Oh, he makes you do that often?" I didn't want
to answer, but I opened the can of worms, so now I had to talk about it. "Yes, I
go do one at the clinic every month, and when he hears something, he'll make
me go to the village, or he'll come here to have those old ladies test me."

"I'm sorry you have to go through that. I would hug you, but now that I know,
I'll respect your wishes. Raincheck on the hug? I still want it." I just laughed
and shook my head. "A smile. Finally." We went and bought the juice, and he
walked me back home. Nobody was in the front of the yard, so we went to go
sit there.

"The builders are coming this week. Our plans have been approved, and
hopefully, they will start." I was really excited. His parents deserved to be
comfortable. "How long is it going to take?" He just sighed. "Long. Six months,
but they're going to try and cut it down to four. I hope it doesn't cause too
much discomfort for my parents." That was a long time, but they needed it.

I looked to the gate and saw the Thabo's first wife come in with two girls. They
had gifts in their hands. "Oh no." She walked straight up to us. "Hi, where can
I find Nthombi?" I cleared my throat awkwardly. "I'll take you to her." I went in
the house and found Ma sitting with the ladies. All of them looked just as
surprised as I was.

"Hello, Nthombi, we came to give you and the baby gifts, and I was hoping the
girls could meet their brothers." I haven't seen a lot of her, but by what I've
seen, it seems like Thabo was lying. They met the boys and we're instant
friends. And Sethu sat with the other ladies the rest of the day.

The building was moving along swiftly, and Ma and Thabo were finally
planning their wedding. I was a bridesmaid and I was totally in love with my
dress.
Senzo and I were inseparable, and even though my aunt knew we were
seeing each other, his family grew more suspicious every day. It was my day
off, and Senzo visited me. We were in the kitchen eating and choosing
furniture.

"Hi, you two." My aunt walked in with the boys. They were coming from
church. "Hey." We replied. "I'm not going to be here for lunch. You can either
make something or buy something. I'll leave you some money." I looked at her
suspiciously. "Where are you going?" She sighed heavily. "Lunch at my sister
wife's house. I shouldn't be complaining because things could've been worse,
but she's just awkward. Almost like she's scared of me and I'm scared of her
and now we don't know what to do."

She got changed, and they were out the door. "Seems like we've got the
house to ourselves." He said, kissing my neck. I just rolled my eyes. "Are we
ordering these couches or not?" He just kissed me, and I didn't hesitate to kiss
back.

"What is going on here?" We jumped apart when we heard his mother's voice.
"Thandi?" I just looked down. "Senzo? One of you is going to have to speak!"
Never before have I heard her shout like this. "Senzo, you're old enough to be
her father! I raised you better than this!" He sighed. "Ma, listen..."
"No! I will not! Thandi is like my own daughter! You hired her to work for you!
You're her boss! There aren't any more lines for you to cross!" She stormed
out. I didn't think she'd react like this. I thought she'd be happy.

"What do we do now?" I asked softly. I was scared she was going to tell his
wife or her church friends, and then the whole neighborhood would know. "Let
me go speak to her." It wasn't long until I heard screaming. When I left the
house, I saw them carrying Bab'Dlamini to the car. Ma was hysterical. "What
happened?" I asked because I thought maybe I caused this.
"We came back, and he had trouble breathing. We're going to the hospital. I'll
keep you updated." They got in the car and sped off.

I didn't know what to do with myself.

It seemed like he was getting better these past few days. What was
happening?
15

I waited the whole day and nothing. I didn't hear anything from Senzo. I tried
calling and texting but I didn't get a response. My aunt came home and she
sat with me the whole night.

"Princess, the sun is coming up. Don't you want to go sleep just for a little bit.
I'll wake you if your phone rings." I shook my head and went to take a shower
and get dressed. I went to the house and cleaned up. The painters arrived
and I let them in. It was lunchtime when I heard the car.

I waited patiently for them to come in. Ma walked in and then Senzo. I looked
out the door to see where Bab'Dlamini was. It was almost like I knew what
happened, but in those few seconds I convinced myself he was fine and just
had to stay in the hospital.

"How's Baba? Is he staying in hospital?" I was trying everything to convince

myself that the inevitable wasn't true. "Thandi." She started and cleared her
throat. "Thandi, he passed away this morning. He didn't make it baby." I was
hearing what she was saying but I my brain just didn't want to accept it.

"No, he was fine. He was getting better. He sat outside and he walked to see
the construction. He was getting better." I was saying it trying to convince
myself he was fine and he was just staying in hospital. "Ma he was fine. He
walked." It was almost like I was begging. "Thandi he's gone." Senzo said and
when I looked at him a tear rolled down his face.

"No. No! He was eating properly! He was drinking all his medication on time!
He was fine! He is fine!" Ma stood up and tried to touch my arm. "Thandi, look
at me. Look at me." I couldn't but she held my face. "He's gone baby. Both his
lungs collapsed and his heart stopped working. He's gone. He's dead."
"No." My voice broke.
"Yes, he's gone."

She was so calm. As if she'd accepted it already. It felt like my chest was
burning. I took a few steps back because it felt like everything was spinning.
"Thandi? Do you want to sit down?" I was confused and mad. I don't know
why I was angry at them but I was.

My aunt came in and saw how distraught I was. "Thandi?" Tears were running
down my face. "Tell them to stop. Tell them to stop lying!" My aunt looked
confused. "Nobody is lying. He's dead." I couldn't keep it in anymore. I started
crying like a baby. "No!" My aunt came to hug me. I tried getting out of her grip
but she wouldn't let me. "Please! No!" I didn't know who or what I was begging
but I wanted them to bring him back. "Please."

Ma helped me home and I went to go lay in my bed crying. The kids didn't
know what was going on. They wanted to play and I wasn't responding. They
cried most of the day as if they knew what was going on too.

I laid there for a couple of days just taking a shower now and then. The
showers helped me calm down.

Baba didn't talk much when he was healthy but he talked even less when he
was sick. Even though he didn't speak he was still there every single day. I
knew he would be there and that he loved me.

"Thandi?" It was MaRadebe. She came to sit next to my bed. "Hi baby." She
wiped a tear that fell. "He was getting better." My voice came out as a
whisper. She held my hand and I held on as if my life depended on it. "Thandi
your aunt tells me you've been in bed for the past couple of days." She kissed
my hand. "You need to get up baby. You need to eat something. Please." I
wanted to get up. I tried but I felt so heavy. She eventually had to go back
home.

The next day my aunt came in and lifted my body into a sitting position. She
dressed me in a tracksuit and helped me up not saying a word. We walked to
the kitchen and she sat me down Infront a plate of food and forced me to eat. I
tried. I tried really. I didn't know what was happening but I couldn't swallow.

"Ma." I was starting to panic. Why couldn't I swallow my food. "I can't
swallow." I looked down and my hands were shaking. "Thandi you're up." It
was MaRadebe. My aunt hugged me from behind. "Shh calm down. You're
fine. It's fine. Shh. I'll make some soup and you'll go walk outside for a little bit
just to get fresh air. You'll be fine."

It was at that moment that I decided I needed to suck it up. If MaRadebe could
handle it then I could too.

I got up the next day and took a shower and sat in front of the tv. I needed to
do something other than lie in bed. "You're up?" I nodded. "Did you eat?" I just
said yes. "Really? What did you eat?"
"A yoghurt?" I lied. She walked over to the bin and opened it. "Where is the
container? Thandi don't lie to me." I heard the fridge open and she came back
with an actual yoghurt. "Here. Eat." It took me forever but eventually I got the
yoghurt done. She brought me a cup of tea and the kids woke up.

"Ma's family has arrived so she can't come check on you but I told her you
were up and that seemed to lighten her mood. She says you can go next door
whenever you're ready." I just nodded. "Senzo keeps texting and calling your
phone." I didn't feel like answering. I almost felt guilty that I was taking
Bab'Dlamini's death so hard. Senzo was his son. He should be the one
mourning and I should be comforting him. I had somehow convinced myself
that I had no right to feel the way I felt.

"Okay. Do you need anything?" She took my hand. I could tell she wanted to
help me but there was nothing she could do. "I think I'm going to go back to
bed." My voice was hoarse. I slept most of the day.

"Thandi. Thandi wake up. Senzo is here." I didn't want to but she forced me.
"Hi." He seemed relieved. "Hi. I asked your aunt if I could take you out." I
didn't know what to say. "Let's go." Why was he so excited. His dad just died.

"Thandi, go put on some shoes. I laid out a tracksuit on your bed." I went into
my room and saw a black tracksuit and sneakers on my bed. I put on the
pants and croptop hoody and I guess I was taking long because Senzo came
in and helped me with my shoes and we were off.

We drove in silence. At some point he took my hand in his. We stopped at a

restaurant and I didn't even realize how long we were driving because we
were at the beach. The lady asked us where we wanted to sit and we opted to
sit outside with a view of the ocean.

"I'm sorry I haven't come to check on you earlier. I need to finalize funeral
arrangements." I cleared my throat. "It's fine. I understand." I didn't want to eat
but he ordered food for me anyway.

"I wasn't really close to my father. If I'm being honest I'm not close to my
mother either. I went to boarding school as a kid and then straight into
university and from university straight into a job. I'm glad they could have you
as their child. This might be weird coming from me but I'm sorry for your loss."
I held onto his hand tighter.

"I'm sorry." I said wiping the tear that fell. "Don't be. Ma wants you to come
visit." I sighed. "I don't want to be around a bunch of people. I know I'm
supposed to be in work and I didn't say anything about taking leave so you
don't need to pay me for the days I'm missing."

"Thandi don't worry about that."

"Is ma taking her medication?"
He cleared his throat awkwardly.
"I'm not sure. I haven't been home." I just nodded. We were alone in the
restaurant but I didn't even want to be in the presence of the waitresses.

"Can we go? Maybe we can just sit in the car?" He agreed and made me take
my food with me. He drove to where we could see the beach. "Here, drink."
He gave me a takeout cup. "It's a smoothy. Just for some nutrients." I rolled
my eyes but sipped on it.

"He was my dad." I felt like I needed to explain myself. "When I younger I got
bullied a lot and my marks in school were really bad. I walked to the shop one
day and my bullies were there. Since we weren't on school premises they got
to me. Luckily, Bab'Dlamini was there. He threatened to curse them if they
ever even looked at me again. They ended up leaving me alone. I was scared
too but my aunt had to work afternoons at the time and asked MaRadebe to
look after me in the afternoon.
Your dad helped me with my schoolwork and I was scared he would curse me
too so I made sure I was doing well."

Both of us chuckled. "I got better in school and my bullies stayed away from
me. They looked after me as if I was their own and when they couldn't
anymore I started looking after them. I thought I was doing a good job. He was
taking his medication and eating right. It seemed like he was getting better.
What did I do wrong?" I couldn't keep it in anymore. My tears fell freely.
"You did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right. He was old and very
sick. Ma asked the doctors, and they said it happened. Sometimes, just before
someone passes away, they get a sudden burst of energy, and it seems like
they're getting better. This wasn't your fault. You did and are still doing an
amazing job."

We sat there for a little while longer, and then he took me home.
16

"Thandi, Ma is asking for you. Will you please get ready? I laid out some
clothes for you." I forced myself up and got ready. Thabo was in the living
room with the kids. "Morning Thandi." I greeted back softly and ma took me by
the hand and led me next door.

"Thandi! You came!" Ma exclaimed. As tradition required. All the furniture was
moved out and Ma was sitting on their mattress on the floor in all black. A
couple of other ladies joined her. I greeted everyone and took a seat on the
grass mat. "This is Thandi. Thandi I'm sure you'll get to meet everyone
individually as the week carries on but these are Baba's sisters." The two
ladies on the mattress with Ma nodded.

The men were outside discussing whatever they were discussing while the
women did the chores inside. I made sure ma took all her proper medication.
From the pill container I could tell she hadn't had her medication. While I was
there I distracted myself with laundry.

"I'm glad to see you here." Senzo said joining me outside at the washing line.
"I thought I wouldn't be able to come here but at least now I have a
distraction." I said hanging up a shirt that belonged to him. "So my wife isn't
coming. She's out of the country." He said and I stopped what I was doing.
"What do you mean? Her father-in-law passed away. Do you mean just for the
week leading up to the funeral?" He shook his head. "No, shes not making it
for the funeral. My children are here. She left them with nannies without even
telling me."

I could tell he was upset but I couldn't hug him or even hold his hand because
we were surrounded by people. "Do you want to meet them?" He asked and I
couldn't exactly say no so I just nodded. I followed him inside. The two girls
were showing their grandmother their toys.

"This is Pretty, she eight years old and this is Zandile, she's six years old. You
know baby Chumisa. Girls this is Thandi." They waved and I waved back and
said hi. I helped with dishes and with Chumisa. When I got her to go to sleep
I went back home.

"Thandi!" I couldn't ignore them any longer. I played with the boys while my
aunt was making supper. "Thandi did you eat?" I didn't answer and she didn't
bother me. At dinner I felt like a child. She wouldn't allow me to leave unless I
ate something. I got two forkfuls down and I needed to vomit. I ran to the toilet
and threw up.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry. Come." She helped me up and I rinsed my mouth.
"What's happening to me?" She helped me to my bed and sat with me. We
didn't say a word but he being there made me feel much better.

I woke up the next day feeling heavy and nauseous. I tried calling out but I
couldn't. It was almost like it would take too much energy. "Thandi?" I
hummed in response. "Thandi!" She ran to my bed. "Okay. I'll bring you
yoghurt. You ate yoghurt yesterday didn't you?" I could see the tears well up
in her eyes so I nodded. She ran out and was back within seconds.

"Thabo!" She called when she couldn't get me up. I wasn't helping much
either. Thabo held me and she fed me like a baby. It was embarrassing. I
begged my aunt to not tell anyone this happened she agreed.

I was sitting in the couch with Sizwe in my lap when Senzo walked in. He
brought me a smoothy. "This is incase you still can't eat." I thanked him and
he took a seat. We played with the kids and that seemed to make my aunt
happy.
"You're almost halfway. Just a few more sips." I rolled my eyes at him but took
a few more sips and then gave it to the kids. "That's cheating." I rolled my
eyes again. "You said I needed to drink half and I did."
"Yes and leave the other half for later."
His phone lit up. "It's Ma." He said and read the text. "She says she messed
up her medication. She doesn't know which ones to drink." I instantly knew it
was a lie because shes the one who taught me the difference in the pills but I
went next door anyway. I helped her and reset her container.

"Come sit with me." The ladies who usually sat with her were eating so I
joined her. Chumisa was crying and her aunt's were trying to get her to eat.
"She been crying the whole day. She hasn't cried like this since her mother
passed away. This might not be the right time but I need a distraction. So...
You and my son?" I looked away shyly and I couldn't help but smile. "Wait, is
that... Is that a smile? That's all I needed. Soon I'll be calling you Makoti."

The baby was given to her grandmother and I saw they were using the wrong
bottle. "No sit by me. My sister will get it." She said when I wanted to get up.
Chumisa crawled into my lap so I held her. They brought the proper bottle and
she had no trouble drinking her milk. Her sisters came to sit with us.

"I don't like her. She cries too much." Pretty said and Zandile agreed. "Do you
know why she cries?" I asked and they shook their heads. "She just cries and
cries and cries." Zandile complained. "She cries because she can't
speak. She's just a baby. So when she needs something she can't say it. So
she'll cry to tell you she's hungry, or needs to be changed, or is
uncomfortable." They listened and Zandile sighed heavily.

"Okay, but I didn't cry." Zandile said and Ma laughed. "Yes you did." She
seemed shocked. "And louder than Chumisa." She was shocked and denied
it.
I sat with ma for a couple of hours. "Were you talking about this suit." One of
the aunt's came out with Bab'Dlamini's grey suit. Ma nodded and I looked
down because tears fell from my eyes. She notice and held me. It felt like my
ears were going to burst because I held my sob back. I didn't want to be more
dramatic than I already was. "Sis'Thandi!" I heard the kids call my name. I
wiped my tears. "Baba said we must ask you to make us something to eat
because we don't like stew." Ma chuckled. "Okay, what do you like?" I asked
and they thought about it. "Chicken nuggets." Pretty said. Everyone was
staring at us but I just ignored it. "And fries." I agreed and put the baby on my
back and went to work.

Ma didn't have a food processor or blender so I was stuck. I thought about

cutting the chicken breasts up and just frying them but I was sure the kids
would know the difference.

"Can we watch?" They asked and I agreed. I helped them onto the chairs and
they watched me cook. I tenderized the chicken then cut it up in small pieces
and smashed it again so it turned into mush. I added my spices, flour and
bread crumbs so it didn't fall apart.

"Okay, you two are going to help me." They looked at me as if I was crazy.
"Yes you, go wash your hands quickly." They raced to the bathroom. I rolled
my mixture put and cut it into squares. The girls were extremely excited and
the aunt's were watching us as if we were a tv show. They were shameless
about it. "Okay." I said when I had all my squares. "Here you go." I put the raw
egg and breadcrumbs in front of them. "Pretty you're going to take a nugget
carefully and dip it in the egg. Turn it over to make sure the whole nugget is
coated and then carefully put it in the breadcrumbs." I showed her. "Zandile,
you will then take your spoon and coat the chicken with the crumbs. Make
sure the whole piece is completely covered and then stack them nicely." They
git start d and the house was filled with squeals and laughter.

I let them do that while I made their fries. "What's going on?! Why are my
children screaming!?" Mbali stormed in. I thought she was out of the country.
"What are you doing!? You're getting yourselves dirty! Go wash all of that off
your hands! Why are you in the kitchen in the first place!? Go! Go clean up!"
The girls looked terrified and ran to the toilet. "You! Are you crazy!? You're the
maid! You're supposed to be cooking! Don't ever try and make my children do
your work ever again!"

One of the aunt's started shouting at her but I blocked them out. The fight
moved out of the kitchen and I finished with the girls food. They were standing
by the door watching sadly. I plated their food nicely and called them to come
eat. They were a but weary but their mother fighting in the lounge so this was
the only place for them to eat anyway.

Their while demeanor changed. They sat with their shoulders slumped over
their plates and ate in complete silence. "Here you are!" They jumped when
their mother entered and instantly started crying. "We're going!" She came
and grabbed them and they started screaming.

"Leave my children!" Senzo came in and grabbed the girls from her. "If you
want to leave there's the door but you're not taking my children." She just
scoffed and left anyway. "You won't be seeing me at this damn funeral
anyway!" She said when she left. I have them some juice and the continued
eating sadly as I got Chumisa back to sleep again.

"Thank you Sisi." They said handing me their plates and leaving.

I know how that felt. They were still so little and had to deal with a parent like
that. It was painful to watch.
17

"Here she is!" This girl wouldn't leave me alone. I was about to go in my house
when I heard her. "Your grandfather, the one who cursed us is dead now.
There's nobody stopping us now. You better watch you back." I knew she was
serious. In my first year in highschool she maid her friends beat me so badly
my aunt had to take me to hospital.

I went to my room immediately. "Thandi! Is that you!?" Before I could answer

she came into my room. "Here, I made you a smoothy." Was everyone just
going to keep giving me smoothies? "I hear screaming coming from next door.
What was going on?" I sighed. "Senzo's wife came in and caused drama and
then left again. Those poor kids are so scared of her. They were helping me in
the kitchen when she came in and acted as if I was using them as slaves." I
drank my smoothy so she would stop worrying about me.

The next couple of days I tried getting back into my routine of getting Ma her
breakfast and making sure she got the proper medication. I didn't have to do
much cleaning because off all the family that was helping out but I spent most
of my time with the kids. I introduced them to my nephew's and they all played
together. They even became more tolerant of their little sister because I let
them help me take care of her.

The day of the funeral came and I was all cried out. There was nothing left. I
refused to go next door and we just waited until the church time and went to
church. I was sitting with my aunt and the kids when MaRadebe came to fetch
us. The usual church goers snarled and glared at me as usual but I went to
the front for ma. The service went on for what felt like the whole day. People
who never even came to visit spoke about Bab'Dlamini as if they were the
closest of friends.
We made our way to the graveyard and it was almost like an elephant sat on
my chest when I saw them lower the coffin. My legs felt wobbly but luckily I
could sit down. I didn't join the family to eat. I just went home and slept. I slept
until my aunt came to wake me.

"Thandi, get up please. Ma and the family have been asking for you the whole
day. Don't lock yourself up in here baby. Come. Be with everyone else." She
walked me out the house and we went next door. Ma made me sit with her
again and I stayed there for most of the night.

I was about to leave when Senzo pulled me outside. "I missed you today." He
put his arms around me and I looked around to see if anyone could see us.
"Stop, your family is right here." He sighed. "I don't care. Why can't we just be
a normal couple where we get to hold hands and kiss in public?" The guy with
a wife asked. "Because you have a crazy wife and I have a crazy father." He
chuckled.

"I wish we could sleep in the same room, in the same bed and just cuddle the
whole night. And when I wake up in the morning you would still be there
sleeping in my arms. Is that too much to ask for?" He complained and I just
sighed. He held my waist tighter. "Hug me back. I need a hug right now." I
rose to my toes and threw my hands around his neck.

We heard a sharp gasp. We caught a glimpse of one if the aunts when she
ran back inside. "Senzo." I said panicked and before we could go inside they
came outside.

"Senzo, this is wrong. This girl is literally a baby. She just got out of school the
other day." One of the aunt's said softly. "Aunty please. We don't need to hear
this speech. We're well aware of our age difference." He tried to stop them but
it was like they did hear him. "And you, little girl, you claim this man's father
was like a father to you. You should consider him your brother. You come into
this house to work but you seduce your boss. Is it his money you're after?"

"Stop it! Stop! That's enough! All of you leave us alone please." They still
carried on. "And what about Mbali. He has a wife. A fact that you know all too
well. I thought you were trying to be nice to those children because you work
for their father but no! You're trying to replace their mother. Or is it because
you want Senzo to see you as wife material and marry you? One golddigger is
enough in this family. Please, leave this man alone. You're a child."

"What is happening out here?!" It was ma. "Your son is sleeping with a
teenager." My eyes went big. What the hell. They thought I was sleeping with
him. "Get inside. All of you." Ma said calmly. When they left I turned to ma.
"Ma we didn't..." I couldn't finish the sentence. "I know, let's just go inside and
talk this out." I didn't want to. I really didn't want to. "I would prefer to go
home." I said softly. She just nodded and left us.

"Um, Ma's medication is sorted properly in a container. Tomorrow morning

make sure she takes all the medication in the Sunday slot after breakfast
okay." He held onto my hand. "Why does it sound like you're not coming
back?" I let out a breath. "I am. Sunday is my off day remember. I'll come by
on Monday." He sighed and appologised for his family before walking me
home.

"Okay, but why does it sound like the two of us are not going to be the same
when Monday comes around?" He was kind of right. I didn't know whether or
not we should continue with this whole thing. "Thandi, please." He begged. I
didn't even know what he was begging for.

"Nobody wants us together. Your mother and your family reacted the exact
same way. Our age difference is always going to create this sort of reaction. I
don't even want to know what's going to happen when your wife finds out. The
last time she just suspected us and tried to kill me. What do you think she'll do
if she finds out her suspicions were true and we lied to her?"

I could tell he was hurt. "Thandi don't do this. Especially, not now." A tear fell
from his eyes. The first tear I've see since his father passed away. "I don't
want to break up. I don't but everyone is against us and they're accusing me
of horrendous things." I wiped his tear away and he held me closer.

"Please baby. I'll talk to them. Please." I didn't know what to do so I just held
him.
18

Sunday morning, Ma decided to stay at home. Senzo was at our doorstep

early with a smoothy and a bunch of flowers. "Please don't break up with me."
Were his first words when I opened the door. I just laughed and let him in.

We spent the morning together while Thabo picked up my aunt and the boys.
"Come sit on my lap." I side eyed him. "No." He just rolled his eyes. "Come
on." I rolled my eyes at him. He just started kissing my neck he tried lifting me
into his lap, but I broke free from his grasp. "Not here. Anyone can just walk
in." We went to my room.

Just as he was about to take my clothes off, there was a knock at the door.
"No, leave it." I pulled away from him. "I can't. Let me just see who it is. It
might be your mother." He groaned, and I went to the front door. Right when I
opened it, a cold, thick liquid was thrown on me. I couldn't even scream. I was
in shock.

"Who was it?" I turned to him and heard the footsteps running away. I wiped
my face, and I was convinced it was rotten milk by the smell and the color. He
helped me to the shower, and I tried getting everything out. "Where is she?!" I
heard my aunt, and she came into the bathroom. "Seriously? Did they do this?
You're not even in school anymore. What is it that they want to achieve?" She
helped me out and dried me off.

"Senzo is cleaning. Well, trying to clean the mess they caused. I'm sorry,
baby. I'll speak to their parents." I shook my head. "No, it's fine. Just leave it.
Please, leave it. It'll only make things worse." She sighed. "Okay, I'm going to
cook something. Will you please eat." I didn't have the energy for this. I didn't
have the energy for any of this.
My aunt got me some clothes and I went to help Senzo clean up. "Are you
okay?" I just nodded. Senzo and I were in my room, and he was helping me
take out my plaits so I could wash my hair properly. My aunt opened my door
widely and narrowed her eyes at him. Both of us just laughed.

"I should get going. Ma and my aunt have been dealing with those crazy kids
the whole day. Let me go check on them." He left, and I had lunch. I actually
ate something. It was just mushed pumpkin, but it was something.

I was too scared to leave my house to go to work. I jumped the fence, hoping
nobody would see. Most of Ma's family was gone, but her two sisters and the
kids were still there. "Oh, you're here. I didn't think you'd come." She took a
seat. "Of course I'd come, Ma." I gave her the usual breakfast and sorted out
her medication for the week. Her sisters watched me in awe.

"Thandi, you made it." I just smiled when Senzo sat down for breakfast. I
cleaned the whole day and made a list of everything we needed. "What are
we going to do with the extra rooms and this big kitchen now that your father
is no longer with us?" Ma asked Senzo.

"I don't know, Ma. Now would be the perfect time to find a new wife, get
married, and move her in." He said, clearing his throat, and I acted like I didn't
hear him. "But I'm still working on that." He added, and ma just hummed in
response.

In the next few weeks, renovations on the house were finished, and my aunt's
wedding was around the corner. I was not looking forward to it because my
father would be coming. We prepared the house for all the guests, and I would
be staying with MaRadebe. Senzo wouldn't be there because he was
summoned by his wife. She needed to go to a funeral on her side of the family
and expected him to be there, but she couldn't come to her father-in-law's
funeral. Their relationship was messed up.

Finally, dress fittings went well, and the wedding was in two days. My father
arrived and with him came the grandmother all the girls in my village hated.
The one who actually did the virginity tests. My heart began racing when I saw
her.

"We're using the hut. I'm sure you can just use the room." She nodded at my
father, and I was told to go lay on my bed. My aunt came with me. "We are not
going to get lucky a second time." I said under my breath while she closed the
windows.
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"Calm down. We will. Same strategy as last time. She's blind. She's going to
have to feel. Just clench as hard as you can. None of this nonsense actually
works. There's no scientific test to confirm virginity or not. So relax and stick
with the strategy. So far, we've been lucky. If it doesn't work, I have three
thousand rand in cash. Calm down, clench, and cry. Come now. I took my
underwear off, and luckily, this time, there was at least a towel that somewhat
preserved the little dignity I have left.

I know my aunt said I should remain calm, but I couldn't help it. My palms
were sweaty, and I was struggling to keep my breathing under control. "Okay,
are we ready?" I just nodded. This lady was so old that her voice sounded like
a demon possessed her. Her hands were cold, and it sent a shiver down my
spine.

When she wasn't looking, I clenched, and she tried shoving those fingers in
me. I shut my eyes tightly and bit my lip while letting out a muffled scream. I
tried moving away from signaling her to stop, but she tried harder, and I let
out a scream. It did actually hurt. "Okay, okay. I'm done." My father stormed
in. "I told you not to hurt her! It's the reason I brought you! The last time you
sent those two idiots and this happened as well!"

She bowed her head, and I continued "crying" silently. She gasped and I
thought she had noticed that I wasn't a virgin. She lifted the towel. "What do
you see?!" My father demanded. "Have you had your period recently?" She
asked but before I could answer my aunt spoke up. "Yes, she had it about a
week ago." My aunt lied and it looked like the lady had seen a ghost.

"Chief, I think I... I think I broke her hymen. I'm not sure. This has never
happened before... I'm sorry..." She started crying and pleading for
forgiveness. "What?! What's going on?! Is she a virgin or not?!" I started
visibly panicking. "She's a virgin but I..." None of this was even making sense.
"She's..." My father was loosing his patients. "Nthombi check what's going on!"
He shouted and I knew one of us was going to get beat up. My aunt checked
and the lady cried even louder.

"She's bleeding." She said to my dad and he held onto his head. "Brother I
told you to stop this. This testing was becoming too much and you didn't
listen." I didn't know what was going on. I was sure my period just started but I
kind of knew in what direction my aunt was going with this.

"What's happening? Am I not a virgin anymore?" I asked innocently and my

father sighed. "No princess you are. You are." It was the first time he was
showing any sort of affection and emotion. "We just made a big mistake. This
old lady made a big mistake. You're going home. You're leaving before I
strangle you myself."
I was eventually left alone and I my suspicions were right. I just started my
period. I didn't know if this was a blessing in disguise or a curse. It's either I
wouldn't have the added stress of virginity tests or my father would marry me
off to one of his friends.

"Thandi?" My aunt snuck into my room. She seemed happy. "As expected
your father was panicking and wanted to marry you off to one of his friends.
The elders however convinced him otherwise and told him it was his fault." I
didn't know what to do with myself. I was extremely excited but my aunt told
me not to show it.

"When you come out here you're going to be sad. You're going to be worried
that you might not find a husband or that you won't pass another virginity test.
Your going to milk this situation for all it's worth until your father feels so guilty
that he stops bothering you with marriage. This is your chance to be normal
Thandi. Come on."

I followed my aunt out to our hut where the elders were meeting. I kept my
head bowed and let my tears roll. "Princess, don't cry." One of the elders said.
"You've been good. You've always been good even with the pressures of
living in a big city." I just kept crying.

"I'm sorry." The lady who did the test said. "Shut up! You shut up!" My dad
shouted. "Baba, what's going to happen now? How will I find a husband?" I
asked softly and let out a cry. "Baby, don't worry about that. You're a beautiful
girl. Anyone would be lucky to marry you and you'll still be able to pass a
virginity test if the family you're marrying into requires it. Many girls don't even
have a hymen and it is easily broken. so don't worry about it."

My father looked hopeful. "But what will my husband think when there's no
blood on our wedding night?" I asked crying. "We'll explain princess." My
father sat there looking guilty. "Your aunt tells us you have a boyfriend who's
quite serious about getting married." One of them tried changing to topic so I
cried harder.

"Can I please be excused?" There was a long silence before my father let me
go. I went to my room but I knew my father would follow so I laid on my bed
sadly. He came to sit by me. "Why would you let her do that?" I asked him. "I
didn't know that would happen." I've never seen him like this. Even his voice
was different. "But ma warned you."

He didn't stop appologizing. He would've usually ran away from the situation
by now but he couldn't because it was his sister's wedding.
19

The traditional ceremony was held early in the morning. My sister didn't invite
anyone from our neighborhood except for MaRadebe. The others just stood
and watched from the street. Once that was out of the way we got ready for
the church.

My aunt looked beautiful walking down the isle. The pictures took forever and
by the time the reception started we were all starving. People who weren't
even on the program came up for speeches. It was crazy.

Thabo eventually took the mic, made his speech, and then announced dinner
himself before anyone else could come up. Most of the night I was one the
phone with Senzo who wanted to see everything since he couldn't be here
himself.

When it was all over and done with my father and the family left. He did
however make sure to remind that I needed to deposit half of my paycheck
into his account at the end of the month.

I was home alone for about a week. My aunt and the kids went on a family
moon and I opted to stay home to look after MaRadebe. I would go check on
the house every once in a while but I stayed at MaRadebe's place.

"Senzo is coming back today. Is that maybe why you've been cooking since
this morning?" She asked with a grin on her face. I didn't answer the question.
I just carried on chopping the vegetables for the salad. She chuckled and
walked away.

That night Ma ate and I waited for Senzo. I waited and waited and waited. I
texted and called but there was no reply. I even tried different apps. At twelve
I decided to pack up all the food and go to bed. I was up early the next
morning cleaning like a mad women. I laid out Ma's breakfast and medication
and then went outside and started washing windows.

"Thandi." I looked down from the step ladder to see Senzo. I looked back up
and carried on with what I was doing. "Thandi I'm sorry. I should've texted.
Something just came up." I carried on washing the windows. "Thandi. Thandi,
come down from there. I'm sorry Thandi. Okay,I came back early but I was
needed in the office. I left my phone in the drawer while I attended a meeting
that went on for longer than expected. These things happen. Especially since
I've been taking so much time off work."

I sighed and got down. "Thank you. How about a hug." I rolled my eyes.
"Okay, baby steps. Ma said you made dinner." We went inside and I dished
for him. "You've been avoiding the topic since the wedding. What happened
with your father?" I just sighed. "Maybe we'll discuss it later. I want to clean
the new rooms so we can decorate them and I just don't want to think about
it."

I cleaned the new rooms and I heated the leftovers for dinner. "The beds are
coming in a couple of days maybe we can go to the mall tomorrow and
choose some bedding or something." Senzo mentioned and I didn't want to
overstep. Ma still hasn't said anything about our relationship. "Um, maybe you
can take Ma. I have a lot of work to do and I also don't know what she would
like."

I kept my eyes on my food. "Oh, no I'm fine. The two of you can go. I'm not
very picky anymore about things like decor. Anything is fine with me as long
as it gets done." She said and I guess I was going shopping tomorrow.
I spent the night at MaRadebe's again and obviously Senzo snuck into my
room. We made sure to be quiet and made sure that he was back in his room
before his mother woke up.

My aunt texted me that they would be away for a few more days. I missed
them but I was glad they were having fun and finally being a happy family. I
made breakfast and cleaned what I could then got ready for the long day
ahead of us.

Ma really liked green. So I theme was green, white, and wooden ornaments.
We shopped so much we couldn't possibly fit it in the car. Luckily the shop
delivered.

We were sitting in a restaurant and my appetite got better so I was eating. "So
what happened when your father got here." I sighed. I had to tell him because
if we eventually did have sex he'll wonder why I wasn't bleeding.

"My father brought the lady who does the testing at the village and she tested
me." He was looking at me like he wanted me to carry on. "And you passed
right?" I nodded. "Yes I passed but... But..." He looked worried. "But what?" I
started "crying". "She did something wrong and I bled." He wiped my tears
away and told me it would be okay and that it didn't matter because he was
going to be my husband.

We went back home and made dinner before going to bed. It wasn't long
before Senzo snuck into my room. I slept only in a thong. "Mm baby." He
moaned when he saw me. He was so hard. He took his dick out of his boxers
and started tapping it on my clitoris. He groaned when I squirted a little.

I was breathing heavily. I gasped when he ripped my thong in half. "Put on the
bedside lamp baby. I want to see how wet you are." He whispered and
switched it on. "Oh baby look at the mess you've made. Look how wet you
are." He touched my swollen clit and my whole body jerked. "Open up wide
baby. Let me see that virgin pussy." I opened my legs wider and he groaned
and started jerking off to the sight of me.

"Baby your oozing." He groaned again and put his dick between me wet fold.
He shut my legs and held them up to my chest as he start thrusting. The tip of
his dick thrust against my clit faster and faster and I put a pillow over my face
to muffle my moan. My whole body started shaking. I tried fighting it but it only
made it worse. I squirted hard and screamed into the pillow. He thrust one last
time and I could feel his whole body tense up as he groaned.

He let go of my legs and they fell open. I was covered in cum and couldn't
help but play with it. His dick twitched when I licked my fingers.

He got a wet cloth and cleaned us up before we laid in bed together.

"Why do you keep ignoring me when I mention marriage? If you're not ready
you should tell me." I just smiled to myself. "I ignore you because you keep
toying around with the idea. You mention it in passing. Maybe if you'd ask me
properly I might answer. And don't you dare ask me right now." It was as if a
light bulb went off in his head. He had a weird smile on his face. "Okay then."

He went back to his room and I got ready for the day. The next week was
filled with cleaning and organizing. The furniture came and like with anything
happening in my neighborhood everyone stood in the street watching me tell
the workers where to put what. My aunt helped me with the big things
because Senzo had to head back to his wife and job.

"So, what have you been up to while we've been gone?" My aunt asked
putting down our tea. "Nothing much." She narrowed her eyes at me.
"Thandi?" I looked away and took a sip of my tea. "Okay, it's fine. You don't
have to tell. Just tell me you didn't sleep with him." I rolled my eyes. "I didn't
sleep with him. I do however think he might be proposing soon." We both
squealed.

MaRadebe was alone in the house so every other night I would sleep there.
We were having dinner when Senzo walked in. "Oh thank God. I haven't had
actual food in forever. Can you please dish for me." I nodded and made him a
plate.

We ate and I was going to stay anyway so I cleaned and went to my room.
When I got there he was waiting for me. He held his hands out for me to take.
When he was about to speak there someone rang the doorbell.

"Leave it. We need to talk." Talk? I couldn't tell if it was good or bad. I heard
muffled sounds of female voices but I couldn't make out who it was. "Thandi, I
love you." This time I decided to go for it. "I love you too." He was shocked but
he couldn't help but smile. "Then this makes it easier. You told me that maybe
you'll answer if I ask so I'm asking."

He went down on one knee and my heart started racing. Out of his jacket
pocket came a velvet box. He opened the box and I gasped with tears in my
eyes. I was looking at a huge princess cut diamond ring.
"Will you marry me?"
I couldn't keep my excitement in. "Yes." He jumped up and placed the ring on
my finger. Both of us were extremely excited. We kissed and hugged but our
excitement was cut short by banging on the door.

"Get out here now Senzo! You have important guests!"

I looked at him and he seemed just as confused as I was.

Her timing couldn't get worse.

20

"Senzo!" He finally went to open the door. "What, ma?" He asked softly. "Don't
'what' me. There's three women out here who say you promised to marry
them." What? What did she just say? As if that blow wasn't enough, she
carries on. "Two of them are pregnant."

My legs turned to jelly, and if not for the bed behind me, I would've fallen to
the floor. I sat there with tears running down my face. He didn't even look back
to see if I was okay. I sat there waiting for him to just remember that I might be
a factor in this, but he never came.

I looked down at my finger and removed the ring. I walked out into the
hallway. "Fine, because I promised to marry you when your sister passed
away, I'll do it. The two of you, however, have to bring me DNA test results
first. If your babies turn out to be mine, we can get married."

I held my hand to my mouth and went back to the room. I couldn't do this. I
didn't want him to see me, so I climbed out the window. It was cold and dark
outside and I was scared. I was banging on the door, but my aunt wasn't
opening. "Ma! Ma it's me Thandi! Please open!" The street lights went off for
some reason and I screamed. Luckily she pulled me into the house.

"Are you crazy?! Do you know how late it is?! You could've been killed! You
know it's not safe around here!" I broke down and fell into her arms. "Okay, I'm
sorry baby. I didn't mean to yell. I thought you were sleeping over at
MaRadebe's place." She helped me to my room and made sure I got into bed.
"Okay, we don't have to talk about it now. Sleep baby."

I cried for most of that night and woke up with a crazy headache. I took a hot
shower and took something for my headache then got back into bed. "Thandi,
what happened?"I just sighed. "He asked me to marry him and I said yes."
She looked confused. "But why..." I interrupted her. "Three women showed up
who he also promised he would marry. Two of them were pregnant and he is
going to marry all of them." Her eyes went wide.

"Would you please tell MaRadebe I need the rest of the week off. Her
medication is sorted she just needs to take them everyday." She was so
shocked all she could do was nod. I don't think the three other women he
promised to marry hurt as much as him not even acknowledging me. I was
sure he still didn't notice I was gone because there wasn't even a phonecall or
a text.

I heard my aunt shouting but I couldn't make out what she was saying. She
eventually came back in the house. "Thandi! If you don't come tell this
man off our lawn, I'm going to throw hot water at him!" I jumped and went to
her. She stood with the kettle in her hand. "He's outside. He says he's not
leaving unless you tell him to."

I stood behind her and she opened the door. "Thandi, please! Let me at least
explain!" He begged. "Please leave." I said, and his face fell. "Thandi, please.
Please, I'm begging you." I avoided looking at him. "Please just go." We stood
there in silence. "Fine, but I'll be back."

I spent the rest of the week in my room. He kept calling and coming to see if I
would talk to him. I was worried about MaRadebe, but I really didn't want to
see her son. "Thandi wake up. You have to go back to work." I didn't want to,
but I knew I had to.

I used my key and started cleaning and making breakfast. "Good morning." I
jumped when I heard his voice. I was busy doing dishes. I didn't realize he
was here because I didn't see his car. "We need to talk. Please, I'm begging
you." I sighed. "Senzo, please. I just want to work in peace. Just give me time.
All I want to do is come here and work. That's all. Please." Ma walked in and
stood there with her arms crossed. We stood in awkward silence.

"Senzo, don't you have work?" She asked side, eyeing him. "I do, but I can
work from here." She rolled her eyes. "Please just go to the office. For the
sake of everyone. Last week, you turned my house into a circus with all of
your women. I'm tired and I don't want to see your face any longer than I have
to. Go to work." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yebo, Ma."

I served breakfast, and he was out of the door. "Thandi, come sit with me." I
didn't want to, but I did anyway. "I saw the ring. I came looking for you that
night and I saw the ring." I bowed my head. "You knew he had a wife, didn't
you?" I nodded. "So you knew he was a polygamist. Let's be real here,
Thandi. Even if you did get married, there would always be other women. Be it
wives or girlfriends."

I didn't understand what was going on and why she was talking like this. "So,
are you saying I have no right to be upset?" She shook her head. "No, I'm just
preparing you because I would really like you to be my daughter-in-law. He
loves you, and it's obvious you love him. You wouldn't be this hurt if you didn't
love him. I really hope you can sort this out."

I didn't know what I wanted to do. I needed to marry someone anyway. Maybe
I should just ignore the whole situation and become wife number five. If not
that I'll have to marry one of my dad's friends. I made and served dinner and
left before he could come back.

I eventually agreed to let him speak to me. It was Sunday, so my aunt and
MaRadebe went to church with the kids. We sat in the kitchen, and I made
tea.
"I'm sorry about how this whole thing went down. It happened so suddenly
that I didn't really know what to do or how to do it. I didn't realize that it would
affect you this much, knowing that I was in a polygamous marriage before with
my late wife and that when we get married, it will be a polygamous marriage. I
thought you understood that."

Was he really going to put this all on me. "I understood that. What I didn't
understand was the fact that you promised three other women a ring as well.
You even went as far as to sleep with them, which means the whole time
we've been together, you've been sleeping around and not telling me about. I
keep on having to hear how terrible your wife is. Meanwhile, you're busy
having sex with everything in a skirt."

He sat back in his chair. "Okay, let me explain. When my wife died, her family
asked me to marry her sister so that Chumisa would have a mother. I said I
would marry her six months after the funeral. It's been almost a year. The
other two women are girlfriends from the same village."

I scoffed to myself. "Okay, I get it. I really do. My father has many wives and
girlfriends, but all of them know of each other. What you're doing is trying to
deceive me. I don't have an issue with polygamy as long as it is done right.
You've been lying from the start. How do you expect this to work when our
relationship is built on lies?"

"I think you're taking this out of context. All of these relationships were
disclosed to my wife. That's who needs to know. At the time, you were my
girlfriend. I didn't need to disclose it to you. My wife might not have known
your names, but she knew of you."

"Okay, Senzo." My voice came out in a whisper. He looked panicked by just

those two words. I wanted to get up, but he took my hand. "Thandi, please.
Please don't leave me. You make me happy. I haven't been this happy in
years. Please, Thandi. I swear there's nobody else. Please." He put the ring
on the table.

Just then, the boys stormed in, followed by my aunt and MaRadebe. We just
sat there staring at each other with a ring in the middle of the table. I heard a
gasp and let go of his hand. "Oh no." I heard ma say, but I couldn't stop
staring at him. I wanted him to say something. I didn't know what it was that I
wanted him to say, but I wanted him to fix it. I needed him to fix it.

"Oh, just a maid? She's just a maid? Weren't those your words?" It was Mbali,
his wife. "So this is the reason you've been here so much? Wow, Senzo. And
you, what do you have to say for yourself?" I really didn't care. I knew she was
the wife and had the right to be upset, but I didn't care.

I felt a tear run down my cheek. "Thandi." He tried reaching out to me. "What
is going on here? Oh! She just figured out she's not the only one?!" She asked
and laughed loudly. "There were women before you, and there'll be women
after you, my darling! I should've known he would eventually get to you! Why
else would you even be working here! Oh, shame! Look, she's crying!"

She laughed like a witch. I got up and left. Her laughing didn't stop. I could
hear her all the way outside.
21

As if my day wasn't bad enough, my father called. I just knew it was bad news
because he called directly to my phone. He's never called directly to my
phone.

"Hello."
"Thandi, we need to talk. I'm running short on cash. What do you still have left
from this months salary?" He was out of breath and he didn't sound like his
authoritative self. "I didn't use much I think I have about four thousand left.
Maybe a little less."

He groaned. "I need more! Shit! Do you remember bab'Mkhize? A couple of

months ago he asked for your hand in marriage but he couldn't afford your
bride price. If I agree to his price I can use that money." My eyes went wide.
Why would he do this to me. Then I got an idea. I had money save up. I didn't
know what I was saving it for but I save it.

"Baba, I have money. I've been saving it since I started working. Please baba
don't make me get married to that man. I'll give you all of it. It's everythingive
made since starting work. I promise. I'll go to the bank early tomorrow morning
and pay it in. Please baba." I read him my balance and he seemed pleased
with the amount.

As promised I went to the bank early to get him his money. It was everything.
Literally everything I've ever had. I didn't use any of my money since working.
I usually gave my dad his half and saved the rest. I was living with my aunt
and didn't really need anything so I saved it. To make matters worse my father
now wanted everything. He took all of my savings and now he wants my
whole salary every month.
"Thandi, finally. Mbali went out and bought food. I don't know if she's trying to
send me to an early grave." Mbali rolled her eyes. "Sorry I'm later than I said
ma. The line at the bank was longer than I expected. I'll make something to
eat now." Mbali was eyeing me the whole time.

"Bank? Why did you need to go do at the bank?" It was Senzo and I didn't
have the energy to even speak to him. "Something came up and I had to get
there urgently." I said taking out food to cook for ma. "Anyway, the kids will be
here in a couple of hours. All I've been hearing about is chicken nuggets since
they came home. So, will you please make them these chicken nuggets they
can't stop talking about." I just nodded.

I didn't know what to expect from her. How can she act as if everything's
normal after she saw her husband give me a ring. I made everything and then
got to cleaning.

"Sisi!" The girls ran in and hugged me. "Hi." I greeted and hugged back. I gave
them their food and they were extremely excited. I sat with them for a little bit
but got back to work. My hands needed to be busy otherwise my thoughts
would run wild.

"My love." I sighed. I was outside hanging up the laundry. "I'm not going to
push you to make any decisions. In fact I want to give you space and time. I
just wanted to keep you in the loop. With added wives transparency is key.
But before I get to what I want to tell you would you please make me some
coffee and if there's still some left some of those nuggets the kids have been
raving about."

I went into the kitchen and got what he wanted and served him. "Come sit." I
didn't want to but I sat down anyway. I grabbed a grass mat and sat in front of
him. "The DNA results came back. Both babies are mine." I just ran a finger
across the grass mat trying to distract myself.

"Gladys is my late wife's sister. I had an agreement with her and the family
that after six months of mourning I would marry her and she would step in as
Chumisa's mother. I didn't fullfil those promises so I will make her my second
wife.
LisaKhanya, is one of the women I met in the village. She's seven months
pregnant. She's further along than Zinhle who is five months pregnant. So I'll
marry LisaKhanya and she'll become my third wife. Then I'll marry Zinhle and
she'll become my fourth wife.
All of this is happening next month in small traditional ceremonies."

I kept my head down and kept drawing patterns on the mat. "My dream is to
have five wives. I'm hoping that you'll see that this doesn't affect my love for
you at all. I'm hoping that you'll be my fifth wife. But right now I know you
need time. This situation would overwhelm anybody. I'll wait for you."

We sat there in awkward silence until he spoke again. "That night I asked you
to marry me you said you loved me." I just sat there awkwardly. "If you can
look me in the eye right now and tell me you don't love me I'll let all of this go.
If you can't you'll hear from me after the weddings. So? Can you say it?"

What was he trying to do? What happened to space and time. Two things I
actually need because my life wasn't making sense.

My aunt was in such a good space that I didn't want to bother her with my
father's drama. She didn't even know I was giving him half. If she knew I gave
him all my savings and promised my whole salary she would freak out and get
me in trouble.
"Exactly, you can't say it so by the end of next month I'll be going to your
family to pay your bride price." He was adamant, but this would solve
everything. It would, but I was scared. A polygamous marriage with two wives
is already so bad. What will happen with five? All five of those wives have
children. Would I be expected to have children immediately?

I know it's either marry Senzo or be married off to some weird guy in the
village.
Even though the choice seemed obvious I didn't know what to do and I was
trying to delay making the decision as long as possible.
22

"Thandi, I know it's Saturday, but it's almost midday. When will you be getting
up?" She sounded worried. I hated that I did that to her, but it was like my
body wouldn't allow me to do anything.

"Thandi?" She asked softly. "I'm tired, Ma." My voice cracked, and I was
fighting back tears. I heard footsteps and then felt my bed dip. "MaRadebe
invited us for tea. She really misses the boys. With all the drama going on, we
haven't had our usual tea and biscuits with her. She's really excited."

My whole body was shaking, and my tears spilled from my eyes. "Thandi?"
She was by my side in no time. I couldn't stand seeing the worried look in her
eyes, so I shut mine as tight as possible. "Talk to me, baby. Please. I'm here,
I'll always be here. Talk to me." I wanted to. I really wanted to, but I was
scared she'd overreact and confront my father.

"Thandi." She kissed my forehead and rubbed my hair. "Okay, I'll just sit here
with you. Is that okay?" I nodded, still not daring to open my eyes. "Okay. I
love you. You and the boys are my world, and there's nothing I won't do for
you. I love you." I started crying like a baby. She got in bed with me until I
calmed down.

"I want it to stop. I want all of it to stop." She held me tighter and knew she
was crying because she started sniffing. There was a knock on our door, and I
made her go get it.

"Sorry, ma. I'll come around. Thandi isn't feeling well. I just needed to tend to
her." I heard my aunt say. She came into my room quickly and told me she
was leaving. I just slept for the rest of the day.

"Thandi. Wake up. You need to eat something. Come on." I dragged myself
out of bed. I ate and then took a shower and got back in bed.
"I just want to see her. I'm not leaving until I see her. I'll stand here the whole
night." I heard outside my room. "Fine. Let me go ask her." She came in
rolling her eyes. "Your boyfriend is here, and he won't leave until he sees
you." I just sighed and told her to let him in.

He came in and sat on my bed. "How are you feeling?" He asked, coming
closer. "I'm fine." He took my hand, but I pulled it away. "Is there anything
else?" He looked up at me, confused. "What's going on? Did I do something?"
I shook my head. "No, I just need time. Go and get married, and then we'll talk
after." We said goodbye, and he left.

He didn't come back and visit once. I had to remind myself that he was
extremely busy. He had three wives and was marrying a fourth this weekend. I
was annoyed that I was missing him.

"Why does Senzo keep calling me to check on you?" Ma asked out of the
blue. "Why doesn't he just call you himself?" Just then, we heard someone
clear their throat. It was Senzo. He looked drained. He just wasn't himself.
"Ma, can we talk?" She nodded, and they went to the living room. I obviously
went to go listen.

"It's been raining in the village, and it's flooding. I refuse to pay for a venue for
this last wedding, and I'm getting a bit of pressure from the in-laws. I was
hoping we could do it here." I heard ma sigh. "You know I want nothing to do
with these fake weddings of yours."
"Ma, they're not fake."
"You're marrying these women because they're pregnant. That's a fake
marriage."
"Ma, can we use the house or not. Since it's going to be here, only our close
families will be her."
She agreed, and I went back to chopping my vegetables. I heard footsteps,
and I knew it was him. "How far are you with the food? I'm starving." He said,
pulling up a chair. "I just started, but there might be something in the fridge." I
git him something to eat and ma came in. "I'm going down the road to have
tea with the church ladies. I'll be back in a couple of hours." She took her
things and left.

I carried on with dinner until I felt his presence behind me. "I missed you." He
said, putting his arms around me. "Baby, just look at me. I promise I won't talk
about marriage or my wives or anything like that. I just want to spend time with
you like we used to." I sighed because I did too.

"Fine but no talks of marriage and no asking me to marry you." He nodded.

"Okay, Mrs Dlamini." He joked. He stayed in the kitchen with me while I
cooked, and we moved to the couch once I was done.

"Why don't you want to sit on my lap." He complained. I just rolled my eyes.
"You know what happens when I sit on your lap." He rolled his eyes. "Okay,
what's so bad about that. Both of us need to let some frustration out." I
thought about it for a second and then got on his lap and started kissing him.

I was so horny but I knew I had to control myself. He pulled my skirt all the
way up. "Baby, where are you panties?" He asked and spanked my ass. "Let
me taste you."He laid me down on the couch. He didn't hesitate. He was
flicking and sucking my clit and I was afraid I was going to cum on ma's new
couches.

"Wait! Stop." I moaned. "Not on the couch." He smirked because he knew

thing could get messy. We got up and I led him to the back room.

I pulled his pants down without any hesitation and and started sucking his
dick. He was going crazy while I was slurping and sucking and sucking and
slurping. "Wait baby." He laid down on the bed. "Let's try something new." He
got me in sixtynine position and we gave each other head until we both came.
I laid down next to him and we both fell asleep.

We were woken up by someone struggling with the front door. "Baba, get up. I
tried looking for my clothes but I couldn't find them. "Senzo!" I didn't recognize
the voice but it was definitely a woman. "I ran into your mother on the way
here! She said you were home." Senzo jumped up and put on his pants. "Its
Zinhle, we're supposed to get married this week." I rolled my eyes and got
back in bed. "Baba!" She screamed.

"Stay in here. I'm going to lock the door." He left and it seemed like they
fought forever. MaRadebe came home and she had to stop the fight. I texted
my aunt to tell her my situation and she just sent me laughing emojis.

Eventually he came back in the room and locked the door behind him. "I
brought fruit." He said and got in bed with me. We ate and spoke until
everyone was asleep and then he snuck me out. "I'll come see you tomorrow."
He said and I went into the house. Even though it was dangerous my aunt left
the back door open for me.
23

MaRadebe's house was extremely busy. I met the wives, and it was
underwhelming. I was expecting beautiful women just to find old, average,
boring women. They obviously questioned me. I could tell Senzo wanted to
say something, but I introduced myself as the housekeeper. When they
carried on questioning me, Mbali silenced them by telling them she hired me
and they should leave me alone.

I was in my room and I was getting annoyed by the festivities happening next
door so I went to watch tv. The whole neighborhood was invited, but I refused
to go. When I refused, my aunt also decided not to go. Senzo kept texting me,
but I ignored it. I might've been a little bit jealous.

I was alone at home because my aunt's husband wanted her to spend the
night at his main house. They were doing more and more family activities, and
I was lonelier than ever. There was a knock on the door, and I was going to
ignore it because it was getting dark.

"Thandi Bhengu, I've been asked by your husband to come and get you!" The
person called. I opened the door just a little bit to see one of Senzo's security
guards. "Your husband is requesting your presence." He said again. "I don't
have a husband." He sighed. "Mr Dlamini is requesting your presence." I
actually did want to go see him. I couldn't resist the urge. The fact that he
wanted to even see me in the middle of his wedding was driving me crazy. I
asked him to wait and went to put on a black tracksuit and a hoodie. I put the
hood on, and when I went outside, the one guy turned into five guys.

They walked me into the yard, making sure to hide me. We looked extremely
suspicious, but everyone who was in the front of the yard was too drunk to
care. They led me to the side of the house where Senzo was waiting for me.
We hugged and started kissing immediately. I wanted him to fuck me so bad.

I didn't even care that random security guys I didn't even know were standing
around covering us up and keeping a lookout. I really didn't care. My hands
moved to his pants, and I got it open quickly. It was completely dark around
us, so he didn't stop me. I bent down in a squatting position and gave him a
blowjob. He had to hold onto the wall. His grunts were getting me extremely
horny. He stopped before he came.

I stood up, and he pushed me against the wall. I shivered when he pulled
down my pants. He slid his dick between my thighs. I tried staying quiet as he
rubbed my pussy but I couldn't. "You're always do wet for me baby." He said
and started sucking on my neck. I was so close when he slowed down.

"Baba." I protested. "Shh baby." He bent down and took one of my legs
completely out of pants. I held onto the wall when he lifted my leg. I moaned
when he flicked my clit with his tongue. The breeze and him sucking on my clit
drove me crazy. My legs started shaking and I bit my lip hard as I squirted.

My legs were shaking dripping in my own cum. He stood up and held me

because it felt like I would fall. "I love you." I said completely out of breath. He
was about to reply when we heard his wife's voice. "Where is he?" I tried
putting my pants back on but I couldn't see anything. "Duck." He whispered
and I did as he said. I threw my hood over my head.

"Senzo? Baba! What are all of you doing here?" She asked the guys guarding
us. "Where's my husband?" She was definitely suspicious. There's no way a
husband just disappears on his wedding night. "Hey! Get away from from
there! Go and sit in your place with the other women!" I heard someone yell.
"But..."
"Are you going to be a problem for us? If you haven't already, you're going to
learn to know you're place! You're a woman! Who gave you to right to
question a man! Go!"

I guess she left because Senzo helped me up. "I should go." I said when he
wrapped his arms around me. "No. Let's try something new." He said and I
was confused. My confusion didn't last long when I felt his hands groping and
my ass cheeks. "Baba." He kissed my cheek. "Come on. I promise you're still
going to pass a virginity test. It won't affect anything else down there. I'll be
keeping that for our wedding night." He said and spanked me.

"But I'm scared."

"You don't need to be scared. I'll be gentle." I sighed. "Can't we go anywhere
else? There's nobody at my house." He sighed. "I'm sure they'll notice me
leaving. That's why we're out here baby." I wanted to do it but in a random
corner guarded by a few random guys was not how I imagined my first time.

"How about we lay down a thick blanket to make it more comfortable. I sighed
and nodded. One of the guys got the blanket and we sat down. He kissed me
and took my pants off completely. "Tell my uncle to keep everyone away from
here." He said before we got into position. I was on all fours and the breeze
was hitting all the right spots. I was so horny.

"Oh I wish I could see you." As if the universe heard him the street lamp that
was usually off flickered on. It didn't make a lot of light because it wasn't
shining in our direction but it made enough for us to see each other's
silhouette. "See baby? It's meant to be."

He positioned himself at my hole and started pushing himself in. I covered my

mouth as I grunted and moaned in pain. It was not pleasant at all. He tried
getting it in more but I fell flat on my stomach. "Wait." I really hurt. I didn't
know if we were going to get this right. "Turn around baby." He said and
kissed me when I did.

"Spread those legs baby." I did as he said and he tapped his dick against my
clit. I was overstimulated so I squirted a little. "Oh, baby. Look at that." I wasn't
even doing anything, and I was out of breath. I felt his dick at my entrance
again, and he pushed it in. This time, he kissed me to muffle my screams. I
felt like I was being ripped apart. I tear escaped my eye.

"I'm sorry. Shh." He kissed my neck. "Do you want me to pull out. I nodded.
He started pulling out and moaned. "Baby I think I'm gonna cum." He
whispered in my ear. "Okay. Go back in." He didn't hesitate. I hissed when he
thrust back in. He went slowly, and it did get less painful. He groaned softly,
and I knew he came.

We laid there kissing until his uncle came to tell the guards his time was up.
He helped me get dressed and told me to keep my phone on. "Since the
wives are suspicious, you can't just walk her to her house. Drive around the
block. Drop her two houses from hers. Watch her to make sure she gets
inside safe and then come back.

I said goodbye to Senzo, and we did as his uncle said. These men probably
thought I was the biggest slut. They just stood guard while listening to me
have multiple orgasms and loose my anal virginity all on my boyfriend's
wedding night.

They bought ice and we drove around the block. They watched as I walked
into my house before driving off. I took a long hot shower. I put on a thong and
and went to bed. I slept like a baby until I heard knocking on my window. It
was three in the morning I threw on my robe and put on the light. "Finally.
Open the door." He said before even seeing me.
I opened the door for him and he was like a wild animal. He shut the door and
threw me against it kissing me. "I need more." He dragged me to the couch
and we fell kissing each other. "Let's try again baby." He had baby oil in his
pocket and I rolled my eyes. "Okay, but be gentle. Im still a bit sore from
earlier."

We got naked. I held onto the couch and arched my back. "Yes, baby. Spread
those cheeks." He used the baby oil as lube and tried entering me. "Ah!" It felt
weird. Just extremely uncomfortable. He seemed to like it, and I had to keep
on reminding him to slow down.

We moved to my room and it felt like it took forever for him to cum. When he
did we both fell asleep.

"Baba wake up. You need to get back home. The sun is already coming up."
He groaned but got up anyway. I kissed him goodbye and carried on sleeping.
I was a bit sore and relaxed in the bath when I got up. I was still home alone,
so I just made myself tea and a sandwich. I was finally cozy on the couch in
front of the tv when there was a knock on the door. I groaned but went to see
who it was. To my surprise, it was Mbali.

"Hi, aren't you going to invite me in?" She pushed past me and walked into the
house. This woman was just weird.

"Are you not going to offer me tea? We need to talk."

Oh no. She knows. She definitely knows what we did.

24

I served her tea and took a seat. It felt like she was taking forever to scoop in
her sugar. I wouldn't be surprised if she was doing it slowly just to torture me.

"Thandi, I like you." I was extremely confused, and you could see it on my
face. She chuckled to herself. "I know, crazy right? Considering I almost killed
you the first time we met." She was laughing, but it felt like she was
threatening me.

"You'll probably be marrying my husband in a few weeks, and there'll be five

of us. To be honest with you, I hate all of these women. As much as
MaRadebe hates me and thinks I'm a horrible wife, I've played my part. I
came in, stayed out of the first wife's way, and had children. These women,
however, are not here to build this family. They're here to take over, and
there's power in numbers." she took a sip of her tea.

"It's clear that they've planned this. Thandi if there's one thing you should
know about my husband it's that he fucks anything in a skirt. You should
prepare yourself for that. He says you will be the last wife, but there will
definitely be girlfriends. These women took advantage of the fact that he's like
a dog in heat humping everything he comes in contact with. I can't prove it,
but they planned this. It's too perfect.
But like I said, there's power in numbers, and right now, I have nobody. So I
need your assurance that when you get married to Senzo, you will have my
back."

I was too shocked to say anything, so I just nodded. "Umm." I cleared my

throat. "Yes? Ask your question." I worked up the courage to say something.
"I'm just expected to be fine with the cheating?" She burst out laughing. "Says
my husband's girlfriend." She was laughing hysterically. "Girly, there's no
controlling that man. Haven't you learned already? He was with you and got
two women pregnant. He is with you now, and in the past four weeks, he's
married three women. I'm sure you can answer that question for yourself."

"But there's already five of us. What about diseases?" She just sighed.
"Listen, I've tried for years to reason with him. My only hope is that the four of
you keep him busy enough to keep us all safe. I'm not trying to scare you
away, I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into. You're
extremely young, one day I don't want you to tell me I didn't warn you."

She finished her tea and left. I lazed around on the couch until my aunt and
the kids got back. "And this? Since when do you lay on my couches?" I just
sighed and sat up straight. "How was the wedding?" I just shrugged. "I didn't
go." She just chuckled.

"You're better than me. I would've gone and dressed in my best just to irritate
them. They became Senzo's wives not long ago, and they thought they had
the right to question you the way they did. Those women are disrespectful."

Monday came around, and I wasn't looking forward to it. The wives were still
at MaRadebe's house, and I would have to deal with them the whole day.

"Oh, here she is. There's a lot of cleaning to be done today. Please make sure
the house is spotless. Ma's sisters will be coming tomorrow." I just nodded. I
made breakfast and gave Ma her medicine. "Thandi, I don't know where
Moses went, but I thought he could take you to get some groceries." She
handed me a list. "It's fine, Ma. I'll take a taxi. When I come back I'll do the
rooms."

I walked to the taxi rank, and luckily, the taxi filled quickly. I got everything on
ma's list and made my way back home. As I was walking from the taxi rank, I
ran into my high school bullies. "Finally, we've got you all to ourselves. You
really thought we'd never find you, huh?" I wanted to say something, but I felt
a sting on my cheek. It took me a while to realize I was getting slapped.

It didn't stop there. All of them pounced on me and started beating me. They
kept on screaming about me seducing their boyfriend's. I didn't even know
who their boyfriend's we're. A crowd gathered, and the more I tried to explain,
I didn't want their boyfriend's the harder they beat me. They started throwing
Ma's groceries out on me, and all I could do was lay there while it happened.
The crowd of people stood and laughed, taking videos of what was
happening.

I heard I loud car horn and people started running away. Senzo and Thabo
came running with whips. I don't know why, but I stood up and collected what
was left of the groceries. It was like my body was moving by itself. Senzo had
to stop me, and he led me to the car. I couldn't speak. I could barely move. It
was like somebody pressed my off switch.

They drove me home where my aunt was waiting. She was saying something
but I didn't hear anything. It was like all sound was just noise. My aunt put me
in the shower, and I just stood there. She eventually came to help me, but I
couldn't. I fell to the ground and just sat there.

"Thandi, please. It's been hours. Please come out." I sat naked in the cold
shower. I still wasn't responding, and she got Senzo to come and lift me out.
He put me on my bed and dried me off. I was sure I was going to have bruises
all over. I didn't even care about clothes. I laid down in my bed and cried
silently. He put a blanket over me and kissed me.

It was dark when my aunt came in. "Princess?" She came to lay with me.
"Why does everyone hate me? I didn't do anything to them." She just held me
as I cried myself to sleep.
The next morning, she woke me up early. "Here's clothes, and your breakfast
is on the table. We're going to the police station. They've been getting away
with this for too long." I knew I couldn't change her mind, so I just went with it.
My body felt like I had been hit by a truck.

We spent almost the whole day at the police station. It was annoying. So
much work to just report an assault and lay a charge. I knew we probably
wouldn't get anywhere, but my aunt was adamant.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" I shook my head. "Let's just go home."
I needed some pain medication or something.
25

Senzo eventually left with his family and I took care of ma. I couldn't do a lot of
the house work because my body was still sore but I made sure ma was taken
care of and the place at least looked good.

"Thandi, when are you going to become my daughter-in-law? What's taking so

long?" I just chuckled. "Ma, uBaba is busy with his new wives and the babies
on the way." She just sighed. "I still don't know how they did it. Then again
Senzo is easily fooled by women." She said sighing.

The first baby was born and I would get texts every now and then. Then the
second baby was born and he texted something about building his wives and
children houses. He said he would get extremely busy. But he got so busy
that I didn't even exist anymore. I received my salary every month and that
was it.

"Thandi, have you heard anything from Senzo? He's disappeared again." I
could feel the knot in my throat rising. This man promised me the world and
he just stopped talking to me for months. "No, Ma." I answered softly. I was
folding clothes so I kept myself busy because I knew if I even looked at her I
would break. "Are you okay?" I just nodded.

It felt like it was going on forever. I had given up already. Luckily my dad left
me alone because I was giving him my whole salary every month and he
knew it would stop if he married me off.

"Hello? Is anyone here?" Mbali came around the corner. "Oh, here you are.
The door was locked. Where's Ma?" She took a seat on the bench. I was busy
doing laundry outside. "Ma went to have tea at her friends house. She should
be back any minute now." She nodded. "How is she doing?" She asked and I
was surprised. She didn't seem like the type to care.
"She's doing good. The doctor is happy with how she's maintaining her health.
She goes on walks with her friends every morning now and she keeps herself
busy with community projects. She seems happy again." I explained and
threw out the water I was using. "Would you like some tea?" She nodded and
we went inside.

"So, I'm sure you can guess why I'm here. Ma called yesterday asking if I've
heard anything from, Baba. I was confused because usually when I don't hear
from him he's here with you and Ma where I know he's well taken care of." I
just bowed my head. I didn't really want to talk about him. I pushed the
thought of him far away.

"We haven't heard from him." She sighed. "What is going on?" She looked
worried and that was making me worried. Ma finally came home. "Hello
Makoti. It's good that you're here. We need to talk about my son." I got up to
leave. "No, Thandi. Sit. Let's talk." I didn't know what to do so I just stayed
while they carried on with their conversation.

"Ma, if you haven't heard from him and I haven't heard from him the only thing
to do is to go find him. I can't get through to his phone and I don't have any of
the wives numbers. I think we should go to the village and see what's going
on. Maybe we can ask one of the elders to accompany us." They made plans
to leave the very next morning.

I couldn't sleep that night until they came back. My anxiety was on a whole
other level. "Are you still worried about Senzo?" My aunt asked and I just
sighed. "Thandi can I be honest with you?" I nodded.

"Yes we have a restraining order against those girls but it's only a matter of
time until one of them finds the opportunity to get back at you. This whole
thing is about you stealing their boyfriend's. If they stop thinking you're out to
steal their boyfriend's this whole thing ends. The other problem is your father
and he might be quiet now but he's going to come crawling out of the
woodworks again and there's going to be nothing we can do."

I knew all of this but hearing it was difficult. "I don't know what is going on with
you and Senzo. But what I do know is I'm about to give you the best and
absolute worst advice I've ever given. I wished with all my heart that you don't
have to do this but you have no choice my baby. My advice to you is marry
that man. When Ma brings him back make sure you secure a ring. Do
whatever needs to be done."

I was shocked. I've known for a long time it was my only option but to hear my
aunt say it made it real. "You love him and the love might wear off but at least
your life won't be in danger. Your father won't marry you off to a disgusting old
man who's going to abuse you for the rest of your life and these girls who are
after you will leave you alone once you're off the market. I'm sorry my baby
I've tried but I can't protect you. I can't. Marry that man. Even if you're wife
number five. It's going to be easier for you to feel the way you feel now,
neglected and alone, rather than being tortured and abused by a friend of your
father's."

She was right. I knew she was right. I really wanted more time and I bought
more time. But it seems like my time is running out. I need this and I'm going
to get it. Even if it means doing the unspeakable.

Ma and Mbali were away for a couple of days. When they finally came back I
was nervous. I knew what needed to be done and I wanted zero delays. I saw
Senzo get out of the car from my room window. Mbali and Ma looked furious
and he looked tired. I tried texting him but the message didn't even go
through. Luckily Ma called me over.
"I wanted to call you earlier but Senzo told me you'd be too angry at him." I
kept my head bowed. "Those women mistreated him and forced him to stay
there. They were trying to get him to build them elaborate houses and buy
them fancy cars. Luckily he put it off as long as possible but I don't know what
would've happened if we didn't go and get him. Mbali had to go home and I
was hoping you'd look after him. I have a lot of responsibilities I have to get to
with the church." I agreed and made a huge breakfast.

She already left and Senzo wasn't coming out of the room. I was getting
worried so I went to go knock in his door. "Baba? Can I come in?" I heard
rustling. The door opened and I couldn't face him. I kept my head bowed.
Looking at his slippers. My tears started falling. It was mixture of real and fake
tears. I need to make him comfortable and make sure he knew I still cared.
But I also didn't want to overstep.

"Baby." He said and touched my hand. I dramatically threw my hands around

his neck and cried. I cried like a baby. "I missed you." My voice was a little bit
muffled but he could hear me. I finally looked at him and he just seemed
weak. "What have they done to you?" I asked inspecting his face. He got
thinner. I didn't like it.

"Ma said you were hurt. I thought you were going to hate me." I bowed my
head. "I thought so too but I can't help it."
"You can't help what?"
I cleared my throat awkwardly.
"I can't help loving you." He didn't hesitate. He kissed me and I kissed him
back. Before I knew it we were on the bed and I was naked.

My plan was going perfectly until we heard Ma's voice. We jumped apart he
went to go distract her while I was getting dressed. I made as if I was cleaning
his room when she came to look for me. "Where's my blue notebook?" I went
to go get it for her and she ran out.

"I think that was a sign for us to stop before we regretted anything." He said
putting his arms around me. "Maybe, but I missed you." There was something
completely different about him. His spark was gone. It was like the life had
been sucked right out of him.

We sat and had breakfast in silence. He held my hand the entire time. I was
cleaning up when he put his arms around me. "Let's go lay down. I'm tired." I
sighed. "I have a lot of chores to do." He held onto me tighter. "Please." It felt
like my heart was ripping apart hearing him so weak. What did they do to him?
"Okay, let's go." He led me to his room and that's exactly what we did. We just
laid there.

By the time he actually fell asleep Ma came back. I was supposed to cook for
her but Senzo wouldn't let go. I heard our door open and I knew it was ma. I
didn't look around but I heard her close it again. When Senzo was finally
sleeping comfortably I got up to go make something to eat.

"How is he?" She asked and I couldn't answer. "What did they do to him Ma?"
She sighed and sat down. "I'm convinced they drugged him but he won't tell
us anything. When we got there he was in bed. He was very confused and he
could hardly stand up. There was food all over that he was refusing to eat.
When we asked them what was going on they said he doesn't want to eat
their food and that's why he was weak. Since when does my son refuse food?
They put something in his food and he knows it. He's just scared that
admitting it makes him less of a man."

They were drugging him? What the hell?! There were other ways to get a man
to do things. Did they have to go this far. I made dinner and went home to tell
my aunt everything. She was just as shocked as I was. I had no idea what to
do.

I laid awake thinking about the situation. I needed to help him restore his
manhood but how? These women stripped him of his dignity. They took
everything away from him and left a shell of a man.

I didn't know how to help him.

26

I was next door early the next morning. I was preparing a tray of food for
Senzo so he could have breakfast in bed. I prepared Ma's morning juice and
water for her walk with the ladies. When she left I took the tray to Senzo.

"Good morning Baba." He groaned stretching. I was wearing a skin tight

yellow dress with a deep v-neck. He stopped midgroan when he saw me. "I
brought you breakfast Baba." He sat up in bed taking me in. Yellow was his
favourite colour.

"Morning." He said clearing his throat. He took a sip of juice not once taking
his eyes off me. "I'm not feeling so well baby. Maybe you should feed me." I
felt his head. "Really, what's wrong? You don't have a fever." He just
chuckled. "I love you." He said and I smiled shyly. "I love you too." I fed him
his breakfast and got an idea.

"Baba?" I kissed his cheek.

"Yes." I played with the string on his pyjamas pants. "Now that you've had
your breakfast can I have mine?" I pulled the string and he moved down to
make room. "And what would that be baby." I bit my lip and put my hand in his
pants. "Please." He was as hard as a rock. "You asked so nicely how could I
ever say no." I didn't hesitate and give him the best blowjob if his life.

He came but I didn't stop. I heard ma coming back in the house and still didn't
stop. "Baby." He whispered and he was going crazy under me. "I'm taking a
shower! If anyone from the church comes by give them the envelope on the
table!" Ma called out but I was too busy to respond. He was close again and
when he came I made sure he saw me swallow it.

"Oh my god." He fell back on the bed totally out of breath and I got up and laid
with him. "Baby where did that come from?" I kissed his neck. "I told you
baba. I missed you." He chuckled. I got up and carried on with my daily tasks.
"Baby, Mbali is coming over after lunch. We have some serious business to
discuss and I need you to join us."
"Yebo, Baba." I hope he tells us what happened to him so we can know how
to carry on from here.

Mbali came and I made tea. They sat on the couches and since I was being
all traditional lately a grabbed a grass mat and sat on the floor making sure to
avoid eye contact as a sign of respect.

"So, I called this meeting to speak about marrying MaBhengu." He said

referring to me. "As you know with our culture you need to get your wife or
wives permission to marry another wife." Mbali just sighed. "Baba, we know.
I've already agreed to this. Why are you making things so complicated." He
cleared his throat awkwardly.

"I mentioned marrying a fifth wife to the other wives and they've refused."
What did he just say? I wanted to look up at him but I kept my head down.
"Baba, why do you care about what they have to say? If it were up to me you
should've married Thandi before you married those witches. They shouldn't
have a say." Mbali vented. "That's not how it works. My uncle said that for
now we should leave it and Thandi and I can carry on dating and then bring
up the marriage again at a later stage."

What was happening? I needed him to marry me. Everything was ruined. I
started crying silently. "Thandi?" I didn't respond. I didn't want my silent tears
to turn into sobs. "We just have to wait a couple of months and I'll try again. I'll
do it formally this time and be more stern." I just nodded and wiped my tears
away.
"Baby don't cry." He said and I wiped the tears that kept falling away. "I don't
understand this nonsense. This is ridiculous. You have four wives, how can
they refuse you? They're in cahoots. I've been saying this since day one.
You're lucky I made them sign those prenuptial agreements otherwise we
probably would've been bankrupt." She said and I just sat there wiping tears
away.

I finished my chores all while Senzo followed me around trying to talk to me.
"Dinner is ready can I please go home early." He sighed loudly. "Baby this
doesn't mean I'm not going to marry you or we can't be together." Ma walked
in at that moment. "What's happening?"

"Ma, dinner is ready can I please leave early?" She knew something was
wrong but she just nodded. I left and went home. I had to tell my aunt how
screwed we were.

"You're going to have to force him. I don't know how but force him. He's just
being stupid. He can marry you without their permission. Men do it all the
time." That angered me even more. What was his problem?

My phone went off the whole night until finally I realized it was time. I needed
to do this now. I got dressed in my nicest lace lingerie and texted him to come
over. I covered up with a silk robe and went to open the door for him.

While walking back to my room I opened my robe a little so he could get a

peak of what was under it. We sat on my bed and he cleared his throat
awkwardly. "Baby please don't be discouraged. You're going to be my wife
and the mother of my children. There's no doubt about it. This is just..." As if
gravity was on my side my robe sleeve started moving off my shoulder.
"Um." I was torturing him by doing absolutely nothing. "This is... Um... This is
just a small delay. Baby let me see what you have on under this." I looked at
him weirdly. "Come on now." He said licking his lips as if he was hungry.

He pulled my robe off my shoulders. "And this?" I just scoffed and rolled my
arms. "This is how I go to sleep. You know this." He started tugging at my bra
strap until I looked up at him. I bit my lip and he noticed and pushed me back
down on the bed. We were kissing and I was struggling with his shirt buttons. I
needed him so I just ripped the shirt open.

"Make Love to me." He completely stopped and raised his brow at me.
"What?" He seemed surprised. "Make love to me." I said again. "But your
father..." I hushed him. "Nobody needs to know and its not going to matter
anyway if you're going to marry me." He seemed to be considering it. "Only if
you're sure." I kissed him. "I'm sure. I can't wait any longer.

We laid back in bed and got into position. "I'm ready." I said clenching as he
tried putting his dick inside me. I hissed in pain. It actually did hurt a little. "Are
you okay?" I whimpered when he asked. "I think just put it in. Do it quickly."
He nodded and did as I said. When he thrust in me I screamed as loud as I
could so the whole house would be forced to wake up.

"What the hell have you done!"

My aunt came bursting through the door and I whimpered and cried
dramatically.
27

My aunt was pacing while we sat awkwardly on the couch. She wouldn't allow
any one of us to speak. It was three in the morning and I really wanted to
sleep. Just when I thought this whole situation was boring she stormed out the
door.

We ran after her and she was banging on MaRadebe's door. "Who's there?!"
Ma asked from inside. "Me! Open this damn door!" The door went open and
my aunt stormed in. I started "crying" right there. "Baby, it's okay." He tried
comforting me. "I'm sorry." I whispered to him.

"Get inside here! Both of you!" Mbali was still there. I thought she left. "What's
going on?" Mbali asked and we all took a seat. "What's going on is I found
your husband naked on top of my niece. My niece is the chief's daughter and
she's expected to be a virgin until she's married. Your husband decided that
he just won't follow the rules."

Mbali sat there awkwardly. "How do you know that she's not a virgin
anymore? Just because they were naked doesn't mean they had sex."
MaRadebe tried to reason. "Thandi, are you still a virgin?" Ma asked me and I
bowed my head and played with my hand nervously.

"Thandi?" I shook my head and everyone went silent. I made sure my tears
were falling. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. You're going to call your
elders and whichever uncle is closest will go with us were leaving at seven.
We're going to see Thandi's father and bring cash. You're going to have to
pay a hefty fine and be prepared to negotiate lobola because there is
absolutely no way you're getting away without marrying her now. Thandi get
up. Let's go!"
She dragged me out of there. "What the hell were you thinking?" She asked
when we got home. "You said to force him. This is it. Either he was going to
take too long or not marry me at all. This is the only way." She sighed. "I just
hope this works. Go get some sleep. We need to leave early. "

The next morning we only left by nine because Senzo was at the bank. My
aunt's husband, Thabo came with us. Unfortunately my aunt told my dad we
were on the way and he was already in a bad mood. To make matters worse,
Thabo's car got stuck in the dirt and we all had to stop. They couldn't get it
out.

"Thandi go with them and when you get there send people to help." I led the
way and saw my father busy ordering people around in the fields. He seemed
to be in an extremely bad mood. I didn't even bother to lead them to the top of
the hill where the royal hut was. I got out and tried to talk to my father.

"Baba, there are visitors in the car who need to speak to you." He just looked
at me. "Okay. You!" He pointed to one of the workers. "Go with them and lead
them to the royal hut. Tell them to wait for me." I turned around wanting to go
with them. "Where do you think you're going? Let them go alone. You have
somewhere else to be."

I watched as they drove away and I just had a feeling something bad was
going to happen. "Ma and Bhut'Thabo are stuck in the mud on the road." I
said softly. "I'll send somebody. First, you need to get tested."

"Baba, that's why I came. I need to talk to you first." He hit the whip he had in
his hand on the ground and my body went into shock instantly. I knew that
sound. I didn't know from where but I knew that sound and it sent shivers
down my spine.
"Don't test my patience today! Not today! Hey you! Come take her away." Two
guys came to drag me to a hut close by. I didn't even realize what was
happening it was like I had a mental block after hearing the sound of that
whip.

"Come, you know how this works. Take off your pants." I was in a daze. I
didn't know what happened but I knew it was something bad and I was there
when it happened.

"Thandi!" I looked around to see the hut was now full of women. "Lay down." I
did as she said and she put a cloth over me. She did the test and said
nothing. I looked at her and she just knew. She knew. She told the ladies to
leave the room and then my father came in. He still had that whip in his hand.
It looked familiar.

The lady shook her head. "Are you sure?" She nodded and my father made
her leave. "Baba I can explain. I brought..." I was interupted by stinging in my
legs. I screamed at the pain.

I couldn't believe it. He whipped me. I could see the evil in his eyes and tried
running away. He grabbed my arm and started whipping me all over my back.
"You're a slut! You're a slut just like your mother!" It felt like he was beating
me with fire. I laid there screaming while he beat me. And nobody came to
help.

"Today you'll die like her too!" He delivered one last lash and I blacked out
from the pain.

I heard the the sound of the whip and screams. I didn't want to look. I was too
scared. I knew that voice.
"Please! I swear I did nothing! Do the test! You'll see! She's yours!" I heard the
sound of whip again and a earth shattering screaming. It was my mother. He
was beating my mother.

"Do you think I'm a fool!? For decades there have only been sons in this
family! Then you come and try and convince me this girl is mine! I should've
questioned this nonsense earlier!" He kept on beating her and she screamed
and screamed until she couldn't anymore. The screaming stopped but he
didn't. The sound of the whip kept on going and going.

"If you don't leave I'll kill you myself! I'm not a boy anymore who's going to
cower in a corner while you rule with an iron fist. You disgust me Baba!" That
voice... I knew that voice.

"Chief, you have important guests waiting in the royal hut and we've sent men
to go help your sister. They're stuck in the mud a couple of kilometers from the
main entrance." I heard someone nervously say. "Go deal with whatever it is
and leave my sister and I alone!" He said sternly. Sister? Yes. I knew that
voice. It was my brother Ndumiso. He was the first born of my father's third
wife. He was just a few years older than me.

"Sisi, stay with me. Come on. Stay awake." I couldn't. My body was in so
much pain that I threw up and passed out.
28

I drifted in and out of consciousness. I heard crying and shouting and even
incantations. I was sure a traditional healer came to help.

Cold water was thrown on my face, and I woke up. I jerked up a little and
screamed in pain. "Here. Drink." I was made to drink a disgusting beverage.
Whatever was being out on my back had me screaming in pain. The healer
assured me it would help, and it was for my own good, but I couldn't bear it.

"Hold my hand, baby. Hold it as tight as you need. Break it if you have to." I
laid there drifting in and out of consciousness. The room was finally silent.

"She's awake." I heard my aunt say. We were in dim light. I could hear and
smell a fire. "Ma." I managed to say. My whole body of shaking. I could hardly
speak. "Yes, baby, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." I squeezed her
hand. "Ma." I managed to get out again. The slightest movement was
extremely agonizing. "Home." She rubbed my hand.

"Baby, the healer has just managed to stop your bleeding. We can't move
you. I'm sorry, baby." Even talking was too much effort. I wanted to ask about
Senzo, but my eyes closed again. "Let me in!" It was my father. "Get her up!
Get her up now! Her husband has paid her lobola in full. Get her up!"

I heard tussling. "Why don't you call her husband in here so he can see what
you've done, you piece shit!" I heard a slap and things falling. My aunt was
screaming at my father as I went back into my daze.

I felt a big hand holding mine. I knew that hand. "Baba." I got out. "Yes, it's
me, my love. I'm here." Senzo said and dozed off again.

"They'll be here in thirty minutes. I do not care about that son of a bitch getting
arrested. We're going to the hospital. All twenty of his son's can try and stop
me. I don't care." I heard Senzo saying to somebody.

Majority of my wounds were on my back but it felt like my whole body was on
fire. I just needed to scream but I had no energy to scream anymore. I guess
the adrenaline was wearing off because the pain just kept on getting worse.

I blacked out again. But when I regained consciousness this time I woke up on
a flat surface. I could hear singing but it sounded far away. Someone was
holding my hand tightly. I opened my eyes to a bright room. "Thandi?" It was
my aunt. She sounded scared. I tried opening my eyes again. This time
slowly.

"Hi, Princess." It was like my ears opened up. I heard her clearly and the
singing sounded like it was right next to me. "She's awake." There were loads
of sighs of relief and then the praying started. People were shouting praise
and thanks to Jesus. What was going on?

As if my aunt could hear my thoughts. "MaRadebe brought the church ladies

to pray for you." She whispered. "Home." My throat felt raw when I tried to
speak. "Baby, we're in the city. You're in hospital." My vision blurred with
tears. I wanted to go home. I needed to be alone. "Home." I said again and
she also had tears in her eyes.

Senzo and Ma came to sit with me and the doctor eventually came in to talk to
us. I didn't listen to most of it. Luckily it wasn't long until I was sent home. The
car trip was horrible but when I was finally in my room alone I was relieved. I
knew I was safe here. It was my happy place. I was okay. I climbed under my
bed and slept.

"Thandi!" My aunt screamed frantically. "Thandi!" I groaned as I hit my head

on my way out. She let out a sob when she saw me. "She's safe. She's safe.
She's right here. She's safe." She recited to herself. I sat on my bed waiting
for her to calm down. She took a deep breath and wiped her tears.

"I made some soup. Get back into bed." She tucked me in and checked to see
if I broke any stitches climbing under the bed. I was still in an enormous pain,
but the medication helped. She fed me and I took my medicine. My aunt was
terrified. She wouldn't leave me alone for a second. She even slept in my
room.

Senzo and Ma visited me as much as they could. Senzo still had to deal with
his wives, and they seemed to be fighting all the time. Their fights became my
only source of entertainment because everyone else walked on eggshells
around me.

I was trying to forget everything that happened and everything that I

remembered from my childhood, but it was difficult. Every now and then, the
memories would arise, and I would push them as far away as possible.

"Thandi come. We're going for a walk." I groaned. She did this every single
day. We walked outside, and I would refuse to go out of the gate. I don't know
why she tried every single day and like every other day I stayed in my room
acting like I couldn't hear her.

"Thandi, come on. You can't be locked up in your room all day." I kept quiet
and heard her sigh. "Well, Senzo is here, and I told him I wouldn't allow him
inside. You're going to have to go out to him." Oh, she was clever. I hadn't
seen him in a few days so I almost got up but it didn't help much. I stayed
there fighting the urge to go out. "Thandi!" Senzo banged on my door.

"Ma, fell! The ambulance is on its way, but she's asking for you." I didn't even
have time to question it. I ran as fast as I could (which wasn't very fast) to go
see Ma. She was sitting on the couch watching her programs. "Ma, are you
okay?" She smiled. "Thandi." She said happily. "Ma, they said you fell. Are
you okay?" She narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Fell? Who said that?"

"Ma, did you hit your head?" Mbali came out of the room. "What do you
mean? I've been here the whole time. Ma has been fine." Mbali said,
confused, then it clicked. He lied.

Senzo walked in, and I just glared at him. "What's going on now?" Ma asked,
breaking the awkward silence. "Thandi, you had to come out of that room. You
can't stay in there forever." I didn't say anything and tried to walk past him.

"Thandi. Come on." I just glared at him and walked off. My aunt tried to
apologize, but I just slammed my door in her face. I crawled under my bed
again and tried slowing down my breathing. I needed to be left alone. My ears
were ringing, and my mind was racing. I didn't know what to do with myself.
29

I stayed in my room and my aunt was getting more and more worried by the
day. I really didn't want to hurt her or stress her out like this but I was numb.
All I wanted to do was sleep.

"Thandi." My aunt was knocking on my door like she did everyday. "Thandi,
please." She sounded exhausted. "Okay. Thabo is coming today and we're
taking this door down." I didn't even have the energy to react. She already
tried a spare key but I moved a cabinet in front of the door.

I thought she was just lying to get me to open the door but she wasn't. Thabo
came and started breaking down the door. The constant banging had me
cowering in a corner clutching onto the little sanity I had left.

They finally broke through and moved the cabinet. "Thandi!" My aunt ran to
me and hugged me. I cried in her arms. "He killed my mother!" I couldn't keep
it in anymore. "He's a murderer! He killed my mother and he wanted to kill me
too!" She froze. She didn't know what to do. She eventually just helped me
into bed and cleaned up.

Senzo came the next day and told me I had a doctor's appointment. I didn't
have the energy to fight. I just bathed and got ready for the day. "Ma, wants to
come too. She's really worried about you but she told me to ask you first." I
nodded. "It's fine." My voice could hardly get out.

We walked next door and he went inside to tell Ma she could come with us.
Ma made a big scene about me sitting in front until I finally told her it would be
too painful to sit in front because I would have to wear a seatbelt and it would
force back in my seat and hurt my back. She finally let it go.

It wasn't like I was lying. It would hurt my back but she was going on about
how I was technically Senzo's wife because he paid lobola and that as his wife
I should sit in front. It was extremely awkward because Senzo and I hadn't
even had that conversation yet. I hadn't even thought about it.

We got to the doctors office and I let them come in with me. They were more
nervous than I was. Luckily everything went smoothly. I wasn't fully healed but
the doctors were happy with my progress.

We dropped Ma at home and before I could get out Senzo was at my door.
"Sit in the front. Let's go for a drive. Come on please." I didn't have the energy
so I just did as he said.

We stopped in front of a fancy restaurant. "I'm not going in." I said softly.
"Why? There's nobody else here. I booked the place. It'll only be the staff." I
shook my head. "No." Everyone's obsession with getting me out into the world
again was annoying. He sighed. "Thandi, you have to start getting used to the
world again. You can't sit in a room the whole time."

"I don't want to go in the restaurant and I'm out of my room now aren't I." I was
getting upset and he could tell. "Fine. I'll get them to bring us food and then
we'll go park somewhere." He went inside and I sat there wondering what the
hell this man wants from me.

After all of this does he really still want to get married? Is it about the money
because I knew he already paid the the bride price to my father who obviously
used the money to disappear. I wasn't a virgin and he knew it so what did he
want from me?

He came back and we sat in silence waiting for the food. At some point he
took my hand in his and I didn't know what to do with myself. A knot of
nervousness rose in my throat. I couldn't stop it. My tears fell.

"Thandi? Are you okay?" I just nodded trying to wipe my tears away. "Baby,
please talk to me. Did I do or say something wrong?" I shook my head. Our
food came and they loaded it into the back. I hid my face as much as I could. I
finally gathered myself enough to breathe and stop crying.

"Okay, how about we go to the beach house. Do you remember the beach
house I took you to?" I nodded because I couldn't speak. "Okay, let go there
and we can do anything you feel like." We drove out if the city to the beach.

The house was massive. Everywhere was just glass so you could see the
ocean from almost every angle. Most of the furniture was white. A wooden
staircase led up to the second floor where the bedrooms were. We sat outside
by the balcony and he laid the food out for us. The metal chair was a bit too
hard against my back and he could tell I was uncomfortable.

"Can I get you anything?" I cleared my throat. "A pillow please." He nodded
and came back with the softest pillow I had ever felt. It sort of felt like there
was tiny grains in there. We ate and he got us a bottle of wine.

"We have a lot to discuss but I also don't want to push you. You've been
through a lot and you deserve time. Time to heal however you feel you want
but I do really want to know where we stand on the wedding, you moving in, or
even just... Maybe if you could just tell me if you still want to get married." I
was shocked. I didn't think he even still wanted me.

"You still want to marry me?" My eyes filled up with tears quickly. He took both
of my hands in his. "Of course I do." I could help it my tears spilled over.
"Why?" My voice was shaky. "You've seen the scars. I'm hideous." He came
to my side.

"You thought I didn't want to marry you anymore because of your scars?
Thandi, I love you and I will never stop loving you. You're even more beautiful
than the day I first saw you." Something in me made me not believe him. I just
shook my head. "Look at me. Look at me." He held my face close to his.
"Please believe me when I say this. You're the most beautiful woman in the
world and I'm not just saying it. I mean it. And those scars just add to your
beauty. I love you MaBhengu and I will never stop loving you."
30

"Wake up, baby. We're home." I opened my eyes to find I fell asleep in the
car. He came to my side and opened the door for me. Everyone was having
dinner, and my aunt expected me to join them. I didn't want to be the cause of
any more stress, so I joined.

I actually really wanted to go lay down because my back was killing me. I
wasn't used to being up the whole day. When the babies started acting up I
went to my room. I found an oversized t-shirt and went to take a bath. Most
things were difficult now because I didn't have the same range of motion but I
tried.

I didn't want to ask my aunt to come help me but the doctor gave me ointment
and I obviously couldn't put it on my back myself. It was almost like she read
my mind because she knocked on the door asking if I needed help. I sucked it
up and let her in.

"I got an ointment today." I said giving her the tube. She nodded and made
sure my scars were cleaned properly and dried before she put it on. "We'll fix
your door tomorrow." I just nodded. "I only had it broken down because I was
worried about you. I didn't mean to invade your privacy." I nodded again. "I
know." We sat in silence as she wrapped my wounds.

"I'm sorry." I said to her. "I'm sorry for everything." She sat in front of me.
"There's no need to appologize baby. None of this was your fault." She
hugged me and helped me to my room. "I know Bhut'Thabo is here but will
you stay with me tonight?" She seemed shocked but nodded and quickly
joined me in bed. We laid in silence. It was nice having her close to me.

"Ma." I said after a while. "Mm?" She rubbed my head. "I think I'm getting
married." She chuckled. "Yes, baby. That's usually what happens after your
husband pays your lobola." She joked but then got serious. "Is there
something wrong? Don't you want to go through with it anymore?" It seemed
like I was always saying the wrong thing and by the time all of this blew over
my aunt would have heart problems.

"I do want to marry him it's just that I realized today that it's actually something
that's going to happen." She just smiled at me. "If you're not ready you can
always wait a year or two. Many people have long engagements." I shook my
head. "It's not that." It got silent again before I spoke. "I would have to move
out. I don't want to leave you." Both of our eyes filled with tears.

"But won't you be staying with MaRadebe? It's right next door." A tear
escaped her eye. "I don't know. What if he want me to move?" Not being close
to home was my biggest fear. I don't know what I would do without my aunt.
"Maybe you should talk to your husband about it." She said and held me
tightly.

The next day I got up and helped with breakfast. I decided that I needed to get
out of the slump I was in. The kids were extremely excited to see me up but
the house turned into chaos when I couldn't pick them up. They didn't
understand why.

I almost retreated back into my room but Senzo called me so we could have a
meeting with his mother and first wife, Mbali. I was on my way out when my
aunt stopped me. "Is that what you're wearing?" I looked down at my
oversized tracksuit. I didn't wear much of my old clothes after the incident. I
didn't feel pretty enough to wear them.

"What's wrong with this?" I asked as if I didn't know. "Thandi, you're going to a
meeting with your sister-wife, mother-in-law, and husband. There are rules in
our culture and you know them as well as I do. Like it or not you're getting
married into a traditional Zulu polygamous marriage. You're going to have to
follow the rules. You know you can't wear pants. You haven't completed all
the marriage rites but technically you're his wife, cover your head."

I knew she was right so I didn't fight it. All my dresses were so tight and I
didn't have the confidence to wear them but I didn't have a choice. If all of this
didn't happen I would be totally fine with it but I could even look in the mirror
most of the time.

I got dressed anyway and went next door. I thought I would be expected to sit
on the floor but luckily I was shown the couch. I kept my head bowed as a
sign of respect and greeted them.

"The reason we called you here today was to discuss a way forward. A lot has
happened and it's left a lot unsaid. Usually I would have another elder like an
uncle present but we thought we would speak privately first." Senzo said and I
kind of wanted to smile. I liked it when he was all formal and traditional.

"My wife here, MaKhumalo, has advised me to ask you one question before
we moved on. With everything that has happened we believe this should be
up to you. You should feel no pressure from anybody." He cleared his throat.
"Do you still see yourself getting married into this family?" He asked and I kind
of knew that was the question and luckily I had an answer. "Yebo baba. I still
see myself getting married into this family." Ma ulilated joyfully and I just
smiled to myself.

"Okay." He sounded relieved. "As you know I already have four wives,
MaKhumalo being my first wife. I expect you to respect her as such and I do
believe you won't have a problem with that. MaKhumalo, would you like to
take it from here?" She nodded. "Yebo, Baba. Um, MaBhengu..?" This was so
formal but I should've expected it. I'm glad my aunt made me change clothes.
"Mamkhulu." I addressed her as the first wife. "I wouldn't be doing you justice
if I didn't tell you there's still a lot of work that needs to be done in this
marriage. It's going to be difficult and we hope that you can bear with us. We
still need to find our rhythm of how things work.
Bab'Dlamini recently married three wives and they still need to find their
footing. For now Baba has two physical houses. I live in the main house in the
city because baba and I work together. The three other wife's live on the
homestead. Baba is planning on building two more houses. I mention this
because I dont want it to become an issue down the line.
Ma needs someone to look after her and I work. I'm just going to be honest
neither me or ma is comfortable with any of the other wives coming to live
here to take care of her.
You also know that ma's husband passed away so baba is now the head if
this house. We are hoping that you will join this house and for you nit to be
discouraged by the other wives having houses built for them."

All if that just for something I was going to ask for anyway. "That won't be a
problem Mamkhulu. I would prefer to live with ma so I can take care of her
and to also be close to my family." She smiled. "Well it's settled then. We
hope you can move in as soon as possible."

As what as what?
This was happening faster than I thought.

"There's just one more thing. We need to set up a meeting at the main house
to formally introduce you to all the wives."

I knew it had to happen at some point but I was nervous.

These woman were already ganging up on their husband would they even
allow us to get married.
31

The day of the meeting came and I was extremely nervous. My hands were
sweaty and I didn't know what to do with myself.

My aunt dressed me in a skintight long sleeve floor length dress and nude
heels. She let me borrow her new bob wig even though my head would be
covered by a headwraps. I put some light makeup on and for the first time in
forever I felt pretty again.

I was sitting outside the main house. I knew Senzo was rich but I didn't know
how rich until I saw this house. It was a massive mansion. It seemed like it
was made out of glass but you couldn't really see through it. There was a long
driveway and at the end of it was a water fountain. The steps leading up to the
house seemed like they went on forever and I had never seen a door that big
before.

One of the elders came out to tell me they were ready for me. I followed him
up the steps and the huge door was opened for us. Right as we walked in a
lifesize painting of Mbali and Senzo hung reminding everyone that she was in
charge here.

I felt like we were walking down the white corridor forever until we got to the
living room. All his wives besides Mbali were sitting on the floor on grass mats
to the left of him. He seemed to be sitting on a chair that could only be
described as a throne with Mbali sitting on a matching chair beside him. His
elders filled the seats on either side while there laid a lone grass mat in front
of all of them.

"You can not be serious." One of the wives said and sounds of disapproval
came from the three of them. "The maid, Dlamini? The maid?" Another one of
them asked disgusted. "Shut up! Shut up man! For once in your life know your
place!" One of the elders shouted at them. I could tell Senzo was frustrated by
the sigh he let out.

"My elders and wives I would like to introduce to you my newest wife and the
newest member of our family, Thandi Bhengu." The elders wives ulilated while
my sister wives stared at me in disgust.

"MaBhengu I would like to formally introduce to you my first wife Mbali

Khumalo, or MaKhumalo, but you will address her as Mamkhulu. To my left is
my second wife Gladys Cele, or MaCele. Next to her is LisaKhanya Mlambo,
or MaMlambo. At the end there is Zinhle Gumede, MaGumede."

After formal introductions we all had a very awkward lunch. If looks could kill I
would've been dead within seconds. After lunch Senzo took me outside to a
beautiful garden. There were waterfalls and statues all over and the flowers
were just beautiful.

"MaBhengu."
"Dlamini." I couldn't help the smile on my face. "The first time I saw you I acted
like a fool. I accused you of unspeakable things and once again I am sorry for
that." I rolled my eyes playfully and he chuckled. "You turned my world upside
down. I had never seen a woman more beautiful than you. I love you
MaBhengu." A tear escaped from my eyes.

He let go of my hands and got on one knee. I gasped when I saw the ring. It
was a different ring from the one before. I had never seen a diamond that big
before. "I always thought I knew what love is but you've taught me the real
meaning. Thandi Bhengu, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

I let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Yes." Was all I could get out. I heard
songs of celebration coming from his family behind us as he place the ring on
my finger. He got up and we kissed. I didn't care about the other wives glaring
at us. He didn't need to do this but he still did. And that meant a lot to me.

I looked behind me towards the family and my aunt and Thabo appeared out
of nowhere. Everyone congratulated me. I didn't even notice the
photographers the whole time. They took more pictures and then we went
inside. We had a dinner and luckily this time I was allowed to sit by Senzo. We
held hands the entire time.

I thought I would get to stay and spend the night but the wives insisted on me
leaving with my aunt. Mbali was outnumbered and they were adamant I leave.
I said my goodbyes and left with my aunt. We squealed and spoke about the
day all the way home. That night a fell asleep looking at my ring.

I was in the back hanging up the baby's clothes to dry when ma called me.
"Your husband is here with his wife and mother. They want to talk to us." I
took a grass mat and went to join them in our living room.

"I'll cut right to the chase. We want our Makoti to move in with us. We know all
the marriage rites haven't been completed but we would like for her to come
stay with me permanently." MaRadebe said. My aunt cleared her throat. "I
must admit I thought we'd have more time but I think I'll leave the decision up
to Thandi." My aunt said and the room got silent.

"Makoti? What do you say?" I couldn't exactly say no and if I wasn't going to
move in I still needed to look after ma. I would be right next door and I could
come back here at anytime. "Yebo ma. I'll move in with you." She was
extremely excited.

In the next couple of days I was packing all of my belongings. I felt stupid for
being sad about it. I was literally moving in next door. It was weird seeing my
room so empty. My aunt and I laid down on my bed together. "We need to
stop being so dramatic." She said and I laughed. "I know. Even though I'm
only moving in next door it's still going to be weird not seeing you first thing in
the morning."

"Knock knock!" It was Senzo. I sighed and got up to open the door. "Are you
ready?" I just nodded and he took all my bags next door. Like always people
in the street were staring and they wanted to know what was happening.
Especially since they haven't seen me out in forever.

When I got in the house I walked to Senzo's room but ma was there taking all
his clothes out of the cupboard. "You're here. We have a lot of work to do.
We're moving all of my things in here and then you can pack your things in the
main bedroom."

I was confused. "Ma?" She looked at me expecting me to carry on. "Are you
sure? That's your room and I don't want to put you out." She just smiled. "No,
you're not putting me out. You're the lady of the house now. You and your
husband should have the main room. After my husband passed that room
never felt the same anyway. It's yours now."

Halfway through helping Ma move her things I needed to take a break. My

back was killing me. I took a seat on the bed. "Are you okay?" I just nodded.
"I'm fine. I just need to sit a little bit. I got my medication from my bag and took
some. Ma made tea and sandwiches which she wouldn't let me help make.

"I'm supposed to be making you tea Ma." I said taking a sip of the tea. "It's no
big deal. You need to rest a bit. Where did Senzo go?" She asked taking a sip
of her tea. "He had to go back into the office but he said he'll be back tonight."
She nodded. When we were done eating we got back to it. We finished up
most of the packing and then I got started on dinner.

Senzo came home just in time and we ate together like a family.
32

I was cleaning when there was a knock on the door. It was Ma's friends from
church. They just let themselves in. "Where is MaRadebe?" One of them
asked making herself comfortable.

I went to call Ma from her room where she was reading her bible.
"Ma."
"Yebo, Makoti."
"The church ladies are here." She looked confused. "I didn't have a meeting
with them today. I wonder what they want." I followed her out of the room.

I left her to it while I tried getting my new room organized. "Makoti!" I heard ma
call from the living room. "Yebo Ma?" I asked with my head bowed. "Wait. Did
you just say Makoti?" One of the ladies asked and the others sat there with
their jaws on the floor.

"Makoti please make us some tea?" Ma said and I could tell she was loving
every minute of this. "Yebo, Ma." I made them tea and laid out biscuits. "So,
you're marrying Senzo Dlamini. Wow. Sit with us." One of the ladies said and I
didn't like her tone. I knew something was coming.

"You do know that you'll be wife number five?" I didn't even answer. "I can't
believe it. You're so young yet you're willing to be a fifth wife. Is it because of
his money?" My eyes shot to Ma. "Okay that's enough. If you want me to put
you out I will." Ma said and they went silent. I was excused and they went on
with whatever it is that they do when they have tea.

I was busy chopping vegetables for a salad to go with dinner when I heard
Mbali and Senzo coming in. Mbali stayed behind and Senzo came into the
kitchen.
"Good evening my love." We hugged and kissed. "How was your day?" I
asked him and he just kept kissing me. "Baba, calm down. There are other
people here." He groaned. "Fine." He rolled his eyes.

"I am starving. What did you cook?" Mbali came in and opened my pots. I was
annoyed because this was supposed to be my house. Yes she was the first
wife and technically it's actually Senzo's house but I ran this specific
household. You don't just go into another women's house and open her pots.
"Looks delicious. Let's eat." Senzo could tell it upset me. He squeazed my
hand and I just knew this was going to be a long night.

I kept quiet throughout dinner until she asked about sleeping in the main
room. "Since Ma gave the room over to Baba that's where I'll spend the night."
I cleared my throat. "Excuse me?" She rolled her eyes. "You heard me. This
table is quite small and I don't think you're old enough to have hearing
problems. I'm the senior wife. I should have the main room."

I was livid.

What the hell was she doing? I really thought she would be my friend. Clearly
she's testing my patience. "Do you live here?" I asked looking her dead in the
eye. "No, but this house belongs to my husband." I was trying to stay calm.

"The question was do you live here? The answer is no. The main room is
mine. This house was given to me. Anything that happens here is up to me.
You will sleep in of the the spare rooms or you can go sleep in the main room
at your house." I said calmly and she just stared at me. "Fine, but my husband
will be sleeping in my room tonight." I almost rolled my eyes but I didn't want
to be seen as disrespectful.

I was in my room struggling to put ointment on my back when Senzo walked

in. "Need any help?" I just nodded. "You're quiet and not your normal quiet.
You're angry quiet." I flinched when he touched my back.
"Be gentle."
"Sorry baby. Sorry."

We sat in silence while he put my ointment on. When he was done I finally
spoke. "Why didn't you say something at dinner?" He sighed. "I didn't say
something because I know MaKhumalo is testing you. I think you passed this
one but there will be many more tests. That doesn't mean you should let her
walk all over you though." I just rolled my eyes. This was stupid.

"I do however want to appologize. She should not have blurted out the
sleeping arrangements. I was going to tell you myself that I would be spending
the night in her room because she's leaving for a trip tomorrow so I won't see
her for the next two weeks." I didn't react and I could tell he was confused.
What did he want me to say? There was nothing I could do.

I slept alone in my big bed and I would have to get used to it. There is five of
us. I would be sleeping alone a lot.

The next morning I woke up and MaKhumalo was already in the kitchen
having tea when I got up. "Morning." We both mumbled and I got started on
breakfast.

"So, we need to do an umembeso ceremony as soon as possible. We need to

get this long process started. Its ceremony after ceremony. We didn't do the
lobola properly but this we can do just so you start your marriage off right. As
you probably know the ceremony is usually done after lobola is negotiated. It's
held at the brides home. Our family will bring traditional gifts. It's more about
thanking the brides mother, in this case your aunt and your family."

"Okay, I have to discuss it with my aunt." I was already panicking because

who was even going to come to the ceremony. I had no family. I did but I
wasn't connected to any of them. My brothers helped when my dad tried to kill
me but that was the first time in years that I was in the same room as them.
Usually when I visited home briefly I would be drowning in chores and I
wouldn't have time for anyone. I didn't visit home a lot and when I did I didn't
stay long. My aunt was always against me going back. We only went there
when we had to and we kept our visit as brief as possible.

Senzo and Mbali left and I went next door to my aunt. "What's up?" My aunt
asked serving me tea. "MaKhumalo told me this morning that they want to
have an umembeso ceremony as soon as possible." My aunt just nodded.
"Okay, when is as soon as possible?" I just shrugged. "How are we going to
do a ceremony without anyone here?" My aunt looked confused. "What do
you mean?" I just sighed.

"Who is going to come? Just you and Thabo?" I didn't want to offend her but I
didn't really have any other family. "Thandi, you have other family. You have
your brothers and uncles from your dad's side. And even though your dad
completely alienated you from your mom's family, we can get into contact with
them." A smile made its way onto my face. "Really?" She nodded.

"So. It's your birthday next week. Will you be doing anything this year?" I just
rolled my eyes. "I never do anything, ma. Why would I start now?"
33

"Baby! Where did I leave my tie?!" I rolled my eyes because I just gave him
the tie. "Baba, the house is not big enough for you to be screaming this loud
so early in the morning." He chuckled. "Sorry. Do you know where I put my
tie?" He whispered. "Right next to you." I gave him the tie and he looked a bit
embarrassed so I kissed him.

He left for work and I decided to reorganize the kitchen. I had it organized for
ma but since she said it's my house now I'll organize it how I want it. I do all of
the cooking anyway.

"Thandi you're always doing something and if there isn't anything to do you
start creating work." She gestured to the table full of stuff I got out of the
cupboards. "When do you rest?" I just chuckled. "I'm just reorganizing the
kitchen Ma. Would you like some tea?" She shook her head. "No thank you.
I'm having tea and lunch at church. I would ask you to join me..."

Everytime I heard anything about church I was just automatically annoyed.

"Yes, exactly that. There's that face. I would rather just keep praying for you to
heal from whatever happened and you'll come to church when you're ready.
Enjoy the day. Maybe you can treat your aunt to tea and some cake."

I called my aunt but she was going out with her sister-wife so I finished my
organizing and watched some TV. A car I didn't recognize stopped infront of
the house. I looked out the window and saw MaCele, Baba's second wife, get
out of the car.

I opened the door and welcomed her. She looked very distressed. "Where's
Dlamini?" She burst through the door. "I've been calling him since yesterday!"
What was going on. "He's at work." She held her head in distress. "Let me call
him. Then I'll make you some tea." I tried his personal phone and he wasn't
picking up so I called his assistant and he told me he was in back to back
meetings.

"MaCele, Baba is very busy today. I couldn't get through to his phone but his
assistant said he's in meetings all day. Can I get you something? Tea?
Something to eat?" She just nodded. I made her tea and a sandwich and she
ate.

We were watching TV in awkward silence for about an hour when Baba

called. "Hello, my assistant said you called urgently?" I got up and went to our
room. "Yes, MaCele is here. She looks very stressed. She says she's been
calling you since yesterday. Can you come home?" He sighed heavily. "Okay,
I'll be there in an hour." We said goodbye and I went back to the lounge.

"Baba says he'll be here in an hour. I need to start dinner. Will you be
staying?" I asked to see where this situation might be going. "If you'd allow
me." She said awkwardly playing with her hands. "Of course." I replied.

I started chopping my vegetables when she joined me in the kitchen. "Can I

help? I can't just sit while you do all the work. What would my mother-in-law
say when she comes home finding me just sitting around?" She laughed
awkwardly. She helped me chop the vegetables. I cooked and she cleaned.
My pot was on the stove and we were having juice and snacks.

"Makoti!" I heard ma yell from outside. I went out and saw she came back with
groceries so I helped her. "Ma I thought you were going for tea." I said taking
the bags. "I did but the fridge was starting to get empty so I went to buy a few
things." At the same time Baba's car stopped and he came to take the bags.

"Where is she?" He was already mad. What was going on? "In the kitchen."
He stormed in with the groceries. "She?" Ma asked. "MaCele is here." Ma
rolled her eyes dramatically. "I don't know why my son had to marry all of
these women. Did you know MaCele was never like this. She was a humble
girl from the village now shes just after my son's money." I didn't want to add
anything to the conversation so we went into the house.

"MaBhengu!" He yelled sternly and I made my way to the kitchen table. He

pulled a chair out for me and I sat. I was shocked when he sat next to me.
"Now you can talk. If you don't want to talk infront of my wife I don't want to
hear it. She sighed and I looked down at the table.

"They threw me out." She started.

"What do you mean they threw you out?" Baba asked.

"The other wives threw me out of the house."
"If they threw you out where is my child MaCele?" He asked sternly.

"She's with my mother. They threw me out and now they won't let me back in.
Baba I thought you said that the house in the village would be mine. They've
made my life a living hell ever since you moved them in. I'm a slave in my own
home. I work from the moment I get up until I go back to bed. Most of the time
I don't even sleep. I want my house back and I want them out."

I was shocked. I thought she was part of their squad. I thought they were the
three musketeers. "Also, I'm the second wife. Their numbers three and four.
They're not supposed to be controlling me like this. You never come visit and
that's why they can get away with this."

"You're blaming me? Me? Really? After the stunt the three of you pulled on
me in that house you're blaming me?" She glared at him. "Baba I appologised
for my evolvement. I never knew they wanted to keep you there so they could
exploit you for money. And I took good care of you while you were there. You
were the one refusing my food."
I still didn't know what happened that time when Baba went missing for so
long. I knew they found him with the other wives but he's never spoken about
it. "Bab'Dlamini please. I'm begging you. I'll leave all this foolish behavior of
mine behind and become a real wife. Please. I'll do anything. Please get those
women out of my house." She begged.
34

That night my back pain was almost unbearable. Baba stayed up with me for
as long as he could but eventually fell asleep. Laying down wasn't working for
me so I got up and made myself a cup of camomile tea.

I was sitting on the couch. I had one of the pillows on my lap and I laid on
stretching my back so the muscle spasms I was having wouldn't be that bad. I
sipped on my tea and Ma came in.

"Thandi? Is everything ok?" I just nodded. "Don't you want to go lay down
rather?"
"No , Ma. This position is helping." She seemed worried and confused.
"Should I get you something for the pain?" I shook my head. "I already took
something. I'm just having some tea. Maybe it'll help." She went into her room
and came back with a Bible.

"I know you don't go to church but let's pray." She took my hand and went on
and on and on. I finished my tea while she prayed. At some point I dosed off. I
don't know if it was the tea, the pain medication, or her constant talking but I
was grateful. "Be carefully Senzo." I heard Ma say. I was being lifted into bed.
"I've got her ma. She's okay."

"No she's waking up and you almost bumped her head." I was a bit drowsy
but still fully conscious. Ma said goodnight and our light went out. The door
closed and Baba got into bed. "I love you." I said with my eyes closed
snuggling up to him. "I love you too." I felt him kiss my forehead.

"Do you still find me attractive?" Words were just falling out of my mouth. I
couldn't stop myself. "If course I do baby. Do you know how difficult it is to
control myself around you?" I sighed. "So why don't you do the things to me
that we did before?" His whole body went stiff. "I... I..." I was kind of getting
worried because he couldn't form words.

"I don't want to hurt you. Also, I thought I'd wait for you to tell me your ready.
Do you want us to start, how did you put it, doing the things we did before?"
He chuckled. "Don't laugh at me." I complained hitting his chest. "I'm not
laughing at you baby. Answer my question." I was busy falling asleep again.
"Yes." Was all I could get out before my eyes were too heavy for me to keep
open.

The next morning Senzo was laying in bed with a stupid grin on his face
watching me get ready. "Aren't you going to work?" He shook his head. "We
had a very interesting conversation last night. I seem to be neglecting my
duties as your husband." I looked at him confused acting like I couldn't
remember the nonsense I was speaking last night.

"You don't remember a thing do you?" I narrowed my eyes at him and he got
out of bed. I just turned back to the mirror and fixed my headwrap while he
walked to me. He started kissing my neck. "If you forgot I'll remind you." My
eyes automatically shut when he sucked on my neck.

We jumped apart at the loud knock on our bedroom door. "Senzo, your aunts
will be here in about an hour. They took a bus last night after we spoke." He
rolled his eyes. "I specifically told them I'll buy them a bus ticket this morning.
Now they spent all night traveling. I'm coming Ma!" His aunt's were on their
way and he didn't say anything?

He went to take a shower and I got busy in the kitchen making Ma's morning
smoothie. "I bought kiwi. They're nice and sour just like I like them. Here, put
some in." She opened the fridge and gave me a kiwi. "How is your back this
morning?" She asked taking a seat. "Not as painful but the skin is getting
really tight."

MaCele walked in and joined us at the table. "Good morning. Can I make
anyone a cup of tea?" Ma rolled her eyes. "No thank you. I don't want to be
poisoned." Ma said and I was shocked. I didn't know she could be like this. "I'll
have a cup please. One sugar and milk." MaCele smiled an nodded.

I made Ma's smooothie and she took her meds before going for her morning
walk. I started breakfast and decided I would make something else when our
guests came. "You're very good at this." I was confused. "At what?" I asked
MaCele. "At being a housewife. You're so young that I wouldn't expect it of
you. You're also very calm. If I went to MaKhumalo's house she would be
irritated by my presence. Not a lot of people can handle polygamy."

I gave her the bowl of porridge she requested. "I'm used to it and luckily I'm
love with my husband and he was truthful from the start. I'm willing to share
without hating my sister wives. My Aunt who raised me is a second wife and
my father has five wives. It's nothing new to me." She nodded and Baba came
to join us. "I'll eat quickly. I have to go fetch my aunt. MaBhengu please throw
my coffee in a travel mug." I did as he said and kissed him goodbye when he
left.

MaCele and I cleaned the kitchen and made sure there was a feast for our
visitors. Luckily I've met them before and I knew what they liked. Ma checked
on us every now and then but I could see by the look on her face that she
hated MaCele.

Ma's sisters came and luckily they were starving so no food went to waste.
"My boy, you called us to help you sort out the issue with your wives. I just
want to get something off my chest. You're always calling us when you want
us to solve your problems but when you're celebrating you only celebrate with
your father's side." Senzo kept a straight face.

"Like when you paid lobola for this girl." I did not like that she said 'girl'. "Okay,
the circumstances around how lobola was paid didn't go according to tradition
but when you introduced her to your wives and the family you had a
celebration. There were engagement pictures and everything. The only
Radebe in those pictures was your mother and the rest were Dlamini's. None
of these marriages were blessed by the Radebe side but when problems
occur we're the first ones you call."

Baba focused on the empty plate in front of him. "But it's fine." She said
dramatically. She sniffed as if she was going to cry. "I'm your aunt. You're our
only boy. I'll help you my son." She said fake crying. The dramatics were at an
all time high.

"But before I sort out the other two wives. Let's start with you, MaCele. You're
rude and disrespectful. Yes, when your sister couldn't carry a child she was
considering letting you marry her husband but it wasn't a done deal. She
eventually had the baby and when she died her wish was that you become the
baby's mother." There's so much family history and drama that I need to get
caught up on.

"How many months did it take you to step up as Chumisa's mother? Nannies
were looking after her for the first half of her life. Only when you and your little
friends devised a scheme to marry Senzo did you step up and become a
mother. Now your get rich quick scheme is failing. What do you have to say
for yourself girly?"

I kept my head bowed because this was none of my business. "I'm sorry Ma."
He voice was shaking. "I'm sorry to the family, my husband, and my daughter.
I failed. I failed all of you. Especially my sister and her baby she entrusted until
me. I'm sorry." She cried. "Please, give me another chance. I'm begging you.
Please give me another chance to be a good wife and mother. I'll do
anything." She was hysterical.

"Calm down. Calm down please." The aunt who had been quiet up until this
point said annoyed. "I would advise your husband to divorce you but since
there's a child involved and Senzo doesn't believe in divorce you have two
options. Either you go back to your father's house and learn how to be a
respectful wife or you come with us to the farm and get your lessons there.
Your choice."

"I'll go with you Ma." She decided on the spot. "Okay. You'll come with us and
the other two we'll send home." She just agreed.

"Now onto you, MaBhengu."

Me? What did I do?

35

"I know your sister-wife was talking about doing a membeso ceremony as
soon as possible because lobola negotiations weren't done properly. Now,
because the uniting of the familes wasn't done properly traditionally our
ancestors don't see you as a wife. Infact they don't know you exist."

This whole conversation was just frustrating and I really didn't like the tone
she was speaking in but I kept quiet. "I agree with MaKhumalo. We introduce
you to our ancestors and then do the ceremony. Before we do this however
your family has to do a cleansing ceremony after what happened with your
father. You can't marry into a new family with bad spirits and unfinished
business."

This whole situation was just annoying and confusing. "Alot has happened on
our side as well. Senzo and his wives need to do a cleansing ceremony as
well and their house needs to be cleansed. We don't want to rush things but
we also want to get it done as quickly as possible so order can be restored."

Okay, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought I was going to get the
usual golddigger and age gap speech. "But as for now, Senzo your uncle's will
accompany us to your house in the village. We will pack your wives things and
take them to their respective homes. We're going to have to let their families
know what's happening and that we have brought them back to learn respect.
We'll cleanse the home and MaCele will come with us to the farm. She'll be
back home depending on her progress."

Baba insisted that I go with them. So I packed our bags. Ma refused to come
with. She was against the marriages from the start and she refused to be part
of this mess. I made sure my aunt would check on her while we were away.
We were off. It was extremely awkward because Baba wanted me sit in the
front and MaCele was already in the front seat. "Dlamini I'm already sitting
here and she doesn't have a problem sitting in the back." She complained and
before Senzo could answer the loud aunt jumped in.

"Get in the back! When your husband speaks you listen! I see now why we
were called so urgently! Not so long ago you were begging and saying you'll
do anything now you're totally disrespecting us! How dare you?!" I just stood
there awkwardly. "Get in the back!" She quickly made her way to the back and
Senzo helped me get in the front.

An hour into the drive I was getting uncomfortable. I hated when this
happened because everyone around me always made a big deal about it. I
took off my seatbelt and immediately saw the worry on Senzo's face. "You
okay?" I nodded and took the pillow I had on my lap and placed it behind my
back.

A petrol station was coming up and Senzo pulled up to it. "You didn't have to
stop." I said softly. "We were going to stretch our legs at some point. It might
as well be now." I just went with it. He got petrol and everyone got out to
stretch their legs. I didn't want to drink any pain medication unless I absolutely
needed to so I didn't.

"Let's go and get some snacks inside." We all went in and got a few things. I
went into the bathroom with Senzo so he could put ointment on my back to
relieve the tightness and the itchiness the we were off again.

We got there in the afternoon and I was starving. The place looked beautiful. It
was one big piece of land with family houses surrounding a hut big enough to
be considered a hall. They had huts by each house and a huge field where
crops were growing.
We were warmly welcomed by his uncles wives. Moses and his aunt's from
his family's side went into the main hut and his uncles wives and their
daughters showed us to a smaller house.

"This house was built for your father-in-law and his wife before they moved to
the city but your husband stays here now when he comes. This is where you
will be staying. I'm not sure of your sleeping arrangements so you should ask
your husband who will be using the house and who will be using the hut at the
back."

MaCele sighed. "I will be using the hut at the back." I didn't say anything
because I knew that's what Senzo was going to insist upon. "Um, okay. You
can prepare your living spaces and then you can come to the kitchen to help
with supper. MaCele knows where the kitchen is." She left and MaCele went
to the hut without saying a word.

I cleaned up and made our bed. I made sure Baba's suits were hung up and
packed everything else away. "MaBhengu are you ready to go?" I heard
MaCele ask and I followed her to their huge kitchen. All the women were in
there and busy cooking.

"Here." One of the older ladies handed us traditional pinafores. Being a

traditional Zulu wife I knew my dress style would eventually have to change.
Especially when I was with my in-laws. I put it on immediately and for some
reason the kitchen went quiet.

I noticed MaCele was still staring at the apron in her hand. "Is there a
problem?" I hoarse voice from the corner asked. She was a very old women. I
had never seen her before but I just knew she was the matriarch of the family.
She was probably their grandmother.
"Isn't this Senzo's second wife?" She asked the lady next to her who nodded.
"So you're wife number two out of five and you come here and act as if you're
new to this. You're a senior wife and you're brave enough to stand in your in-
laws kitchen and refuse to dress the part. Your sister must be turning in her
grave. She was a real wife. She was humble, respectful, and she would do
anything for her husband. She was a real Zulu wife. She did what needed to
be done for her family to grow and prosper. That's why you're here. To grow
your husband's family but you won't even put on an apron."

There was an awkward pause before everyone went back to their tasks. She
put the apron on and we were put to work. Luckily they were almost done and
we were just chopping vegetables for a salad. Our table was set up outside
and we chopped in silence. We made bowls and bowls of salad. One of the
aunt's came to check on our progress and I just kept quiet as they were
judging us.

"Look at this. MaCele are you serious? Are you serious. You know as good as
I do that we feed the whole village every second day. Do you think you
chopping the vegetables this big is going to make it possible for us to stretch
this salad so everyone can get some. MaBhengu teach your sister wife how to
chop please or both of you will have to explain to hungry people why there
isn't enough food."

They walked away from us but I kept my mouth shut. I carried on chopping
and then MaCele threw her apron on the table and stormed off. What
happened to she would do anything?

There was nobody around. They were all in the kitchen so nobody saw. I
didn't want it to seem like I was a tattle tale so I just chopped as fast as I
could. MaCele came back out with her bag and walked out of the homestead.
I finished the vegetables and it was quiet around so I just cleaned up before
going back into the kitchen.

"MaBhengu." One of the aunt's noticed me. "We've finished the salad." She
just hummed in response. "We?" She asked suspiciously. "Yebo, Ma." She
hummed in response again. "Okay, our kettle is broken so please go and
prepare a fire for a big pot of water. Everyone wants tea before we go feed the
villagers. The wood and where we make a fire is behind the kitchen.
Everything is there."

I knew they were testing me and even though I spent most of my time in the
city with my aunt, I was raised as a village girl. Boiling water on a fire was
nothing. Their homestead even had a tap. Usually you would have to walk
long distances for water. Here you just had to walk to the fence. They gave
me a pot for water and this wasn't even a challenge.

The were watching me from the window and I acted as if I didn't see them.
"MaBhengu." It was Senzo.
"Yebo, Baba." He looked surprised. "Look at you. What are you wearing?"
Both of us laughed. "What do you mean? I kind of like it." I joked. "It's not bad.
Not bad at all. Just different. Where's MaCele. She's needed in the hut and we
can't find her." I just stood there awkwardly not wanting to say anything.

"MaBhengu. I know you know something." I sighed. "She left. She left with her
bag while nobody was looking." He groaned. "Why? Did something happen?" I
shook my head. "No, Baba. We were chopping vegetables and one of your
aunts told her to chop it smaller. Then she just left." He was frustrated. "What
is her problem?! We came all this way for her! She was talking a big game
about how she wanted to change when we were in the city! As soon as she
gets home she goes back to her ways!"
I had never seen him this angry. I actually got scared. "Senzo!" The aunt who
told MaCele to chop smaller called him. "MaBhengu, they're calling you in the
kitchen." She told me and I went inside.

I was given a bunch of steel cups and tea bags. I got a few trays and was told
to make tea in all the cups. I did as I was told and then went to serve tea. The
ladies came out and sat by the fire to have their tea. I was also given a grass
mat and I sat with them.

We had tea and then we went to dish the food for the villagers. It was dark
when we came back but it was nice to see and meet everyone. When we went
back home everyone dished for their husband.

Mine wasn't sitting in the big hall with everyone so I went to where we were
staying. He was sitting on the couch and I went on my knees and served him
his plate.

"Baba, are you okay?" He sighed heavily. "No, I feel really bad for shouting at
you like that. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." He really seemed sorry. "I
understand Baba and I accept your appology."

"I love you, Mamakhe." I smiled

"Mamakhe? I like that." We chuckled. "Okay then. Mamakhe it is. Now come
here and feed me." I rolled my eyes playfully and sat next to him.

The next morning I woke up and swept the sand away from our front door and
around the house. "Oh." It was the same aunt from yesterday. "You're
awake?" She looked extremely confused. "Yebo, I'm an early riser." I was
confused as to why she looked confused. Isn't this what was expected of me
anyway.

"I was told to come and wake you so we could go and collect firewood." I
nodded. I wasn't wearing my apron but I was wearing a long dress and
sneakers. My head was covered and I tied a extra scarf like a sash around
me. Tying the scarf like thisbor covering your shoulders was expected of
married women as a symbol of their respect fot their husband, inlaws, and the
ancestors. Also I was going to need the scarf for collecting wood.

"Okay, I'm ready. We can go." I followed her up to the kitchen where a few of
the wives were standing. "You're back quickly." They all looked me up and
down. I was aware my figure made every outfit look provocative but there was
nothing I could do about it.

"Yes, MaBhengu was already up and sweeping the yard when I got there."
She said and they all seemed surprised. We walked in silence and collected
wood. My pile seemed to be the largest and I was done first. I didn't know
what was happening but I knew not to put in my all so that they didn't have to
expect a lot from me but everything seemed to shock them. They made a nice
cushy life for themselves here. From where I come from everything is much
more difficult.

I tied my bundle of wood together. I used my extra scarf to cushion and

balance the pile of wood on my head and then we walked back home. When
we got back to the homestead I seemed to be the most interesting thing to
everyone.

I guess nobody expected me to be able to do anything. They probably thought

I was just a golddigger from the city who was marrying Senzo for his money.
Also, I don't exactly look like wife material. Trophy wife maybe but definitely
not traditional Zulu wife.

But I was here and I was here to stay.

36

I helped with making the fire. "Here." I was given supplies and ingredients and
told to make traditional pap for everyone. Once again this was a test. A Zulu
wife who can't make pap was the butt of every joke. Well the joke was on
them. I made pap in a huge cauldron like pot on the fire. I was given a long
wooden spoon and obviously it wasn't the first time I had done this. My aunt
made sure I could do all of this because my father planned my marriage since
I was born. Me knowing how to be a traditional wife was part of my father's
conditions when he allowed me to stay with my aunt.

When I was done everyone ate and Baba seemed to be in an extremely good
mood. "I did not know you could do that." I just chuckled. "Baba you wake up
to a bowl of porridge every morning. Where do you think it comes from?"
"I know but that's on a stove, in a normal size pot. What you did out there was
amazing. Everyone is talking about you. They're very confused and amazed."

We were sitting on the couch making out when we got called into the big hut.
It was weird that I also had to go with him but I did anyway. I sat on a grass
mat next to Baba with my head bowed as a sign of respect for my elders.

Luckily the conversation wasn't about me. I just had to accompany my

husband. "First we will sort out the issue of your third and fourth wives,
MaMlambo and MaGumede. By now they should know you're here. The whole
village knows you're here but they haven't even set foot here. We will go now
and take them to their respective homes. After that we'll go and find MaCele.
I've gotten word that she's at her mother's house."

We all got in cars and drove to Baba's village house. There was no reason for
the cars because it was close to the homestead. I think it was more of an
intimidation tactic. The house was big but I could tell it wasn't finished. He
probably wanted to start his own homestead.

MaMlambo, Baba's third wife came to the door to greet everyone. The aunt's
walked past her and scattered into rooms. She followed them and I heard
screaming. "MaBhengu, go clean out the fridge. No body will be living here for
a while and I don't want the place to be stinking up." Senzo's aunt we came
with said. I went to the kitchen and it was filthy. The whole place was covered
in food and dishes. I didn't know what to do. The screaming got louder until
MaGumede was behind dragging me out of the kitchen.

"Who do you think you are! Get out of my house!" She was pulled off me
immediately. This is why I didn't want to be part of any of this. I would get
blamed when I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Women were screaming and babies were crying. Baba came to help me off
the ground. "I don't want to be part of this. They'll blame me." I said quietly.
"Okay, do you want to go back?" I nodded. He walked me halfway but he had
to go back to the house.

I was a bit shaken up but I helped with the cooking and cleaning and that
calmed me down. "MaBhengu." I heard that hoarse voice. It was the first time
she addressed me. "Come sit." I sat in front of her on a grass mat.

"All I know about you is you're still very young and you're marrying my
grandson. What's your name?" She didn't say anything scary. She just was
scary. "My name is Thandi Bhengu." I said softly. "Thandi. Okay. Who are
your parents?" I hated these questions because they reminded me of
everything I didn't have and everything that broke me.

"My father is Nkunzi Bhengu. My mother died when I was younger, her name
was Thandile Shezi. My aunt raised me. Her name is Nthombi Bhengu." I was
hoping she would let it go. People usually stopped asking after you told them
your mother was dead.

"Were your parents married?" She carried on. "Yebo, Ma. My mother was my
father's third wife." I wanted her to know that I wasn't new to polygamy
because everyone always reminds me that I'm Baba's fifth wife. Meanwhile
three of his marriages are falling apart.

"Oh, your father is polygamous? Okay." She said to herself and nodded. "I
was hoping you would stay the week so we can teach you how to be a
Dlamini wife and so you can get to know everyone." I immediately thought of
Ma back home. "I'll have to check with MaRadebe first. I don't want to leave
her alone for so long." I said and she seemed surprised.

"Okay, check with MaRadebe. If she says no I'll call her myself." I was sensing
a lot of tension between the two. I went to our house and called Ma.

"Hello Makoti. How is it going."

"Hello, Ma. They went to the house this morning but they still aren't back. Ma,
I'm calling because..." "Because what? Thandi speak."

"Gogo wants me to stay the week but I said I'll check with you first. She also
said she'll call you herself if you say no."

There was silence on the other line.

"Well, I guess she's going to need to call me herself then." Ma answered and I
just knew this was going to cause drama. I just knew.

I got called to the kitchen again. "Did you call your mother-in-law?" Why was
she so scary to me? She wasn't even doing anything. "Yebo, Gogo. She said
that you should call her."
The conversation stopped there and the cars pulled up. Once again Baba
didn't look okay. We dished lunch and I went to serve him. "Baba..." I didn't
know what to say. "I'm fine, Mamakhe. Let's go have lunch in the house."

We went to the house and had lunch on our own when I got an idea. "Baba." I
kissed his neck and he hummed in response. "I'm hungry." It was as if he'd
gone completely stupid. "I'm sure there's still some food left over." For him to
truly get the message I got on his lap. "It's not food that I want." He groaned in
frustration. "Mamakhe, don't start things you're not ready to finish." I smirked
and started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Who says I'm not ready to finish what I start? Is this why you've been
torturing me by making me wait? You think I'm not ready?" I question him and
he looked flabbergasted. "Baby what are you saying? You're the one who's
been torturing me. I've been waiting for you." I sighed. "And I've been waiting
for you. No more waiting." I said and ripped his shirt open. His eyes went wide
as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

He finally clicked and pulled my dress all the way up and over my head. I was
left only in my underwear. We started kissing each other as if our lives
depended on it. "Baba." I said breathless. "Let's go to the bedroom." He
picked me up, and I grabbed my dress before we went to the room.

He placed me on the bed not once breaking our kiss. Before I knew what was
happening my bra was off and he was half naked. He took my nipple in his
mouth and sucked on it. "Mm!" I moaned. I loved it but I needed him in me.
"Baba, we can leave the foreplay for another day. I need you inside of me." I
was totally out of breath. I had on a lace thong and he had no problem ripping
it apart. "Baba." I was shocked.
He took his pants and boxers off in one swift move. My mouth watered when I
saw how hard his dick was. He pulled me to the edge of the bed and spread
my legs wide. "You're so wet baby." He kissed and I felt him rubbing his dick
against my wet pussy. He broke our kiss and lined himself up to my entrance.
"Try and be quiet, okay?" I just nodded.

I hissed in pain when he pushed himself in. Yes I wasn't a virgin but I've only
ever done this once. Even then I didn't do it properly. The guy was stupid and
ran away at the sight of just a little blood. "Sorry baby." He moved in and out
of me a few more times before it started feeling good. "Mm." I couldn't help it.
It felt so good. "Baba." The sloshing sounds coming from between my legs
was turning me on even more. "I'm going to go deeper baby. Is that okay?" I
nodded. "Ah! Oh my God!" He kissed me as I moaned loudly. We just laid
there like that for a little bit kissing each other. He slowly started thrusting in
and out of me. "Baba! Ah!"
"Shh baby."
"Shit!" He chuckled satisfied with what he was doing to me. "Kiss me." He
didn't hesitate. He started thrusting father. "Ah! Mm! Yes!" I couldn't keep it in
and neither could he. His thrusts started loosing rhythm. I was so close.
"Baba!" He groaned and grunted. He started kissing my neck and his thrusts
became slow but hard.
"Ah!" Thrust. "Baba!"
Thrust. "I'm..."
He thrust one more time groaning and grunting loudly. "Fuck!" I came so hard
my legs were shaking. He came too. I could feel it.
We just lay their trying to catch our breath. It felt amazing. I wanted to stay like
this forever.
37

"Mamakhe. Wake up. Baby wake up. You're bleeding." Bleeding? My eyes
opened immediately and I jumped up. "Calm down. Calm down it's just a little
blood on one of your scars but we should probably clean it up. We don't want
you to get any infections?"

I nodded and freshened up while he went to get a first aid kit. I tried to see it in
the mirror but I couldn't. I didn't know how much blood it was but I felt it trickle
down my back and started panicking. "Senzo, she's at her in-laws house! She
can't be couped up in there all day with you! The kitchen is waiting!" I heard
shouting from outside. "Gogo!"

Oh shit! I did not have time for drama and they did not need to see me in this
state. I grabbed a skirt quickly while they were arguing with Senzo about
coming in the house. I couldn't put on a top because I was bleeding but I
covered my front with a towel. I didn't know what to do because I didn't know
how bad my back was.

"Fine! Fine! Will you leave us alone if I let Gogo in!?" I heard and felt defeated.
I heard muffled voices. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I heard the
front door open and I shut the room door instantly.

"Mamakhe." Senzo knocked on the door. "I have Gogo with me. Will you
please come out. I got the first aid kit." There was nothing I could do. Our
room was a complete mess so they couldn't come in here. I had to go out.

I took a deep breath and stepped out. "What is the meaning of this?" She
asked in her rough voice. I looked at Senzo and he nodded. "It's okay." I knew
it looked bad. I can't just come out in a skirt and a towel in front of my
husband's grandmother. I turned around and heard a small gasp.
"Come sit." I sat on a small stool so he could clean the blood off my back.
"What happened?" His grandmother asked. "Can I clean up her back then
we'll explain." I assumed she nodded because he carried on. At least it wasn't
painful. Just a little sting and it was over. It seemed to just be a little tear.

"Okay, I'm listening. What happened? Did you do this?" My eyes went wide as
she accused Senzo. "No. He didn't." I answered quickly. "Then what
happened?" I didn't want to speak. I would rather let Senzo do the talking. I
didn't want to talk about the situation anyway but if we had to I'd rather let him
explain.

"Talk!" I flinched at the sound of her voice. "Gogo, remember how I explained
that lobola negotiations happened abruptly because we had no choice?" She
nodded. "Well, MaBhengu was a virgin and she did regular testing. Her father
insisted uppon it. We... Um... Her aunt found out she wasn't a virgin anymore
and knowing how her father was we rushed to go and disclose it and pay a
fine."

"You paid a fine? So where does lobola come in?" She asked folding her
arms. "When we got to her village we were split up so things didn't go as
planned. He father, who is the chief told us to go to his royal hut and she went
elsewhere. We waited and when he eventually came back we agreed appon a
fine and he was talking about marrying her off to someone else if I didn't show
him that I was serious about her. So to show him I was serious we agreed on
a lobola amount and I paid it right then and there."

"Senzo, don't play with me. You did what? You know that's not how things are
done in our culture. Why would you do this?" He just cleared his throat
awkwardly. "I was afraid I was going to loose her." His grandmother looked
angry. "None of this explains the marks on her back." Baba looked at me and I
immediately looked away. "Senzo!" She was getting impatient.
"While we were waiting in the hut for her father to join us..." He cleared his
throat as if he had the same knot in his throat that I did. "Her father found out
that she wasn't a virgin anymore. He's a very strict disciplinarian and he..."

The events if that day were replaying in my mind and the more I fought it the
more I remembered.

"Her father did that?" She asked in disbelief. I could feel I was busy zoning out
and now was not the time for me to go crawling under a bed and staying there
for a week.

"Okay, I... Thank you for telling me. Senzo I spoke to your mother about letting
MaBhengu stay here for the week. We want to work with her and teach her
our ways so that what happened with your other wives don't happen with her.
MaRadebe is very unhappy about it but she says she'll let MaBhengu stay but
she'll be making her way here. MaKhumalo will be driving her since she's
home early from her trip."

"Why didn't you check with me first Gogo? Who says I have a week to spare?"
She just glared at him. "I don't care about your schedule. Make a plan.
MaBhengu are you okay to join the others in the kitchen?" I nodded. "Yebo,
Gogo." I helped her up and we walked to the kitchen together. "You've been
through a lot. Are you sure you are ready for this marriage. Being a wife is a
full-time job. On top of that you're living with your mother-in-law. Not many
women would want that." She said as we were walking up the short hill to the
kitchen.

"I love my mother-in-law and I love my husband. Nothing is too much when it
comes to them." She nodded. "Okay, I've seen you around. You're good at
chores. I hope you're going to stay that way and run your home the way your
aunt taught you. She raised you well." I smiled to myself.
"Another thing before we join the others. You remind me a lot of the first
MaCele. She was perfect and Senzo was extremely in love with her. The
women in the family see that. They weren't expecting you to be that way you
are. They thought you were another MaKhumalo. Now that you're not that
they don't know how to act and they way I've heard them speak, I can say for
sure jealousy is creeping in. I'm not saying anything I'm just warning you.
These women are not to be messed with. Play your part silently and move
on."
38

After Gogo spoke to me I was a bit shocked but also kind of flattered. If she
didn't warn me I would know she didn't like me but it sort of feels like the
stamp of approval from her.

"Oh here she is. Madame! The dishes from lunch are waiting for you
sweetheart!" The main one who always spoke said sarcastically. "We've even
prepared your water for you ma'am. Enjoy." She left and they all followed her
out. I didn't complain. I just got to working.

When I finished they stormed back in and started dinner. Once again I was
put on chopping duty. I didn't mind the cooking and the cleaning. I needed the
distraction. Also chores helped me calm down. Almost like colouring or
painting would do for other people.

When I was done I waited around for them to give me something else to do
but they didn't say anything so I went back to the house and cleaned up.
"Mamakhe. I want to speak to you." It was Senzo and I wasn't too enthusiastic
about speaking after what happened with his grandmother.

"Okay, but can we sit outside so the others can see me. I don't want to be
accused of hiding." He chuckled and we went to sit outside. "I have realized
that we still have a lot of logistics to work out when it comes to home life and
since I'm stuck here for a week we might as well talk about it."

I didn't even know what he was talking about. "Usually with my wives I give
them an allowance every month as well as money for household expenses.
The other day Ma went grocery shopping and I didn't like that. I want ma to
relax and not worry about anything but I realized that I was supposed to tell
you this especially since you're running the household now and ma is handing
over the reigns."
Oh! Money! I like this conversation.

"Also, when it comes to money please don't be scared to ask. Also don't be
scared to spoil yourself with your allowance. The old ladies here might force
you to be dressed a certain way but I fell in love with you just the way you are.
Even though you make that pinafore look good I don't want you in rags. Also,
I'm a traditional man. You know this. So no pants. In fact we'll throw all your
pants away when we get home."

None of these rules were news to me. I just chuckled. "Yebo, baba." I agreed.
"We'll have a stricter schedule once all the wives are back in their place but
for now I'll go between you and MaKhumalo as I please. The plans for the
houses I'm planning to build have also been approved. So I'll build MaMlambo
and MaGumede's houses on the same land as MaCele's house. When we get
back you need to start driving lessons so you can run errands efficiently
because I won't always be available to drive you. I also don't want you to be
relying on taxis."

We were interrupted by one of the aunt's again. "Sorry to disturb but

MaBhengu needs to come make tea." She said and just walked off. They were
probably sent by their leader. "Okay, maybe you should go because they've
been watching us for a while." I didn't even know they were watching us
because I had my back turned. I went to make the tea and then helped dish
up dinner.

We ate and I was left alone to clean up. When I was done I made myself a
cup of tea and went to the house. Senzo wasn't there so I got ready for bed.
"Your mother-in-law is driving your sister wife crazy. They've been on the road
since this afternoon. She acts crazy when it comes to you." I laughed a little.
"Why is it my mother-in-law and sister wife and not your mother and your
wife?" I joked with him. "No, I only claim them when they're drama free. She
was supposed to let MaKhumalo sleep because she just got off a plane. Then
they were supposed to drive out tomorrow morning. They're going to get here
so late and the kids are in the car. I know I was joking about the situation but
sometimes my mother doesn't think straight."

"Now that you mention it Baba I don't think they should be driving and it's too
dangerous for them to stop in the middle of nowhere for MaKhumalo to take a
nap. How far are they?" MaRadebe was a lot sometimes. "They're three hours
out but I made MaKhumalo promise not to speed. They'll get here at about
one in the morning." My eyes went wide.

"No Baba, can't we send someone to go get them. I don't think it's safe for
MaKhumalo to drive through the night if she just got off a plane." He agreed
and went to find his cousins. We called MaKhumalo and she agreed. They
drove to a petrol station and waited for Baba's cousins.

We didn't sleep at all that night but luckily they arrived safely. I didn't want to
say it out loud but after they were safe my main concern was where they
would sleep. This house only had one bedroom and I sure as hell wasn't
sharing or moving to the hut.

I stayed in bed when I heard them arriving because there was no way she
would come and drag me out of a bed. Knowing her she might but I doubt it.
Luckily for me the voices went further and further away until I couldn't hear
them anymore. Baba eventually returned to bed and I was relieved.

I got up early the next morning to collect firewood with the ladies. Today was a
big day because the family was cooking for the village again. I was extremely
curious ass to what happened with Baba's wives but I didn't want to ask. More
people started arriving. It seemed to be the aunt's children. I minded my
business and when I looked around I realized I was the only one making
breakfast.

"MaBhengu." It was MaKhumalo. "Oh, good morning." I said and set out
plates. "I thought I would come ask you for some tea but you seem to be
busy." She said and put the kettle (that they told me was broken) on. "Do you
want some?" I was surprised but I nodded.

A few of the aunt's stormed in as I was about to dish up. "We've got it from
here." And basically kicked us out of the kitchen. "Oh wow. After they left you
to cook alone now they're going to dish up as if they were involved!"
MaKhumalo said loudly. "No. Do you want to put a target on my back?" I
whispered pulling her away from the kitchen.

"Anyway, where's Ma." She rolled her eyes. "Sleeping as if she was the one
made to drive in the middle of the night after being in countless meetings, then
getting on a plane and driving straight to her house because she was
complaining about Gogo. The only reason they butt heads so much is
because they're exactly the same person and don't want to admit it." She said
annoyed.

I noticed we were getting suspicious stares and looks from everyone. "Why
are they staring at us?" I asked her and she rolled her eyes. "Because there's
five of us and people expect us not to get along." She answered and sipped
her tea. "But all of us don't get along." I said confused. "I know but they're
expecting us to fight it out till the death. Last woman standing. It's honestly
much more beneficial to us all just to get over it and move on with our lives."

I didn't even know where we were walking to but she opened a door. The girls
were sitting on the couch with their iPads. "Thandi!" I was surprised they even
remembered me. I haven't seen them in forever. I hugged them and we spent
the morning together.

So much so that we even forgot we had a husband. "And then?! Your

husband is sitting amongst the other men with no food or drink while you're
here playing!" It was Ma and I would've been happy to see her if she didn't
start yelling first. "Oh Ma it's fine. If spending time together and bonding is the
reason why they forgot then I'm more than happy. When last have you heard
any of my wives and daughters laugh and get along?"

Ma sighed and shrugged. "I guess you have a point but I'm hungry and I need
to take my medication. Can we go eat? I heard the ladies prepared a feast."
Both MaKhumalo and I were so shocked our jaws fell on the ground. "Which
ladies Ma? MaBhengu was the only one in that kitchen. She prepared
everything herself." MaKhumalo said I ma got visibly angry.

"Ma please don't say anything. Just leave it. It's fine. I don't need more people
not liking me. Also, this is family. There's going to be a lot more fights and this
is not a battle I'm choosing. Let it go." I was tired of fighting people. I didn't do
this to look good. I really just wasn't in the mood for an argument. Especially
not with my in-laws. "Okay then, let's go eat some breakfast."

We followed baba out to where breakfast was being served. When we got to
the table the main bitch herself was there. I still didn't know her name. "Oh,
you haven't eaten yet? I'm sorry but there's no more food left." She said
sarcastically. "Excuse me what?" Baba said. "I said there's no more food left.
You better fix your tone Senzo. I'm your aunt not your friend."

"What's going on?" Ma asked her. "I need food Sindiswa. I need to take my
medication." Ma said to her and I could swear I saw a lip twitch into a smile
just a little bit. "Well, sorry sisi. Next time I'll make sure there's enough food.
Maybe you can eat some fruit." Her fake smile was annoying me. "I don't have
time for this. MaKhumalo go get the kids. Let's go and get breakfast at the
B&B." Baba said and walked off.

"This is going to be a long morning." MaKhumalo said under her breath.

"Why?" I couldn't help myself. I could sense something was up. "MaCele's
mother runs and owns the bed and breakfast." My eyes went wide. He wanted
us to go eat there. While the issue with MaCele was still unresolved? This is
really going to be a long morning.
39

We all got in one car and drove to the edge of the village. The bed and
breakfast wasn't big but it was nice. We got to reception and they showed us
to the restaurant. It wasn't long until an elderly lady came to us.

"Umkwenyana." She said with a friendly smile on her face. So this was his
mother-in-law. He got up and hugged her. "MaRadebe, I haven't seen you in
years." She hugged Ma too and then she greeted and hugged MaKhumalo.

"And who is this?" She asked Baba. "This is my wife, MaBhengu. MaBhengu,
this is my mother-in-law, MaLanga. She is MaCele's mother." I stood up and
shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Ma." She just nodded. Her smile wasn't
genuine anymore and her handshake was weak.

"I'll let you order. MaCele is here should I tell her you're here?" She asked
Baba and he told her to call MaCele. MaCele came and joined us and we
ordered breakfast. The girls went to play in the outdoor play area.

My phone vibrated and I check to see a text from MaKhumalo.

MaKhumalo: "I saw that."

Me: "Saw what?"
MaKhumalo: "MaLanga does not like you and I sense it's
because someone has been talking about you."
Me: Someone?
MaKhumalo: "Thandi! You need to keep up! MaCele has been talking or lying
about you. You better set her straight or you're going to be the skapegoat all
your life."

I stopped myself from sighing. I really want to be in this marriage but these
other wives are going to be the death of me. "You've disappeared. We were
supposed to have a meeting." She rolled her eyes. Oh, now I see the attitude.
"Yes, a meeting so you can send me away and I can be tortured. I'm not a
slave. I'll cook and clean in my own house but a random auntie's house is
where I draw the line."

"Oh?" Ma answered. "My sisters are random aunts?" She cleared her throat
awkwardly. "No, don't speak. Where's your mother. Get her so she can see
how rude you are." She rolled her eyes and told our waitress to go get her
mother. Her mother came back with baby Chumisa. I hadn't seen her in so
long and she grew so much. She laid her head on her grandmother's shoulder
looking.

"I'm sure by now you know our families were supposed to have a meeting."
Ma said and MaLanga shifted in her chair. "Yes, my daughter said something
about that." She looked visibly uncomfortable. "So why didn't you come to the
meeting?" I kept my head down. I was not going to get myself involved in
battles that weren't mine.

"I was honouring my daughter's wishes." Ma looked shocked. "Your daughters

wishes?" MaLanga nodded. "She said that her sisterwives have been
mistreating her and lying about her. She said that her husband wouldn't
believe her and he wanted to send her away." Ma scoffed.

"Really? This child is misleading you. She's wrapping her truths in lies. She's
rude, disrespectful, and lazy. She forced this marriage knowing what was
expected of her. She ambushed my son with her friends. Now her friends
turned on her and I find her crying at my house."

MaLanga looked frustrated. "Yes, she went to your house for help and found
this one there." She gestured to me. What did I do. "Ma." She said softly to
her mother. "The New wife. Who she didn't agree to. She wasn't even asked
by her husband. Now you and the whole family are putting this girl on a
pedistol. She came to your house and this girl was disrespectful and made my
daughter, who is the senior wife, do her chores. Girly, you're wife number five.
Know your place."

What the hell was happening. "Ma." She said again under her breath and I sat
there shocked. "On top of that she wouldn't allow my daughter to see her
husband. My daughter had to wait hours because this girl was doing
everything to keep him away. You got to the village and this girl made my
daughter sleep in the hut while she took the house and everyone wonders
why my child walked off. Now what do you have to say for yourself?"

She challenged me and I was shocked. Not so much shocked that this bitch
lied about me but the fact that nobody at this table was defending me.
"MaCele why do you insist on lying?" She looked like a dear caught in
headlights. "Sisi wait. Maybe my mother is just confused." She didn't know
where to look.

"No MaCele, I don't think your mother is confused. You're lying to her on
purpose so that your truth doesn't come out. MaCele you came into my home
looking for OUR husband. You called him and I called him. We couldn't get
hold of him. Then I called his assistant who told us he was in a meeting the
whole day but he passed the message on. When did I try and keep him away
from you? On top of that while you were in my home I served you tea and
lunch. Basically wined and dined you. It was getting late so I started dinner
and what did you do?"

She kept quiet and was biting her lip nervously. Her mother was shocked.
"You insisted on helping and said you don't want your mother-in-law coming
home and seeing you just sitting around. So I let you help thinking we were
bonding. You came with a crazy story and everyone jumped in to help you.
Ma's sisters put their lives on hold for you. They took a bus in the middle of
the night so they could be in town first thing in the morning to help you.
Everyone put their lives on hold, got in a car and drove all the way here to
help you."

I was getting angry but I could feel my devious side kick in again. I was
struggling to get my tears out but my eyes were definitely glossy. "My child
what is she saying?" Oh but I wasn't done. "When we got here you
volunteered to take the hut. We were called to help in the kitchen and in front
of everyone you refused to wear a pinafore." Her mother was mortified.

"While we were chopping vegetables you left me to do it all by myself and

stormed off. But still I had your back. I lied for you because I thought that
something might be really wrong for you to just walk off like that. Only to find
out that you've made me out to be a monster." I tear finally fell.

"MaBhengu." She stammered. "Gladys!" Her mother yelled just as our food
came. The waiters put our food down and the table went silent. I wiped my
tears while she started crying silently. "Ma, I can explain." Her mother glared
at her. "Explain then!" She put Chumisa down and the little girl came waddling
like a penguin to me asking to be picked up. How could I not?

"Ma... Umm... I..." She had nothing to say. "Do you see now what we have to
deal with?" MaRadebe said and MaLanga sat there shaking her head in
shock. "I'm sorry. To all of you." MaLanga sat there in shock. "The agreement
was we would sort out the mess with her sister wives here in the village. We
will make sure that the housing situation is sorted out. In turn she will go with
my sisters for three months and learn our ways. She agreed. When she got
here she ran away."
"Gladys." Her mother was mortified. "Ma." She said with a shaky voice. "Do
you know what you've done. Sies man! You've disgraced us. You've really
disgraced the whole Cele family. How could you do this? You have everything
but you decide to do all of this. Why? What is the reason for all the lying?"

"Now everything is on me huh?!" She had the audacity to speak. "You've been
fucking this girl the whole time and you introduce her to us as the maid. Right
under our noses. When you announced your marriage we weren't allowed to
say anything! You didn't even try! We were supposed to get to know each
other so we could be a real couple. Now you spend all of your time with the
wives you actually wanted. How is that supposed to make us feel!?" This
woman was not serious. She forced a man to marry her and is surprised he
doesn't love her?

"And what was I trying to do before you and your friends locked me in the
house and starved me." Her mother gasped and I did too. "I should've left you
there and then. You're lucky your sister had a baby because you would've
been back in your parents house. Oh, so you didn't tell your mother how you
were trying to get me to sign over companies and properties. You should be in
jail. All of you."

"Baba, but I wasn't involved in that." He scoffed. "Oh really? Even if you
weren't involved. You knew exactly what was going on. If there weren't
children involved all of you would've been locked up." Wow, these women
were evil. "And yet I came here because you begged me for a second chance.
The least you could do is act like a wife but you refuse. So here we are. Make
up your mind. Do you want this marriage or not. Because I can leave you to
be a glorified babysitter."

I can not believe he was still doing this. "Baba, I want this marriage but I know
you're only doing it because it's my sister's dying wish." MaCele said. Both her
and her mother were sitting there ashamed. "I was willing to try when we got
married and even after everything I was willing to try when we got here. If you
do everything expected of you. I'll be willing to try again but only if I see a
proper change."

I could not believe it. After everything he was still going to take her back.

"First things first. You and your sister wives left my house in a mess. It's
disgusting. I'll come by to check what's going on this afternoon and it better be
clean. Secondly, our families need to meet. We have a lot to discuss."
40

They left the table and I was happy to spend some time with Chumisa until we
made our way back to the homestead. We were called into the main hut and
MaKhumalo and I took our seat at Baba's feet while the kids went off to play.

"Where exactly have you all been?!" Gogo shouted. "We went to eat because
your daughter refused to serve us food. She claimed it was finished." Ma
replied. "What do you mean? There was more than enough. Everyone went
back for seconds." I knew it! I knew I cooked enough food.

"The ladies did a really good job. The food was delicious. We even gave some
away. It was over enough." MaKhumalo scoffed. "Wow. These woman don't
want peace. They insist on torturing the Dlamini wives. We keep getting asked
why we don't visit. All of you wonder why your son's are leaving you. The way
this family treets their wives is disgusting." MaKhumalo said shaking her head.

"MaKhumalo what does this have to do with breakfast?" Gogo asked and
MaKhumalo tapped my arm. "Speak MaBhengu. Speak or they'll turn you into
a doormat." Why was she doing this?

"MaBhengu?"
"Gogo."
"MaBhengu, speak." Senzo insisted. I played with my fingers nervous. "Yebo,
Baba. Gogo I made breakfast... By myself..." I said with a shaky voice.
"Excuse me?" I cleared my throat. "I was told to make breakfast. So I made it."
Gogo say in disbelief. "And they refused to feed you?" I nodded.

"I'll reprimand my daughter and make sure it never happens again.

MaRadebe. You finally show your face here after burying my son as far away
from me as possible."
"Oh? Now he's your son? After months of him pleading with you to come and
visit him and you refusing did you really think he would want to be buried
here?"

"I'm his mother. He could've come here." So is this why they didn't get along. I
didn't see her at the funeral either. "My husband was unfit to travel. He
couldn't even stand being moved from one room to the next and I told you this
countless times. Days leading up to his death we called you numerous times
and you said you can't make it. The day he died he tried calling you himself
but you wouldn't answer. You're lucky you didn't come to his funeral because
on his death bed he made me promise to throw you out. Your son needed you
and you were to busy telling him how the hierarchy of the family works."

We sat in silence until one of the uncles cleared his throat. They kept quiet up
until now. "Ma we have a lot to discuss. Can we move on?" She nodded. "I
was there when the lobola was paid. I explained to Ma that we were put under
a lot of pressure in the moment. Also, MaBhengu's father threatened to keep
her away. At the time we didn't know that he actually hurt her. Senzo being
Senzo paid the lobola in full and we were lucky we did otherwise MaBhengu
might not be here with us today."

I was forever going to live with this incident over my head. I really wanted
everyone to get over it. "The elders however have decided that since none of
the customs were done properly we will have to do it again."

"What?" Senzo asked and he sounded just as shocked as I was. "My boy."
His grandmother started with her rough voice. "Lobola, is a lot more than just
the money. It's about uniting two families. Now I know you've paid a lot in
lobola but that wasn't right. According to our culture no lobola was paid that
day. You paid a ransom. We will have to do it again. This time we must do it
properly."
"Maybe we can go through the processes and you won't have to pay since
you already paid one million rand to her father." He what? "We just need to do
everything right so the ancestors acknowledge the marriage."

"You paid my father how much?" I was in shock. From the amount he paid to
the fact that he's not actually my husband. "Mamakhe the amount doesn't
matter. Your life was more important." I took a deep breath because if I didn't I
was going to lose my shit.

My father had one million rand at his disposal. That's why the damn police
can't find him. What more is there that I don't know about my own life?

"So we'll do things how they're supposed to be done. It all starts with a letter.
We'll send the letter when you return. But for now you'll see more family
arriving because we're having a small ceremony this weekend just to thank
and appease the ancestors. MaKhumalo, I know you don't like cooking and
cleaning but I do have a job for you. I'll talk to you later. MaBhengu will be in
the kitchen with the others."

I could tell gogo was excited about the weekend but they just dropped several
bombs. "After what happened this morning my wife won't be found in the
kitchen unless it's at our house. I've learned my lesson with you and your
daughters. You won't abuse my wife. She'll join MaKhumalo on whatever her
task is. She won't be a slave to your daughters."

I get what he was doing but right now I was still in shock. How did we just
move past what was said so quickly. "I'm very excited for this weekend. We
haven't seen the whole family together in forever. Senzo, I hope you've gotten
your wives in order. It won't look good if they're not all here. I've sent an open
invitation to the whole village. Their families included." Now why would she go
and do that?
We left and I walked to where we were staying. I know I was going to seem
dramatic but I started packing my things. I did not need to be here and
everyone was eventually going to find out what my father did and how he
scammed Senzo out of a million rand. I did not want to be here when that
happened. I was leaving and I was leaving now.

"What are you doing?" He grabbed my suitcase away from me. "Senzo
please. I don't have the energy for this." I called him by his name. It just
slipped out. "So you're leaving me? Really? What's the reason!? We've been
through so much to get to this point and you want to throw it away!?" I didn't
know what to say so I kept quiet.

"What's going on in here? We heard shouting." It was MaRadebe and

MaKhumalo. "Speak to her. She wants to leave." He said and threw my
suitcase at a wall before storming off. "MaBhengu." She took a seat on the
bed. "What's the matter?" I was over it. "I want to go home." Was all I said.
"Why? If you can give me a valid reason I'll help you pack your bags."

"Ma! You're supposed to be helping! I'm going to get Gogo." MaKhumalo ran
out. "Mm? Why do you want to go home?" I didn't want to answer. "Ma, I'm
nobody's wife. I don't belong here and expecting Senzo to go through the
lobola process again is ridiculous. Especially after my father made him pay a
million rand. Ever since I joined your family I've brought chaos with and if I'm
tired of it I can't imagine how tired you are. For the sake of peace I should
leave."

"I'm here! What's going on?" It's been three days and I still wasn't used to that
raspy voice. "Can I go now?" I asked Ma. "No. You're running. You're running
away from problems with easy solutions. You sat in a room full of elders who
gave you the solutions to your problems on a silver platter and all you heard
was that you're not technically Senzo's wife."
"Really!? Is this what it's about!? This is ridiculous! All we said was that the
marriage wasn't recognized by the ancestors and that we needed to fix it! Do
you not have ears! Nobody here treated you any different! You're Senzo's wife
and that's that! Did you hear me!?"

I flinched as she shouted. "Yebo, Gogo." I said softly but it didn't matter how
much she shouted I felt what I felt. "You young people like to make issues
where there's no issues! Stop being difficult and listen to your elders!" She
said starting to walk out. "Oh, and you know where to get wood right?" I
nodded. "Yebo, Gogo."

"The ladies are running out and they're very busy. The ones who aren't busy
are useless. There's only you left. I know your husband said you won't
participate in chores but I'm the matriarch of this family and I don't take orders
from children. So go and get wood please." She said and walked out.

Ma and MaKhumalo wanted to say something but I put on my pinafore and left
to go do as I was told.
41

On my way back from collecting wood a car stopped next to me. I was
carrying a bunch of wood on my head so I didn't turn all the way to see who it
was. MaMlambo stuck her head out the window. She looked at me and
started laughing loudly before the car drove off again. Their car stood at the
entrance of the family homestead.

They stood there waiting to be lead in when I walked past. "Sisi, go and tell
the elders the Mlambo family is here with two goats to cleanse the home." The
older gentleman said and I went inside. I took the wood to the ladies at the fire
pit. They looked older than me but just stood there dumfounded. They were
dressed impeccably but I could tell they had no idea what to do.

"What are we meant to do with this?" One of them asked and I was shocked.
Were these the Dlamini wives? You'd think by the way the aunt's and Gogo
have been acting this week they'd have everyone "trained" and in check. "Um,
I don't know. I was just told to go gather it. I'll be back. I have a message to
deliver.

I went to find Senzo. "Here you are. We need to talk." I really didn't want to.
"Not now. The Mlambo family is at the gate." He rolled his eyes. "Luckily the
elders are already gathered preparing for the weekend." We went to the big
hut that was literally the size of a hall.

"The Mlambo's are at the gate. They say they've brought two goats." I
explained and they looked pleased. "Good, go let them in and tell your sister
wife to come take a seat." I nodded and told MaKhumalo she was needed in
the hut before going to the gate and leading the guests to the hut.

I didn't see any goats. I guess they were giving goats in monetary value.
MaMlambo had her baby on her back while her father started speaking. I
blocked most of it out. "MaBhengu, count the money." I did as Baba's uncle
said.

"It's all there." The man said nervously. "I appreciate that you made an effort
to bring this here but I must say you've disrespected us." I was just as
shocked and MaMlambo's father looked. The amount was right. They brought
the monetary value of two goats. That was a lot of money.

"When we came to your house we agreed on livestock. For all the attrocities
your daughter has committed we should've asked for way more than this and
she should've been in a prison cell."

Her father cleared his throat awkwardly. "I know you've been generous with
your stipulations and I appologize for not meeting the requirements but we've
gone through a lot of effort to get this money." The man was on the verge of
crying and MaMlambo was rocking back and forth nervously.

"The Dlamini family owns everything your eye can see and more. What makes
you think we would want this money?" Her father looked defeated. "I'm a goat
farmer but things have not been going well. I only have two goats left and I
was hoping it would keep my family going for the next two months. Especially
now since my daughter is back home. We haven't been doing so good this
year. The money I just gave you I borrowed. This is all we have. Please
accept it."

I felt sorry for them. Then they still had to deal with a daughter like this.
"Umkwenyana, you have been nothing but good to us. I promise to get my
daughter back in line all I'm asking is to be good to us one more time."

"Bab'Mlambo we are not unreasonable people. I hope your daughter can see
what is at stake here. MaMlambo, this is completely your fault." She was in
tears but not once making a sound. Her reality finally hit her. "But I will accept
the two goats in monetary value." Her father burst out in tears. "Oh thank you!
Thank you so much!"

"There is a condition." Her father listened eagerly. "MaMlambo will attend the
ceremony on Saturday with my child. I will accept no disrespect of any kind.
Your actions will determine the fate if your family."

A young child walked in and whispered something to one of the uncles.

"MaBhengu, Gogo has summoned you." He said and I left them there. Gogo
was at the fire pit. "Start the fire. It's getting late. We need to serve dinner and
pap has to be made."

I started the fire and the wives watched me attentively. They looked like they
were taking mental notes. So I started asking them to do small things like
pass me something or letting them break twigs and even eventually breaking
wood to size.

Once I got everyone involved I started a full-on tutorial and we were actually
having fun. I still didn't know their names but it didn't matter. They took turns
trying to stir the huge pot and the laughter obviously irritated the queen b,
Sindiswa. "What are you doing over there!? This isn't time to play!" She
shouted at us from the kitchen door. "Sindiswa!" Gogo's voice roared. "Leave
them alone and get back in the kitchen!"

We laughed quietly and carried on. We had hundreds of plates to serve but
plating it up was fun. We sang traditional songs as we plated up the food on
for everyone. More and more people joined our singing as we served the
whole village food. Young girls started doing their traditional dances and
someone even brought a drum. We were having the time of our lives all while
geting glared from Aunty Sindiswa and her squad.
I was shocked when I saw MaMlambo and her father waiting in line. I didn't
realize it was this bad for them. I dished two plates and took it to them. She
seemed embarrassed but her father gave me a warm smile. I gave her a plate
but she put her hand out. "No, don't worry about me. Give it to my mother."
She pointed to an Elderly lady and I gave her the food.

"Ma, Baba, this is MaBhengu my sister wife. MaBhengu this is my mother,

father, and little brother." She said rubbing her brothers head. "I'm not that
little. I'm seventeen." She rolled her eye. I got them two more plates and
mushed some food for the baby. I couldn't understand why she would risk all
of this.

The family ate last and I went to serve Baba. I sat with him and MaKhumalo
eating silently. "I remember telling you to not do anymore chores." He sat
putting his empty plate down. "I know. I'm sorry for going against your wishes
but Gogo asked me..." He put his hand up for me to stop talking.

"No, don't appologize. The family and community hasn't been this united in
years and you did that. Do you hear that singing. That's all you. This hasn't
happened in almost a decade and if not for you it wouldn't have happened. I
saw you today with my cousins wives and I saw you now with MaMlambo's
family. I'm very proud of you."

I sat there shocked. What was happening? I didn't know how to respond so I
just sat there. I didn't know what to say so I just went to help with the dishes.
The skin on my back was getting tight and itchy again. I haven't had time to
reapply my ointment. We were almost done but I couldn't stand it anymore so
I excused myself and ran to the house. I couldn't reach my whole back so I
went to the bathroom and used a cup to throw cold water all over it. It helped
a little bit.
"Mamakhe, Mbali said she saw you running in here. What's wrong?" I put the
cup down. "It's just itchy. I'm fine." I sat with my head in my hands. It felt like
my back was on fire from the itchiness. "What can I do? Should I get your
ointment?" I just nodded. He cleaned and dried my back and put my ointment
on. I felt instant relief. "Is it better?" I nodded and got dressed again.

"We need to talk." I sighed even though I knew it was coming. "I don't
understand your reaction this morning. What was going through your head?" I
didn't want to do this but it wouldn't go away unless we spoke about it.

"I don't think I was upset about not being your wife. I was more upset about
everyone else knowing what was going on in my life besides me. Why would
you pay him a million rand? That's crazy." He cleared his throat.

"We suspected he did something to you. We heard screaming and his guards
wouldn't let us out of the royal hut. I knew it was you. I just knew. He came
back out of breath with blood all over him. He told us someone's arm got stuck
in a machine. We didn't believe him. He said he'd let us see you once the
lobola is paid. I paid it as fast as possible because if I didn't I would never see
you again and I just knew he did something to you. He said he was going to
get you and then he just disappeared. We looked all over until a lady finally let
us to the hut you were in."

I didn't even know I was crying until her handed me a handkerchief. "I don't
regret paying it and I will be more than happy to redo the negotiations. I prefer
it this way so please don't think it's a burden for me." I wiped my tears and
there was a knock on the door.

"Can we talk?" It was MaKhumalo. Everyone wanted to talk today. She took a
seat next to me. "I am going to start by saying I don't like MaMlambo and I
believe she is the problem." I almost laughed. "That being said I have an issue
with her living the way she's living with your child while your other children are
living lavishly. I'm not saying give her money because that's where the
problems started but I do think you should at least provide for your wife and
child."

"Okay, how do you suggest I do that?" He asked and I was shocked that he
was actually taking her advice. "Monthly groceries and supplies. She's a total
bitch but I don't think she should starve for that. You know MaCele would've
scolded us for it." They both laughed.

"Gogo has given me an extremely long shopping list. I'm going into town early
tomorrow morning. I'm hoping MaBhengu will come with me. It's a lot and she
just continues adding more stuff. I'm actually going to have to hire a trailer for
the car because it won't fit. While we're there we can get a few things for
MaMlambo." He agreed and gave her his card.

The next morning I woke up early and got dressed. All my clothes were the
same so once again I was wearing a long high waist figure hugging skirt with
a matching long sleeve crop top. It's basically all I owned. I'm not complaining.
I loved it. I put on some sneakers and a doek and went to find MaKhumalo.

"No! Definitely not. You're not coming with me wearing sneakers. No." She
was wearing a A-line dress with heals. "What's wrong with sneakers?" She
just rolled her eyes and went into the room. She came back with a pair of
nude red bottom pumps. "You're expecting me to walk in that the whole day?"
She nodded and grabbed my doek off my head. Luckily my cornrows didn't
look that old.

Without even saying anything she put a curly wig on my head making sure it
looked good. I said goodbye to Baba and we were off. The town was thirty
minutes away and it didn't even have a proper mall. It had a shopping centre
but it was asthetically pleasing. It had plants and nature inside and outside the
open-air shopping centre. The furniture placed throughout was made out of
wood and before we even started shopping MaKhumalo and I took photos
together.

We started off with Gogo's four page long alcohol list. When we were done the
liquor store looked empty. We fit it all into the back seat before going back for
the groceries. That list was even longer and my feet were killing me.

"MaKhumalo can I please take these shoes off?" I begged and she rolled her
eyes. "No. We're almost done then you can go spray your feet with numbing
spray." What was she talking about. We paid for the groceries and it cost
more than what the average person makes a year. We got help packing
everything into the boot and like promised she handed me numbing spray. I
was skeptical but I was surprised it worked.

We went to a restaurant and she ordered for us. "So? What's your deal?" I
was confused. "What's this wonder woman thing you've got going on?" I was
still confused. "Yesterday. What was that about?" I sighed. "Which part?" She
chuckled. "The other wives. Everyone has quite literally fallen in love with
you." What the hell was she talking about.

"You don't even know do you?" I shook my head and our drinks came. "Why
did you decide to help them. Nobody likes them. They're married to Senzo's
cousins and like me they come from well off families and lived in the city their
whole life. Nobody even bothers with them. Their Mothers-in-law have given
up on them. They don't come to anything and they always just stay in their
small little group so they don't ruffle any feathers."

I knew it was something like that. "They seemed curious and eager so I gave
them a few pointers and they actually enjoyed themselves. Imagine having to
learn something from someone who hates you and them giving up halfway
and telling you you're useless. Obviously you won't get it. You're more likely to
learn something in a social setting where you see others struggling with the
same problem. I don't understand what was so amazing about yesterday."

"Let me tell you something about this family. They were literally nothing
without without Senzo's money. Senzo and the first MaCele worked their
asses off while starting a company. When they started making money they
bought some of the land the homestead is on. After all that work and even
working the family out of debt they hated her for not being able to have
children.

Eventually the family forced her to stay home and focus on having a child. The
company wasn't doing so well and Senzo asked my dad for a loan. My dad
said yes but with the condition of giving me a job. I was extremely spoilt and
my father wanted to teach me a lesson or something like that.
I started working at the company and Senzo and I hit it off. We weren't really
dating and I knew he had a wife so I never let it get to that. I made sure we
stayed just friends. His wife couldn't take it anymore and told him to get
another wife. I honestly don't believe she came up with the idea on her own. I
think she was pressured by the aunt's.
He eventually told me about it and I wouldn't budge then MaCele came to me
and I agreed. It was weird at first but MaCele was a saint. She did everything
in her power to impress those women and nothing worked. Senzo and I
eventually got married and I had children.
Untill her dying day MaCele tried to win over this family. She never stopped
trying to impress them.
Buying more land and building the homestead the way it is was all her. She
built that whole entire village. Now they sit in their ivory tower making servants
out of the villagers. Senzo owns everything and if it were up to them he
should've built each of them a mansion. I was the one who told him to use the
land as farm land so the people around could have actual jobs and stop
having to depend on his family who treated them like shit."

I was sitting in shock. What was I getting myself into. Our food came and she
took pictures. "Why are you telling me all of this?" She sipped her drink before
speaking. "I thought you did all of that yesterday to impress them. I already
heard an uncle say you remind him of MaCele. You're young Thandi. I may be
known around these parts as a heartless bitch but these people never see
their own wrongs. I do not want you turning into MaCele. I'll be honest, your
age unsettles me, but I can tell there's real love between you and Senzo.
You've been through a lot. Don't let this family put you through more."
42

We drove home in silence. I didn't know what to think. This whole situation
was just crazy. We got to the village but didn't drive home. She drove to an
unfinished house and texted on her phone. "Get MaMlambo's things we set
aside. She says she going to come out now." I got her bags and MaKhumalo
also got out of the car.

"What's all of this?" She asked shocked. "It's from your husband. Even though
you treated him so badly he doesn't want his wife and child to starve." Her
mother came out and stood by their door. She was shocked. She looked at
the grocery bags and her lip trembled. "Why?" She asked MaKhumalo.
"Because his a decent human being and if you ever try and mistreat him again
you'll have me to deal with." Whoa! There's that side of MaKhumalo I was just
a little bit terrified of.

"Can I ask you a question?" MaKhumalo just hummed in response. "Why is he

not leaving me? I've never been good to him and I know he doesn't love me."
MaMlambo asked and this is the first time I've ever seen her doubt herself.
MaKhumalo rolled her eyes. "I can give you three reasons and they have
nothing to do with you. First, he doesn't believe in divorce. Second, he has a
public image to maintain. Third, he loves his children. You need to stop being
a hindrance to this family. Once you stop trying to take over and destroy our
home, you might just get what you're fighting so hard for."

We helped to carry in the bags. I wanted to see the baby but she was sleeping
and we needed to get back. "Tomorrow we're all going to buy traditional
clothes for Saturday. We'll come pick you up. Send me the others numbers so
we can arrange a time." We said goodbye and went back to the homestead
and packed away everything we bought.
"Hello my beautiful wives." Senzo said and gave us each a kiss on the
cheek."Its been a long day and we have a lot to discuss." We walked to where
MaKhumalo was staying.

"This morning the Cele's and the Gumede's came to pay their fine. So that's
sorted out. As we know the ceremony is in full swing and more family is
arriving. They started speaking about sharing living spaces because everyone
won't fit in so I suggested we go stay at MaCele's house. She's cleaned the
place and says she'll be glad to let us stay the rest of our time there. Gogo's
ceremony she has planned will take place on Saturday and then Sunday
morning we'll do a cleansing. MaBhengu since you have been introduced to
the ancestors yet you won't be part of the cleansing but you'll have to do one
before our marriage."

I just needed this to be over and done with. I was starting to become
homesick and all this family drama and negativity coming from the aunt's was
going to start getting to me.

"MaBhengu ma and I had a quick informal discussion with your aunt. She
says you haven't had your umemulo (coming of age) ceremony yet which has
to be done before marriage." How the fuck was I going to do that? That
ceremony is for virgins. "She was adamant that it will be done in two weeks
time. This is where I will present the lobola letter and after reviewing the letter
a date will be chosen. We know how tradition works but we're also planing
ahead. So even though my family will get a formal reply then we've loosely
agreed on the weekend after. Immediately after the negotiations on that very
same day we will do the umembeso ceremony. Traditionally it is held the
brides home. Your aunt says she's got it covered. If you weren't aware she's
extremely excited and prepared for this. The week there after the final
ceremony will be held. This is the umabo ceremony. We'll go into greater
detail when we get back home and planning starts. We have a lot to do. We'll
be leaving here first thing Monday morning so we can get started. One more
thing MaBhengu. Your aunt is trying to get hold of you but she just getting
your voicemail."

I knew she was and I was missing her. "My phone's charging point broke so I
can't charge it." I almost never used my phone so it didn't really bother me.
"MaBhengu." They both were surprised. "Why didn't you say something?" I
shrugged. "I don't know. Fixing it would be expensive. I'll just use my old
phone when we get back home."

MaKhumalo looked at me like I was the stupidest person on earth. "We were
at a mall. We could've just bought a phone." Was she crazy? "What was I
supposed to do. Just tell you to buy me a new phone?"

"Yes!" The both yelled. "Who even does that?" They were being really
dramatic about this. "Normal people. MaBhengu you know we're rich right?" I
nodded. "Yes, but phones are expensive." I knew what they were getting at
and decided to use it to my advantage and play dumb for some browny point.
"Senzo speak to your wife. This is not normal. I'm sorry to do this but do you
know who we are?" I nodded innocently.

"Yes, I know you. I might not know you that well MaKhumalo but I know who
you are." She sighed in frustration. Baba was sitting with a smile on his face.
He was entertained by all this. "Thandi, did you not google your husband?"
Ma and Gogo walked in listening to our conversation. "Nobody just googles
regular people MaKhumalo." I said as if it was the most obvious thing.

She seemed to be frustrated with me. I looked around the room and realized
we were their source of entertainment. "Thandi, how do you think we can
afford a car full of groceries and the main house in the city." I rolled my eyes.
"Baba is a business man." She groaned. "This should not be frustrating me
this much." I looked around the room concerned. Years and years of lying
made me extremely good at it.

"Am I saying something wrong?" I asked everyone. She pulled out her phone
an showed me Baba's net worth on Google. My eyes went wide. I knew he
was rich but I didn't know he was this rich. "No. No." I shook my head and
heard a few chuckles. "No." I said again and she nodded. "But he's a normal
person. I know him. He's the love of my life. Does he have a twin? Do you
have a twin?" He chuckled shaking his head at the situation. I sat there in
shock and I was actually in shock. Here I was thinking that him paying my
father a million rand could make him broke.

"Okay, she's frozen. Thandi!" Ma snapped her fingers in front of me. "Is this
why people keep assuming I'm marrying you for money? Why didn't you tell
me?" He shrugged. "I just assumed you knew. This is really a shock to you
isn't it?" Ma gogo were laughing at the situation. "Thandi? You really didn't
know?" I sighed. "Can I answer yes and no?" She finally laughed at the
situation too. "Its not that funny." I said giving them the side eye and they
laughed harder.

"Anyway, we need to pack. MaCele is waiting for us and more family will be
here tonight." Senzo and I went to where we were staying and packed all
while he was teasing me. We put our things in the car and drove to MaCele's
house that was right around the corner.

The house smelled and looked way better than before and we were led to our
rooms. Ma and her sisters didn't come with us. They seemed to be having too
much fun after all this drama had been resolved. "I made lunch." MaCele said
and I followed her downstairs. "I didn't pack much clothes because I didn't
think we'd be here this long. So I was hoping to be able to wash my clothes
early tomorrow morning." I said while we walked down the stairs.

"You can even do it now. I'll show you the laundry room after lunch. There's a
washer and a dryer if you clothes are dryer friendly." This family was literally
living their best life. That's why MaCele got mad at the tiniest chores. We had
lunch and afterwards I washed my clothes

"What are you doing?" Senzo came in while I was folding my clothes. "I
washed some clothes. I was going to ask you if you needed anything washed
but I didn't want to cause anything with MaCele in case she wanted to wash
them." He took a seat next to me. "I'm good with clothes. You wanna go for a
walk. I'll show you the village." I nodded enthusiastically.

We took a walk and he showed me the farmlands, fields, and river. It was so
beautiful. We walked up a hill and sat on the grass enjoying the view. "Why is
it that when you just look at me I feel loved?" My whole face warmed up as I
blushed. "Really?" He nodded. "Well that's because I love you." I kissed him.
"I love you too."

"I know it's your birthday Saturday." I sighed. "Your aunt told me you refuse to
celebrate it." I didn't want to talk about it but he was my husband. I had to tell
him. "It's the day my mother died." He took my hand and I held on for dear life.
"I'm sorry my love. But are you sure you don't want to do anything? It can be
just you and me." I shook my head. "No. Please don't make a big deal out of
it. I was going to use the ceremony as a distraction. I don't want to think about
it."

We sat there for a little while longer then we went to the local shop. It was just
an old lady that turned her house into a mini shop. We bought some snacks
for the kids and walked back home.
"What's in the bag?" The girls asked and squealed when their father gave
them the bag. "Dlamini they're going to have stomach ache. Wait girls, each of
you can choose one thing before dinner. Give that bag here." Their mother
said and they instantly made sad faces at their dad. "Don't fall for it. They're
master manipulators. You'll get some of this after you've finished dinner."
They mumbled their complaints.

I stayed away from the kitchen so MaCele couldn't accuse me of making her
do chores again. I took a shower and got into bed early. There was a knock
on my door and MaKhumalo came in. "You're in bed already? It's six pm. The
sun hasn't even set properly yet." I sat up in my bed. "I have a headache." It
wasn't a lie. I did actually have a headache but that's not the reason I was
sleeping early. I was sleeping early to avoid people.

"Okay, I'll get you something for that. I just making sure what your shoe size
is. My assistant is going shopping tomorrow morning early. I want us all to
match Saturday." I gave her my shoe size and thought she was done. "Did
you pack a black top?" I shook my head. "Okay so white converse and black
top for you." She was really serious about this outfit thing and I was no longer
in the mood for anything. But like with most things I'll have to fake it till I make
it.
43

The smell of bacon woke me up that morning. I checked the time and it was
much later than I usually got up but I was not even worried. I took a long
shower and got dressed for the day. I had my pinafore in case we were going
to the homestead.

"Oh you're up. Good morning Mamakhe." I put my hand in front of his face to
stop him from kissing me. "Nope. You did not sleep in my bed last night I don't
know where your lips have been." He laughed and wrapped his arms around
me. "I've brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth thoroughly." I playfully rolled
my eyes. "So can I get a kiss?" I shook my head. "Only after breakfast."

We went downstairs and to my surprise all of the wives were seated at the
table. If one of them try to attack me this time I'm punching back. "Good
morning." I mumbled and they mumbled back. The only seat open was the
furthest one away from my husband. He and MaCele were sitting at the heads
of the table. MaKhumalo was sitting to his right with MaCele's mother next to
her. MaGumede was sitting to the left of Baba, MaMlambo was next to her
and I sat next to MaMlambo. There was an empty seat with no place setting in
front of me and that's where I was staring the whole breakfast.

After breakfast we were waiting for MaKhumalo's assistant to arrive so I went

to go and do the dishes that everyone just left. "Oh, here you are." It was
MaLanga, MaCele's mother. "I was going to wash those." I really wanted to
roll my eyes. She couldn't even greet me the other day now she wants to
make conversation. "No it's fine ma. I'm almost done."

"Are you okay? Mbali said you had a headache last night." Why did she have
to tell everyone. "I'm fine, Ma. I just needed some rest." She just nodded. "Oh,
here you are. Baba was asking about you. Don't worry, you didn't miss
anything. Everyone is sitting in awkward silence on their phones." And what
was I supposed to do? Join them?

"Okay, um the dishes are done. I didn't mean to overstep I just did them out of
habit." She smiled. "No,you didn't overstep. Thank you for doing them. I'll pack
them away but first let's make tea." I helped her with the tea and followed her
lead. I took my seat again and drank my tea silently when all of a sudden we
heard a high pitched scream.

"Hi!" A short skinny man walked in with a bunch of bags. He was wearing a
purple suit and his makeup was so good it was even better than
MaKhumalo's. And her makeup was always done perfectly. "Oh, boss I've
missed you! I've been stuck in the office with old white men. How could you do
this to me?!" He complained dramatically. "Hi to you too Lutho." They hugged
and she introduced us to him.

"This is my amazing personal assistant Lutho. Lutho these are my sister

wives MaCele, MaMlambo, MaGumede, and MaBhengu." I just nodded in
response. "There's so many of you." He said more to himself. "Okay, I've
brought the shoes and the tops. I hope everything fits.

We were each given a couple of black tops to choose from and a pair of white
converse. I fit mine in the room and when it fit perfectly I changed back into
my normal clothes. "MaBhengu, I wanted to see which top fits." MaKhumalo
complained when I came back down. "Both of them fit and so does the
shoes." She just sighed and I saw her assistant look at me weirdly.

"Is all of that real?" I was confused. "I'm a gay man but with an ass that
voluptuous, a waist that small, and a face that pretty I'd want to fuck you too."
I choked on my own spit. "Lutho!" Baba's voice roared. "I'm sorry daddy."
What the fuck? I couldn't help but laugh as he bit one of his fingers and batted
his eyelashes.

"Lutho, we've been over this. Stop calling me that." He batted his eyelashes
harder. "What?" He asked innocently. "Lutho." Mbali said shoving him. "Fine,
if you don't want me just say that." He said dramatically. "I don't want you. I tell
you this every single time." Baba said and walked away. "He's just playing
hard to get. He knows he wants me."

We gathered up the kids and walked to a neighbor's house. She sold

traditional clothing. "Everyone is going to be wearing red. We're looking for
yellow. Beadwork with a lot of yellow in it as well as yellow isicholo." The lady
showed us the beads and we picked out a few. "Oh yes, we also need the
long pleated traditional skirts." She brought everything out.

"MaBhengu can't wear these skirts. She's hasn't actually gotten married yet."
MaGumede said and anyone who looked at me could tell I was visibly
annoyed. "But Lobola was paid. She's Baba's wife." MaCele said and they
started arguing with each other. "Okay! Okay! Wait!" The lady shouted.
MaKhumalo stood with her head in her hand.

"If Lobola was paid we can say she's a fiance. Which means she doesn't wear
the long black skirt but she still covers up. Your colour is yellow so she'll wear
a pleated traditional skirts that's yellow." They seemed to be fine with it. "Wait.
The skirts that the maidens wear?" The lady nodded. "Yes but ending at the
knee. I don't have one in yellow but my neighbor who also makes them does.
She also had the kiddies skirts for the girls. Now back to the hats. I only have
three yellow hats. They're about the same size, then a bigger size in black,
and a small one also in black. I suggest the first wife wear the big one and the
last wife wear the smaller black one. The only other hats I have are red."
They agreed and we fit everything. Her neighbor came with the yellow skirt.
Her biggest one was short because my ass was so big and MaGumede
insisted on video calling Baba to get his permission to buy it. "Luckily Ma was
also there and confirmed that it was culturally appropriate. We got all of our
beads and then walked back to the house.

The fight and noise started when we got home because everyone forgot what
they chose and it was all mixed up. It was so loud that I went to sit outside.
"Mamakhe." He took a seat next to me and we cuddled in the sun. "You keep
disappearing on me." I sighed. "I'm not disappearing on you. I'm disappearing
on your wives." We laughed. "I miss home." I confessed. This is one of the
longest times I've been away. "I do too. MaKhumalo got you something that
she didn't want to give you in front of the other wives. He handed me a box
and I saw a phone on the front.

"It's the latest model. Let's go upstairs and set it up." I rolled my eyes. "You're
lying. You want to do other things." He kissed my neck. "So? It'll need to
charge first anyway. We can go in by the back and sneak upstairs." The wives
were still fighting and didn't even notice us. I put my new phone on charge and
we got to it. We were laying on the bed naked and out of breath. "We need to
get down there before they kill each other." I groaned but we got dressed. I
made sure we both looked alright and he went downstairs first.

The shouting died down and I went downstairs. "Oh here she is. So you just
decided to run off with my husband while all of us are fighting." I rolled my
eyes. "You mean our husband?" MaCele stood behind MaGumede smiling at
me. "Oh, you have an attitude now?" Everyone in the room started walking
closer. "No, I've just had enough of being walked over." She scoffed. "Little girl
when we met you were a sidechick and a maid no less. You have no say
here." It was my turn to scoff. "You're here by default sister. What did you do?
Stab a few holes a condom and poof! A ring." She charged for me but MaCele
and MaMlambo held her back.

"Okay, okay, stop it! I've had enough! From now on there will be complete
silence!" He shouted. "But Baba it's MaGumede. The rest of us are trying."
MaMlambo complained. "You're a traitor! Any other time you would've been
fighting this bitch with me!" MaGumede yelled at MaMlambo. "Shut up! I said
silence! If one of you embarrass me this weekend I will rethink my divorce
rule! Do not try me! Now take your things and go to your houses!"

They left and I was relieved. The day of the ceremony came and we were
running late. Baba had to leave without us to be part of all the rituals. Even
though I hated these women I helped them with their hair and makeup. While
others helped all the girls get ready. We were late but still had a whole
photoshoot before we left.

I kept to myself throughout the ceremony. I wished I was in the mood to dance
and celebrate with everyone but I really wasn't. "I've been looking for you all
over. Why are you hiding here?" I sighed and he hugged me. "Here you are.
We're taking more pictures. Come!" We took more family pictures. I made
sure to get some pictures alone with baba because I didn't really have any.

I felt much better after hearing my aunt's voice. I called her and she cheered
me up just a little bit. I danced with the others until baba called me aside and
we went to sit on the hill. "I know you don't celebrate your birthday but I git you
a little something. He opened a velvet box showing me a diamond bracelet. It
took my breath away. It was so beautiful. He put it on for me and the stones
shone under the moonlight.

"Happy birthday Thandi."

44

After making love under the stars we snuck back in the house. The next day
the house and the wives were cleansed and we left after lunch. I was
extremely happy to be going home. Ma and her sisters drove with Senzo and
I. They snored the whole way home.

When we got home I took a nap before starting dinner. I missed my own
kitchen. My aunt wasn't home. She didn't have the contact information to my
mother's side of the family so she went to go and find them. Hopefully they still
lived where she remembered.

"You made dinner. I was going to get us something to eat." He said and
kissed me. I pulled away from him when I heard someone clear their throat.
"Of course she made dinner. I good wife makes her husband a home cooked
meal everyday. Makoti, don't let him and his wives infect you with their city
ways of life. You're a good strong wife and your in-laws appreciate you. Keep
doing what you're doing." One of his aunt's said.

"Yebo ma." I said bowing my head in respect. "Soon she'll be pregnant. I can
always tell these things." The one who always kept quiet said and my eyes
went wide. "I think you're right my sister. This one is very fertile. I can tell by
her hips. They'll make beautiful baby." All throughout dinner they kept talking
about babies. Even ma believed that I'll be pregnant soon. Apparently her
sister was never wrong when it came to these things.

My aunt eventually found my mom's family. At first they wouldn't let her in but
she worked her magic and now they're on their way.

"How do you feel?" Senzo asked while we laid in bed. "About what?" I moved
over to lay on his chest. "Tomorrow you'll be meeting your mother's side of the
family. Aren't you excited?" I shrugged. "I don't know. I have mixed feelings
about it. I'm glad I'm getting to meet them but I also want to know where
they've been and why they never come to visit me. They knew where my
family lived." He kissed my forehead. "Maybe they have a good reason for it."
I just shrugged and went to sleep.

The next day I kept to myself. I felt nervous for some reason. Especially when
I saw my aunt's car pull up. I ran to the room and sat on the bed trying to
control my breathing. "Mamakhe." I just shook my head and shut my eyes
tightly. I didn't know what that was going to do but I did it anyway. He just sat
with me and held my hand before my aunt came to fetch me.

"Hi Princess." I hugged her tightly. I didn't realize how much I actually missed
her. "Okay, no tears." She wiped her tears tears. "Your grandmother, aunt,
and uncle came. The rest of the family will come once everything is in place." I
just nodded and we went next door.

I walked into the living room and the older lady gasped and started crying
loudly. "Thandile!" She cried my mother's name. The man and lady who came
with her went to comfort her and she cried my mother's name over and over. I
just stood there awkwardly until my aunt led me to the couch.

My grandmother eventually stopped crying. "Thandi." My aunt said my name.

"She's crying because you look exactly like your mother." I knew that. My aunt
always kept showing me pictures when I was growing up. I always thought my
father hated me because I looked like her.

We had lunch and I just sat there awkwardly while they spoke and gushed
over me.

"So, you're getting married?" My aunt said. I wasn't quite sure what her name
was. I wasn't sure what my uncle's name was either. I just nodded taking a sip
of my juice. "Don't you think you're a little bit too young. You just turned
twenty-one the other day." My aunt said. She doesn't even know me and she
already has something to say. "No, I don't think I'm too young."

"I'm just mentioning it because your mother also got married young." She just
wouldn't let it go and like always I was busy shutting down. "Okay, can we talk
about Thandi's ceremony?" They all agreed. "Normally your father would play
a big role in your ceremony. Since he won't be here I've contacted your
brother who is more than happy to stand in. I don't want you going away from
home. We'll do it here. You'll meet your female cousins on your mother's side
and they'll spend the week before the ceremony with you. We've got most of
what needs to be done planned out. And family should be arriving by the end
of the week. We'll walk you through the processes as they come." I just
nodded.

"I want to meet this man before anything takes place." My grandmother said
and logically it was a fair request but it angered me. They were silent and
absent my whole life now all of a sudden they wanted to come in and take
over. "Okay, maybe Thandi can ask MaRadebe and Senzo to come to tea
tomorrow." I agreed and left immediately afterwards. I was not in the mood.

"How did it go?" Baba asked when I walked into the house. "They want to
meet you. My aunt suggested tea with you and Ma tomorrow." They agreed
and I texted my aunt.

The next day tea was awkward. They interrogated Senzo so much that I was
embarrassed but he handled it perfectly. They question everything from our
age difference to his four wives. When we were done they made it known that
I will be staying at home for the rest of the week in preparation for the week to
come.
I would be isolated with my Izimpelesi (maidens) but I needed to get my hair
done. Once the family suggested we do lunch on Sunday I took the
opportunity to book my hair and nails for that day. My aunt's house was
buzzing full of people and I didn't want to associate with anyone of them. Not
my mother or my father's side.

This ceremony has haunted me all my life. It's the reason for all the virginity
testing and my father's craziness. All the trauma seemed so senseless now
that I'm doing the ceremony not being a virgin. But according to tradition it is
necessary for marriage. If it's not done I might face many difficulties in my
marriage and at some point I would have to repeat the process.
45

I came home Sunday evening after having my braids and nails done. To say
my aunt was pissed off was the understatement of the year. "Really Thandi?
Do you know what time it is?" She was sitting in the living room of
MaRadebe's house. I don't know why she was acting up. I kept Senzo up to
date with my whereabouts. I thought he would tell them.

"Ma you said I won't be able to leave the hut for the whole week and that I
should get my hair braided." She did say so. "And you chose today Thandi?
Really? Why are you being so difficult? You know what? Don't even answer
that. Go get your things." I felt like a kid again. She hasn't spoken to me in that
tone in so long.

I went to my room and Senzo followed me. "You look beautiful." He said
kissing me. "Thank you. I'm going to miss you." I really was. Nobody else let's
me just be the way he does. I always had to put on some persona but when
I'm with him I can feel anything I need to feel without being judged or expected
to be okay. I needed to not be okay sometimes.

"Mamakhe, I promise all of this will be worth it in the end. Now I need you to
promise me one thing." I nodded. "Of course. What is it?" He kissed me.
"Have fun. This is a celebration. Have the time of your life. You deserve this.
You've worked hard for this. Also, you're way too beautiful to be frowning like
this all the time." I rolled my eyes at him but I couldn't help the smile on my
face. Senzo walked me to the gate of my house and we said our goodbyes
with family members staring at us.

I went straight to my room and sat on my phone watching videos. "Thandi."

My aunt said from the doorway. "Dinner is ready." I knew I couldn't escape
them so I went to have dinner with all of them.
At twelve that night we went to the hut. It was me and ten other girls. Not all
were my cousins but they would all stay with me this week.

The week went by so fast and like I promised Senzo I had fun. We had to
learn our traditional dances and singing for the ceremony. I was so scared
because I would have to wear traditional attire. And I woul be topless. Being
topless was not the issue. I was scared because everyone would see my
scars. The girls have already seen them and they didn't say anything but I
don't want the whole world seeing them. I had a couple of fittings for my
formal outfit for my celebration and I loved the dress. It was pretty plain but all
my traditional accessories made the outfit.

At some point during the week my measurements were taken. Apparently it

was for MaKhumalo in preparation for one of the other ceremonies. There
were so many ceremonies to get through just so I could call myself Mrs
Dlamini.

I stayed isolated in the hut and the night before the ceremony I was let out.
The whole neighborhood was outside and I got a chance to view the my cow.
To my surprise it was an actual cow. If this was done under normal
circumstances I would be somewhere in the village but I was kind of glad that
I wasn't.

A mini bus taxi came for us and we walked covered only in a blanket. We
sang all the way to the river where we would be spending a night.

We spent the night at the river and the next morning got dressed in colour
traditional clothes. I wore a traditional pleated skirt and adorned myself in
beads. In my hand I carried a beaded Zulu knob-kerri and a shield in the
other. My braids were up in a bun and I wore beaded headbands.
Driving into my neighborhood I could already smell the food. I saw a huge
white tent on the open field but we drove past and the minibus stopped at the
end of the street. Neighbors were already outside and I was excited. There
was a photographer and videographer waiting for us. We got out of the car
and danced and sang all the way to the house. Neighbors were singing and
ulilating and I was having the time of my life being the centre of attention.

When we got home I was led to a hut where my eldest brother was waiting. A
cow and had been slaughtered in celebration of me and to thank the
ancestors for keeping me safe as well as for other deeper traditional rituals.

My eldest brother stood in for my father. After all the traditional rituals were
completed my brother handed me my spear which symbolized my strength
and the victory at the end of my journey up until this point.

"I'm not one of many words Princess but I want to say I am extremely proud of
you. You have conquered everything the world has thrown at you. Today you
kneel before me as a powerful woman who everyone in this family is proud of.
But the most pride should be felt by you."

We took a few pictures and I joined the girls outside and the festivities began.
The whole neighborhood was there as well as Senzo and all of the Dlamini
cousins. I was glad that he only brought MaKhumalo. I don't know how the
other wives would've acted.

I was showered in gifts and money and Senzo being Senzo obviously did the
most. During the ceremony I go up to guest, blow my whistle, and stab my
spear in the ground in front of them. This is when the gifts are bestowed upon
me. Money would be pinned on my head and my clothes. My cousins
collected it when it became too much.
When I put my spear in the ground near Senzo's feet all of his cousins stood
up and each out thick stacks of money in front of me. The crowd's singing
went silent. Everyone was just as shocked as I was. Senzo brought out an
umbrella and opened over my head and I was showered in money. The girls
started singing again and the crowd of people joined. The girls collect all of
the money in baskets and I was swept back into the house while the festivities
carried on.

My makeup was done and my hair was fixed while my aunt and grandmother
helped me into my sleeveless black mermaid dressed. I wore beads around
my waist that fell almost to the ground. My head, chest and arms were also
adorned in traditional beadwork. My aunt stood before me in tears. "You did it
baby. You're a woman. Let's go celebrate."

Traditionally my whole community would be invited and even though nobody

invited them they showed up. I didn't mind though. I was just glad none of the
stress if the preparation affected me. The crowds made their way to the tent
and some of them lined the streets and I walked with my girls singing our
traditional songs. I did not even know this ceremony would be this huge. I
thought it would be at home and we would eat and do everything in the yard.

My aunt had a white tent as big as the field itself. I didn't know what was going
on but my aunt made me wait outside. Everyone went in and the girls
performed a dance while I waited. "When you walk and you get to the middle
lift your spear and then put it down again." I was confused but they left me
there in my confusion.

I heard drums and then someone on a mic introducing my brother and aunt
and singing their praises and clan name. The drums stopped and then started
back up dramatically. I walked in and there was a red carpet rolled all the way
to the front of the tent. On each side of the tent kneeled young men dressed in
their traditional Zulu attire. Closer to the middle of the tent the ladies who
accompanied me sat bowed on the ground.

My uncle was sing my clan praises as I walked down the red carpet towards
my brother sitting on his throne. There was a similar looking chair next to him
that was empty.

When I got to the middle of the isle I did as my aunt said. I lifted my spear and
the men behind me stood up as if they were soldiers ready for battle. The
already cheering crowd went wild with ullilation. I put the spear back down and
they went back to their bended knee position. I was on a power trip so I did it
one more time before walking to my brother.

I kneeled before him on the padded stool and he adorned me with leopard
skin worn by Zulu royals. He showed me to the seat next to his and speeches
by family members began. Afterwards we ate and then Senzo was officially
introduced to my family. A formal letter from his family was given to my family
to start the negotiation process so we could finally become husband and wife.

The night was amazing and everything went smoothly up until we heard loud
bangs. Everyone screamed and we all fell to the ground. I dared to look up.

At the entrance of the tent stood my father holding a gun in the air.

All that could be heard was screams. He shot two more warning shots and I
was dragged under a table. My aunt was also there and I saw her dialing the
police. "Thandi if you don't come out I'll start shooting people!" His voice
roared over the crowd. I heard one more shot and fought my brothers grip to
get out from under the table. So much has gone wrong in my family's lives
because of me. I was not going to be the cause of someone's death.

Everyone protested as I got up. "There she is!" He said and laughed at the top
of his throat. "You really thought you could take everything away from me and
get away with it?" I was so confused. I had no idea what he meant. "I didn't
do anything." I said with a shaky voice. He fired more shots in the air out of
anger. My whole body was shaking and I had no idea what to do. Out of the
corner of my eye I saw family keeping my aunt back and my brother was
approaching slowly.

"Your a whore! Just like your mother! You took everything away from me! My
throne, my dignity, and my family!" I didn't understand what I did. "My
problems started when you were born!" Guests took advantage of the fact that
he came here to kill me only and they started escaping out of the tent.

"Baba." My brother tried to intervene but before he could even speak probably
our father shot him in the leg. I screamed standing there just shaking. "You
couldn't wait to take my place as chief could you! I should've killed this girl
when I had the chance!" He pointed the gun at me and walked closer. "Well
now is my chance." I stood there shivering and crying like a baby. I shut my
eyes when I felt the cold metal gun touch my forehead.

Bang! Bang!
46

I fell to the ground hearing the gunshots. I knew it was my time. I heard a loud
thud in front of me, and when I opened my eyes, my father's lifeless eyes
were staring directly into mine. My aunt came rushing towards me. She
grabbed me and hugged me tightly.

What was happening? I was supposed to be dead. I turned my head to see

the tent swarming with police officers in bullet proof vests. My father's lifeless
body laid on the ground next to us. I was numb. I was completely numb.

An ambulance was waiting outside and I was just going through the motions.
They checked me and I was fine. My brothers leg wound was luckily just a
flesh wound and he was taken to the hospital. I spent hours at the police
station giving a statement covered in my father's blood. They had no empathy.
They were just doing their job so they could get it over with.

We were swarmed by reporters on our way out of the police station. My aunt
put a jacket over me and led me to the police car that took us home. Just like
at the police station reporters waited outside our house. Once again my aunt
covered me up and led me into the house. She got me into the shower and
bathed me as silent tears fell from my eyes. She got me dressed and tucked
into bed.

I tried so hard to fall asleep but every time I closed my eyes, I saw him
standing there with a gun to my head. My aunt rushed to my room for the fifth
time today as I woke screaming. "You're okay. Shh, he's gone. He's gone,
baby." She held me, and I cried in her arms. The image of his lifeless eyes
meeting mine kept playing in my head as if he was haunting me.

"Come eat something." She wiped my tears and I held her hand walking into a
house full of people. The murmurs stopped as I walked past everyone into the
kitchen. "Oh, thank God you're okay!" My grandmother threw her hands
around me. "I thought we were going to lose you." She hugged me tightly and
so did a few other people

"Your brother is out of hospital he just went to give his statement and then
he'll be home later today." Ma said and I nodded and took a seat. She gave
me a plate of food. "Thandi, we were thinking and it's only right that we
postpone everything. The lobola negotiations can be done another time." I
knew this was going to come up.

I shook my head. "No ma. We continue as planned. That man is not going to
take any more of my joy. He's dead. Let him rot in the ground. I'm not
sacrificing anything for him anymore." She nodded. "Okay, I'll contact the
Dlamini's." That reminded me that they were there and I haven't heard from
them.

"Ma can I go see them. I need to make sure MaRadebe is okay." She nodded.
"Reporters are still camped out outside. And you know our neighbors. They're
all gunning for their five minutes of fame. Your grandmother suggested we sit
down with the Dlamini's to see where we all stand but we're going to have to
have that meeting away from the press."

I ate and then went to my room and put my phone on charge. I immediately
called Senzo when I had enough battery life.

"Mamakhe. Finally, how are you doing?" I was relieved to hear his voice. "I'm
fine Baba. With everything going on I didn't get a chance to check up on you.
How are you?" I could hear talking in the background and his family that came
to my ceremony were probably still there. "I'm fine Mamakhe. Don't worry
about me." I wiped the tears that escaped my eyes. "How is everyone else?
How's Ma?" He chuckled.
"The two of you are a match made in heaven. She's worried about you. You're
worried about her. The two of you need to learn how to be selfish. But I'll
answer your question she is completely fine. We went to the hospital just to
make sure she's fine and everything is fine. Her blood pressure was a bit high
but it came down quickly after we got word that you're alright. I want to see
you." I sighed. "I do too but the press is still outside. My family wants to set up
an informal meeting. They're going to contact your elders." I informed him. "I
think that's a good idea." We stayed in the phone until he was called away.

The next day I got dressed in my usual outfit. Long form fitting black dress and
I pared it with heels I found in my aunt's cupboard that had African print on. I
put on some of my beaded bracelets. I tied my hair in a bun and covered my
head in a beaded cloth.

"Okay, I'm not even mad that you stole my shoes. Look at you." She stared at
me in awe. She helped me apply some light makeup and we were off. The
press were still outside interviewing neighbors and waiting for me to come out.
I wore my aunt's sunglasses when we went outside. Luckily they weren't
allowed on our property. They moved for the cars and we were off to have
lunch with the Dlamini's.

It felt like we drove forever until we got to the restaurant. MaRadebe came
running out before we even set foot in the restaurant. She grabbed me and
hugged me tightly and I held onto her for as long as she would allow. "I
thought I lost you when I heard those gunshots." It was the first time I saw her
cry. She didn't even cry at her husband's funeral.

I wiped her tears like she'd done for me many times. "I'm fine ma. I'm here and
that's all that matters." We all sat down to eat. Senzo and I sat at opposite
ends of the table. And even though all I wanted to do was grab him and hug
him I couldn't. We were surrounded by elders and we had to be respectful.
"Now we understand that our children are in a rush for some reason. I don't
know why. Is it because of a baby?" One of the Dlamini elders asked. I
choked on the wine I was sipping on. My aunt tapped my back holding back
her laughter. "It's a valid question. These customs and traditions are usually
done over a period of time. Sometimes years and you want to squash it all in
one week. So? Are we celebrating a Dlamini grandchild or is there another
reason this is being rushed?"

Senzo looked at me as if he wanted to ask me something and I knew exactly

what his question was. I shook my head no and he got the message. "There's
no grandchild yet. We've just decided now is the time." He responded to his
uncle. "Okay. I respect your wishes but hear us out. There's a whole lot of
speculation going around and the press is on high alert. The chief is going to
put out a statement this afternoon and the press is probably going to react to
it. We want this to die down before we continue. We're asking for at least four
weeks before we continue."

Four weeks! That a whole month!

"A month? No way." Senzo responded. Good! I'm not waiting a whole month.
"Senzo." MaRadebe tried to reason. "Two weeks. That's how long I'm willing
to wait to start the process. Two weeks and if the press is still all over us I
don't care." Even two weeks annoyed me but at least it wasn't a month.

Everyone agreed on two weeks and the conversation got much lighter. My
phone lit up on the table and I knew exactly who it was. I grabbed it so my
grandmother who was sitting next to me wouldn't notice it. It was a text from
Senzo telling me to meet in the toilet.

"You better sit down and finish your food." My aunt said under her breath. I
forgot that she was on the other side of me. I could feel Senzo's eyes on me. I
looked to him and moved my eyes to my aunt and he sighed knowing exactly
what I was saying.

Eventually the wine everyone was drinking kicked in and we had the whole
restaurant to ourselves. A few people sat outside and others drifted off to
other tables. My aunt disappeared with some of the ladies giving Senzo and I
a chance to go up the stairs.

When we got to the second floor we hugged for what felt like forever. "The
police came in from the sides moving people out and they wouldn't let me
stay. When I heard the gunshots I thought I lost you forever." We spent the
afternoon together and our families got along so well we stayed and had
dinner.

We were driving home and I was driving with Senzo, MaKhumalo, and
MaRadebe. "Besides for your father ruining the night I have to admit your aunt
knows how to throw a party. The decor, the entertainment, the music, the
food. Oh my god the food. I need to find out who her caterers are. Oh, and
your dress. Infact everyone's outfits were amazing. How could I forget about
that entrance Princess Thandi Bhengu. Everything was amazing. And to think
she had a couple of weeks and a random empty field. Imagine if she had time
and a venue. Are you going to have a white wedding?" MaKhumalo asked.

"Hopefully not anytime soon. We have a lot to still get done." Senzo looked at
me through the mirror. "You sure?" I nodded. "Definitely. Maybe we can do it
as a first anniversary or something. But after all these traditional customs and
ceremonies are done I need a break."

"MaBhengu has anyone ever told you that you're really boring?" She asked
and I gasped. The whole car burst out in laughter. It felt good to laugh after
everything that happened.
47

Everyone's mood was a little lighter by the time we got home. They were tipsy
too, so they didn't notice I didn't spend the night at home. I was snuck in, and I
snuck out. I texted my aunt to open the backdoor for me. She's done this
before, but when I saw her angry face, I was confused.

"Was it worth it?" What was she talking about? "Don't give me that confused
look. Both houses are full of elders, and this is the time you decide you want
to act a fool. You have the rest of your lives Thandi. You won't embarrass me
now. Not now. Please, have some self respect. If not self respect, then please
just respect me."

What was she talking about? She's made sure I got home from sneaking out
of Senzo's house before. What was the issue this time? I went to my room
and I couldn't even fall asleep. I felt guilty not knowing what I was guilty for.

I texted Senzo goodnight and then fell asleep. "Thandi get up. Get up. We
have a lot to do." I jumped in the shower and got ready for the day. I was
eating cereal when my aunt walked in. "I'm about to make bacon and eggs."
She said annoyed because of the bowl of cereal in front of me. "I didn't know if
you'd make me any breakfast since you're mad at me for no reason."

"For no reason Thandi? No reason? You have built up such a good reputation
with your in-laws and you could've ruined it with just one night. One night. Do
you not realize how delicate these situations are? This period leading up to
the lobola negotiations can make or break your marriage but if you want
trouble from your in-laws do as you please. Just don't come running to me
down the line when everything starts going wrong."

She was so calm and she's never been this serious before. There were
moments growing up that she was extremely strict with me but her being this
calm and gentle when I expected her to be shouting at me was scaring me. I
felt like a baby. A baby who was ready to cry if she said anything else. Luckily
she didn't. I was feeling very guilty so I helped my aunt and served everyone
tea and did the dishes before we left.

After breakfast we left to go and get what we need need for the ceremonies. I
was driving alone with my aunt. A car ride with her had never been this silent.

"I'm not being hard on you because I'm trying to be unreasonable." She said
out of the blue. "You're a woman now and you're about to become a wife. A
traditional Zulu wife to a polygamous man. It is going to be difficult. Ask me I
know. I realize that you're in love and you don't see past that at the moment
but you're going to need to grow up. Everything you do will affect our family.
Your representing us and you need to remember that in every single decision
you make. Every word you say, every step you take, your appearance, every
interaction with your in-laws reflects on the whole family. This is not like the
love stories on tv. You are bringing two families together and your behavior
will make or break this union."

I didn't know what to say. I just sat there in shock. "I didn't mean to scare you
my baby. I'm your mother. I will always tell you the truth. I will also always be
here for you whenever you need." She was getting emotional and so was I so
she pulled over. "I'm sorry." She said when her tears started falling. "Ma!" I
couldn't help it. I reached over and hugged her.

"Ma what's wrong?" She held me tighter. "I know you'll always be my baby girl
but it feels like I'm loosing you. You're young Thandi. I'm scared for you. But, I
know you're a strong woman and there's nothing you can't do if you set your
mind to it."
We got back on the road and got to the fabric shop where the other ladies in
my family were waiting. Even though some of the ceremonies were being
combined into one day ma wanted me in a different outfit for each one. She
was having more fun than me. We got all the different material for me and
then we went to a few shops and markets because the ladies wanted to dress
the same.

After a long day of shopping we drove to the suburbs. Siphosethu, my aunt's

sister wife, stood waiting for us on her porch. We greeted her and went into
her house. "I'm sorry we missed your ceremony. My daughter broke her arm
at a sports day at school and we had to rush her to the hospital. I heard about
what happened. I'm glad all of you are okay. It's terrible that such a beautiful
ceremony ended like that."

We followed her to a big room with mannequins, sewing machines, fabric and
half done garments. There was a huge table in the middle of it all. "Oh my
word. With everything going on I don't even think I told Thandi you made her
dress. The black dress and all the beading you were wearing for your
ceremony was made by Sethu." Oh wow. I didn't even know. I complimented
her and we got to work.

"Okay we have a lot of work to do. Let's see what you brought me." Ma took
out all of the fabric. It was a lot. "Okay for the lobola negotiations were doing
brown shweshwe print. This dress needs to be simple. What do you think
about a plane A-line dress?" I agreed. I knew she wouldn't let me look ugly but
I also wanted this process to go smoothly so I would agree to everything. I
wanted the marriage more than I wanted the wedding.

"She'll be wearing a doek and a blanket over her shoulders. The membeso
ceremony were doing the same day. For that it's the plane blue dress with all
the accessories. The one you've been making." I was so out of touch with any
and all plans for my own wedding and I was glad because if I were in charge
of this I'd probably take months to make just one decision.

We went through all the ceremonies and chose the perfect dress for each. I
was finally getting excited. The next day I had another fitting with MaKhumalo.
During the umembeso ceremony a woman in the grooms family dresses the
bride in a new dress to show that she is now part of their family and even
though I actually had no idea what the dreddvwas going to look like, I was
very excited.

Preparations for my lobola day were in full swing. The families agreed to do
everything on one day. Negotiation, payment, and celebration. I was just
happy that I'd officially be Mrs Dlamini and nobody could dispute that.

The Dlamini's arrived at our gate so early that it was still dark outside. My
brother was so brutal he made them wait a whole hour. They were out there
introducing themselves and shouting their clan praises so long I started
panicking. My brother only allowed them in once I started crying.

The negotiations went off without a hitch after that. I was glad it happened
quickly. It was time for me to go out. I was with a couple of girls. Senzo's uncle
was instructed to pick out the girl he was coming to fetch for his son. My heart
raced as he pointed at the girl next to me.

What the fuck? I knew we were almost covered fully in blankets but I spent
more than a week on your homestead. You should know how my face looks.
He had to pay a hefty fine but when he chose again he chose properly.

Lobola was finally settled and I went to prepare for my membeso. When all
traditional procedures and customs were done. The exchange of gifts from the
Dlamini's to my family happened. I was extatic when all went well.
I was led into our home and MaKhumalo dressed me an a tight fitting mermaid
style dress. She place a traditional Zulu hat made for married woman on my
head. I was adorned in beads once again. I looked beautiful in all red. I was
so happy walking out to my husband and new family. It really was just one big
celebration and I was having the time of my life.

I spent the night at home. The very next day we held the umbondo ceremony.
Getting married in the Zulu culture was a long process. A lot if not most of it
was symbolic but it had to be done to ensure good fortune and a prosperous
marriage.

For the umbondo ceremony I had a huge basket full of groceries. My maidens
who were accompanying me had baskets as well and some carried some of
the groceries. We left home and went next door. We waited at the gate and
they let us in. This was the start of the process where I left my family to join
my husband's. We had one more ceremony to complete and then all the
marital rites would be done.

After all official business was complete the party began. After speeches, and
dancing and partying my husband and I were off to our little getaway. I was so
happy. My smile was so wide I thought my face would crack.
48

What was supposed to be a romantic evening turned into a nightmare really

quickly. One minute we were in our hotel room enjoying ourselves the next I
had to run to the bathroom to throw up. And it just wouldn't stop.

It carried on the whole night and there was nothing Senzo and I could do. The
sun was coming up and I was still laying over a toilet. I was so weak I couldn't
move. "Mamakhe I think we should get you to a hospital. This is not normal." I
just hummed in response. He dressed me and drove to the nearest hospital. I
was sitting with an ice bucket from the hotel in my lap but I was throwing up
air at this point.

"I texted your aunt. She'll meet us there." I couldn't even nod. We were
admitted to the private wing and I went through the usual tests hardly being
able to speak. My aunt rushed in. She took one look at the needles in my arm
and thought I was dying. The nurse explained to her what was going on and
that I couldn't keep anything down and needed an IV.

I wasn't throwing up but the nausea was killing me. The doctor finally came
back with the test results. "I'll start with the good news. Congratulations Mr
and Mrs Dlamini, you're pregnant." I heard gasped and shouts of joy.
"Mamakhe did you hear? We're going to have a baby." I was too weak to
respond so I squeezed his hand. I couldn't even be excited. I just wanted this
feeling to go away.

"Wait, Doctor. Why is she this sick? I've been pregnant before. This is not
normal." My aunt asked. "You're correct. Mrs Dlamini is suffering from a
condition called hyperemesis gravidarum. It's a severe form of morning
sickness." He listed all the symptoms and I was feeling all of them.
The next morning I was feeling slightly better but the constant nausea was still
there. We met with a ob/gyn. It felt like it took forever. All the questions and
repeating of tests done the day before. I was exhausted and irritated and I
needed to pee.

Eventually we were done and I found out I was six weeks into my pregnancy.
Because of the severe morning sickness I was high risk and would have
frequent doctors visits and strict diet. My diet would consistent of many small
tasteless meals. I wasn't complaining. Even the thought of food made me
throw up.

I was laying in bed eating dry crackers. It was the only thing that didn't make
me want to spill my guts. "You haven't said anything." Senzo said. He looked
a bit worried. "About what?" My voice was hoarse. "The baby. Are you happy
about it?" I smiled nodding. "Yes, extremely happy. I just feel like crap. What
did I say when we spoke about children?"

"You said you're looking forward to it and that you want lots of babies." He
said and his worried expression finally turned into a smile. "I must admit that
I'm scared. The baby is making you sick." I shook my head. "Don't think like
that. By my second trimester I'll be fine." I stayed in hospital for one more
night and then went home.

"Should we go inside?" He asked breaking our comfortable silence. We were

sitting in the car next to the house. "I'm sure everyone is wondering why we're
still out here. Let's go." I reached for my door but he stopped me. "I'll get it."
He came over to my side and opened the door for me. That's when I noticed
it. I was wearing pants.

"I can't go in there?" He looked confused. "Mamakhe is something wrong?"

He didn't even notice. "Baba I can't walk into a house full of elders wearing
pants and no head covering I might as well be naked." He sighed. "I didn't
think when I was packing. I just wanted you to be comfortable. I'll go get
something."

He went into the house and came back out with MaCele. She brought me a
pinafore and a doek for my head. I threw it on and went inside. Everyone was
there. My elders and his family elders. I looked terrible in front of everyone.
Even though my relationship with Senzo's wives wasn't that bad I didn't need
them to see me at my lowest.

I went to sit on the floor but MaKhumalo gave me a chair. As soon as Gogo
started speaking I had to run to the toilet to vomit. I didn't even know what she
said. Once I started it wouldn't stop. Senzo was by my side rubbing my back
and holding my hair. They started cooking and it just got worse. I couldn't
exactly ask them to stop so I just had to deal with the torture.

My aunt eventually couldn't take it anymore and start banging on the

bathroom door as if she was going to break it. "Open this door! I want to see
my child!" Senzo opened the door and she rushed in. "Oh my God. We need
to take her back to the hospital. This isn't normal." I grabbed her arm. "I'm fine
Ma. I'm going to have to get used to it." I managed to say.

It was safe to say the rest of the ceremonies was cancelled and little by little
people started leaving. For some reason the wives stayed behind.
MaKhumalo wasn't here to control them so it felt like they were sent straight
from hell to torture me. If they were trying to constantly feed me ginger and
water acting like it was the solution to all my problems they were telling me to
get off the floor, take a walk, and be grateful that I was even getting the
chance to become a mother.
They just couldn't understand how morning sickness could make me this sick
and that I must be doing something wrong. I almost strangled MaGumede
when she said that. On top of them constantly nagging me they're babies
were no help to my constant headaches.

My mornings consisted of me getting up and vomiting. After that I took a

shower making sure no water got into my mouth. Yes, water made me vomit
too. I was so thirsty my lips were starting to crack. I was off of my pain
medication for my back. The only relief I had was a cold shower. I also
couldn't keep down any of the medication for the pregnancy but I kept quiet
about. Senzo was in a constant state of panic and I didn't want to add to it.

I was laying on the toilet floor shivering. It was the start of December so it was
very hot. I shouldn't be shivering. I tried getting up but I could only get on all
fours so I started crawling back to the room. It was still early so nobody was
up. I got halfway through the door and passed out.

"Thandi!" I heard someone scream. They were shaking me but I could open
my eyes. "Senzo wake up damnit!" It was MaRadebe. Water was thrown in
my face and I opened my eyes. "Oh thank God. Get her to the car. We need
to go to the hospital." I passed out a couple more times on the way there.

I woke up in hospital to praying and Senzo beside me crying. Once again the
ran tests and checked on the baby. In two weeks of no eating I had lost weight
and I was severely dehydrated. I was kept in hospital for a couple of weeks. I
wasn't even complaining. At least I could sleep and nobody was constantly
nagging me.

Even though I was away from home I was still miserable. This is not what I
expected from pregnancy. Yes I knew it would be difficult. I saw my aunt go
through it but she had many good days. She enjoyed her pregnancy. Even in
the first trimester.

There were no good days for me. Nothing kept me going. Everyday was
torture.

The only joy was when my doctor pointed out that my belly was starting to
show. The little hump meant there was light at the tunnel. I could finally see
signs of a baby. And hearing his or her heartbeat sealed the deal.
I was having a baby.
All of this would be worth it in the end.
49

After another week at home without eating I was back in the hospital. I
overheard Senzo crying on the phone to MaKhumalo about how he can't
loose another wife. I really wished there was something to do about this but
there was nothing. I had to accept the fact that I would be in and out of
hospital for the next five months.

"You're up. I was here yesterday but you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake
you." It was MaKhumalo. I waved at her because my mouth was full of ice
chips. It was the only way I could get some water in. I could kill for a glass of
water. Sometimes I just put some on my lips and lick them. I was so thirsty.

"I brought you a smoothie. Just try it out. If not I know where your bucket is." I
laughed for the first time in forever. "Thank you. Let me try it. I'll drink anything
at the moment even if it makes me vomit." I took a sip and waited. When
nothing happened I took a few more sips. Still nothing happened and I gulped
it down.

"Whoa. It's not going anywhere. I also froze some into ice blocks in case you
couldn't drink it. She put a small lunchbox filled with green smoothie ice blocks
which I enjoyed. The nurses were extremely happy seeing me being able to
keep something down. In a couple of days I was back home again.

I wanted to wear actual clothes and luckily I had some energy to look for a
dress. Most of my clothes were stretch material but it was getting a little bit
tighter. My little bump was super cute. Everytime I felt like giving up I looked
down at it to remind myself that all of this would be worth it.

"Thandi!" MaKhumalo called. "Yebo! I'm coming!" I took my phone and made
my way to the kitchen. "Here you go. Smoothie with your medication crushed
up in it. Ma should be back any moment now. She went to eat breakfast next
door so there wouldn't be any food smells that set you off."

MaKhumalo was a godsend. She just knew exactly what to do. From the
moment she brought me the smoothie in the hospital she hasn't left my side
and even though I was still suffering from this illness she was making it a little
more bearable.

"Thank you. For everything. You didn't need to do any of this." She sighed.
"Yes I did. I meant it when I said I didn't want you to become like the first
MaCele. Also, I kind of like you. You're not that bad." She shrugged and I
couldn't help but smile. "Awe, I've grown on you." I teased her. "That tends to
happen." I joked.

My aunt and MaRadebe walked in. "Morning Makoti. It's good to see you up." I
hugged them and when I hugged my aunt she gasped. "Wait. Is that what I
think it is." She looked down and out her hands on my belly. "How far along
are you?" My belly wasn't big it was just a little bump. "I'm only fifteen weeks."
I replied and they were all shocked. "I was not showing at fifteen weeks." My
aunt said. "Me either. Are you sure you're not having twins?" MaKhumalo
asked. "I'm sure I'm not having twins. I might just be bloated." I tried getting
them off my back. We spent the day chatting away outside in the sun.

That was one of the few days I got a break from literally being deathly sick.
The season wasn't helping at all and neither was Senzo. He was convinced I
would die like his first wife did and even tried bringing up abortion. He didn't
say it in so many words but saying "maybe we should not go through with this
for the sake of your health." Is pretty much the same thing.

I looked terrible. My face looked fallen in and I just kept loosing weight. Even
with my tiny belly growing.
I even had to skip Christmas. I spent the day crying at home. But I was still
excited. I wanted this baby. I couldn't wait and I would go through this all over
again if needs be.

I wanted to make Senzo excited about the baby too so I ordered a couple of
things online and because our sixteen week appointment where we find out
the gender is this week I bought and blue and a pink baby grow. When the
box finally arrived I realized that I might've gone overboard.

Three huge boxes were left outside the house. As always people were
watching what was happening. "Thandi." My aunt came out of her house.
"Um." I said scratching my head. "I bought a few things for the baby." I said
awkwardly and she laughed. "A few? Those boxes are big enough to build the
baby a mansion." She came over just as Senzo came home.

"Here comes your husband." He got out of the car with MaKhumalo. "And
this?" She asked looking at the boxes. "It's just a couple of things for the
baby." I said awkwardly playing with my fingers. "Why didn't you tell me we
were shopping? What did you get? I'm so excited." She started trying to push
one of the boxes inside.

"Hello my love." He said kissing me on the forehead. "A couple of things?" I

shrugged. "I didn't realize how much stuff I put in my cart." He chuckled and
carried the boxes inside for us. We all went through the mountains of clothes
and supplies that I bought online and it was amazing to see every happy
about the baby for once. Everyone was always so worried that we never got to
sit down and be happy that I'm having a baby.

I was in bed already when Senzo joined me. I had the blue baby grow in my
hand. "Blue? You know it's going to be a girl right?" I shrugged. "I just
assumed it's going to be a boy because everyone in my family has boys.
There's usually just one girl per generation and you already have girls." He got
in bed next to me. "Haven't I told you about the curse?"

"Curse? What curse?" They were cursed? This family kept on surprising me.
"Yes, my eldest cousin used to be married to a sangoma." Oh no. Where was
this going? "She was a nice sweet quiet lady. My cousin was set on producing
an heir and when he found out his wife was pregnant he was overjoyed. Their
whole pregnancy doctors couldn't say for sure what he was having but he was
convinced it was a boy.
Well, the baby was born and it was a girl. He was obviously furious and kicked
her out and ended the marriage. She put a curse on all of us to never have
sons. Not one of us has had a son. When he told us she cursed us we didn't
take it seriously but after all our wives gave birth to girls we knew it was real."

I sighed. "Okay, girls can wear blue too. I'm keeping this." I said placing it on
my bulging tummy. "What should we name her?" I asked him. "Nthombifuthi."
He joked because the name meant girl again or another girl. The name was
usually given to the second daughter or if the parents had many daughters.

We were joking about the name but during the week it kind of grew on me.
The first part of the name was my aunt's name and what better way to honour
and thank her for all she's done for me by giving my child her name.

We were on our way to the doctors appointment when I brought it up. "Baba
I've been thinking."
"About?"
"The name. I know we were joking but I kind of like the name and it's a way of
honouring my aunt. I really like it. Nthombifuthi." I said rubbing my belly. "Now
that you mention it I think it's perfect. Nthombifuthi Dlamini. Are we going to
give her a middle name?" I shrugged. "We can think about it. We have time."
We got to the doctor and ran through all the usual tests and questions. I was
doing much better and our little girl was perfect. Yes she was perfect. I was a
bit concerned about my belly growing so fast but her weight was within normal
range and I was finally picking up some weight. My doctor almost seemed
happier than I was for my growing appetite. When I asked her about dietary
requirements she said "eat whatever you crave as long as you're eating
something and keeping it down". I was so excited. I couldn't wait for my little
girl to be here.

We didn't tell anyone about the name yet. We wanted it to be a surprise. I was
vomiting less but I was still vomiting. I would take any progress so I was
happy. I had to get new clothes almost every week because I kept outgrowing
my clothes.

Even though I got a lot better many things also got worse. Like the constant
back pain. The weight of my behind and the weight of my growing belly and
boobs were straining my already bad back. Ma knew about it but I didn't want
to tell Senzo. He was finally happy about the baby and I couldn't bare to see
him as worried as he was at the beginning of my pregnancy.

I was laying on my bed trying to get some tension off my back by strategically
placing some pillows around me when ma walked in. "Let me help." She
helped me and I was thankful. "How are you doing?" She took a seat on the
bed. "Fine ma. Laying down helps." She nodded. "I know Senzo is gone a lot
more now because the other wives' houses have been completed and they're
moving in but he should be here. He should know. You really need to tell your
husband."

I sighed. "I know ma but I don't want him to worry."

"So you want to worry by yourself. You're in constant pain. Your husband
should be there for you. He wants to be there for you but your keeping this
away from him."

"Keeping what away from him?" Senzo was standing in the door. "I didn't hear
you come in." He looked mad. "I gathered that. What are the two of you hiding
from me?" Ma looked at me and I knew I had to tell him so I just nodded. She
left and he came to sit on the bed with me. "I didn't want you to worry about
me so I kept it to myself but ma picked up on it." A tear escaped my eyes.

"On what baby? What's 'it'?" I let out a shaky breath. "I'm having really bad
back pain. I went to the doctor while you were away to make sure nothing was
wrong with the baby but she's fine. There's just a lot of tension on my spine."
Que the worry. "Okay, how's the pain now on a scale of one to ten?" He asked
taking my hand. "Seven."

I was on bed rest most of the time. MaKhumalo moved in to take care of Ma
and I.

I was getting ready for a doctor's appointment when I got a phone call from
Baba's assistant. He couldn't come get me. He was running late but he was
definitely going to meet me at the clinic. He was sending a car. I didn't have a
problem with that but Senzo was obviously apologizing profusely. He kept
texting me to say he was sorry. I had to tell him I would block his number if he
didn't stop apologizing and that it was fine as long as he's at the appointment.
He eventually focused on his meeting while I waited for the driver.

My aunt came to check up on me. "Hi princess. How are you doing?" I sighed.
"Tired." I said out of breath. "I was trying to put my shoes on." She chuckled
and helped me. I gasped when I felt a weird sensation in my belly. "What?
What is it? What's wrong?" MaRadebe came running in. "What's happening?"
"I don't know. There's a weird feeling..." I gasped again. "Where?" My aunt
asked. I was already crying convinced something is wrong. "Something is
wrong Ma." I gasped feeling it again and grabbed her hand so she could feel.
Tears left her eyes. "Ma?! What's wrong?!" I screamed crying.

"Nothing's wrong baby. Nothing is wrong. Everything is perfect. Your babygirl

is kicking." I gasped. "What?" She nodded and I felt it again. I grabbed
MaRadebe's hand and we were all crying like babies. I had to call Senzo. I
didn't care about his meeting.

"What's wrong?" He said seeing my tears through the screen. "Nothing.

Everything is perfect. "Nthombifuthi is kicking." His eyes went wide and he
announced it to everyone in his meeting. They cheered and clapped before I
put the phone down.

"She has a name?" My aunt stood there shocked. I didn't realize I said the
name. "Oh no. I wanted it to be a surprise when she was born. Yes ma. We
have a name. Nthombifuthi, after you..." We were all in tears again. "And the
fact that the family is getting another girl." I said and we all laughed.

My car came and I was off to the clinic. Once again my neighbors stood
outside because I was picked up by a black SUV by a white guy. Not a lot of
white people came to our area. The guy was very nice. We had a
conversation about my baby and he told me about his family. The way he
described his wife was so beautiful. You could tell by the way he spoke about
her that he was completely head over hills.

I wonder if Senzo speaks about me like that. Or even just has the same
twinkle in his eyes when he tells strangers about me.

My train of thought was cut short when my driver started hooting like a mad
man. We were crossing a green light and there was nobody ahead of us. He
was speeding up. When I looked to my right I started screaming. A hugetruck
was heading for us and before I could even cover my face it crashed right into
us.
50

Everything happened so fast. One minute we were talking and the next a truck
was crashing into us. Luckily I got out of the car and was able to walk and call
for an ambulance. "They're on their way. They said I shouldn't move you." He
had a huge shard of glass stuck in his leg. "Don't worry about me. How's the
baby?" He asked and I could tell he was fighting the pain. I was okay. I just
saw a couple of scratches on my face and I felt Nthombifuthi kick.

I was just worried about him. I was trying to stay calm so he would also stay
calm. "The baby is fine and kicking. She's making sure I know she's still
there." He smiled and let out a sigh of relief. "There she goes again." She
kicked again. "Thank you. Thank you God." He kept thanking God and the
ambulances eventually came.

"Ma'am! Move away!" I did as they said and they got him out and secured his
leg. I saw them carry the truck driver to another ambulance. "Is he going to be
okay?" One of them just nodded. I pulled one that wasn't busy aside. "I'm
pregnant. I was in the car too. Shouldn't you be taking me to the hospital." He
scoffed. "Really? You expect me to believe someone like you was in this car?
Ma'am step away from me! If you're trying to get money from that poor man's
insurance I will personally make sure you end up in jail."

My lip started quivering but I knew I had to be strong. I needed them to check
if my baby is okay. "No! I promise I don't need his money. My husband is rich.
Please! My baby!" He pushed me away. "Ma'am I won't tell you this again!
Back off! Your fake husband won't convince me of anything. Now get out of
the way! The police are on their way. I suggest you get lost if you don't want to
end up in a cell!"
I didn't know what to do but I started hearing more sirens and walked away. I
walked as far as I could and then waited for someone to pass me. But no cars
were coming through and I left my phone where the accident happened. I tried
walking further and saw a minnibus taxi. I waved my hands like a mad woman
until they stopped.

"Please! Take me to a hospital. Please!" I begged. They had no passengers.

Just the driver and the person who collects everyone's fairs. "We're not going
that way. We're going to the township down that road. There's a clinic there.
We'll drop you off." I didn't care. I just needed to be somewhere they could
check if my baby was still okay.

I got in and we drove off. "Twenty five rand sisi." He say putting his hand out
for me to pay him. I didn't have anything on me. "I... I... I was just in an
accident. They ambulance wouldn't take me. I left all my things there." The
driver stopped the car. "Please. I'm begging you. Please get me to this clinic.
Please." They gave eachother a look and then they looked at me.

"Give me your ring." The driver said and I was about to protest when he cut
me off. "Give me your ring or I throw you out." I have him my ring immediately
and he looked me up and down. "The shoes and the wig too." I didn't think he
was serious. "The ring should be more than enough. It's real. I promise."

I was terrified. "Give me the shoes and the wig or we'll take what we really
want and when we're done with you no man would want to go near you. Even
the idiot who would buy a slut like you a ring like this." I took off my shoes
quickly and ripped off my wig not caring that it was glued on. I sat shaking
against the door.

We finally reached the clinic and they let me out and sped off. I couldn't
believe this was happening to me. At least I was here now. There was hope. I
started walking across the road to the clinic. My thighs were wet. I thought I
was just sweating from the heat. I crossed the road and stepped on a sharp
stone. I hissed and when I looked down I realized that I was in much more
trouble than a stone.

My whole body started shaking as I watched the blood drip from between my
thighs. I walked faster. Ignoring the line outside the clinic I ran straight in.
"Help! Please! I'm bleeding." I ran up to the front desk. "Please help me. I'm
pregnant and I'm bleeding." She just looked at me through her glasses. "Didn't
you see the line?" I was so confused. Why wouldn't she just help? "Yes but
I'm bleeding. Please." She sighed as if I was the most irritating thing in the
world.

"There's women outside in that line in labour and you think I'll let you skip it
because if a little blood?" What was going on? "It's not a little. Please! Help
me!" I screamed because I couldn't take it anymore. She stood up and I
thought she was going to help. She just looked down at the blood that was
making it's way down my legs on the floor. "You're ruining my floor." She said
with no expression on her face. "And you're irritating me. If you don't leave I'll
drag you out myself." How could someone be so heartless? "You're going to
have to drag me out then. Help! Someone please help!"

People started gathering around to see the crazy lady. Who was screaming.
"Help me!" Tears were falling down my face as I screamed at the top of my
lungs. She came to my side and pulled my arm. "No! I'm not going until
someone helps me!" She was strong. She pulled me harder and I fell to the
ground. I started screaming and kicking as she dragged me out. People just
stood watching.

She didn't stop at the door. She dragged me all the way to the middle of the
road and left me there. "If you even try coming back into my clinic I'll do
worse." People were watching and taking photos and videos of me. Why
would nobody ever help me.

I layed in the middle of the road crying helplessly. I was in every kind of pain
imaginable and everyone around me just took photos. I knew no one was
going to help me so I got up and started walking. I walked back to the
direction the taxi came from. I had no idea where I was and the sun was
starting to set. I had to get home.

I finally got back to the crash sight but the car was gone and so was my
phone. I was so tired and hungry but I knew if I stopped walking I would die.
The blood that ran down my thighs was drying up making it even more
uncomfortable to walk. I was hot , sweaty, and bloody but none of that
seemed to effect the strangers around me. Nobody cares.

I kept repeating to myself that if I stop I die. If I stop I die.

If I stop I die.

I walked all through the night. It was like I was in a trance and being led by
some magical force. I needed to get home. If I stop I die.

It was dark and I got to an area where the streetlights weren't working but I
didn't care I just kept walking. If I stop I die.

My lungs were burning and my muscles were ready to give in but if I stop I
die. I walked until the sun came up. I didn't know where I was. It felt like I was
in a trance. I couldn't stop. If I stop I die.

I didn't know how I did it. None of it made any sense but I was standing in
front of my marital home. I grabbed the handle and that's when my body gave
out. I fell to the ground and blacked out.
51

The smell of chemicals and constant beeping woke me. "She's up." I know
that voice. I looked up at my doctor. She was smiling at me. "Welcome back
Mrs Dlamini." She said gently. I felt something in my hand. I looked down to
see a hand holding mine. It was Senzo's hand. I looked at his face and he was
crying. My aunt, MaRadebe, and MaKhumalo were also there. They were
crying too.

Looking at their faces my brain clicked. "No." I held onto my belly. "No, she
was still moving." My tears fell instantly. I grabbed my doctor's arm. "After the
crash she was still moving. She was fine! I know she was!" My doctor's
expression went blank. "Mrs Dlamini I'm sorry but you baby didn't..." I refused
to let her finish the sentence.

"No! No! She was fine! She was moving!" I started becoming hysterical. "Mrs
Dlamini your baby didn't survive the ordeal." I didn't want to hear it. "No! She
was fine! Please! I know she was fine! She was moving!" My aunt came to my
side and held me. I screamed begging and pleading. This couldn't be true.
She was kicking and moving making sure to tell me she was fine.

My aunt held me tightly and I felt something prick my arm before the
numbness took over. She laid me down and I went to sleep.

I woke up again and was alone in the room with Senzo. "Hi." I started crying
silently in his arms. "I'm sorry." He held me tighter. "It's all my fault." We cried
together. "No, don't say that. None of this is your fault." He said trying to
comfort me. "If I didn't leave my phone in the car I could've made it to the
hospital." I was avoiding that thought the whole time and I finally said it.
All of this was my fault. If I wasn't so stupid to leave my phone and purse in
the car I could've gotten to the hospital and avoided all of this. She was alive
after the crash. I just knew it.

It was procedure for my doctor to do a scan. She was there but there was no
heartbeat. I didn't know how I would survive this. I completely broke down
when I was told I needed to give birth. I needed to go through the whole
process if birth just for nothing.

"We can wait a day to induce labor just so you get time to rest and recover
from the accident." My doctor said and I shook my head. "Let's just do it." I
requested a shower first and then they induced labor. Everything felt like it
took forever to complete. My aunt and MaRadebe tried talking me into letting
them stay in the room but I refused.

Hours and hours of blood sweat and tears were out into giving birth to my
baby but when she came out she was already gone. I was crushed all over
again. I didn't even know I still had a glimmer of hope left that she would come
out kicking and crying. She was so tiny and she was so beautiful. I held her in
my arms as long as I could. She was perfect.

The hospital out together a memory box with photos if her, her footprints and
hand prints, and the blanket they wrapped her in. I was sent home after I gave
birth. I thought the ordeal was over but I had to tell all of it to the police. Senzo
was set on suing everyone involved.

We were told the truckdriver died of a heart attack behind the wheel before he
crashed into us. The EMT's that were on the scene were all fired and the
matron of the clinic was arrested. Family came and went and I didn't care.
Everyone felt they needed to say something and I was tired of it. I needed to
leave.
The hospital kept her tiny body. I couldn't even bury my baby. I begged and
pleaded the day they took her away. She was going to be turned into medical
waste. The thought of my baby becoming medical waste haunted me every
second of the day. I couldn't even move.

Senzo and I were laying in bed holding hands. We haven't spoken much
about what happened. "I'm tired." I said and he put his side lamp off. "Not in
that way. I need a break. I need to go away for a little bit." He hummed in
response. "Where should we go?" I felt his thumb rub the back of my hand. "I
want to go away alone." His light went back on.

There was silence in our room. I could tell there was a lot of things he wanted
to say but he didn't. "Um, for how long?" His voice was shaking. "I don't
know." He let out a loud breathe. "Are you leaving me?" I shook my head. "No,
I just need a break. Not from you. From the memories. Baba, I know you're in
this with but please. I need this."

He sighed and laid back down. "Hold me." He didn't hesitate. "You can go
anywhere you want. Just keep me updated. Maybe at some point I can join
you." I nodded and we fell asleep.

"Mamakhe, your grandmother is here. Should I bring her in?" I shook my

head. "I'll go in for a change." He helped me to the living room. Everyone was
shocked to see me but I took a seat on the couch. "You didn't have to get up
princess." My grandmother said. "It's fine. I wanted a change of scenery." She
took my hand in hers. Nothing was said. Before I could even fight it tears were
falling from my eyes.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves this." She stayed for a
little bit and spoke to me mostly about my mother. The distraction was nice. I
got tired so she left and promised to come for tea tomorrow.
The next day she came again. She spoke about the village and all the places
my mother liked going. She told me my mother was an artist and she had a
room full of her paintings. I wanted to see them. I knew where I had to go but I
was also scared of hurting the feelings of the people already helping me.

"Baba, I know where I want to go but I don't want to seem ungrateful to the
ones helping me here at home." He kissed my forehead. "Please don't do that.
Don't think of anyone besides yourself. You're always taking care of everyone
else. It's time you took care of yourself. Be selfish. Please." I sighed. "I want to
join my grandmother. I want to see where my mother grew up." He smiled at
me. "That sounds like a great idea. How long are you going to stay there." I bit
my lip nervously. "A month." I could tell he was shocked. "Okay, but not this
week. A lot just happened. Give your body a chance to rest."

I didn't sleep much but when I did fall asleep I woke up to swollen breasts. I
had been taking my medication to stop my breast milk from coming in and I
actually thought it wouldn't because it had been a few days but no. It was like
my body couldn't understand that there was no baby. I tried to keep it down
but I couldn't. I was doing so well but the sobs came over me like a wave.

"Mamakhe." Senzo woke up up and put his light on. I grabbed my robe and
ran into the bathroom I didn't know what to do. "Mamakhe, please open the
door." I looked in the mirror and saw two small wet spots on my shirt.
"Mamakhe! Open up please!" He started banging on the door.

"Senzo what's happening?!" MaRadebe joined him outside the door. "I don't
know Ma. She just ran in here. Thandi, open the door please." I tried pulling
myself together but I couldn't control my tears. "Thandi please." I couldn't
open the door for them. By now the whole house was awake. I took a deep
breath before I started talking. "I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." I lied. "Thandi,
come on. Open the door."
I stayed there the whole night. I had no idea what to do. I was just sitting there
pulling my hair so I could feel pain other than what I was feeling in my heart.
What have I ever done to deserve this? What am I being punished for?

"Thandi please. The sun is up. Please will you just open the door. I'm begging
you." I couldn't move. I was curled up in the corner trying to keep myself from
screaming.

Everything about my life was unfair. She was perfect. My little girl was perfect.
The one thing that went right was ripped out of me and taken away. I was
willing to die for her and for months it felt like I was. Months and months of
torture. The only hope I had was holding my little girl in my arms hearing her
cries. Instead I got to hold her lifeless body.

"Thandi, Ma found the one extra key. I'm coming in okay." I heard him open
the door and coward into my corner even more. He came and sat next to me.
"What happened? Is there something I can do to help?" I just shook my head
and move my arm that was covering my chest. "Oh. Okay." He picked me up
and took me to our room.

He gave some me ice packs and changed my shirt. "Do you remember what
the doctor said to do if this happens?" I shook my head because I didn't listen
to anything that happened at the hospital. "She said to wear a tight bra and to
keep ice packs on it." I just sat there while he care for me. I was officially
numb and cried out.

I stopped taking visitors for the rest of the week. "Mamakhe, I've spoken to
your grandmother and aunt. They think going away is a good idea. Do you still
want to go?" I nodded. "Okay, let's pack your bag." I just sat and nodded while
he showed me clothes to pack. He packed all of my medical supplies into a
bag.
"I was going to take the bus back home and your uncle was going to get me at
the bus station but he is on his way. He should be here by afternoon." My
grandmother said holding my hand. "No. Tell him to turn around. I'm taking
you. I'm not letting her get in a car if I'm not it. The last time I did that..." Senzo
stopped himself from finishing his sentence. "Okay, I understand. I'll tell him to
go back home." He nodded. "Thank you."

I said goodbye to everyone and we left early the next morning.

52

When we reached the rural village it was dark out. I was welcomed by my
aunt and uncle. I met my uncle's wife and son and we had dinner before
Senzo and I were led to a hut.

Only the main house had electricity. Cell signal was low and nonexistent in
some spots, and everyday life was dependant on fetching water and firewood.
I wasn't completely off the grid but this would do me good. A simple life where
all I do is focus on chores and the beauty of nature surrounding me.

"Can I hold you?" I didn't even answer. I moved closer to him and he held me
tightly the whole night. Seeing him drive off the next morning was surprisingly
hard. I didn't know that I didn't want him to go until he left. But he had to go.
He had a lot of work to catch up on.

The first week I spent resting. My uncle drove me to the clinic early one
morning so I could have a checkup. Everything was normal. I spent a lot of
time with the family and I spent a lot of time with my mother's paintings. They
were beautiful. Most of them were spots in the village and I spent my time
finding each one. It was amazing.

I grandmother got me some herbal medicine that brought my strength back

and helped me heal faster. She made sure to rub fresh aloe vera on my back
every single day and it helped heal the scars that were taking so long to heal.

I loved it there.

When I was strong enough I started doing chores. Cooking and cleaning,
fetching wood and water, working in the fields. I loved every minute of it.

"Nkosazana!" A man called to me while I was in the field. He came towards

me. "Do you need any help?" He asked with a big smile on his face. I just
shook my head. "No I'm fine." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "You're very
beautiful. I see you sitting at the river every morning. I was hoping I could join
you." I stopped what I was doing. At any other point in my life I would've loved
the attention but now I just miss my husband.

"No you can't join me." I didn't even understand why he was asking me. I was
dressed like a married woman. I had on my traditional pinafore, I had a scarf
around my head, and another like a sash over my shoulder. A single woman
would not be dressed like this.

"Oh? Why? I thought maybe we can get to know each other." I sighed. "I'm
married. I don't want to get to know you." He looked me up and down. "I don't
see a ring or a husband." He stood closer to me and I took a step back. "Is
there a problem here!?" My uncle's voice came roaring from the homestead
next to the field I was working on. He made his way to us. "No Bab'Zondo. I
was just leaving." He said and ran away like a scared child. "Thank you." I
said relieved.

"Thandi, you're new here. These boys have been seeing the same girls since
their birth. They're all interested so be careful." I nodded and finished working
in the field.

My uncle was right. Everywhere I went done guy came up to me. It was
annoying. I almost didn't want to leave the house. My uncle scared all if them
away though and it got better.

"Thandi!" I was taking a nap when I heard my grandmother calling. I went into
the main house and I was shocked to see who it was. "MaKhumalo." She
smiled and git up to hug me. I hugged her back. "You look good. I'm glad
you're doing better." I made us tea and we sat at the kitchen table. "Don't get
me wrong. It's nice to see you but what brings you here?" She took a sip of
her tea. "Thandi, what did you expect? You don't call, you don't pick up your
phone, you don't even respond to texts. Everyone is worried. The only reason
why Senzo couldn't come is because hes trying to close a very big deal at the
moment."

"How is everyone?" I asked. "Everyone is fine. Just worried about you. Do

you even realize how long you've been away?" I nodded. "A few weeks." She
put her cup down slowly. "Thandi, you've been here for two months. I realize
you have a lot of healing to do. Nobody deserves to go through what you've
went through but you have a life and responsibilities at home. On top of that,
everyone at home is also trying to heal. You didn't go through this alone. They
need to see that you're okay so they can be okay. I was told not to blatantly
tell you this but you're needed at home."

She left after that and I had a lot to think about. "Your sister wife is right. I'm
not chasing you away. You can stay as long as you want but it wouldn't be fair
if I kept you all to myself knowing that they need you back home."

I stayed one more week and then took a bus back to the city. From the bus
station I got on a taxi. When I got to the house there were a lot of cars parked
in front of it. I guess the whole family was here.

"I did speak to her but you never know with Thandi. I think we should just let
her be. She'll come back when she's ready." I heard from inside the house.
They were having a meeting about me.

I knocked at the door.

"Come in." Someone answered. I left my huge suitcase outside and opened
the door to gasps. "My baby!" My aunt grabbed me first and held me tightly. "I
missed you." She whispered. "I missed you too Ma." She pulled away and
looked at every inch of me. "You're here. You're really here and you look
good."

Next was MaRadebe. She didn't look well and she felt skinnier. She just cried
as she hugged me. Senzo came up to me and hugged me too but it didn't feel
right. Almost like he was doing it because he had to and not because he
wanted to. I took a seat on the floor beside Senzo and they discussed
whatever they were discussing. I couldn't stop thinking about the hug.

Was it because I stayed longer than I was supposed to? Does he blame me
for what happened? Does he not want me anymore? What was going on?
Was my marriage over? Was it my fault?

I was scared.
53

I helped to serve dinner and noticed MaRadebe wasn't eating much. I was
worried about her. I helped with the dishes to distract myself from everything
that was going wrong.

When I was done MaGumede helped me with tea. "I'm glad you're back." I
thought she was being nice so I just smiled. "We can all finally get back to our
lives. We all had to pick up the slack for you while you were on your holiday
away from marriage. You couldn't even make it through a year. I'm leaving
tomorrow. I don't care about easing you back into reality. This is a
polygamous marriage and we all got married to serve a purpose. Incase you
forgot yours is to look after Ma." She grabbed a tray and left me there
speechless.

I took a shower and went to bed expecting Senzo to join me but he never
came.

Since my conversation with MaGumede last night I gathered that they thought
they should go easy on me so I got up early and got right to my tasks. I
started breakfast before anyone was even awake. I couldn't clean much
because makeshift beds where all around the house to accommodate
everyone. So I started to the laundry. It would take me days to finish.

"Good morning Makoti." I heard Gogo's rough voice. "Morning Gogo." I turned
the tap off and let the clothe soak in the soapy water. "I didn't expect you to be
up and busy. Don't you want to come join us for breakfast?" I cleared my
throat awkwardly. "I already ate but I'll come make tea." I dried my hands and
walked inside with her. I served tea. The most I got from Senzo was a thank
you so I went to the living room and put away all the bedding and
cleaned. After that I did the rooms and the rest of the house in between hand
washing the laundry.

"You've been keeping busy." It was MaKhumalo bringing me juice. "I have a
lot to do." She just hummed in response. "Okay." Was all she said and left me
alone. I finished all the laundry I could and I was packing it away when Senzo
finally came to look for me.

"I guess we should talk." I could feel myself getting angry but logic told me
there must be a reason for this. I should just hear him out. "You went silent on
me." He said taking a seat next to me. I stopped folding. "You went completely
silent on me and then didn't come home. Why didn't you come home?" I didn't
know how to answer. "I lost track of time. I didn't mean to do it. I just did." He
didn't say anything else. We just sat there. He didn't sleep in my room that
night either. Or any other night. His family left and he left with them.

I distracted myself with chores and taking care of MaRadebe. There was
nothing else I could do except cry myself to sleep every night he wasn't there.

He came back two weeks later and Ma made herself scarce as if she was
forcing us to talk.

"Are you punishing me?" He didn't answer. "I was only doing what you told me
to."
"Oh and what was that?!"
"When I left you said go and be selfish. Don't think of anyone but yourself and
I did!"
"Yes, and you took it too far! Do you think you're the only one who lost a
child!? You're not! You left and I had to deal with it! We agreed on a month
and regular contact! You went radio silent and wouldn't have come home if
Mbali didn't go see you!"
"Hey! What's going on in here! We heard you all the way from the gate." Ma
came in with MaKhumalo carrying groceries. "So, you are punishing me?
Punishing me for something you told me to do?" I ignored ma and Mbali's
presence. "You took it too far! You left me here to deal with the loss of a child!
Our child!" I was getting angrier and angrier. "I could've travelled to the other
side of the world and I would've still had to deal with it! There's no escaping it!
I asked you for time and you gave it to me! I am not the problem here!"

"Okay! Stop! Both of you!" Ma yelled at us. I was fighting back tears. I was
angry him and the fact that I wanted to cry made me even more mad. "Both of
you lost this child and you both dealt with it in your own specific way. Nobody
left the other to bare the weight alone. Like Thandi said, there's no escaping
this. You can't control the way someones grieves. So please, stop this. Take it
easy on eachother. You've been through a lot."

I don't know what I was expecting but it surprised me when he left. I got
started on dinner because I didn't know what else to do. "How was the
village?" MaRadebe asked taking a seat at the kitchen table. "Peaceful." I
replied because I wasn't in the mood to talk. MaKhumalo returned with Senzo
and we ate dinner. I was already in bed when he came in the room.

"MaKhumalo won't let me stay with her." He said and got into bed. I couldn't
stand him so I went and slept in the small room. I wanted a part of my mom's
village with me so the next day I started a small garden with some seeds my
grandmother gave me.

"Hey. Are you okay?" I just nodded. MaKhumalo brought a chair and came to
sit with me. "Thandi, you're crying." I touched my face and realized my cheeks
were wet. She was right. I was crying. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me." I wiped
my tears away and continued with my work. "Maybe you two should go to
therapy." I sighed. "Please just leave it alone. Let it go. It's fine. There's no
need for you to get involved." I didn't mean to disrespect her but she was just
always around nowadays. Always in my business.

"Thandi!" I ignored the call and continued gardening. My emotions were

bubbling over and my tear kept falling. "Thandi." I was taking my anger out on
the ground. "Princess." My aunt sat infront of me and held my face in her
hands. I couldn't look at her so I just closed my eyes. She helped me up and
we went next door. I finally felt comfortable enough to cry.

I spent the day with her and she distracted me from everything going on at
"home" and I told her about my time in the village. I looked at the time and
sighed. "I need to go home and start dinner." I thank her and and she walked
me next door. Senzo was sitting outside. He had started a fire I guess he was
going to braai. "MaBhengu." He greeted my aunt. She didn't say anything and
I never once mentioned Senzo's name or our situation to her.

"Um, I'm making some meat on the fire. Would you like to join us. There's
more than enough." He asked awkwardly. "No." She glared at him. Even I was
scared. "I'll be going now." I hugged her and she went back home. "So you're
gossiping to your mother about me now?" He was acting like a child. "I said
absolutely nothing about you and I don't care if you don't believe me. Even a
blind man can see how terribly you've been treating me." I didn't wait for a
response. I went straight into the house.

MaKhumalo was in the kitchen seasoning all the meat. "Do you need help?" I
asked. "Yes, actually I've been waiting for you. Baba wants pap and I was
hoping you'd make a salad." I just nodded. "Makoti! Your phone keeps
ringing!" Ma came into the kitchen and gave me my phone. It was my
grandmother so I picked up.
"Sawubona Gogo."
"She picked up!" She screamed into the phone. It was a video call but I
couldn't see anything. "Gogo, you video called me. Look into the phone." I
tried to explain but she didn't understand. "Yes, I phoned." I couldn't help but
chuckle. "No, Ma. It's a video call. You can see eachother." I heard my uncle's
wife say. The phone finally moved and I could see her face.

"Thandi!" She screamed. "I can see you!" I couldn't help but laugh. "Yes,
gogo. I can see you too. I'm here with MaRadebe and MaKhumalo." I didn't
want to seem rude so I mentioned them. "Can I see them too?" She asked
excitedly. "Yes, you can see them." They moved into the frame and said hello
to her and she screamed. My uncle's wife was laughing her head off in the
background and I couldn't help but laugh too.

"Thandi it's so nice to hear from you but why do you look like that? You look
terrible." My grandmother had no filter sometimes. "Just tired Gogo." She just
hummed in response and I got weird looks from Ma and Mbali so I walked to
my room.

I spent a few minutes on the phone with my grandmother and aunt while they
told about everything that's happened since I was gone. Senzo walked into
the room pretending he was looking for something. "Oh, and after almost
three months they've come to fix the signal tower. They say by the end of the
month we should have cell service back so I'll be able to call you from home. I
made her drive me to a neighboring town for signal. I just wanted to hear your
voice."

Senzo was still in the room acting like he was looking for something but I
knew he just wanted to hear the conversation. "We have to drive back before
it gets dark but it was nice seeing you my baby. I'll call when the cell towers
are fixed." We said our goodbyes and I hung up. I left the room to spare him
the embarrassment of not "finding" what he was "looking" for.

I made the side dishes for dinner and sat through it blocking out conversation.
"Thandi." I looked up from my plate to see everyone staring at me. "Did you
hear a word we said?" I didn't answer I just sat up straight. "MaCele is having
a baby. She'll be coming to the city this weekend and I want to host a dinner.
It's about time all of us sit down and have a meal. The other wives have
agreed to come." I honestly didn't know what she wanted me to say. "Okay."
Was the best I could come up with.

I did the dishes and cleaned up after dinner before going into my room to find
Senzo going through my phone. "Find anything interesting?" He jumped from
the shock. "I didn't mean to. It was just laying there." I grabbed my pillow and
a blanket and walked to the guestroom.

"Thandi! Thandi come on!" He followed me but I slammed the door in his face.
"What is it now!?" I heard ma shout. "I was only going through the phone to
see if you tried to message me and you did! Open the door!" I didn't want to
open the door because he decided to jump to conclusions before even asking
me anything.

"Ma, please come talk to her." I was over it. Now he wanted to talk. After
ignoring me for weeks he now wants to talk. "Thandi please come out. A
simple conversation can solve this whole thing. Just come sit and talk it out.
My blood pressure can't take anymore of this." I decided to suck it up and
open the door.

We sat in the living room with ma there. "Not that I have anything to hide but
why were you going through my phone?" He still had my phone in his hands.
"I wasn't angry that you stayed away so long. I was just angry that you
stopped talking to me all together. My texts weren't going through and
everytime I called it went straight to voicemail. I thought you blocked me."

"I still don't understand how that gave you the right to look through my phone."
He put my phone down on the table. "I heard your grandmother saying the cell
towers have been down for almost three months. The first couple of weeks
you were there you checked in with me everyday. Then after that it was just
nothing. I wanted to see if you tried contacting me and you did. Why didn't you
tell me the cell towers were down?"

"Did you even give me chance to talk? You ignored from the moment I set foot
in this house. Not once did you ask. You just assumed." He just sighed. "I'm
sorry. I let my emotions get the better of me." I didn't say anything. I just let it
go. "See? All you had to do was talk it out." Ma said and went to bed.

"MaBhengu, do you forgive me?" He came to sit next to me. I just nodded.
"Okay, but why does it feel like we're not going to be the same ever again?
You're sitting right next to me and feels like you're far away." I just played with
my hands. "I don't know what's going on. I'm glad that the misunderstanding
has been cleared up but my heart doesn't want to understand what my brain
does." He took my hand in his. "I think we've been through a lot. You went
away to heal and when you came back I hurt you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I know Baba. Sometimes you know my feeling better than me. I love you and
I don't want to lose you. I thought that was what was happening. The thought
of losing you scares me." I had never been so open before but I was just
talking. I couldn't help it. I needed to say what I felt.
54

The next morning I wanted to dress in some of my old clothes. This whole
time I had only been wearing traditional makoti outfits. I kept trying on old
clothes but all of it was stretched out from when I was pregnant. Nothing fit me
and I was upset.

I just grabbed a long sleeve top with a stretched out stomach and put on a
long traditional skirt and apron. I tucked the top as much as I could. "What did
the clothes do to you this morning?" Senzo asked when he woke up to find me
shoving my clothes in black bags. "They don't fit." I was mad. Getting new
clothes wasn't a problem but I loved my clothes. They made me me. My
clothes and I have been through a lot.

"Baby we can get new clothes." I sighed. "I know. I'm just mad. I was really
attached to those clothes. Some of those clothes got me kicked out of
church." I said and he chuckled. "I bet it was that red dress. The tight one with
the low neckline."
"How did you know?" I joked. "I guess I was going to have to start dressing
more conservatively anyway." I took a seat on the bed. "Yes, but not too
conservatively." He said winking and I just rolled my eyes.

I went to the kitchen and made a simple breakfast. Nobody was out of their
rooms yet so I decided to go sweep the front yard when I smelled the most
heavenly aroma. I followed the smell out the gate and saw a lady making and
selling corn up the road. She was grilling them on a fire and the smell was
filling the whole neighborhood.

A child eating a piece walked by me. "Sawubona Nana."

"Sawubona Ma." She answered back and in that moment I realized my social
standing has changed. I was no longer sisi. I was Ma. "How much was that?"
She told me the price and said that the lady was selling uncooked ones as
well. I thanked her and she left.

"Baba, I need money for corn please. A lady is selling them outside." He went
into his work bag and passed me something. It was heavy. When I looked
down at the huge stack of cash in my hand I dropped it like it was on fire and
screamed running into the kitchen.

"What is it now?!" Ma and MaKhumalo came running out of their rooms with
Senzo following them laughing his head of with the stack of money in his
hand. "It's not funny." He held onto his stomach. Tears ran down his face as
he laughed. "You asked for money. Here's the money." I took a step back
when he took a step forward. "To buy corn. Not a house." He continued
laughing. "Why are you scared of it. It's just money."

He finally stopped laughing. "I'm not scared of money. You shouldn't be

carrying that much cash on you. We're going to get robbed. Stop doing weird
rich people stuff." He chuckled. "Will you please take the money." I just glared
at him. "I'll take some of it." He put it on the table and I took a hundred rand.
"Does anyone else want corn?" I asked awkwardly and they nodded.

I went to buy some and I didn't even wait till I got home to eat mine. It was
delicious. "Baba! No man!" The money was still on the counter. "What did I do
now?" I point to the cash and he just threw his hands up. "Its not mine. Last I
checked I gave it to you." I took the stack of cash and put it in a lunch box and
put it in the freezer.

"This is not normal." He said shaking his head. "Having so much cash is not
normal. We live in the township. Yes, the nice part but it's still in the township.
Stop rich people(ing)." He laughed again. "I don't know why you're going on
with me. You're a "rich people" also." I rolled my eyes. "No I'm not." I took
plates out to serve the corn. "Yes you are. As soon as I paid lobola you
started 'rich people(ing)' with the rest of us."

I just sighed. "Should I heat some of last night's meat for you with the corn?"
He nodded excitedly and took a seat. My phone started beeping. I was getting
a lot of notifications. I checked my phone and my eyes went wide. "What is it?
Is something wrong?" I shook my head and took a seat. I gave him my phone.

Ma and MaKhumalo came to join us at the table. "What is it? Why are you two
quiet all of a sudden?" I didn't know what to say. Everytime I'm just a little bit
distracted a reminder that I lost my baby pops up. "You okay?" I nodded. "The
road accident fund just paid out." He told the others. It wasn't a bad thing but
money wouldn't fix this. It wouldn't fix any of this.

"That usually takes a couple of years. How did it happen so quickly?" Ma

asked and I put the kettle on. "I called in a few favours. Darrell's family is
dependent on him and he can't work anymore because of his leg injury." I
forgot all about the driver. So much happened that I didn't even ask about him.
"How is he? I never even asked." I took a seat at the table with them.
"Recovering slowly."

MaKhumalo just spent breakfast with us then she had to go check on the
arrangements for MaCele's dinner. "MaBhengu, I'm bored. Do you want to go
shopping since all your clothes are not wearable?" I was busy cleaning out the
fridge. "Oh, we need some more groceries." Ma said and went into her room.
"Here's my list. Add whatever you think is needed." I guess I was going
shopping.

I didn't want to go but I guess I need to get out of the house at some point. I
looked for a more modern dress between all the traditional outfit I got at my
membeso ceremony. I found one and put on a pair of heels. I threw on a wig
and put on a headwrap matching my dress over it.

"You look beautiful." He came up close to me. I didn't know how to react. I
haven't touched him in months. Months! "Baby, can I please hold you?" I
nodded and we hugged. "I missed you." I admitted before we left.

"So you're having another baby." I mentioned on our way to the mall. "Yes.
She's three months along." He said awkwardly. "I'm happy for you. I really
am." A small smile appeared on his face. "Thank you."

We spent hours in the mall. Everything I liked Senzo made me get in every
colour. I had more pairs of shoes than ever in my life. We got groceries
afterwards and then we went home.

The next day was MaCele's dinner at Baba's main house. The last time I was
there was when I was introduced as the new wife. "Before we go. I have
something for you." He gave me a small velvet box and when I opened it I
found a ring. "Baba, it's beautiful." He put it on for me. "I realized that I never
got you a new one after the accident." I hugged him and thanked him again.

The dinner went smoothly. Everyone surprisingly behaved themselves. They

obviously have created bonds and friendships in my time away so I was
mostly sitting by myself sipping wine. "You look bored." MaCele came to sit
next to me. I just chuckled. "Congratulations." I said to her. "Thank you. How
have you been since you've been back?" She asked and I knew she was just
trying to make conversation. "I've been adjusting but I'm getting there. It's nice
being home." She nodded and we spoke for a little while longer until
conversation ran out and she spoke to someone else.

"You've been awfully quiet." I didn't know why MaGumede is always on my

case. Wasn't she MaMlambo's minion? Even MaMlambo grew out of the
hating Thandi phase. "When have I ever been loud?" She had a sinister look
on her face. "You're right. You're not loud. Except for this one time when your
baby died. You screamed pretty loud then." Without even thinking I threw my
wine in her face and she did the same to me. She grabbed me by my dress
and threw me to the floor. She was about to punch me when someone pulled
her off.

"She threw her wine at me first!" She screamed and everyone looked at me as
if I was the psycho. "Seriously? Are we children?" MaKhumalo asked looking
disappointed. "She started it." Was all I could say wiping wine off my face.

"Let's go." I almost rolled my eyes at Senzo. What in his right mind would
make him think I would just randomly throw wine at people for no reason.

"Baba..." I could even finish my sentence. "No. Get in the car." I did as he said
and we drove home in silence.
55

"I don't understand why you're giving me the silent treatment because you
know your wives. They go out of their way to provoke me and I've had
enough." He sighed. "I just don't understand. The dinner was going so well.
Couldn't you have just let whatever she said go?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"I could've let anything go but that thing you call a wife was testing my
patience."

"Thandi." Ma said shocked. I didn't care though. "I know I didn't get a chance
to be a mother but if she speaks about my baby one more time it's not just
going to be a glass of wine." I got in the shower and washed the wine she
threw on me off.

I got dressed in a cotton short and top pyjamas. "Baby are you coming to
bed?" I was sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing lotion on my arms. There
wasn't even anymore lotion left. I was just in a daze. "I didn't want to react the
way I did. It just happened but I also won't appologize for it." He opened the
covers for me. "I'll talk to MaGumede even though I don't think it's going to
work. Even MaMlambo has come around but MaGumede continues with her
nonsense. She's been picking fights with everyone."

I got in bed next to him. Just as we got comfortable there was a knock on the
door. "I'm not getting it." He chuckled. "Don't laugh. You shouldn't either. It's
late." He got up anyway. "Wait!" I ran to the kitchen and got two knives. I gave
one to him and he looked at me like I was crazy. "Ma get behind me." She
looked at me like I was crazy too. Whoever was at the door was still knocking.

"Open up! I need to pee!" Came a raspy voice. "Gogo?" Senzo asked. "Yes!
Open up or I'll pee right where in standing!" He opened the door and she ran
past us. "The trip was two hundred and twelve rand from the bus station to
here without a tip." The man standing outside our door said. Senzo paid him
and he left.

"Gogo, what are you doing here?" I went to put on a gown to cover up. "I
came to check on our Makoti. I wasn't happy with how things were when I left
so I decided to come back."
"Gogo, but you could've just called."
"Senzo you would've lied. I'll see for myself how things are. I won't even ask
but as for now I'm really tired. I need to get to bed."

The next morning like always I was up early preparing breakfast. "Good
morning Makoti."
"Morning Gogo. Would you like some tea?" She nodded and took a seat.
Senzo and ma also joined.

"MaKhumalo has invited us to lunch so that we can resolve last night's issue."
I almost rolled my eyes. I had to stop myself from doing so because I was at a
table with my elders. "What happened last night?" Gogo asked and Senzo
sighed dramatically. "MaBhengu and MaGumede got in a fight and it got
physical."
"Ah!" Gogo exclaimed and started laughing. "What happened?" She was
clearly entertained by this.

"Apparently MaGumede said something and MaBhengu threw a glass of wine

in her. When I got there they were on the floor." Gogo's laugher roared. The
situation wasn't funny at all but her laughter made me want to laugh. "I still
want to know what she said." Ma said bringing the seriousness back.
Everyone was looking at me so I guess I should say something.

"After dinner when we were just talking she came up to me and said I was
quiet. I told her I'm never loud and then she said that the one time I was loud
was when I lost the baby. She said I screamed pretty loud then. So I threw my
glass of wine at her."

"You should've beat her up! That girl is full of it. You should beat her straight
into next week." Gogo was furious and Senzo just sat there looking at her with
wide eyes. "We're going to lunch and if she doesn't appologize I'll beat her
myself."

The trip to the main house was full of tension but I knew I had to be respectful
of MaKhumalo's space. We ate lunch and I kept quiet throughout. I didn't want
to rock the boat. After lunch we all went to the sitting room.

"I'll start with MaGumede. MaGumede you owe MaBhengu an apology." She
looked shocked. "She threw her wine in my face. I wasn't going to stand there
and take it." I started feeling my anger rise but I kept my head down and kept
it together. "You said some harsh things about the passing of MY child to her
mother. Did you think I was not going to find out what you said?" I heard a
huff.

"You always take MaBhengu's side. Is it because she dresses like a slut?"
The whole room erupted into gasps and sounds of shock. "This woman is
controlling you with her body. She's always parading around in tight clothes
like a prostitute and she probably uses sex to get everything she wants from
you." That was it. I was not having it anymore.

"It's not my fault you're cold and ugly." I said loudly so everyone could hear. I
could tell by the gasps and the giggles nobody was expecting me to respond.
"Your mother is cold and ugly." She replied getting up from her seat. "You can
say whatever you want it doesn't change the fact that your a wife by default."

"Wife by default? Me? Okay number five. This wife by default has been here
longer than you. You came after me!" I held my hand over my chest as if I was
shocked. "I've been here my dear but unlike you I didn't have to open my legs
to trap a man." She came closer to me and I stood up from my chair.

"You really think you're clever." She said coming even more closer. "Baba, are
you just going to sit and watch?" MaCele asked in the background. "Yes I do
default Makoti. At least when I got married I knew my husband loved me.
Unlike you who looked like a swollen hooker on her wedding day. Everyone
knew the only reason you got married was for the sake of your baby." I heard
laughing and snickers in the background.

"Well, at least when I gave birth my baby was and still is alive." Without
thinking I slapped and threw her to the ground. I just started punch. I took all
my anger out on her and started choking her. She scratched at my face before
Baba pulled me off her.

She tried coming for me but I kicked her. "Someone get her!" Baba yelled and
MaKhumalo and MaMlambo grabbed her. "Thandi calm down!" He pulled me
into a room and I kept on pacing until I stopped feeling the need to punch her
face in.

"Come sit with me." He said calmly. I didn't know how he could be so calm. I
thought he'd be mad at me. I know I was his wife too but I just beat up his
wife. "Let me see your face. She scratched you." I took a seat on the bed next
to him. "Okay, let me get a few supplies." He left the room and I found myself
shaking. I couldn't cry now. Especially not here. That woman just knew exactly
what to say to get a reaction out of me and stupid me still gives her the
reaction.

He came back and cleaned my scratches. "You okay?" I nodded. Why wasn't
he saying anything about it? Was he waiting until we got home? "MaGumede
has calmed down. Do you want to go out and talk about this? We'll have to at
some point. It might as well happen now." I nodded and took his hand.

When we walked out I heard a scoff and I just knew it was MaGumede. Baba
led me to a couch and I sat down. "Do you see what I mean when I say he
favours this girl?! If I'm sitting on the floor she must also sit on the floor!" I
didn't even see she was sitting on the floor. "Its fine Baba. I'll sit on the floor."
He gave me a look that I knew meant 'Are you sure?' I nodded and
MaKhumalo got me a grass mat.

"Baba before you start." MaGumede start d before he could even take his
seat. "This woman has no shame." I heard MaMlambo mutter under her
breath. "Unless you want me to call the police..." My head jerked up towards
Senzo. He just put out his hand up and I knew I should let him handle this.

"We're all going to wait for my uncle and cousin to get here. Every single one
of you in this room is on MaBhengu's side. I don't know what witchcraft she's
using on you but I won't speak without having someone in my corner." I don't
understand what this woman's problem with me was. She forced a man who
didn't want her in the first place to marry her and now she's mad the he
doesn't love her.

"Are you done?" Senzo asked sarcastically. "Yebo, Baba." She had a stupid
smile on her face as if she's already won. "I'm actually glad your uncle will be
here. How far away are they?" What was he planning? "They'll be here in ten
minutes." Baba hummed in response. "MaKhumalo can you please tell the
maid to bring me a cappuccino?"

We waited for her uncle and they finally arrived. They greeted everyone and
took their seats. "Oh, a cup of tea would be nice." The older man said.
"There's no need. This will be quick." The whole room was shocked. I've never
seen Senzo disrespect an elder.

"Okay. I'll get to it. My daughter has told me over the phone that your wife,
MaBhengu, has physically harmed her. Judging by how her face looks we
should be calling the police but we prefer going the traditional way. We'll ask
for a fine in the form of a goat to cleanse the Gumede home. We'll obviously
want the goat in monetary value." Her uncle explained. To me it sound like it
was less about cleansing the home than it was about bribing us.

"Mr Gumede I don't want to waste your time. In fact your family together with
your daughter have wasted so much of my time already. I'll just get to it. Your
daughter is extremely disrespectful and I've had enough."

"Baba."

"Quiet! I've already sent her back to her father's home to learn some respect
and she came back worse. So I don't know what your family has been
teaching her. All of my wives have finally found peace. They are busy building
the Dlamini household. It's only your daughter who insists on causing chaos
everywhere she goes."

"I hear you and I can say that I'll have a talk with her parents and we can sort
this out and get her back in line. My question is what does this have to do with
the bruises forming on her face?"

I could tell MaGumede was getting anxious from her fidgeting. "MaBhengu
and I recently lost our daughter, Nthombifuthi." Hearing her name made it so
real. I knew it was real but there are moments when reality sets in and hearing
her name is one of them. "I'm sorry for your loss son-in-law."

"There sits Nthombifuthi's mother, MaBhengu and every chance your

daughter get she throws the passing of my child in her mother's face. So, my
wife finally snapped and retaliated that is why I do not care about the bruises
on your daughter's face. If she didn't provoke MaBhengu none of this would
have happened."

"Once again Son-in-law I understand and I sympathize but MaBhengu still

attacked our daughter. For that we require you to pay a fine to cleanse the
Gumede home. We're not asking for much." Baba was becoming impatient.

"You don't understand. I've had it with your daughter. You can take the fine
you asked me for taking her virginity as payment for this one because when I
first met her she wasn't a virgin. I just paid it so she could keep her dignity."
Sound of shock filled the room and I was shocked too. I knew in this situation I
couldn't judge but damn! What the hell?

"What are you saying?" The uncle asked. "I'm saying that I am done. I have
no more patience left. The only transaction that will be happening between our
families is you paying my lobola back so we can dissolve this marriage."

"Baba! You yourself said you don't believe in divorce." MaGumede tried to
remedy the situation. "You made me change my mind."
"Baba please! Reconsider! MaBhengu has probably given you a love potion
and that's why you're saying all of this!" She cried. "Oh like you did when we
first got married." Her uncle and cousin were in shock.

"Son-in-law I had no idea about any of this. This is a bigger matter than I
thought it was. I'll have to consult with my brothers but for now I request that
we take MaGumede home. I wouldn't want her doing anything else to ruin our
reputation." He nodded. "Okay, but since I hear my child is being looked after
by a nanny most of the time, I'm coming to get her." I would think that
MaGumede would be upset about that but she didn't even flinch when she
heard her child wouldn't be living with her anymore. She just sat there rolling
her eyes.

What the hell have I gotten myself into with this family?
56

She left with her uncle and I felt terrible. Not because of her but because of
this whole situation. "Makoti, we're having drinks inside." I was sitting out by
the garden alone with my thoughts when Gogo came to get me. "I hope you're
not sitting here regretting your actions. MaGumede deserves everything that's
coming to her. Don't feel bad about anything. You protected your daughter's
memory. That's what any good mother would do." I followed her inside and
joined everyone at the bar.

"Here she is. Ma says we should ask you. I've agreed to have my daughter
baptized at Ma's church. Only my parents and brother will be coming and I
was hoping we'd be able to have a nice lunch at your home so it's not so far to
travel. It will be this Sunday and because it's such short notice MaKhumalo
has offered to have her chef cater for us." MaMlambo said excitedly.

Ma cleared her throat. "Makoti if it's not too much trouble I was actually hoping
you would make us a home cooked meal. What about a traditional seven
colour Sunday lunch? If it's not too much trouble." Ma asked and I agreed. It
was the least I could do after the drama I just caused.

Planning started early Monday morning. Ma and I set out the meal and I went
grocery shopping. I would be making beef stew, creamy spinach, traditional
steamed bread, some veggies, beetroot salad, spicy corn, coleslaw,
chakalaka, and grilled chicken. I decided to make cheesecake for dessert.
MaMlambo said to invite my aunt as well so I was cooking for a lot of people.

By Tuesday all the babies came to the city. I loved seeing chumisa again.
Everytime I see her she's grown so much but she still remembers me. It
warmed my heart.
I felt that coming home and having lunch was extremely boring after your
babies baptism so I decided to make it special. My aunt helped me to hire a
few decorations and fancy chairs. There was a wooden board covered in fake
grass that would be decorated with the babies name, gold and shades of pink
balloon, and some flowers.

I started prepping all of the food the night before and I allowed absolutely
nobody to help. I was in my element. I loved it. The next morning before the
sun wasn't even out and I was in the kitchen preparing the dough for the
steamed bread. I started cooking everything that didn't need much
maintenance so I could start decorating.

They knew I was putting a table outside but that's all the knew. The decor
people came once they were in church. They set up the board as well as a
balloon arch. My food was coming along well. I started setting the table and
made sure that it was absolutely beautiful. I cleaned up my mess and got
ready. I was wearing an off the shoulder A-line dress with traditional print and
a matching headwrap. My food was done and I was just keep everything
warm.

"It smells amazing in here. We could smell it all the way from church." I didn't
even realize they were back. "You're back. I have a surprise for you in the
backyard but you have to go out and around the house. Everyone looked
confused but did as I said anyway.

There were gasps and squeals all round and she couldn't stop thanking me.
Everyone took photos and the elders that were present all decided they
wanted to make extremely long speeches. I dished everyone's plate so it was
perfectly presented. The prayer was so long that I was done dishing before
they said amen. MaKhumalo and MaCele helped me serve the food and
seeing everyone's expression and enjoyment made me so happy.
"Sisi, come here." MaMlambo's father called me over. "My wife says I
shouldn't do this but I can't help myself. Is there anymore food? If there is can
you dish me another plate please? Also, could you make it as pretty as the
first one?" He asked so nicely I couldn't say no.

"My love." Senzo came up behind me and hugged me. "You outdid yourself
today. After all of this I am so proud to call myself your husband. Your ability
to bring people together is amazing." I turned around and kissed him. It was
the first real kiss we've had since I have been back and I never wanted it to
stop.

But someone cleared their throat. "Glad to see the two of you are back to
normal." Ma said and then left again. "I need to get this food out to your
father-in-law but we'll continue this some other time."

I served dessert and everybody couldn't stop ranting and raving about
absolutely everything. MaMlambo tapped her glass with a fork. "Afternoon
everybody. I know I've spoken to you all individually already but I didn't know
how else to start." She said nervously and we all chuckled.

"Before we all leave I would just like to get something off my chest. Coming
into this marriage I was not always the best sister wife, especially not to
MaBhengu. I was very difficult to deal with and I didn't understand that having
these women in my life would become such a great blessing.
MaBhengu, it's only recently that I've started to accept you. I was too stubborn
and hardheaded at first. I'm saying this in front of you mother so I hope it
doesn't come back to bite me in the behind but I put you through a lot. For
absolutely no reason and I know you don't owe me your forgiveness but I
would like to say that I'm sorry. As an older wife I was not the best example for
you and my immaturity made me think the worst of you. I regret my actions
and I'm sorry for that.
I would also like to say thank you."

She started tearing up and if she didn't stop crying I would start. "Thank you
for making my daughter's day special. I didn't know any of this was going to
happen. I thought we were sitting down for a simple meal but you went over
and above expectation and turned this into something I could only dream of.
So thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't say thank you enough. All of this is
amazing."

We spent the whole day together without realizing that it was very late.
Everyone spent the night and we had breakfast together the next morning.

The house was cold so I took a grass mat and went to sit outside in the sun
while the other wives heated up some left overs for lunch. "Can I join you?"
Senzo already put his chair down. "You look beautiful today." I just smiled.
"Thank you but that this is how I look everyday."
"Exactly. Beautiful. Nothing has changed." I just chuckled. "What do you want
from me Baba?" MaMlambo's daughter came to join me on my mat.

"I don't want anything from you. I was just making an observation. Although
you did promise to finish something you started in the kitchen yesterday and
never fullfiled your promise." I just look away blushing. "Amahle! Where did
this child go!" MaMlambo called for her daughter. Amahle just giggled and got
into my lap. "She's out here." Her mother came out with a bowl of food and
she got out of my lap and made a run for it.

Her mother finally caught up to her and the other two babies joined me
outside. "Where do they keep disappearing to?" MaCele came outside too.
"They're outside ma. I guess its an outside day." Everyone sat outside and we
had lunch. The babies refused to eat. The were more interested in playing.
Amahle came up to me and put her finger in my beef stew and licked it. "Ah."
She giggled at my shocked expression and took a seat next to me. She
pointed to the bread on my plate. "MaMlambo does she eat bread?" The little
girl took another lick of stew. "Yes, you can give her some." I broke a small
piece of bread, dipped it in stew and gave it to her. She hummed while she
ate it.

"This child." He mother said in disbelief and we all laughed. I fed her from my
plate and Enhle, MaGumede's daughter, and Chumisa also joined us. All of
them refused to eat out of their bowls and insisted on me feeding them. I
wasn't complaining though. I enjoyed every minute of it.

They ate all my food and complained when it was done. Chumisa went to
fetch her bowl and dumped it out in plate. They clapped their hands and
insisted I feed them.

In the next few weeks the ladies and I grew closer. We would call eachother
regularly and talk about anything. They kids were also finally getting to know
each other properly and becoming siblings. MaKhumalo's daughters were
home for their quick school holidays and they loved the idea of house hoping.
That's what they called it. MaGumede still wasn't in the picture and I preferred
it that way.

Baba insisted on me getting a license and I said I would only do it if he built a

wall and a secure garage to park the car he kept wanting me to choose. After
the wall and garage went up I took my diving test. I failed twice.

"Third time's a charm baby. I'll wait here for you. Don't be nervous. You're a
really good driver. You really are. You just get choked up whenever you have
to take the test." We kissed and I was off.
He was waiting for me by his car anxiously. I walked up to him and sighed.
"It's okay. You'll just take it again. Come, I promised you a big fat burger didn't
I. Let's go." I sighed heavily.

"Okay, but I'm driving since I've got my license now." His eyes went wide.
"Really?" I nodded and he picked me up and twirled me around. We drove all
the way to a car dealership.

"Surprise!"

In front of me stood a white BMW with a huge red bow on it. My jaw fell to the
floor. I couldn't believe it. The car dealer handed me the key. My hands were
shaking and the tears were running down my face.

"Do you like it." All I could do was nod I was in shock. "Thank you." I said
hugging him tightly I didn't know what else to do. I was in shock.

The whole family went to a restaurant afterwards and had the best time. The
atmosphere was fill with joy and laughter but most of all love and harmony.
This was it. This was my happily ever after.
57

I was the happiest I had ever been but there was one more thing I had to do.
One more thing I had to stop avoiding. "Mamakhe, you've been up for hours.
Is everything okay?" I nodded and got out of bed. I walked to the closet to find
something I had been avoiding since I got home from the hospital.

Nthombifuthi's memory box.

"Baby what are you doing?" I got the box and went to sit on the bed. "You
sure you want to go through it?" I nodded. "I have to. I know it will always be
painful but I need to move past this." I took a deep breath and opened the
box. Tears fell instantly when I saw the picture of me holding her. I took the
few pictures we had out to look at them.

"She was so tiny." He said taking one of the pictures. "And she was so
beautiful." He added. He got up and scratched in his bag. He gave me a
booklet. "All the pictures I took of your belly I printed out like polaroids." He
handed them to me and I looked through it. "Thank you." I whispered taking
his hand and holding onto it tightly.

There was a knock at our door. "Is everything okay? The light has been on for
hours. It's two in the morning. Are you two fighting again?" Baba cleared his
throat. "We're fine ma. You can come in if you want." She opened the door
and saw the box. "Why do you keep opening old wounds? You two were
doing so well."

"We're fine ma. We're just looking at pictures." She came closer. "I've never
seen the pictures. Can I?" I nodded and handed her the pictures. She took a
seat when her tears started falling. "You know when babies are born they're
usually all wrinkled up and ugly. She wasn't even full term and she was so
beautiful. Look at that tiny face." Tears were streaming down my face and I
held her blanket close to my chest. "I can't believe they wouldn't allow us to
bury her." Ma said and I clung onto the blanket tighter.

Senzo pulled me close to him and he held onto me. Ma took my hand and we
all just sat there crying. I needed it. It didn't fix anything but seeing ma and
Senzo feeling what I felt helped.

When we finally got up I knew what I had to do. I got boxes and started
packing all the clothes that I bought for her into boxes to give away. "What are
you doing?" Ma came into the room where I stored it and was planning to turn
into the nursery. "I'm packing it into boxes and donating to the church. I hate
the church but their outreach programs are good and they'll give all of this to
people in need." She didn't look too happy about it but helped me pack
anyway.

The next couple of weeks were uneventful and I liked it that way.

I was sitting in the living room watching TV when someone started calling for
MaRadebe at the gate. I stood in the doorway and saw a young man and
woman. There was something familiar about them but I couldn't put my finger
on it.

"Yebo?" I said getting their attention. "Who are you?" The girl asked rudely.
"Thandi Dlamini. How can I help you?" I asked folding my arms. "Were looking
for MaRadebe." I excused myself and went to call ma. She had just finished
with her afternoon prayer. "What's all the noise about?" She asked and I
helped her up. "There are people at the gate looking for you."

When she stood in the doorway her whole body went stiff. "Oh no. Shit!" She
whispered under her breath and I was shocked. She never swore. "Ma! Can
we come in?!" She sighed heavily. "It was bound to happen at some point."
She muttered to herself.
"Let them in." I got the remote and opened the big gate because I didn't feel
like going out. Something weird was happening and I didn't want to be part of
it. I opened the gate and all of a sudden their suitcases appeared out of
nowhere. What the hell? "Ma what is going on?" She just sighed. "Call your
husband. Tell him he needs to get here urgently." What the hell was going on?

I went into the room and called Senzo. "Hey, you're on speaker." He sounded
happy. Whatever was going on inside would surely change that. "You need to
get here as soon as possible." I didn't know how to explain what was going
on. "MaCele and I are driving up to the main house we just got here. I'm
staying the night here remember?"

"Baba, there's a man and woman here with suitcases and all ma has said to
me is to call you and tell you to come home. I have no idea what's going on
but I just know something is up." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Okay. Let
me just get MaCele settled then I'll come." I hung up and ma told me to make
them some sandwiches.

When I served them the man gobbled his up. "As I was saying ma." He spoke
with a mouth full of food and I was absolutely disgusted. "Our mother died
three months ago and ever since then we couldn't make the rent. Both of us
have been searching for jobs but we've had no luck. Our landlord kicked us
out." What was going on and who were these people?

Besides for him asking me for more food twice we sat in silence while we
waited for Senzo. The group chat with all the wives on was going crazy.
Everyone besides MaGumede was on there. MaKhumalo did add her but she
left the group immediately after she was added. I kept telling them that I didn't
know anything yet.
"How far is Senzo?" Ma asked when the silence got way too awkward. "He
should be here any minute now." Just when I said that the gate went open.
"There he is." We all stood up and waited for him. It felt like he took forever
but he finally came.

"Ma, I left my pregnant wife because you called me here. Please explain the
strangers sitting here in my home." She sighed. "Okay, this has been a long
time coming and with everything our family has gone through I do not have
the energy to sit here and beat around the bush or even lie about this. This is
Jabulani and Kwezikazi. You brother and sister."

What the hell?

"You father had an affair with a woman named Martha Shezi and had two
children." There was a long silence before anyone said anything. "So why are
they sitting in my house with suitcases eating my food?" Ma sighed again.
"Well brother..." The man, Jabulani started. "I'm not your brother and I wasn't
talking to you." Oh Lord. This was going to turn chaotic very quickly. "Senzo,
their mother just died."

"And I assume you want me to take them in? What is it that you want?
Money?" Oh my god. This was not going to be pleasant. "We just wanted a
place to stay until we get back on our feet. This was our father's house. We
thought we'd be welcomed." The lady, Kwezikazi said. "You thought wrong.
Ma, you knew about this the whole time?" Ma just nodded. "So when you
spoke ill about my polygamous marriage why didn't you bring up the fact that
Baba made you a stepmother in your marriage?" He asked sarcastically.

"Baba." He did not have to speak to his mother like that. "It's always the
church people who are the biggest hypocrites. Why are they only surfacing
now? Is it because you wanted your church imagine maintained?" Why was
he being so hard on her? "Both your father and I knew about the children. He
was the one who didn't want anyone to know and he acted like he didn't know.
I was the one who had to help their mother."

"Oh? Okay! So you technically had a sister wife?!" He laughed at the top of
his lungs. None of this was funny and he was blowing this way out of
proportion. "Ma hear me when I say, these people will not be staying in my
house." She scoffed. "Luckily for them this is not your house. It's mine.
Whoever I say stays will stay." If we were in a cartoon steam would've been
coming out of Senzo's ears. "Ma if that's the case my wife and I will be
leaving."

Him and who? How did I get into this?

"Then leave Senzo. I don't know what all of this is but you're taking it too far. I
don't know why you're blaming me but if you need to leave then leave."

"Ma." I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to leave. What was going on?
"Thandi, it will be fine. Go with your husband." She just gave me a reassuring
nod. I didn't know what to do.

Senzo was in the room packing my things. "Thandi this is not the time for you
to start siding with my mother against me. We're leaving." I didn't want to
leave but what could I do. "Are we leaving forever?" He stopped chucking
things into a bag. "I don't know. I just need to calm down and process this
mess and I need you by my side for that." I nodded.

"Okay, but can I join you later. I would feel better if I prepped ma's meals and
medication before I leave so that I know she's sorted for the week. You go
ahead and make sure MaCele is fine. I'll join you when I'm done." He agreed
and I prepped all of ma's meals for the week making sure there was enough
for three people.
"Ma the blue boxes are dinner and the pink are you fruits. I've added all you
favourites you just need to blend it every morning. All the breakfast stuff I've
moved to the front so Kwezikazi can make breakfast. I've prepped some
vegetables and there's a lot of cold meats for sandwiches."

I packed my bag and I was off. This was going to be weird. We basically just
got kicked out. What do we do now?
58

I pulled up to the main house and the staff took my bags. I thanked them and
joined Baba, MaKhumalo, and MaCele at dinner. "We just wanted something
light to eat but the chef can prepare whatever you want." MaKhumalo said. It
looked like they had just finished dinner and I didn't want to eat anyway. "I
want alcohol. Anything with alcohol in it." A glass of wine was put in front of
me immediately and I downed it. Another appeared and I downed it again.

"Is everything okay?" I nodded. "Perfect." I did not care if I looked crazy. I just
got kicked out of my house. Yes, Senzo was rich and could just buy me
another one but that wasn't the point. That was my home. It wasn't as fancy
as the one I was sitting in but I loved it there. I was close to the two women I
considered my mothers and now I have to live on the other side of town. I was
not happy. Yes, I wanted to be comfortable and being wined and dined was
amazing. But most of all I wanted to be home. Where my people are.

That night I watched movies and drank wine until I fell asleep.

I felt kisses on my face and tried opening my eyes but the light was too bright.
I groaned at the pain in my head. "Wake up sleepyhead." I know he was
talking softly but in that moment it felt like he was screaming into my ear. I
turned around and covered my head with my blanket.

"Okay then." He chuckled to himself. "You'll join us for lunch later on I guess. I
left some pain medication and water on your night stand for your hangover." I
slept again and I heard my door open. "Baby you need to get up. It'll be lunch
soon. You need to eat." I groaned when he pulled the blanket off me. I gave in
and got up. I took a shower and made myself presentable. I even put on
makeup. They chose the absolute worst place to have lunch. Outside in the
sun.
"Here she is! How's the hangover?" MaKhumalo asked loudly. I sat down and
put my sunglasses on. "You're very loud. Calm down." She just laughed. "How
much did you drink last night?" The pain medication was doing nothing. "I
don't know." I ate silently while baba explained to them how we got kicked out
of our home.

"So, are you going back? You can't just leave it like that. She's your mother."
MaKhumalo asked. "To be honest with you I don't know. I'll see where this
thing leads. Both of them need to take DNA tests. All of a sudden children are
dropping out of thin air and I'm supposed to just accept it." I was getting very
annoyed by him and could no longer shut my mouth.

"They didn't drop out of thin air. Your father had an affair years ago that
resulted in children. Why you're blaming your mother for that I will never
know." MaKhumalo and MaCele shifted awkwardly in their seats. "Are you still
drunk?" Was he serious? Did he really ask me that? "Okay, let's all just calm
down. Before this goes any further I think we all should think before we speak
and choose our words wisely." MaKhumalo advised.

"MaBhengu, you do realize that she kicked you out of your house for these
two strangers right?" What was he trying to say? Was he really trying to get
me on his side. "Yes I do. You were extremely rude and disrespectful. I don't
blame her." He got so angry a muscle in his face twitched.

"Are you saying this is my fault?" I kept a straight face but his deathly tone
was scaring me. "No. I'm saying your anger is misdirected and you could've
handled it differently." I stayed as calm as possible. I did not want to fight with
my husband in front of his other wives. He stayed quiet.

"Okay." MaKhumalo broke the silence. "MaCele and I are going baby
shopping and sorting out a few things for the baby shower. Would you like to
join us?" She asked me and it was like the question triggered all my memories
but like always I was good at hiding my emotions. "I think I'll stay. I need more
sleep." They just nodded and left.

"You're supposed to be on my side." He sounded so hurt and that was not my

intention. "I am on your side. I'll always be on your side. If I weren't I would not
be here right now. I would be back home. Your mother has been my mother
longer than we've even known eachother. You said some hurtful things to her
and I was just trying to make you see that. Deep down you know that this had
nothing to do with her."

He cleared his throat and his eye got glossy. Was he about to cry? "That is
just it. My 'mother' has been your mother, your aunt's mother, the communities
mother, and now a mother to siblings they've been hiding from everyone.
She's been a mother to everyone. Everyone besides me. Her son." I didn't
know he felt like that.

"Baba." He shook his head and I knew that now wasn't the time to speak.
When I get overwhelmed by emotion I don't want to say anything or hear
anything. So I knew how he felt. I held his hand and sat with him until he was
ready to get up.

MaKhumalo and MaCele were out for the whole day. So Baba and I spent the
day cuddling. He would not let me go. Even when he took work calls. I was
not complaining though. I loved every moment of it.

"I've got to take a shower." I said trying to get out of his clasps. "MaKhumalo
and MaCele are on their way back. We're going to have dinner now." I kissed
his cheek. "I don't feel like eating. We've been snacking the whole day. I'll just
call ma to check on her and then take a shower and go to bed." He stuck his
lip out like a spoilt child. "Fine. Maybe I'll join you for that shower." I rolled my
eyes at him. "No you won't. You have a pregnant wife to take care of and it's
not my night. I don't want to fight with anyone. Please don't cause another
fight." He sighed but agreed.

I went up to my room to take a shower but when I looked at the huge bath I
changed my mind and took a relaxing bubble bath. "MaBhengu!" MaKhumalo
was banging on my room door. "I'm in the bath!" I shouted back and to my
surprise they barged in. "Would you please tell her we're not fighting and
you're not hungry?"

"Don't feed her lines. I know you did something or said something stupid."

"No I didn't. She just doesn't want to eat because we've been eating all day."

"Senzo, don't lie to me."

They could not be serious right now.

"Okay! Both of you! Out!" They looked at me shocked as if I was the weird
one. Thank God for bubbles or else I would be naked in front of them. "Don't
look at me like that! Out!" They continued fighting under their breath as they
left. They were like teenagers.

My relaxing bath was cut short and I had to get dressed to deal with my
husband and his wife. I threw on a random dress and slippers and went
downstairs to straighten this thing out. They were sitting in the living room as if
we were about to have a meeting.

"Finally because this is ridiculous." Senzo said and I took a seat. "All of this
just because I skipped dinner?" I asked jokingly but they didn't seem to want
to laugh. "We left this morning and there was a lot of tension and when we
came back you refused to have dinner with everyone. What are we supposed
to think? All of us have worked really hard to get to a good place in this
marriage. Having it ruined by our husbands father having an affair years ago
is not an option."

I get why she was worried but it was a tad bit dramatic. I still appreciated it.
"Okay, Baba and I had a disagreement about how he handled the situation
with Ma but we're fine now. We spoke and we're resolving it. All the tension
from this morning is no more and we've moved past that. I didn't have dinner
because I wasn't hungry and I wanted to go to bed early."

She just hummed in response. "Okay. I know we're finally becoming close as
a family but let's not get too close that it becomes weird." I said and MaCele
almost choked on her laughter. "We're getting way too comfortable with
eachother."

I had a good night's rest and woke up the next morning refreshed. The wives
were going over baby shower preparations and I was avoiding them at all
costs. I did not want to have any part in it. I was just not strong enough. I
checked up on Ma and it seemed like she was doing well. I missed being
home.

That night we all had dinner and afterwards they watched a show together
while I went to bath. When I went back into the tv room my whole world came
crumbling down. There I was on the screen kicking and screaming. My face
was blurred out but it was obviously me being dragged out of that clinic by the
nurse.

"What the hell is this?" They all turned around with tears running down the
faces. "Mamakhe..." I didn't even give him a chance to speak. "Put it off! Put it
off now!" MaCele grabbed the remote and turned off the tv. "Thandi we didn't
know. We just always watch this journalism program every Thursday
night. We really didn't know it would be you." MaCele tried to explain the
situation but I felt so numb that I just walked off.

By now the whole country has seen me at my worst and I knew it would be a
topic of discussion for days on end.
59

After a couple of days of media speculation we had to put out a statement. I

told Baba that I didn't care. Let the publicist write whatever she wants. He was
extremely worried and even though I wasn't really speaking to everyone I
made sure not to isolate myself. I didn't want anyone worrying more than they
should.

I was drinking tea outside by the pool when Senzo joined me. "I am scared.
I'm scared I'm loosing you. You're slipping away." I moved closer to him and
rested my head on his chest. "I'm not slipping away. I'm just tired of always
being the one everyone is worried about. I also know the trauma is not mine
alone and I'm trying to be at peace so everyone isn't always in a state of
concern for my well being." He sighed. "I understand but don't shut me out." I
just nodded.

"I've hired security to get the press away from the house. Also, my elders are
on the way. I couldn't stop them from coming. They want to make sure
everything is in order. " I just nodded. I knew it was a possibility. "Your phone
has been off so I've arranged for our mothers to come have lunch with us.
Can I be honest with you?" I nodded. "I don't think they're taking this well."

I sat with him a little while longer and then went to go freshen up. I didn't have
the heart to watch the program but I read up on it. Apparently the journalist
was there because she was going undercover at various clinics to highlight all
their issues. Luckily for her and her now thriving career, she was in the right
place at the right time. Legally there was nothing we could do to get the
footage removed and it was already out there. So the only thing left to do was
to let it go.
My aunt and mother-in-law came for lunch and they just kept on fussing. I
didn't want them to feel worse so I let them. The more I told them I was fine
the more they didn't believe me. They eventually left and I could breathe
again. I thought ma would let us come home but she suggested we stay here
because of the press.

The elders arrived at midnight. Under normal circumstances I would be

showing off what a good wife I was and help settle them in but I was tired.
Even though I couldn't fall asleep just laying there helped.

The next morning I was getting ready when there was a knock on the door.
"We're having breakfast in a few minutes." Senzo said and took a seat on the
bed. "Okay, I'm done." I got up and we both joined everyone at the table. It
was awkward at first but the tension seemed to lessen towards the end
of breakfast.

That didn't last long. When the breakfast table was cleared a meeting started.
"Makoti we saw the program on tv. All of us were told you went to a clinic after
the accident and they were full so you walked home. Why didn't you tell us the
truth?" I didn't tell them anything at the time it happened. I spoke to the police
and lawyers but I never spoke to the family.

"With all due respect my elders I don't remember telling the family anything.
Whatever you heard didn't come from me." Their attention moved to Senzo.
"Okay, let me explain. Everyone was already going through so much.
Especially since we couldn't bury the baby. So I decided to not tell the family
the full truth. Also, it was not my story to tell. I've only seen parts of statements
and police reports. I don't have all the details of that day."

Everyone's attention was back on me and I was in no way ready for this. I
didn't even tell Senzo all the details of that day. He gathered what he could
himself. "Um, I don't think we should stay focused on the past. The details of
that day are not important. What happened, happened and we all know the
outcome. I think we should focus in the future and more positive things. Like,
MaCele's baby." There were a few hums and mostly everyone just stared at
me. "Makoti, we hear you but the only way to heal is to let everything out.
We're you're elders. We were put here to guide you. We can't guide you if we
don't know what happened."

"I understand that Malume but I'm fine. I'm at peace with what happened. I
really think we should move on as a family." The elders didn't seem very
happy with my response but they let it go. "Okay, we should do a cleansing
then. We've been putting it off for way too long. Let's do it before the new
baby is born. We also should complete all the marital rites so that you are in
completely in our fold." I just nodded. I almost forgot that we didn't go through
all of the ceremonies that should be a good distraction.

I spent the rest of the day doing Makoti duties. MaKhumalo had staff for
cooking and cleaning so I was mainly just serving tea. The next day the elders
brought up the topic of Bab'Dlamini's illegitimate children. MaRadebe says
she knew about the children. Your father just refused to accept them as his.
So we need to make that right."

"Before we do anything. I insist we do a DNA test because why would my

father deny a son. It doesn't make any sense. He must've had his
reservations." Senzo kept on insisting on a DNA test and the elders finally
gave in.

While waiting for the DNA test results, Senzo and I finally went home. Things
were awkward, and the tension at home almost made me want to go back to
the main house.
I was busy ironing Senzo's shirt. "Sisi, I'm going for a job interview this
afternoon." Jabulani started. I tried to be nice to Jabulani and Kwezikazi
because Senzo was treating them like trash. "If it isn't any trouble would you
please iron my shirt?" He was so nervous to even speak to me. "Of course
Bhuti. What time is your interview?" He still seemed a bit scared but we
engaged in small talk while I ironed his shirt.

"What's this?!" Senzo's voice roared. "You've taken over my house now you
want my wife too!" MaKhumalo was with him. And she tried calming him
down. "Baba I was just ironing his shirt." I tried to explain but he was having
none of it. "So you think my wife is here to be bossed around by you!?" He
grabbed the shirt out of my hand and threw it on the ground. "Don't test me
boy! If I ever find you even looking at my wife I will deal with you!" He stepped
on the shirt and stormed out.

When will we ever find peace?

60

The DNA test came back showing that Kwezikazi and Jabulani were indeed
Senzo's half brother and sister. He was pissed and the situation at home got
worse. It got so bad that Jabulani and Kwezikazi had to leave. Luckily the
elders came to get them so they weren't homeless.

"Are you still mad at me?" I rolled my eyes at his question. He was being
absolutely childish about the whole situation. "Mamakhe this is my last night
with you until I go stay with MaCele before the baby is born. Do you really
want to spend it fighting over irrelevant people?"

"Irrelevant people? It's your brother and sister." He narrowed his eyes at me
as if I were in the wrong. "MaBhengu do I need to remind you that your father
had seven wives and over twenty sons that you're not in contact with? You
have no relationship with them and you completely ignore their existence but
you won't allow me to do the same."

Well, he's got me there. "I may not be looking for a relationship with my
siblings but never have I ever disrespected and humiliated them the way you
do to yours but you don't just stop at your siblings. You make sure to take your
anger out on everyone. It's becoming too much to handle. If you don't want a
relationship with your siblings that's fine but there's no need to make their
lives and the lives of everyone who interacts with them a living hell."

We went to sleep without another word. Both Ma and I were angry at him so
breakfast was a little bit tense. After breakfast I walked him to his car. I didn't
want to part on bad terms. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause my family any
harm. I just couldn't handle my emotions. For years my father and mother
condemned my marriage and spoke ill of it. So much so that I never even
bothered to build a relationship with my parents. Finding out my father had a
secret second family just brought up old wounds. I'll speak to ma when I have
a chance but I don't want us to be on bad terms." I sighed.

"I hear you and I accept your apology but please make things right with ma.
She's still here. You can still have a relationship with her. It's not too late." He
small smile formed on his face. "Okay, now kiss me." I didn't hesitate.

"Hey! There are children here!" An old lady screamed at us through the gate.
"I'm in my yard with my wife! What's your problem!" I hid my face because I
didn't want any part of this. "You and your wife are disrespectful! Sies!" She
left and I rolled my eyes so hard I thought they would get stuck. We said our
goodbyes and he left.

The next day I went shopping for an outfit and gift for MaCele's baby shower.
Everyone was wearing pink so I got a pink off the shoulder form fitting dress
and a pair of heels. I found a salon but I was not in the mood to sit down and
get my hair done so I just bought a wig and had they customized it for me so I
didn't have to do much

The only thing left on MaCele's gift registry was a stroller that cost as much as
a deposit on a brand new car. I had never used my credit card before and I
guess this was the best opportunity to do so. I bought the exact stroller she
wanted and some baby clothes.

I got home to the church ladies waiting for me in the living room. Ma was also
there. "We are here to discuss your inappropriate behavior." The pastors wife
said. I hadn't even been in the same room as her since I got kicked out of the
church. I looked at ma she she shrugged. "My inappropriate behavior? I
haven't done anything inappropriate." She sighed. "You will never change will
you?" A car pulled up and Senzo came running in.
"Oh. What are you doing here?" The pastor's wife asked shocked. Ma had a
small smile on her face. She called him? "This is my house isn't it? Am I not
allowed to be at my own house?" She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Um, of
course you are. It's just that when you leave after two days you don't usually
come back until... Nevermind. We would just like to discuss what happened
yesterday."

Senzo took a seat next to me and instinctively held my hand. "What happened
outside yesterday was really inappropriate and we were hoping to talk to
MaBhengu about it woman to woman." He nodded. "Oh, so you wanted to
gang up on my wife?" She laughed awkwardly. "No, not at all. It's just that
she's a married woman now. She's still young and needs the guidance of
women with more experience."

I couldn't believe this lady. If Senzo was here she would've probably been
saying all sorts of things. "I'm going to say this once only, my wife does not
need guidance from any of you. She has many strong women in her life who
she takes guidance from and you and your followers will never be those
woman. So stop talking around the point I'll come out and say it. There was
nothing inappropriate about me kissing my wife yesterday. We're married and
we were in the comfort of our own yard."

"But did you have to do it so publicly? There were children outside. Thandi
has been displaying this sort of inappropriate behavior since she's been a
teenager. I don't care how many virginity tests she took shes been a whore
since she was twelve. At that young age she even tried to seduce my
husband."

"Seduce your husband!?" I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep quiet.

"Yes, you've been a slut since then!" She yelled at me as if she's always
wanted to say that. "I was twelve! What's wrong with you! You're a disgusting
vile woman!" Senzo held onto me and if he didn't I would've probably been
beating her by now. "You're the disgusting one. I found her sitting on my
husband's desk with her legs spread!" She told everyone and there were
gasps.

"I was twelve! Your husband tried to rape me! I was a little girl! A girl who
thought you were coming to save her! Instead you made my life a living hell!
You found your husband alone with his hand under the skirt of a twelve year
old girl and you thought she was trying to seduce him! How sick are you!? I
was still a baby!"

The room fell silent as I ranted. All of a sudden the disapproving looks were
on the pastor's wife. "Thandi." My aunt was standing in the doorway. "Why
didn't you tell me?" I didn't have an answer for her. "Everyone out please."
MaRadebe said and nobody hesitated. The pastor's wife was the last to leave.
She wasn't even ashamed of herself.

"Thandi." My aunt took a seat. "Ma it happened a long time ago. At the time I
thought you'd be mad at me and I would end up back in the village. I was
young. I didn't even know what was happening." I could tell my mother was
not okay. "Ma." I went to go sit next to her. "All these years. And she knew?" I
wiped her tears. "I'm going to kill him." I continued wiping her tears. "Ma, calm
down." She was starting to hyperventilate.

"I'm going to kill him. Thandi I'm going to kill him with my bare hands." Her
whole body was shaking. "Ma please. I'm fine. Please don't upset yourself like
this. "When I'm done with him I'm going to kill her too. For years she knew.
The day she disgraced you in front of the whole church for wearing a short
dress did she know? Is that why?" I just nodded. "Im going to kill him! What
else hasn't that monster done?" I eventually got my mother to calm down and
convinced Senzo to go spend time with MaCele.
"If I knew I would've never gone back to that church. I thought all of this was
because the church board didn't like how you dressed. That's why I kept
pushing for you to come back. I thought it was because of clothes I would
have never guessed..." MaRadebe couldn't keep it together any longer and
she just broke down. "Ma it's okay. It happened a long time ago." I hugged.
"Its not okay. All this time I thought that monster was a good man. A man of
God but he is the devil himself."

I tried my best to calm MaRadebe and my aunt down. I did not need to be
visiting them in prison. That night I started on my hair. I took my time braiding
my natural hair down and installing the wig. I did nothing to style it because it
was already midnight.

There was a soft knock at my door. "Come in." I said and ma opened the
door. "Its midnight and I saw your light still on. I thought maybe something
was wrong?" I shook my head. "No ma. I promise I'm fine. I just needed to get
my hair done because I won't have time before the baby shower." She just
nodded. "Okay, I was just checking. If you need me you know where to find
me." I nodded and she left. I finally went to bed.

The next morning I ate breakfast with Ma and then went to get my nails done.
I kept them short. I hadn't done anything like this since all the traditional
ceremonies. I even forgot what being pampered was like. Ma and I got
dressed and ready and I drove us to the main house.

It was like a movie. Staff was all around dressed in black suits. I only knew a
few of the family members that were there but I had no idea who everyone
else was. I was glad I did a little extra with my makeup because this was a
formal event. I didn't know what I was expecting but I know it wasn't this. Men
and women were dressed phenomenally in their pink attire and I was glad I
that I looked formal. Before I left the house I was worried that I was a bit too
formal but I clearly wasn't. The whole first floor was full of people. I followed
ma to where the elders were and greeted them before I took a look around.

"Sisi!" I heard screams from the other side of the room. MaKhumalo's
daughters ran up to me and almost knocked me over when they grabbed me
into a tight group hug.
"We missed you!"
"I missed you too." I hugged them back tightly not caring about the curious
stares we got. "Mummy is looking for you. They're outside." The girls led me
outside where the Senzo's whole family was. All the children and all the wives.
Yes, all the wives including MaGumede who I physically fought the last time I
saw her.

We all acted like we were one happy family. We took a whole lot of pictures
together and I met a lot of new people. Family friends and business
associates who knew me but I had no idea who they were. Besides for the
awkward energy between MaGumede and I, everyone actually had a good
time at the baby shower. All I could do now was hope that all future family
events go this smoothly.
61

Life continued.
Ma and MaRadebe left the church. Ma even went to jail for a couple of nights
because she threw stones at the pastor's car. MaCele had her baby and
named her Ayanda after her sister. I spent most of my time redecorating. Ma
gave me free reign over decor and I was loving it. My new hobby was swiping
my credit card.

MaRadebe wasn't really coping after the church chose not to let the pastor go.
I tried finding her another church but she wouldn't go anywhere. I suggested
she go on holiday to clear her mind and she agreed. She went to her paternal
home to spend a month with her sisters and the rest of her family.

Having the house to myself was a blessing and a curse. My husband and I
were having the best sex but his long absences kept reminding me that he
wasn't mine alone There were five of us and that is a fact I would have to live
with for the rest of my life. Sometimes the loneliness set in when I was alone
but I knew my husband loved me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

Luckily for me MaKhumalo was abroad in the time that MaRadebe was gone
meaning I got her days. I was surprised the other wives weren't complaining
about it.

Senzo and I had just come back from an afternoon at the beach when he got
a call that he was needed in the office urgently. He did tell all of us that he
would be working more because of all the time he missed. So I wasn't even
mad about it. Also, we had the best day at the beach so I was exhausted
anyway.
I just made myself a sandwich and texted Senzo to call when he's on his way
home. I went to bed early and was woken up by my phone at midnight. I didn't
recognize the number but I just assumed it was Senzo.

"Are you on your way?" I asked half asleep. "I'm sorry. Is this Mrs Thandi
Dlamini?" I heard a woman's voice. It was midnight. Who the hell calls at
midnight? "Yes this is she. Who am I speaking to?" I asked a little bit
annoyed. "This is nurse Joyce from Soga Memorial Hospital. Mrs Dlamini your
husband has been in a car accident."

It was like my whole body went into shock and someone threw ice water on
me. I didn't even listen to anything else. I grabbed a coat and left immediately.
I got to the hospital and Baba's lawyer was there. Baba was still in surgery. I
sat there for hours. When they asked me about extreme measures I could not
imagine him not wanting us to do everything to keep him alive.

The lawyer mentioned me asking the other wives but I didn't want to. I just
knew somehow they would want to kill him. Maybe MaKhumalo would side
with me but I had no faith in the others. I just signed whatever I needed to sign
to keep him alive.

I waited for hours for him to get out of surgery. I was praying like someone
who went to church every Sunday and I made all sorts of promises to God but
I would do anything at this point.

The doctor came up to me. "Mrs Dlamini?" I jumped up from my chair. "Yes,
how is he? How is my husband?" He motioned for me to take a seat. "We've
done everything we can ma'am but the injuries to his brain were so severe
that your husband is in a coma." I couldn't keep it in anymore. My tears
started falling.
I didn't hear anything the doctor said after that. It felt like I was underwater. All
sound was blocked. At some point the doctor asked me if he was an organ
donor and I snapped. "No! I won't let you cut my husband up for parts. He is
not going anywhere! As long as I'm alive those machines will stay on! Don't
you dare ask me that again!" He nodded and left. I couldn't see Senzo yet but
I was not going anywhere.

"Mrs Dlamini I think now is the time you need to call the other wives." The
lawyer said and I wasn't looking forward to it but I did it anyway. At first they all
thought I was joking but when they realized I was serious they made plans to
come to the city. I could not get in touch with MaKhumalo, who was abroad
but I left an urgent message with her assistant. MaRadebe was in her families
village and she was not picking up her phone but I kept trying.

Doctor eventually allowed me in Senzo's room. I completely broke down when

I saw him all battered and bruised. I couldn't do anything besides hold his
hand and cry. The doctor and lawyer tried getting me to go home but I
refused. That night the doctor almost had to call security to get me to leave.

I got home and my aunt joined me. "Princess I have big news that's both good
and bad. Wait... What's wrong." Every fiber of my being just felt weak and
numb. "Dlamini is in the hospital. He's been in a car accident and he's in a
coma." Her eye went wide. She didn't know what to say so she just held my
hand. I was all cried out.

"What was the news? I could use a distraction." He would body language just
became awkward and she was avoiding eye contact. "Ma just say it please. I
can't handle more unanswered questions at the moment." She held my hand
tighter. "Thabo has bought me a house in the suburbs. He wants the boys to
go tho private schools and the address we live at puts them at a
disadvantage. The house is bought and fully furnished. He wants us to be
moved in by the end of the week but I'm sure he'll understand if I tell him what
is happening."

"No, please don't tell him. I can't have this coming out. The other wives and I
have decided to allow Senzo's legal and PR teams to deal with it. As for the
house congratulations. Please don't stay here because of me. Go start fresh.
We're still in the same city. I'll come visit."

She wanted to stay the night but I made her go home. I took a hot shower and
went back to the hospital I spent a couple of hours with Senzo and then all
hell broke loose. The wives arrived each putting on a big performance. I had
to explain to hospital staff that we were all his wives and we seemed to be
everyone's source of entertainment.

"Ladies I know that MaKhumalo, the first wife is not here but I need to let all
know this. Your husband is on the verge of filing for bankruptcy. The hospital
can only keep him so long without payment. All of you need to come up with
the money to keep him alive."
62

What have I done to deserve all that was happening to me? Was all of this
because I lied about my virginity? Where was this bad luck coming from? Was
someone cursing me.

"What are we going to do about money? We need to at least put down some
of the money." All the wives were at my house having dinner. I couldn't even
stomach food right now. "We can always just turn the machines off."
MaGumede suggested. "So now you want to murder my husband?!" She
looked shocked at my outburst.

"All of you can think I'm a monster but we have children. Very young children
who still need to grow up. We can't put ourselves in debt for a man who can't
even breath by himself. I'm not doing it. The money I have saved up is for my
children's future."

I wanted grab her and throw her off a cliff. "Nobody asked for your money.
Keep it. If nobody here wants to help I'll do it myself." That day I gathered all
my old and new appliances and drove all over town to sell them. I knew I
didn't have nearly enough money. I went into the freezer and got the stack of
money Senzo once gave me. That had to pay for something.

"Where have you been? We just came back from the hospital." MaCele
asked. "Unlike you I'm trying to keep my husband alive." She just sighed.
"MaBhengu you know we don't have any money. You don't either. You'll only
be able to keep him alive for so long until you'll have to let go." She tried to
hold onto my hand but I stepped away from. "He can wake up. He can wake
up at anytime. It could be tomorrow, in two weeks..." I was interrupted before I
could finish. "Or it could be two years. Even twenty years. Do you have the
money to keep in going for that long?"
"MaCele just leave me alone please. I'm not asking anything from you. If I
have to do this on my own I will. Please just get out of my way." I met up with
the lawyer at the hospital and gave him all the cash I had. It paid for
everything so far and I felt a bit of relief. "Have you gotten a hold of
MaKhumalo?" I shook my head. "Not yet. Her assistant will let me know." I
spent some time with Senzo before I had an amazing idea.

I told the lawyer about my lawsuit and that we were waiting for a court date. I
needed the money so he let all parties involved know that I was willing to
settle out of court. We set up a meeting as soon as possible.

MaKhumalo's assistant finally put me in touch with her. "Hi. What's up?" She
asked. "Hi, umm I don't know how to do this so I'll just say it. Baba is in the
hospital on life support after a car accident." I heard her gasp. "Mbali, nobody
else wants to listen to me. They want to pull the plug. Please, MaKhumalo. He
can't die. Please don't let him die." She cleared her throat. "Okay, wait. I just
signed a deal. I was going to stay here a little longer but I'll take the earliest
flight."

"MaKhumalo it gets worse. The lawyers are saying baba is bankrupt." There
was silence on the other side of the line. "That's not possible. I just went over
the companies financials. It's the best we've ever done. Either the financial
reports have been fabricated or someone is lying. Thandi don't make any
decisions without me. I'll be there in a day or two."

MaKhumalo struggled with one delayed fight after the next. It was taking her
forever to get back home. In the meantime I signed a settlement and was
waiting for the money. I would be able to cover a few months. The payments
were very expensive but I wanted him to be comfortable in his private ward.
MaKhumalo was finally making her way back. I git out of bed that day and I
could hardly walk. MaCele wanted to know what was wrong? "I'm just having
really bad period pains." She still looked at me suspiciously. "Are you sure?
This doesn't look like it's just period pains. Maybe, you should go to the
doctor." I didn't even argue with her. It felt like I was dying.

Even with the amount of pain I was in I managed to get myself to my

gynaecologist before visiting hours. The pain was so bad that I was begging
for some kind of pain relief. I was extremely worried because I had a high pain
threshold.

I looked at the time and there was an hour left until visiting hours. I needed to
get to the other side of the hospital to see my husband.

My doctor came in with a gloomy expression. She just looked disheartened. I

could not stay in this hospital. Whatever was wrong with me at that moment
would have to wait. I could barely afford this doctors visit I can't afford any
other treatment I might need.

"Mrs Dlamini I've triple checked all the tests that we've ran. You're not
experiencing a bad period. Mrs Dlamini you were pregnant and..." It looked
like she was fighting back tears. Deep down I knew what she was going to say
but I needed to hear it. "What do you mean I was pregnant?" She let out a
shaky breath. "Mrs Dlamini you're having a miscarriage."

I was completely numb. It felt like I had been sedated. I got my medication
and went to my car. I drove to the other side of the hospital to be with Senzo. I
sat by his bed crying silently. I couldn't take this anymore. Everything was just
too much for me.

"Please Baba. Wake up. I need you." I begged quietly but nothing happened.
"Oh, she's already here." I wiped my tears away as the other wives entered
with MaKhumalo. "Like I told MaBhengu the companies financials don't add
up to what the lawyer was telling you." MaKhumalo said and picked up the jug
filled with water next to Senzo's bed.

"So I did some of my own digging. MaBhengu do you mind getting up and
moving away from the bed." I didn't know what she was doing but I didn't have
the energy. I got up and went to sit on the corner couch.

Before I could process what was happening she threw the water at Senzo and
he miraculously jumped up and screamed. "I found out that this man has been
faking it! He's been faking it all!"

Senzo was standing on the bed drenched in water. He was perfectly fine.

"I can explain."

Was all he said before I left.

63

I walked to my car, got in and just drove around all night. At some point I had
to turn my phone off because they kept calling me. Even my aunt started
calling me. Before I turned it off I told her that I was okay and I would explain
later.

That night I slept in my car by the ocean.

I went back home the next morning and surprisingly the wives weren't there. I
was still in a lot of pain and I felt like I needed a shower. Senzo was waiting on
the couch with MaRadebe. I couldn't even be happy to see her. "Good
morning Makoti." She said getting up and hugging me. "Morning Ma." I
hugged her back but I really didn't feel like it. I just couldn't handle anyone in
my personal space.

Without even acknowledging Senzo's presence I went to take a shower. He

was waiting in our room for me. "Can we talk please. There is a reason I did
what I did." I sighed heavily. "I'm not ready to talk to you. I don't even want to
see you right now. So I'll give you two choices. Sleep in another room or go to
MaKhumalo's house." I said calmly. He did not even fight me. He just left.

The little bit of peace I got from him being out of my site was short lived. I
forced myself out of bed early because Ma was home. I was taking my
medication in the kitchen when I heard his voice. "Are you okay? What are
those for?" I thought he left. What was he doing here so early?

"I'm fine. It's my usual vitamins and some pain medication for my headache." I
lied. "Okay. Can we talk?" Luckily for me Ma walked in. "Good morning you
two." I don't know why she was so cheerful because she knows what her son
did and she knows what I went through because she went through something
similar with her husband's illness. This was not the time for her to take her
son's side.

"Good morning ma. I'll start breakfast now." Both of them took a seat. The
silence was awkward while I made the bacon and eggs. I tried to act natural
but they must have noticed that I could barely move. "Makoti do you need
help?" I shook my head. "No ma. I'm done." I walked over to them with their
plates and it was clear that something was wrong. I however wanted nothing
to do with my husband and if I told him he would want to be in my space the
whole time.

"Where's the bowl of water to wash my hands?" Senzo asked as I was about
to walk away. "Senzo, can you not just get up and go wash your hands?" I
walked back slowly, filled a bowl with water, and got a dry cloth. He was
looking at me up and down. "A headache." He mumbled sarcastically. "You
usually go on your knees." He was testing me. He knew something was wrong
and he was on a mission to torture it out of me.

"Senzo come on. You can see she's not feeling well." Ma tried reasoning with
him but I myself was stubborn. I bent down and got on my knees. The pain
made the tears spill from my eyes. He washed and dried his hands anyway.
When I tried to get up what felt like a huge wave of pain hit me and the bowl of
water fell from hands and spilled everywhere. I held onto my abdomen for
dear life.

"What have you done to her?!" I heard MaKhumalo's voice. Senzo helped me
up and I didn't create a scene. He helped me to our bedroom and got me dry
clothes. "Are you sick?" I just nodded. "Did I make you sick?" I didn't know
what to say. I didn't know what caused the miscarriage but the thought that it
was caused by his 'illness' lingered at the back of my mind. I just shrugged at
his question.
"What do you need?" I could see the guilt on his face but I was not ready to
have a proper conversation with him. "Sleep." My voice came out in a
whisper. I was so tired but the more I tried to sleep the harder it got. He
helped me get dressed and he put me to bed.

By now you'd think I would be used to physical pain but the pain I was in was
excruciating. I heard the wives having a meeting but I couldn't hear what they
were saying. I also didn't care but the noise was irritating me.

Over the next few days the pain became more bearable. I could move more.
My aunt came to visit to gather the last of her things. I made tea and we went
to sit outside. "MaRadebe tells me you've been sick." I just sighed. "He faked
it." She looked confused. I assumed they told her. "Faked what?" She really
didn't know. "I thought they told you?" She shook her head. "I was going to
ask what was going on the night you disappeared but I assumed you'd tell me
at some point but your husband is back on his feet. I prayed for him
everyday."

"Ma."
"Yes?"
"He faked it all. He was in a minor car accident. All he had was a few scrapes.
He was never in a coma." She blinked multiple times as if she was glitching.
"But why?" I shrugged. "I don't know and I don't care."
"Thandi." Was all she could say. She was too shocked. I went with her to the
house I grew up in and helped her pack the last of her things. It was nice
spending time with my mother again. Since getting married it's been one thing
after the next. I rarely see her because my life has been so crazy.

I waved goodbye to her and made my way back inside my marital home. The
yard was full of cars and I knew the wives were here. What I didn't know was
that they brought Gogo and the elders with them. I greeted and went to cover
my head. A mat laid on the floor for me to sit but my body wasn't healed
properly yet.

"I don't mean to offend anyone but I can't sit on the floor." I also didn't feel like
it. All the other wives were sat on couches and chairs. Why was I the only one
sitting on the floor in my own house? "What do you mean?" Before I could
answer Senzo cleared his throat. "Umm, MaBhengu hasn't been feeling well
and she's still building up her strength. I'll go get a chair from the kitchen."
They had disappointed looks on their faces and they're looks were directed at
me. I had no energy for this. They were clearly brought here for me.

Senzo put the chair down for me and I sat. "Your husband called us here to sit
down with all of you and have a discussion. He says that he has not been
allowed to explain himself." I was wearing a hoody so I put my hands in
pockets to keep from fiddling. I really did not want to loose my temper.

"It may seem like we're forcing you to listen but I think it is necessary that you
do. I believe that our son was justified in his decision. He needed to be sure
for himself if his wives had his best interest at heart. So I'll allow him to
explain."

I really didn't want to do this but I was trapped. Anything he says now will
make everything right and that angered me. "The night of the accident I was at
the office and I was speaking to my lawyer who spoke to the accountants.
They saw a drastic increase in everyone's spending." This was about money?
Really?

"Especially in MaBhengu's spending." Wow, this was ridiculous. "I said I would
speak to everyone and find out what was going on but on my way home I got
into a minor car accident. I didn't want to worry anyone so I called my lawyer
who wasn't far behind me. We came up with the plan to act as if I was sick to
see who was in it for the money. MaBhengu was the only one who passed.
Everyone else would rather save themselves. So I don't understand why I'm
being treated like this."

He really just made himself the victim. I was so over it. I was done. I was
exhausted. "May I speak?" A small smile formed on his face. "Yes please." He
seemed eager to hear what I was going to say. "You said I had the highest
spending. Why was that?" He cleared his throat awkwardly. "You spent more
than anyone else on your credit card." I just nodded. "Okay, but why? Could it
maybe be because we were renovating? We wanted to modernize the house
and you told me it would be easier to pay for everything using my card and
even though I knew you didn't really care much about what I bought I still ran
every purchase by you."

"Oh, wow." MaKhumalo said in shock folding her arms. "Also, aren't your
children growing? Obviously expenses will grow for each household especially
if more children are being born. Did you take any of that into consideration
when your lawyer told you about our expenses?" He just sat there looking like
a fish out of water. "After almost three weeks of torture and suffering thinking
that you were dying I'm so supposed to be happy that I a passed your stupid
test." I was so angry but also so exhausted that I just sounded defeated.

"Mamakhe, it's a good thing. You showed me that you're the only one who is
willing to fight for me." I saw MaKhumalo role her eyes. "You do realize you
made us believe that you had no money and that keeping you alive would put
us all in even more debt. Everyone else here has children. They had to make
peace with the fact that you were dead and scrape every single cent they had
left together to keep their children alive. Your children. How could you be so
short-sighted and think the only factor to take into consideration was you?"
"MaBhengu, please. He is still your husband. Don't take up that tone with
him." That was it for me. I wanted them to feel the pain I was feeling. I wanted
Senzo and his family to suffer the same way I was suffering. "Did you know I
was pregnant when all of this was happening." Gasps went around the room.
Most of them excited but the look of realization hit MaCele's face first. "Is that
why you're sick?" Senzo question with the stupidest smile on his face.

"No, I lost the baby. "

"No."
"Yes, I had a miscarriage."
64

The family stayed in the living room reprimanding Senzo but I wanted nothing
to do with it. I went to the kitchen and got some water. "MaBhengu." MaCele
joined me in the kitchen. "I'm sorry for your loss." I just nodded and sipped my
water. "The day I said you should go see a doctor..." I didn't let her finish. I just
nodded again.

"Why didn't you tell us? We could've helped you through it." I just sighed. "A
lot happened that day." Was all I could come up with. "I understand. How are
you feeling now?" I didn't know what to answer. That was a loaded question.
"I'm okay." I lied. "Okay. Maybe one day all of us can go out somewhere. We
could have lunch or something. You've been stuck in the house forever." She
suggested. "Maybe. We'll see."

It was late when they finally stopped yelling. They said something about
paying a fine to each of the families to cleanse their homes. I was annoyed.
Even though it was late there was still a knock on the door. Surprisingly it was
the lawyer. He tried giving me a thick envelope filled with all the money I gave
him to pay the hospital bill. I refused the cash and stood there awkwardly.
Eventually Senzo took it. He didn't even say anything before he left.

I took my time in the shower that night because I didn't want to speak to
anyone. I made my way to the room to find Senzo there. "Why didn't you tell
me?" He had zero right to question anything that I did. I opened my drawer
and got my purse out. "Here." I handed him my credit card. "I don't want it."
He insisted but I threw it to his side of the bed. "Don't send me anymore
money either." All he could do was sigh. I didn't want anything from him
anymore. I would use the money I got from the road accident fund to keep the
house going.
We shared a bed that night but not once did we fall asleep. There was
something in me that hated him. In the two years that we've been married
there has never been peace. There has never been happiness. So much
keeps on happening that I didn't even realize we were going for two years.
Never have we ever celebrated an anniversary or a birthday. Or just anything
that was just for us. We have gotten so much bad luck that I was starting to
think this was a mistake.

Two months went by with no communication with my husband. I didn't even

spend Christmas and New Years with the family. I just dropped Ma off at
family events and came back home. Every month Senzo still sent me an
allowance and I sent it back. I wanted nothing to do with his money.

The money from the lawsuit paid out and I was rich. I no longer needed him
for anything and I was relieved about it. I used the money to get surgery on
my back to remove the scars. Even though I had a lot of money and I was
generally okay, I was still very bored.

That's why I got a job. I was working for a catering company. At first I just did
deliveries but I got promoted to a cook and I loved every minute of it.

I kept in touch with my family. Both my mother's and father's side. We weren't
extremely close but it was nice to know that they were there. I hadn't told
anyone about my marital problems not even my aunt. She thought all was
well.

"Here she is. How was work Makoti?" Ma asked as soon as I set foot in the
house. I was surprised to see Gogo sitting there sipping tea. The last time I
saw her was when I spilled the beans on the miscarriage.

"Evening Ma. Gogo." She nodded in response. "Come sit with us." I took a
seat on the couch. I really just wanted to go to sleep. Today was a long day.
"How are you doing?" Gogo asked in her raspy voice. "I'm fine and you
Gogo." I was not in the mood for pleasantries but here we are I guess. "I'm not
so good my child. I was hoping to find your husband at home. The other wives
told me it is your night to have your husband at home. Where is he?" Ma
bowed her head in shame. "I wouldn't know Gogo. I don't question his
whereabouts."

She place her cup on the coffee table and dug in her top. She pulled out her
phone. She pressed a few buttons and the phone started dialing on
loudspeaker. "Hello Gogo."
"MaKhumalo. I'm here at MaBhengu's house and she doesn't know where her
husband is. Is he maybe with you?"
"No he is not. When we left work he said he was going to her."
"Okay. Thanks. I'll try the others. Goodnight"

She called all four wives and all of them said they were under the impression
that he was with me. I hadn't seen him in months. Not even on social media.
"Does anyone want to explain to me what's going on?" I really didn't care
anymore. "Baba is a man and as his wife I have no right to question him. I'm
sure wherever he is, he's safe. I've had an extremely long day. I would really
love to go to bed if you'll excuse me."

I woke up early the next morning to make breakfast and clean around the
house. I was only working half days so I still had a lot of time to take care of
Ma and look after the house. Ma and Gogo sat down for breakfast but I didn't
join them.

I needed to do laundry but I didn't have time today. I got my work clothes
ready before I went to start dinner. "What are you making today?" Ma asked
excitedly. "Just a stew Ma. Nothing fancy. I wanted to make steamed bread
but I didn't prepare the dough early enough. I won't be home late so I'll come
make pap for dinner." Her eyes lit up. "You're making us fat." We both giggled
and she spent my cooking time in the kitchen with me.

Work was quick today. We didn't have a complicated menu and I was mostly
just on ingredient prep. I pulled up to my driveway and my whole mood just
shifted. The wives were parked in my yard.

I hadn't seen them in so long and I wasn't in the mood to smile and have
conversation but I had to go inside. I heard banter and laughter coming from
the kitchen so I went straight to my room to have some quiet time and to
change into something more comfortable.

"I don't know where she is. She said she'll be back early. Let me call." I heard
outside my door. "I'm here ma!" I guess I had to face them at some point. I put
on my slippers and joined them. All of a sudden we were all besties and
everyone wanted a hug. Even MaGumede. "We know you already made
dinner but we added a few more things. We're about to dish up."

Any other time I would've offered to help but now I just let them do what they
wanted to do. Ma was about to pray for the food when there was a knock on
the door. I was closest to the door so I opened it. When I saw who it was I
wished I had checked through the window.

"Mamakhe." I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. He was standing there with
a dumb smile on his face holding a bunch of roses in one hand and a bottle of
wine in the other.
65

I let him in and took the flowers saying nothing. I'm pretty sure everyone
sensed the tension and was just ignoring it. MaCele dished a plate for him
while I went to go throw the flowers in the trash outside. When we were all
settled ma did the prayer but since Senzo was here there was nowhere for me
to sit.

"You can bring one of the mats and come sit here." He motioned to the empty
spot next to him. Ma was chewing on her food glaring at him. I got a chair
from the kitchen table and sat on the opposite side of the room. I ate my food
silently while everyone had a conversation.

"What do you think MaBhengu?" I looked up from my half eaten plate.

"About?" I asked MaCele. I guess it wasn't clear that I wasn't listening. "We
were talking about a girl's day where we can all just go out and relax and get
to know each other again."

"I'm working tomorrow."

"On a Saturday?"
"Yes, on a Saturday."
"When are you ever off? Every time we want to do something you're working."
MaCele complained. "Maybe she should give us her schedule since our plans
always get overruled by her." MaGumede added. "All of you can go and have
your girls day without me. Nobody is stopping you."

"MaBhengu I think MaCele wanted this to be something that we all do

together. Yes we are different households but we're still one family. We
wanted to build a sense of unity. I think doing activities together is a push in
the right direction." I almost puked at the explanation MaKhumalo had for this
bullshit.
"Well, I'm busy. Maybe I'll join you another time." Sighs went around the room
becore Gogo also started. "But it's only one day. I'm sure you can call and
take the day off." I didn't respond because I knew anything that came out of
my mouth would be disrespectful.

I was over it. I didn't even finish my food. I was in the kitchen doing the dishes
when MaKhumalo walked in. "So, are you taking the day off?" I stopped what I
was doing and grabbed a cloth to dry my hands. "No."
"Thandi don't be like this. We're only trying to bring our family together so we
can grow."
"You can grow without me. I don't have the energy to be fake."
"Thandi come on. We're not the same as we once were. The wives have
matured and realized that fighting eachother won't help. Come on. If not for
me do it for our husband."

I went back to my dishes. "I don't have a husband but I'm glad all of you are
happy."

"Thandi... Okay, nevermind."she left me alone and I was extremely happy

when they left. I was ironing my work clothes in the kitchen when Senzo
walked in. "So you have a job now?" I didn't want to even look at him but I
couldn't exactly avoid him. "Yes." Was all I could say.

"Is this why you've not been taking my money?" His question infuriated me.
"Why would you want me to take your money?" Gogo walked in but I didn't
care. "The problem was that I was using your money right. So, I've stopped
using it. Now that's a problem too?"

"Are you still on about that? It happened so long ago. You should get over it."
He was not serious. "Why are you here? Why did you come back? We were
finding some type of normal without and obviously you have to sweep back in
and ruin it." I could tell he was getting angry. His jaw started twitching. "I don't
want you working! I send you enough money every month! You're only
working because you want to get back at me for what I did!"

"I don't need your money anymore. I make sure to send it back to you every
month. Your issue with me was that I used your money. So I've stopped using
it. You should be happy." I kept calm and unplugged my iron so I could put it
away. "Thandi you're getting on my last nerve now!"

"Hey! What is it with you!?" Ma shouted at him. "This has nothing to do with
any of you!" He said to ma and gogo. "Oh, nothing to do with us. You've
abandoned Thandi for months and you think I'm going to let you come in here
and scream at her! Try me one more time and I'll put you out!"

"Ma if you want to put me out then do that. I don't care. This is not the only
woman in my life." He pointed at me aggressively. "Not by far. In fact there are
more women then even all five of my wives and this one standing here is the
most useless of them all! Every single time she manages to get pregnant she
looses the baby! How can you not even manage doing the one thing a woman
is supposed to do? You're useless! And I'll soon find your replacement!"

I was frozen. I couldn't breathe. It was like his words were choking me. "That's
it! Get out! Get out of my house!" Ma yelled and started pulling him. "With
pleasure!" He left slamming the door. I had never seen him like this. I had no
idea how to react or what to do with myself. I calmly started putting the things I
used away.

"Thandi." I heard Gogo's voice. "I'm fine. Don't worry about it." I took my
clothes for tomorrow and hung them up before getting in bed. "Thandi, can I
come in?" I wiped the stray tears before answering. "Yes, ma."
She came in with her head bowed. "Thand, I'm sorry. He had one too many
glasses of wine at dinner. He's just a bit tipsy he didn't mean anything." It was
in that moment that I realized that it didn't matter how much I loved and cared
for her she was a mother first. His mother and I couldn't blame her for that.
"Don't worry about it Ma. I understand." She reached a shaky hand out to me
and I sat up and took it. She sat down with me. Her eyes welling up with tears.
"He'll come back to us. I know he will. He'll work out whatever it is that is
wrong with him and then he'll be fine. He'll come back to us. We just need to
be patient a little while longer. He always comes back and this time I know
he'll come back. He loves you and he can't live without you. He'll come back. I
know he will. He'll come back." She nodded trying to convince herself. She
was not okay and I didn't like seeing her like this. So I just nodded too and
gave her a small smile

I have never seen ma look so scared and weak before. She left my room and I
laid awake the whole night crying silently. I wanted to leave but there was still
a part of me that loved him. I hated myself for loving him. He was causing me
so much pain.

I got up when my alarm went off. I splashed my face with some cold water. I
had been crying for months so eye drops became part of my morning routine.
I would be coming home in the middle of the day so I didn't cook.

I was about to leave when there was banging on the door. "Open up!" I heard
Senzo. He sounded drunk. "Open this door!" He slurred his words. I put on the
light and opened the door. He stood there extremely drunk with what looked
like a prostitute on his arm. "Move!" He pushed passed me. It's only when I
noticed he was making his way to my room with his slut that I sprung into
action.
"Where do you think you're going?!" I tried pulling him by his jacket but it just
angered him. He grabbed my top with all the strength that he had and threw
me down to the ground. On my way down the side of my face hit the edge of
the table so hard I thought i broke something in my face. I let out a scream so
loud I was sure the whole neighborhood heard.

Ma and Gogo came running out of their rooms. "What have you done!?" Ma
screamed coming to help me up. I could taste the blood in my mouth and the
side of my face was throbbing. "Mamakhe, I'm sorry I didn't mean to..." I could
hardly touch my mouth. Something was definitely broken.

I looked up and he was coming towards me. "Baby leave her alone. I've got
something for you." Gogo was just standing there in shock. I looked up at the
girl speaking to my husband like that in my house. She pulled out a small
baggy filled with something white. "Come baby. Don't worry about these
people." He looked at me one more time before he walked off into my room
with the girl.

"Thandi, come. Don't worry about it. Let me help you up." I got up and went to
the toilet. When I rinsed out my mouth half a tooth came out with the water.
The side of my face I fell on felt like it was on fire. I couldn't even touch it.
Music started playing loudly. He was really having a party in our bedroom with
some skank.

"Thandi can I come in." I didn't care who wanted to say or do what. I just
wanted to be left alone. "I'm fine ma." My voice was muffled because I couldn't
move it much. I cleaned myself up and just sat there. "Thandi your phone
keeps ringing." It was ma again. "I think it's your boss."

Work! Shit! I completely forgot about it. I stood up from the floor and went to
get me phone. Senzo music was still going so I took the call in the bathroom.
"Cindy hi." I tried sounding normal but it just hurt too much to open my mouth
wider. "Thandi where the hell are you! You were supposed to be here an hour
ago! This is one of our busiest days yet. We're catering two funerals this
morning and a conference at lunch! Where the fuck are you!?"

"Cindy, I'm so sorry something came up. I can't make it to work today but
Gweneth was asking about picking up extra shifts. I'm sure she'd be able to fill
in for me." The throbbing and broken lip made it difficult to talk. "Thandi, I
need you on ingredient prep. Nobody else chops as fast and precise as you.
You're going to delay our whole day." I didn't know what to say. There was no
way I could go to work like this. "Cindy I'm sorry."
"Thandi, if you don't get your ass down here in the next half hour, you can
forget about this job!" There was nothing I could do. Nothing at all. "I'm sorry.
I..." She hung up on me.

That was it. I lost my job. The only escape from this hell hole I was in. I didn't
know what to do anymore. Was my whole life just some kind of punishment.
And for what? What have I done that was so bad to be on the receiving end of
this constant torture.
I've experienced every kind of pain there is.
What did I do to deserve any of this?
66

I was tired of hearing Senzo and his girlfriend going at it in our matrimonial
bed so I went to sit outside. I was in the backyard sitting on a grass mat
drowning my sorrows in his expensive liquor.

I heard cackling and laughing coming around the corner. It was a group of
women and I knew exactly who. My damn sister wives. "MaBhengu. You
stayed." MaGumede said happily. "Ma said we'd find you here. Ma and Gogo
are sitting out front. Both of them in the worst mood." MaCele added.

"Thandi we're talking to you!" MaKhumalo said loudly but I just lifted my glass
and drank whatever was left. "Thandi you're being childish. Ma called us over
to come get you." I just sat staring into space. I couldn't. I could do anything
besides drink. I wanted to be numb. Mentally and physically.

"This woman is not serious! MaBhengu!" MaGumede yelled angrily. She

walked over to me. I guess she wanted to pull my leg to get my attention but
she gasped when she saw my face. She put her hands over her mouth and
took a couple of steps back.

"Mbali." MaGumede's voice was shaky. As if she was about to cry. "Mbali."
She said more sternly. MaKhumalo walked over with the others who all had
the same reaction. "Who did this to you?" I poured myself another glass. "It
can't be. No. Senzo would never." I took a sip watching MaKhumalo try and
convince herself that her husband wasn't a monster.

"He did. We saw it with our own eyes." Gogo's raspy voice came from around
the corner. "He came in here with his mistress and beat his wife. He took her
to the room. They haven't come out since. The elders are on their way. They'll
be here in a couple of hours." MaKhumalo was frantically wiping away tears
but they wouldn't stop falling.
I on the other hand didn't care anymore. They went into the house and there
was a lot of shouting and screaming. I'm sure, like always, the neighbors were
probably trying to figure out what was going on. I eventually went inside and
took a nap.

"Thandi. Thandi wake up the elders are here." I tried cleaning some of the dry
blood off my lip. I looked even worse now because the bruise was getting
darker. My head and side of my face was pounding. "I brought something for
the pain." I took the medication because any relief would help. "Here. Put this
on." I didn't want to but I put on the apron she gave me and I let her cover my
head before walking out of the room.

I sat on the floor in front of everyone. I didn't even care who was there but I
did notice that Senzo wasn't.

"Makoti it's nice to see you again even under not so good circumstances."
Senzo's uncle said. The whole room was just awkward. It felt like walking in a
room where everyone besides you knew what was coming.

"Makoti on behalf of the Dlamini family and your husband we would just like to
appologize for what happened here. I'm sure you can see that your husband
is not himself. We as a family will have to sit and talk things out before finding
a way forward."

I had no idea where this was going but I knew it was definitely not going in my
favour. I've seen too many movies and read to many books. I knew I needed
to get out of here but for now I needed to play along. Luckily for me playing
along meant sitting here and being quiet.

"Makoti I would like to remind you that you are now part of the Dlamini family.
Even though all the marital rites have not been concluded you have left the
Bhengu's and you are now in the Dlamini fold. We expect of you to let us
handle this. We'll work it out privately."

So they're were basically telling me to shut up.

"You and your husband have been through a lot but the fact that you're still
here and still standing shows us that you're a strong wife. They say a woman
holds the knife by the sharp side of the blade. You've been doing it so
gracefully. Hold on Makoti and don't let go. We are here to help. If ever you
feel you need to vent, don't go elsewhere. You have mother's and sisters in
this room. A wife holds and protects her families secrets. She doesn't go
share them with the world."

Why are all of them just being quiet and going with it? I thought they would at
least stick up for me. Not even ma was saying anything. At least Ma needed
to say something. She was like a grandmother to me. Why wasn't she saying
anything? I don't understand.

"I think we are all on the same page. We are a family. This is a family matter
and we will deal with it as a family."

I was dismissed after that. Ma took me to my room. I noticed it had been

cleaned and there was even new bedding on the bed. Ma got clothes for me
and ran my bath. She didn't once leave my side. She was rinsing the soap off
my back when I heard her whimper. "Thandi please. This will ruin him. It will
ruin his career and it will ruin this family." I was sure this was going to make
her sick. Before Senzo was even part of my life ma was my family. I owed her
and Bab'Dlamini so much but is it fair to pay with my life?

"Don't worry ma. I hear you." Nothing else was said. She just tucked me into
bed after that. I fell asleep but when I woke up the house was completely
quiet, all the lights were off and when I checked the time on my phone it was
midnight.

I didn't want to wake anyone so I used the torch from my phone to silently
pack a bag. I got some cash, my bank card, and ID. I got my bag and my car
keys and silently walked to the front door.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

Senzo?

Shit!

I was going to die today.

This man is going to kill me.

67

"Where do you think you're going?"

A chill ran down my spine and I shivered. "Senzo." I turned around. I couldn't
see him because it was dark but I could kind of make out his figure sitting on
the couch. "Are you leaving?" He was calm and that scared me. "Yes." My
voice was shaky and hoarse. "Do you still love me?" He was scaring me.
"Yes."
"So why are you leaving?" My lip shivered but now was not the time to cowar
away. "I'm leaving because I'm scared you'll kill me."

There was silence. All I could hear was snoring coming from the rooms.
"Okay, leave but you're not taking anything with you. Leave the bag, leave the
phone, and don't even think about taking the car." Even though most of the
clothes in the bag were bought by me, I was not going to get beaten for it. I
left the bag but kept the handbag. I put the my phone, car keys and house
keys on the couch next to him and left quietly.

I had no way of getting anywhere. Normal taxis we'rent driving at this time of
night and I didn't have a phone to order an Uber. I needed to find people.
There was nobody in my street. I walked like I was on a mission. The street
behind ours had a tavern that was open till morning. I got there safely
and found a group of woman who looked like they were having a girl's night
out.

"Excuse me sisi." I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Oh shit! What
happened to your face?!" She covered her mouth as soon as the words left it.
"Um, I lost my phone. Could you please order me an Uber? I can pay for it
myself." She couldn't stop staring but nodded anyway. I gave her the address
to my aunt's house and then waited. They offered me a drink and something
to eat but I declined.
My Uber got there and I was off. I tried not to cry but silent tears fell from my
eyes. The driver handed me some tissues and said nothing all the way. I
appreciated that. "We're here. I'll wait until you're inside." I thanked him and
went to knock on my aunt's door. Nothing happened so I knocked harder.

"I have a gun and I will use it!" I heard from inside. "Mama please! It's me!
Thandi!" A light went on and and she came to open the door. I waved to the
driver to signal him I was safe.

She gasped when she saw me. Tears instantly fell from her eyes. "Come
inside Princess." She took my hand and pulled me into a hug. "Did he do
this?" I couldn't answer. A small sob just left my mouth. "I'm going to kill him. I
swear I'm going to kill him."

Thabo wasn't there so I got to sleep in her bed while she comforted me. The
next morning I could hear the kids laughing and playing but I didn't want to
scare them.

"Thandi, the boys are going to church with their father. I'll take them down the
road quickly. I made you a plate. It's in the microwave." I just nodded and
waited for them to leave before I got up. I freshened up before I went to the
kitchen. I was avoiding mirrors at all costs but I could see my reflection in the
microwave door.

I looked terrible. Half of my face was swollen. There was a dark thick line
where I hit my face on the table. The long bruise went from my temple to my
lip. Scabs were formed where my lip split open. I didn't even look like myself
anymore. I tried touching it but I just flinched at the pain.

"Thandi." I saw my aunt in the reflection in the microwave door. I hung my

head in shame. What has my life turned into? "How are you feeling? Can I get
you anything?" I just shook my head. I couldn't speak. If I tried I was sure it
would all just come out in sobs.

"MaRadebe has been calling me." I turned around and walked to the seat at
the kitchen island. "What would you like me to do?" She walked over to the
kitchen island where I was sitting and took my hand in hers. "The elders
came." I didn't want to speak but it just came out when she held my hand. I
finally felt safe.

"They came to the house so quickly and they didn't help me. They just told me
to keep quiet. MaRadebe didn't do anything. I thought she had my back. I
thought she was going to protect me but she just kept quiet." I didn't know
what hurt more. My face, my husband's betrayal, or the fact that the one
person in that family I thought truly loved me didn't care about me at all. I cried
in my aunt's arms until I just went to bed again.

At lunch time she said the boys were eating at her sister wife's house. I didn't
really feel like eating but she forced me. "You've been distant for months now.
How long has he been hitting you?" I shook my head. "This was the first time.
When he tricked us into believing he was dying I was..." I could hardly even
say it. "You were what?" I cleared my throat to build up the courage to tell her
everything.

"I didn't know I was pregnant." I looked down at my lap because I didn't want
to see the expression in her face. "One morning I thought my period started. I
had never bled that much before and the pain was so bad that I could hardly
walk. MaCele said I should go see a doctor before visiting hours. When I got
there they told me I was having a miscarriage."

"I'm so sorry my baby." I just nodded. "That very same day I found out that it
was all a lie. He did it to test me because I was using a lot of money. He put
us all through that just because I paid for the renovations on the house with
my credit card. I eventually told the family about the miscarriage and that's
when he disappeared. I didn't see him for months. Months Ma. He still visited
the other wives but he never came to see me."

"Thandi, why were you keeping this to yourself? I'm your mother. I will always
be here to help and support you. Even if you just need to vent. You need to
stop bottling everything up." We were both fighting back tears. "Ma he blames
me. He blames me for all of it. He called me useless and a bad wife because I
lost the babies. I didn't want to bother you. You were happy. I wanted you to
stay happy." I cried like a baby while laying on her chest.

"Thandi, you have to understand that I'm your mother. I may not have given
birth to you but I'm your mother. Your happiness comes first. You need to stop
worrying about me. I'm your mother. I will fight whoever I need to fight to keep
you happy. Knowing that you're happy makes me happy and if you're not I've
got your back. There is nothing that you should go through alone."

"Mama."
"Yes my baby?"
"I love you."
"I love you more and I'm so proud of the woman you've become. It takes a
strong woman to walk away." "But I don't feel strong Ma."

"But you are Princess. You're the strongest person I know. But I want you to
remember that strong people don't need to be strong all the time. You are not
your battles. Your worth doesn't come from how much pain you can endure.
You need to start focusing on yourself. You need to start dreaming again. You
need to start being who you truly are on the inside. You're too kind and your
heart is too pure for you not to have a bright future. You're my everything and
seeing that man chip away at you like this is not what I wished for you. I'm
sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most but this time I promise
to hold your hand all the way." She comforted me while I fell asleep.

"I'm going to kill him. Nthombi I'm going to jail today. I'm going to kill him." My
eyes fluttered open and I saw Thabo pacing frantically. "Baby calm down
please. He is not worth it." I sat up in bed. "But look what he's done." Thabo
stopped pacing and a lone tear fell from his eye. "How could he do this. I
thought he was a good guy. He was supposed to be a good guy and I just
handed Thandi over to him without question. I promised the chief I would
protect her and I failed. I failed." Ma hugged him and he held on tight.

That night I insisted on hiding in the room so the boys wouldn't see me.
"Thandi we need to talk. I finally picked up MaRadebe's call. They want to set
up a meeting. I told her I'll talk to you first." I sighed. "Ma they're not going to
stop. Let's rather do the meeting so they can leave me alone. They're
probably just want to tell me not to tell the press. That's all they care about.
People not knowing." She set up the meeting but in a weeks time to make
them sweat. I made her promise not to tell my brother or any other family
members. "Thandi, you know you're not going to be able to talk much in this
meeting right?" I nodded. "You're going to have to tell me everything that
happened and then I want to know from you what you wants us to do.

And I did just that. I told her everything. Every little detail. Even things I forgot
like how that lady he was sleeping with had drugs. When I started speaking I
couldn't stop. It was like a river flowing out of me. My problems we'rent solved
but I just felt so much lighter afterwards.

I didn't know what I wanted or how to move forward but I knew I couldn't go
back to that house.
68

I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. From birth, my father
made sure to prepare me to be someone's wife. I was only a pawn in his sick
games and fantasies.

I know I could've ended up with someone worse if it were up to my father. He

wanted me to marry someone with wealth and resources but not too much
power so he could control them. For years, I was scared of marriage. Terrified
even, and then I met someone who I liked. At some stage, I fell in love. He
even fit my father's criteria. He was perfect, and we would live a perfect life
together.

I knew that with multiple wives, there would always be problems. There would
always be fights, but I never expected him to hurt me like this. Even though
we went through a lot together, this is not how it was supposed to end.

End?

Was my marriage over? Was I still a wife? Did I still have a husband? Did he
still love me? How was I supposed to sleep with all of these uncertainties?

I stood up and went to the kitchen to get something to drink. I poured some of
the children's chocolate milk. I've been hiding from them ever since I got here.
They didn't even know I was staying here. I took a seat by the kitchen island
and sipped on my chocolate milk.

A light went on, and my aunt was standing there with her eldest son. "Sisi? Is
that you?" His little voice made me tear up instantly. I've been avoiding them
long before Senzo did this to my face. I just couldn't bring myself to be in the
presence of any kind of joy and happiness.
"Sisi, what's on your face?" He let go of his mother's hand and held his arms
up for me to lift him. I obliged. "What's this?" He placed his tiny palm gently on
my cheek. It hurt a little, but I didn't care. "I was running in the house when I
wasn't supposed to, and I fell." He sighed. "I think it's because you didn't
listen." He said matter of fact. "Mama said, no running in the house. What did
you do?" He was so cute I couldn't help smiling. "I ran in the house." He
nodded. "You must stop doing that. I'm gonna tell on you." I chuckled. "Okay, I
promise I won't run in the house again." He drank some water and ma put him
to bed again.

I shopped online for a new phone and some clothes. I even stopped hiding in
my room that week. I didn't leave the house but at least I left my room.

I woke up Saturday morning, and I already felt defeated. I had no idea what
the outcome of the meeting would be. It didn't matter. Anything that was
decided could affect me negatively.

I kept to myself for the first half of the day. I was trying to keep myself calm. I
did not need to be emotional today. Sethu, my aunt's sister-wife, also joined
us for the meeting. My in-laws arrived, and I was called when they were
ready. Senzo's uncle's, mother, and grandmother sat on the couches while all
the wives sat on the floor. Sethu showed me to an empty chair next to my
aunt, and I took a seat.

"Um, usually our Makoti sits on the floor, and in this case, I think it's only fair
that she joins her sisters just as a show of respect for her elders and our
ancestors." The main uncle asked. "She will remain seated where she is. Let
us not forget who's house we are in." Thabo said sternly.

After a few pleasantries from the Dlamini family were met with hostility, they
decided to play the only card they had.
Money.
The men pulled out stacks and stacks of money. "Even though a fine has not
yet been requested, we ask that you accept this as well as our humble
apologies." I could almost roll my eyes, but I kept my head bowed.

"So your son tortures my daughter for months before and after losing her
second child, and you expect money to make it better?" My aunt was livid. "I
can tell you're getting emotional. Maybe we can let the man of the house
speak. I'm not usually addressed by women like this." I could not believe the
nerve of this man. "My wife can speak for herself." Thabo said, and I could tell
by the grunts coming from the Dlamini side that they were not happy.

"You might be a man and an elder in your family, but here, in the presence of
royalty, you are a commoner. You quickly forget that the very woman your son
and family have abused outranks you."

"Abuse Nthombi? That's taking it a bit too far." MaRadebe finally spoke up.
"MaRadebe, I wouldn't talk if I were you. In fact, that's what you're good at.
Not talking. Your son put my daughter through a world of pain by faking a
coma. Then, she had a miscarriage. None of us want to say it, but there's no
other explanation other than your son's antics put her through so much stress
that her baby died. You, MaRadebe, knowing how Thandi is, couldn't call me
and tell me what was happening? You kept quiet because you knew it was
your son's fault. Then he leaves her right after shelosest the baby. He doesn't
come back for months. You kept quiet, MaRadebe. When he comes bacl, he
verbally abuses and then throws her into a table so him and his mistress can
go have sex in their matrimonial bed. What did you do MaRadebe? You kept
quiet. You were supposed to be protecting my child! Instea, you kept quiet
and let her endure heartache after heartache from your son. You claim to love
Thand, but you don't."
"I do! Thandi is like a daughter to me!"

"A daughter?! A daughter! What kind of mother let's her daughter suffer like
this!? You sat and watched as your family tried keeping my child silent after
your son laid hands on her! Something that you and him both promised me
would never happen! I have never been so disappointed in someone before!"
Ma had tears streaming down her face. "All these years of living next to each
other, caring for each other, and becoming a family was a lie!"

"Nthombi no! It wasn't!" Ma was also crying but I was numb and cried out. I
was finished. "Yes it was! It was a lie! If you loved my daughter you would've
protected her! You would've spoken up for her! You would've taken care of
her as she's been taking care of you for years. You had no one! None of these
people in this room with you cared about you at all! None of them! It was my
daughter who decided to look after you. She loved you and cared for you
when nobody did, and this is how you repay her?" MaRadebe was crying like
a baby in Gogo's arms.

"Where's your son anyway so I can throw this money in his face?" My aunt
asked after she wiped her tears. "Um, that is also a point we wanted to
discuss. Senzo will be away for a few months. After the news of his wife's
miscarriage he got mixed up in the wrong crowd. Our son is suffering from a
drug and alcohol problem, and he has opted to go to rehab. He started the
program yesterday, which is why he couldn't be here."

"So what is it that you want from us? Why are you here?" My aunt asked, and
I couldn't believe it. Was he in rehab? What exactly did he get himself into?
"Forgiveness." My aunt scoffed. "We were hoping to talk it out. Our son is not
okay, but he is willing to work on himself and his marriages. He does not want
anyone of his wives to leave him. So we've come to make sure that
MaBhengu is still part of this family. We also want her to come back home.
Her mother-in-law needs her." One of the other uncles explained more calmly.

"What you're asking is not something that can just be answered. Just like your
son is working on himself, my daughter also needs to work on herself. She will
not be dragged into this toxic marriage again. She needs to heal. After that
she can decide." Ma said, and it didn't look like they were satisfied.

"Okay, I would like to hear from the Princess. While you are working on
yourself and healing, will you be willing to stay with MaRadebe and look after
her?" I wasn't expecting to talk in this meeting. I knew what my answer was,
but I didn't want to disappoint or hurt anyone.

"Makoti, please speak up." My hands were getting sweaty, and my heart was
racing, but I knew my decision was the right one. "Um." I said with a shaky
voice. "I won't be going back to live with Ma, but I'll make a list of caregivers
you can choose from." Ma was screaming in Gogo's arms. My answer
shocked all of my in-laws. It even shocked my sister-wives. I knew what they
were doing. They knew I had a soft spot for Ma, and having me look after her
was a way of keeping me there with them.

"But your whole life is with MaRadebe. Your home, your clothes, your car,
everything is there." I didn't care anymore. "You can keep it. I don't want it. All
I want is my daughter's memory box." They were stunned into silence.

"If you want our granddaughter's things, you're going to have to come view it
in MaRadebe's house. Her things won't leave her grandmother's house. She's
a Dlamini. That's where her memory will stay. With the Dlamini's."

I never wanted to set foot there again, but I needed my daughter's things.
They so desperately wanted to get control over me that they would keep her
from me. When I heard their cars pull off, I started sobbing. "I need the box,
Ma." She hugged me. "I know, baby. We're gonna get it. Don't worry about it."
I thought I was all cried out, but once they denied me the box, it was like it all
started from over.
69

"Thandi. Thandi wake up. Thandi." Ma shook me violently. "Mbali is texting

me. She said she'll bring the box but she doesn't know where it is." I sat up in
my bed. "Why would she do that? I don't trust her. What if she only wants to
know where it is so they can keep it from me? And if she does get it, how will
she sneak it out?"

She typed on her phone, and we both waited for a reply. "She says she
swears on her children's lives and that she owes you." I had to do it. I had to
trust her. "Ask her how she will get it out." Just when I said that, Ma phone
alerted. MaKhumalo sent a picture of a half packed suitcase. "She said she
told them all Senzo's informal clothes were with you, so she's packing a bag
for him, but she'll put the box in the bag." My heart's started racing. "She says
to hurry up."

"Okay. At the bottom of the cupboard on the right-hand side, there's a space
that's usually for shoes, but I put the box there. There might be blankets
covering it." She typed as I spoke. It wasn't long before Mbali told us she had
it and would deliver it tomorrow morning.

I didn't sleep. I was pacing around the whole night. I took a shower in the
morning to kill time, but I was so anxious. "Thandi!" Ma called, and I ran.
MaKhumalo was standing there with the box in her hand. I couldn't believe it.
She really came.

"You really brought it. Why?" I was shocked. Why would she do this. There
was a point when we all were on good terms before the hospital incident with
Senzo, but I haven't even really spoken to any of them in a while. We weren't
friends, we were hardly even family, and I didn't expect anything nice from any
of them.
"Mostly guilt. This is the least I could do. You don't deserve anything that's
happened to you, and keeping this would just be adding to it." She handed me
the box and an envelope. "I found your birth certificate, drivers license, and
some other documents." I thanked her. "I have to go, but I just wanted to let
you know that Senzo will be away for about three months. We won't have
contact with him for the first few weeks. I don't condone or excuse any of his
behavior, but please don't give up on him. I have to go. Please, stay in
touch?" I just nodded and walked her out.

I was grateful for what she did. I would not have guessed that she would be
the one to show me kindness. I thought she would be on their side trying to
keep all of this out of the news and making sure I kept quiet.

I decided to keep in touch with her. She agreed not to give my new number to
any of them and to also not tell them she was contacting me.

A month went by, and I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. All I
did was cook, clean, eat, and scroll through my phone, watching other people
cook. "Thandi, I'm not trying to rush you or anything, but you can't just sit
around here for the rest of your life. You need to do something. What do you
like doing?" I just sighed. "You know what you like, Thandi. You like cooking.
You're obsessed with it. Why not become a chef? You used to work for that
catering company, remember?" I sighed again.

"You need to stop moping around and do something. Here's my laptop. Find a
culinary school and decide what you want to do." I almost rolled my eyes at
her because I was annoyed, but I didn't want to be disrespectful. I did as she
said. The more I read up on the different things I could do, the more interested
I was. I didn't think I could ever get into a program, so I didn't know what to do.
"Have you found something?" I shrugged. "You've been staring at the laptop
for days. Something has caught your interest." I didn't know what to say.
"There are different certificate and diploma programs, but I'm interested in the
four year degree. But it's four years. I don't know if i would even be able to do
a certificate." She just smiled.

"Thandi, have you met yourself? You can literally do anything you set your
mind to under any circumstance. Four years might seem long now, but time
flies. If you don't do it at the end of those four years, you'll regret it and have
nothing to your name. If you do it by the end of those four years, you'll be a
chef doing what you love. You literally have nothing to lose."
70

Classes started, and I was thriving not only in practical work but also in
theoretical work. Nothing came easy I was working hard but I loved every
moment of it. One day chef Frederico came into our class and just stood in the
balcony watching us.

We were working in the lab. The lab was just a huge kitchen with several
different stations for prep work and cooking. We were busy with knife skills.
One of the areas I shine in. He was just standing there watching over us and I
completely ignore him and focused on my task. I was not only fast but I was
precise. Years of Makoti training now seemed very useful.

"Look at that. Precision work. You were born to do this." I couldn't help the
small smile on my face. "Thank you chef." Out of the corner of my eye I saw
chef Frederico leave the balcony. I thought he would come down to the lab but
he never did. I was probably still just the diversity pick to him.

I took a bus home because I still didn't have a car. MaKhumalo was waiting for
me in our living room. "Here she is." Ma said giving me a weird look. "Hi, you
weren't picking up my calls or answering my texts. So I decided to come
check on you." She looked me up and down. I wasn't in my uniform anymore.
I was wearing a jeans and croptop with a heavy backpack hanging on my
shoulder.

"Sorry about that. I've gotten really busy lately." My aunt excused herself and I
put my backpack down. "Oh I understand. Are you working?" We sat down.
"No, I'm in school." She gasped. "That's amazing. What are you doing?" I was
awkward when it came to any sort of communication but I realized that having
a conversation won't hurt. "I'm in culinary school. I'm just doing what could be
considered a bridging course and then next year I'll start my first year." She
looked at me in awe. "Wow. That's truly amazing. I happy for you. I came to
check on you and I came to ask if you would join us for lunch Friday. I'm not
sure how your schedule is now that you're studying."

I didn't want to but I had to figure out what it is that I wanted to do with that
part of my life. "Who is this 'us' you're talking about?" I asked before I said
yes. "Just the wives. They're all in town because we're having a family picnic
with Senzo. I didn't know how you'd feel about that but you can join us if you
want." I shook my head as soon as I heard it but I was curious. After
everything I still loved him and even though I fought every thought I still
worried about him. I thought I could just switch off my feelings but I couldn't.
There's a part of me that's clinging onto the hope that everything bad he did
was because of his addiction.

"What about the lunch?" She asked hopeful. I nodded. "I'll come." She was
really excited about it. We had coffee and I told her about my life. "Ma is really
worried about you. She has many questions that I have not answered but can
I at least tell her that you're okay?" I nodded. I wasn't forgiving her but I also
didn't want her to suffer.

I walked MaKhumalo to her car. My curiosity was killing me. "MaKhumalo how
is he?" She seemed shocked. "He is okay. He has finished the rehab program
but he's opted to stay. He's not ready for the real world yet." Her eyes clouded
up with tears. We said our goodbyes and she drove off. I carried on with my
classes for the week until Friday came. I didn't have class on a Friday.

I got ready for lunch. I didn't want to seem disrespectful so I wore a dress. I
had braids that I tied up in a high bun and covered slightly with a head scarf. I
threw on some hoop earring and heels and took an Uber to the restaurant. I
saw them through the window but they didn't see me. The restaurant was
empty so they probably booked it out.
"Here she is!" I greeted everyone. They all greeted me as if we were best
friends. We sat down to eat. We spoke mostly about the children and
MaMlambo's baby shower. "Thandi you are glowing. What's new in your life?"
MaGumede asked. "Nothing much." I shrugged. "Oh come on Thandi."
MaKhumalo nudged me. "I've started culinary school. That's about it." They all
seemed really excited for me. The happiness didn't last long before the
elephant in the room was discussed.

"Baba's birthday is coming up and the center said that we could bring the kids
and have a picnic. They gave us a list of gifts that are allowed. It's mostly
snacks and writing stuff. Nobody is forced to go. If you feel you're ready you
can join us there but if not that's understandable." MaKhumalo wasn't talking
to me directly but she was talking to me.

After them planning their picnic I was asked to at least sign a card. I did it but I
didn't go to the picnic. Instead I went to go look for a car with my aunt's
husband Thabo. All I knew was that I wanted the car to be white and look
sexy so if Thabo didn't come with me they probably would've scammed me. I
found one that I liked but Thabo still made me look around. We eventually
went back to the dealership and I had a brand new car.

The semester was almost coming to an end. I was the top student in my
program. I loved every minute of it even though I didn't get sleep for days on
end. I made a meal once a week for the homeless shelter and I was lucky
enough to be able to rent a kitchen. My aunt's house was way too small to
cook for two hundred and fifty people.

I went to clear out my locker at the school when I noticed that the apartment
building close to it had vacant units. Moving out never even crossed my mind
but I had never been alone before. Maybe this was a sign. I didn't need to
decide anything. I could just go take a look.
I spoke to someone at the front desk and they showed me a unit. It was nice
but the kitchen was small. "There's always the penthouse." The lady told me. I
went up with her and I had never in my life seen an apartment this big. It took
up the whole floor. I had no idea what I would do with this space but it felt
right. The kitchen was perfect. There was a lot of counter space and a lot of
cabinet space. It even had a walk-in pantry. I knew I needed to discuss it with
my mother first, but I loved it. I wanted it. The woman gave me her details and
I went home.

I had no idea how to even start the conversation with my aunt, but like always,
she knew something was bothering me. "You've barely said a word since you
got home. What's wrong?" I bit my lip. I didn't know how to say this. "Um,
Ma..." She stopped putting dishes away and focused on me. "I don't know how
to say this. Um, I..." I sighed in frustration with myself. "Thandi, what's going
on?" I didn't want her to be worried about me. This was good. I think?

"I stumbled upon an apartment, and I think I want to move out." I said slowly.
She stood there shocked. This could only end badly for me.
71

You found an apartment? Were you looking for one?" I couldn't tell if she was
mad or not. "No, ma. I saw that the apartment building close to the school had
vacant units, and I just went to check it out. That's when I got the idea. I love
staying here, ma, but I've never had a place of my own. I just... I don't know...
Please don't be mad. I won't do it if you do t want me to."

"Thandi. Stop. Calm down. Look at me. Do I look mad?" I looked at her and
was surprised by the comforting smile on her face. "You're not mad?" I asked,
and she shook her head. "Why would I be mad? I'm extremely happy for you.
You're growing, Princess. At some point, you were going to have to get out of
my house anyway. I thought I would have to kick you out." Both of us laughed.
"This is good. If I could, I would keep you with me and protect you forever, but
I know that's not how it works. So if you feel you are ready to take this step, I'll
support you one hundred percent."

I ran up to her and hugged her. "Thank you, Ma." We held each other tightly.
"I obviously need to see this place first."

I took her to see it the very next day. She loved it, and within a few days, I
signed a rental agreement. I, however, had zero furniture. While I was waiting
for everything to be finalized and tried to decide what I wanted to do with all
the space I had. The first thing I bought was a bed because I could definitely
still decide on everything else while I moved, but I needed a bed.

I was obsessed with white spaces, and I knew I wanted to be one of those
girls with the white houses, but for now, I only needed a bed and kitchen
supplies. I was moved in within a couple of days. Ma helped me make my
bed, and we made dinner together. We ate at the barstools by my kitchen
island while the boys took advantage of the big empty space to run around in.
That night, I went to sleep in my own bed, in my own apartment.

I was done with school, and I had my certificates. There was a small
ceremony but I opted not to go. I still spent a lot of time at Ma's house. She
was helping me choose furniture. I had gotten my lounge and bedroom sorted
out. We were still trying to figure out what to do with the sunroom, tv room,
and dining room. I thought choosing furniture would be easy. It definitely
wasn't, so I was convinced decor would be worse. The reoccurring theme was
black and white. Yes, it might be boring for some, but I loved it.

My doorbell rang as I was opening a few boxes of kitchenware. I answered.

"It's me, princess. I have a guest with me." A guest. "Okay? I'll buzz you in." A
guest? Why would she bring a guest? I opened the door just as they stepped
out of the elevator. "You got your own apartment and thought you were going
to keep it from me?" MaKhumalo asked as she stepped out of the elevator. I
greeted her, and she came in for a tour. Most of the rooms were empty but
she loved it.

"This place is amazing. The view of the city from the balcony is amazing." We
sat and had tea and biscuits. "I don't mean to ruin a good time, but Senzo has
been asking about you." I didn't want to be childish and roll my eyes, so I just
didn't react. "What does he want?" I really didn't want to even think about it,
but I guess at some point I would have to face him. "He asked how you were,
and I said I didn't know, but he could tell I was lying. He is no longer in rehab,
but he does regular therapy, and he wanted you to join a session." That's
when I rolled my eyes. "Why would I do that?"

"Thandi, what is it that you want?" I was taken aback by her question. So was
Ma. "If you don't want to be in this marriage anymore, you should make
arrangements for divorce. But if you still love your husband, you're going to
have to work on your marriage. You can't ignore the fact that you have a
husband for the rest of your life." She left after that, and Ma stood there
awkwardly. She was just staring at me.

"She's right, you know. Do you know what you want to do?" I shook my head.
"That's okay. I suggest at least going to the therapy session. See how it goes.
See how he is and then make up your mind. I don't condone any of his
actions, but I know there was real love there. Maybe you can work it out and if
you don't that's okay too."

I decided that I would go. I was terrified of what would happen, but I needed to
see for myself. I needed closure, and I would never have it if I didn't at least
talk to him.

My closet was still a mess, but I picked a flowy long sleeve dress. I in no way
wanted it to look like I was dressing for revenge or to get him back. The dress
was baby blue, and I wore strappy heels with it. I didn't cover my head,
though. I straightened my weave and did some light makeup. I grabbed a
matching bag and keys, and I was off.

I didn't realize it until I was already in the parking lot, but I was late. When I got
there the only person I saw was the secretary. She led me to a door where I
knocked. "Come in." I heard a woman's voice before I opened the door. Senzo
stood up from his chair, and our eyes locked. He smiled with glossy eyes.
"You must be Mrs Dlamini." I looked over to the lady who was coming my way.
"Yes, that's me." We shook hands. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Doctor
Reynolds." I took a seat next to him, and the session started.

At first, it was mostly administrative stuff like explaining and signing NDA's,
but then she got to questions like "how did you meet", "when did you know
you fell in love?" To say I was annoyed was an understatement.
"I knew I loved her the moment I saw her. I think that's why I was so jealous. I
thought she was after my father, but she was my parents' caregiver at the
time. Without being asked and without being paid. She did a lot for them." He
just kept talking, and I wasn't mad at it. If he spoke, I didn't have to.

"Thandi, how did you become Senzo's parents' caregiver?" Did she really
have to know, or was she just trying to get me talking. "They looked after me
when I first got to the city whenever my aunt couldn't. Bab'Dlamini helped me
every afternoon with school, but they were getting old, and they couldn't do a
lot of things for themselves. So I decided to help out." She nodded and took
her stupid notes.

"Thandi, you were just out of high school when you started dating your
husband. Did you ever feel like he was taking advantage of you?" What the
hell? Was she serious? "No, he wasn't. I might've been young, but I wasn't
stupid." She nodded. "How so?" I let out a heavy breath. "A lot happened in
my life by that time that forced me to grow up. If someone was taking
advantage of me, I would know." She wrote again. Which just annoyed me.

"Where do the two of you think your issues started?" Senzo looked at me. I
don't know why because I didn't want to answer. "We had been through a lot
before that, but I think they started when I faked being in a coma." I was
visibly uncomfortable. Memories of that time in my life ran through my head. It
was like I was angry all over again. "What prompted you to do that?" This I
wanted to hear.

"My account and lawyer showed me the spending habits of all of my wives. I
was frustrated and annoyed, and when I drove home, I got into a minor
accident. It was at the hospital that my lawyer came up with the idea to see
who would look after me if I was in trouble. So we convinced my wives I was
going broke and I would be in a coma for the rest of my life."
"Thandi, when you got the news of your husband being in hospital, what was
going through your minds?" Oh, she was good. She realized that the question
"How does that make you feel?" Annoyed the hell out of me. "I thought I was
cursed and that I would lose everyone I ever loved." I guess I was here. I
might as well participate. "Can you tell us what happened in that period from
when you found out he was in a coma to when you found out he was faking?"

Oh, lord. This lady did not know what she was in for. "I went to the hospital
and waited for hours. I eventually got to see him. A lot of it is a blur because
everything happened so fast. The lawyer told me to contact the other wives
but to also keep the situation under wraps. I got in contact with everyone but
his first wife who was abroad. That's when the lawyer told us he was broke
and that we'd have to switch off the machines."

Senzo was literally squirming next to me. He was extremely uncomfortable.

"What did you do when you found out?" I cleared my throat awkwardly. I
haven't told him any of this, and I don't know if the lawyer did either. "We had
been renovating before this incident, so I had a lot of new appliances. I sold
them to pay for his stay in the hospital, but it wasn't enough to keep him going.
I..." A lump formed in my throat. "I settled pending lawsuits." My hands started
shaking and sweating. I held them together tightly so nobody would notice.

"You what?" He seemed shocked. So his lawyer didn't tell him. "You didn't
say... What? I thought we were still waiting for a date." I didn't know what to
say to him. I felt guilty about settling out of court, but I thought I needed the
money. "What was the lawsuit about?" Oh, she was still here. "Thandi got into
an accident, and the EMTs wouldn't help her, neither would the clinic. She
was pregnant at the time, and we lost the baby."
Both of us didn't want to carry on with the session after that. We did go over
our time, but it didn't matter. She wanted to set up times to speak individually,
but I said I would have to get back to her.

"Thandi, please don't just leave." What did he want from me. "I haven't used a
lot of the money. Your half is still there. We can make arrangements for me to
pay it into your account." He sighed. "No, I don't want it. It's yours. All of it. I'm
sorry." What was he even appologising for? "Don't. Just don't. I don't want to
hear it."

"Thandi, please. Can we just go and have coffee or something. I just want to
talk. I want to know how you've been. Are you okay?" This was torture. I hated
feelings. This man has hurt me in ways I didn't know were possible, but I still
loved him. I still worried about him. I wanted him to be happy. I hated it.

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me." He looked defeated. "We can
still go and get a coffee. I know a great place." I shook my head. "I can't. Not
today." His tears fell. "Okay. Maybe some other time?" I nodded. "Maybe."
72

I went home and slept. I felt exhausted. I spent the next few days ordering the
rest of my furniture. I couldn't live in a big open space forever. I was eating
lunch on the balcony when I got a call from Ma. "Thandi, your mother-in-law is
here, and she refuses to leave until she sees you. I told her you don't live here
anymore, but she doesn't want to believe me. Either you come here or I'm
sending her to your house."

Oh, hell no!

"It's fine, Ma. I'll come to you. Please don't give her my address." I got
something a scarf and tied it around my head and went to go see her. I was
not in the mood to deal with crazy. So I was hoping she was calm. But if she
threatened not to move until she saw me, she more than likely wasn't calm at
all.

I walked into the house, and she was sitting in the living room sipping tea.
"Thandi." She scanned me from my head to my toes, looking at me in awe.
"You've gained the weight back. I'm sorry. I meant that in a good way." Ma
rolled her eyes. "Yes, every time you and your family come to get my child,
you get a full healthy young woman, and when she comes back home, she's a
skeleton. A shell of what she once was. MaRadebe, I've been patient with
you. What is it that you want from my child?"

Ma was done. She was over it. She had zero patience left for MaRadebe.
"Senzo told me that he saw you. I was hoping we could spend some time
together too. I just wanted to see if you're okay." I felt really betrayed by this
woman standing in front of me. She was supposed to be the one person who
had my back, and while she had it, she stabbed a knife into it. "I'm fine,
MaRadebe. My mother has been looking after me so there is no possible way
that I wouldn't be okay. You don't need to worry about me."

She blinked rapidly as if she were outwardly trying to process what just
happened. "Of course. I'm glad that you've been doing well. I took your
advice. I have a caregiver and someone who cleans for me. They're not as
good as you, but they'll do." She laughed awkwardly to herself. That's all I was
to her. A maid and a caregiver. I just happened to be married to her son.

"Your herb and vegetable garden is doing good. Maybe you can come get a
few things." This whole interaction was just extremely awkward. She was
trying very hard to get me to react to anything she was saying. "If you come
get the vegetables, maybe you can get your car and some other things too.
Your mother says you've moved out. Are you planning housewarming?"

This was torture. What did she expect from me? Did she expect me to fall
back into my old role once I was whole again, only for them to tear me down
while she sat back and watched. "Ma, I'm fine. I have a car and I have clothes.
I don't need any of my old stuff. Sell it. Donate it. I don't care." Her head
dropped, and she just nodded. "Okay, I'll call my ride to take me home." She
took out her phone and called whoever. We waited in awkward silence until
we heard a car hoot. She walked out, and I waited for her to reach the gate
before I went out because I didn't want her to try and hug me.

The person who picked her up was none other than Senzo. He waved, but I
acted like I didn't see him. "What do these people not understand? Are they
going to keep bothering us like this?" Ma complained. I decided to just go
home after that. I was completely annoyed. I got home and just watched some
TV and fell asleep. The next day, I was cooking the whole day. It kept me
busy and not thinking about any of those people. I took my frustrations out on
the ingredients. I had never chopped that fast in my life before.
"Oh, it's you." I looked behind me to see Chef Frederico. I was busy plating up
the food when he came. "Good afternoon." I said and continued plating. He
joined me on the opposite side. "I'm trying to work on a cookbook, and I
usually book this space, but they told me someone has it booked every
Sunday night for the rest of the year."

I just smiled and nodded. "Yes, I booked it." I don't know if he was trying to
intimidate me or what. At some other point in my life, it would've worked, and I
would've offered him my booking, but no. I don't do that anymore. "What is all
of this for?" Huh? Was he trying to be nice? Now I'm confused.

"I cook for a homeless shelter every Sunday. Nothing fancy. Just healthy
homemade meals." He nodded. "Well, that's great. I'm impressed."
Impressed? How is he not impressed by my skill in class, but he's impressed
by just a normal stew and rice? "It looks and smells great." Huh? What was
happening? Since when does he give compliments or even acknowledge my
existence? Is he okay?

"I didn't see you at graduation." I needed to get two hundred and fifty plates
out before dinner time, and he wanted to chat. "I opted not to go." He nodded
and hummed in response. "Well, I would like to help here. I know you're done
cooking, but you still look like you have a lot to do. Put me to work. How can I
help?" I was dumbfounded. "Are you okay?" He just chuckled. "I am not as
merciless as the first impression I gave you. I just judged you before even
knowing you. I'm an asshole but I'm working on it. Now, what can I do, chef?" I
was still confused by his sudden niceness, but I let it go.

"I made two salads. Would you please dish up two spoons of each into plate?"
He did as I said. We didn't speak much, but at least it wasn't awkward. The
process moved a lot faster. I cooked more than I thought, and we got over
three hundred plates dished. He even took two homes after tasting it. I was
shocked. I got the food to the shelter, and when I got home, I jumped on my
bed and slept until sunrise.

That week was extremely hectic for me. A lot of my big furniture came, and
the guys that brought it up to my apartment put the wrong boxes in the wrong
rooms, so I was unboxing, carrying, and pushing huge couches around. The
beds for my other two rooms came as well. I didn't know when I would ever
have guests, but maybe someday I'll allow it.

Setting up all the big furniture made me realize that I had absolutely nothing. I
wasn't even talking about decorations. Stuff like bedding, curtains, enough
cleaning supplies, crockery, cutlery, and so much more. I needed to go
shopping. I've run a household before, but I've never had to do it from scratch.
For this, I needed my mom.

My aunt didn't hesitate when I asked for help. In fact, she was jumping for joy.
She compiled lists and lists of things that I needed, and I wrote the style in
which I wanted everything in before we made our way to the shops. It took us
days to buy everything and set it up exactly how I wanted, and even after all of
that, it still felt like the bare minimum.

I had a lot of money, but I didn't want to just blow it. I wanted to grow it, and
the only expert in money I knew was MaKhumalo. I called MaKhumalo, and
she was more than happy to help. She got me a team of professionals. An
attorney, financial planner, and an accountant. I went through all the
necessary steps to make sure my money was secured for the long run. I even
had to write up a will, which was scary, but it had to be done. My attorney sent
Senzo an agreement to sign, saying that the money was all mine even in the
case of a divorce. He said he wanted to talk to me first. I complied, but only if
we had the talk with our therapist.
The night before our meeting, MaKhumalo and I decided to have a girl's night
at my place. We were drinking wine, eating, talking, laughing, even singing
when her phone started going crazy. She ignored it and put it on silent. We
continued with our fun until there was a knock on the door.

I was in the kitchen opening another bottle of wine when the doorbell rang.
Nobody else, but my aunt knew the front entrance code, and it wasn't the
intercom going off, so it had to be her. "Would you please get that! I'm just
opening the wine." I got the wine open and went to go see what was up.

I was just in time for the shock of my life as she opened the door. "Oh shit! I
swear I didn't give anyone your address." She looked just as scared as I was
to see who stood behind that door huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf.

"Senzo."

His name escaped my mouth before I could even make a coherent thought.
How did he even find me?
73

"Well, are the two of you going to let me in?" I could tell he was angry, and I
didn't want to deal with anger. "How did you get up here? Security won't let
you in if I don't buzz you in." He let out a frustrated sigh. "How did you even
find me? I told you I was at a friend's house." MaKhumalo asked. Both of us
blocked the doorway.

"I called all your friends, family, and the other wives. Nobody knew where you
were. I almost got the police involved until I decided to track you?" He tracked
her? How? Wtf? "That's for emergencies." She responded. This whole thing is
just weird. "Nobody knowing where you are is an emergency!" She rolled her
eyes at him.

"How did you get up here? If security is not doing its job, I need to let the
landlady know." I wasn't letting this go. "Security is doing its job, don't worry. I
showed pictures of MaKhumalo and told them she might be in danger. They
still wouldn't tell me where she was. I had to prove that I was married to both
of you. Which took several pictures, a few google searches, and showing my
ID. They're gonna call now to find out if everything is fine because I thought
the both of you were up here murdered."

I rolled my eyes, and he was right. Security called. I had to confirm that he
was my husband and that I was okay. This whole situation was just annoying.
They would never leave me alone now. If Senzo knew where I lived, he would
tell his mother, and she would probably start camping out here.

"You are supposed to be with MaCele. Why are you even looking for me?"
MaKhumalo asked him. "Well, the girls are coming home from boarding
school tomorrow. I wanted to be here when they arrived. Why aren't you at
home preparing for their arrival?" She rolled her eyes. "I'm not a prisoner in
my own home. I've made sure everything is perfect for them. I'm not just here
to avoid my responsibilities. Now, I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone but you
know I'm fine now. Maybe you should go." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Where? Do you want me to spend the night alone? I could've stayed with
MaCele then." She sighed. "Fine. Let me get my things." She got her bag from
the couch, and we said our goodbyes. "We'll talk about this..." He motioned
with his hand to my apartment. "Tomorrow in therapy." His tone scared me a
little. That's a lie. His tone scared me a lot, but I still rolled my eyes and closed
the door in his face.

I had no idea what was going to happen the next day at therapy, but I was
scared and anxious. So I started cleaning. I cleaned everything. I even
cleaned things that didn't need to be cleaned. When I ran out of things to
clean, I realized it was midnight, so I took a shower and tried going to sleep. I
didn't sleep much, though.

Our appointment was at ten that morning because the girls were coming that
afternoon. I wore a long flowy skirt with a matching croptop. I went with flat
sandals this time. I didn't like how my hair looked, so I wore a head wrap. I left
early so I wasn't late again. Senzo and I arrived at the same time and parked
next to each other. I waited for him to get out of his car first. He waved, and I
waved back. I was not in the mood for this anymore.

He waited for me so I had to get out. "Good morning." He said when I got out.
I grabbed my bag and locked the car. "Morning." He had a small smile on his
face. I didn't know what it meant, but my stomach twisted and not in a bad
way. I felt butterflies as if I were a school girl again talking to her crush.

"You look beautiful today." I was annoyed that his compliment made me feel
good about myself. "Thank you. We should probably get inside." He nodded,
and we walked in together. We waited in the waiting room until we were called
in.

"Um, MaBhengu wanted us to meet. So maybe she should go first." The

therapist smiled and looked at me. "My lawyers sent Dlamini an agreement
stating that he doesn't claim any of the money from the lawsuit even if we
were to divorce. He wanted to discuss it before he signed, but I said I wouldn't
talk to him alone and suggested we come here." She just nodded.

"What prompted you to send the agreement?" She asked. "I have all this
money that at first I didn't know what to do with so at the advice of Dlamini's
first wife MaKhumalo, I hired an attorney, financial planner, and accountant
Even though Dlamini said that he didn't want any of the money, they still
thought it was a good idea for there to be a contract in place."

"Do you really think it's necessary?" Senzo asked, and I could tell he was
upset but trying to hide it. "I have all the money we could ever dream of. Why
would I need yours?" I was scared to say what was on my mind, and it's like
our therapist read my mind. "I would just like to remind both of you that this is
a safe space where we can share our thoughts and feelings freely."

I took a few breaths to build up the courage to say what's on my mind. "When
things don't go your way, you get vindictive, and you used money as a
weapon." He looked at me, shocked. "Seriously? When?" Now I was shocked.
"You do it all the time. You do it with your other wives as well." His jaw
clenched. "You know the situation I was in with them. Bringing that up in this
context is not fair. When did I ever use money as a weapon with you? Are you
talking about when I faked being sick?"

"The night I left and you caught me, you said I could leave only if I left without
anything. Why?" He just sat there silently blinking at me. "It was the middle of
the night. You took my clothes, my car, and my phone. You knew I had no
way of leaving. Admit it. You thought I would stay if you took everything away
from me." He let out a defeated sigh. "Okay, maybe I do use money as a
weapon. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight that night. I didn't think you would
actually leave. I admit that. I'm sorry."

Hearing him admit it felt like a gut punch. I didn't know I would react like that. I
wanted to cry, but I kept it in. "If I may ask, why wouldn't you speak to me
unless we came here?" I wasn't ready for the question. I knew why, but I didn't
want to hurt his feelings. "Mrs Dlamini, are you okay?" My lip shook, and I
could hardly breathe. "Thandi." I cleared my throat. "I suggest we come here
because I didn't want to talk to you about the contract alone." He was
confused. "Why?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm scared of you."

His face fell, and he sat back in his chair. "Mr Dlamini, how does hearing that
make you feel." I forgot that she was still here. "They told me I hurt you, but I
couldn't remember." He what! He couldn't what! "Are you serious? Are you
serious!?" I couldn't believe it. He caused one of the worst days of my life, and
he didn't remember it. "I was as high as a kite. I can't remember, and they
wouldn't tell me the full story."

"Mrs Dlamini, would you like to share with your husband what he did that day."
I just didn't know what to do. He really didn't remember. I tear escaped my
eye. I felt so defeated. I was haunted by that day, and he just didn't
remember. "I was getting ready to leave for work when he came home with his
girlfriend. We had an argument earlier that day, and he left only to come back
the next morning with a random woman."

"So I had a girlfriend. I'm a polygamous Zulu man. I will have girlfriends." He
interrupted. "At some point, you were also a girlfriend. You knew before we
were married that I would have girlfriends." I was mad. "When I was your
girlfriend, did you ever take me into your wife's house to sleep with you in her
bed? Did you ever throw your wife into a table while I stood there watching?"

"What? No. No, I wouldn't do that." He denied it. "You came into my house
with your whore and threw me into a table. You and your girlfriend then went
into my room, did drugs and had sex while your grandmother, mother and wife
were still in the house. Half of my face was swollen for more than a month and
the only reason I didn't go to the hospital was so that you didn't end up in jail."

He sat there in shock and I went through tissue after tissue. "I... I didn't know.
I..." He couldn't speak. "I'm sorry. Baby I'm sorry. I... I know this might not
mean anything to you but I was... I was not myself. I was under the influence."
I sighed wiping my tears. "We're you under the influence when you called me
useless because I lost two babies?" He let out a shaky breath.

"I don't remember it but I didn't mean it. Please believe when I say I didn't
mean it. Please. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry for everything. Baby please. After
you told me you were pregnant before I faked my coma I couldn't handle it. I
know nothing can excuse my behavior but please. Please forgive me. I will
spend the rest of my life making it up to you." He was on his knees in front of
me. He grabbed my hand and cried like a baby. "I'm sorry Mamakhe. I didn't
mean it." I looked away from him crying silently. I didn't know what to do or
how to react.

He eventually got up and I asked for the session to be over. I walked out
before he could get to me and drove home. I told security if he comes by to
not let him up unless I say so. I spent days crying. My lawyer let me know that
he signed the papers. Since he had no contact with me he contacted my
lawyer to ask if we could meet up and that he could have my contacts
information promising not to abuse it. At first I didn't want to but something in
me wanted to work things out. My brain and my pride wouldn't allow me but
my heart wanted him back. I even felt sorry for him.

I was sitting in the parking lot of our therapists office building not knowing
whether or not I wanted to go inside. I felt a bit sick when I woke up a d I was
just tired. My phone rang and it was Senzo. It was the first time he used my
number. "Hi." I answered unbuckling my seatbelt. "Hello. You're on speaker.
I'm here. Are you still coming?" I was coming down with a cold so my voice
was raspy. "Yeah, I'm here. Just parked my car." I said and cleared my throat.
"Are you okay?" Why would he ask if he was going to see me now? I was
already irritated and on top of that my body hurt. My head, neck, and back
were aching and I just felt weird. I didn't know how else to describe it but
something wasn't right. Maybe I would go to a doctor later but for now I had to
go see what he wanted.

I got to the office and sat down after greeting. "You okay?" He asked softly
and I just nodded. I guess I look worse than what I thought. I nodded. "A lot
happened the last time we saw eachother..." That's all I heard until I stopped
listening. I just couldn't concentrate on anything. I grabbed the pillow next to
me and put it behind my back for support. I didn't know what was going on. My
nose was stuffy so I assumed I had a cold but I've never had a cold that felt
like this.

"Mrs Dlamini are you okay?" I was in pain. Everything was aching and all I
wanted to do was go home and sleep. "I'm fine. I just have a headache." She
offered me some water and I glady took it. "We don't have to do this today if
you don't feel up to it." I just sighed. "I'm already here. Let's just get it over
with." I snapped. What the hell was wrong with me? "As I was saying I would
like to know more about your family life. How does everyone interact with
eachother as a big family?"
"Well even though we're one big family each of my wives make up their own
household. MaKhumalo is my first wife. She lives here in the city at my main
house. The other three wives live in the village my family comes from. Each in
their own house and MaBhengu used to live with my mother. She used to take
care of her but she now has her own apartment."

"Mrs Dlamini how is your relationship with your mother-in-law?" It was like the
pain I was in caused my filter to disappear. "My relationship with his mother is
now nonexistent. I stopped talking to her when I moved out. I thought we had
a good relationship because I used to be like family before I even married her
son but with everything he did from faking a coma, abandoning me after a
miscarriage, and throwing me into a table I realized that she saw me more as
a maid and less as a daughter."

What the hell was I doing?

"Thandi." He was shocked, too. "Ma has been really worried about you." I
rolled my eyes. "It's a bit too late for that. She should've been worried about
me when your elders drove hours from their village to shut me up after
hearing what you did. She should've been worried then." I felt a sharp pain in
my chest. "But she just sat in the back and watched. Just like she watched
you throw me into a table."

The room was shock, d but I didn't have time to take back the words that
came out of my mouth as I clutched my chest in pain. "Thandi." He kneeled in
front of me as I groaned in pain. "Mrs Dlamini." I grabbed onto his hand. I
needed something to squeeze. "What's wrong? Are you having chest pains?" I
nodded. I heard our therapist on the phone with the ambulance. Before I knew
, t I heard sirens. I started seeing stard and just like that, I passed out.
74

"She's going to be fine, Ma. You'll only make her worse if you come here and
stress her out. She'll be alright, and I'll keep you updated." My eyes fluttered
open to an extremely bright room. Senzo was on the other side of the room
speaking on his phone with his back turned to me. "Ma, I have to go. Please,
do not come here."

I looked around the room, trying to find my mom. "You're awake. How are you
feeling?" He made his way to me quickly. "Why am I here? Where's my
mom?" He took a seat next to me and held my hand. "She's here. I just
convinced her to go and get some fresh air and a coffee. Should I call her? I
said I would once you woke up." I nodded, and he called.

When she came back into the room, she was out of breath and crying. "You're
awake. You scared us. Go get her doctor." Senzo did as she said. "What's
wrong with me?" With my bad luck, I probably had a heart attack. "It's your
blood pressure. It's too high, but I'm sure they'll explain it better." The doctor
came in and said the same thing my aunt said just much more fancier and
drawn out. My blood pressure was too high, and they were struggling to get it
down. They ran test after test, and I was a little annoyed and just convinced
they were trying to keep me here.

"Ma, will you please call the shelter and tell them I won't be able to cook this
week but I have all the ingredients. If you maybe could just get it to them, then
they can make a plan." I asked before she leaves and she agreed. I was
staying the night at the hospital waiting on test results. My blood pressure was
coming down slowly, but they were still very concerned.

"Dlamini."
"Mm?"
"Please go home. Your children arrived home yesterday for the first time in
months. They need their dad. Please go home." He let out a heavy breath. "I
don't want to leave you here alone. You took care of me when I was fake sick.
Now that you're actually sick, you expect me just to go home?" He was being
stubborn. "I'm okay. I'll be out of here tomorrow. You heard what the doctor
said. It may just be a matter of lifestyle changes."

He eventually agreed to go home. When he left, it was like I could feel

everything I was keeping inside for my whole entire life. I didn't know what
was happening to me. But it felt like I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. I
started sweating, and the pains in my chest started up again. I was sure I was
having a panic attack or something, but could a panic attack be this painful?

When I was stabilized, they could finally tell me what was wrong with me. I
was so annoyed. I just wanted to sleep, and these people were here using big
words and talking in sentences I wasn't really listening to.

"Mrs Dlamini, what you have is reoccurring takotsubo cardiomyopathy, which

is commonly known as broken heart syndrome." Oh lord. Even my deseases
sounded dramatic. "It was worsened by your high blood pressure. It emulates
the symptoms of a heart attack." He carried on talking and telling me how it's
caused by stress, and they wanted to run more test because it's commonly
found in people double my age.

My mother and Senzo came and they explained to them. While the doctor
spoke to them, something just felt wrong. All of a sudden, I couldn't breathe. It
felt like I was drowning. "Ma." I got out, and that's when. They doctor noticed.
Que another round of tests and scans. Turns out this "broken heart syndrome"
caused fluid on my lungs. I laid there with oxygen tubes while they were
confirming this. I was wheezing like I smoked a pack a day.
"How did this go from making a few lifestyle changes to her not being able to
breathe!?" My ain't shouted. I was having trouble speaking. The doctors were
still extremely concerned with my blood pressure, and I was trying to tell them
I was having chest pains, but I couldn't. I hit my chest to signal the doctor.
Monitors were going off, and Ma and Senzo were escorted out of the room. I
heard something about heart failure and immediately started panicking. I
could hear my monitors going crazy. I couldn't anymore. I couldn't fight. I was
done. I let the darkness overcome me.

"You really expect me to believe this child is mine?!"

"She's yours, Baba! I've never been with anyone else. I swear! She's yours!"
Was that my mom? "Mama?" I opened my eyes, and I was back in that hut.
My mother was begging my father to believe her. "Baba, there's always a girl.
Just look at your sister and your aunt. Every generation has one girl. We can
try again, and this time, a boy will be guaranteed! She's yours! Please believe
me." My mother begged on her knees. My father was standing over her with a
whip in his hand.

"You really expect me to believe you? You've been friends with that white man
since before we were married! Look at that child! She's lighter than any of my
other children!" She cried. "Baba, please! Look at me! Look at me! I'm light!
She's darker than me! She can't be Jason's baby!" He let out a roar. "How
dare you say his name in my presence! How dare you!" He started beating
her, saying I wasn't his. The more she tried to convince him, the harder he
beat her. I couldn't take it anymore. I held my eyes closed tightly so I wouldn't
see anything.

The screaming eventually died down. When I opened my eyes again,

everything was white. There was no beginning and no end. Just white. What
was this place? Was I dead? Was it heaven or hell?
I heard humming and immediately turned around. There sat a lady with her
back turned to me. She swayed as she hummed. I knew her voice, but I
wasn't sure who it was. "Hello?" I walked towards her, but she just kept on
swaying and humming. "Excuse me. Do you know where we are?" She just
continued swaying and humming. I knew this woman somehow. I walked in
front of her and gasped. I immediately started crying.

"Mama!"
"Thandi."

She was beautiful. I fell to my knees and grabbed her. "Mama!" I could believe
it. I was hugging my mother. I looked at her face to make sure it was really her
and then hugged her again. "Mama, am I dead?" She just had a soft,
comforting smile on her face. "No, princess." Hearing her call me that was
music to my ears. "Mama, I miss you." I couldn't stop hugging her. She was
here in front of me, and even if it was just my imagination, I still wanted to
cherish every moment of it.

"Thandi, we don't have a lot of time." I let go of her. "Why? I just got here. I
thought maybe we could spend some time together." She shook her head.
Her eyes glistened with tears. "You need to go back. You don't belong here.
Can you see where I am?" I looked around and shook my head because there
was literally nothing around us. "I want to go home. When you wake up, you
have to tell your grandmother that I say I want to go home. I know your father
is dead now. Tell my mother this is her chance. She needs to come fetch me
so that I'm not stuck here forever. I want to go home."

I nodded. "And Thandi," she lifted my chin gently so I could look her in the
eyes. "I love you, my baby. You are and will forever be my everything. You
need to stop running. You love so deeply and freely, but you don't allow others
to love you too. You walk into someone's life, and you change it for the better.
Let them do the same for you. When you wake up, you'll see everyone who
cares for you. They are scared. They'll be scared for a while, but don't run. It
doesn't help anyone when you run. Let them love you."

As she was saying this, everything around us started disappearing until she
was gone too. I was left in complete nothingness with no way out. I was
terrified. How long have I been here, and how long will I stay? Will I ever see
the people that I love again, or will they forget me and leave me here?
75

The one thing that kept running through my mind was my mother. I saw her. I
heard her. She was there. It felt so real and then she just disappeared. Just
like that, she was gone, and I was so scared I wouldn't remember, but
constant beeping and whispering kept bugging me. It was like I was half
asleep and half awake. "Come on, Thandi. The doctor said any day now. Let it
be today." I heard my aunt. I even felt her hand in mine. "Everyone is praying
for you. Your grandmother is here. She's at your apartment right now,
cleansing it." She chuckled a little.

"They're going to take you off the ventilator this afternoon to see if you can
breathe by yourself. You'll breathe by yourself, right?" She squeezed my hand
tighter, and I just laid there as she cried. "Please, my baby. Please, fight. You
deserve to be happy. Please fight. You're too young. You're too young for any
of this. Please, my baby. Fight." It felt like I disappeared again.

When I came to I felt it. The pain. Did they not medicate me? "What's
happening? Doctor!" Ma shouted, and I drifted out of consciousness again. I
wanted to wake up. I really did. Not just for me but for my mother. She needed
to be with those who came before her. She needed to be home, and for that to
happen, I needed to wake up.

"Everyone has been camping out here at the hospital. They won't leave no
matter how many people beg them. We're all here and waiting. I don't want to
say take your time but whenever you're ready please come back. I love you,
and I will spend every minute of every day making all of my mistakes up to
you. Please give me a chance. Please. Just one more chance. Come back to
me, my love. I promise this time I'll do better. Please just come back to me. I
promise I'll make everything right."
I wanted to. I was ready too, but my body just wouldn't allow me to. The
voices went away again, and all that was left was the beeping. It was so loud
and so annoying that I just wanted to scream for someone to put it off. I used
all the strength that I could find to pry my eyes open. I was in dim light, but I
could see the letters 'ICU' outside my door.

Just at that moment, a nurse came. She gasped. "Just the person I was
waiting for." Everything went red, and her eyes were completely black, and
she walked towards me. I kicked and screamed but realized I couldn't breathe.
Something was choking me. Was the nurse trying to kill me? I fought with all I
had in me. I needed to breathe.

"We need to strap her down." I could feel everything. They grabbed my arms
and restrained me to the bed, but I fought. I wasn't giving up. "Thandi, calm
down. It's okay. It's okay." Ma? Was that my aunt? "Shh, it's okay. You're
okay." Ma?Was that my aunt.What was going on? I was so scared. "You're
okay. I'm right here. Nobody is going to hurt you. Doctor, what was that?"
"She was choking on the ventilator." I heard a gasp. "No, its a good thing. It
means she's breathing on her own. She doesn't need it anymore. We've taken
her off it completely. This is good." Oh thank God. Can I get out of here now?!

I just wanted to get up. I wanted to wake up and move around and talk, and
just be. I wanted to cry. I wanted to kick and scream and cry. I had no idea
what was happening to me or how long I had been like this. How much longer
would it take?

I disappeared again.

This time, when I "woke" up, nothing was keeping me from breathing. I
wanted to open my eyes but I was too scared. What if the nurse with the
spooky eyes came back. Wad she even real? Was that some sort of
nightmare?

I heard whispers. I couldn't make out what the words were, but I knew it was
my aunt. I needed to wake up. For her. For everyone.

I felt weak and tired, but I knew I had to do it. No matter how scared I was. I
used all the energy I had to open my eyelids, and I saw her. I saw her! She
was holding my hand praying. I could see her! My throat felt like I swallowed
sandpaper. I definitely could not speak. I tried squeezing her hand. I could
only muster up a light twitch. But she felt it.

She looked up from her praying position and screamed. Her scream turned
into a cry. "Thank you!" Her scream sounded exhausted but also relieved. I
missed her so much. I couldn't wait to get out of here.

Doctors and nurses rushed in. "My baby!" A nurse had to carry her out. My
tears were falling as they did their exam to prove that I was conscious. They
spoke to me, but my mind was foggy. I was just too much for me to take in
and even just to understand.

"Mrs Dlamini, do you know where you are?" I knew where I was. I just couldn't
say it. "You're in the hospital. You've had a heart attack and undergone open
heart surgery. You've been in a coma on a ventilator for four weeks."
Everything was just too much. I was so tired and so sore that I just needed to
sleep and I couldn't fight it so I went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning surrounded by nurses and doctors. They were
trying to get me to speak or just communicate. I felt stupid, but I needed to try.
"Ma." It was more of a breath than anything else. "Did you say Ma?" I blinked
once for yes. "She's here. Do you want us to get your mother?" I blinked once
again.
"She can't speak just yet, but she asked for you." I heard them coming around
the corner. "My baby." She whispered, coming into the room. She sat next to
me and held my hand. "You're awake. I can't believe you're awake." She sat
with me talking about random things like the date and the weather. Christmas
was two days ago. She told me how everyone spent it together. My family and
the Dlamini's.

"Ba.. Ba." I got out, and she smiled. "He's here. He's been here the whole
time. Do you want to see him." I blinked once for yes. She couldn't come back
with him but I was happy to see him."Mamakhe," he was crying too. He held
my hand, and I squeezed it a little bit. "I thought I was losing you."

I spent a couple more days in the ICU before they moved me to a private
room. I found the littlest things difficult to do. Stuff like swallowing, talking,
moving. Today, I would try walking. I was so scared. "We're just going to walk
to the chair. It right here, okay?" The damn chair was three steps away, and I
couldn't do it. I took one step, and it felt like I ran a marathon. I just couldn't,
and I felt stupid. My speech therapist came, and I completely ignored him. I
didn't want to do anything. I was defeated by a fucking chair.

"You have visitors." The nurse said trying to get me excited. "No." She lifted
her brow. "Please, no." I couldn't let them see me like this but a familiar voice
kept nagging me to let them in. I fought that voice. "I told your family that
you're tired. They'll come back this evening."

I ignored the staff and doctors for most of the day. I was tired anyway. I kept
going to sleep but I kept having nightmares. I woke up sweating throughout
the day feeling like I ran far. The worst one yet came that afternoon where it
felt like the breathing tube was back down my throat. I thought I slipped back
into the coma.
People were holding me down but I was fighting. "Thandi open you're eyes.
You're okay." I did as my aunt said. I was awake. I was awake. People were
actually holding me down. "Breathe. Breathe baby. You're okay." I calmed
down and breathed with her. The doctors and nurses let me go and I cried. I
cried like a baby.

"Mama!" I cried. She couldn't hold me because I was still healing but I held
onto her arm for dear life. "Help me." I whispered. "I'm here baby. I'm here.
What do you need?" I didn't know. I had no idea what I needed her help with.
"Don't worry. I know. I know, princess." We made arrangements for her to be
at my physical and speech therapy sessions. Her being there helped a lot, but
I needed someone else too.

It had been a couple of weeks since I saw him. We were already into the new
year, and he just didn't come see me. "Where's Senzo." My voice was raspy,
but it was much easier to form vowels now. Her face fell. "I was hoping you
wouldn't notice." She sighed. "I was hoping you'd be a little bit better before I
had to tell you this princess." Tell me what? What the hell was happening.

"He blames himself for everything that happened to you. He's not doing well.
He's drinking again."

No.

What have I done?

76

My mother convinced Senzo to come see me. He walked in with his head
bowed in shame. "Mamakhe, I'm sorry I didn't come visit you. I thought you
wouldn't want to see me. I didn't want to make you sick again." I reached my
hand out for him. "You didn't make me sick." My words were still a bit lazy, but
I was coming along. "Nobody made me sick. It just happened."

I held his hand as he cried silently. When the sniffles stopped, I spoke. "Ma
says you're drinking again." He wiped his face. "I didn't mean to start. I..." He
couldn't continue. "You need to stop. I need a lot of help. Ma can't do it on her
own." His eyes finally met mine. "You want my help? Are you sure?" I smiled.
"I don't remember everything from my coma. A lot of it is fuzzy, but I do
remember you making me a promise." He blinked a few times in shock.

"You heard me? You heard me." He held my hand tightly to his chest. "I'll do
anything to get you back. Please. Just say it." I've seen him at some of his low
points, but this was bad. I knew these past couple of months must've been
terrible for everyone, especially him and ma. "Stop drinking. I need you to
stop. I'll be coming home soon. I want to stay in my apartment but to do that
I'll need you. You can't be drinking. Please stop drinking." He agreed to stop
drinking, and I agreed to a video call with the wives.

They were crazy. I guess Senzo kept it a surprise because they all screamed
when I appeared on the screen. "They told us you were awake, but then Baba
told us to go home, so I didn't believe it." MaMlambo said. "I'm awake. I've
been awake for four weeks now, but I'm still recovering." MaKhumalo was
crying. "Can you have visitors?" MaCele asked. "Yes, I'm in a private room
now. Everyone can come and visit."
"Wow. Look at what a month in a coma does. You didn't even want visitors in
your apartment." My mom said sitting next to me, and my sisters laughed. I
spent a few more minutes with them on the video call before I got tired and
needed oxygen again.

"Visiting hours are over, Ma." She sighed. "I know. I know. The nurses here
are tired of me. Since you're inviting people to visit you, can I bring Gogo and
MaRadebe tomorrow. Your grandmother has been here for two months. She's
seen you a couple of times in the ICU, but other than that, she's just been
waiting." I agreed, and she was shocked. Something in me didn't want to fight
it anymore.

The next day, MaRadebe and my grandmother came to visit. They brought
flowers and prayed and sang, and I just let them. My grandmother said she's
been cleansing my apartment and she started a herb garden for me. I don't
even want to know how my apartment looks. She probably redesigned it.

The next few days more, the family started visiting. I didn't realize how tired it
would make me. I was exhausted after each day. As much as I was smiling
with everyone, something felt wrong. I just wasn't myself. Sometimes, I would
want to say something, and I would forget even before I could say it. I felt
anxious and depressed but everyone around me was so excited and happy
that I was alive.

I couldn't sleep. Falling asleep was one of the most difficult things for me.
When I did fall asleep, the nightmares started. I woke up screaming everytime
I went to sleep.

One night when everyone left and it was just Senzo and I my fear of sleeping
was at an all time high. I knew he had to leave but I held onto his hand until it
turned cold. "What's wrong my love? Tell me. Maybe I can help." I was
already shaking. "My mother can't know. She's needed at home and she's
exhausted from being here the last two months." He nodded. "I can't sleep. I'm
scared." My grip got impossibly tighter.

"I'm here. It's okay. I'm here." He held my hand, and I cried silently. That night
the nightmares kept coming but everytime I woke he was there holding my
hand. Sometimes he even woke me before I would scream myself awake.

From then on Senzo spent most nights at the hospital with me. I was
discharged and terrified. I even spent a few nights at the hospital after being
discharged but I needed to go home. I was too scared to sit in front with
Senzo in case we got into an accident and the airbags destroyed my wound
from surgery and when I got in the back the seatbelt was too tight. "Thandi we
have to go home. There's no other way for us to get home. I'll sit in the back
with you and Senzo will drive carefully." I eventually calmed down.

I held my aunt's hand tightly on our way to my apartment. Seeing the outside
world was crazy. Not much changed but it was so different to me now. "We're
here. I told them I wouldn't tell you but I think it's better that you know.
Everyone is upstairs waiting for you. They said they wouldn't stay long they
just wanted to surprise you. They promised not to shout surprise." I chuckled.
"It's okay Ma. I'm tired but I think they need this. All of you need this."

It took me an eternity to walk to the door and I still needed to get to the
elevator. "Mamakhe there's no shame in using the wheelchair." Senzo tried
reasoning. "I'm fine. I need the exercise anyway. The doctor said to walk and
move around. This will be my exercise for today." He went with it. My lungs
still sounded terrible and I was out of breath before I even got to the elevator.
"Will you use the chair now?" I just nodded and he helped me in the chair.
When he opened my front door every was there waiting for me with a
welcome home banner. "Surprise!" They all whispered and I laughed a little.
All the wives and their children were there. Even MaKhumalo's daughters who
were supposed to be in boarding school were there. To my surprise even
MaMlambo's new baby was there. I didn't even know she was born. She was
only a month old and her name was Kwezi. I couldn't hold her just yet but
MaMlambo sat next to me with her. She was so gorgeous.

Everyone ate and stayed only for two hours. Before they cleaned up and left. I
was not complaining. I needed to sleep. Ma, Gogo, MaRadebe, and Senzo
stayed behind. "Do you want to lay down?" Senzo asked and I nodded. "Chair
or walking?" I opted for walking. "How about I push you in the chair and once
you get to the room you can walk." I rolled my eyes but went with it anyway.

When I laid down bed I felt a pressure on my chest. Almost as if the bed was
squeezing me too tight. "Up." Senzo quickly reacted. Ma was also there and
she ran to me but stopped herself halfway. "The bed is too soft. I can feel it in
my chest. I need to lay down somewhere harder. The couch has a
compartment that pulls out to make a bed." He did as I said and my aunt
helped him make the bed. It felt much better than my soft mattress on the bed.
He stayed with me the whole night. Through all the nightmares. My aunt ran in
when I had a really bad one and I knew the next morning I would have to
explain.

I was eating porridge the next morning after a shower and cleaning my wound
when my aunt finally brought it up. "When I was doing research about what
would happen when you woke up I read about this. Maybe you should start
seeing someone." I sighed. "I'm okay ma. It's already getting better. I'm sure
the nightmares will just go away at some point." She looked at me skeptically
but she let it go.
Senzo slept for most of the morning and I let him. He was up with me the
whole night. I took all of my medication and did my exercise when he came
out of the shower. "How did you sleep?" I asked when he joined me on the
couch. "Like a baby. Your bed is amazing. It felt like it was hugging me." And
that's exactly why I couldn't sleep there. "MaCele called and asked if the wives
can come have dinner here." I thought about it but I knew I was tired. Later
today I might need to sleep. I slept much better in the late afternoon than at
night. "What about lunch?" I suggested. "I'll ask."

They came over for lunch and ma brought the boys as well. They couldn't
understand why I couldn't hold them. They were crying, I was crying, it was a
whole mess. Ma had to take them home. I wasn't okay after that. I just felt
depressed. Out of everything this just got me down.

My guests left shortly after that and I took a nap. I dreamed of complete
darkness. There was just nothing around me. "I want to go home. Bring me
home." I woke up gasping for air. Senzo was right there ready to do my
breathing exercises with me. "Gogo! Gogo!" I cried. She ran as fast as she
could which wasn't really fast. "Yes, baby."
"Ma wants to go home."
"She went home a couple of hours ago baby. It's just me and your husband
here. MaKhumalo will bring MaRadebe tonight."

"No Gogo." I was still out of breath. "My mother. Your daughter wants to come
home. She's alone. She needs you to fetch her." I was trying really hard not to
overwhelm myself. I needed oxygen. I didn't even have to tell him, Senzo help
me get the tubes on. "Thandi what are you saying?" She had tears in her
eyes. "I saw her. I saw her but I forgot. She was there. She's alone ma. You
need to go get her."
The look in her eyes pained me but I promised my mother. She needed to do
this. My mother needed to be buried with her family. "Thandi you don't
understand. There was never a funeral. We never believed him but your father
said she walked away and never came back. She was presumed dead. So
what do you mean by coming to get her?"

"Gogo, he killed her. I was there. He murdered her! He murdered her right in
front of me!"
77

She sat there in shock, and that's when the guilt crept in. "I didn't remember. It
happened when I was five. I started having flashbacks when he beat me with
his whip, but I couldn't say anything. When I was in a coma. I remembered
everything. Everything. I'm sorry, Gogo. I was five. I didn't know he killed her.
She was just gone after that. Nobody told me anything. Everyone just
assumed she was dead. So did I when I grew up."

She wiped her tears. "I know, baby. I know. Don't blame yourself for this." She
wiped my tears, too. "What happened?" It was my aunt. "Thandi was just
about to tell me how your brother murdered my daughter." The groceries in
my aunt's hand fell. "Did you know?" Gogo asked her, and she froze. "No, I
promise I didn't know. I just assumed, so I took Thandi and ran. Thandi told
me after the whipping incident that she had a dream." She spoke so fast that I
almost didn't hear her.

"After she told you, couldn't you have said something. I was in your house
crying for my daughter, and you said nothing." My aunt's lip shivered. "I didn't
know how accurate Thandi's dream was. We all knew he killed her. Nobody
could prove it, but we all knew. You can't blame me for this." Gogo took a few
breaths. "You're right. I'm sorry. Thandi, please tell me what happened."

Senzo was sitting there in disbelief. His jaw was on the floor. "I remember
being in a hut. They were fighting over me. My father said I couldn't be his
child because I was a girl. He said something about a white man being my
father."

"Wait. A white man?.. Jason?.." I nodded. "There's no way. Jason is gay and
very old. He's almost my age. Back in the day, he was hiding on our farm. We
put the farm in his name so we wouldn't have issues with the apartheid
government. When apartheid was over, he signed it back to us without
hesitation. He was her art teacher."

"I remember that fight. Right before he told us she went missing, they did a
DNA test. You were his child. There was no doubt about it." My aunt said and
took a seat. "He wouldn't believe her, and he beat her. She was screaming
but nobody came to help. She eventually stopped screaming. That's when she
must've died. I saw her Gogo. She's all alone and she told me to tell you to
bring her home." Gogo was in tears for most of that day. That wasn't my
intention. I needed to give her the message.

The next couple of weeks, I focused on getting better, and I was. I could do a
lot more. Even though I couldn't go back to school just yet, I started
practicing. I tried not to get frustrated with myself because my doctors were
really impressed with my recovery, but by the rate I was going, I would not be
able to join school this year or semester. I needed my speed and my
accuracy, and I had none of that.

I tried staying positive, though. I had to remind myself that just a couple of
months ago, I almost died, and now I was walking around my apartment,
cooking, doing light chores, and even exercising a little bit. I couldn't even talk
when I first woke up. I had to constantly remind myself of the progress I've
made.

I couldn't lift my arms really high, so I couldn't do my hair, but I was lucky
enough to have a big support system of women who constantly helped me.
MaKhumalo was with me that morning doing my hair.

"I thought we would lose you. It felt like a repeat of Senzo's first wife. As a
family, we failed her, and she was taken away from us. It felt like the same
thing was happening to you. Every day, they would do these test to see if you
could breathe without the ventilator. And every day, there was no change. So
one day, MaCele and I went to her sisters grave, and we promised to protect
not only you but all the wives of the Dlamini family if you woke up and
recovered. I know a lot of people were praying to God or the ancestors or
whatever they believed, but I would like to keep the promise I made to my
sister." She finished tying my head wrap, and we just sat in silence while I
held her hand.

She helped me to the living room, and I joined everyone for lunch. There was
a knock on the door, and my aunt was the first up to go get it. "I didn't know
you were coming. Hi. Come in." My eldest brother followed by three of my
other brothers walked in. "Chief, you came." Gogo said, and I was confused.
She invited him. I guess at some point he would come visit me, but Gogo
inviting him was weird.

"Dlamini." He said when he saw Senzo. Before I knew it, my brother punched
him and he fell to the floor. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" I couldn't get
up fast enough. "That's for putting your hands on my sister. You're lucky I
won't kill you." Senzo got up off the floor, and luckily, he was okay. "Don't look
at me like that." My brother said to me. "This man made me a promise not to
lay a hand on you, and he broke that promise." Everyone in the room was
shocked. Luckily, all the babies were having their nap, and they didn't have to
witness that.

"Now, your grandmother called me here to discuss finding your mother's

body." Did he expect me to just carry on as normal after that? I got up and
went to my room. I didn't have the energy for the drama and theatrics. I really
didn't.

I couldn't lay in bed yet. It was too painful, so I sat up against the headboard
and surprisingly went to sleep. When I got up, it was dark, so I took a shower.
I started smelling food, and I guessed they started dinner. Getting my clothes
on was still a struggle, but I could do it by myself. I put on some lounge wear,
which I would probably sleep in because I had no energy to be changing so
many times in the day. I was looking around for slippers, but I couldn't find any
of my pairs. My grandmother must've cleaned and out them somewhere.

Senzo came into the room. "I thought I heard the shower going. You should've
called for help." I was still looking. "I was fine. I got it done. Have you seen my
slippers?" He went silent. I looked at him, and he looked worried. "You're
wearing them, my love." I looked down at my feet. I really was wearing them. I
ignored the worried stare from Senzo and went to eat dinner with everyone.

"So Thandi your brother has contacted the police but it's going to be a very
long process. Before they can start anything they first have to investigate to
see if a crime actually happened. They say they can't go off your memories
from when you were five." All of this was just a mess. I thought the family or
one of my father's old advisors would just be able to tell us what he did with
her body.

"What happens if the police don't find anything?" I knew it was a possibility.
My father had most of that area wrapped around his finger. He had people all
over working for him. I wouldn't be surprised if the police were part of those
people. "Well, at first your brother wanted to start the search himself but I
convinced him to go the official route. If the police don't find anything then he
can take the situation into his own hands." What was he going to do? Pick up
a shovel and start digging?

My grandmother cleared her throat awkwardly and I knew something was

coming. "Also, I've been away from home for three months now. They need
me back home because there are some land disputes and I have the
documentation to resolve it all. I'm not sure what is happening so I want to go
back myself and sort it out. I'll be leaving in two days."

What?
She was leaving?
Everyone else came and went but she actually stayed here and made sure I
was taken care of when others couldn't. She gave my aunt time off from
worrying about me. What will happen now?
78

My grandmother left. She was going to take the bus but Senzo refused and
got her a car and a driver. MaKhumalo made sure the car was filled to the
brim with groceries. Gogo was extremely excited. She took a ton of photos
standing by the car. I took a few with her so she could show everyone at
home.

Senzo helped me back upstairs again and I was a bit winded. The physical
therapist would be here in an hour. I needed to eat and get dressed. Those
things sound doable but at the moment it took me forever. A month in a coma
and another month in hospital made every difficult. I was still building up all
the muscle tone I had lost. My recovery has been really great. It's only been a
month out of hospital and I was surpassing expectations. To me it still felt like
I was moving too slow.

I ate half of my food and took all of my medication before getting changed into
workout clothes. MaKhumalo got the door and I made my way to my gym. It
was a room I threw all my boxes in when I first moved in. Senzo turned it into
a gym for me. My physical therapist was amazing. I hated him most of the
time but he was good at his job. Most of what I did was stretches and light
walking. All of my exercises were done while monitoring my heart rate. The
scary thing about my condition is that they can't accurately pinpoint a cause
for all of this. To me, that made it feel like it could just happen at anytime and
at any point. It felt like I could just drop dead and that terrified me. It terrified
me to the point were had to convince Senzo to get me doctors and a physical
therapist that would come out and see me at home. I have not been back to
the hospital since I left.

The session today was intense. I was literally just walking on a treadmill and it
felt like I was running a marathon. The sweat was dripping down my face to
the point where it was blinding me. "I can't." I said out of breath. "Yes you can.
I'm monitoring your heart rate and your heart says you can. Come on Thandi.
Just five more minutes. Breathe. Remember the breathing exercises." This is
why I hate him sometimes. He was telling me about my heart when my legs
were on fire.

I took a shower afterward and then went to eat something. "MaKhumalo is on

her way, but I've been called into an emergency board meeting. I'll wait for her
before I leave. She's bringing me a suit." I could see he was hiding something.
His face was blank, but I could tell he was stressing. "Okay." Was all I said
and offered him some tea.

MaKhumalo came quickly, and he got changed and left. "So you're babysitting
today." I said, cutting myself some fruit. "Come on, it's not like that. Your
recovery has quite literally been a miracle, but you're not fully recovered. You
need help. Accept the help. I've got a few calls to make anyway, so I won't be
in your way. Don't do anything crazy or lift anything heavy. If you need me
please call me. Please. For literally anything. Can I use your office?" I nodded
and she left. I ate my fruit and went through some of my notes and books for
class.

Ma texted me she was coming up and I almost groaned. I wanted to be alone

so bad. With MaKhumalo out of eyesight it gave me the illusion that I was but
that didn't last long. I loved my family and loved that they cared so much about
me but I was at my wit's end. I needed space.

"I brought a guest!" My aunt yelled from the door. More people. Great. I rolled
my eyes and put my dirty dish in the sink. I was completely confused when I
saw who her guest was. "Chef Frederico?" What was he doing here. "Well,
hello to you too." I snapped out of it. "I'm sorry. I'm just confused. Hi, it's good
to see you again." We shook hands.
"It's great to see you too. Your mother tells me that you've finally gotten back
to practicing. I'm so glad to hear that. I'm sitting with the worst first year class
I've ever had. You should see how disgusting they look at the end of their
class. They look like toddlers who played in the mud. One even set his apron
on fire the other day. We have to start from scratch with all of them. We have
to go all the way back to basics."

I just sighed. "Oh come on. You don't want to hear my stories?" I shook my
head. "No it's not that." This was embarrassing. I used to be the best. I never
wanted to admit it but I was good at it. "What is it then?" I've tried. As soon as
my doctor said I could start doing light chores and cooking I got back into the
kitchen. I couldn't do the cooking required from culinary school but I could at
least practice some basics but every single time I tried I failed. It was like all
that muscle memory just disappeared.

"I'm afraid I have to go back to basics too." Ma excused herself to go and

prepare us some drinks and chef Frederico helped me walk to the living room.
I explained to him what was happening and he offered to help.

We started with an hour that same day. He made me sit which was annoying
but at the back of my mind I knew I was not going to be able to stand for that
long. "Look at that. You did great. You're just being impatient with yourself.
Forget about speed. Speed will come. Focus on your technique and precision.
Slowly you'll build a rhythm. You're being too hard on yourself. You're thinking
and overthinking. Clear your mind, and focus. Forget about speed. I don't
want speed. I want technique. Okay?" I nodded. "Okay." We said our
goodbyes and he left.

"So..." My aunt said awkwardly while I packed up. "You weren't picking up
your phone so the school called my number." I haven't picked up my phone in
months. In fact my phone hasn't even been on. "They told me that they made
a spelling mistake on your certificates but fixed and got you new ones. They
wanted to know if they should mail it or if I was going to pick it up." She was
speaking really weirdly. As if something was coming or I was in trouble and
she was trying to get me to admit something that I did before she got to it.

She placed an envelope on the kitchen island. Then started pressing things
on her phone. MaKhumalo joined us. "They also showed me this." She
showed me a picture of some trophy. "They said you won this. It's usually won
by one of the diploma students but they saw it fit to give it to you because of
the skill and talent you displayed." She was still talking to me in that monotone
voice that sounded like I was in trouble.

"It would have been presented at a graduation ceremony that you were
supposed to attend. So I asked for the date and I was surprised that this
happened weeks before you got sick. So? What could've possibly been the
reason for you not going or even telling me that you were graduating?" I just
sighed. "Its not a big deal Ma. It's just a certificate." At that point I was
annoyed at the family and I just didn't want to celebrate with everything that
was going on.

"Two certificates. Why are you like this? Why won't you let other people be
happy for you and with you? I honestly don't care what you think. To me this is
a big deal. To the school too. You had a world class chef in your kitchen
taking time out of his busy schedule because he believes in you. You do
amazing things and you just brush it off as if it was nothing. I want to show
you something."

She went on her phone again. She started showing me pictures. "It's the
homeless shelter." I said and she just glared at me. "You're not looking. After
you were admitted to hospital your lawyer started giving the shelter the money
you put away for their Sunday meals. They then asked the lawyer if they could
use some of it to improve the living conditions. The place looks amazing. Are
you blind?" I guess I was. The place looked great but I didn't do anything.

"Ma I understand but what do you want from me?" She just sighed. "Nothing."
I was confused. "Nobody wants anything from you. We just want you to share
your life with us. You're not an island." I didn't know how to do that. I wasn't
sure I wanted to. Bad things happen to me all the time and allowing others
into my life might just ruin theirs.

I took a nap that afternoon and woke up finding Senzo and MaKhumalo
speaking in hushed voices in the kitchen. "This is an easy fix. I don't know
why you won't just tell her." MaKhumalo said. "If I tell her she'll worry about
this and she might have another heart attack. Do you want that?" I was done.

"Tell her what?"

By the look on their faces when I interrupted them I had to agree with Senzo.
This just might give me another heart attack.
79

"What is it? What do you need to tell me." Like most days my ribs were
hurting. "Tell me and get it over with." I took a seat on the stool. "Okay, I was
pulled into a board meeting. They want us to release a statement about your
recovery. Initially when you got sick and underwent surgery we released a
statement and MaKhumalo put updates on the family Instagram page."

"Wait, we have a family Instagram page?" They nodded. "It's quite popular."
MaKhumalo added. "Well a month ago some YouTuber posted a video with a
theory that we sacrificed you for our wealth. Although most people think it's a
bit much questions kept being raised. We just haven't had time to update
anyone since you woke up from the coma and it's caused a lot of uncertainty
and crazy theories. They seem harmless but they're affecting the company.
We can't say for sure that it is that but our analysts say that it plays a big part
in it."

"Um, okay? So what does this mean?" They got that weird look in their eyes
again. "We were wondering if you'd put out a statement. Maybe make a video
or something. Maybe just an appearance. We can even arrange paparazzi."
Was he serious. "What the hell?" I was so confused. "It needs to be subtle.
We don't want it to look like were hiding something by forcing you out there." I
was still stuck on arranging paparazzi.

"Okay, we can think of something but have you really not seen what's going
on on social media?" MaKhumalo questioned. "I have not looked at my phone
since I got out of the hospital. I also don't have access to me old accounts. It's
on my old phone. I can't remember the passwords to my accounts. I just
started new accounts under fake names." They were shocked.
I was so sore and weak. I thought I would be able to cook but I just told
MaKhumalo to order something. Every single day my body keeps reminding
me how much work your heart actually does. Sometimes every muscle in my
body hurts. I can't even walk too far and I'm out of breath. I get tired and
winded so quickly. Laying down hurt. Sitting hurt. Standing was tiring. I didn't
know what to do with myself.

"Thandi?" I could hear the concern in her voice. I was hanging onto the
kitchen island for dear life. I didn't know what to do. Some days I could handle
it but others, like today, my heart just couldn't take it and my body felt all of it.
"Thandi, should I call a doctor?" She sounded so scared. "No." Tears fell from
my eye. If anyone were to ask me I would say my pain was at an eleven. I let
out a shaky breath and stood up straight from my bent position.

"What can I do? Please tell me." I tried breathing. I wiped my face. "The
couch." She nodded. She helped me to the couch and I instructed her where
to put the pillows. She got me my pain medication and then we just sat and
waited for the food. "You okay?" I hummed in response. "What happened?" I
was literally sitting there with closed eye trying to focus on my breathing.
"Busy day. Everything hurts. Usually I can deal with it but today everything
hurts at the same time."

"What do you mean? I thought it was just your heart and lungs." I finally felt
the effects of my pain medication. "My heart is still weak but it's healing.
Everything hurts because everything needs the heart." She still looked
confused. "Wait, so you're in pain all the time? I don't understand. Why are
you sitting around entertaining us while your body is under so much stress?" I
sighed. "You're all terrified and traumatized. I just clear my throat then you're
all on the edge of your seats."
"What do you feel right now? What going on?" For the first time ever I spoke
the truth. "My chest is in constant pain. It feels like it might burst but that's
normal. My head, neck, back, and waist hurts. Every muscle on my body is
stiff and it feels like I ran a marathon. My ribs are killing me. It feels like they're
on fire. And before you ask, yes, this is apparently "normal". It feels like I need
to scream or cry, or something but it would just take too much energy."

She was dead silent. Tears welled up in her eyes and fell. "Um, I'm sorry."
She said frantically wiping them. "I didn't know. I thought you were fine." I
smiled at her. "I will be okay. My meds are starting to kick in then I'll be able to
sleep." The phone rang and it was security with our food. Senzo was
downstairs so he got the food.

"Please, don't tell him. Don't tell anyone." She nodded and wiped the last of
her tears. "I've got the food and your old phone. I'll put it on charge." I just
nodded. I ate my chicken salad while they discussed strategies for letting the
public know I wasn't dead. After dinner MaKhumalo made my bed on the
couch and I asked to be picked up before I even laid down. I needed to be
elevated. My chest was not having it today. I ended just sitting up while I slept.
It was the most uncomfortable thing ever.

I was awake early and didn't want to bother everyone. I got my old phone off
charge. Now that I had it in my hand I all of a sudden remembered the codes.
I went through my page and the family page and the amount of support was
just unimaginable. There were some terrible hospital pictures of me on there
but I didn't mind. People seemed really invested and I could understand why
they would be worried after not hearing anything from us for more than a
month.

I ended up stalking all of the wives too. I had to admit. I was jealous. All of
their families were growing. They had beautiful children and seemed to be
living the dream. My social media still only had things I posted from the
different ceremonies Senzo snf and I had. I remember a time where I was
dreading marriage and the only thing I was looking forward to was babies. I
wanted a house full of children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Now I don't see myself ever having that.

I made myself a bowl of porridge and ate outside while it wasn't as cold. I was
joined by Senzo a little while later. "Good morning my love." He sat down with
his coffee. "Good morning."
"Did you take your medication yet?" I shook my head. "Not yet. I'll take them
when I'm done eating." He just nodded. Something was off. He was being
really weird again. "What is it. I know whatever it is you want to say you're first
going to stretch out for as long as you can so you don't upset me. What is it?
Just say it."

He let out a heavy breath. "Okay, I miss you." I was confused. "What do you
mean? I see you every single day." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I miss
what we had. We see each other every single day but we don't really talk or
spend time together. What I'm saying is I want us to be a couple again." What
the hell was I supposed to say to that?!

"I was speaking to doctor Reynolds and she says the only way for us to move
on is to decide what we want from our relationship. You're the love of my life
and I want to be your husband again. I want you to be my wife but if that is not
how you feel then maybe we should break up. I think I've allowed this to get
so out of hand that we can't even communicate properly anymore. I want this
but if you do not I don't think we should carry on. So? Do you want this?"

I knew my answer. I was scared but I knew this was one thing I was sure of.
He looked at him and this man looked like he wanted to cry. "I know what I
want. I want you. I want us." He took my hand and started crying silently.
"Thank you." I heard. "But..." His head shot up instantly. "What? Anything. I
will do anything." I was also getting emotional. "I don't think you're going to
want this anymore after I say what I'm about to say." He looked confused and
concerned all at the same time.

"I know you have this dream of a big family and I don't think I fit in that dream
because..." I couldn't get it out. I needed to say it but I couldn't. "Why? Why
would you think that?" I cleared my throat and just said it. "I don't want
children anymore. I obviously can't have any but I've let go of my dream of a
family because I can't go through losing another child. I won't survive it. So
please don't make me."

He blinked twice. "Um, okay. I get it but why would that mean there's no space
for you in the family." I let out a sigh that kind of hurt. "You're a traditional Zulu
man. You said it yourself. I'm useless. There's no point to this marriage." He
gulped. "Baby I didn't mean that. I was high, drunk, and hurt. I want you. You
are enough for me."

The rest of the day was a little bit awkward. We didn't know what to do or how
to act but I was really tired so I was resting most of the time. "Wake up my
love." I felt kisses all over my face. I opened my eyes and Senzo was standing
over me. "Come on. You need to eat."

That week was amazing. We spent the whole week together. We had indoor
picnics, movie dates, game nights, anything Senzo could think of. We even
solved the social media problem.

Senzo PR team wrote me a statement to post and I also posted a few pictures
with the family and of my recovery. I was even ghink of filming one of my busy
days so people could see i was doing good. I didn't even get to filming when
speculations started in my comments. I was told not yo answer any of it but
people were saying ridiculous things. Like the wives were responsible for NY
illness and that they were hiding me somewhere. Some people even went as
dar as to pressume I was dead. It was getting out of line. People needed to
see me but we also needed to be subtle about it. We couldn't just post a
video. It would create more red flags. And it couldn't look like we were pulling
a pr stunt either. So the team decided to use MaKhumalos platform. She had
millions of followers and she was very active on social media. She had
countless brand deals and people respected her.

"Okay, I'm about to go live now. Dlamini, remove yourself." He just stood there
shocked. "The two of you together..." He said shaking his head and I just
laughed.

The plan was for me to randomly appear in one of MaKhumalo's Instagram

lives that she did. "Hi everyone. I have not been on live in a while and I'm
sorry about that but we've been extremely busy. I know everyone is worried
about MaBhengu. Rest assured she is doing well. She's been at home for
about six weeks now. The doctors are happy with her recovery and the family
is grateful to have her back."

She went chitchatting with people in her comments and she spoke about an
event she attended some weeks back. That's when I walked past her and to
the kitchen. I had my phone to and I was on my new account with the fake
name so I could see the comments. When I walked past people immediately
started asking questions. She acted like she didn't see them and carried on
speaking about the event. The love got millions of views.

"MaKhumalo do wants some juice?" I asked and she looked up at me. I was
behind her phone in the kitchen so she couldn't see but could hear me. "Yes
please. Do you need help?" She halfway got up from the barstool. "No, I'm
fine. Let me get it." She say back down and I actually poured us some juice.
This was all planned but she was a good actress.

She looked at her screen and chuckled a bit. "They want to know who was
talking to me." She went through more of her comments. "Can I tell them?" I
nodded and hummed in response. "It's the princess herself people. Some of
you have noticed that I'm not in front of my normal background. I'm at
MaBhengu's house. Say hi do the can hear you." I chuckled. "Hi." I said and
passed her a glass of juice. "They're asking to see you." I nodded. I had a
fluffy blanket over my shoulders, zero makeup on, and a headscarf tied to
cover my hair.

She flipped her phone and I waved to everyone. After that I went back into the
room while she did her thing on live. After that I started gaining millions of
followers and my old account. I still didn't post anything but my old posts were
getting a lot of likes and comments.

It seemed to work. Stocks in Senzo company were back up and investors

weren't unsure anymore. After a doctor's appointment, I was cleared to go
back to classes but under very strict conditions. I had no idea if I was going to
be allowed any of this by the school. I guess only time could tell.
80

I had a meeting with the culinary school to see if they could accommodate all
my needs. They said they would work something out and get back to me. In
the meantime I was practicing at home and I was getting back in the rhythm.

I had tests coming up. It wasn't anything hectic. It was quite basic actually. It
was a ten question multiple choice on food safety rules, a knife skills test, and
a herb taste test. All of this I already agreed to before hearing I could go back.

When the day came Senzo insisted on accompanying me. My apartment was
about a ten minute walk away from the culinary school but I didn't risk it. I let
Senzo drive me there. I said hi to a few staff members on the way to the
changing rooms. Culinary school was for the most part really fun. The
instructors were amazing and most of them were really nice. I got changed
into my uniform.

These tests were usually not this stressful. There would be a bunch of us just
doing our thing and presenting our work. Most of the time it was really informal
but this time I was the only person doing it because the rest of the class have
done these tests a couple of times. So my stress levels were at an all time
high.

I showed Senzo where the balcony was so he could watch. He was here. I
didn't know what else to do with him. When I walked into the room my nerves
shot to an all time high. I guess some of the students saw me come in and
made their way to the balcony too.

"We can ask them to leave." Chef Frederico said after following my gaze. "No
it's fine." I did not want to be labeled a diva. "Okay, what would you like to do
first? Written of practical?" Another intimidating factor was that there was
three of them here today. Usually it was just the students and one instructor.
"Written."

I read carefully and circled my answers. It was pretty simple and straight
forward. It was such a short test that I got my mark right away. "Ten out of
ten." The instructor who marked it said. There were a few murmurs from the
gallery. I went onto knife skills. The whole time I had chef Frederico in the
back of my mind saying "Forget speed. Focus on technique." And that is what
I did. I took my time and made sure every cut was perfect.

"Look at that. Almost as good as me." Chef Frederico joked. Marks were
usually out of ten. I got ten. If chef Frederico was marking me he probably
would've given me a nine just to work on my nerves. The taste test was easy.
They were herbs I've know and cooked with all my life. So for that I got five
out of five as well. "Where's Ethan?" Chef Marcus asked and one of the guys
in the gallery stood up. "Did you take notes because that's how it's done." The
three chefs gave me a round of applause and afterwards I got called into a
meeting to discuss my schedule and a few changes to how class would work
for me.

"Your request have actually been very reasonable but you will be working in a
hot kitchen for most of the day. We have scheduled breaks in your timetable
and we expect you to take them. You won't be expected to attend theoretical
classes. All of them will be filmed for your viewing. If there are tests, you will
be expected to take those. The instructors have all agreed to help with any
heavy lifting and if the class requires it to learn a skill you will have to observe
only and practice it when you've recovered properly. There will be a stool at
your station, and you will be given a tag that give you access to staff
elevators. Here's is a document outlining everything we've put in place.
There's also an agreement attached. Look it over and get it back to us as
soon as possible."

After that I got changed and we went home. Like always my house was full of
people and I was annoyed. The place was also getting dirty. I underestimated
the amount of work my grandmother was doing when she was here. I really
wanted to deep clean and organize but every single time I tried someone
would stop me. It was more than three month post-surgery. There were things
that I could do. They just weren't allowing me to.

"I've got a surprise for you." Senzo led me to the bedroom and showed me the
bed. "Huh? You changed the sheets?" He shook his head. "No, your mother
changed the sheets but feel the bed." I walked up to the bed and felt it. The
mattress was hard. "Surprise. Do you want to try laying on it." I did. I was tired
of sleeping on the couch. I laid on it and it was perfect. Me before surgery
would've hated this bed but now I needed it.

I laid on the bed and my chest was completely fine. There was no discomfort
or squeezing. "It's perfect. Thank you." He laid down with me. "Now we can
finally share a bed again." I just smiled at him. He was so excited. "Would you
please take my shoes off? The bed came at a perfect time because I am
tired." He didn't hesitate. I rarely asked him for help so when I did he was
extremely excited. "I'll wake you when the food is ready. Is that okay." I
agreed and went to sleep.

"Thandi. Wake up sleepy head." My eyes fluttered open and ma was standing
there. "Hi." I was still tired but if I continued sleeping I would not be able to
sleep tonight. She helped me up. "I heard the doctor's appointment went well.
How was the test?" She asked. "The test went great Ma." I ate with everyone.
MaMlambo also joined us. She was doing shopping in the city. Apparently the
three of them living in the village would do this. They'll all give their lists and
one of them would come shop. When they could all of them came.

That night when everyone left I could finally spend the night in my room. It had
been three and a half months since I've been able to sleep in my room. Senzo
and I shared a bed for the first time in forever and I kind of liked it.

I was up early watching tv softly while Senzo was snoring and clinging onto
my hand for dear life. His grip eventually loosened and his snoring stopped.
"Good morning my love." He said and kissed the back of my hand. "How did
you sleep?" I slept like I always slept. Off and on. "I slept great." He kissed my
hand again. I got up and did my morning routine before eating breakfast by
the kitchen island with Senzo.

"I was thinking..." I started and he hummed in response. "Since my recovery is

going good and I'm slowly getting back to normal," he looked up from his
phone as if he knew something bad was coming. "Maybe we can start a
rotation again. You haven't been to your other wives' houses in months. You
need to spend time with your children." He just sat there dumbfounded.

"Where is this coming from? Is it because of the bed? Am I moving too fast?" I
shook my head. "No, it's not that. I just want to find our new normal. You're not
my husband alone and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I'm what's
keeping you away from bonding with your children." He just shook your head.

"No. Doing a rotation means I spend two nights in a row at each wife's house.
I can't see you every eighth day. Why would you want this? Your wounds
might be healed but your heart is still week. You still need a lot of help and I
know you're still in a lot of pain. You can't be alone." I really wanted this. I
need my space back. I needed control over my life back. With everyone
constantly here I felt like a dumb child who couldn't do anything for
themselves.

"The doctor said I needed to slowly get back to a new normal. I know you're
all scared. I know you're all worried but I need this please. I need my peace
and quiet. I need to be alone. I appreciate everything everyone has done and
is still doing for me but it's been three and a half months of people in my
space. I need to be alone. I can't function like this and you know it." He looked
really disappointed but I knew he would eventually agree.

"How about I stay here and just keep out of sight?" He joked and I shook my
head. "Okay, but I'll do one day with everyone else and two with you. I'm sure
the others will understand. I'll stay here tonight and I'll leave tomorrow
afternoon." I nodded. I gave him my undivided attention that day. I even
kissed him for the first time since he faked his coma.

I was finally alone and what did I do? I cried. All night. I couldn't stop. What
have I done that was so bad that this was my life? Trauma after trauma after
trauma. My father had enough son's to build a village but I was the one paying
for his sins every single day.

I woke up late that morning and missed a few calls from MaKhumalo. I texted
her as soon as I saw it. I did not want her coming here. I told security to let me
know when anyone was here. That was the protocol but they knew my family
and they knew I couldn't always get to the intercom so they just let them
through.

I had two weeks before I started school and I need some kind of control over
my own life. So, I started cleaning. I didn't know how filthy my house was until
I started cleaning. I cleaned the dining room and spent most of the day on the
kitchen. Sorting and organizing. I realized I had nothing. No food or anything
but that was a concern for another day. I would just get takeout.

I moved onto the living room next. I moved furniture with my leg to keep from
hurting myself and when I swept and mopped I did short strokes. I did the
kitchen and living room that day which was only the start of my troubles. I kept
in touch with Senzo and the wives and told my mother what was going on.
She understood. I made sure to speak to everyone on a daily basis. It was
actually nice and the good thing about it was when I ended the call they
weren't in my house.

I continued cleaning my ridiculously large apartment. I did not take this into
consideration when I was buying. All I saw was the kitchen. I got done with all
three bedrooms and the entertainment room. They were easy because it was
just dusty. One of the rooms had my old mattress.

I still had two more rooms and the balcony to do. They were the worst rooms
because they weren't finish even before I went into a coma. My sun room and
the room Senzo turned into a gym for me. The sun rooms furniture was still in
boxes and there was a bunch of other random boxes and old packageing in
there. Luckily I had black bags. I threw everything into bags and cleaned
before opening my furniture. The couches were easy because the just had
plastic over then. I had a rocking chair and table to assemble. I was grateful
that someone on YouTube had the same rocking chair. I had to figure out the
table by myself. But it wasn't that hard.

I dreamed moving onto the gym but I took it little by little. I was mostly just
putting things into trash bags. I didn't finish the gym because I just couldn't
carry on. My whole body was in pain. Throughout the whole process I was
trying to pace myself but on the fourth day I knew I needed to stop.
I ordered some food and asked security to bring it up and I tipped him. I
scrolled on my phone while eating my lunch when my intercom went off. "Mrs
Dlamini you have visitors." I was too sore and winded to get to the intercom so
I texted. He just said it's your family. It was probably MaKhumalo. I closed my
salad and went to the door. I was walking so slow the elevator dinged right
when I got there.

I opened the and it was literally my worst nightmare. Senzo and all four of his
wives walked in followed by the damn therapist. "We brought lunch."
MaKhumalo said cheerfully. I let them all in. Everyone followed Senzo to the
living room where I was eating. This was going to be terrible and I did not
have the strength for it.
81

"Hi Thandi. It's nice to see you again." Dr Reynolds said as I let her in. I
closed the door and followed them to the living room. "Sorry, I was busy
having lunch." I was about to pack my food away when MaCele came to help
me. I just let her do it. I didn't want to cause any issues, especially not in front
of Dr Reynolds.

"Let me just start by greeting everyone. Good afternoon to all of you. I've had
the chance to meet all of you in our sessions, but I've never had the chance to
sit down with everyone. I would also like to thank Thandi for letting us into her
home. I gathered from your shocked expression when we entered that you
had no idea we were coming. I'm sorry about that. I did not know you were
unaware." I just gave her a small nod. There was nothing I could do about it
now. They were already here.

"I'm here as a mediator. The family had some concerns they wanted to
discuss with you, and they thought it best if there was an unbiased party to
mediate the conversation." This felt like an intervention. I didn't know why I
needed one, but oh well!

I grabbed the pillow next to me and tried putting it behind my back before I
could even get it done. Senzo appeared beside me to help. I let him because
why not? My throat was scratchy, and I coughed a little. The whole room
tensed up. Everyone was literally on the edge of their seats, trembling in fear.
They were scared. "Are you okay?" I nodded. It did not seem to help anyone.
"Are you sure? Do you need the pump or maybe the oxygen?" The drama of it
all. "No, I'm fine. I swear."

Nobody in that room believed me, and the worst part was of it all was that I
coughed again. "Are you sure? Maybe I should just get the pump in case you
might need it." Everyone was staring at me with huge eyes waiting for what I
was going to say. "No, I don't need the pump. It's just a scratch in my throat.
Maybe some water." MaKhumalo jumped up first and went to the kitchen to
get a bottle of water. "Here you go. I got you a lozenge, too." I thanked her,
and everyone sat back in their seats.

"Okay. Is everyone ready to carry on?" They all agreed, and MaKhumalo
started speaking. "Okay, I was asked to bring this up to you. I just want to let
you know that this is how we all feel about the situation, and then maybe after
that, we can discuss a way forward." What the hell was going on? I tried
keeping a blank expression, but I really didn't know what this was.

"All of us, including Baba, do not feel comfortable with you being here alone
while you're still recovering. We know you've come a long way with your
recovery, but we feel that it's crucial that you have help. Even if that means
Dlamini stays here full time. The wives don't mind driving here from the
village, but if God forbid anything were to happen to you and Dlamini was
hours away, we wouldn't forgive ourselves. So we've come to ask if we can go
back to how it was."

I didn't want to, but I was too tired to fight and to explain myself. On top of
that, everyone was so on edge because of me, and I felt really bad about it.
"Okay." Was all I said. "Okay, what?" MaGumede asked. "Okay, we can figure
something out." The all let out a breath. "I really thought you would fight us on
this." MaMlambo said.

"There are conditions, though." The relieved faces tensed up. "What are the
conditions?" Senzo asked. "I still need space. Having all of you here was
great at first, but there's too many of you." They chuckled to themselves.
"Work out some schedule, timetable or something. I'm still adamant about
Dlamini spending time with his children, so maybe he can do that some nights
while someone babysits me. We can work it out at another stage." They
seemed happy about that. "But I still want my last night of freedom, so after
lunch, I want you all out." At first, they laughed. "I'm not joking."

"Okay, that's great. We can end the session here if nobody has any
objections, but we do still have an hour left." Dr Reynolds said, looking at her
watch. At first, nobody seemed to want to discuss anything, but then
MaKhumalo cleared her throat.

"I have a request for Dlamini?" At least it didn't involve me. "But first, I would
like to say that everyone is here now. I've accepted it, and I really enjoy
getting to know everyone and building relationships with everyone, but," Oh,
lord. What was this. "I need closure and I think what may give me closure and
even some others too is if I got the timeline of how all of this happened
because one day it was only me and the next Baba had proposed to four
different women." He looked uncomfortable, but I wanted a timeline too.
Damn! I never thought of asking.

"I know there were certain circumstances and arrangements for each
marriage and I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable but Dlamini
seems to have this dream of five wives and twenty children that just came out
of nowhere. When I got married to Dlamini, he knew nothing about polygamy.
I wasn't even sure if he was comfortable with it. Our marriage and relationship
before we got married started off with Dlamini's first wife. The original MaCele.
She introduced the idea of polygamy." The wives were listening intently.

"When MaCele passed away, she asked her sister to look after her child, and
we agreed that MaCele that is here now would marry Baba. I was not okay
with it at first, but a few months in, I wasn't doing so well. I wasn't coping with
the loss of MaCele and a new baby, and I told Baba to go and get her sister.
For months, I begged and pleaded, and I eventually let it go. I still wasn't okay
he just said we'll get nannies. That was it. So I thought, okay, fine. We weren't
doing polygamy anymore, and I preferred it that way, but then all of a sudden,
Senzo started acting weird. He would come home. He spent a lot of time at
his parents' house, which he had never done before, and he started spending
a lot of time in the village, and all of a sudden, I had four sister-wives. So what
happened? Who did you meet when and how was marriage decided?"

"Okay. Um..." Senzo said and cleared his throat awkwardly. "I met MaBhengu
first." He what? He met who?! What the fuck! Why am I number five then?! I
sat there with a blank expression just clutching onto the pillow next to me.
"This was a year after my first wife passed away. That's why I spent a lot of
time at my parents house because she was working there."

"The day I came to your parents house and saw her and choked her, were
you sleeping with her?" Everyone was shocked. "You choked her?!" MaCele
asked and I just chuckled to myself. Yep, I guess I was the only one who got
the crazy. "That was a long time ago." She said and everyone was waiting for
Senzo.

"No, I was not sleeping with MaBhengu at the time. She was waiting for
marriage. I was called to the village because the farm's books weren't adding
up. There was a whole fraud investigation going on so I spent a couple of
days at a time there. I discussed marriage with MaCele but she wasn't sure at
the time and then I met MaMlambo and we started a relationship. A few
weeks after I met MaGumede and we then also started a relationship." And
obviously he was sleeping with them because they got pregnant. The amount
of strength it took in that moment to not roll my eyes.

"And marriage?" He thought about it for a second. "The three of them showed
up at my mother's house. MaMlambo and MaGumede were expecting and
MaCele came to fullfil her promise." Wow. He must've forgotten about me.
"And MaBhengu?" MaGumede asked. "MaBhengu and I had spoken about
marriage and knew that we would get married eventually. One night her
mother caught us together and the next day I went to go pay lobola for her."

I finally looked up at him. I actually couldn't believe it. "Thandi is there

something you would like to add." I was mad. But a calm mad and when I got
like this I shut down. I was livid but I didn't even know how to express it. "I
wish I can forget as easily as you do." Everyone's eyes was on me. "What do
you mean? Did I get it wrong?" I took a breath and let go of the pillow.

"You proposed to me with a ring the night MaCele, MaMlambo, and

MaGumede showed up at your mother's house. I said yes and just after that
your mother announced that three woman showed up at the door claiming you
promised to marry them. You left me in the room with zero explanation and I
overheard your conversation where you said you would make MaCele your
second wife and the other two needed to show positive DNA results in order
for you to get married."

He sat there gaping like a fish as if he wanted to speak but had nothing to say.
"Senzo." MaCele said in disbelief. "I remember that ring. The two of you were
sitting at the table in MaRadebe's house and you were crying. There was a
box with a ring in the middle of the table." MaKhumalo said and Senzo bowed
his head in shame.

"Are you happy?" Senzo asked and looked at MaKhumalo. "Does this bring
you closure?" Was he really mad at her? "This anger that you're having
towards me now, take it and go look in a mirror. How can you be mad at me
for your own actions? This cleared up a lot of things for all of us but mostly it
cleared up the fact that it wasn't the drugs or the alcohol that made you treat
the woman you call the love of your life so badly. You've been doing it for
years."
Oh shit. "MaKhumalo." MaCele called and she didn't respond. "We've kept
quiet for too long. We kept quiet for so long that it got out of hand. Do you
know what the others asked me when we saw what you did to MaBhengu?"

"Mbali." MaCele tried again to get her attention but failed. "Don't Mbali me.
Nobody here wants to discuss Dlamini's actions because he's made us
believe he is too fragile. He's made himself the victim." I just bowed my head.
I started this. I should've just kept quiet. "Your other wives asked me if he did
that to one of the wives that he actually loves. What would he do to rest?
That's what they asked me. And while you went to rehab and made yourself
untouchable, I had to hold everything and everyone together. Your family
didn't help either. They went out of their way to make everything worse. Do
you know how evil your family is? Your mother included."

He tried to speak but she put her hand up and he kept quiet. "There was a
period of time that MaMlambo looked after MaGumede's child. At some point
before this whole ordeal, MaGumede went to fetch her child. The day you
booked yourself into rehab, the whole family went to trash MaGumede's
house. Your uncles held her down while your aunt's took her child. They
kidnapped her child. Your child. They said we needed to come with them to
convince MaBhengu to move back to your mother's house."

What the hell?

This whole time, I thought I had it bad, and MaGumede's child was literally
kidnapped. "We sat through a meeting where they were trying to force Thandi
to go back to your mother's house. Luckily, by that stage, she had grown the
courage to say no. They offered her parents money and all of her material
things that she left back. Thandi said no. The only thing she asked for was her
daughter's memory box. They refused to give it to her. They said she could
only view it if she went back to MaRadebe's house. And yes, your mother
knew about everything, and not once did she say anything. I had to steal the
box and take it to Thandi. Everyone had to pack up and move into the main
house because they weren't safe in their own homes. The only reason we
even sit in the same room as your family is for that sake of Thandi. Nothing
else."

We all sat in silence. "Why am I only hearing about this now. MaGumede, why
didn't you tell me?" She sighed. "When it comes to your family, we can't win.
It's either you don't believe us or you convince yourself that what we're saying
is not true." He just sat there in shock. "I don't know what to say. I don't know
what to do." Was all he said before we ended the session.

Lunch was awkward, but at least they decided to give me the rest of the day
to myself. I spent it gathering more of the boxes and rubbish from things I
bought for the apartment out of the gym, and after that, I rested in a bath. It
was my first bath since the surgery, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
82

I was woken up early the next morning by security telling me my husband was
at the gate. I let him in and waited at the door. "Look at you." He said when he
got off the elevator. "You're beautiful. Have I ever told you that?" I rolled my
eyes playfully. "Good morning." He had a bunch of roses in his hand. "Good
morning. It's your night. You can't chase me away." He went in for a kiss. "I
haven't brushed my teeth yet."
"I don't care. Now kiss me woman." I obviously complied even after
yesterday's mess.

We kissed, and I let him in. "Aren't you supposed to be going to work?" He
followed me into my room so I to brush my teeth and wash my face. "I am, but
I'm the boss. I'll go in whenever I want to. You didn't take the flowers." He
said, showing me the bunch of roses in his hand. I was in the middle of
brushing my teeth, so I just and rinsed my mouth. "You didn't give them to
me." He came up behind me and put his arm around my waist. "You are a
very complicated woman. Did you know that?" He started kissing my neck. "I
did and so did you when you married me." He chuckled. "Well, these are for
you."

He gave me the flowers and continued kissing my neck. I stopped him before
things went too far. "I actually came here to talk but now I need a cold
shower." I just chuckled. "Come, let's go. I'll make tea." I walked but he didn't
follow me. I looked back and he was just standing there awkwardly. "I was
serious. Go make the tea. I'll join you in a little bit." And I actually left him
there.

I did feel a little bit guilty about not being intimate with him even though my
doctor said that we could. It wasn't like I didn't want to. I really did but I was a
bit scared. One minute I was healthy and the next I was going into heart
failure. With my luck I would probably die of a heart attack during sex and
Senzo would be traumatized for life.

I was sitting on the balcony waiting for him. I still needed to clean out here and
I needed more furniture than just this table and chairs. Senzo joined me and
took a sip of his tea. "I wanted to talk about yesterday. How do you feel about
it?" I shrugged. "At this point what's done is done. All of us need to find a way
forward. However, what you need to do is speak to your family. They might
kiss your ass but they don't respect us or our boundaries. They're toxic and
abusive and I for one do not want to be around them." He sighed. "I know. I'm
just so mad and I don't trust myself enough not to completely loose it around
them after everything they've done. But i do need to speak to them. I think
I'llrake MaKhumalo with me. That one fears nothing and no one." We both
laughed a little bit.

There was a small pause before he continued. "You didn't seem happy
yesterday when I explained how I married everyone."
"I wasn't. At first I was a bit angry that you met me first, proposed to me first,
but married me last. So many things could've been different." He nodded.
"But, at that point my life was a mess. Your life was a mess. A lot was going
on. That's the story of our marriage I guess."

"Can you believe we would've celebrated three years of marriage and we

have not had one year of peace. The night in the hotel after the ceremony we
had to rush to the hospital and found out you were pregnant. You spent six
months in and out of hospital and then it was the accident and our baby
passed away. You went to live with your grandmother and when you came
back I acted a complete fool. Then there was the fake coma and then the real
coma. This past December we've missed our third anniversary. Can you
believe we've been married for three years?" I just shook my head. "And
we've been through enough trauma for three lifetimes." I added and we
laughed. It was true. We've been through way too much together.

"I've been an idiot the entire time. I regret a lot of my actions. I will spend the
rest of my life trying to make it up to you and all of the other wives. For the
rest of my life I'm going to spoil you and show you off to the world. It going to
get so bad that when I buy you a two story mansion you will be ungrateful and
complain that it doesn't have a third floor and a built in spa. I want you to be
so spoilt that when I buy you a new sports car you get mad because it's not
the colour you asked for." I couldn't help but laugh. "Hey, careful what you
wish for." I added. "Okay, but one day when I complain about you being spoilt
you remind me about this moment and then I'll import the proper colour car
because this is what I wanted." I just laughed as he made example after
example.

He eventually went to work but just as I was kissing him goodbye the wives
pulled up followed by two other cars. "What's going on?" I asked him because
they had their music on and we're singing loudly. "The spoiling starts today.
Enjoy." He placed a small kiss on my lips and got in his car. I waved when he
drove off. The wives got out of the car so happy that I thought they were
drunk. MaKhumalo was obviously filming everything and I stood there looking
crusty in a silk pajamas and headwrap.

"What's going on?" I asked her and she switched the phone around so we
could both be in the shot. "Spa day! Come Makoti! Have some fun for a
change." The ladies got out of their cars and gathered the equipment. "Okay,
but you guys need to be quiet. You're going to scare my neighbors." We all
went upstairs to my apartment. "Don't worry about food my chef is on the
way." MaKhumalo said setting up her camera's. "I'm vlogging ladies. Does
anyone have an issue with that." We all said no and I went to go and take a
shower while everything was being set up.

The day was amazing. I had a massage, after clearing it with my doctor of
course, I had a manicure and pedicure, a facial, and I had my hair done. The
chef prepared special food for me that was absolutely delicious and fit into my
diet. The ladies left that afternoon completely drunk from all the drinks they
had. A driver had to come fetch them. The chef stayed and cooked dinner for
Senzo and I while I got ready. A package arrived with a short red dress and
shoes. Okay, I get where this is going. Would I be able to do this? Also this
dress would just put my scar on display and I was not ready for that. Even if I
were to cover it with plaster I would still not be comfortable.

I went in my closet and got one of my older dresses that I never got to wear. It
was tight fitting nude dress but the neckline came all the way up to my neck
and it had long sleeves. I looked fine but I know it's not what he wanted. I was
lying I looked good. Through all the trauma not once did I lose my ass. I
laughed in the mirror at my realization. This ass resulted in a lot of haters
during my teenage years. I put on a pair of heals and some makeup and wait
for my husband.
83

Dinner was amazing. It was the first time Senzo and I sat down and reflected
on some of the good times because there were good times and just spoke
about any stupid thing. I was a bit scared because such a romantic evening
always ended in sex and I wasn't ready. Before we even started making out
on the couch in front of the view, I told him I wasn't ready. He was perfectly
fine with it.

He was woken up at five that morning by a call. "Baby, I have to go.

Something is happening at one of the mines. MaMlambo will be here at about
ten thirty." He kissed me and then left. Since I was awake, I got up. I got the
rest of the trash out of the gym and then cleaned up a little and did my
exercises. I ordered some groceries online and took a shower, and got
dressed while I was waiting for them.

I got a notification that my driver was close, so I went downstairs. I couldn't

expect security to waste time bringing my packages up every single day. I
asked the driver to just put the packages in the doorway. I started moving and
pushing them in with my legs.

"What do you think you're doing?" I looked up and saw some old white lady
coming down the stairs. "Hello. I'm moving my groceries." I was so confused.
Who was she anyway. "Moving your groceries. Get out! Out!" She stormed
towards me, and I didn't want her to push me, so I moved out of the way
before she could. I ended up on the steps outside. "What is your problem? I
live here." She rolled her eyes. "Sure you do." She said sarcastically. "Let me
see your keycard and tag to the building."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Who are you anyway?" Her whole face started
going red. "I'm a resident of this building, and I have never in my life seen you!
You think you can just come in here and squat in someone's apartment!
You're lowering our property rates!" What the hell was going on? Security ran
to us.

"This thing is trying to break into our building!" She screamed, which then got
the attention of some random kid with a phone. Great. Another public
humiliation for me. "Ma'am this woman stays here." She was flabagasted.
"Obviously, you're going to back up her story! You're probably in on the scam!
I've lived here for a whole month and I haven't seen her once. Which floor is
she on?" What was wrong with this woman?

I really tried staying calm and neutral because this kid had a camera in our
faces. "She lives in the penthouse, ma'am." She started screaming. I guess it
was supposed to be a laugh. She sounded like the evil witch in kids' movies.
"Okay, I can prove this. I'll go fetch my tablet and scan her tag. You'll see her
picture pop up on the screen with a few of her details. Is it okay if I do that,
Mrs Dlamini." I nodded. "Please do." He ran down to their office.

"What are you doing? Are you in on this, too?!" She yelled at the boy. "Ma'am
if I were you, I would start getting my affairs in order because I'm on live and
millions of people are watching. You're about to ruin your own life." The boy
said, and it kind of scared me too. "I don't believe a fucking word you're
saying! I've had it! Leave!" She grabbed my arm. "Ma'am do not touch me. I've
had surgery and I'm not fully healed. Do not..." She pushed me right in my
chest.

Security came running to try and stop her but it was too late. The pain was so
bad my head was spinning and I felt nauseous. It felt like my chest was
exploding. I clutched onto the railing as the woman started screaming. I felt
something hit my head and that's when I started struggling down the stairs. I
couldn't see anything.
She was screaming, security was screaming at her, she was throwing my
groceries all over the place and security had to call the police. "Ma'am, are
you okay?" I nodded but I wasn't okay at all. I was halfway down the stairs
struggling to even stand. My phone vibrated in my hand but I just needed to
get my balance back.

The boy helped me down the stairs and got me seated in the security booth.
"Is there anything I can do?" I handed him my phone because I was struggling
to catch my breath. "Hello. Yes. She is here. I got her away. Security called
the police. Yes sir. Ma'am. Ma'am it's your husband." He put the phone on
speaker. "Baba." I got out. "I'm driving . I'll be there in about ten minutes. How
are feeling?" I couldn't form words. "Mamakhe are you still there? Thandi." I
hummed in response and then groaned right after from the pain. "Okay, I'm on
my way. I'm on my way okay. MaKhumalo texted me. They'll be there in a little
bit. They're closer. How's your breathing? How's her breathing?"

I was struggling. I didn't think there was anything wrong with my lungs. This
woman just sent a shockwave of pain through my whole body. "It's heavy but
she's breathing sir." He said to the phone. "Okay, what's your name?"
"Sipho sir."
"Okay, Sipho. That's MaBhengu. My wife. A few months ago she's went I to
heart failure and had open heart surgery. During this time she also developed
some serious lung problems. I need you to listen to her breathes. Are they
heavy or is she wheezing?" There was silence my ears were ringing. "She's
wheezing sir." I was? All I knew was that my lungs were burning and my chest
felt like it was bursting.

"Okay, does she have her apartment key with her?"

"Yes, sir."
"Okay, it should have her access card. Take it and run to the elevator. Go up
to the penthouse. Once you're there I'll lead you to her pump." The boy
grabbed my keys and ran.

I laid my head down on the table. I was sweating. My wound felt like it was on
fire and my chest felt like it was tightening. I haven't had breathing problems
since I stopped oxygen therapy.

I could still hear that damn woman screaming and shouting. "MaBhengu." The
boy came in and gave me my pump. I took two pumps and it didn't feel like it
was doing anything. I sat up straight and did one more and the tightness in my
chest lessened. "Thank you." He just nodded. "Your groceries are ruined." He
added and I chuckled a little but the pain stopped me.

He gave me my phone and then said he's going to film the crazy lady. Luckily
that's when MaKhumalo and the wives arrived. "Where is she?!" MaKhumalo
came and helped me out of the small booth and into the car. I was fine. Just in
pain.

But that's when screaming and fighting broke out. MaKhumalo was in a
screaming match with the crazy lady and the other three were backing her up.
She started throwing groceries again and for what happened next I had to rub
my eyes to see if I wasn't hallucinating. The crazy lady threw a small bottle of
juice at MaKhumalo but MaKhumalo caught it. She threw it back at her and it
hit the crazy lady in the face. Juice splashed all over and she screamed
hysterically.

The residents were trying to watch from their windows. Some got in the
crossfire just to see what was happening and the boy who helped me still had
his phone out. He was laughing at the top of his lungs.

"Shut up!" MaKhumalo screamed. She picked up a bigger bottle from the
ground. "Shut the fuck up!" Her voice boomed again as she held the bottle up
ready to throw it at the lady. Surprisingly the lady went quiet. I would too if I
was being yelled at like that. I have never heard anyone's voice travel that far.

I heard police sirens and I saw the cars pull in at the gate. Senzo's car
followed. I saw him get out of the car and the wives pointed to me. He was
running like a mad man. I was fine. They were probably going to make a big
deal out of this. Before Senzo got to me another car pulled up. My mother
jumped out of it before it even stopped with a damn sjambok. What was she
going to do with that? She already went to jail once.

"Mamakhe." He opened my door completely out of breath. "I'm fine." He

definitely didn't believe me. "I don't care what you say. You're going to the
hospital." I just rolled my eyes. "You need to calm down. I'll go when all of this
is over." I motioned to the scene in front of us. My mother was screaming at
the lady threatening her with a sjambok and the wives were backing her up. I
was dying from second hand embarrassment. The police were just standing
there doing nothing.

The police eventually broke up the situation. The boy who helped me was
forced to stop filming by the police and the lady was taken into custody
because when the police got close to her she started throwing whatever she
could find on the floor at them. It was a mess and the landlady was
somewhere on holiday. They couldn't even get hold of her on the emergency
number that she left.

When things calmed down Baba took me to the hospital.

84

The doctor checked me out and ran a few tests and did some general things. I
was okay. I would just be more sore than usual because of the crazy lady.
The whole time we were at the hospital my phone kept on going off. Once
again my name was trending.

I put my phone off and we were on our way home. "I'm literally starving and
that woman destroyed all of my groceries." I said when we drove off. "Let me
call Mbali and see where she is. Her house is closer than yours. Hopefully
she's at home." He called and put it on silent. "Hi. How is she?" Was the first
thing she said. "I'm fine." I replied. "Hi. Are you at home?" He asked her.
"Almost. We all went to the police station. I just dropped the boy and his mom
off at the apartment building but we didn't have a key so we're on our way
home now."

"Okay, we'll be there in about ten minutes too. MaBhengu is hungry do you
think your chef can make something?"
"He's off this week so that he can work the week the girls come home after
their term one tests but I'm sure there's something in the fridge. If not we can
just order something."

We all arrived at the same time. I see a bunch of vegetables in here and some
meats but I don't know what most of these things are. I just eat." I laughed at
MaKhumalo. She really was the epitome of rich Makoti. "Let me see. Maybe I
can make something."

I walked over to the fridge to see what she had. "You definitely can not make
something. Some crazy lady just attacked you and your still in recovery."
Senzo was being dramatic again. "I can definitely cook. I'm fine. The doctor
said I should be moving around and getting back to normal life. I'm starting
culinary school next week. I definitely have to cook. I'll make something easy.
You can watch incase I almost die again."

"Not funny. Definitely not funny but I will stay and watch." He was dead
serious. He even took a seat at the huge kitchen island. I sometimes wonder
how the other wives feel about this huge mansion MaKhumalo lives in while
they live in the village. MaCele has quite a big house too. I don't even know
where MaMlambo and MaGumede live.

"Before my chef went on leave he said I could use anything except his
marinated meats. He's been with me for so long and still thinks that some day
I might lift a finger in this kitchen." I just chuckle at her once again. I spotted
the marinated meat quickly because all of them had tags on that said "DO
NOT COOK". I spotted a piece of guanciale and decided to make carbonara
for everyone.

The longer I cooked the bigger my audience got. I don't know why they were
fascinated by me but I didn't care. I was in my happy place. I plated the
carbonara and we ate right there at the kitchen island. It was delicious.

"The kids are an hour away. My mom says everyone just fell asleep after
several nursery rhymes." MaCele said. I didn't even know the kids were
coming. It's going to be great to see them. They're just getting bigger and
bigger and baby chumisa is almost four. Amahle, MaMlambo's first born, and
Enhle, MaGumede's daughter were two going on three years old. Ayanda,
MaCele's biological daughter was almost two and Kwezi, the families last born
and MaMlambo's second child was only five months.

"Since we're all here we should probably discuss a way forward. Not just
helping out with MaBhengu's recovery but long term. All our marriages are
different and we're working on them individually but my wish is for us to be
one big family. I think that starts with the five of you bonding." This family
always wanted to discuss things. There's always a damn discussion.

"If we're going to have a discussion can we at least go sit somewhere

comfortable?" MaKhumalo suggested. She didn't look like she was in the
mood for this either. We all went to the living room and sat down to talk.

"What is it that you want us to do, Baba?" MaMlambo asked once we were
settled. "I want you guys to bond as a group. Not just outing and spoiling
yourselves but I want you to do the day to day things together."
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"How are we going to do the day to day together if we don't all live in the same
place?" MaGumede asked. It was a valid question. "Thank you for bringing
that up. When I say day to day I mean the little things." I still didn't get it. "I
realize what I'm about to bring up recently was my fault but a lot of our prior
problems started because of money. To this day MaBhengu does not accept
any money from me. I wasn't even allowed to pay her medical bill. I've been
banned from all of her finances because of what I did and I don't blame her."

Oh lord. Why do I always have to be in the middle of things. "If you don't pay
for anything how is she affording a penthouse apartment with designer
furniture, culinary school, and all of her medical bills." If I was MaGumede I
would have questions too. I don't blame her for asking. Only my mother,
MaKhumalo, and Senzo knew.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "MaBhengu are you comfortable with sharing
that information?" I wasn't but I did want to tell them. I had decided that I want
this marriage and this marriage came with the family. The other wives were
really trying hard to build some type of relationship with me. The least I could
do was try to build relationships with them too.
"Um, when I thought Baba was sick and we didn't have any money I settled
my lawsuit out of court." They were shocked. "What? Dlamini you were
adamant on taking them for all they had. What happened to those people?"
That's something I didn't talk about but I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy at all. "It
was a lot of money but it didn't do anything to any of them. The paramedic is
still working his job and the nurse from that clinic got early retirement." They
couldn't believe it. "That doesn't make any sense. This is not fare."

"It is what it is. Baba what was is it that you were saying?" I changed the
subject. "Even though we have do not in any way have money issues in terms
of how much money we have I would like to manage it better. I don't want to
say that I want to control everyone's spending but at the end of the day that's
what it is." I hate money talk. Especially in the direction this is going.

"I'm not saying we have to pinch every penny I'm just saying I want to know
where the money is going. I was thinking I would give each of you allowances.
It will be a grocery and household allowance which will differ from every house
because every house has different needs. There will be a separate allowance
for each child which should cover all their needs and more. Then an
allowance for each wife to do whatever she want with. Just to spoil herself.
Things like school fees, medical etcetera I'm taking care of so that won't be an
issue."

Everyone cheered at the last allowance I didn't know if I even wanted to

participate in this allowance thing. It might come back to bite me in the butt.
"Back to the day to day. I want all of you to write out your grocery lists
including all household items. From now on I want you all to grocery shop
together. So each month the three of you will come to the city and buy your
groceries. If you don't want to do the drive I'll get drivers but in that time I also
want us to do something as a family so it will obviously be on a weekend." I
get what he was doing, but this was too much socializing for me.

"For this month, I suggest you all do your grocery shopping together just so I
can see how the household allowance works out. You'll estimate for me how
much you think the children need. You guys can decide on a number together.
If there are anymore needs like housekeeping and nannies or something like
that let me know. I really want to have these numbers so that we can see how
it works and then adjust it to suit everyones personal needs. I know all of you
still have a lot of renovating to do in your homes. Don't include that. That we
can do as we go. I also want to mention something MaKhumalo and I have
discussed at length. Property."

Oh, lord. How was this going to affect me?

"Right now, I legally own every single house besides, of course, for
MaBhengu's apartment and this house, which is owned by both MaKhumalo
and I. MaKhumalo and I both feel that the three you have proven yourselves.
You've proven that you could be Dlamini wives, and you've put your childish
behaviors behind. I never want my family to have any sort of control over you
again. I would like for the respect to remain, but never again will they control
you, so I want every wife to co-own their house with me so that you are
secure in case anything happens to me. So that you know it's yours and
nobody can take it from you." They were once again stunned. This time, for a
good reason.

"Do you all agree to that?" They agreed. MaMlambo even had tears in her
eyes. "Lisakhanya, what's wrong?" I always forget they have first names. It
was just our culture to address a woman by her maiden name. MaMlambo's
tears were streaming down her face. "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve
anything after what I did to you and the family when we first got married.
You're a good man, Baba, and I'll spend the rest of my life making my
mistakes right. I've never owned anything before. Nobody in my family has
ever owned anything before. You are literally making my dream come true. So
thank you. Thank Baba and MaMkhulu." The others thanked them too. I know
it was insensitive of me to be thinking of this at such an emotional moment,
but did this mean he wanted his name on my lease?

"This leads me to another point. As you know at home I'm creating a

homestead and although it is modern I want it to be as accurate as possible. A
few weeks ago, MaCele said the houses are built in weird places, remember?"
MaMlambo and MaGumede nodded. "That's because I want every wife's
house in the place it's supposed to be traditionally. I'm still deciding whether or
not it's useful to have big empty houses for MaKhumalo and MaBhengu. I'll
still discuss it with them, but if we decide against the houses for them on the
homestead, there will definitely be huts that represent them and their place in
this family. I do, however, want to build a house for me which will be the main
house of the familywhere we have allnour gatherings. It's an old custom, but
it's definitely something I want to happen because I want this house to be
MaKhumalo's house as the three of you have your homes too. I have the
plans drawn up for the homestead, and I'll show it to you all at some point, but
I don't have them on me. Is there anything else anyone wants to discuss?"

"Yes, I'd like to say something." MaCele added. "We all are aware of
MaBhengu's situation and what she's gone through." It's always me, and I'm
tired of it. What do they want from me now. "I think the ancestors might be
angry at you, Baba. We've all seen this before. The ancestors are angry and
punish you through hurting your children. I think you need to consult them and
make things right to get rid of all this bad luck." MaCele added. She did have a
point, but I've had bad luck all my life. My ancestors have been cursing me
since before I got married. On top of that, things are probably only getting
worse now because my father is on the other side.

"Then why only MaBhengu's children. My other households are thriving. I've
given up on boys. That's out of the question. We know that, but I'm raising an
army of powerful women. No other house has been touched by this bad luck."
MaMlambo cleared her throat. "Baba, maybe it's because you haven't finished
all the marriage rites. Maybe you need to do that to appease them. I also think
that a cleansing would help. I know we couldn't have a funeral for
Nthombifuthi, but the two of you never had a cleansing. That's when things
really started going downhill. You also didn't have a cleansing after losing the
second child, and we know what happened after that. The bad luck continued
when MaBhengu developed unexplainable heart problems and then had a
heart attack. MaBhengu was perfectly healthy. In the hospital, there were no
signs of blood clot and heart disease, or lung disease. She literally just
developed them overnight, and boom, she was in a coma. The doctors are still
doing research, and they'll never be able to explain it. We need to appease
the ancestors, and all will be well." She wasn't wrong.

"MaMlambo, I think you may be right, but I think the problem lies with my
ancestors. My father hated me when he was alive. I'm sure he still hates me in
the afterlife. My mother is suffering in the afterlife because of how she died. I
saw her when I was in a coma. We're still trying to find her body so we can
take her back home. So, I do think a cleansing and ceremony to appease the
ancestors, as well as completing the marriage rites are needed, I do not think
it will work until we find my mother's remains."

The discussion ended there, and then the wives worked on their lists. I joined
in this time, and I was also writing my list. The children and MaLanga,
MaCele's mother, arrived, and we all started dinner. Dinner for the first time
was great. I decided to stay the night. I called my mother just to let her know I
was okay.

"Mamakhe."
I was sitting outside by the pool. The sound of the waterfall by the pool was
calming.
"Yebo, baba."
"We need to talk."

Oh shit. Here we go.

85

"We need to talk." I just knew whatever he wanted to talk about, I wasn't ready
for. "About?" He took a seat in front of me. "Us." Oh lord. "You said you
wanted this marriage, right?" I nodded. "Yebo, Baba." I sat up straight
because he seemed to be on a mission today. The seriousness and bass in
his voice was kind of turning me.

Okay, Thandi. Calm down. Calm down, please.

"I agreed that the money from the settlement was all yours. That's how I want
it to be. But..." There's always a but. "If we're in this marriage, I'm your
husband. This is a traditional marriage no matter how modern our lifestyle is.
I'm your husband, and I want to provide for you. I saw you were making a list
with your sisters and I'll be extremely angry and disappointed if you just made
the list because everyone else was making one and that you'll end up paying
for your own things before I can provide for you. I want your home to be our
home. How can I have control over my family if you're undermining me? That
might be a harsh word, but it's what it feels like. MaKhumalo makes millions
every year, but I'm still her provider. She respects the role I play, and she
respects the fact that I'm her husband."

What was he saying? That I didn't respect him. "Baba, it's not that I don't
respect the role that you play..."
"Then what is it?" The fact that he thought I didn't respect him hurt. How could
I not respect him after the way he's been taking care of me since I stepped
foot in the hospital. He put his entire life on hold for me. I didn't realize what I
was doing or how it was making him feel. He just always seemed fine with it.

"I..." I couldn't continue. My lip started to shiver, and my eyes welled up.
"Baby, it's okay. Please talk to me. I want us to work. We're meant to be. Our
only way forward is to say how we feel." He handed me a handkerchief, and I
wiped my tears. "I'm scared.' I started. "Being financially independent makes
me feel safe. It means nothing can be taken from me. At first I used money as
a way to get away from you but when I realized I still wanted you in my life I
thought that if no money was exchanged between us we wouldn't have any
problems. I thought we could recover from everything we've been through
without that hanging over us. I'm sorry you feel I disrespected you. I never
meant to."

"Why didn't you say something? I would've understood. When it comes to the
financial side of things, I've realized my mistake. I haven't been fair. If I put
everyone on a level playing field, we won't have problems. I really want you
and I to sit down and sort out our finances. Every burden you have, I want to
lift off you. Please, let me take care of you as I take care of my other wives.
Your money should not be paying for things that my money should be paying
for." I was still crying a little.

"It's not my money." He looked confused. "It's Nthombifuthi's money. Did you
hear the law was changed?" He gave me a confused look again. "The law that
prevented us from burying her. It's been changed. It's a little too late for us,
but I'm glad other parents will get their closure." He came to sit next to me.
"Why does it still hurt? I don't understand." I held onto his hand. "I think it's
always going to hurt. We'll just get used to it." His thumb rubbed my hand.
"Can I tell you something I've never admitted out loud?" He nodded. "I regret
holding her." I broke down silently, and he held me to his chest. I regret seeing
her. The only memory I have of my child is her being dead in my arms. I felt
his tears fall and my forehead, and he wiped them off.

"Then they took her and turned her into medical waste." I muffled my cry in his
chest, and I could hear him holding back sobs as well. "They turned my baby
into medical waste." I placed my hand over my mouth so the others wouldn't
hear. His breathing was irregular. I could tell he was crying. "Baba is
everything..." I felt him shake his head and lift his arm, and then I heard
MaGumede walking away. We sat there for hours crying over our children. I
wouldn't wish this on anyone, but knowing he felt this way too made the
feeling less lonely.

We eventually ended up in our room, but we didn't sleep at all. "How did it
happen the second time? I need to know." I was sitting up in bed after we
shared a bath. "At first, I thought I was sick because I had a fever, and I
wasn't feeling great. I saw the blood, and I had terrible cramps, but I assumed
I was having a really bad period. The cramps got so bad that I couldn't walk
and felt nauseous. MaCele said it wasn't normal and suggested I see a doctor.
I somehow got myself to my doctor, and she told me what was happening. I
went straight to your room after. It was the day MaKhumalo came back, and
we found out you were faking."

He banged his head on the headboard. "I should've known. That day, you
were begging me to wake up. I'm so stupid." He banged his head against the
headboard a few more times before I stopped him. I held him to my chest
even though it hurt. He cried again, and I comforted him and cried with him.
"I'm sorry. It was all my fault." He said as we watched the sunrise. "It wasn't
your fault. I told myself it was your fault too, but it wasn't. I'm not meant to be a
mother, and I'm fine with that. You have beautiful daughters, and I'm happy for
you, but I don't ever want to go through that again." He nodded. "I understand,
but don't you at least want to go to a doctor so they can run some tests.
Maybe you will be able to get pregnant again." I just shook my head. "Clearly
getting pregnant is not the issue. I'm not meant to be a mother. I've made
peace with that."
MaKhumalo borrowed me some clothes. I ate breakfast, and then Baba took
me home because all my medication was there. I took my medicine and then
Baba and I sat and had tea. "Okay, you said you'd show me your finances." I
went through everything with him, and we spent the day getting the banking
details changed on a lot of stuff, changing my medical aid, and getting his
name on the lease. Which my landlady did immediately and without question.
She was profusely apologizing for what happened with the crazy lady and
assured us she would no longer be a tenant.

The next day, I went to the police station and opened a case against crazy
lady. When we went home, there was a photographer outside the gate of the
apartment building trying to take pictures. Great. Just great. They found me.

"Mamakhe, if one of them found your apartment building soon, all of them will
be here. I suggest you pack a bag and we go stay at MaKhumalo's house." I
sighed but agreed. I packed all my medication and tools to make sure my
health was on track. I made sure I had my notebook and ipad. I monitor my
blood pressure and test my own vitals multiple times a day, writing down any
events and symptoms. I kept hard copies and digital files. At first the doctor
told me to do it but it became a habit. It brought me comfort knowing that
there's something I'm doing that might help us figure out why this happened
so suddenly. If there even is a logical explanation.

"Baba, do you think you could send someone to come get my car. I want to
start practicing. I've passed all the cognitive tests, and my arms are still a bit
stiff. I've been given a few exercises for my arms, and my range in motion has
improved a little, so I'd like to start practicing." He agreed, and then we were
off.

I spent the rest of the week at MaKhumalo's house, and then I started culinary
school. I was not coping. I couldn't stand being in the kitchen. The heat was
literally killing me, and it was affecting my health. I had been worried about my
sternum and lifting heavy things and not being able to carry out technique
properly, but it was the heat. Sometimes, I could feel how hard my heart was
working. I could feel how tired it was, and it was affecting my whole entire
body. I tried pushing through, but doing a full day was literally torture.

I hid mostly in the library. Nobody came in here. Baba was swamped with
work to the point where he was always apologizing to the wives, but I was
glad he didn't see me like this. I was in the library trying to catch my breath
when the door opened. I had zero energy to get up and pull myself together.
My ears were ringing, and I could literally hear my heartbeat.

"MaBhengu, you've been avoiding us all week. It's Friday, and you ended
early. Maybe we can all go out for drinks." I didn't end early. I felt like I was
about to faint and left class. "Thandi." The huge chair I was in was hiding me.
"Okay, what is happening? Do I need to call a doctor? You look terrible." I
shook my head. "No, I just need to take my medication and go lie down." I just
needed to sit here a while longer. "What's happening? Is there anything I can
do to help?" I felt so weak. Everything was in pain. "I can't do it. I thought I
was ready, but I'm not." She took a seat across from me.

"Not ready for what? School?" I nodded. "Thandi, you're being too hard on
yourself. We are only in the third month of the year. Culinary school started
last month. Three and a half months ago, they cut you open and literally
cracked your chest to fix your heart. After that, you were in a coma for a
month, not even being able to breathe on your own. You spent a month in the
hospital where you literally had to learn how to be a human from scratch. You
couldn't swallow, you couldn't talk, you couldn't walk, you could barely move.
Then you came home. You've only been out of the hospital for a month and a
half. The only thing healed is your scars. You still have a very long way to go.
You need more time off. You do not need to quit school. You can always go
back, but you need to be healthy first. I've been hesitant to say anything
because you really are doing great, but you need more time. The doctor said
to slowly go back to your normal routine. He didn't say throw yourself in the
deep end."

"I need help." I admitted. It wasn't specific. I just knew I needed help, and it
was the first time I was admitting it.
86

She helped me to my room and got me something to eat. I filled out my book
with after taking my vitals. They weren't looking good today but also not
alarming. I filled in everything my body was feeling rated my pain on a scale of
one to ten. I was at a seven.

MaKhumalo came back with a sandwich and a juice. "How are you doing?"
She said referring to my books. She was the only one who knew how
obsessive I was with tracking my health. I had high-end at home equipment to
get the most accurate results. I just needed to know what was happening to
me. After what MaMlambo mentioned the ancestors I don't think we'll ever be
able to explain it with science.

"My blood pressure and oxygen levels are a bit low but not alarming. I'm very
tired. I think after I eat I'll take a nap. I'll check them again after my nap and if
they get worse I might go for a walk outside." She put my food down. "Does
Senzo know you're not feeling well?" I shook my head. "He's very busy. If my
health gets worse I'll let him know but for now I don't want to disturb him." She
nodded. She sat with me while I ate and told me about the girls.

After my nap my blood pressure dropped and before I worried myself about it I
put on a flowy dress and some sneakers. The dress was purely out of respect
for the others wives. My head was covered twenty four seven anyway. So I
just grabbed a bottle water and walked the property line. I got halfway and I
was out of breath and tired but I needed to get my blood pressure up. I took a
short break and then walked back to the house.

"Were you exercising? It's extremely hot out. Are you sure that was a good
idea?" MaGumede asked when I came back in the house. "I needed some
fresh air and to get my blood pressure up." She just nodded. "Okay, the air-
conditioning stopped working. So maybe you should take a cold shower to
cool down. The maintenance guy is out of town and the only other person
available will be here tomorrow morning."

I took her advice. I took a cold shower and waited a little bit afterwards and
took my vitals again. I was happy about it. I recorded my food I ate for lunch
and that I exercised. When I was done I updated my digital copy before I went
to join the others.

"We're in here!" MaGumede yelled from the kitchen. The house was starting
to get hot. I had on one of my flowy maxi dresses and a light doek. In fact it
was just a sheer scarf that matched my dress but my head was covered.
That's all that mattered. The only thing I didn't like was my long plaster
showing. I ran out of the one that matched my skin so now the whole world
could see it.

"You look so pretty. Come, chef made us smoothie bowls." I joined them in
the kitchen and ate my smoothie bowl. MaCele was standing in front of an
open fridge the entire time. The ladies were mostly talking about their children.
"MaCele are you serious?" MaMlambo asked. "I'm getting hot okay. I'm never
getting a weave again. It's the weave and the doek that is killing me. For some
reason I only packed this thick scarf." She complained.

"MaKhumalo, this is a bit extreme. There are no elders here. MaCele's mother
left and our husband is at work. Can we please take off our head coverings?"
MaMlambo pleaded. It was the first time I realized that MaKhumalo also
covers her head. When I first met her and in the beginning of my marriage her
head was never covered. Now she wears them regularly except for when she
goes to work. "You can take them off. It's fine." Sighs of relief came from the
three of them.
At some point we moved to one of the living rooms. We were just lazing
around at this point. The kids were all sleeping on the floor in the tv room. The
cold tiles were a godsend. "Even this couch is making me hot. MaKhumalo
can I use one of those grass mats?" She nodded and I took a mat and sat on
the ground.

"MaBhengu have you given any thought into what we discussed the other
night? Having a cleansing." I nodded. "I have but there's been no word from
my brother. The last I heard they were still dealing with a bunch of red tape
from the police. So I don't know what's going on." They hummed in response.
"I hope it all gets sorted out soon."

"Mama." Chumisa came into the room rubbing her eyes. "Yes baby?" MaCele
asked. "I want a car." We all chuckled. The little girl was obsessed with cars.
"Baby you have one in your hand. Come here." She walked over to her
mother. "No, I want a driving one." She got on the couch with her mother. "Oh,
your pink car is at home baby." The little girl shook her head. "No. I want car
like Baba." I chuckled at to myself. "Chumisa I know you're not say you want
me to buy you a real car." She smiled and nodded. We couldn't help but
laugh. "And it must go voom voom! It will be fast."

"This child wants a sports car." MaKhumalo said and we all laughed. "Ask
your father nana. I'm sure he might just get you one just to drive you around in
it." The other babies woke up and they all ate. The silence we were once
enjoying was gone.

"Good afternoon my beautiful wives and children." Baba announced himself.

All of them greeted and put their head coverings back on. Oh wow. I didn't
know it was that deep. Okay, I knew but I didn't think they took any of it
seriously. "We really need to sleep in this heat?" He took a seat and the maid
brought his drink. "Is dinner almost ready? I'm starving." He said sipping his
drink. "Let me go check on that." MaKhumalo left the room and he played with
his children. I felt extremely awkward just watching him interact with his wives
and children but I knew getting up and leaving the room would cause a scene.

Dinner was ready and we were called to the dinning room. MaMlambo said a
prayer and we ate while Baba spoke about everything happening at work.
"Oh, yes. Mbali I asked your assistant to help me put something together for
the boy who helped Thandi. Apparently the boy is an influencer so whatever
we send him will probably end up online. So he's sorting something out for the
boy and I'm hoping to put out a statement because the press at your
apartment is getting worse."

After dinner everyone went to sit outside but I went to take a shower and do
my night routine. I had on a long silk nightie. It was perfect for this heat. I got
in bed and found a book online. "Mamakhe." Senzo peaked in my door. "Can I
come in?" I nodded and put my ipad away. He came over and kissed me.
"You smell good." He said kissing my neck. "You smell like smoke." I pulled
away from him so he didn't get any ideas. "We started a fire outside. The
ladies are in the pool. I'm here to convince you to join us." I sighed a little.

"What's wrong baby?" He sat on the bed taking my hand. "I don't want to tell
you because you'll overreact." His face tensed up. "I probably will but I'll try
not to. What's wrong? You look tired." He kissed me again. "Rough day.
Rough week actually." I didn't know how to tell him but it felt like I really
needed to. "I want to quit school." His eyes went wide. "I'm not coping. My
heart and body aren't coping. I'm tired and everything hurts." He took both of
my hands. "Baby are you sure? Maybe we just need to wait a while longer.
This is your dream. It's the only thing that kept you going through your
recovery." I shook my head. "That's not true. The end goal was me going back
to school. What kept me going was you." He looked stunned.
"You're just saying that." I shook my head. "I'm not just saying it. It's true. My
mother, grandmother, and my sister-wives played a big part in my recovery
but you kept me going. You were there through it all. Every nightmare, every
therapy session, every appointment, and all the day to day of my recovery. It
was you." He tears started falling and I wiped them. "Don't cry, Baba. You'll
make me cry too." He chuckled a little. "Thank you. For all of it." We kissed
again.

Things were starting to get heated. He pulled one if my straps down exposing
my breast. "No." I pushed him away. "We are not having sex tonight." He
groaned. "Baby I can tell you want this too. What are you afraid of." I pulled
my strap back up. "I'm going to be honest. I do want this but I'm tired, it's hot,
and I don't want to get pregnant." He sighed to himself. "Maybe I should go on
birth control." He just kept quiet. I knew he wouldn't like it. "If you go on birth
control will I be able to get what belongs to me. It's been months." He kissed
my hand. "Yes, Baba but you'll have to be gentle with me." He started kissing
my neck again. "Before we were married we used to do a lot of freaky things."
I pushed him away. "Baba no. I'm tired. I really just want to relax and go to
sleep." He sighed heavily. "Fine, but you better be up early tomorrow morning.
We're going to the doctor. I'm not waiting any longer." I rolled my eyes and we
said goodnight.

I woke up with the sun rising because I forgot to shut my curtains. I didn't mind
though. It was five in the morning so I went to the kitchen and made myself a
cup of tea. I went back to my room and read while sipping my tea. I got a text
from my mother asking how I was and I just said I was okay. I missed her. I
got bored so I got myself ready for the day. I even shaved. Might as well be
ready because knowing Senzo anything can happen at anytime. I put on a
matching set croptop and high waist skirt. I let my hair down but still tied a
matching scarf to cover my head. I took so long that I started hearing the
noise of everyone being awake. Breakfast should be ready at any time now.

"Good morning beautiful." Senzo came in and kissed. I wanted him so bad. I
moaned when he grabbed my ass. He started pulling up my skirt. "Baby,
where is your underwear." I was a bit embarrassed. "I forgot to pack any." He
groaned and he started pushing me backwards and eventually he had be
against the wall. "Baba, we can't have sex." I complained even though I really
wanted to. I was so wet my thighs were slippery. "We won't have sex baby."
He said taking out his dick. I moaned a little when I saw it and he laughed. I
needed him.

"Hold you skirt up." I did as he said and he slid his dick in between my thighs
rubbing it against my pussy. "You're so wet baby." He said moving a bit faster.
I bit my lip because I didn't want to make any noise. I tucked my skirt into my
shirt so my hands were free to muffle my moans. His dick rubbing against my
clit was driving me crazy. He pulled my hand away and started kissing just as
my legs started to shake. I grabbed onto his neck with both arms and buried
my head in the side of his neck as I came. I chuckled a little bit before saying.
"Breakfast is ready." He pulled himself together, kissed me, and left.

I definitely had to freshen up before leaving for breakfast. I was late obviously.
Everyone was already eating what looked like an extremely unhealthy
breakfast. "Don't worry. The chef prepared you something else." MaKhumalo
said when she saw me looking at the food. "Thank you. Morning everyone."
They all said good morning and then my food came.

"I wanted us to do something today but MaKhumalo says she's planned a nice
lunch at a child friendly restaurant for us tomorrow. Also this morning
MaBhengu and I have to go see her doctor. Just a check-up." Lies. He knew
why we were going to the doctor. "I want to go to my mother's house
afterwards. If you're fine with it." He looked at me. What could I say? He put
me in a corner asking me in front of everyone. So I just nodded. "Okay, tell
chef not to prepare dinner. I want to braai. So I'll make a fire when we come
back."

"Who is supposed to prepare the meat and make salads and sides?"
MaKhumalo asked. "There's five of you. You'll manage." Damn. Okay. "I have
gone years without cooking. I don't even cook for my in-laws. I won't start
now. So, there's four of you. You'll manage." I laughed to myself and so did
the others.

Baba and I left and luckily my doctor wasn't fully booked. We discussed a few
options and with my condition decided the injection would be best. When
Senzo heard we needed to wait at least seven days before having sex he was
extremely upset. So upset that he went to go buy condoms. It had been the
first time in twenty years that he bought condoms. I didn't know what was the
point of having five wives if he was going to be this horny.

We stopped to get scones and some whipped cream before going to his
mother's house. I got my extra scarf and tied it to cover my shoulders as a
sign of respect. He had the remote to the gate and when MaRadebe heard it
open she came running out. She bent and squinted before she screamed and
threw her hands up dramatically.

"Thandi! Is that you!? Oh, thank you Jesus!" Senzo opened the door for me
and we went to greet her. She hugged. "Not too tight ma." She was squeezing
a bit too hard. "Okay, oh you look beautiful. Come inside. Get out of this sun."
She took my hand and we went inside. "Ma, I'm also here." Senzo said
sarcastically. "Hello my child. You visit me every other week. Thandi hasn't
been here in months."
I made tea and we had scones while Senzo moved some heavy furniture for
her. "I miss you being here with me. I have the church and women's group but
I'm lonely. When are you going to stop punishing me and come home?" I
sighed and put my tea down. "I'm not punishing you ma. I love you but I can't
rely on you to protect me. I'm sorry that your lonely here. Once I'm confident in
my driving skills again I'll come make regular visits but I can't move back here.
There's too many bad memories."

"Thandi. I'm sure the good outweighs the bad."

"It doesn't Ma. It doesn't."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. She looked extremely disappointed. "Ma,
I was wondering if I can get some of my traditional clothes. Just a few
traditional pinafores and aprons." She nodded. "Of course you can. They're
yours." She took me to the room I used to spend every night in. I was trying to
remember the good but all I remembered was crying myself to sleep every
night. My traditional closet was insane. I forgot I had so much. I packed some
of my best in a suitcase of mine. I made sure to pack all the matching doeks
and even grabbed some of my less traditional scarves and head wraps. I left
the normal clothes. Senzo finished the tasks his mother had for him and we
left.

"Do you mind if we go by my mother house? I want to tell her about dropping
out of school." He looked uncomfortable. "Actually, that's a great idea. Maybe
she'll talk you out of it." I rolled my eyes. When we got there the boys were
playing outside. I said hello to them and then we went inside. "Hi, it's so good
to see you out of that damn apartment." We sat with her and drank some
juice. We were offered sandwiches and obviously Senzo ate enough for the
both of us.
"Mama."
"Oh no. What's wrong? You only call me Mama when something is wrong.
The rest of the time it's ma. So, what's wrong?" I sighed. "I'm quitting school."
She sat there in silence with a blank expression on her face. "Did you put her
up to this? Is this your way of controlling her? I'm not scared of you people. I
will come fetch my daughter if I feel you guys are starting with your nonsense
again."

"Ma it's not Dlamini. It's me. In fact his hoping that you will talk me out of it.
You won't. I've made up my mind." She sat back in her seat. "Why Thandi. We
spoke throughout your first week back. You said you were enjoying yourself." I
cleared my throat to distract myself from not crying. "I lied. Every single day
was torture. Halfway through class I could feel my heart giving up. I can't go
back Ma. At this rate I'll be out for a whole semester and there's no picking up
from there. I can't do it. I thought I could but I can't."

She sighed. "Okay. I know for you to admit that took a lot. I'm proud of you
baby. But you have to promise that you'll take this year off to heal. I want you
to be happy. You deserve it. The day I took you from your father's house all I
wanted was for you to be happy and I failed."
"Mama..."
"No baby it's true. So, everything that you do this year, do it for your own
happiness. Okay?" I nodded. I spent a little time with the boys and then we
left.

We got home and the women were already busy in the kitchen. MaMlambo
had baby Kwezi on her hip. She squealed and jump when she saw me. She
put out her hand for me to take her and her mother passed her over to me.
"How did your doctor's appointment go?" MaCele asked. "It went well."
"Okay, that's good."
"Do you need any help?"
"No, everything is sorted. Will you just relax for once. You should come visit
us in the village. There's nothing to do besides cook and clean. Nobody is
bothering you, there's no schedule, nothing. It's peaceful and beautiful." Didn't
sound like a bad idea. The only downside was that I would be close to the in-
laws.

After dinner I got the call I've been waiting for. "Are you okay?" I nodded. "It
was my brother. They found her. They found my mother. I just have to go for a
DNA test so they can confirm. They found her." For the first time I was crying
tears of joy. I was so happy. I needed this. My family needed this and most
importantly my mother needed this.
87

Arrangements were made immediately. My grandmother was over the moon.

That Sunday, I skipped lunch and somehow convinced Senzo to still go. I had
to go to my apartment, but senzo made me go with a bodyguard. I packed a
suitcase and cleaned up a little before returning to the big house.

Senzo arranged an SUV for us to drive in. I was going with Ma and
Bhut'Thabo. Senzo was staying because the girls were coming from boarding
school this week but he would join us once we confirmed the remains we
found was my mother and then we would start the official process of bringing
her home.

Early Monday morning, we were on our way to my grandmother's house. We

got there in the afternoon and spent the night. Early the next morning, we
were all off to my father's village. My uncle and his wife took their car, and
Gogo drove with us. The driving was killing me. We needed to stop multiple
times for me to stretch.

We got to their local police station and they briefed us and then we needed to
drive out of the village to a neighboring town to find a clinic equiped to take a
DNA sample and send to wherever it needed to go. The clinic line was long,
but Bhut'Thabo bribed the security guard and the nurse at the front desk to
help us quickly. With Senzo connections, we had all samples sent to the best
lab in South Africa. Even with his connections, we had to wait five to seven
business days. I stayed with my grandmother for those days until we got the
email. It was a match. It was my mother.

A local sangomas helped us with the process. Before we could bring my

mother's spirit back home to be with the rest of the ancestors, we had to
dissolve her marriage spiritually. We would then be able to bring her spirit
home and do a proper burial. Senzo could finally join us, and I was so happy
to see him. I didn't know why I was feeling the way I was feeling. My mother
was dead. I knew that my whole life, but it felt like the grieving process was
starting all over again.

Senzo drove Gogo and I into town to pick out a coffin. I let Gogo pick it out
because it meant a lot more to her than it did to me. She cried when choosing
one. Prepping for all the different things that needed to take place was a lot,
but we got it done. We started early Friday morning. My father's wives stood
at a distance as we went through the process of dissolving their marriage. The
only family left on my mother's side was her mother and siblings, so that's all
that was here. My aunt joined, and her uncle's joined us. This was the least
those men could do.

When that was completed, we accompanied my mom's spirit and her remains
back to her ancestral home and held a funeral. I cried like a fucking baby. I
couldn't keep it in. I was overwhelmed by emotion but at the same time I felt
lighter. I spent a couple more days there and then I went home.

I was away for so long the wives had already gone home. The press had even
left me alone and gone onto their next story so I was enjoying my apartment. I
even got someone to help me clean because the place was too big for me to
try and do it myself.

I was busy packing a bag because Senzo and I were going to the village to do
a cleansing ritual. It would just be the two of us and that was it. "Do you need
help?" Senzo asked. "Not yet. I just need to pack a few more things and then
you can take my bag. I made scones and muffins to take with us. They're on
the counter. You can take those to the car while I finish packing." I packed all
my medication and equipment safely in my bag. I took a look in the mirror.
Was wearing a long casual dress, sneakers because winter is almost here,
and doek around my head and a scarf around my shoulders.

I slept through most of the drive and when I woke up I was shocked. We were
entering the farming village and I could tell without a doubt where Senzo's
homestead was. MaCele's house was always big but most house around here
weren't that bad. The people did good for themselves.

But now there stood three identical double story houses at the top of the hill.
Two of the houses were on the right and there was one on the left. I could see
construction was still going on at the highest point of the hill and I could see
huts and other structures. From what I could tell all the houses would
eventually form a circle around what I assumed was the ancestral hut in the
middle of it all.

"Pick up your jaw off the floor my wife. We're going to my uncle's place first.
Kids were running next to the car and people were waving to us as we drove
to his family's homestead. I had been here before and it was still exactly the
same. I didn't know where I was going to be staying. Here or with the wives
but either way you have to bring your in-laws baked goods.

We were welcomed by Senzo's sister. I almost forgot she existed. It always

took me a while to get used to the smell. Their homestead was also quite
modern but still more traditional. Their kraal where the ancestors reside
actually had cattle in. It smelled like farm and I was not allowed in it. It was
always crazy to me how this family had so much land. They used up more
land then the rest of the village.

The last time I was here they held meeting in the big hall that resembled a hut.
You could see that from the road too. But this time we went into a smaller hut
with his two uncles and his grandmother. Although Senzo did not have to get
permission from them he still consulted his elders. I was a bit scared because
the last time I saw them things went terrible and I was sure they would hold
that against me. We sat down and greeted.

"Oh, the princess who supposedly outranks us is here." One of the uncles
started sarcastically. I kept my head down and said nothing. "Malume please.
Now is not the time to be suffering from an ego problem. What you did to
MaBhengu and her family was wrong. As an elder you know it was. Now is the
time to mend things. Not to make it worse. Please." I heard a sigh and his
uncles and grandmother agreed.

"MaBhengu, we were all worried about you. Even my rude son over there.
How are you doing?" Gogo asked. "I'm doing well Gogo." Senzo's sister
brought in tea and some of the scones I baked. "Makoti!" The nicer uncle said
excitedly. "With you I have no problem! You were meant to be a wife and you
were meant to be a Dlamini wife. Everytime I eat your cooking I feel warm and
fuzzy inside." He continued and everyone laughed. I was glad the tension in
the room was released.

"I've come to let you know of our plans. I believe and as a family we believe in
consulting your elders when doing something." They hummed in response
and nodded. "MaBhengu and I have come to do a cleansing for the children
that we've lost. We will be consulting the healer this afternoon. We'll update
you after." They nodded again. "It's good you go see a healer. I'm not quite
sure what the procedure is for a miscarriage but I know a cleansing is
involved. We're getting old now. We know a lot but we don't know everything."
Gogo said in her raspy voice.

"We were also hoping that after we've completed the cleansing wedding
preparations might start." Gogo shouted and ululated. "That's good my son. It
makes me very happy. I was a bit weary because I thought you might say the
two of you wanted to split up. Things did not go well the last time our families
met and the fault lied with the Dlamini's. Even if we didn't want to admit it at
the time." The nicer uncle side eyed the other one. "I was always hopeful the
two if your would make your marriage work but I know how hardheaded you
are son. But this news make me very happy."

"Where will MaBhengu be staying? I'm only asking because I would like her to
stay here but I know you probably want her at home." Gogo said. "Yebo,
Gogo. Her hut at home has been completed and furnished. I've made sure it's
comfortable for the stage of recovery she is in at the moment." He said and
she nodded. "No, I understand."

We greeted most of the family. The aunt's were their usual rude selves but
that comes with the territory I guess. After that we drove to Senzo's
homestead. "I've not named it yet but I'm pretty excited to show you around.
He parked the car outside and we entered at the main gate.

"Up there will be the main house. It's not completed yet we still have a long
way to go. " We walked up there while he explained. On the right there's a hut
attached to a smaller house. It's just a the room house but even though I know
MaKhumalo won't use it I wanted her represented as my first wife on my
homestead. If we carry on around the circle this house next to MaKhumalo's
place is MaCele's. You've been there before. Then the house we're standing
infront of now is MaGumede's. They're not here. They messaged me that
they're running late. All of them went into town and didn't realize how long it
would take. MaMlambo's baby had a doctor's appointment and they waited
until the last minute to go get groceries. Anyway, lets walk to the other side."

This place was literally unreal. Something like this doesn't exist. "On the left
hand side is MaMlambo's house. Can you see?" I nodded. "If I couldn't I would
be blind Baba." We both laughed. "And then there's your hut with a three room
attachment. Let me show you around and then we can sit and talk while we
wait for the other."

The smaller house was literally connected to the hut. I liked the hut more than
I liked the house. It made me feel grounded. Like it's where I'm supposed to
be. Baba's chair was in their and the was a grass mat. There were traditional
pots and all sorts of things stores there but for the most part it was empty.
"Traditionally there wouldn't be a toilet on the homestead but i think it's
required." I laughed a little. The house was literally three rooms. A toilet, a
bedroom and a open kitchen and lounge area. It was fully furnished in earthy
tones. There was a picture of us on the wall at one of the ceremonies. We
looked so happy and so in love. There was a small tv in the living room. There
wasn't much space but I didn't mind. The kitchen had everything I needed. "I
love it, Baba. I really do."

"I'm glad that you like it. You don't have to stay here though. I just didn't want
a homestead with out all of my wives represented. MaCele has prepared a
room for you. In fact they fought over where you're going to stay. MaKhumalo
had to decide but they'll probably ask you to decide because they were
apparently still bickering about it this morning. I told them to ask you."
"Do you think they'd mind if I stay here?"
"What, you actually want to stay here? It's small you know?" I was confused.
He built it for me. "I know but I really like it. You built it for me. Why wouldn't I
stay here?" He seemed confused too. "But it's small and the other wives have
luxurious homes. I thought maybe you'd be more comfortable in a big house."
I shook my head. "I too have a luxurious home, Baba, but when I'm here this
is where I would like to stay."
"Okay. You always surprise me." I laughed. He went to get my bag from the
car. I left it in my room because he wanted to talk. We went to the hut to talk.
"We'll go to the healer when the others get back. Sorry there isn't anything in
the kitchen yet. They literally just got everything ready yesterday. Everything
is new. I'm glad that you like it. That's not what I wanted to talk about. I
wanted to talk about where you stay?" My apartment? "I want really want you
to remain in the city. You can obviously come here to take a break from it all
whenever you want but you and MaKhumalo have built a relationship. I want
the two of you to be each other's support system. Also I just really want you in
the city." Both of us chuckled. "I'm fine with that Baba. I would like to stay
there so that I'm close to my mother." He nodded.

"I would also like to buy you a house." What? "Don't get me wrong. Your
apartment is amazing. I love waking up to that view but it's restrictive. I want
everything to be done the right way. Which means I want you to have a
house. On the ground." He emphasized. "So we can introduce your home to
the ancestors and so that you'd be protected. For that to happen we need to
own the house. We can rent someone else's place and introduce our
ancestors to someone else home. I hope you understand?" I nodded. "I do. I
get it and I share your wish of doing things the right way. We rushed
everything. We did so much stuff wrong that we had to restart the process of
our marriage. I don't want us to do that again. So even though I love my
apartment I think we should buy a house."

He seemed happy. "It's normally not this easy to convince you of anything.
Maybe I should bring you here more often." We laughed, but then it got silent.
"But tell me. What's going on. Usually, you'd fight me. Especially when it
comes to your apartment. You love that place. It was your first sense of
freedom. Why are you just letting go? Because if you didn't agree, I was going
to suggest keeping it. What's going on? It seems like the fight in you has left.
Did I do something wrong?"
"You didn't do anything wrong. I promise. I'm just tired. I'm extremely tired and
it's not a physical tired. If you're wrong, I'll fight you on it, but if not, I need to
accept it. Even if I don't like it. I promised my mother I would spend my time
healing. It feels like this is what I need to do to heal. Baba, I'm not strong
enough to protect myself. I won't survive another heartbreak. I need you to
protect me. So if you think following all these traditional customs will keep us
safe, I'll do it. If you think I need a proper house, we can introduce the
ancestors to, that's what we'll do."

We heard cars pull up and loud talking and children crying. We went out to
greet all the wives and help with the groceries. Well, I wasn't allowed to help
even though I was cleared to start carrying heaving things. But looking at how
heavy those bags were, I was sure I couldn't carry them. "Baba, those green
bags in the backseat are for MaBhengu's house. Has he asked you where
you'll be sleeping. MaKhumalo decided that you would sleep at my house, but
these two are fighting about it." MaCele said, and the others rolled their eyes.

"I'll be sleeping in my house." She eyes me. "Okay. Are you sure? There's a
big room waiting for you upstairs." I nodded. "I'm sure." They tried to convince
me otherwise, but I said I'll be staying by myself. I would spend most of the
day in my house anyway just to then sleep in someone else's house. It didn't
make sense.

Here we didn't have meals like we did at MaKhumalo's house. Everyone

cooked for their family, and Baba would have dinner wherever he slept. Baba
said once the main house is finished, we would have big family dinners or
functions there, but for now, we did it the traditional way. I packed away the
groceries and then made lunch. Chumisa would not leave my side, and she
spoke my ear off about her life. Mostly about her chickens. It was the cutest
thing how she described them. She had lunch with Baba and I, and
afterwards, she showed me her chickens.

"She should've been a boy." Her father said admiring the little girl. Afterwards,
Baba went to the healer. We were instructed by the healer to get two goats
because we needed a four-legged animal for this. The first goat was for the
cleansing and to connect our babies with the ancestors, and the second was
to name and as a way to clothe them in the afterlife. We updated the family
and proceeded with the process by the river the next day.

Nthombifuthi's already had her name. We named the second baby, Yibanathi,
which meant "be with us." We completed the ceremony privately at the river
that morning. The elders insisted on being their and we respected their
wishes.

When we got home, I changed into the white clothes I was given by the healer
because the set I had on was wet from being cleansed in the river. I was
sitting in my hut reading when Senzo walked in. "So my mother is furious.
Even after telling her we were coming here to do this. I think she's more angry
that she wasn't included and the elders were. Once again, she's forcing
MaKhumalo to bring her here. So they're on their way. I don't see the purpose.
It's done, and it was successful. I don't know why she's coming. She's
probably only coming here to shout at me." I just sighed. "I don't understand.
She knew we were coming here, and she knew we were doing a cleansing
ceremony. Everything is done. I'm going to spend the week in this hut minding
my business until we go back to the city. What does she want from us? Every
time we're finally at peace, someone has to come and try to destroy it."

"Mamakhe,you asked me to protect, and I'll try my best, but I don't know what
to do. I don't know what my mother wants from us. We did all we needed to
do. She's just jealous." I couldn't agree more. "You're right, baba. Now that
you put it that way, I understand, and I think she might be harmless. I think
she'll just come here and throw a tantrum." He laughed a little but still looked
uneasy. "Let's make a bet. She's definitely going to yell at us. I think the
shouting will go on for about twenty to twenty-five minutes." I said, and he
scoffed. "No way. She's coming all this way to yell at us. She has hours to
prepare in the car. I say at least forty minutes. At least."

I relaxed for the rest of the day. I slept as much as possible, and nobody
disturbed me until...
"Where is he!? Senzo! Get out here! You think because you're a grown man,
you can just sideline me like this! Get out here! And bring your wife with you!
Both of you think you're better than me? You think you've outgrown me!
Thandi! Thandi, get out here! Senzo! Bring your brat of a wife out here! I
raised her, and now that she's married to MY son, she thinks she can control
me! Come out here! Your mother-in-law is calling you!"

She was screaming so hard it sounded like something in her voice could
break at any point. I didn't want to upset her more, so I got out of bed and
went outside. "Here she is! You're getting very comfortable again, aren't you!?
You've forgotten your place in this family number five! You've forgotten that
I'm your mother-in-law! I'm your elder!" The other wives were standing around
too scared to say anything. Senzo was nowhere in sight.

"You lied to me! You lied in my face saying the ceremony would only be for
you and Senzo! You have no respect for me as your mother-in-law! You're my
biggest disappointment! You went behind my back and had a ceremony! Who
do you think you are!?"

I've had enough at this stage. This was a bit much. "We didn't go behind your
back, ma." I felt a sting on my cheek. She slapped me. "Shut up, you witch!
Shut up!" The others started protesting while MaKhumalo ran towards the
gate of the homestead. She was probably getting help.

"The moment your mother spoke to me the way she did at the meeting at your
house, I should've told my son to leave you! I've never been so humiliated in
my life! Who does your mother think she is!? She used to be the poor girl
living in the broken house until I took her under my wing! I made her! Both of
you were nothing before me! Nothing! You drove my son crazy and bewitched
him! And look at you now! You even live in a tower! You had us all fooled little
girl! You had us thinking you didn't want this lifestyle now look at you!
Spending my son's money every chance you get!"

I didn't know what to do with myself, so I just stood there.

"You were supposed to come into this marriage to take care of me! You didn't
even last long until you showed your true colours! You disgust me, you filthy
witch! And I will make sure my son leaves you!"

"Ma!"
Senzo's voice boomed from the gate.
"Thank God you're here, my boy."
"No! Quiet! Ma, I want you to leave my house or I will remove you myself!" He
said, walking towards us. "My boy, this woman isn't good for you anymore."
"Ma, get out of my yard. I don't want you here. You're not welcome here."

"I don't care. I'm your mother. I won't be moving from this spot."

After all of her venting, I realized that this woman standing in front of me didn't
love me or my mother. She only wanted us in her life to serve her. To cook
and clean for her. She wanted us to stroke her ego. She never loved us. She
just used us.
88

"MaRadebe!" Gogo shouted from the gate. "What are you doing to these
children!?" She walked closer. The other wives looked terrified. I had never
seen them like this. "MaRadebe we could hear you all the way from home!
What do you think you're doing?!" Now all of a sudden she was quiet.

"These children are disrespectful." She started again. "MaRadebe..." Gogo

said in disbelief. "Nobody here disrespected you. Did you know they were
doing a cleansing? Yes you did. All of us knew."
"Yes, but they made sure I was pushed aside. You and the elders were in
attendance. Why couldn't I be? This disrespectful child always forgets who
birthed him when it comes to you!" She yelled at Gogo. "We weren't in
attendance. We just watched from a distance. MaRadebe what you are doing
is wrong. These children have been through too much for their mother to be
treating them this way."

"And which 'way' am I treating them?" Even after that she still had an attitude.
"I did nothing wrong here!" Wow. "MaRadebe slapped MaBhengu in the face."
MaGumede said quickly and took a few steps backwards as if she was getting
ready to run. "Shut up! Shut up!"

"MaRadebe! This is your last warning. Do you see these people gathering
here to watch us?" I lifted my head and saw a few people watching. "If you
don't come with me now I will drag you home purely for their entertainment.
You'll be the talk of the town. Senzo, walk your mother home. I just want to
have a quick talk with your wives. I'll be there in a minute."

Senzo seemed hesitant but did it anyway. I just knew what this talk was. She
was probably going to tell us to respect MaRadebe as our mother-in-law no
matter what. I'm trying here. I'm really trying for the sake of peace. Not just
peace for everyone but also for myself. "Come." She motioned for us to come
closer to her and we did. I did not have the time or energy.

"I just wanted to ask what you guys were cooking for dinner. My daughters'
cooking is becoming worse and worse. The last edible thing I ate was scones
MaBhengu brought us." The wives laughed in disbelief. "This is not the time
for jokes. I'm serious. Organize me a plate please." She was dead serious.
"MaKhumalo, I haven't seen you in a while. Usually you bring me something
from the city." She winked when she said something. "Gogo it all happened so
fast I couldn't even go to a shop." Gogo sighed. "Yoh! I give up. You see your
mother-in-law is going to drive us all crazy. I have to go but I'll be coming
around for dinner. You don't have to do much. At this point I'll eat anything."

We decided on doing dinner with everyone at MaCele's house. I helped

MaCele in the kitchen while the others took care of the kids. MaKhumalo was
bored so she drove into town to get Gogo the alcohol she liked and a few
other things we requested. Chumisa went with her just to drive in a car that
could make noise.

"Are you okay after what just happened? You seem alright but I never know
with you." MaCele asked and I laughed a little. "I'm okay."
"Really?"
"Yes. Really. I'm okay."
"Okay great. With the cleansing sorted have you decided on a date for the
wedding?" I shook my head. "Not yet. We still have to discuss it." We finished
up and set the table.

Gogo joined us, and we all ate together with the kids. Chumisa was still going
on about a car. And no, she didn't want a toy car like the one she already has.
She wanted an actual car, and she was serious about it.
"To be honest with you, MaRadebe is just lonely and acting out. I don't think
she meant anything she said, but she's still going on about money." I sat back
in my seat fighting the urge to roll my eyes. "She says when Senzo was in
rehab, MaBhengu used his money to buy the apartment she lives in, and she
used his money to fund her lifestyle while you were in rehab."

I couldn't fucking believe this. Every single time we move on and became
happy someone or something causes us to take five steps back. I can't
believe I still have to fight issues my husband and I worked out privately. "That
is definitely not what happened. Even if it was why and how does it affect
her?" Senzo asked his grandmother. "Senzo, my boy, I'm just the messenger.
You have to sit down with your mother and iron things out. You know your
mother has an ego problem. She likes feeling important. She's old now. That
will never change. I'm not saying feed her ego but the least you can do is
spend time with her. I'm glad that your family is finally coming together. It's
beautiful to see but don't neglect your mother. Maybe you can include her in
family activities now and then so that she doesn't feel lonely."

"Can I say something?" MaGumede asked and Gogo nodded. "MaRadebe

has never liked us. I know in the beginning we probably deserved it but we've
all come a long way, but she still does not like us. She wants nothing to do
with us or her grandchildren. She has absolutely no relationship with her
grandchildren. The only person she liked was MaBhengu. I thought it was
because she helped raise MaBhengu, and it was like MaBhengu was her
daughter. But now she's even burnt bridges with MaBhengu. She does not
want us in her life, but when she becomes lonely, she says she's being
neglected. When you try and reach out to her, she becomes hostile. So what
are we supposed to do? Every wife from MaKhumalo to MaBhengu has tried.
There's nothing left for us to do."
She was right. Gogo had no response. I really didn't know what to do anymore
either. After dinner they wanted to do drinks on the balcony but I went back to
my house. I showered and got dressed in warm pyjamas. The weather was
dropping quickly. "MaBhengu!" I heard MaGumede call while knocking. "I've
been sent to come and get you!" I literally was just about to get in bed.

I put on slippers and went to open then door. "I was just about to get into bed."
I complained. "Well, your mother-in-law has made an appearance and she just
won't leave until you explain yourself." I sighed. "Come, this time I'll slap her
back for you." I laughed a little. I put on a jacket for the cold and wrapped a
blanket around my waist as a skirt. Even if I did not like MaRadebe I still had
respect for the elders and ancestors.

"Here she is! Mrs Dlamini!" Ma said sarcastically. "Ma, you're testing my
patience." Baba said sternly. I just really wanted to go to bed. Gogo was there
too and she instructed me to sit next to her on the couch.

"You keep saying you and MaBhengu can explain. Here she is. Let her
explain." I was really tired of this. "Actually, let me speak first. Let's just get
this timeline right. You were in rehab and she was staying with her mother.
She was not working. Somehow she started school, bought a car, and a
house in the sky. She hated you and didn't even want to speak to you without
a therapist. She wouldn't even allow her mother to tell me where she lives. I
went to her mothers house one day and she would rather drive all the way to
her mothers house to see me than tell me where she lives. Let's keep in mind
she has no job. When I was at your house after the coma everything looked
expensive. I took some pictures and asked around. Designer furniture!"

She took some what?! All this time I was thinking she was there for my
recovery. She was just there to sneak around my house and count up all the
money she thought was Senzo's. "All that while she claimed to hate my son!
You wouldn't even speak to him but you could use his money." I was fed up. I
was at a point where I knew nothing I could say would make a difference. I
could feel stares from the other wives. They knew it was my money and they
were looking at me as if to tell me to say something. I didn't care anymore.

"Ma, are you done?" Senzo asked and she looked quite satisfied with herself.
I laid my head back on the couch because I had no energy for this and I didn't
care anymore. I've accepted the fact that I'm nothing to MaRadebe anymore. I
was done. But it still hurt.

"Ma, you're wrong. Everything you think you know is wrong. Before I even
explain I just want to say one thing. Even if what you're saying was true how is
it any of your business ma? How is my wife using my money a problem. I do
not care what problems I have with any of my wives I will still provide for them.
There was a time I failed to do so with MaBhengu and I will never make that
same mistake again. My family's finances should not be broadcasted like this
again. The way my wives and I spend our money has nothing to do with you
or anyone else."

Satisfied looks swept across the wives faces. MaRadebe was glaring at her
son. "For months before I even went to rehab I neglected MaBhengu. Yes, it
was fully my fault but you were quiet then ma. Now that we've finally sorted
out our issues and we're happy you storm back in to cause problems." I was
glad he was catching onto her patterns too. "MaBhengu has her own money
and a lot of it."

"How?!" She interrupted. I never told her the lawsuit paid out. She probably
thought Senzo was keeping the house going after the miscarriage.

"If you let me finish I'll get to it." He was speaking so calmly. This woman did
not deserve the respect everyone in this room gave her.
"When I faked my coma, I had my lawyer convince them we had no money. I
didn't know at the time but MaBhengu went and settled the lawsuit from
Nthombifuthi's passing to take care of me and the family. It was a lot of
money. Not enough to cripple those institution that wronged her but it was a
lot . That is how she paid for everything on her own. Without my help." Her
face fell and she blinked a few times. I didn't even get a sense of satisfaction. I
was just disappointed.

"No, it can't be." This woman was really crazy. "It is Ma. I think it's time for us
to set a few boundaries with you. Ma I don't want you visiting my wives
houses anymore. You've disrespected them for far too long. You will stay
away from MaBhengu. If I hear anything from you ma I'm going to be done
with you too.
My money has nothing to do with you. I will fund my wives' lifestyles until the
day I die. As a husband and the head of this house I'm extremely spoiled and I
strive to spoil my wives as they spoil me. I do not care what you think about it.
You're not entitled to my money or to knowing how my money is spent."

The conversation ended there and we sat in awkward silence for a bit.

"Does anyone want tea? MaGumede come help me in the kitchen."

MaGumede and MaCele couldn't get away fast enough. "Are you okay?"
Gogo asked me. "I'm fine, Gogo." I didn't mean for it to come out as a whisper
but that's what happened. "How are you okay but you can't even talk?"
"I'm fine Gogo. I sound just like you." My voice was still low but at least she
laughed at my joke. "Let me go see what's happening in the kitchen." She left
and Senzo called me closer to him.

"You don't look okay."

"I'm fine, Baba. I just want to go home."
"Okay, we'll just have tea then we'll walk together." I shook my head. "No, I
want to go home to the city."

"What? You were supposed to stay for a week we were going to have a big
family lunch on Sunday." He looked me in the eye and as if he could read my
mind he said, "Okay, we'll go home tomorrow after lunch." It was quite
awkward after that but we all had tea and on our way out MaRadebe stopped
us.

"I want to go with you." I looked up to the sky I let out a breath. "Ma please."
Senzo pleaded with her. "Thandi speak to your husband. If you ever want you
relationship to work out you'll take my side in this." She was still playing
games. Everyone joined us. "Thandi, I want to go home too. If you're getting
to go home so am I. Thandi."

"Ma, with all due respect please leave me alone." I wiped the tear that fell.
"Ma, I'm begging you. Please, leave me alone. Please." This week was
supposed to be the start of my healing journey and it was going great until she
got here. "Ma, I'll take you home. I brought you so I'll take you." MaKhumalo
said. I was thankful because I did not want to spend a long car ride with her.

"Baba you don't have to stay the night with me. I can't give you what you want
tonight." I said getting into bed. He sighed but sat down on his side of the bed.
"I don't care about that tonight. I'm just worried about you. I need to make sure
you're okay. So I'll sleep here tonight. The other wives will understand." I just
sighed. "I'm tired of being the problem. Everyone always wants to know if I'm
okay. Something is always happening to me and everyone is always on edge.
I'm sure they too are tired of being understanding. Since you're taking me
home tomorrow I think you should spend the night with one of them."
"Baby, are you kicking me out?" I shook my head. "No, I'm not kicking you out.
There's five of us and I'm sure I'll visit here more often especially after the
wedding. I don't want them to one day say that when I visit you don't spend
time with them. It's only fair because tomorrow night you're all mine again
right." He smiled and we kissed goodnight.

I didn't sleep much. It was still dark when I decided to get up and clean. I
thoroughly cleaned the house because I didn't know when I'd be back. I was
planning to do laundry and leave the clothes I brought here but I didn't have
the time so I packed everything back into my suitcase. I emptied the
cupboards and sorted the fridge because none of it could stay here. It would
just rot.

The sun started coming up and I made myself tea and avocado toast. I
probably cleaned too vigorously because I could feel I over worked my body.
"Mamakhe. Oh, you're already eating?" Senzo came in. "MaCele said you
weren't reading her messages. We're all having breakfast together."
"Sorry, I haven't been checking my phone. I was just about to finish my
breakfast but I'm craving some fruit." I said not to be rude. I followed him out
and it was freezing. It wasn't even fully winter yet.

I had breakfast with everyone and tried not to look how I felt. I ate my fruit and
stayed present in the conversation. "MaBhengu I know you are not on good
terms with us your in-laws. And you have every right to feel the way you feel.
I'm not trying to take over or force you into something but this wedding is long
over due. It's been three years. Every single year there's something new that
comes a long. Marriage is a spiritual thing beyond what we can understand
and there are certain steps that need to take place for it to final and for it to be
a success. We are at the final stage. I suggest we do the ceremony as soon
as possible.
MaBhengu elders aren't your enemy. Your sister-wives have also had to learn
that. We are not your enemy. We've been through life. We know the ins and
outs. We're you're advisers and my advice is to do the ceremony in five weeks
time. We've done this before we can do it again. That's enough time for us
and your mother is a star when it comes to these things. I'm sure it's enough
time for your family too. So, what do you say my child?" Oh great. Once again.
It's me. It's always me.

"I think I'll leave the decision up to Dlamini. I'm fine with whatever he decides."
She looked at me surprised. Everyone did. "Okay..." She said in disbelief.
"Senzo? What do you say?" He nodded. "I think we can do it in five weeks."
He agreed and I had zero protest. At first when I agreed this would be the
right thing to do I wanted to take it slow.

I no longer want to do that. I want my life in order so I can start enjoying it like
the rest of the wives. MaCele, MaMlambo, and MaGumede may be living in a
village but they are living a life of luxury. Their house aren't as big as
MaKhumalo's but it's huge. They're living in harmony and they want for
nothing.

I want peace, love, and luxury too.

I deserve it.
89

My mother was over the moon. Planning on both sides started immediately.
Even though I would be wearing traditional clothing for the ceremonies, my
mother insisted on a more modern dress. I already had one from when we
were supposed to do this three years ago, but ma did not want me to wear it.
She insisted her sister make a new one.

We were busy every single day. Out in malls, shops, or at street vendors
getting everything we needed for the ceremony. The gifts for the gifting
ceremony were crazy. My in-laws were going over the top. The gifts included
the usual traditional gifts, but some of the requests were ridiculous.
MaRadebe requested a double door refrigerator and a new king-sized bed.
Why? I have no idea. There were more requests for furniture and appliances.
One of the aunts requested a whole new living room set.

Ma says it's because my lobola was so high and they knew it. Luckily, ma was
in charge of the money back then and she made sure we had enough left for
this. The lobola money paid for most of the gifts but a lot of it I bought myself. I
had the money. That was not the issue. The issue was that it was completely
ridiculous, and I knew that they were doing this on purpose.

I felt bad that gogo's gift was not as extravagant as the others, so I asked
MaKhumalo what I could get her. She said a fully stocked mini fridge. At first, I
thought she was joking, but she was dead serious. So I did it. Gogo requested
alcohol anyway, so I bought the mini fridge. I got her a foot spa and a
massage chair that hopefully fit in her home.

I bought enough furniture to fill five homes, and it was the biggest purchase I
had ever made. My bank had to call me countless times to make sure it wasn't
fraud. I had to get a storage locker and I had to pay for all of this to be
transported to the village before the day of the wedding. I literally had to hire a
truck.

"MaBhengu, you're lying." MaKhumalo said in disbelief. "I swear I'm not. One
of the aunts asked for a stove. And she had a specific brand she wanted. My
aunt advised me to just get everything so everything goes smoothly. You'll see
the truck on my wedding day. Did you have to do this?" I asked. "None of us
had to do this, and my family is rich. We stuck to traditional gifts like traditional
bowls, grass mats, blankets, and food. Stuff like that. By my umabo
ceremony, I had gotten to know the family well, so I bought the elders and
MaRadebe extra things. This is ridiculous. I'm sure word has spread that
you're rich now. I'm sure of it."
"I might not be rich after this." I joked, and we both laughed.

I had my last fitting before leaving for my own village. The huge truck full of
gifts followed us. It was driven by people my brother's trusted workers.
Preparations started early in the week. We had photographers taking videos
and pictures of everything. I was confined to my hut until Wednesday when
my uncle led me into our family kraal to show me which cow they would
slaughter. This ceremony was to let my ancestors know I would be leaving to
a new kraal to be part of a new family. The cow was slaughtered, and the
most important part, the contents of the gallbladder, was sprinkled on my feet
and forehead. This was used to report to the ancestors that I was getting
married and leaving for another homestead.

The next day, I did my farewell dance for everyone, and we left. I was
wrapped in a big blanket, and I was not to look back as it would be bad luck.
Usually, the brides mother would not attend, but my aunt was adamant. She
obviously used the loophole of being my aunt and not my mother, and I was
fine with that.
We got to the Dlamini homestead at midnight Friday. Singing to announce
ourselves with our clan song. I was hidden in the center of the crowd. Many
delays took place in getting us in the yard, and that was what traditionally
happened, giving me a chance to sneak in unnoticed. A fine would be paid for
this. Once we all got shown to where we would stay, the men on both families
started their singing and dancing war on opposite sides of the courtyard. It
went on for most of the night.

When the sun came out, my family went to MaCele's mother's bed and
breakfast, which the Dlamini's booked out for us. I had my makeup done and
was waiting. Since my brother was now the chief and head of the family, it
was his duty to dress me in my traditional clothing. I was adorned in beads
around my waist neck and arms. I wore my traditional Zulu hat with a beaded
veil. In my right han, I held a short spear and in my left a small shield.

I didn't know most of my family. Fifteen out of twenty of my brothers were in

attendance. Two of my uncle's from my father's side and my aunt, her sister-
wife, and their husband. A few of my brothers' wives were also in attendance.
My mother's two brothers and wives were there with my grandmother. I was
grateful that they were all here. Sometimes, it felt like my aunt and I were an
island. Having so many people be this happy and excited for me felt good.

When I came out of my room, everyone cheered and ululated. I had to admit I
looked beautiful. Everyone was in their traditional clothing. My brides maids,
which were the same girls from my family village, were matching in all white
with the main color of the beads being yellow. I expected them to match, but
to see the rest of my family also incorporate yellow into the dress was
amazing. I almost teared up seeing it. We made our way to the open field,
singing and dancing. I couldn't believe this was happening. It was real, and I
felt like the happiest person alive.
The day was here. Well, day one. The day was filled with singing and dancing
from both parties. Today, I was accepted into the family. When I did my song
and dance, which was a prayer, I had everyone on tears reminiscing about
their wedding days. Senzo and I publicly accepted each other as man and
wife and proclaimed our love for each other with song and dance. The day
ended with me spending the night with my husband. I can't remember a time
in my life that I have been this happy.

The next day, my bridesmaids dressed me . I was wearing I sleeveless

mermaid brown dress. I wore animal skin over my shoulders that made a long
cape. My grandmother from my mothers side gave me the cape. She said it
used to be my mothers. The bracelets on my arm were golden, and so was
my hat. I still carried my spear in my hand. The different outfits were my aunt's
way of showing off. She said the Dlamini's need to see who we are. They
needed to know I wasn't just a hopeless Makoti. I had pride, I had dignity, and
I had status before even thinking about marrying their son.

I was waiting in the room I got dressed in, and I was starting to panic. My
bridesmaids were sent to approve the cow the Dlamini's were going to
slaughter for me, and from what I've heard, they already rejected two. This
was all part of the ceremony, but they could at least speed it up. I was finally
called and escorted out to the kraal. I heard gasps and compliments from the
crowd as I went to inspect the beast.

Once again, the cow was slaughtered, and I was sprinkled with the contents
of the gallbladder. Even though as a Makoti I was not allowed in the kraal
today, I was taken in to be introduced to the ancestors and to officially
become part of the family.

The nitty gritty the day was done. Now, onto the gifting ceremony. I wore
similar traditional clothing as the day before this time I had a blue hat. I sat on
my grass mat as the proceedings started. Once all was said, the truck pulled
up. The dramatic gasps were my favourite part. Everyone was gifted one by
one, and the expression on their faces and everyone around them was
priceless. I gifted the wives too and added appliances and a few designer
bags and other items. Even though I had to keep my head down, I could still
see MaRadebe's jealous expression.

It was a long process because each person was called, covered in a blanket,
and gifted their usual gifts as well as the gifts that they put on the list to make
me broke. When ma saw her refrigerator and bed come out of the truck, she
couldn't contain herself. Senzo sat on the opposite side of me in disbelief. He
didn't know this was going to happen.

Once everyone got their gifts, I stood up and made a bed that had been
placed in the courtyard. I looked in the crowd and found Senzo. I laid down
grass mats one by on, making a path from him to the bed. He followed the
pathway and sat down. I washed his feet as a way of cleansing him and our
union. He got in the bed, and finally, the part the bridesmaids had been
waiting for all along. The bridesmaids ran up and hit him with thin sticks. He
had to get up and run away.

After this, I changed again. I wore a poofy princess dress. The dress was blue
with a completely beaded bodice. My makeup was redone, and I wore a short
curly wig. Senzo and I met up and did a private photoshoot as the sun went
down. We could already hear the music coming from the marque. Family
joined before the sun set completely. We got a few nighttime pictures too
because of how bright the moon and stars were.

We made our big entrance and after many speeches we partied the night
away.
"I love you Mrs Dlamini."
"I love you too Mr Dlamini."

I said when he swept me off to our secret location.

90

Baba and I spent a week at a game lodge. Baba talked the family out of letting
me stay with them after the wedding. Traditionally, a Makoti would stay with
her in-laws and cook and clean for them after the wedding. Even though I
would do it in a heartbeat, Senzo didn't want anything affecting my full
recovery. He was adamant about me going back to school next year. Him and
my mother were constantly reminding me I needed to get back normal and be
healthy before I went to school.

The week at the lodge was amazing. We were in the spa every day, we went
out and saw the animals we even slept under the stars. Making love under the
stars while surrounded by wild animals was something I never imagined doing
one day. Senzo wanted to stay another week, but I didn't want to keep him
from his children that long.

Senzo found two homes that were close to MaKhumalo. I just needed to look
at them and choose one. I was excited about it. I loved my apartment, and I
didn't really get to live in it for long, but these changes in my life were good
changes. I decided to embrace them.

We spent our first day back at my apartment without letting anyone know we
were coming back. Senzo said he told everyone we would be back the next
day. I was getting ready for dinner at MaKhumalo's when Senzo walked in.
"You are beautiful. Maybe we should just skip dinner." I shook my head.
"Baba, no. Our families will be there. They've put a lot of planning into this ."
He sighed dramatically. "Fine." I finished flat ironing my hair and then put on
my hat. It was a traditional Zulu hat but a smaller one. It was brown and
matched my dress. I was wearing a brown high collar long sleeve dress and
some heels.
"This dress reminds me of the clothes you wore when we first met. You drove
me crazy and it's only getting worse." We kissed, and I had to stop him before
anything happened. We took a few photos on the balcony that I posted on the
car ride over. I started becoming more active online. It's not like I had anything
else to do anyway.

We got to the house, and we were met with the family singing. We joined and
danced inside all the way to the dining room. It wasn't a big group of people.
Just my mother, her sister-wife and husband, and Senzo elders, mother, and
obviously all the wives. We were given well wishes and words of motivation by
the elders. Everyone mentioned babies, and I tried not to make it awkward.
MaRadebe had a long, drawn-out speech where she went on and on about
how I was the Makoti she's always prayed for and how we should forgive and
look after her. The wives and I had several drinks while she carried on. One of
Senzo's uncle's had to stop her with a joke about how the food was getting
cold, and we finally ate.

My family left, and Senzo drove Ma home after dinner. Most of the elders went
to bed. I was sitting by the pool with the wives drinking champagne. I was off
of most of my medication. I was just on pills for my hypertension. So I was
having a couple of glasses. "The wedding was amazing. My favourite part was
the outfit changes. The morning you went into the kraal with the long cape or
train... Oh my god. It was beautiful. Was it real?" MaMlambo asked. "Yes, it
was my mother's. My grandmother passed it down to me, and I decided to
honor my mom by wearing it at the most important part of the ceremony."

"My favourite part was the gifts. I was so confused when the truck pulled up
because no farming was happening at the time. I thought the ceremony was
ruined. Then, all of a sudden, your brothers started packing it out. What made
you get such expensive gifts?" MaGumede asked. "I want to know too." Baba
said, joining us. "Those gifts were a little too specific as well. You don't really
know anyone." I was a bit confused. "Baba, that was on the list my family was
given. The only things that weren't on the list were parts of Gogo's gift and the
gifts that I gave you guys."

"Oh, I knew something was up." I looked behind me to see Gogo. "I knew
something wasn't right. Did you say that's the list you got?" I nodded. "Yebo,
Gogo."
"Was it a new list you got specifically for this ceremony, or was it the old list?"
She came to sit with us. "We got a new list, Gogo." She narrowed her eyes at
me. "I didn't approve a new list. You were supposed to use the old list, and I
just sent names to be added. Who gave you the list?" This was getting weird.
"MaRadebe delivered it to my mother's house."

Everyone was shocked but not surprised. "I cannot believe this. I actually
cannot believe this. Your mother wants to ruin this family, and I won't stand for
it. I'm this close to banning her from any family events. Everywhere she goes,
she causes problems. This is not a new thing. She was this way when she
first got married. That's how she ended up alone in that house. She fed your
father lies and made it seem like the family hated him. If your mother is not in
control of something, she tries to ruin it. I'm tired of her." Gogo ranted. "But for
now, forget that woman. Pour me a glass of whatever you're drinking."

We got drunk. Senzo had to carry me into our apartment because I couldn't
stand. I fell asleep immediately.

"Baby, wake up. We're viewing the houses today. Come on." I groaned. My
head was pounding. "Get up, I've already run a bath for you, and breakfast is
on the way." I complained but got up and got ready for the day. I slept in the
car on thr way to the house. We got to the first house, and I was in awe. The
lady showed us around, and just walking through the house made me tired. It
was beautiful.

The number of different rooms in this house was out of this world. It had a
spacious living room, family room, huge open kitchen and dining room, sun
room, and laundry. The pantry was as big as one of the rooms in my
apartment. There were two bedrooms downstairs and four upstairs. Each
bedroom had its own bathroom. Upstairs, there was a game room and an
entertainment room and an office. The pool outside was glorious. The garden
stretched wide, and I could already imagine what I was going to do with it.

The second house was similar. The basement was also an entertainment
area, and the main bedroom had two walk-in closets and his and her
bathrooms. Most of the layout was the same, but the entryway led to a double
staircase. The garden was just as beautiful and it already had some
vegetables in it.

We were on our way to brunch with the other wives and the elders because
they were leaving for the village. Tonight Senzo would stay with MaKhumalo,
and the next day, he would be off to the village. I was out of it at brunch, and
so were the other wives. Except MaGumede. She was just normal. Now that I
think of it, I didn't see her drink the day before.

They all left, and the three of us were sitting in the living room having some
tea. "So I have some good news. I've known for a while but we decided to wait
until the wedding was over." Baba said. Okay? What was going on? "Who is
we?" MaKhumalo asked. "MaGumede is pregnant. With twins. Girls,
obviously." Both of us gasped. "Congratulations. Twins. Wow. Your army of
girls is growing." I said, and we all laughed. "That's not all. MaMlambo is also
expecting, and it's a girl." We congratulated him again. "You and MaMlambo
are busy. Every year, MaMlambo has a new baby. She took 'growing the
family' very seriously." MaKhumalo joked, and we all laughed.

"And you, Thandi? Are you two going to try again?" I cleared my throat
awkwardly. "Um..." I looked at Baba, and he gave me a little nod. "We've
decided not to have children." She looked shocked but tried to hide it. She
wasn't doing a really good job at it.

After our drinks, Senzo dropped me off at my apartment. He gave me the

estate agents' number so I could go view the homes again before I chose. I
was quite certain which home I wanted to choose, but I did want to see them
again when I was not hung over.

It took me a couple of days to decide and I went with the second one. The
double staircase was the tie breaker, and Senzo really liked the office and six
car garage in the second home. The day I decided Senzo put in an offer and
the house was ours. It took a few weeks to get it transferred to our name, but I
started packing and planning it out with our interior designer.

I wanted my furniture in my apartment incorporated with the new things. I left

most of the decisions up to her because I had no idea what to do with all that
space. I just gave her a few pointers, and she looked at my apartment and
understood my style.

In no time, I was packed and ready to move. Our first night in our new home
was weird. I didn't fall asleep at all. I had all this space, and I didn't know if I
would ever get used to it. "The others really want to see the house. They've
been hounding me about it." We were in our breakfast nook. "We're almost
done. Today, they're putting our initials on the gate and fixing up the driveway.
The bedding is coming for all the other rooms, and the maids still have a lot of
work." Yep. You heard correctly. I had maids. Just like MaKhumalo. One part-
time and one full-time. It was crazy to me.

"Okay, we'll wait. Are we having a housewarming?" I shook my head. "Maybe

just a dinner. You said we're doing a traditional ceremony?" He nodded. "Yes,
my uncle says we have to make it known to the ancestors that this is our
home and also to give thanks for all our blessings. When are we fetching your
old car and the rest of your things from MaRadebe?" I thought about it. "Can
we go today?" He agreed, and we made the trip there after I sorted everything
out.

MaRadebe did not seem happy that I came to get all my things. She was still
holding onto the hope that I would come back and stay with her now. She was
aware that Senzo bought me a house, but when she sees it's a mansion,
she'll probably flip out. I was also aware that the other wives might be jealous.
They had big houses but nothing like mine. MaKhumalo is the first wife, and
she's had her house for years now. Nobody had a problem with that. But I'm
the fifth wife with no children. The mansion Baba bought for me was crazy and
I was scared the wives would be jealous.

I ran out of time to stall. The wives were coming to the city for our monthly
shopping trip. They wanted to see the house. I was scared. I was waiting
outside when I saw the gates open and the cars pull up. I hadn't seen them in
a while. MaGumede had a huge belly, and MaMlambo's was far behind. They
weren't even inside yet, and they were amazed. I gave them a tour, and they
seemed to all be happy for me. I was really relieved. We ate something light
and then we went to the shops.

It was terrible. A few people recognized us, but luckily, they didn't approach.
They just took pictures from far. It took us almost the whole day but we went
to eat something when we were done. "Baba wants to see us before you
ladies leave. So we should probably finish up." We all drove in our separate
cars to MaKhumalo's house. We all took a seat in the dining room. Baba
looked pretty serious, and I was scared something was wrong with him.

"Um, I think the best way for me to say this without sugar coating anything.
I've been seeing another woman." What the fuck? He could've at least said a
few pleasantries. It felt like someone took a bucket full of ice water and threw
it over me. "Are you marrying her?" MaKhumalo asked. I looked around the
table and everyone just had the same blank expression on their faces. As if
they were all hiding how they really felt. I needed someone to say something. I
needed someone to react because it felt like my heart was being
shattered. "No." He replied, and I couldn't even have a sense of relief
because why would he call us here just for a girlfriend? "Is she a girlfriend?"
He cleared his throat awkwardly. "No, she's not. She's a fling. She's a model
who works all over the world. I just see her when she comes to South Africa.

"So why the meeting? If she's just a fling, why are we all here?" MaGumede
asked, and there was silence in the room. My heart was pounding. This wasn't
normal. Why is he telling us about a fling? What has he done?

"I've called this meeting to let you know that she is pregnant." Noise erupted
around the table. The wives were livid, and they were expressing it. I didn't
know what to say. I didn't know how to feel. I didn't know what to do.

"Please! Can I finish?" The noise died down. "She does not want children, but
she is willing to have this child and sign all parental rights over to me. I was
hoping that one of my wives would step up and be a mother to my child."
91

We sat in silence for a while. "Please. If I don't have confirmation that one of
you will be the mother of my child, she's going to have an abortion.
MaBhengu? Please, Mamakhe." I was glad I wasn't sitting near him. I just
shook my head. "Mbali?" MaKhumalo put her hand up to silence him. "I've
done everything you've asked me. Taking care of your mistress' child is where
I draw the line." He just looked at MaCele, and she shook her head.

"I won't do it either. I'm expecting." MaMlambo said before she was even
asked. "And I'm expecting twins. There's no way I can deal with three babies
at once." Baba started crying. "MaBhengu, please. She's going to kill my child.
If she feels the baby is unwelcome, she's going to murder her. Please,
MaBhengu." He begged. "Thandi, you have no children and a huge house.
Why not?" MaGumede asked, and MaCele and MaMlambo agreed.
"MaBhengu, please. She has promised to sign over all her parental rights.
She wants nothing to do with the child and her, and I have decided we'll never
see each other again after this. We can get this all in writing and come up with
some legal agreement. I'm begging you. I can't lose another child knowing it
was preventable."

"Okay, but I want everything in writing." I said softly. He nodded and walked
up to me. "Please don't touch me." I said when he reached out to me. "Are we
done? Can I leave?" Nobody said anything, so I got up and drove home. It
wasn't long until he joined me. "Baby, please. Just talk to me."
"What's her name?" He took a seat on the bed. "Stacey Jackson. She's
American. She's been in South Africa for a couple of months now. You can
meet her if you want to." I shook my head. "I don't want to meet her. I want
nothing to do with her. Set up a contract. I'll sign. I'll get all my updates from
you. I want nothing to do with her."
Dinner that night was completely silent. I was hurt and I didn't want to be. I
had no reason to be. I took a long shower and got into bed. "Baby, can we
talk, please?" I was already crying. I made myself so mad sometimes. "I don't
want to talk. I know what you're going to say. 'Im a polygamous man. You've
known this since we met. There were girlfriends before you there'll be
girlfriends after you.' I know. I've heard it all before. I've agreed to be the
child's mother now can I please have some space?" He had nothing to say. Of
course he didn't. I said it all for him.

Both of us laid awake for most of the night. When he started snoring, I took
out my phone and started searching up her name. She was a famous African
American model and when I saw her pictures the thoughts just started rushing
through my brain.

She was an African American woman and she was beautiful. She had dark
skin and green eyes, and she was skinny. That's the first thing I noticed. The
bitch was skinny. She was literally everything that I was not. She had her own
business, she was skinny, she was confident, she was selfmade. She was
perfect. The opposite of me. She just seemed to have her shit together while
my trauma kept piling up.

I couldn't sleep that night at all. My eyes only started drifting off when the sun
came up. "Baby, wake up." Senzo kissed me on my cheek. The nerve of this
man. "Wake up. I'm leaving for the village this afternoon and I don't want us to
be on bad terms. Baby, please." I sat up in bed. "I want us to survive this. You
and I both do this thing where we completely shut down and push everyone
away. I don't want that to happen ever again."

I wanted to be fine. I wanted to be okay. I knew what I was getting myself into
marrying Senzo but my heart was shattered. I wanted to be angry, but I
couldn't be because I was once the girlfriend. This is exactly what we did to
MaKhumalo. We snuck around behind her back. I felt guilty that I was losing
my mind over something I did to another woman. I want to be fine, I wanted to
be okay and act like this didn't affect me. I really did but I couldn't. "Is it
because she's prettier than me?" What the fuck was I saying. "What are you
talking about? You're beautiful. Nobody compares to you. Nobody. Not even
her." I tried wiping my tears but they kept falling. "Is she better in bed? You
have five wives I don't understand why you would need anyone else. Am I not
satisfying you? What did I do for you to run to her? Is it because I can't have
children? I don't understand. What did I do wrong?" I was crying like a fucking
baby and I was disgusted with myself.

"Baby, you didn't do anything wrong. Believe me when I say you're perfect.
She doesn't come close to you. She's just a fling that I see maybe once a
year. Please believe me when I say that you're the perfect woman for me.
You're the love of my life. You are everything that I've ever wanted and more.
Nothing will ever change that." He was saying all these amazing things but
nothing could help now. The damage is done.

He went to the village and he stayed in touch with me. I made sure the other
wives knew I was okay but I still felt like shit. I just sat at home doing nothing
all day. I didn't even want to look in a mirror.

I was in the gym trying to get back on my workout routine when security
alerted me that MaKhumalo was at the gate. I told them to let her in and met
her by the door. "Hi. Sorry I'm so sweaty." I said when I hugged her. I took a
quick shower and put on a dress while she checked out the house. I made us
some drinks and we sat outside.

"So, how are things going after what happened?" I wasn't in the mood to
discuss this ever but I couldn't avoid the topic. "Did he send you to check on
me?" I had to ask. "Yes, but I told him I wouldn't. I was planning on coming
here anyway but I won't be his spy. I won't be his middleman. I promise I won't
tell him anything we discuss." I believed her. It's how it's always been with us.
She was one of the handful of people I trusted.

"I know I'm not supposed to feel the way I do but I still do. I don't even want to
discuss it because I'm tired of hearing that there were girlfriends before me
and that there'll be girlfriends after me. I really don't want to hear it." She
nodded. "I know. I get it. I'm not going to say it. I've said it many times and it's
been said to me too. I'm over it but I'm here. This is what I signed up for. I'm
not saying you're not supposed to have feelings. You're human. You're going
to have feelings but Baba loves you. He genuinely loves you. I may sound like
I'm on his side of this but I know for a fact that he loves you with all his heart
and he will fight for you. I don't want this other woman to affect your marriage.
The two of you are good together."

I just sighed. "I know there's a baby involved now. You and I both know that
the baby is innocent in all this and I know for a fact that you'll be an amazing
mother. Forget all this drama. At the end of the day you get to be someone's
mother. Focus on that. It's a good thing. Maybe we can go baby shopping to
get you excited." I sighed. "I know all of that but I still need to process all of
this."
"I get it. When you're ready to go baby shopping just call me."

I spent a few days alone and then Baba came back. He came back late. He
was probably with that woman. "I have something for you." He looked excited
and handed me an envelope. I opened it to find two ultrasound pictures.
"That's our baby. She only a tiny bean for now. She's eight weeks along." I
just smiled. I wanted to be excited and happy. I really did but I couldn't force
myself to have those feelings. "I told her that you've agreed to be the mother
and that we should set up some kind of contract. She agreed." I just nodded
and started dishing our food.

"Baby, please say something." I put his plate of food in front of him. "I'm not
okay. This is a lot for me. I'm not going back on my promise but please give
me a chance to get used to the idea." He nodded and we ate dinner silently.
Another week went by. He texted me frequently when it wasn't my day with
him. I replied because I didn't want drama. I also decided to embrace this
whole situation. I would think of this Stacey super model chick as a surrogate.
I just wanted the baby. I wanted to be a mom. For so long I didn't think it
would happen. I should be happy that it's happening now no matter the
circumstances.

I decided to call MaKhumalo. "Hey, is everything okay? You never call first." I
chuckled because it was true. "Everything is fine. I just wanted to ask if you're
working today?"
"Yep, I'm at the office but what do you need?"
"Um, I don't want to keep you out of work. We can schedule it for when you're
off. It's not time sensitive."
"What, MaBhengu? Say it. You're making it sound like something IS wrong."
"Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to take you up on your offer to go shopping
for baby stuff." She screamed so loud I had to pull my phone away. "Cancel
everything! All of my appointments!" I heard her yell. "I'm on my way! I'll be
there in twenty minutes."

She was picking me up in no time and we bought everything we saw. I wanted

to go clothes shopping but Mbali talked me into buying a stroller and car seat
too. We came home late and I was surprised to see Baba home already.
"Well, you two have been busy. Let me see what you got." We were about to
show him when he got a notification. He put the phone to his ear listening to a
voice note while we packed out some of the cute baby clothes.

All the colour drained from his face and both MaKhumalo and I noticed. "What
do you mean got rid of it?!" He yelled into the phone making a voice note. A
text came through and he was typing again. I thought it was work but his eyes
started watering and a tear dropped. "Dlamini, what is it?" MaKhumalo asked
and he looked at me. "I'm sorry, Mamakhe. I'm sorry." Another tear fell. "Sorry
for what? What happened?"
"Please don't hate me." What the hell was going on. "Baba what's wrong?" He
couldn't keep it in. He sobbed and instinctively went to go sit next to him.

"What happened? Tell me."

"I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. Please." He begged but I didn't know what
he was begging for. "Baba, what are you sorry for? What happened? Just say
it." He let out another sob. I didn't know what to do.

"Stacey had an abortion."

92

It felt like someone punched me in the stomach. "No. No." If I said no enough
times, maybe it wouldn't be true. "Baba, she wouldn't do that. We just got all of
these things for the baby. She's knows I agreed to be the mother. We were
just about to sign an agreement. She agreed to this. I said I would do it. Did
you tell her? I said I would do it. I'll be the mother of her child. She won't have
to worry. Did you tell her? Baba, maybe you misunderstood. Call her and ask
her what she meant. Call her."

He reached for his phone and pressed play. "Hey, you and your wife don't
need to worry about the baby anymore. I just got a really big opportunity in
London and I can't be pregnant by the end of the month. Tell your wife I said
thank you but I got rid of it. I have to catch my flight so bye." She said in her
American accent. "Baba, please. This has to be a joke. Is she joking?" He
showed me the text where she said, "I had an abortion. It was successful. I'm
off to London." What was wrong with this woman?! It was successful?!
Successful!I couldn't breathe. I could fucking breathe.

MaKhumalo took the phone and read the text. I couldn't be there. I stood up
and stumbled towards my bedroom. When I finally got there I laid on the floor
and cried silently. How many times is motherhood going to get taken away
from me? I should've listened the first two times it happened. I am not meant
to be a mother. Not even through a surrogate. The universe keeps telling me
and I keep trying. I couldn't take a fucking hint could I?

I laid there for days. I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep. The floor was safe. If I just
laid there nothing bad would happen. "I didn't know what else to do Ma. She
hasn't been eating. I've at least gotten her to got to the toilet and shower but
she won't eat or get up off the floor." I heard MaKhumalo say to someone
before my aunt appeared in front of me. "Princess, they've told me
everything." I didn't care I was done so I decided to block her out. Her lips
were moving but I heard nothing.

Someone gave her a bowl of soup that she tried to feed me. She even went
as far as to pinch my nose to force me to open my mouth. I grabbed onto her
wrist and shoved her away. "Let go!" I screamed at the top of my lung. "Just
let me die! Let me die!" My tears flowed as I went back into my laying position.
Eventually they called and ambulance that took me to a hospital.

I was in the damn psych ward. I fought as hard as I could but they restrained
and forcefed me through a tube. After the third time I couldn't do it anymore. It
was torture. So I gave up and started eating. I was eventually moved to a
mental hospital. I was really here making fucking macaroni art with crazy
people. At least the facility was beautiful. I spent most of my days outside by
the waterfall.

I had to attend group and one on one therapy. It was torture too. Sometimes I
could take the forcefeeding over this.

"Tell me about your childhood Thandi." I was so annoyed by her. I already

gave her my whole entire life story. "I already told you how I grew up." I said
annoyed. "I meant before your aunt. Do you remember anything?" I shook my
head. "Do you have any memories from when your aunt took you away?" I
shook my head again. "No, but she's told me about it many times."
"And what did she say?"
"She came to visit me. She found me alone in my mother's house. My birthday
cake was still on the counter. She found that weird because my birthday had
been two days prior. I was dirty and smelly when she found me. She
suspected something was wrong because they told her my mother ran away.
My mother wouldn't just leave me knowing nobody would look after me. She
was convinced something happened to my mother when my father came in,
and I screamed and hid under the bed.
She convinced him that she was shocked my mother just ran away like that.
She even called her irresponsible. She had to convince him because she saw
the knife in his hand. Even though he tried to hide it from her. She packed my
bag that night and we ran."

"If your aunt ran from him how did he end up back on your life?" This lady
loved questions. I guess it was part of her job but I was getting tired of it.
"Somehow he found us. He did want to kill us but my aunt convinced him his
wives threatened to kill me and that she was running from them and not him.
He bought it and let me stay with her under a few conditions."
"And those conditions were the virginity tests and the wife training?" I nodded.

The session ended promptly after that. Senzo came to visit and brought me
some snacks. "How have you been?" I asked. "Taking it one day at a time. I'm
also seeing my therapist much as possible. For a moment there I was scared I
would start drinking again but I didn't. So I'm just a little proud of myself."
"You should be a lot proud of yourself." I said and we both laughed a little. "I
miss you."
"I miss you too but I'm doing a lot better. Next week will be my last week in
here. A month went by extremely fast. How did the family take the news?" He
bit his lip. "I haven't told them. Only MaKhumalo and your mother knows.
Maybe we could tell them together. Maybe you can come to the village when
you get out. You seemed to really like it there the last time. That was before
my mother ruined it." I nodded. Maybe I'll go for a few days and see how it is.
We said our goodbyes and he was off.

The week went by quickly and I was happy to be back in my home. I was on
medication. I hated it but was getting used to it. The first day I spent with my
husband. I didn't want anyone interfering with us so I told nobody. The next I
visited my mom and MaKhumalo just so they could see that I was okay and
then we went to the village. Senzo had to break the news to everyone and I
could see it took a toll on him. I was glad I could be with him.

I only stayed a couple of days and drove myself back home. MaGumede and
MaMlambo were a month away from giving birth. I didn't want my bad luck to
affect them.

Just when I was becoming bored I got a call from chef Frederico. He called
with a great opportunity for me. I didn't know how to ask Senzo but I really
wanted to do this. It required me to be out of the country for a whole month.

"Mamakhe, you're stressing me out. Please, just tell me what it is. If you're
asking for a divorce, I refuse." I just rolled my eyes. "No, it's not that. Okay.
Chef Frederico has asked me to work with him for a month. I wouldn't be
cooking. I'd mostly just be prepping foods and helping out in the kitchen but
this is a huge opportunity for me. Literally a once in a lifetime opportunity."
"Baby that's amazing. Why would I not be happy for you. You have to do it.
You absolutely have to do it."
"Okay, I'm glad you think that because it's in Paris. Paris France."

His excitement died down. "Okay, um. All of a sudden, I don't know what to
say. Would you like to go?" I nodded. "Then you should go." He looked so
sad. I didn't want to leave him if he would be unhappy. "Baba, I can't go if I
know you're not happy about it." He shook his head. "Its not that I'm not
happy. I just got you back. Now you're leaving again. I really want you to do
this but I will miss you."
"I'll miss you too. I understand, and I feel the same way. I feel like I'm finally in
a good space personally. This would have been a great opportunity to get our
relationship back on track but I really want to do this. I also want our decision
to be made together. If you don't want me to go I won't."
"Baby, the reasons I have for you staying are selfish and I wouldn't forgive
myself if you didn't take this opportunity because of me."
"You might not even miss me that much. MaMlambo and MaGumede are
already here preparing for the birth of their babies. In a couple of weeks you'll
be so busy with three newborn babies you'll forget I'm even gone."

From that day we prepared for my "internship". Baba made sure I was in a
first class flight and that I was staying in the best hotel in the best suite. The
flight was over ten hours but I was in first class and I hardly felt it. South Africa
was an hour ahead of France so the time difference wasn't hectic. I stuck to
french time for a couple of days before flying and during. I made sure my
space was dark in the flight when it was supposed in France and I made sure
to be active and awake when it was supposed to be light. I didn't think I was
going to get jetlag but I still did this to avoid it.

My hotel was amazing. I was living the life of luxury. It was summer and I was
glad to be out of our June winter in South Africa. My first week of work was
one of the hardest. I was mostly scrubbing floors and fridges. I was prepping
ingredients for all the chefs and keeping the fridges organized and fully
stocked. It was a kitchen full of male chefs with chef Frederico being the head
chef. I was lucky they weren't toxic. A lot of them had ego problems but they
were nice.

I vlogged a lot and they would make fun of me for it but I found it quite
therapeutic and my followers loved it. Within my first week MaGumede gave
birth to the twins Bulelwa and Buhle. By my second week MaMlambo gave
birth to her daughter Simphiwe. They were beautiful.

I was having the time of my life in Paris. The job was extremely stressful and it
required a lot from me but I loved it. Everyone in this kitchen depended on me
and it felt amazing. They even admitted on a daily basis that they would not
have survived without me.

I spoke to Baba and the wives daily. I made sure to keep my mother updated
too. Since I was posting and vlogging a lot I didn't want them to see my life in
a video before I got to tell them personally. I was asked to stay on two more
weeks and Baba agreed. He was really busy with the new babies and he said
I deserved the experience and fun I was having. I missed the babies imbeleko
ceremony where they introduced them to the ancestors because I stayed and
extra two weeks but I felt it was worth it. I would never say that out loud but it
really was. The last two weeks I did have extra time off and I did a lot of site
seeing but it was time to go home. I missed it.

I edited and posted a video on my flight home. When I got home though I was
sick. Constantly throwing up and I was just weak. I guess eight weeks of Paris
and working got to me. I didn't want Baba to leave his family but MaKhumalo
told Baba how sick I was. For days I refused to go to the hospital but I ended
up fainting and he had to take me.

I absolutely hated going to the doctor or hospital for anything because of my

medical history. They always put me through a bunch of test and I would be
there the whole day.

"Mrs Dlamini. It's good to see you again." My OBGYN walked in with my other
doctors. "Mrs Dlamini we are still waiting for a few test results. They will take a
couple of days but you're going to be fine. We do think we have a cause for
the vomiting and weakness. The other tests are just a precaution."

"What is it? Can you just get to the point?" Senzo asked impatiently. "We'll let
your doctor do the honors." My OB stepped forward with a smile on her face.
"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Dlamini. You're pregnant."
93

I sat there in shock. This could not be happening again. There's no way I'm
going through all this torture only for more trauma and heartbreak. "Mamakhe,
did you hear what she said?" I looked up at Senzo. He looked so excited. How
could he not know how this is going to end?

I couldn't speak. It felt like I was under water. I couldn't even hear. "Mrs
Dlamini. Mrs Dlamini, we need to draw more blood to run a few more tests." I
looked up at my doctor. I couldn't do this. This was too much for me. "Um..."
My voice came out in a whisper. It felt like there was a knot in my throat, and it
just got tighter and tighter. My lip started to shiver, and my vision became
clouded with tears. "Is it possible for me to come back at another time for
that? I would like to go home now." I didn't know how I managed to speak.

The excitement vanished from their faces. My eyes couldn't hold my tears
anymore, and they fell. "Mrs Dlamini, because of your heart and lung
problems, this is a high-risk pregnancy, but I'm confident that with proper
constant care and bed rest, you will deliver a healthy baby." I didn't want to
hear that. I couldn't bear it. "Stop, please. Do not make any promises you
can't keep and save the motivational speech for someone else. I don't care.
Can these tests be done at another time? If not, I'm leaving anyway." I was
still nauseous and weak, but I didn't care. I wanted to leave.

"Okay, go home and get a good night's rest. Come back tomorrow, and we'll
run the tests and do an ultrasound to determine how far along you are. I'm
sure once you see your baby, you'll feel much better." The drive home was
silent. I felt like shit. Physically and emotionally. When we got home, I didn't
even wait for Senzo to open my door. I just got out.
He was right behind me on the stairs. I walked to our room and tried shutting
the door, but he caught it. "Mamakhe, please." I couldn't take it anymore. I
held my hand over my mouth as I started sobbing. He had me in his arms in a
flash, and I cried like a baby.

"I can't do this again." He held me tighter. "Baby, don't say that. This time,
we'll be prepared for anything."
"No! Can't you see?! I'm not meant to have children! It's only a matter of time
before this one dies, too!" He helped me to the bed, and I cried into his chest
for the rest of the night.

Until the vomiting started again.

It was so intense that I thought I would vomit my internal organs out. I couldn't
do this. I didn't have the strength. Senzo literally had to pick me up and give
me a shower like a fucking child to take me to the hospital. I felt like the most
useless human being on earth.

I guess he called ahead because when we got to the hospital nurses were
waiting with a wheelchair. I was immediately taken to a private suite and put
on some kind of IV. Doctors and nurses kept coming and going and more
tests were done. I slept for most of the day because if I was sleeping I wasn't
throwing up.

I woke up and saw my mother. "Hi, Princess." I had so little energy I could
hardly keep my eyes open. I was trying to form words but just gave up halfway
through. I couldn't do this. I couldn't. I just cried in her arms. I couldn't do it.

"Princess, I understand why you're acting this way but this time we'll be extra
careful. This time you're going to hold your baby and hear her cry. This time
you're going to get to see your baby grow old and have babies of her own
and..."
"Stop! Please! I'm begging you to stop. Stop." I couldn't take it. "Okay, baby.
Okay." She held my hand as I cried.

My doctor came back and told me I was suffering from the same type of
extreme morning sickness as the first time. My pregnancy was considered
high risk because of my medical history, so I would be seeing my doctor a lot
more than a usual pregnant woman would.

We then proceeded with an ultrasound and the minute I heard that heartbeat it
felt like the worst torture in the world. I couldn't even look at the machine.
"Baby has a strong heartbeat." I couldn't take it. "Mamakhe did you hear what
the doctor said. She has a strong heartbeat." Senzo kept trying and I just
wanted it to stop. "Princess, please. Maybe if you just looked."
"No! Why don't you get it! Turn it off! Turn that damn machine off!" The doctor
complied as I sobbed. I was not going to allow my heart to be ripped apart
again. I refused to become attached to this pregnancy. I won't allow myself to
get hurt one more time.

"The baby is healthy and has a strong heartbeat. Everything is in order." The
doctor started, but I knew everything would go right until it all explodes. I didn't
want this. I knew it was only a matter of time before I had a miscarriage. I'll
just wait it out.

I was sent home with some medication and an eating plan. When I got home
two women were waiting in our living room. They both wore scrubs.
"Mamakhe, this is nurse Miriam." She put her hand out for me and I shook it.
"And this is Thuli, your midwife." A nurse and a midwife? For what? I shook
Thuli's hand. That's when MaKhumalo walked in. "The rooms are ready."
What the hell was going on?
"Thank you. Mamakhe, since you're on partial bedrest your nurse has advized
we use a room on the first floor." I didn't know what to say. "Princess, would
you like to go lie down?" I just nodded. They took me to the room and I just
laid there. There was a lot of movement up and down the passage and in the
room next door but I just ignored it. I was too weak to care.

The only way for me to get through this was to sleep. I didn't feel anything
when I slept. So that's what I did. I slept all day every day. I knew I just
needed to wait it out.
So I waited.

Waiting for your baby to die does something to you psychologically. I can't
explain it, but I know I'll never be the same ever again. This was going to
break me.
94

The room next door to mine was set up with all kinds of medical equipment. I
ignored everything and everyone around me for weeks. It got so bad that
Senzo called in Doctor Reynolds, his psychologist. I joined them in the living
room, and she started talking, but I just blocked it out.

"Mamakhe! See! This is what I'm talking about! MaBhengu!"

"What?!" Since he wanted my attention so bad, he could have it. "Mr Dlamini,
please."
"No! I've had enough! It's been three weeks of this! I'm tired! I want my wife
back! You know what? Maybe you should go back to the psychiatric hospital."
"Mr Dlamini, you need to calm down."
"Why?! Why?! Why should I! My wife is finally getting what she wanted! What
we both wanted! But all she's doing is wishing for my child to die!"
"I'm not wishing for your child to die..."
"Oh, really?! You say it every chance you get. What were your words the other
day when we went to the hospital?! 'What's the point it's just going to die?'
Yes, that's what you said! Oh! I know what you want! You want to kill my child,
don't you?! That's what you want, isn't it."

"Senzo! What the fuck is wrong with you!" MaKhumalo walked in with my daily
smoothie. I was numb, Senzo's shouting didn't even affect me. I felt like a bag
of bones. Nothing he said could hurt me. I was finished. "Mr Dlamini please.
Calm down."
"Calm down! You're telling me to calm down!"
"Yes! Yes I am. You're the only one out of line here."
"Out of line? A mother wishing for her child to die is out of line!"
"Nobody in this room is wishing for this child to die."
"Did you not hear what I said she's..."
"I heard you but you're not hearing me. Your wife is not wishing for this child
to die."
"And how would you know."
"You asked me to speak to the nurses and find out if Mrs Dlamini was a
danger to herself and the baby."
"Senzo you did what?!" MaKhumalo yelled in disbelief. "This does not involve
you." He said to MaKhumalo. "Mr Dlamini..."
"No! I don't believe a word you're saying! How is she not a danger to my
child?"
"Mr Dlamini I know this situation you are in is very stressful and painful
because of past trauma but you need to realize that everyone deals with
things differently. Your wife is not a danger to herself or her child. She's
following strict doctors orders to the letter. She eats even when her body
refuses food, she's at every single doctors appointment and she's willingly
working with the medical staff here at home."
"Then why won't she look at the scans? Why won't she listen to the
heartbeat?" He was on the verge of tears. "This is her chance. Why?"
Doctor Reynolds looked at me. "Please, baby." He had tears running from his
eyes. I felt a tinge of guilt but just as I was about to say something I had to run
to the bathroom to vomit. It didn't stop until midnight.

The next day, my midwife and nurse got my blood sugar up to normal levels,
but senzo was still standing over me terrified. He bit his nails until they bled.
"Baba, stop. Stop." I took his hand away from his mouth and it was the first
time he noticed the blood. The nurse helped him out and then he insisted on
hearing the baby's heartbeat.

"Everything is normal Mr Dlamini. MaBhengu has lost some weight but she's
keeping more food down lately so there's a good chance she'll gain it back."
He nodded. "Okay. Okay, thank you. Thank you." They left for the day and I
went into the kitchen.

"MaKhumalo."
"MaBhengu. How are you feeling?" I just sighed and took my bowl of sugar
coated ice from her. Yes. Sugar coated ice. It was just crushed ice with sugar
sprinkled over it. Ice was my only craving and the sugar helped stabilize my
bloodsugar levels. "Better than yesterday. How is everyone?" She gave me a
look and I just knew something was up. "Everyone is worried about you. The
elders want to come here. I can only hold them off for so long. They say they
want to perform a ceremony to let the ancestors know you're with child and to
ask them to protect you and the baby."
"They know my track record by now. Nothing is going to work. What's the
point of trying?" She just sighed. "Just let them do it so they can be at ease. I
think it would help put everyone at ease."
"Do you think it would help put Baba at ease?"
"It might." I sighed but agreed.

I was almost three months along and still dealing with the worst morning
sickness ever. I had my good and bad days, and I was hoping... No praying to
have a good day when his family arrived. I didn't want to scare them, but that's
exactly what happened. Gogo was scared I was dying. I couldn't blame her. I
felt like I was dying.

They say the ceremony went smoothly and that the baby and I would be
protected, but I didn't believe it one bit. I knew I couldn't. I just couldn't. "Baby?
Are you awake?"
"Mm."
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine." My voice was hoarse from all the vomiting. "I'm sorry."
"Mm?" I was so confused. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. MaKhumalo
and Gogo spoke to me about my actions and made me realize that I was
being inconsiderate and selfish." What was going on? "Baby?" I didn't know
what he wanted from me. He put his lamp on.

"I'm trying to understand. I really am. I don't know why I don't get it. Please, I
know it's hard to speak about. But, please try to explain it to me." I sighed.
"I don't think you would get it."
"Please, try to explain. I get that you're scared. I'm scared, too." I just shook
my head. "Three Baba. There's been three babies. I'm going through physical
torture every single day. I've done it before. I don't know why I get this sick
when I'm pregnant, but I've accepted it. I can die at any minute. Do you get
that? I can die at any minute, and that's not even what scares me. Growing
attached to this child without the guarantee of holding her in my hands and
hearing her cry will break me. I won't come back from it. I need you to
understand that if I grow attached to this child and she dies I may not survive.
This is my only option. After three dead babies I have no more hope left. So,
please. I'm begging you to stop. Every single time you force the idea of this
baby on me it feels like my chest explodes. I wish it wasn't like this but it is. I'm
sorry. I really am but I can't help it. I'm sorry Baba."

"No Mamakhe. I'm sorry. I'll try and do better okay. I'm sorry, my love." He
placed a kiss on my cheek, and we fell asleep. The next day, everyone had
their breakfast outside. MaKhumalo's chef even had to prepare it outside
because any food odor could set me off.

"MaBhengu? Is everything okay?" I found myself just randomly crying. I shook

my head. "What's wrong? Do you feel any pain or discomfort." My midwife
came up to me. "Nothing more than the usual. I miss food." Her worried
expression turned to a soft smile. "I know. This must be torture. But one more
week and you'll be in your second trimester. You said the morning sickness
wasn't as bad the last time in your second trimester?" I nodded. "Maybe it'll be
the same this time around. Then, you can start eating all of your cravings."
"Maybe."

Just the thought of the second trimester scared me. The baby will start
moving, and she'll start kicking. I wish I could be excited, but I was already
mourning her loss.

The next couple of days, I was mostly in bed. I felt terrible. What made it
worse was that the family was here. Gogo was on the edge of her seat at all
times. I've never seen her this stressed. "Gogo. Gogo wake up. You can't
sleep in the chair." She stretched out and yawned. "I thought you were taking
a nap. Why are you up?" She asked as if she wasn't the one to wake me.
"You snore very loud."
"MaBhengu!" I couldn't help but laugh. "Thandi, I'll pinch you. You hear me?"
She pinched her fingers together and I laughed harder. "And I wasn't sleeping.
I was just resting eyes."
"Gogo." I said in disbelief. "I've never known you to lie."
"Thandi, please. I'm warning you." I giggled to myself again. "Fine, I guess
you were just resting your eyes. As for the snores, maybe they were coming
from next door."
"Yes they were. Now get up. Your nurses said you should go sit outside in the
sun for a little bit. Let's go."

I freshened up and walked with her. "Makoti, your husband has told me what's
been going on." I sighed. "Don't worry. I slapped some sense into him. My
child, I don't want you to think he's insensitive or selfish. Men just don't
understand. They never will. As soon as you find out you're pregnant an
unbreakable bond is formed between you and your baby. Men don't feel that
until they hold that child in their hands. You feel the baby move and kick. The
baby responds to your voice. You know her before she even comes into this
world. Men don't get that. That's why my idiot grandson doesn't understand
your feelings towards this pregnancy." I didn't know what to say or do.

"I am not here to change your mind on how you feel about this baby. I
completely understand why you feel the way you do. If this is what you need
to do to protect your heart, then you do it. But this time, I know you're going to
get to hold your little girl in your hands. You're going to get to see her grow
up. She's going to be your world. You deserve this. You deserve to be a
mother. We're all praying for you and this baby. I know you could've picked a
better family to be married into. This one has its issues, but I want you to
know we're all praying and hoping for the best."

I just mustered up a smile. The peace in my house was short-lived. I don't

know why our security let her in, but MaRadebe came in yelling and shouting.
"Thandi! Thandi, get out here!"
"Sit right there. She won't do anything. I promise you." The shouting and
yelling got louder and others started shouting at her. My home was a mad
house.

"What is that you think you're going to achieve?" Gogo asked as soon as
MaRadebe stepped out. She had the rest of the family following her. "This
woman is trying to keep me out of my son's life!" She pointed at me. "Where
have you ever seen a ceremony is held, and the mother isn't there!"
"This woman? Thandi? The woman who took care of you for years. The
woman who filled the gap that son you like to talk about left? The very same
woman who has been nothing but respectful to you while you continuously go
out of your way to humiliate her. MaRadebe, I'm done with you. You forget
your place in this family. You're only but a Makoti. So, makoti, hear me when I
say you're not welcome in this house. Do you remember the matchbox you
lured my son to in that dirty township that you live in. Go make noise there,
but this is a Dlamini home. Let me catch you disrespecting it again, and you'll
see another side of me. Now leave. You're not welcome here."
"Senzo." She said in a shaky voice.
"No, ma. I'm tired. We're all tired. You're not welcome here."
"My boy, you're not serious."
He just sighed.
"Ma, you have caused my family too much pain. This is where I draw the line.
I love you ma, but please leave."

……………………………………….The End………………………………………

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