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R0
 DEDICATION

To my mom—without you,
I wouldn’t be here.
Thank you for teaching me
this one simple truth:
Whatever is meant for me,
will be mine.
 CONTENTS

Introduction

CHAPTER
1: The Psychology of Procrastination

CHAPTER
2: Set Your Tasks and Goals

CHAPTER
3: Get Time on Your Side

CHAPTER
4: Tap into Your Motivation

CHAPTER
5: Get Focused, Stay Focused

CHAPTER
6: Give Yourself Incentives

CHAPTER
7: Looking Ahead
Resources
References
Acknowledgments
About the Author
 INTRODUCTION

THERE I WAS, sitting cross-legged with my laptop in the common

room as the noise of my housemates washed over me. I don’t know
how I stayed up all night, or how I sat there staring at my laptop for 12
hours without getting anything done, but I did. I looked still and calm,
but on the inside I was screaming my head off because I had a
massive final paper due at noon the next day and I couldn’t get
started. Why did I wait until now? How did I let this happen again?
Somehow, with three hours to go, I hammered out the most
perfect paper, and just barely got it turned in on time. Would you
believe me if I told you that I got not one, but two As on this paper? I
was an expert procrastinator; I’d bet against time and deadlines, used
tactics to delay, and won again. But at what cost?
At first glance, that story has a happy ending. It may even lead you
to conclude that procrastination isn’t a problem. You might think to
yourself after surviving similar situations, It’s okay—I still got it done .
But that’s exactly how procrastination traps you, how it twists your
view. You tell yourself that things worked out, so you keep doing it . . .
until things don’t work out. What my story doesn’t share is how
stressed I was during that time of my life, more stressed than I had
ever been. I wasn’t sleeping, I was partying to deal with it, and it was
making me miserable. The following year, I made a choice that
changed my life forever: I decided that I would no longer put things
off until the last minute.
Thinking back, I probably didn’t even recognize what I was doing
as procrastination. All I knew was that I would no longer let this
behavior drive me. I hope you’re reading this book because you, too,
have realized that procrastinating is not a sustainable way to get
things done or accomplish your goals. It’s not worth the stress, the
drama, and the risk of losing everything because you were too
rushed to do your best. So why do you keep playing the
procrastination game?
 The strategies in this book work—I’m living proof of that. As a
former graduate student who’s worked full-time and now runs an
online business from home, I have made a lifelong commitment to
conquering procrastination. On my blog, It’s All You Boo , I help real
people—students, parents, employees, entrepreneurs, and everyone
in between—slay their goals with confidence and action. I’ll share the
same action-taking strategies with you to help you get things done,
set goals, manage your time, get motivated, stay focused, and build
momentum. Plus, with the guidance of leading psychologists, you’ll
finally understand why you procrastinate and how to break this habit
for good.
Because you’re reading this book, I know you are ready to kick
procrastination out of your life. I’m so proud of you for making the
choice to leave procrastination behind.
You can do this. You’ve already taken the first step!
 CHAPTER 1

The Psychology of
Procrastination
It happened again , didn’t it?
You told yourself that you’d watch just one more episode, wait
just one more day, do just one more errand. Then you’d be ready.
And then you’d get started.
But you weren’t ready, and maybe you still aren’t. You didn’t
start; you put it off yet again. Or maybe you started, but now
everything’s so late that you’re overwhelmed and discouraged.
You’re frustrated, feeling guilty, and feeling all sorts of shame. Why
is it so hard to focus on what matters? Why does this keep
happening?
Before we plunge into the answer, I want you to know one thing:
The problem is not you. It’s procrastination. You’re familiar with the
word, I’m sure. But it’s important that you understand that
procrastination is a habit. It’s not who you are. You are not your
habits. And you can lose this bad habit for good. Together, we’ll
begin by unpacking what procrastination is (and isn’t). You’ll
discover the real reason you procrastinate and find out what kind of
procrastination you’re prone to. And those insights will empower
you to stop procrastinating and start being productive. Ready to get
started?
What Is Procrastination?
Let’s do some word association. When I say “procrastination,” what
comes to mind? Let me guess. Do terms like “laziness,” “lack of self-
control,” “disorganization,” or “poor time-management skills” pop into
your head? Perhaps you think procrastination springs from
indifference, or that it’s an innate personality flaw. You’re not alone in
thinking this way; that’s what the collective consciousness believes
about procrastination. Harsh, right? Thankfully, they’re just shared
myths. There’s no reason to apply that derogatory language to you, or
anyone else, when we procrastinate.
Psychologists offer us a more complex picture of procrastination,
which we’ll explore in this chapter. But first, let’s simply define the
term: Procrastination is a counterproductive putting off of, and an
irrational delay to, action. It’s a failure to start. It holds you back from
accomplishing important tasks that you should, and could, get done.

WHAT PROCRASTINATION IS NOT

Procrastination expert and University of Calgary psychology
researcher Piers Steel, PhD, explains that it isn’t the delay or the
action of putting off tasks that defines procrastination. Rather, the
phenomenon is categorized by its irrational, self-sabotaging, and
potentially harmful nature. In other words, not doing something right
away, or at all, doesn’t mean you’re procrastinating. There are many
positive reasons for waiting to perform a task, like managing priorities,
working out scheduling conflicts, or taking time to prepare. You’re
only procrastinating if you’ve delayed a task that’s in your best
interest or your long-term benefit to complete, despite having the
time and opportunity to do so. Let me repeat that: You had the time,
you had the chance to accomplish it, but you didn’t.
No, you were not too busy, nor were you too lazy. You
procrastinated. But who hasn’t? Will the non-procrastinator please
stand up? Finding a true non-procrastinator is rare, and here’s why:
Professor Steel estimates that 95 percent of us procrastinate to some
degree. His 2007 study, for example, concluded that between 80 to
95 percent of college students procrastinate (which is not shocking to
anyone who’s been to college). The truth is that procrastination is
happening all around us. The great news for you is that even the most
successful and accomplished people have to fight procrastination.
The difference is that they win that fight. Just like you will after
reading this book.

WHAT PROCRASTINATION LOOKS LIKE

We all experience our own challenges and situations, so it’s not
surprising that we all procrastinate differently, finding unique ways to
delay completing things that we should—and could—get done. For
example, maybe your house is the cleanest when you’re avoiding
doing something else, or maybe you’re avoiding a task that is
important, but that you don’t enjoy. Some people just have trouble
meeting deadlines, and no matter how much time they have, they
always find themselves fighting against the clock to hand in
assignments. Or perhaps you just keep checking social media—
anything but starting that important task that’s been on your to-do list
for ages.
On the very extreme end, people who procrastinate will even put
off critical medical appointments, delay trying to quit a harmful habit
like smoking, avoid getting their car fixed, or wait on saving money for
retirement. This is where procrastination behavior can become life-
threatening. But even if we’re not that far gone, the rest of us might
risk our emotional and mental health, and potentially our
relationships, when we procrastinate. So, why do we do it?
 THE WORD, DEFINED

Merriam-Webster defines the verb procrastinate as “to put

off intentionally the doing of something that should be
done.” Other definitions are “to defer action” and “delay.”
The word “procrastinate” was adopted by 16th-century
English speakers from the Latin word procrastinatus ,
which is similarly defined. But let’s take a closer look. “Pro-”
as a prefix typically means support for something, with its
origins in Latin meaning “forward.” In this case, pro-
applies to the Latin root crastinus , meaning “of tomorrow.”
When you put these two Latin words together, you get “for
tomorrow.” So, when you procrastinate, you are for
tomorrow, not for today or now. Procrastination is also said
to have roots in akrasia , the ancient Greek word that means
“weakness of will” and “acting in a way contrary to one’s
sincerely held moral values.” Sounds a lot like
procrastination, doesn’t it?

Why We Procrastinate
Spoiler alert: we all procrastinate for different reasons. In recent
years, psychologists have been examining procrastination more and
more as an emotional issue. This behavior is described as irrational—
we said so a few paragraphs back, remember?—so of course
emotions must be involved. Think about it: You instantly feel better
when you procrastinate. But shortly after, you’re hit with a stronger
dose of shame, guilt, stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions. To
cope, you procrastinate again, chasing the relief that comes from
avoiding something you don’t want to do. And the cycle continues.
So, why start it at all? Let’s take a look at the seven most common
causes of procrastination.

BORING OR TEDIOUS TASKS

We often procrastinate tasks that we assume, or know from
experience, to be boring or tedious. In this case, procrastination is the
solution to doing something uncomfortable, unexciting, or not
enjoyable. Sometimes our lack of genuine interest makes a task seem
more tedious than it actually is. This reason for procrastinating is
common for projects that require a lot of work over an extended
period of time, like preparing to file your taxes or working on a
household budget. These kinds of tasks require extended focus,
dedication, and organization. Unless you’re lucky enough to love
bookkeeping—yes, some people do—completing these tasks can be
a real challenge to your concentration.

AVOIDING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

Okay, lean in a little closer; I’m going to tell you an important secret.
When you procrastinate, you’re not avoiding doing a task . Rather,
you’re actually avoiding the feelings that the task provokes in you:
stress, fatigue, anxiety, frustration, discomfort, boredom, being
overwhelmed, or even being challenged in an undesired way. For this
reason, Carleton University psychologist and researcher Tim Pychyl,
PhD, author of Solving the Procrastination Puzzle: A Concise Guide to
Strategies for Change , describes procrastination as “an emotion-
focused coping strategy.” It’s a way to feel good, instead of the
perceived “bad” in the moment. Negative emotions can be unsettling.
So, we use procrastination as a way to deal, even if it’s just temporary
relief.

FEELING OVERWHELMED
A major reason for not getting started is not knowing how, or where,
to begin. This is especially true when a task feels too big, too
important, or even too out of reach. Instead of putting in the work to
establish a starting point or just diving in, we procrastinate to take a
break from feelings of stress, pressure, and anxiety that the task
evokes. Like all negative feelings that cause us to procrastinate,
feeling overwhelmed can be a reasonable reaction. Or it could be
mostly self-generated, obsessive overthinking, and indecision over a
task that’s not as big a deal as you make it out to be.

POOR DECISION-MAKING
Instead of using every opportunity to get started on a project, poor
decision-makers choose to continue waiting, planning, or thinking.
This tendency worsens if we lack a sense of urgency or feel that
there’s no real deadline or incentive to complete the task. It’s even
more common to underestimate how long tasks may take or how
difficult they will be. The less time we give ourselves to complete an
important task, the greater the pressure to complete it. And that
higher pressure makes opting for procrastination even more
tempting.

SELF-DOUBT AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM

It’s easy to imagine how doing something new or challenging can
cause us to doubt ourselves and our abilities. Thoughts and feelings
of insecurity and anxiety can spiral and multiply when we are faced
with an intimidating task. You might face limiting beliefs that range
from, I can’t do this to I’m not good enough . Sadly, putting things off
only feeds the fire of your insecurities because you’ve accepted
those limitations without trying to prove them wrong. If you already
had low self-esteem or hold a negative perception of yourself to
begin with, this pressure to procrastinate can be even worse. In that
case, you might not be able to give yourself credit for past successes,
or even see yourself as capable in the present.

FEAR OF FAILURE . . . OR SUCCESS

This is a big one. A fear of failure can be so much more intense than
just worrying about making a mistake. It can be debilitating, especially
because we often fear the emotions associated with failure as much
as failure itself. Procrastination might be used to dodge feelings of
disappointment, shame, defeat, anger, frustration, and other
emotional outcomes associated with failing. If you fail publicly, the
additional emotional strain may increase your worry of what others
may think of you. You can even fear success because of your own
beliefs that you’re unworthy or undeserving. Instead of risking feeling
these fears you might self-sabotage by procrastinating.

DISCONNECTED FROM OUR FUTURE SELVES

When we procrastinate, we put things off for temporary relief, despite
creating future consequences for ourselves. So, why do we do it? A
study by UCLA psychologist Hal Hershfield, PhD, offers an interesting
explanation: We experience our present and future selves as separate
beings. Being present-minded, we put off things that are in the distant
future, like saving for retirement. That future me, the one who’s
retiring a few decades from now—that’s somebody else, not me. It
sounds kind of nutty, but MRI scans from this study prove it. When you
think about your future self, your brain responds in a way that’s similar
to how it responds when you think about another person. If we don’t
form connections with our future selves, it’s easy to make choices that
don’t consider who we’ll be tomorrow.

Why Do You Procrastinate?

Because quiz-based learning is the best kind of learning, try this quiz
to discover which causes of procrastination you most relate to. Score
each statement from 1 to 5, with 1 being never, 2 rarely, 3 sometimes,
4 often, and 5 always.

1. When I feel bored, I am easily distracted.

1 2 3 4 5

2. I tell myself that I’ll get started when I feel like it.

1 2 3 4 5

3. If something is challenging, I put it off as long as I can.

1 2 3 4 5

4. When facing a new task, I feel as if I don’t know where to start.

1 2 3 4 5

5. I’m scared I’ll make the wrong choices.

1 2 3 4 5

6. I misjudge how long completing a task will take.

1 2 3 4 5

7. I’m afraid to fail or make mistakes.

1 2 3 4 5

8. I worry that I’m a fraud and can’t do this.

1 2 3 4 5

9. I’d rather enjoy today and stress out tomorrow.

1 2 3 4 5
 10. I enjoy planning but can’t seem to take action.

1 2 3 4 5
Which statements scored the highest?
1 AND 2: You might be procrastinating because you are avoiding
feeling negative emotions like boredom, stress, and anxiety.
3 AND 4: The source of your procrastination is likely due to feelings
of being overwhelmed and pressured.
5 AND 6: You might be putting things off because you’re making poor
decisions or lack the incentive to get things done.
7 AND 8: You might be dealing with self-doubt, and possibly have low
self-esteem or a fear of failure.
9 AND 10: You might struggle to make progress because you lack
connection with your future self and overvalue your pleasure in the
present.
If you have 4s (often) or 5s (always) for multiple questions, don’t
worry—there can be more than one reason for procrastinating.
WHAT’S YOUR PROCRASTINATION STYLE?

Although we all put things off, there are seven distinct

procrastination types among us. Which one are you? This
list can help you zero in on your particular motives for
procrastinating. No matter which classification you identify
with, try not to feel too badly about it; no reason is worse
than any other.

THE AVOIDER
PRONE TO: Avoiding negative emotions or boring tasks.
COULD BE YOU IF: You always switch to easier tasks over
challenging ones.
The avoider decides to make the bed when they’re
supposed to be balancing their checking account. It’s a way
of running away from stress, anxiety, and other negative
feelings. “I just don’t feel like it” is a common excuse, as
avoiders prioritize their time based on their moods.

THE THRILL-SEEKER
PRONE TO: Leaving today’s problem for tomorrow.
COULD BE YOU IF: You do your best work under pressure.
Thrill-seekers live for the pressure of a deadline; they need
it to fuel their motivation. Their “I’ll just do it later” attitude
suggests a lack of connection to their future selves.
Procrastination is a way of life, and as a result, things
always get done at the last minute, or late.

THE OVERTHINKER
PRONE TO: Feeling overwhelmed and underprepared.
COULD BE YOU IF: You feel like you don’t know where to
start.
Overthinkers are slow to act because they can’t get out of
their head or escape their repetitive thoughts. Trapped in
the past, they think about negative experiences and blame
themselves for previous failures. They get overwhelmed,
become over-anxious and indecisive, and place excessive
importance on every choice they make.

THE UNDERESTIMATOR
PRONE TO: Making poor decisions based on false
assumptions.
COULD BE YOU IF: You often misjudge how much time you
need to get something done.
Underestimators mistakenly believe they will have enough
time, that the task isn’t urgent, that it will be easy, and that
everything will be okay. They routinely miss deadlines and
often seem disorganized with poor time-management
skills . . . though we know that procrastination has deeper
causes.

THE PERFECTIONIST
PRONE TO: Fear of failure.
COULD BE YOU IF: You believe that nothing’s done until it’s
perfect.
The perfectionist procrastinates because they’re overly
committed to doing something “right” or “to perfection.”
Very critical of themselves, they fear failure and mistakes.
They procrastinate when they don’t feel ready or able to
give their all to a task. They may waste time on
unimportant tasks that they could delegate.

THE IMPOSTER
 PRONE TO: Self-doubt, low self-esteem, fear of success.
COULD BE YOU IF: It’s hard to get started because you feel
like a fraud.
The imposter can be held captive not only by self-doubt,
but also by fear of being found out. Imposters feel
incapable or unworthy; they can’t own their
accomplishments or abilities. Self-esteem issues put them
in an impossible position: if they succeed, they think that
it’s due to accident, luck, or the efforts of others; if they fail,
it confirms what they already knew about themselves.
Given that, procrastination feels like the best option.

THE DAYDREAMER
PRONE TO: Dreaming about doing something instead of
actually doing it.
COULD BE YOU IF: You dream of success but can’t seem to
get started.
The daydreamer is afraid that the idea of what they’re
trying to accomplish is better than accomplishing it, so
they don’t risk it. Most people actively switch to
unimportant tasks when procrastinating; daydreamers do
nothing at all, or next to nothing. They tend to occupy
themselves with distractions like social media or binge-
watching. Their behavior might look like laziness, but it
helps them avoid negative emotions and outcomes.

What’s Behind the Behavior?

Procrastination is very much a habit. It’s an unconscious and
automatic response to having to get something done. We’ve seen
that people develop this habit for different reasons and express it in
different ways. But in every case, as with all habits, good or bad,
procrastination always has a trigger . Journalist Charles Duhigg, in his
book The Power of Habit , explains that all habits have a cue, or
trigger, that initiates the routine, which then leads to a reward. For
those that procrastinate, the reward is usually an emotional one, a
feeling of relief or pleasure at escaping an unpleasant task. But that
reward is always temporary.
It’s important to understand that one doesn’t simply “break”
habits. A habit is very deeply wired into your brain, and you can’t just
switch it off like a light. This is why your previous attempts to stop
procrastinating may have failed. A more effective strategy is to
replace a bad habit with a better, more beneficial one. To do that, you
first need to identify your procrastination trigger, that moment that
sets you spiraling into inaction. So, let’s explore three of the most
common triggers for procrastination. No matter what style of
procrastination you lean toward, anyone who procrastinates typically
struggles with these triggers.

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Procrastination is emotional mismanagement, not poor time
management. We procrastinate not because of the task itself, but due
to our feelings about starting or completing it. As Professor Pychyl
puts it: we give up and give in to feel good. This need for instant
gratification is seen as a leading cause of procrastination—why feel
good later when the task is completed when we can feel good right
now by putting it off? Rather than dealing with our negative feelings
when they arise, we allow them to trigger our procrastination. The
solution to this is establishing healthier and more productive routines
for dealing with feelings that arise when we consider the task at hand,
such as stress, anxiety, frustration, uneasiness, or even boredom.
Here are some thoughts that tend to arise when we use
procrastination to escape negative emotions:

I don’t feel like it right now.

 I’ll do this when I’m in the mood.
I’m too [nervous/distracted/other
emotion] right now to do this.
I’ll feel like it after I [take a nap/walk the
dog/do some other task].
I can’t do this; it’s going to be [boring/
frustrating/other negative experience].
When you notice thoughts like the ones above, you need to
choose a constructive coping mechanism instead of procrastinating.
The good news is that in this book we’ll build new routines together
that can help you work through this discomfort or relieve it entirely, so
you can be more productive.

NO PERCEIVED VALUE
Not all triggers are emotional. They can also be based on your values
and beliefs, your core convictions about what is right and what is
important to you. Our values impact our actions (or in the case of
procrastination, our inaction). For example, you may put off your
yearly physical exam and dental appointments because you think
they are a waste of time and money, but at the same time you keep
up the maintenance on your car because you worry about it breaking
down.
Psychological studies have shown that people that procrastinate
tend to value their present over their future. They take a very “enjoy
the now and stress later (if at all)” attitude. The propensity to
procrastinate isn’t just about the task itself; rather, it is a general
overvaluing of present pleasure over future reward. So, whether it’s
filing taxes, going to an important doctor’s appointment, doing chores,
or paying a bill on time, people with this type of trigger would rather
put off the task and just enjoy life. (One study suggests that some
people who procrastinate not only put things off, but they also
actually never intend to get them done at all.)
If lack of perceived value is a trigger for you, these thoughts may
seem familiar:

I don’t even care about this, so why

bother?
Getting this done isn’t important to me
at all.
Who cares? This is just a waste of time.
Forget it. I don’t even want to do this.
This doesn’t matter anyway.
If you can relate to this kind of thinking, you will need to build
habits to help you find value and worth in completing tasks sooner.
Not to worry; you’ll find out exactly how to do so in this book.

LACK OF INCENTIVE
A reward is a key component of any habit—it’s the payoff that makes
a habit stick. The same can be said for procrastinating. By putting
things off or avoiding them entirely, your “reward” is making you feel
better, even if it’s just temporary. Which is why it’s so tempting to keep
procrastinating: it feels good.
Incentives come in two flavors: On one hand are the rewards,
things you value or desire that you receive for accomplishing
something. But on the other hand are the consequences, which could
be negative or harmful results of inaction. Both rewards and
consequences work best when they’re externally imposed—in other
words, when they’re not up to you, but designated by someone else.
For example, you get promoted for great work or you get fired for
slacking off. But in the absence of an external incentive, people with
this trigger find themselves thinking:

There’s no point getting started on this

now.
What’s in it for me if I get this done?
I have so much time, I can just do this
later.
It’s due today, but they don’t care if it’s
in tomorrow.
Why even bother? It will take forever to
get this done.
A big problem here is that often an external incentive does exist,
but it’s so far in the future that it’s easily outweighed by the reward of
procrastinating. There are no better examples than dieting,
exercising, or saving money. If this trigger is familiar to you, keep
reading. In this book you’ll find out how to create incentives for
yourself instead of skipping the race because there’s no immediate
prize for finishing.
OTHER FACTORS

For some people, procrastination can be rooted in the

mood and mental health disorders that they live with every
day. Psychologists have linked anxiety, depression,
obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and similar conditions to
procrastination. Here’s how these conditions may impact
someone’s emotional and mental state:

• ANXIETY DISORDER: May cause daily intense

episodes of fear and worry that can lead to panic
attacks.

• DEPRESSION: May be felt as extreme sadness,

creating a lack of interest in daily life or activities.

• OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER (OCD): Can

cause repetitive patterns of irrational thoughts or
fears that lead to repetitive behaviors.

• ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER

(ADHD): Can make it difficult to focus and pay
attention.

It’s clear how these conditions could impact tendencies

to procrastinate. How incredibly challenging would it be to
get started on a project or get important tasks done when
your emotional and mental state is out of your control?
Some experts believe that extreme procrastination might be
a sign that someone has one of the conditions listed above.
If that applies to you, there’s no shame in seeking out
professional help and getting the support you need to
manage your condition.
 Not only can some disorders exacerbate procrastination,
but some studies have shown that procrastinating can lead
to worsened physical, emotional, and mental states. Yes,
you read that correctly: Procrastination is bad for your
health. The more you procrastinate, the more you risk your
overall health and well-being. You may recall that
procrastinating gives you a temporary break from stress
and anxiety, but stress and anxiety can worsen in the long
run, increasing their unhealthy effects the more you put
things off.
The bottom line: Conquering procrastination isn’t just
about getting stuff done. Intensified stress due to
procrastination could impact all aspects of your health.
Documented side effects of stress range from high blood
pressure, fatigue, and headaches to sadness, anger, and a
loss of motivation. By conquering procrastination, you’re
protecting yourself from its impact on your physical and
mental wellness.

How This Book Can Help

With everything you’ve just learned about procrastination, how it
works on a psychological level, and the variations that apply the most
to you, you’re now ready to face it head-on. You can turn your life
around and finally start accomplishing the things that matter to you. I
promise you, it’s not as scary as it sounds, and I’ll be right there with
you as you conquer procrastination in every area of your life. No
matter your situation—whether you’re at home most days, in school,
working, or any combination—this book offers real and relatable ideas
that you can use.
The chapters ahead are filled with over 30 easy-to-implement
strategies that will help you see results. With these tips, tricks, and
techniques, I will help you master your to-dos, make maximum use of
your time, get motivated, and increase your focus. You’ll also discover
the power of rewards and incentives, as well as the importance of
building momentum. Use this book as your roadmap: Each and every
step is important, and together those steps will take you to a
productive, procrastination-free future. So, no skipping ahead.
Change your procrastination habit one strategy at a time. For best
results, take each strategy for a test run after you’ve learned it and
before continuing to the next. Everything you learn along the way will
bring you closer to the productive, effective, in-control person you
know you can be.
Ready to become your most productive self? Here’s a sneak peek
at the journey ahead.

TASKS AND GOALS

Chapter 2 will be your foundation for all future strategies, because to
conquer procrastination you have to know what needs doing and
when it needs to be done. First, you’ll kick things off by creating a list
of tasks and learn to set goals the SMART way. In this chapter you’ll
learn how to get your priorities straight so you can rank and
rearrange your tasks in order of importance. This is key for managing
that familiar feeling of having too much to do and not enough time to
do it. By the end of the chapter, you’ll know exactly where to start,
what to do first, and how to plan ahead.

TIME
We’ve said that poor time management doesn’t cause procrastination.
But effective time management is a critical tool for conquering
procrastination. So, with your tasks, priorities, and goals in order,
you’ll work toward mastering your time-management skills. You may
feel time is the enemy, but it can be your greatest asset if you learn
how to make the most of it. The strategies in chapter 3 will show you
how to properly use your calendar, implement time blocking, find the
right time of day to get to work, and schedule regular breaks. You’ll
discover how easy it is to get started on your tasks by taking 10-
minute baby steps and gain the courage to eat the frog. Eat a frog?
You’ll have to read the chapter to find out.

MOTIVATION
Motivation is so much more than just a feeling: it’s like fuel. To fill your
tank, you’ll start by discovering your “why,” the source of your
motivation, and learn how to connect with it daily using visualization.
You’ll then get creative with a vision board that represents your
dreams and goals for the future. Chapter 4 will also teach you to
change your inner monologue by embracing the positive. To help get
you moving and defying procrastination, you’ll learn to make any task
into a game. And for those times when you’re struggling to get
started, you’ll bust out your own personal take-action ritual. Never run
out of gas again!

FOCUS
It’s time to break up with the distractions and interruptions that are
robbing you of your productivity. It’s time to quit wishing and hoping
that you could just stay focused and make it a reality. Whether you’re
at home, school, work, or out and about, you’ll learn how to remove
focus-zapping distractions and create the right environment for
productivity. Chapter 5 starts by telling you how to create healthy
boundaries and balance so you can let others know of your plans and
intentions. You’ll develop a focused mind through the use of
singletasking and become your own motivator, and learn to use a
redirecting mantra. Finally, you’ll learn when to say no to yourself and
to others, protecting your focusing skills going forward in your life.

REWARDS
Another random document with
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in with some blue chalk from the Straits of Baffleman, and then I
shall chalk out all your wants; so be off, or I shall get the boatswain’s
mate to measure you with the end of the fore brace before her arrival,
which you may think rather premature.’
When asking him for leave to go on shore he would frequently
say, ‘As soon as I have time to chalk you out a barge to take you, I
shall attend to this most important business.’ Once on a rainy day he
was making some of those remarks, when his foot slipped and he fell
on his bottom on the quarter deck. One of the lieutenants said, ‘Had
the deck been chalked, sir, it would have saved your fall.’ This vexed
him greatly, and seeing us laugh he started us up to the masthead for
the remainder of the watch, saying, ‘Take care! As the rigging is not
chalked you may slip and get an ugly fall.’
I have already mentioned our bringing home 75 dogs. I messed
in the main hatchway berth on the lower deck, with four midshipmen
and a scribe. We had eight of those dogs billeted on us. One of them
had the name of Thunder. At dinner I once gave him a piece of beef
with plenty of mustard rolled up in it. The moment he tasted it, he
flew at me and I was obliged to run for it. He never forgot it, and
whenever I offered him victuals he would snap at me directly.
Another of those dogs used to sleep at the foot of Charley Bisset’s cot,
and when the quartermaster would call the watch this dog would fly
at him if he came near Bisset, who would often plead ignorance of
being called, and by that means escape going on deck for the first
hour of the watch. We had a drunken Irishman, by the name of
Collins, who, when sent to the hospital at St. John’s, contrived to get
liquor in spite of all precaution to prevent it. At last it was found out
by the following circumstance. He had one of those dogs that could
do anything but speak. He used to sling a bottle round his neck and
then put a shilling in his mouth and send him off in the evening. The
dog knew well where to go, for he had been often there with Collins.
It was to a public-house, between the hospital and St. John’s. He’d
howl as soon as he got there; the landlord knew well what he wanted,
and would fill the bottle with rum. The dog would then drop the
shilling, but not before, and scamper off to return to his master; not
at the gate of the hospital—he was too cunning for that—but like a
Roman conqueror, through a hole in the wall; when one night he was
discovered by the watch going their rounds, and by that means the
business was brought to light. From the ingenuity of the master and
his dog, both escaped punishment.
Our armourer was a man who would drink like a fish, and one
morning coming to the brewery complaining of thirst, the cooper, a
droll and wicked fellow, gave him some essence of spruce, and the
armourer took a good swig before he found out his mistake. The
moment he could speak he asked what it was he had taken. The
cooper said he was very sorry for what had happened, but he thought
it right to acquaint him it was some stuff they had to poison rats. The
armourer was struck dumb with terror, but at last, in a paroxysm of
rage, swore that the cooper should die first; and drawing out a large
knife, gave chase and certainly would have put an end to his joking
had he not locked himself up in the brewery in great tribulation, as
the armourer was trying all in his power to break open the door.
However, the poor fellow was at last made sensible it was a joke, and
had some double spruce given him to make amends—which had the
desired effect.
Our second assistant surgeon was another wet soul, and coming
from the play half drunk went to sleep in an empty cask that was
lying on Quigley’s Wharf, when a squall of wind rolled the cask
overboard and poor old Andrew Reardon would have been drowned,
had it not been for the boat-keeper of the cutter. Old Andrew is now
dead. He dearly loved grog, and when told that new rum was a bad
article he said he didn’t care; if it fractured the brain it was all he
wanted.
With a few exceptions we had a terrible lot of wild midshipmen.
Some of them were members of the Hell-fire Club,[36] and used to
dress, when going to that place, in scarlet coats with black velvet
collars and cuffs, black waistcoat, breeches, and stockings, and hair
powdered. Those chaps would play all manner of wicked pranks on
board, such as pouring molasses under the heads of those who slept
in the tier, and others would have a hook and line with which they’d
haul our quilts and blankets off in the night, and then heave water
over us, at the same time making a squeaking noise; while others, in
the secret, would say it was the gibbering of a ghost, and that the tier
was haunted; but that they would ask the parson (a wet soul) to lay
the spirit, not in the Red Sea, but in the large pond near St. Johns.
One poor fellow, a clerk whose name was Newnham, but nicknamed
Newcome, they got in the tier one night in the dark, and swore it was
the admiral’s cow that had got adrift. It was no use for the poor
fellow to say he was not that personage; for a selvagee was clapped
round him in an instant with a hauling line made fast, with which
they roused him up the hatchway in a moment, terrified almost to
death.
I must here mention the shifts my old messmate, Ben Morgan,
and myself were put to the last year we were at St. John’s. Our
captain used to pay our mess and washing bills, for which he was
repaid on our return to England. It happened one morning when the
washing bill was sent in, that he observed our towels were inserted
with other articles; upon which he sent for us, and after a severe
reprimand upon our extravagance, adding that we ought to have
washed the towels ourselves, he dismissed us, saying he should give
no more money to be fooled away in that manner, and that we
deserved to be well flogged in the bargain. We were glad enough to
steer clear of him. In respect of the money he was as good as his
word; for devil a farthing more would he let us have, and we were
sadly put to it; for we had only Tom Cod (caught alongside) for
breakfast, salt beef or pork for dinner, and Tom Cod for tea in the
evening. At last we in some measure got over our difficulties by going
to the hills and gathering a weed called maidenhair, a good substitute
for tea; and with molasses instead of sugar, poor Ben and myself
fared gloriously.
While at St. John’s two of our seamen deserted and got into the
woods on their way to an out port; and they had nearly been
devoured by the wolves who attacked them in a hut, where they
remained three days without provisions, and had great difficulty and
danger in coming back to the ship, where they were treated with two
dozen apiece.
Our captain to keep us in good order placed a Mr. Stack as father
of our mess. He was cursed surly and disagreeable, but I believe
meant well; only [he had] an ugly way of showing his kindness.
When in good temper (which was seldom) he would say ‘My son,’
when he addressed any of us; but generally, ‘I’ll split your ear.’ This
man drew a very long bow and would frequently tell the most
unaccountable stories. I have heard him relate that the ghost of
Commodore Walsingham[37] (who he had served under, and who was
lost in the Thunderer, 74, in the West Indies, in the hurricane of
1780) appeared to him when he was a slave on the coast of Barbary,
where he was chained by the leg for upwards of a twelvemonth, and
after undergoing innumerable hardships he was released by a
Moorish lady who fell in love with him and paid his ransom to a
considerable amount. This was too much to swallow from a fellow as
ugly as the old Diligente’s [figure-] head.
When at Spithead and in the harbour, our ship’s company had a
violent quarrel with the crew of the Grampus 50, commanded by Ned
Thompson[38] the poet, who had the Coast of Guinea station, and
several battles were fought with various success. The quarrel
originated in some of our fellows saying they of the Grampus, when
on the coast, lived chiefly on monkey soup, except on Sundays, and
then they were regaled on roast parrots. For this they swore to
murder every snow-eating son of a bitch belonging to the Salisbury
whenever they could catch them. One of the mates of the Grampus
had the impudence, while we were in harbour, to drop under our
bows with a launch-load of his people who had been for stores to the
dockyard, and challenge ours to fight; for which he had very near
been brought to a court martial.
Our quarrelsome blades had another row with the riggers; and
when the latter would pass the ship in their launches, our fellows
would thrust their heads out of the ports and sing out—‘I say,
Mortimer, drop in the launch, make fast a hawser to the NW buoy,
take three round turns and a half hitch, seize the end back and come
on board with the launch.’ This occasioned many a battle, and the
riggers generally got the worst of it; for we had some from that land
which produces the finest peasantry in the world on board, and woe
betide those who came in contact with them. We had the O’Ryans,
the O’Gallaghers, the Macartys, the O’Donovans, the Murphys, the
O’Flahertys, the O’Tooles and the O’Flanagans, and great part of the
ship’s company were Irish and very quiet when not disturbed. One of
those fellows—Darby Collins, who had the dog that I have mentioned
at the hospital—did positively beat at the back of the Point,
Portsmouth, eleven men by cracking their heads at single-stick one
after the other. He was a tall, raw-boned Irishman, a Garry-owen boy
that stood up manfully for the honour of his country.
 The following are the names of the officers belonging to the
Salisbury:—
John Campbell, F.R.S., Vice-Admiral.
Dead [1790]. An admiral; a most able officer and great
astronomer. He was captain of the fleet on board the Royal
George with Admiral Hawke when he defeated the French
under Conflans.—[D.N.B.]
James Bradby, Esq., Captain.
Dead. A retired rear-admiral.
Henry Deacon, 1st Lieutenant.
Dead. He was the senior commander on the list; had the out-
pension of Greenwich Hospital. A good seaman, but satirical,
and too fond of mastheading.
Richard Rudsdale, 2nd Lieutenant.
Dead. A commander; a fine-looking fellow and the best officer
in the ship.
Joseph Loring, 3rd Lieutenant.
Dead. A good sailor, very passionate, and swore like the devil.
John Stiles, 4th Lieutenant.
Dead. A rear-admiral of the white. Fond of mastheading for
little or nothing. More of him when I come to the Edgar.
[George] Tremlett, Master.
Dead. A quiet, good man. [William Henry Brown Tremlett
(captain, 1802), his servant].
[James] Pierce, Captain of Marines.
Dead. A strange fish.
[William] Gould, Lieutenant of Marines.
Dead. A good officer.
The Parson (I forget his name).
Dead. Had no dislike to grog.
[James] Cockerell, Purser.
Drowned. Took care of his eights.[39]
[Edmund] Peterson, Surgeon.
Dead. Crabbed as the devil.
Aaron Graham, Admiral’s Secretary.
Dead. A very clever fellow; was magistrate at Bow Street.
[Charles] Smith, Gunner.
Dead. Fractious from long illness. [D.D. in pay-book: no date.]
D—— (I forget his name) [Edward Dowdall], Gunner.
Dead. Lethargic; always dozing on the forecastle; a sleepy, good
man.
[Simeon] Brown, Carpenter.
Dead. A quiet, good man; clever in his profession.
[James] Hall, Boatswain.
Dead. An infernal tyrant; a good sailor; a sycophant, a Hun, a
Goth, a Vandal; a fellow that was made too much of by those
who ought to have kept him at proper distance.
[John] McCurdy, 1st Assistant Surgeon.
Dead. A surgeon at St. John’s; a very excellent fellow, and
clever in his profession.
Andrew Reardon, 2nd Assistant Surgeon.
Dead. A surgeon, R.N. A very worthy fellow, who loved his
glass of grog.
Dodwell Brown, Master’s Mate.
Dead. A lieutenant; a gentleman very much respected.
[Samuel] Scott, Master’s Mate.
Uncertain. A tyrant who I well remember, although it is
upwards of fifty years since I saw the blustering, swaggering
bully.
Robert Laurie, Midshipman.
Vice-admiral of the white; a baronet and K.C.B. A most
excellent officer, seaman, and gentleman. [Admiral, 1846; died
1848.—O’Byrne.]
Charles Bisset, Midshipman.
Dead. Wild and thoughtless, but a good-natured, harmless
fellow.
[Henry] Potts, Midshipman [afterwards A.B.].
Dead. A tyrannical fellow and member of the Hell-fire Club.
[John] Sandford, Midshipman [afterwards A.B.].
Dead. A member of the Hell-fire Club; a dandy and droll fellow.
[Richard] Herbert, Midshipman. [A.B.].
Uncertain. A noisy, tyrannical fellow; member of the Hell-fire
Club; nicknamed Hawbuck.
[Thomas James] Skerret, Midshipman. [A.B.]
Uncertain. This fellow wanted to be a tyrant, but was too great
a fool.
[Campbell] Marjoribanks, Midshipman.
East India House.
[Thomas] Merchant, Midshipman.
Uncertain. A good fellow; called Old Siolto.
[John Wentworth] Holland, Midshipman. [A.B.]
A post captain; played the violin well. [Died 1841.]
Robert Manning, Midshipman.
Dead. A commander. Bob was a good fellow.
R. B. Vincent, Midshipman.
Dead [1831]. A post captain; C.B.; fought well; called Don
Diego Del Vinsanti Hispaniola Whiskerando. More of him
when I come to the Victory.—[D.N.B.]
Philip Brock, Midshipman.
Dead. A loss to the service.
Borromy Bradby, Midshipman, son of the captain. [A.B.]
Dead. A commander; a very worthy character. [Two other
(presumably) sons of the captain, Matthew Barton and Daniel,
were rated captain’s servants.]
Charles Garnier, Midshipman.
This gentleman was Captain of the Aurora, 32, and was
unfortunately drowned in Yarmouth Roads, Isle of Wight,
going off to his ship in the evening [1796].
James Macfarland, Midshipman.
A commander; good-natured and droll. [Captain (retired),
1840; died 1852.—O’Byrne.]
R. B. Littlehales, Midshipman.
A retired rear-admiral. [Vice-admiral, 1840: died 1847.—
O’Byrne.]
John Tyrwhitt, Midshipman.
Marshal at Gibraltar.
Benjamin Morgan, Midshipman.
Dead. A lieutenant. Poor Ben! you and I have spent many an
hour at the masthead for little or nothing.
Henry Batt, Midshipman.
Dead. A lieutenant. An old schoolfellow of mine. Harry was
passionately fond of grog, which made him an ungrateful
return by taking him out of this world before it was agreeable.
Nicknamed Ram, Cat, Batt, and Rammon the Butcher.
William Garrett, Midshipman.
Dead. A lieutenant. A very good fellow and good sailor, but
fond of grog and boasting.
Norborne Thompson, Midshipman.
 A rear-admiral. [Died 1844.—Marshall, iii. 294.]
Ince, Midshipman.
Dead. A worthy fellow; a loss to the service.
Richard Stiles Tremlett, Midshipman.
Killed in a duel with Lord Camelford.
Geo. N[eate] Tremlett, Midshipman.
A commander. Brother of the above; a very good fellow. [Died
1865.—O’Byrne.]
Andrew Duff, Midshipman.
Dead. A drunken Hun.
Francis Gibbon, Midshipman.
Dead. A lieutenant; wonderfully great, in his own opinion.
[William] Elliot, Midshipman.
Dead. A commander, sickly and proud.
Lord Amelius Beauclerk, Midshipman.
An admiral, G.C.B. and G.C.H.; chief naval aide-de-camp to the
king. [Died 1846.—D.N.B.]
Smith, Midshipman.
Uncertain. Remember little of him, and that no good.
J. A. Gardner, Midshipman. [Entered Dec. 12, 1783.]
A commander.
William Pye, Schoolmaster.
Dead. A purser; Fit Pye, Fit man.
John Alcot, Captain’s Clerk.
A purser and retired storekeeper of Portsmouth yard.
Henry Roland Harley, Admiral’s Office.
Was a purser in the navy but resigned the situation; a most
worthy fellow. We were in four ships together.
[William] Willcocks, Admiral’s Office. [A.B.]
Uncertain. A very droll and noisy fellow.
[Thomas] Landseer, Admiral’s Office. [Admiral’s servant.]
Dead. A purser; a very satirical gentleman.
Crisp, Admiral’s Office.
Dead. A purser; another noisy, droll fellow.
Newnham, Admiral’s Office.
Uncertain. A quiet, easy, poor fellow; made a butt of.
[Thomas] Stack, used to keep the forecastle watch as Midshipman
Uncertain. Made a gunner; I have mentioned him before with
his long bow.
 ORESTES, 18.

I joined the son of Agamemnon early in 1786, fitting in Portsmouth

Harbour for Channel service, to cruise after smugglers from Dunnose
to the Start; Manley Dixon, Esq., commander.
This brig was considered the finest in the service. She measured
32 ft. 9 in. on the beam, and drew 17 ft. 4 in. abaft, 13 ft. 4 in.
forward, and [was] nearly 450 tons, mounting 18 long nines, and
pierced for 26. She and the Pylades (called the Hercules and Mars)
were taken from the Dutch by Macbride in the Artois, 44.[40] She
sailed remarkably well, but was a wet soul, shipping seas over the
bows and washing the men at the wheel. She would never
condescend to rise to a sea, but dash right through. After a few
cruises, when off the Isle of Purbeck we observed two large
Hogboats[41] among the rocks, and several people on horseback upon
the cliffs above the spot. Sent our boats to examine, and found them
to be smugglers with seven hundred tubs of liquor, which we seized,
and landed the smugglers at Swanage. After landing our tubs at the
Custom House, Portsmouth, we anchored at Yarmouth, in the Isle of
Wight, our place of rendezvous, where we remained a short time, and
then resumed our cruising; sometimes in company with the Hebe,
36, on the same station; and then put into Guernsey, where we
stayed but a short time and ran out in a gale of wind. Caught fire in
the master’s cabin over the magazine, by the candles rolling against
his curtains. It created great alarm, but was soon got under. During
the time, it occasioned the utmost terrors among the ship’s company.
Several of them got into the forechains, the head, and on the
bowsprit, ready to jump overboard. However, they seemed to have as
much dread of water as they had of the fire and remained stationary.
It was ludicrous to see the captain with a speaking trumpet, exerting
himself to keep order, and the carpenter’s wife catching him round
the legs, and while he was calling for Water, she was screaming out
Fire.
When our cruise was over we returned to Yarmouth, where our
surgeon turned mad and cut some unaccountable capers. One
morning early, he came upon deck and gave some orders to the
officers of the watch, who paid no attention to them. Upon this he
got hold of a crow[42] that was in the becket over one of the guns, and
began to run a-muck,[43] and cleared the deck in a moment. Sentries
and all took to their heels, and it was some time before an
opportunity offered to get him below. At last he was got to his cabin
in the gunroom, with four marines and a midshipman to guard him;
but he soon made a start from his den and made no more of the
marines than if they were sparrows. He first caught hold of two and
knocked their heads together, and then punished the others, who
from fear, made little resistance. He next attacked Patterson, the
master, and swore he should stand auctioneer as it was his intention
to sell his effects. I never saw a more ludicrous scene when the
master, to humour him, began to put his things up to auction and we,
outside (for we were afraid to go in) the gunroom, bidding for them.
After the sale was over, he made Patterson put on two of his coats—
one of them the Windsor uniform[44]—and then upset him and rolled
him about the gunroom, swearing he was a beer cask. Then rushing
out, he belaboured all that he met with, and went upon deck and
remained cock of the walk until he came down of his own accord, and
went to bed, saying, ‘You shall hear from me presently.’ However,
good care was taken to secure him, and he was soon after sent to sick
quarters, being a dangerous subject, and glad enough we were to get
rid of him.
There was at Yarmouth a truly hospitable gentleman, a Captain
Urry[45] of the Royal Navy, well known to officers in the service, who
kept open house and gave large parties. He was the life and soul of
Yarmouth, which place has never been worth going to since his
death. On one of these parties, our barge (for we had a barge) was
ordered to attend and tow a sloop full of company (it being calm)
from Yarmouth to Lymington, and I was the midshipman sent, and
had directions to land them, and to take orders from a captain in the
navy, who was one of the party. This being done, a half-guinea was
given to the men to drink, and I was desired to let them go on shore
for that purpose. After they had their grog I missed the strokesman
of the barge, a tall Irishman named McCarthy, who was nowhere to
be found; in fact he had deserted. On my return I reported this to
Lieutenant Jeynes who abused me and said he would write against
me to the captain (who lived on shore) for suffering this tall Paddy to
run away. The next morning he was as good as his word, and sent me
with the letter. The captain, on reading it, gave me a severe
reprimand, and sent me on board in a hurry, saying I should hear
more of it very shortly. In a day or two after he came on board and
we left Yarmouth for Spithead. I was in hourly expectation of some
terrible explosion, as my friend the lieutenant was constantly
reminding me of the subject. After the ship was moored the captain
went on shore, and Jeynes soon followed. The master being
commanding officer, I asked him permission to go and see my
friends, which he granted, and I never joined the Orestes after.
I was but a youngster then. Had I known as much as I did soon
after, I would have demanded a court martial on myself, and would
have brought Lieutenant Jeynes to another for tyranny and
oppression, which he was guilty of in many instances and had laid
himself open to anyone who might think proper to bring the charges
forward. He was obliged to leave the Orestes soon after. He had
formerly (as I have understood) been a purser, and was broken by
court martial; but having served his time as midshipman, got to be
made a lieutenant, and died a retired commander.
Whenever the Orestes came in I used to keep out of the way. I
lived at Gosport and was always on the watch, and when she came
into Spithead I had timely notice and would set off for the country.
After returning from one of those excursions, I was hiding behind a
screen in our parlour; on the other side sitting by the fire was an old
schoolfellow of mine and a young lady in earnest conversation about
me. The former among other remarks said he believed I had made
away with myself. This observation I could not brook, and catching
hold of a large family Bible that was on a table near me (and which I
have at this moment) I hove it over the screen and hit my friend on
the jaw and knocked him down as flat as a flounder. I set off as fast
as I could, leaving them in the utmost consternation; and he told me
a long time after that he thought it was the devil that had felled him,
until he saw the Bible. Captain Dixon, I believe, was aware that
Lieutenant Jeynes had blamed me wrongfully, as he sent me my
prize money and gave me a good certificate, and offered to take me
again, for which he has my most grateful thanks, and I hope to live to
see him admiral of the fleet.[46]
He was a very smart officer, and did everything in his power to
teach the midshipmen their duty. We used to take helm and lead,
and reef the main topsail; also pull in the boats upon particular
occasions, such as going along shore in the night after smugglers, &c.
When we were at Guernsey, the captain in the kindest manner
allowed the petty officers a moderate quantity of liquor in each of
their messes; but the sergeant of marines, not content with this
indulgence, smuggled twenty kegs into the ship. When this was told
the captain, he ordered all the kegs to be brought on deck and stove.
The sergeant stood, like Niobe, in tears for his loss. It was a most
laughable sight, as the liquor was running out mixed with salt water
(for the ship rolled a great deal), to see the fellows laying down like
beasts on the deck and licking up, while the boatswain’s mates were
thrashing them to no purpose. The sergeant, I believe, was reduced
to the ranks.
I shall mention a few strange fellows we had on board, and first
Mr. Quinton the mate. This gentleman was a good sailor, and was
very fond of gin grog, and used to say it agreed with him so well and
made his flesh so firm. It was determined one day to count how
many glasses he drank from morning until evening; and, if I
remember correctly, twenty-six tumblers of good Hollands and water
made the number; for in the good old times we never sported
Cockney gin. I must in justice declare that Mr. Quinton was no
drunkard; I never saw him disguised with liquor the whole time I
belonged to the ship. The next was Mr. Stevens, who went by the
nickname of Tommy Bowline, a rough knot; full of wise saws and
strange dry sayings, but rather slack in his movements, and was what
we call a hard officer and droll middy. When belonging to a guard-
ship commanded by Sir Roger Curtis, while lying at Spithead the
mizen topsail was ordered to be loosed, to swing the ship the right
way. Tommy Bowline was the first to go aloft and was highly
complimented by Sir Roger for his activity, saying ‘You are a fine
fellow, Mr. Stevens; a most active officer, Mr. Stevens; you are a
wonder, Mr. Stevens.’ Now it unfortunately happened that Tommy
was left behind by the other midshipmen and was last on the yard.
Sir Roger observing this called out ‘I recall all my compliments, Mr.
Stevens; you are a damned lubber, Mr. Stevens; a blockhead, Mr.
Stevens; come down, Mr. Stevens.’ This poor Tommy never heard the
last of.
Our gunner (McKinnon) was another strange hand. He was
troubled with sore eyes and would sit in his cabin damning them
from morning till night. Two of our men having deserted while in
Yarmouth Roads, our boat, manned by midshipmen with Lieutenant
Jeynes, left the ship in the evening and pulled for Cowes, where we
arrived about eleven at night. Mr. Jeynes having received some
information respecting the deserters, set off in the boat for Ryde,
leaving me at Cowes with two marines to go round by land and meet
him there. I had no money to get any refreshment, and never shall I
forget the fatigue I went through that night. After pulling in the boat
thirteen miles, I had to walk seven miles on a wild goose chase, for
we never heard anything more of the runaways; and the wind
shifting, we had to pull all the way back to Yarmouth. Before I close
my account of the Orestes, I must say a word or two respecting
Lieutenant Jeynes (letting the law of Solon sleep for a day). He was
without exception the most cold-blooded and bad fellow I ever met
with. I have seen him thrash the men with the end of a rope in the
most unfeeling manner, until he was tired, making use of the most
abusive language; and for his tyranny was obliged to quit the ship;
but, to give the devil his due, [he] was what we call a bit of a sailor,
and if he pleased (which was seldom) could make himself agreeable.
In the year 1793, the Orestes was lost in the Indian Seas and every
soul perished.
 NAMES OF OFFICERS
Manley Dixon, Esq., Captain.
An admiral and K.C.B. He commanded the Lion, 64, when the
William Tell, 84, was taken. The Foudroyant, 80, and
Penelope, 36, in company. He was also port admiral at
Plymouth. Since dead.—[Marshall, i. 375.]
Thos. Jeynes, Lieutenant.
Dead. I have said enough of him. A commander on the retired
list.
[George] Patterson, Master.
Uncertain. Was master attendant abroad.
Dusautoy, Lieutenant of Marines.
A barrack-master.
[James] Street, Purser.
Took care of his eights.
Wallis, Surgeon.
Uncertain. Mad from drink.
[Alexander] Proctor, Surgeon’s Assistant.
A surgeon. Proud as the devil.
[Hugh] Land, Clerk.
Uncertain. A clever little pedant.
[John] Hill, Boatswain.
Uncertain. A good sailor.
[Timothy] Scriven, Carpenter.
Uncertain. A good man, and good bread-and-cheese carpenter.
[Peter] McKinnon, Gunner.
 Uncertain. A good sailor, but used to damn his poor eyes so.
[John] Quinton, Mate.
Dead. A good sailor; fond of gin grog.
D. Hamlin,} Brothers, Midshipmen.
Hamlin,}
Dead. Good young men.
[Christopher] Gullet, Midshipman.
Dead. A lieutenant. See Queen.
Stevens, Midshipman.
Tommy Bowline. Was made a gunner.
Wm. Mounsey, Midshipman.
Dead [1830]. A captain, C.B.; a very good fellow.—[Marshall,
vi. 20.]
Alex. Gilmour, Midshipman.
A commander; a good old sailor.—[Died 1853.—O’Byrne].
Nichola, Midshipman.
Dead from insanity.
Maundrell, Midshipman.
Dead. A lieutenant. Was broke for tyranny, which he richly
deserved. Afterwards restored to his rank. Nicknamed
Mantrap, from taking up deserters.
J. A. Gardner, Midshipman.
A commander.
 EDGAR, 74

Early in 1787 I joined the Edgar, a guard-ship in Portsmouth

Harbour—Charles Thompson, Esq., captain, formerly of the Boreas;
and soon after went to Spithead and hoisted the broad pennant of
the Honorable John Leveson Gower as commodore of the squadron
of observation; but the Dutch armament taking place prevented their
sailing. Several ships of the line assembled at Spithead, and others
fitting in the harbour; but to no purpose, as the business was soon
settled, and the ships returned to their stations, and those fitting
were paid off. Next spring we were again ordered to Spithead, and a
promotion of flags having taken place, we hoisted the flag (blue at
the mizen) of Rear-Admiral the Hon. John Leveson Gower, as
commander-in-chief of the fleet of observation, consisting of the
following men of war:

Edgar 74 {Rear-Admiral Honorable John Leveson Gower.[47]

{Captain Charles Thompson.[47]
Colossus 74 Captain Hugh Cloberry Christian.[47]
Magnificent 74 Captain Hon. Geo. C. Berkeley.[47]
Culloden 74 Captain Sir Thomas Rich, [Bart.][48]
Crown 74 Captain Charles Morice Pole.[47]
Scipio 64 Captain Skeffington Lutwidge.[49]
Hebe 36 Captain Edward Thornbrough.[50]
Andromeda 32 Captain H.R.H. Prince William Henry.[50]
Trimmer 18 Captain Charles Tyler.[50]

Sailed with the squadron to the westward of Scilly, and off the
Irish coast for nearly two months, putting in occasionally to Cawsand
Bay and Torbay, and then returned to our station as guard-ship on
Portsmouth Harbour. We were very glad to get rid of our admiral. He
was what we call a tight hand of the watch; one that would make a
fellow jump where there was no stile. He used to play hell and turn
up Jack, and would spare nobody. He had an ugly trick of getting up
as early as three and sometimes before it in the morning, and would
walk the quarter deck in a flannel jacket, and most of the time
without a hat, until breakfast was ready; a happy dog of a
midshipman walking between two of the quarter deck guns with a
signal book, which ever and anon he would call for in the voice of
Stentor—
Stentor the strong, endued with brazen lungs,
Whose throat surpassed the force of fifty tongues.

Coming out of his cabin early one morning in a great hurry, he

fell over a signal lantern, and was going to play hell with the
lieutenant of the watch for having lanterns upon deck at that time of
day—about half-past two in the morning. The Crown being out of her
station, he was going to make the signal for an officer from that ship,
and going to the office to write the order he could not get in, the clerk
having the key; which put him into such a rage that he swore he
would flog the clerk and those that wrote under him. However, his
rage abated and he did not make the signal, it blowing very hard; but
he would not suffer the clerk or his under-scribes to show themselves
in the office while his flag was flying.
Culverhouse was at this time signal lieutenant and was not so
quick in getting up this unlucky morning as the admiral, although a
very active and able officer. The admiral, not seeing him, roared out
to me (which made me jump a foot off the deck) ‘Where’s that little
son of a bitch? Go down for him directly.’ Down I went to the
gunroom where Culverhouse slept, and told him the news. In great
tribulation he instantly got up and came upon deck, and kept some
time behind the admiral thinking to weather the storm; but the
moment he got sight of him he sang out like a lion, ‘Go on the poop
and be damned to you. Why were you not out of your nest before?’ I
must here state that, notwithstanding this, the admiral was a great
friend to Lieutenant Culverhouse, and I have been told first took
notice of him from the following circumstance. When on board the
Victory, he was on the gangway with his glass, sitting on the weather
clue of the mainsail, when the main tack suddenly gave way and
threw him into the lee clue of the sail unhurt. He was an excellent
signal officer, a good sailor, an agreeable messmate, and in every
respect a very clever fellow. He was made a post captain, but was
unfortunately drowned at the Cape of Good Hope.[51] The admiral
was like Sylla the Dictator; that is, he would go any length to serve
his friends, but was the reverse to those he had a dislike to. He
appeared to be well acquainted with the character of most of the
officers in the service; his memory in that respect was astonishing.
He was an able tactician, and in every respect a great officer, with a
look ‘that withered all the host.’
He was a mortal foe to puppyism, and one of our midshipmen
going aloft with gloves on, attracted his eye; for which he got such a
rub down that I am certain he remembers to the present day,
although he is a post captain, and as proud as the devil, without any
reason. Another of his freaks was threatening to have a bowl put
upon our heads and our hair cut round in the newest fashion by that
measure. He told one of our midshipmen (Pringle) who was a very
stout man and who happened to be in his way when looking at the
compass, ‘That he was too big for a midshipman but would do very
well as a scuttle butt,’ and, Pringle having his hands in his pockets,
he was going to send for the tailor to sew them up. When he first
came on board to muster, a little before we sailed, everyone was
dressed in full uniform to receive him. He took notice of this, and
with a smile (a lurking devil in it), complimented us on our good
looks, at the same time observing, ‘You knew who was coming; but
notwithstanding your looking so well, I think I can see a little rust on
you yet which I shall endeavour to rub off.’[52]
Our captain was as gruff as the devil, and had a voice like a
mastiff whose growling would be heard superior to the storm. He
was very particular respecting dress as the following order will shew:
—

Memo.:—
If any officer shall so far forget himself as to appear when on shore
without his uniform, I shall regard it as a mark of his being ashamed of
his profession and discharge him from the ship accordingly.

(Signed) Charles Thompson,

Captain.