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 CHAPTER 7
MARRIAGE, INTIMACY, EXPECTATIONS, AND THE FULLY FUNCTIONING
PERSON

LEARNING OBJECTIVES
After study of this chapter, the student should be able to:

1. Explain why “marriage matters.”

2. Explain how married life differs from single life. Describe the kinds of changes that couples have to make
during the transition from single to married life.

3. Describe the role that interactions play in marriage and the needs fulfilled in marriage.

4. Define marital success and the barriers to it. Explain why it is so difficult to develop a working definition
of marital success.

5. List the characteristics of strong families.

6. Understand the various components of marital expectations (phenomenology): “honeymoon is over,”

romantic love, differing expectations, commitment, primariness, and the self-fulfilling prophecy.

7. Identify the characteristics of a mentally healthy person and a self-actualized person.

8. Explain how time orientations affect family functioning.

9. Discuss the goals of intimacy.

10. Explain how the state and religion regulate marriage and the components of a marriage contract and
ceremony.

11. Discuss the problems and prospects of domestic partnership policies.

12. List the advantages of entering a prenuptial contract.

CHAPTER LECTURE OUTLINE

I. Marriage Matters
A. Marriage is the broadest and most intimate of all human interactions. It is within marriage that most
adults try to fulfill their psychological, material, and sexual needs. A good marriage acts as a buffer
against mental health problems. A successful marriage can be therapeutic and an unsuccessful
marriage can create problems.
B. Marriage is an important social good associated with positive outcomes for children and adults.
Married men have longer life expectancies and earn more than single men with similar education.
Married women have lower rates of depression and are at less risk for domestic violence than single
women. Married parents increase the likelihood that their children will graduate from college, enjoy
better physical health, and be less likely to divorce when married. Society also benefits in reduced
crime.

II. The Transition from Single to Married Life

A. Married life is different from single life. Marriage is accompanied by duties and obligations. A
 Marriage, Intimacy, Expectations, And The Fully Functioning Person

person's identity changes with marriage and they lose much of their independence.
B. Transition from dating to establishing a home and a family is often a large step. Leisure time activities
now must be planned with another person and new relationships must be developed with both sets of
parents. The sexual relationships may also involve transition. One must make the transition from the
self-centeredness of childhood to the other-centeredness of adulthood.
C. The transition from being single to married does not end the need for change. Marriage will change
with the passage of time and require both partners to make further transitions. It should also be
remembered that as important as it is to form a united team, individual interests and identity must also
be maintained. If there is a defining characteristic of marriage as opposed to singleness, it is the
continuous need for successful give and take between the married partners.

III. Marriage: A Myriad of Interactions

A. Marriage is an arena of intimate and complex interactions. Hundreds of interactions occur in a family
each day that range from intellectual to strongly emotional. A number of role interactions occur in a
marriage. The list of possibilities is endless and the picture is further complicated when children are
born into the family. This is further complicated when a couple can't agree on the meaning of
interaction. If people can be successful in marriage, they will probably be successful in other
interpersonal relationships.
B. Fulfilling Needs in Marriage. Americans are asking a great deal more out of marriage than in the past
and a great deal more than many people in the world. High expectations are likely to lead to
disappointment. All states recognize that the failure to meet sexual, material, and psychological needs
are legitimate reason for divorce. Sexual intercourse is a state-mandated part of marriage. Material
needs affect the ability to meet psychological and sexual needs. Marriage is expected to meet
psychological needs such as intimacy.

IV. Defining Marital Success

A. Marital success is difficult to define and is often confused with marital adjustment, permanence, and
happiness. These are not necessarily the same. A couple may achieve marital adjustment, but
adjustment may not lead to happiness or marital success. If marital success is defined as permanence
only, you may overlook the fact that the relationship can be permanent but unhappy. If success is
defined as happiness only, then no marriage could be considered successful because no family is happy
all the time.
B. A successful marriage is one in which the partners adjust to the relationship, there is relative agreement
on most of the important issues, the partners are comfortable in their roles, the partners are able to
work together to solve problems, and the partners express satisfaction and happiness with the
relationship. Such marriages are characterized by lots of positive interaction that is likely to produce
feelings of happiness.
C. Research pinpoints age at marriage and the presence of children as two factors closely related to
marital success. The younger the age at marriage, the greater the risk of marital dissatisfaction. Marital
satisfaction is also lower when children are present than for couples who are in the pre- or post-
parental stages of marriage. Extramarital affairs, financial stress, and family illness affect marital
stability. The freedom to create the kind of marital relationship wanted means that one is largely
responsible for the success or failure of their own relationship.

V. Strong Relationships and Families

A. Most Americans build their intimate relationships on a foundation of love and have an insatiable desire
to spend time together. The desire to spend time together is one of the major characteristics of a strong,
resilient family. Stinnett and his colleagues do an exercise with their subject families entitled “The
Journey of Happy Memories.” The subjects are directed to close their eyes and spend five minutes
wandering through childhood memories, and then are asked to tell their happiest memory. Memories
that are recalled almost always involved time spent in family activities.
B. The dual-earner family has an impact on family time together. Since both partners work, family time is
at a premium. Lack of time might be the most pervasive enemy of the healthy marriage and family.
 Marriage, Intimacy, Expectations, And The Fully Functioning Person

Many have argued that it is not quantity but quality of time together that counts. The criticism of this
argument is that it ignores fact that quality of time and quantity of time together are interrelated. Also,
it seems that the argument is sometimes used to soothe the guilty conscience of the spouse or parent
who is spending little time with the family.
C. The family needs time to play together, just as courting couples play together before marriage. The
family must be careful not to “work at playing.” Happily married couples don't hide behind phrases
like “we don't have the money.” Strong families have the ability to work, play, and vacation without
smothering one another. Spending time together allows family to develop an identity and sense of
family history. Almost all strong families say they reserve one meal a day as a time of family
togetherness.

VI. Marital Expectations

A. Expectations brought into the marital relationship play an important role in the success or failure of the
relationship. Expectations represent hopes about the future. A spouse’s failure to meet expectations
leads to disappointment in marriage. The study of how people experience their world is called
phenomenology. Most people react to their perceptions of the world, rather than to what the world
really is like. In marriage, we must remember that perceptions may not reflect reality. Larson
developed a marriage quiz to measure people's beliefs in myths about marriage, and attributes the high
divorce rate and prevalence of marital dissatisfaction to unrealistic expectations of marriage. Some
expect their spouse to simultaneously be their friend, confidant, fulfilling sex partner, counselor, and
parent.
B. The Honeymoon Is Over: Too High Expectations. After the honeymoon, couples usually reexamine
their unrealistic expectations about marriage. Their subjective perceptions become more objective.
Some people throw away the real person in favor of their own idealization. How we cope with
disappointment helps to determine the direction our marriage will take.
C. Romantic Love or Marriage? One of the greatest disappointments faced by married couples is the
fading of romantic love. Romantic love depends on incomplete sexual and emotional consumption of
the relationship. When sexual desire is fulfilled, romantic love changes to feelings of affection that are
more durable, but less intense.
D. Differing Expectations. It is not unusual for couples to have different expectations about marital roles.
Traditional gender roles are no longer clear-cut and such ambiguity increases role conflict.
Expectations about role behavior come from the experience you have with your parents’ marriage.
E. Eighty Percent I Love You; Twenty Percent I Dislike You. A “bad” spouse is a person who fails to
meet all our needs. It is probably impossible for two people to meet one another's needs completely.
Having expectations of total need fulfillment within marriage ruins many marital relationships. The
spouse with unmet needs is likely to accuse their partner of failure or indifference. Although 80% of
the time the partner does meet your needs, life will eventually revolve around the unfulfilled 20%. As a
result, the spouse may fall out of love and leave their mate.
F. The Expectation of Commitment: A Characteristic of Strong and Successful Families.
Commitment is the single strongest factor influencing the success of a relationship. Commitment in
strong families is multifaceted. These are the commitment to work with one’s partner to find ways to
cope with life's problems; the commitment to the family unit itself; the idea that the family members
are committed to each other as individuals; the idea that commitment is long-lasting; the idea that
commitment to family overrides all other commitments, even the commitment to work; the idea that a
healthy family is committed to helping family members maintain individuality; and a sense of shared
responsibility.
G. The Expectation of Primariness: Extramarital Relations.
1. The expectation of primariness in the American marriage is rooted in the Judeo-Christian notion
that one' sexual and emotional outlet is limited to one's spouse (monogamy). Murdock's (1959)
study of 148 societies revealed the fact that 81% maintained taboos against adultery. It is
estimated that 90% of Americans believe in faithfulness in marriage.
2. Long-time extramarital affairs must be distinguished from short-term or one-night stand
extramarital experiences. Long-time affairs usually include a strong emotional attachment as well
as sexual involvement. They are more likely to lead to marital breakup.
3. Affairs involving the wife are more likely to lead to divorce. Men are more likely to take their
 Marriage, Intimacy, Expectations, And The Fully Functioning Person

extramarital affairs less seriously than women and center more on the sexual aspect than on the
emotional aspect. Men also tend to associate their affairs with an increase in marital satisfaction
due to a decrease in boredom and tension. Older women are more likely to associate their affairs
with decreasing marital satisfaction.
4. The reasons for extramarital affairs are simple curiosity, a desire for variation in sexual
experience, to recover the romance lost in marriage, a search for emotional satisfaction, a
friendship with someone of the opposite sex becoming intense, or rebellion or retaliation against
the spouse. Although we tend to equate extramarital affairs with sexual relations, sex is absent in
many kinds of extramarital affairs. Some people fear nonsexual extramarital ties lead to sexual
involvement.
5. Extramarital affairs are difficult for a spouse to combat. Clandestine affairs that are discovered
damage trust in the relationship. During the 1970s, the media reported a great deal of consensual
adultery. It was estimated that 15-26% of married couples have an understanding that allows sex
outside of marriage under limited circumstances. Such consensual adultery has greatly declined in
the past decade.
H. The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. Expectations one holds about another person tend to influence the
person in the direction of those expectations. As such, unrealistic expectations can doom a person to
failure. If your mate constantly expects something of you that you can't fulfill, you will feel
incompetent, unloved, and unwanted.

VII. The Self-Actualized Person in the Fully Functioning Family

A. Characteristics of Mental Health. One must be a psychologically healthy person to have a healthy,
intimate marriage. A psychologically healthy person must be able to respect and genuinely like
themselves, admit their errors and failures and be able to start again, be able to accept criticism, and be
self-supportive rather than destructive. The National Association for Mental Health described mentally
healthy people as generally feeling comfortable about themselves, feeling good about other people, and
being able to meet demands of life.
B. Self-Actualization. Maslow believed that self-actualized people had reached the highest level of
growth. The characteristics of self-actualized people include a more adequate perception of reality and
a comfortable relationship with reality; a high degree of acceptance of themselves, others, and the
realities of human nature; someone who prefers to cope with even unpleasant reality rather than retreat
to pleasant fantasies; a high degree of spontaneity; a focus that is problem-centered; a need for privacy;
a high degree of autonomy; and continued freshness of appreciation.
C. Living in the Now. Marriages are constantly troubled because one or both partners cannot live in the
present. All phases of time, including the past, present, and future, are essential for the fully
functioning family. While the retention and projection of time can help us cope with the present, they
can also hamper present behavior.
D. The Goals of Intimacy. True intimacy with others is one of the highest values of human existence.
The goals of intimacy are helping family members deal with crises, helping family members grow in a
fulfilling manner, and providing emotional gratification. Marriage partners often fail to create a
marriage in which these elements thrive.

VIII. You and the State: Legal Aspects of Marriage

A. The state sets minimum standards for marriage in the interest of order and stability. In Western
societies, the state has several interests, such as assuring legitimacy, protecting property and
inheritance rights, preventing marriages considered unacceptable, and supporting monogamous
marriage. In the U.S., marriage laws are established by individual states but each recognizes the laws
of all other states.
B. Marriage in the U.S. is a contract with rights and obligations of the parties set by the state. This
contract must be entered into by mutual consent and the parties must be competent and eligible. A
prescribed form must be followed. All states set minimum age requirements, and most require a
medical examination and an issuance of a license. Such a contract involves three parties: a man, a
woman, and the state. Some states recognize common-law marriage if the couple can prove they have
lived as husband and wife for a given number of years, usually seven or more.
C. The states set a number of other standards for marriage, such as prohibitions against marrying family
 Marriage, Intimacy, Expectations, And The Fully Functioning Person

members. The state considers marriage invalid under certain circumstances, such as the case where the
consent to marry was obtained by fraud or under duress; if either party is already married; if either
party suffers from mental incapacity; or if either party is physically unable to perform sexually. No
specific marriage ceremony is required, but parties must declare that they take each other as husband
and wife, and the marriage must be witnessed.
D. Religious faiths regard marriage as a sacrament and most marriages in U.S. take place in church. The
state vests clergy with the legal right to perform the ceremony. God is called on to witness and bless
the marriage. The Roman Catholic Church does not recognize a civil divorce because it believes that
marriage is a divine institution.
E. The marriage ceremony commits the couple to new status and sets minimum limits of marital
satisfaction. Husbands are required to support his wife and family, but the husband has no duty to
support the wife's children from previous marriage. The ceremony ensures the married person's
conjugal rights. An implied condition of the contract is that wife shall give the husband companionship
and a home life without compensation.
F. Some companies, cities, counties, and states have set up domestic partnership policies that recognize
some unmarried couples as valid. Many people feel that these policies undermine marriage. Some
cohabitators feel that legal recognition of this type is a threat to freedom and some businesses fear
increased costs if the policy were adopted. Although these apply to both heterosexual and homosexual
couples, they are seen by some as attempts by the gay rights movement to gain the right of marriage
for themselves. In 2004, Massachusetts became the first state to grant the right of marriage to
homosexual couples; however, other states have passed legislation barring such unions.
G. Writing Your Own Marriage Contract and Prenuptial Agreement. The standard state contract
does not meet every couple’s needs, so an increasing number of couples are writing their own marriage
or prenuptial contracts. The prenuptial contract cannot take the place of the state marriage contract, nor
can it legally override any of the state contract obligations. However, as a supplement to the state
contract, the prenuptial contract can afford a couple the freedom and privacy to order their personal
relationship the way they wish. The prenuptial contract can help the couple move toward an egalitarian
relationship and clarify their expectations. Some people feel it demonstrates a lack of trust in your
future mate; the agreement may cause real problems that may actually break up the relationship before
the marriage takes place.

KEY TERMS AND CONCEPTS

phenomenology
domestic partnership
marriage or prenuptial contract

CLASS PROJECTS
1. Ask students to define marital success. Discuss why it is difficult to define.

2. Use Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to illustrate the process of self-actualized persons.

3. Use the controversy surrounding a famous divorce case in which there was a prenuptial agreement to
illustrate some of the problems that can arise when people sign prenuptial contracts.

4. Compare marriage vows commonly used in various religious traditions. Find out if these vows are
consistent with the role expectations of students.

5. Have students do research on marriage in other cultures. Does the state regulate marriage? What are the
contractual obligations? Is divorce an option? If so, what are the qualifications for a divorce?

6. Develop a list of changes that are likely to occur during the transition from dating to marriage. Have
students speculate on the differences in the transitions between three generations in their family. Students
 Marriage, Intimacy, Expectations, And The Fully Functioning Person

may want to ask questions of their family members.

7. Develop a lecture on the civil and religious wedding ceremonies in other countries. Some resources may
include: Roopnarine, J.L., & Gielen, U.P. (2005). Families in Global Perspective. Boston: Pearson
Education; Stockard, J.E. (2002). Marriage in Culture: Practice and Meaning Across Diverse Societies.
Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt College Publishers; http://marriage.about.com/msubcul.htm;

8. Invite a lawyer or representative of the court to discuss marriage and family law.

9. Ask students to role play “engaged couples.” Instruct each partner to write a marriage contract. Compare
and contrast the contracts in class.

10. Have students write their expectations of marriage. As a class, discuss if some of their expectations are
based in reality. If there are married students in the class, have them comment on the expectations. Then,
have students discuss steps that could be taken to make their expectations a reality. What kinds of
communication must occur?

11. Use Stinnett and DeFrain's “Journey of Happy Memories,” as suggested in the text.

12. Divide the class and debate the statement: “A couple shouldn't get a divorce because of an affair.”

13. Have students explore famous Hollywood marriages. Why does it seem these relationships end so quickly?
What could these couples do to achieve marital success? Are there positive examples of Hollywood
couples?

INTERNET ACTIVITIES
1. Require students to use the Internet to investigate the history of marriage and domestic partnership laws in
their state. Possible resources include http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/table_marriage;
http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/human-services/civil-unions-and-domestic-partnership-statutes.aspx

2. Ask students to use the Internet to search for examples of prenuptial agreements. Note the differences. Key
words may include: prenuptial agreements, prenuptial contracts, marriage agreements.

3. Watch the video clip on Paul Ryan’s statement that traditional marriage is universal. Watch the clip before
reading the article. Have students comment on what they believe Ryan means by universal and traditional.
Based on their definitions, is Ryan right? http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/10/03/is-marriage-a-
universal-human-value/

4. Have students explore the site http://www.theweddingreport.com/ and discuss the wedding industry in the
U.S. Is there an economic impact for keeping wedding ceremonies, honeymoons, and other events tied to
marriage happening? Do these things make marriage better? Why do people engage in them?

ESSAY/DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. How does marriage create a “social good” for society? How does it affect men, women, and children?

2. How does married life differ from single life?

3. What role does compromise play in the transition from dating to marriage?

4. What needs do we seek to satisfy in marriage?

5. What is the relationship between sexual and psychological needs?

 Marriage, Intimacy, Expectations, And The Fully Functioning Person

6. What is the relationship between material and psychological needs?

7. How Cox and Demmitt define marital success? Why is it so difficult to develop a definition of marital
success?

8. What is the difference between superficial interaction and emotional interaction? How can these
interactions go wrong?

9. What is the relationship between age at marriage and marital success?

10. What impact do children have on marital success?

11. How important is it for a family to spend time together? Why don't families spend more time together?

12. Which is more important, the quality or the quantity of family time?

13. What is marriage like in Japan?

14. What is the relationship between personal expectations and marital success?

15. What is the phenomenological approach to marital relationships?

16. What do the authors mean by the phrase “the honeymoon is over”?

17. Why does romantic love fade shortly after marriage? Does this mean the end of a relationship?

18. What does the marriage and family literature tell us about commitment in strong families?

19. What impact does the dual-earner family have on marital interactions?

20. Do men and women experience extramarital affairs differently? If so, what are some of the differences?

21. What factors correlate with greater acceptance of extramarital sexual relations? How common are affairs?

22. Is online infidelity really cheating?

23. Why do people have extramarital affairs?

24. What impact does the self-fulfilling prophecy have on marital relationships?

25. How can you tell if a person is mentally healthy?

26. Do self-actualized people have any distinguishing characteristics? If so, what are they?

27. Why is it important for couples to live in the present?

28. What are the main goals of intimacy?

29. Why does the state set minimum standards for marriage?

30. What legal requirements must be met before a couple can enter into a marriage contract?

31. Can a couple end a marriage by stating they want out? Who or what is the only way to legally end a
marriage?

32. What does the marriage contract require the husband to do? What is the wife's implied legal responsibility
in a marriage?
 Marriage, Intimacy, Expectations, And The Fully Functioning Person

33. What kinds of policies are advocated by people who support domestic partnerships? What kinds of
concerns have been raised by critics of domestic partnerships?

34. What are the Navajo marital expectations and how do they differ from dominant U.S. culture?

35. What are prenuptial contracts? Why would a person want to enter such a contract?
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Though he was a man of birth and education, he had bound
himself to a woman who possessed neither, and who was
equally deficient in the amiability and goodness of disposition
which might have done much to make amends for a lack of
the rest.

Mrs. Evans was equally vulgar and purse-proud. She did not
hesitate to put her husband in mind of his indebtedness to her
wealth, or even to hint that she might have bestowed it and
herself better than upon him.

Brought up under such a mother, it was scarcely likely that the

girls, Adelaide and Augusta, would be noted for refinement or
delicacy of feeling. Taught to pride themselves on wealth, they
owned no excellence if unaccompanied by it. Consequently,
they only bestowed a contemptuous pity on their cousin,
Joyce Mirlees, who, through adverse circumstances, had been
driven to accept the temporary shelter of The Chase.

It had been grudgingly granted by Mrs. Evans, "until

something could be done with the girl," because there was
absolutely nowhere else for her to go.

Joyce, though the only daughter of Mr. Evans' only sister, was
not likely to be welcomed by a lady who owned that there was
"nothing she detested like poor relations."

True, the girl came from a comparatively poor home, a little

country vicarage, of which and of her father she had been the
light and joy, until death called him and left her alone.

Mrs. Evans said bitter things on the occasion.

"It is monstrous for people of small means to marry when

there is no prospect of their providing for a family. I call it
wicked, and one sees the most of this improvidence where we
ought to look for a better example, amongst the poor clergy.
But I suppose your brother-in-law reckoned on his daughter
being provided for here."

Mrs. Evans said this to her husband, and his reply did not
improve her temper.

"You are mistaken, my dear. Poor Mirlees had saved a few

hundreds, and having noted how rapidly some people
managed to turn hundreds into thousands, he unfortunately
invested them in a bubble company, and lost every penny.
Some of the shareholders were more fortunate. You Will
remember the company," and Mr. Evans named one of which
his wife's father had been a director, and by which he had
netted a large sum.

Mrs. Evans' face flushed, but she answered—

"It requires business men to deal with business matters, and

clergymen ought to content themselves with what they
understand."

"True; poor Mirlees paid with his life for his meddling. But
after all, it is by these poor, foolish, unbusiness-like men that
the clever ones make their money."

"At any rate, we shall be expected to do something for this

girl, though why prudent people should pay for the folly and
rashness of others is more than I can understand. My children
shall not be impoverished for such a purpose. It would not be
scriptural to encourage improvidence, and in a clergyman,
too. I thought that sermon last Sunday on the text, 'If any
provide not for his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is
worse than an infidel,' was thoroughly to the purpose. I never
heard one that touched me more. It was so appropriate to
present circumstances."

Mrs. Evans was like many others who, when wishing to justify
what conscience tells them is wrong, fly to the Bible to see if
they can find a text to justify the course they are taking.

She wanted to cheat conscience into expressing approval, and

thought she had succeeded when she shook her head in pious
horror over Mr. Mirlees' misdoings. She would not see, or at
any rate own, that in the man's very anxiety to do what she
blamed him for not having done, he had lost the poor pittance
hoarded by years of close economy, and his life as well.

When Mr. Evans named these facts, his wife interrupted him
by asking—

"Where was the use of saving and pinching if the man must
throw it all away at last?"

"His was an error of judgment," replied Mr. Evans.

"An error of judgment! If my poor papa had committed such

errors, I wonder where I should be now."

Mrs. Evans said "I," but the look at her husband meant "you,"
and was intended to remind him of his indebtedness.

Mr. Evans' face flushed. Often as he had heard similar words,

he could never become indifferent to such, and winced at each
repetition. Sometimes there would be a scene, or he
occasionally retorted sharply, but Mrs. Evans conquered by
her persistent ill temper, and after days of discomfort,
sullenness, and either taunts or silence, peace would be
made, and last for a little while.

On this occasion, Mr. Evans felt the need for diplomacy. Joyce
Mirlees must come to The Chase with the consent of its
mistress; so he was fain to assent to his wife's praise of her
father's business qualities, to pass over her taunts without
notice; and thus he gained his end—after a fashion. Joyce was
to come until work of some kind could be found for her under
another roof.
The Misses Evans expressed their opinion that Joyce would be
fit for nothing.

"She will not suit for a governess," said Augusta, who was a
brilliant pianist. "Music is an essential, and Joyce can neither
play nor sing fit to be heard."

Adelaide enumerated a number of other accomplishments

which her cousin did not possess, and concluded with, "I
suspect if she once gets a footing here, we shall have her on
our hands altogether."

Mrs. Evans only looked a reply, but it expressed a very

emphatic dissent to this last remark.

"Must we wear mourning? Mr. Mirlees, as papa's brother-in-

law, could hardly be called a relative."

"I fear we must, Augusta. It is very provoking, but society will

demand this of us," said the mother.

"And we have chosen all our spring things."

"This year's fashions are too lovely," sighed Adelaide.

These girls had shed no tears for Mr. Mirlees, none in

sympathy with the young creature whom death had left
desolate. But their tears flowed freely at the thought of the
cruel exigencies of society, which demanded the sacrifice of
becoming gowns and bonnets, since their shapes and styles
would be too old-fashioned for such devotees of the latest
modes to wear again when they would be able to put off "that
odious mourning."

Such were the people to whom and the home to which Joyce
Mirlees came after her father's death.
The girl knew enough of her aunt and cousins to prevent her
from expecting much tenderness or sympathy; but she was
pained, and her uncle annoyed, to find that they were all out
when she arrived at The Chase, though Mrs. Evans knew well
at what time to expect the travellers.

There was, however, one warm heart ready to welcome Joyce.

This was Sarah Keene, once her nurse. This woman had gone,
widowed and childless—having lost her own husband and
babe within a few days of each other—to be foster-mother to
the child of Mrs. Mirlees, she being delicate, and unable to
rear her little one without such help.

All through Joyce's baby days Sarah used to say: "Nobody

knows the blessing this child is to me. When I hold her in my
arms, I almost forget that I have lost my own, or look on her
as having been given me for a while instead of my own little
Katie, who was only a month older."

Some years later, Mr. Mirlees insisted on obtaining a situation

for Sarah at The Chase, Mrs. Evans being willing to give high
wages to one so trustworthy.

Sarah always protested that she was turned out of her old
home. "I'd rather have served Mr. Mirlees and my darling for
nothing. But they turned me out, 'for my good,' they said."

When Joyce arrived at The Chase, Sarah rushed to meet her

foster-child, and whispered, as well as her tears would allow
her—

"I see now what I could never understand before. I could not
believe I was sent here for my good; but I believe it now,
darling. I was sent before, in a little way, like Joseph was, to
do good to them that sold him for a slave. And I can be of use
to you, though I'm only a servant."
To Joyce, the clasp of those loving arms was indescribably
comforting, and she found that Sarah was the only person on
whom she could rely for open, hearty sympathy.

Her uncle wished to show it, but a mark of affection on his

part was sure to call for the opposite on the side of his wife
who seemed resolved that a bare shelter should be all that
Joyce should have under her roof.

The orphan girl was soon weary of her position, and, writhing
under the slights she had received, would have been thankful
to earn her bread by any honest means rather than continue
to receive what was so grudgingly bestowed. She wished to
please Mrs. Evans and to gain the affection of her cousins, but
every effort seemed vain. Had there been young children in
the house, her time would have been occupied, but there were
none. Her cousins desired no such companion as herself; and,
as Mr. Evans' niece, she could not very well be entirely
ignored. But there was a tacit understanding between mother
and daughters that Joyce should be "kept in her place," whilst
Joyce herself, with a sore heart and memories of a happy, if
comparatively humble, home, vainly wished that she had any
definite place to fill and work to do.

CHAPTER II.

"I HAVE not a friend here but you, Sarah. I must leave this
miserable place," said Joyce, between her sobs.

"The master is your friend, darling. He loves you."

"What can he do? He is worse off than I am. How can he bear
my aunt's taunts about money, and all she has brought him?
If I were a man, I would—"

"If you were a married man with a wife and daughters, you
would not find it easy to run away from your home ties,
though they may feel a little tight sometimes. And what could
you do, dearie, if you left The Chase?"

"That is my trouble, Sarah. I would go as a governess, but

they all make game, and sneer at the idea of such a thing. I
am not accomplished, and people seem to advertise only for
ladies who know everything. Servants with clever fingers like
yours are much better off than the half-taught children of
gentlemen. They get good wages, and are so independent.
They generally spend a great deal on clothes, but they are not
obliged to do so. Do you think any one would take me as a
nursemaid? Not to tiny babies; I could not attend to them,
though I should dearly love it, for I have never been amongst
them. But I could look after older children, and I can sew
well."

"What! Go as a servant. Only a servant! Oh, Miss Joyce, if the

master could know!"

Sarah lifted her hands in horror; but Joyce said—

"If he could tell me what course to take, knowing all, he would

say I was doing right; right to take any honest work whereby
I might earn my bread. Right to undertake only what I am
qualified to do."

"Well, then, darling, say nursery governess."

"Sarah, I have looked the papers through for weeks, and I

have read plenty of advertisements of ladies offering to take
such places for nothing but a home. They do not always get
them, for the advertisements are repeated again and again.
Now, I cannot go for nothing, for I need clothes, and I have
not much money. But plenty of people offer good wages for
nurses, so I will go as a nurse, if any one will have me. My
clothes will do for a servant, though they are not nearly so
good as yours, Sarah."

The girl glanced down at her poor, coarse black gown and
burst into tears. It had been bought only as a makeshift, in
the small country town near her old home, and her uncle had
said, "Your aunt will see that you are properly provided as
soon as we reach The Chase. She would not care for Welton
dressmaking or materials."

But this first purchase proved the only one. When Mr. Evans
said that Joyce would need other and better dresses, he was
answered promptly enough.

"Joyce will not be expected to dress like my daughters.

Remember, I have already had double expenses, owing to Mr.
Minces' death having taken place just after I had bought
everything in coloured dresses for the season. So if your niece
wants finery, it will not come out of my pocket."

As to Adelaide and Augusta, they were far too eager for

admiration to be sorry that their young cousin should appear
at a disadvantage, even in the matter of dress material. In
appearance, accomplishments—in fact, in all that could attract
attention—they considered her immeasurably below them.

Thus Joyce was shut out of society, by lack of suitable

clothing, when she had little inclination for it, and when,
during her first days of sorrow, she cared only for quiet and
sympathy. Of the former, she had enough as the months went
by, and for the latter she had to go to Sarah Keene, as on the
present occasion.

"Your uncle would never agree to your taking such a place,

Miss Joyce."
"I shall be twenty-one in a month, Sarah, and my own
mistress. I have money enough to take me to a good distance
from The Chase, for I have not spent a penny that I could
help. My uncle would have given me more, but I could not
take it, since it would have really been out of Mrs. Evans'
pocket. I have already advertised, and I have four answers.
One seems likely to suit, but I shall need a character."

The girl uttered the last word somewhat scornfully, but Sarah,
with her usual good sense, replied—

"Of course you will. What mother would trust her most
precious jewels to a stranger without knowing anything about
her? The nurse comes next to the mother herself with young
children, and she cannot be too particular about the character
of one."

"My pride spoke, Sarah. We were so respected, at Welton,

though we were really poor people," replied Joyce, softly.

"Aye, darling. As Mrs. Evans will not be if she live to a

hundred. I can just think I see you, as you went through the
snow to church only last Christmas morning. You were looking
as glad and happy as possible, for you knew that many a
home would be bright that day, and many a table spread with
plenty through what you had done."

"I had given very little, Sarah. I had not much to give."

"Not in money, dearie. But gold and silver are not everything.
You had put in your little in that way, and a great deal that
was more precious still—time and work. You had walked many
a mile and pleaded for the poor with the rich, and induced
them to give what you could not. And who could withstand
you? Not those you had spent your life amongst."

"Sarah, they were all as willing to give as possible."

"Aye. Their giving was pretty easy work in most cases; they
went without nothing, and would never miss their guineas,
because they cost them no self-denial. There are lots of
people who put their hands into their pockets and think they
do a great deal when they give a gold piece out of a full
purse; but if they had to go without something in order to
spare the guinea, it would not be given. Catch your aunt or
the young ladies going with a pair of gloves the less, to save a
poor creature from starvation. Well, the mistress did me a
kindness in letting me have my holidays at Welton last
Christmas, but then it was because there was no work for me
at The Chase, seeing they were wintering abroad."

"She gave you a whole month, Sarah, and it was delightful to

have you at our house."

"Yes, and it saved the mistress four weeks' board wages she
must have paid me if I had been at The Chase. I can see
round a corner, dearie, though you cannot always. Never
mind, it was a happy, blessed Christmas, and worth more than
a year's wages to be with my own precious nursling."

The tears were streaming down Joyce's cheeks as she thought

of that last Christmas in the one true home of her life.

"I little thought—" she said; then stopped, unable to continue.

"No more did any of us. Well, your father acted for the best,
and you have happy years to look back on—years when you
made poor homes brighter, and cheered downcast souls with
words of love and hope. Now you must think of this. You are
not forgotten at Welton. Every one loves you there; but they
don't know how you are fixed. Depend on it they say, 'What a
good thing it was that Miss Joyce had a grand rich uncle to
take care of her when her father died!' They pray for you, and
look to see you again some day. Better still, God never
forgets. Think of this, my darling, you who cared for God's
poor to the very outside of your power. He will care for you
and repay you. As surely as the harvest follows seed-time, so
surely will you, in His good time, receive full measure back for
what you have meted out to others."

"I know, Sarah, I know; I am wrong to doubt, but everything

is so different here. There is no love for me."

"Yes, darling, there is God's love, and there is your uncle's, I

know, to say nothing of mine. I am only your old nurse, but
you have all the best love of my heart, for who have I
beside?"

"I am wickedly, horribly unthankful, both to God and the one

friend to whom I can open my heart. I might speak to my
uncle, but I do not care to make him feel more troubled on
my account. About my character there will be no difficulty:
Mrs. Caruth, of Fernsclough, will answer all inquiries."

"Is she home, dearie? She was abroad somewhere when your
father was taken."

"Yes; but she returned. I heard from her ten days ago. I have
told her just enough to show her that The Chase will never be
a home for me. She urges me to go to her for a long visit, and
says, that being alone, my presence would cheer her greatly."

"Then why not go, darling?"

"Because this invitation is really an offer of a home, very

delicately made; but I could not again eat the bread of
dependence, Sarah. Besides, fancy my meeting the guests at
Fernsclough in such attire as this."

"But you can have anything, if you will let me get you thirty or
fifty pounds of my savings. You may take all I have, for that
matter, only you would not need that, I know."
Joyce threw her arms round Sarah's neck and kissed her
passionately.

"Bless you, and thank you a thousand times!" she cried. "But I
would not rob you of your hard earnings for the world. Do you
think when the relatives on whom I have a claim care nothing
about my clothes, I could bear to spend on myself what you
have earned by years of toil?"

Sarah warmly returned the embrace, saying as she did so—

"You can have no such claim on any one as on the woman

who nourished you as a baby. I would give my life for you,
and what are a few pounds compared to that?"

"I need no money, Sarah, or I would owe the help to you

sooner than to any one in the world. I have plenty of clothes,
neat and simple, and such as I wore at Welton. They will last
for a couple of years."

"They are not black, dearie."

"No matter. The one mourning suit will do for Sundays, and
light printed gowns will befit a nurse-girl. I have turned one
white muslin into aprons, which will do beautifully over my
two plain cashmere frocks. As to the outside mourning, what
does it mean in many cases? My aunt and cousins are wearing
what they call mourning for my father, gowns of costly
material laden with crape and jet. Did they put it on because
they cared for my father? No, Sarah; and they long to throw it
off as soon as they think society would see them do it without
remark. One day, when my aunt was specially kind, she said:
'These gowns will come in for you, Joyce, when my girls are
done with them.' I should not have minded wearing them, if
only my aunt had offered them in real kindliness. But my
mourning is no matter of outside show. Why should I care
about externals? My Father in heaven knows."
"But stay a while at Fernsclough, darling; Mrs. Caruth was
always fond of you."

"Always most kind. But I cannot go there, of all places in the

world."

These last words were uttered with an emphasis which Sarah

could not help noticing. She looked up from her ironing with
an inquiring expression, but Joyce had turned away her head.
She noted, however, that a crimson flush had spread even
over the fair neck of her nursling, and she wondered, but said
nothing. Joyce, too, remained silently gazing out of the
window; but when she at length turned, Sarah noted traces of
tears on her cheeks, though she began to speak cheerfully
enough and to unfold her plans more fully.

"I have settled about clothes. I have enough money for my

journey, and a little to spare. On the strength of Mrs. Caruth's
recommendation, Mrs. Ross, of Springfield Park, is willing to
engage me as the personal attendant of her two little girls,
aged four and six years. I shall have no menial work, and the
mother regards her children's nurse as of a rank above her
kitchen-maid, and does not insist on caps."

"Oh, Miss Joyce. That I should live to hear you speak like
that!" said Sarah, in a tone of deep distress.

"Be comforted, dear old nurse and kindest of friends. Honest

labour has with it far more of dignity than dependence with
idleness. Earned bread will taste sweet. The dainties here are
always bitter, no matter how delicately flavoured. And now I
shall tell you no more, and when the time comes for
questioning, you can answer truly that you do not know where
I am. This much you shall know. Mrs. Caruth's own maid,
whom you have seen many a time, will meet me when I leave
this house, and accompany me to the station nearest to my
place of service. I will not tell you the name of it, or of the
town next to Springfield Park, but it will comfort you to feel
that the old friend of my parents insists on sending this good
woman to travel with me. When I am at my journey's end,
she will return. Now you know all that I can tell you, and you
may trust me that my uncle shall not be long kept in suspense
as to my safety and whereabouts; Mrs. Caruth has undertaken
to enlighten him. She does blame me for my pride in refusing
to go to her, not for finding dependence unbearable, or for
wishing to earn my own bread. But she cares for me because
I am my father's daughter, and is resolved to shield me from
the possibility of harsh judgments, by providing me with a
temporary attendant."

"I can only say, may God bless and guard you, my darling!
And mind, if you want me, I will come to you at any time,
night or day, for only a word."

CHAPTER III.

JOYCE had always plenty of time to herself, for when aunt and
cousins were out driving or visiting she had to choose
between solitary walks in the grounds or the society of Sarah
Keene and a seat beside her ironing table, her uncle being
often from home.

"The carriage is not comfortable with more than three in it,"

Mrs. Evans would say, when her daughters accompanied her.
If only one of these went, and Mr. Evans suggested that Joyce
should make a third, he was told, "Your niece has not been
used to a carriage. Why spoil her by accustoming her to
luxuries she is not likely to possess in future?"
"How do you know? Joyce may marry well. She is sweet-
looking and a good girl, who would be a treasure worth the
winning to a man who had sense enough to prefer worth to
money."

Mr. Evans made this remark without the slightest intention of

paining his wife, but it called forth derisive words from his
younger daughter, in reference to Joyce, and an angry
response from Mrs. Evans.

"Of course your penniless niece is more charming than my

daughters. But Joyce Mirlees shall be taught to know her
place, and find something better to do than to idle her time in
gossiping with a servant."

"Your niece—my house—my daughters!"

Mr. Evans did not say these words, but as he repeated them to
himself, a picture came to mind, and words from the most
touching of all parables spoke to his heart.

"The forgiving father spoke of the penitent prodigal on his

home-coming as, 'my son who was dead and is alive again,'
and to the elder who had never strayed as, 'thy brother.' But
this last had no thought of tenderness for him who lost all and
had returned hungry, penniless, destitute. It was not 'my
brother' with him, but 'thy son.' Poor Joyce! Homeless,
orphaned, hungering just for love, is nothing to my wife but
'your niece,' when she speaks of her to me. Three days hence
will be her twenty-first birthday, too; she came here in March,
and this is nearly the end of June. I thought that a girl so
sweet in herself must win the good-will of my wife and girls,
but all she has received is a bare shelter, grudgingly permitted
rather than given during three weary months."

When Joyce's birthday morning came there were no costly

gifts for her such as her cousins were accustomed to receive.
Mrs. Evans remarked coldly—
"So it is your birthday, Joyce. Of course, we all wish you many
happy returns of it."

Her cousins echoed "Of course," as they seated themselves at

the breakfast table, and Joyce replied, "Thank you."

"And you are actually twenty-one," said Mrs. Evans. "I

suppose you would expect a present of an ornamental kind,
but, under the circumstances, something useful will be better.
The girls are going to leave off mourning entirely now. Three
months is quite long enough for a mere connection by
marriage, and many people would not wear it more than half
the time."

"Many would not wear it at all, unless—"

Joyce began a sentence but could not finish it, for her heart
was too full to permit her to continue without breaking down
utterly.

"Unless the connection had lived quite near them, and every
one knew of it. Was that what you were going to say?" asked
Mrs. Evans.

"No; I meant something very different, but I will not trouble

you with it now. Only, please do not think I expected any
present. I neither looked nor wished for any."

"But you are going to have one," replied Mrs. Evans, in an

unusually gracious tone. "As I said, my girls are leaving off
their mourning, and I intend you to have their simpler
dresses. Black silks and satins they will not part with. Those
are useful always, but their worst are of beautiful material and
—"

"Quite too good for me," said Joyce.

"No, no. They will look very nice, but not too handsome.
Russell will show you how to alter them and you can sit in her
room so as to be near whilst you are at work. Afterwards, I
have no doubt you will be glad to render a little assistance in
remodelling some of your cousins' gowns which had to be put
aside, in a manner, on your account."

Mrs. Evans thought she had managed a somewhat delicate

matter with great tact and success. She had planned to turn
Joyce's time and good taste to account on behalf of herself
and her daughters, from the first day that the girl, pale and
worn with watching and weeping, arrived at The Chase.

There was a red spot on each of Joyce's cheeks which told of

inward excitement; but she was outwardly calm as she replied
—

"Thank you for offering me these dresses, but I cannot take,

and I shall not need them. Besides, however willing my
cousins might be to spare them, Russell will expect to have
them when done with. When my one black gown is too bad to
wear, I shall use those I had before my—I mean what I
brought with me from Welton."

"But those are coloured. Respect for your relatives and for
society demands that you wear black during at least a year,
for your father. As to your cousins' dresses, they would not go
to Russell whilst nearly as good as new; but I presume your
pride will not let you be seen in them, though you have never
been used to anything so handsome before."

"The dresses are very good," said Joyce; "but you will not see,
and society does not know me. Has not my uncle told you that
I am going to leave The Chase?"

"Going to leave! And pray where are you going? It is just like
your uncle to know of your plans and say nothing, but I
consider it disgraceful of you to act in such an underhand way,
especially after having had such a home as this." And Mrs.
Evans waved her hand, as if to indicate that all around her
had been as much for Joyce's use and comfort as for her own.

"I do not want to seem ungrateful," replied the girl. "I have
been sheltered here, and I have had far more dainty food than
I needed, and been surrounded with many more beautiful
things than my eye was ever accustomed to before. Yet,
forgive me for saying it, I have not been happy. Nobody loves
me, nobody wants me here, and I am very lonely. Perhaps, if
my cousins and I had seen a good deal of each other when we
were children, it would have been different; but I was really
almost a stranger when I came. I hoped they would have liked
me, but being relatives always at a distance from each other
is not like growing up as playfellows and friends. I suppose
people cannot like each other just because they wish to do,
and Adelaide and Augusta have so many friends of their own
without me. So I thought it would be better for me to try and
obtain a situation—and work for my bread. I should like to feel
that I have a place to fill, and something to do; to know that I
am wanted, if only by little children. I have obtained a
situation to which I shall go in two days. My uncle knows
about it, but he only heard the particulars just before he was
called from home so suddenly yesterday, and I suppose he
had not time to tell you. He does not blame me for wishing to
be independent of help and owe my livelihood to my own
exertion. He has always been very good to me."

The girl's voice trembled a little at this allusion to her uncle,

but Mrs. Evans showed no sign of sympathy. She sat and
listened with the frigid manner which she deemed dignified
and becoming, and Joyce continued—

"I once thought of leaving The Chase unknown even to him,

but afterwards I felt sorry and ashamed that I could have
entertained such an idea for a moment. I am sure I should
never have carried it out, though I was going to ask a friend
to tell him at once."

"And pray may I ask how you obtained this situation?"

"By advertising. I had several answers. I needed a

recommendation, and the old true friend of my father and
mother, Mrs. Caruth, of Fernsclough, gave me one, after
having urged me to accept a home with her for an indefinite
period. No one else has had a finger in my arrangements."

For the first time Mrs. Evans manifested something like

interest in Joyce's explanation, and at the mention of Mrs.
Caruth's name significant glances were exchanged between
her and her second daughter—the one who most resembled
her in appearance and disposition.

"I should have thought the fact of your being Mr. Evans' niece
would have been recommendation enough. Pray what kind of
situation have you engaged to fill? I must say, however, that
had you wished to be useful to those who have the first claim
upon you, I have just indicated a way in which you could be
so, and without leaving The Chase."

"I am afraid I shall make a poor assistant to your maid, as I

have not learned dressmaking," replied Joyce, with quivering
lips. "I did not mention my uncle's name or yours in applying
for the situation I am engaged to fill. I am going to attend on
two little children."

"Teach them, I presume you mean?"

"Not exactly. I shall try to teach them, but I shall really be

their maid. You always told me that I was not fit for a
governess, because I was so different from my cousins. A
nursery governess's duties would take in too much, so I
resolved to be 'only a servant.'"
Mrs. Evans' voice rose to a positive shriek as she replied—

"I am thankful, very thankful, you are no relative of mine, and

that though you are my husband's niece you do not bear the
same surname. I wash my hands of you!"

And with a look of combined anger and contempt, Mrs. Evans

swept from the room.

She was not wholly sorry in thinking of the decisive step Joyce
had taken. It would give her a good excuse for severing all
connection with so undesirable a relative. But there was one
drawback to her self-gratulation. If any of her fashionable
neighbours were to hear that Mr. Evans' niece had taken such
a situation, it would be too dreadful. They would not, perhaps,
draw so nice a distinction as she had done, and despite the
fact that the connection was only by marriage, Joyce might be
regarded as her relative also. There was no getting over the
fact that she was first cousin to Adelaide and Augusta.

"If that girl's surname had been the same as ours, I would
have taken steps to assume a different one, at whatever
cost."

"Would you have had us called by your maiden name of

Smittles?" asked Augusta, who had followed her mother from
the morning room. "I like Evans much better."

Mrs. Evans blushed, for that name was doubly objectionable,

and she was most anxious that the fact of her having been
Miss Smittles, the daughter of a notoriously unscrupulous
speculator, should be forgotten. She said no more about
giving up her present surname.

"Do you think," asked Augusta, "that the Mrs. Caruth my

cousin spoke of could be the lady, whom we met with her son
at Mentone last winter! They were delightful people—so
refined, and knew everybody that was worth knowing there,