Darling Doll

Willow Heights Preparatory Academy

Preston & Dolly: Book One

selena
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 Darling Doll
Copyright © 2022 Selena
Unabridged First Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by
any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information
storage and retrieval system, without the express written permission of the publisher, except in cases
of a reviewer quoting brief passages in a review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are used fictitiously.
Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, and events are entirely
coincidental. Use of any copyrighted, trademarked, or brand names in this work of fiction does not
imply endorsement of that brand.
Published in the United States by Selena and Speak Now.

ISBN-13: 978-1-955913-44-7

Cover © Ally Hastings

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 acknowledgements

Huge thanks to all my amazing readers, especially my patrons who help my

books come to life with their generous support, encouragement, and
kindness. Special thanks to Sabrina, Heather, Joyce, Michelle, Adriana,
Nineette, DesiRae, Amanda, Rowena, Terra, Tina, Elizabeth, Kandace,
Emily, Mindy, Alex, Hilary, Audriana, Alysia, Janice, LRaven, Nikki,
Christina, Jessi, Annalisse, Emma, Amy, Lena, Megan, Crystal, Margaret,
Jennifer S, Jennifer M, Susan, Jessica, Mariam, Nicole, Nikki T, Kellie,
April, JG, Tasha, Melissa, Jasmine, Doe Rae, Kelly, Makayla, Rebecca,
JoAnna, Cheryl, and Shawna.

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Table of Contents
acknowledgements
blurb
author’s note
prologue
one dozen daisies
two households, unalike in dignity
three cousins
just the four of us
five years in second place
sixpacks and fruit snacks
seven minutes in heaven
figure eight
911
perfect ten
eleven diamond necklaces
twelve inches
lucky thirteen
fourteen bottles of beer
fifteen bedrooms to cheat in
sweet sixteen
summer of seventeen
over at eighteen
nineteen days
may 20

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 “There is many a monster who wears the
form of a man; it is better of the two to have the heart

of a man and the form of a monster. ”

―Jeanne-Marie Le Prince de Beaumont

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 blurb

Preston

Dolly Beckett is my cousin’s girl and the one woman in the world I can
never have.

She’s fiercely loyal to him, completely off limits… And sexy as sin.
I intend to make her mine by any means necessary.

At first, I show her what a good man looks like. When that doesn’t
work, I steal all her firsts and hook up with her friends to make her jealous.

But nothing sways this stubborn beauty.

I’m tired of waiting for her to realize I’m her man, so I do what

anyone in my place would do—I mettle in her relationship and set myself
up to be the one she runs to when they finally break up.

It’s time she realized she’s always been mine, even when she didn’t

know it.

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 author’s note

If this is your first Selena book, welcome to the World of Faulkner! While
this book is the first featuring this couple and can be read without having

read anything else, it does contain references to events from, and spoilers

for, other books in this world. If you’d like to start at the beginning, go
here:

http://books2read.com/bullyme

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 prologue

Content Warning: Since I cannot imagine every specific scenario that might
upset someone, but I would never want to cause harm, I recommend simply
avoiding this author entirely if you have any triggers.

Preston Darling

My pulse picks up speed as I turn into the parking lot of a small apartment

complex in East LA. At least the place is nice, with a palm tree in front of

each white, stucco building with stairs on the outside instead of inside a
creepy stairwell where a woman could be raped. I’ve been tracking the

Dolces’ cars for years, and all those skills have paid off this week. It took

no time to place a tracker on Dolly’s car while she was at work and follow

her movements long enough to figure out this is where she sleeps most
nights.

I switch off the headlights and climb out of my truck. I’ve taken the

necessary precautions, made arrangements so no one will think I’m

suspicious, a tall order for a man who wears a mask.

At least, they won’t suspect anything if they don’t see me.
 I climb the stairs and make my way along the balcony to apartment

twenty like I belong here. I do belong, even on my day off. After the first

few times I came here, I talked to the apartment’s management to find out

about security. It seems like a celebrity such as Dolly Beckett should have a

guard outside her apartment, but they assured me it was very safe, and
they’d had no incidents with stalkers or fans harassing her. That made me

feel better.

I slip my key into the lock and turn it quietly, then step into the

darkness within. Pulling the door closed, I turn the lock and wait for my

eyes to adjust. I’ve already mapped out the interior, so I know how to move
without tripping on anything and making noise. Slipping off my shoes, I

leave them at the door so I can move quietly. Then I wander through the

apartment, touching the things she’s touched.

I run my fingers over the remote she left lying on the coffee table,

imagining her manicured fingers on the buttons. I kneel before her spot on

the sofa and bury my face in the cushion, that lucky bastard. Never thought

I’d be jealous of a couch, but she sits here every night instead of on my
face, so who can blame me?

I inhale deeply, slowly, trying to catch a trace of her scent. I rub my

face slowly back and forth over the spot, remembering the way she tasted

that night. It doesn’t matter if I leave a hair or skin cells on the cushion as
evidence that I’ve been here. She’ll never find it. People don’t look for

things like that. Besides, I would never hurt her, so there will never be a

reason for cops to come and sweep the place for my fingerprints or hair or

semen.

I stand and move through the kitchen, finding a bowl and spoon in

the sink. I slip the spoon between my lips and close my eyes. It’s slightly
sweet, probably her dessert bowl. She always had a sweet tooth. I suck at

the spoon, imagining it between her plump lips, and my cock twitches. I

imagine walking into her bedroom, spreading her legs, and burying my nose

in her sweet cunt like it’s a peony.

But I won’t rush.

Not the first time. I learned that lesson the hard way, and I’ll never

forget it. This is the first time I’ve been in the apartment while she was

here, and I’m going to take my time.

I place the spoon back in the bowl and move down the hall to her

bathroom. This is where she uses the toilet, brushes her teeth. I run my
thumb softly against the bristles of her toothbrush. Next time she puts it in

her mouth, she’ll put a little bit of me in, too. She won’t taste it, but I’ll be

inside her, those few skin cells. Finally, I let myself turn to the bathtub. This

is the room where she undresses. Where she washes that glorious body, runs

her hands over those breakneck curves. This is where she stands when she
strokes her hands over those magnificent tits, where she slips her fingers

into that plump, pink cunt.

Does she ever think about me while she touches herself?

I take a deep breath and step out of the bathroom. I’m hard now, my

cock aching to push into the tight clench of her body, to feel her heat and

wetness coat my skin, feel her milking me as she cums.

But that’s impossible.

She would call the cops if I did that, and they’d find my DNA all

over this place.

The thought calms me enough for the next room. I’m not here to

fuck. I just want to see her. To know she’s okay, that she’s happy, that her

life here is worth what she gave up. Holding my breath, I slowly turn the

knob to her bedroom and push the door open. The sight of her body, the

sheet draped over her delectable curves, makes my cock throb again. This is

it. I’m here. I’m really seeing her, in person, for the first time in two and a

half years.

I take another breath and enter her bedroom, the most intimate room

in any house. I set each step down carefully as I make my way closer, until I

can see the rise and fall of her ribs as she breathes. She’s on her side, with

her arm over the sheet, which is pulled up to her chin.

 Oh, well. This isn’t someone’s homemade porn. She’s not going to

sleep spreadeagle on her back on top of the blankets.

I lean closer, watching her breathe. She’s here. She’s fine.

Not that I thought she’d disappeared on me. I followed her career on

the news—almost overnight, she went from that girl who kept going viral

on The Tea app to a record deal, with a song rushed out only a few months

later. I scoured the internet for mentions of her on music blogs and Your

Celebrity Eyes. Sightings of her around town with a member of an up-and-

coming boyband only fanned her popularity, though it was some little guy

who was up to her shoulder and looked ridiculous next to her. Then it came
out that he was gay, her next single died immediately, and she got a scathing

review in Vanity Fair about the insignificance of her music.

I knew that one hurt. I texted her, and for a few months, we talked.

She told me she swore she’d seen my cousin Devlin at the music studio

where she’d signed. I told my family, but no one believed it.

Ever since I woke up in the hospital three years ago, though, I

refused to believe he was dead. The bodies had never been found. He’d said

goodbye to me. He’d taken a huge chunk out of his trust right before that.

Those weren’t the actions of a dead guy.

I didn’t look for him, though. I told Dolly to drop it, that it had just

been someone who looked like him, the way you see someone in a crowd
and for a moment, you think it’s someone you lost. In truth, I knew that

being presumed dead was the only thing keeping Devlin alive.

Slowly, I tug the sheet down. Dolly shifts and sighs. I freeze,

waiting for her to return to a deep sleep before I move closer. When she’s

breathing evenly again, I kneel at the edge of her bed. Her full lips are

parted, her long lashes curling against her cheek. My gaze moves down,

slowly taking in the graceful lines of her throat, the smooth swell of her

gorgeous tits. The way she’s sleeping presses them together, and above her

tank top, I can see a good four inches of cleavage. My cock throbs as I gaze

as them, wishing I could touch her soft skin, squeeze her glorious tits, make

her moan.

I can’t believe this is real. After two and a half years, I’m seeing her

in the flesh again. I’m so close I can smell her when I lean in, slowly

inhaling the scent of her skin. My cock is so hard it hurts, the visceral

reaction to her nearness making me hot all over. Unable to resist, I slide my

hand down the front of my pants and give my cock a tug. The relief is only

temporary.

If only I could touch her, have something tangible to prove to

myself that she’s within reach again. If I could taste her, lick her soft

breasts, pull down the top of her tank and sink my teeth into one of her big,

pink nipples, feel their silky skin pucker with desire as she cries out.
 I stroke myself faster, my mouth watering at the thought of tasting

her again.

Soon, I promise myself.

I don’t want to scare her. If she woke in the night to find a masked

man standing over her bed, she’d be terrified. I don’t want that. I don’t want

to have to hold her down to keep her from calling the cops, to hold a hand

over her mouth to keep her from screaming. I’m not into anything weird

like that.
That would be an emergency, a last resort.

That’s not the way to get her to come home. Then I’ll make my
move. I’ll be patient, take my time. I’ve been doing it my whole fucking

life. I’m done waiting, but that doesn’t mean I’m a brute, that I’ll drag her
home kicking and screaming. I’m not a caveman.

And she’s not a conquest. She’s a lady, my lady.

She’ll come home, but she’ll do it willingly.

I don’t want her to fight me. I don’t even want her to dutifully
submit and then go in her closet and cry every night after I fuck her. I want

her moaning and begging, her cunt dripping with desire for me as she
climbs on me and rides me until she loses all control. I don’t want to hold
back the sweet sounds she makes when she cums. I want her to scream my

name, to ride my face until her legs give out, the way she did that night.
 It was the best fucking night of my life, and I didn’t even get off.
I can almost taste her sweet cunt, can feel it pulsing around my

tongue, as I give a final tug and bite down on my lip to keep from groaning
as cum spills into my hand. I want to pull down the sheet, to spread her legs

and push my fingers into her, push my cum in. I want to fuck it deep inside
her with my cock while it’s still hard. I want to watch her swell round with

my baby and know she’ll always be mine.

For tonight, though, it’s enough to see her, to hear her breathing, to
feel the heat of her skin when I lean in and brush my thumb gently across

the swell of her breast, leaving a smear of cum behind. It’s enough to know
I’m on her skin all night, that she’ll wear my invisible mark like a claiming

through the night and maybe even the next day.

Soon, I’ll mark her more permanently, so she never forgets she’s

mine. Just as I’ve never forgotten I’m hers. I’ve waited all my life for this.
Just a few more days, and I’ll have everything in order. Then I’ll make my

move.

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 one dozen daisies

Preston Darling

I knew Dolly Beckett would be mine since I was four years old.

I’ve been trying to be the one she wants, the one she deserves, since
the day I snuck her first kiss, when we were playing outside at Grampa

Darling’s, under the sprawling oak with the legendary treehouse where the
children of the town’s elite made secret pacts sealed with saliva-slicked

palms and played doctor; where older kids snuck their first peeks at porn
and played spin the bottle; where teenagers tried pot and blowjobs while

playing hooky from school.

Back then, we were too young for any of that, still under the

watchful gaze of our mothers. They sat on picnic blankets in the shade,
sipping mint juleps and letting us play in the weeds at the edge of the

woods. I already knew in my little-boy heart that I was going to marry

Dolly Beckett one day. She had the prettiest blonde ringlets and the best
name, and in my innocent little brain, that was a logical reason to marry a

girl.

I picked a dozen or so daisies, my chubby fists pulling at the tough

stems and dragging most of the plants up by their shallow roots.

Undeterred, I handed Dolly the cluster of flowers with dirt clods hanging
off the root clusters. Then I puckered up my little boy lips and smashed

them on hers.

She responded by promptly pushing me down in the dirt.

That’s the moment I fell in love. I may have picked her for my

future wife before that, but love hadn’t entered the equation until I hit the
ground and she told me that boys didn’t kiss girls until their wedding. Then

she marched past me to tell on me. Our Mamas laughed and said the

daddies better lock up their daughters when I got older. I didn’t know what

that meant, I just knew they approved of what I’d done, even if Dolly

refused to play with me for the rest of the day.

That’s the kind of girl Dolly is.

That’s the kind of girl worth dedicating your life to making her love
you back.

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 two households, unalike in dignity

Dolly Beckett

I was around six the first time I realized the Darlings lived different lives
than we did. We were all on what Mama called “the fancy side of town,”

but Grampa Darling… He had an estate. His manor house was three times
as big as ours even without counting the two outbuildings where guests and

staff stayed. It would have taken up an entire city block, but it was outside
town, a sprawling place with hundreds of acres, fields of horses, and a full

dozen staff members running it.

I loved going to Grampa Darling’s.

The place was always alive, bustling with his huge family and their

friends. There were always uncles and aunts, cousins, and siblings of all

ages milling around. Not just Darlings, either. Members of all the founding
families—Faulkner’s elite—congregated there. Nannies brought kids to

swim. Men smoked cigars and dangled poles into the catfish pond or golfed

on the nine holes beyond. The ladies who lunched swapped recipes and then

gossiped later about whatever wife Grampa Darling had at the time. They
sat in the shade of umbrellas and watched us in the pool, sipped cocktails

and bounced each other’s babies on their knees. There was always noise,

activity, some event happening or being planned.

My parents weren’t yet divorced, but they were chilly toward each

other already. As an only child, I could feel the loneliness in our house like
a tangible thing, as if the walls had absorbed my parents’ disappointments

and disillusionment. Sometimes, I’d try to make it come to life.

I danced down the empty hallways of our dark, quiet house,

pretending to be a princess in a musty old castle, abandoned and forgotten

by the rest of the world. I loved ballet, and with grim determination, I
attempted to become a ballerina despite what became more obvious with

each passing year—I would never have the body for it. Still, it gave me an

excuse and a world to disappear into.

It was no wonder I loved going to the Darlings’ and being absorbed

into the chaos and activity of their enormous family. There were always

various Darling kids over there, so one day when I was about six, Mama

dropped me with the nanny over there when our babysitter cancelled and
she had an appointment.

We were playing in the downstairs hallway when Preston knocked

over a decorative ceramic vase. His eyes widened, and he looked at me like

I’d tell on him. I was a year older, so I took charge. We threw the pieces
away, but when Preston heard his dad walking in, he grabbed my hand.

“Quick,” he whispered. “We’ll get in trouble. Hide!”

We ran upstairs, and then up another flight to the attic, where we hid

under a bed. I don’t know how long we were there before his dad found us.

I remember the look of pure, cold fury in his eyes when he grabbed

Preston’s arm and dragged him out.

“Men don’t run away,” he snarled at Preston. “They stand up and

take responsibility for their actions.”

“Yes, sir,” Preston said, his little voice shaking.

“Ten licks for breaking the vase,” Mr. Darling said. “Ten for hiding

like a coward instead of facing your punishment like a man.”

I heard the clink of his belt, and I peeked out from under the bed.

Preston stood stock still, his whole body tense, while his father looped the

belt, holding both ends. He gripped Preston’s shoulder with his other hand

and began to deal out the lashes. I cringed at each one, tears filling my eyes

and then pouring down my cheeks. I knew I should help. I was older, and I
he was my friend, and I should protect him. But I was too scared to even

move, terrified that Mr. Darling would find out I was there and whip me,

too. The worst my parents even did was a few swats with their hand. I knew

the belt must hurt worse. I could see the muscles in Mr. Darling’s arm bulge

with the force of the blows he was dealing out one by one.
 It seemed to go on forever. Preston didn’t cry, but I bit down on my

chubby little fist so I didn’t sob out loud. It was the first time I ever cried

quiet, the first time I cried for somebody else. I closed my eyes and
promised that I would be good from here on out, that I’d do the right thing

every time, and that I’d never run away and hide again.

When he was done, Mr. Darling marched Preston out to apologize to

his grandmother for breaking her vase. A while later, Preston came back

and lifted the edge of the bed skirt. He saw me under there and slid back in

beside me, and we just lay there not saying anything for a long time, just

staring up at the filmy layer of fabric on the bottom of the box spring.

Finally, he turned his head to see me. “Are you crying?”

“Not anymore,” I said. “Are you?”

He wriggled out from under the bed and held out a hand to pull me

out. We sat cross-legged on the floor staring at each other. His face was still

dry.

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

He nodded.

“But you didn’t cry,” I said, trying to figure out how much

something could hurt without making you cry. In my little mind, it didn’t

make sense.
“Dad’s teaching me to be a man,” Preston said. “Men don’t cry.”
 “But if it hurts, you can’t help it,” I said.

“I get ten extra licks if I cry,” he said. “And the more there are, the

more it hurts at the end.”

We went outside after that, though I felt funny and emptier than my

big house where no one spoke unless we had to.

We climbed up to the treehouse, which was the main attraction at

Grampa Darling’s estate. It was a huge deck up in an old oak, supported by

stilts instead of the tree itself, and finished out with sleek wooden walls and

real windows. It could fit at least twelve kids for sleepovers or six teenagers

when the older kids hung out. Getting invited to a tree house sleepover was
the highlight of our year for the entirety of elementary school.

We climbed up the ladder and through the trap door, and Preston

wanted to know if I wanted to play house. We needed a baby, so we got his

little sister to stand below the ladder. Preston told me to take off my clothes,

and then he laid on top of me and we rubbed on each other. It felt good, but

he told me I was the girl, so I had to pretend to cry.

When his sister whined for us, we had to stop and get dressed and

go play with her. That started our sexual play that lasted for a few more

years—longer than it should have. After that day, we played house almost

every time I came over. The oldest boy and girl were the mama and daddy,

which usually meant me and Devlin, even though Preston always argued
about it because his dad was older than Devlin’s, and in the Darling

hierarchy, that made him better somehow.

I didn’t understand. I was just happy to be there. Somewhere along

the way, I realized that I was only popular because I was the mayor’s

daughter and in the Darlings’ circle. Otherwise, I saw how chubby girls

were treated at school, even in second and third grade. By fourth grade, I

already had boobs and definitely should have stopped that kind of play, but

we didn’t.

Not until Walker Delacroix—my best friend’s stepcousin and the

bad boy my mother had already warned me to stay away from—busted us

one day when he was sneaking a girl and a six-pack into the tree house to

have his own fun. I hung out with some of cousins, including Preston, but

seeing as how he was five years older than me, and his younger brother was

five years younger, I didn’t know his immediate family. But he and his girl

thought our innocent little game was the funniest thing in the world, and

they told everyone in all our families. When my parents caught wind of it, I

wasn’t allowed to play unsupervised at Grampa Darling’s anymore.

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 three cousins

Preston Darling

A week after my cousin Walker busted into our little game, my parents sat
us down at the table. I knew what was coming. Dolly had already told us at

school, with lots of blushing and no eye contact, that she’d gotten a
spanking and she wasn’t allowed to visit anymore unless her mother was

there with her. Even then, she wasn’t allowed out of her mother’s sight.
Devlin, whose parents didn’t believe in spanking, had given him a

talk that he wouldn’t repeat to us. All we knew was that his ears turned red
when we tried to get him to explain. Colt and Destiny, who had also been

there when Walker found us, also weren’t allowed to play without a grown-

up around.

Nothing had happened to me, not a word from my parents. All

week, I’d waited, holding my breath every time they said my name, even

when it turned out I just needed to take out the trash or get ready for

baseball. Some part of me hoped, the way dumb little kids hope, that we’d
be spared, that somehow our parents hadn’t found out or weren’t going to

say anything.

“We’d like to talk to you two about what you were caught doing in

your grandfather’s treehouse,” Dad said after we’d retired to the sitting

room so the housekeeper could clear the table from supper.

“Allegedly,” I said, because Dad liked to say you were always

innocent until proven guilty.

He gave me the barest smile for that one. “Yes,” he said. “What you

were allegedly doing in the treehouse. Though we do have two eyewitness

accounts…”
“What about what they were doing?” I asked. “Walker and that

girl.”

No one seemed to be talking about that. It didn’t seem fair. He was

only fifteen, and he’d been going up there with beer and a girl. We all knew

what they’d been about to do.

“That’s not our business,” Mom said. “We’re concerned about you

two.”
“I wasn’t doing anything,” Lindsey pouted. “I just played the baby.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Mom said, patting her hand. “You’re not in

any kind of trouble.”

 “That’s right,” Dad said to her. “Your mother will talk to you about

the appropriate behavior for a good girl, to make sure you stay that way.”

She was always Daddy’s little girl. I was the one who got in trouble.

I never knew what kind of trouble, what kind of whipping I’d get.

Sometimes, Dad exploded, crashing over me like a firestorm, his blows

raining down in such a frenzy that I was sure one day he’d kill me. Other
times, he was slow and methodical, as if he had to savor every stroke to get

the full satisfaction of the punishment.

“We want to make sure to say the right things, to do what’s best for

you kids, so we sat down and talked with Pastor Rodney earlier today,”

Mom said. “Just to get some guidance before we came to you.”

“Preston, I’ll deal with you in my office,” Dad said, rising from the

couch. “Lindsey, listen to your mother.”

Wordlessly, I followed him to his office. My heart was hammering

against my ribs, but I knew better than to plead my case. My father may

have been a lawyer all day, but he was judge, jury, and executioner in our
house.

He sat down behind his heavy desk, and I stood before him, my

hands hanging at my sides, my fingers tingling with numbness as my breath

came quicker with fear.

“Shut the door,” he said.

 I obeyed.

“Are you a man?” Dad asked.

I took a deep breath, puffing up my skinny little nine-year-old boy

chest. “Yes, sir.”

“Then tell me,” he said slowly. “If all three of you boys were

playing this game, why weren’t you the one on top of Dolly Beckett?”

I slowly raised my eyes to his, too surprised to answer.

“If such games are taking place, my son should be the one playing

head of household, the father, the one fucking the wife,” Dad said, pulling

out his drawer and taking out a cigar.

I stared at it, swallowing hard. Only he and Grampa smoked. They

shared that habit, and somehow, it made me know they were closer than the

other uncles. One day, I would take up the practice, just like they did. I

would be just like them. Everyone already said it. I had the sharpest mind,

the nerve for it. Sometimes, they gave each other secret, grown-up looks I

couldn’t interpret, but I knew that it was a cause for concern as well as a

compliment.

“So,” Dad said. “Why weren’t you the one Walker found naked with

a girl? You a faggot? A little sissy boy?”

“No, sir.”
 In truth, I didn’t know the meaning of those words, just that they

were very, very bad things to be. Dad almost always said them when he was

taking off his belt, and kids at school made fun of others for being those

things. I tried to figure out what those kids did, what they had in common

with me, but I didn’t know. My deepest fear was that I must be those things

without knowing, and that’s why Dad whipped me so much, why he was

always so angry.

“You didn’t want to be the one fucking that girl?” he asked.

My father didn’t often spare the rod, and I knew if he’d forgo that

punishment, this must be important. He also didn’t speak to me that way,

which gave the moment even more weight. He was raising me up in some

way, talking to me like a man, like I was important.

“I—I wanted to,” I said, rushing ahead so he wouldn’t pounce on the

stammer I’d let slip. “But Devlin wouldn’t let me. He’s older, and he said

his dad said he was going to marry Dolly. He said that meant he was the dad

and she was the mom, and me and Colt were uncles.”

Sometimes, one of us would lay on Dolly and then get up and run

away when Devlin “got home” in the game. But she was always married to

Devlin, always making dinner for him and their kids.

“You are my son,” Dad said, his words measured as he carefully

sliced off the end of his cigar. “You’ll take over the business. He may be
older, but you’re the most important Darling in your generation. Your

grandfather and I chose you, not Devlin, to be the leader of this family

when we’re gone. You should have taken charge and taken the leading

role.”

I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Devlin and Colt are family,” he said, leaning back in his chair.

“They’re on our team. But when there’s only one prize, it’s your place to

take it. No son of mine comes in second. Do you understand? You get first

place, or you don’t play at all.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, nodding solemnly, squirming to stay still. I was

still afraid the belt was coming next.

“Any questions?” he asked, lighting his cigar and taking a few puffs

to get it going.

“Why do our coaches say it only matters how hard you play?” I

asked.

“They have to say that,” he said. “But I’ll let you in on a little secret,

Preston. Coaches, they aren’t as smart as us. Hell, most of them failed on

the field, and that’s why they’re coaching. They’re failures. Losers. They
want to make themselves feel better, so they tell you winning’s not

important. But winning is all that matters. Isn’t that the reason you play?”
 He was right. We didn’t play just to run around on the field. That’s

what practice was for. Games were meant to be won. That was the whole

point in playing, just like he said.

“Yes, sir.”

“Anything else?” he asked.

I thought about what Mom must be saying to Lindsey.

“Is Dolly a good girl?” I asked.

“Good enough for Devlin,” he said, offhand like it didn’t matter.

“We’ll choose someone else for you. Someone better. But you should still

have gotten her in the game.”

I didn’t say it, but there was no one better than Dolly Beckett. I

already knew that. She was the best girl, no matter what he said. But I
wanted to know what would make her as good as a Darling.

“In Sunday school, they told us about sinning,” I said. “And how we
couldn’t do that stuff until we’re married. Is that why you called Pastor

Rodney? Did we make her sin?”

I especially wanted to know because I was the one who had taught

Dolly to play the game, and I didn’t want it to be my fault if she wasn’t a
good girl, if she was a sinner. I was pretty sure it had to be a sin, otherwise
we wouldn’t have kept it a secret.
 Dad sat back in his chair, lifting his feet onto the edge of his desk
and puffing on his cigar. “Listen, Pastor Rodney has good intentions, but he

doesn’t know how things work for everyone. In our family, the men act like
men. Understand?”

I didn’t, so I shook my head. “He lied?”

“No, son. He didn’t lie. What he says is true—for other people. For

most people. But Things are different for us. That doesn’t make us sinners.
It makes us special. Don’t tell him I said that—or your mother.
Understand?”

I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

I understood all about family loyalty, about keeping what happened

under our roof secret. We had lots of secrets, like Dad’s temper and Mom’s
closets—the one where she cried at night and the one where she drank wine

in the daytime, with the lights off and the door closed. Sometimes she cried
in there, too.

She’s the one who taught us privacy, who taught us that some things
weren’t for us, and some were meant only for us. She’s the one who told us

not to say anything about Dad being in a mood when someone came over or
when we went out somewhere he didn’t want to go. It was funny, because

when he got to whatever function, he smiled and talked like nothing was
wrong. I knew Mom was right, that it was a secret that belonged only to our
family, because no one else could see the rage shimmering off him in
waves, like an invisible storm brewing. Only our family could see it, could

feel it.
Mom would tell us to be very quiet on the way home.

“Be extra nice to your Daddy,” she’d say. “He’s stressed out at
work.”

I could be quiet, but Lindsey was the one who would sweetly ask
how he enjoyed the party, say the right things to keep the storm at bay for

another day. That was another thing only I could see—that it was fake, that
she only did it to keep the peace, to try to make him feel better so he

wouldn’t beat the shit out of me later. It made me feel sick and guilty
somehow, as if what she were doing was somehow obscene, the way she’d

placate him.
Sometimes, Dad would be quiet, and you couldn’t tell if it worked.

Lindsey would think she did a good job and feel all proud of herself. I’d let
her because her room was on the other side of mine, where she couldn’t
hear them after the lights were off. Listening to Dad take his rage out on

Mom was another obscene thing I didn’t fully grasp but instinctually knew
was private, not to be shared with anyone, even my sister. Those nights, I’d

press my little hand to the wall when Mom went in the closet to cry, and I’d
close my eyes and pray that she knew I was there, even if I was too much of

a coward to go in their room and sit with her.

Maybe that’s what being a sissy boy meant.

When I turned to leave Dad’s office, he cleared his throat. “You

forgetting something, son?”

I stopped mid-stride, my back stiff. “Sir?”

“Ten licks,” he said, and I heard his belt clinking. My heart stopped,
and that sickening, swimming feeling came up from the bottom of my belly,

the clouds rolling into my head. “For not taking what you wanted like a
man.”

OceanofPDF.com
 just the four of us

Dolly Beckett

My first kiss happened one December night, on the rare occasion of an

Arkansas snow, when we snuck out of our houses at midnight to walk in the

wintery whiteness and marvel at the sparkling flakes swirling through the
air. It felt like magic back then, something beautiful and dangerous that

only happened every few years. There was a charge in the air, excitement
and giddiness as well as wonder as we rushed to meet up so we could go to

the park.
It was supposed to be the three Darling cousins, Destiny Delacroix,

Preston’s sister Lindsey, and me, the way it always was back then, our little

middle school gang of six. Devlin and I were the oldest at thirteen, having

moved on to junior high, but he’d never leave Colt or Lindsey behind, even
though they were the babies at only eleven. That night, Preston said

Lindsey didn’t want to go out in the cold, and Devlin didn’t show up, either.

I was disappointed, since I was already in love with the golden boy. I never
fell in love. I just was, from the time I was little and my parents told me I’d

marry him one day.

Without him, the four of us walked miles through the whirling

snowflakes, stopping to watch them under the streetlights, how they rushed

toward the ground, the way they glittered in the inch thick layer that
blanketed everything. A car drove by, and Destiny nervously mentioned

that the cops wouldn’t know if we were good kids, since the park was in the

middle of town, not a really good area. They might think we were out

causing trouble.

Just then, we saw headlights coming, and the timing made us all
nervous. Preston grabbed my hand and started running, dragging me behind

some bushes. Colt and Destiny jumped in next to us. We crouched there,

hearts hammering, barely breathing, until the car was gone. Then we started

laughing. We ran the rest of the way to the park, our hands linked. Once we

were there, Colt started making snowballs and pelting us. Preston jumped in

front of them when they came toward me, and I crouched and scraped up a

handful of snow and put it down his back.

He spun around and grabbed me, wrapping me up in his arms in a

bear hug, tensed to throw me to the ground. But then he just stood there, his

arms wrapped tight around me. We were so close I could see a snowflake in

his eyelashes, and the giggle that had risen when I dumped snow in his shirt
melted. For a moment, we just stared at each other, our breath fogging the

space between us.

I couldn’t remember when we’d stopped touching, stopped playing.

Probably when we were caught and shamed for our treehouse explorations.

In the three years since then, our friendship had changed from the kind

where we wrestled around to something more carefully delicate. It had been

a long time since our bodies had been pressed together that way, and even

though he was only twelve, I could feel how strong he was, how much

bigger he’d gotten since we played as kids.

He let me go suddenly, stepping back and turning to block a

snowball rocketing through the air in our direction. We went back to the

game, but I kept glancing at him.

After a while, Colt and Destiny decided to clean out the slide, and

Preston and I went to the swings. “I’ll push you,” he said.

“In a minute,” I said. “I just want to watch the snow fall.”

He sat in the next swing, and for a while, we watched the big white
flakes drifting down. After a bit, I turned to say something, and I caught

him just looking at me.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re so—pretty,” he said, and he ducked his head.

 My heart started beating funny, and even though he wasn’t looking

anymore, I felt self-conscious in a way I usually didn’t around our little

group who knew me well enough to stop paying attention to how I looked.
But it wasn’t the way I felt self-conscious around the jerks who stared and

elbowed each other and laughed at school, or the way I felt when grown

men whistled at me. It was just an awareness, and for the first time, I felt

what it was like to be admired rather than desired. It was the first time I felt

pretty, like he’d pointed out something that had always been there but that I

hadn’t grasped until then.

Of course my mama said I was pretty, and my dad would make

comments about keeping the boys away with shotguns. In elementary, I’d

been chubby, and other kids made fun of me until they learned that the

punishment for that was a fist fight with Preston. And then I got boobs

before everyone else, and I got attention for it, but it didn’t make me feel

good about myself. By thirteen I’d already settled into an hourglass figure

—wide hips, big bust—but I felt my largeness more than any sexiness. I

was taller than every boy in my grade that year, and the self-consciousness

was real. I was awkward as all get-out around everyone except my little

group of friends, where I could be myself and no one cared how I looked.

Or so I thought. And now that Preston said otherwise… I didn’t

mind. It wasn’t some random guy, it was my friend, someone who knew me
through and through, who had seen me naked when we were younger and

gotten whipped in front of me. Now he was an angry preteen, prone to

being rude, though he’d still fight anyone else who dared be rude to me.

Things were changing for all of us, but mostly for me and Devlin, who had

started junior high that fall. Preston was still in middle, and I didn’t see him

as much. When I did, he was moody and sullen, a kid who got in trouble at

school, not the kind who called girls pretty.

We’d taken off our hoods when we got hot from running around,

and I knew I had snowflakes in my blonde waves, and that my face was

flushed from the exertion. For the first time, I found myself wishing
someone would look at me, that I hadn’t scared him off. I liked feeling

pretty, liked seeing myself that way through the eyes of a friend who

already liked other things about me before that one.

“Push me,” I said, hoping to end the awkwardness.

Preston got up, but instead of stepping behind me, he stepped in

front of me. He gripped the chains on the swing and just stood there looking

at me. I could see his blond hair glistening in the lights, damp from melted

snowflakes, with a few clinging to the strands like stars. They drifted down

around him, behind him, making the whole world look like something out

of a fairytale.
 He didn’t say anything. The blanket of snow silenced the world, and

all I could hear was my heartbeat as he pulled the swing forward, leaned in,

and kissed me. His lips were soft and warm, and this melting feeling

washed over me, like he’d just dumped a pan of warm water over the snow.

Both of us held onto the chains on the swing, not touching as we

kissed. We didn’t use tongue, didn’t hold each other, didn’t say anything.

We just kissed, soft and sweet and innocent, the very last thing I’d have

imagined from an angry boy who got in fights at school and called other

boys mean names if they wouldn’t hit back.

Then Destiny whooped when she went down the slide, and Preston

drew away. We stared at each other for a second, like we had when he

grabbed me in that bear hug. But everything felt different now, charged with

something heavy and scary and uncertain.

My heart was hammering, and I wasn’t sure how to feel. I’d always

imagined my first kiss would be with Devlin. Preston was a year younger

than me, still a skinny middle schooler, even if he was filling out. I was half

a foot taller than him and looked like a porn star according to some crude

ninth-grade boys.
Without a word, he stepped behind me and gave me a push. We

never mentioned the kiss, but I thought about it for the rest of that night, for

the whole walk home and the next day when we all went out sledding on
one of the only hills in Faulkner. I thought about it when he slipped his cold

fingers into mine to help me out of the van when we all got back to Grampa

Darling’s for snacks and parent pickup. I remembered again when he

brought me hot cocoa with marshmallows, and I caught Devlin watching us

from across the room, and this twist of guilt knotted in my belly, like I’d

done something wrong. I quickly took the mug and walked away, but I kept

glancing sideways at Preston, wondering if he was still thinking about it,

too.
Sometime the next summer, I had my first kiss with Devlin, and I

finally told Destiny about the kiss on the swing. She assured me it didn’t
count if there was no tongue, that it wasn’t a real kiss.

But it counted to me. It was real to me.

OceanofPDF.com
 five years in second place

Preston Darling

“We’re finally going to do it.”

Dolly’s voice was somewhere between a whisper and a squeal of

excitement as she leaned over to share the news with Destiny and Lacey.
“On my birthday, after my Sweet Sixteen party. We’re going to sneak out

and meet in Grampa Darling’s treehouse.”

“Oh my god, that’s so romantic,” Destiny said, covering her heart.

“Do what?” I asked, trying to keep my voice neutral but loud

enough for the people around us to hear, as if that would change the

inevitable, the cruelty of fate I’d seen coming for months. If I thought about

it, I would have known it for years.

“Preston,” Dolly hissed, tilting her head and widening her eyes. It
was a Friday afternoon, and after running over the plays for tonight’s game

one last time, the coaches had turned on some music and let us have free

time so we wouldn’t be worn out from practicing before the game. The

doors to the gym were all propped open to let in the perfect fall day. The
sun streaming across the hardwood seemed to taunt me, as if it were

purposely bright and beautiful just to spite me.

“What?” I asked, forcing my face into a casual expression, though

inside I was seething with the kind of rage I imagined Dad felt,

uncontainable and unending.

“Shhh,” Destiny said, putting a finger to her purple lips and trying to

stop giggling. She glanced around at the other kids, though I was sure this

would be public knowledge within days. Dolly and Devlin were the town’s

beloved golden couple. Everyone was obsessed with them to a ridiculous

degree, like they were celebrities.

“Let’s move over there,” Lacey said, nodding to an empty row a

little way down the bleachers. She gave me a dirty look over her shoulder.

“This is girl business.”

“It’s okay,” Dolly said, putting a hand on Lacey’s arm to stop her.

She turned to me and smiled, but it wasn’t the kind of smile she used to

give me. She smiled at me like I was a kid brother, someone to be tolerated

and treated with kindness while hiding just an edge of pity. We’d started
drifting apart when she went to middle, then got closer again when I joined

them the next year. Then she’d gone to junior high for eighth grade, then

transferred to Willow Heights, the town’s private high school, for ninth.
That meant for the first time ever, we weren’t in school together for two

years in a row.

For the past two years, I’d watched with simmering rage and despair

as she and Devlin kept growing closer to each other and further from me.

But I never gave up hope. Forcing patience, I waited for the moment when

I’d join them in high school and everything would go back to the way it had
been when I saw her every day instead of just at social events and

occasional weekends.

But now that I was in high school, she barely gave me the time of

day. It wasn’t because I was a freshman—Destiny was a freshman, and the

moment we started at Willow Heights, Dolly and her new friend Lacey had

snatched her up and absorbed her into their popular group.

I was popular in the lower grades too, so we saw each other all the

time, but there was something different between us, some carefulness. More

than that, I got the feeling she was trying to avoid me, making sure we were

never alone together or even the first two people at our lunch table, where
we’d have to face each other without distractions. When I’d grumbled over

dinner one night that my friends weren’t the same now that we were in high

school, Mom patted my hand and said sometimes people outgrew a

friendship.
 I didn’t think it was that, though. Dolly just didn’t want to admit that

we had something, something even deeper than what she had with Devlin.

They went to dances together, and she was a majorette while we played
football. On the surface, they were the perfect couple. But I knew he took

her for granted, that he didn’t appreciate the things about her that I did. Not

just her beauty, but her commitment to being exactly who she was.

She didn’t apologize for her size, didn’t try to downplay it. She was

almost six feet, but she still wore heels. She was flashy and big in all the

right places, and even though lots of girls who were thinner than her

complained about their weight or went on diets together, she never joined.

She’d be the first to suggest a trip to Boehner’s Burgers after school, where

we’d sit at picnic tables eating burgers and their signature Neapolitan

shakes and tossing fries into the air to catch in our mouths.

She just was herself, and she owned it far before most girls got

there. And I… I couldn’t stop watching and wanting. She wasn’t a bitch to

me, was never rude or cruel to anyone. She wasn’t fake, like some of her

friends, either. She truly saw the best in everyone, was sweet and kind and

gracious to even the most desperate little pimply freshmen who dared to ask

her out.

She had all the friends she could ask for, not just because she was a
person you couldn’t help but like, but because of Devlin, who the town
worshipped.

They’d already been talking colleges before he even started high

school. The second game of his freshman year, the senior quarterback took

a hard hit and Coach put Devlin in for the last quarter, after the game was

basically already lost. WHPA was behind by three touchdowns. Devlin

came in like a fucking savior and threw the most beautiful quarter the town

had ever seen. We won by one extra point kick, but no one remembered the

kicker. They remembered Devlin.

He became the starting QB for the rest of his freshman year, which

meant by default, Dolly was the most popular girl in school. But even the
bitchiest of the mean girls couldn’t resent her. Dolly won them all over as

the benevolent queen. How could I not admire her? Her softness could

soften anyone, win them over one genuine smile at a time, until before they

knew it, her worst enemies had become her best friends.

Proof enough was Lacey, who apparently had been dying of

jealousy for half of their freshman year. Now she was her closest friend

besides Destiny, who’d been part of our circle since elementary. Lacey

didn’t like me, but Dolly wouldn’t be rude to anyone, not even when I was

being rude to her.

Her cheeks colored, but her smile never wavered as she looked me

straight in the eyes and said, “Me and Devlin are going all the way.”
 I froze in place, holding myself perfectly still, the way I’d learned to

do when Dad got the belt out and looped the ends together, gripping my

shoulder with a malicious glitter in his eyes before he began the beating.

That didn’t happen now that I’d started high school. Somewhere along the

way, I had learned my lessons, and I never gave him reason. Now when he

needed to take his wrath out on me, he took me to the boxing gym he’d

bought as some kind of tax write-off back when the governor had offered

incentives to places that kept poor kids ‘off the streets’ after school.

When there were other people working out there, my father was

fucking Dad of the Year, bringing his son to learn boxing as some father-

son bonding exercise. When we were the only ones there, though, he’d let

himself go. Eventually, he’d always manage to get me on the floor, where

he’d pummel me relentlessly while screaming at me to get up and hit back.

One night, a manager tried to intervene and get Dad to let me up so I could

fight back, but Dad fired him on the spot.

The next guy he hired stayed in his office when Dad was there with

me alone.

One day, I’d be strong enough to knock him down.

For now, at fourteen, I wasn’t a match for him, just like was no

match for the information Dolly had just slammed into me like Dad’s

boxing glove, taking the air from my lungs. I wanted to tear apart the gym,
to grab Dolly and shake some sense into her, tell her that she had to at least

consider me as an option. She couldn’t just fuck Devlin because he

happened to be her boyfriend at the time. She hadn’t even given me a

chance.

“Why?” I managed, my throat constricting around the word.

Lacey giggled and rolled her eyes at Destiny. “Oh my god,” she

said. “Can you believe these freshman boys?”

“Where do they get their audacity?” Destiny agreed, like she wasn’t
a freshman, too. Her words only twisted the knife deeper into me. We’d

been friends all our lives, even the past two years, when Dolly was in a
different school. In fact, she’d been my best friend during that time, two

years that felt like we were both waiting to catch up with the others, for our
real life to begin. Now, having solidarity with her new high school friends

came before a lifetime of friendship with me.

Dolly frowned at them before fixing me with a soft smile, like she

was explaining something to a child. “Well, we’ve been together two years,
we love each other, and we already know we’re getting married after

graduation,” she said. “So why wait?”

“Did he say that?” I asked, feeling like I’d been kicked in the
testicles.
 “Say what?” she asked while her friends whispered and looked at
me like I was something to be pitied.

Even though I was already turning heads as a freshman, on and off

the field, I’d never had a real girlfriend. Not because I couldn’t get one, but

because I couldn’t get the one I wanted.

“Did he say he loved you?” I asked.

Dolly looked like she’d been slapped. “Of course he said it,” she
said, drawing herself up to her full height, which was pretty impressive. She
was still taller than me that year, and with her hair all done up, she towered

over me even while sitting.

“Huh,” I said. “Doesn’t sound like my cousin.”

She fixed me with a hard stare, then turned to her friends. “You’re
right, Lace,” she said. “Let’s move over there. Some people don’t know

when to mind their own business.”

They moved seats, and people turned to look. I just glared back at

them, daring them to look at me wrong so I’d have an excuse to punch their
faces in. Dolly was sweet, but she wasn’t a pushover. She wasn’t rude to

people, but she wouldn’t sit there and let someone be rude to her. I’d
disrespected her, and she was showing me she wouldn’t stand for that.

I sat there seething until the end of the class. It seemed she and
Devlin would never break up. All the other couples from middle school and
junior high had broken up. Even in high school, other couples kept breaking
up and forming new couples every few months. Everyone but Dolly and

Devlin. They’d been official for two years now, getting more serious all the
time.

They’d left me behind.

Now they were about to sleep together, and I’d never even kissed a

girl besides Dolly. One kiss. That’s all I would ever get.
For two years, I’d been waiting for them to break up so I could ask

her out. I wanted a chance to show her how much better I’d treat her, how
much better we’d be together. Now I never would. It felt like the end of

something, like I was losing the chance I’d been waiting for all these years.
She was sleeping with Devlin. She’d already decided to marry him. It was

over before I even got to throw my hat in the ring.

And the fucked up part was, Devlin didn’t deserve her, and Dolly

didn’t even see it.

It wasn’t that he treated her badly. He would make her first time
special. But it was because girls like her expected it and deserved it, not

because he thought she was special. He would respect her, but he would
never treasure her, never worship her the way I would. He just didn’t care

quite as much, didn’t know her quite as well.

 If he loved her, it was in some obligated way. If he fucked her, it

was because he was a horny sixteen-year-old with a hot, willing girlfriend.

It wasn’t because he saw her for who she really was, loved her for it, and

wanted her for it. He did a hundred little things that proved he loved himself
more, but she never even noticed them. She only seemed to love him harder

for it.
All afternoon, I stewed in it—the fury, the helplessness that
consumed me. She loved Devlin, was already destined to be his wife

through the maneuvering of my grandfather and her father. Our fates were
decided, just like our fathers’ before us. My parents spoke disdainfully of

Devlin’s and Colt’s parents, who hadn’t followed the plan set out by my
grandfather. They’d made a mess of their lives and become a small-town

scandal.
My parents would never do such a thing. A flawless veneer was the

cornerstone of our lives—Joseph Darling, the ambitious lawyer who would

be judge one day, married to Blaise, the Delacroix jewel, a doting mother

and devoted wife. It had been Dad’s proudest moment when his father
chose me as successor to the Darling estate, the next generation’s most

cunning mind, the one who would inherit the law practice one day.
The evening Dolly revealed her plan to sleep with Devlin, I was

sullen all through dinner, until Dad snapped at me to sit up straight and
address him with respect.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said when Mom asked what had
gotten into me.

“You’re excused,” Dad said, even though I hadn’t finished eating.

I was too pissed to care. I shoved my chair back and stomped out,

ignoring his order to push my chair in, ignoring my sister’s pleading eyes
that begged me to keep the peace, my mother’s placating words to him. I

was tired of keeping the peace, even though at some point, it became my
job. Lindsey never got in trouble. She was good at being small, at

disappearing, at being seen and not heard at home. Anything to avoid Dad’s
attention, his wrath.

I was the one who could stir him to anger, an anger we all had to
endure. It wasn’t just in the blows. It seeped through the walls we weren’t

allowed to touch because we might leave smudges on the fancy paint,

through the picture windows in the living room. It dripped from the crystal
chandelier in the foyer, trickled from the stone fountain out front. We

tensed, holding our breath, when his heavy footsteps sounded in the hall. It
gave everyone in the house an irregular heartbeat—the stilling beat as the

wait began.
I went outside instead of getting ready for the game. I walked past

the pool, now covered to keep out the fall leaves, and into the small garden
my mother had someone put in one year after a Garden Club member said it
was a shame we didn’t have a flower garden. Each spring, Mom had

someone come out and decide what to plant, and then come over weekly to
take care of it. I’d never seen her set foot in it except when she was showing
it off to visitors.

I liked to come out for a moment of quiet now and then. A garden
was somehow more honest in its affectations, the tangible representation of

our house. Under all the pretty flowers with their delicate petals, there was
the raw earth, the rot and dirt where the roots dug in deep.

On a more surface level, I liked it because besides the gardener, I

was the only person who came out here. There was no being alone in my

house. Someone always came to check, whether I went to my room or

somewhere else. It was chilly out now that the sun had gone down, so the

dead garden seemed like a good place to hide, to be alone a few minutes
longer. I dug the toe of my shoe into the dirt. The solitude wouldn’t last.

One of them would find me.

Maybe my sister, who would sit in the bench seat under the arbor,

wrap her arms around her knees, and shiver while she told me that I
shouldn’t provoke Dad, as if that were my intention. I’d feel too guilty

about her sitting in the cold to stay out longer. Or it could be my mother,
who would tell me we all had our duties, and that she knew it was hard on a
boy to have so many expectations resting on his shoulders, but that I was
strong and she knew I could handle it. I’d feel too guilty about the tremble

in her pleading voice to withhold my apology. I’d go in and say I was sorry
for disrespecting Dad, would face my punishment like a man.

But it was Dad who came to find me that night. He sat on the bench
and asked what was bothering me. Then he lit a cigar and just waited. I

didn’t want to tell him, but after a long silence, I couldn’t hold it in.
“It’s not fair,” I said. “If I’m the most important Darling cousin, if

I’m the favorite to take over the practice, why don’t I get Dolly?”
“Dolly Beckett?” he asked, as if there were any other. “The girl you

were playing doctor with five years ago?”

“She’s the mayor’s daughter,” I pointed out. “She’s the best girl in

town. Why didn’t you choose her for me? Devlin’s only going to be mayor
because of her. I’m going to be something on my own, not because of my
wife.”
“Your grandfather chose that,” Dad said slowly. “You like your

cousin’s girl? That’s what this is about?”

“She’s going to sleep with him,” I said. “On her sixteenth birthday.”
“She told you that?” Dad asked.
“She told everyone.”
 Dad puffed on his cigar for a minute. “What are you going to do
about it?” he asked at last. “You going to let him Devlin push you around

and take what you want again, like you did five years ago?”
“What can I do about it?” I demanded. “She loves him.”
“You can cry like a pussy boy,” he said. “Or you can do something
about it. Take the initiative. Take what you want, like a man. Women like
that.”

I wasn’t sure Dad knew what women liked. I thought of my cousins

coming to stay over when I was a kid, camping out on the floor of my
room. After Colt and Gideon fell asleep, in a long stretch of darkness,
Devlin asked why my mother was crying.

As if he expected me to know, expected me to ask my mother such a

question. It was her private moment, one she surely didn’t know I could
overhear or she’d have gone somewhere else to do it. I knew I was
overhearing something that wasn’t meant for my ears, and I kept my mouth

shut about it for her sake, to protect her dignity, though I couldn’t have
articulated that’s what I was doing back then. It was just something that
happened, a stretch of tension that held me gripped in its teeth every night
until she went back to bed, and I could finally sleep, too.

Or maybe Dad knew what he was talking about, after all, because
the next morning Mom was all smiles as usual when she made us fresh
waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. I took note of the way Devlin
watched her, like he was looking for cracks in her glass smile. It struck me

that I’d never really wondered about the crying or the smiling before he
noticed.
That’s just how it was in my house.
My mother’s secret sadness was her own, something that wasn’t for

us to know. As I got older, it had become almost obscene, like an addiction

or a sex toy tucked under her lingerie. I was ashamed of it, of her, and when
people stayed over, we slept downstairs in the living room, or we went to
Grampa Darling’s and stayed in the treehouse instead.

But on the evening in the garden, Dad was the only one I had to talk
to, the only advice I got.
What are you going to do about it?
Take what you want, like a man.
“I don’t know how,” I admitted to Dad, so quiet I wasn’t sure he

heard me for a minute.

“You have a phone,” he said at last. “I’m sure you’ve gotten curious
before.”
“Yes, sir,” I mumbled, too embarrassed to say anything else.

Of course I’d watched porn. I knew where everything went, but to

actually do it… I’d never even touched a girl’s boob. In Sunday school,
they said we should wait if we could. I wasn’t big on waiting until marriage,

but I could wait for Dolly.

Now, I’d run out of time.
“I’ll get you a little present,” Dad said. “Someone to show you the
ropes, set you up for success. No one wants to be second best. I’ve been
meaning to set it up for a few months already, now that you’re in high

school. It’s a rite of passage in our family. My father got me one when I was
around your age. Fourteen is a good time to start working it out of your
system, so you’ll be ready to settle down when you get married. Just tell her
you’re eighteen. And don’t say anything about this to your mother.”

With that, he left me in the garden, where Mom found me a bit later
and told me we’d be late for the game if I didn’t hurry. I didn’t care about
the game. There, I would sit on the bench for all but a few minutes at the
end and watch Devlin shine like a fucking star who got everything he ever

wanted without having to work a single minute in his life for it.
Everything fell into his lap, one lucky break after another, since the
day he was born, as if fate herself had chosen him as her favorite. As if
there were only enough luck for one Darling in any generation, and he

happened to be born first, so he got it all—perfect, loving parents; the

quarterback’s injury that gave him the game where he won a starting spot;
Grampa Darling choosing Dolly for his wife. It was all handed to him on a
silver platter, so he never appreciated any of it. He never had to fight for

anything, to struggle or suffer or rage at fate.

I hated him for it. He didn’t deserve it.
I deserved it.
I had waited long enough, suffered enough, been patient enough.

I thought of what Dad said earlier that night, and what he’d said
years ago, when Walker caught us playing house. I had to take what I
wanted, like a man. Devlin was only my teammate until the field was
narrowed, until there was only one prize, and then he was my competition.

I’d let him claim first prize for five years while I stayed in second
place—which was just another way to say ‘loser,’ according to my father. I
wasn’t going to let Devlin make me look like a loser in my father’s eyes
again.
This was my chance to prove myself. To prove I was smarter, more

clever, more cunning than my cousin. That I was worthy of being chosen to
take over the practice. I would find a way to get what I wanted, even if I
had to trick fate herself into giving me what I desired. I was tired of
watching Devlin shine. It was my turn to win, to take something from him

that he could never get back.

OceanofPDF.com
 sixpacks and fruit snacks

Dolly Beckett

“I’m bored,” Destiny said, flopping back on the treehouse floor. “Nothing
ever happens in this town.”

“We literally just got done with Homecoming,” I pointed out. After
the dance, there wasn’t a big party, but groups always broke off to hang out

with their friends. We’d changed from our dresses into comfortable clothes
and congregated in Grampa Darling’s treehouse to hang out.

“Don’t you ever want… I don’t know… Something bigger?”

“There’s the Darling Christmas party, and their New Year’s party,”

said Carmen, glancing at me furtively. “Do you think we’ll be invited?”

Of course I was invited, being Devlin’s girlfriend and all. Destiny

was guaranteed a spot several times over—she was the daughter of a

founding family and stepdaughter of another one, close with all the Darling

cousins, and best friends with the mayor’s daughter. Lacey Murdock and

Carmen Saravia were more peripheral, so their invite wasn’t guaranteed.

 “I’m so bored I could die,” Destiny groaned, throwing an arm over

her eyes. “Sometimes I want to drive off the bridge just so something

exciting happens. Know what I mean?”

“Oh my god,” Lacey squealed. “That’s messed up.”

“I know, right?” Destiny said, sitting up. “I just feel like… Like
we’re wasting our lives in this town. I want to be somewhere important, like

New York or DC, where something’s always going on. I want to be

somebody.”

“You are somebody,” Carmen pointed out. “You’re a Delacroix.”

“Come on,” Destiny said, giving her a look. “I’m only a Delacroix
by marriage, and my stepdad works for Walmart.”

“The Walmart corporate office,” Lacey said.

“Aren’t our lives kind of sad, though?” Destiny asked, leaning back

on her hands. “It’s not like he works for Nyso Records in LA. It’s

Arkansas.”

“Well, that’s where we live,” Lacey said. “What’s wrong with

Arkansas?”
“The fact that you have to ask is what’s wrong with it,” Destiny

said. “When do we graduate again?”

“In three and a half years,” I told her, picking a piece of fluffy from

my new Yorkshire Terrier puppy off the knee of my yoga pants, which I
wore under a short pink skirt topped with a vintage Legally Blonde t-shirt.

“What kind of friend are you?” Destiny grumbled. “You’re

supposed to lie.”

“Well, it’s only two and a half for me,” I offered.

“That’s it,” she said. “We’re not friends anymore. Lacey, you’re my

best friend now.”

“I’m a sophomore, too,” Lacey pointed out, tugging at the neck of

her shirt and sitting a little straighter, pushing out her boobs when we heard

the guys coming.

“Who’s that for?” Destiny asked, giving her a sly grin.

“What? No one,” Lacey said, tousling her hair.

“Mmmhmm,” Destiny said with a knowing smile. “Or maybe it’s

for Preston Darling?”

“Ugh, gross,” Lacey said, but her face went pink. “Like I’d ever

hook up with a freshman.”

“He’s one year younger,” Destiny said, shaking her head. “Plus, he’s
hot, if you like that type.”

“What type?” I asked, a funny little knot of annoyance forming in

my belly like it did every time someone talked about Preston. His very

existence irked me this year, and I didn’t even know why. We’d always

been friends, even when he was sort of a dick. Usually, he was nice to me
and only rude to other people. That made it easier to tolerate, even if it

shouldn’t. Plus, every time I started to think we shouldn’t be friends

anymore, I remembered that day when he broke the vase, and how mean his
dad was. Joseph Darling may have been the town’s big shot lawyer and a

friend of my dad’s, but I’d seen another side of him.

Preston was the same. He got in fights at school and generally was

angry at the world, but I’d seen the other side of him. I still remembered our

first kiss. I’d done lots of kissing and other stuff with Devlin since then, but

I’d never forget my first kiss. Preston had made it memorable, being so

sweet and gentle, even though he was usually pretty rough around the

edges.

“Let’s play a game,” Destiny said impulsively.

“What kind of game?” Colt asked, sticking his head up through the

trap door with a grin. He was just shy of fourteen, and he hadn’t even been

at our Homecoming since he wasn’t in high school, but you could already

tell he’d have no problem with the ladies when he arrived at Willow

Heights next year. Where Preston was all brittle edges and anger, Colt was

honey smiles and charm.

He hopped up into the room and reached down to retrieve a six-pack

from Devlin, who was behind him on the ladder.

“Truth or dare,” Destiny said.
 Just then, Preston’s head poked up through the doorway. Our eyes

met, and this awkward moment of knowing passed between us, the way it

sometimes did. It was funny, too, because I wasn’t sure exactly what I was

supposed to know from that look. I didn’t know if it was because I was the

only one who knew that his family wasn’t as perfect as they appeared from

the outside, or if it was because Devlin had never found out about the kiss. I

could have told him. We weren’t serious when it happened. But I never had.

It was a secret I wanted for myself, something sacred between me and

Preston that words would have destroyed. Or maybe it was just that we

knew each other in some way that defied words, as if our souls understood
each other.

Whatever it was, it was awkward for a fifteen-year-old, especially

one in love with his cousin. So I tried not to be alone with him too much,

not to have moments when he might put words to the thing I didn’t really

understand and was scared to look at too closely.

That funny little flutter that sometimes started in my tummy flared

up, and I shook my head and turned back to Destiny. “I don’t like truth or

dare.”

Sometimes, the truth was too dangerous, and I wasn’t the kind of

person who would lie during a game with friends, even if everyone else did.
 “We could play spin the bottle,” Lacey said with a giggle, adjusting

her position to look inviting.

“We’re not in middle school,” I said, my gaze returning to Preston. I

didn’t want any games where I’d have to confront the awkwardness

between us. “Besides, I have a boyfriend. I can’t kiss other guys.”

“Lame,” Destiny sang out in her beautiful voice. We sang together

in choir and took voice lessons together, like we always had, but she was

better than me by a long shot. Still, she was the kind of friend who not only

would never point that out, but she’d promise to bring me along if she ever

made a girl band and got famous.

We’d been best friends since elementary, but it was a friendship

forged by our parents, like all my friendships. Sometimes I wondered what

my life would be like if I wasn’t the mayor’s daughter. Would the Darlings

even give me the time of day? Would a brave, ambitious girl like Destiny be

friends with someone so steadfastly content with her life? Back then, I was

happy with the life my parents had laid out for me—being Devlin’s wife

was enough. One day, he would be Faulkner’s mayor, and I’d be the

mayor’s wife and the mother of a little girl just like me.
Destiny was the exact opposite. She liked to push limits, to dream

big, even if she didn’t know what the future would hold. One year she

wanted to be a singer, then an actor, then a fashion designer, and now a

social media influencer. There was something about her that was always a

little reckless, a little restless, like she was too big for this little town to

contain. It was something that, in the rare moment when I admitted to

myself that I had doubts about my relationship too, I knew she shared with

Devlin. They both had this innate inability to be satisfied, a striving for

more, some inner frustration that would either drive them to great heights or

spectacular ruin.

“It’s not cheating to kiss another guy if your boyfriend gives you
permission,” Carmen said, wiggling her brows at me and then Devlin.

The guys had clambered into the treehouse and closed the trap door,
and we all settled into a circle, the two boxes of beer bottles in the middle.

“Seven minutes in heaven,” Lacey said, leaning forward just a bit,

so the person beside her could sneak a peek down her shirt if he wanted.

The person beside her being Devlin.

I glared at her. “We’re not playing any kissing games.”

“Why not?” Devlin asked, his tone one of genuine curiosity, like he
couldn’t think of any reason that would be a bad idea. He opened the box

and handed out beers with his usual casual confidence, like he honestly
didn’t know anything was wrong with him even asking.
“Well… Because we’re together,” I pointed out, feeling every bit the

dumb, clumsy virgin I was. We’d played games like this before, and I’d
kissed other boys, but Devlin and I were serious now. We were about to
sleep together, for god sakes.

He shrugged and opened a beer. “So what? It’s a game.”

“Yeah,” Lacey said, taking the beer from him. “It’s just for fun. Like

Carmen said, you’re both playing. You both know about it, and you’re both
okay with it, so it’s not cheating.”

“Exactly,” Devlin said, opening another beer and handing off the
opener. “Lighten up, Doll. We’re sixteen. You act like we’re already
married.”

He didn’t say it in a mean way, but somehow that made it worse. He

was just being rational, matter of fact. Everyone watched me, waiting for

my response, except Devlin. He clearly didn’t know he’d even said

anything offensive.

I wondered if he even remembered that I hadn’t turned sixteen when

he did. He just assumed I was always on the same page, like I was an

extension of him. He couldn’t fathom that I might not want to kiss someone
else, and I definitely didn’t want him kissing someone else. That I might

take things more seriously, feel more deeply, than he did. Devlin was
selfishly, arrogantly oblivious in the way that only a sixteen-year-old rich

boy who was already universally adored could be.

 In that moment, I realized he might resent me for holding him back.
We were both virgins, and even though I thought it was the most romantic

thing in the world to give myself to the man I’d marry, the only man I’d
ever be with in that way, I wondered.

Did he think it was romantic? Or limiting?

“Fine,” I said, grabbing a beer and twisting the cap. It didn’t open. I

glared at Devlin, wanting to be as cool as him when all our friends were
giving each other knowing looks. I just wasn’t good at faking things,

especially not in front of the people who knew me best.

Preston took the beer from me, opened it against the edge of the

trunk that lined one wall, and handed it to me. I took a big gulp, even
though I hated beer. Preston gave my knee a quick squeeze, and my heart

filled with warmth for him. One simple gesture reassured me that even
though weren’t close anymore, he understood me. He was there for me

when it mattered.
Like right now, when my boyfriend was being such a colossally
insensitive dick that he couldn’t even see that’s what he was doing.

“So, how do we pick?” Carmen asked. “There are four girls and
only three boys.”

“I guess one of us will get extra lucky,” Colt said, tossing his hair
out of his eyes and reaching for a beer.
 “There’s not even a closet here,” I pointed out.

“We’ll use the chest,” Destiny said, pointing to our backrest.

“That’s too small for two people,” I protested.

Lacey sighed and rolled her eyes. “Then don’t play,” she said
impatiently. “That’ll even things out—three guys and three girls. Who goes

first?”
“I’ll play,” I said quickly. I might have been willing to see the good
in everyone, but I wasn’t about to sit back and watch my friend make a

move on my boyfriend. I didn’t think he was the cheating type, but in this
game, anything could happen. Anything was permitted. It was a loophole,

and I couldn’t shake the feeling that Devlin was eager to explore that
option, to experience other girls in whatever capacity he could without

actually cheating. Meanwhile, all I wanted was to draw Devlin’s name and
go make out with him for seven minutes.

The usual frustration edging on desperation clawed up inside me as

we drank for a minute and sized up the options we might end up with. I

wanted to get Devlin, but the fact that he was considering the other girls
made me want to die. I didn’t know how to lock him down, to make myself

the center of his world the way he was mine. It killed me a little bit every
day that I couldn’t make him love me the way I loved him. I could only
hope that once we’d given ourselves to each other completely, he’d be as

committed as I was.
“Who picks first?” I asked.

“We’ll spin the bottle,” Destiny said. “Whoever finishes their beer
first can spin first. And I’m just going to put this out there. I’m feeling it

tonight, so whoever ends up with me…”

She wiggled her eyebrows and grinned, and everyone laughed, some

more nervously than others. As I looked around, I realized everyone in the

room was a virgin except Carmen, who’d gotten played by Wade

Montgomery, a popular senior guy who never spoke to her again.

I scooted closer to Devlin. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t give his

virginity to someone in a game, especially since we’d already decided to

lose it to each other the day I turned sixteen. And Destiny would never do

that to me, either. Still… I didn’t want to think about my boyfriend and my
best friend doing anything else in that box, either. And I wasn’t entirely sure
about Lacey. We were friends this year, but we’d never been in school

together before Willow Heights.

“I’m going to line it with a sleeping bag,” Colt said, getting up to

open the chest, looking for a section that was empty enough to use. “If I get
a red one, it’ll look like a vampire coffin. Perfect for Halloween week.”
 The chest was actually built into the treehouse, stretching along one
wall. It had several compartments and usually served as a bench or

backrest, though it was full of supplies, too. There were sleeping bags and
pillows for when people had sleepovers up here, lanterns and flashlights, a
few books of ghost stories, and stashes of candy. Then there were the less

savory things stashed in secret compartments—old Playboy magazines that

boys snuck up here to look at before they got their first phones; stashes of

cigarettes, pot, and drug paraphernalia; and of course, condoms.

“Oh, look,” Colt called. “Sleeping bags and gummies.” He tossed

out three boxes of fruit snacks, and the others started opening them and
chewing on the gummy candy as we drank, trying to ignore the current of

tension in the air at what we were about to do.

The chest was big enough for two kids to fit in during hide and seek,

but it would be a tight squeeze for two full-sized teenagers. Either someone
would have to lie on top of the other, or we’d be squeezed together with no

space to move. It forced a level of intimacy I definitely didn’t want with

anyone but my boyfriend. He may have been open to exploring with other

people, but I was not.

“Done,” Devlin said, setting his bottle down with a thud. Everyone

stopped talking, and the crackle of excitement amped up. In my case, the
feeling was nothing but dread.
 Colt slapped Devlin’s shoulder and sat back down in the circle,
folding his legs with that easy, Darling grace. I would have looked like an

elephant trying to kneel, but their whole family moved through life like it
was a ballet written just for them.

“Well, spin already,” Destiny said, clapping her hands and letting
out a gleeful little giggle. I wondered if she was hoping it landed on her.

Every girl in school knew that Devlin was the best guy. He was the hottest
Darling, already the king of the football field as a sophomore, and even

though his parents had been a bit of a town scandal at one point, it had been
long enough that no one was talking about them anymore. Plus, he was nice

for a high school boy, respectful and loyal, and didn’t treat girls the way
football players like Wade and CJ Rose did. I couldn’t blame any of my

friends for crushing on my guy. I’d have done the same in their shoes.
Devlin wiped his hand on his jeans, leaned forward, and tipped the
bottle on its side. Then he gave it a good spin.
I stared at it with laser focus, not daring to blink, as if I could

control where it landed if I never took my eyes off it. It spun around and
around, finally slowing as it crept toward me. I didn’t dare to even breathe.
I didn’t want the tiniest bit of air to push it past me.
It continued to creep around, finally coming to a stop just past me.

It was pointing straight at Devlin.

 “I don’t know how I feel about lying in a coffin by myself,” he said
with a grin, picking up a packet of fruit snacks and opening it with his teeth.

Everyone laughed, and the tension that had gripped us through the
first turn eased.
“Guess you could jerk off,” Colt said, leaning back on one hand and
tipping his beer up to his lips.
“No, spin again,” Destiny said.

“I’m done, too,” Lacey said, draining the bottle as we watched. She
lowered it and grinned. “I’ll go.”
Her bottle landed on Destiny.
“Ooh, hot,” Colt said. “I’d be up for watching y’all making out.”

Destiny shook her head. “You’re such a little creep.”

“What?” he protested, laughing. “Every guy wants to see hot girls
kissing.”
“That’s gross and objectifying,” she said. “Grow up.”

“Something’s growing right now,” he said, leaning over and nudging

her shoulder with his. “Want to feel?”
“Ew,” Lacey said. “Have you even gone through puberty yet?”
“I’ll show you if the bottle lands on you,” he said, finishing the last

of his beer and leaning forward to spin his bottle. It came to a stop pointing
at Destiny.
 “I guess you’re the one getting all the action tonight,” I said, trying
to lighten up and join the fun.

“You don’t have to go in with him,” Lacey said, grabbing Destiny’s

hand.
“Yeah,” Carmen said. “He’s still a kid.”
“He’s only a few months younger than Destiny,” I said, catching the

brief, wounded expression on Colt’s face. He was a Darling, one of the

town’s beloved sons, but I knew it must suck to be the youngest. Half the
time, we’d made him play that he was our kid when we were younger. Now
that the rest of us were in high school, he was left behind, still in junior high

with Preston’s sister. While Lindsey had drifted away from the group and
made her own friends, who were currently making Halloween crafts with
her mom, Colt still liked hanging out with us. That made him the baby of
the group, the lone member not yet at Willow Heights.
Lacey snorted. “Then you go in with him, Dolly.”

“No, fair’s fair,” Destiny said, holding up a hand. “It’s my game,

these are the rules.”
She turned to Colt and grinned. “Come on, little boy. Mama’s about
to teach you something you’ll never forget.”

Everyone was hooting and laughing as Colt stood. I swear his

cheeks had gone a little pink, even though everyone knew that they’d end
up together one day, just like Devlin and me. Their families had designed it

that way. Preston was the only Darling who didn’t have a wife picked out
for him, though my parents said his grandfather would find someone special
for him, some blue blood from another town. It made me feel funny every
time they said it, but I knew I’d feel even more awkward if I had to hang
out with the girl who would one day marry him.

“Turn on some music,” Colt said. “This lesson is for my ear’s only.”
The guys started giving him a hard time, but I went and turned on
the stereo. It would be embarrassing enough to know we were all sitting out
here, waiting for them to come out.

“Okay, we’ll sit on the lid for seven minutes,” Devlin said. “Just like
always. Knock if you need to come out early.”
“Keep your elbows in, little lady,” Colt said, taking Destiny’s hand
and helping her into the chest he’d lined with a couple red sleeping bags.

“Wouldn’t want them opening it early and exposing us.”

Once they were in, we closed the lid and sat down on it. I’d played
this game before, but it had been a few years. Back then, we’d paired off
with whoever we liked. It was always claustrophobic being in the dark with

someone, and now that we’d grown, it would be a lot tighter. But it was just
as awkward sitting out here, thinking about what they were doing in the box
just under us. For a minute, we sat in silence, the only sound the crackling
of a packet of gummies that Devlin was eating and “Tom’s Diner” playing

on the radio.
Then Lacey started giggling randomly, saying she was already
feeling the beer.
“I’m going to spin again,” she said. “Since I got Destiny.”

“I’m done,” I said quickly. “You already spun. Let me go first.”

Before she could argue, I bent and spun my bottle on the floor. I
could feel the slightest shifting in the box under us as the couple moved
around in there. I wondered what they were doing, if they were talking or

making out. Now that we were older, the possibilities had opened up more,
and even though Colt was young, he’d filled out a lot already. He and
Destiny flirted and teased each other whenever we hung out. I guessed they
were kissing.
I tried to think about that and not what would happen if my bottle

didn’t land on Devlin.

It moved in a circle, then came to a stop when it hit a crack in the
floor.
“That’s not fair,” I said. “Let me go again.”

I didn’t dare look at Preston, where it was pointing. He’d been quiet
all evening. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings the way Lacey had hurt Colt’s
when she insulted him, but I also wanted to make sure I ended up with

Devlin.
“No way,” Lacey said. “I didn’t get to go again, and mine landed on
a girl. If anyone gets a do-over, it’s me.”
“What about me?” Devlin asked. “I mean, I’m all for self-love, but

it’s not my first choice.”

Lacey giggled and batted her eyes at him. “Well, it looks like
Preston and Colt are already taken. I guess that leaves us.”
“And me,” Carmen said, looking annoyed.

“I’ll spin again,” Devlin said, picking up a bottle and giving it a

good spin.
I clenched my teeth, glaring at the bottle and willing it to land
anywhere but Lacey. I didn’t even care if it landed on Carmen at this point,

even though somehow she was more of a threat, not being a virgin. I just
didn’t want him kissing Lacey.
She gave a little squeal and clapped when the bottle slowed. I glared
at her with all the fury and jealousy of a fifteen-year-old when her friend is

hitting on her boyfriend—and said boyfriend is seemingly enjoying it

instead of reminding her that he’s taken.
“Guess she’s right,” Devlin said with a shrug, snagging another beer
from the box. My gaze dropped to the bottle, which had landed on Lacey.
Damn it. Some dumb part of my mind was sure that if I’d kept watching, I
could have somehow willed it to move just a little further. Now I was going
to have to watch them go into the trunk together, and how long was seven
minutes, anyway? It felt like we’d been sitting here for hours.

“What do you think they’re doing in there?” Carmen asked after a

minute of silence.
“Either scratching each other’s eyes out, for fucking each other’s
brains out,” Preston said.

Lacey gasped.
Even though there were kids who said crude stuff like that at school,
they usually only did it when they didn’t know we could hear them. We
weren’t the kind of girls that boys talked to—or even around—in that
manner. I didn’t know about public school, but most girls at Willow Heights

weren’t into that kind of thing, and if they were, they kept it to themselves
because they didn’t want it to be known.
“That is how they flirt,” Devlin acknowledged with a forced
chuckle. He must be used to Preston, even if he didn’t talk that way, either.

Lacey giggled.
“We’ll find out soon enough,” I said as her timer went off.
We all climbed off the box and opened the lid. Colt stood and held
out a hand to Destiny, who took it and let him pull her up. They both looked
disheveled, their clothes askew and their lips red from what had obviously
been an intense make-out session. The guys started giving Colt a hard time,
but he just laughed it off with a boyish grin that was half embarrassment,
half pride.

I joined the other girls who had clustered around Destiny.

“What happened?” Carmen hissed.
Destiny hid a smile. “I’ll tell you later.”
“We doing this or what?” Devlin asked, stepping into the chest.

Lacey gave us an excited, guilty little grin and then joined him.
There was hooting and laughter from the others as the couple awkwardly
tried to fit into the box before Colt and Carmen lowered the lid. I stood off
to one side, feeling numb.

“Come on,” Destiny said, taking my hand pulling me over to sit on

the lid with the others. I grabbed another beer and pried the lid off,
watching the little green cap bounce across the raw wood floor. I tried not to
feel the minor tremors that came every time the people in the box moved.

Preston sat down on my other side. He was still holding his beer,
only half gone. I wondered if he’d been drinking slow on purpose, not
wanting to have to spin. It was the kind of thing he’d do, sitting back and
waiting to see how it all played out. It must have been the future lawyer in
him.
 “Hey,” he said quietly, bumping his bottle against my knee. “We
don’t have to do anything if you don’t want.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said, my voice louder than I’d meant. “Obviously

Devlin doesn’t have a problem with it, so why should I?”

“Maybe they’re just talking,” Destiny offered, giving me a
sympathetic smile on her way back from retrieving the beer she’d never
finished. She started pushing gummies through the mouth of the bottle,
watching the beer fizz around them.

It was somehow fitting, like it represented the whole night. Kid

candy with adult beverages. We didn’t fit in either category yet, and there
was no place for us, so we had to step back and forth between. Stuck in the
middle, we tried desperately to combine two opposing forces that pulled in

opposite directions. Even our parents couldn’t figure us out, and their
advice was full of mixed messages.
Grow up… but not too fast.
Enjoy being a kid while you can… Don’t you look all grown up?

Here’s more freedom… You’re grounded for taking too much.

We were trying to hold onto kid games even when the meaning had
changed to something more adult. Though we were too old for the games,
we pretended because we weren’t quite ready to admit we’d changed, that

we had new, deeper desires that we didn’t know how to express in words.
 I could feel the trunk shifting under us, the vibrations going through
the wood with their every movement, which I swore were getting more
urgent. We all fell silent. Each second that ticked by was an eternity of

agony. My heart was twisting inside me, tearing apart with every muffled
sound from under us. I finished my beer and got up to grab another.
“Where’s the opener?” I demanded, looking around in desperation.
Everyone was looking at me with such pity, I knew they were all thinking

the same thing I was.

“It’s here,” Preston said quietly, handing it over.
I wrenched off the lid with it and turned the bottle up. When I
brought it down, I hiccupped, my stomach churning from drinking so fast. I

wiped my mouth on the back of my hand. “Open the trunk.”

“We can’t do that,” Carmen said. “We only open it if they knock to
get out. Otherwise, they get seven minutes.”
“I don’t care about the stupid game,” I snapped, taking another swig

of beer. “I want her away from my boyfriend.”

“I don’t hear him complaining,” Colt said, laughter in his eyes.
I glared at him and finished the bottle. I was swaying on my feet
now. I drank on occasion, but three beers was a lot for me, especially in
such a short time.
 “Come on, Doll,” Preston said, holding out a hand to me. “I think
you’ve had enough to drink.”

“I think getting drunk is called for in this situation,” I said, my

throat going tight. “Though if anyone else has suggestions for dealing with
a boyfriend hooking up with a friend, I’d love to hear them.”
“We can open the box,” Destiny said, giving me a look of purest
sympathy. “But do you really want to see?”

I swallowed hard, past the ache, and took a slow, deep breath.
“There you go,” Preston said quietly, taking my hand and pulling me
down beside him again. “Just breathe. Count to ten. They’ll be out before
you know it, and I’ll deck him for you. How’s that sound?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, even if it was a weak, halfhearted one. I

pressed my face into his shoulder to absorb the single tear that had leaked
out. “Thanks, Preston. You’re a good friend.”
“Ouch.”

Before I could ask what that was for, the timer went off. I jumped
up, wanting to shove everyone else off the box. They seemed to take
forever getting up, like they wanted to give the couple time to get dressed. I
had to hold back from snapping at them to hurry up and end my torment.

I shouldn’t have bothered. It was worse to see Devlin and Lacey

stand up and climb out, as disheveled and red-lipped as Destiny and Colt,
with the same looks of embarrassment and giddiness about them.
I wanted to scream.

Preston handed me his beer, turned, and punched Devlin in the face.
Then I screamed.

OceanofPDF.com
 seven minutes in heaven

Preston Darling

“What the fuck?” Devlin barked, reeling back.

I went in for another punch, but he grabbed my arm and shoved it

aside. We wrestled around for a minute, still on our feet, until Colt and
Dolly dragged us apart.

“If you liked Lacey, you could have said something,” Devlin said,
wiping blood from his mouth.

He was so fucking clueless.

But he was still my cousin. I may have been a jealous bastard, but I

couldn’t tell him that I liked his girl, that I wanted her in a way that felt

close to madness at times. He was family, after all, and despite what my

father had said, there was a code we didn’t break. We were tight, all three of
the Darling cousins born a year apart. They were the closest I had to

brothers, closer to me than my sister or my Delacroix cousins, who were too

far apart in age to hang out as equals.

“I didn’t really want you to hit him,” Dolly chastised me.

 “Here, hold this on your face,” Lacey said, getting Devlin a cold

beer from the box. “Want to go to the house and get some ice?”

“I better,” Devlin said.

“I’ll go,” Dolly said.

Shame and regret sank into me, the way it usually did after a fight. It
wasn’t about Dolly anymore. I didn’t care about climbing into the trunk and

kissing her. Everything had shifted when I hit my cousin.

I had too much temper, too much rage, too little self-control.

Sometimes, it built up until I couldn’t see straight, like when I was sitting

there with Dolly, feeling her pain and my fury. It multiplied every moment
as I seethed at Devlin for his stupidity and blindness and self-absorbed

nature. My own helplessness at the situation fanned the flames. Why

couldn’t she see all those things about him, see that he’d never care the way

she deserved?

I was right fucking there. I would never have made her play a game

that she so obviously didn’t want to play. I would never disrespect her

wishes, and I’d sure as fuck never kiss another girl if I had her. But she
never saw that, either. My frustration at her, at myself, at him, all combined

until the perfect storm was created, and then it erupted, like it did each time.

Everyone had always said I was just like my father, and they were

right. Like him, I solved problems by beating them into submission. He’d
taught me, with words and deeds, that being a man meant getting things

done, and if violence was the way to do that, it was as good a tool as any. It

was, after all, the tool he used to gain my obedience. When I was a child, I

learned to take his blows like a man. Now that I was one, I dealt them back

to the world, unleashing the storm of my rage on whoever provoked it.

More often than not, I was the one who faced the lasting devastation
of that hurricane, even if the immediate damage was more visible in my

victim. After all, Devlin was the one bleeding, the one they’d crowded

around to offer sympathy while they shot me dirty looks.

Destiny edged away from me nervously, like I was a monster

instead of the friend she’d known all her life. I knew in that moment that

she was right, that they wouldn’t look at me the same again. I wasn’t like

them or the other polished, well-bred kids I grew up with and went to

school with. I may have looked like them, but tonight, they got a glimpse

beyond the mask. For a moment, they saw the truth of what I had become.

Though we’d all grown from the same soil, my roots had never
grown right. In the beginning, I had been a plant that might bloom one day,

like them. But unlike them, I’d been rooted on the precarious edge of a cliff.

Over time, they grew and bloomed and reached for the sun, while I was

twisted into something grotesque, a tree deformed by the winds of my

father’s rage, the thousand little storms that blew through our lives so
constantly that no one even noticed, not even us. That was just the weather

on the cliffside.

There was no big event, no lightning strike that cleaved me in two,

leaving one side blackened while the other went on as if nothing happened.

No hurricane of tragedy flattened our house and rallied our neighbors. No

one lost a life, succumbed to a disease, or suffered addiction. My family

was free of even the hue of scandal that hung over Devlin’s and Colt’s since

their fathers divorced and remarried the others’ wives.

My cousins seemed fine, though. They grew in deep soil, had

healthy roots.

I was the one who was somehow stunted, like I’d gotten too little

sun, though everyone would look at me and say I had the perfect family, the

ideal spot on that cliff that never saw shade.

I knew the answer to that question, too. Just as I learned from my

father how to solve problems, I learned from my mother how to hide them.

I was the perfect reflection of my household, a balance of my parents, both

sides of the tree that lightning never struck. I was a shapeshifter, both man

and beast, tree and storm.

I grew two faces, one to show the world, and one to keep behind

closed doors. But I was still mastering the art of presentation, the one my
mother had perfected down to the last sprinkle on her bake sale brownies.
Tonight, I’d let the mask flicker. Usually it was just a fight at school,

something my father would work out with the other kid’s parent. I’d hear

snatches of gossip about it in the office or at church.

These Darling boys, just like their daddies…

Mind you, the temper on that one’s gonna be trouble…

Remember the fights his daddy got into, tell you what…

“I’ll get the ice,” I said, and I stepped past the group, who huddled

out of my way like I might explode again. I was unpredictable, an animal

who might suddenly attack. I hadn’t just gotten in a fight with some asshole

at school. I’d hit my own cousin, one of us, and more than that, the favorite
among us.

I had always seen myself as Devlin’s equal, jealous as I was of what

he’d been given. I may have been the chosen one among my family, but

Devlin was chosen by the town. That put us on equal footing.

For the first time, though, I realized that no one else saw us as

equals.

They saw me as equal to them, not him.

He was the center of their world. They were his friends, here for him

and whatever games he wanted to play, just like Dolly was. To them, I was

just another friend he allowed into his orbit, and my job was to play along

like they did. They all knew how lucky they were that he’d graced them
with his friendship, and if I wanted to be one of them, I was supposed to

show the same deference for their hero.

Instead, I’d fucked up and disrespected their king. I’d stepped out of

line, and I knew that if he told them to shun me, I would no longer be

welcome in the treehouse when they came to hang out. I wouldn’t sit at

their table at school. I would still come to the Darling parties because our

family threw those, but I would be a step removed, no longer welcome in

my cousins’ world. I would be an observer, and I’d tell myself I was above

it all, that I was better because my father said so… Exactly like he was with

his family.

Cursing myself silently all the way, I retrieved the ice from

Grampa’s freezer and headed back. I was almost to the treehouse when I

saw someone was sitting on the heavy wooden ladder that slanted up to the

door. I stopped when I got close enough to see it was Devlin.

“You good?” he asked.

“That’s my line,” I said, handing him the ice pack.

“It fucking hurt, I’ll tell you that much,” he said. “You busted my lip

up pretty good.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten in a fist fight with my

cousins. They were raised by families who had a different approach to

problems than either of my parents, like talking about them.

 “You should learn how to take a punch better,” I said.

“You should learn who your enemy is,” he said. “It’s not me.”

“You deserved it.”

“Dude, it’s a game. You and Dolly both need to chill.”

I jerked my chin at the treehouse above, where we could hear quiet

voices. “She okay?”

“She’s drunk and pouting,” he said with a shrug. “You gonna talk to

her for me?”

I drew back. Last I saw, she’d been glowering at me for punching

her boyfriend, his indiscretions forgotten when she saw a little blood.
“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to make out with her so she can’t hold this over my
head,” he said, cracking a grin.

“We’re still playing?”

“Yeah,” he said. “If I tell them I’m fine, and I want to keep playing,

they’ll do it.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re not pissed at me?”

“Nah. I’m not mad. I didn’t know, that’s all.” He gave my shoulder a
little clap. “I’m not into Lacey, man. It was just for fun.”
“Sure,” I muttered.

“She’s cute, though. You should ask her out.”

 “Yeah,” I said. “Maybe I will.”
I reached for the ladder, halfway expecting Devlin to clock me back.

He wasn’t known for fighting, but he didn’t let anyone push him around. He
was the king at school because he demanded the position. He didn’t take

any disrespect.
But he needed me right then, or so he thought. We climbed back into

the treehouse, and everyone stopped talking and waited for Devlin’s verdict.
He threw an arm around my shoulder and grinned. “Don’t fuck with this
guy,” he said. “He can throw a hell of a punch.”

“You kiss and make up?” Colt asked from where he was lounging
on a pillow on the floor.

“Kiss that ugly face? Never,” Devlin said. “Though Dolly might
disagree.”

“What?” she asked, her eyes going wide.

“It’s your turn, babe,” he said. “Show my cousin what you can do

with that mouth.”

Dolly’s face turned bright red, and fury burned inside me. I knew

Devlin was doing this for me, and I should be grateful, but I didn’t want it
done at her expense. I’d rather leave their circle than see her humiliated in

front of our friends.

“We’re still playing?” Destiny asked, looking around.
 “Sure,” Devlin said, bending to snag a beer. “At least until
everyone’s gone once.”

“You’re going to let your cousin kiss your girlfriend after he

attacked you?” Lacey asked.

The bitch was always stirring shit.

“That’s right,” Devlin said, leveling her with a cool stare. “What

about it?”
She gulped and then forced a giggle. “Nothing,” she said. “I just

thought you were pissed at him.”

“She just meant, that’s really cool of you, to be cool with him,”

Destiny said, looking all star-struck by how benevolent her precious idol
was, that he wasn’t making me kiss his feet like the girl he called his

Darling Dog just for kicks. Devlin might have bestowed his friendship like
a gift on these people, but they knew full well that not everyone got the

same treatment.
“Get up here, Colt,” Devlin said.
Colt stood, and Devlin threw his other arm around our younger

cousin. Everyone waited, watching for what Devlin would do next. He had
that effect on people.

“These are my boys,” he said. “My brothers. My fucking blood.

When shit goes down between us, we work it out our way. You don’t need
to know how or what went on behind the scenes. That’s Darling business.

All you need to know is that we’re family, and family comes first. We get
pissed at each other like anyone else, but we’ll always be cool with each

other. Always.”
He gripped us both hard against him for a second, then let go. No

one said anything. I knew even then that something had changed, that he’d
just made a formal decree in front of witnesses. He understood that he had
the power, and he was using it to bestow the same privilege on us that he

had. If he was a dick like me, he would have kept that for himself. But he
didn’t see us as competition, not even when there was only one prize. He

was sharing the prize, giving me and Colt an equal piece instead of keeping
more for himself.

He understood that he was the Crown Prince of Faulkner in the eyes

of the others, if not my own family, and he’d just told them to cut that shit

out. He’d made it clear that I was an equal in his eyes, and so was Colt, a
kid who hadn’t started high school yet. Age didn’t matter. Being liked

didn’t matter. Family mattered. That’s what made him the king, and he’d
just made room on the throne for the two of us to sit beside him.

It was shit like this that made it hard to stay pissed at him. Yeah, he
was an insensitive dick to Dolly sometimes, but he was sixteen and had his

whole life planned for him since he was born. Of course he wanted to fool
around a little before he settled down. And maybe he didn’t love Dolly, but

she knew that, and she didn’t care. She chose him anyway, because to her it
was worth the heartache to be with someone she loved, even if he didn’t

feel the same. I could understand that all too well.

Colt shoved me toward the open lid of the trunk, and I glanced at

Dolly. Of course I wanted to be with her, but I was still distracted by what
Devlin had said. What he’d done for both me and Colt. He was showing

family loyalty, and here I was, about to take whatever scraps his girlfriend
would let me and count myself the luckiest man alive. Shame washed over

me at how much I wanted her, what I would do to her if she let me, even
knowing Devlin would never have done the same to me if I had a girlfriend.

Still, I wanted Dolly enough that it overruled the guilt, and I stepped
into the cedar chest. Dolly swallowed and checked Devlin’s reaction.

“I don’t have to do this,” she said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
He grinned, even though his lip was swollen and still bleeding some.
“I’m fine, babe. Stop nagging and go kiss my cousin.”

Colt laughed and bumped his beer against Devlin’s. “So that’s what
‘kissing cousins’ means.”

“White people, am I right?” Destiny said to Carmen.

“Dude,” Carmen said, shaking her head.
 “Hey,” Lacey protested. “I’ve never kissed a cousin. Or a pair of
cousins.”

All three of them giggled.

Dolly looked back and forth between me and Devlin. I could see the
reluctance in her eyes, and a cold knot formed in my chest. She didn’t want

to kiss me. I could pretend I didn’t notice and keep going with the game,
and I’d be just like Devlin. Or I could do the right thing.

“We don’t have to do this,” I said, stepping out of the box. “It’s fine,
Doll. No pressure. Why don’t we start the game over, and you can spin

again?”
Devlin took a drink of beer and gave me a hard look. “You broke up

our game,” he said. “Now you gotta fix it. Take your turn.”
“Fine,” I said, holding up both hands. “If you really want me to

spend seven minutes alone with your girlfriend. Not sure I’d trust me if I
were you.”

“Damn,” Colt said, slinging his arm around Destiny’s shoulder.

“This is some good shit. I gotta start hanging out with y’all more often.”

Devlin tipped his beer at Dolly. “Go ahead, Doll. Finish the game.”
Carmen sighed. “I’m still here, too.”

“Fine,” Dolly said. She shoved her beer at Devlin and stomped over.
We both stepped into the box. Devlin was a little bigger than me, but Dolly
was a lot bigger than the other girls. I gulped just looking at her tits,
imagining them pressed up against me for seven minutes. I was probably

going to cum in my pants, and everyone would see it when we came out.
“Eyes up here,” Dolly hissed, glancing nervously at the others. “I

don’t want Devlin to think anything’s going to happen.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “How do you want to do this?”

Dolly lowered herself clumsily to her knees, and all I could think
about was how she was right at the level of my dick. But then she was

lowering herself onto her side. When she was situated on the sleeping bag
with her back to one wall of the chest, I slid in next to her. Colt grinned

down at us and then lowered the lid, plunging us into darkness. I could feel
the weight of the others on the box as they sat on the lid.

“Well, this is cozy,” Dolly said with a nervous giggle. Her breath
smelled like beer, and it was making me hard already. I wanted to taste it, to
feel her tongue against mine this time. Our first kiss had been sweet,
innocent.

We were older now. I was ready for more.

“You okay?” I asked, letting my hand rest lightly on her soft hip. “Is
this too tight?”
“A little claustrophobic,” she admitted, shifting around in a way that

made her tits press up against my chest and my cock throb in my jeans.
“This isn’t my favorite game. But if we talk, maybe it’ll distract me enough
that I won’t freak out.”

“You could have told Devlin you didn’t want to play,” I said,
managing to sound normal.
“Have you tried telling him no?” she asked bitterly. “Besides, I
don’t want him to think I’m a nag and a prude. That’s not hot.”
“Who cares what he thinks? He’s an idiot. You’re obviously the

hottest girl in Faulkner, and anyone with eyes can see it.”
A beat of silence fell, and I cursed myself for being such an idiot. I
might as well have told her how desperately in love I was.
“Then how come he made out with Lacey?” she asked, her voice

cracking.
I wanted to punch him all over again, but instead, I fumbled my
hand to her face and stroked her hair back. I leaned in and pressed my lips
to her forehead. “Because that’s what people do in these games,” I said. “It

didn’t mean anything. He said so when we were getting ice.”

“Really?” she asked. “He said that?”
I knew I was ruining my shot—not that I had a shot—but I couldn’t
stand to see her hurting. “Yeah,” I said. “He said he didn’t like her. In fact,

he told me to ask her out.”

“Oh,” Dolly said, tensing slightly.
 For a moment, neither of us spoke. I tried to imagine something
gruesome to distract myself from the hard-on that was growing in my jeans

despite us just talking. I could feel her tits press against my chest each time
she inhaled. Her breaths seemed to be coming faster, though it was probably
just her claustrophobia growing in the silence.
“Are you going to?” she asked.

“What?”
“Are you going to ask her out?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Would that bother you?”
She gave a breathy little laugh that sounded forced. “Why would it

bother me?”
“I don’t know,” I said, trying to keep my tone neutral. “No reason. It
obviously wouldn’t.”
“I don’t think you should, though.”
My heart surged. “You don’t?”

“She doesn’t like younger guys.”

“You mean, she doesn’t like me,” I said, the bitterness creeping into
my voice now.
“Is that why you really punched Devlin?”

“No,” I said. “I punched him because he was being an asshole to

you.”
 “Well, I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”
“I already made my peace with Devlin. I’m more worried about you
being pissed at me.”
“I’m not mad at you about it,” she said. “It’s sweet how you look

out for me. Remember when you used to do that in elementary, every time
someone made fun of my…”
She trailed off, and I was sure we were both thinking about her tits
now, how they felt against my chest. I wondered if her nipples were hard. I

could hear myself swallow in the small space, and then I ran my fingertips
lightly along her side. “I remember.”
She shivered against me. “It’s just scary, now that we’re older,” she
whispered. “You could really hurt someone.”

“You’re scared of me?” I asked, a hot wire of pain twisting down

deep inside me.
“No,” she admitted, running her soft hand along my forearm. “I
know you’d never hit a girl. It’s just… It’s still scary.”

“I’d never hurt you, Doll,” I said, adjusting my position to take her
face between my hands. “Never. I promise you that.”
 I kissed her, as softly as I had the first time, two years before. Her

lips were full and soft, and so fucking warm. My cock throbbed at the
contact. The softest moan escaped my throat, and I pressed into her, unable
to hold back.
“Oh,” she gasped, a tremor going through her body. “Preston. We

can’t.”
“Why not?” I asked, resting my forehead to hers. “I want to kiss you
so bad, Dolly.”
“What about Devlin?” she asked, toying with my shirt.

“Devlin… Told me to kiss you.”

“He did?”
“He thinks he’ll be in trouble with you,” I admitted. “Unless you’re
just as bad.”
“Then let’s be bad,” she said, her soft, breathy voice making my

head spin with desire.

I didn’t need another invitation.
I kissed her again, and I didn’t waste time. I knew we’d spent a few
minutes talking, but I didn’t rush it, either. I just kissed her the way I

wanted to, sliding my tongue into her mouth, tasting the beer and fruit
snacks she’d eaten, tasting her mouth deeper. I wanted to kiss and lick and
taste every part of her mouth—her tongue, the roof of her mouth, her teeth,
her lips. There wasn’t enough time in the game, in the day, for all the places

I wanted to explore. I wanted to take my time, to claim every part, every

inch, of her entire body with my mouth.
I slid my hand between us, palming her tits the way I’d dreamed of
doing since I was ten years old. Suddenly, I was glad it was dark, because I

was pretty sure my eyes were rolling back in my head at the sensation of
her nipple hardening against my palm. I skimmed my palm over just the tip,
and she gasped, breathing hard and arching against me. Our tongues slid
together rhythmically, naturally, as if they’d already known what to do, as if

the perfect rhythm had been programmed into us.

She started rocking against me, and I saw heaven when I felt the
softness between her legs pushed up against my cock. It was so fucking
soft, so warm, I wanted to sink into her plush little cunt. When I pushed my

hips forward, grinding against her center, she whimpered into my mouth. I
pulled back from the kiss, brushing her hair aside and burying my face in
her neck, licking and sucking at her throat, inhaling the scent of her skin. It
was making me so crazy I knew I was going to embarrass myself, but I

didn’t care.
I grabbed her thigh, dragging her onto her back and shifting my
weight on top of her. When I started grinding against her, her whole body
bowed up. Dropping her head back, she dug her nails into me. “Oh, god,
Preston,” she gasped. “I’m—”
I clamped a hand over her mouth so the others wouldn’t hear,
fumbling her shirt up and my own jeans down enough to push the head of

my cock against her belly. The second it touched her soft flesh, I came. I bit
down on the side of her neck to muffle the sound of my own release as I
jerked again, more cum spurting onto her belly.
She shuddered against me, her hips jerking under mine, her thighs

clenching around my hips.

“Oh fuck,” I muttered, pulling back after a second, panic going
through me. I wanted to collapse onto her, to marvel in the sensation of her
soft body welcoming me, but I knew there wasn’t time. I slipped my phone
out of my pocket.

“Thirty seconds,” I said, releasing her mouth.

“Shit,” she whispered. “Wipe it off!”
“They’ll see it on the sleeping bag.”
“I don’t care,” she hissed. “Get it off me.”

“Just rub it in,” I said.

She touched it gingerly, and the sight of it on her fingers made my
cock throb, a last drop squeezing from my tip. She squinted into the light of
my phone, and I quickly pulled the top of my jeans over the head of my
cock as she started rubbing my cum into her skin. I only had thirty seconds
with the dim light of my phone, but I’d keep those images in my mind for
years to come—her dainty fingers with the long nails touching my cum for
the first time, the little string of cum stretching from her fingertip to her

belly as she pulled back, the shiny splatters across her bare skin, the creamy
whiteness filling the little indent of her navel, the sight of her rubbing me
into her thirsty skin like lotion.
“Ten seconds,” I cautioned, making sure I was tucked in and pulling

down her shirt.

She smoothed her hair, and I wondered if she had anything left on
her hand, if she’d go home later and sleep with it in her hair all night before
showering in the morning. If she’d wear my cum to bed or wash it off

before she slept.

“Do I look normal?” she asked.
“Yes,” I assured her.
I glanced at the timer. Five seconds.

“Did you…?” I asked. I thought so, but I didn’t know how to tell for
sure.
“Yes,” she whispered. “But don’t tell anyone. That’s never happened
before with—”
 She broke off, and bitterness crept into my throat. “With Devlin?” I
asked, resentment clipping my words. “Maybe that should tell you
something.”

“Don’t you dare tell him,” she growled. “I’ll never forgive you.”
“Fine,” I snapped. “Go back out there to your boyfriend and pretend
this was nothing. You’ve been doing it for years.”
It pissed me off that she wanted him, and for no other reason than
she wanted to make her parents happy. I liked her first. I kissed her first. I

could even make her cum when he couldn’t. But she still wanted him.
Before she could answer, we heard the timer go off outside the box.
Mine stopped, too, though I’d silenced my phone. I slipped it into my
pocket, plunging us back into darkness for a few seconds before everyone

finished standing and opened the trunk.

I stood and pulled Dolly up, which gave me a chance to give her
shirt a quick once-over. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or annoyed that there
were no wet spots. We’d rubbed it all into her skin. She would wear me on

her for the rest of the night. But it was Devlin who would drive her home,
kiss her goodnight. It gave me a moment of grim satisfaction knowing that
my cum would be on her when he did it.
“Well, it looks like someone had a good time,” Destiny said with a

sly grin.
 The others were stifling giggles. I glanced down, sure my dick was
somehow showing, but it looked normal. I checked Dolly again. Her hair
was a little mussed, but it could have been from lying on the sleeping bag

talking. Her lips might have been a bit redder than normal, and one cheek
was a little red from where my fingers had pressed in when I held my hand
over her mouth, but I thought we looked more put together than the other
couples who came out.

“What?” Dolly asked, a blush coloring her cheeks. She liked to

pretend she was so pure and virtuous, that she didn’t want to play games
like this, didn’t even want to kiss another guy. But in the dark, she’d been
grinding on me, wanting it as much as I did. Now she was upset that they

all knew the sweet little Dolly Beckett had let me kiss her. If only they
knew the other things we’d done.
“I wouldn’t have taken the freshman for a biter,” Carmen said.
“Maybe I’ll get a lucky spin and get me some of that.”

She leaned forward and spun her bottle. I was thankful for the
attention turning away from us. I didn’t want to lose control again, didn’t
know what I’d do this time. I wouldn’t hit anyone, but I might tell them
what I’d done to their innocent, virginal princess.
I held out a hand and helped Dolly out of the chest. She had put her

hand to her neck, but I nudged her elbow, and she lifted it just enough to
give me a peek, glowering at me as she did.
“Did you leave a mark?” she asked.

I grinned. “It’s just a little red. Maybe Devlin will share his ice pack
with you.”
She glared and covered it with her hand again. She was going to kill
me when she saw a mirror later, but I was happy that I’d left something on
her that couldn’t be rinsed off when she got home.

Her father would probably kill me before she got a chance to, but it
would be worth it to have defiled the mayor’s daughter that way. I’d left
four or five smaller hickeys along with a huge, dark bruise. When I came,
I’d bitten her to keep from making noise, and the mark was unmistakably

exactly what it was.

“Aww, that blows,” Colt exclaimed. “Some guys have all the luck.”
I turned back to the game to see the bottle pointing at Devlin.
He just shrugged, grinning.

“Really?” Dolly asked, stamping her foot. “You’re going to go make

out with another one of my friends?”
“You didn’t seem to mind when it was you and my cousin,” Devlin
pointed out.

“Yeah, Doll,” I said, crossing my arms and tipping my chin at her.

“Why don’t you tell him much you enjoyed that.”
 “You’re both unbelievable,” she fumed, stomping to the ladder.
“Shut up, Preston. And you, Devlin. Why don’t you just make out with the

whole school? I mean, it’s not like you have a serious girlfriend who you
said you’d be exclusive with or anything.”
The asshole had the nerve to look torn about whether he was going
to follow his girlfriend or make out with one of her friends. And of course

all she had to say to me was that I should be quiet, not tell anyone, just like
I’d never told anyone about our first kiss. I was her dirty little secret, the
one who got shit done and held her hand when he hurt her. Devlin got to be
her boyfriend, to be acknowledged in public. He was good enough. I was

something she could hide in the dark, someone she knew would always be
there when she needed something. When she didn’t, I was supposed to shut
up.
“So I don’t even get to play,” Carmen said. “Typical. Why do I even

bother coming to these things?”

“I’ll do it,” I said. “Come on, Carmen. I’m better at this than Devlin,
anyway. Isn’t that right, Dolly?”
“Damn,” Destiny said, covering her mouth and giggling. Everyone
had turned to the happy couple who were standing by the exit.

Dolly gave me a look that said she’d rather murder me than kiss me
again, but what did I care? She was going to fuck Devlin in a month, and
they’d live happily ever after. All I’d ever get was blowing my load on her

belly like the fucking virgin I was.

She threw open the trap door and stormed out, as much as you could
storm out of a treehouse. Devlin gave me a baleful look before following.
“Well, I guess it’s this or go home without getting to play,” Carmen
said. “Now that I know you’re a little freaky, why not?”

She hopped into the box, and I climbed in before Colt closed the lid.
We lay in awkward silence for a minute.
“It kinda smells in here,” Carmen said.
“Yeah,” I said. “Six horny teenagers have been making out in here

for the past hour. At least it had a chance to air out when I punched Devlin.”
She giggled. “Think that relationship will survive tonight?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t really want to talk about that.”
“Well, you’re a good friend to both of them,” she said. “It definitely

wouldn’t have lasted if he’d come in here with me after making out with
Lacey.”
Damn it. Why hadn’t I thought of that? I should have let Devlin did
his grave deeper, not taken one for the team. He would have come off as the

asshole if he’d made out with Carmen when Dolly was already pissed.
Instead, now she thought he’d chosen her, and I was a guy who would make
out with another girl while my cum was still drying on her stomach. I’d
probably just saved her relationship, and as much as I knew it would

devastate her to lose Devlin, that might have been my only shot with her.
And I hadn’t even fucking seen it.
“Are we making out, or what?” I asked.
She giggled. “Okay.”

So, Carmen became the second girl I’d ever kissed. I didn’t care
about her, didn’t even care about kissing her. I was just pissed, and I wanted

Devlin and Dolly out of my head. The whole time, I wondered what they

were doing outside. If he’d followed her, caught up with her, apologized. If
she’d told him what we did, and if he’d be pissed, even though he’d told me

to kiss her. He hadn’t told me to make her cum when he’d never even done

that before. He didn’t tell me to cum on his girlfriend.

Was he kissing her out there right now? Would he put his hand up

her shirt, feel the stickiness on her skin?

After a minute, Carmen pulled back. “Want to make things

interesting?”

“Bored already?” I asked.

“I’m never bored,” she said. “I know how to make things

interesting. You in or not?”

Five minutes later, we climbed out of the chest. Devlin and Dolly

were back, but the vibe between them was chilly and tense.
 “Now that everyone’s played, we’re going to take off,” Devlin said.

“Who needs a ride?”

“I’ll get the other girls,” Lacey said. She and Devlin were the only
ones who had turned sixteen and had licenses.

“I’m staying here tonight,” I said, even though it was awkward to

stay in the house since my grandfather decided to bring some eighteen-year-

old chick home from Thailand and marry her even though she couldn’t say

a word in English besides, “I do.”

Still, I probably wouldn’t even run into them if I stayed out of the

West Wing of the place, where they had their living quarters.
“I’ll stay, too,” Colt said, picking up the two sleeping bags from the

chest. He’d just started to push one back into its bag when the gold foil

packet slipped out and floated to the floor like a fall leaf. He was busy
putting up the sleeping bags and didn’t even notice, but everyone else did.

No one said a word. Everyone just stood there in silent shock.

After he got the bags put up, Colt picked up the condom packet.
“Was this here all night?” he asked with a grin. “Or did someone get really

lucky tonight?”
We all looked around at each other, everyone trying to figure out

who had used it.

 “It was probably already in there,” Carmen said at last, sounding
less than convincing.

I watched Dolly, waiting for her reaction. Did she think I’d left it,

since I’d been the last one in there? If she did, would she be pissed?
Jealous? Would she even care? Or did she only care if Devlin and Lacey

had used it?

OceanofPDF.com
 figure eight

Preston Darling

“It ended up being a horrible night all around,” Dolly finished, tossing a fry
down on the grease-stained paper lining the red basket in the center of the

picnic table. A few of us had met at Boehner’s Burgers the next day to eat
before going to a movie.

“But he didn’t sleep with Lacey,” their friend Becca said. “So that’s
good, right?”

“Well, he said he didn’t,” Dolly said, adjusting the scarf she’d worn
to hide the marks I’d left on her neck. “And I trust him. I don’t think he’d

lie to me about that. Right?”

She turned to me, as if I had the answer she was looking for.

I guess I did.
“Right,” I said. I’d fucked up enough the night before. The least I

could do was try to make it better now, even if I’d wanted the opposite the

night before. The trouble was, I wanted her and Devlin to break up, but I

didn’t want her to be hurt, and there was no way to have both those things.
 “I mean, he asked me if we left it,” she says with a forced little

laugh, watching for my reaction. “So that means it couldn’t have been him,

because if it was, he’d know it wasn’t ours.”

“So, actually…” Destiny said, setting down her burger. “I have to

tell y’all something. But you can’t tell anyone. This is like a cross-your-
heart-and-hope-to-die kind of secret.”

“What is it?” Becca asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement and

jealousy that she’d missed out on the fun the night before.

Destiny took a breath and sat up straight. “So, last night, me and

Colt kind of… You know. Did it.”

“What?” Dolly demanded, her mouth falling open. “Shut the front

door! How?”

“I don’t know,” Destiny said, biting back a smile. “It just sort off…

Happened.”

“You’re not even going out with him.”

“I know, and he’s not even at our school yet, but he’s actually really

sweet. We just figured, if we both stay in Faulkner, we’ll end up together

anyway. So why wait?” She lifted her shoulders and gave a silly little grin.

I just shook my head. That little bastard hadn’t said a word about it

the night before, when he’d stayed in the guest house at our Grampa’s with

me. More than that, the lucky idiot managed to find a girl who’d hook up
with him before me or Devlin, despite still being a few months shy of his

fourteenth birthday.

“What?” Destiny asked, her pointed gaze turned my way.

I shrugged. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You were making a face.”

“I was?”
“Go on then,” Destiny said. “Spit it out.”

I shrugged again. “Okay. How was it?”

“It was… Pretty okay, actually. I mean, considering we only had

seven minutes, and neither of us knew what we were doing.” She laughed

while Becca and Dolly exchanged looks.

“Did it hurt?” Becca asked.

“I mean, yeah,” Destiny said. “I would definitely advise against

doing it in an enclosed space with a timer going and your friends sitting

right there, and probably pick someone who’s done it before. But for what

we had to work with, I’m calling it a win.”

She laughed, and I grinned and shook my head again. I couldn’t help

but be impressed with her and Colt both.

“Are you, like, together now?” Becca asked, picking up her burger

again. She and Dolly looked a little less impressed.

 “I don’t think so,” Destiny said. “I mean, he’s great and everything,

but he doesn’t even go to our school. It seemed sort of cute to have him be

my first, but like… I’m only a freshman.”

“So?” Dolly asked. “Me and Devlin have been together since eighth

grade.”

“And that’s totally cool if it works for y’all,” Destiny said. “But I

want to have fun and keep my options open. If someone asks me out, I

might want to see where it goes. I don’t want to feel all guilty if I think

some other guy is hot or whatever. Plus, I want to try it with someone more

experienced.”

“When you find someone you really love, you won’t be interested in

other guys,” Dolly said.

I pushed my plate away. I’d just entered a new level of hell.

“Exactly,” Destiny said. “We’re not in love. We just wanted to try it.

Neither of us had done it, and now we have.”

“I can’t believe you’re acting like this is no big deal,” Dolly said.

“We’ve been talking about this for years. I’ve been waiting with Devlin for

so long, and you just threw it away on someone you’re not even dating.”

“Okay, that’s not what happened, and you sound like my parents

right now,” Destiny said, dumping salt over the second basket of fries. “In
fact, you know what, you’re worse than my parents. They won’t even let me
date because they don’t want me to get too serious about someone so young

and limit my future.”

Dolly stiffened. “I’m not limiting my future. I just know what I

want.”

“Well, I don’t,” Destiny said. “And you don’t get to judge me for

that. Maybe you just want to stay in Faulkner and get married and have

babies, but not everyone wants to get tied down in high school.”

“Now who’s judging?” Dolly asked.

Destiny sighed. “We’re not the same person, Dolly. Maybe I’ll end

up with Colt and live happily ever after. Maybe I won’t.”

“Does my grandfather know that?” I asked.

“Your creepy old Grampa needs to worry about his own life, not

mine,” she said. “He might run Faulkner, but I won’t be here forever. I’m

getting out of here once I graduate, at least for college. Maybe I’ll come

back, maybe I won’t.”

“But what will you do?” Dolly asked, staring at her friend like she

was a stranger.

It was sad somehow, the way the core six from our old group were

all growing apart and changing. We weren’t kids anymore. Hell, my kid

cousin had gotten laid. We didn’t do everything together anymore. Lindsey

didn’t even want to go to WHPA the next year. There were more friends in
our group, filling the gaps, so people might think we had just grown, but I

knew it was more than that. Everything was more rigid in high school—the

cliques, the rules, the social order. Devlin had made it clear to me the night

before. We weren’t just five kids in a little bubble of privilege. Our actions

affected others now.

“I don’t know what I’ll do,” Destiny said. “That’s the point. I’m still

figuring things out. Not everyone follows the plan their parents set out for

them. I want options.”

“That’s so scary,” Dolly said. “I can’t imagine just… Not knowing

my whole future.”

“Or maybe it’s exciting,” Destiny said, wadding up her napkin and

tossing it into the empty fry basket. “Look, maybe Colt will be my first and

my last. But if he is, there will be other guys in between. Maybe even a girl,

who knows. I sure as hell don’t. And I like that, okay?”

“Okay,” Dolly said, picking a few dog hairs off her scarf. “I think

it’s romantic that Devlin will be the only guy I’m ever with. I like that I’ve

known it since I was five. But I know not everyone needs their entire future

planned out—even if it gives me a hives just thinking about it.”

Destiny laughed, and everyone went on like it was fine now because

the girls had gotten past the prickly bit and were back to being friends. But I

kept thinking about what Dolly said—that she and Devlin would be
together forever. He was the only guy she’d ever be with. I’d wait forever if

I knew I’d get her in the end, but she’d just killed that fantasy. There was no

end of her and Devlin. Even the condom drama hadn’t broken them up. I

would never have a chance with her.

Not unless, like Dad said, I made it happen.

When I got home after the movie, Dad stopped me. “I got your guest all set
up,” he said.

“Tonight?” I asked, gulping. My gaze moved to the staircase leading

to the second floor, where my bedroom was. I wondered if she was already

there, if she was naked.

“Not tonight,” he snapped, glancing at the sitting room, where I

could hear the TV playing some reality show Mom and Lindsey watched. “I
wouldn’t allow that kind of person in our home, especially not with my

daughter here. You’ll go to your grandfather’s after school tomorrow. You’ll

entertain your guest there.”

“Yes, sir.”
I waited until he walked away to go upstairs. I didn’t even know if I
wanted to do what he’d suggested, but then, that had never mattered to him

before. In our family, we did things his way or Grampa’s way. Kids were
supposed to be obedient and useful, not have minds of our own. I lay in bed
staring at the ceiling, wondering what Dolly would think if she knew.

Probably nothing. She’d been mad about the condom wrapper, but as soon
as she knew it wasn’t Devlin’s, it didn’t matter.

I didn’t matter to her. She didn’t care if it had been mine.

The next day, I went to Grampa Darling’s after school. Dad had told

me to use the guest house, and as I circled around to the entrance, I

wondered why he’d hire ‘that kind of person’ if he wouldn’t allow her in
our home. Why he expected me to fuck her, but Lindsey was so pure she

couldn’t even see her.

She showed up ten minutes later. I didn’t know what I expected her

to look like, but it wasn’t that. She was probably twice my age, in her late
twenties, with long dark hair, a round face, and that pointy eyeliner girls

wore.
She looked at me skeptically. “You’re eighteen?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, remembering what my father had told me to

say.

“Could have fooled me,” she said, taking a seat in one of the other
chairs.

“You don’t look the way I expected either.”

“Oh yeah?” she asked, raising a brow. “And how’s that?”
 “I don’t know,” I said. “You just don’t look like a whore.”
“I’m an escort, honey,” she said. “Not a whore.”

“What’s the difference?”

“For starters, I don’t have to have sex,” she said. “I go on dates and

the like.”
“You want me to take you on a date?”

She laughed and stood up, peeling off the cardigan she had on. “No,
honey,” she said. “Your daddy told me what you’re after. But for legal

purposes, yes, this is a date.”

She climbed onto my lap and started kissing me. I tried to respond,

but suddenly I didn’t know where to put my hands. It had come so naturally
with Dolly in the trunk.

After a while, the escort sighed and slid off my lap. “Not into it?
Want to talk more?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just… I don’t even know your name.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” she said. “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you
start talking? Tell me what you’re really after.”

“I thought my dad told you.”

“He told me what he was after,” she said. “You tell me what you

want me to do, and I’ll do it. He doesn’t have to know.”

“You won’t tell him?” I asked. “If we don’t go through with it?”
 I pictured the scene that would unfold if I wasted his good money, if

he went to all the trouble to get this woman and be discrete, and how much
trouble he’d be in if Mom found out. He already liked to tell me I wasn’t a

man. If I couldn’t even fuck a pretty girl who wouldn’t say no to anything,
maybe he was right.

“Honey, we can do whatever you want to do, and you can tell your
daddy whatever you want to tell him. I got paid. I don’t care what you tell
him. I don’t report back. And it wouldn’t even be close to the first time

someone used me as a therapist. Just let me know one thing. Can I smoke in
here?”

We walked out through the gardens and along the river-rock

pathway to the gazebo out by the catfish pond. She smoked a cigarette, and

I ended up telling her a lot of shit I hadn’t meant to. That I’d never done
this, and that I liked a girl, and I wanted to be good but I didn’t know how

to do that without doing it first.

“I think it’s sweet you want to be good for her,” she said. “I’m going

to show you something that’ll help. Honestly, a lot more boys should know
this stuff, anyway.”

The escort stood, and we went back to the guesthouse. She took a
dildo out of her bag and sat down on the bed. “Let me show you where a
woman likes to be touched,” she said. “You can just watch, or you can join

in if you want.”
She took off her clothes and sat on the bed. It sank in how very real

she was, not a cam girl or a porn video, but a real woman who probably
lived somewhere in the same town as me. She opened her legs and used her

fingers to spread herself open. I wasn’t sure if I was more turned on or

ashamed of looking at her like that. I’d never seen a cunt like that, in

person, so detached from any kind of feeling. It was like porn, but in the
flesh. It seemed so far removed from Dolly, from anyone at my school, like

surely no one my age shared those features.

She turned on her vibrator and started moving it around. She talked

while she went, showing me her clit, and moving the tip of the penis-shaped
toy around it, then down and around her opening, then back up, around and

around in a figure eight until the toy was all slippery where it touched her.
“The key is to go a little longer than you think you need to,” she
said. “Whenever you think you’ve done enough, do a little more. You want

to make sure she’s really wet. And if you’re worried about finishing too
soon, make sure you jerk off before you go see her.”

She kept giving me pointers and sex tips for a while. At last, she slid
the vibrator into herself. She pushed up on her elbow as asked if I wanted to

try it, but I shook my head. She slid the dildo in and out for a while. I stood
frozen, caught somewhere between horniness and horror that I could be
aroused by her very clinical masturbation session.

She told me some signs to look for so I’d know a girl was close, and
then how to guess if she’d come. When she was done, she asked if I wanted
a blow job or anything, and then she cleaned up and left.

I was still sitting there a few minutes later, wondering if what

happened was even real, since it felt like a dream. How the fuck was I

supposed to do that to Dolly or anyone else? Before I could think it through,

Grampa’s new wife Kamlai came stomping in. She started yelling at me in

Thai, gesturing wildly and yanking at the blankets. I had no idea what she
was saying, or why she didn’t just have the housekeeper change the

bedding. I couldn’t even tell her that nothing happened, that she didn’t need
to do that.

Humiliated, I fled the guesthouse, knowing I’d never be able to look

at my step-grandmother again. She wasn’t just part of the family, she was

also a gorgeous girl who was only a few years older than me. And now she
thought I couldn’t get a girl on my own, that I had to fuck hookers. Most

humiliating of all, she wasn’t entirely wrong.

OceanofPDF.com
 911

Dolly Beckett

I pulled up to Grampa Darling’s twelve-car garage and stopped, debating

what to do next. I knew the code, but I wasn’t used to driving the big,

custom-pink truck that I’d found parked in my driveway this morning. I’d
known Dad was getting me a car, but I was still in awe of the one he’d

chosen. It was perfect—big, safe, and all mine. Best of all, it gave me
freedom to do things like sneak out at midnight to meet Devlin.

My heart lurched crazily in my chest at the thought of what I was

about to do. Tonight was the night. I’d been waiting two years for this,

debating whether I was ready, holding myself back from giving myself

completely to Devlin. But I loved him, and one day, I’d marry him. He’d

been so patient, never pushing me, and it seemed silly to make him wait
three more years when I already knew he would be my first, last, and only.

As my wipers sloshed back and forth across the windshield, I made

the decision and parked outside the garage where I knew there was an

empty space next to the latest Mrs. Darling’s tiny red Miata. She wouldn’t
be going anywhere this late, but just in case… I wasn’t taking any chances

tonight. If she needed to get out, she could. I’d already had to drive here in

the rain, a first for me, and I was too nervous to attempt parking in the

narrow space inside, though. With my shaking hands, I’d probably end up

dinging her car, and then everyone would want to know what I was doing
there in the middle of the night in the first place.

I turned off the lights and the engine and took a deep breath. Then I

checked my reflection one more time, followed by my phone. The last text I

had from Devlin said he was really tired, and he was going to get a quick

nap but he’d meet me here at midnight. I couldn’t tell if he was already
here, parked behind one of the six garage doors. I sent a quick text saying I

was here, trying to keep the silly grin off my face when a text came back

immediately, followed by three more.

Be there soon.

Don’t let anyone see you.

Wait for me. In bed.

Well. He’d certainly gained some confidence now that he knew I

was going to sleep with him. He wasn’t usually so bossy. I kind of liked it.

It reassured me to know he was looking forward to it as much as I

was, that he wanted to make sure we didn’t get busted and have to wait

longer.
 I wondered what it would be like, and a thrill went through me at the

possibilities. My fingers shook as I slipped my phone back into the console.

I checked my pocket to make sure I had the condom I’d tucked there, stolen

from my dad’s stash. Devlin would never forget something so important,

but I didn’t want to take any risks tonight, especially not one that would

keep us from going through with it. It had taken me forever to work up my
nerve, and it was going to be perfect. I just knew it.

I hopped out of the car and ran across the lawn. Lightning flickered

off to the west, and a new sheet of rain swept over me. I raced for the ladder

and hurried up it, shaking the water from my hair. I didn’t want to look like

a wet dog when Devlin saw me.

Throwing open the trap door, I climbed up into the treehouse where

many, many years ago I’d pretended to have sex with Devlin so many

times. Tonight, it was going to be real.

He’d set up a bed on the floor, thick cushions covered with sleeping

bags from the trunk. He’d even put a sheet and pillows on it. I smiled and
turned off the light, content to see by the occasional flashes of lightning.

He’d told me to wait in bed. What did that mean? Was I supposed to be

naked?

There was no use playing coy now. We both knew this was the night

we’d go all the way.

 Nervously, I slipped out of my damp clothes, leaving only my

underwear, and climbed into the bed. Then I lay there waiting, listening to

the sound of my breathing and my hammering heart, the rain and the wind
in the trees outside.

A shiver of excitement went through me when I heard his tires on

the gravel drive.

He was here.

This was it.

I snuggled down under the sheet, a smile spreading across my face

as I moved my freshly shaven legs against the slick sleeping bag. I felt

nervous, but also sexy waiting here for him like this. A minute later, I heard

the creak of the ladder under his feet.

I froze, gripping the blankets to my chin. Suddenly I wished I hadn’t

undressed. What if he thought I was too eager? What if his Grampa had

heard our cars and come out to see what was going on?

But that was silly. If he saw our cars, he wouldn’t come to the

treehouse. He knew this place was for the kids, and we’d stop coming over

if he stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong.

“Devlin?” I whispered into the dark, my heart lurching when I saw

the faint outlines of someone climbing into the treehouse in the dark, heard
his breathing, felt his presence that made a little shiver go through me.
 “I’m here, Doll,” he whispered. He crawled onto the bed, feeling for

my body under the blankets. He slid under with me, and I was relieved that

he’d gone straight to for the bed instead of wanting to talk. I was too

nervous to have a conversation with this looming over us, waiting.

He reached for me, his hands cold and damp from the rungs of the

ladder. I shivered as his hands swept over my bare skin.

“Oh, Doll,” he said, his voice strangled, like he could barely speak.

“Should I have left my clothes on?”

“No,” he whispered, moving in so our bodies were pressed together.

His mouth met mine, his kiss immediately urgent, like he was afraid we’d
be interrupted and didn’t have much time. Or maybe he was just tired of

waiting, excited and eager to do this after so long. As my mouth adjusted to

his new, more insistent way of kissing, his hand moved over my shoulder

blades and down the curve of my back. A shiver of anticipation worked its

way up my spine, and a heavy ache began to build between my legs.

When he slid his hand over my hip, he pressed his hips forward

against mine, slowly grinding the ridge of his erection against my soft

mound. He moaned quietly into my mouth, the rumble of sound mingling

with the thunder outside. His kiss slowed and deepened, but when I tried to

slide my hand under his shirt, he laced his fingers with mine. He pulled my
hand up over my head, wrapping his other arm around my waist and rolling

us over so he was on top.

“I feel naked,” I whispered.

He gripped both my hands and pushed them under the pillow, then

sat up. A flash of lightning illuminated him as he stripped his shirt over his

head, and I glimpsed his blond hair and the muscles beginning to develop in

his abs, though he looked thinner with his arms up that way. He dropped his

shirt and sank back down onto me, pushing his jeans down and settling

between my legs.

He started fumbling for my bra, so I reached back and undid it,

tossing it aside and swallowing hard. I wished we could have the lights on,

that I could see his face, know what he was thinking. But between his

Gramparents and the staff—who really might come up here to check if

someone had left a light on by mistake—we had to be discreet. I wasn’t

keen for a repeat of the Walker Delacroix situation.

“Oh, fuck,” he whispered as his cold hand covered one of my

breasts. I could feel a tremor in his touch, which made me feel a little better

about my own nervousness. Devlin had definitely felt me up before this, but
he seemed more into it tonight, knowing he wouldn’t have to rein it in when

I said I’d had enough. Tonight, he could take it all.

 He made a sound in his throat that sent heat shimmering through my

body as his mouth moved over my neck, my collarbones, down my chest.

He kissed over the globes of my breasts, his hands massaging as he moved.

Slowly, he began to stroke one of my nipples. My body shuddered with

longing, and he rocked his hips between mine while he took my other

nipple into his mouth.

The sensation shot straight to my core, and I gasped, grinding up

against him. He reached between us, touching me through my panties, his

touch tentative at first. I’d always been self-conscious about how big I was,

how round everything on my body was, and down there was no exception.
My mound was always too big, kind of puffy, like a muffin top. I couldn’t

even wear yoga pants without a long shirt or a little skirt over them. Devlin
had touched me before, but now he was rougher, grabbing a handful of my

flesh and squeezing, his moan so carnal it made wetness throb under his
touch.

I was squirming by the time he tugged my panties aside and worked

a finger into my slippery slit. He sucked in a breath, then started to explore

me with a finger while his mouth worked frantically over my chest, kissing
and sucking and leaving little bites on my soft breasts. I slid my hands from
under the pillow, gripping his hair to try to slow him as his finger became

more assertive. He slid it lower, finding my opening and pushing it inside.

 I gasped and arched up, opening my knees for him as he began to
pump his finger into me. “Oh god,” I whispered. “Devlin, I’m ready.”

He thrust his finger into me hard, biting down until I whimpered,

my hips jerking under him. I hadn’t expected the roughness, but then, he’d

always held back before. Tonight, he could unleash his passion into my
body. He was different, more intense, less controlled. He even smelled

different, like he’d splashed a bit of new cologne on before he came. It

made my mouth water, and I lifted my hips shamelessly, needing to give
myself completely to this passionate new side of him. I’d never felt like he

wanted me more than in that moment, as his hardness bit into my thigh and
his finger strained to go deeper.

“Now,” I begged. “I need you.”

Without a word, he adjusted his position, pushing down his boxers. I

could feel the heat of his bare cock throb against the cool skin of my thigh,
and a shiver of pure, raw lust went through me.

“Kiss me,” I said, pulling his face up to mine as he rubbed the head
of his cock through my wet slit and pressed it to my entrance. He kissed me,

breathing hard and fast as he pushed his hips forward, straining to open my
virgin entrance. I gasped when he breached my unopened flesh, and a sting

of pain went through me as his size stretched me.

 “You good?” he asked, his voice cracking in a way I hadn’t heard it
do in a few years, like the strain of holding back was about to break him.

“I think so,” I said, my voice shaky. I reached for his face, suddenly
scared, needing reassurance. “What about a condom?”

He turned his face, placing the gentlest kiss in my palm, his lips hot
against my skin. “No fucking way,” he whispered.

He throbbed inside me, and a pulse of pure, erotic pleasure went

through me at the thought of doing something so dangerous. I surprised

myself with how much it turned me on, how much he turned me on tonight.
I was seeing another side of him, knowing him deeper, bringing us closer,

just like I’d wanted.

“I love you, Devlin,” I said, pushing my pelvis up to show him I was

ready for him to push in further.

Without warning, he thrust into me hard, a quick, sharp thrust that

took my breath. I cried out, the sound lost in a loud crack of thunder that
shook the treehouse. He drew back and thrust into me again, deeper this
time. I choked on a breath, on the pain, and he slammed into me again, not

giving me time to adjust or even protest.

“Oh, Doll,” he whispered in a low, growling voice I’d never heard

before, grinding into me so deep that tears burst from my eyes. “Now
you’re mine.”
 He started driving into me hard and fast, his rhythm frantic. I bit my

lip, trying not to cry out again. Everyone said it hurt, but I hadn’t expected
this. He was usually so careful with me, almost methodical. Tonight he was

rough and reckless, selfish in an entirely new way.

“Slow down,” I cried when I could finally get my breath. I grabbed

his arms, my nails cutting into his skin, tears pouring down my cheeks.
“Oh, fuck, I can’t,” he grunted, pounding into me harder. “I can’t be
gentle. You feel too fucking good.”

Finally I couldn’t help it, and a loud, tortured sob tore from my
throat. “Devlin, stop!”

He clamped a hand over my mouth, giving one last, punishing thrust

before swearing in a guttural grunt, his hips jerking against mine. A throb of

pain went through me, and a rush of heat filled my core with his release.
For a long minute, neither of us moved. He lowered himself onto

me, and I could feel him just shaking as he held onto me. I was still crying,
trying to catch my breath and figure out what the hell just happened. I’d

known Devlin since we were in diapers, and he’d never once been cruel or
violent or even rude to me. Sometimes he was selfish or inattentive, but he

was a sixteen-year-old boy for god sakes. The majority of the time, he was
better to me than I had any right to expect.

Tonight, he was far, far worse than I deserved.

 Finally, he pushed up off me and wiped my face with his fingers. He

kissed both of my cheeks until they were dry and then pressed his nose into
my hair, inhaling deeply and squeezing me to him. Then he got up and

started pulling on his clothes.

“Where are you going?” I asked, my voice cracking. I rolled over,

cradling my arms over my lower abdomen, which felt all bruised and achy
inside, almost like I had cramps.

He didn’t say anything. He pulled on his shirt, and in the faint

lightning from outside, I saw him moving through the shadows. Without a

word, he climbed down onto the ladder and disappeared.

OceanofPDF.com
 perfect ten

Preston Darling

I could still hear her soft sobs echoing in my head as I hurried away across
the lawn, almost running. If I stayed, she would know. She’d know who I

was, and what I’d done.

What I’d taken.

I couldn’t even remember why it was so important to be the first.

Now, it felt more like a curse. I made it to Devlin’s car and slipped inside.

Then I just sat there, my breathing coming in a strange, irregular pattern.

My chest tightened, and the sensation spread, rising up to the back of my

throat, which began to ache, as if a hand was wrapped around it, choking

the air out of me. My nose burned like someone had just punched it. My

eyes ached and burned at the same time, and suddenly, hot tears spilled out
of them.

At least, I thought I was crying. I didn’t remember ever doing it

before, so I couldn’t be sure. Dad said men couldn’t cry.

 The bloody cock between my legs said I was a man, but the tears

said I wasn’t.

The fit only lasted a few minutes. Then, I started the car and drove

to Devlin’s, then home. I took a long shower and prayed I’d wake up to find

it was all a dream.

In the morning, Mom had her famous smiley face pancakes on the

table for us.

“You were out late last night,” she said, setting the plates in front of

us.

“Yeah,” I muttered, not looking up from my food.

“Don’t speak to your mother that way,” Dad barked.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, lifting my face and forcing a smile.

Mom smiled back. For years I’d never wondered if her smiles were

forced, but now I knew I’d never seen a genuine smile from her. Not when

Dad was in the room, at least. Sometimes, when he was at work, I’d see her

and Lindsey sharing some secret moment, one that never included me. I

was her son, but I was a boy, destined to become the enemy—a man.
After breakfast, Dad asked me to walk outside with him. We went

out back to where the gardener was pulling weeds from the otherwise

barren garden. We stood by the closed pool, where he wouldn’t overhear.

“How’d it go last night, son?” Dad asked.

 “Fine, sir.”

“Did you take her virginity?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good,” he said, beaming at me like I’d won him a state

championship.

Suddenly, something bubbled up inside me. “It’s not good,” I

snapped. “It was fucking terrible, and she hated it.”

I turned on my heel and stomped toward the house. I didn’t get three

steps before he grabbed the back of my neck and threw me down. My head

hit the tile, and I saw stars in the blackness behind my lids.

“Don’t you ever disrespect me when I’m talking to you,” Dad

snapped.

I sat up, rubbing the lump already forming on the back of my head.

The gardener kept weeding, his eyes glued to the dirt. He knew better than

to stare and lose his job. Interfering would have cost him more than that. If

you wanted to work again in this town, you learned to keep your mouth shut
about what happened behind the Darling facade.

Dad took a seat casually, as if nothing had happened, and gestured

lazily to the chaise beside him. I sat obediently.

“Only men and whores enjoy sex,” he said. “A good, virtuous

woman like Dolly, she’ll be tight, and it won’t feel good for her. But that’s
the kind you marry, the kind that’ll do her nightly duty without complaint

and give you children to carry on our name. The other kind is just for

practice and a little fun while you’re young.”

I heard Dolly’s cry of surprise and pain again, and shame crushed

tight inside me.

I heard the fake little moans when the prostitute slid that dildo inside

her so easy, with no resistance.

I heard the echo of my father’s groan in the next room that came

every night, followed by a short silence and then the sound of my mother

crying.

I heard the guys in the locker room calling this or that girl a whore;

my grandfather pointing at a group of cheerleaders as we left school, saying

you could tell they were loose just by looking; Mom telling Lindsey to go

put on leggings under her skirt so boys wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

So that’s what it all meant. I was a man now, and I understood.

“I want the good kind,” I said, hearing again the disgust in their

voices and remembering my own disgust while watching the whore.

“Of course,” Dad said. “Men don’t marry the other kind. But you

can have your fun with them until you’re ready to settle down. Don’t be in a

hurry. You’re only fourteen. You got a few years to sow your wild oats—
just make sure you don’t get any of these girls in trouble. The last thing you
want is to put a stain on the family name. You know I don’t like to speak ill

of my father, but he did that one too many times.”

I thought of Grampa Darling and the parade of “exotic”

housekeepers and maids that came to Faulkner to tend his estate and its

grounds, then disappeared just as quickly as they came. I thought of

Kamlai, and how Mom’s church group gossiped about her and speculated

on whether she’d get pregnant right away so she’d get a cut of Grampa’s

estate when he inevitably divorced her.

“Is that why you want to change his mind about Devlin and Dolly?”

I asked.
“No, son, that’s so you get to be the mayor,” he said. “That’s a step

up from even a judge. And I’ll be damned if I let someone else’s son get

that position without a fight—even if that man is my brother.”

I nodded. I didn’t care about being mayor. I just wanted Dolly. But if

that was the way to get her, I didn’t mind being mayor. If I couldn’t make

her feel good, at least I could make her proud. Devlin didn’t deserve

everything handed to him anymore.

“Look, I understand how it is, son,” Dad said. “I remember being

your age. For right now, you let me work on changing your grandfather’s

mind. In the meantime, forget about Dolly for a while. Every boy needs to

get out there, get it out of his system so he won’t be tempted to stray once
he’s settled down. That’s what the other kind of woman is good for. You

might even learn a thing or two that’ll make Dolly a little happier next

time.”

I wasn’t interested in anyone else, but if it would help me not be

such a worthless fuck-up, I’d get some experience. The popular guys at

school all got lots of girls—none of them stuck with one for long. And I had

to step into that roll next year. Everything would be different then. Next

year was our year. Devlin was already popular, and that night in the

treehouse, he’d given everyone a preview of what the Darling reign would

look like at Willow Heights. We’d been talking about these years since we

were in middle school. We’d waited half our lives for this time to arrive.

The Darling reign was about to begin.

In the spring, CJ Rose and Wade Montgomery would graduate, and

Colt would join us in high school in August. That year we’d be WHPA’s

only sons of the founding fathers, their only members of the Midnight

Swans, the school’s secret society. Willow Heights would be officially ours.

By the time more founding sons arrived, they’d be freshmen and we’d

already have established ourselves.

It wasn’t too soon to start building my reputation.

“I’ll get Dolly when I graduate,” I said to Dad. “And she’ll like me

then.”
 “She’ll get used to it,” Dad said. “You don’t need to worry about

whether she likes it. That’s not your job. Your job is to become mayor, have

a few sons who can take over after you, and marry your daughters to men

who can give them what all women want—a fancy house they can decorate,

well-behaved children, and a life of leisure. Give that to Dolly, along with

fidelity and an example of a godly man, and she can’t ask for more.”

I thought of my mother’s smile at breakfast, and I wondered if my

father had ever noticed it wasn’t genuine, or if he didn’t know because he’d
never seen the real thing. Despite the crying, she never asked for more,

though, so Dad must be right. She had it all—a daughter to dress up like a
doll, a son to make her proud on the football field, the prettiest cookies for

the bake sale at school, time to volunteer for every church fundraiser, and a
house that had once been featured in Arkansas Beautiful magazine.

So I nodded to Dad and said, “Yes, sir.”

The next Monday, I got to school early and headed into the café for
breakfast. I never seemed to stop eating lately. My parents commented on it
at every meal, like it was a personal accomplishment to grow.
 “You must be going through a growth spurt,” Dad had said the other
day when I asked for seconds. “You’ve got the appetite of a grown man.”

“A few grown men,” Mom had said with an indulgent smile, piling
food onto my plate. “Lucky for you, you don’t have to watch your weight

like Linds.”
“Lindsey doesn’t need to be watching her weight, either,” Dad said,

turning to my sister. “You’re perfect already, sweetheart.”

Lindsey smiled weakly. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“She is lovely, isn’t she?” Mom said, giving Lindsey her most

loving smile and tucking her hair behind her ear. “But all the women in our
family have to watch their weight to stay that way.”

The two of them tried diets like fun experiments, giggling and
raiding the pantry for chia seeds and honey, filling the fruit bowl with

exotic varieties I didn’t know how to eat, and yelling at me for accidentally
eating something they’d rationed out in the exact proportion they needed for

a particular day of the week. It was like they had their own secret club that
included just the two of them. I was like a big, stupid dog to them—always

in the way, talked about fondly when I wasn’t around to take up space on
the couch, loved more in idea than in reality.

I got my food in the café before I spotted Becca, Destiny, and Dolly
at a table in the corner. I made my way over slowly, my stomach tight with
dread. Dolly had her head down, and I thought she was crying.
She couldn’t still be in pain from what I’d done. Could she?

I swallowed the sick feeling in my throat, suddenly not hungry. But

I couldn’t walk away. I would face it like a man, find out what I didn’t want

to know.
I slid in across from them. “What’s wrong, Doll?”

Dolly shook her head, covering her face and letting out a little
hiccup.

“This is girl business,” Destiny said, giving me a warning look.

“Yeah,” Becca said. “Can’t you see she’s upset?”

“It’s okay,” Dolly said, sniffling and wiping her eyes. “He can stay.
Just tell me if Carmen’s coming. You know she can’t keep her mouth shut,

and I don’t want this getting out. Preston won’t talk.”

“What happened?” I asked, pushing my plate away and reaching for

Dolly’s hand.
She pulled it away to cover her face, her shoulders shaking as she
started crying again.

“She and Devlin hooked up,” Destiny said. “It did not go well.”
I swallowed past an ache in my throat, the blood draining from my

face. It was because of me. She was still crying. Not because of the physical
pain, but the other kind, the one I hadn’t even thought about. I’d hurt her in
a way that was much worse than physical, one that didn’t go away. I hadn’t

just betrayed her. I had damaged her. I could never undo what I’d done, give
back what I’d taken. There was no happy ending here where she realized I

was the one for her.

“It’s not like I expected my first time to be a perfect ten,” Dolly

said, her voice high with tears. “But I didn’t think it would be a zero.”
I flinched, looking down at my plate and hoping no one noticed the
blood that had rushed back to my face. My ears were ringing with the

waves of shame and humiliation crashing through me. I’d known it was
bad, but a zero?

“Come on, it couldn’t have been that bad,” I muttered.

“He was beastly,” she said through her tears. “I thought he loved

me.”
“He does,” Destiny said firmly, wrapping an arm around Dolly’s

shoulders. “He just didn’t know what he was doing. I’m sure he’ll get
better.”

“Yeah,” Dolly said, nodding and sniffling. “You’re probably right.”

“It was his first time, too,” I said, unable to stop myself. “He

probably couldn’t help himself. I mean, look at you.”

I caught Dolly’s friends raising their brows and giving each other

those girl looks that communicated things only they knew. But I knew
enough to see I’d fucked up. I needed to shut my mouth and stay out of it,

like they’d told me. Because I was defending Devlin, but I was really
defending myself. My pride could only take so much, even if it meant

missing a chance to tell her that Devlin just didn’t care about her, that she
should dump him.

Because then what?

Even if she went out with me, and even if she somehow couldn’t tell

once she slept with me that I was the one who had taken her virginity, she’d
still think I sucked. She hated the way I’d fucked her, and that wasn’t going

to change. Not unless I changed.

So I sat there and shut my mouth the way she liked, more humiliated

than I’d ever been in my life, and I watched her slip away. I wanted to die
as I watched her convince herself that Devlin cared about her because it

wasn’t fair to say he didn’t. I fucking loved her, and I’d lost all control, after
all. Devlin cared for her too, even if it was a different kind of love. In his
own way, as much as he could, he did. Maybe it would never be the way I

did, the crazy obsessive kind of love that consumed him, but maybe that
was a good thing. If my kind of love made me hurt her, then she deserved

better.
She deserved Devlin’s calm, measured kind of love. The kind that

made him do the right things because that’s what she wanted. He cared
about her, would make her comfortable. He wouldn’t lose control and fuck
her like an animal. He would be slow and careful, asking what she liked and

giving it to her. Devlin wasn’t the kind of man who was driven by passion,
who lost control and got in fights and fucked a girl until she screamed. He
was cool, even in his love for his girlfriend.

And that’s what she deserved. Someone who would put her first, ask
what she wanted, and give it to her. A sweet boyfriend who would take her

to prom and hold her hand. A boyfriend who doled out his love in perfectly
leveled teaspoons instead of blasting her with it until it tore her apart. Not

someone whose love raged out of control, whose passion blazed like a
wildfire that consumed her and burned her to dust.

I should have fucked the whore Dad got me. I should have learned
what I was doing first.

I couldn’t change what I’d done, but I could be better the next time.
Dolly would never know I was the one who did that monstrous thing to her.

I just had to talk to Devlin, make sure he didn’t mention it. I’d tell him to
just say, “Sorry about the other night.” He’d think he was apologizing for

falling asleep and not showing up, and she’d think it was for what I’d done.
I had to accept that they’d try again, fuck again. They weren’t

breaking up. Even if it killed me to do, I had to step away and let him have
her. Not because he deserved her, but because she deserved better than me.
 He deserved better than me, too. Devlin was a man of principle, and
I’d fucked his girl. He would never forgive me if he knew. He’d stood up

for me, made it clear that I was to be treated like I was as worthy of respect
as he was. So I would be. I would work to be the cousin he deserved, the

friend he thought I was, a brother to him like he was to me. I would never
touch his girl again, never even flirt with her. I would let him have what had

been his all along, and I wouldn’t stand in their way again. Someday, they’d
break up, and I might have a shot. But as long as he was her boyfriend, I

would back off and concede defeat.

I was shit, as worthless as Dad always said. I’d tell him he was right,

that I needed more practice. I could tell him I wanted the same woman
back, or even someone closer to my age. I would learn what I was doing,

learn to control myself so that when I slid inside Dolly the next time, I
didn’t lose my mind. I’d make it as good for her as it was for me and then
some. And I would be so different that she would never guess that I was the
same boy who took her virginity so brutally.

OceanofPDF.com
 eleven diamond necklaces

Preston Darling

Thunder rumbled overhead, trembling through the wide halls of the Darling
estate as I made my way along the east wing, a bottle of whiskey in my

hand. There was a party going on tonight, but it wasn’t here this time. The
big house was quiet, the kind of place that had a looming presence, so you

imagined dangers lurking in every dark corner.

I was the danger, though. I knew that after Dolly and Devlin started

hooking up, and I had to hear her sickening giggles and see his smug little
smiles as he indulged her. She loved him, even loved fucking him. I had

hurt her, and if she ever knew I’d been the one to do it, it would crush her

soul—and mine.

Devlin got her a necklace after their first time, a thin strand of gold
with a ballerina charm. He gave it to her at lunch, and we all watched her

open it. Every girl in the school swooned over it and fell more in love with

Devlin. Only I seemed to remember that Dolly hadn’t done ballet in years,

and in fact, she was sensitive about it. She had been devastated when her
instructor told her that her body type would never make it in the cut-throat

world of ballet. She’d quit immediately.

How could her own boyfriend have forgotten that?

I waited for her to tell him she didn’t dance anymore and hadn’t for

a long time. But she didn’t say anything except that she loved it. I sat there
raging, thinking he should know her better than I did if he was going to be

her boyfriend.

She wore it every day after that. She was too polite to say it, but I

knew it had to hurt her in some little way, even if she was too enamored

with Devlin’s shining reputation to acknowledge her own feelings about it.
She was putting him before her own needs, and I knew he didn’t do the

same.

She should see that he didn’t care enough to know what she liked,

what would hurt her.

But I’d lost the right to say something when I’d hurt her.

I opened the window at the end of the hall and climbed out onto the

roof. Lightning sizzled across the sky, nearly blinding me. I sat down on the
back side of the gable roof, overlooking the gardens. I’d started coming up

here a few years before, when my parents had started sending me to

Grampa Darling’s most weekends to give them a break from my attitude.

After dinner, Grampa would always retire to the west wing, and I had free
reign over the rest of the estate. I’d stood at the window watching the

lightning one night, and then I’d figured why not go out on the roof. After

that first storm rolled in while I was here, I was addicted.

I’d skip a party to watch this shit. That’s how spectacular it was.

Or maybe I just wasn’t into parties lately. It should have been a great

year—I’d started high school, made the team, kissed Carmen, been declared
a future king by Devlin’s decree, and lost my virginity. It looked good on

paper. But I was glad it was March, just a few months until the end of the

worst year of my fucking life.

I lay back on the rough shingles, and I imagined a bolt of lightning

striking me. Everyone would come to the funeral—I was a founding son,

after all, the title given to all the generations that proceeded the original

founders of the town. That meant the whole town would turn out to watch

them lower my blackened carcass into a hole in the Northside Cemetery,

where all Darlings were buried. I wondered if anyone but my mother would

cry. I didn’t think so. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have waited for the
lightning. I would have just jumped.

A noise caught my attention, and I turned my face up toward the

window. The curtain was spilling out the open window, and from out of its

filmy whiteness, a spectral figure appeared. She stood there for a second,

the curtain wrapping around her small, delicate body and billowing in the
wind. Finally, she fought herself free and stumbled out onto the roof, a

bottle of wine in her hand, long ribbons of her black hair whipping around

her. She saw me and came to an abrupt halt, a little shriek of surprise
escaping her.

“Shit, sorry,” I said, standing carefully on the steep slope. “I’ll go

in.”

She held up a hand and said something in Thai. I was still

embarrassed to be around her after the day in the guesthouse, and being

completely lost in translation when she spoke didn’t help.

I didn’t need to hear her words to understand. I was in her house,

and I was being chased away.

She pulled out her phone and spoke into it. “You don’t have to

leave,” her phone said.

I lowered myself warily. Kamlai sat beside me and showed me the

app she had on her phone, where she could speak into it, and it would spit

out her words in English. I downloaded the app, and she helped me set it

up, and a few minutes later, we could talk.

“What are you doing up here?” I asked into my phone.

“It’s the best place to watch the lightning,” she said, setting her

phone in her lap and picking up her bottle. “Do you want some wine?”
 I held up my whiskey bottle, and we both laughed, a tentative,

careful laugh.

“I like that better,” she said. “Mine’s not open.”

I took a swig of whiskey and handed her the bottle. She took a swig

that would have made my dad proud—if she’d been his son. He’d probably

say ladies didn’t drink like that.

“Do you come up here a lot?” I asked.

“All the time,” she said. “Do you?”

“Every time it storms.”

And thus began the odd friendship between me and my step-

grandmother. It was spring, and the storms were plentiful. For the next few

months, we met up there and drank whiskey and talked. At fifteen, I didn’t

have the word for what had happened to her. She’d told me she’d come here

thinking she’d work as a maid and go to school. She hadn’t known she was

getting married until she was getting fitted for a dress.

One night when the storm was taking a while to arrive and we’d

drunk more than usual, I told her that I loved my cousin’s girlfriend. I’d

never told anyone that before.

Kamlai told me that she hated my grandfather, and in fact she’d

been seeing my cousin Walker Delacroix on the side since the night before
the wedding, when she’d lost her virginity to him during a game of hide and

seek.

After that admission, my own betrayals didn’t seem so bad, so I told

her about what I’d done to Dolly, and how it had backfired.

“Maybe you just need a little more practice,” Kamlai said, giving

me a flirty little smile.

I leaned in, and she didn’t lean away. I kissed her, tasting the

whiskey on her tongue as the first drops of rain began to fall. Soon, it turned

to a deluge, and we ran back across the roof, stumbling and slipping in the

rain, and climbed back inside. We looked at each other, soaked and drunk

and laughing, and then we were kissing again, and then I had her pinned

against the wall next to the open window, and I was inside her, and then it

was over.

I was humiliated. It was worse than the first time. But Kamlai didn’t

cry, and she told me to come back and practice more tomorrow. For a few

weeks, I went almost every day. It was May now, and the pool was open,

and it wasn’t odd for me to spend a lot of time at my grandfather’s. Even

though I’d only turned fifteen that spring and didn’t have a license, I had a
car and knew how to drive, so I came over whenever I wanted.

There were tons of parties after the games, but the three most

important parties of the year were all held at Grampa Darling’s. There was
the back-to-school party, the New Year’s party, and the end-of-school party.

They varied in tone and exclusivity, but they were always held at the estate,

even when no Darling children were in high school. They weren’t just for

high school, but for the town. College kids came to all of them, along with

some parents, although the adults broke off and did their thing in another

part of the house.

At the last party of the year, I was just drunk enough to think it

wouldn’t be suicide to go seek out Kamlai. But just as I was about to go in

search of her, I saw Walker casting a covert glance over his shoulder before

sneaking away from the party.

I slouched back into my seat in the hot tub.

“You’ve been awfully quiet all night,” Carmen said, slipping an arm
around my neck and sliding into my lap.

“I’m always quiet,” I pointed out.

“Always?” she asked with a saucy little grin. “Sounds like a

challenge.”
“You want to see how loud you can make me?”

“I might,” she said. “We never did get to finish what started last fall
in that box.”
“We didn’t?” I asked, giving her a cool grin.
 “And our plan to start shit with that condom wrapper definitely
didn’t go anywhere,” she said. “Let’s give ‘em something to talk about

tonight.”
Which is how I ended up fucking Carmen Saravia, self-proclaimed

lover of gossip and drama, in the treehouse that night.

She had a different story to tell than Dolly had. Not that anyone

knew Dolly had been talking about me that day. Only Destiny, Becca, and I
had even heard her proclaim me to be shit in the sack, and Destiny thought
it was Devlin. He didn’t seem to be suffering from it, and now, I wasn’t

either.
In fact, bless her fucking heart, Carmen told everyone at the party

that I was better than Wade Montgomery, who’d played her at the start of
the year. She was probably lying, just wanting to get back at him. Or hell,

maybe he sucked bad enough to be worse than me after a bit of practice, or

more likely, just didn’t care to try to make her feel good.

Whatever the reason, Carmen’s rumor was the best thing that could
have happened to me. Even though school was over, it’s a small town, and

people hang out over the summer. By the time school started for sophomore
year, the rumor had morphed into something along the lines of, Preston

Darling is better in bed than the senior guys. I wasn’t complaining. I’d had a
lot more practice with Kamlai by then, and I was more confident.
 I took Lacey’s virginity at the back-to-school party, and feasted on
the look on Dolly’s face when she found out. A few weeks later, when I told

Lacey I didn’t want a relationship, she lured me back into bed with the
promise that she’d bring Carmen along, too. Knowing Carmen would do

her thing and not keep her mouth shut, I couldn’t resist that chance. I
thought about Dolly as I rolled on a condom, wondering if she’d think I was

disgusting for this. A stab of spiteful hope went through me.

If I couldn’t have her, what did I care? She could think whatever she

pleased. She didn’t want me, and she’d made that clear. She said I sucked.
She wasn’t waiting around for me, so why should I wait for her?

As expected, Carmen told the entire school about our threesome that
night, and my reputation was solidly established. There were solo party

hookups with Lacey and Carmen and a few other cheerleaders after that.
And then, at the last party before everything changed, Dolly walked in on

Colt and I sharing Destiny. I made eye contact, holding her gaze while I slid
my cock to the hilt inside her best friend in the world, making her moan in
pleasure. Dolly turned positively green. It was the best and worst day of

what was turning into my golden year.

One day not long after that, I looked around at our tables and

realized I’d fucked every girl there except Becca. Becca was still a virgin,
and I doubted she’d hook up with me now that I had such a reputation. I
looked over at Dolly, wondering if I’d ruined my chances with her, too. She

was talking to Devlin, fingering the necklace he’d bought her while she
leaned into his side and giggled.

That afternoon, I asked Devlin where he bought it, and I went to the
jewelry store and asked about it. They’d only sold one so far, the one Dolly

wore around her neck. The guy looked at me like I was insane when I said I
wanted to buy all eleven that remained. Diamonds weren’t cheap, but then,
neither was I.

I presented one to Becca the next day.

“Did you steal my necklace?” Dolly asked incredulously. Her hand

flew to her neck before I could answer, and she touched her charm and then
raised her gaze to mine. She looked confused and wounded.

Becca just looked confused.

“What the fuck is that?” Devlin asked.

“You get Dolly,” I said, staring him down. “I figured me and Colt
would pick a Darling Doll, too.”

“You want me to be your girlfriend?” Becca asked.

“Not girlfriend,” I said quickly. “Just the girl who’s special to me

right now.”
I fucked her that weekend, completing my path through every single

one of Dolly’s friends. I watched Dolly gulp when Becca told her, watched
the envy in her eyes when Becca told her how good I was, how good her

first time was. Finally, I felt vindicated.

I gave Colt one of the other necklaces so he could choose a girl. To

no one’s surprise, he gave it to Destiny, whom he’d been smitten with since
losing his virginity, even though she didn’t want to date. He casually

hooked up with her whenever she wanted him, but he wasn’t driven to make
a reputation for himself.

As the first quarter of my sophomore year came to a close, I was on

top of the world. It was turning out to be my year, and it felt like nothing

could go wrong. I’d finally hit my stride, and everything was going right, as
if fate were making up for the shit year I’d had as a freshman.

After Carmen started some drama about the necklaces, I knew I had
to give her one. I owed my entire success to her, even though I wasn’t

interested in her. So the necklaces became a thing, and the Darling Dolls
became a label girls would strive to achieve. I still had eight diamond
ballerinas, and despite Devlin’s annoyance, we passed them out to a couple

girls we wanted to fuck. I liked that we’d made the one he gave Dolly less
special. It was a shitty gift to begin with.

Everything was going so well I almost forgot that I was still stuck,
that everything I did was for Dolly. Every girl I fucked, every necklace I
gave, was with the thought of her in mind. What would she think of this?
Would she notice? Would she care?

Then, at the party after Homecoming, the first blow fell that would
change everything.

OceanofPDF.com
 twelve inches

Dolly Beckett

The Homecoming party wasn’t like the other football parties. Those were
like the ones you see in movies, with kegs and beer pong, people dancing

and eating and drinking, puking in bushes, and hooking up. Homecoming
Weekend was different.

The game was on Friday, but since the next day was packed with
activities, there was no post-game party. We always played Faulkner High

on Homecoming weekend, the schools taking turns hosting the game. At

some point the schools had decided that they didn’t want to have both

dances on the same night, since a lot of people wanted to go to both. So one

school had to have their dance the next weekend, but there was only one

official Homecoming Weekend in Faulkner.

Saturday, the whole town was decorated. The Downtown Diner

wrote the specials out on chalkboards—homecoming style instead of

homestyle, homecoming fries instead of home fries—and every salon in

town had deals to get big groups of girls to come in to get their hair or nails
done before the dance. Everyone from babies in strollers to Gramparents in

walkers came out for the parade, which had floats for each of the high

schools as well as the colleges. The football players always had a float, and

the Homecoming Court had another.

That year, the court was predictably made up of all the girls in the
Darling vicinity at school—Destiny, Lacey, Becca, Carmen, and me. We

stood on our float in different colored pastel debutante dresses waving our

fans and sweltering in the late October heatwave. Temperatures were in the

eighties that weekend, which was unpleasant though not particularly

unusual.
Afterwards, we got ready for the dance at my house. Destiny’s

house was the biggest, but she had a preteen brother who liked to gawk at

us and attempt to flirt, which was always awkward for us and embarrassing

for her.

Mama had invited us to get ready at her house, but she would have

wanted to take a million pictures, and her stepchildren were all under ten

and even more annoying than Destiny’s brother. So, we got ready at my
dad’s, where I lived except for every-other-weekend and half the holidays,

as per the custody agreement. Dad had just married a woman who was

embarrassingly young, and even though everyone in town knew about it

since he was the mayor, I didn’t want my friends to see her and be
reminded. They’d probably think he was a creeper who would hit on them

next.

But he’d already made plans to take her out after the parade, which

gave us plenty of time to get ready. Then we went to the dance, which was

held at the school every year instead of the old Hockington Hotel, where

prom was hosted. Willow Heights was an old school, but the café had been
redesigned a decade earlier with the intent to have dances there instead of

renting out the Hockington ballroom every time. Unlike the rest of the

school, the café was modern, with high, vaulted ceilings with exposed

beams, skylights, and giant fans that kept us cool while dancing.

They’d twined fairy lights around all the beams and the fans, which

created a beautiful, dreamlike effect. We danced and drank the spiked

punch, and I was crowned homecoming queen to no one’s surprise. The

Darlings were the undisputed kings of the school, the only founding sons at

Willow Heights until the next year, when Cotton Montgomery and DeShaun

Rose would join the school as freshmen.

This year, the school was solidly held in the Darling family’s grip.

Devlin was the oldest, the king of kings, and I was his queen. The

homecoming queen always wore white, and the couple shared the first

dance. As I walked onto the dancefloor with Devlin, I imagined it was the

first dance at our wedding. It was perfect.

 We planned to go to a small party at a Darling’s house afterwards,

where I’d spend the night with Devlin. I was looking forward to it, even if it

wouldn’t be comparable to a wedding night. I hadn’t exactly announced to

my parents that I’d lost my virginity, and even if they suspected I was

sleeping with Devlin, Dad couldn’t afford the kind of scrutiny that would

come if the mayor of a small, conservative town let his daughter stay the

night at her boyfriend’s. So, I’d never spent the night in Devlin’s arms.

Tonight, my parents thought I was staying with Destiny, but really

I’d be holed up in a guest room spending the first night with Devlin for the

first time. After the rocky start to our sex life, we had started working out

the kinks and gotten used to each other, and our relationship was more solid

than ever. This felt like the next step, a new layer of intimacy to uncover.

We left the dance in the limo and headed to Preston’s house, chosen

because it had the most guest bedrooms. Grampa Darling’s new wife was

having all the bathrooms remodeled at the estate, so we’d decided not to

meet there. We could have still used the treehouse, like we had the year

before, and stayed the night in the guesthouse. But we were getting a little

old for the treehouse. It was a place full of nostalgia and memories of more

innocent times, times of sexual curiosity, exploration, and awakening.

Now that we were all adults, at least in our eyes, it was time to move
on. Everyone in our group was having sex now, and we all wanted the
privacy of a guest room with our partner instead of camping out on the floor

together with our friends.

This year, there were ten of us—the same four girls that had gone to

the treehouse the year before, plus Becca, who was trying her hardest to

lock Preston down and had managed to secure a date with him for the night.

Destiny and I had gone with Devlin and Colt, of course, and Lacey and

Carmen had their own dates, two senior football players.

“Let’s get this party started,” Destiny sang as we hopped out of the

limo at Preston’s house. “I’m ready to get my drink on.”

“Haven’t you been drinking the punch?” I asked.

“Yeah, and I’ve been dancing for three hours, but I’m still ready to

dance some more,” she said, twirling in her floor-length lavender gown.

“What’s your point?”

“Her point is, we’re all ready to do the horizontal tango,” Colt said,

sliding an arm around her waist and pulling her in. He nuzzled her neck,

kissing her under the lights in front of the house. The rest of us picked our

way up the walkway, and I turned back to call to them. They were still

standing there, her arms draped casually around his neck, her clutch

dangling from her hand as they kissed, his hands on her slender waist. It

reminded me of something you’d see in a picture from Rome or Paris, the

way their graceful figures were silhouetted against the aqua light from the

shimmering fountain in Preston’s circular drive.

Goosebumps rose on my arms, and I had an odd, sad feeling, as if

some part of me knew it would be the last time I’d see them like that.

“Let them be,” Preston said, his hand brushing my lower back.

I jumped, startled to find him there. I hadn’t heard him approach—

the Darlings were all deceptively light on their feet for such tall men. He

took my hand, his touch gentle, and another shiver ran through me, this one

warm and electric. I should have pulled away, knowing it was inappropriate

to feel such a melting, helpless sensation for a man who wasn’t my

boyfriend. But it felt so good, I couldn’t quite convince myself to let go. I

told myself I needed the extra support and balance of his strong hand

holding mine as I lifted the hem of my dress to climb the steps.

I tripped on the top step and stumbled, and his hand tightened

around mine, steadying me. I caught my balance, but he drew me in

anyway, his other hand sliding around to cradle the small of my back and

pull me flush against him.

“I’m okay,” I said, a breathy little laugh escaping me at his nearness.

I couldn’t remember the last time we’d touched, even though we hung out

all the time. Probably that night in the treehouse, when he gave me my first
orgasm, an entire year before. I wasn’t prepared for the way his touch

affected me when it happened.

I felt his ribs expand as he took a breath, felt his solid body against

my soft one, and my whole body fluttered like a pulse. Then he stepped

back and let me go like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t just smelled

my hair and held me like…

I didn’t know what.

It wasn’t anything sexual. He hadn’t pushed his hips against mine or

even squeezed me tight so he could feel my boobs. I’d felt something in his

touch, but it was more than lust. It was a deeper, more primal craving, a
hunger laced with tenderness and restraint that made my bones ache.

He opened the door and gestured for me to go in, but his gaze
dropped when I tried to meet his eye, as if he couldn’t bear to look directly

at me, as if he were afraid I’d see that just touching me hurt him somehow.
A pang of disappointment followed quickly by guilt went through me when

I stepped inside and saw Devlin waiting.

I brushed away the weird reaction I’d had to his cousin, and we hit

the liquor cabinet. Destiny and Colt joined us, and we took shots and
laughed and talked about the dance and the parade and the game.
“Let’s get in the hot tub,” Carmen said, snuggling her ass into her

date’s crotch as they stood at the counter.

 “Are you crazy?” Destiny asked. “I’ve been baked all day. It’s so
hot.”

“Want to get a little more baked?” Colt asked, taking a little box
from his pocket.

“You can’t smoke that in my house,” Preston said. “My parents are
upstairs. And since when do you smoke pot? You know Coach can piss test

us any time.”
“Relax, dude,” Colt said. “It’s just a little greenery. I’ve seen you
snort coke at the New Year’s party.”

“That’s not during the season,” Preston said, glaring.

“Fine, we’ll go out back,” Colt said. “Come on, Destiny.”

He took her hand and led her out. The rest of us stood there in
uncomfortable silence. Preston didn’t run the group. Devlin did. Preston

was quiet, kind of withdrawn, so we weren’t used to him speaking up.

When he did, we all listened. It was his house, after all.

“So… I’m going to go get in on that,” Carmen said, glancing at him.

“If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, go,” Preston said. “Do whatever. Just not inside the house.”
The rest of us started filing out, and I glanced over my shoulder at

him, catching his troubled expression. I wondered if he was still scared of

his dad, what Joseph Darling did to punish Preston now that he was almost
as big as him. He’d probably just take away the car Preston was illegally
driving before his sixteenth birthday.

We went out back and settled onto the chaise lounges around the
pool. It hadn’t been closed for the year, since the temperatures hadn’t

dipped yet, and Destiny went to dip her toes in, pulling up her satin dress so
it wouldn’t get wet. Colt started passing around a glass pipe, and Preston

stalked off into his mom’s little flower garden.

“What crawled up his ass tonight?” Lacey asked, taking the pipe

from her date and posing on the edge of the chaise, arching her back to look
sexier. She always seemed to be preening, seeking male attention. As long

as she left Devlin alone, I didn’t care, though I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t
irritated me to an unwarranted degree when she hooked up with Preston.

But then, I was sort of protective of the younger Darling cousins, just like
Devlin was. When we got married, they’d be like brothers to me.

I didn’t trust Lacey’s intentions, that was all. I knew Preston was
damaged, more sensitive than he let on. Not just any girl was good enough
for him. He deserved someone special, not someone who was only after the

money and status his family name carried in this town.

I glanced at Devlin to see if he’d do anything, but he just shrugged

and tightened his arm around my shoulders. “You know how he is about
football,” he said to the group. “He’s afraid one whiff of smoke might make

him fail a piss test.”

“I’ll go talk to him,” Becca said, climbing off her chair and heading

for the garden.

I forced down the flicker of jealousy that rose inside me. She was

his date. She wanted to date him. Of course she’d go make sure he was
okay. I couldn’t even criticize her the way I did Lacey. Becca was sweet and
had been low-key infatuated with Preston since he took her virginity in

what was apparently a fantasy come true, unlike my nightmare deflowering

night. Mine had been so horrid that Devlin and I never even talked about it,

aside from his completely inadequate “I’m sorry for the other night,”
comment he made before going on like nothing happened.

Now I understood why Destiny had advised we not losing your

virginity to another virgin. While Devlin had completely snapped that night,

Preston’s manwhore skills had made Becca not just have the perfect first
time, but also made her fall in love. She hadn’t been with anyone else and

was determined to tie him down even though he apparently told every girl
before they hooked up that he wasn’t going to date her.

I watched her walk to the garden, irrational irritation grinding my

gears. What was wrong with me tonight? First I’d been overly sentimental

at the dance, then had that weird doomed sense on the front porch, a strange
reaction to Preston, and now this. Which was downright silly. It wasn’t like

I could go after him without looking totally weird.

I tried to join the rest of my friends and not think about what Becca

and Preston were doing. The rest of them smoked, though Devlin and I
passed the pipe without joining. I was already drinking, and though I’d tried

pot once with Destiny, I didn’t like the dopey feeling I got from it. After a
few minutes, I couldn’t resist looking over at the garden. Becca and Preston

stood close together, her hand down the front of his pants.
I quickly looked away, grabbing one of the slushy margaritas we’d

nabbed from the freezer.

“I want to swim,” Destiny said, jumping up from her chair.

“Did you bring a suit?” I asked.

“Who needs a suit?” she asked, wiggling her brows.

Everyone started looking around at each other, all of us probably

weighing our own insecurities against the need to look cool. I had the added
layer of not particularly wanting my boyfriend to see four other girls naked,

especially since they were all smaller than me, some of them significantly
so. None of the others were actually dating their dates, so they didn’t have

to worry about that.

The garden gropers came back and sat down in a chaise set a bit

back from the others, in the shadow of the corner of the house. Becca sat on
Preston’s lap. I remembered how his hand felt on my lower back, the way
his body felt under my hand when I steadied myself against him, the

warmth of his skin through his shirt, the hard muscles in his abdomen that
rose under my hand when he took that breath with his nose just skimming
my hair. I wondered if that’s what everyone felt when they touched him.

Was it him? Or me?

“Come on, this is boring,” Destiny groaned. “I might as well have

gone to bed.”
I got this feeling of déjà vous along with the weird feeling that had

clung to me all night, as if we were all just waiting for something. Maybe
this was it. In a way, it was just like the year before, with the game of seven

minutes in heaven. This was how that had gone, too. Destiny was bored,
and she brought up something bold. We all wondered who would get behind

her idea and who would be the one to tell her if it was more thrilling or
dangerous.

I could feel it in the air, the charge of combining the two—the thrill
and the danger each amping up the other.

What would it be this time? A breakup?

No.

There was only one couple here, and I wasn’t going to lose Devlin.
If that meant being the stick in the mud again this year, I’d just have to do
it. Better than him seeing my four skinny, gorgeous friends naked. I
imagined taking off my own clothes, how all five of the guys would ogle

my boobs, bigger than all the other girls’ by several cup sizes. Somehow,
that didn’t make me feel better at all. I just pictured standing uncomfortably

in the water, trying to hide them and hoping the senior guys wouldn’t come
talk to me, pretending to care about anything I said while they tried to get a

look under the water.

I knew Preston and Colt wouldn’t do that, even if they’d stare when

I first took off my top. They respected Devlin too much to make a move or
be creepy to me.

Then I heard Preston’s voice murmuring to Becca behind us, his

southern drawl like warm, worn leather, soft as velvet and deep as the inky

black sky before a storm, before the lightning lit up the night. How had I
never noticed the way his voice sounded, how it made my nipples harden
inside my dress?
Oh, right, because I hadn’t usually taken shots. Obviously the

tequila was making me horny, not my boyfriend’s cousin. Just one more
reason not to get naked in front of everyone.
“Come on,” Preston said to Becca, so quiet I wouldn’t have been
able to hear except the whole group had gone silent as they waited for
someone to weigh in on the skinny-dipping issue. “Let me pull up your
dress. I want to feel you stretch out that snug little cunt with my cock.”

A spasm went through my thighs, and I hoped Devlin hadn’t noticed

—or hadn’t heard his cousin trying to put his dick in a girl while sitting six
feet from us.
“People can see us,” Becca whispered.
“They won’t know as long as you stay quiet,” Preston said. “Trust

me, doll. I’ve done it in the middle of a conversation.”

I heard the fabric of her dress rustling, and I cleared my throat, my
cheeks hot.
“I’ll go in my underwear,” I offered, emboldened by tequila and

fury.
A couple people cheered and started chatting excitedly about the
new idea, a compromise between skinny-dipping and not swimming at all.
Wet underwear didn’t leave a lot to the imagination, but it was better than

nothing, and none of us had swimsuits.

I wasn’t going to get naked out of annoyance just because Preston
was being an asshole, but I didn’t want to sit there and listen to him stick
his dick in some other girl. Especially not while using the pet name he used

for all his Darling Dolls—which just happened to be my nickname since

childhood.
 Had he literally impaled someone while he was talking to one of us?
I tried to think of all the times he’d talked to me with one of his fangirls on

his lap. Had he talked to me while he was inside someone else?

The thought filled me with rage and humiliation.
I got up and reached for the straps of my dress, but Devlin caught
my hand. “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure, but now that I was standing, my gaze landed on the
chair set back from ours. Preston was leaning back with one hand behind
his head, the other resting casually on the chair beside him. You’d never
know he was doing a thing if not for the fact that Becca was sitting ramrod

straight on his lap, her lips pinched together and her eyes so round I had to
wonder if he’d put it in her ass without warning her.
My gaze met Preston’s, and he gave me the same smug little grin he
had when I’d walked in and seen Destiny on her back with Preston between
her legs, pumping into her while Colt knelt over her face, fucking her

mouth. I still remembered how Preston held my gaze and smirked at me,
like he knew it hurt me to see, and he liked that.
I’d spent the rest of that night feeling dirty and ashamed of my own
arousal at the sight. I wanted to wash my brain with bleach, but it was too

late. It was burned into my memory. It wasn’t too late this time, though. I
tore my gaze away and turned my back, slipping the straps of my dress

down over my shoulders.

“Woo-hoo,” Destiny cheered, doing a shoulder shimmy to shake her
much more manageable chest. “Take it off, girl.”
“I’m not doing it alone,” I said. “Y’all better get to stripping, too.”
Now that someone had pulled the cork, the others rushed to follow.

They started peeling off their formalwear, and I tried to ignore the fact that
Preston and Becca hadn’t joined us. I wouldn’t look again, wouldn’t make
the same mistake I’d made earlier in the year.
That was the first and last time I’d gone into the room at Grampa

Darlings’ that they called the Den of Iniquity, though it was always a big
draw at the Darling parties. I knew what their family was like, but I hadn’t
been raised like that, and some of their tastes were just too extreme for me.
I was glad I’d gotten Devlin, who didn’t seem to share in his cousins’ love

of debauchery.
I dropped my dress and stepped out of my heels at the same time,
forcing myself not to cover myself with my hands. Even with my
underthings on, I was sure they could see the bulge in the front of my

panties, that they’d tease me—or worse Devlin—about my “package?”

I saw Lacey’s date ogling me, and Devlin must have seen it too
because he stepped in front of me. I knew he was trying to shield me from
the eyes of his friends, and suddenly, my courage melted away and I just

felt stupid and exposed. I wanted to think his move was a protective
gesture, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he was ashamed of the way I
looked and didn’t want his friends to give him shit about it. Did he really
like my curves, not just the ones that were supposed to be round but the

others too—my belly, my thighs, my pussy?

My mama always said, “to each their own” and “there’s a body type
for every body” and stuff like that. She was curvy too, and she always said
that’s how she landed the mayor even though she was from the other side of

the tracks. That wasn’t exactly true, of course. He hadn’t been the mayor
when they got together, and they divorced not too long after he was elected.
Dad was more comfortable if I wore a high-necked one-piece to the
beach, but that was because he didn’t like the attention grown men gave me.
He’d never once even suggested I go on a diet or get a salad instead of a

steak when we went out to eat—though his annoying new wife had. At the
end of the day, my parents might think I was perfect exactly as I was, but
they were my parents. No one else owed me that level of unconditional
acceptance.

As I stood there in my underwear, watching my boyfriend watch my

thinner friends undress, I wanted to cry. I wasn’t even sure Devlin liked my
body. I tried to think of a comment he’d made that signified that he
preferred my body type, but I couldn’t think of a single thing. I told myself

it was fine, a good thing, even. If he liked me for my personality, that was
better than if he’d picked me because he thought I was hot. Looks faded,
after all. People always said what was on the inside counted more.
But sometimes a girl needs to feel like her boyfriend just can’t keep

his hands off her, can’t wait to fuck her. Like Becca must feel right now,
when she couldn’t get up and join us without showing everyone what they’d
been doing.
Suddenly, I hated her.

I’d been teased about being chubby, and then about having boobs
before everyone else, and now I wasn’t fat, but I was too much of
everything. Too tall, too busty, too thick. There was no longer a Preston to
punch out the senior guys for staring. He was busy with whatever fetish that

was—I wasn’t sure if the appeal was the public aspect or the fact that
neither of them were moving. Was it a contest of wills to see who would
break first?
“Last one in has a tiny dick,” Destiny yelled, running for the water

and doing a cannon ball.

“Whoa, is there something you want to tell us?” one of the senior
guys said, shoving Colt.
 “I got big dick energy,” Destiny called, flopping onto her back in the
water. “Guess I’m the only one.”
“I think it’s big clit energy for you, babe,” Colt said, jumping in with
a splash. He grabbed Destiny, and they wrestled around in the water while

the other guys jumped in. Devlin reached back and took my hand and
squeezed. I relaxed, and together we went to the edge. He held my hand
tightly in his as we stepped onto the first step at the edge of the pool. He
didn’t seem worried that anyone would think he had a small penis just

because he was taking it slow, knowing I didn’t like to get in cold water
fast.
That gave me courage, and I squeezed his hand and descended the
steps with him. The water wasn’t too cold once I got used to it, but I wasn’t
about to cannonball and risk one of my boobs coming out of my bra.

“Aw, look who has little dick energy,” Destiny said, swimming over
with a grin on her face.
“It’s more about the dick than the energy,” I said, smiling back.
“Oh really?” she said, wiggling her brows at Devlin.

“I haven’t had any complaints,” he said easily. “Not that Dolly has
anything to compare it to.”
Everyone laughed, and we splashed around for a minute, and I tried
not to think about how much of me could be seen under the water with the
lights in the side of the pool illuminating our bodies and making me look
pale as a fish belly.
“Come on, losers,” Destiny called to Carmen and Lacey, who were
standing at the edge of the pool together in their lacy underwear. They kept

dipping their toes in and then dancing around pretending it was freezing
cold and they weren’t sure if they wanted to get in. Of course this drew
attention, and sensing a challenge, the guys all swam over to try to pull
them in.

“This is fun,” Destiny said. “We should jump off the balcony.”
The second-floor balcony was right at the edge of the pool, so this
was something we’d done on occasion for a few years, basically since our
parents stopped watching us in the pool. But it definitely required the kind

of high-necked one-piece my father was fond of, at least for me.

“No way,” I said. “My boobs would fly out of my bra and give me
two black eyes.”
Destiny grinned and bobbed in the water. “Fair enough. I didn’t

figure you’d get in at all.”

I forced myself not to glance over at Preston and Becca, who were
still in their chair. “Why not?” I asked. “I’m not always going to be the
party pooper.”
“Party pooper,” she said, laughing. “You sound like a grandma.”
 Behind her, Devlin reached out of the pool and grabbed Lacey’s
ankle, threatening to pull her in. She shrieked like she was dying, her voice
echoing around the edges of the pool.

“Don’t you care that Colt’s over there drooling over your friends?” I
asked, glowering.
“Nah,” Destiny said. “We’re just on a date. You know we’re not like
that. I can go over there and kick Devlin in the nuts if you want, though.”
“It’s okay,” I said, sighing. “I can’t blame him. He doesn’t get to see

hot girls in their underwear very often.”

“Um, he gets to see you out of your underwear.”
“Yeah, but… You know. I’m his girlfriend. Plus, I’m not everyone’s
type.”

“You’re insane, that’s what you are,” she said. “You look like
Marilyn Monroe. You’re literally every guy’s type.”
“I could fit two of you in my pants,” I pointed out. “One in each
leg.”

She giggled and spread her arms out in the water. “Well, I’m not
saying that every guy would pick you over two of me, but that’s because
they’re all obsessed with threesomes. Which, now that I’ve got a couple
under my belt, I can tell you are not as awesome as they want you to

believe.”
 “Did you actually believe they’d be awesome?” I asked, letting
myself bob in the water and trying not to remember the sight of my bestie
getting railed from both ends.

“I mean, I wanted to see what the fuss was about,” she says. “I’m
not sorry I had them. Gotta do it once before you die, right? Something to
check off the ole bucket list. Besides, when we get to college, everyone’s
going to have done it.”

“They are?”
“Sure,” she said. “You know how it goes. Freshman year you start
with blowjobs, and you add one thing per year. So regular, then anal, and by
graduation, everyone’s had a threesome. It’s the senior year rite of passage.

And you know how I like to be a trendsetter. Gotta stay ahead of the class.”
“So I have to do anal this year?” I asked, laughing. “Where do you
get this stuff?”
Our words were interrupted by another shriek as Lacey fell into the

pool. She splashed around screaming and flailing like she was drowning
until Devlin grabbed her and pinned her arms to her sides. I gritted my teeth
as she wriggled around, pretending she was trying to get away.
“Okay, that’s it,” Destiny said. “I’m going to go kick some ass.”
“It’s fine,” I assured her, but she’d already turned and was

swimming over to them. I didn’t want to be in the middle of the drama, and
I didn’t want to stand over at the edge of the pool alone and wait for
everyone to turn and look at me when she went off on Devlin, so I grabbed

the edge of the pool and quickly hoisted myself up.

Preston let out a choked curse, shoving Becca forward on the chair.
She faceplanted on the cushion as he lifted up a little, and the next second, I
was staring straight at his cock as he shot his load over her back.
I was so stunned I just froze, halfway out of the pool, my hands

braced on the edge and my elbows locked, my legs hanging into the water.
“Fuck,” Preston muttered again, grabbing Becca and jerking her
back upright, hiding his dick and the mess he’d made on her back.
Her face was as frozen in shock as mine. She looked exactly like the

emoji with the round eyes and the blushing cheeks. I would have laughed if
I hadn’t just witnessed my friend ejaculating on her.
Our eyes met, and then her gaze swept over my body, and her face
went pale. Preston was muttering something behind her, tucking himself

away and wiping her back with a handful of fabric from her puffy skirt.
“Get off,” she cried, twisting around and shoving him back before
jumping to her feet.
“I think he already did,” I muttered, finding my motor skills again.

“Dolly,” Devlin called behind me, and I heard him swimming

toward me, but I didn’t want to see him right now. I clambered out of the
pool, feeling clumsy and more self-conscious than I ever had in my entire
life. Everyone was watching me, and I was nearly naked, all my cellulite

and stretch marks probably highlighted by the pool lights from behind. I
didn’t even want to think about what Preston and Becca could see from the
front, with my wet undergarments plastered to my body.
Becca looked like she was ready to kill me, and Preston looked

like… Well, like he’d just cum on his date at the sight of me all dripping
wet and as good as naked.
“You pig,” Becca screamed at Preston. “I can’t believe I ever slept
with you. You can have your stupid necklace back!”

She jerked the necklace so hard it broke before flinging it at him. I

hurried to grab my dress, grateful that at least she’d taken the attention off
me. The next second, she stripped out of her dress, then unhooked her bra
and threw it aside. The guys in the pool started hooting and hollering,

except for Devlin, who jumped out where I had. Becca peeled off her
underwear, bending to give Preston a full view from behind as she did, then
turned and hurled her panties at him before jumping into the pool. Everyone
was yelling and laughing except Carmen, who was probably mad they’d all
stopped trying to pull her in now that Becca had made a scene and was

naked.
 “What happened?” Devlin asked, grabbing my elbow as I struggled

to pull my dress up over my wet thighs and over the embarrassing puff of
my mound, the lips outlined in the wet fabric.
I glanced up to see Preston sitting there, his lips tight, waiting for
my answer. His gaze was filled with conflicting emotions, and I quickly
looked away.

“Exactly what you’d expect to happen when a bunch of drunk, high

people start taking their clothes off. They got in a fight. Is it our turn now?”
Devlin sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I was just having fun, playing
around. I thought that’s what you wanted to do. You’re the one who took off

your clothes first.”

“You’re right,” I said, finally getting my dress over my hips.
“Nothing happened except exactly what I expected to happen.”
Devlin helped pull the straps over my arms and pulled my dress

closed at the back, zipping me up like the perfect date. “There’s nothing
going on between me and Lacey. We’re friends, just like you’re friends with
my cousins.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, picking up another bottle of premixed margarita.

“Just… Why her? You know how I feel about her.”

“You don’t like Lacey?” he asked, looking confused. “She’s one of
your best friends.”
 “I like her fine,” I said. “I just… She makes me insecure, okay?”

“Oh, Doll,” he said, taking my hand and pulling me in. “You’re my

girlfriend, and I’m not a cheater. I would never do that to you. I promise.
Okay?”
I couldn’t stay mad at him. I nodded. “Okay. I trust you.”

Preston, who was still on the chair a few feet off, snorted with
laughter.

Devlin glared over my shoulder. “Why don’t you go get your guests

some towels?”
“You know where they are,” Preston said, lying back in the chaise

and starting to unbutton his shirt. “Get your lady a towel, Dev. I’m going

swimming.”
They stared at each other for a second, and then Devlin turned back

to me. “I’ll bring you one in a sec. Be right back?”

I nodded, and then thinking of Preston right there, decided to be a

little spiteful back. I rose on tiptoes and gave Devlin a soft kiss. “Hurry

back, baby. I’ll be waiting.”

Devlin gave my hip a squeeze and then trotted off toward the far

end, where the pool house stood. Destiny and Colt went running past us the
other way, their hands linked, laughter spilling from them as they raced into

the house.
 “What’s that about?” Preston asked, raising a brow as he slowly

pulled open his shirt.

My pulse did a funny thing in the side of my neck. I knew Preston

worked out with the team and at the boxing gym his dad owned, but dang.

When had he filled out like that?

“Don’t even try to talk to me right now,” I said, tearing my eyes

away and crossing my arms over my chest.

“What’d I do?” Preston asked.

“You’re an animal, like Becca said.”

He chuckled. “I’ve always been an animal, and it was never a

problem before.”

He sat up straight, and while his shirt was open, his bowtie held it

nearly closed at the neck, and something about the way he moved when he
lifted to tug his shirt out of his pants… Suddenly, I felt flushed, like I’d

drank too much and needed to get back in the pool or I’d start sweating.

“Hey,” Destiny called. I looked up and saw her and Colt waving
from the balcony. “We’re going to jump. Someone get a video. I want to put

it on my Tea.”
The Tea was a new app with videos, pictures, and easy sharing and

reposting, so it was perfect for going viral. Not many people around here

used it, but Destiny was convinced it was going to be the next big thing, and
she’d managed to get a decent following of people who used the app in
other areas.

Carmen still hadn’t gotten in the pool. She went to grab her phone,

so I turned back to Preston. Good god. He was taking his entire shirt off
now, and I needed to sit down before my knees gave out. It wasn’t just the

muscles. Devlin had those, too. It was the way he moved, slowly shrugging

the white shirt over his shoulders, sliding it down his arms in this
effortlessly sensual way that made my pulse flutter in my throat and

between my thighs at once.

“You wouldn’t even get me a towel,” I said, sinking onto the edge of

my chair before I fainted dead away. When had Preston Darling gotten so

damn hot?
“Yeah, I’m better at getting girls wet,” he said, standing and

watching me as he slowly undid his belt. “Devlin can leave y’all dry.”
I couldn’t even speak. All the words were gone from my head as he

slowly slid his belt from his pants, his eyes never leaving mine. Dear lord, it

was like he was doing a striptease just for me. Which, by the way, I’d never
thought would even be appealing, but now that it was happening, I was

practically gagging with anticipation.

I heard the wet splat of clothes hitting the tile and looked over to see
that Becca had convinced the two senior guys to throw their underwear out
of the pool. Lacey was giggling hysterically and squealing that she

absolutely couldn’t go skinny dipping.

Preston cocked a brow at me when I turned back. “Want to get back

in?” he asked. “Looks like the dress code’s changed.”

“That would be a no,” I said. “Besides, Devlin’s bringing towels.”

A whoop interrupted us, and Colt came plunging into the pool from

the balcony.

Preston undid his pants and hooked his thumbs into the top of them,
a little smile forming on his lips like he knew I was literally salivating at the

thought of him pulling his pants down.

What would he taste like?

The thought came quick and ridiculous, and I was grateful for the

loud yell behind us when Destiny plunged into the pool. I was pretty sure I
needed a napkin to catch the drool that was about to pour out of my mouth

at the sight of my boyfriend’s cousin’s masculine, hard body towering over

me.
This was so not good. I’d definitely had one too many drinks.

“You sure about that?” Preston asked, his voice going low, the

smooth purr of it pouring over my skin and making heat shimmer along my
thighs.
 I spotted Devlin at the far end of the pool, a stack of towels in his

arms, watching the others jump from the balcony. A senior guy had gone
up, and he came cannonballing down with his bare ass showing. Everyone

was laughing. Even I joined in clapping when he came up from the water.
When I turned back, Preston was still looking at me like he’d never

stopped, like he didn’t care about anything happening right now except this.

Like he didn’t want to look anywhere but me.

Destiny and Colt ran over and grabbed drinks, racing to chug the

whole thing in one go before dashing back into the house. A pang of

jealousy went through me. I wondered what it would be like to feel so free,
so wild and reckless, so invincible. If her bra came off when she hit the

water, she would just laugh. She didn’t care what anyone thought. She was
larger than life, and if anyone didn’t like it, she had no time to waste on

them.

But I wasn’t Destiny.

I was Dolly Beckett. I couldn’t smoke pot around anyone I didn’t

trust with my life because it could get out and ruin my father’s career when
people started saying the mayor’s daughter was running wild. I couldn’t

jump off balconies or go skinny dipping for the same reason. I had

insecurities about everything from the size of my body to my overly

feminine style to why I couldn’t make my boyfriend love me as much as I

loved him.

I looked up to see him still standing across the pool, but he was
watching us, a slight frown on his brow. I remembered the exact same look

on his face when he saw Preston bringing me hot cocoa the day after our

first kiss on the swing in the snow, a million years ago.

I turned back to Preston and shook my head. “Why would I go

swimming with a pig when I already have a gentleman?”

“Yeah, yeah, he’s a gentleman,” Preston drawled. “But does he cum

at the mere sight of your tits?”

I gulped, trying not to show how shocked I was by his words. I was
never going to mention what I’d seen in my life, and I’d expected him to do

the same. Pretending it didn’t happen was the southern way.

“No,” I said, gritting my teeth. “Because he’d never be inside

another girl right in front of me.”

Preston bent quickly, dropping his black trousers, and for one
breathless second, I thought he was going to stand up and be completely

nude.

But then he straightened, and I saw he’d left his boxer briefs up. I
could also see he was sporting a semi, and a little tremor made my knees

clamp together.
 “We’re going to jump holding hands,” Destiny yelled from the

balcony. “Take a video!”

“Know what I think?” Preston asked, that infuriatingly smug smile

on his face again, his attention never wavering from me. “I think you’re just

as bad as me, and you’re pissed that I know it.”

“I’m nothing like you,” I said with a huff, turning my face toward

the pool, where Devlin was still watching us.

Preston bent, bracing his hands on the arms of my chair and caging

me in. He leaned in, so close I could smell the spicy, masculine scent of him

that made some twinge of memory flit through me before it was gone; could
see the golden threads of hair on his tan forearms catching the light. I took

an unsteady breath, fighting the urge to close my eyes and breathe him in
and pray that he’d do the impossible, that he’d press that infuriating mouth

to mine.

His breath feathered across my cheek, and goosebumps swept over

my body. “See, I think you are,” he said, his voice a silky purr caressing my

skin. “I don’t think he’s the only one who’d rather be fucking someone

else.”
A gigantic splash went up from the pool, and everyone cheered. I

was grateful for the distraction. Preston shoved off the chair and
straightened to standing. Destiny was thrashing around in the water. Colt
shot up from under the surface and everyone cheered again, laughing and
exclaiming about the dive.

“Destiny,” Colt bellowed, and he started swimming toward her, his

strokes desperate.

Preston leapt past me, sprinting for the water and diving in.

I sat frozen, my whole body rigid.

Time seemed to loop, rewinding back a few seconds.

Preston’s strong, lean body slicing into the water.

Preston freezing beside me.

The panic in Colt’s voice.

The way her arms looked as she flailed around.

Preston’s muscles flexing as he pushed up from the chair.

The splash as they hit the water.

And…
Something else. It seemed to echo back in my head the way the

voices echoed off the water. Another sound, almost lost in the noisy splash

and the echoes of the water.

I swallowed hard, the alcohol in my stomach churning. It couldn’t

be.
The voices of the others seemed far away as they changed from

merriment to panic when they realized something had gone wrong, that the
party was over and something much darker had just obscured the sun that

had shone over our privileged lives for so long.

“Get her out,” Colt was screaming. He had hold of Destiny under

the arms, but they were in the deep end, where their feet didn’t touch. She

wasn’t splashing around now. Her head was hanging forward, the long
strands of her hair trailing into the water like threads of ink.

Preston shot out of the pool, heaving himself up on the edge and
leaping out quickly, graceful as a Darling, every muscle in his strong body

in motion at once.

He reached down for her.

The blue water rippled around them, the lights bouncing off the pool

house, the house. The whole world seemed to be underwater. Her black hair

floated out in the blue, and slowly, red began to billow around them. I saw
it then. The mark on the side of the pool, a full foot from the edge. A

splatter of red, just a smear, no bigger than a fist.

Preston pulled her out, and Devlin was yelling for someone to call

911, but I couldn’t move. I just sat there, staring at the splash of crimson

surrounding Colt like an incrimination, spreading outward into the pale

blue. He climbed out of the pool and knelt beside her, and I finally lurched

out of my chair, tripping on my dress. I fell to my knees on the wet tiles,

crawling toward her in some sort of insane desperation. I heard myself
screaming, but it seemed far away, mingled with the screams of the others.

And then I was at her side, lifting her head, screaming for her to

look at me. My beautiful dress that made me look like a bride was wet and
dirty and stained with her blood, and I didn’t care, I didn’t care about

anything except her, and why wasn’t she opening her eyes?
Time.

Stopped.

I don’t remember what happened after that except that the family
came out, and there were people everywhere. Lindsey fainted, and Preston

and his dad got in a fist fight, and it took Devlin and the two senior guys to

pull them apart. I just knelt on the tile, water and blood soaking my dress,
and I held Destiny’s head with Colt, and together we cried and prayed until

the ambulance arrived a few minutes later.

Someone pulled us away, and everyone stood back, silently

watching. Devlin wrapped his arms around me from behind, and I could

feel him shaking, and I clung to him like he my anchor, even though I knew
my anchor had just been sliced cleanly away.

More paramedics arrived, and for a long time, a whole crew of them
worked on her and tried to wake her. Finally, they said it was too late, that
she was already gone and there was nothing they could do. They zipped her

up inside one of those black bags, and somehow it made sense.

She’d always been larger than life, too big for life, so of course life
had left her first.

OceanofPDF.com
 lucky thirteen

Dolly Beckett

Everything at school went on the way it does when a student dies. Only a
few people had been there, but everyone felt it. Destiny wasn’t just a

popular cheerleader and the daughter of a founding family, she was

vivacious and outgoing and fun, the life of every party. And now, she was

the death of the party.

Preston came back to school all bruised up from the fight with his

dad, and people gave him a wide berth. She’d died at his house, after all.
Cheer, dance, majorettes, and football team members all pledged to wear

black armbands for the rest of the year. There were announcements about

the school psychologist and counselors being there for people. Girls cried in

the hall. We had a memorial assembly and decorated her lockers in the hall
and the gym.

Friday morning when we got to school, I stopped at her parking

space, which was filled with flowers and cards and stuffed animals. It had

rained, and everything was soggy and bedraggled. It had only been a week,
but it already felt like everyone was moving on while I stood in place, still

frozen in shock.

“Come on,” Devlin said. “We’ll be late.”

“Go ahead,” I said, releasing his hand. “I’ll be in soon. Tell

homeroom I’m here.”

He nodded and turned away. Preston was watching, but I shook my

head. He pressed his lips together, then turned and walked way too. I

wanted to be alone, but the week had been a whirlwind of concerned

parents, tearful peers, and curious townspeople. I had a car, but I didn’t

even drive to school alone.

For Devlin’s sixteenth birthday, his dad had given him the vintage

car they’d rebuilt together. It was a chariot—a long, sleek, powder blue Bel

Air that was his pride and joy. In it, I’d felt glamorous. I arrived to school

each morning like a queen next to my king, with Devlin’s two cousins in the

back seat. But now the attention that came with it felt stifling.

I stood at the end of her parking space for a minute before I realized

Colt was still there, a step behind me.

“Want me to go, too?” he asked when I glanced over my shoulder

and saw him.

“No.”
 He stepped up beside me and took my hand, and we stood there just

thinking about her together.

“I wish I’d gotten her pregnant that night,” he said suddenly.

I turned to him. “What do you mean?”

“The night in the treehouse,” he said. “When we first slept together.

I was so stupid and nervous, I couldn’t believe a hot older girl wanted to
have sex with me. I didn’t even think about using a condom.”

“You didn’t?” I asked, my brain balking. All this time, I’d thought

that condom wrapper that fell out of the sleeping bag was theirs.

“We were both freaked out about it. I was so happy I literally cried

when she texted to tell me she’d gotten her period. I was fucking thirteen,

Dolly. What was I going to do with a kid?”

“It’s okay,” I said, squeezing his hand. Even though he was only two

years younger than me, Colt had always been like a little brother. I hated to

see him hurting. “I’m sure she was relieved, too.”

“She was,” he said. “She kept saying how lucky we’d gotten.”
“It was Destiny,” I said. “She always got lucky.”

Until she didn’t.

“She said if she got pregnant, she’d give it up for adoption, but I

don’t think she’d have been able to. Not once she saw it. I mean, can you

imagine how fucking gorgeous our babies would have been?”

 I tried to laugh, but I got all choked with tears, and it came out all

wrong. “Shut up,” I said. “You’re making me cry again.”

“I just keep thinking, that was only a year ago. If she’d had a baby,
she would’ve been at home last week. She wouldn’t have been at that

party.”

“You can’t do that, Colt,” I said, gripping his hand tighter. “If you

let yourself go down that road, you’ll never stop. You can’t think about the

ifs. There’s too many. If your Grampa’s wife hadn’t been remodeling the

bathrooms, we might have done it at their house. Is it their fault? If I hadn’t

suggested we swim in our underwear, would we even have gotten in at all?

If Preston hadn’t been distracting me, would I have told y’all to stop

jumping? If he’d told you to stop because it might wake his parents, would

you have jumped that last time? If his parents had come out and told us to

quiet down, would it have been soon enough to save her? If she hadn’t

chugged that last drink, would she have jumped better?”

He shook his head. “We’ve been jumping off that balcony for years.

I don’t get it.”

“It was always dangerous,” I said. “We’re not invincible. But maybe

she had it right. Life is short, and she always lived it that way. You know?

She wasn’t afraid of anything.”

 He wiped his face and laughed. “Damn, Dolly. You shut up. I’m

gonna fucking cry if you don’t stop.”

We stood there for another minute, even after the last bell chimed

from inside the building. “Or maybe she should have been afraid of

something,” I said. “Maybe if she didn’t live like life was short, it wouldn’t

have been.”

Colt shook his head. “Now I’m going to be the one who says don’t

go down that road.”

“It’s true, though,” I said. “Life is precious. Sometimes we don’t act

like it. She always pushed me to do things, crazy things. I’ve jumped off
that balcony, too. But I was supposed to keep her anchored, to tell her when

she went too far. I should have stopped her.”

“I was holding her hand,” he said quietly. “I felt it, when she hit the

side. I let go.”

His voice cracked, and I turned and wrapped my arms around him,

and we cried together.

Her funeral was the next day. The whole town showed. I heard bits

and pieces of conversations between Dad and his cronies and Mama and the

ladies who lunched that there was some kind of investigation into Preston’s

dad and rumors of a lawsuit. It wasn’t too unusual to have infighting among
the founding families, though usually it was over business or property, not

death.

Still, Preston’s father was a lawyer who could get out of anything.

His mother was a Delacroix, some kind of cousin of the guy who had

married Destiny’s mother and adopted her, and everyone knew Mrs. Darling

didn’t have a bone in her body that wasn’t made of pure sugar. Her warmth

and sweet nature could smooth over anything.

There was a weird moment at school when Preston got caught in

some rumors because it came back up that he’d slept with Destiny, who was

some kind of distant cousin of his, if only by marriage. If it bothered him, it

was hard to tell. He was stoic and withdrawn and got in a fight that month,

but then, he’d always been a little moodier and rougher than the other

Darlings. For the first time since Devlin had proclaimed the Darling boys as

equals, there was a bit of a question in people’s eyes about Preston, though.

He wasn’t just a player and a king. He was different somehow, a bit

apart, not just a Darling but a dangerous man, like his father and

grandfather.

But he was still a Darling, and you couldn’t knock a Darling down.
A different type of girl started going for him that winter, the good girls who

wanted a little splash of bad in their lives. Devlin and Colt never once

wavered from his side, never gave the slightest acknowledgement to

anyone’s concerns about Preston. It was sweet, the way they were there for

each other, the way tragedy deepened their bond instead of tearing them

apart.

I knew Preston needed it, and I told myself it was silly to resent him,

to feel slighted when Devlin repeatedly brushed me off to spend time with

his cousins instead. Sure, it looked like they were just hanging out playing

video games, but I knew there was some kind of male bonding aspect to it.

Or at least that’s what I told myself, so I didn’t feel completely

abandoned as I cried into Peanut Butter’s fur, mourning my best friend’s

death. I’d wanted to be alone the week after, and now I’d gotten more than I
bargained for. My boyfriend had all but disappeared into the comfort of his

big, loving family, leaving me to the quiet solitude of the house where I’d
danced along the halls as a child.

I still had friends, of course, but there’s a difference between a

friend and a best friend. As different as we’d been, Destiny knew my heart,

my deepest dreams and fears. She wasn’t just a friend who would go get a
mani-pedi with me to feel better, like Carmen did a few weeks later. She

was the friend who would go give my boyfriend a piece of her mind when
he was being a dick and I was too afraid to do it, who would stand up for
me when I didn’t stand up for myself.
 Now she was gone, and I didn’t know how to mourn her, let alone
move on. She had been a part of not just my life, but me. She wouldn’t have

wanted me to cry and wallow in my big, empty house where my stepmother

gave me dirty looks and my dad said consoling words that only made me

feel worse. She would have told me she couldn’t be my crutch forever, that
I’d have to learn to stand on my own eventually.

I didn’t want to, though. I wanted to stand with her forever.

Finally, I took my dog Peanut Butter and went to stay at Mama’s for
a month instead of the customary two weeks at Christmas. I needed the

distraction and change of scenery.

The second tragedy that ruined junior year happened on New Year’s

Eve, at the annual exclusive and notoriously wild Darling party. It was
always held at Grampa Darling’s estate, with the Den of Iniquity open only

to those who signed non-disclosure agreements and paid an entrance fee

before being admitted. The Darlings didn’t need the money, but charging

for admission kept the room even more private. It was the most exclusive of
the exclusive.

Devlin and I didn’t go in that year. I’d checked it out the year
before, my curiosity getting the better of me, and seen that it was pretty

much just an orgy. Neither of us had any interest in that. So we weren’t in

the room when two football players roofied and raped Lacey Murdock.
 There were no phones allowed past the door of the party, let alone in
that room, but the Darlings made quick work of the guys. By the time

school started back up after winter break, they were both in the hospital,
having sustained injuries severe enough that they never came back to

Willow Heights. I knew Preston must have been responsible for the
excessive violence. Colt wasn’t into fighting, and Devlin only did what was

necessary to maintain his reign at the school.

When I found out who the guys were, and realized one of them had

been at Preston’s house the night Destiny died, I felt sick. I didn’t want to
know that someone I’d hung out with, who’d seen me in my underwear,

was capable of something like that. If I’d been in that room, if I hadn’t had
Devlin looking out for me, it could have been me. Instead it was Lacey,

who had no boyfriend to look out for her.

I knew I should be horrified by the severity of the punishment, but

in the dark recesses of my heart, I was glad Preston had taught him such a
permanent lesson.
Lacey stayed in the group, but she was different, even more so than

everyone else. Nothing stayed the same, and I hated it. I wanted everything
to be the way it had been sophomore year, when our lives had been so

simple and good. I’d had a boyfriend I loved and a bestie who loved to push
me just a little out of my comfort zone but would never make me do

something I truly didn’t want to do. Life had been perfect.

Now everything had changed. Now just that, but I had started to

question things. I wasn’t even sure everything had been the dream it looked
like in hindsight.

Destiny had been my best friend, but was I hers? She hadn’t even
told me she had a pregnancy scare. She’d told Colt. Since he was the one
who’d had sex with her, it made sense that she’d tell him, especially

because he wasn’t some random hookup. He was one of her close friends.
But why hadn’t she told me? Had she been scared I’d judge her for being

reckless because our outlooks were so different? I was sure that was it, but
it hurt to know that she hadn’t trusted me to have her back no matter what,

even if I didn’t always agree with her.

Then there was the little bomb Colt had dropped before Destiny’s

funeral. I hadn’t made a big deal of it because it was such a small thing
compared to everything else going on that year. But it nagged at the back of

my mind. I was afraid to bring it up to Devlin, so I just sat on it, watching

him and Lacey every time they talked, wondering if he wished he’d chosen

her. If he thought he could have saved her if he was her boyfriend instead of
mine. Most of all, I wondered how they could both still face me with no

shame after what they’d done.

OceanofPDF.com
 fourteen bottles of beer

Preston Darling

There was a shadow over the rest of my sophomore year. No one exactly
blamed us, but the Darling name was tainted, our parties now stained with

danger and tragedy. We didn’t have another party at my house or Grampa

Darling’s manor house. Too many memories.

I spent more time at my grandfather’s even though I wasn’t fucking

his wife anymore. I hadn’t fucked anyone since that night I’d cum on Becca

at the sight of Dolly climbing out of the pool, her skin pebbled with
goosebumps and dripping with water. So that winter I sat alone at the huge

windows overlooking the garden, watching the gardener move the garden

toward its winter state, taking out the dead plants and tossing them like

trash, like they had never mattered. Life moved on. The garden had to stay
beautiful.

Some of the plants disappeared into the ground and came back in

spring, regrowing from the darkness of the earth like they’d risen from the
grave. It seemed like a miracle, the biggest injustice, that they could come

back and she couldn’t.

I saw Kamlai in the garden one day that spring, and I joined her.

She’d been working on her English, and she could talk to me without the

app most of the time. We watched the gardener, talked to him, learned about
the flowers that hid away in the cold ground all winter and bloomed anew

each spring. Sometimes I helped, though I knew Dad would have had

something to say about his son planting flowers. That made it even more

satisfying to dig down into the cold, damp earth and settle the bulbs into

their dark graves.

There was something raw and primal about it, and when the sprouts

slid out of the earth, erect and green, seeking warmth and sun, there was no

denying the eroticism of all of it—of life. We were all after the same things,

the throb of life, the blossoming and beckoning, the urge to spread our seed

and grow. When my fingers met Kamlai’s in the dirt one day, it awakened

the urges that had lain dormant all winter in me. Our eyes met, and I

grabbed her wrist and dragged her to her feet, pinning her against the
nearest wall. The next thing I knew, I was thrusting roughly inside her, my

hand clamped over her mouth to keep anyone from hearing her cries.

I hadn’t fucked anyone that way since my first time, when I lost

control with Dolly. But when I felt Kamlai coming, I knew she understood
even without words, that she needed this as badly as I did. I hadn’t been

with anyone in months, with her in almost a year. She was three years older,

but we had an odd sort of kinship, ships passing in a storm just in time to

give the other exactly what they needed for that brief moment. A year ago,

she had been my teacher, my friend, the bearer of my most shameful

secrets, and I had been her confidant and pupil.

This time, we needed something different. Our relationship was

desperate and passionate, and almost entirely physical, like we were both

gasping for a breath of escape. Ironically, we barely spoke now. After that

day in the garden, we were careful not to be seen, and we never lingered on

the roof together or in the guest house like we had before. Every time we

worked in the garden, we pretended we weren’t each waiting for the other

to break first, to give a signal. Then we’d find somewhere alone and tear

each other’s clothes off, fucking hard and fast, with no words, no

tenderness.

At school, the name Darling was still king, but there was a wariness
in others about us. We were still the golden boys, the darlings of the school

and the town, but there was an invisible layer of darkness over us, like a

spiderweb that clings to your face when you walk through. The exuberance

and joy of the start of the year was gone. Devlin was quieter, more

withdrawn, even with us. I’d gotten back in the game with whatever girl
wanted to jump on my dick, but I barely noticed who I fucked anymore.

Colt moved on by fucking his way through the girls in our group and then

his grade, in an effort to forget Destiny. We both had a reputation by then,

though I neither of us were enjoying it the way others thought we were.

And then, in the final quarter of the year, cracks began to show in

the golden couple’s relationship. It had started long before, with seven

minutes in heaven, but for a while it seemed like the seed Carmen and I had

planted wasn’t viable, that it would never grow. Now, though, they bickered

at school, fought about everything and nothing. I had wanted it for so long,

but I didn’t know how to navigate myself into the space growing between

them. All I knew was that now was my chance.

“Maybe you just need a break,” I told Dolly as we sat on the

outskirts of the year-end party when summer finally arrived. “A little time

apart.”

They’d just gotten in an argument, and she was sulking in the shade

under the treehouse, across the lawn from the pool. I knew what I was

doing was shitty, but I no longer cared. I had to make her see that they were

wrong together. I’d waited long enough.

“We’re supposed to get married,” she said.

“That doesn’t mean you have to be together until then,” I told her.
“I’m not dating the girl I’m going to marry.”
 She snorted. “You’re lucky she doesn’t go to this school. She’d be

devastated.”

“Why?”

“Because,” she said, picking a fleck of grass off her wrap skirt.

“She’d have to see you with all those girls.”

“All those girls,” I said, shaking my head. “You act like there were

hundreds.”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, you’re the biggest player at Willow

Heights,” she said, rolling her eyes at me. “No girl wants to know that about

her future husband.”

“Yeah,” I said with a shrug. “You’re probably right. But once I make

her cum so hard she can’t walk, she’ll forget why she cared.”

“Preston,” she scolded.

I cocked a brow at her. “You don’t believe me?”

“I believe you,” she said, flushing red. “I hear the rumors.”

I grinned and sat back on the lawn chair, kicking my feet out in the

grass. “Then you know how good I am,” I said. “Or you’d like to know,

anyway.”

“I’m dating your cousin,” she reminded me.

“For now,” I said with a shrug. “If you decide to take a break, I

could show you that the rumors are true.”

 “I’m not breaking up with Devlin just to hook up with you.”

“Too bad,” I said. “If you never fuck anyone else, you’ll never know

what you’re missing.”

“I’m not missing anything,” she said, crossing her arms and glaring.

I couldn’t help but ogle her tits, so fucking fuckable and all

squeezed together when she sat like that. “Guess you’ll never know for

sure.”

She sighed and dropped her head back on the chair. “I’m just afraid

he feels like he’s missing something,” she said. “What if we get married,

and he resents me for not letting him play the field first, see what’s out

there?”

“Like you’re giving me shit about doing?”

“I’m not giving you shit,” she said. “I’m just telling you, as a friend,

that girls don’t find that attractive in a man.”

I smirked at her tits, two perfect white globes pushed together by her

arms. “Sure hasn’t stopped the flow of willing pussy so far.”

“Ugh, are you even listening?” she asked. “Or just staring at my

chest?”
“I’m listening,” I said. “And imagining how good your tits would

look with my cum dripping over them.”

 “You are a vulgar man, Preston Darling,” she huffed, turning her

face away.

I hopped up from my chair and flipped onto hers, sliding my body

between her thick thighs. “You have no idea how vulgar I can be, Dolly

Beckett,” I answered with a grin.

“Get off me,” she squealed as I ground my hips between her thighs

like I had the night I made her cum for the first time. It seemed a lifetime

ago when I’d been a timid little virgin.

“The things I would do to you go beyond vulgar,” I murmured

against her neck, slipping my hand over her breast and tugging down the
cup of her swimsuit top. “They’re downright depraved.”

“What the hell, Preston,” she snapped, struggling against me as I

thumbed her gloriously large nipple until it puckered for my touch. I leaned

down and sucked a mouthful of her tit into my mouth before biting down.
She yelped and boxed me in the ear. I hopped up and walked away

laughing, but I was so hard I had to go into the house and take care of it.
My eardrum was ringing where she punched me, but it was worth it when I

came with the taste her soft, warm skin on my tongue and the image of her
hard, wet nipple in my mind.
That incident reminded me of my goal, rekindled my singular desire

for her. I’d let myself be sidelined by the ego injury she’d inflicted after our
first time, but I was ready to get back in the game. I’d gone to training camp
this past year, and now, I was ready. I knew how to please a woman. I’d

grown physically over the past year, too. I’d filled out and grown taller than
her. I was ready to take on the final challenge, ready to play for keeps. And

Dolly Beckett had always been endgame for me, even when I let Devlin
bench me and play the starring role.

The next day as we lounged by the pool, nursing our hangovers,

Devlin started complaining about her. I would never say a word against
Dolly, but I listened, collecting it into my memory.

“I might get out of town for the summer,” Devlin said. “Dad said I
could get the lodge in Winter Park, do some whitewater rafting and biking,

climb a few mountains, shit like that. Y’all in?”

“Can I leave my head here?” Colt asked, groaning and rubbing his

temples.
“Are you taking Dolly?” I asked.

“Nah, I need some time away from her,” Devlin said. “She’s been so
clingy since…”

“Since you slept with her?” I filled in, though I knew that’s not what
he meant. He was talking about Destiny’s death, but now, he was thinking

back, trying to remember if it had started before that. I knew it was shitty to
plant these seeds in his mind, but I was tired of waiting for Dolly to realize
he wasn’t the man for her. If I had to get him to dump her, I would. I didn’t
want to see her hurting, but I knew she’d have someone who loved her

waiting to dry her tears and kiss her all better.

“Yeah,” he said slowly, opening the cooler from the night before,

where a twelve pack and a few strays lay in a soup of half-melted ice cubes
and cold water. “I guess so. She’s great and all, but she wants to do

everything together. She even got onto me about going to a Swans meeting
one night, asked if I was going to meet some other girl. She’s gotten

paranoid.”
“She’s been paranoid,” Colt said, popping the top on a beer and

taking a swig. “Remember that night in the treehouse when you made out
with Lacey and she flipped out?”

“This asshole gave her a reason to be paranoid,” I said.

I had given her a reason, too. At least I’d tried. I’d dropped a poison

seed in their relationship back then too, but nothing ever came of it, so it
didn’t matter. It was time to make another try.
He shrugged. “It was a game. I didn’t fuck her—y’all did.”

“Yeah we did,” Colt said, holding his bottle aloft and laughing.
“We’re not her boyfriend,” I pointed out, taking a sip of beer from

my bottle that was already sweating in the blanket of May heat. “You gotta
think about that shit when you have a girlfriend. We’re not tied down like

you.”
“The joys of being sixteen,” Colt said with a sigh of satisfaction.

“We can fuck whoever we want, and no one gives us shit.”

“You’re only fifteen,” Devlin reminded him.

“Still fucked a girl before either of you losers,” Colt said, opening
the cooler to grab another frosty beer.
I grabbed one, too. “You may have scored first, but I’m a half dozen

touchdowns ahead now.”

“I’m only a freshman,” Colt pointed out. “I’ve got time to catch up.”

“Aw, let’s change the subject,” I said. “Poor Dev’s over here
sweating his single field goal while he watches us run up the score.”

“Fuck you,” Devlin said. “People aren’t a game for you to play.”
“Aww, did your girlfriend tell you that?” I asked.

“Better than where you’re getting your information,” he said. “You

sound just like Grampa Darling.”

“Oh, we’re not shaming you,” Colt said, laughing. “You can’t help it
that you’ve been sidelined for two years. But hey, when you’re ready to get

off the bench and get in the game, we’ll be fucking gods at school.”
“I’m already a god,” Devlin said, tipping his beer up. “Scouts don’t

come to see how well you’re taking care of the cheerleaders after the game.
They come to see how you’re taking care of opponents on the field.”

“Okay, okay,” Colt said, holding up both hands. “I’m just saying,
think how much fun we could have next year if we were all single… The

three of us could run through every girl at Willow Heights by graduation.

Wouldn’t be a girl there who hadn’t ridden the Darling D.”

“The girls are Willow Heights are… Boring,” Devlin said.

“How would you know?” I asked. “Just because you’re bored of

Dolly doesn’t mean they’re all boring.”

“Trust me, they are,” Devlin said. “If I wanted someone besides

Dolly, I could get her. But there’s no one worth leaving her for. Not in
Faulkner.”

“Is that what this trip is really about?” I asked. “You looking for
some action while keeping Dolly in your pocket for when you come

home?”
“No,” Devlin said, scowling at me. “It’s not about any girl. I’m just
bored.”

“You know what Mom says about that,” Colt said. “If you’re bored,
you’re boring.”

“Maybe I am boring,” Devlin said, sitting back and closing his eyes.
“Besides football and y’all, I don’t have much going on.”

“You have Dolly,” I reminded him.

 “Yeah, but that’s not my life,” he said. “She’s her own person.”
I couldn’t imagine seeing her that way, being happy to have a

girlfriend whose life moved parallel to mine. I wanted to be entwined down

to the deepest roots, to have every part of her be a part of every part of me. I
didn’t want Dolly to compliment my life as her own person. I wanted her to

be mine, to be my person, to be so enmeshed with my life that we couldn’t

be extracted from each other. She’d been the sun that my world revolved

around since my earliest memory, and she wasn’t even mine yet.
“Maybe you’ll meet some cute hippie chick on the river in

Colorado,” Colt offered.

“I’m not going to meet girls,” Devlin said. “I’ve had enough of that

drama this year.”

“Aw, you’re scared,” I taunted.

“I’m not fucking scared,” Devlin snapped. “I’m not interested.”

Colt laughed. “Preston’s right. You don’t know how to pick up

chicks, do you?”
“That’s right,” I said, grinning and taking a swig of beer. “You

didn’t even have to impress Dolly. Your daddy got your girlfriend for you.”
“Fuck off,” Devlin growled. “I could get a girl if I wanted one.”

“If you say so,” I said, laughing. “Guess we’ll never know, since
you’re already basically married.”
 “We’re not married,” Devlin said, throwing open the cooler and
grabbing another beer.

“You afraid they’ll shoot you down?” Colt asked. “Dude, trust me,
it’s not that hard. There’s not a girl in the school who doesn’t get her panties

damp when you look her way, Dev. Shit, maybe we should be telling you to
put a ring on Dolly’s finger instead of joining us in the pussy parade. Might

not be anything left for the rest of us if you were out there. You’d sweep the
field, and we’d all be left with your sloppy seconds.”

Devlin grunted. “Not interested.”

“Are you interested in Dolly?” I asked carefully, making sure I

didn’t sound too interested, too confrontational.

“Of course I’m interested in Dolly,” he said, glowering. “She’s my

girlfriend.”
“Just seems like a bad sign when you have to leave the state to get
breathing room,” I said, shrugging like it didn’t matter. I had limits. I
wouldn’t move on his girl. But if they broke up…

“I don’t have to leave the state,” Devlin said. “I just want to do my

own stuff. She’s not really outdoorsy.”
“And what will she think about you leaving for a whole summer?” I
asked.

“I don’t know,” Devlin said. “I haven’t talked to her about it.”

 “But you already asked your dad for the lodge?”
He shrugged. “Yeah. I’m going. Y’all can come if you want. CJ and

Wade said they might come up for a week in July, too. Maybe even
Walker.”
Colt raised his brows. “You think Dolly’s going to unchain you for
that long?”
“I’m not chained,” Devlin grumbled. “And this isn’t about her. It’s

my thing. It’s something I want to do, so I’m doing it. Shit, you’re both
more worried about Dolly than I am. She’ll be fine with it. She’s always
fine with whatever I do. I don’t have to ask her permission.”
If I was a good guy, as loyal to Devlin as he was to us, I would have

said she was off limits, period. Even if they broke up, I wouldn’t make a
move. You didn’t date the exes of your cousins, friends, or brothers. That
was an unspoken rule. But I would cross that line in a heartbeat. For Dolly,
I would.

I’d never been a good guy when it came to Dolly, after all. So, when
I had the opportunity to drop the trip into a casual conversation with her a
few days later, I did it, knowing that Devlin hadn’t told her yet, knowing it
would hurt her. I’d hardened myself since our first time. I was ready to step

up and be the man she’d always deserved. Sometimes, you had to pull a
perfectly good plant to give another one enough sun to grow.
OceanofPDF.com
 fifteen bedrooms to cheat in

Dolly Beckett

“You’re going away for the entire summer?” I demanded, hurt raking me
over the coals the way it did so often with Devlin. Loving him was an

exercise in suffering. “And you didn’t even tell me?”

Peanut perked up her head from her bed, letting out a low growl

when she heard the hurt in my voice.

“I’m just going to Colorado with the guys,” Devlin said, like that

was the part I was having trouble comprehending. He cast an annoyed

glance at my dog before continuing. “Our family’s got the lodge up there,

and Dad said I could have it for the summer. Come on, Doll. It’s the

summer before senior year. It might be my last chance to do something like

this.”
The memory of Destiny hit me the way it did sometimes, out of the

blue and so fresh I could almost smell it, as if the faintest trace of the

cinnamon vanilla body lotion she loved so much was still with us. You

never knew when anything would be your last chance.

 “What do you mean?” I asked, my voice coming out choked.

Our parents wanted us to get married right after graduation. We just

had to make it one more year. But Devlin never talked about that. He said it

freaked him out when I brought it up, so I’d stopped doing it. That’s what

good partners did. They tried not to make the other uncomfortable. They
didn’t book three-month trips without even thinking to mention it to their

girlfriend of four years, who, to add insult to injury, had to hear it from his

cousin’s smug mouth. I didn’t know what I’d done to Preston to make him

revel in my pain the way he did.

Devlin shrugged and leaned back on the windowsill in my bedroom.

“I mean we’ll be graduating next year, and I’ll have to get ready for college

ball… I just don’t know what next summer will look like.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” I asked, sinking onto the bed, my

belly filled with trembling dread. Peanut trotted over and jumped up, trying

to lick my face. I pulled her into my arms and held her like a shield, as if

she could protect my heart.

“No,” Devlin said, frowning. “I’m going on vacation.”

“And I’m not invited.”

“I told you, it’s a guys’ trip,” he said, looking annoyed now.

That wasn’t good. My whole life had become this dance to keep

Devlin entertained, to keep him watching. If he looked away, he might

notice someone else, might be lured away by her dance instead. I couldn’t

remember when it had become that way. Four years was a lot of my life to

comb through for clues. Maybe it had never been fun and exciting, the way

other people’s relationships seemed to be at the start. Our love had always

been trimmed with a decorative edge of desperation.

“Will there be other girls there?” I whispered before I could stop the
words. I knew it was silly, and it made me look pathetic.

I was, but I didn’t want him to know.

Devlin sighed and gripped the windowsill besides his hips. God,

even the way he stood was sexy. Was it any wonder I was such a dick-

whipped bitch when it came to him?

“I’m not going to cheat on you, Doll. It’ll just be me and the guys.”

“I know what your cousins are like,” I said, thinking about that party

where I’d walked in on them both inside Destiny at once. I shivered and

pressed my knuckles to my eyes. As much as that had shocked and

somehow hurt me, I’d do it again every day for the rest of my life if it
meant she was still alive.

“And you know what I’m like,” Devlin said. “I’m not a cheater. I’m

not going to sleep with someone else.”

“How do I know that?”

“Because you’re my girlfriend.”

 Because I love you.

Because I don’t want to sleep with anyone but you.

Because you’ll be with me.

Those were all the things I wanted him to say, but he didn’t.

Instead, he said, “Don’t make a big deal out of this, Dolly. It’s really

not.”

He rarely said the things I wanted to hear, and when he did, it wasn’t

in the way I wanted. I felt shamefully ungrateful for wanting more, for

being unsatisfied by all that he gave me. Every girl in school would have

given her left tittie to be his girlfriend, and he’d never dated a single one of

them. I was his Darling Doll, his one and only. And he was my Devlin,

everything a girl could dream of—kind and respectful, gorgeous and

popular, approved by her parents, beloved by the town. Hell, he even had a

big dick and made sure I came first. There was absolutely not one thing

wrong with him.

Except…

“It is a big deal,” I said, my eyes filling with tears. “You’re leaving

for quarter of a year, Devlin. You didn’t think I’d want to know about that?”

“It’s a family trip,” he said, raking a hand through his hair. “You

always go visit family in the summer. What’s the difference?”

 “The difference is, this isn’t a week or two,” I said. “And you didn’t

even think to ask me.”

“I already need your permission to do stuff with the guys?”

“You don’t need my permission, and you’ve always made that

crystal clear,” I said, my own anger rising. I knew what he thought of

marriage. That I’d be a nag, that it would ruin all his fun, be the end of his

freedom. That’s why he didn’t like talking about it. To me, it was the start

of life together. To him, it was the end of independent life.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“You do whatever you want, and I’ve never stopped you,” I said.
“I’ve never wanted to. But sometimes, Devlin, it would be nice to be part of

the decision. Sometimes, it would be nice to know you’d thought of me

while you were making it.”

“I didn’t ask you because it has nothing to do with you,” he said.

“When we go on spring break, I always ask you to go. This time, it’s just

the founding sons. I don’t get why you’re so upset.”

“Because you didn’t even think to tell me,” I said, throwing up my

hands. Peanut hopped down from my lap and returned to her bed, where she

laid her head down and looked at me with baleful eyes.

“I was going to tell you,” Devlin insists. “I didn’t know Preston was

going to open his big mouth before I got the chance.”

 “When?” I demanded, wiping away the tear that had leaked out.

“Today,” he said. “They reminded me the other day that I should tell

you, so I came over to do it. I didn’t know he’d already told you.”

“Your cousins reminded you?” I asked, tears springing back to my

eyes. “Your asshole, biggest-players-in-school cousins? You forgot you had

a girlfriend to inform until they told you to? And you don’t see the problem

there?”

Devlin scowled. “No. I don’t see the problem. Maybe because there

wasn’t one until you started making it a problem.”

“I didn’t make it a problem, it is a problem, Devlin. It’s a problem to

me.”

“Then maybe you should work on that while I’m gone,” he said. “I

told you where I’m going and what I’m doing. You have nothing to worry

about. I’m not going to cheat on you. You’re making it into something it’s

not.”

“How do I know that?” I asked, leaning over to grab some tissues

from the bedside table to dab my eyes. I was being silly and dramatic, but I

was seventeen, and sometimes that was part of it. Like when my boyfriend
was going off with a bunch of guys who liked to party and bring girls home.

The lodge was huge, with fifteen bedrooms to choose from, fifteen rooms

where you could sneak off and hook up when your parents weren’t
watching. I knew because we’d done it during spring break. It was big

enough to hold all the Darling families when they went up for ski trips, plus

a few of the other founding families, whoever was lucky enough to be

invited that year.

But this wasn’t a ski trip. It was a trip with a bunch of horny teenage

boys. What if they got drunk one night and there were girls there, and it just

happened? What if Preston and Colt convinced him it wasn’t cheating if he

was out of town?

That’s the sort of thing they’d say.

Devlin shook his head. “I can’t force you to believe me. If you can’t
trust me by now, that’s a problem you’re going to have to figure out on your

own. I’ve done nothing but be loyal and faithful to you since the day I
asked you out. I’ll continue to be that way, but I can’t fix your insecurities.”

Tears spilled down my face as he spoke. He didn’t raise his voice,

but his words cut deeper than the cruelest insults ever could. Even when we

fought, he’d never once called me a bitch, or even selfish or ungrateful. He

didn’t call names, didn’t fling insults. Those were opinions. This was the

truth, and it cut me to the bone.

He knew me. He knew me in ways he never let me know him, knew
the words that would sting the most, that places where he could reach in and
leave bruises deep down in my soul. What hurt most of all was that he
wasn’t even trying to hurt me. He was just being honest.

“Have you, though?” I asked, swiping more tears away.

His jaw hardened, and he stared at me with the anger that simmered

under his controlled exterior. I couldn’t remember when it had begun, if it

was with Lacey’s rape or Destiny’s death or if it had always been there.

Maybe that’s what I’d felt the first time we had sex. It scared me a little,
knowing he was capable of such violence but hid it so incredibly well.
“Have I what?” he asked quietly.

“Been faithful,” I said, wiping my nose and tossing the balled-up

tissue in the trashcan. “What about that day in the treehouse?”

He spoke quietly, but his words were laced with fury. “That day
three fucking years ago, when we were playing a goddamn kissing game, so

I kissed someone, and you did the same fucking thing with my cousin?”
My fingers were shaking, so I grabbed another tissue to give them

something to do. I couldn’t look at him. “Did you just kiss?” I asked, my
voice barely above a whisper.

Devlin sighed and let his head fall back against the windowpane so
hard I winced, afraid he’d leave cracks in the glass. “For fuck’s sake, Dolly.

I told you that same night that all we did was fucking kiss. It was a long
time ago. Why are you so hung up on that?”
 “Because you wanted to kiss her so bad,” I said, twisting the tissue
as I spoke. “And afterwards, there was that condom wrapper…”

“Which I asked you about,” he reminds me. “And you asked me. I
told you the truth. It wasn’t mine. Were you telling the truth?”

“Of course I was,” I said, starting to pick the fibers from the
mangled wad in my hand. “I’d never sleep with your cousin. He’s literally

slept with every single one of my friends.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. “Because Preston’s

been obsessed with you since before he took his first steps. It’s fucking
weird. And you bring up Lacey every time we fight. Is there something

you’re trying to tell me? Did you and Preston do more than kiss?”
“No!” I protested, maybe too vehemently. “You know I was a virgin

our first time.”

“So was I,” he gritted out. “And anyway, the condom was from Colt

and Destiny. Why are you bringing it up now?”

I swallowed hard, forcing myself to admit the truth that had been
gnawing at me since the funeral. “It wasn’t theirs.”

“What?”
“They didn’t use a condom.”

Devlin squinted at the ceiling, and I waited, watching him run

through the memory in his mind. “Then it must have been Preston and
Carmen’s,” he said with a shrug. “Which has absolutely nothing to do with

this.”
He was right, of course. What happened when we were sophomores

had nothing to do with him leaving for the summer.

Except…

Except that it did. It had everything to do with me being unable to

trust him. I’d already run through every combination of people who went
into the cedar chest that night a million times. Devlin and Lacey. Destiny

and Colt. Me and Preston. Preston and Carmen.

That was it.

I knew it wasn’t from me and Preston. I knew it wasn’t from

Destiny and Colt.

And I knew that there was no possible way that Carmen Saravia
could have kept her mouth shut for six entire months while Wade walked

around school like nothing had happened after he conned her out of her
virginity and never spoke to her again. If there was one thing Carmen loved

more than stirring the pot, it was avenging herself. Not five minutes after
she and Preston did it at the year-end party, she’d come running out of the

treehouse and told anyone and everyone who would listen that he was better
in bed than Wade Montgomery.
 Even if he’d sucked, she still would have said it, just to hurt Wade in

any way she possibly could. If she couldn’t hurt his feelings, she’d hurt his
rep. Hell, I’d believe that she made up sleeping with Preston in the

treehouse that night even if she didn’t. But for it to really happen but her to
keep it secret? No way. She’d been waiting all year to get her revenge on

Wade for screwing her over. She didn’t waste a single second in doing so
the moment she had ammunition.

If she could have done it back in November and made him look bad
for more than half his senior year, there was zero percent chance that

instead, she would have waited until the last party of the year, when he
wasn’t in school anymore, and it wouldn’t even tarnish his reputation.

Besides, she had no reason to keep it secret. She and Preston were both
single, both freshmen, both hot and rich and popular in their grade. No one

would have batted an eye.

Even though Colt had asked if the wrapper was there all night, the
rest of us had clearly seen it fall from the sleeping bag, which he’d shaken

out before putting it in the trunk. Someone had left it that night, and despite
the thousand excuses I’d made for him, the mental gymnastics I’d done, and

the self-gaslighting I’d used to question what I saw with my own eyes, at
some point I had to admit that it was Devlin.
 That also explained why Lacey obnoxiously gloated about how
great her “first time” had been when she and Preston hooked up. Of course

it didn’t hurt. It wasn’t her first time at all. And unlike Carmen, if she
hooked up during the game, she had a reason to hide it. Devlin was taken. I
was her supposed friend. Since Devlin was the king at Willow Heights, by

default, I was the queen. She would have been shunned from the group if
we had a falling out, especially if everyone knew she’d interfered with their

golden couple.
Sometimes it felt like our relationship was more for Faulkner than

for us. I wanted Devlin because he was perfect, because everyone wanted
him. How could I not? I loved him, loved the anguish of wanting him,

wanting him to love me back. I lived for the moments we spent together, the
times he said he loved me.

In return, he tolerated my love.

He said he loved me, but it always felt obligatory. I’d say it, and

there would be a beat of silence, and then he’d say it back. Like he knew it
was expected of him, so he’d do his duty so as not to make things awkward

or hurt my feelings. I wondered how, after a lifetime of being friends and

four years of dating and two years of sleeping with someone, you could still

not love them with your whole heart.

 Maybe he wasn’t capable of the kind of love I felt. He respected me,
escorted me to school dances and town functions, bought me things. But

sometimes it seemed like he wanted me because he needed a companion, an

excuse not to participate in the Darling debauchery that he loathed so much.

If we hadn’t been hooking up, I would have wondered if he was gay and
using me for a cover, so no one questioned why he didn’t want to sleep

around like his cousins.

He didn’t treat me like a trophy girl—in fact, I was more guilty of

that than he was—but I was definitely an accessory to his life. I played a

supporting role, was the best supporting actress to his rising star. My eyes

were focused on him, while his were focused somewhere else, on some
distant point I couldn’t see no matter how hard I tried. My love was a

burden, an annoyance he had to deal with, like a dog he’d adopted on a

whim and now was responsible for.
Suddenly I remembered something Destiny had said as we sat
outside Boehner’s Burgers. She said not everyone was content to just get

married and have babies. What happened to a dream when the dreamer
died? Did it die with her? Or was it still floating around somewhere,
waiting for someone to live it?
Once, on a trip to the mall, we’d tried to find a matching outfits and

wondered why there were boy bands but no girl bands. We decided we’d
start a girl band. Even though I wasn’t especially coordinated and couldn’t
dance, I had a good voice. I told her I’d be her backup singer, but she said

no, I had to be a star, too. That I had star quality, like Dolly Parton.
“This isn’t Dreamgirls,” she said. “We can all be Beyonce in our
band.”
I thought about what she’d do now. I already knew, could almost
hear her voice telling me I’d put up with this long enough, that I deserved

better.
The problem was, there was no one better than Devlin Darling.
If I was as good as him, if I was good enough to deserve him, then
I’d do what was best for him, even if it broke my heart. And if he was good

enough to deserve me, he would prove it and do what was best for me.
I sandwiched my hands between my knees, holding them still as I
did the most terrifying thing I’d ever done. I did what Destiny would do. I
stepped off the edge without a parachute, without knowing if Devlin would

catch me.
If I was going to marry this man, I had to know.
Didn’t I?
It wasn’t about the romantic notion of marrying the man I’d given

my virginity to. That was one night. I’d given him so much more than that.
For four years, I had given him every piece of myself, every ounce of my
body, every beat of my heart. I had given him my every breath, my every
thought.

And he had taken it. Not greedily, but dutifully, as if it were his
burden to bear.
The only night he’d ever been greedy had been our first time, when
he’d seemed like a different person altogether. Had I fucked up by crying

that night, by not wanting to do it again for a month? Had that messed with
his head, making him think he’d hurt me and filled him with so much guilt
he could never be himself again? After that, he’d always been careful. He’d
never again dared to unleash his passion on me, even when I wanted it,

when I begged for it.

It made me want to cry that I could have scarred him that way, made
him afraid of his desire for me until he locked it away and vowed to never
lose control with me again. No wonder he wanted someone else, a clean
slate, with no expectations or past hurts between them.

I remembered what Preston said just before Destiny fell, the night I
tried not to think about. He’d said Devlin wasn’t the only one who wanted
to be with someone else.
But that was silly. Of course I wanted Devlin. Who else would I

want?
 I knew exactly who Preston had meant, of course. He was just cocky

and arrogant enough to think I wanted him, just like all his other conquests.
Devlin may have been overly controlled, but Preston was the opposite. He
lost his temper and got in fights, fucked girls like it was a sport, just
because he could. Hell, just the other day he’d pinned me on that chair and
bitten my nipple.

I shivered at the memory—the memory of the throb I’d felt between

my legs when he pushed his erection against me. He was a greedy bastard,
taking anything he wanted. He didn’t care that someone at the pool might
have seen, that my boyfriend might have seen and kicked his ass. He didn’t

care that he’d felt up his own cousin’s girlfriend. He’d wanted to do it, so he
did.
But he was just fucking with me, the way he always did, just like
when he’d told me about the trip just to start shit. He liked stirring up shit

even more than Carmen. Unlike her, he didn’t care about consequences,
even when they came back on him. If he’d wanted me, he’d have made a
move. Unlike Devlin, his moral compass was shaky if it existed at all. That
night at the pool, he’d said that to fuck with me, to gloat because I was

ogling him.
But if he was just fucking with me, then how come his words about
Devlin rang so damn true? Devlin did wish he’d been with someone else. I
was sure of it.

My throat tightened as confusion swirled through me. Devlin was

still leaning on my windowsill, watching me with such bone-deep weariness
that I knew what I had to do. Just like I was too much of everything else—
too tall, too big, too bright—my love was too much for him. I could tell by

the exhaustion etched in his features. The weight of my heart was slowly
crushing him to dust.
“Maybe, if you want to go off and be free, then you should,” I said
quietly. Everything was shaking—my hands, my lips, my voice.

“I didn’t say that,” Devlin said.

“But you do,” I said. “I’ve known it for a long time, since even
before we played that stupid game.”
“Why does this feel like one of those tests where there’s no right
answer?” he asked.

He looked tired and miserable standing there across the room. The
fact that he wasn’t celebrating the chance at freedom made me feel better,
but it also made my heart hurt more. I didn’t want to do this, to let him go.
But I knew I had to. I had to let him go, and if he loved me, he’d come back

to me. That’s how the saying went. That’s how I proved my love. And it
was how, I hoped, he would finally see that I was it for him too.
 “If that’s what you want, then you should have it,” I said. “I want

you to have it.”

“You want me to… Have what, exactly?” Devlin asked, his words
careful, like he was afraid he’d say the wrong thing and I’d pounce.
I’d never meant to be the kind of girl who made her boyfriend feel

that way. I knew he’d never meant to make me feel the way I did, either.
None of it was intentional. He just didn’t care quite enough to try harder,
and I cared too much.
“Everything,” I said. “I want you to have everything you want,

Devlin. Go off with your friends, and if you meet a girl you want, then you
should go for it.”
“You’re giving me permission to cheat on you?”
“No,” I said, drawing myself up. “I’m giving you permission to find

another girlfriend.”
He swallowed, staring at me with his nostrils flared. For a moment, I
wondered if I’d hurt him, if that blow had landed in his heart the way it
landed in mine. “You’re… Breaking up with me?” he asked at last, like he

couldn’t comprehend such a thing.

And why would he? I had been pathetically, undyingly in love with
him for a decade.
 “I guess I am,” I said, wiping away a tear. “For now, at least.
Maybe… Maybe just a break. For the summer. You can get it out of your
system, and when you get back, we can talk about if we want to get back
together. We know what our parents want for us. We’ll end up together, but

that doesn’t mean we can’t date other people before then.”

“You never wanted to do that,” he pointed out. “You said it was
pointless.”
“But you want to do it,” I said. “That’s the point. You’ve given me

what I wanted for a long time, and I appreciate you doing that for me, so let
me do this for you. Let me give you what you want.”
He just stared at me, working his jaw back and forth. Some part of
me wanted to scream, wanted to shake him and tell him to say that I was
what he wanted, even though I knew I wasn’t. I could only hope once he

saw what else was out there, he’d see how good he had it and come back to
me.
Finally he nodded and pushed off the windowsill. “Okay,” he said,
walking over to me. “I want you to know, that’s still not why I’m going. I

really do love you, Doll. You’re a great girl.”

I nodded, unable to speak. I knew I’d start bawling like a baby at
any moment.
 I closed my eyes, and Devlin leaned down and kissed the top of my
head. Then he said the words that tore my heart into a thousand tiny pieces
because I knew then, even though I kept denying it for months afterwards,
that he was never coming back to me.

“Thank you.”
He whispered the words into my hair, and then he walked out and
closed the door quietly behind him.
Our breakup was somehow fitting. There was no big fight in the

café at school, no big drama of someone cheating. It had only taken minutes
to end all our years of deep and steadfast love. It was quiet, almost
uneventful, like when we’d made it official after months of dating, and no
one even noticed because we’d been hanging out so long by then that

everyone assumed we were already together.

I curled into the fetal position and cried. Peanut jumped up to lick
my face, and I pulled her into my arms and sobbed into her soft ears. My
whole life, the future that I’d planned out so neatly, seemed to have just

evaporated in minutes. I knew I’d done the right thing, but it still hurt like
only losing a Darling boy could. I didn’t want to be alone, but the person
I’d cried to for the past four years was gone.
I didn’t want to deal with Carmen’s gossip just yet. Word would get
around soon enough. We were always in the spotlight. The town would
learn about the breakup, and even the moms would gossip about us. I didn’t
want it to happen while I was so raw, while it was so new.
I couldn’t call Lacey for obvious reasons.

I could call Becca, but the person I really wanted to talk to was
Destiny. She was my best friend, the friend I’d had since elementary. Even
if we were different in almost every way, she understood me. She would
know what to say, would understand my devastation even if she’d never had
a serious boyfriend. She hadn’t wanted to limit herself. At least she’d lived

big while she was here. And if she were here now…
She’d tell me to get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself.
She’d tell me to go out and do something, go dancing, make out with a guy,
forget Devlin’s ass. I could almost hear her still.

“Don’t you dare sit around and mope all summer. We’re going to
California!”
We’d talked about it the summer before, in what seemed like
another lifetime. It was another lifetime—hers. A whole bright, beautiful

light had blinked out since then.

We’d planned to go to California, where I had a second cousin. She
was sure we’d make it big if we just went out there, like we’d be discovered
just walking down Hollywood Boulevard. Knowing her, she would have.

That’s the kind of personality she had, the kind of thing that happened to
her. Things always came to her because she knew she deserved them. When
we were kids, I’d been jealous of how lucky she was, how she always won
drawings and random things like that.

Until the one night when she didn’t get lucky. The one time in her
life when she drew the wrong straw. It wasn’t fair. She should get to be here
for all of life’s messiness—to fall in love, experience her own breakups and
the heartache of loving someone who didn’t feel the same; to cry on a

friend’s shoulder and have friends cry on hers; to win and get lucky a
million more times, but also to fail more than just once, spectacularly, at the
end.
Or maybe she was right. As I lay there feeling like someone was

twisting an apple corer down through the center of my chest, I thought

maybe it was good life had spared her this torture. Maybe it was better to
live big but stay on the surface, in the sun, instead of sinking down into the
dark depths where maybe there was treasure or maybe there was… This.

Destiny had never fallen in love because she’d chosen not to. I knew
she’d felt something for Colt, but she hadn’t wanted it to distract her from
other things, so she’d forced herself to keep things casual. It had kept her
from feeling this, let her focus on her dream to be famous and leave her
mark on the world. I’d been happy to think of leaving my mark in the form

of children, but she’d wanted so much more.

 And she was right. Having children wasn’t a personality trait, wasn’t
an achievement. It was just what people did. I didn’t like conflict, didn’t

like decisions. When my parents told me my future, I’d been happy enough
to go along like a cow being herded through the chute of my own life. But
what if I could do more? What if Destiny was right, and I could make her
dream of stardom come true? Not just for her, but for me, too.
I’d put all my eggs in Devlin’s basket, and now he was gone. It was

time to find some new eggs, new dreams, that didn’t include him.

OceanofPDF.com
 sweet sixteen

Dolly Beckett

I texted my cousin in California, then spent the next hour lying in bed going
between wallowing in heartbreak and planning the future. Around dark, a

soft knock came at the door. I sat up, my heart lurching in my chest.
Had Devlin changed his mind already?

Before I knew it was coming and could crush it at the root, a dart of
something unsavory went through me. Something like sinking dread, like

disappointment, like resignation.

The door opened slowly, and Preston stuck his head in, and the

feeling was gone.

“Hey, Doll,” he said. “Dev told us what happened. Can I come in?”

I nodded, even though I looked a puffy, splotchy mess. He’d seen

me without makeup, before I even wore lip gloss. “Wow,” I managed.

“Word travels fast.”

Peanut ran to the door, and Preston stooped to give her a few

scratches behind the ears and let her jump up with her front paws on his
knee and lick his chin. When she was done checking him out, she

scampered out and down the hall.

“Should I grab her?” he asked.

“She’s fine,” I said, scooting up the bed to sitting.

Preston stepped into my room and closed the door behind him. He
was carrying a big rectangular basket with folding lids on the top.

“I’m not allowed to have the door closed when boys are here,” I

said, the words coming automatically. I had to say something, and I didn’t

know what to say around this wild boy who always made my heart ache. I’d

once known him as well as I’d known myself, but somewhere along the
way, we’d both been lost to me.

I was a good girl, one who liked to make others happy. But at some

point, I’d forgotten to make myself happy, too. I’d told myself that what

they wanted made me happy, that making them happy fulfilled me. Now, I

wasn’t sure I knew myself at all, that I really knew what I wanted apart

from Devlin and my parents. I wasn’t sure I’d ever let myself think about it.

Preston wasn’t the little boy who got dragged from under the bed
and whipped with a belt while being denied even the humanity of his own

tears, for something as simple as accidentally breaking a vase. I thought of

all the times I’d broken things as a child, the hundred more times I probably

didn’t even remember because they were inconsequential. My parents

weren’t overly permissive, but they saved their spankings for times when

I’d done something intentionally harmful—pushed a kid off the swing

because she wouldn’t give me a turn, stolen the neighbor’s My Little Pony

collection, locked Preston’s sister in the shed because we didn’t want to

play with her.

I hadn’t talked to his sister in years, only saw her in passing at

community events or the Darling annual Christmas party. She didn’t go to

Willow Heights, and if she came to the big parties, she hung out with

Faulkner High kids and only smiled in passing. And I’d lost sight of Preston

in my single-minded determination to keep his cousin. I only knew that he

was volatile and unpredictable, a boy who slept around and still

occasionally got in fights at school, who might go from a casual

conversation to pulling my top down and biting the hell out of me in

seconds.

“You’re a senior,” Preston said, coming to the bed instead of

opening the door again. “And it’s a little late for your parents to be
concerned about your virtue.”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on, Doll,” he said, sitting down on the foot of my canopy

bed. “There’s not a person in this town who believes you and Devlin were

waiting until marriage.”

 I couldn’t even speak past all the space his audacity was taking up.

“You don’t think Devlin would be with me if I wasn’t sleeping with him?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“You said no one would believe it if I told them we were waiting,” I

said, crossing my arms and glaring at him. “You don’t think Devlin would

wait for me if I wasn’t ready?”

“Through all of high school?” he asked, giving my boobs a

significant look. “Uh, no.”

“So you don’t think I’m worth waiting for,” I said. “That maybe he

could be with me for other things besides my body.”

“I don’t think there’s a man on this planet who could look at you and

not want to fuck you six ways to Sunday,” he said, flipping open the lid to

the picnic basket. “And there’s definitely not one in high school with the

self-control to resist those tits for four fucking years, no matter how sweet

the rest of you is.”

“You’re a pig.”

“And you’re in denial about the way men think,” he said, taking out

a couple napkins and laying them on top of my comforter. “If you don’t

think every man in this entire town has jerked off picturing himself in

Devlin’s place, you’re naïve.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve coming in here and calling me a slut.”
 “What?” he asked, drawing back with his hand inches from dipping

back into the picnic basket. “I wasn’t calling you a slut.”

“Really?” I asked. “Because you just said everyone in town knows

I’m not a virgin.”

“There’s a good long stretch of territory between virgin and slut,” he

said, reaching into the basket to pull out a bottle of wine. “Trust me, I’ve

been trying to reach the other side for a year now.”

I sat back on the pillows. “Now who’s in denial? Look around,

Preston. You’ve been in slut territory for a hot minute.”

“I have?” he asked, quirking a brow as turned the corkscrew. “You

think I’m a slut?”

“I think you’re a player,” I said. “Which is worse than a slut.”

“How so?” His eyes stayed trained on me, alight with curiosity, as

he twisted a corkscrew into the cork and then popped it out of the bottle.

“A slut enjoys sex with different people,” I said. “A player enjoys

hunting people for sex like it’s a sport and then leaving them with no regard

for their feelings in the matter.”

“Huh,” he said. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. But if that’s true,

then you’re right. I guess I am a player.”

“I don’t understand you,” I admitted, watching him pour the

burgundy liquid into a glass. “How can you not care about hurting people?”
 He shrugged and handed me a glass. “I don’t know. No one ever

cared about hurting me. It goes both ways.”

I took a sip of wine and watched him pour himself a glass. His

words broke my heart, but he said them so casually, so matter-of-factly, it

was like it never occurred to him that people might actually have feelings. I

realized that was why he always said things that came across as offensive. It

wasn’t that he wanted to insult people. He just didn’t care if he did. He

chose his words so carelessly, like he had no more emotion for himself than

anyone else.

“Who hurt you?” I asked.

“No one hurt me,” he said. “I don’t care enough to be hurt.”

His gaze flickered to mine, and then he set his glass on the end table

and started laying out little round wooden boards on each cloth napkin on

the bed—assorted crackers on one, slices of different cheese varieties on

another, little slivers of meat on another, grapes on yet another.

“How’s Devlin?” I asked after a minute of silence.

“He’s pretty torn up,” Preston said.

“He is?” I asked, hope flaring inside me. But then that little tendril
that had sprouted when he knocked on the door twined through it. I’d never

been on my own. It was scary, but part of me was excited as well as

terrified.
 “How are you holding up?” Preston asked, setting the basket on the

floor and picking up his wine glass at last.

“You’re looking at it,” I said, gesturing at my face.

“You look fucking gorgeous to me.”

“Preston…”

“Eat something,” he said, nodding his chin toward the little spread.

I swallowed and glanced at him, then moved down the bed and

settled awkwardly on the other side of the food. I’d thought about going
downstairs for ice cream earlier, but even the thought of the sugary richness

made me feel queasy when I was crying. Now I’d settled down a bit, aided
by the distraction of Preston’s odd visit, and the salt seemed a much more

appealing option.
“Can I ask you a something?” I said, laying a slice of cheese on a

cracker and topping it with a thin fold of prosciutto.

“You can ask.”

“What are you doing here, Preston?” I asked. “Did Devlin send you
to check on me?”

“No,” he said, frowning. “I know how much you love my cousin,

and what a clueless ass he can be. I figured you’d be upset, and I wanted to
make sure you were okay.”

“But he’s your cousin,” I pointed out.

 “You’re my friend.”
“Am I?” I asked. “I mean, I know we hang out at school and have

the same friend group, but it’s not like… Like when we were kids. We’re
not real friends anymore, are we?”

“What are real friends?”

“You know, the kind you cry on after a breakup,” I said, gesturing at

the food. “The kind that brings you a picnic in bed and makes you feel
better.”
“You don’t like it?” he asked, pausing to watch me.

“I do, but… Shouldn’t you be doing this for Devlin instead?”

Preston laughed. “You think Devlin wants me to make him a picnic

in bed? Trust me, there’s only one thing guys do in a bed after a breakup,
and it’s not a picnic, and it sure as hell isn’t with their cousins.”

I gulped reflexively, swallowing cracker crumbs the wrong way,

then had a coughing fit while Preston swore and moved over to my side of

the bed, patting my back until I was done.

“Sorry,” he said. “That was a stupid thing to say. That’s not what

every guy does. You know Devlin’s not like me. He wouldn’t do that right
after a breakup, especially not to you.”

I nodded and grabbed a tissue, mopping the tears that had formed
from coughing so hard. “Have you ever tried thinking before opening your
mouth?” I asked, halfway joking but not entirely.
“I asked my sister what she’d want after a breakup,” he said. “I was

trying to make it better. But I’m making it worse, aren’t I? Do you want me
to go?”

“No,” I said, slumping down on the bed. “I don’t think anything

could make me feel better right now, but not much could make me feel

worse, either. I just feel so… Stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” he said. “You did the right thing.”

“You really think so?” I asked, looking up at him.

“I do,” he said firmly, sliding an arm around me and holding me

against his side. “You’ll see, once you’ve gotten him out of your head.”
“I just… I spent a decade telling myself he’d love me one day,” I

said, my breath hitching. “What if it was all wasted time? What if he never
loves me?”

“Then someone else will,” he said. “Someone who won’t take you
for granted because your families set you up and he knows you love him.
Someone who sees you and appreciates you for exactly who you are.”

“You mean pathetic and blinded by love?” I asked with a little

laugh, wiping my eyes. It seemed the tears were back for another round.

“I mean good and determined to see the good in everyone else,” he

said. “And fucking brave.”
 That made me really laugh. “I think you’re talking about someone

else. Destiny was brave. It took me all year to work up the nerve to confront
Devlin about a condom wrapper.”

“I think you’re brave,” Preston said. “I don’t think many girls would
stand up to Devlin.”

“Yeah, well, once in five years isn’t the best track record. God, I’m
an idiot. I let him treat me like his last priority for so long, Preston.”
“You went after what you wanted,” he said. “You didn’t hold back

because you were afraid of getting hurt. You gave someone your whole self,
even knowing he might not do the same.”

“Yeah, but I lost my whole self,” I whispered. “I loved him with my

whole heart, and it wasn’t enough.”

“I’m sorry he didn’t give you the same in return, Doll. But that
doesn’t mean it didn’t take a hell of a lot of courage. It just means you’re

braver than him, that you’d risk yourself in a way he wouldn’t. You deserve
someone who can see just how fucking enough you are. More than enough,

Doll. You’re…” He broke off and shook his head, as if he realized how
much he’d said. Preston wasn’t a talker, at least not about serious things.

He’d flirt and made crude comments and talk football. He didn’t do
compliments or confessions of feeling.
 I swallowed as I remembered what Devlin said during our breakup

—that Preston was obsessed with me. That seemed like an exaggeration. He
sure as hell hadn’t been thinking about me for the past few years, when he

was busy with every girl he could get his hands on. But when our eyes met,
the intensity of his gaze crackled over my skin like a static charge, as if I

could feel the tangible force of his desire.

I froze, not moving even when he wet his lips and leaned in. His

gaze met mine, and then it dropped to my lips, his lashes casting shadows
over his cheeks in the light from my lamp. My face flushed with heat, and

warm tingles spread over my body like they had the first time we kissed on
the swing all those years ago. He tilted his chin, letting his lips meet mine.

For a second, I didn’t respond, too caught in the moment, the spell of his
desire.

It was intoxicating and suffocating and terrifying, everything that

Devlin’s wasn’t, in the good ways and the bad. I wanted to bask in the haze
of Preston’s lust for me, his admiration. The way he saw me was so

different, so frighteningly addictive, that I kissed him back for a minute

before I realized what I was doing.

When I did, I shoved him away, tearing myself free.

“What the hell are you doing?” I demanded, wiping my cheek, still

wet with tears from my heartbreak. I wasn’t ready to even think about
someone else.
“I’m shooting my shot,” Preston said.

“Well go shoot it somewhere else,” I said, jumping up and holding

out my hand to show him the tears I’d wiped away. “I’m literally crying
over your cousin and you’re kissing me? Is that why you came over?”

“No,” he said, swinging his legs off the bed. “I wanted to make you
feel better. You’re my friend, my—you’re fucking special to me, okay?”

“Or you thought you could get in my pants while I was vulnerable,”
I said, glaring at him. “Isn’t that what you do? Get some girl to trust you by

acting all sweet, giving her a diamond necklace, and then you fuck her and
never talk to her again?”

He flinched. “That’s not—”

“Isn’t it?” I demanded.

“You’re right,” he said quietly. “That’s the kind of thing I do. But
not to you, Dolly. Never to you.”

“Why would I believe you?” I asked. “What makes me so special?

You’ve done it to every other girl in our group, probably used the exact

same lines. You must really think I’m stupid, Preston. I guess now that I’m
single, I’m fair game, right? You couldn’t wait two hours before trying to

hook up with me. Do you have money riding on it or something? A bet with
Colt on how long I’ll hold out? Or is it which one of you can score first?
Should I expect a visit from him next?”

Without a word, Preston stood up and drained his wine glass, then
dropped it into the basket. “You know what, I was wrong,” he said. “I’ll

go.”
“Wrong about what?” I demanded.

“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”

“I was wrong about you seeing the best in everyone,” he said.

“Maybe that’s true for everyone else. But all you see are my fuck ups.”

“What else is there to see?” I shot back.

He shook his head. “Nothing. You’re right. You see the worst in me,

and that’s all you can see because it’s all you want to see. You save all your
rose-colored lenses for Devlin.”
“That’s not fair,” I said, trying not to cry again.
“Isn’t it?” he asked, straightening to stare me down like a challenge.

I started to protest, and then I bit my tongue and took a breath. He’d
come here thinking I’d see the best in him, something no one else bothered
to look for anymore. I couldn’t let him leave thinking that I couldn’t find
anything good in him, that there was nothing good there. I knew better,

despite his best efforts to hide it.

 “Maybe you’re right,” I admitted. “Maybe I am harder on you than
other people. But that’s because I know you, Preston Darling. I expect more

from you. It makes me sad to see you acting the way you do when I know
you’re so much better than that. So much more than that.”
He just stared at me a second, and then he shook his head. “If you
knew half the shit I’ve done, you wouldn’t say that.”
“I know you came straight over to check on me when you found out

Devlin and I broke up, because you knew I’d be devastated even if I’m the
one who broke up with him,” I said.
“I thought I was just trying to fuck you.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know that’s not

why. It’s just, what would he think if he knew that I broke up with him, and
didn’t even wait a day before I hooked up with someone else? And not just
anyone, but his cousin—his best friend. He’d never touch me again, and
rightfully so. In fact, he’d probably think I was already seeing you behind

his back, or at least that I dumped him to be with you.”

“Why did you?” Preston asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just… I just got tired of waiting for
him to love me. I guess I hope… Maybe he’ll realize it when we’re apart.”

Preston sighed and sank onto the edge of the bed again. He handed
me the box of tissues and put his arm around me. “I love my cousin, but
he’s a fucking idiot.”
“I thought you were leaving.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Doll. I can be the man you think I am. For
you I can. You’ll see. I’m not here to fuck you. I just want to be here for
you.”
I nodded, sinking into him. The kindness of his word undid me, and

I started crying again. After a while, the tears dried up, and we finished the
bottle of wine, and then I cried again. He turned off the lamp and pulled me
down on the bed with him, pulling the blanket over both of us and holding
me until I fell asleep.

I woke from a dream that had me already squirming, only to feel

something—someone—between my legs. Still halfway asleep, I let out a
little moan when I felt his mouth against me, his hot breath sinking through
the fabric of my panties and making my center tingle with heat.
“Fuck, I want to taste you,” he groaned, pressing his nose deep

between my thighs and inhaling. “You’re so soft.”

“Preston,” I mumbled, my brain swimming up from sleep in time to
realize who he was, that I wasn’t with Devlin in my bed. That he could feel
how big I was through my underwear, something no one but Devlin know.

“What are you doing?”

 “Making you feel better,” he said, his finger hooking under the

damp fabric of my underwear and drawing them aside.

“No,” I cried, my whole body tensing with nervousness. I grabbed
his head, trying to pull him away.
Ignoring my hands, he ran his thumb back and forth over my
swollen mound. “I’ve wanted this for so long. God, Dolly, I can’t wait

anymore.”
His mouth met my bare skin, and my very soul quaked. He moaned,
sending vibrations through me that made my toes curl and wetness bloom
under his lips as he kissed me deeper, harder. “God, you smell so fucking

good,” he said between kisses. “Like a good girl.”

His words made my hips bucked of their own volition.
“You like that, don’t you?” he teased, nipping my skin gently and
nuzzling my soft flesh.

“Yes,” I gasped, my fingers curling into the bedsheets. I squeezed

my eyes closed, telling myself he didn’t care, that if he didn’t like it, he
would have said something.
“Good girl,” he said, and he slid his tongue between my lips, his

other hand gripping my hip to still my body.

Wetness flooded my center, and he moaned, a shudder going
through his body, so powerful I could feel him quake with my thighs.
 “Preston,” I whispered. “We can’t. I haven’t even showered.”

“I don’t want to taste soap,” he said. “I want to taste your cunt,

Doll.”
I remembered how he’d called Becca that at the pool, and I
wondered how many girls he’d used this line with, how many girls he’d

done this with. It seemed somehow more intimate than sex, made me feel
more vulnerable.
As if he could feel my tension, Preston ran his hands along my inner
thighs from the apex to my knees, gently pressing them open. He planted a

soft kiss between. “Just let me take care of you, baby doll. Let me make you
feel good.”
He went in slow this time, his tongue stroking up one side of my
clit, around the top, and back down the other side before he sank lower. I
whimpered, my hips rocking with pleasure and anticipation.

“Oh god,” I gasped as his tongue made a slow circle around my

entrance and then moved up, around my clit again. My fingers curled into
fists in his hair, and he pulled my leg over his shoulder and buried his face
in me. This time, I pulled him deeper, lifting my hips onto his face, trying to

get his tongue inside me for some relief.

I knew I should be angry, but part of me was overwhelmed with his
desire for me, so much that he couldn’t even wait for me to wake up. And
god, the way he was licking me, like I was the most delicious dessert,

something to be savored before being devoured. I let his desire carry me

away, and his tongue, holy hell…
I wanted it inside me so bad I thought I’d scream. My thighs fell
open, and he whispered that I was a good girl before spreading me open

with his thumb and finger and suctioning hips lips onto my clit. My head
swam with pleasure, and my objections faded. All I could think was that
this is what I’d wanted, to experience things beyond Devlin, to take risks, to
do more.

And this was so much more.

Devlin had always dutifully done the work to make sure I came, but
Preston was eating me like a starving man, moaning and sucking, biting,
licking. His tongue continued winding around my clit and then back down

around my opening in a sensuous rhythm that made me see stars. I’d never
felt so wanted, so irresistible. Or so wet. I could hear him slurping up my
arousal to get it all, moaning as he slid his tongue around and around until I
thought I’d faint if he didn’t put something inside me.

“Preston,” I gasped. “Oh god, I need you to—”

I broke off with a shuddering breath, my hips jerking convulsively
against his mouth.
 “What do you need, baby doll?” he asked, lifting his head long
enough to pull my underwear down my thighs. He pushed my knees up,
then leaned down and bit down gently on my plump mound, working his
teeth tighter until I grabbed his head. My clit was throbbing painfully with

each heartbeat.
“Stop,” I gasped. “I can’t keep going. It’s too much.”
He took my hands and moved them to my knees. “I want you to
hold your knees just like that,” he said, sitting back. “Don’t move. I’m

going to turn on the lamp. I want to feast my eyes on your cunt before I
feast my mouth on your cum.”
He switched on the lamp, and I turned my head away, blinking
against the light. “Oh fuck,” he muttered. “Good girl, just like that.” He
sank down on the bed again, spreading me open with both hands and just

staring down at me, completely vulnerable and on display for him. Self-
consciousness overcame me when I thought of what I must look like, so wet
and swollen and stretched open like that.
I released my knees and started to close my legs, but he grabbed

them and shoved them back open. Before I could react, he brought his hand
down, slapping my wet flesh.
I let out a shriek of surprise, but he pinned my knees open and
slapped my pussy again, his palm stinging over the already enflamed skin.
 “I told you to open for me,” he growled. “Now be a good girl and
obey. And if I were you, I’d shut that pretty mouth, because if you think I’m
going to stop if your father walks in, you’re wrong. I’ll show him exactly
how good his little girl takes it, and he’ll never tell you to leave the door

open again.”
I gulped, tears swimming in my eyes, and nodded. The wetness
between my thighs had made his slap burn like the devil, and I was still too
stunned by the sharp, stinging pain to answer. Slowly, I hooked my hands

behind my knees and pulled them up for him again.

“That’s my good girl,” he said, leaning down and flicking the tip of
his tongue gently over my raw clit. “Just like that. You’re fucking
magnificent, Dolly Beckett. I wish you could see yourself how I see you.

Your cunt is glorious, so fat and wet for me. I want to see it dripping with
cum.”
I didn’t know what was happening to my body, how I could be
soaked from his rude talk, how hard my clit was throbbing from the sting of

his slap, how I could hate him and simultaneously be so aroused I thought
I’d cum just from the weight of his stare.
“Preston,” I whispered.
“Mmm,” he murmured, closing his lips ever so gently around my
swollen clit. He gave the softest suck, then slid lower, lapping at the mess I
was making. He moved lower still, circling my entrance and giving a suck
that made my whole body tremble. “Say it again. I’ve waited sixteen
fucking years to hear you moan my name.”

He ran his hands up the back of my thighs, and I tensed, thinking

about the stretch marks he must feel under his fingers. Before I could speak,
his tongue slipped lower, pushing against the knotted ring of muscle around
my ass. The words caught in my throat, and I tried not to choke with shock
and embarrassment.

Instead of quickly pulling back, he pressed his tongue rhythmically

against my rear entrance, then used the tip to stroke more probingly, as if he
were trying to coax me open. At the same time, he moved his thumb against
my clit, which throbbed each time his tongue worked over my ass.

I squeezed my eyes closed. “Please stop,” I whimpered, not sure if I

was more humiliated that he was licking me there, or that it felt… Good.
He chuckled and slid his tongue back toward where I wanted—
needed—it. “I’m going to fuck every tight little hole in your body before

I’m done with you,” he said. “But for tonight, if you’re a good girl and use
your words to tell me what you want, I’m here to give it to you.”
“Please,” I whimpered, having lost all sense of dignity by now.
“Make me cum.”
 “Good girl,” he said, sounding impressed. He slicked his thumb
slowly back and forth against my engorged clit. “I like watching your clit
throb when I touch you. I felt it when I was tonguing your ass hole. Did you

like that, baby doll? I can put my cock there if you think you can take it.”
“No,” I said quickly. “I don’t like that.”
“Then I’ll save that for when you’ve been a bad girl,” he said.
“Tonight, you’re being such a good girl. Look at you, holding your pretty

pussy open for me to feast.”

He lowered his mouth onto me, sucking greedily at my center until I
was whimpering for relief.
“Preston,” I gasped. “Please.”

“Be a good girl and use your words,” he said. “Tell me which hole
you want fucked.”
“There,” I said, rocking my hips.
He raised a hand and gave me a look. “Do I need to spank your

pussy to remind you what happens when you disobey?”

“No,” I cried. “Just let me cum, Preston.”
“Then tell me how you want to be fucked.”
“My… Pussy,” I whispered, my face flaming with heat. I wasn’t a
dirty talker, and neither was Devlin. I wasn’t used to this, to being treated

roughly one minute and like I was the air someone needed to live the next.
 “Good girl,” Preston crooned, leaning down and giving my slit a
lazy lick. “Do you want to cum on my cock, my tongue, or my fingers.”

I flopped back on the pillows, nearly sobbing with frustration. I

could feel my own wetness trickling down my crack. My legs were
cramping, and I wanted to release my knees, but I didn’t want to get slapped
again. “I don’t care,” I groaned. “Please, Preston, I’m begging you. I can’t
wait any longer.”

“I like how you say my name when you beg so pretty,” he said,
pulling my hands from my knees and crawling up over me. He rubbed his
nose lightly over mine, and my face burned with shame when I smelled
myself on his face. He hovered over me, his body just an inch from mine.

“Stop teasing me,” I said.

“Then tell me exactly how you want me to fuck you.”
“With your tongue,” I said.
“Good girl,” he whispered, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Now you’re going to sit on my face, and I want to hear my name on your
lips while my tongue’s in your cunt. Got it?”
“I… I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said. “I’m too big to do
that.”

“Are you afraid you’ll smother me?” he asked, looking amused.

“I—I’m afraid I’ll drown you,” I blurted.
 He laughed quietly. “And what a fucking way to go. Now, do you
want to cum or not?”

“Yes,” I said, weak with relief.

“Then sit on my face,” he growled, rolling us over on the bed. He
grabbed my waist and dragged me up, and I slowly lowered myself onto
him, feeling so exposed I couldn’t even begin to relax.

“I said, sit,” he ordered, yanking me down on his face. He

positioned my hips and thrust his tongue inside me at last. I’d been waiting
all night, and I was so wound up I could barely move as I felt his tongue
plunging into me. My head swam with dizziness at the waves of pleasure

crashing over me, and my hips started moving of their own accord. I
grabbed the bedposts on my canopy bed, trying to keep from toppling off.
Preston moaned, his hands gripping my ass as his tongue fucked me from
below.

I started to cum, my hips bucking against him, my body taken over

by spasms as I rode his face harder, helpless to stop myself from seeking the
bliss he’d denied me for so long. I heard his name echoing through the
room as if from far away, my vision and hearing going dim behind the
overwhelming rush of pure ecstasy. And then I couldn’t even speak, could

only pant as every thought deserted me. The orgasm slammed into me in
waves, my walls clenching around his tongue, my hips rolling, my pussy

grinding against his face as I came harder than I’d ever come in my life.
My legs were shaking by the time I finished and my head cleared.
Preston was still under me, only his tongue moving in soft, slow strokes
along my inner thighs, cleaning me up. His face was soaked, and
embarrassment gripped me as thoroughly as pleasure had when I let go.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, trying to climb off him. “Let me get you a
towel.”
“Don’t interrupt a man when he’s eating,” he growled. “I’ll let you
know when I’m done.”

“But I got… Stuff… On your face.”

“And it’s fucking delicious,” he said. “I don’t mind cleaning up after
you, baby doll. Now relax and stop acting like this isn’t the hottest fucking
thing that’s ever happened to me.”

I swallowed, my throat tight. “Okay. But, if we could just change

positions…”
He chuckled and gave my quaking thigh a playful slap before lifting
me and laying me down on the bed with my head toward the bottom.

“Never going to complain when a lady says I made her legs too weak to
hold her up.”
 “You shouldn’t do that,” I scolded. “You’re going to sprain

something.”
“Do what?” he asked, looking at me funny.
“Pick me up,” I said. “I probably weigh more than you.”
“Shut up and let me finish cleaning you up,” he said, smoothing my

hair back. “And Doll, don’t ever apologize for how hard you cum or how
wet you get. It’s the biggest compliment you could give a guy.”

“Okay,” I said, dropping my gaze. He was too close, too intimate,

and he talked about things so openly. Devlin was my first, and we hooked
up in a high school way, too awkward to talk about things besides the

whispered, “Do you have a condom?” to let him know when I was ready.

He let me keep the lights out to hide my insecurities, though I knew he

could feel my stretch marks and my embarrassingly puffy mound. He didn’t

spread me open and look at me in the light. He didn’t talk about how I
came. I wasn’t comfortable talking about that kind of thing, especially

while someone was only inches from my face, looking right into my eyes.

“I fucking love the way you smell,” Preston said. “The way you
taste. The way you cum. You don’t have to hide it. Not that, not anything.

It’s you, and I love every part of you.”

He kissed me, and for some stupid reason, I felt tears prick behind

my eyes. It was too much of everything. He was too much—his openness,

the way he’d said that word like it was assumed. I’d waited two years for

Devlin to say it, holding my breath every time I thought it might happen.

Preston hadn’t said he loved me, but he’d said something close, and I hadn’t
done anything to deserve it. I hadn’t ached for him, hadn’t endured pain and

jealousy and uncertainty. He just laid it out there, letting me know how
much he wanted me like it was simple.

I was used to Devlin’s reserved nature and trying to figure him out

by reading between the lines, not… This.

Because with Preston, I was too much, too. Not just my body, either.

It scared me how good he made me feel. I always held myself back a little,
not wanting to scare Devlin away. Preston had pushed me past my limits,

made me lose control. I came too hard, lost control too thoroughly. I’d

rubbed myself all over his face. Even his eyelashes were wet with my
release.

“Now,” he whispered against my lips. “I’m going to finish licking

every drop of cum from your delicious little cunt, and then we’ll go back to
sleep. Deal?”

I nodded, my throat too tight to speak.

“Good girl,” he whispered with a little smirk. He gave my lips one

last quick kiss before throwing the blankets over us and sliding down the

bed, disappearing under them.

 The next time I woke up, the sun was streaming in the window
where Devlin had stood when I told him it was over, and the bed was empty

beside me.

OceanofPDF.com
 summer of seventeen

Dolly Beckett

For the next week, I stewed over not one guy, but two. Finally, I swore I
was going to gouge my own eyes out if I couldn’t resist checking my phone

one more time. I couldn’t believe Preston had played me, just like every
other girl in our group. I was furious with him but also with myself for

letting him, and for thinking it meant something, that I was somehow
different. All I had to do was look at Becca and the ballerina necklace to

know he’d do anything to cross another name off his list.

One morning, I had a dream that he’d started while I was asleep

again. When I woke up to find myself already wet but frustratingly alone

instead of with his warm breath tickling my center, I wanted to scream. Not

only had he played me, but he’d set the bar so high I didn’t think I’d ever
find someone else who could send me to those heights. I guess all the

rumors at school were true, I thought bitterly as I slid my fingers into my

panties. Burning with shame and rage, I hate-fucked myself to the memory
of his mouth, the fantasy that he’d slid his cock inside me instead. Why

hadn’t I asked for that when he’d offered?

Afterwards, I was so pissed that I’d fantasized about an asshole who

in no way deserved even one more thought from me, I asked Dad if I could

go to California to visit my cousin, the way I’d planned with Destiny the
summer before. Again, it hit me how much had changed in that one year.

I’d had my heart broken, not in some dramatic way that Destiny

would have found suitable, but one small fracture at a time, so slow I barely

noticed the constant, nagging pain until it was too late. I’d done the

unthinkable, something no one thought I’d ever do—I’d broken up with

Devlin Darling, the town’s golden god. And most devastating of all, I’d lost

my best friend.

Of course my parents said yes, since Dad liked to spoil me out of

guilt for the divorce and his quick remarriage to someone closer to my age

than Mama’s. Caitlyn, my resentful stepmother, just wanted me out of the

house. And Mama would never deny me anything, since she’d grown up in

poverty and wanted me to experience everything she hadn’t. I said goodbye

to them, hugged Peanut Butter goodbye, and took a break from Faulkner.

In California, my cousin convinced me to start a channel on TheTea

app, since everyone out there apparently had accounts and posted all the
time. I cried when I set it up and followed my first account—Destiny Rose

Delacroix.

Every day after that, I did my makeup and shared little bits about

my life or posted an outfit of the day. At first, it was mostly creeps asking

for my bra size, but after a bit, I started getting comments from girls

complimenting my nail set or relating to my commentary about embracing

their love of pink. It wasn’t much, but it kept me from wasting away with

loneliness.

As we walked around San Francisco my last weekend in California,

I kept randomly bursting into tears when I thought about her, that she

wasn’t here with me. She’d never ride the trolley or see the fog over the

bay. She’d missed taking pictures of her feet with the stars on the

Hollywood walk of fame, hadn’t been there when I was pretty sure I’d seen

Amy Bedgood stumbling out of a club one night when we’d been on our

way home from a movie.

I felt unmoored, as if everything tying me to Faulkner had been

shorn away. For the first time in maybe my entire life, I thought about what

life would be like if I didn’t follow my dad’s plan. If I didn’t marry Devlin

Darling after graduation. If I didn’t become the mayor’s wife and have a

little girl with Shirley Temple curls and a sweet temperament. If I didn’t

host the ladies who lunched and garden parties and the Founder’s Ball; if
my best friends weren’t the same in twenty years as they were in high

school.

What if I wanted a life beyond being a wife, a career instead of kids,

and to go to some glamorous Hollywood party where I’d run into Zane

Wilder or Harry Styles and make a fool of myself? What if I wanted to run

off to Vegas with a trucker named Red who had a tattoo of his bulldog

covering the one of his ex-wife and get married by a drunken Elvis with a

missing tooth? What if I wanted to do all the things I’d been scared of my

whole life—make mistakes, disappoint people, surprise them, impress

them?

As I sat on the hood of my car eating street tacos by myself that

evening, with cool, moist air blowing off the Pacific and combing through

my hair, I had a thought that both terrified and thrilled me.

What if I never went home?

No sooner had the thought crossed my mind than a text came

through on my phone. I picked it up and checked the screen.

DarlingBoy: hey

No “How are you?” or “I miss you.” No obnoxious, gloating

comments about the last night I’d seen him, a night I’d mostly convinced
myself was an incredibly detailed, incredibly erotic dream.

But he texted me.

I tried to wipe the silly grin off my face, the soaring of my heart that

made me want to leap off my car and jump up and down screaming, “he

texted me!” for the whole of San Francisco to hear.

Oh, this was bad. It was so, so bad.

I’d been telling myself for a month that even if it was real, it meant

nothing. He was Preston Darling, for fuck’s sake. He didn’t do girlfriends.

He did girls and friends, and he left them all without a word, like he’d left

me. How many girls had woken up alone after a night with him, then
checked their phones for weeks, hating how pathetic they were for aching

with how bad they wished he’d text? How many girls had willed him to

message them afterwards, and when he finally did, just when they’d given

up, they felt like a million bucks?

I wasn’t special. I was just another girl he’d played, who fell for his

promise that she was different to him, that she was special. No, we hadn’t

had full-on sex, but I figured an orgasm as good as he’d given me still

counted. Oral sex was still sex, even if he hadn’t gotten off. Was that why

he was texting me? He was home from the mountains and ready to get his,

so he could cross me off his list?

TheRealDollyBeckett: hey, asshole

DarlingBoy: The claws are already out, I see. I like it, kitty.

TheRealDollyBeckett: no claws, just honesty

DarlingBoy: if we r talking honestly about assholes, may I just tell u how

lovely yours is?

TheRealDollyBeckett: I will block u

DarlingBoy: u don’t want to hear how much I’ve been looking forward to

licking that cute little hole again?

TheRealDollyBeckett: hard no

DarlingBoy: hard indeed ; )

I sighed and sank back, the earlier euphoria disappearing. He hadn’t

asked how I was, where I was, how my summer had been. He just wanted

what he wanted from every girl.

TheRealDollyBeckett: Sorry, not home. Can’t be ur booty call.

I thought he wouldn’t answer. A few minutes went by, and I figured

that was that. He’d gone on to the next user in his app.

DarlingBoy: wtf doll. U r the furthest thing from a booty call.

TheRealDollyBeckett: rly? Bc you sure came in hard n fast with the nasty

talk

DarlingBoy: I thot we were flirting.

TheRealDollyBeckett: u got what u wanted. Y even text me again?

DarlingBoy: you are more than a hookup to me, dolly.

TheRealDollyBeckett: heard that 1 b4

DarlingBoy: from who? Bc I will kick his ass n u know that’s not just talk.

TheRealDollyBeckett: from u, asshole.

TheRealDollyBeckett: Right b4 I woke up alone and didn’t hear a word 4 a

month
DarlingBoy: I’m sorry. U said something about not wanting to jump into

anything that night & that D might think u were cheating…

DarlingBoy: I was trying 2 give u space. But not 1 days gone by when I

didn’t think about u.

My chest tightened, and I stared at the screen, wondering if I could

afford such honesty. I remembered him saying how brave I was that night,

that I’d put myself out there for Devlin, put my whole heart in even though
I knew I could get hurt.
Maybe it was brave, but it wasn’t smart. It was reckless and

devastating, like jumping off a balcony into a pool.

 So I didn’t say it back, even though I’d thought about him every
day, too. I’d put myself out there with Devlin, and I’d learned my lesson.

Preston’s slipping out had pissed me off and offended me, but it didn’t hurt.
Not much, anyway. It couldn’t, because I didn’t love him. I’d thought about

it over the summer, as the wounds of our relationship healed.

Risking it all was too dangerous. It was too dangerous to give

someone every bit of yourself because when they told you it wasn’t enough,
it killed some part of you. The part of me that had trusted enough to love
like that, it was gone now.

If I’d held something back, something just for myself, at least I

could have blamed that for Devlin’s rejection. No one could reject every

part of me if I didn’t give them every part. They could only reject the pieces
I gave, and I could tell myself that I’d saved the best parts for myself, that if

I’d given those, they wouldn’t. Because deep down, I would never feel
whole again, would never feel like enough. How could I be, if every single

part of my body and soul, my heart and mind, didn’t satisfy someone?
The only thing I could do was become more, and one day, when I

had more to give, maybe I’d be brave enough to try again.

Maybe.

Someday.
DarlingBoy: n tbh maybe I freaked out a little. I’m not used to that.
TheRealDollyBeckett: nice try

DarlingBoy: i’m used 2 hooking up. not used 2 feeling shit about it.
TheRealDollyBeckett: omg

DarlingBoy: what?
TheRealDollyBeckett: I bet that line works every single time.

The dots appeared to show he was typing, then disappeared. A

minute later, they appeared again. I held my breath, hating how much I was
hanging on his every word.

DarlingBoy: Did it work this time? ; )

I deflated a little, but I knew that wasn’t fair. I couldn’t give him shit

and expect him to take it forever, to be honest and open with me when I
wasn’t doing the same in return. Still, I wished he’d told me I was wrong,
that it wasn’t a line, that he hadn’t used it on another girl. I liked when he’d

made me feel special, even if I couldn’t trust that it was real.

TheRealDollyBeckett: ur going 2 have 2 work harder this year, now that

every girl knows ur a player. Or idk maybe text someone else n it’ll work on
her.

DarlingBoy: this isn’t a booty call, dolly. I’m at football camp. Even if u
were home, I’m not.

That gave me pause. Part of me thought he’d be gone all summer

with Devlin, but then, Preston was only sixteen and his parents were more
protective of him. At least his mom was. My mind conjured an image of his
dad holding the ends of the belt in one hand and Preston’s skinny shoulder

in the other. It was the look in Mr. Darling’s eyes that made me shiver even
now, though. That gleeful malice, like he couldn’t wait to whip the

daylights out of his four-year-old son.

TheRealDollyBeckett: when do u get home?

DarlingBoy: next weekend. Can I see u?

His face as I’d last seen it flashed in my mind—his nose red, his

lashes wet, his lips swollen from me riding his face so hard—and a throb of
shivery excitement shimmered between my legs.

TheRealDollyBeckett: idk if that’s a good idea

DarlingBoy: it’s def not but I can’t help it. I have 2 c u. Don’t make me beg.
TheRealDollyBeckett: ha, you wouldn’t know how if u tried. Ur 2 used 2

girls begging 4 u
DarlingBoy: I’m done with that. Youll see. Things will be different this year.

I didn’t know how right he was until later.

It struck me at the end of our conversation that I hadn’t even asked

about Devlin—that I hadn’t even thought to ask. I’d only cared about

Preston telling me I had it wrong, that he hadn’t slept with me and slipped
out while I was sleeping like every other girl. That I was special to him.

Maybe some subconscious part of my mind was protecting me from the

knowledge that I’d never been special to anyone else, including my

boyfriend of four years, whom I also hadn’t heard from since the day we
broke up.

I went home at the end of June. It took me a few days to settle in,
get my dog back from my mom, and get used to being home. Preston was
still at football camp, but we texted daily. A few of my friends were on

vacation, and the others were busy. The summer heat was like a furnace,
and we didn’t have a pool, so I stayed in the AC, rattling around the empty

house, like when I was a kid and I’d dance down the halls dreaming of
being a ballerina.
 I stopped in front of the mirror in the hall and touched the ballerina
charm on the necklace Devlin had given me, back before his cousins had

made it a whole lot less special by giving the same one to a half dozen of
their conquests. Something in my chest caved in on itself when I saw the
beautiful diamond ballerina. When Devlin gave it to me, it had seemed like

the most romantic thing that would ever happen to me. Maybe it was.
The thought sent me into a gloom, and I took off the necklace and

dropped it into my jewelry box. If I wanted to be ready for the next chapter,
to move on like Destiny would, I had to let go of the tethers holding me to

the past.
I went to my closet and started trying on clothes. I’d gotten a lot of

new stuff in California, and I set up my phone and made a little video
holding up each outfit and singing a silly song to make myself feel better.

My hair is blonde and my clothes are pink,

I got a truck and guess what, it’s pink

But that don’t mean that I don’t think

About climate change and global wars.

I did a little twirl and pulled a pink shawl around my shoulders,

leaning into my phone to blow a kiss for the camera.

I also worry about my makeup and if I have clogged pores

This season for the Cardinals’ and the Bachelor
Then I wonder if it makes me a bad feminist
If I marry the first boy that I ever kissed.”

I posted it on my channel and then texted my friends. One by one, I

got excuses about why they couldn’t hang out, and it finally hit me.
Everything would be different this year. That’s what Preston had said, but it

hadn’t sunk in until now. But everything had changed. I’d even predicted
exactly how it would go for Lacey if she broke up the golden couple. How

had I not foreseen what would happen if I did?

Because I was part of it, that’s why. I’d done what was best for both

of us, but that didn’t mean the town would like it. That didn’t mean they
were about to let me make my own decisions about it. They wanted the

golden couple, worshipped us. Really, they worshipped Devlin, though. I’d
been with him for so long I’d almost forgotten the feeling I’d carried with
me throughout my entire childhood. The feeling that I didn’t really fit, that I
was lucky to be invited. The way I’d always known without having to be

told that I was popular not because I was liked, but because my friends were
liked. That’s why I’d always been the girl who was happy to be there.
Now, I had left the Darling fan parade. Not only that, but in the eyes
of the town, I may as well have sabotaged the best float at the whole damn

parade.
 The golden couple had broken up, and it was my fault. I had
dumped Devlin Darling, had disrespected their god. I’d been so busy

licking my wounds I hadn’t even thought beyond the fact that the ladies
who lunched would know about the breakup by now. I hadn’t realized I’d
be the bad guy.
The messed up part was that I still loved Devlin. Some part of me
still hoped he’d come back, that he’d fight for me. I was still waiting for

him to realize he loved me, because surely someone couldn’t love her
boyfriend that much if it was one-sided. It wasn’t possible. He’d see that
he’d had it good all those years, and he’d come back.
Right?

I could hardly go out in town the next month. When I went to my

colorist, the two women sitting in the chairs beside me noticed who I was
and started talking in hushed voices that weren’t nearly as quiet as they
thought.

“That poor boy,” said one of the ladies. “Imagine spending four
years on some ungrateful woman only to have her walk out on you.”
“Bless his heart,” said the second woman. “And you know if she’s
that ungrateful for the world to see, it’s ten times worse behind closed

doors.”
 My face burned with shame, and I wished I didn’t have foils in my
hair. I’d have walked out right then.

“Oh, and you know how the girls love him. He’s a real heart stopper,
that one. He could have found a better girl from the start if you ask me,” the
first woman said. “I mean, the nerve of her. Who does she think she is?”
“Sitting over there all high and mighty,” said the second one, casting

a furtive glance my way. “Getting her hair did like nothing happened after
wasting the best years of that boy’s life.”
I held my head high and bit my tongue. I wouldn’t stoop to their
level, as much as I wanted to give them a piece of my mind. I’d take the

high road, like my mama taught me. They didn’t deserve my attention, even
as they kept on bemoaning poor Devlin with his broken heart and casting
me as the villain. My world was falling apart around me, but it was too
much to ask for a little peace while getting my hair done. I just wanted to
feel a little better about myself. No one ever gave me a hard time about

getting my nails or hair done when I was feeling blue before.

Now, I had no right to feel blue.
At least no one had seen me with Preston. That was the only thing I
had to hold onto, and I knew I had to talk to him and make sure he

understood that I couldn’t have something like that getting out. He might be
shamed a little, but I’d be positively crucified. After all, he was one of the
golden boys, too, and boys would be boys. People would give him a hard

time for a minute, but in the end, all the men in town would say, “Can you
blame him? Look at her.”
It was different for girls. My friends were already distancing
themselves, and now I understood why. They’d heard the gossip all
summer. I was the last to know.

On the first day of senior year, I sat in front of the mirror giving
myself a pep talk. My motto this year was “What would Destiny do?”
I would take risks. I would wear the hot pink leather miniskirt I’d
never worn because it showed the dimples on my thighs when I sat down

wrong. I would say fuck it to anyone who thought I wasn’t enough or was
too much. I was right the right amount for the right people. That’s what
she’d always said.
I put my hair up high, slipped my feet into my highest heels, and

marched into school like I didn’t give a hoot what a single one of them said
about me.
Ever the optimist, I kept holding out hope. I’d told myself all
summer that when school started, it would blow over. My friends wouldn’t

hold it against me. It wasn’t like I’d slept with one of their boyfriends.
And maybe it would be okay. Devlin and I would get back together,
and everyone would forget the little break we took the summer before
senior year.

I stopped at my locker and started putting in my combination.

“Are those new nails?” Lacey asked from behind me. I turned to see
her opening a locker a few down from mine, Carmen standing back, her
thumb hooked into the strap of a new Gucci bag.

“Yeah,” I said, smiling brightly, hoping that they were reaching out
in an attempt to patch things up.
“Cute,” Carmen said, drawing out the word. She and Lacey
exchanged a glance, stifling laughter.

Dread knotted in my stomach. I wanted to ask what was happening,

but I knew. I’d seen it before, had even smiled in sympathy at the girls on
the other end of it. But I’d never imagined myself in their shoes, never
knew how it felt. I gritted my teeth and turned away, meaning to walk off
and leave them to their petty, fake drama. But I froze in place, unable to

move my feet or even breathe.

The Darlings were walking toward us. They all looked like they’d
gained some muscle and worked on their tans over the summer. My eyes
fell on Preston, who I hadn’t seen since coming home, despite his best

attempts to lure me out. We texted all the time, but I’d told him I didn’t
want to get involved, especially after the salon incident. Mostly we just
shared songs and gifs, sent each other funny videos, and chatted about life

stuff like any other friends.

He never brought up our summer hookup after I told him it was a
mistake and swore him to secrecy. I didn’t have to fill in the rest—that I’d
never have made that mistake if I weren’t reeling from a breakup, half

drunk on wine, and still asleep when he took off my pants and got between
my legs. He’d been contrite and respectful, so I’d let him stay in my life.
Now, I wondered if that had been a terrible idea. My mind seized on
the memory of that thing he’d done with his tongue, how he’d tortured me

until I was almost crying before he let me cum, and my nipples hardened
painfully. He’d bulked up in the shoulders, giving his form more definition,
and god if he didn’t look looked painfully masculine now. His hair was
freshly cut but still long enough on top to hold onto, maybe give a little

tug… I shook the thought away.

I’d made him swear not to treat me any differently at school, but
when our eyes met and the corner of his mouth quirked up like he couldn’t
quite hold it back, I wanted to dance and fall to my knees at once.

Despite the extra muscle he’d added for his junior year, he hadn’t
lost that signature Darling grace, the one that made them all seem to float
toward us like three gods whose feet didn’t quite touch the ground.
 I dared a look at Devlin, and the sensations that went through me
were altogether different—pain like my heart had been gripped in his fist
and squeezed; trembling, desperate, fragile hope that he’d walk up to me
and ask me to be his girlfriend again; terror that he’d humiliate me in front

of the school or tell everyone to shun me for dumping him.

The Darlings had that power. The founding sons always chose some
poor freshman girl to pick on and call a dog, their whipping girl that they’d
humiliate just for the fun of it. Could they choose a senior instead? I didn’t

even know if Devlin was mad at me for breaking up with him. He hadn’t
texted me a single time in the three months we’d been apart, even when I
sent a few casual texts to ask how he was doing.
Our eyes met when he was about to pass me, but he didn’t show the
slightest hint of recognition. I didn’t know I could hurt worse than I had

before, but somehow, he made it happen. My mind locked in on Preston.

Had he told Devlin? Was that the reason for the icy indifference?
It wasn’t like I expected to be besties with my ex, but Devlin had
been my friend since kindergarten. We’d gone to school dances together,

family functions, town events. We’d held hands through movies and held
each other up when we got sick. I’d gone to all his games, cheered him on,
worshipped him like the star he was to me. I’d given him free and complete
access to every part of me, trusted him to love me the way I loved him.
He’d taken my virginity ruthlessly, and I’d forgiven him even though his
apology was so lame it was more insulting than if he hadn’t bothered. He’d
cum inside me, taught me to give head, taught me to cum while he was
inside me, given me head. We’d been intimate for years, and now he was

treating me like a stranger.

It made me mad. Just because things didn’t go the way he wanted,
he acted like it had all been nothing, just like when he pretended our first
time never happened.

The Darling boys walked past me but stopped when they saw our
other friends.
I turned in time to see Devlin slide an arm around Lacey, and my
heart died one more death. All that time, I’d been worried about Lacey, and

now I knew that no matter how many times he said she was just another
friend, I had been justified.
What would Destiny do?
“So that’s it?” I asked, not caring that people had stopped to see if

there would be drama at the first interaction between me and Devlin.

“You’re just going to pretend you don’t know me?”
Devlin tipped his chin back and looked at me with such indifference
that I almost believed it, that I’d never known him at all. “What do you
want me to do?” he asked, his tone as cold as his icy blue eyes.
 “Dev-lin,” Lacey said, elbowing him and widening her eyes. “Be
nice.”
Carmen covered her mouth with her fingers like she was holding

back laughter, her and Becca exchanging meaningful glances before

looking at me like I was one of Mr. Harris’s hissing cockroaches.
Devlin sighed. “Hey, Dolly. Good to see you. You look…”
He trailed off, and the girls all started this barely contained
snickering that I’d seen them do before, mostly to the Darling Dog girl, but

sometimes to scholarship girls or others they wanted to destroy in a

discrete, soul-crushing way. It was this insidious kind of bullying that
teachers couldn’t punish because there was no way to prove the malicious
intent beneath the fake niceties and pretended interest.

Devlin frowned at them, but I didn’t need to hear what he had to say
about me. It didn’t matter if he said I looked nice or like dog shit. The
exchange in the hallway told me everything I needed to know. Devlin
hadn’t realized he wanted me after all. He’d moved on.

After eleven years of riding the Darlings’ coattails, I was on my

own.
I’d been a part of their world for so long, I didn’t even know how to
act without them as my friends. I’d almost made it. One more year, and I

would have had every girl’s dream high school experience of popularity
with the prom queen title and the football god boyfriend. Ever since
kindergarten, I had been accepted by my peers because of my proximity to
Darling blood. I’d been on the guest list for popularity, with a free

backstage pass to every show because I was on Devlin’s arm.

I’d been part of the in-crowd by default my whole life. I didn’t have
what it took to cut it on my own though. Now, I’d been exposed for the
fraud I was. I wasn’t anything special. I loved Devlin Darling just like every

other girl in town. I fell for Preston’s manipulations and spread my legs for
him just like every other girl in town. And now, just like every other girl,
my time had run out. They were done with me.
For eleven grades, I’d been in.

Now, I was out.

I was sitting on the bleachers trying to collect my thoughts when I heard

footsteps and looked up. Preston was walking along the metal rows toward
me. I knew he was trying to be nice, but I couldn’t take on one more thing
right now, and his sexiness was a distraction that was way too tempting in
my current vulnerable state.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

 “I saw you leave,” he said. “I came to see if you were okay.”
I swore even his voice was sexier this year. How had I never noticed

the way his tongue caressed his fine southern accent, the haughty tilt of his
head when he sat down and looked at me. It was making me crazy in a way
I couldn’t deal with on top of everything else.
“People are going to think we’re hooking up,” I hissed, as if
someone might overhear all the way from the school.

He shrugged. “Let them think it. Would it be the worst thing in the
world?”
“Yes,” I said, staring at him. How could he not understand this? Did
guys just not see it? They gave wedgies and swirlies and knocked people’s

books out of their hands. The girls filed away at each other’s self-esteem in
a way that was psychologically devastating but nearly invisible.
Preston flinched. “If you were with me, you’d be in our group,” he
pointed out. “Otherwise, you know how it works. When people break up,

they don’t hang out.”

“You don’t get it,” I said, closing my eyes and willing myself not to
cry. How had I not anticipated this? I had no friends that weren’t in our
group, and I was out of the group, which meant I had no friends at all. Of

course they weren’t going to kick Devlin to the curb. He didn’t want to be
around me, and it hurt too much to be around him if we weren’t together. To
know every day that I’d given him my all, and he’d walked away from it
without a backwards glance.

Maybe he never would have dumped me, and we’d have gotten
married, but I’d have known how he felt. He didn’t have to say I wasn’t
enough. He’d shown me, barely tolerating my love all these years. I didn’t
want to be tolerated anymore—not by him, not by our friends. I wanted to

be wanted for who I was, to be something special without the love of a

Darling to tell people I was somebody.
“Tell me,” Preston said earnestly. “Help me understand.”
“I don’t want to be in the group,” I said quietly. “I can’t see him

with Lacey.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like it was with you,” he said. “They’re just… Casual.”

“How long have you known?” I asked, not looking at him. I didn’t
want to see his face when he told me.
“A few weeks,” he admitted. “When we came back from Colorado,
she called him, and they hung out a few times.”
I swallowed hard, forcing myself not to go find her and scratch her

eyes out with my new set that she’d smirked at. She wasn’t worth breaking
a nail.
 “I should have told you,” Preston said. “I didn’t want to upset you,

but of course you’re going to be upset. You still love him.”

His tone turned bitter, but I didn’t answer. We were rekindling our
friendship, and I didn’t want to lie to him. More than that, I didn’t want to
lead him on. Even though I felt something for him—something I’d never
felt for Devlin, something as terrifying and exhilarating and dangerous as

skydiving—I knew I wasn’t ready for it. And it wasn’t fair of me to make
him think he had a shot when I didn’t know when or if I’d ever be ready.
After all, there would never be a time when I wasn’t the girl who had
dumped Devlin. No matter how long I waited, people would speculate,

wonder if something had happened between us when I was with his cousin.
So I did what I had to do. I left that out and told him the rest of the
truth.
“I do,” I said. “I’m sorry, Preston. If that means we don’t talk

anymore…”
“Shut up.”
“What?”
“You think I’m going to ditch your ass because you love my cousin?

If that were the case, we’d never have been friends at all.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I just… I have to make this
clear, Preston. I’m not going to change my mind. I don’t want you waiting,
thinking I’m going to go out with you once I’m over him. It wouldn’t be

fair to you. I know you said you’d change this year, but I don’t want you
wasting the best years of your life on some impossible dream.”
I could barely get out the words, the same ones the women at the
salon had used, past the shame that had built up inside me. I’d always been

afraid I was holding Devlin back, and they’d confirmed my worst fears. I
wouldn’t do the same to Preston, especially since I didn’t know if I’d ever

be brave enough to face the town’s wrath, indignation, and derision. I could

barely face two women I’d never even met. And the deeper, more painful
reason was even simpler. I didn’t know if I’d ever again be strong enough to

let myself love someone the way I’d loved Devlin, and Preston deserved

that.
He deserved to be the center of someone’s world, have her whole

heart, not half of my broken one.

“Is it impossible?” he asked, tilting his head to squint at me in the

bright, morning sunshine.

“Yes,” I said, my chest aching as I looked into his ocean blue eyes.
“Ouch,” he said, shaking his head and turning away. “Not gonna lie,

that hurt. But I think I can decide for myself what’s fair. It’s not a waste of
time for me to change your mind.”
 I closed my eyes and counted to ten, trying to calm my breathing. “I

won’t change my mind,” I said at last.

“Maybe this will,” Preston said, and he took my chin and turned my
face to his. I tensed, expecting him to lean in, but he only held my gaze and

said, “The best years of my life will be the ones I spend with you, Doll. It
doesn’t matter when that happens, if I’m eighteen or eighty.”

“That’s exactly what I don’t want,” I said, pulling away. “You

should date, hook up, do all the things guys are supposed to do in high
school.”

An ironic little smile played on his lips. “Trust me, I’m perfectly
capable of deciding what to do with my dick.”

I gulped, trying not to let my eyes fall to the bulge in his dress pants.

I shook my head and pressed my lips together before speaking. I stared

straight at the football field, the lines freshly painted stark white. “I had to

let Devlin go. That’s what you do when you love someone. If it’s meant to

be, they’ll come back. Maybe we’ll get back together. I can’t let you feel
the way I felt today when I saw him with Lacey. It’s better if you try to find

someone else, someone who loves you the way I love him.”
A tear rolled down my cheek, but I didn’t wipe it away.

“Your idea of waiting might not look the same as mine,” he said

quietly, resting his elbows on his knees and furrowing his brow as he
looked out over the field with me. “Just because I’ve fucked other girls, that
doesn’t mean I wasn’t waiting for you then, Dolly.”

“It’s just… It’s not the right time,” I said, the ache in my throat so

deep I wanted to crawl under the bleachers and die. “I can’t risk it, can’t
risk you.”

“You mean you can’t risk being with me because you have to be

available the second Devlin wants you back.” His words were harsh, but his
tone was flat, as uninflected as Devlin’s when he spoke to me that morning.

“Don’t make this harder,” I whispered. “I’m letting you go, Preston.
So please. Go.”

“Okay,” he said. “If that’s what you want.”

He stood and walked down the bleachers, and I held my tears until
he got to the bottom. He stooped and picked a lone daisy that was growing

at the corner, laying it at the end of the bottom step before walking away
without looking back.

OceanofPDF.com
 over at eighteen

Dolly Beckett

Preston kept his word and didn’t give up on me, but he eventually accepted
that I hadn’t given up on Devlin. He stuck around as my friend, as steadfast

as he promised he’d be, like he had something to prove. Sometimes, I’d try
to talk to Devlin, but he always blew me off. A man has his pride, and I’d

hurt that by dumping him. And Devlin wasn’t just any man. He was a
Darling man.

Preston had his pride, too. He was there for me, but he wasn’t the
type to hang around begging for scraps or pining in self-denial. If he

couldn’t have me, he wasn’t going to waste his prowess with celibacy. I

knew he still blew off steam when the occasion arose, but he spared me the

details. Mostly he told me he was bored of hookups, that he was bored of

everything, like all powerful men must get when they’ve already won and

there’s no challenge left. I was the only challenge left, and his boredom

only made me wonder if I was just another conquest to him, more desirable

because I hadn’t given in yet.

 He didn’t date anyone, but then, he’d never done messy

entanglements before, so that was no different. He stayed in the same

holding pattern he’d been in for years, like he was waiting for something. I

felt terrible every time I suspected that it was me holding him back, even

though I’d done everything I could to make it clear I didn’t want that.
Devlin didn’t date, either, much to Lacey’s annoyance. I heard

rumors that he hooked up with a girl or two, and it nearly killed me every

time, even though I knew the Willow Heights rumor mill couldn’t be

trusted. Colt was the only one seemingly enjoying himself, still young

enough to get a kick out of all the girls throwing themselves at him and
hardened enough by loss to move on from Destiny. He spent the first few

months of his sophomore year running through every girl who’d open her

legs and tormenting the Darling Dog, my freshman step-cousin who’d

landed at Willow Heights thanks to her proximity to the mayor. Her aunt

was my stepmother, but we’d only met at a few town functions and didn’t

really talk due to her age and the fact that my stepmom and I barely

tolerated each other.

Preston and I texted daily, but we stayed well within the bounds of

the friendship I’d insisted on. Sometimes, when I got upset about something

Devlin said in a class we all shared, I’d go out and sit on the bleachers.

Preston followed and sat with me, holding me while I cried. I felt guilty
every time, knowing that I couldn’t give him what he wanted and deserved,

and I didn’t know when I’d be able to. Our families still intended for me

and Devlin to marry and work things out later. There was no future with

Preston, but when I told him, he just said he’d never let distance grow

between us again.

Then in October a new family moved to town, and everything

changed, just as it had with Destiny’s death the year before.

Occasionally we got transfer students in addition to the new class of

freshmen each year. They were absorbed into the social order after a few

weeks, finding their place according to their extracurriculars and family

situation.

The Dolces made no attempt to fit in. They wanted to stand out—as

kings.

They came in like a hurricane, four boys and one girl, shaking up

everything in our rigidly structured school with its set social order. No one

had ever questioned the founding families or the Darling reign. They’d
expected them to be the beloved and slightly feared kings until Devlin and

Preston graduated, at which point Colt would remain on top for his senior

year, along with a couple founding sons in the grade below him.

No one expected a family of big city thugs to come in, start fights,

and demand the top position as if they were entitled to it by their very
existence, even though no one knew them from Adam. No one expected the

gorgeous sister to lure in all three of the Darling boys, though it was an easy

enough feat for a hot new girl in a school full of bored guys who’d already
had their pick of all the other girls for years.

If we had thought the Darling family was depraved or twisted, we

were in for a dose of the real world with the Dolces. We must have looked

like small-town rednecks to them. There was a reckless, terrifying thrill to

catching the eye of these boys—exactly the sort of thing that could entice a

small-town girl who’s tired of being good and doing what’s expected of her.

So, on Homecoming night, a night I now dreaded above all else,

when Duke Dolce slid his arm around my waist and pulled me close,

pressing his dick to my hip and a shot to my lips, I did something I’d only

done once before in my life. I let go.

Devlin had driven us to Colt’s for the afterparty. Too many

memories at our other places. That was when it hit me that everything had

changed. Because the people at our afterparty didn’t know the history, the

memories. We’d ended up leaving the dance with seven people crammed

into Devlin’s Ferrari—a mix of old hurts and new beginnings. Devlin, Colt,

and me were there, as always. But instead of the rest of our group, we’d

grabbed Dixie, along with Crystal Dolce and her twin brothers.
 When Devlin handed me a shot, our eyes met, and some

understanding settled between us. This was what we both needed to move

on. Someone new. Not Preston, not Lacey. A clean slate. There was no long

and complicated history between us and the Dolces. No messy

entanglements, no roots that went so deep they’d twined together until we

couldn’t tell where ours ended and theirs began.

“Cheers,” he said.

“Cheers,” I echoed.

We took the shots. Then we turned away from each other, into the

unknown, into the possibilities of the night. For the first time, I knew for
certain that we wouldn’t end up together by morning, and I was okay with

that. A sadness settled over me, but there was something freeing in it, too.

“Come on,” Baron Dolce said, taking my hand, a predatory hunger

in his eyes. “Let’s dance.”

I looked at Duke, whose arms were around me. He nudged me

forward with his hips, his dick pressed firstly to my ass. I looked from one

to the other and swallowed. And then I followed them into the living room.

We danced to Brody Villines. We took shots of tequila. Duke

sprinkled salt on my cleavage and licked it off.

We danced to Nicki Minaj. Baron came up behind me and started

grinding into me from behind. I let him. We took another shot. Baron pulled
the lime from my mouth with his teeth. I looked at Duke to see if he was

mad. He was smiling.

We danced to Aria Airheart. They pinned me between them. I could

feel both their dicks now. It felt good to let go, to dance between them.

Even that was naughty, something I’d never done—grinding on a stranger,

let alone two. There were no strangers in Faulkner, at least not on the side

of town where I lived in my privileged little bubble of school and town

functions and summers at the pool.

I didn’t know these boys, but they didn’t know me, either. I decided

I liked that as I hooked an arm around Duke’s neck while he danced behind

me, and one around Baron’s while he slipped a thigh between mine. They

didn’t know my past, my mistakes, my devastation. They just wanted me.

We danced to Bon Jovi. They told me to close my eyes while they

danced around me. I obeyed, swaying drunkenly on my feet. When they

told me to open my eyes, Baron had taken off his glasses and messed up his

hair, and I couldn’t tell them apart, being identical twins and all. They made

me guess, laughing hysterically but refusing to tell me which one was

which.
We danced to Harlow and the Honey Badgers. We were interrupted

by a couple bumping the railing of the stairs. We turned to watch Devlin

and Crystal stumble up the stairs. Devlin tripped on her dress, and they both

ended up sitting on the stairs, laughing. Then they kissed.

My heart twisted. I went in the other room. The twins followed. We

took shots.

When we went back to dance to Kendrick Lamar, only Colt and

Dixie remained, grinding to the music.

The stairs were empty. My stomach dropped like I was on a

rollercoaster.
But I was done riding that rollercoaster. I was done waiting, done

hoping, only to have that hope dashed at every turn. I was ready to put
Devlin behind me for good. So, I did something so unlike myself that

Destiny would have been proud. When we were all thoroughly wasted, and
one of the twins slid a hand between my legs and asked if I wanted to go

upstairs, I said yes, even though I still didn’t know which one he was. And
when he asked if I wanted his brother to come too, I said I did.

As we staggered up the stairs, I remembered Destiny saying

everyone had a threesome by the end of senior year. I guess she was right.

As Baron slid into me from behind while I took Duke in my mouth, I

remembered walking into the Den of Iniquity at that party and seeing
Preston and Colt sliding into at once. I wished Preston could see me now,

could feel the pain I’d felt.

 I’d never done something so wild, so naughty. But I didn’t regret it.
Not even the next morning, when I was sober, and Preston and Devlin saw

me leaving the bedroom where I’d let the twins spit roast me.
Besides, Preston and Devlin had both been chasing Crystal Dolce,

and yes, maybe I was a little petty. I knew I couldn’t be with Preston, but it
still hurt to see him chasing another girl. When he looked at me like I’d

punched him in the gut, I was spitefully glad. He’d had plenty of
threesomes in high school, ones I’d had to hear about for years when he
shared girls with Colt or when he slept with two girls at once. Now he knew

how it felt.
And Devlin… He looked at me like I was a disappointment, like

he’d expected me to chase him forever. Like he couldn’t believe his sweet
little future wife had now done something so reckless, like he thought I was

a slut now that I’d been with someone else. Well, fuck him. He didn’t want
me. What right did he have to judge me?

Even though I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere since the Dolce twins

were way too young for me, I still dated them for a month or so afterwards,

just to prove a point. More than anything, I wanted to show people I wasn’t
what they thought. That I was more than the Darling Doll, more that a

predictable cow trotting down the chute. I could surprise people. I could do
exciting things, daring things. I could get a guy even after I dumped Devlin
Goldenboy Darling. In fact, I could get two, even if we kept things casual.

I wasn’t the only one defying expectations that fall. I certainly didn’t
expect to finally find a friend in Crystal Dolce once I’d stopped resenting

her for captivating Devlin in a way I never had. Oddly, my friendship with
her made me finally let go of Devlin and realize he deserved more than my

love—he deserved to love someone else that way, too.

I’d parted ways the twins by the time Christmas rolled around that

year. I was single and finally ready to move on for good. I’d gotten my little
rebellion out of my system, but instead of satisfying me, it opened my eyes

to what else was out there. It made me want to go bigger, to do something

more daring than juggling two guys at once. That was small-town gossip

fodder, high school rumor mill worthy. I wanted to do something big with
my life, something worthy of note beyond our school or even our town.

Something worthy of Destiny.

I craved approval, though. I wanted to be important to someone, but
I still wasn’t ready to give my heart again. I was still floundering on what I

wanted when the annual Darling New Year’s Eve party rolled around that
year. Despite breaking up with Devlin, I was invited by default, being the

mayor’s daughter and all. Everyone from the Darlings’ circle at school
came. All the Darlings came, even Lindsey, who went to Faulkner High.
Her boyfriend and a few of his friends came. Some college kids came,

mostly those from founding families but also the upper crust students at
Thorncrown U and Dixon, the two local colleges.

Once the Darling cousins arrived and the party really started, we sat
together at a corner table next to the wall of windows overlooking Grampa

Darling’s garden on the east wing of his manor. Lindsey and her boyfriend
Chase sat with us, and my little cousin Dixie, who I’d also become friends
with, joined us. We drank champagne and hung out for a bit. Then Preston,

Colt, and Dixie went off to the Den of Iniquity.

Devlin offered me a sympathetic smile, which did not help. We both

knew what Preston was doing in there, even if we didn’t know who he’d be
doing it with. I had given him his freedom, though. I’d even dated other

guys. I couldn’t keep him from hooking up with other girls if I wasn’t ready
to be with him. He’d pretty much told me point blank that he was mine the

moment I said the word, even when I’d told him I didn’t want that.
In truth, I did, though. As I drank my second glass of champagne, I

started to forget why I couldn’t have him. Now that Devlin had a girlfriend,
the town had softened towards me, even if I’d never be the golden girl

again. At least I wasn’t universally despised anymore. If they saw Devlin

moving on, couldn’t I do the same? I knew that Devlin was never coming
back to me, even if our parents didn’t know it yet. They might not have

accepted it, but I had. I was ready.

The realization made something bubble up inside me, all sweet and

sparkly like the champagne in my glass. I had to hold back a giddy grin at
the thought. I’d had my little rebellion with the twins, but I knew that was

temporary. Now I was ready for something more permanent, something of

my own. Something I’d chosen instead of following the path my parents

had laid out for me. The best part was there was no hesitation in my mind,
no fear. I knew Preston wanted me. It was the most freeing, exhilarating

feeling I’d ever had.

“I’m going to go find Preston,” I told Devlin, rising from my chair.

He was frowning down at his phone. We weren’t allowed to bring phones

into the party, but of course, he was a Darling, so he could do anything he

wanted.
“Why?” he asked, glancing up briefly. I could tell he wasn’t really
paying attention.

“I think… I think I love him.”

Devlin stood and pocketed his phone. “Hold onto that thought,” he

said. “We’ve got a situation with the Dolces. I’ll bring him right back.”
“What’s going on?” I asked.
 Without answering, he strode past a silver-booted stripper on her
pole and other people dancing in the long ballroom with one wall of

windows and the other of mirrors. He ducked into the Den of Iniquity. A
minute later, he emerged with Preston and Colt, and they all left.
“What’s going on?” I asked, turning to Lindsey.

“I don’t know,” she said, leaning into Chase’s shoulder. She was the
kind of thin that had always made me jealous, delicate and petite, almost

waifish. But now she looked gaunt, like she’d lost far too much weight to
be healthy. I knew her and Preston’s family was having a lot of trouble with

the Dolces, but he hid his stress so much better. Now I wondered how much
he was suffering without telling me.

When he came back, I was going to grab him before he could go

back into that sleazy room. I didn’t care what he’d been doing, though I

wasn’t going to sleep with him the same night he’d probably been inside
some other girl. Tonight, we’d just talk. I’d tell him how I felt, how I’d

always felt, really. That I’d always known there was something there, but
I’d been too afraid to explore it, to let it grow deeper.

I was tired of denying myself what I really wanted—to take a

chance, at least, and see where it led. I wasn’t in love with him yet, but that

was because I’d never given him the chance. Maybe if I did, I would grow
to love him even more than Devlin. Because Preston wouldn’t hold back his
love, wouldn’t treat me like I wasn’t enough. I was enough for him, but not
too much. I was just the right amount.

I’d probably had a bit more than the right amount of champagne by
then, but I was happy and sure of my decision. Maybe we’d burn out

spectacularly, but at least we’d know. We’d shoot our shot, as he said he
was doing six months before, the first and last night we spent together.

The memory of what he’d done to me that night, how good it felt,
had my head swimming as much as the champagne. My heart was full of

exuberant anticipation as I watched the door, waiting for him to come back.
Suddenly, the huge, floor to ceiling wall of windows shattered, and

fireworks started rocketing into the room. People were still dancing, and
then they were running and screaming, ducking, hitting the floor, covering

their heads. Streaks of fire shot across the room, loud pops and bangs
deafening us. Smoke billowed in the room, along with the sulfur smell of
fireworks. Cold air streamed in with the slanting rain that was falling
outside.

A minute later, the explosions finished, but white smoke still filled
the room, choking us. The door to the east wing opened, and cold air rushed
by. I could barely make out three big guys stepping into the room, and at
first my champagne drenched mind thought it was some of the bouncers
they hired for the exclusive parties like this. But then one of them yelled,
his voice deep and heavily laced with a New York accent.

“You bitches thought you could throw a party without us?” one of
the Dolce boys shouted. “I am the party, bro.”
“What’s happening?” I asked, looking around at all the stunned
faces.
“Call it a hostile takeover,” Baron said.

“Look at this,” Royal said, picking up one of the coke trays on a

table. “These hicks think they’re fancy with their cute little lines.”
“Give me that,” Duke said, snatching the tray. He grabbed one of the
metal tubes and sucked up line after line like he was breathing air. He

should have been messed up after one line, but he took five or six before
shoving the tray at Baron, an insane laugh bubbling out of him. The twins
told me they partied a lot in New York, but these boys were younger than
me, and they were snorting cocaine as easy as I’d down the sugar in a Pixie

Stick.
“From now on, we’re the kings of this place,” Royal shouted.
“What happened to the Darlings?” Chase asked. He was holding
Lindsey, who’d burrowed against his chest, crying into his shirt. Suddenly, I

wished Preston was here more than anything, and my heart stopped as I
wait for the Dolces to answer. Why hadn’t he come back?
 “The Darlings are over,” Royal said coldly. “We told them to step
aside, but they refused, so they learned the hard way. The rest of you can

learn the hard way or the easy way. It’s up to you.”

“What did you do to them?” Lacey asked, holding up a black dress
around her chest, obviously having been interrupted in the middle of
hooking up with someone.

“We did this to all their houses,” Duke crowed, spreading his arms
wide, proud of the destruction he’d caused. He was a little unhinged, but the
two oldest brothers were worse. “They’re done. From now on, we send the
invites to the parties. We tell you when and where, and you show up.”

“You worship us now,” Baron said. “You bow and kiss our feet. You
suck our dicks. And if you don’t…” He jerked his chin at the shattered
windows, the smoldering carpet. “Then your houses are next.”
“You won’t get away with this,” Chase said quietly. “The Darlings
built this town.”

“And now we own it,” Royal said in that same toneless, withering
voice. “Their money may have built it, but ours will run it from now on.
Any sympathizers will meet the same fate as them.”
“You just admitted to blowing up their houses,” Chase pointed out.

“Did we?” Baron asked, turning to his brothers. “I don’t remember

that. It’s your word against ours, and everyone knows how that holds up.
We already took down the Darlings, but we can keep going. So tell us,

who’s going to stop us? Are you next?”

We all looked around at each other, a hundred stunned people with
no phones, no cameras. No proof.
Chase looked down at Lindsey and then back at the Dolces, his
expression sober. Then he shook his head.

“Now that we’ve established that, let’s get the real party started,”
Duke said. “Somebody turn on some music up in here, and we’ll show you
how it’s really done.”
The stripper in silver boots haltingly stepped over and turned on the

stereo, and the speakers started booming.

“Dance, monkeys,” Baron yelled.
We all started swaying, half-heartedly moving and casting furtive
glances at each other, wondering what the hell just happened. My mind

raced. Where were the Darlings? What did the Dolces do to them? And
what would happen if I made a run for it? There was glass everywhere, but
I was wearing shoes. Even in heels, I probably could make it. If they didn’t
chase me, at least. But I could say I was leaving. The twins and I had ended

things on good terms, and I was friends with their sister. They’d let me
leave. I could get my phone back and call the police.
 “Shots for everyone,” Duke yelled at a waitress who was tentatively

picking up her tray. “Keep ‘em coming ‘til the bottles are all dry. And get
someone on this pole before I pick someone.”
The stripper went back to the pole. I took a shot, edging toward the
door. But the Dolces hadn’t moved. They were blocking the exit, talking

amongst themselves. Royal gestured to the door, frowning as he spoke.

My throat tightened when I thought of Preston again. I wouldn’t
even think about what could have happened to him. I’d just leave and go
find him.

Before I could make up my mind whether to talk my way past the

Dolces or try to sneak out through the door on the other end of the room,
Preston and Colt appeared behind the Dolces. My heart surged with relief,
even though they both looked busted up, and Preston was holding
something over his eye that looked like a wadded-up t-shirt.

“Get the fuck out of our house,” he thundered.

“This is our house now, baby,” Duke yelled. “Our town.”
“Accept it,” Royal growled. “You’re beaten. Crawl away like the
pussies you are, and we’ll let you live.”

Someone stopped the music, and the room went dead silent. Then
Preston jumped at them. I raced for the door the second the Dolces weren’t
blocking it, wanting nothing more than to get my phone while they brawled
yet again—something they’d been doing for months, since the Dolces

arrived. Preston’s arm was still healing from another fight, but I knew I
couldn’t break up this one. Nothing could stop Preston once he let his rage
loose.
I flattened my back against the wall and made it past the bodies

rolling around on the floor, fists flying. I just needed my phone so I could
call the police and put a stop to this.
I stepped onto the landing outside the door, the stairs leading down
to the first floor, where the house manager had taken our phones. Behind

me, I suddenly heard the hiss of flame and shrieks, and an animal roar that
turned my feet to stone. I spun back, my blood frozen in terror. There, I saw
the Dolces holding Preston down. Duke gripped a lit firecracker, aiming it
at Preston’s face, a plume of flame and sparks obscuring him from view. He

was screaming so loud it liquified my bones, and all I could think was that
he was going to die.
I dove at them, crashing into Duke, knocking him off. We hit the
floor, and the firecracker spun away, shooting sparks. More people

screamed. Baron and Royal were still holding Preston down. Baron made a
grab for the firecracker, snatching it up.
“Welcome to the Dolce reign,” he bellowed, holding up the lit
firecracker like a torch. Then he brought it down, impaling Preston through
the eye.

OceanofPDF.com
 nineteen days

Preston Darling

I woke to the sound of a monotonous, obnoxious beeping. I couldn’t see

anything, but there was a throbbing pain in one side of my face like my skin

was being slowly eaten away by corrosive acid.

I groped around, disoriented.

“Oh my god,” said a high, breathy female voice. “Mom, Dad! He’s
awake.”

“Lindsey?” I asked, reaching for my face, wanting to get the thing

off me that was eating my flesh and blinding my eyes. Something pulled

tight in the back of my hand, and pain throbbed there, too. A needle. I was

hooked up to a needle, and the beeping…

I was in a hospital.
“It’s okay,” Lindsey said, but I could hear her crying, her breath

hitching. “Preston, you’re alive.”

I groped for her hand, some deep, primal terror gripping my body. I

didn’t want to know what had happened.

 I heard the scuff of shoes, and a soft, cool hand closed around mine.

“Oh, thank god,” my mother’s voice said. “We’ve been praying

night and day for you, baby. Even had the pastor come down… The whole

congregation’s had you on their prayer list…”

“Don’t baby him,” Dad snapped. “He might know something that
could help us with Devlin.”

“What?” I asked, so disconcerted I couldn’t put it together. My head

was throbbing harder, and it felt heavy and thick with pain and some kind of

bandages…

Devlin… We’d left the annual New Year’s Eve party at Grampa’s
when we heard the Dolces were attacking Darling houses. We had to defend

Grampa’s house, the property itself but mostly the people there. We’d gone

out to stop them, met them on the road, and fought. Then we’d gone back to

the party and—

“Your cousin’s missing,” Dad said.

“It’s the Dolces,” I mumbled through the pain. “It has to be the

Dolces.”
“Their daughter’s missing too,” Mom said softly, squeezing my

hand.

“Then she lured him somewhere…”

“They found his car,” Mom said. She started crying softly.
 “Lindsey, hon, why don’t you take your mother down and get her a

Diet Coke,” Dad said. “Stretch your legs a bit. We’ve all been in this room

too long.”

“Okay, Daddy,” Lindsey said.

“Here’s my card, stop by the gift shop and get something for your

brother too,” Dad said.

I listened to their footsteps, my head throbbing so hard I had to

clench my teeth so I didn’t scream.

“I can’t believe you let them get the best of you,” Dad seethed the

moment the door settled closed behind them with a soft thump. “Our family

just lost the chance to secure the future mayoral seat because you couldn’t

hold off a couple pretty boys from the city, probably never got their hands

dirty in their lives.”

I tried to push up on the bed, but Dad’s hand flattened on my chest.

“I want you to tell me exactly what happened that night,” he said. “Colt’s

been worthless. You better hope you have a story that’ll bring Devlin
home.”

I swallowed, a panicky, dizzy feeling swimming through me, like I

was submerged in water, swaying with the currents. “I—I don’t know,” I

said. “What happened to me? How long was I here?”

 “You lost an eye,” he said. “And a cousin, if you can’t give us the

information leading us to him.”

I went through the night painstakingly, painfully, from the moment

we picked up the hooker to the moment we left Devlin with Crystal at the

river where we met the Dolces to fight that night.

“Did he say where he was going?” Dad asks.

“No,” I said. “He hugged me, and he said goodbye.”

“You didn’t ask where they were going?” Dad thunders. “You left

him there?”

“He had a car,” I protested weakly. It hadn’t sunk in yet, that he was

gone.

A fist lodged in my gut. I hadn’t had time to prepare, to tense up. I

couldn’t see anything. I was so out of it, I probably wouldn’t even have

blocked him if I could.

“You cowardly son of a bitch,” Dad raged, sinking his fist into my

ribs this time. “This is your fault. You could have stopped this. You could

have beaten them if you fought like a man instead of crying and kissing like

a little pussy boy. I taught you better than that. What made you like this?”

The monitors beside the bed were going crazy. I held my hands up,

blindly defending myself from a man who had two arms, two eyes, that still
worked. He landed one more blow before the door burst open and someone

rushed in, the room full of bustling footsteps and voices.

“Don’t fix his face,” Dad snarled at them. “He’s not worth the

expense.”

That was the last thing I heard before a strange kind of peace

descended, numbness and the constant bleep of the monitor.

I woke fully and could see for the first time after a long, painful blur where
everything was a jumble of waking and sleeping, being fed, taken to the

bathroom, doctors and nurses, my mother and sister, so many voices and

noises. I didn’t know how long I’d been there. It felt like months. The pain

wasn’t as bad, and I felt clear headed. One of my eyes fluttered open, and I

saw Dolly Beckett lying on the pillow just inches from me.

I wanted to believe it was a dream, but she was crying.

“Dolly,” I said, my voice raspy from disuse.

“Preston,” she said, scooting closer. “Oh my god, Preston…”

“Is Devlin back?” I asked.

She shook her head, tears still falling. “No, Preston. I’m sorry. He’s

dead.”
 “No,” I said. “No, he can’t be. He said goodbye…”

The stinging started behind my nose, the one I hadn’t felt since the

shame after I took her virginity. I took that from her, from Devlin. I’d never

told him, and now I never would. I hadn’t just stolen the golden boy’s girl.

I’d killed him. That’s what Dad said.

This is your fault.

What made you like this?

I hadn’t answered. I’d been lost in drugs, in pain, and he hadn’t

come back. If he had, I would have had the answer for him.

You did, Dad.

Dolly’s face crumpled, and she buried it in my shoulder and sobbed.

“He’s gone,” she said. “They’re both gone. They had search parties, but no

one found them. They dragged their car out of the river. They said the water

rose too fast. They didn’t make it out in time. I’m so sorry, Preston.”

I held her, and I waited for the tears to come for me, but they didn’t.

Maybe I was in shock. Maybe it only worked if you had two eyes.

Dolly fell asleep, but I lay there, trying to put it together, to come to

terms with what had happened, how fast everything had changed. The end
of the year was cursed, from October onwards. Each year, it got worse than

the last. I didn’t know how I could make it through another winter. The only

thing worse was death.

 When Dolly woke, I stroked her hair back from her cheek and

kissed it. It was dark outside the small window, but the nurses had checked

and then tiptoed away, not having the heart to wake the sleeping girl in my

arms. I still had bandages on my face, but only the injured part. I saw

Dolly’s eyes move to them and then away.

“How you doing?” I whispered.

“I’ve been better,” she said with a weak laugh.

“What’s it been like at school?” I asked.

“Weird,” she said. “Tense. Everyone’s been pretty shocked about the

disappearance, and there were search parties after school for a while…
Devlin’s gone, and you were gone. It’s just Colt and Mabel. I think she

might be dating Baron Dolce, but it’s hard to tell with her.”
“What?” I asked, surprised. I’d seen him chasing her around a

couple times, but Mabel wasn’t into the social scene, and she’d never had a
boyfriend that anyone knew of. In fact, she tried so hard to be invisible and

stay out of the spotlight that even I forgot she existed sometimes, though
she lived with Colt. When we went to his house, she stayed in her room.

Unless it was a mandatory Darling event, she never showed her face around
town, and at school, she preferred to be a nobody even though she could
easily have been the most popular girl in school.
 Still, she was my cousin, and I felt a certain protective instinct.
Warning bells went off the moment I heard that Baron was still pursuing

her. Apparently it wasn’t enough to send my other cousin to the grave. They
seemed to be intent on getting rid of all of us.

“How long have a I been here?” I asked.

“Almost a month,” Dolly said. “You almost died. They put you in a

medically induced coma for nineteen days, Preston. I thought...”

Her voice cracked, and her fingers curled into the fabric of my
hospital gown.

“What?” I pressed, stroking her cheek.

“I thought I’d lost you too,” she sniffles.

“Never,” I promise. “You’ll never lose me, Doll. I’ve always loved
you, and that will never change.”

Maybe it was the drugs making me bold, taking away the filter,
making it so I couldn’t think straight and the truth came pouring out.

“Preston…”
“Stop pushing me away,” I whispered, leaning in to kiss her

tearstained cheek. “It was always meant to be us, Doll. I’ve always been
yours, even when I couldn’t have you. And you’ve always been mine, since

the moment I laid eyes on you. Before I learned to walk, I knew you were
my forever.”
 “Do you mean that?” she asked, her big blue eyes shiny with tears
and hope, as if she’d been waiting to hear that all her life.

I kissed her again, ignoring the bulky bandages over my eye and
cheek. “You were always meant to be mine,” I whispered, sliding a hand

behind her neck. “That’s why I never dated anyone, so I could be ready
when you were. It’s why I never woke Devlin up that night, and I went to

the treehouse and met you instead. Even though I let you go, let you have
time to date around until you figured out what you wanted, I wanted to be

your first. I knew someday you’d come back to me, that you’d love me in
your own time. I knew you’d choose me if I waited long enough.”

She stilled, something flickering over her gaze. “You did what?”
“I knew it would be us in the end,” I said. “That you’d see you loved

me and that I love you in a way no one else ever has because I know you in
a way no one else can.”

“That was you?” she whispered. “You took my virginity?”

“I wanted to be your first and last,” I whispered. “Just like you’re
mine. You’re my everything, Doll. Please don’t be upset. I need you right

now.”
“You had no right,” she said, her words soft but burning with

passion.
 “I know,” I said. “I couldn’t help myself. I loved you so fucking

much, Doll.”
She swallowed, a tear trickling down her cheek. I hated the way she

was looking at me, like I was a stranger now.

“Did Devlin know?” she asked at last.

“No,” I said. “No one knows except us, and my dad.”

“Your dad,” she said flatly. “Of course it all goes back to him.
Because that’s when it started for me. That day when he beat you with a

belt for breaking the vases. Remember?”

“I remember every moment with you,” I said. “I knew they were

important.”
She wiped her face and took a shaky breath. “Was it his idea?”

“Are you mad about it?” I asked. “Do you want your first time to be
with someone who’s gone, or someone who’s here, who loves you, who’s

always loved you?”

“I can’t do this right now,” she said, her plump lower lip trembling.

“Not when you’re like this. Because I want to scream at you and punch you,
and I can’t. It’s not fair of you to tell me now.”

“It doesn’t matter, though,” I insisted. “Don’t you see that? If we’re
together, it doesn’t matter. We’ll be together a million more times.”
 “But you didn’t give me a choice,” she said. “Is that why you told

me now? Because you know I can’t be pissed at you when you’re in a

hospital bed, when you almost died? Or because now you can use it to your

advantage, and you knew it was wrong, but you can pretend it’s not that bad
if we end up together?”

“It’s not, is it?”

“You violated me, Preston,” she said. “I didn’t have any choice in

the matter, and you know that if I had, I wouldn’t have done it. Do you
know what that makes you?”

“Would you rather I’d never told you?”

She swallowed. “I can’t talk about this right now. We can talk about

it when you get back. If the Dolces even let you come back…”
“It’ll be okay,” I assured her. “I’m going to be fine. I’m going to get

out of here and take care of them.”

“Let it go,” she said, her eyes pleading as they rose to meet mine.
“You have to stop fighting. They already won.”

“I can’t just walk away,” I said. “They’ll hurt Colt and Mabel.”
A chill went through me, and I was grateful that Lindsey had chosen

to go to Faulkner High with her boyfriend, even though I’d strongly

opposed her decision at the time.
 “If you go back, they might hurt you,” she said. “They might kill
you, Preston. I can’t lose you, too.”

That brought a stab of hope to my chest. She didn’t hate me. She
still cared. I leaned in, and even though I was covered in bandages and had
just revealed my betrayal, she let me kiss her. “I won’t go back then,” I said.

“If you’ll be mine.”

“What?” she asked, her gaze searching.

“Say you’ll be with me,” I said, grabbing her hand. “That you’re
mine. Life’s too short to be scared, Dolly. This might be all the time we

have. I’m tired of waiting.”

She shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes again. “But you didn’t

wait, did you?”

Her words dropped an unendurable weight on my guilty conscience,

but I didn’t stop. I would never stop until she was mine. “We can be
together,” I said. “I’ll protect you.”

“I don’t need protection,” she said. “And if you weren’t all drugged
up, you’d know that’s a terrible idea.”

“Why?” I said. “Devlin’s gone. He died with another girl. No one

expect you to play the grieving widow.”

“I’m not playing,” she said, extracting herself from my arms. “I am

grieving. We might not have been together, but he’s been my friend for
eighteen years, and she was my best friend the last few months. I’m not
going to be the heartless bitch who jumped in bed with his cousin before his

body’s even been found.”

“Then when?” I asked.

“When?”
“When is it our turn?” I asked.

She shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I don’t know,
Preston. Maybe we don’t get a turn. You took your turn and didn’t even let

me know that’s what it was, that it would be the only time we got.”
“Don’t say that.”

“Maybe the time will never be right for us,” she whispered, swiping
her tears. “Maybe it could have once, but now… I don’t know if I’ll ever be

able to look at you the same, Preston.”

“Stay,” I said, grabbing her hand when she stood from the bed.
“I can’t,” she whispered. “I have to go. I have school tomorrow.”
I stared at her a long moment before releasing her hand. My voice

came out flat and uninflected. “Are you coming back?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I need some time to think.”
“You can’t run forever.”
She turned and walked out without another word. She didn’t look

back.
 Later, when they took the bandages off and I saw my face for the
first time, I understood. I understood why she didn’t want me, even now

that Devlin would never come back to her. And I understood why I could
never ask her again, why I couldn’t make her stay or expect her to love me.
Why it would be unfair to expect anything more than horror and pity in her
eyes when she looked at me.
Because when I looked in the mirror, I saw the face I’d hidden under

the mask of Darling perfection for so long—ugly, twisted, and unlovable;

more beast than human.
At last, the lightning strike had arrived. Not the one that cleaved a
tree in two, but the one that illuminated the dark half of it, the branches that

were blackened by fire, invisible in the darkness of night.

At last, the world could see that I was damaged, a hideous monster
deformed by rage. They could see what was under the mask that the fire had
burned away.

At last, I wore the face of the man I’d always been.

OceanofPDF.com
 may 20

Dolly Beckett

When I got home from the hospital, I screamed into my pillow and pounded

it with my fists until Peanut got so excited she ran around my bed in circles
before finally giving in to her own savage nature and biting me. Then I

calmed down enough to put her out before falling back onto my bed,
stunned with grief. There were no words to express the devastation I felt. It

was beyond pain, beyond fury, beyond outrage. All those things were
present, but the raw hurt of the betrayal was too deep to comprehend. I’d

been violated by a man I’d trusted implicitly. He’d been there for me my
whole life, a constant even when Devlin’s love was uncertain.

Now I knew it had all been a lie.

Over the next month, I went back to see Preston every week, first at

the hospital and then at his grandfather’s when he went there to recover
instead of going home. Part of me wanted to believe he’d made it up, that

the drugs had caused him to say those crazy things, but I knew I was lying

to myself. Things were never the same after that day. He thought that telling

me meant we could be together, but I knew it was the opposite. We could

never be together now. That dream died in a hospital bed with his drug-

laced confession.

It was hard to hate a man so broken, though. I couldn’t change my

heart, even knowing he’d betrayed me in an unspeakable, immeasurable

way. My heart, like everything else about me, was too much, too big. Once
I loved someone, the ties I felt to them never really broke, even when they

changed. I wasn’t in love with Devlin anymore, but I was stricken with

grief every time I realized I’d never see his gorgeous golden tan, his

dazzling smile, his deep blue eyes. Not because I was in love, but because I

loved him as a person, as a part of my history.

Preston was no different. I couldn’t let go of him, either. He was a

part of me, entwined through every memory. I couldn’t remember a time

when he wasn’t part of my life, couldn’t imagine a life where he wasn’t

included. But no matter how much sympathy I felt, I could never trust him

as long as I lived, could never forget the shocking, blinding pain of the truth

he’d spilled that day. I could never forget lying awake all that night,

sobbing and screaming into my pillow at the heartbreak and helpless fury I
felt.

He had taken my virginity a long time ago, but his confession took

my innocence in a different way. I lost my faith in him, and if I couldn’t

even trust Preston Darling to have my back, who could I trust? He’d been
defending me since we were children, but it hadn’t been enough to keep

him from taking what he wanted with no regard for my heart.

Shame burned inside me when I thought of it. He’s known the most

intimate parts of me without me even knowing. He took my virginity, stole

my first time. Now it was like it wasn’t even mine, like I never got to have a

first time. I only thought I did. But it was someone else all along. Someone
else who had my first time. Someone who took his first time and forced it

into me as if it were mine. Someone who walked around for three fucking

years before telling me, probably gloating inside that he’d taken my

innocence and I didn’t even know it. That he’d felt my raw cunt front the

inside, claimed the deepest parts of me, cum inside me.

Worse still, I couldn’t quite rid myself of the feeling that he’d

chosen his timing carefully, told me when he knew I couldn’t hate him

without being wracked with guilt.

So, even though I continued to visit him, I could never look at him

the same again. He was in a huge amount of pain and usually doped up on
pain meds, not to mention the rage I could feel shimmering under the

surface every time he talked about the Dolce boys. They had done this to

him, but they’d walked free after their arrest. Everyone in town knew their

dad had greased a lot of wheels to make it happen, but it was just further
proof that everything had changed. If a Darling could be nearly killed and

his attackers face no consequences, how much power did they have?

Besides me and his family, no one seemed to remember Preston

existed. He’d never had a girlfriend or any close friends at school besides

his own family. No one visited him. People mourned Devlin, and by the

time they were done, there was nothing left for the boy who didn’t die. That

wasn’t as tragic, as exciting, for our little town.

He wouldn’t have allowed anyone close even if they’d tried. To tell

the truth, the scars on his face were pretty terrible. He’d always been a little

vain, and I knew how utterly devastated he must have been when he saw all

that was ruined. After a month or so, when he finally accepted that I wasn’t

going to simply forgive him for the past because of his current situation, he

told me he didn’t want me to visit anymore. He was angry and withdrawn,

and I didn’t know how to help him without breaking my own heart, so I

respected his wishes.

A few good things happened my senior year, twinkling stars amid

the tragedies that blackened the town and the betrayal that crushed my

heart. To anyone else, they may have looked like silly, trivial things, but I

held onto their beauty, treasuring them the way I remembered little Preston

Darling picking wild daisies like they were as good as any other flowers
and not weeds. Sometimes, you had to look for the beauty in the weeds.
 The first thing that happened was that I started gaining more

followers on my account on The Tea app. I reused the pink song on several

videos showing my outfits, and one that featured me and Peanut wearing

matching outfits went viral. I woke up one day to hundreds of shares,

thousands of comments, and millions of views. Thanks to the stellar

acoustics in my walk-in closet, people were making their own videos with

the song, too. It was one of those things that hit with the right combination

of timing and luck. People were posting their degrees from Georgetown and

Yale with their long fake nails; their pink headers for the businesses they’d

started themselves; even a few pink trucks, though none quite the color Dad
had chosen when he bought me the truck for my sweet sixteen.

Of course there were tons of nasty comments, mostly because I had

equated watching baseball to the Bachelor, but there were lots of nice ones,

too. It made me feel good, a tiny bright spot when everything else in my life

seemed to be on a slow and steady downward trend. So I started posting

regularly and made a few more songs that people also picked up. That

happened just after Crystal and Devlin disappeared.

We’d become fast friends, and even though that made it doubly

devastating when she and Devlin disappeared, she also brought me and my

little cousin Dixie together. I was glad I had someone, even someone I
didn’t know well, rather than being completely alone. Because we hadn’t

just lost Devlin into the river that night. We’d lost all the Darlings.

With only Colt left to defend the throne, the Darlings were no longer

reigning kings at school. He was too stunned by grief after Devlin’s

disappearance to put up much of a fight, and within a month, he’d conceded

to the Dolces. He stopped coming to the café for lunch, and I rarely saw

him anymore.

Preston tried to come back after spring break, but with his face the

way it was, there was no way. It wasn’t just that he would never be popular.

People couldn’t help but stare. It was human nature to be curious about

something so different, shocked even. And the Dolce boys constantly

harassed and provoked him, waving things on his blind side and calling him

all manner of despicable names.

Even though everyone was probably as horrified as I was, no one

stood up for him. They went along with the Dolces when they labeled him

the school scum. The fact that he’d gone from untouchable royalty to an

untouchable leper in a matter of months made everyone wary and

uncomfortable. After all, if their kings could fall so far so fast, what would
it take to ruin the commoners?

Devlin was dead. Colt ate lunch on the bleachers every day. Preston

was a scarred, half blind, shell of the man he’d been. After a few days, he
started eating outside with Colt. I joined them, but nothing could get

through Preston’s wall of despair. Sometimes, I wondered what would have

happened if I’d said yes that day in the hospital. But mostly, I tried not to

think about it. Preston needed something much bigger than a girlfriend.

A month after returning, he dropped out of school to take his classes

online for the rest of the year.

I finished out senior year, cried buckets at graduation, and skipped

the parties. I knew I was lucky—unbelievably, Destiny-in-life-level-lucky

—to have walked out of that place as unscathed as I was. Considering my

close ties to the Darlings and the fact that the Dolces regarded me with
suspicion since I’d been close with Crystal before her disappearance, I

knew it could have been so much worse. I was alive, uninjured, and
thanking the lord on my knees each night that after completing a course of

antibiotics to make sure I was healthy after hooking up with the Dolce
twins, I had walked away without a scratch.

Yes, I’d lost two best friends and the love of my life so far. I’d been
cast out of my lifelong group of friends. I’d spent a good part of senior year

eating lunch alone, with an outcast freshman or the fallen gods who
couldn’t even eat in the café at lunch. I’d lost my faith in the one man I had
always trusted in some instinctive, unspoken way, a man I trusted to have

my back the way he had since elementary, to love me at least as a friend, to

do what was right for me. In some way, that was the last thread holding me
to Faulkner, the last of my faith in humanity, or at least the male half of it.

It wasn’t all bad, though. I’d survived my senior year on my own,

even without my group of friends to fall back on, by following my motto—

What would Destiny do? I’d made new friends, found a splash of internet
fame, and even had that threesome Destiny had warned me wasn’t all it was

cracked up to be. She’d been right, as expected. Still, I was proud of myself
for doing something bad. I’d liked it, even if it wasn’t something I wanted
to do again. More than that, it was the perfect rebound to help me get over

Devlin.
After graduation, I’d decided to do something just for me,

something that had nothing to do with marriage or babies or even love. I

had decided to move to LA and follow our dream of becoming famous. I

knew I didn’t have Destiny’s singing chops. I’d never be a Beyonce.

I could, however, see myself as a Baby Spice.

I didn’t have a band, but I could get a job out there until I found one.
So, with butterflies swarming in my tummy, I headed for the bus station the

week after graduation.

When I’d told my parents earlier in the year, they’d been shocked,

but they couldn’t make me stay. I was eighteen, and I had no husband
waiting to put a ring on my finger, no life in Faulkner already planned out.
In the end, they’d come around to supporting me, telling me they knew I
could be a star and that they were proud of me.

They were happy I’d blossomed into my own person. It was the last
thing anyone would have expected from me two years ago. Even Destiny

wouldn’t have believed it if she could see me now. For the first three years
of high school, I’d been so content on Devlin’s arm, but I’d been a scared,

timid person, always afraid to be myself for fear that he’d leave me.
All those years, I’d been too blinded by love to pursue my own

dreams, to even consider what my dreams might be. I’d given so much of
myself to someone else that it had left me depleted and small. I hadn’t even

seen that I’d disappeared into my love, become nothing but a big beating
heart for Devlin. I wasn’t mad at him for it. Love had done that to me, not

Devlin. But he was gone, and as long as I kept my heart free, nothing could
stand in my way.

“I just can’t believe my baby girl is all grown up,” Mama said,
dabbing at her eyes. “It seems like yesterday I was watching you push
Preston Darling in the dirt for stealing a kiss.”

“Well, that’s what you get for kissing a girl without her permission,”
I said, feeling happy and reckless and scared as the tiny bus station came

into view.
“He did bring you flowers first,” she pointed out.
 “Still doesn’t give him the right to take what he wants,” I said, raw

pain scraping away at my heart when I thought of what else he’d taken
without my permission. So much more than my mother knew, so much

more than a kiss. I had to fight tears every time I thought of what he’d done,
what he’d stolen from me, how savage he’d been. At least I hadn’t slept

with him later, not knowing what he’d done. He’d only gone down on me
that one time. I was glad nothing else had ever happened between us. I was
ready to leave him and this town behind forever.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Mama said with a giggle. “They were weeds,
anyway.”

I felt a little flare of protectiveness in my chest. I didn’t like anyone

talking bad about Preston, especially after his accident, even knowing what

he’d done to me. My feelings were way too complicated to untangle, even
now. In truth, I was a little worried that he might just take the whole bottle

of pain pills he’d gotten after his accident. I didn’t like to think about him in
his Grampa’s mansion with all the old man’s guns. He’d moved there after

being released from the hospital instead of going home. He said it had more
security, was protected from the Dolces, but I suspected it had something to

do with his dad, who hadn’t visited him a in the hospital a single time after
he woke up. All I knew was that it was unhealthy for him to be locked up

there, basically alone with his misery and anger.

 But I couldn’t fix him, couldn’t change the past no matter how much

I wished otherwise. He had his own life to figure out, and I had mine. I
wasn’t going to stay in Faulkner and live for anyone else anymore. It was

time for me to spread my wings and fly.

Dad met us in the parking lot and gave me a hug before pulling my

suitcases from the trunk of Mama’s car. He pointedly ignored her and didn’t
mention where my stepmother was, but I wasn’t surprised she hadn’t come

to see me off. She was probably having a cocktail with her friends in
celebration of my departure.

Mama had taken Peanut Butter, who I couldn’t stand to take with me
into an unknown future. As much as I wanted to, I knew it was unfair to

bring her to California just to leave her in my apartment alone all day while
I’d be out working and finding auditions. She’s be happy at my mom’s,

where my younger stepsiblings loved her and she could go out in the
backyard any time she needed.
After saying my goodbyes to my parents at the bus station, I turned

and saw a tall, elegant figure climbing down from a white Escalade truck.
My heart did a little flip before he turned, and I was reminded, as I always

was, of what he’d become. Most of the scars were centered around the eye
he’d lost, with the burns only on that side of his forehead and down onto his

cheek. I’d gotten somewhat used to them—they were just part of his face
now. But I knew that after living seventeen years with a face that made
panties drop, it was a devastating loss for him.

“Want us to stick around?” Dad asked, his brows lowering in a

frown. He’d become close with the Dolce patriarch and distanced himself
from the Darlings now that legal troubles and family scandals plagued them

at every turn.
A mayor’s gotta do what a mayor’s gotta do.

“Y’all can go on home now,” I said, gulping down my nerves and

giving Dad a brave smile. “He’s just here to say goodbye.”

I hugged each of my parents, and they went their separate ways,

although Mama said she’d wait to wave goodbye to the bus. When they

were gone, I turned to face Preston, who was standing on the hot pavement
outside the bus station. The bus was already running, the smell of diesel

exhaust hanging heavy in the suffocating late-May heat.

“You’re leaving,” he said.

“You came to see me off?” I asked, a lump in my throat.

“Some things are worth having people look like they’re going to

vomit when they see me.”

“Preston,” I said, my heart aching for him. “No one sees you like

that.”
 His lips tightened. “How would you know? You don’t have to walk
around this town with everyone knowing you’re a disgrace and pitying you

for it.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I get to look the way I’ve always looked. But

this town knows who you are, Preston. You’re not a stranger to them. They
understand you. They know what happened, but you’re still you. You’re

still a Darling. Some of them may feel bad for you, but they’ll get used to it.
It’s not that bad.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Dolly,” he said, crossing the space

between us. “You can lie to this whole town, even your parents, even

yourself, but never to me.”

“What does that mean?”

“This isn’t your dream, and we both know it. This is Destiny’s
dream.”
I stepped back, shaking my head. “It was our dream. I want to honor
her memory.”

“Or maybe you’re still hung up on Devlin,” he said bitterly. “Maybe

you’re still trying to prove yourself to him.”
“Not to him,” I said. “But maybe to myself. I have to do this,
Preston.”

“Why?”
 The question was so simple, but the answers were too complicated
to explain on the front stoop of a bus station where an old man was smoking

a cigarette and a woman was sitting on her suitcase, waiting to board and
studiously avoiding looking at Preston’s burned face.
How could I tell him that Faulkner wasn’t enough without it
sounding like he wasn’t enough? I knew how that felt. Devlin had done a
number on me, and now I didn’t know if I’d ever feel like enough. I never

wanted to make Preston feel like that, but I knew I had to do this. I had to
find out if I was enough on my own, and the only way to do that was to be
truly on my own. It was terrifying to set out like this, truly alone for the first
time in my life, but it was something I had to do.

“I want to be something bigger than I can be in this town,” I said at

last.
“You’re already something amazing in this town,” he said.
“Everyone knows you too, Doll. They love you, all of you. The pink truck,

your losses… This town understands you. You’re their queen.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to be a homecoming queen or the
girl in the pink truck all my life,” I said. “Maybe I want to be somewhere
that no one knows that I broke up with their beloved son and then he died.

That I had two best friends and they both died. Maybe I just want to start
over where no one knows anything about me, and I can be anything I
want.”

“You’ll know.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I know my baggage goes with me, Preston.
Wherever you go, there you are, and all that. But I want to start over, away
from all this darkness and tragedy. Don’t you ever want that?”

“Every fucking day,” he said quietly.

I swallowed, fighting the sting behind my eyes. “I just want to see
what I can do outside this town. What I can be.”
“You can be anything you want here,” he said. “Maybe not famous,

but that’s surface. That’s not what you really want.”

“And you know what I want better than I do?” I asked, planting a
hand on my hip, thinking about what he’d taken from me with no regard for
what I wanted, giving me no choice in the matter. He didn’t even give me
the truth. For three years, he let me be his friend, let me believe he wanted

what was best for me, let me walk around never knowing that he was the
one who’d brutally defiled me, not his cousin. He let me think Devlin hurt
me without apologizing when all along, Preston was the one who owed me
the apology. And he never even gave it, not even when he finally had the

decency to give me the truth.

 “You want big love,” he said without missing a beat, oblivious to

my seething devastation. “The kind you gave Devlin. You want to matter.
You want to be enough, to be everything to someone. You want to finally
get what you deserve. And you can have it, Doll. Just stay.”
“I can’t,” I said, swallowing hard and looking at the bus, where the
driver was loading the suitcases into the luggage compartment.

“You can,” he said. “One year. For me. Then I’ll graduate, and I’ll
come with you.”
“Don’t do this,” I said, my voice cracking with pain and anger.
“Please, Preston. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go if you don’t

believe in me.”
“I believe in you,” he said, taking both my hands in his. “Dolly, I
fucking believe in you more than anyone else on this earth. Here, I got you
something. And I wanted to tell you something…” He pulled a little white

jewelry box from his pocket and handed it to me.

“What’s this?” I asked, my heart skipping even though it wasn’t a
ring box.
“It’s for you,” he said. “To replace the old one.”

I swallowed, a weird little knot of dread forming in my belly at the

thought of the ballerina charm Devlin gave me. But when I opened the box,
a sparkling daisy on a platinum chain glittered up at me. “Preston…”
 His name caught in my throat, and I couldn’t speak. Why did he

have to go and do something like this right when I hated him most, when
I’d decided I could never forgive him for the utter violation he’d admitted
to? Why did he have to remember everything, like he said in the hospital?
I knew why he’d chosen a daisy. It was like the daisies he’d picked

for me that day, when the innocent crush of a four-year-old drove him to
pull up the weeds and present them to me like I was a queen. In some poetic
way, it seemed fitting that it was now the last gift he’d give me, that it was
all grown up and studded with diamonds and nestled in a clean box instead

of petal-soft and bearing the bruises of his careless fingers yanking them up,
the roots studded with dirt clumps.
“Just because I’m here to say goodbye, it doesn’t mean I want you
to go,” he said. “You can have the whole world right here in Faulkner.”
“Thank you,” I said, tears wetting my lashes.

“I’ve already lost Devlin,” he said quietly, taking the necklace from
the box. He held it up, reaching behind my neck to fasten the clasp, his
fingers so gentle they threatened to break me more than any roughness
could have. “I can’t lose you, too.”

“You’re not losing me,” I said, even though I knew it was a lie. “I’m
just moving away.”
“Then I’ll wait for you,” he said. “I’ll wait for you to come back.”
 “No,” I said, stepping back. “Don’t wait for me, Preston. I don’t

want that. I’m going to live my life. You should live yours, too.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” he asked, raking a hand through
his short hair. “How can I do anything without you?”
“I’m sorry,” I said, a tear spilling down my check. “I’m sorry I have

to go, and I’m sorry you have to stay. I’m sorry your family’s going through
this, and I’m sorry they did that to you. But I couldn’t stop any of it then,
and I can’t stop any of it now.”
“I can live with it,” he said, stepping closer and sliding a hand over

my cheek. Gently, he wiped away my tear with his thumb. “I can’t live
without you, Doll.”
I swallowed, my throat aching. “Please don’t do this.”
“Then don’t leave.”

“I have to,” I said, pulling away and taking a shaky breath to collect
myself.
“Why?” he asked again.
“You know why,” I said. “I can’t be here anymore, Preston. I can’t

breathe in this town.”

His eyes were so dark, so desperate, and his words came out ragged,
the smooth leather of his voice torn by grief. “I can’t breathe without you.”
“You have to,” I said, crying freely now. “You have to let me go.”
 “I can’t.”
“And I can’t stay,” I said. “If you care about someone, you let them
go. Let me go, Preston.”
“And if they care…”

“They come back,” I whispered.

I’d used that same reasoning when I broke up with Devlin, and I
knew how devastatingly true it was. He hadn’t come back because he’d
never loved me back.

Maybe Preston was right, and there was love for me in this town.
But maybe there was love for me somewhere else too, somewhere
full of sunshine and happiness instead of darkness and heartache. I couldn’t
let myself believe that love only happened once; that at nineteen, all the
love I’d ever give was already gone. That the best of life was behind me,

and I’d live like a lonely widow for the rest of my days just because I’d
opened myself up to love and given so much of it when I was young.
The bus driver called for boarding, and Preston pulled me into his
arms, holding me so hard I couldn’t breathe. “Please,” he whispered into

my hair. “I’m fucking begging here, Doll.”

“Don’t forget me,” I whispered back.
And then I pulled away, and I climbed onto the bus, and I sat down
in a seat away from the window. Maybe I’d been brave to love Devlin, and
maybe I was brave to follow this crazy dream. I wasn’t brave enough to
watch Preston drive away, though, to see if he left before I did. So I lay my
head back on the seat and closed my eyes, and I didn’t open them until the
bus pulled onto the interstate and left Faulkner and everyone in it behind.

Preston & Dolly’s story concludes in Deviant Deception, available here:

http://books2read.com/deviantdeception

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