MERRY

K I N G
F**
CHRISTMAS

1
 A Holiday Heist For Happiness Is A Warm Gun.
MERRY
K I N G
F**
CHRISTMAS

An Imprint of Fat Goblin Games

Happiness is a Warm Gun © 2023 Fat Goblin Games

2
 THE X-CARD
The X-Card is an optional tool (created by John
Stavropoulos) that allows anyone in your game (including you)
to edit out any content anyone is uncomfortable with as you
play. Since most RPGs are improvisational and we won’t know
what will happen until it happens, it’s possible the game will go
in a direction people don’t want. An X-Card is a simple tool to
fix problems as they arise.
To use the X-Card, at the start of your game, say:
“I’d like your help. Your help to make this game fun for
everyone. If anything makes anyone uncomfortable in any
way... [draw an “X” on an index card] ...just lift this card up,
or tap it... [place the card at the center of the table]. You don’t
have to explain why. It doesn’t matter why. When we lift or tap
this card, we simply edit out anything X-Carded. And if there is
ever an issue, anyone can call for a break and we can talk about
it privately. I know it sounds funny but it will help us play
amazing games together and usually I’m the one who uses the

X-Card to protect myself from all of you! Please help make this
game fun for everyone. Thank you!”
The X-Card is published under a Creative Commons
Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0) Licence.
Created by John Stavropoulos: http://tinyurl.com/x-card-rpg

3
 INTRODUCTION
HO! HO! HO! Deck the malls with a hail of bullets, a smash-
and-grab, and leave with all the Christmas loot you can carry.

That’s the plan, at any rate. Let’s hope there are no

complications…

Merry F**king Christmas is a holiday-themed adventure for

the rules-light Happiness Is A Warm Gun game, that assumes
the player-characters are criminally-minded Bad Santas trying
to rob as many stores as they can during a Christmas time
event like a parade or special event at a mall… and then Things
happen. You start the game in the back of a van with your
fellow Bad Santas, dressed up in red & black with a sack for
loot, but that’s not jelly under your coat…

The focus of Merry F**king Christmas is fast-paced action

and spontaneous fun! If something comes up during the game
that doesn’t seem to readily fit the rules, think about it for a
moment and improvise if you need to; this system is flexible
enough to handle just about everything.

4
 Unless you enjoy solo-play (not that there’s anything wrong
What You Need To Play with that), you are going to need some friends to join you on your
This game uses six-sided dice (called d6), and you will need adventures. We can’t really help you here. If you still have friends
three of them in order to play. from your childhood, they are probably less likely to say no to
playing a game and might even share your hobbies.

For most Tasks you will roll just 2d6; however, when using
Training, you roll 3d6. This is called Advantage. No matter how many friends you bring along, one of you is
going to have to be the Gamemaster and run the
game. More on that later.
You’ll also need some paper and pencils — nothing fancy; a #2
(or HB) is fine. This is for writing details about your character
sheet, as well as taking notes, if you wish, during play. To make
things a little easier we’ve provided some character sheets in
the back of this book, if you want to just print those out and use
them. Or, if you are one of those creative types, you can make
your own in any way your creative heart desires. It’s up to you.

Inspirational Films, Television, & Video Games

television, and we’ve
Christmas time is a standard of American film and
Stories about people trying to rob places during ture, we suggest the
want to expand on the action contained in this adven
borrowed heavily from a number of them. If you
following as inspiration: s
Stealing Christma
Bad Sa nt a
Home Alone
e Si le nt Pa rt ne r
Th
Home Alone 2
Cr im e St ory
Christmas
The Ref
Rein de er Ga me s
Trading Places
ra di se
Trapped In Pa
LA Confidential
Die Hard
Ronin
Di e Ha rd 2
Lady In The Lake
Lethal Wea po n
ng
Kiss, Kiss, Bang Ba 5
 PLAYING A BAD SANTA
““Time for some season’s beatings.”
— Santa Claus, Violent Night (2022)
Merry F**king Christmas was written under the assumption
that the Players and Gamemaster are already familiar with
the Happiness Is A Warm Gun system, and in most cases you’ll
simply use pre-existing Maniacs — creatively and conveniently
re-labelled as Bad Santas — in this adventure. Everyone has
to go Christmas shopping eventually, after all. However, we
recognize that this isn’t always going to be the case, and so for
convenience and ease-of-use we have thoughtfully included
basic play and character creation rules below to help you get
started. This is not intended to replace the rules contained
in Happiness Is A Warm Gun, which contains a lot of cool
information that isn’t included here that can enhance play.
In fact, if you bought that book as well we’d consider that a
Christmas present from you. Let’s all spread some Yuletide joy!
How To Play
We’re fairly generous here at We Are Legion, so why
should Christmas be any exception? You see, some companies
might release a holiday adventure and expect you to shell
out more of your hard-earned money to buy the rules that
allow you to play said adventure. Not us. We’d rather you
spend that extra money on your families and friends like good
ol’ Saint Nick intended. Besides, what kind of Game Night
would it be if you couldn’t afford snacks? A lousy one, that’s
what. Anyhow, for your convenience we’ve reproduced the
core rules from Happiness Is A Warm Gun in basic form so
that you can start playing. There are other cool things in that
book which might enhance your game, but none of them are
absolutely essential in order to have fun.
6
Rolling The Dice
Whenever you want your character to do something,
describe the action. When the outcome of that action is
important, or when there is a chance that your character might
not succeed, it becomes a Task; roll 2d6 and add any relevant
attribute score and see if the final number is equal to or higher
than the Difficulty of the Task, which the Gamemaster
determines to be “Easy,” “Moderate,” or “Hard.”
Level Of Difficulty
8 10 12
Easy Moderate Hard
If your character has Advantage — i.e., they have Training
in what they are trying to do — roll 3d6 instead. Conversely, if
your character has Disadvantage, you roll only 1d6. Never add
the roll results; rolling more dice means your character has a
greater chance of success. In the unlikely event that Advantage
and Disadvantage apply at the same time, they cancel each
other out and you only roll 2d6.
Combat
If war is hell, fighting over the last full-sized Choco-Chunk
Bar poking out of a bowl of Hallowe’en toffee candies no
one ever eats is worthy of being captured in a painting by
Hieronymus Bosch. At the start of combat, players roll 1d6 +
their Fighting attribute. The highest score goes first, followed
in descending order. Attacks are handled just like any other
Task, adding the Fighting attribute if fighting hand-to-hand,
or Gunplay if using firearms.
A successful hit causes the target to lose 1 Health. Using
large or powerful weapons, such as shotguns or high-powered
machine guns, will inflict even greater damage. There are no
exhaustive tables in this book providing damage ratings for
every weapon ever invented; the Gamemaster should just use
common sense to decide how much more damage a rocket
launcher might inflict on a person, and make sure the players
know of their decision.
C ha r a c t e r A d v a n c e m e n t
Every few game sessions the Maniacs level up
and the player can choose to increase one of their
One thing we will note is that taking cover, and wearing Attributes by 1, their Health by 1, or acquire
armor, is a great way to reduce the amount of damage one new Training.
might suffer in combat. Most forms of conventional cover, such
as trees, pillars, or concrete barriers, can reduce heavy damage
from explosives and the like by 1 or 2 Health points. Likewise,
decent body protection can reduce damage by 1 Health point.

Health & Mettle

Every time your Maniac is hit by something, or is otherwise
injured, exhausted, traumatized, or generally no longer
functioning at their peak, they lose Health. Eating,
drinking, and resting for at least an hour can restore 1
lost Health point. Using a First Aid kit can restore 1d6
Health points. If a Maniac’s Health points are reduced
to zero they are Done, meaning they have become
incapacitated and can no longer perform any tasks
and must receive aid from others. Being Done could
mean having severe injuries, being unconscious, or
even dead, depending on the circumstances.

Losing Health is literally a pain, which is why each

Maniac has the ability to grit their teeth and push themselves
through a bad situation and try to get a better outcome. In
game terms, the player can spend 1 point of Mettle to re-roll a
single “bad” die roll, but they have to accept the result! There
is no limit to how many Mettle points may be spent in this
way — 3 points could be spent to re-roll a botched 3d6 roll at
Advantage — but spent points can only be replaced when the
Gamemaster awards them for awesome gameplay, so spend
them wisely!

7
 Attribute scores range from 1 to 6, and are graded as follows:
CREATING YOUR SANTA
Thurman You are really Santa, right?
Attribute Scores
Willie No, I’m an accountant. I wear this fucking thing as a fashion 1 Terrible
statement, alright?
2 Bad

3
— Bad Santa (2003)
Average

4 Good

Attributes 5 Awesome

Player characters in Happiness Is A Warm Gun have 7 6 Legendary

Attributes representing what they can do in a game. Roll a d6
for each of the Attributes and mark down your score. When
using an Attribute between two characters (i.e., a contest), Other Characteristics
the difference in score determines who has Advantage or Your Bad Santa also has the following characteristics:
Disadvantage in the situation.

Health How much pain and stress you can endure. You start
Attributes play with 1d6 + your highest Attribute.
Athletics Running, jumping, climbing, etc.
Breaking and entering, mugging, hot-wiring
Crime — your stock-in-trade.
Mettle This is your courage under fire and general luckiness.
You start play with 3 Mettle and can have a maximum of 6.
Fighting Punching, kicking, bashing people.

Gunplay As implied, shooting people.

When you need to bargain, bluff, seduce,
Don’t Forget Your
Persuade intimidate, etc. Background!
Researching, strategizing, and general
Planning knowledge.
Bad Santas come from all walks of life, and each has their
own reason for being here, in this moment, on this particular
Vehicles Driving, car-chases, stunts, etc. job. If you’ve played Happiness Is A Warm Gun before you can
simply use your existing Maniac and come up with a reason
why they are here. If you’re creating a Player Character from
scratch, we’ve included a table below to help you come up with
a background on the fly, if needed.

8
Background Table
Roll 2d6, or choose from below.
2 Preacher/Politician
3 Killer
4 Military
5 Law Enforcement
6 Government Agent
7 Career Criminal
8 Gang
9 Gambler
10 Nightlife
11 Legal
12 Medical/Pharma
Evangelist, Mayor, Public Speaker, Bible Salesman
Serial Killer, Mass Murderer, Hitman, Assassin
Special Forces, Marines, Navy Seals, Space Force
Detective, Cop, Prison Guard, Mall Security
FBI, CIA, MI5 or MI6, TSA
Burglar, Assault, White Collar, Arsonist, Kidnapper
Street Gang, Religious Cult, Militia, Commune
Poker, Races, Fights, Bingo
Sex Work, Nightclub, DJ, Bartending, Theatre
Judge, Lawyer, Solicitor, Bail Bondsman, Executioner
Doctor, Pharmacologist, Drug Dealer, Meth Cook

Anytime you need to make a roll to succeed at something and you can convince the Gamemaster that the task at hand relates to
your Backstory, you receive Advantage.

…And don’t forget to figure out your Bad Santa’s Age, Weight, and maybe a short bio. That stuff is cool and helps out your
Gamemaster.

Your Role
Even in a gang of rampaging Bad Santas, everyone has a job to do. If you don’t already have pre-established Roles from previous
games of Happiness Is A Warm Gun — or because you recognize that people change and you just want to choose new ones —
choose a Role from the list below and select 2 Traits, or create your own with the assistance of the Gamemaster. Traits are
important because they allow you to do things, or give you Advantage or Disadvantage on a roll.

We could probably write an entire book on all the possible Traits that could be used in the game, but we’re sure you can
easily come up with ideas that make sense for your Bad Santas. Players should discuss their ideas with the Gamemaster first,
and determine what these Traits do and how they will influence game play. The most common Traits chosen will usually, but
not always, be dependent on the type of Role that was chosen — some ideas are provided below. General Traits that would fit
the theme of the game are criminal or combat-based (e.g., Dirtbag Daydream, Make Someone Stop Living With Just Your Fist,
Making Sharp Things Go Through Soft Things, Being A Rules Lawyer, Steal Candy From Babies, etc.) Happiness Is A Warm
Gun has ready-made Traits suited for each Role that you can use.

9
 Leader
The leader inspires, manages, and supports their team to work
creatively and confidently toward a shared goal.
Leader Traits are typically personality or aptitude-
based (e.g., Fearless, Lucky, Cool Under Fire, etc.)
Brute
The name says it all.
Brute Traits are typically physicality or strength-
based (e.g., Tough-as-Nails, Pain Tolerance, Martial
Arts, etc.)
Con-Artist
The silver-tongued master of manipulation and deceit.
Con-Artist Traits are typically lying or persuasion-
based (e.g., Master of Disguise, Ventriloquist,
Natural Charm, etc.)
N a u gh t y O r N i c e ?
One more thing for you to do during this adventure is to
keep a tally of how the Bad Santas are behaving. Just because
you’re a criminal doesn’t mean you need to be a total prick or
a violent sociopath. How the Bad Santas treat NPCs, or each
other, or any inanimate objects around them in each Act can
be counted as either “Naughty” or “Nice” behavior, and will
be relevant for Act Three. In each Act, we provide some
examples of each type of behavior to help you, if you need it.
Each time a Bad Santa does one or the other, just note it by
awarding a point, ticking a box, or whatever else works best
for you. We’re not picky.
One more thing: Keep this shit hidden — you want the
Bad Santas acting naturally, right?

Gadgeteer
The person who can build just about anything out of anything.
Gadgeteer Traits are science or technologically-based
(e.g., Inventor, Portable Lab, Gifted Mechanic, etc.)

Mastermind
The one with the plan for all situations, and contingency plans if
those ever fail.
Mastermind Traits are typically education or
intellect-based (e.g., Educated, Photographic Memory,
Kinda Psychic, etc.)

10
 Training Training
Performing flips and other physical
Now that you have your character’s Role sorted out, it’s time Acrobatics
feats.
to decide what skills they have and to pick their equipment.
Animal Caring for, driving, and riding animals
Each Bad Santa starts with 3 types of Training they choose
Husbandry like horses and oxen.
from the list below. Whenever a player attempts a Task that
Jumping fences, rock climbing, scaling
directly relates to a specific Training they have earned, they Climbing
walls.
gain Advantage on the Task and roll 3d6 dice (instead of
Giving speeches, negotiating, bluffing
2d6). When determining the outcome of the Task, the player Communication
your way out of trouble.
chooses the two highest dice rolls of the 3d6.
Preparing food for ordinary and fancy
Cooking
occasions.

Essential Kit Crafting

Making things for practical and artistic
purposes.
Generally speaking, you do not need to track equipment. Changing your appearance so you look
Instead, we assume you are likely carrying the usual things Disguise
like someone else.
you would have with you for the circumstances. The game is
Freeing yourself from ropes, chains,
meant to start with you and your fellow Bad Santas all in the Escape
and other bindings.
back of a van parked on the street behind your first target to
Helping the healing process and
get you right into the action. That being said, the Santas will First Aid
keeping your friends from dying.
go through a costume and equipment change or two before the
Hide The art of not being seen.
adventure is over, so we’ve provided some hints on what they
Knowledge Knowing a bit about everything.
could have for each Act — use or ignore as you see fit.
Fixing machines and knowing how
Mechanics
Cheap tuxedo or delivery person uniform, server they work.
Act accouterments (e.g., serving tray, linen towel),
Navigate
Finding your way around without
One delivery bag, concealable weapons, ammunition, getting lost.
wallet with cash on-hand (no ID), etc. Relieving people of their possessions
Pick Pocket
Santa suit (not a cheap one, this is a good quality without being noticed.
one with a big fake beard and all the trimmings), Choose one: Biology, Botany,
Science
Act a heavy-duty sack, standard clothes underneath so Chemistry, Geology, Physics.
Two you can quickly strip and blend into the crowds on Sneak Moving about without being noticed.
the street), weapons of choice, ammunition, wallet Finding food, shelter, water, and other
with cash on-hand (no ID), etc. Survival
necessities in the wilderness.
Act As above, but add whatever the Santas might Following tracks and other signs to
Tracking
Three have looted from the mall. locate a quarry.

11

ACT ONE: ALL I WANT
FOR CHRISTMAS...
IS LOOT
“I got invited to the Christmas party by mistake. Who knew?”
— John McClane, Die Hard (1988)
The Set-Up
The set-up is pretty straightforward: An NPC Contact
(whether a criminal mastermind, someone out to sow
chaos and discord, or something else entirely is up to the
Gamemaster) approaches the Player Characters with a job, the
characters take the job, and chaos ensues. We’re making this
even easier on you with a Christmas-themed setup. Use it with
an existing crew or as a joy-filled holiday one-shot. We don’t
care. Just have fun.
Your crew of Bad Santas have been hired to rob the worst
scum of all: a tech startup. DreamBrain is one of those
places that makes millions off an app that does nothing.
Their founder, Wiggin Smallwood, is known for wearing a
painfully bright blazer over a T-shirt that says, “Imagination is
Everything.” Oh, yeah, this guy deserves to get robbed.
DreamBrain is holding their Christmas party at their head
office. It’s one of those too-clean, too-colorful places on the
floor of a downtown office building, above an underground
mall. The Bad Santas need to infiltrate the party, find the boss’s
safe in the back of the office, and steal Wiggin Smallwood’s
most prized possession: the Lightbox. He says it’s the secret
to his success — the thing that inspires all of his ideas for
DreamBrain. The Contact hasn’t said why they want it, or if
12
there’s another buyer involved. Just that any other loot the Bad
Santas can grab is theirs!
How the Bad Santas plan to infiltrate the party is up to
them. Possible ideas include pretending to be servers, the
entertainment, wealthy clients, or even a combination of roles.
Give the Players as much time as they need to discuss how to
proceed with this job; the more convoluted and intricate the plot,
the better. Let them go to town, and if you’re feeling especially
generous you can have the Contact agree to give them extra gear
— even surplus military hardware — because this caper will lead
them in directions they could never imagine.
The Scene
The crew has two NPCs along to help, who have only given
nicknames: Boss and Cracker. Boss is in charge (big surprise)
and Cracker’s his trusted lackey. Introduce them both using the
text below, as the crew approaches DreamBrain’s office:
Cracker hasn’t stopped talking the whole time.
“Fucking zombies, man! Everyone in that fucking mall is a gawdamm
consumer whore – buying Little Timmy another fucking piece of
plastic or Suzy another doll stuffed with sawdust…”
Boss checks his watch. “Yeah, sure, Cracker. Three minutes.”
Cracker figures that’s permission to keep yapping. “It’s like that
fucking movie, man! DAWN OF THE DEAD! The old one, the
good one, not that more recent piece of shit … everything’s a fucking
reboot…”
“Two minutes,” Boss cuts him off. “Get frosty, people. And Cracker,
check that fucking mouth of yours before I check it for you. Heads in
the game everyone.”
“Frosty man, yeah,” Cracker mutters. “Ice. Fucking. Cold. That’s me.
Head in the game … not like those fucking zombies downstairs…”
 “Boss” “Cracker”
Athletics 3 Athletics 4
Crime 4 Crime 5
Fighting 4 Fighting 2
Gunplay 5 Gunplay 3
Persuade 6 Persuade 3
Planning 5 Planning 2
Vehicles 2 Vehicles 4

Health 8 Mettle 3 Health 4 Mettle 3

Role Leader Role Gadgeteer
Backstory Law Enforcement (Detective) Backstory Gang (Street Gang)

Boss is used to people following directions, and uses as few
words as possible, except when he’s upset. That typically only
happens when Cracker talks too much, or something goes south
on a job, especially because someone screwed up. But his temper
only lasts a minute before he gets very steely and very focused.
Even though he complains about how crappy his life was as a
cop, he still uses cop slang sometimes without realizing.
Back when Boss was still a crooked detective, he picked up
Cracker for a crypto scam and made him a deal: work as Boss’s
techie or go to jail. Even years later, he’s still a little scared of
Boss — but really he’s twitchy about a lot of random shit, most of
which isn’t worth worrying about. Stick a computer or electrical
problem in front of him, though, and he settles down quick.

13
 DreamBrain is your classic 21st-century start-up. Use the
descriptions below to help guide your players, from the elevator
to the back of the office.
Lobby The elevator opens onto a wide lobby shaped like an
octagon for no reason that makes any architectural sense,
but maybe Feng Shui has something to do with it. Christmas
lights are everywhere and the space is filled with servers and
employees of all ages, milling around a plump Christmas tree
in the center. Two doors lead further inside, to the left and
right of the receptionist desk.
Hot Desks (Left of Reception) No one has their own office
here (except Wiggin) so this is just an assortment of tables
in a bunch of different shapes and sizes. Shiny posters on the
walls talk about “imagining better” and “following your joy.”
Staff Lounge (Right of Reception) A long kitchenette at
the back offers snacks, beverages and even full meals for
employees during the day. Tonight there are bartenders on
duty, and more employees milling around listening to music
from a DJ in the corner.
Imagination Station Past either the Hot Desks or the Lounge
is a locked door with a curly sign that says “Imagination
Station.” Either a keyfob or some ingenuity are needed to
get in. The room beyond is an octagon (again) with rolling
whiteboards scattered around the room, scribbled with ideas
or drawings for new apps, add-ons, etc. Another locked door
at the back is marked “Senior Offices.”
Senior Offices Really this is just Wiggin’s office, down a
narrow hallway past the Imagination Station. See below for
what the Bad Santas find inside.
14
W ha t H a p p e n s
After infiltrating the party, the Bad Santas need to get into
Imagination Station, and then into Wiggin’s office. Below are a
bunch of NPCs to take advantage of ... er, rope into the chaos.
Every employee below has a keyfob. The absolute tools that all
of these folk are at DreamBrain mean they don’t even warrant
stats as NPCs, but if in doubt use Health 6 — these people are
techies who rarely exercise or go outside.
Wiggin Smallwood Owner and CEO of DreamBrain. Glossy
teeth and tousled hair. Spends the party flitting from room to
room chatting, and wants to make sure he talks to everyone
there at least once (including staff).
Ran Hyun Vice President of Innovation, whatever that means.
Hyun has been trying to get Wiggin to show them the
Lightbox for months, since “everyone knows” they’ll take
over from him someday.
Celeste Pérez Head of Quality Control. Has a backlog of bugs
and files to work through, so she’s sitting in a corner hot desk
with a plate of food and otherwise ignoring the party. Hates
how Wiggin throws a new app into the world every month
but owes him for employing her.
Oliver Ketch Newest programmer hired by DreamBrain —
and still very excited about it. Maybe 20 years old. Wearing
a red-and-green blazer over a reindeer sweater that totally
wasn’t supposed to impress Wiggin.
Jessica Iwai Bartender. Owner of a local catering company
and has been hired by DreamBrain in the past. Pointedly
reminding people to tip because Wiggin negotiated her
contract down. Again.
 However the Bad Santas get into Wiggin’s office, they find
that he doesn’t have a desk: just a big exercise ball on a wheeled
ring in the center of the room, and locked cabinets labeled
“FILES” or “DEV RECORDS” or other corporate techy crap.
If the Bad Santas open any of these up, they find … junk? Odd
things like a stuffed half-giraffe half-toad, rocks that don’t
look like anything you recognize, and about a dozen different
handhelds that might be a GameBoy that’s totally unusable
(these are things Wiggin has made by accident using the
Lightbox).
The prize is a safe at the back of the room, hidden behind
a big poster of DreamBrain’s logo: literally a brain with idea
bubbles coming out of it. There’s a four-digit code to open the
safe, which Wiggin knows — or a little Crime roll will do the
trick. Inside, the Santas find:
•$2,000 in cash (multiple denominations)
•A bottle of 25-year-old Scotch, with a Christmas bow on it
•A silver-plated Rolex (or similar very expensive watch)
•A hatbox-sized octagonal container covered in purple felt,
latched shut. Inside is the Lightbox — another octagonal,
baseball-sized object, that glows with swirling red, green,
gold and white lights and feels comfortably cool to the touch
Depending on how the Bad Santas try to get the Lightbox
out of the office, they might face complications or obstacles
from the NPCs at the party. If things are going too well for
them and you want to throw in some more chaos, use the table
below to raise the stakes — either roll or pick randomly:
[Sidebar]
When Dreams Come True…
Even when the Lightbox isn’t being handled, it
still reaches out to nearby minds and can give form to
strongly-held or vivid thoughts — good or bad. Here
are some random events that might occur, which can
be rolled or picked as needed.
•Wiggins inexplicably spills food or drink on himself,
or trips over an invisible turtle, while flitting
amongst his staff, to an employee’s surprised
amusement.
•Someone, wishing they had a few extra dollars,
reaches into their pocket and pulls out $10 that
they’re certain wasn’t there a moment ago.
•Someone receives a phone call from a sorely-missed
ex who suddenly wants to give their relationship
another try.
•An employee receives a much-hoped-for job offer
from a competitor by text.
•Wiggins suddenly announces that everyone is getting
a 25% raise, to much cheering and applause. He shakes
his head in confusion and looks at his drink.
•All of the opened bottles of wine miraculously refill.
[/Bulleted List]
If the Gamemaster is feeling especially cruel, the
Lightbox can even start working on the surface
thoughts and strong emotions of the Bad Santas. Just
listen to offhand remarks from your Players concerning
their characters that could be literally interpreted and
brought into reality in a possibly inconvenient way
(e.g., “My character feels like a ton of bricks dropped
on his head”). That’ll teach them.
[/Sidebar]
15
 Potential Party Complications
N a u gh t y or Nice?
2d6 Roll Event
Are you keeping track of what the Santas are doing? Here
Wiggin has an idea, and heads back to his office at
2 are some examples of “Nice” and “Naughty” behavior.
the worst possible moment.
A drunken employee storms up to a Bad Santa Tipping the bartender (at least $50),
3 (regardless of whether they are disguised as a server Nice giving a broke employee a free drink, fixing
or not) and loudly complains about their drink. broken office equipment, etc.
Oliver gets ambitious, and decides to take what he can Beating or killing a random NPC, stealing
4 from servers, sending emails or porn from
get from DreamBrain to get in with another company. Naughty
an employee’s account that could get them
Two of the servers duck into the hallway outside
fired, etc.
5 Wiggin’s office to get away from the party for a
minute.
Celeste, fuming over Wiggin’s latest design change, Wrap Up
6
enters his office to give him a piece of her mind.
The Santas’ most logical escape route is the elevator, but
Someone at the party likes turtledoves! A whole
they might head elsewhere if things go south. Give them the
flock of them appears in the Lounge, causing
7 freedom to move where they want but remind them that the
chaos and noise that might drag the Bad Santas
end goal is to get to the underground mall. That’s where they’re
away from their crime.
meeting the Contact to hand over the Lightbox and get paid.
A delivery person appears and bumps into the
8 Bad Santas, possibly causing them to drop the
Lightbox. As soon as they’re clear of DreamBrain, Boss hands out their
Wiggin grabs one of the Bad Santas (if they are next disguise: everyone’s masquerading as old Saint Nick himself!
disguised as a server) and excitedly starts talking
about his years spent in the service industry, then
9
asking what the perfect new app would be for a
server. All while holding the Bad Santa’s arm so
they can’t escape!
Ran sneaks into Wiggin’s office in the hopes of
10
finding the fabled Lightbox.
The real entertainment for the party shows up (if the
11 Bad Santas are disguised as entertainers). They want
to know who the fuck is muscling onto their gig.
An impromptu dance contest begins, and the Bad
12
Santas are caught up in the action.

16
 and feel free to add new locations to the mall if the Players
ACT TWO: BABY, IT’S make a run for it. These places can be miles or kilometers long
sometimes! Below we’ve given you some suggested stores and
DEAD INSIDE add-ons to help populate the mall.

Francine What are they doing? Why do they come here?

Blocked Instead of calendars or gift baskets, this pop-up in the
Stephen Some kind of instinct. Memory of what they used to do. middle of the mall is legit made from giant kids’ blocks, like a
This was an important place in their lives. castle or something, with the staff looking out through gaps
— Dawn of the Dead (1978) in the walls. You can see where we’re going with this.

The Set-Up Book Corral Yes, there are still people who read physical
books, and this is where they buy them. Like so many
Assuming everything goes according to plan, the Bad Santas
bookstores, they also sell toys, games, mugs, and other
leave DreamBrain, heading past the ground floor into the
“lifestyle” products to keep themselves in the black. The
underground mall that runs through downtown. They’re
actual books are in the back of the store.
supposed to meet their Contact to hand over the Lightbox
(feel free to use any of the stores mentioned below, or a meet-
up point of your own). Unfortunately, things get weirder fast. Caffeine Castle This is the mall outlet of a national chain of
coffee-and-donut shops. There are a few tables to sit at, but
most customers grab their brew and go. The smell of freshly-
The Scene brewed coffee (“A fresh pot every 20 minutes!!”) wafts for
It’s important to disarm the Bad Santas with some innocuous quite a way down the corridors, but the coffee itself tastes
mall activity before that weirdness starts, so we’ve provided like burnt tar.
you with random events and encounters to get your Bad Santas
into the appropriate headspace. You can take as long or as little
Color Run Athletics Behind the tie-dye paint job on
as you like to go through this part, depending on your Players’
everything and the creepy-as-fuck mannequins of smiling
moods and interest; the most important thing is to surprise
teens, there’s some serious hardware stacked on these shelves.
them when the time is right. One more thing: The material
Only catch is that every club, bat, cleat and frisbee looks like
below is just a suggestion — feel free to change it to suit your
a unicorn puked on it.
needs, or throw something completely different at your Players!

Scenes From A Mall Conjecture Jeans Ever since malls came into being, there’s
always been a jean shop, somewhere. Just like every other
The underground mall can be as large and elaborate or small
one on the planet, and in every 80s teen movie, it’s filled with
and straightforward as you like. One level or two levels. A full
cliques of teenage girls giggling excitedly as they sift through
food court. Maybe one of those little indoor roller coasters.
the wares and look disdainfully at uncool people.
Include whatever you think will be most fun for your Players,

17
 Dr. Thurmin’s Back Cracker Your friendly local
chiropractor, closed for the holidays but decorated to the
nines with garlands, big plastic snowmen and pointy metal
reindeer. Private rooms in the back behind a marble counter.
Game Exchange Only used video games, consoles and such,
packed on shelves so tight you can’t see the counter from the
entrance. Staffed by one older geezer and his grandkid.
Friendly Neighborhood Pet Shop Half the lights on this
one’s bright blue sign don’t work, and a bunch of cages are
filled with “temporary” stuffed animals while they wait on
new critters. You guessed it: this is a front for a local drug
cartel. The real product is in the back.
Encounters In A Mall
Here are some of the typical people and things the Bad Santas
will come across in the mall. Some of these characters are better
suited to appear later in this Act, but we leave this up to you.
The main point is to give your Players the sense that the mall is
a happening place, with constant activity.
Regular Child
Health 5
Special This little brat can make a scene, especially when
they feel they aren’t getting enough attention. At any moment
they can start screaming and crying, drawing attention from
adults in the area.

Kitchen Planet Who knew Martians could cook? This one has
a bunch of circular tables, each colored like a different planet,
stacked high with pots and pans, toasters and shit, and a
whole display of sharp knives (behind a glass case, of course).

Rikki Soo’s Hot Pot To-Go If there’s a food court in the mall,
Rikki’s is always on the corner — part of the brand. The
options are many, the flavors varied, and even better, the
stock is scalding and the containers are solid.

Santa’s Village Popup Err, we mean, it’s totally Santa’s real

makeshift cardboard cabin with a wooden chair out in the
open and … fake reindeer … sorry, kids, this one’s fake as shit
and you’ll figure it out someday. Just ignore the pamphlets
advertising “Bring our Santa to you!” The fence around it
looks like solid metal, though!

Yøgürt Hüt This kiosk in the middle of the mall offers frozen
yogurt treats, smoothies, and other “healthy alternatives” to
standard food court fare. Staffed by bored teenagers.
18
 Random Christmas Decorations
of Christmas (and even other
Throughout the whole of the Mall there are LOTS
A v e r ag e P e r s o n m NPCs) could of course at
related holiday) decorations. The Bad Santas (or rando
Health 7 holiday decoration you can think
any moment grab a handful of nearly any kind of
the following list are specific
Special This is your shopper, office drone on lunch of from a store front or the mall fountain area, but
comes around).
break, tourist, or random passer-by. They are proficient decorations of interest (especially when Act Two
in whatever they do for a living, and if they perform a
task for the Characters the Gamemaster may give them
Destructive Decorations
a +1 bonus to a relevant Attribute, if appropriate.
Decoration Use
2d6 Roll
Massive Glass Thrown as a one-time glass weapon that shatters and
Security Guard 2
Ornaments makes a place hard to cross without taking damage
Health 8 (+1 Athletics) Your standard-issue fake Christmas tree, with
3 Christmas Tree decorations, that can be knocked over to create an
Special A common fixture of any shopping mall,
obstacle or to have it land on someone.
museum, concert venue, or anyplace else where large e
This motion-sensor activated Santa Claus has its volum
crowds tend to gather, security guards won’t give the
its “HO-HO-HO,
Bad Santas any problems unless they’re up to no good. 4 Ho-Ho-Ho Santa stuck on MAX and basically shouts
MERRY CHRISTMAS!” at sonic attack levels.
Anytime a security guard loses half their Health, they
These are about 6 feet wide and can be hurled like a
can call for 1d6 reinforcements to show up on the scene 5 Giant Wreaths
giant game of ring-toss, or rolled down ramps and stairs.
whenever the Gamemaster wants.
These come in various sizes, but larger ones are
Training (Tracking)
6 Shiny Stars heavy enough to be passable thrown weapons for
wannabe ninjas.
Mall Rat Surprisingly sturdy in design, this decoration is
3-Ft Tall Plastic
Health 7 (+1 Athletics) 7 nearly as strong and useful as a baseball bat or
Candy Cane
similar “stick” weapon.
Special Mall rats are a problem in many shopping or
Gift-wrapped empty boxes that can be thrown at
centers, and often travel in gangs (1d6). If security
8 Pile Of Presents dropped on opponents, or can be used to build weak
guards are present they will lounge ominously, but if
barricades.
left unsupervised mall rats will opt for a quick “smash
50 Foot Rope These plastic-tube lights are stronger than you’d think
and grab” approach to enriching themselves. If intended 9
Lights and able to be used essentially as rope.
victims fight back, or look like they’re about to call
Usually found near a Ho-Ho-Ho Santa, these can
security, mall rats are adept at scurrying away.
10 Plastic Reindeer be tossed at pursuers to trip them up or placed as
Training (Hide, Sneak) obstacles to get around.
as
Gigantic Basically a stretched-out wreath that can be used
11
Garland a shitty rope.
Smaller snowmen can be thrown weapons or
be
12 Snowman dropped on targets, while human-sized ones can
used as barriers or obstacles.

19

“R e a l ” S a n t a
Health 6 (+1 Persuade)
Special This is the real deal — an actual mall Santa sought
after by kids everywhere. While full of Yuletide joy for
children, these guys will not take kindly to the Bad Santas
“muscling in on their turf.” Some of them may be proficient
in martial arts (to deter those damned mall rats who try to
steal donations), or they might be carrying. The mall can be a
dangerous place.
C l e a n i n g S t aff
it conjured into existence by the Lightbox? The wolf doesn’t
care, and neither will your surprised Players. It’s a nasty wolf. In
a mall. And it’s hungry. They can make two attacks each turn.
Training (Tracking)
“Z o m b i e ” S h o p p e r
Health 7
Special The holiday season can suck the life right out of you.
These are the people operating on three hours’ sleep, numbed
by the crowds, who left their Christmas shopping to the last
minute. Pity them, because they’ll get worse later on.

Health 7
Special Omnipresent yet unseen, these are the people
who keep the mall spotless. Hardly anyone talks to them, and
everyone acts like they don’t exist, which means cleaning staff
see everything. Some of these people might live on the margins
of society and have “shady” skills.
Training (Sneak)

Small Mammals
Health 5 (+1 Dexterity)
Special These include mice, rabbits, gerbils, hamsters, rats,
and any other critters that might be found in a pet store. They
might just as easily be found rampaging cutely around the mall
after being released by mall rats up to no good, or by well-
meaning activists.

Nasty Wolf
Health 12 (+2 Athletics, +1 Dexterity)
Special The bane of every shepherd’s existence, and a
problem for Christmas shoppers. How did this thing get here?
Was it liberated from the zoo by an animal rights activist? Was

20

Turning Things Up To 11…
Once you think the Bad Santas have had enough of standard-
issue holiday horror at the mall, it’s time to dial it up a bit. You
can use the passage below to get the action moving:
You’ve found a nice, isolated corner at the edge of the mall. Cracker
mutters, “Here we go, back with the fucking zombies…”
“Will you SHUT UP about that fucking movie?” Boss smacks a
bundled red suit into his chest. “Put that on. All of you. Time to Kris
Kringle our way out of here.”
In minutes, you’re all dressed up as Santa himself. If some kid sees you all
walking around together they’re bound to have questions, but hopefully
the adults just think you’re off to a Santa convention or something.
The mall has some nice evening traffic, and you weave through the
crowds with no problem. Except it doesn’t long to notice Cracker
STILL muttering under his breath.
“Bet they reshoot one in one of those outdoor mall things next.
Zombies in a parking lot. Ha! Just like these fuckers, nothing going on
upstairs, not like me…”
Boss turns and Cracker bumps into his shoulder, dead in his tracks.
“Last chance. Quit it, or I’ll figure out how to use that purple box to
make sure you got NOTHING going on upstairs. We clear? Cracker?”
Except Cracker isn’t listening. He’s looking over Boss’s shoulder,
speechless for a change. You all look at the yogurt joint two shops down.
At the woman asking her friend what’s wrong, cuz the friend is doubled
over her chair. Or the guy at the mall map next to it, who’s just fallen
over. When they both look up, their eyes are blank and yellow.
All around, you hear moans. And then screams.
“Holy shit,” Boss says. “Cracker, the fuck did you do?”
That’s right, friends: the mall is slowly filling with zombies.
Unbeknownst to the Bad Santas, the Lightbox has made
Cracker’s overactive imagination come to life — and they’re
smack in the middle of it.
W ha t H a p p e n s
So everyone knows there are lots of different kinds of
zombies, right? Of course you did. We don’t want your action
to get boring, so here are some zombie variants that might be
present in the mall. Have fun!
B a s i c S ha m b l e r
Health 5
Special Yeah, this one has about the strength of a small child.
Get enough of them together, though, and they’re dangerous
as fuck. Don’t want to get bit! Luckily, they move a lot slower
than your average person — you get Advantage on any Task to
“run away” from one.
Running Zombie
Health 6 (+1 Athletics)
Special Fuck, the last thing you want is a zombie that’s
fast! This one must have been a jogger or some shit. Running
Zombies get Advantage on any Task to catch you or you suffer
Disadvantage, unless you’ve got the right Trait or Training.
Zombie With A Weapon
Health 8
Special Whoever this person was, they turned while holding
something dangerous — a knife, a hockey stick, a sack of
doorknobs — one of those 3-foot long plastic candy canes! Use
your imagination! Whatever it is, they haven’t let it go, so now
they’re swinging it around on top of trying to bite folks.
21
 S ha d o w Z o m b i e
Health 6
Special Not a zombie literally made of
shadows or anything. Just … sneaky. Hard to
spot. Likely to jump out of nowhere and bite
you. Watch your ass.
Training (Sneak)
The Bad Santas might decide “fuck this”
and try for the exits. Or they might try to find
the Contact, throw the Lightbox at them,
get paid, and then run like hell. Either of
these is easier said than done, in a mall full of
screaming, terrified patrons and a growing
horde of literal zombies. (Thanks, Cracker.)
Ideally, they get stuck in the mall until you
decide it’s time to throw Act Three at them.
To help make that happen, make use of as many
complications below as you like. While being
fair. Maybe. Either roll or pick randomly.
22
Random Events
2d6 Roll Event
Thugs dressed like snowmen spill out of the bathroom — it’s a
2 rival crew, trying to snake the Lightbox (and probably leave you
for the biters). Who tipped off these fuckers?
A mob of fleeing shoppers rounds the corner and smashes into
3 the Bad Santas. Shopping bags, gift boxes, and the Lightbox go
flying. Oh yeah, and a mob of hungry zombies shows up.
Mall security is led by Dee-Anne Waldrop, an ex-gunnery
sergeant who takes no prisoners in her pursuit of Yuletide safety.
4 She notices the Bad Santas are packing heat and tries to arrest
them — or demands they help clear out the zombies, in exchange
for her not reporting them to the police.
Ask what one of the Players’ favorite (or least favorite) Christmas
5 movie is. New zombies appear from inside a store, looking like
they stepped out of a nightmare version of that movie.
A large horde of zombies spills down the stairs leading up to street
6 level (or out of one of the elevators). No getting out that way!
Screams erupt from inside the fake Santa Village. Some damn kids
7 went to hide there, and they’re drawing all kinds of attention to
themselves now. Great.
The Contact is even more scared of zombies than Cracker and
8 faints somewhere out in the open — with the Bad Santas’ money.
The Lightbox makes snow start falling from the ceiling in part of
9 the mall, making the floor slippery as fuck.
The Contact is bitten by zombies. Unfortunately, they were
leading the Bad Santas to where the money was hidden and they
10 didn’t give all the details for security reasons. Time for the Bad
Santas to go on a treasure hunt.
A bunch of mall rats acquire courage, grab some weapons, and
start fighting the zombies. Do the Bad Santas let them do their
11 thing and probably die, or do they decide to be Nice (see below)
and help them out?
Some gothy punk was thinking about Krampus and the Lightbox
brought him into being! This guy is tough (Health 10, two
12 attacks per round), pissed at being summoned to a mall, and is
looking for naughty people to punish.
 Feel free to use Boss and/or Cracker as sacrificial lambs in
this little adventure. You know, for dramatic effect. Not that we
don’t like them or anything.

If the Bad Santas find the Contact, they’re a little freaked out by
the zombies. Understandable. But they also refuse to hand over
the money until the Bad Santas help them get out of the mall.
Leave it to the Players to decide how to deal with that horseshit.

Wrap Up
Give your Bad Santas a chance to mow down some
zombies, find the Contact and at least try to escape the mall
before moving to Act Three. The best time might be when
things look like they’re really fucked, and they’re in need of a
Christmas miracle.

If the Bad Santas make it out of the mall with either the
Lightbox or the money (or both), no big deal. This is
Christmas magic we’re talking about, so maybe there are
zombies at ground level, too! What joy! Act Three can easily
take place on the street or somewhere else.

N a u gh t y or Nice?
Are you still keeping track of the Bad Santas? Here are
some more examples of “Nice” and “Naughty” behavior.
Rescuing shoppers from zombies, “helping”
Nice a shopper buy a present, actually pretending
to be Santa to random children, etc.
Abandoning shoppers to get eaten by
Naughty zombies, stealing presents from children,
vandalism for its own sake, etc.

23

ACT THREE: I SAW
ZOMBIES FIGHTING
SANTA CLAUS
“The naughty list just grows and grows.”
— Santa Claus, Violent Night (2022)
The Setup
When the shit gets real, or maybe as the Bad Santas are about to
escape the mall, things get really wild. If you gave your mall a small
Santa’s Village, having this entrance happen there might make for
some awesome dramatics, but hey, we’re just giving you ideas.
The first thing you hear is bells jingling. Starts out soft, but then it
gets louder, and you swear you hear a guitar riff and a drum solo in
there, too. The fuck?
Then the air gets cold, and a wind whips your Santa coat. Everyone
in the mall stops, zombies and non-zombies — or real zombies and
people zombies? Whatever Cracker would say — so they’re hearing it,
too, which might be a good thing for how your sanity is going.
But then there’s this flash of red and green light and when you blink
away that brand-new headache, there’s a big fat man standing in
the mall. No. WAIT. It’s THE big fat man. In a bright red coat, with
that long white beard, and the shiny boots and the classic hat, and
everything. Holy shit, it’s actual FUCKING SANTA CLAUS.
He’s not alone, either. Scrawny elves standing around him, and some
gangly fucker with horns coming out of his head. They all kinda bow
their heads away from Santa, like they’re scared, and when you see
the look on Santa’s face, you realize maybe you should be scared, too.
“Ho, ho, ho, dipshits!” his voice bellows, right in your ear like he’s
right beside you. “Who took my toy and made this fucking mess?!”
24
This isn’t Miracle on 34th Street, kids — it’s Mr. Claus stepping
into this adventure, and he’s coming in like a fucking boss.
Specifically looking for the Lightbox, since now that it’s been
used out in the open, he could track it down. And he wants it
back. Now.
The Scene
Mr. Claus’s first priority is mowing down any zombies still in
the mall, which buys the Bad Santas some time. There are actual
innocent people in danger (probably) and Mr. Claus isn’t so big
of an asshole not to try to help them. Getting the Lightbox back
is his end goal, though, which means his attention goes there
eventually (see below). But feel free to describe him as a force of
zombie-crunching nature, at least at first.
Mr. Claus
Health 14 (+3 Fighting, +2 Vehicles)
Special Other than what we told you above, Mr. Claus
came packing. He has two giant candy canes that hit like clubs.
Carries a big leather sack that he can pull all sorts of things
from. Plus he’s fucking ripped and works out with abominable
snowmen. Oh, and the dude is fucking magic, so there isn’t
much he can’t do — we’ve even tossed in some examples below.
He has two attacks per round.
Training (Animal Husbandry, Communication, Knowledge)
As mentioned above, Mr. Claus isn’t alone. He’s brought
along some friends to help him out, which is good given the
whole zombie situation but maybe not great for the Bad Santas.
Here’s who’s with him from the North Pole (Krampus is a must,
but the others can be used or discarded):
 Claus Can Do
Cool Stuff Mr. ming coal Elves
Claus can fling fla
As an attack, Mr. of flame Health 5
plodes into a ball
at a target that ex bies
Coal of Wrath n it hits. Kills zom Special These little fuckers may look cute, with their wide grins
10 feet across whe h.
else loses 3 Healt and rosy cheeks, but they’re nasty as shit. Not only are they carrying
instantly, everyone
rgets up tools and toys they can use as weapons, but they like turning
r. C la us ca n bl ow frigid air at ta
M
hit is unable to everyday shit (like a shopping cart) into something horrible (like a
t to 20 fe et away. Anyone
Frost Blas e. death machine). When Mr. Claus lets them loose, watch out.
move for a minut
teleport
k, Mr. Claus can Training (Crafting, Mechanics)
With a jolly win at
miles, appearing
or t an yw here within a few
Telep stantly.
his destination in Reindeer
Health 8 (+1 Athletics, +1 Dexterity)
Special Antlers are sharper than you’d think. Even better,
Mr. Claus has sprinkled magic dust all over these guys, meaning
they can fly. Great for stomping zombies! Also great for
stomping you.

Krampus Training (Climbing, Survival)

Health 12 (+2 Athletics, +1 Fighting)

They’re basically Mr. Claus’s backup, since even the big man
Special Exactly like the creature from myth, Krampus is isn’t going somewhere solo. Their role in this Act depends a bit
covered in thick fur, has nasty hooves and massive horns, and on the situation in the mall, and how the Bad Santas have been
even nastier teeth in this wickedly huge mouth. He’s the guy behaving throughout the adventure.
who punishes naughty folks Mr. Claus doesn’t want to deal
with. And he’s good at it. He has two attacks per round, of
course.
Training (Sneak, Tracking)

Oh yeah, if Krampus was conjured up in Act Two, this guy

is the real deal, and he’ll be mighty pissed that some stupid
punk summoned a cheap imitation of him. He might just
take out his frustrations on the Bad Santas if they look guilty
enough. Just in case you wanted another way to make life
unpleasant for the Players.

25
 What Happens
How Mr. Claus and his cronies deal with the Players will
depend on their actions during Acts One and Two (hopefully
you were keeping score, like we said). The two options are
pretty simple:
The Nice List If the Bad Santas were mostly non-violent in
their Crime, or if they tried to help a couple idiot bystanders
during this whole zombie thing, Mr. Claus gives them credit
for that and doesn’t judge them too harshly for being thieves.
Kids will be kids, and all that. He still wants the Lightbox
back, but he’ll help the Bad Santas finish off the zombies (or
escape) before asking for it.
The Naughty List If the Bad Santas spent more time roughing
people up or have been the sort of sociopathic assholes we’d
worry about during a zombie outbreak … well, they’re fucked
in the eyes of Mr. Claus. He does nothing to keep them from
getting eaten. Instead, he lets Krampus bulldoze his way
through the zombies to get to them, one-by-one if needed,
until someone hands over the Lightbox.
By this point, the mall is probably a little fucked up,
depending on how much the Bad Santas destroyed fighting
off zombies in Act Two. Feel free to use any locations or
complications from that section that you haven’t used yet if you
want to spice things up even further. Any remaining shoppers
and mall security will keep trying to escape or fight off the
zombies or might run to Mr. Claus for protection. He is the big
man, after all.
Here are some extra complications to throw at your Bad
Santas, if you want to fuck with them even more — either pick
or roll randomly.
26
Wrap Up
Act Three can wrap-up in a few different ways. The Bad
Santas might finish off the last of the zombies on their own;
if things go on for too long, consider having Mr. Claus hand-
wave the horde away using North Pole magic. They also
might escape the mall altogether, leaving someone else to
contain the undead (or not).
If the Bad Santas escape with the Lightbox, and the
Contact survives, they get paid and can hand over this
headache-inducing thing for good. What happens next
isn’t their problem, right? If Mr. Claus wants his shit back,
hopefully he’ll leave the Bad Santas alone.
If the Bad Santas escape with the Lightbox but lose
the Contact, they have to find a new buyer for this thing
themselves. Not impossible, but means more work. That
can be handled as a quick end-of-adventure Persuade or
Planning roll, or next session if this is part of a longer
campaign. If Mr. Claus is still out there, odds are he’ll track
these thieves down eventually, though… Ho, ho, ho.
If the Santas give the Lightbox back, Mr. Claus is pretty
happy. Getting handed the goods without a fight makes
him put all of the surviving Bad Santas onto the Nice
List … for now. They’ll have to convince him that they
didn’t know what they were stealing, maybe by throwing
Wiggin Smallwood under the bus. Depending on how
this conversation goes, Mr. Claus might even give them
something for their trouble. It is Christmas, after all.
If the Bad Santas kill Mr. Claus … that’s a little dark. The big
man is tough but not unbeatable. Hope the Bad Santas feel
good about themselves.
Random Events The Lightbox chooses this moment to suddenly
2d6 Roll Event manifest everything being thought about right
10 now. UFOs, Godzilla, Saturday morning cartoon
Some of the elves release the stuffed animals
characters — you name it; it all appears in the
from Friendly Neighborhood Pet Shop and use
2 their magic to make them come to life, either to
mall. Next to the Bad Santas. Right. Now.
distract zombies or attack the Santas. Regular folk trying to Do The Right Thing
Because It’s Christmas bravely fight a huge mob
One of Mr. Claus’s candy canes hits a load-bearing 11 of zombies. Mr. Claus is watching the Bad Santas.
3 wall, and a shit ton of ceiling falls down around
How badly do they want to get on the Nice List?
one or more Bad Santas!
If the conjured Krampus from Act Two is
Krampus lets out an ear-splitting howl that makes
still around, he attacks the real one because of
you almost piss yourself. Even better, the zombies
4 start to move toward him in a trance, and they
copyright infringement or something. This is
12 an epic battle royale that could very well destroy
don’t care who’s in their way.
the mall in the process, with the Bad Santas as
The Contact points at the Bad Santas and screams
collateral damage. Merry Christmas.
5 that they’re the masterminds, and this is all their
fault. Fucking backstabber.
Some hiding kids (maybe the same ones from Act
Two) see Mr. Claus or a reindeer and think that
6 means everything’s safe. Naturally, the zombies go
for them.
The delicious smell of baked goods catches one
or more Bad Santas’ attention. If they can’t resist
7 temptation, they follow their nose — right into
a trap. It’s either elves, or Krampus, or a fluke of
the Lightbox that leads them into zombies.
Mr. Claus bit off a little more than he could
chew, and now he’s buried under a horde of
8 biters! What are the Bad Santas going to do — let
Christmas get ruined by fucking zombies? Maybe.
But let them decide.
A rival gang of Bad Santas — maybe the same
gang from Act Two — try to grab the Lightbox
9 for themselves and give it to Mr. Claus in order to
steal the credit. Assholes.

27
 In Conclusion…
We’ve put together a rules-light Christmas adventure that
will entertain Players for several hours. In terms of narrative
structure (bet you never thought you’d read that sort of thing
here) we designed each Act to be a self-contained unit that can
“stand alone,” but how you decide to run it — whether over a
few sessions or in one sitting — is up to you. In a similar vein,
we’ve tried to provide just enough detail in each Act to help
you describe the scene for your Players without obligating you
to read pages of boxed text. If you want to add more detail, or
even additional sub-scenes, go right ahead.

All that being said, we’re going to leave you with some
thoughts about a gamemastering concept we’re quite fond of,
and which informs the spirit of a lot of what we create at Fat
Goblin Games, called “the Silver Rule.”

The Silver Rule ing a go od Ga me ma ste r” an d we’re not going to

try to just
been written about “be wisdom on how
Numerous texts have be tte r. Bu t, we wi ll pass on this kernel of
d
s those others have sai
repeat the same thing r” at the table:
“great Gamemaste
to at least seem like a
u’re doing.
u have no idea what yo
Never let them know yo
ing games already,
so ma ny of th ose in tabletop roleplay
a Golden Rule (there
are ’ll call this a
We wouldn’t call this ke s th e ga me les s fun, ignore it”), but we
a rule ma
ld trump this — like “If
and most likely shou low.
ver Rule for you to fol
good second place, Sil

28