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Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic: Workbook 5th Edition David H. Barlow full chapter instant download
Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic: Workbook 5th Edition David H. Barlow full chapter instant download
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“I had the good fortune of being one of the first groups of therapists to receive training in the de-
livery of PCT from Drs. Barlow and Craske at The State University of New York at Albany. I used
the first version and each of the editions in my private practice and published evidence of its ef-
fectiveness in a private practice setting. The fourth edition is currently used in the Department
of Psychiatry at the University of Michigan for training therapists and in our clinical work. This
5th edition contains all the state of the art and user-friendly format, but importantly, it now
integrates an inhibitory learning focus to maximize the effectiveness of the exposure procedures.
I enthusiastically welcome this new edition of this state-of-the-art treatment of panic disorder
and agoraphobia.”
—Ricks Warren, PhD, ABPP, Clinical Professor,
Department of Psychiatry, University of Michigan Medical School
“This suite of therapist manuals and patient workbooks, focusing on cutting edge CBT treat-
ment for panic disorder, remains a classic in the field. The authors are internationally renowned
for their expertise in this area and have updated the text with new research, an enhanced em-
phasis on inhibitory learning to inform the process and conduct of exposure exercises, and new
and improved case material. Starting with the previous version, the program pays more attention
to variability in how fast or slow a client is able move through the treatment, improving the pa-
tient—treatment ‘match’. The end result facilitates implementation for the user and is in a way
like having a personal supervision experience with the authors.”
—Peter Roy-Byrne, MD, Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry,
University of Washington School of Medicine
“The Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic volumes—the therapist guide and the workbooks for
clients—are indisputably the finest evidence-based books for helping people overcome panic dis-
order. The workbooks for clients, including one suitable for primary care settings, are engaging,
informative, and devoid of jargon, rendering them ideal for anyone struggling with panic attacks.”
—Richard J. McNally, PhD, Professor of Psychology and
Director of Clinical Training, Harvard University
ii
TREATMENTS T H AT W O R K
Editor-in-Chief
Jack M. Gorman, MD
T R E AT M E N T S T H AT W O R K
WORKBOOK
D AV I D H . B A R L O W
MICHELLE G. CRASKE
1
iv
1
Oxford University Press is a department of the University of Oxford. It furthers
the University’s objective of excellence in research, scholarship, and education
by publishing worldwide. Oxford is a registered trade mark of Oxford University
Press in the UK and certain other countries.
Published in the United States of America by Oxford University Press
198 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10016, United States of America.
© Oxford University Press 2022
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in
a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the
prior permission in writing of Oxford University Press, or as expressly permitted
by law, by license, or under terms agreed with the appropriate reproduction
rights organization. Inquiries concerning reproduction outside the scope of the
above should be sent to the Rights Department, Oxford University Press, at the
address above.
You must not circulate this work in any other form
and you must impose this same condition on any acquirer.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Barlow, David H., author. | Craske, Michelle G., 1959- author.
Title: Mastery of your anxiety and panic : workbook / David H. Barlow, Michelle G. Craske.
Description: Fifth edition. | New york : Oxford University Press, 2022. |
Series: Treatments that work |
Includes bibliographical references and index. |
Identifiers: LCCN 2021044076 (print) | LCCN 2021044077 (ebook) |
ISBN 9780197584095 (paperback) | ISBN 9780197584118 (epub) |
ISBN 9780197584125
Subjects: LCSH: Panic disorders--Treatment. | Desensitization
(Psychotherapy) | Self-help techniques.
Classification: LCC RC535 .B27 2022 (print) | LCC RC535 (ebook) |
DDC 616.85/22—dc23/eng/20211001
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021044076
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021044077
DOI: 10.1093/med-psych/9780197584095.001.0001
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Printed by Sheridan Books, Inc., United States of America
v
Now healthcare systems around the world are attempting to correct this
variability by introducing “evidence-based practice.” This simply means
that it is in everyone’s interest that patients get the most up-to-date and
effective care for a particular problem. Healthcare policymakers have
also recognized that it is very useful to give consumers of healthcare as
much information as possible, so that they can make intelligent decisions
in a collaborative effort to improve health and mental health. This se-
ries, Treatments ThatWorkTM, is designed to accomplish just that. Only
the latest and most effective interventions for particular problems are
described, using user-friendly language. To be included in this series, each
treatment program must pass the highest standards of evidence available,
as determined by a scientific advisory board. Thus, when individuals suf-
fering from these problems or their family members seek out an expert
clinician who is familiar with these interventions and decides that they are
appropriate, patients will have confidence that they are receiving the best
care available. Of course, only your healthcare professional can decide on
the right mix of treatments for you.
v
vi
There has been recognition in recent years that panic attacks are prevalent
and that individuals suffering from panic disorder with varying levels of
agoraphobia constitute 5% to 8% of the population of the United States,
with comparable figures now available from other countries around the
world. As noted in this workbook, this means that one out of approx-
imately every 12 people suffers from this devastating disorder at some
time during their life. In this workbook, you will join tens of thousands
of individuals who have learned the skills to cope effectively with panic
attacks and their devastating consequences and to master the emotional
rollercoaster that is panic disorder. Ideally, we are all striving toward a goal
of preventing the occurrence of panic disorder and associated anxiety. But
for the time being, governments around the world and their health serv-
ices have stipulated cognitive behavioral treatments such as this one as the
first-line approach in relieving the considerable suffering associated with
panic disorder. In this, the fifth edition of this widely used workbook,
further refinements are incorporated in order to take advantage of our
ever-growing knowledge of the nature and successful treatment of panic
disorder with agoraphobia. For example, focusing even more specifically
on the extraordinarily frightening physical sensations that accompany
panic attacks, which are also associated with strong sensations of losing
control, continues to be an even more important part of the exercises
in this workbook. Ways to include your significant other or partner as
part of the solution rather than part of the problem when appropriate
are also emphasized. As with all programs such as this, this workbook is
most effectively applied under the direction of a clinician trained in this
approach.
David H. Barlow, Editor-in-Chief
Treatments ThatWork™
Boston, Massachusetts
vi
vi
Contents
PART I: BASICS
vii
vi
viii
1
GOALS
Do you have rushes of fear that make you think that you are sick, dying,
or losing your mind? When these panicky feelings happen, does it feel
as if your heart is going to burst out of your chest or as if you cannot
get enough air? Or maybe you feel dizzy, faint, trembly, sweaty, short of
breath, or just scared to death. Do the feelings sometimes come from “out
of the blue,” when you least expect them? Are you worried about when
these feelings will happen again? Do these feelings interfere with your
normal daily routine or prevent you from doing things that you would
normally do?
1
2
Case Studies
Mateo
Mateo was a 31-year-old sales manager who suffered from attacks of dizzi-
ness, blurred vision, and heart palpitations. His first panic attack occurred
at work, in the presence of his coworkers, and began with feelings of weak-
ness, nausea, and dizziness. Mateo asked a colleague to call a doctor because
he was afraid that he was having a heart attack since his father had re-
cently died of one. In addition to this personal loss, Mateo was dealing with
a lot of stress at work. Several months before the first panic attack, there were
times when Mateo had been nervous and his writing had become shaky, but
apart from that, he had never experienced anything like this before. After
a thorough physical examination, his doctor told him that it was stress and
anxiety. Nevertheless, the panics continued, mostly at work, and in trapped
situations. Sometimes they were unexpected or out of the blue, particularly
the ones that woke him out of deep sleep. Mateo felt tense and anxious most
of the time because he worried about having another panic attack. Since his
third panic attack, Mateo had begun to avoid being alone whenever possible.
He also avoided places and situations, such as stores, shopping malls, crowds,
theaters, and waiting in lines, where he feared being trapped and embarrassed
if he panicked. Wherever he went, Mateo carried a Bible, as well as chewing
gum and cigarettes, because glancing at the Bible, chewing gum, or smoking
cigarettes made him feel more comfortable and better able to cope. In addi-
tion, Mateo took medication with him wherever he went to help deal with
his panic attacks.
Lisa
Lisa was a 24-year-old woman who had repeated attacks of dizziness, breath-
lessness, chest pain, blurred vision, a lump in her throat, and feelings of un-
reality. She was afraid that these feelings meant that something was wrong
2
3
with her brain, such as a tumor, or that she was losing control of her mind.
The problem began about five years before. While at a party, Lisa smoked
some marijuana, and within a short while, she began to feel very unreal and
dizzy. Never having had these feelings before, Lisa thought that she was going
insane or that the drug had damaged her brain. She asked a friend to take
her to the emergency room. The physicians did some tests and reassured Lisa
that her symptoms were due to anxiety. Lisa never touched marijuana or other
recreational drugs after that. In fact, she became nervous about any chemical
substances, even ones prescribed for allergies and sinus infections. The panic
attacks waxed and waned over the years. At one point, she had no attacks for
three months. However, she continued to worry about having another panic
attack almost all of the time. She felt uneasy in situations where it would be
difficult to get help if another panic attack occurred, such as in unfamiliar
places or when she was alone, but she did not actually avoid many places. Her
method of coping with panic was to get as involved as she could in other things
so as to keep her mind off panic.
Mei
Mei was a 41-year-old, married woman who was unemployed because of her
panic attacks. Mei had quit her job as a paralegal several years before because
it had become increasingly difficult for her to leave her house. Mei’s panic
attacks involved strong chest pains and feelings of pressure on her chest, numb-
ness in her left arm, shortness of breath, and heart palpitations. Each time she
panicked, Mei was terrified that she was dying of a heart attack. In addition,
Mei frequently woke up out of deep sleep with similar feelings, particularly
pressure on her chest, shortness of breath, and sweating. Mei lived with her
extended family, who were of Chinese descent and believed that the nighttime
events represented demons descending on her. Her grandmother convinced
Mei that she would die if she did not wake up in time. Consequently, Mei be-
came very afraid to go to sleep. She would spend many hours pacing the floors
when everyone else was asleep. Instead, she napped throughout the day, when
other people were around. Her life had become very restricted to the house,
with occasional outings to stores and doctors as long as a family member or
friend accompanied her. Mei had seen many doctors and cardiologists, and
she had undergone several cardiovascular stress tests and had worn a portable
heart monitor to measure her cardiac activity over extended periods of time.
Nothing was detected, yet Mei remained convinced that she would have a
heart attack or that she would die in her sleep.
3
4
The mental health classification system used in the United States and
many other countries, referred to as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
for Mental Disorders, fifth edition (DSM- 5), identifies the problems
addressed in this workbook as panic disorder and agoraphobia. The key
features of panic disorder are:
4
5
5
6
■ Driving
■ Traveling by subway, bus, or taxi
■ Flying
■ Waiting in lines
■ Crowds
■ Stores
■ Restaurants
■ Theaters
■ Long distances from home
■ Unfamiliar areas
■ Hairdressing salon or barbershop
■ Long walks
■ Wide, open spaces
■ Closed-in spaces (e.g., basements)
■ Boats
■ Being at home alone
■ Auditoriums
■ Elevators
■ Escalators
6
7
■ Headaches
■ Tunnel vision or sensitivity to light
■ Muscle spasms
■ Urinary retention problems
■ Weakness
■ Fatigue
■ Diarrhea
■ Sensations of falling
The overriding notion is that agoraphobia most often comes from being
anxious about uncomfortable physical symptoms in certain situations.
These situations are ones in which it seems difficult to cope with the un-
comfortable feelings because of the feelings of being trapped or of there
being no way of getting help.
Medical Problems
Certain medical problems can cause panic attacks, and controlling them
eliminates panic attacks. These medical problems include hyperthy-
roidism (overactive thyroid gland) and pheochromocytoma (a tumor on
the adrenal gland, which is very rare). Other medical problems include
extreme use of amphetamines (such as benzedrine, which is sometimes
prescribed for asthma or weight loss) or caffeine (10 or more cups of
coffee per day). However, these medical problems are different from panic
disorder. In panic disorder, the panic attacks are not caused by medical
problems.
7
8
There are other medical problems that cause panic-like symptoms, but
controlling these medical problems does not eliminate panic attacks.
These include hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), mitral valve prolapse
(flutter of the heart), asthma, allergies, and gastrointestinal problems
(such as irritable bowel syndrome). It is possible to have one of these
medical problems as well as panic disorder. For example, low blood-
sugar levels may cause weakness and shakiness and thus lead to panic,
but correction of blood-sugar levels through diet or medication does
not necessarily stop all panic attacks. In other words, these types of
medical problems may be a complicating factor that exists alongside
panic disorder, but removing these medical problems does not always
remove panic disorder, which would require a different treatment such
as described in this workbook.
If you have not had medical tests in the past year, it may be wise to un-
dergo a full medical examination to check for possible physical causes of
panic-like symptoms and to identify other physical conditions that might
contribute to panic and anxiety. These factors can then be taken into ac-
count during the treatment program.
Panic attacks and agoraphobia are very common. The most recent large-
scale surveys of the adult population of the United States show that
from 5% to 9% of individuals experience panic disorder and/or ago-
raphobia at some time in their lives. This means that somewhere be-
tween 16.5 and 30 million people in the United States alone suffer from
panic disorder and/or agoraphobia. Over a lifetime, one out of every 12
people suffers from panic disorder and/or agoraphobia at some time.
In addition, many people have occasional panic attacks that do not de-
velop into panic disorder. For example, over 30% of the population has
had a panic attack during the past year, usually in response to a stressful
situation, such as an examination or a car accident. Moreover, a significant
number of people experience occasional panic attacks from out of the blue
or for no real reason—around 12% by the best estimate in the last year.
Panic attacks and agoraphobia occur in all kinds of people, across all so-
cial and educational levels, professions, and types of persons. They are
also present across different races and cultures, although panic may be
8
9
Avoidance
Usually, these activities are avoided because they produce symptoms that
are similar to panic attack symptoms. Again, while avoidance helps re-
lieve anxiety and panic in the short term, it contributes to anxiety in the
long term.
Distraction
9
01
have seen many creative ones. For example, if you feel yourself becoming
anxious or panicky, do you:
Superstitious objects or people are specific items or persons that make you
feel safe. (They are also called safety signals or safety aids.) Examples include
other people, food, or empty or full medication bottles. If these objects or
people were not around, you would probably feel more anxious. The re-
ality is these superstitious objects do not actually “save” you because there
is really nothing to be saved from. Box 1.4 lists other superstitious objects.
As with distractions, these objects become a crutch and can contribute to
anxiety in the long run.
Alcohol
10
11
■ Food or drink
■ Smelling salts
■ Paper bags
■ Religious symbols
■ Flashlights
■ Money
■ Cameras
■ Bags or purses
■ Reading material
■ Cigarettes
■ Pets
■ Cellphone
alcohol and require more and more of it. As you drink more and more,
the anxiety-reducing properties of alcohol become less and less. Instead,
anxiety and depression tend to increase. If you drink to control your anx-
iety, make every effort to stop as soon as possible, and ask your doctor or
mental health professional for help.
How Does This Program Help You Cope with Panic and Agoraphobia?
11
12
The question of what causes panic, anxiety, and agoraphobia is very dif-
ficult, and we do not know all of the answers just yet. We will discuss
the subject in more detail in chapter 2, but it is important to say several
things here about the causes of panic and anxiety.
Biological Factors
First, the research does not suggest that panic attacks are due to a biolog-
ical disease. Of course, there are the relatively rare examples mentioned
above where a medical condition does cause symptoms that resemble a
panic attack, such as hyperthyroidism or a tumor on the adrenal gland.
However, common panic attacks do not seem to be due to biological
dysfunction.
Many people ask whether panic attacks are due to a chemical imbalance.
Neurochemicals are substances in the central nervous system, including
the brain, that are involved in sending nerve impulses. Neurochemicals
that may influence panic and anxiety include noradrenalin and serotonin.
While these types of substances may be present in greater amounts in
the midst of anxiety and panic, there is no evidence to suggest that a
neurochemical imbalance is the original or main cause of panic and anx-
iety. Some recent evidence using “brain scan” procedures called positron
emission tomography (PET) and functional magnetic resonance imaging
(fMRI) has shown that certain parts of the brain seem to be particularly
12
13
Biological factors (whatever they may be) probably help explain why panic
disorder tends to run in families. In other words, if one family member
has panic disorder, then another person in the same family is more likely
to have panic disorder than are others in the general population. That
is, whereas 5% to 9% of the U.S. population has panic disorder and/or
agoraphobia, 15% to 20% of first-degree relatives (parents, siblings, chil-
dren) of someone with panic disorder themselves develop panic disorder.
Psychological Factors
13
14
The sources of these beliefs are not fully known, but personal experiences
with health and illness may be one important contributor. For example,
parents who are overprotective about their child’s physical health may
contribute to a general overconcern about physical well-being in the child
that gradually develops into beliefs that physical symptoms are harmful.
Or, the sudden and unexpected loss of close family members to phys-
ical problems, such as heart attack or stroke, may increase the likelihood
that individuals believe that their own physical symptoms are harmful.
Another example is to observe a family member suffer through a pro-
longed, serious illness such as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease that
may tend to make one very sensitive to respiratory symptoms or distress.
However, beliefs are not the sole cause of panic attacks. As with the bi-
ological factors described previously, beliefs that physical symptoms are
harmful probably increase the likelihood of panic attacks and panic dis-
order but do not guarantee them. Furthermore, this type of psychological
vulnerability can be offset by learning to think and act in different ways.
For most people, their first panic attack happens when they are under a
lot of stress. In addition to negative stressful events, such as job loss, stress
can be positive, such as moving to a new home, having a baby, or getting
married. This probably explains why panic attacks are more likely to begin
in our 20s, since that is when we tend to take on new responsibilities,
such as leaving home and starting new careers and relationships.
During stressful periods, everyone is more tense, and even little things
become harder to manage. Stress can increase overall levels of physical
tension and can lower our confidence in our ability to cope with life.
Additionally, having to deal with many negative life stresses can cause us
14
15
The following list will help you to determine whether you can benefit
from the Mastering Your Anxiety and Panic (MAP) program.
15
16
■ Numbness or tingling
■ Fears of dying
■ Fears of going insane or losing control
■ At least two panic attacks were unexpected or came from out of the blue
■ Persistent anxiety or worry about panic attacks, their consequences,
or life changes as a result of the attacks
■ Avoidance of different situations (such as driving, being alone,
crowded areas, unfamiliar areas) or activities (such as exercise) in
which you expect to panic
■ The panic attacks are not the direct result of physical conditions or
diseases
This program may be appropriate for you even if you have had contact
with other mental health professionals in the past for panic and anxiety.
We have used this program time and time again with people who have
been through many different forms of treatment. However, some con-
sideration must be given to other treatment that is ongoing with your
participation in this program. We recommend that this program not be
combined with other psychotherapy that specifically addresses your panic
and anxiety. The reason for this is that messages from different treatments
for the same problem can become mixed and confusing. We find it much
more effective to do only one therapy for panic disorder at a time. On the
other hand, if you are receiving ongoing general therapy or therapy fo-
cused on a different problem area (such as marital problems), then there
is no reason why you cannot participate in this program as well.
16
17
As you will soon see, our program has been shown to be very effective for
many people, but that does not mean that other psychotherapies should
not be given a fair trial. Different forms of therapy are more or less ef-
fective for different people. You must make this decision if you are in-
volved in another treatment for panic disorder and agoraphobia. To aid
this decision, both the American Psychiatric Association and the National
Institute for Mental Health recommend that decisions about whether
psychological treatments for panic disorder are beneficial or not should
be made after about six weeks, when the beginnings of improvements
should be evident. Furthermore, they recommended against continuing
for years in psychotherapy for panic disorder when there is no evidence
for improvement. This recommendation is still relevant.
In this program, you will learn (1) how to manage your panic attacks,
(2) about anxiety related to panic, and (3) about avoidance of panic
and agoraphobia situations. The workbook is divided into 12 chapters,
17
18
18
19
19
02
Table 1.1. Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic Treatment Program Outline
PART I: Basics
Chapter 11 Medications
For the period of time that you give to this program, it must become a
priority. Just as up until now, fear has been your major focus, achieving
mastery of your anxiety and panic should become your major focus.
What should you expect to get out of this program? This information is
important in your decision to participate in our program. Research that
we have conducted over the last 30 years shows this treatment to be very
successful. The percentage of people who report that they are free of panic
at the completion of this program is 70% to 90%. This rate of success
20
21
has been repeated by other researchers around the world who have tested
treatments similar to this one. What is even more exciting is that these
results seem to persist over long periods of time—up to 5 years after treat-
ment, which is the longest period we have examined. One of the reasons for
this long-term benefit is that the treatment is essentially a learning program.
When something is learned, it becomes a natural part of your reactions
and therefore is carried with you even after the formal program has been
completed. You may have ups and downs, but by completing this program,
you will be able to handle the downs much more effectively and return to
normal functioning more easily.
These numbers refer to the success with which panic attacks are controlled.
Remember that many people who panic also develop agoraphobia.
Treatment programs focused on agoraphobia per se also produce significant
improvements in 60% to 80% of our clients. Again, this rate of improve-
ment is maintained—and, in fact, improvement usually continues—up to
5 years after treatment completion. (Again, this is the longest duration that
we have evaluated.)
Knowing how effective these programs are, the question for you becomes,
“What is the cost?” Mainly, the cost is time and effort over the next 10 to
12 weeks. One (and perhaps the only) factor known to predict the effec-
tiveness of this program is the amount of practice that is conducted. The
more you put in, the more you will get out of the program! It is not the
severity of your panic and avoidance, how long you have been panicking,
or how old you are that predicts success; rather, it is your motivation to
21
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moment le comte leva les yeux et nous aperçut. Quelque chose
comme un sourire passa sur ses lèvres.
—Messieurs, dit-il aux trois joueurs qui faisaient sa partie,
voulez-vous me permettre de me retirer? Je me charge de vous
envoyer un quatrième.
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nous enverras un remplaçant qui se cavera de dix louis. Non pas,
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L’adversaire du comte abattit son jeu; le comte jeta le sien sans le
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qu’il avait devant lui en face du gagnant, et, se levant de nouveau:
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—Madame, dit le comte en se retournant de notre côté et en
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Eugénie doit quêter ce soir pour les pauvres, voulez-vous me
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un panier à ouvrage qui se trouvait sur un guéridon à côté de la table
de jeu, y mit les huit mille francs qu’il avait devant lui, et les présenta
à la comtesse.
—Mais je ne sais si je dois accepter, répondit madame M...; cette
somme est vraiment si considérable.....
—Aussi, reprit en souriant le comte Horace, n’est-ce point en
mon nom seul que je vous l’offre; ces messieurs y ont largement
contribué, c’est donc eux plus encore que moi que mademoiselle
M... doit remercier au nom de ses protégés. A ces mots, il passa
dans la salle de bal, laissant le panier plein d’or et de billets de
banque aux mains de la comtesse.
—Voilà bien une de ses originalités, me dit madame M...; il aura
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Madame M... me ramena près de ma mère. A peine y étais-je
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Ce que venait de me dire la comtesse se présenta aussitôt à
mon esprit; je me sentis rougir, je compris que j’allais balbutier; je lui
tendis mon calepin, six danseurs y avaient pris rang; il retourna le
feuillet, et comme s’il ne voulait pas que son nom fût confondu avec
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que mon trouble m’empêcha d’entendre, et alla s’appuyer contre
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bal, car je tremblais si fort, qu’il me semblait impossible de me tenir
debout; heureusement un accord rapide et brillant se fit entendre. Le
bal était suspendu. Listz s’asseyait au piano.
Il joua l’invitation à la valse de Weber.
Jamais l’habile artiste n’avait poussé si haut les merveilles de
son exécution, ou peut-être jamais ne m’étais-je trouvée dans une
disposition d’esprit aussi parfaitement apte à sentir cette composition
si mélancolique et si passionnée; il me sembla que c’était la
première fois que j’entendais supplier, gémir et se briser l’âme
souffrante, dont l’auteur du Freyschütz a exhalé les soupirs dans ses
mélodies. Tout ce que la musique, cette langue des anges, a
d’accens, d’espoir, de tristesse et de douleur, semblait s’être réuni
dans ce morceau, dont les variations, improvisées selon l’inspiration
du traducteur, arrivaient à la suite du motif comme des notes
explicatives. J’avais souvent moi-même exécuté cette brillante
fantaisie, et je m’étonnais, aujourd’hui que je l’entendais reproduire
par un autre, d’y trouver des choses que je n’avais pas soupçonnées
alors; était-ce le talent admirable de l’artiste qui les faisait ressortir?
était-ce une disposition nouvelle de mon esprit? La main savante qui
glissait sur les touches avait-elle si profondément creusé la mine,
qu’elle y trouvait des filons inconnus? ou mon cœur avait-il reçu une
si puissante secousse, que des fibres endormies s’y étaient
réveillées? En tout cas, l’effet fut magique; les sons flottaient dans
l’air comme une vapeur, et m’inondaient de mélodie; en ce moment
je levai les yeux, ceux du comte étaient fixés de mon côté; je baissai
rapidement la tête, il était trop tard; je cessai de voir ses yeux, mais
je sentis son regard peser sur moi, le sang se porta rapidement à
mon visage, et un tremblement involontaire me saisit. Bientôt, Listz
se leva; j’entendis le bruit des personnes qui se pressaient autour de
lui pour le féliciter; j’espérai que, dans ce mouvement, le comte avait
quitté sa place; en effet, je me hasardai à relever la tête, il n’était
plus contre la porte; je respirai, mais je me gardai de pousser la
recherche plus loin; je craignais de retrouver son regard, j’aimais
mieux ignorer qu’il fût là.
Au bout d’un instant le silence se rétablit; une nouvelle personne
s’était mise au piano; j’entendis aux chuts prolongés jusque dans les
salles attenantes que la curiosité était vivement excitée; mais je
n’osai lever les yeux. Une gamme mordante courut sur les touches,
un prélude large et triste lui succéda, puis une voix vibrante, sonore
et profonde, fit entendre ces mots sur une mélodie de Schubert: