Planning Your Handfasting: Pagan Wedding Considerations for Couples by Selena Fox

Take time to reflect on these issues and discuss options with each other as part of your
preparations for your handfasting or other Pagan wedding. By working together in deciding the
answers to these questions, you can strengthen your process of communication and decision
making, plus you will create the framework upon which your wedding ritual can take shape in a
planning session with me or whomever you choose to perform your rite.
When: On what day do we want to get handfasted? What time of day do we want our handfasting?
Where: In what geographical area do we plan to get handfasted? In what specific place do we want
to have the handfasting? Do we want the handfasting outdoors or inside? If outside, what shelter is
available in case of inclement weather?
Who: How large of a group of guests do we want to have at our handfasting? Who are the guests
we definitely want to be present? What other guests would we like to be present? Who are the
guests we definitely do not want to be present? Who do we want to perform the handfasting? Who
do we want to have in what roles in the handfasting? Do we want music at the handfasting, and if
so, by whom? Do we want our handfasting photographed, audio taped, video taped, and if so, by
whom?
How: How long of a handfasting rite do we want to have? Do we want our handfasting to be legally
binding? Do we want the handfasting orientation to be primarily spiritual or secular-cultural? How
formal do we want our handfasting to be: informal, somewhat formal, very formal? How elaborate
do we want our handfasting to be: simple, moderate, complex? Do we want guests seated or
standing, and in what configuration during the handfasting? Do we want a reception, and if so, when
and where? What other handfasting-related activities, if any, are we planning? How do we plan to
end our handfasting day?
What: Do we want to have our hands joined together as part of the ceremony? Do we want to jump
the broom? What other customs do we want as part of our ceremony? * What special objects do we
want on the handfasting altar? What is the color theme for our handfasting? What form of clothing
and colors do we plan to wear? What flowers, if any, do we plan to wear and/or carry? What flowers
or other plants do we plan to have as decorations? What ideas do we have for our handfasting
ceremony design and decor?
Why: Why do we as individuals and as a couple want to become handfasted? What does getting
handfasted mean to us? What do we hope that getting handfasted will do for us and our
relationship?
Rehearsal: 24 - 4 hours before wedding begins a walk-through with couple and others with roles in
the ceremony is undertaken.
Site Preparation: 1-4 hours before a wedding begins the area is consecrated, an altar is set-up
and we hold a final briefing.
Arrival of Guests: A group processional entry or the direction of seating by ushers occurs; live or
recorded music may be played. Processional of Couple and attendants process after signal by
minister (Selena).
Special Acknowledgments: Couple acknowledges family, ancestors, and/or special guests.
Attunement: A moment of interfaith Divine attunement is accessed through silence, toning, and/or
imagery.
Circle Casting: Using imagery, sound, and/or movement.
Elemental Blessings: Couple journeys with minister(s) to each of the compass points to receive a
blessing of the Direction and its associated Element. (Tools and qualities have been pre-selected
during Planning session.)

Earth: North, the Physical Realm // Tools: a pentacle of salt, a dish of fertile soil, or a platter with a
round loaf bread// qualities: good health, a happy home, groundedness, and fertility

Air: East, the Mental Realm // Tools: incense, feather, or bell // qualities: wisdom, good
communication, learning, and intellectual growth

Fire: South, the Action Realm // Tools: candle or wand // qualities: creativity, harmony, sensuality,
and vitality
Water: West, the Emotional Realm // Tools: water from a chalice or bowl // qualities: understanding,
emotional support, intuition, and friendship

Spirit: Center, the Spiritual Realm // Tools: anointing oil, crystal, or other Spirit symbol // qualities:
balance, wholeness, integrity, and spiritual growth

Spiritual Marriage as Sacred Union of Female - Male aspects of Divinity

Goddess Evocation
Divine Female principle evoked in the Bride
God Evocation
Divine Male principle evoked in the Groom

Consecration of Rings: The minister(s) bless rings and/or other tokens of exchange.

Exchanging of Vows and Rings: Bride and Groom speak commitments to each other.

Handfasting with Cords: Cords from Bride and Groom are joined and their hands fastened.

Blessings: Well wishes on the marriage spoken by minister(s) and/or guests.

Sacred Union: With visualization, movement, and/or sound, "Joined in Love" or other chant may be
voiced.

Assimilation: In silence, or with music, prose, or poetry.

Marriage Pronouncement: Verbal affirmation by minister(s) that the couple is now married.

Sharing: Couple shares food and/or beverage.

Thanksgiving: Couple and minister(s) give thanks to the Divine at directions.

Uncasting the Circle: The formal ritual ends with a benediction.

Broom Jump: Couple jumps together while audience cheers.

Celebration: Receiving line, photographs, feasting, gift opening, merry-making

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The Minister shaw say

We have come together here in celebration of the joining together of (N) and (N). There are many
things to say about marriage. Much wisdom concerning the joining together of two souls has come
our way through all paths of belief, and from many cultures. With each union, more knowledge is
gained and more wisdom gathered. Though we are unable to give all this knowledge to these two
who stand before us, we can hope to leave with them the knowledge of love and its strengths and
the anticipation of the wisdom that comes with time."

"The law of life is love unto all beings. Without love, life is nothing, without love, death has no
redemption. Marriage is a bond to be entered into only after considerable thought and reflection.
As with any aspect of life, it has its cycles, its ups and its downs, its trials and its triumphs. With full
understanding of this, (N) and (N) have come here today to be joined as one in the bond of
marriage."
"Others would ask, at this time, who gives the bride in marriage, but Woman is not property to be
bought and sold, given and taken. We ask simply if she comes of her own will."

The Minister shall turn to the bride, and say:

"(N), is it true that you come of your own free will and accord?"

And the bride shall respond:

"Yes, it is true."

And the Minister shall then say:

"Please join hands and listen to that which I am about to say. . . . .Above you are the stars, below
you are the stones, as time passes, remember. . .like a stone, your love should be firm; like a star,
your love should be constant. Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your
marriage, let the strength of your wills bind you together, let the power of love and desire make you
happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable. Be close, but not too close.
Possess one another, yet be understanding. Have patience with one another, for storms will come,
but they will pass quickly. Be free in giving affection and warmth. Have no fear and let not the
ways of the unenlightened give you unease, for Goddess is with you always."

The Unity Candle -

Minister :
"Marriage brings two people into a unique relationship. While each is separate, we arrive here
with a past full of love and remembrance. In this union you will share many experiences as if you
were one yet each of you retain your identity. I invite you now to light this candle as a symbol of the
union of your lives. May your love so endure that its flame remains a guiding light unto you."

(remind the Bride to give her bouquet to her Maids of Honor)

The bride holds the candle while the groom lights it.

The Exchange of Rings-

The Minister shall then say:

"The circle of the ring speaks of the continual nature of love for it has no beginning and it has no
end. May this circle of love declare your unity and oneness of your life together. And may these
rings represent a love glowing with increasing luster through the years before you."

The Minister shall then say to the Groom:

"N, I have not the right to bind you to N; only you have this right. If it be your wish, say so at this
time and place your ring in her hand."

And the groom shall respond:

"It is my wish."

The Minister shall then say to the Bride:

"(N), if it be your wish for (N) to be bound to you, place the ring on his finger."

And the bride shall place the ring on the groom's left ring finger.

The Minister shall then say to the Bride:

"(N), I have not the right to bind you to (N); only you have this right. If it be your wish, say so at
this time, and place your ring in his hand."
And the bride shall answer:

"It is my wish."

The Minister shall then say to the Groom:

"(N), if it be your wish for (N) to be bound to you, place the ring on her finger."

And the groom shall place the ring on the bride's left ring finger.

The Minister shall then say to the Groom:

"I, (grooms full name), in the name of the spirit of God and Goddess that resides within us all, and
the love that resides within my heart, I take thee (bride's full name) to be my chosen one. I promise
to love thee wholly and completely, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad, in life
and beyond."

The Minister shall then say to the Bride:

"I, (bride's full name), in the name of the spirit of Goddess that resides within us all, and the love
that resides within my heart, take thee, (Groom's full name) to be my chosen one. I promise to love
thee wholly and completely, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad, in life and
beyond."

The Minister shall then say:

"May the sacred curve of Her arm enfold you. May the stars of Her dark veil cover you."

The Binding-
(Best person explains briefly the symbolism behind the ribbon binding, while (N) and (N) join left
hands and Minister begins the binding. Ribbon is tied so that couple can remove their hands
without untying the ribbon.)

Best Person :
"Tying the knot did not start out being an abstract term; the lovers' knot that binds two hands
together represents an indissoluble union, and the tying of a knot is still practiced in various ways by
different peoples as a symbol of love, affection, faith, friendship, and duty."

Minister :
"Love made fast by tying together." (Removes the ribbon, still tied.)

Best Person : [ Apache Wedding Prayer ]

"Now you will feel no rain,
For each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no more loneliness,
For each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place
To enter into the days of your togetherness
And may your days be good and long upon the earth."

Minister :
Go in Peace, and in Joy.
Go together as partners in life, sealing your union with a kiss.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have the honor to present for the first time . . .
Mr. and Mrs. (N)!