Preliminary Draft

A simple child's concern became a man's passion. When I was a child, life seemed very

simple to me, I tried to get good grades in school to fully enjoy the holidays, so that summer

when I was 12 years old, I felt like it was the end of the world when I realized that I needed a

new bike and didn't know where to start to get the money for it.

A week before school ended, my friends and I were planning our summer. Some of the

plans were to go out to the pool, visit the mall, and play the video game of the moment, but

without a doubt, the one that I was most excited about was a group bike trip to the mountains to

reach a natural waterfall in about a month. Just thinking about the refreshing breeze hitting my

face and the icy river water numbing my feet and hands made my skin crawl. That's why when I

got home later that day, I decided to dust off my old bike, that my parents gave me for Christmas

when I was 8 years old, from the garage.

As soon as I took out my old bike from the garage, I realized the poor condition it was in.

The seat was torn, a thin layer of rust ran along the chain making it squeak, and the wheels

resembled a ring of gum, but my biggest surprise was that I didn't fit on that bike anymore, I had

grown a lot since the last time I used it. During dinner that day, I told my parents about the trip to

the mountains and the poor state of my old bike, although they can't afford a whole new bike,

they gave me a portion of the money to finance the bike with my own work.

The next weekend I went with my parents to a new place in the city that sold wholesale

ice cream to new entrepreneurs. I bought different flavors, such as the refreshing citrus ice

creams of orange, lemon, and passion fruit, and the classic and creamier flavors of chocolate,

vanilla, and strawberry. I came home very excited to write the ads for my new “business”, and it
didn't take me long to make my first sale to my friends who came to visit me. Everything

indicated that I would buy the bike before the date of the trip, or for a moment, that was the case.

A week later, I noticed that fewer and fewer people were buying my ice cream because a store

around the corner of my neighborhood also started selling the same ice cream.

The sales that week were not very good so I felt sad and disappointed, and since there

was a lot of ice cream left in the freezer, I decided to have one to cheer myself up. Even though it

had a very creamy texture that melted in my mouth, I needed an extra bit of sweetness to ease my

sadness, so I grabbed some cookies from the kitchen, crushed them a little, and added them to the

ice cream. I focused on the combination of flavors and textures until I felt a little better, and at

that moment, a thought struck me: cookies took ice cream to another level so why not sell them

together. I felt excited again and decided to sell not only ice cream but a whole combination of

ice cream, sweets, and cookies.

The first thing I did the next day was go out to buy the new ingredients and renew my ads

with the new combinations with cookies, chocolates, gummies, and M&M's. Word spread in the

neighborhood about my ice cream and sparked curiosity among the other neighbors who came to

check it out. They liked it so much how the pieces of cookie and chocolate looked almost

overflowing the cups of ice cream that some asked me how I came up with the idea. I briefly told

them my story, which generated empathy for my cause. In the days that followed, sales

increased so much that I had to renew my inventory a couple of times.

I felt a lot of satisfaction when I told my clients why I started my small business and I

noticed some admiration on their part, I was proud of what I did and that was when, without

knowing it at the time, my passion for sales and marketing began as I connected with my

customers through telling a story, reinventing and overcoming an obstacle. That summer I
managed to buy a used bike to go for a ride to the mountains with my friends and, although the

breeze was never as fresh and the river water as cold as that day, inside me there was a feeling

that kept me very warm, a feeling of pride.

Notes:

Development: I would appreciate it if you could tell me if the paragraph size is

appropriate or if a higher level of detail is needed.

Organization: My main concern regarding organization is that the essay has a logical

chronological order and that the sections of each paragraph are coherent.

Sensory details: I'm not sure if the amount of sensory details is correct or if it should

contain a few more in each paragraph.