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Yes_No_Mayb
Yes_No_Mayb
YES / NO /
MAYBE
LIST
(for
beginners)
How to use it
Print two copies. You and your partner
should each fill one out separately. BE AS
HONEST AS POSSIBLE!! Giving the answer
that you THINK your partner wants will
only muddy the communication.
Speaking of varsity-level activities: this list includes some light power play activities,
but does not delve deep into BDSM territory. There are already many excellent
Yes/No/Maybe lists for BDSM play that can be found through a quick Google search. If
you want to move into more serious impact play, fetish play, and other harder-core
activities, seek them out.
Keep talking!
This is not a one-time conversation. Make a date with your partner to revisit your lists
periodically – every three months? Six months? Once a year? Things change over time.
Make sure you are up-to-date on your partner’s needs and desires!
That’s why I suggest rating your “yes”es from 1 (“I’m willing to do this occasionally to
please my partner”) to 10 (“HELL YES!”).
What if you mark something as a “yes” or a “maybe” … but when you do it, you don’t love
it? Let your partner know! IT’S OKAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND! And if you find that
something is more exciting to fantasize about than to actually do, let your partner
know that too! Perhaps you can incorporate it into your dirty talk, but make sure your
partner understands your boundaries.
Next steps
This checklist is a great place to start conversation with your partner. In doing this
exercise, some couples may find that there are deeper issues to address. In those
cases, it’s often useful to have a coach or counselor join you to make sure that everyone
feels safe, seen, heard, and understood. If you find yourself in this situation, please
don’t hesitate to reach out to me to talk about coaching. You can email me directly at
Leah@LeahCarey.com or you can fill out my coaching form at leahcarey.com/work-
with-me. I look forward to talking with you!
Sensual kissing
Passionate kissing
Kissing/licking/nibbling (where?)
Vaginal fisting
Anal fisting
G-spot stimulation
G-spot massage
Prostate massage
How are you doing? Is this making you nervous? That last
page was a lot!
Sex positions:
Side-by-side
Sitting
Standing
69
Tit fucking
Pegging
Quickies
Costumes as foreplay
Rope tying
Electric stimulation
Strap ons
Ice cubes
Body paints
Candle wax
Nipple clamps
Food play
Enemas
Butt plugs
Many “vanilla” couples explore light power play activities like the ones listed below.
If you are interested in pursuing more intense D/s activities, search Google for
“BDSM yes/no/maybe checklist.”
Orgasm denial
Edging
Giving impact
On a/ pain
pain / impact scale of 0 to 10, I can experience pleasure at a ____
On a pain / impact scale of 0 to 10, I can be comfortable giving at a ____
Sensation play (feather, silk, vampire gloves)
Outdoor sex
TV on during foreplay
TV on during sex
Swallowing ejaculate
Ejaculating in vagina
Ejaculating in anus
Ejaculating on face
Phone sex
Alcohol
Marijuana
Acid
Mushrooms
TV on during foreplay
TV on during sex
Now make a plan to sit down with your partner and go over
your lists.
What if you could have ANYTHING you want in the bedroom without fear
of being shamed or feeling like there’s something wrong with you (even if
what you want is LESS sex)?
Leah Carey
is a sexual communication coach who helps people learn to communicate about sex so they
can get what they really want in the bedroom - rather than just accepting (or tolerating!)
what they’re given.