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Chapter 2
Communication:
The Foundation of Police Operations
CHAPTER 2 OUTLINE
Introduction
Lines of Communication within an Agency
Technological Advances in Police Communication
Enhanced Access to Databases
The National Crime Information Center (NCIC)
The National Data Exchange (N-DEx)
The Law Enforcement Online Service (LEO)
OneDOJ Initiative
Regional Information Sharing System (RISS) Program
The Law Enforcement Information Exchange (LInX)
CrimeCog
Intelligence Communications Enterprise For Information Sharing
and Exchange (ICEFISHX)
Web Sites and Social Media
Concerns about Technology in Police Communication
Communication Security
Interference on the Line and Dropped Calls
Lack of Interoperability
Lack of a Common Language among Public Safety Agencies and Agents
Chapter 2: Communication: The Foundation of Police Operations 7
Challenges in Communicating with an Increasingly Diverse Public

Communicating with the Elderly
Communicating with Non-English-Speaking Immigrants
Communicating with Those from a Different Culture
Communicating with Individuals with Disabilities or Conditions Affecting Speech
Communicating with Individuals Who Are Mentally Ill
Communicating with Individuals Who Are Mentally Retarded or Autistic
Interacting with Individuals Who Are Mentally Retarded
Interacting with Individuals Who Are Autistic
Communicating to Obtain Information
The Field Inquiry and Authority to Stop
The Interview
The Importance of Rapport
Setting the Stage
Recording Interviews
Types of Questions
© 2014 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
6
Interviewing Techniques
Phrasing Questions
Avoiding Contaminating an Interview
Interviewing Witnesses and Victims: The Lifeblood of Criminal Cases
The Cognitive Interview
Interviewing Children
Statements
Information from Informants
Anonymous Tips
The Interrogation
The Miranda Decision
Waiving the Miranda Rights
Which Comes First: Miranda Warning or Questioning?
When Miranda Is Not Required
Providing Consular Rights Warnings to Foreign Nationals
Ethical Considerations in Interrogation
Use of Force or Coercion during Interrogation
Detecting Deception
Truth Detection Technology
Documenting Confessions
Report Writing
The Importance of Field Notes
Purposes of Reports
The Audience
or in part.
8 Instructor’s Resource Manual
Common Problems with Reports

The Effective Report
Computer-Assisted Report Entry
Interaction and Cooperation with the Media
Summary
Application
An Exercise in Critical Thinking
Discussion Questions
Gale Emergency Services Database Assignments
References
Cases Cited
CHAPTER 2 SUMMARY
Effective communication can produce several positive outcomes and can be used to inform,
persuade, diffuse, guide, motivate, reassure, and negotiate. Internal communication may be
vertical (downward or upward) or horizontal (lateral). Among the valuable databases available to
police officers are the National Crime Information Center (NCIC), the Law Enforcement
National Data Exchange (N-DEx), the Law Enforcement Online service (LEO), the OneDOJ
Initiative, the Regional Information Sharing System (RISS) Program, the Law Enforcement
Information Exchange (LInX), CrimeCog, and the Intelligence Communications Enterprise For
Information Sharing and Exchange (ICEFISHX).
Special problems encountered with communications technology include keeping police

communications secure, interference on the line and dropped calls, lack of interoperability, and a
lack of common language. The Department of Homeland Security recommends that first
responders replace their 10-codes with plain language communications.
Special populations that may pose especially challenging communication issues include the
elderly, individuals who speak little or no English or have different cultural backgrounds, and
those with disabilities or diseases that may impair their ability to communicate. An individual
with Alzheimer’s disease may have slurred, incoherent speech resembling intoxication. The
speech of a person who has been deaf since birth may be mistaken for that of one who is
intoxicated or using drugs. An epileptic seizure can look like intoxication or the influence of
street drugs, as all may involve impaired consciousness, incoherent speech, glassy-eyed staring,
and aimless wandering.
Effective communication in the field is critical to successful police operations and includes field
inquiries, interviews, and interrogations. The right to stop and question suspicious people (field
inquiries) was established in the landmark case of Terry v. Ohio (1968). In Miranda v. Arizona
(1966), the Supreme Court established the following rights applied to custodial interrogations:
or in part.
• The suspect has the right to remain silent. • If the suspect gives up the right to remain
silent, anything that the suspect says can be used in a court of law against him or her.
• The suspect has a right to speak to an attorney and to have an attorney present when
being questioned by the police.
• If the suspect cannot afford one, an attorney will be appointed to represent the suspect
before questioning begins.
Confessions obtained by force or under “inherently coercive” conditions are inadmissible in

court.
In addition to verbal communication skills, police officers also need effective writing skills for
both field notes and reports. Reports are used to permanently record facts, provide details of a
criminal incident to be used in a follow-up investigation, provide a basis for prosecution, refresh
an officer’s memory when testifying in court, provide data for federal and state crime reporting
systems, and document the past and plan for future services. The audience for police reports
includes other officers, supervisors, other professionals within the criminal justice system, and
laypeople such as insurance investigators, social workers, and reporters.
Effective reports are accurate, brief, clear, complete, legible, objective, grammatically correct,
and correctly spelled. Effective reports are also written in the past tense and in chronological
order. They use verbs rather than nouns when possible, avoid sexist language, and can “stand
alone.”
Police departments must balance the public’s “right to know” and reporters’ First Amendment
rights to publish what they know with the police’s need to withhold certain information and to
protect the privacy of victims and witnesses—Sixth Amendment rights.
CHAPTER 2 LEARNING OBJECTIVES
After completing this chapter, students will know:
• What positive outcomes effective communication can produce.

• In what directions communication might flow.
• What databases can be of value to law enforcement.
• What challenges and concerns law enforcement has encountered with communications
technology.
• What some criminal justice entities believe law enforcement 10-codes should be replaced
with.
• What special populations may pose especially challenging communication issues.
• When slurred speech may not be the result of intoxication.
or in part.
• Which case established the right of police officers to stop and question a person.
• What rights Miranda v. Arizona grants to suspects.
• What would make a confession inadmissible in court.
• What purposes written police reports serve.
• Who the likely audiences of police reports are.
• What the characteristics of effective police reports are. • What two amendments police must
balance when dealing with the media.
KEY TERMS
Students will be introduced to the following key terms:
absolute privilege, admission, beachheading, Beheler admonition, closed question,

cognitive interview, conditional privilege, confession, felony syndrome, field inquiry,
informant, interoperability, interrogation, interview, leading question, Miranda warning,
open question, plain language, primary victim, privileged information, rapport,
readerfriendly writing, reasonable suspicion, secondary victim, statement, Terry stop,
totality of circumstances, waiver
APPLICATION
As head of the public relations department, you have noticed an increase in complaints
against officers who have mistaken a disability or physical problem as intoxication.
Officers have no guidelines about how to determine whether what appears to be alcohol-
or drug-induced intoxication is indeed alcohol- or drug-induced intoxication.
Instructions: Use the form in the Appendix to write a policy regarding communicating
with individuals who appear to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Then write the
procedures needed to carry out the policy.
POSSIBLE RESPONSE TO THE CRITICAL THINKING EXERCISE
1. c. Although information on which police relied was provided by the telephone report of the
eyewitness, their reliance was nonetheless justified. The factual basis for stopping a vehicle
need not arise from an officer’s personal observation, but may be supplied by information
acquired from another person. This information must be accurately communicated from
reliable sources. Probable cause for an arrest is something more than mere suspicion, but
less than evidence that would sustain a conviction. Probable cause is based on a reasonable
police officer standard and a careful consideration of the situation and the officer’s sources of
information, observations, training, and experience.
or in part.
POSSIBLE RESPONSES TO THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. When you communicate with another person, are you aware of whether that person is really
listening? How can you tell?
Each student will be aware in a different way whether someone is listening to him or her.
Personal experiences should be given and discussed with other students whose unique
observations will indicate whether a person is listening to them. Examples provided by students
may include eye contact, the other person repeating information, or the other person responding
with probative questions. This may give students a clue about whether others think one is a good
speaker and conveys ideas clearly.
2. Do you feel the average citizen with whom you communicate is going to understand any
legal language you may use to describe an offense?
Probably not, because the average citizen does not understand the language of the legal
profession. A good example of this is when the electronic media constantly states that a burglary
is a robbery. Students’ opinions will bring out good examples, and you may extend the
discussion to include places where citizens could receive “faulty” information (e.g., media, Web
sites, other citizens).
3. What language barriers or other cultural barriers would you be likely to encounter in your
community?
Students should assess their own experiences and the people they associate with in their
neighborhoods. People of different ethnic groups may pose an obstacle to conversation because
words in their language may not necessarily mean the same in the student’s language. In
addition, students may consider that acts that are considered a crime in the United States may not
have the same elements as a crime in another culture.
4. At night, you confront a suspicious man walking in an elite neighborhood. You stop to
question the man, but he refuses even to give his name. What are you going to do? Elaborate
and justify your decision.
This situation has become an increasingly common subject in court cases, although opinions
have been contradictory, leaving officers with little guidance on how to handle such situations. If
the subject of the stop is a minority who neither speaks nor understands English, or if the subject
has a disability that interferes with communication, tension may mount between the officer and
the individual, sometimes to the point where the person becomes belligerent. This situation
involves discretionary judgment by the officer (e.g., some officers feel strongly that the threat of
jail might be sufficient to get the suspect to talk). Such a situation poses a problem for the
officer, and it will be interesting to hear how each student would handle it.
5. How would you warn a suspect of his rights if, while you were interviewing this person, he
suddenly said, “I committed the crime”?
or in part.
Spontaneous remarks by an individual admitting to a crime have been upheld by the courts as
admissible evidence. After such an admission, the officer should advise the suspect of his or her
rights.
6. What are some positive outcomes of good incident reports?
Positive results of good incident reports include providing a permanent record of facts, providing
a basis for prosecution, and providing documentation of present, past, and potential future
service needs. Good reports are understood by other members of the department and are
embraced by prosecuting attorneys, who have limited time and must have a factual,
understandable report from the officers to determine if warrants or charges ought to be made.
The legal system encourages officers to make good reports so everyone involved may come to
faster conclusions.
7. How do the media affect police operations?
Law enforcement has begun to see social media as a valuable resource in reaching out to the
public, and even as a means of capturing fugitive criminals. Student discussion may also include
a look at how social media can be seen as an invasion of one’s privacy.
ANCILLARY MATERIALS
An Overview of Investigative Interviewing (60-minute DVD, #FNN10170 DVD ISBN: 978-1-

4213-6813-9)
This video explores the right and wrong way to interview suspects, witnesses, and victims.
Separate mugging film clips are included for classroom use. Great video for interview and
interrogations practice.
[Source: Films for the Humanities and Sciences, 800-257-5126]
Interviewing Victims and Witnesses (58-minute DVD, #FNN10171 DVD ISBN: 978-1-
42136814-6)
This video is an extension of the Overview of Investigative Interviewing video. Video gives
more detailed information on cognitive interviewing.
Interviewing Suspects (58-minute DVD, #FNN10172 DVD ISBN: 978-1-4213-6815-3) This

video is an extension of the Overview of Investigative Interviewing video. Video gives
more detailed information and focuses on the interviewing of suspects.
Cengage Learning’s Criminal Justice Media Library (ISBN 0-495-80998-5) is available for
purchase with adoption of any Cengage Learning criminal justice text. This extensive media
resource includes videos, animations, simulations, and more on topics such as policing,
fundamentals of criminal justice, and careers in criminal justice.
or in part.
or in part.
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And these toes.
What soles to charm an elf!

Had Crusoe, sick of self,
Chanced to view
One printed near the tide,
Oh, how hard he would have tried
For the two!
For Gerry’s debonair

And innocent, and fair
As a rose;
She’s an angel in a frock,
With a fascinating cock
To her nose.
The simpletons who squeeze

Their extremities to please
Mandarins,
Would positively flinch
From venturing to pinch
Geraldine’s.
Cinderella’s lefts and rights,

To Geraldine’s were frights;
And I trow,
The damsel, deftly shod,
Has dutifully trod
Until now.
Come, Gerry, since it suits

Such a pretty Puss (in Boots)
These to don;
Set this dainty hand awhile
On my shoulder, dear, and I’ll
Put them on.
ON A SENSE OF HUMOUR
He cannot be complete in aught
Who is not humorously prone;
A man without a merry thought
Can hardly have a funny-bone.
SOME LADIES
Some ladies now make pretty songs,
And some make pretty nurses;
Some men are great at righting wrongs
And some at writing verses.
A TERRIBLE INFANT
I recollect a nurse call’d Ann,
Who carried me about the grass,
And one fine day a fine young man
Came up, and kiss’d the pretty lass.
She did not make the least objection!
Thinks I, “Aha!
When I can talk I’ll tell Mamma”
—And that’s my earliest recollection.
Charles Stuart Calverley is called the Prince of Parodists, but his

genius deserves far higher praise than that.
His serious work is of a high order but it is for his humorous verse
that he is most loved and praised.
His parodies while showing the best and finest burlesque
qualities, are also poems in themselves, and are of an exquisite wit
and a spontaneous humor rarely excelled.
One of the best is the ballad in which Rossetti’s manner is
parodied in very spirit.
BALLAD
PART I
The auld wife sat at her ivied door,

(Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese)
A thing she had frequently done before;
And her spectacles lay on her apron’d knees.
The piper he piped on the hilltop high,

Till the cow said “I die,” and the goose asked “Why?”
And the dog said nothing, but search’d for fleas.
The farmer he strode through the square farmyard;

His last brew of ale was a trifle hard—
The connection of which the plot one sees.
The farmer’s daughter hath frank blue eyes;

She hears the rooks caw in the windy skies.
As she sits at her lattice and shells her peas.
The farmer’s daughter hath ripe red lips;

If you try to approach her, away she skips
Over tables and chairs with apparent ease.
The farmer’s daughter hath soft brown hair;

And I met with a ballad, I can’t say where,
Which wholly consisted of lines like these.
PART II
She sat with her hands ’neath her dimpled cheeks,

And spake not a word. While a lady speaks
There is hope, but she didn’t even sneeze.
She sat, with her hands ’neath her crimson cheeks;

She gave up mending her father’s breeks,
And let the cat roll in her new chemise.
She sat with her hands ’neath her burning cheeks,

And gazed at the piper for thirteen weeks;
Then she follow’d him o’er the misty leas.
Her sheep follow’d her, as their tails did them,

And this song is consider’d a perfect gem,
And as to the meaning, it’s what you please.
Equally marvelous in its assured touch and utter lack of mere

burlesque exaggeration is his parody of Browning.
THE COCK AND THE BULL
You see this pebble-stone? It’s a thing I bought
Of a bit of a chit of a boy i’ the mid o’ the day.
I like to dock the smaller parts o’ speech,
As we curtail the already cur-tail’d cur—
(You catch the paronomasia, play ’po’ words?)
Did, rather, i’ the pre-Landseerian days.
Well, to my muttons. I purchased the concern,
And clapt it i’ my poke, having given for same
By way o’ chop, swop, barter or exchange—
“Chop” was my snickering dandiprat’s own term—
One shilling and fourpence, current coin o’ the realm.
O-n-e one, and f-o-u-r four
Pence, one and fourpence—you are with me, sir?—
What hour it skills not: ten or eleven o’ the clock,
One day (and what a roaring day it was
Go shop or sight-see—bar a spit o’ rain!)
In February, eighteen, sixty-nine,
Alexandria Victoria, Fidei—
Hm—hm—how runs the jargon? being on the throne.
Such, sir, are all the facts, succinctly put,
The basis or substratum—what you will—
Of the impending eighty thousand lines.
“Not much in ’em either,” quoth perhaps simple Hodge.
But there’s a superstructure. Wait a bit.
Mark first the rationale of the thing:
Hear logic rivel and levigate the deed.
That shilling—and for matter o’ that, the pence—
I had o’ course upo’ me—wi’ me say—
(Mecum’s the Latin, make a note o’ that)
When I popp’d pen i’ stand, scratch’d ear, wiped snout,
(Let everybody wipe his own himself)
Sniff’d—tch!—at snuff-box; tumbled up, teheed,
Haw-haw’d (not hee-haw’d, that’s another guess thing),
Then fumbled at and stumbled out of, door.
I shoved the timber ope wi’ my omoplat;
And in vestibulo, i’ the lobby to wit
(Iacobi Facciolati’s rendering, sir),
Donn’d galligaskins, antigropeloes,
And so forth; and, complete with hat and gloves,
One on and one a-dangle i’ my hand,
And ombrifuge (Lord love you!), case o’ rain,
I flopp’d forth, ’sbuddikins! on my own ten toes
(I do assure you there be ten of them),
And went clump-clumping up hill and down dale
To find myself o’ the sudden i’ front o’ the boy.
But case I hadn’t ’em on me, could I ha’ bought
This sort-o’-kind-o’-what-you-might-call toy,
This pebble thing, o’ the boy-thing? Q. E. D.
That’s proven without aid from mumping Pope,
Sleek proporate or bloated Cardinal.
(Isn’t it, old Fatchaps? You’re in Euclid now.)
So, having the shilling—having i’ fact a lot—
And pence and halfpence, ever so many o’ them,
I purchased, as I think I said before,
The pebble (lapis, lapidis,-di,-dem,-de—
What nouns ’crease short i’ the genitive, Fatchaps, eh?)
O’ the boy, a bare-legg’d beggarly son of a gun,
For one and fourpence. Here we are again.
Now Law steps in, bigwigg’d, voluminous-jaw’d;
Investigates and re-investigates.
Was the transaction illegal? Law shakes head
Perpend, sir, all the bearings of the case.
At first the coin was mine, the chattel his.

But now (by virtue of the said exchange
And barter) vice versa all the coin,
Per juris operationem, vests
I’ the boy and his assigns till ding o’ doom;
(In sæcula sæculo-o-o-rum;
I think I hear the Abate mouth out that.)
To have and hold the same to him and them.
Confer some idiot on Conveyancing.
Whereas the pebble and every part thereof,

And all that appertaineth thereunto,
Quodcunque pertinet ad eam rem
(I fancy, sir, my Latin’s rather pat),
Or shall, will, may, might, can, could, would or should
(Subaudi cætera—clap we to the close—
For what’s the good of Law in a case o’ the kind),
Is mine to all intents and purposes.
This settled, I resume the thread o’ the tale.
Now for a touch o’ the vendor’s quality.

He says a gen’lman bought a pebble of him
(This pebble i’ sooth, sir, which I hold i’ my hand),
And paid for’t, like a gen’lman, on the nail.
“Did I o’ercharge him a ha’penny? Devil a bit.
Fiddlepin’s end! Get out, you blazing ass!
Gabble o’ the goose. Don’t bugaboo-baby me!
Go double or quits? Yah! tittup! what’s the odds?”
There’s the transaction view’d i’ the vendor’s light.
Next ask that dumpled hag, stood snuffling by,

With her three frowsy blowsy brats o’ babes,
The scum o’ the kennel, cream o’ the filth-heap—Faugh!
Aie, aie, aie, aie! οτοτοτοτοτοι
(’Stead which we blurt out Hoighty toighty now),
And the baker and candlestickmaker, and Jack and Jill,
Blear’d Goody this and queasy Gaffer that.
Ask the schoolmaster. Take schoolmaster first.
He saw a gentleman purchase of a lad

A stone, and pay for it rite, on the square,
And carry it off per saltum, jauntily,
Propria quae maribus, gentleman’s property now
(Agreeably to the law explain’d above),
In proprium usum, for his private ends,
The boy he chuck’d a brown i’ the air, and bit
I’ the face the shilling; heaved a thumping stone
At a lean hen that ran cluck clucking by
(And hit her, dead as nail i’ post o’ door),
Then abiit—what’s the Ciceronian phrase?—
Excessit, evasit, erupit—off slogs boy;
Off like bird, avi similis—you observed
The dative? Pretty i’ the Mantuan!)—Anglice
Off in three flea skips. Hactenus, so far,
So good, tam bene. Bene, satis, male,—
Where was I with my trope ’bout one in a quag?
I did once hitch the syntax into verse:
Verbum personale, a verb personal,
Concordat—ay, “agrees,” old Fatchaps—cum
Nominativo, with its nominative,
Genere, i’ point o’ gender, numero,
O’ number, et persona, and person. Ut,
Instance: Sol ruit, down flops sun, et, and,
Montes umbrantur, out flounce mountains. Pah!
Excuse me, sir, I think I’m going mad.
You see the trick on ’t though, and can yourself
Continue the discourse ad libitum.
It takes up about eighty thousand lines,
A thing imagination boggles at;
And might, odds-bobs, sir! in judicious hands,
Extend from here to Mesopotamy.
While the style of Jean Ingelow is thus genially made fun of.
LOVERS, AND A REFLECTION
In moss-prankt dells which the sunbeams flatter
(And heaven it knoweth what that may mean;
Meaning, however, is no great matter)
Where woods are a-tremble, with rifts atween;
Through God’s own heather we wonned together,

I and my Willie (O love my love):
I need hardly remark it was glorious weather,
And flitterbats wavered alow, above:
Boats were curtseying, rising, bowing

(Boats in that climate are so polite),
And sands were a ribbon of green endowing,
And O the sun-dazzle on bark and bight!
Through the rare red heather we danced together,

(O love my Willie!) and smelt for flowers:
I must mention again it was glorious weather,
Rhymes are so scarce in this world of ours:—
By rises that flushed with their purple favors,

Through becks that brattled o’er grasses sheen,
We walked or waded, we two young shavers,
Thanking our stars we were both so green.
We journeyed in parallels, I and Willie,

In “fortunate parallels!” Butterflies,
Hid in weltering shadows of daffodilly
Or marjoram, kept making peacock’s eyes:
Song-birds darted about, some inky

As coal, some snowy (I ween) as curds;
Or rosy as pinks, or as roses pinky—
They reck of no eerie To-come, those birds!
But they skim over bents which the mill-stream washes,
Or hang in the lift ’neath a white cloud’s hem;
They need no parasols, no galoshes;
And good Mrs. Trimmer she feedeth them.
Then we thrid God’s cowslips (as erst his heather)

That endowed the wan grass with their golden blooms;
And snapt—(it was perfectly charming weather)—
Our fingers at Fate and her goddess-glooms:
And Willie ’gan sing—(O, his notes were fluty;

Wafts fluttered them out to the white-winged sea)—
Something made up of rhymes that have done much duty,
Rhymes (better to put it) of “ancientry”:
Bowers of flowers encountered showers

In William’s carol (O love my Willie!)
When he bade sorrow borrow from blithe To-morrow
I quite forget what—say a daffodilly:
A nest in a hollow, “with buds to follow,”

I think occurred next in his nimble strain;
And clay that was “kneaden” of course in Eden—
A rhyme most novel, I do maintain:
Mists, bones, the singer himself, love-stories,

And all least furlable things got “furled”;
Not with any design to conceal their glories,
But simply and solely to rhyme with “world.”
* * * * *
O, if billows and pillows and hours and flowers,

And all the brave rhymes of an elder day,
Could be furled together this genial weather,
And carted, or carried on wafts away,
Nor ever again trotted out—ah me!
How much fewer volumes of verse there’d be!
ODE TO TOBACCO
Thou who, when fears attack,
Bid’st them avaunt, and Black
Care, at the horseman’s back
Perching, unseatest;
Sweet when the morn is gray;
Sweet, when they’ve cleared away
Lunch; and at close of day
Possibly sweetest:
I have a liking old

For thee, though manifold
Stories, I know, are told,
Not to thy credit;
How one (or two at most)
Drops make a cat a ghost—
Useless, except to roast—
Doctors have said it:
How they who use fusees

All grow by slow degrees
Brainless as chimpanzees,
Meagre as lizards;
Go mad, and beat their wives;
Plunge (after shocking lives)
Razors and carving-knives
Into their gizzards.
Confound such knavish tricks!

Yet know I five or six
Smokers who freely mix
Still with their neighbors;
Jones—(who, I’m glad to say,
Asked leave of Mrs. J.)—
Daily absorbs a clay
After his labors.
Cats may have had their goose

Cooked by tobacco-juice;
Still why deny its use
Thoughtfully taken?
We’re not as tabbies are:
Smith, take a fresh cigar!
Jones, the tobacco-jar!
Here’s to thee, Bacon!
Charles Lutwidge Dodgson is better known as Lewis Carroll,

though during his lifetime, the author of Alice was extremely careful
to preserve a decided distinction between the College Don and the
writer of nonsense.
Lewis Carroll was the first to produce coherent humor in the form
of sheer nonsense, and his work, often imitated, has never been
equaled.
Beside the Alice books he wrote several volumes only a degree
less wise and witty in the nonsense vein.
But few selections can be given.
JABBERWOCKY
(From Through the Looking-Glass)
’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”
He took his vorpal sword in hand:

Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?

Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy.
’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
WAYS AND MEANS

I’ll tell thee everything I can;
There’s little to relate.
I saw an aged aged man,
A-sitting on a gate.
“Who are you, aged man?” I said,
“And how is it you live?”
His answer trickled through my head
Like water through a sieve.
He said, “I look for butterflies

That sleep among the wheat:
I make them into mutton-pies,
And sell them in the street.
I sell them unto men,” he said,
“Who sail on stormy seas;
And that’s the way I get my bread—
A trifle, if you please.”
But I was thinking of a plan

To dye one’s whiskers green,
And always use so large a fan
That they could not be seen.
So, having no reply to give
To what the old man said,
I cried, “Come, tell me how you live!”
And thumped him on the head.
His accents mild took up the tale;

He said, “I go my ways
And when I find a mountain-rill
I set it in a blaze;
And thence they make a stuff they call
Rowland’s Macassar Oil—
Yet twopence-halfpenny is all
They give me for my toil.”
But I was thinking of a way

To feed oneself on batter,
And so go on from day to day
Getting a little fatter.
I shook him well from side to side,
Until his face was blue;
“Come, tell me how you live,” I cried,
“And what it is you do!”
He said, “I hunt for haddock’s eyes

Among the heather bright,
And work them into waistcoat-buttons
In the silent night.
And these I do not sell for gold
Or coin of silvery shine,
But for a copper halfpenny
And that will purchase nine.
“I sometimes dig for buttered rolls,

Or set limed twigs for crabs;
I sometimes search the grassy knolls
For wheels of Hansom cabs.
And that’s the way” (he gave a wink)
“By which I get my wealth—
And very gladly will I drink
Your Honor’s noble health.”
I heard him then, for I had just

Completed my design
To keep the Menai Bridge from rust
By boiling it in wine.
I thanked him much for telling me
The way he got his wealth,
But chiefly for his wish that he
Might drink my noble health.
And now if e’er by chance I put

My fingers into glue,
Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot
Into a left-hand shoe,
Or if I drop upon my toe
A very heavy weight,
I weep, for it reminds me so
Of that old man I used to know—
Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow,
Whose hair was whiter than the snow,
Whose face was very like a crow,
With eyes, like cinders, all aglow,
Who seemed distracted with his woe,
Who rocked his body to and fro,
And muttered mumblingly, and low,
As if his mouth were full of dough,
Who snorted like a buffalo—
That summer evening, long ago,
A-sitting on a gate.
SOME HALLUCINATIONS
He thought he saw an Elephant,
That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
“At length I realize,” he said,
“The bitterness of Life!”
He thought he saw a Buffalo

Upon the chimney-piece:
His Sister’s Husband’s Niece.
“Unless you leave this house,” he said,
“I’ll send for the Police!”
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake

That questioned him in Greek:
The Middle of Next Week.
“The one thing I regret,” he said,
“Is that it cannot speak!”
He thought he saw a Banker’s Clerk

Descending from the ’bus:
A Hippopotamus:
“If this should stay to dine,” he said,
“There won’t be much for us!”
Edward Lear, contemporary of Lewis Carroll, is the only peer of

the great writer of nonsense.
Lear’s nonsense is in different vein, but his verses are equally
facile and felicitous and his prose quite as delightfully extravagant.
If Carroll’s imagination was more exquisitely fanciful, Lear’s had a
broader scope, and both writers are masters of that peculiar
combination of paradox and reasoning that makes for delightful
surprise.
Lear was the first to make popular the style of stanza since called
a Limerick, though the derivation of this name has never been
satisfactorily determined.
There was an old man of Thermopylæ,
Who never did anything properly;
But they said: “If you choose
To boil eggs in your shoes,
You cannot remain in Thermopylæ.”
There was an Old Man who said, “Hush!

I perceive a young bird in this bush!”
When they said, “Is it small?”
He replied, “Not at all;
It is four times as big as the bush!”
There was an Old Man who supposed

That the street door was partially closed;
But some very large Rats
Ate his coats and his hats,
While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.
There was an Old Man of Leghorn,

The smallest that ever was born;
But quickly snapt up he
Was once by a Puppy,
Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
There was an Old Man of Kamschatka

Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur;
His gait and his waddle
Were held as a model
To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
THE TWO OLD BACHELORS

Two old Bachelors were living in one house
One caught a Muffin, the other caught a Mouse.
Said he who caught the Muffin to him who caught the Mouse,
“This happens just in time, for we’ve nothing in the house,
Save a tiny slice of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey,
And what to do for dinner,—since we haven’t any money?
And what can we expect if we haven’t any dinner
But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner?”
Said he who caught the Mouse to him who caught the Muffin,
“We might cook this little Mouse if we only had some Stuffin’!
If we had but Sage and Onions we could do extremely well,
But how to get that Stuffin’ it is difficult to tell!”
And then these two old Bachelors ran quickly to the town
And asked for Sage and Onions as they wandered up and down;
They borrowed two large Onions, but no Sage was to be found
In the Shops or in the Market or in all the Gardens round.
But some one said, “A hill there is, a little to the north,
And to its purpledicular top a narrow way leads forth;
And there among the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage,—
An earnest Man, who reads all day a most perplexing page.
Climb up and seize him by the toes,—all studious as he sits,—
And pull him down, and chop him into endless little bits!
Then mix him with your Onion (cut up likewise into scraps),
And your Stuffin’ will be ready, and very good—perhaps.”
And then these two old Bachelors, without loss of time,

The nearly purpledicular crags at once began to climb;
And at the top among the rocks, all seated in a nook,
They saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.
“You earnest Sage!” aloud they cried, “your book you’ve read enough in!
We wish to chop you into bits and mix you into Stuffin’!”
But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with his awful book
At those two Bachelors’ bald heads a certain aim he took;
And over crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down,—
At once they rolled, and never stopped in lane or field or town;
And when they reached their house, they found (besides their want of Stuffin’)
The Mouse had fled—and previously had eaten up the Muffin.
They left their home in silence by the once convivial door;

And from that hour those Bachelors were never heard of more.
Algernon Charles Swinburne, whose marvelous mastery of the
lyric is well known, is not so noted as a humorist.
Yet his parodies are among the finest in the language. His day
was the Golden Age of Parody, and the writers who achieved it were
true poets and true wits.
This parody of Tennyson is alike a perfect mimicry of sound and
sense.
THE HIGHER PANTHEISM IN A NUTSHELL
One, who is not, we see: but one, whom we see not, is;
Surely this is not that: but that is assuredly this.
What, and wherefore, and whence? for under is over and under;
If thunder could be without lightning, lightning could be without thunder.
Doubt is faith in the main: but faith, on the whole, is doubt;

We cannot believe by proof: but could we believe without?
Why, and whither, and how? for barley and rye are not clover;
Neither are straight lines curves: yet over is under and over.
Two and two may be four: but four and four are not eight;
Fate and God may be twain: but God is the same thing as fate.
Ask a man what he thinks, and get from a man what he feels;
God, once caught in the fact, shews you a fair pair of heels.
Body and spirit are twins: God only knows which is which;
The soul squats down in the flesh, like a tinker drunk in a ditch.
One and two are not one: but one and nothing is two;
Truth can hardly be false, if falsehood cannot be true.
Once the mastodon was: pterodactyls were common as cocks;

Then the mammoth was God: now is He a prize ox.
Parallels all things are: yet many of these are askew.

You are certainly I: but certainly I am not you.
Springs the rock from the plain, shoots the stream from the rock;
Cocks exist for the hen: but hens exist for the cock.
God, whom we see not, is: and God, who is not, we see;
Fiddle, we know, is diddle: and diddle, we take it, is dee.
Swinburne’s parody of his own work is beautifully done in

NEPHELIDIA
From the depth of the dreamy decline of the dawn through a notable nimbus of
nebulous moonshine,
Pallid and pink as the palm of the flag-flower that flickers with fear of the flies as
they float,
Are they looks of our lovers that lustrously lean from a marvel of mystic miraculous
moonshine,
These that we feel in the blood of our blushes that thicken and threaten with
throbs through the throat?
Thicken and thrill as a theatre thronged at appeal of an actor’s appalled agitation,
Fainter with fear of the fires of the future than pale with the promise of pride in
the past;
Flushed with the famishing fulness of fever that reddens with radiance of rathe
recreation,
Gaunt as the ghastliest of glimpses that gleam through the gloom of the
gloaming when ghosts go aghast?
Nay, for the nick of the tick of the time is a tremulous touch on the temples of
terror,
Strained as the sinews yet strenuous with strife of the dead who is dumb as the
dust-heaps of death;
Surely no soul is it, sweet as the spasm of erotic emotional exquisite error,
Bathed in the balms of beatified bliss, beatific itself by beatitude’s breath.
Surely no spirit or sense of a soul that was soft to the spirit and soul of our senses
Sweetens the stress of surprising suspicion that sobs in the semblance and
sound of a sigh;
Only this oracle opens Olympian, in mystical moods and triangular tenses,—
“Life is the lust of a lamp for the light that is dark till the dawn of the day when
we die.”
Mild is the mirk and monotonous music of memory, melodiously mute as it may be,
While the hope in the heart of a hero is bruised by the breach of men’s rapiers,
resigned to the rod;
Made meek as a mother whose bosom-beats bound with the bliss-bringing bulk of
a balm-breathing baby,
As they grope through the grave-yard of creeds, under skies growing green at a
groan for the grimness of God.
Blank is the book of his bounty beholden of old, and its binding is blacker than
bluer:
Out of blue into black is the scheme of the skies, and their dews are the wine of
the bloodshed of things:
Till the darkling desire of delight shall be free as a fawn that is freed from the fangs
that pursue her,
Till the heart-beats of hell shall be hushed by a hymn from the hunt that has
harried the kennel of kings.
Henry Austin Dobson, better known without his first name, was a
skillful writer of beautiful vers de société.
He also wrote much in the French Forms and seemed to find
them in no way trammeling.
ON A FAN
THAT BELONGED TO THE MARQUISE DE POMPADOUR
(Ballade)
Chicken-skin, delicate, white,
Painted by Carlo Vanloo,
Loves in a riot of light,
Roses and vaporous blue;
Hark to the dainty frou-frou
Picture above, if you can,
Eyes that could melt as the dew,—
This was the Pompadour’s fan!
See how they rise at the sight,

Thronging the Œil de Bœuf through,
Courtiers as butterflies bright,
Beauties that Fragonard drew,
Talon-rouge, falaba, queue,
Cardinal, duke,—to a man,
Eager to sigh or to sue,—
Ah, but things more than polite

Hung on this toy, voyez-vous
Matters of state and of might,
Things that great ministers do;
Things that, maybe, overthrew
Those in whose brains they began;—
Here was the sign and the cue,—
Envoy
Where are the secrets it knew?
Weavings of plot and of plan?
—But where is the Pompadour, too?
THE ROUNDEAU
You bid me try, Blue-eyes, to write
A Rondeau. What! forthwith?—tonight?
Reflect? Some skill I have, ’tis true;
But thirteen lines!—and rhymed on two!—
“Refrain,” as well. Ah, hapless plight!
Still there are five lines—ranged aright.
These Gallic bonds, I feared, would fright
My easy Muse. They did, till you—
You bid me try!
That makes them eight.—The port’s in sight;

’Tis all because your eyes are bright!
Now just a pair to end in “oo,”—
When maids command, what can’t we do?
Behold! The Rondeau—tasteful, light—
You bid me try!
Andrew Lang was perhaps the most versatile writer among

English bookmen of his day. Verse or prose, religious research or
translations, to each and all he gives his individual touch,—light, airy,
humorous.
Fairies, Dreams and Ghosts are all his happy hunting ground, and
he was one of the first to experiment with the old French Forms, in
which he gave his own delightful fancy free play, while adhering
strictly to the inflexible rules.
BALLAD OF THE PRIMITIVE JEST
I am an ancient Jest!
Paleolithic man
In his arboreal nest
The sparks of fun would fan;
My outline did he plan,
And laughed like one possessed,
’Twas thus my course began,
I am a Merry Jest.
I am an early Jest!
Man delved and built and span;
Then wandered South and West
The peoples Aryan,
I journeyed in their van;
The Semites, too, confessed,—
From Beersheba to Dan,—
I am a Merry Jest.
I am an ancient Jest,
Through all the human clan,
Red, black, white, free, oppressed,
Hilarious I ran!
I’m found in Lucian,
In Poggio, and the rest,
I’m dear to Moll and Nan!
I am a Merry Jest!
Prince, you may storm and ban—

Joe Millers are a pest,
Suppress me if you can!
I am a Merry Jest!
BALLADE OF LITERARY FAME

Oh, where are the endless Romances
Our grandmothers used to adore?
The knights with their helms and their lances,
Their shields and the favours they wore?
And the monks with their magical lore?
They have passed to Oblivion and Nox,
They have fled to the shadowy shore,—
They are all in the Fourpenny Box!
And where the poetical fancies

Our fathers rejoiced in, of yore?
The lyric’s melodious expanses,
The epics in cantos a score,
They have been and are not: no more
Shall the shepherds drive silvery flocks,
Nor the ladies their languors deplore,—

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What soles to charm an elf!

For Gerry’s debonair

The simpletons who squeeze

Cinderella’s lefts and rights,

Come, Gerry, since it suits

Charles Stuart Calverley is called the Prince of Parodists, but his

The auld wife sat at her ivied door,

The piper he piped on the hilltop high,

The farmer he strode through the square farmyard;

The farmer’s daughter hath frank blue eyes;

The farmer’s daughter hath ripe red lips;

The farmer’s daughter hath soft brown hair;

She sat with her hands ’neath her dimpled cheeks,

She sat, with her hands ’neath her crimson cheeks;

She sat with her hands ’neath her burning cheeks,

Her sheep follow’d her, as their tails did them,

Equally marvelous in its assured touch and utter lack of mere

At first the coin was mine, the chattel his.

Whereas the pebble and every part thereof,

Now for a touch o’ the vendor’s quality.

Next ask that dumpled hag, stood snuffling by,

He saw a gentleman purchase of a lad

Through God’s own heather we wonned together,

Boats were curtseying, rising, bowing

Through the rare red heather we danced together,

By rises that flushed with their purple favors,

We journeyed in parallels, I and Willie,

Song-birds darted about, some inky

Then we thrid God’s cowslips (as erst his heather)

And Willie ’gan sing—(O, his notes were fluty;

Bowers of flowers encountered showers

A nest in a hollow, “with buds to follow,”

Mists, bones, the singer himself, love-stories,

O, if billows and pillows and hours and flowers,