i'm not where you left me

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/28493313.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn, Bridgerton (TV)
Relationship: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington
Character: Michael Stirling, Eloise Bridgerton
Additional Tags: jealous Colin, Season 2 Speculation, Canon - TV, Canon Compliant
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2021-01-02 Words: 1732

i'm not where you left me

by TheSushiMonster

Summary

"But in the end it was not his family that was different, or even London at all.
It was him.
He was different now."

Colin returns from Greece and Penelope pretends she's fine.

Notes

Prompt: " I was wondering if you could write a fic for Colin/Penelope where someone is
trying to court Penelope and Colin gets really jealous and maybe the guys intentions with
Penelope are not pure and Colin finds out! I would love to read it!"

Not full-blown courting, but I used this prompt as an excuse to kind of explore where I
think both of these characters would be in a possible season 2. Also an excuse to throw
Michael in even if it makes no sense for timeline. Oh and hints of bisexual Benedict
Bridgerton, the hill I choose to die on.

See the end of the work for more notes

Colin knew that it would be different once he returned to London. He knew his eldest brother
would be searching for a wife and that Benedict would be more absorbed in his… other pursuits.
He knew Daphne would be married and may not be attending the same balls as the rest of the
family. Eloise would be a new debutante, as uncomfortable as it made her.

But in the end it was not his family that was different, or even London at all.
It was him.

He was different now.

And nothing made him more certain of this fact than the rolling acid in his gut as he stared across
the ballroom.

Not many men asked Penelope Featherington to dance, but Colin knew it happened. Maybe he had
never seen it before? He had, of course, danced with her on occasion - and he knew Benedict and
Anthony had as well… but right now, Penelope twirled on the dance floor, a bright smile on her
face and it was not with either of his brothers. Nor him.

Merry Rake.

That’s what they called him, this man holding Penelope. Michael Stirling. Colin may have been
out of the country for months, but rumors never died. Hyacinth, after all, was his sister. Stirling’s
dark skin and hair only made his sharp jaw seem more handsome - or at least, this what Lady
Whistledown once said.

Colin’s eyes narrowed. The acid seemed to travel upwards to his throat. Instead of lingering on
what exactly was happening to him, he turned to his side. “Who is that?” he asked Eloise,
snatching the half-eaten biscuit in her hand.

Eloise reached to steal her biscuit back, but Colin quickly stuffed his mouth. She narrowed her eyes
before retrieving another biscuit and taking a bite, holding the remainder far from him. “Who is
who?”

“That,” said Colin, nodding in the direction of Penelope. Of course, he knew exactly who Michael
was, but he needed Eloise to be the one to interrupt them. “Dancing with Penelope.”

Eloise tilted her head, quickly finishing the rest of her biscuit, ignoring the crumbs falling onto her
dress. Colin tried to hold back a smile - he knew Mum would be beside herself at Eloise’s disregard
for manners. But he was glad some things would not be changing.

Unlike -

“Whoever it is, I am happy for her,” said Eloise, shrugging. “Anyone who recognizes how brilliant
Penelope is must be applauded.”

Colin supposed he did not disagree, but hearing Eloise say it, about this - this rake … “But how do
you know he has honorable intentions?”

“I guess I do not,” she said, her eyes now darting around the hall, clearly losing interest in the
conversation. “Have you seen Benedict?”

“No, he’s been… busy.” Truly, Colin was not sure what exactly Benedict was doing, but he
suspected it was something neither Anthony or their mother would approve of. So naturally, Colin
would say nothing. Eloise frowned and seemed to want to probe further, so he shook his head. “He
left early to meet with some friends.” A friend, Colin recalled, and if he was correct, not a woman
either.

“Oh.” Her eyes momentarily studied him before handing him a sandwich. “Mother has left me to
hassle our dearest older brother.” As he ate, Colin followed her gaze to where Anthony stood, jaw
tight and eyes flashing, as he spoke to a group of women, Violet Bridgerton very clearly at work.
“So I guess I am left with you.”
Colin’s eyes stray back to the dance floor. Penelope laughed brightly, Stirling beaming right back
at her. Grinding his teeth, he grabbed yet another sandwich from a nearby table. He chewed,
roughly, but Eloise watched him carefully so he quickly forced a smile onto his face. “Would you
like to dance with me, dear Sister?”

Eloise laughed out loud.

If it was any other girl - woman - Colin might have been offended. But this was Eloise, so he rolled
his eyes instead. “Very well, you can sulk here in the corner. I should dance with at least one Lady
this evening or Mother will have my head.” With a nod, he slipped away, but not without grabbing
one more sandwich to nibble on the go.

Colin thought about it - thought about asking Penelope to dance - for a full moment. But something
- something in his gut, something raw and angry and unsettled - stopped him. So instead he grinned
brightly at a young woman who introduced herself as Miss Sheffield - Edwina, she clarified,
because apparently there were two - and led her to the dance floor.

And if his eyes strayed to the corner of the room where Penelope now stood, well, it was only
because they were dancing.

Penelope thought she had gotten over Colin Bridgerton.

At the very least, she thought she could lie to herself and pretend to be perfectly normal and
unaffected the next time she had to speak to him.

But of course, the moment Eloise told her that Colin had returned to London, her heart leapt to her
throat and those long ago feelings - affection, longing, guilt - rushed through her. Penelope liked to
believe she could keep those emotions from others - she still had her secrets, after all, was still
lying to everyone as Lady Whistledown. But somehow she could pretend that life was fine, that she
was moving on, and that Colin was just her best friend’s brother.

But then Michael Stirling asked her to dance and Colin was standing across the room, ignoring her.

Mr. Stirling was nice enough - charming, to be sure, but nothing really compared to Colin. But that
wasn’t fair, not really, because this was Penelope and no one could ever compare to Colin.

Unfortunately.

But Penelope forced herself to relax, to take a measure of comfort in Mr. Stirling’s company. He
was funny and smart and charming and she could actually hold a conversation as they twirled
around the room. He was clearly dancing with her to be polite - something she was used to - but she
appreciated it nonetheless.

When he bowed at the end, placing a chaste kiss on the fingers of her glove, he grinned. “A
pleasure, Miss Featherington.” Penelope had smiled back and thanked him and he had waved off
her appreciation. “I have had a better time during this one dance and conversation with you than
with most women, so it is I who is grateful.”

Penelope had blushed and retreated to her corner, the perfect spot to see and hear everything.

So when Colin finished dancing with Edwina Sheffield and headed in her direction, she had plenty
of time to prepare.

“Miss Featherington,” said Colin, bowing. “How are you?” His familiar smile was still there, a bit
easier now and a bit brighter - almost like he’d been training and practicing and honing in on the
charming parts that made him, him and becoming just a bit - more .

It was deadly, but Penelope wasn’t sure she liked it.

“I’ve been well,” she said, with a curtsey. She looked at his shoulder. “How were your travels?”

“Excellent. I had - ” he paused abruptly, and she had to look at him then. When her eyes caught his,
he smiled a bit softer, a bit warmer. “I had a wonderful time.”

“Eloise shared some of your letters with me. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not.” Colin kept his hands behind his back, but seemed to bend down just a bit to keep
his gaze locked onto hers. “I have some excellent tomatoes to give you as well.”

Penelope tried not to smile, she really did. But - with Colin looking at her like that… “I’m sure
they’re lovely,” she said instead. “I’m glad you enjoyed traveling.”

“And it is all thanks to you.” Colin tilted his head and a lock of hair slipped in front of his
forehead. Penelope had to clench her fists to keep them at her side. “I think you would enjoy
Greece.” She smiled respectfully, holding back the defensive response almost on her lips - not that
I would ever be allowed to go . Colin frowned slightly. “I think I might travel to France next.” This
time Penelope allowed her smile to be a bit warmer - she was happy for him, of course, because he
got to live his dreams, but that tiny bit of resentment twisted with the guilt of her secret in her
heart.

Maybe she couldn’t hide her emotions as well as she thought because Colin frowned deeper, even
as she spoke. “That sounds wonderful, Mr. Bridgerton. I wish you continued safe travels.”

There was a flash of something on his face - disappointment or hurt or maybe nothing at all -
before Colin’s face slid into what she knew best - happy smiles and easy grins. “Mother is beside
herself, and while I am glad to visit everyone, that - that need to explore more.” His small smile
was now more genuine and Penelope’s heart flipped. “It’s indescribable.”

She understood - she really did. The rush of accomplishment when she put quill to paper, when the
perfect line came to her and she scribbled it down. When the whispers of Lady Whistledown
reached her - from across town, across the street, even in her own home. It was truly incredible and
yet - indescribable.

Colin still smiled down at her, but he cleared his throat as if uncomfortable. Penelope finally
looked away from him again and saw Eloise across the hall. Colin followed her gaze. “You should
rescue her from dying of boredom,” he said, not looking at her. “She might melt into the carpet.”

Penelope laughed. “I think I will do so, yes.” She glanced at him - just barely for a moment, for
one last peek before he likely disappeared again - before curtseying. “Be well, Mr. Bridgerton.”

She left before she could hear his response.

Colin watched her go, leave him for Eloise, his response still stuck in the air between his lips.

Be well, Penelope.

The acid was gone now, but the residue was still bitter, rusty. The itch - the one healed by riding in
the countryside and standing on beaches and trying new food - returned, a longing force dragging
 his feet to move. He needed to leave, to get out of London. Soon.

He may have changed, he may have been different now - but some things were still the same.

So a few short weeks later, Colin was gone.

End Notes

twitter @pensbridgerton and tumblr @pensbridgrton

i have more drabbles/ficlets on my tumblr under my "bridgerton fic" tag

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!