Full download M&F (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) file pdf all chapter on 2024

M&F; (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR
Press)
Visit to download the full and correct content document:
https://ebookmass.com/product/mf-new-engaging-titles-from-4ltr-press/
More products digital (pdf, epub, mobi) instant
download maybe you interests ...
eTextbook 978-1305662094 SELL (New, Engaging Titles

from 4LTR Press)
https://ebookmass.com/product/etextbook-978-1305662094-sell-new-
engaging-titles-from-4ltr-press/
eTextbook 978-1305094185 IR (New, Engaging Titles from

4LTR Press)
https://ebookmass.com/product/etextbook-978-1305094185-ir-new-
eTextbook 978-1285451374 OM 5 (New, Engaging Titles

from 4LTR Press)
https://ebookmass.com/product/etextbook-978-1285451374-om-5-new-
GOVT 9 (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) 9th

Edition, (Ebook PDF)
https://ebookmass.com/product/govt-9-new-engaging-titles-
from-4ltr-press-9th-edition-ebook-pdf/
(eTextbook PDF) for MGMT (New, Engaging Titles from
4LTR Press) 10th Edition
https://ebookmass.com/product/etextbook-pdf-for-mgmt-new-
engaging-titles-from-4ltr-press-10th-edition/
Behavioral Sciences STAT (New, Engaging Titles from

4LTR Press) 2nd Edition, (Ebook PDF)
https://ebookmass.com/product/behavioral-sciences-stat-new-
engaging-titles-from-4ltr-press-2nd-edition-ebook-pdf/
HIST, Volume 2 (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press)

5th Edition, (Ebook PDF)
https://ebookmass.com/product/hist-volume-2-new-engaging-titles-
from-4ltr-press-5th-edition-ebook-pdf/
Bundle: MGMT, 11th + MindTap Management, 1 Term (6

Months) Printed Access Card (New, Engaging Titles from
4LTR Press) 11th Edition Williams
https://ebookmass.com/product/bundle-mgmt-11th-mindtap-
management-1-term-6-months-printed-access-card-new-engaging-
titles-from-4ltr-press-11th-edition-williams/
Neuroscience for Neurosurgeons (Feb 29,

2024)_(110883146X)_(Cambridge University Press) 1st
Edition Farhana Akter
https://ebookmass.com/product/neuroscience-for-neurosurgeons-
feb-29-2024_110883146x_cambridge-university-press-1st-edition-
farhana-akter/
2-3 Long-Distance Relationships 39 2-5 Living Apart Together 43
2-5a Advantages of LAT 44
2-4 Cohabitation 41
2-5b Disadvantages of LAT 45
2-4a Nine Types of Cohabitation Relationships 41
2-6 Trends in Singlehood 46
2-4b Does Cohabitation Result in Marriages
That Last? 43
3 Gender in Relationships 48
3-1 Terminology of Gender Roles 49

3-1a Sex 49
3-1b Gender 50
3-1c Gender Identity 51
3-1d Gender Roles 52
3-1e Gender Role Ideology 54
3-2 Theories of Gender Role
Development 54
3-2a Biosocial/Biopsychosocial 54
3-2b Bioecological Model 55
3-2c Social Learning 55
3-2d Identification 56
3-2e Cognitive-Developmental Theory 56
3-3 Agents of Socialization 56
3-3a Family 56
3-3b Peers 57
Courtesy of Brittany Bolen
3-3c Religion 57
3-3d Education 58
3-3e Economy 58
3-3f Mass Media 58
3-4 Consequences of Traditional Gender
Role Socialization 59 3-5 Changing Gender Roles 64
3-4a Traditional Female 3-5a Androgyny 64
Role Socialization 59 3-5b Gender Role Transcendence 64
3-4b Consequences of Traditional Male Role 3-5c Gender Postmodernism 64
Socialization 62 3-6 Trends in Gender Roles 66
4 Love and Relationship Development 68
4-1 Ways of Viewing Love 68

4-1a Romantic versus Realistic Love 70
4-1b Love Styles 71
4-1c Triangular View of Love 74
4-1d Love Languages 74
4-1e Polyamory 75
4-2 Social Control of Love 75
Courtesy of Rachel Calisto
4-3 Love Theories: Origins of Love 76

4-3a Evolutionary Theory 76
4-3b Learning Theory 76
4-3c Sociological Theory 76
vi M&F
Copyright 2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s).
Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it.
4-3d Psychosexual Theory 77 4-8 Psychological Factors in Relationship
4-3e Biochemical Theory 77 Development 86
4-3f Attachment Theory 77 4-8a Complementary-Needs Theory 86
4-4 Love as a Context for Problems 78 4-8b Exchange Theory 86
4-4a Unrequited/Unreciprocated Love 78 4-8c Role Theory 87
4-4b Making Risky, Dangerous Choices 78 4-8d Attachment Theory 87
4-4c Ending the Relationship with One’s 4-8e Undesirable Personality Characteristics of
Parents 79 a Potential Mate 88
4-4d Simultaneous Loves 79 4-8f Female Attraction to “Bad Boys” 89
4-4e Abusive Relationships 79 4-9 Engagement 90
4-4f Profound Sadness/Depression When a 4-9a Premarital Counseling 90
Love Relationship Ends 79 4-9b Visiting Your Partner’s Parents 91
4-5 How Love Develops in a New 4-10 Delay or Call Off the Wedding If... 91
Relationship 80 4-10a Age 18 or Younger 91
4-5a Social Conditions for Love 80 4-10b Known Partner Less Than Two Years 91
4-5b Psychological Conditions for Love 80 4-10c Abusive Relationship 92
4-5c What Makes Love Last 81 4-10d High Frequency of Negative Comments/
4-6 Cultural Factors in Relationship Low Frequency of Positive Comments 92
Development 82 4-10e Numerous Significant Differences 92
4-10f On-and-Off Relationship 92
4-6a Endogamy 82 4-10g Dramatic Parental Disapproval 93
4-6b Exogamy 82 4-10h Low Sexual Satisfaction 93
4-7 Sociological Factors in Relationship 4-10i Limited Relationship Knowledge 93
Development 83 4-10j Wrong Reasons for Getting Married 93
4-7a Homogamy 83 4-11 Trends in Love Relationships 94
5 Communication and Technology in Relationships 96
5-1 Communication: Verbal

and Nonverbal 97
5-1a Words versus Action 98
5-2 Technology-Mediated Communication
in Romantic Relationships 99
5-2a Texting and Interpersonal
Communication 99
5-2b When Texting and Facebook Become
a Relationship Problem 100
5-2c Sexting 102
5-2d Video-Mediated Communication 102
5-3 Principles of Effective
Communication 103
5-4 Gender, Culture, and
Communication 107
5-4a Gender Differences in
Communication 107
Courtesy of Chelsea Curry
5-4b Cultural Differences in

Communication 108
5-5 Self-Disclosure and Secrets 108
5-5a Self-Disclosure in Intimate Relationships 108
Contents vii
5-5b Secrets in Romantic Relationships 108 5-8 Fighting Fair: Steps in Conflict
5-5c Family Secrets 110 Resolution 112
5-6 Dishonesty, Lying, and Cheating 110 5-8a Address Recurring, Disturbing Issues 113
5-8b Identify New Desired Behaviors 113
5-6a Dishonesty 110
5-8c Identify Perceptions to Change 113
5-6b Lying in American Society 110
5-8d Summarize Your Partner’s Perspective 113
5-6c Lying and Cheating in Romantic
5-8e Generate Alternative Win–Win
Relationships 111
Solutions 113
5-7 Theories of Relationship 5-8f Forgive 114
Communication 112 5-8g Avoid Defense Mechanisms 114
5-7a Symbolic Interactionism 112 5-9 Trends in Communication
5-7b Social Exchange 112 and Technology 115
6 Sexuality in Relationships 116
6-1 Alternative Sexual Values 118 6-3d Oral Sex 126

6-1a Absolutism 118 6-3e Vaginal Intercourse 126
6-1b Relativism 119 6-3f First Intercourse 126
6-1c Hedonism 122 6-3g Anal Sex 127
6-2 Sources of Sexual Values 123 6-3h Cybersex 127
6-3i Kink 127
6-3 Sexual Behaviors 124
6-4 Sexuality in Relationships 128
6-3a What Is Sex? 124
6-3b Kissing 125 6-4a Sexual Relationships among Never-
6-3c Masturbation 125 Married Individuals 128
Hero Images/Getty Images
viii M&F
6-4b Sexual Relationships among Married 6-5d Condom Assertiveness 130
Individuals 128 6-5e Open Sexual Communication (Sexual
6-4c Sexual Relationships among Divorced Self-Disclosure) and Feedback 131
Individuals 128 6-5f Frequent Initiation of Sexual Behavior 131
6-4d Sexual Problems: General 129 6-5g Having Realistic Expectations 131
6-4e Sexual Problems: Pornography 129 6-5h Sexual Compliance 132
6-5 Sexual Fulfillment: Some 6-5i Job Satisfaction 132
Prerequisites 129 6-5j Avoiding Spectatoring 132
6-5k Female Vibrator Use, Orgasm,
6-5a Self-Knowledge, Body Image,
and Partner Comfort 133
and Health 129
6-5b A Committed Loving Relationship 130 6-6 Trends in Sexuality in
6-5c An Equal Relationship 130 Relationships 133
7 GLbTq Relationships 134
7-1 Language and Identification 134 7-7 Parenting Issues 150

7-1a Kinsey Scale 136 7-7a Gay Families: Lesbian Mothers and
7-1b Complications in Identifying Sexual Gay Fathers 150
Orientation 137 7-7b Bisexual Parents 151
7-2 Sexual Orientation 137 7-7c Development and Well-Being of Children
with Gay or Lesbian Parents 151
7-2a Beliefs about What “Causes”
7-7d Development and Well-Being of Children
Homosexuality 137
in Transgender Families 152
7-2b Can Homosexuals Change Their Sexual
7-7e Discrimination in Child Custody, Visitation,
Orientation? 138
Adoption, and Foster Care 152
7-3 Heterosexism, Homonegativity, 7-7f When LGB Relationships End: Reaction
Etc. 138 of the Children 153
7-3a Attitudes Toward Homosexuality: 7-8 Trends 153
Homonegativity and Homophobia 138
7-3b Biphobia and Transphobia 140
7-3c Effects of Antigay/Trans Bias and
Discrimination on Heterosexuals 140
7-4 Coming Out 141
7-4a Risks and Benefits of Coming Out 141
7-5 Mixed-Orientation Inside
Relationships 145
7-5a Relationship Satisfaction 145
7-5b Conflict Resolution and Intimate Partner
Violence 146
7-5c Sexuality 146
7-5d Love and Sex 147
7-5e Division of Labor 147
7-5f Mixed-Orientation Relationships 147
7-5g Transgender Relationships 147
7-6 Same-Sex Marriage 148
7-6a Arguments in Favor
of Same-Sex Marriage 149
7-6b Arguments against Same-Sex Marriage 149
Contents ix
8 Marriage Relationships 154
8-1 Motivations, Functions, and Transition 8-5 Marriage Success 171

to Egalitarian Marriage 154 8-5a Definition and Characteristics of
8-1a Motivations to Marry 155 Successful Marriages 171
8-1b Functions of Marriage 156 8-5b Theoretical Views of Marital Happiness and
8-1c Transition to Egalitarian Marriage 156 Success 173
8-2 Weddings and Honeymoons 156 8-5c Marital Happiness across Time 174
8-2a Weddings 157 8-6 Trends in Marriage Relationships 174
8-2b Honeymoons 159
8-3 Changes after Marriage 159
8-3a Legal Changes 159
8-3b Personal/Health Changes 160
8-3c Friendship Changes 161
8-3d Relationship Changes 161
8-3e Parents and In-Law Changes 162
8-3f Financial Changes 162
8-4 Diversity in Marriage 162
8-4a Hispanic Families 163
8-4b Mormon Families 163
8-4c Military Families 164
8-4d Interracial Marriages 166
Red Chopsticks/Getty Images
8-4e Interreligious Marriages 167

8-4f International Marriages 167
8-4g Age-Discrepant Relationships and
Marriages 168
8-4h College Marriages 170
9 Money, Work, and Relationships 176
9-1 Money and Relationships 177

9-1a Money as Power in a Couple’s Relationship 178
9-1b Effects of Poverty on Marriages and
Families 178
9-2 Work and Marriage 179
9-2a Basic Rules for Managing One’s Work
Life to Have a Successful Marriage 179
9-2b Employed Wives 179
9-2c Office Romance 180
9-2d Types of Dual-Career Marriages 180
9-3 Effects of the Wife’s Employment on
the Spouses and Marriage 182
9-3a Effects of the Wife’s Employment on
Her Husband 184
9-3b Effects of the Wife’s Employment on
Rob Marmion/Shutterstock.com
the Marriage 184

9-4 Work and Family: Effects on
Children 184
9-4a Quality Time with Children 185
9-4b Day Care Considerations 185
x M&F
9-5 Balancing Work and Family Life 186 9-5d Time Management 188
9-5a Superperson Strategy 186 9-5e Role Compartmentalization 188
9-5b Cognitive Restructuring 187 9-6 Trends in Money, Work, and
9-5c Delegation of Responsibility and Limiting Family Life 188
Commitments 187
10 Abuse in Relationships 190
10-1 Types of Relationship Abuse 190 10-3c Alcohol and Rape 201
10-1a Violence as Abuse 190 10-3d Rophypnol: The Date Rape Drug 201
10-1b Emotional Abuse 193 10-4 Abuse in Marriage Relationships 201
10-1c Mutual or Unilateral Abuse? 194 10-4a General Abuse in Marriage 201
10-1d Female Abuse of Partner 194 10-4b Men Who Abuse 202
10-1e Stalking 194 10-4c Rape in Marriage 203
10-1f Reacting to the Stalker 195
10-5 Effects of Abuse 203
10-2 Reasons for Violence and Abuse in
Relationships 196 10-5a Effects of Partner Abuse on Victims 203
10-5b Effects of Partner Abuse on Children 203
10-2a Cultural Factors 196
10-2b Community Factors 197 10-6 The Cycle of Abuse 203
10-2c Individual Factors 197 10-6a Why Victims Stay in Abusive
10-2d Relationship Factors 199 Relationships 204
10-2e Family Factors 199 10-6b Fighting Back? What Is the Best
10-3 Sexual Abuse in Undergraduate Strategy? 205
Relationships 199 10-6c How to Leave an Abusive
Relationship 205
10-3a Acquaintance and Date Rape 199
10-3b Sexual Abuse in Same-Sex Relationships 200 10-7 Trends in Abuse in Relationships 206
lofilolo/Getty Images
Contents xi
11 Deciding About Children 208
11-1 Do You Want to Have Children? 208 11-6 Abortion 220

11-1a Social Influences Motivating Individuals 11-6a Incidence of Abortion 220
to Have Children 209 11-6b Reasons for an Abortion 221
11-1b Individual Motivations for Having 11-6c Pro-Life Abortion Position 222
Children 210 11-6d Pro-Choice Abortion Position 222
11-1c Evaluation of Lifestyle Changes 210 11-6e Confidence in Making an Abortion
11-1d Awareness of Financial Costs 211 Decision 222
11-2 How Many Children Do You Want? 211 11-6f Physical Effects of Abortion 222
11-6g Psychological Effects of Abortion 223
11-2a Childfree Marriage? 212
11-6h Knowledge and Support of Male Partners
11-2b One Child? 213
of Women Who Have an Abortion 224
11-2c Two Children? 214
11-2d Three Children? 214 11-7 Trends in Deciding about Children 224
11-2e Four Children 214
11-2f Contraception 214
11-2g Emergency Contraception 216
11-2h Sex Selection 216
11-3 Infertility 216
11-3a Types of Infertility 216
11-3b Causes of Infertility 217
11-3c Success Using Assisted Reproductive
Technologies (ART) 217
11-4 Adoption 218
11-4a Characteristics of Children Available
for Adoption 218
11-4b Children Who Are Adopted 218
Courtesy of Chelsea Curry
11-4c Costs of Adoption 219

11-4d Open versus Closed Adoptions 219
11-5 Foster Parenting 219
11-5a Internet Adoption 219
12 Rearing Children 226
12-1 Parenting: A Matter of Choices 226

12-1a Nature of Parenting Choices 226
12-1b Six Basic Parenting Choices 228
12-2 Roles of Parents 228
12-2a Caregiver 228
12-2b Emotional Resource 228
12-2c Teacher 228
12-2d Economic Resource 229
12-2e Protector 229
12-2f Health Promoter 229
12-2g Ritual Bearer 230
Courtesy of Brittany Bolen
12-3 Transition to Parenthood 230

12-3a Transition to Motherhood 230
12-3b Transition to Fatherhood 231
12-3c Transition from a Couple to a Family 232
xii M&F
12-4 Parenthood: Some Facts 233 12-5e Use Technology to Monitor Cell Phone/Text
12-4a Views of Children Differ Historically 233 Messaging Use 238
12-4b Parents Create Diverse Learning Contexts 12-5f Set Limits and Discipline Children for
in Which to Rear Their Children 233 Inappropriate Behavior 239
12-4c Parents Are Only One Influence in a Child’s 12-5g Have Family Meals 240
Development 233 12-5h Encourage Responsibility 240
12-4d Each Child Is Unique 234 12-5i Adult Children Living with Parents 240
12-4e Each Gender Is Unique 234 12-5j Establish Norm of Forgiveness 241
12-4f Parenting Styles Differ 234 12-5k Teach Emotional Competence 241
12-5l Provide Sex Education 241
12-5 Principles of Effective Parenting 237
12-5m Express Confidence 242
12-5a Give Time, Love, Praise, Encouragement, 12-5n Respond to the Teen Years Creatively 242
and Acceptance 237
12-6 Single-Parenting Issues 243
12-5b Avoid Overindulgence 237
12-5c Monitor Child’s Activities/Drug Use 238 12-6a Single Mothers by Choice 244
12-5d Monitor Television and Pornography 12-6b Challenges Faced by Single Parents 244
Exposure 238 12-7 Trends in Parenting 245
13 Stress and Crisis in Relationships 246
13-1 Definitions and Sources of Stress 13-2b Choosing a Positive Perspective 249
and Crisis 246 13-2c Exercise 250
13-1a Resilient Families 248 13-2d Family Cohesion, Friends, and
13-1b A Family Stress Model 249 Relatives 250
13-2e Love 250
13-2 Positive Stress-Management 13-2f Religion and Spirituality 250
Strategies 249 13-2g Laughter and Play 251
13-2a Scaling Back and Restructuring Family 13-2h Sleep 251
Roles 249 13-2i Pets 251
Nicki Pardo/Getty Images
Contents xiii
13-3 Harmful Stress-Management 13-5 Marriage (Relationship)
Strategies 251 Therapy 263
13-4 Five Individual, Couple, and Family 13-5a Availability of Marriage/Relationship
Crisis Events 252 Therapists 263
13-5b Effectiveness of Behavioral Couple
13-4a Physical Illness and Disability 252
Therapy 263
13-4b Mental Illness 252
13-5c Telerelationship (Skype) Therapy 264
13-4c Middle-Age Crazy (Midlife Crisis) 253
13-4d Extramarital Affair 254 13-6 Trends Regarding Stress and Crisis in
13-4e Unemployment 260 Relationships 264
13-4f Alcohol/Substance Abuse 261
13-4g Death of Family Member 261
14 Divorce and Remarriage 266
14-1 Deciding Whether to Continue or End 14-2c Liberal Divorce Laws/Social

a Relationship/Get a Divorce 267 Acceptance 270
14-1a Deal-Breakers and Factors Predictive of 14-2d Prenuptial Agreements and the
Continuing or Ending a Relationship 268 Internet 271
14-1b Factors to Consider in Deciding to End 14-2e Fewer Moral and Religious Sanctions 271
a Relationship 268 14-2f More Divorce Models 271
14-2g Mobility and Anonymity 271
14-2 Macro Factors Contributing to
14-2h Social Class, Ethnicity, and Culture 271
Divorce 270
14-3 Micro Factors Contributing
14-2a Increased Economic Independence of
to Divorce 271
Women 270
14-2b Changing Family Functions and 14-3a Growing Apart/Differences 272
Structure 270 14-3b Falling Out of Love 272
Bacho/Shutterstock.com
xiv M&F
14-3c Limited Time Together: Video Game Addict 14-4c One Parent May Alienate Their Children
Widow 272 from the Other Parent 277
14-3d Low Frequency of Positive Behavior 272 14-5 Negative and Positive Consequences
14-3e Having an Affair 272 of Divorce for Children 278
14-3f Poor Communication/Conflict Resolution
Skills 272 14-5a How Parents Can Minimize Negative Effects
14-3g Changing Values 273 of Divorce for Children 279
14-3h Onset of Satiation 273 14-6 Prerequisites for Having a “Successful”
14-3i Having the Perception That One Would Be Divorce 281
Happier If Divorced 273 14-7 Remarriage 285
14-3j Top 20 Factors Associated with Divorce 273
14-7a Issues for Those Who Remarry 286
14-4 Consequences of Divorce for Spouses/ 14-7b Stability of Remarriages 287
Parents 276
14-8 Stepfamilies 288
14-4a Financial Consequences of Divorce 276
14-4b Fathers’ Separated from Their 14-8a Developmental Tasks for Stepfamilies 288
Children 277 14-9 Trends in Divorce and Remarriage 290
15 The Later Years 292
15-1 Age and Ageism 292

15-1a Defining Age 293
15-1b Ageism 294
15-1c Theories of Aging 295
15-2 Caregiving for the Frail Elderly: The
“Sandwich Generation” 295
15-3 Issues Confronting the Elderly 298
15-3a Income 298
15-3b Physical Health 299
15-3c Mental Health 300
15-3d Divorce 300
15-3e Retirement 300
15-3f Retirement Communities:
Niche Aging 301
15-3g Sexuality 302
15-4 Successful Aging 303
15-5 Relationships and the Elderly 303
15-5a Dating 303
15-5b Use of Technology to Stay Connected 304
15-5c Relationships between Elderly Spouses 304 15-6b Use of Technology and Death of One’s
15-5d Grandparenthood 305 Partner 307
15-5e Styles of Grandparenting 305 15-6c Preparing for Death 308
15-5f Effect of Divorce on the Grandparent-Child 15-7 Trends and the Elderly in the
Relationship 306 United States 309
15-5g Benefits of Grandparents to
References 311
Grandchildren 306
15-6 The End of One’s Life 306 Name Index 335
15-6a Death of One’s Spouse 307 Subject Index 345
Contents xv
M&F C h a p t e r 1
Marriages
and Families:
An Introduction
S ECT IO NS
1-1 Marriage
“Enjoy the little things in life . . . For one
1-2 Family
day you’ll look back and realize they were
1-3 Changes in Marriage and
the big things.” the Family
— K u r t Vo n n Eg u t, w r i t E r 1-4 Theoretical Frameworks
for Viewing Marriage and
the Family
1-5 Choices in Relationships:
View of the Text
A
s the title of this chapter implies, there is no longer one 1-6 Research: Process
definition or structure of “marriage” and “family” but and Evaluation
various definitions and structures. No longer is marriage
1-7 Trends in Marriage
exclusively a heterosexual relationship but between persons of
and Family
the same sex. And families are no longer two adults and children
but single parent families headed by either a woman or man. In
this chapter we embrace the diversity of marriages and families,
identify how they are changing, suggest a choices framework (as
well as other theoretical views) for marriage/family, and emphasize the need to be cautious
about accepting the findings of research studies in marriage and family. We begin with the
traditional conception of the term marriage.
1-1 Marriage
W
ith all the talk of having no interest in getting married, enjoying singlehood, and
pursuing one’s education/career, “raising a family” remains one of the top values
for undergraduates. In a nationwide study of 165,743 undergraduates in 234 col-
leges and universities, almost three-fourths (73%) identified raising a family as an essential
Rachel Calisto
2 M&F
7
1
Ch a p t er
objective (82% chose financial success as their top goal) (Eagan et al., 2013). In this chapter
we review the definitions and types of marriage and family, various theoretical frameworks,
and how researchers go about conducting M & F research so that we can be more informed
about our own decisions.
Although young adults think of marriage as “love” and “commitment” (Muraco &
m&f
M&F
Curran, 2012), the federal government regards marriage as a legal relationship that binds a
couple together for the reproduction, physical care, and socialization
of children. Each society works out its own details of what mar-
riage is. In the United States, marriage is a legal contract between marriage a legal
a heterosexual couple (although an increasing number of states contract signed by a
are now recognize same-sex marriage) and the state in which they couple with the state
reside, that specifies the economic relationship between the couple in which they reside
(they become joint owners of their income and debt) and encourages that regulates their
sexual fidelity. The fine print of what marriage involves includes economic and sexual
the following elements. relationship.
Chapter 1: Marriages and Families: An Introduction 3
Under the laws of the state, the license means that
spouses will jointly own all future property acquired
and that each will share in the estate of the other. In
Advice father most states, whatever the deceased spouse owns is

legally transferred to the surviving spouse at the time
gave son on his of death. In the event of divorce and unless the couple
has a prenuptial agreement, the property is usually
wedding day: divided equally regardless of the contribution of each
“It’s your fault.” partner. The license also implies the expectation of
sexual fidelity in the marriage. Though less frequent
“If you leave a glass on a table too because of no-fault divorce, infidelity is a legal ground
close to the edge and your wife for both divorce and alimony in some states.
knocks it off, tell your wife—That The marriage license is also an economic authori-
was my fault honey. zation that entitles a spouse to receive payment from a
If your wife leaves the glass too health insurance company for medical bills if the partner
close to the edge and you knock it is insured, to collect Social Security benefits at the death of
off, tell your wife—That was my one’s spouse, and to inherit from the estate of the deceased.
fault honey.” Spouses are also responsible for each other’s debts.
Though the courts are reconsidering the defini-
—Rex Fields, caR salesman tion of what constitutes a “family,” the law is currently
designed to protect spouses, not lovers or cohabitants.
An exception is common-law marriage, in which a
heterosexual couple cohabits and presents themselves
as married; they will be regarded as legally married in
those states that recognize such marriages. Common-
law marriages exist in 14 states. Persons married by
1-1a Elements of Marriage common law who move to a non-common-law state
Several elements comprise the meaning of marriage in are recognized as being married in the state to which
the United States. they move.
Legal Contract Marriage in our society is a legal

contract into which two people of different sexes and “Love is just a system for getting
legal age may enter when they are not already mar- someone to call you darling
ried to someone else. The age required to marry var-
ies by state and is usually from 16 to 18 (most states after sex.”
set 17 or 18 as the requirement). In some states (e.g.,
— Julian BarnEs, writEr
Alabama) individuals can marry at age 14 with paren-
tal or judicial consent. In California, individuals can
marry at any age with parental consent. The marriage
© iStock.com/Natalia Bratslavsky
license certifies that a legally empowered representa-

tive of the state perform the ceremony, often with two
witnesses present. The marriage
common-law contract gives increased power
marriage a marriage to the state. Not only does the
by mutual agreement government dictate who may
between cohabitants marry (e.g., persons of certain
without a marriage age, not currently married) but
license or ceremony also the conditions of divorce
(recognized in some, (e.g., division of property, cus-
but not all, states). tody of children, and child
support).
4 M&F
What’s New? one person, with 4% engaged or married. Of the vari-
ous risk-taking behaviors identified on the question-
naire, eight were identified by 25% or more of the
respondents as behaviors they had participated in.
Taking ChanCEs in These eight are identified below.
RoManTiC RELaTionships Almost three-fourths (72%) of the sample self-iden-
tified as being a “person willing to take chances in my love
Marriage is about love and love is about making
relationship.” However, only slightly over one-third of the
choices—some of them are risky such as moving in
respondents indicated that they considered themselves as
together after knowing each other for a short time,
risk takers in general. These percentages suggest that col-
changing schools to be together, and forgoing condom
lege students may be more likely to engage in risk-taking
usage thinking “this time won’t end in a pregnancy.”
behavior in love relationships than in other areas of their
To assess the degree to which undergraduates take
lives. Both love and alcohol were identified as contexts for
chances in their romantic relationships, 381 students
increasing one’s vulnerability for taking chances in roman-
completed a 64-item questionnaire posted on the Inter-
tic relationships—60% and 66%, respectively. Both being
net (Elliott et al., 2012). The majority of respondents
in love and drinking alcohol (both love and alcohol may
were female (over 80%) and White (approximately
be viewed as drugs) gives one a sense of immunity from
74%). Over half of the respondents (53%) described
danger or allows one to deny danger.
their relationship status as emotionally involved with
Most Frequent Risk-Taking Behaviors in a Romantic

Relationship, N 5 381
Risk-Taking Behavior Percent
Unprotected sex 70
Being involved in a “friends with benefits” relationship 63
Broke up with a partner to explore alternatives 46
Had sex before feeling ready 41
OJO Images Ltd/Alamy
Disconnected with friends because of partner 34

Maintained long-distance relationship (one year) 32
Cheated on partner 30
Being both in love and drinking alcohol can
Lied to partner about being in love 28
increase one’s vulnerability for taking chances
Elliott et al., 2012.
in romantic relationships.
Emotional Relationship Ninety-three percent background are considered more impor-

of married adults in the United States point to love tant criteria for marriage
as their top reason for getting married (Cohn, 2013). than love.
Love is also an important reason for staying married.
Forty-one percent of 4,730 undergraduates reported sexual Monogamy
that they would divorce if they no longer loved their Marital partners expect
spouse (Hall & Knox, 2015). sexual fidelity. Almost
American emphasis on love as a reason to marry two-thirds (66%) of
is not shared throughout the world. Individuals in other 4,695 undergraduates
y
a Curr
cultures (e.g., India and Iran) do not require feelings of agreed with the statement,
e
Chels
love to marry—love is expected to follow, not precede, “I would divorce a spouse

sy of
marriage. In these countries, parental approval and who had an affair” (Hall &
e
Court
similarity of religion, culture, education, and family Knox, 2015).
Legal Responsibility for Children Although associated with obesity and spouses often do not
individuals marry for love and companionship, one of sleep as well as singles since a spouse may snore or
the most important reasons for the existence of mar- bed hog (Rauer, 2013).
riage from the viewpoint of society is to legally bind a
male and a female for the nurture and support of any 1-1b Types of Marriage
children they may have. In our society, child rearing is
Although we think of marriage in the United States
the primary responsibility of the family, not the state.
as involving one man and one woman, other societ-
ies view marriage differently. Polygamy is a form of
“if we don’t shape our kids, they marriage involving more than two spouses. Polygamy
will be shaped by outside forces occurs “throughout the world . . . and is found on all
continents and among adherents of all world religions”
that don’t care what shape our (Zeitzen, 2008). There are three forms of polygamy:
polygyny, polyandry, and pantagamy.
kids are in.”
— lo u i s E H a r t, pa r E n t E d u c ato r polygyny Polygyny involves one husband and two
or more wives and is practiced illegally in the United
Marriage is a relatively stable relationship that States by some religious fundamentalist groups. These
helps ensure that children will have adequate care and groups are primarily in Arizona, New Mexico, and
protection, will be socialized for productive roles in Utah (as well as Canada), and have splintered off from
society, and will not become the burden of those who the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (com-
did not conceive them. Even at divorce, the legal obli- monly known as the Mormon Church). To be clear,
gation of the noncustodial parent to the child is main- the Mormon Church does not practice or condone
tained through child-support payments. polygyny (the church outlawed it in 1890). Those that
split off from the Mormon Church represent only
announcement/Ceremony The legal binding about 5% of Mormons in Utah. The largest offshoot
of a couple is often preceded by an announcement in is called the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ
the local newspaper and then of the Latter-day Saints (FLDS). Members of the
followed by a formal ceremony group feel that the practice of polygyny is God’s will.
polygamy a generic in a church or synagogue. The Although the practice is illegal, polygynous individu-
term referring to a mar- presence of parents, siblings, als are rarely prosecuted because a husband will have
riage involving more and friends at the wedding only one legal wife while the others will be married in
than two spouses. helps to verify the commit- a civil ceremony.
polygyny a form of ment of the partners to each
polygamy in which one other and helps marshal the polyandry The Buddhist Tibetans foster yet
husband has two or social and economic support to another brand of polygamy, referred to as polyandry,
more wives. launch the couple into married in which one wife has two or more (up to five) hus-
life. Most people in our society bands. These husbands, who may be brothers, pool
polyandry a form of their resources to support one wife. Polyandry is a
decide to marry.
polygamy in which one much less common form of polygamy than polygyny.
When married people are
wife has two or more The major reason for polyandry is economic. A family
compared with singles, the dif-
husbands. that cannot afford wives or marriages for each of its
ferences are strikingly in favor
polyamory multiple of the married (see Table 1.1 sons may find a wife for the eldest son only. Polyandry
loves (poly = many; for the benefits of marriage allows the younger brothers to also have sexual access
amorous = love) and and the liabilities of single- to the one wife that the family is able to afford.
is a lifestyle in which hood). The advantages of mar-
lovers embrace the riage over singlehood are true polyamory Polyamory means multiple loves (poly 5
idea of having multiple for first as well as subsequent many; amorous 5 love) and is a lifestyle in which lov-
emotional and sexual marriages. However, just being ers embrace the idea of having multiple emotional and
partners. married is not beneficial to all sexual partners. During the mid-1800s, the Oneida
individuals. Being married is Community of Oneida, New York, embraced a form of
6 M&F
table 1.1 concerned about enduring, intimate
Benefits of Marriage and the Liabilities of Singlehoodit relationships that include sex. A couple
who has a polyamorous relationship
Benefits of Marriage Liabilities of Singlehood
often have an open relationship—a
Health Spouses have fewer hospital Single people are hospitalized stable relationship in which the part-
admissions, see a physician more more often, have fewer medical ners regard their own relationship as
regularly, and are sick less often. checkups, and are sick more often. primary but agree that each may have
They recover from illness/surgery emotional and physical relationships
more quickly. with others.
Longevity Spouses live longer than single Single people die sooner than
people. married people. pantagamy Pantagamy describes
a group marriage in which each mem-
Happiness Spouses report being happier than Single people report less
ber of the group is “married” to the
single people. happiness than married people.
others. Also known as a three-way
Sexual Spouses report being more Single people report being less marriage, examples have existed in
satisfaction satisfied with their sex lives, both satisfied with their sex lives, both Brazil and the Netherlands whereby
physically and emotionally. physically and emotionally. one male was “married” to two
Money Spouses have more economic Single people have fewer females. While these are not legal mar-
resources than single people. economic resources than married riages, they reflect the diversity of life-
people. style preferences and patterns. Theo-
Lower Two can live more cheaply Cost is greater for two singles than retically, the arrangement could be of
expenses together than separately. one couple. any sex, gender, and sexual orientation.
The example in the Netherlands was of
Drug use Spouses have lower rates of drug Single people have higher rates of
a heterosexual man “married” to two
use and abuse. drug use and abuse.
bisexual women.
Connected Spouses are connected to more Single people have fewer The “one-size-fits-all” model of
individuals who provide a support individuals upon whom they can relationships and marriage is nonexis-
system—partner, in-laws, etc. rely for help. tent. Individuals may be described as
Children Rates of high school dropouts, teen Rates of high school dropouts, existing on a continuum from hetero-
pregnancies, and poverty are lower teen pregnancies, and poverty are sexuality to homosexuality, from rural
among children reared in two-parent higher among children reared by to urban dwellers, and from being
homes. single parents. single and living alone to being mar-
History Spouses develop a shared history Single people may lack continuity ried and living in communes. Emo-
across time with significant others. and commitment across time with tional relationships range from being
significant others. close and loving
to being distant
Crime Spouses are less likely to be Single people are more likely to be
and violent. open relationship a
involved in crime. involved in crime.
Family diversity stable relationship in
Loneliness Spouses are less likely to report Single people are more likely to includes two which the partners
loneliness. report being lonely. parents (other regard their own rela-
or same-sex), tionship as primary but
single-parent agree that each may
polyamory (complex marriage—every man was mar- families, blended families, fami- have emotional and
ried to every woman). Today in Louisa, Virginia, half lies with adopted children, mul- physical relationships
of the 100 members of Twin Oaks Intentional Com- tigenerational families, extended with others.
munity are polyamorous in that each partner may families, and families represent- pantagamy a group
have several emotional or physical relationships with ing different racial, religious, marriage in which
others at the same time. Although not legally married, and ethnic backgrounds. Diver- each member of the
these adults view themselves as emotionally bonded sity is the term that accurately group is “married” to
to each other and may even rear children together. describes marriage and family the others.
Polyamory is not swinging, as polyamorous lovers are relationships today.
recognized as a social unit, including adopted people. The
1-2 Family family is regarded as the basic social institution because

of its important functions of procreation and socializa-
M
tion, and because it is found in some form in all societies.
ost people who marry choose to have chil-
Same-sex couples (e.g., Ellen DeGeneres and her
dren and become a family. However, the
partner) certainly define themselves as family. Increas-
definition of what constitutes a family is
ingly, more states are recognizing marriages between
sometimes unclear. This section examines how families
same-sex individuals. Short of marriage, some states
are defined, their numerous types, and how marriages
recognize committed gay relationships as civil unions
and families have changed in the past sixty years.
(pair-bonded relationships given legal significance in
terms of rights and privileges).
1-2a Definitions of Family Although other states may not recognize same-sex
The U.S. Census Bureau defines family as a group of marriages or civil unions (and thus people moving from these
two or more people related by blood, marriage, or adop- states to another state lose the privileges associated with
tion. This definition has been challenged because it does marriage), over 24 cities and countries (including Canada)
not include foster families or long-term couples who live recognize some form of domestic partnership. Domestic
together. Marshall (2013) surveyed 105 faculty members partnerships are relationships in which cohabitating
from 19 Ph.D. marriage and family therapy programs individuals are given some kind of official recognition
and found no universal agreement on the definition of by a city or corporation so as to receive partner benefits
the family. Same-gender couples, children of same gender (e.g., health insurance). Disney recognizes domestic part-
couples, and children with nonresidential parents were nerships. Walmart offers benefits to same-sex partners.
sometimes excluded from the definition of the family. Domestic partnerships do not confer any federal recogni-
The answer to the question “Who is family?” is tion or benefits.
important because access to resources such as health Some view their pets as part of their family. About
care, Social Security, and retire- 60% of Americans own a pet. In a Gallo Family Vine-
ment benefits is involved. Unless yard survey of 691 pet owners, 93% agreed that their
family a group of two cohabitants are recognized by the pet was a part of the family (Payne & Bravo, 2013).
or more people related state in which they reside as in a Examples of treating pets like children include living
by blood, marriage, or “domestic partnership,” cohabi- only where there is a fenced-in backyard, feeding the
adoption. tants are typically not viewed as pet a special diet, hanging a stocking and/or buying
civil union a pair- “family” and are not accorded presents for the pet at Christmas, buying “clothes” for
bonded relationship health benefits, Social Security, the pet, and leaving money in one’s will for the care
given legal significance and retirement benefits of the of the pet. Some pet owners buy accident insurance—
in terms of rights and partner. Indeed, the “live-in part- Progressive© insurance covers pets. And pets are now
privileges. ner” may not be allowed to see the legal subject of divorce—the divorcing parties are
the beloved in the hospital, which granted custody and visitation rights to the animals of
domestic limits visitation to “family only.” the couple (Gregory, 2010).
partnership a The definition of who
relationship in which counts as family is being chal-
individuals who live lenged. In some cases, families 1-2b Types
together are emotion-
ally and financially
are being defined by function of Families Cou
rather than by structure—what rte
sy
of C
interdependent and are is the level of emotional and There are various types aro
line
Sch
given some kind of offi- financial commitment and inter- of families. ach
t
cial recognition by a city dependence between the part-
or corporation so as to ners? How long have they lived Family of origin Also
receive partner benefits. together? Do the partners view referred to as the family
family of orientation themselves as a family? of orientation, this is
the family of origin into Sociologically, a family is the family into
which a person is born. defined as a kinship system of which you
all relatives living together or were born
8 M&F
or the family in which you were reared. It involves you, presumably the only feasible adjustment to a series of
your parents, and your siblings. When you go to your par- basic needs, forms a crucial part of the environment in
ents’ home for the holidays, you return to your family of which every individual grows to maturity” (p. 11).
origin. Your experiences in your family of origin have an The universality of the nuclear family has been
impact on your own relationships. If you grew up in a lov- questioned. In Sex at Dawn, Ryan and Jetha (2010)
ing intact family, you have a different set of expectations reviewed cross-cultural data and emphasized that the
than if your parents were conflictual, divorced, and do not terms marriage and family do not have universal mean-
speak to each other today. Indeed, positive mother–father ings. In some groups, adults have sexual relationships
relationship quality is linked to children’s outcomes. In a with various partners throughout their life and view
study of 773 parents, those reporting having stable and themselves as mothers and fathers to all of the children
supportive relationships also reported fewer behavioral in the community. Children in these villages view all
problems with their children who were ages 3 through 9. adults as their mother and father.
The researchers also found that marital relationship qual- Dr. Robert Bunger (2014) is a premier anthropolo-
ity and children’s behavioral problems were reciprocally gist. His reaction to the thesis of Sex at Dawn follows:
related (Goldberg & Carlson, 2014).
Siblings in one’s family of origin provide a profound in my opinion the idea that everyone had sex with
influence on one another’s behavior and emotional devel- whomever and that all adults were parents of
opment and adjustment (McHale et al., 2012). Meinhold everyone’s children is utter nonsense. louis Henry
et al. (2006) noted that the relationship with one’s siblings, morgan in Ancient Society (published in the 19th
particularly the sister–sister relationship, represents the century) suggested that early humans lived in a
most enduring relationship in a person’s lifetime. Sisters state of “primitive promiscuity”
who lived near one another and who did not have children and the idea was taken up by family of origin the
reported the greatest amount of intimacy and contact. marx and engels. i do not know family into which an
Family of procreation The family of procreation of any society that actually lives individual is born or
represents the family that you will begin should you that way. The muria Ghond of reared, usually includ-
marry and have children. Of U.S. citizens living in the india have a system whereby ing a mother, father,
United States 65 years old and over, 96% have mar- the young people, between and children.
ried and established their own family of procreation puberty and marriage, live in
family of procreation
(Statistical Abstract of the United States, 2012–2013, a group marriage where every-
the family a person
Table 34). Across the life cycle, individuals move from one is allowed to have sex with begins by getting
the family of orientation to the family of procreation. everyone else of the other sex. married and having
at some point they drop out and children.
nuclear Family The nuclear family refers to either settle into monogamous mar-
a family of origin or a family of procreation. In prac- nuclear family
riage. i do not think that there
tice, this means that your nuclear family consists of you, family consisting of an
is any traditional society where
your parents, and your siblings; or you, your spouse, and individual, his or her
group marriage for adults is the
your children. Generally, one-parent households are not spouse, and his or her
norm. i think that some commu-
referred to as nuclear families. They are binuclear fami- children, or of an indi-
nal movements like the amana
lies if both parents are involved in the child’s life or sin- vidual and his or her
gle-parent families if one parent is involved in the child’s society tried group marriage
parents and siblings.
life and the other parent is totally out of the picture. but later gave it up.
traditional family
is the nuclear Family Universal? Sociologist Traditional, Modern, and the two-parent nuclear
George Peter Murdock’s classic study (1949) emphasized postmodern Family Soci- family with the hus-
that the nuclear family is a “universal social grouping” ologists have identified three band as breadwinner
found in all of the 250 societies he studied. The nuclear central concepts of the family. and wife as homemaker.
family channels sexual energy between two adult part- The traditional family is the
modern family the
ners who reproduce and also cooperate in the care of two-parent nuclear family, with
dual-earner family, in
offspring and their socialization to be productive mem- the husband as breadwinner
which both spouses
bers of society. “This universal social structure, produced and the wife as homemaker. The
work outside the home.
through cultural evolution in every human society, as modern family is the dual-earner
table 1.2
Differences between Marriage and the Family in the United States
Marriage Family
Usually initiated by a formal ceremony. Formal ceremony not essential.
Involves two people. Usually involves more than two people.
Ages of the individuals tend to be similar. Individuals represent more than one generation.
Individuals usually choose each other. Members are born or adopted into the family.
Ends when spouse dies or is divorced. Continues beyond the life of the individual.
Sex between spouses is expected and approved. Sex between near kin is neither expected nor approved.
Requires a license. No license needed to become a parent.
Procreation expected. Consequence of procreation.
Spouses are focused on each other. Focus changes with addition of children.
Spouses can voluntarily withdraw from marriage. Parents cannot divorce themselves from obligations to children via
divorce.
Money in unit is spent on the couple. Money is used for the needs of children.
Recreation revolves around adults. Recreation revolves around children.
Reprinted by permission of Dr. Lee Axelson.
family, in which both spouses blended family when parents remarry and bring addi-
work outside the home. tional children into the respective units.
postmodern family Postmodern families rep-
resent a departure from these Extended Family The extended family includes
nontraditional families
not only the nuclear family (or parts of it) but other
emphasizing that a models and include lesbian or
relatives as well. These relatives include grandpar-
healthy family need gay couples and mothers who
ents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. An example of an
not be heterosexual or are single by choice (Silverstein
extended family living together would be a husband
have two parents. & Auerbach, 2005).
and wife, their children, and the husband’s parents (the
binuclear family children’s grandparents). Asians are more likely than
family in which the Binuclear Family A
Anglo-Americans to live with their extended families.
members live in two binuclear family is a family in
However, commitment to the elderly may be chang-
households. which the members live in two
ing as a result of the westernization of Asian countries
separate households. This fam-
blended family a such as China, Japan, and Korea.
ily type is created when the par-
family created when The terms marriage and family are often thought
ents of the children divorce and
two individuals marry to be the same. Table 1.2 identifies the differences.
live separately, setting up two
and at least one of separate units, with the children
them brings a child or
children from a previ-
remaining a part of each unit.
Each of these units may also 1-3 Changes in
ous relationship or mar-
riage. also referred to
change again when the parents Marriage and
as a stepfamily.
remarry and bring additional
children into the respective units
Family
(blended family). Hence, the
W
extended family
the nuclear family or children may go from a nuclear hatever family we experience today was dif-
parts of it plus other family with both parents, to ferent previously and will change yet again.
relatives. a binuclear unit with parents A look back at some changes in marriage
living in separate homes, to a and the family follow.
10 M&F
Photographee.eu/Shutterstock.com
1-3a The industrial Revolution
and Family Change
The Industrial Revolution refers to the social and eco-
nomic changes that occurred when machines and fac-
tories, rather than human labor, became the dominant
mode for the production of goods. Industrialization
occurred in the United States during the early- and
mid-1800s and represents one of the most profound
influences on the family.
Before industrialization, families functioned as
an economic unit that produced goods and services
for its own consumption. Parents and children worked Families from familistic cultures such as
together in or near the home to meet the survival needs China who immigrate to the United States
of the family. As the United States became industrialized, soon discover that their norms, roles, and
more men and women left the home to sell their labor values are challenged.
for wages. The family was no longer a self-sufficient unit
that determined its work hours. Rather, employers deter- familism (e.g., focus on what is important for the fam-
mined where and when family members would work. ily) and the rise of individualism (focus on what it
Whereas children in preindustrialized America worked important for the individual). When family members
on farms and contributed to the economic survival of the functioned together as an economic unit, they were
family, children in industrialized America became eco- dependent on one another for survival and were con-
nomic liabilities rather than assets. Child labor laws and cerned about what was good for the family. This familis-
mandatory education removed children from the labor tic focus on the needs of the family has since shifted to a
force and lengthened their dependence on parental sup- focus on self-fulfillment—individualism. Families from
port. Eventually, both parents had to work away from familistic cultures such as China who immigrate to the
the home to support their children. The dual-income United States soon discover that their norms, roles, and
family had begun. values begin to alter in reference to the industrialized,
During the Industrial Revolution, urbanization urbanized, individualistic patterns and thinking. Individ-
occurred as cities were built around factories and families ualism and the quest for personal fulfillment are thought
moved to the city to work in the factories. Living space in to have contributed to high divorce rates, absent fathers,
cities was crowded and expensive, which contributed to and parents spending less time with their children.
a decline in the birthrate and thus smaller families. The Hence, although the family is sometimes blamed
development of transportation systems during the Indus- for juvenile delinquency, violence, and divorce, it is more
trial Revolution made it possible for family members to accurate to emphasize changing social norms and condi-
travel to work sites away from the home and to move tions of which the family is a part. When industrialization
away from extended kin. With increased mobility, many takes parents out of the home so that they can no longer
extended families became separated into smaller nuclear be constant nurturers and supervisors, the likelihood
family units consisting of parents and their children. of aberrant acts by their children/
As a result of parents leaving the home to earn wages adolescents increases. One expla-
and the absence of extended kin in or near the family nation for school violence is that familism philosophy
household, children had less adult supervision and moral absent, career-focused parents in which decisions are
guidance. Unsupervised children roamed the streets, have failed to provide close super- made in reference to
increasing the potential for crime and delinquency. vision for their children. what is best for the fam-
Industrialization also affected the role of the ily as a collective unit.
father in the family. Employment outside the home 1-3b Changes in individualism phi-
removed men from playing a primary role in child care losophy in which deci-
and in other domestic activities. The contribution men the Last 65 Years sions are made on the
made to the household became primarily economic. Enormous changes have occurred basis of what is best
Finally, the advent of industrialization, urban- in marriage and the family since for the individual.
ization, and mobility is associated with the demise of the 1950s. Table 1.3 reflects
table 1.3
Changes in Marriages and Families,1950 and 2015
1950 2015
Family Strong values for marriage and the family. Individuals Individuals who remain single or child free experience social
relationship who wanted to remain single or child free are understanding and sometimes encouragement. Single
values considered deviant, even pathological. Husband and and childfree people are no longer considered deviant or
wife should not be separated by jobs or careers. pathological but are seen as self-actuating individuals with
strong job or career commitments. Husbands and wives can be
separated for reasons of job or career and live in a commuter
marriage. Married women in large numbers have left the role of
full-time mother and housewife to join the labor market.
Gender roles Rigid gender roles, with men dominant and earning Egalitarian gender roles with both spouses earning income.
income while wives stay home, taking care of children. Greater involvement of men in fatherhood.
Sexual values Marriage was regarded as the only appropriate context For many, concerns about safer sex have taken precedence over the
for intercourse in middle-class America. Living together marital context for sex. Virginity is rarely exchanged for anything.
is unacceptable, and a child born out of wedlock was Living together is regarded as not only acceptable but sometimes
stigmatized. Virginity is sometimes exchanged for preferable to marriage. For some, unmarried single parenthood is
marital commitment. regarded as a lifestyle option. Hooking up is new courtship norm.
Homogamous Strong social pressure exists to date and marry within Dating and mating have become more heterogamous, with
mating one’s own racial, ethnic, religious, and social class group. more freedom to select a partner outside one’s own racial,
Emotional and legal attachments are heavily influenced ethnic, religious, and social class group. Attachments are more
by obligation to parents and kin. often by choice.
Cultural silence Intimate relationships are not an appropriate subject for Individuals on talk shows, interviews, and magazine surveys are
on intimate the media. open about sexuality and relationships behind closed doors.
relationships
Divorce Society strongly disapproves of divorce. Familistic values Divorce has replaced death as the endpoint of a majority of
encouraged spouses to stay married for the children. marriages. Less stigma is associated with divorce. Individualistic
Strong legal constraints keep couples together. Marriage values lead spouses to seek personal happiness. No-fault
is forever. divorce allows for easy severance. Marriage is tenuous.
Increasing numbers of children are being reared in single-
parent households apart from other relatives.
Familism Families are focused on the needs of children. Mothers Adult agenda of work and recreation has taken on increased
versus stay home to ensure that the needs of their children are importance, with less attention being given to children.
individualism met. Adult concerns are less important. Children are viewed as more sophisticated and capable of
thinking as adults, which frees adults to pursue their own
interests. Day care is used regularly.
Homosexuality Same-sex emotional and sexual relationships are a Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage. Gay relationships
culturally hidden phenomenon. Gay relationships are are, increasingly, a culturally open phenomenon (e.g., television
not socially recognized. sitcoms, gay athletes).
Scientific Aside from Kinsey’s, few studies are conducted on Acceptance of scientific study of marriage and intimate
scrutiny intimate relationships. relationships.
Family housing Husbands and wives live in same house. Husbands and wives may “live apart together” (LAT), which
means that, although they are emotionally and economically
connected, they (by choice) maintain two households, houses,
condos, or apartments.
Technology Nonexistent except phone. Use of iphones, texting, sexting, Facebook.
12 M&F
some of these changes. One of the most obvious A social exchange view of marital
changes is technology. Marriage relationships roles emphasizes that spouses negoti-
are initiated, developed, and maintained ate the division of labor on the basis of
with cell phone technology. Individuals exchange. For example, a man partici-
stay in contact with each other all day via pates in child care in exchange for his
text messaging. We will discuss the impact wife earning an income, which relieves
of technology on relationships in greater him of the total financial responsibility.
detail in Chapter 5 on communication and Social exchange theorists also emphasize
technology. that power in relationships is the ability
In spite of the persistent and dra- to influence, and avoid being influenced
matic changes in marriage and the family, by, the partner.
marriage and the family continue to be Albert Einstein’s second marriage to
resilient. Using this marriage-resilience Elsa Einstein provides another example of
perspective, changes in the institution of exchange. “She was an efficient and lively
marriage are not viewed negatively nor are woman, who was eager to serve and pro-
they indicative that marriage is in a state of tect him . . . . He was pleased to be looked
decline. Indeed, these changes are thought after . . . which
to have “few negative consequences for allowed him to marriage-resilience
adults, children, or the wider society” spend hours in perspective the view
(Amato et al., 2007, p. 6). a rather dreamy that changes in the
Courtesy of E Fred Johnson, Jr.
state, focusing institution of marriage
more on the cosmos than on the are not indicative of a
world around him.” (Isaacson, decline and do not have
1-4 Theoretical 2007, p. 247). negative effects.
Frameworks for theoretical

framework a set of
1-4b Family
Viewing Marriage interrelated principles
and the Family Life Course designed to explain a
Development particular phenomenon
A
ll theoretical frameworks are the same in and to provide a point
that they provide a set of interrelated principles
Framework of view.
designed to explain a particular phenomenon The family life course
social exchange
and provide a point of view. In essence, theories are development framework
framework spouses
explanations. The more common frameworks follow. emphasizes the important role
exchange resources,
transitions of individuals that
and decisions are made
occur in different periods of life
1-4a social Exchange on the basis of per-
and in different social contexts.
Framework For example, young unmarried
ceived profit and loss.
The social exchange framework is one of the most lovers may become cohabitants, utilitarianism the
commonly used theoretical perspectives in marriage then parents, grandparents, doctrine holding that
and the family. The framework views interaction and retirees, and widows. The family individuals rationally
choices in terms of cost and profit. It operates from a life cycle is a basic set of stages weigh the rewards and
premise of utilitarianism —the theory that individu- through which not all individu- costs associated with
als rationally weigh the rewards and costs associated als pass (e.g., the childfree) and behavioral choices.
with behavioral choices. Vespa (2013) studied cohabi- in which there is great diversity, family life course
tants age 50 and older and found that unhealthy but particularly in regard to race and development the
wealthy males were more likely to marry—they trade education (e.g., African Ameri- stages and process of
their wealth/agreement to marry for caregiving by cans are less likely to marry; the how families change
a female who needs economic support/wants to be highly educated are less likely to over time.
married. divorce) (Cherlin, 2010).
The family life course developmental framework discovered in the 1970s; she had been kept in isolation
has its basis in sociology (e.g., role transitions), whereas in one room in her California home for 12 years by her
the family life cycle has its basis in psychology, which abusive father (James, 2008). She could barely walk and
emphasizes the various developmental tasks family mem- could not talk. Although provided intensive therapy at
bers face across time (e.g., marriage, childbearing, pre- UCLA and the object of thousands of dollars of funded
school, school-age children, teenagers). If developmental research, Genie progressed only slightly. Today, she is
tasks at one stage are not accomplished, functioning in in her late 50s, institutionalized, and speechless. Her
subsequent stages will be impaired. For example, one of story illustrates the need for socialization; the legal
the developmental tasks of early American marriage is to bond of marriage and the obligation to nurture and
emotionally and financially separate from one’s family socialize offspring help to ensure that this socializa-
of origin. If such separation from parents does not take tion will occur.
place, independence as individuals and as a couple may Second, marriage and the family promote the
be impaired. emotional stability of the respective spouses. Society
cannot provide enough counselors to help us whenever
1-4c structure-Function we have emotional issues/problems. Marriage ideally
provides in-residence counselors who are loving and
Framework caring partners with whom people share (and receive
The structure-function framework emphasizes how help for) their most difficult experiences.
marriage and family contribute to society. Just as the Children also need people to love them and to give
human body is made up of different parts that work them a sense of belonging. This need can be fulfilled in
together for the good of the individual, society is made a variety of family contexts (two-parent families, single-
up of different institutions (e.g., family, religion, edu- parent families, extended families). The affective function
cation, economics) that work together for the good of of the family is one of its major offerings. No other insti-
society. Functionalists (structure-function theorists) tution focuses so completely on meeting the emotional
view the family as an institution with values, norms, needs of its members as marriage and the family.
and activities meant to provide stability for the larger Third, families provide economic support for their
society. Such stability depends on families performing members. Although modern families are no longer self-
various functions for society. sufficient economic units, they provide food, shelter, and
First, families serve to clothing for their members. One need only consider the
replenish society with socialized homeless in our society to be reminded of this impor-
members. Because our society tant function of the family.
family life
cannot continue to exist with- In addition to the primary functions of replace-
cycle stages which
out new members, we must have ment, emotional stability, and economic support, other
identify the various
some way of ensuring a continu- functions of the family include the following:
challenges faced by
ing supply. However, just having
members of a family ■ Physical care. Families provide the primary care for
new members is not enough. We
across time. their infants, children, and aging parents. Other
need socialized members—those
structure-function who can speak our language and agencies (neonatal units, day care centers, assisted-
framework empha- know the norms and roles of living residences, shelters) may help, but the fam-
sizes how marriage and our society. Girgis et al. (2011) ily remains the primary and recurring caretaker.
family contribute to the emphasized that “societies rely Spouses also show concern about the physical health
larger society. on families to produce upright of each other by encouraging each other to take
people who make for consci- medications and to see a doctor.
functionalists struc-
tural functionalist entious, law-abiding citizens ■ Regulation of sexual behavior. Spouses are expected
theorists who view the lessening the demand for gov- to confine their sexual behavior to each other, which
family as an institution ernmental policing and social reduces the risk of having children who do not have
with values, norms, services” (p. 245). socially and legally bonded parents, and of contract-
and activities meant to Disaster is the result for a ing or spreading sexually transmitted infections.
provide stability for the child born into a family which
larger society. does not function properly. ■ Status placement. Being born into a family provides
Genie is a young girl who was social placement of the individual in society. One’s
14 M&F
family of origin largely determines one’s social class, ■ Social control. Spouses in high-quality, durable mar-
religious affiliation, and future occupation. Baby Prince riages provide social control for each other that results
George Alexander Louis, son of Kate Middleton and in less criminal behavior. Parole boards often note
Prince William of the royal family of Great Britain, that the best guarantee against recidivism is a spouse
was born into the upper class and is destined to be in who expects the partner to get a job and avoid crimi-
politics by virtue of being born into a political family. nal behavior and who reinforces these behaviors.
Personal View:
”I Was Stolen from
My Family”
John D. Kisch/Separate Cinema Archive/Getty Images

T
he government is an institution that has
an enormous impact on family life. A
dramatic example is the Australian gov-
ernment policy in regard to Aboriginal chil-
dren. In Australia, between 1885 and 1969,
between 50 and 100 thousand half caste (one
White parent) Aboriginal children were taken
Rabbit Proof Fence is a 2002 film that
by force from their parents by the Australian tells the story of Aboriginal children
police. The rationale by the White society was who were taken by force from their
that it wanted to convert these children to parents by the Australian government
between 1885 and 1969.
Christianity and to destroy their Aboriginal
culture which was viewed as primitive and
without value. The children were forced to was a horrible experience for me. I couldn’t stand
walk or were taken by camel hundreds of the feel of the cloth touching my skin (p. 35).
miles away from their parents to church mis- The australian government subsequently apolo-
sions. (See the Rabbit-Fence Proof DVD.) gized for the laws and policies of successive parlia-
ments and governments that inflicted profound grief,
Bob Randall (2008) is one of the children who was
suffering, and loss on the aborigines. He noted that the
taken by force from his parents at age 7, never to see
aborigines continue to be marginalized and nothing
them again. He was, literally, stolen from his family—
has been done to compensate for the horror of taking
physically taken from his mother and taken away, never
children from their families.
to see her again. Of his experience, he wrote,
Bob Randall visited the marriage and family class
Instead of the wide open spaces of my desert of the author, told of his being taken away from his
home, we were housed in corrugated iron dor- mother, and sang “Brown skin Baby (They Took me
mitories with rows and rows of bunk beds. After away).” a video of his singing and playing this song
dinner we were bathed by the older women, put close to where he was taken away in australia over
in clothing they called pajamas, and then tucked 60 years ago has been posted to YouTube by the
into one of the iron beds between the sheets. This Global Oneness Project.
C hCahpat pe tr e 1r : 1M: aMr ar ir ar igae gs e as nadn Fd a Fma im

l i iel si e: sA: nA Inn It nr ot rdoudc ut ic ot ino n 15
15
1-4d Conflict Framework 1-4e symbolic interaction
Conflict framework views individuals in relation- Framework
ships as competing for valuable resources (e.g., time,
The symbolic interaction framework views mar-
money, power). Conflict theorists recognize that family
riages and families as symbolic worlds in which the var-
members have different goals and values that produce
ious members give meaning to one another’s behavior.
conflict. Adolescents want freedom (e.g., stay out all
Human behavior can be understood only by the mean-
night with new love interest) while parents want their
ing attributed to behavior. Curran et al. (2010) assessed
child to get a good night’s sleep, not get pregnant, and
the meaning of marriage for 31 African Americans of
stay on track in school.
different ages and found that the two most common
Conflict theorists also view conflict not as good
meanings were commitment and love. Herbert Blumer
or bad but as a natural and normal part of relation-
(1969) used the term symbolic interaction to refer
ships. They regard conflict as necessary for the change
to the process of interpersonal interaction. Concepts
and growth of individuals, marriages, and families.
inherent in this framework include the definition of the
Cohabitation relationships, marriages, and families
situation, the looking-glass self, and the self-fulfilling
all have the potential for conflict. Cohabitants are in
prophecy.
conflict about commitment to marry, spouses
are in conflict about the division of labor, Definition of the situation Two
and parents are in conflict with people who have just spotted each other
their children over rules such as at a party are constantly defining the
curfew, chores, and homework. situation and responding to those
These three units may also be definitions. Is the glance from
in conflict with other systems. the other person (1) an invi-
For example, cohabitants are tation to approach, (2) an
in conflict with the economic approach, or (3) a misinter-
institution for health benefits pretation—was he or she looking
for their partners. Similarly, Levent Konuk/Shutterstock.com at someone else? The definition used
employed parents are in con- will affect subsequent interaction.
flict with their employers for flexible work hours, Getting married also has different definitions/
maternity or paternity benefits, and day care facilities. meanings. For “marriage naturalists” it is an event
Conflict theory is also helpful in understanding that is a natural progression of a relationship (often
choices in relationships with regard to mate selection begun in high school) and is expected of oneself, one’s
and jealousy. Unmarried individuals in search of a part- partner, and both of their families. Persons in rural
ner are in competition with other unmarried individuals areas more often have this view. In contrast, “marriage
for the scarce resources of a desirable mate. Such con- planners” are more metropolitan and view marriage
flict is particularly evident in the case of older women as an event one “gets ready for” by completing one’s
in competition for men. At age college or graduate school education, establishing
conflict framework 85 and older, there are twice as oneself in a job/career, and maturing emotionally and
view that individu- many women (3.7 million) as psychologically. These individuals may cohabit and
als in relationships there are men (1.8 million) (Sta- have children before they decide to marry (Kefalas
compete for valuable tistical Abstract of the United et al., 2011).
resources. States, 2012–2013, Table 7).
Jealousy is also sometimes about
symbolic Looking-glass self The image people have of
scarce resources. People fear that
interaction themselves is a reflection of what other people tell
their “one and only” will be sto-
framework views them about themselves (Cooley, 1964). People develop
len by someone else who has no
marriage and families an idea of who they are by the way others act toward
partner. Thus wives are aware of
as symbolic worlds in them. If no one looks at or speaks to them, they will
how much time their husbands
which the various mem- begin to feel unsettled, according to Charles Cooley.
spend talking to the attractive
bers give meaning to Similarly, family members constantly hold up social
newly divorced female at a social
each other’s behavior. mirrors for one another into which the respective
gathering. members look for definitions of self.
16 M&F
G. H. Mead (1934), a classic symbolic interaction- rather than being locked into one role. In problem
ist, believed that people are not passive sponges but families, one family member is often allocated the role
that they evaluate the perceived appraisals of others, of scapegoat, or the cause of all the family’s problems
accepting some opinions and not others. Although some (e.g., an alcoholic spouse).
parents teach their children that they are worthless, Family systems may be open, in that they are
these children may reject the definition by believing receptive to information and interaction with the out-
in more positive social mirrors from friends, teachers, side world, or closed, in that they feel threatened by
and lovers. such contact. The Amish have a closed family system
and minimize contact with the outside world. Some
self-Fulfilling prophecy Once people define communes also encourage minimal outside exposure.
situations and the behaviors in which they are expected Twin Oaks Intentional Community of Louisa, Virginia,
to engage, they are able to behave toward one another does not permit any of its almost 100 members to
in predictable ways. Such predictability of behavior own a television or keep one in their room. Exposure
affects subsequent behavior. If you feel that your part- to the negative drumbeat of the evening news is seen
ner expects you to be faithful, your behavior is likely as harmful.
to conform to these expectations. The expectations Holmes et al. (2013) used a family systems per-
thus create a self-fulfilling prophecy. spective to explain the transition of spouses and their
marriage to parenthood. The researchers noted that
1-4f Family systems it is the context that must be considered to under-
stand changes. For example, having a daughter is
Framework associated with more conflict for fathers across time,
The family systems framework views each member and this impacts the interaction of the wife with her
of the family as part of a system and the family as a husband.
unit that develops norms of interacting, which may
be explicit (e.g., parents specify when their children
“Feminism is the radical notion
must stop texting for the evening and complete home-
work) or implicit (e.g., spouses expect fidelity from that women are people.”
each other). These rules serve various functions, such
as the allocation of keeping the education of offspring — a n i d i F r a n co, a m E r i c a n s i n g E r
on track and solidifying the emotional bond of the
spouses.
Rules are most efficient if they are flexible (e.g., 1-4g Feminist Framework
they should be adjusted over time in response to a Although a feminist framework views marriage
child’s growing competence). A rule about not leaving and family as contexts of inequality and oppression
the yard when playing may be appropriate for a 4-year- for women, there are 11 feminist perspectives, includ-
old but inappropriate for a 16-year-old. ing lesbian feminism (emphasizing oppressive het-
Family members also develop boundaries that erosexuality), psychoanalytic
define the individual and the group and separate one feminism (focusing on cultural
system or subsystem from another. A boundary may be domination of men’s phallic-ori- family systems
physical, such as a closed bedroom door, or social, such ented ideas and repressed emo- framework views
as expectations that family problems will not be aired tions), and standpoint feminism each member of the
in public. Boundaries may also be emotional, such as (stressing the neglect of wom- family as part of a
communication, which maintains closeness or distance en’s perspective and experiences system and the family
in a relationship. Some family systems are cold and in the production of knowledge) as a unit that develops
abusive; others are warm and nurturing. (Lorber, 1998). Regardless of norms of interaction.
In addition to rules and boundaries, family sys- which feminist framework is feminist framework
tems have roles (leader, follower, scapegoat) for the being discussed, all feminist views marriage and
respective family members. These roles may be shared frameworks have the themes of the family as contexts
by more than one person or may shift from person to inequality and oppression. Fem- for inequality and
person during an interaction or across time. In healthy inists seek equality in their rela- oppression.
families, individuals are allowed to alternate roles tionships with their partners.
1-5 Choices in
Relationships:
View of the Text
W
hile the previous theoretical frameworks are
useful in understanding marriage and the
family, in this text we encourage a proac-
Jane0606/Shutterstock.com
tive approach of taking charge of your life and making
wise relationship choices. Making the right choices in
your relationships, including marriage and family, is
critical to your health, happiness, and sense of well-
being. Your times of greatest elation and sadness will
be in reference to your love relationships. action Must Follow a Choice While the
Although we have many choices to make in our private life of Woody Allen has been the subject of
society, among the most important are whether to public dismay (e.g., he married his long-time part-
marry, whom to marry, when to marry, whether to have ner’s adopted daughter), he is one of the few Hol-
children, whether to remain emotionally and sexually lywood directors who is given complete control over
faithful to one’s partner, and whether to protect oneself all aspects of his films. His success began with a
from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted decision to become a stand-up comedian and make
pregnancy. Though structural and cultural influences a name for himself, then use this influence to launch
are operative, a choices framework emphasizes that his film career. His biographer writes, “Woody is
individuals have some control over their relationship nothing if he is not deliberate. Decisions may take
destiny by making deliberate choices to initiate, nurture, a long while to be made, but once his mind is made
or terminate intimate relationships. up to do something, he devotes all his effort to it”
(Lax 1991, p. 156). While in his twenties, Allen per-
“things do not happen. things formed two to three shows a night to small, 50-per-
son audiences six nights a week ($75 to $100 a
are made to happen.” week) for two years. He was beset with the fear of
“going live,” exhausted at the grueling schedule, and
— J o H n F. K E n n E dy, 3 5 t H p r E s i d E n t
doubted the future (should he quit?). He persevered,
pushed through another six months, got his break,
1-5a Facts about Choices and moved forward.
in Relationships
“in any moment of decision, the
The facts to keep in mind when making relationship
choices include the following. best thing you can do is the
not to Decide is to Decide Not making a
right thing, the next best
decision is a decision by default. If you are sexually thing is the wrong thing,
active and decide not to use a condom, you have made
a decision to increase your risk for contracting a sexu-
and the worst thing you can
ally transmissible infection, including HIV. If you do do is nothing.”
not make a deliberate choice to end a relationship that
is unfulfilling, abusive, or going nowhere, you have —t H Eo d o r E r o o s E V E lt, 2 6t H p r E s i d E n t
made a choice to continue in that relationship and
have little chance of getting into a more positive and some Choices Require Correction Some
satisfying relationship. If you do not make a decision of our choices, although appearing correct at the
to be faithful to your partner, you have made a deci- time that we make them, turn out to be disasters.
sion to be vulnerable to cheating. Once we realize that a choice is having consistently
18 M&F
negative consequences, we need to stop defending the
old choice, reverse the position, make new choices,
and move forward. Otherwise, one remains consis-
tently locked into continued negative outcomes of
“bad” choices. For example, choosing a partner who
Skylines/Shutterstock.com
was loving and kind but who turns out to be abu-
sive and dangerous requires correcting that choice. To
stay in the abusive relationship will have predictable
disastrous consequences. To make the decision to dis-
engage and to move on opens the opportunity for a
loving relationship with another partner. In the mean- Choices include selecting a positive or
time, living alone may be a better alternative than liv- negative View As Thomas Edison progressed
ing in a relationship in which you are abused and may toward inventing the light bulb, he said, “I have not
end up dead. Other examples of making corrections failed. I have found ten thousand ways that won’t
involve ending dead or loveless relationships (perhaps work.” Ron Wayne, negotiating with Steve Jobs, was
after investing time and effort to improve the relation- offered a 10% share in the computer giant Apple
ship or love feelings), changing jobs or career, and when it started up, but he was ambivalent since he
changing friends. would have to invest money that he feared he would
lose and thus he did not invest. In early 2011, his
Choices involve Trade-offs By making one 10% stake would have been worth approximately
choice, you relinquish others. Every relationship choice $2.6 billion. Later in life he said that he was not bitter
you make will have a downside and an upside. If you and had made the best decision at the time (Isaacson,
decide to stay in a relationship that becomes a long- 2011, p. 65).
distance relationship, you are continuing involve-
ment in a relationship that is obviously important to
you. However, you may spend a lot of time alone and “Nothing is either good or bad
wonder if you made the right decision to continue the but thinking makes it so.”
relationship. If you decide to marry, you will give up
your freedom to pursue other emotional and/or sexual —william sHaKEspE arE,HamlEt
relationships, and you will also give up some of your
control over how you spend your money—but you In spite of an unfortunate event in your life, you
may also get a wonderful companion with whom to can choose to see the bright side. Regardless of your
share life. Any partner that you select will also have circumstances, you can opt for viewing a situation in
characteristics that must be viewed as a trade-off. One positive terms. A breakup with a partner you have
woman noted of her man, “he doesn’t do text messag- loved can be viewed as the end of your happiness or an
ing or email . . . he doesn’t even know how to turn on a opportunity to become involved in a new, more fulfill-
computer. But he knows how to build a house, plant a ing relationship. The discovery of your partner cheating
garden, and fix a car . . . trade-offs I’m willing to make.” on you can be viewed as the end of the relationship or
as an opportunity to examine your situation, to open
up communication channels with your partner, and
to develop a stronger connection. Discovering that
you are infertile can be viewed as a catastrophe or as
a challenge to face adversity with your partner. It is
not the event but your view of it that determines its
effect on you.
Most Choices are Revocable; some are

Courtesy of Michelle North
not Most choices can be changed. For example, a per-

son who has chosen to be sexually active with multiple
partners can decide to be monogamous or to abstain
from sexual relations in new relationships. People who
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
avec leurs pieds, sans repos, sans pensée, absorbées par l’incessant travail
monotone et dur. Leurs membres musclés sont beaux et leurs corps sont
parfaits, malgré les faces bestiales qui repoussent.
Le tourneur auquel nous venons commander les hautes jarres à
provisions, où l’on conserve l’huile et les grains, est un artisan chenu.
Complaisant, mais peu loquace, il travaille en silence devant nous, et
tire, de son bloc de glaise, les plus surprenants objets.
—Il est le maître des maîtres,—nous dit un de ses compagnons, Allah le
conserve et le dédommage! C’est le père de Saïd, ce petit que vous avez
chez vous.
—Comment, son père?... Saïd nous a dit qu’il était mort avant sa
naissance...
Le vieux tourneur se met à rire:
—Saïd vous a menti. Vous ne savez pas encore toute sa malice! Que le
Seigneur m’en décharge!... Si vous voulez le prendre, je vous le donne.
Nous nous taisons, stupéfaits... Cet homme qui, si naïvement, abandonne
son enfant!... et puis l’étonnant mensonge de Saïd, la longue histoire
combinée par un tout petit être...
—Écoute, ô hakem, continue le potier, Saïd ne vaut rien. Le diable lui
parle et il l’écoute. J’ai voulu lui faire porter les briques, il les cassait toutes,
par méchanceté. Alors je l’ai placé, comme les enfants de son âge, chez un
tailleur de djellabas, pour dévider les fils. Saïd s’est sauvé de chez son
maître, après avoir mis le trouble dans le quartier. Et, l’autre jour, il m’a
quitté, en me volant deux réaux, à moi qui ne suis qu’un pauvre artisan!...
Les gens m’ont dit qu’il était chez toi, je ne suis pas allé le chercher... je
suis las, je suis vieux et j’avais peur qu’il n’eût déjà commis bien des
méfaits dans ta maison... vous feriez mieux de ne pas le garder! Par le
Prophète! ô seigneur hakem, je te supplie de ne pas faire retomber sur moi
le mal qu’il vous causera!
Nous rassurons le père, très contents en somme de garder l’enfant auquel
nous nous sentons attachés déjà. Comment ce gosse pourrait-il nous nuire?
Le bonhomme, trop rude, n’aura pas su redresser cette petite nature,
mauvaise, mais bien drôle.
Dès notre retour, nous interrogeons Saïd.
—Qu’est cela? Pourquoi nous as-tu dit que ton père était mort?
—Allah l’ait en sa Miséricorde! répond le gamin avec componction.
—Tu mens! C’est Sellam le tourneur. Nous l’avons va, tu le sais bien.
C’est pourquoi tu n’as pas voulu venir avec nous chez les potiers.
—J’avais trop peur de lui, avoue Saïd. Il me battait, alors je me suis
sauvé.
—Et ton maître, le tailleur de djellabas?
—Il me battait aussi, affirme Saïd, l’air tellement innocent que nous le
croyons presque, malgré ses premiers mensonges.
Et puis, qu’importe?... Déjà nous n’avons plus d’illusions! Nous voulons
en avoir.
15 octobre.
Accroupi sur une natte, au milieu de ses pots remplis de couleur,
Larfaoui Jenjoul, le maître Larfaoui, décore un coffre ciselé. Ses pinceaux
en poils d’âne se hérissent comme de petits balais (c’est ainsi qu’il les
nomme du reste), et l’on s’étonne qu’il trace des rinceaux si déliés, des
courbes si parfaites, avec de tels instruments.
Larfaoui possède les belles traditions léguées par les anciens. Il en
remontrerait même au célèbre Hammadi et à sa nièce Khdija Temtam, dont,
un jour, il me conta l’histoire. Mais un peintre italien,—Allah le confonde!
—dérouta quelque peu les conceptions millénaires de notre décorateur, en
travaillant jadis à ses côtés, dans le palais du Sultan Mouley Abdelaziz.
Larfaoui subit ainsi la fâcheuse influence européenne. Il arrive parfois
que son caprice fasse éclore des bouquets aux airs penchés, aux fleurs
presque naturelles, sur des fonds roses, bleu pâle, ou gris.
Grâce à Dieu! Larfaoui réserve ces innovations pour les demeures des
marchands enrichis, tel ce tager Ben Melih qui n’a point le goût des belles
peintures symétriques où s’enchevêtrent les lignes.
Larfaoui sait que nous, Nazaréens, apprécions le vieux style. Même il a
pour moi certaine considération, parce que j’en connais à présent la
technique, et ne laisse passer aucun décor moderne sans le repérer aussitôt
parmi les entrelacs, telle une vipère dans les branches.
J’aime à faire travailler Larfaoui chez moi, pour la jouissance de le voir
peindre. Il ignore la mélancolie. Ses pensées ont la nuance joyeuse et
changeante des couleurs qu’il manie. Il excelle à balancer les verts, les
jaunes, les rouges et les bleus, à créer des rapprochements où le regard se
plaît. C’est un maître! Il en a le sentiment et l’orgueil. Nul peintre au monde
ne saurait lui être comparé.
—Pourtant, il y a Mohammed Doukkali...
—Le Doukkali!... qu’est-ce que cela? Mets son travail auprès du mien,
on ne l’apercevra même pas.
—Et Temtam?
—Tu plaisantes! Quand il doit exécuter un ornement compliqué, je le lui
dessine.
—Les peintres de Fès?
—Ceux de Fès! Les Sultans les avaient dans leur ombre, et ils me
faisaient venir de Meknès pour décorer leurs palais.
—Soit, personne donc ne t’égale ni te dépasse?
—Si, Allah! Il a peint les Cherekrek[62] au plumage d’azur...
Un sourire d’enfantine vanité éclaire son intelligent visage noir, et, pour
me convaincre pleinement, Larfaoui, du bout de son pinceau, décrit une
série de lignes qui s’enlacent en un réseau inextricable, mais harmonieux.
Avec une affolante rapidité, le panneau est couvert, terminé. D’un vase
gracile, s’élève l’étrange épanouissement symétrique et compliqué d’un
bouquet.
Cela semble le travail de plusieurs jours, et Larfaoui l’a fait éclore en
moins d’un quart d’heure.
Mais, à présent, il flâne, il gratte doucement ses minerais jaunes, casse à
petits coups les œufs dont les coquilles jonchent les mosaïques, se complaît
à une lente et minutieuse préparation. Puis il va boire à la fontaine, cueille
une orange, considère le ciel que le crépuscule ne rosit pas encore, hélas!...
et se réaccroupit sans enthousiasme devant le coffre commencé!
Larfsaoui est un artiste, et je me sens pleine d’indulgence pour sa
paresse. Parfois, il abandonne son travail durant plusieurs jours, car c’est
«la fête du soleil». Alors il s’en va, une cage à la main, dans une arsa
fleurie. Étendu sous un arbre, il écoute l’oiseau, sirote une tasse de thé,
respire le parfum des roses... Il jouit.
Après ces fugues, il ne manque pas de m’apporter un bouquet ou un
fruit, qu’il m’offre avec un large rire. Larfaoui me désarme et m’enchante.
Saïd s’est installé auprès de lui et considère son œuvre. S’il plaît à Dieu!
Saïd lui aussi sera peintre, il perpétuera les traditions qui ont créé tant de
merveilles.
—Quel est cet enfant? demande Larfaoui.
—Un petit abandonné que nous élèverons.
—Allah vous récompense! D’où vient-il?
—C’est le fils de Sellam le potier.
—Ah! fait Larfaoui, d’un air singulier. Va me chercher un verre d’eau,
dit-il au bambin, et, dès que celui-ci disparaît, il ajoute:
—On ne t’a donc pas dit qu’il a deux sœurs, des prostituées, hachek?
(sauf ton respect).
—Je sais. Mais ce n’est pas la faute de l’enfant. Avec l’aide d’Allah nous
en ferons un honnête et bon Musulman.
—Tu as connu El Hadi, le tisserand?
—Oui... qu’a-t-il à faire en ceci?
—Il est mort il y a deux mois.
—Dieu l’accueille en sa Clémence!
—Par le serment! je vais te dire une chose vraie. El Hadi fréquentait ces
chiennes, il leur avait prêté de l’argent. Vint l’échéance, elles lui dirent:
«Donne-nous un délai.» Il l’accorda, et, pour l’en remercier, elles lui
envoyèrent un couscous. Dès qu’il en eut mangé, son ventre lui fit mal,
jusqu’à en mourir... Certes il fut empoisonné!
—O Puissant!... A-t-on prévenu la justice?
—A quoi bon? Il était mort... Mais je te conseille, méfie-toi de l’enfant.
En grandissant, le louveteau ne saurait devenir qu’un loup.
Saïd arrive à petits pas, tenant avec précaution le verre plein d’eau. Son
visage s’arrondit déjà, la mèche d’Aïssaoui se balance drôlement au côté du
crâne bien rasé... Non, nous ne le rejetterons pas au vice. Qu’Allah nous
accorde son assistance!
6 novembre.
«L’Achoura vient.».... En cette attente, Meknès a pris son visage le plus
riant; toutes les préoccupations, toutes les querelles restent suspendues, rien
ne pouvant égaler l’importance d’une fête qui se renouvelle, identique,
chaque année.
Puissance des fêtes sur les enfants et les peuples simples qui leur
ressemblent.
Nous ne savons plus en jouir comme eux. Qui nous rendra les liesses de
jadis, pour Noël et pour Pâques? Nos jours enfiévrés fuient d’une allure
uniforme.
Mais ici, grâce à Dieu! les fêtes gardent tout leur prestige. Saïd en parle
abondamment. Il sait déjà prévoir le nombre de roues qui tourneront sur la
place de Bab Berdaine.
—On dit, ô ma mère, qu’il y en aura dix mille! Combien plus que l’an
dernier!...
Toujours, bien entendu, la fête qui vient surpassera les précédentes.
Depuis une semaine, Saïd a été presque sage. Il n’a point menti, ni volé,
ni fait d’affreuses colères. Il mérite aujourd’hui de revêtir le selham de satin
émeraude, dont le capuchon encadre sa face de ouistiti.
Les petites filles suivent, fières et gauches dans leurs caftans de drap
neuf et leurs tfinat en mousseline raide. Mais on ne distingue de leurs
splendeurs que de très estimables babouches, car elles se voilent
pudiquement dans leurs haïks. Rabha, elle-même, a voulu enrouler son
visage de linges qui écrasent son petit nez.
A mesure que nous approchons de la place, la foule se fait très dense et
Kaddour a bien de la peine à nous frayer un passage. Foule éclatante,
colorée, sans une tache d’étoffe sombre. Pas de femmes, ou presque, à part
quelques hétaïres et des femmes berbères au profil sauvage, mais des
tirailleurs, des artisans, de jeunes bourgeois, et surtout des enfants.
C’est la fête des petits. Il y en a de tous les âges, de toutes les tailles,
importants et raides en leurs beaux habits. Ceux qui ne marchent pas encore
sont portés sur les bras. Tous les crânes des garçons reluisent, fraîchement
rasés; une mèche se balance au sommet, à droite ou à gauche, selon la
confrérie à laquelle on les a voués. Les selhams, de velours et de soie,
miroitent au soleil. Les fillettes ont des nattes minuscules, enchevêtrées
avec art et régularité, tout autour de la tête. Elles se parent de ferronnières,
de lourds anneaux d’oreilles et de colliers prêtés par leurs mamans. La
plupart circulent à visage découvert, le port du haïk n’étant de rigueur qu’au
moment où l’enfant devient nubile, et alors les sorties se font très rares...
Celles qui voulurent, ainsi que les nôtres, prendre des allures de dames, se
trouvent fort embarrassées de leurs voiles, sur cette place où l’on s’amuse.
Les marchands de sucreries, très entourés, se tiennent derrière leurs
frêles étalages qui attirent les guêpes. Ils vendent des bonbons roses et
blancs, des nougats empoussiérés, des pains de millet au miel, des beignets,
des grenades et de jolies arbouses écarlates et veloutées.
La foule s’agite dans un brouillard doré, poussière et soleil.
Un immense grincement domine le tumulte des voix, acide, exaspérant,
grincement de bois et de ferraille, grincement des roues, à sièges suspendus,
qui tournent en hauteur, au moyen d’un mécanisme ingénieusement simple.
Ces roues,—il y en a une quinzaine,—sont le plus couru des
divertissements, et les amateurs attendent, avec impatience, leur tour de
monter dans les grinçantes machines. Mais ceux qui déjà y sont accroupis,
ne se rassasient point d’un tel plaisir et paient guirch sur guirch pour le
prolonger. Ils jouissent aussi de se trouver en mire à tous les yeux, ils rient
très haut et s’efforcent de faire tourner leurs sièges sur eux-mêmes, sens
dessus dessous, tandis que la roue continue à les emporter, de son propre
mouvement.
Parmi les tirailleurs et les jeunes hommes, trois belles sont montées dans
une roue, et font sensation. Les voiles ne laissent apercevoir de leurs
visages que les yeux peints, allongés jusqu’aux tempes, mais les djellabas,
impudemment ouvertes, révèlent de clinquants colliers et l’éclat des étoffes,
tandis que les jambes s’agitent, avec ostentation, chaque fois que le siège
bascule.
—Par Allah! s’écria Rabha. Regarde, ô ma mère, c’est Mouley El Fadil
qui rit avec ces femmes! Un chérif d’entre les chorfas!...
Je partage l’indignation de la petite. Il faut, en vérité, que Mouley El
Fadil ait perdu la raison pour s’exposer avec des courtisanes, aux populaires
réjouissances d’Achoura!...
Installé dans le quatrième siège de la roue, il semble s’amuser à
l’extrême limite de l’amusement, bascule, pieds par-dessus tête, virevolte,
lance aux belles de plaisantes apostrophes.
Dès ce soir, Lella Oum Keltoum sera certainement informée de ce
scandale, et les colporteuses de nouvelles insisteront, avec perfidie, sur les
ébats du «fils de son oncle».
—Il est fou de cette Drissia, tu vois, la plus salée, celle au caftan
«cardon»... Les hommes ne valent rien, formule Rabha en faisant une moue
attristée.
Que ne m’eût-elle appris, la petite fille, si la «carroussa» n’était, à ce
moment, passée près de nous. Rabha fut saisie d’un intense désir d’y
prendre place. Haïk et mines de femme sont vite rejetés. Pour un sou, la
voici logée dans la boîte, prison roulante qui bute, cahote et grince, où les
enfants s’entassent jusqu’à l’étouffement. Un homme traîne, deux autres
poussent et s’efforcent d’activer les roues qui ne marchent pas...
Pendant ce temps, Saïd savoure les joies d’un autre sport. Sur ce poteau,
fiché dans le sol, des barres en croix tournent horizontalement. Au bout de
chaque poutre, deux cordes soutiennent un siège fait de quatre planches
peintes et parfois décorées de colonnettes. Si les enfants placés vis-à-vis
sont d’un poids égal, et si les gamins chargés de tirer sur les cordes
accomplissent leur tâche, le système s’ébranle. Entraînés par la force
centrifuge, les sièges s’éloignent du poteau central, dans une envolée qui
force l’entourage à s’écarter. Saïd ne veut plus quitter la passionnante
machine, ses menottes s’agrippent aux cordes, son selham vert balaye
l’assistance. Il est heureux!
Nous accédons à ses supplications et le confions à Kaddour qui s’amuse
autant que lui. Les petites filles, déjà lasses, inhabituées aux sorties, ne
demandent qu’à rentrer. Mais tout le reste du jour, elles ressassent, avec
excitation, les plaisirs de la fête.
Vers le mohgreb, Kaddour est revenu, seul et la mine soucieuse. Il porte
sur son bras le selham de satin vert.
—Où est Saïd?
—C’est un vaurien, fils de vaurien!... Il s’est sauvé de moi, tandis que
nous étions devant un marchand de bonbons. Voici des heures que je le
cherche!... La foule était si compacte qu’une sauterelle, tombant sur la
place, n’aurait pu se poser à terre...
Saïd n’est pas beaucoup plus gros qu’une sauterelle, mais le vert de son
selham l’emporte, quant à l’éclat, sur celui de ces bestioles.
—Dans ma pensée, reprend Kaddour, il s’en est justement débarrassé
afin que je ne puisse plus le reconnaître. Un homme me l’a remis tout
piétiné. Un selham de satin!...
—As-tu été chez le Pacha?...
—J’ai vu le Pacha, j’ai vu le Mohtasseb, j’ai vu le chef du quartier!... Il
n’y a pas de lieu au monde où je ne sois allé. Maintenant j’ai lâché les
crieurs publics, ils parcourent la ville. Écoute...
La voix sonore, au rythme connu, s’enfle et décroît, tout au long de la
rue, derrière nos murs, mais elle ne proclame point la perte ordinaire d’une
sacoche ou d’un âne:
O les gens de religion!

O les braves gens!
Un enfant a disparu!
Un garçon de trois ans,
Possesseur d’un petit caftan rose,
Celui qui peut donner de ses nouvelles
Fera le bien et recevra sa récompense.
Le crieur chante en courant, la voix s’éloigne:
O les gens de religion!

O les braves gens...
Toute la ville va s’occuper du méchant gamin, et je ne doute point qu’on

ne le ramène ici. Qui donc, sauf nous, voudrait garder Saïd?...
Pourtant la nuit s’avançait lorsqu’un Mokhazni du Pacha, tenant l’enfant
endormi dans ses bras, vint heurter à notre porte.
—Il était sous l’auvent de la grande mosquée. Une femme qui avait
entendu le crieur est venue me prévenir.
—Sur elle et sur toi, la bénédiction d’Allah! Voici des réaux que vous
partagerez.
Saïd, posé à terre et mal réveillé, ouvre des yeux hagards.
Il parle, parle, d’une bizarre petite voix haletante:
—Mes sœurs m’ont dit: «Prends-leur des gâteaux, il y en a chez eux...
prends-leur du sucre que tu nous apporteras, et du petit argent si tu en
trouves...» Il y avait des hommes et des femmes. Nous nous sommes bien
réjouis, nous avons bu et nous avons mangé... nous avons parfumé nos
vêtements... Mes sœurs, ce ne sont que des p... de Sidi Nojjar, mais elles
m’ont donné des bonbons.
—O méchant! pourquoi t’es-tu sauvé de Kaddour? Tes sœurs étaient
donc à la fête? Nous t’avions défendu de les voir jamais, tu le sais bien.
L’enfant rit sans répondre, puis il entonne une chanson obscène, vacille
et tombe accroupi sur les mosaïques. Son haleine, empestée de mahia[63],
confirme ce que déjà nous avions deviné.
Saïd est ivre, épouvantablement!...
12 novembre.
Les vapeurs qui s’étendaient sur le ciel, comme le tfina de mousseline
dont la transparence atténue l’éclat d’un caftan, se sont accumulées, cette
nuit, et deviennent d’épaisses nuées menaçantes.
Elles accourent de l’ouest, se poursuivent, se bousculent, se confondent
en un conflit tragique et muet. Plus haute et subitement hostile, la chaîne du
Zerhoun barre l’horizon d’un rempart indigo foncé; les ruines
s’abandonnent, très grises; il semble que la ville se soit écroulée davantage.
En cette atmosphère de tristesse et d’hiver, ce n’est plus qu’un lamentable
tas de décombres.
Quelques gouttes s’écrasent lentement dans la poussière en y traçant des
étoiles... Leur rythme s’accentue, se précipite, et Meknès disparaît sous le
voile rayé de la pluie.
Elle tombe! Elle tombe! impétueuse, irrésistible, dévastatrice. On dirait
qu’elle veut se venger de son long exil. Elle tombe avec rage, avec férocité.
Elle noie les demeures, transperce les murs, flagelle les arbres et les plantes.
La rue tout entière est un torrent qui dégringole; certains patios en contre-
bas de la chaussée se remplissent d’eau, l’inondation gagne les chambres et
en chasse les habitants... J’aperçois des voisines réfugiées sur la terrasse de
leur pauvre masure. Elles sont trois, blotties les unes contre les autres, telles
des oiseaux frileux, résistant mal au déluge et au vent qui les cingle.
Kaddour apporte une échelle. Il doit opérer un véritable sauvetage pour les
amener dans la cuisine où elles se sécheront.
Mais nous n’avons point le temps de nous apitoyer sur les malheurs
d’autrui. Les petites filles, très excitées, nous signalent nos propres
désastres. L’eau ruisselle dans le salon à travers la coupole précieusement
ciselée... elle suinte le long des murs sous le haïti[64] de velours... elle
envahit le vestibule... En hâte on déménage les pièces, on sauve les anciens
tapis de Rabat, on décloue les tentures et les broderies.
C’est bien notre faute! A cette époque nos terrasses devraient être
refaites, nouvellement blanchies à la chaux, pour affronter la mauvaise
saison. Mais la nonchalance des Musulmans nous a gagnés. Comme eux
nous remettons de jour en jour les plus urgents travaux; comme eux nous
voilà surpris par ces pluies tardives, et, comme eux aussi, nous nous
précipiterons, à la première éclaircie, chez les «blanchisseurs de terrasses»
que toute la ville se disputera...
On en a vite assez de la pluie!...
Il fait froid, on grelotte dans ces immenses salles revêtues de mosaïques.
Un vent glacial filtre sous les portes et les croisées mal jointes; le riadh est
transformé en un bassin au milieu duquel, imperturbable et fier, le jet d’eau,
sans attrait, continue à s’élancer.
Privée de tous ses reflets, notre demeure prend un air lugubre de prison;
les ors, les faïences, les vitraux se sont éteints...
Il n’y a plus de soleil!... Toutes ces choses d’Orient ne vivent que de
soleil. Elles n’ont été conçues que pour le soleil. Elles ne signifient rien
sans soleil...
Sa première fureur apaisée, la pluie se fait régulière et monotone; elle
s’installe...
Les rues s’emplissent de boue. Il y a des flaques profondes où l’on
s’enlise, des pentes que l’on ne saurait gravir sans glisser, des ruisseaux
gluants épais et bruns...
Au pas de sa mule, un notable éclabousse les murs et les passants. Des
négrillons barbotent avec ivresse, maculant leur peau de taches blanchâtres.
Les Marocains ont chaussé de hautes socques en bois qui pointent à
l’avant du pied. Enveloppés de leur burnous de drap sombre, aux capuchons
dressés, ils ressemblent à des gnomes. Eux aussi ont perdu tout leur charme
de belles draperies et d’allures majestueuses. Mais ils ne s’abordent qu’avec
des airs réjouis et ils se congratulent comme pour une fête:
—Quel est ton état par ce temps? Allah le prolonge!
—Certes! il promet l’abondance et la prospérité.
—L’orge, ainsi que le poisson, aime l’eau...
—Louange à Dieu qui nous accorde la pluie!
—Bénie soit-elle! les récoltes seront heureuses...
Le jour oscille et s’abîme dans la nuit. Une nuit mate, épaisse, absolue...
Aucune lueur ne descend du ciel, ces ténèbres n’ont pas d’étoiles. Seules,
des lanternes errantes éclairent le sol de reflets en zigzag.
21 novembre.
Quelques paroles de Saïd.
Je ferme les boutons à pression de ma robe. L’enfant écoute
attentivement leur petit bruit sec:
—Ils claquent, dit-il, comme des poux sous l’ongle.
Mon mari achève une épure. Saïd s’approche de lui et désigne le
compas:
—O mon père! voici donc l’instrument des Nazaréens pour saisir le
mauvais œil?
La pluie:
—Bénédiction! s’écrie Saïd. Il pleut des prunes et des raisins.
30 novembre.
Deux Européennes sont entrées dans la demeure éblouissante où l’on
célèbre les noces de Lella Khdija, fille d’un ancien vizir...
Elles ont un air à la fois hardi et apeuré, au milieu des Musulmanes dont
elles ne comprennent ni le langage, ni les coutumes, et qu’elles méprisent
avec curiosité... On nous avait prévenues, ce sont des étrangères de passage;
l’une, femme d’un officier, habite Casablanca; l’autre vient de Paris et visite
le Maroc. Elles avaient envie de connaître les fêtes d’un mariage et Si
Mohammed ben Daoud, pressenti, n’a pu répondre que par une invitation.
Elles restent interdites dans le patio. Les esclaves s’agitent pour leur
trouver des sièges et apportent enfin un vieux fauteuil et une chaise,
qu’elles disposent à l’entrée de la salle, devant le divan où nous sommes
accroupies.
La Parisienne arbore un impertinent face-à-main, son œil furète à droite,
à gauche, dans tous les coins. On dirait qu’elles regardent une comédie.
Elles échangent leurs impressions à voix haute, sûres de n’être point
comprises. Je me rends compte que cette Parisienne est une femme de
lettres faisant un «voyage d’études». A tout propos elle dit:
—Tel détail est caractéristique, je le signalerai à mes lecteurs... Quel
spectacle curieux! Voilà un beau sujet d’article.
Sa compagne remarque surtout nos toilettes.
C’est le soir de la suprême cérémonie, le départ de la mariée pour la
maison nuptiale. Aussi l’excitation, les parures, les chants atteignent-ils le
paroxysme de l’intensité. Toutes les invitées resplendissent à l’envi.
Combien ces Européennes élégantes, certainement habituées au monde,
apparaissent mesquines et ternes avec leurs costumes tailleurs, leurs bottes
lacées, leurs chapeaux inesthétiques! Gauches aussi, parmi les femmes,
chargées de brocarts et de bijoux, aux mouvements lents et rituels... Le
cadre trop somptueux ne convient point à leur frêle beauté. La moindre
négresse a plus d’allure que ces jolies dames, qui auraient beaucoup de
succès dans un salon.
Elles me considèrent à présent; je continue à battre des mains au rythme
de la musique, tout en chantant comme les autres:
—La paix, ô Lella!

La paix en notre demeure!
Elles ne me devinent pas. Elles ne peuvent pas me deviner sous le fard,

le kohol et les parures... Cependant c’est vers moi que leurs regards
convergent avec insistance... peut-être parce que je suis la plus éblouissante.
Lella Fatima-Zohra ne manque pas, chaque fois que je vais à des noces,
de me prêter quelques-uns de ses extraordinaires joyaux. Des rangs
d’émeraudes et de perles s’enroulent autour de mon turban, et les colliers de
la sultane Aïcha Mbarka étincellent sur mon caftan noir broché d’or. Mais
ce n’est pas seulement cette magnificence qui intrigue les jolies dames: mes
yeux trop pâles, mes yeux bleus, ont une étrange douceur au milieu des
sombres prunelles ardentes de mes amies...
Les chants ont cessé, nous reprenons nos attitudes d’idoles, échangeant à
peine de rares paroles. Les Européennes quittent leurs chaises et viennent
s’accroupir gauchement auprès de nous. Elles voudraient être aimables et
répètent le seul mot qu’elles sachent:
—Mesiane! Mesiane! (joli).
Ainsi la conversation ne peut aller fort loin. Je doute que la femme de
lettres pénètre beaucoup l’âme musulmane. Elle touche le brocart de ma
robe:
—Mesiane! dit-elle encore.
Une idée traverse mon esprit: je ne connais pas ces dames, je ne les
reverrai jamais, nulle ne se doutera de la mystification.
—Comment trouvez-vous notre fête? leur demandé-je.
Elles me regardent, interloquées.
—Tu parles français?
—Un peu.
—Très bien même, presque sans accent! s’étonne la Parisienne. Où l’as-
tu appris?
—Ma grand’mère était Française.
—Ah! c’est donc pour cela que tu as les yeux bleus!... Comment a-t-elle
épousé un Musulman?
—Je ne sais pas, dis-je, subitement hostile.
Elles comprennent qu’il ne faut point poser certaines questions. Pourtant
le désir de m’interroger les tourmente, surtout la femme de lettres, ravie
d’une si rare aubaine.
—Comme tu es belle! reprend-elle en examinant mes parures. Ces
bracelets d’or sont anciens?
—Non! m’écrié-je avec orgueil, ils sont tout neufs!
Les Européennes échangent de petits coups d’œil ironiques. La femme
de lettres exulte. C’est tout juste si elle ne dit pas: «Je noterai cela pour mes
lecteurs.»
Elle s’enquiert de mille détails saugrenus. Elle n’est pas bête cependant;
je la croirais même intelligente, mais si incompréhensive de tout ce qui
n’est pas sa civilisation, ses habitudes, sa culture! Elle est venue avec une
idée toute faite sur les odalisques lascives, alanguies, fumant le narghileh, à
moitié nues dans l’enroulement des gazes lamées d’or ou d’argent. Et aussi
les désenchantées qui aspirent à la liberté et se meurent de ne pouvoir sortir
ni fréquenter les hommes.
Elle rencontre ici des Musulmanes très graves, hiératiques, vêtues de
lourdes soieries qui ne laissent même pas deviner la silhouette de leur corps,
des femmes aux rigides allures de statues... Cela dérange sa conception, elle
y tient et veut la retrouver. Toutes ses questions tendent vers ce but:
—Sais-tu danser? me demande-t-elle. Y aura t-il des danses aujourd’hui?
—Chez nous les femmes ne dansent pas, seulement les fillettes ou les
négresses.
—La danse du ventre? la danse des poignards?
—Non, elles ne connaissent pas ces danses à vous, mais les nôtres...
Celle-ci, dis-je en désignant Kenza qui, justement, esquisse quelques
mouvements harmonieux et lents, avec l’air inspiré, presque religieux d’une
prêtresse.
—Et c’est tout! interrogent les jolies dames fort déçues.
Je sais bien ce qu’elles attendaient: la figuration de l’amour, le drame de
la volupté... Mais la danse ici n’est qu’un rite, le plus grave, le plus pudique
des rites. La petite danseuse se rassied, une esclave lui succède, dont le
visage noir s’ennoblit tandis que sa croupe ondule lentement sous le
caftan...
Les chants ont pris un rythme de psaumes, ce sont les plaintes de la
mariée songeant au départ:
Oh! qu’y a-t-il en moi, ma mère!

O dame! qu’y a-t-il en moi?...
Elles sont parties, mes compagnes,
Elles ne m’ont point avisée!
Elles m’abandonnent, hélas!
Qu’y a-t-il en moi?...
Bientôt, bientôt Dieu aura pitié de ma peine,

Je retrouverai tout ce qui m’a quittée.
Je ne me séparerai plus de toi, ma mère!
O beauté! je ne partirai pas!
Même si je dois mourir, ô chef!
Même si l’on me charge de chaînes
Et que le collier en soit neuf!
Jeunes filles nous nous tenions au bord de la fontaine

Et l’on est venu me prendre parmi elles!
—Quelle est, disaient-ils, la vierge au bandeau?
Ils m’emmenèrent... quel trouble!
Qu’y a-t-il en moi, ô dame?
O beauté! Qu’y a-t-il en moi?
Garde, ô Seigneur, les cherifat

Filles du Prophète, du Choisi!
Impassibles et silencieuses les femmes écoutent le chant nuptial, tandis

que la petite mariée sanglote derrière les tentures du ktaa.
Mais la Parisienne ne sait pas se taire, et elle me presse de questions:
—Tu portes toujours des robes comme celle-ci?
—Non, madame, c’est mon costume pour les noces.
—Dans ta maison, en temps habituel, que mets-tu?
—J’ai un caftan de drap et une tfina de mousseline.
—L’été, lorsqu’il fait chaud, ou que tu attends ton mari, n’as-tu pas
seulement des robes de gaze?
—Certes non! ce n’est pas notre coutume.
—Que fais-tu chez toi, tout le jour?
—Je dirige mes esclaves, je m’occupe de mes enfants.
—Et tu ne t’ennuies jamais?
—Pourquoi m’ennuierais-je?
—Tu n’as pas envie de sortir, de voyager comme nous?
—Si l’on voulait me faire sortir, je pleurerais pour rentrer, dis-je,
répétant la réponse qu’une Musulmane me fit à moi-même, au temps où je
ne comprenais pas encore.
—N’aimerais-tu pas voir les hommes, causer avec eux?
—Quelle honte! m’écrié-je convaincue.
La Parisienne est visiblement troublée; je jouis de son désarroi. Elle
croyait trouver des courtisanes et des rebelles en ces somptueuses barbares.
Je lui laisse entrevoir des femmes très près d’elle, tout en étant si loin, très
semblables, à part quelques différences de coutumes.—Des femmes
adaptées à leur existence et qui n’en souffrent pas plus que nous, d’être
clouées au sol, quand nous voyons passer des avions... Mais les apparences
seules frappent son esprit; elle a des étonnements excessifs pour les
cérémonies de ces noces et ne fait pas de retour sur les nôtres. Elle n’en
soupçonne point le sens profond. L’étrangeté du décor, le pittoresque de
quelques détails suffisent à la dérouter...
Nos mariées, vêtues de blanc et couronnées d’oranger, qui s’avancent
avec un traditionnel air pudique, sont pourtant les sœurs de cette aroussa
«pleine de honte», chargée de bijoux et de voiles. L’étalage des cadeaux,
accompagnés de la carte des donateurs, ne le cède en rien à leur
présentation par la neggafa. La musique, les cierges, les parures, les festins
forment le thème de nos fêtes aussi bien que de celle-ci... Vestiges des rites
millénaires qui apparentent tous les humains et dont les symboles survivent
incompris à travers les religions et les races. Ils m’apparaissent et
m’émeuvent davantage au contact de ces curiosités superficielles.
Et soudain, j’ai la poignante impression d’être étrangère à toutes, dans
cette fête. Si loin des Européennes qui ne peuvent comprendre les âmes vers
lesquelles je me suis inclinée! si loin! plus loin encore des Marocaines que
ne chercheront jamais à comprendre la mienne...
Cependant je sens mieux que, toutes, nous sommes des sœurs.
Il faut intimement connaître les Musulmanes pour ne plus voir en elles
des créatures à part, mais de simples femmes animées des sentiments les
plus naturels: des coquettes, des jalouses, des frivoles, des mères aussi,
d’excellentes maîtresses de maison... Elles s’intéressent aux toilettes, aux
histoires d’esclaves et d’amour. Cela me semble identique aux questions de
chiffons, de domestiques et d’intrigues qui passionnent tant d’Européennes.
Même l’ennui, l’inconscient ennui qui forme la trame de leurs existences
monotones et recluses, n’est guère plus accablant que celui dont languissent
nos petites bourgeoises, condamnées à vivre dans un fastidieux cercle
restreint, hors duquel, si souvent, elles ne soupçonnent rien...
Je voudrais dire tout cela et tant d’autres choses à cette femme de lettres
qui cherche à découvrir les Musulmanes. Mais je me tais, puisque
aujourd’hui j’en suis une... Car jamais aucune d’entre elles n’analysa ses
sentiments. Et c’est là surtout ce qui les différencie tellement de nos âmes
occidentales, et forme tout le secret de leur paisible bonheur.
13 décembre.
Coucher de soleil vert et rose, au dehors des murs. Étrange atmosphère
irréelle, voluptueuse et changeante, par la magie de ces deux couleurs qui se
cherchent, s’opposent, s’exaspèrent puis doucement s’atténuent et se
fondent en un crépuscule dont les cendres apaisent la dernière flambée du
jour.
Le bled, où les jeunes orges étendent leurs prairies d’un vert acide, va
rejoindre par de larges ondulations, vert-bleu, vert-mauve, vert-gris, les
montagnes lointaines et proches à la fois, nettement découpées sur la
transparence du ciel abricot.
Une route sinue, rose et dorée, à travers les champs d’où reviennent les
troupeaux roux. Des milliers d’oiseaux les accompagnent, avec un grand
tourbillonnement dans l’air calme, une palpitation d’ailes et de cris; de ces
ibis blancs, appelés «serviteurs des bœufs», qui vivent avec les bestiaux et
les quittent seulement aux portes de la ville. Quelques minutes encore, ils
tracent dans le ciel des méandres agités, tandis que la terre, à mes pieds, se
bariole de leurs fugitives ombres vertes. Puis ils s’abattent sur un bosquet,
et les arbres au sombre feuillage sont fleuris tout à coup, comme des
magnolias, d’innombrables fleurs d’un rose laiteux.
Le cimetière de Sidi Ben Aïssa dort à l’ombre des oliviers, très solitaire
et paisible à cette heure. Mais, de l’autre côté de ses murs, s’adossent
accroupis, en petits tas de haillons dorés, des Arabes et des Chleuhs qui
projettent leurs belles ombres vertes sur ces murs très roses, et, recueillis,
écoutent les discours d’un charmeur de serpents.
Agile et svelte en sa courte tunique, l’homme évolue au milieu de son
auditoire, ses yeux hallucinants fixent tour à tour chacun des spectateurs.
Au sommet de son crâne rasé, s’épanouit la mèche des Aïssaouas que le
soleil fait flamber comme du cuivre rouge. Un petit orchestre, accroupi dans
la poussière, accompagne ses gestes et scande ses discours. Ce jongleur,
parfois, a l’air d’un saint en extase, et les gens ne démêlent pas très bien
s’ils assistent à des tours habiles et récréants, ou participent aux miracles
que renouvelle, chaque jour, sur cette place, le charmeur de serpents. Car
l’homme ne brave les reptiles et ne s’en joue que par la protection des saints
dont il proclame la baraka.
Mouley Abdelkader! O Mouley Abdelkader!
Allah lui a conféré sa grâce!
Quand un disciple l’appelle, le maître accourt vers lui,
Il agite ses manches et vole comme l’oiseau.
Ris et sois joyeux! Chasse de ton cœur le souci!

L’assurance de la richesse
Mouley Abdelkader te la donne.
Et quand il l’a donnée
Il ne revient pas sur sa parole,
Notre Seigneur Dieu s’en est porté garant.
Moi je suis tien, O illustre!

Je n’ai d’autre recours que toi,
Accorde-moi ta protection, ne tarde pas!
Mouley Abdelkader,
O Sauveur des patrons de vaisseaux!
Galope! Il te suffit pour cela d’un roseau.
Moi je suis tien, O illustre!
Et les assistants supplient en chœur:

O Mouley Abdelkader!
O Sidi Ben Aïssa!
Protecteurs des gens en péril!
O ceux par qui l’on ne craint pas!
L’imploration, peu à peu, se fait plus pressante, les musiciens martèlent

avec rage leurs tambourins. Soudain, les sons stridents d’une flûte percent
les notes ronronnantes et graves, et deux serpents, lancés à toute volée d’on
ne sait où, s’abattent au milieu du cercle. L’homme les saisit par l’extrémité
de la queue. Au bout de ses bras, les serpents tombent, allongés et minces,
presque inertes. L’un a le ventre rosâtre, du rose délicat d’un pétale, l’autre
le ventre couleur d’absinthe. Après quelques moments, ils se raniment; un
frissonnement coule tout du long de leur peau, les têtes plates se redressent
avec effort et se dardent l’une vers l’autre en agitant des langues aiguës. Ils
se défient, s’abordent et s’enroulent étroitement. De cette corde vivante,
l’homme cingle l’air au-dessus des gens effarés:
Enlève de ton âme la crainte,
Pourquoi t’effrayer?
Celui qui tient la hache
A-t-il besoin de chercher la jointure?
Il frappe où il veut,
Il possède l’acier puissant.
Moi, j’ai appelé la bénédiction de Mouley Abdelkader,
Moi, j’implore le secours de Sidi Ben Aïssa.
Tout en chantant, l’homme abandonne les reptiles enlacés et s’accroupit

en face de cylindres en peau, sortes d’outres rigides, au col serré d’un lien.
Il plonge ses mains dans les profondeurs des outres et les retire pleines
de serpents qu’il jette négligemment sur le sol: petits serpents luisants,
lisses et blanchâtres, molles couleuvres aux écailles vert sombre, serpents
épais, ronds et lourds, qui déroulent leurs anneaux avec pesanteur et
semblent quitter à regret la retraite d’où ils sont extraits. Comment ces deux
outres, d’apparence médiocre, pouvaient elles recéler un tel nombre de
serpents?
Quelques-uns se sont éloignés du tas répugnant, et sinuent, dans la
poussière, vers la foule qui se débande. Mais le jongleur les a vite rattrapés,
et il les fixe par les bouts de leurs queues, serrés entre ses orteils. Ainsi
maintenus, les serpents s’écartent sur le sol, en éventail aux branches
inégales. Seul, le plus grand, que l’homme a jeté sur ses épaules, entoure
son cou et pend, sans entraves, jusqu’au bas de sa tunique.
Parmi les petits serpents déployés à terre, le disciple des saints choisit le
plus vif, le plus frétillant. Il le pince au milieu du corps, entre le pouce et
l’index, et l’élève à la hauteur de son visage.
Le petit serpent nerveux s’est crispé, sa queue se tortille, d’un raide
mouvement, sa tête fine se tend, gueule béante, vers le charmeur.
Va, marche au milieu des serpents!
Va! Chasse dans la forêt, O toi qui crains!
Dans la forêt entre les oueds,
Sur la colline de Mzara
Où le fusil est braqué.
Si Ben Aïssa le protège,
Pour te trancher un seul poil
Mille coups ne suffiraient.
Hypnotisées mutuellement, les têtes se sont rapprochées, celle de

l’homme et celle du reptile, les bouches se sont ouvertes, et, tandis que les
yeux se fascinent, étincelants, la langue tendue de l’Aïssaoui disparaît dans
la gueule du petit serpent. Ils restent là, fixés l’un à l’autre avec de pareils
airs d’extase.....
O Mouley Abdelkader!
O Sidi Ben Aïssa!
Protecteurs des gens en péril,
O ceux par qui l’on ne craint pas!
Les dernières lueurs du moghreb s’éteignent, les serpents verts ne

forment plus qu’un tas noir aux pieds du charmeur, tous les roses du ciel et
de la terre sont absorbés par la nuit.
Lorsque l’homme retira sa langue de la gueule du petit serpent, deux
gouttes sombres tombèrent dans la poussière, sans qu’on en distinguât la
rougeur sanglante.
24 décembre.
Discret, timide et si décent, le maître de Saïd m’aborde. Il parle bas,
d’une voix enrouée, monotone, comme s’il dévidait quelque verset du
Coran. L’enseignement sacré, qu’il distribue depuis trente ans à des
générations de petits Marocains, n’a pas été sans l’affaisser un peu. Il
n’entre jamais dans notre demeure qu’avec une secrète appréhension, car la
vue du hakem paralyse sa langue, experte aux récitations pieuses. Il ne se
plaît qu’au milieu des enfants dont il a gardé l’âme simple.
—Quelles sont les nouvelles du lettré? lui demandai-je. La fête fut-elle
réussie?

Full download M&amp;F (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) file pdf all chapter on 2024

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

You might also like

Full download M&amp;F (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) file pdf all chapter on 2024

Uploaded by

Document Information

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Full download M&amp;F (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) file pdf all chapter on 2024

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

M&F; (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR

eTextbook 978-1305662094 SELL (New, Engaging Titles

eTextbook 978-1305094185 IR (New, Engaging Titles from

eTextbook 978-1285451374 OM 5 (New, Engaging Titles

GOVT 9 (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) 9th

Behavioral Sciences STAT (New, Engaging Titles from

HIST, Volume 2 (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press)

Bundle: MGMT, 11th + MindTap Management, 1 Term (6

Neuroscience for Neurosurgeons (Feb 29,

3-1 Terminology of Gender Roles 49

4 Love and Relationship Development 68

4-1 Ways of Viewing Love 68

4-3 Love Theories: Origins of Love 76

5 Communication and Technology in Relationships 96

5-1 Communication: Verbal

5-4b Cultural Differences in

6 Sexuality in Relationships 116

6-1 Alternative Sexual Values 118 6-3d Oral Sex 126

Hero Images/Getty Images

7 GLbTq Relationships 134

7-1 Language and Identification 134 7-7 Parenting Issues 150

8-1 Motivations, Functions, and Transition 8-5 Marriage Success 171

8-4e Interreligious Marriages 167

9 Money, Work, and Relationships 176

9-1 Money and Relationships 177

the Marriage 184

10 Abuse in Relationships 190

11-1 Do You Want to Have Children? 208 11-6 Abortion 220

11-4c Costs of Adoption 219

12 Rearing Children 226

12-1 Parenting: A Matter of Choices 226

12-3 Transition to Parenthood 230

13 Stress and Crisis in Relationships 246

Nicki Pardo/Getty Images

14 Divorce and Remarriage 266

14-1 Deciding Whether to Continue or End 14-2c Liberal Divorce Laws/Social

15 The Later Years 292

15-1 Age and Ageism 292

Chapter 1: Marriages and Families: An Introduction 3

Advice father most states, whatever the deceased spouse owns is

Legal Contract Marriage in our society is a legal

license certifies that a legally empowered representa-

Most Frequent Risk-Taking Behaviors in a Romantic

Disconnected with friends because of partner 34

Emotional Relationship Ninety-three percent background are considered more impor-

love to marry—love is expected to follow, not precede, “I would divorce a spouse

similarity of religion, culture, education, and family Knox, 2015).

Chapter 1: Marriages and Families: An Introduction 5

Chapter 1: Marriages and Families: An Introduction 7

1-2 Family family is regarded as the basic social institution because

Chapter 1: Marriages and Families: An Introduction 9

Chapter 1: Marriages and Families: An Introduction 11

1-4 Theoretical 2007, p. 247). negative effects.

Frameworks for theoretical

Chapter 1: Marriages and Families: An Introduction 13

John D. Kisch/Separate Cinema Archive/Getty Images

C hCahpat pe tr e 1r : 1M: aMr ar ir ar igae gs e as nadn Fd a Fma im

Chapter 1: Marriages and Families: An Introduction 17

Most Choices are Revocable; some are

Full download M&F (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) file pdf all chapter on 2024

Full download M&F (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) file pdf all chapter on 2024

Full download M&F (New, Engaging Titles from 4LTR Press) file pdf all chapter on 2024