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Chapter 7—Management, Leadership, and the Internal Organization

MATCHING

Complete the following using the terms listed.


a. corporate culture
b. top management
c. line organization
d. management
e. departmentalization
f. organization
g. delegation
h. matrix
i. span of management
j. controlling
k. decentralization
l. chain of command
m. SWOT analysis
n. contingency planning
o. nonprogrammed decision
p. autocratic leaders
q. human skills
r. mission statement
s. competitive differentiation
t. empowerment
1. _____ is the process of achieving organizational objectives through people and other resources.
2. _____ includes positions such as CEO and CFO; devotes most of their time developing long-range
plans.
3. A(n) _____ is a structured group of people working together to achieve common goals
4. _____, or project management, links employees from different parts of the organization to work
together on specific projects.
5. The ________ function evaluates an organization’s performance against its objectives.
6. A company that emphasizes _____ locates decision at lower levels.
7. A(n) _____ is an organized approach to assessing a company’s internal strengths and weaknesses and
its external opportunities and threats.
8. An organization’s system of principles, beliefs, and values is called _____.
9. A(n) _____ is a structured grouping of people working together to achieve common goals.
10. _____ is the process of dividing work activities into units within the organization.
11. The act of assigning activities to subordinates is called _____.
12. The number of subordinates a manager supervises is referred to as the _____.
13. _____ is the set of relationships that indicates who gives direction to whom and who reports to whom.
14. _____ allows a firm to resume operations quickly and smoothly after a crisis, while openly
communicating with the public.
15. People who make decisions on their own without consulting subordinates are _____.
16. Determining the unique combination of a company’s abilities and approaches is called _____.
17. A(n) _____ involves a complex and unique problem or opportunity with important consequences for
the organization.
18. A(n) _____ is a written explanation of an organization’s business intentions and aims.
19. __________ include the ability to communicate with, motivate, and lead employees to complete
assigned activities.
20. _______ is the business concept in which employees share authority, responsibility, and decision
making with their managers.

1. ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?


Pg. 184 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
2. ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What is Management?
Pg. 184 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
3. ANS: f DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 200 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
4. ANS: h DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 206 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
5. ANS: j DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.2 Setting a Vision and Ethical Standards for the
Firm
Pg. 187 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
6. ANS: k DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 204 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
7. ANS: m DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 193 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
8. ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.7 Corporate Culture
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
9. ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 204 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
10. ANS: e DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 202 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
11. ANS: g DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 203 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
12. ANS: i DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 203 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
13. ANS: l DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 205 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
14. ANS: n DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 191 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
15. ANS: p DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
16. ANS: s DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 194 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
17. ANS: o DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 196 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
18. ANS: r DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 192 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
19. ANS: q DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
20. ANS: t DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

ESSAY

21. Differentiate among the three levels of management and their corresponding responsibilities.

ANS:
The management pyramid is made up of three levels: top, middle, and supervisory managers. Top
managers make key decisions, such as the vision of the corporation or whether or not to purchase a
new company or products. Middle management directs and implements these key decisions.
Supervisors, or first-line managers, are responsible for day-to-day decisions and for assigning
non-managerial people their work schedules and evaluating their performance.

DIF: HARD LO: 7.1 What Is Management?


Pg. 185 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

22. Describe the three basic skills necessary for managerial success.

ANS:
The three basic skills are human skills, technical skills, and conceptual skills. Human skills are needed
at all levels of management and allow managers to work effectively with and through people. These
skills include leadership, motivation, and communication. Technical skills are most critical for
first-line supervisors because they interact with non-managerial employees who must operate and
explain machinery and computers. Conceptual skills are particularly important for top management
who must develop long-range plans for the future. It allows them to see the overall importance of each
function of the company.

DIF: HARD LO: 7.1 What Is Management?


Pg. 186 AACSB: Communication BT: K

23. Describe each of the management functions.

ANS:
The four management functions are planning, organizing, leading, and controlling. Planning is the
process of anticipating future events and conditions and determining courses of action for achieving
organizational objectives. Organizing is the process of blending human and material resources through
a formal structure of tasks and authority; arranging work, dividing tasks among employees, and
coordinating them to implementation of plans and accomplishment of objectives. Directing involves
guiding and motivating employees to accomplish organizational objectives. Controlling evaluates an
organization’s performance against its objectives.
DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 187 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

24. Explain the role of vision and ethical standards in business success.

ANS:
Vision is the ability to perceive the needs of the marketplace and develop methods for satisfying those
needs. Vision helps new businesses pinpoint the actions needed to take advantage of opportunities. In
an existing firm, a clear vision of company purpose helps unify the actions of separated divisions,
keeps customers satisfied, and sustains growth. Setting high ethical standards helps a firm survive and
be successful over the long term. Behaving ethically places an organization’s constituents—those to
whom it is responsible—at the top of its priorities. It also goes beyond avoiding wrongdoing to
encouraging, motivating, and inspiring employees.

DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.2 Setting a Vision and Ethical Standards


Pg. 187 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

25. How does strategic planning differ from tactical planning? Give an example of each type of planning.

ANS:
Strategic planning is the most far-reaching level of planning. It is the process of determining the
primary objectives of the organization and then acting and allocating resources to achieve those
objectives. PepsiCo’s decision to sell its fast-food restaurants and concentrate on soft drinks and snack
foods was the result of a strategic planning process. Tactical planning, by contrast, involves
implementing the activities specified by strategic plans. Tactical plans guide the current and near-term
activities required to implement overall strategies. An example of tactical planning is PepsiCo’s efforts
to build sales by using displays that place snack foods and drinks side by side.

DIF: HARD LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning


Pg. 190 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

26. Describe contingency planning and its two components.

ANS:
Contingency planning is preparing for unexpected events such as accidents, natural disasters, or
sudden, severe economic downturns. Contingency planning allows a firm to resume operations quickly
and smoothly after a crisis, while openly communicating with the public about the event. This
planning activity involves business continuation and public communication.

DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning


Pg. 191 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

27. List in order the steps involved in the strategic planning process.

ANS:
The steps of strategic planning include the following: (1) define the company’s mission; (2) assess the
company’s competitive position; (3) set organizational objectives; (4) create strategies for competitive
differentiation; (5) implement the strategy into action; and, (6) evaluate results and refine the plan.

DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process


Pg. 192 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

28. Define SWOT analysis and explain its purpose in the strategic planning process.

ANS:
SWOT is an acronym for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. SWOT analysis is one
method of assessing a company’s competitive position. Strengths and weaknesses can be examined in
each area of the company including finance, marketing, information technology, and human resources.
Opportunities and threats include market growth, regulatory changes, and increased competition.
SWOT analysis is useful in the strategic planning process because it forces management to look at
factors both inside and outside the organization. SWOT analysis examines not only the current picture,
but also necessary actions to prepare for likely future developments.

DIF: HARD LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process


Pg. 193 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

29. Describe competitive differentiation. Provide possible examples of competitive differentiation.

ANS:
Competitive differentiation is the unique combination of a company’s abilities and approaches that sets
it apart from the competition. Possible examples of competitive differentiation include product
innovation, technology, and employee motivation.

DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process


Pg. 194 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

30. Provide an example of a programmed decision and a nonprogrammed decision.

ANS:
Examples of programmed decisions include reordering office supplies, renewing a lease, and referring
to an established discount for bulk orders. Examples of nonprogrammed decisions include entering a
new market, deleting a product from the line, or developing a new product.
DIF: HARD LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 195 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

31. List the steps involved in the decision-making process.

ANS:
The decision-making process begins with recognizing a problem or opportunity, developing potential
courses of action to solve the problem, evaluating the alternatives, selecting and implementing one of
them, and assessing the outcome of the decision.

DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers


Pg. 196 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

32. Describe three personal qualities found in great leaders.

ANS:
While great leaders don’t share all of the same qualities, there are three common traits that many share.
These are empathy (the ability to imagine oneself in another’s position), self-awareness, and
objectivity in dealing with others. Other common traits found in great leaders include courage, the
ability to inspire others, passion, commitment, flexibility, innovation, and a willingness to experiment.

DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders


Pg. 197 AACSB: Analytic BT: AP

33. Distinguish among autocratic, democratic, and free-rein leadership.

ANS:
Autocratic leaders make decisions on their own without consulting employees. They reach decisions,
communicate them to subordinates, and expect prompt implementation of instructions. Democratic
leadership involves subordinates in the decision-making process. Democratic leaders are willing to
delegate assignments, ask employees for suggestions, and encourage participation. Free-rein leaders
believe in minimal supervision, leaving most decisions to their subordinates. A free-rein leader
communicates with employees frequently, as the situation warrants.

DIF: HARD LO: 7.5 Managers as Leaders


Pg. 199 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

34. Provide examples of tools managers might use to reinforce corporate culture.

ANS:
Managers use symbols, rituals, ceremonies, and stories to strengthen corporate culture.
DIF: HARD LO: 7.7 Corporate Culture
Pg. 200 AACSB: Analytic BT: AP

35. List the major forms of departmentalization and explain how management decides which form or
forms to use.
ANS:
The five major forms of departmentalization are product, geography, customer, function, and process.
In determining which form to use, managers consider the type of product they produce, the size of
their company, their customer base, and the locations of their customers.

DIF: HARD LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures


Pg. 202 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

36. Explain what is meant by span of management. Describe the trend in determining span of
management.

ANS:
Span of management, also known as span of control, refers to the number of subordinates a manager
directly supervises. These subordinates are often referred to as direct reports. In recent years, a
growing trend has brought wider spans of control, as companies have reduced their layers of
management in order to flatten their organizational structures. In this process, they increase the
decision-making responsibility they give employees.

DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures


Pg. 203 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

37. Compare the four types of organizational structures.

ANS:
The line organization establishes a direct flow of authority, known as a chain of command. This
organization is effective only for the smallest businesses. Conversely, a line-and-staff organization
combines the direct flow of authority of a line organization with supporting staff departments. The
third organizational structure is the committee organization, which places authority with a group of
individuals rather than a single manager. Finally, the matrix structure links employees from different
parts of the organization to work together on specific projects.

DIF: HARD LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures


Pg. 204 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

MULTIPLE CHOICE

38. Management is the process of achieving ________ through people and other resources.
a. profits
b. status
c. organizational objectives
d. societal objectives
ANS: c DIF: EASY LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 184 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

39. Lupe’s job duties include such tasks as deciding whether or not to introduce a new product or enter a
new foreign market. Lupe is most likely a member of ________ management.
a. middle
b. top
c. supervisory
d. line
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 184 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

40. Which level of management includes job titles such as general manager, division manager, or plant
manager?
a. staff management
b. top management
c. middle management
d. supervisory management
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 184 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

41. Jackie is a manager who spends most of her time in day-to-day decisions assigning non-managerial
employees to specific jobs. Jackie is considered a ________ manager.
a. staff
b. supervisory
c. mid-level
d. technical
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 185 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

42. As someone moves up the managerial hierarchy, which skills become relatively more important?
a. technical skills
b. human skills
c. conceptual skills
d. supervisory skills
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

43. Most top executives began their careers as which type of expert?
a. technical
b. financial
c. human relations
d. marketing
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

44. First-line managers interact continuously with members of the work team. Therefore, they must
possess effective ________ skills.
a. conceptual
b. technical
c. visionary
d. human
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

45. Human skills involve ________.


a. directing and controlling operations
b. understanding knowledge and tools of a specific discipline
c. leading and motivating workers
d. seeing the organization as a unified whole
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Communication BT: K

46. When Carla instructs new employees on handling customer complaints, she motivates them to respond
with patience and a positive attitude. Carla has effective ________ skills.
a. conceptual
b. visionary
c. intuitive
d. human
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Communication BT: AP

47. Tate, president of Progressive Graphics, is highly respected for his ability to analyze and interpret
trends in the rapidly changing graphics industry. Tate has effective ________ skills.
a. human relations
b. technical
c. conceptual
d. supervisory
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

48. Hasim is a bank manager who believes his bank should expand nationally for greater profit and
efficiency. Hasim is using his ________ skills.
a. supervisory
b. conceptual
c. human
d. technical
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

49. Conceptual skills are ________.


a. not as important at the top management level
b. most important for supervisors
c. skills that allow a person to understand how all the pieces of an organization fit together to
accomplish its objectives
d. used to motivate, communicate, and lead other employees
ANS: c DIF: HARD LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

50. Which of the four functions of management creates a well-designed road map of the actions needed to
lead a company forward?
a. organizing
b. directing
c. controlling
d. planning
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

51. Damien is working on a project where he needs to anticipate future events and conditions, as well as
avoid costly mistakes. Damien is engaged in the ________ managerial function.
a. controlling
b. planning
c. organizing
d. directing
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 186 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

52. Rosetta classifies and divides work into manageable units by determining the specific tasks necessary
to introduce a new product. Rosetta is involved in the ________ managerial function.
a. planning
b. organizing
c. directing
d. controlling
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 187 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

53. Marcus is responsible for guiding and motivating 10 other employees to accomplish various
organizational objectives. Marcus handles the ________ managerial function.
a. planning
b. organizing
c. directing
d. controlling
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 187 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

54. Ramon’s job is to establish performance standards, monitor actual performance, and compare actual
performance to the standards. Ramon is engaged in the ________ managerial function.
a. organizing
b. directing
c. controlling
d. planning
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.1 What Is Management?
Pg. 187 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

55. ________ is a perception of marketplace needs and the methods an organization can use to satisfy
them.
a. Vision
b. Strategic planning
c. Strategic management
d. The organizing function
ANS: a DIF: EASY LO: 7.2 Setting a Vision and Ethical Standards for the
Firm
Pg. 187 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

56. Kiki strongly believes that college students need credit counseling, so she begins a not-for-profit
organization devoted to this need. Kiki is exhibiting ________.
a. strategic planning
b. the organizing function of management
c. vision
d. strategic management
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.2 Setting a Vision and Ethical Standards for the
Firm
Pg. 187 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

57. A company’s perceptions regarding the marketplace needs and the ways a firm can satisfy them is
known as a(n) __________.
a. financial plan
b. vision
c. strategic plan
d. contingency plan
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.2 Setting a Vision and Ethical Standards for the
Firm
Pg. 187 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

58. Generally, which type of manager establishes the company’s vision?


a. supervisory managers
b. staff managers
c. middle managers
d. top management
ANS: d DIF: EASY LO: 7.2 Setting a Vision and Ethical Standards for the
Firm
Pg. 185 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

59. Vision should be ________ and ________.


a. rigid; focused
b. rigid; broad
c. focused; flexible
d. flexible; broad
ANS: c DIF: HARD LO: 7.2 Setting a Vision and Ethical Standards for the
Firm
Pg. 187 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

60. ________ planning guides the current and near-term activities required to implement overall strategies.
a. Tactical
b. Strategic
c. Contingency
d. Operational
ANS: a DIF: EASY LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 190 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

61. Which type of planning determines the primary objectives of an organization, and then acts and
allocates resources to achieve those objectives?
a. tactical planning
b. strategic planning
c. contingency planning
d. operational planning
ANS: b DIF: EASY LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 190 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
62. A petroleum refinery stockpiles crude oil so that it can easily switch between producing home heating
oil and gasoline, depending on relative demand. This is an example of ________ planning.
a. tactical
b. strategic
c. contingency
d. operational
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 190 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

63. By implementing a needed flight schedule between Toronto and Chicago, Porter Airlines was using
________ planning to complete its goals.
a. contingency
b. strategic
c. operational
d. tactical
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 190 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

64. Which of the following decisions was NOT directly the result of a company’s strategic planning?
a. AOL’s decision to merge with Time Warner
b. Pepsi’s decision to sell its fast-food restaurants and focus on soda and snack foods
c. The decision by Amazon.com to expand its product offerings beyond books and music
d. Jet Blue Airlines’ decision to add service to Oakland, California
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 190 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

65. When Tina reviews applications for a new position in finance, she is using ________ planning.
a. operational
b. contingency
c. tactical
d. strategic
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 190 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

66. When John sets deadlines for an upcoming project, he is using ________ planning.
a. operational
b. tactical
c. strategic
d. contingency
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 190 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

67. ________ planning involves implementing activities specified by strategic plans.


a. Financial
b. Operational
c. Contingency
d. Tactical
ANS: d DIF: EASY LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 190 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
68. Nearly a week before Hurricane Katrina reached New Orleans, Home Depot began moving trucks and
supplies into position, as specified in the company’s ________ plan.
a. tactical
b. strategic
c. operational
d. contingency
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 191 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

69. Via Rail Canada has plans in place to reroute trains in the event that floods or other natural disasters
close some of the railroad’s tracks. This is an example of ________ planning.
a. contingency
b. tactical
c. strategic
d. operational
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 191 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

70. A home furnishing store issued a recall notice about a vase that easily cracks. Before the notice was
publicly issued, the company had assembled a crisis management team to enact a(n) ________ plan.
a. tactical
b. contingency
c. strategic
d. operational
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 191 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

71. Top management usually spends the majority of time on ________ plans.
a. tactical
b. contingency
c. strategic
d. operational
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 191 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

72. Tactical planning is primarily the responsibility of ________.


a. top managers
b. middle managers
c. supervisory managers
d. the CEO
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.3 Importance of Planning
Pg. 191 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

73. What is the first step in the strategic planning process?


a. Create a mission statement.
b. Monitor and adapt plans.
c. Assess competitive position.
d. Develop strategies for reaching objectives.
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 192 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
74. A written explanation of an organization’s business intentions and aims is called a(n) ________.
a. SWOT analysis
b. strategy for competitive differentiation
c. objective
d. mission statement
ANS: d DIF: EASY LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 192 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

75. Mario is part of a strategic planning team. He has identified that his company is the low-cost producer
in its industry. This should be listed on a SWOT analysis as a(n) ________.
a. opportunity
b. weaknesses
c. strength
d. threat
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 193 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

76. Julian owns a bread company and is creating a SWOT analysis to see where he can make
improvements and increase sales. All of the following are threats to the success of his company
EXCEPT ________.
a. economies of scale
b. downturn in the economy
c. regulatory changes
d. enhanced competition
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 193 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

77. By using a(n) ________, Starbucks addressed the threat of fluctuating consumer trends by offering a
variety of beverages and merchandise beyond coffee.
a. mission statement
b. contingency plan
c. matrix
d. SWOT analysis
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 193 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

78. Which of the following is made up primarily of external factors?


a. strengths
b. threats
c. mission statement
d. weaknesses
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 193 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

79. Serguis is a member of his firm’s strategic planning team. He has identified several untapped markets
that exist in other countries. His observation should be listed as a(n) ________.
a. opportunity
b. weakness
c. strength
d. threat
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 193 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

80. Targets by which managers define the organization’s desired performance are called ________.
a. objectives
b. missions
c. opportunities
d. standards
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 194 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

81. A primary ________ of eBay is being the world’s largest online auction site.
a. mission statement
b. vision
c. competitive differentiation
d. objective
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 194 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

82. When Capital One Financial utilized its extensive database to customize its credit card operation, the
company was in the ________ phase of planning.
a. monitoring
b. implementation
c. decision making
d. vision
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 195 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

83. Which managers typically implement a strategy?


a. middle managers
b. top managers
c. executive
d. senior
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.4 The Strategic Planning Process
Pg. 195 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

84. Decisions involving simple, common, frequently occurring problems for which solutions have already
been determined are ________ decisions.
a. creative
b. standard
c. programmed
d. strategic
ANS: c DIF: EASY LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 195 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

85. Morgan is the manager of a local Circuit City and has put up signs promoting the store’s weekly sale
products. Morgan’s assignment would be classified as a ________.
a. programmed decision
b. nonprogrammed decision
c. span of management
d. matrix
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 195 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

86. McDonald’s has decided to add a pork sandwich to its menu. This is an example of a ________.
a. contingency plan
b. line organization
c. nonprogrammed decision
d. programmed decision
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 196 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

87. ABC Corp. has established a discount schedule for large-volume clients. This ________ will allow
managers to devote more time to complex issues.
a. increased sales volume
b. nonprogrammed decision
c. increased profit margin
d. programmed decision
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 195 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

88. All of the following require nonprogrammed decisions EXCEPT ________.


a. complex problems
b. unique problems
c. recurring problems
d. situations that have not occurred before
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 196 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

89. Luis is CEO of a new company that makes hand-held computers. He is trying to decide between using
the Windows Mobile operating system and the Palm operating system. Luis is ________.
a. creating a vision
b. developing a mission statement
c. making a nonprogrammed decision
d. making a programmed decision
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 196 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

90. The first step in the decision-making process is:


a. Develop alternative courses of action.
b. Evaluate alternatives.
c. Recognize the problem or opportunity.
d. Select and implement chosen alternative.
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 196 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

91. Heather is faced with making a decision about where to locate a store. She has researched the
advantages and disadvantages of a downtown location, a mall location, and a suburban location in a
strip mall. What should Heather do now?
a. Follow up on the effectiveness of the decision.
b. Develop potential courses of action.
c. Delay making a decision.
d. Select and implement one of her choices.
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 196 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

92. The quality control team at a steel company recently implemented a strategy to reduce product defects.
What is its next step?
a. Assess the outcome of the decision.
b. Develop a potential course of action.
c. Recognize a problem or opportunity.
d. Evaluate the alternatives.
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 196 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

93. Once a manager has determined the problem or opportunity, the next step in the decision-making
process is to ________.
a. decide whether the manager is facing a programmed decision or a nonprogrammed
decision
b. identify the problem
c. develop alternatives
d. evaluate alternatives
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.5 Managers as Decision Makers
Pg. 196 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

94. ________ is the ability of directing or inspiring others to perform activities designed to achieve
organizational objectives.
a. Controlling
b. Communicating
c. Organizing
d. Leadership
ANS: d DIF: EASY LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 197 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

95. Leadership is most often associated with the ability to ________.


a. communicate well with large groups of people
b. arrange activities that have to be performed in a systematic way
c. determine the most effective course of action
d. inspire others toward high levels of achievement
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 197 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

96. Leaders establish power from all of the following sources EXCEPT their ________.
a. position in the organization
b. expertise
c. leadership style
d. personality
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K
97. Autocratic leaders ________.
a. make decisions on their own, often without consulting others
b. believe in minimal supervision
c. are open-minded leaders
d. involve subordinates in making decisions
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

98. Autocratic leaders have all of the following characteristics EXCEPT ________.
a. concentration of power with the manager
b. two-way communication
c. decisions are made by the manager with little to no consultation from subordinates
d. employees are closely supervised
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

99. Democratic leaders ________.


a. involve their subordinates in making decisions
b. let people know only what they need to know to do their jobs
c. are always the most effective leaders
d. leave all decisions to their subordinates
ANS: a DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

100. Which leadership style would allow sales personnel to participate in setting sales quotas?
a. free-rein
b. judgmental
c. democratic
d. autocratic
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

101. Maya, director of admissions at Glenview Hospital, frequently seeks input from subordinates on issues
relating to her department. Maya’s style of leadership would be considered ________.
a. judgmental
b. democratic
c. autocratic
d. free-rein
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

102. Marriott has a policy of allowing employees at its hotels to immediately respond to customer problems
without having to obtain prior approvals from senior managers. This policy is best described as
________.
a. free-rein leadership
b. employee responsibility
c. autocratic leadership
d. employee empowerment
ANS: d DIF: HARD LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

103. Marcus believes in empowering the employees in his department. Most likely, Marcus is a(n)
________ leader.
a. autocratic
b. independent
c. task-oriented
d. democratic
ANS: d DIF: HARD LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

104. Harriet, the marketing manager of Video One, allows subordinates to make most of the decisions for
the department. Harriet’s leadership style can best be described as ________.
a. free-rein
b. autocratic
c. democratic
d. persuasive
ANS: a DIF: HARD LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

105. The best style of leadership is ________.


a. democratic
b. dependent on employee feedback
c. dependent on the leader’s base of power
d. free-rein
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.6 Managers as Leaders
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

106. An organization’s system of principles, beliefs, and values is called ________.


a. corporate culture
b. democratic leadership system
c. free-rein system
d. organizational structure
ANS: a DIF: EASY LO: 7.7 Corporate Culture
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

107. Corporate culture is reinforced by all of the following factors EXCEPT ________.
a. symbols
b. rituals
c. stories
d. finances
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.7 Corporate Culture
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

108. In an organization with a strong culture, ________.


a. the management is usually autocratic
b. everyone knows and supports the same objectives
c. the use of rituals is nonexistent
d. employees are encouraged to think and act independently
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.7 Corporate Culture
Pg. 200 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

109. Which of the following statements is incorrect regarding corporate culture?

a. A company with strong tradition should not alter its culture.


b. Companies that grow quickly typically do not have time to create a culture.
c. The leadership style of managers, the way it communicates, and the overall work
environment influence a firm’s culture.
d. A culture is typically shaped by supervisors.
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.7 Corporate Culture
Pg. 199 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

110. A(n) ________ is a structured grouping of people working together to achieve common goals.
a. system
b. span of management
c. chain of command
d. organization
ANS: d DIF: EASY LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 200 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

111. What is the first step in the organizing process?


a. Determine specific work activities necessary to implement plans and achieve objectives.
b. Assign activities to specific positions and people and allocate necessary resources.
c. Coordinate activities of different groups and individuals.
d. Group work activities into a logical pattern or structure.
ANS: a DIF: HARD LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 200 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

112. Chau-Lee is the owner-manager of a 24-hour convenience store. When he first opened the business, he
employed only four people, and it was easy to manage the store through informal means. The store
experienced rapid growth and is now a six-unit chain. Chau-Lee is now trying to manage 30
employees and coordinate operations in the same manner as when he first opened the business. He is
frustrated and feels that his business is “out of control.” What Chau-Lee needs is ________.
a. fewer stores
b. more employees
c. a formal organization structure
d. an updated inventory system
ANS: c DIF: HARD LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 201 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

113. A(n) __________ can help clarify the structure of a firm.


a. chain of command
b. span of management
c. contingency plan
d. mission statement
ANS: b DIF: HARD LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 203 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

114. As a company grows, what happens to its organizational structure?


a. it becomes more complex
b. it uses a product departmentalization
c. it becomes easier to understand
d. it uses a functional departmentalization
ANS: a DIF: HARD LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 201 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

115. Organization charts are the visual indication of a firm’s ________.


a. formal relationships with suppliers and customers
b. informal relationships within the organization
c. job positions and functions
d. management team for each department
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 201 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

116. The process of dividing work activities into units is known as ________.
a. organizational management
b. programming structure
c. streamline management
d. departmentalization
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 202 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

117. Organizational structures that are based on the goods and services a company offers are usually
departmentalized by ________.
a. process
b. product
c. geography
d. function
ANS: b DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 202 AACSB: Analytic BT: K

118. Guadalupe’s firm is divided into work units representing human resources, marketing, production, and
finance. This is known as ________ departmentalization.
a. product
b. geographic
c. functional
d. process
ANS: c DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 203 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP

119. Hewlett Packard (HP) is subdivided by its different lines (such as laptops, desktops, mobile devices,
printers, and servers). HP is departmentalized by ________.
a. process
b. customer
c. function
d. product
ANS: d DIF: MEDIUM LO: 7.8 Organizational Structures
Pg. 202 AACSB: Reflective Thinking BT: AP
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Fan fare, May
1953
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United
States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with
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eBook.

Title: Fan fare, May 1953

Author: Various

Editor: W. Paul Ganley

Release date: April 21, 2024 [eBook #73441]

Language: English

Original publication: New York, NY: SSR Publications, 1953

Credits: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed


Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FAN FARE,


MAY 1953 ***
FAN FARE

VOL 3, NO 3
MAY '53
15¢

FAN-FARE is published
bimonthly by SSR Publications,
119 Ward Rd., North
Tonawanda, New York.

Manuscripts submitted for


publication should be
accompanied by return
postage, and should be
typewritten or legibly hand-
printed on one side of the
sheet, double-spaced. We are
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taken in their handling. If you
have not heard from us within a
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date of submission, you may
care to send a follow-up letter.

Subscriptions to FAN-FARE: six


issues/75¢. Each issue, 15¢.

Feel free to write us at the


above address for information
on advertisement rates or
concerning other SSR
publications.

SSR PUBLICATIONS consists


of A. C. Leverentz, R. E. Briney,
and W. P. Ganley.

Editor: W. Paul Ganley

Cover by Charles Momberger (see editorial please).


CONTENTS
THE ANNALS OF AARDVARK by Harlan Ellison
THE GOTHIC HORROR by George Wetzel
LOOSE ENDS by Jean Reedy
A TIME TO LOVE by Don Howard Donnell

VERSE:
THREE A. M. by Walt Klein
AT TAKEOFF TIME by R. L. Clancy
NOVA by Keran O'Brien
THE SEA AT EVENING by A. Duane
TAVERN MOOD by Walt Klein

FEATURES:
... ENTR'ACTE
ASSAY REPORT
WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN
... ENTR'ACTE
This issue was published with the thought in mind that it would be
nice to distribute it at the Midwestcon—in the rush to get it finished,
the aid of Robert J. Fritz (editor of the now defunct HYPEROPIA)
and Joseph M. Fillinger (editor of the now defunct GHUVNA). This
was a mistake—as a matter of fact, two mistakes! Note the
sloppiness of the interior reproduction. Note the cover, and realize
that Joe swiped it from a Momberger cover on the second issue of
GHUVNA; it suffered in the process, and I expect Charlie to sue me
any day now. I'm tired of saying in each issue that the next one will
see, finally, publication of the DeWeese story. It is not a myth ... and
it will appear. What? Well, now, you just wait and see!!
Beginning with this issue I am experimenting with kinds of stories—
I'm tired of publishing tales that "almost made the pulps;" eventually,
FAN-FARE will be issued in a better format than mimeographing—I'd
have it lithographed beginning right away if I thought reader support
would pay most of the cost, but I've learned from others' mistakes.
And I refuse to issue it in the not-so-costly microscopic form which
early issues of SF DIGEST used.... I'd have to provide magnifying
lenses!
Next issue the regular page of book reviews should return, and I
hope to have another installment of the Loverontz column—having
been an observer to one of the latest atom explosions, he should
have interesting things to comment on....
—8 June, 1953
—THE EDITOR
THE ANNALS OF AARDVARK
BY HARLAN ELLISON
CHAPTER 1
THE ENTRANCE
C'mon in won't you? You can sit right down there in that rocking
chair. Oh! you saw the sign on the door and wanted to ask me about
Aardvark, did you? Well, I guess I'm the best person to tell you about
him since I was with him from the moment he entered the country.
Do you want to hear from there or from the real beginning? Well,
okay, I'll tell you about the start when he met the Valkyries.
You see Aardvarks can live only in the warmest places. So, when the
Aardvark got lost in the Swiss Alps, he was very uncomfortable.
Don't ask me how an Aardvark got to the Swiss Alps or what he was
doing there in the first place. He's never told anyone, except maybe
the Valkyries.
Anyhow, stumbling around in the freezing cold, he got lost; but good.
Just as he was about to give up and say farewell cruel world, he
stumbled upon an ice crypt. Stumbled, he ran into it and knocked out
two teeth.
This crypt which was set in the side of one of the glaciers was not an
ordinary one, for frozen within its icy walls, rent free, were two
Valkyries and a large elephant. Even the elephant was unusual. He
was the sole owner (the Valkyries obviously had no use for one!) of a
handsome brown handle-bar moustache, nicely waxed and
glistening.
The Aardvark, who was inquisitive as are all great men, strolled up to
the ice crypt as nonchalantly as a freezing Aardvark could, and dying
of hunger, put forth an exploratory tongue and licked the ice. To his
amazement, the ice was lemon flavored. Wait a minute, I'll tell you
why it was lemon flavored, but first let me tell you what happened.
Knowing full well the consequences of licking open this age-old ice
pack, but racked with hunger, the Aardvark proceeded to lick open
the crypt. After several minutes of lightninglike licking, the Aardvark
sated his hunger and in the process freed the Valkyries.
The Valkyries were forever grateful and proceeded to show the
Aardvark this by bursting into a Wagnerian opera, complete with
flowing braids.
After the preceding formality had been dispensed with, introductions
went around and the Aardvark found out the fact, which is of
practically no use to anyone, that the Valkyries' names were Olga
and Ketanya Schwartz. Very old lineage, this name. The elephant,
who had been sitting by looking very bored about the whole thing,
was named Rubin.
The Valkyries, it seems, were delivering a package of lemon flavored
Jell-O to the cook in Valhalla, and en route, had gotten frozen in the
ice. The elephant was their mode of conveyance since all the good
horses had a day off and went to the people races at Lowaleah.
The Aardvark heard all of this in a rather detached way, for you know
most Aardvarks can neither talk, write, nor understand human
language.... The Valkyries who perceived this deficiency were
contemplating giving the Aardvark some of their Valkyrie Local
Number 86112 Magic, Pat. Pending, when the recipient in question
suddenly turned a lovely shade of aquamarine, shivered, and
dropped over, frozen solid. This solved the problem very effectively.
They worked their second-hand magic on the fellow, and when he
awoke...! Well, there was a complete change in him. This was the
exit of Aardvark, boy nothing, and the entrance of Cassius Quagmire
Aardvark, man of the world.
CHAPTER 2
MASS EXODUS

After the Valkyries had revived Cassius with the aid of a bouquet
consisting of a quartet of red flowers in liquid form, they placed him
and themselves upon the back of the elephant Rubin, who it was
found was permanently grounded after three or four thousand years
of disuse, and proceeded to the almost obscure town of
Eeahohaheeee, Switzerland, where they intended to settle down.
But the people of the town upon seeing the apparition of a large
elephant with a moustache carrying two beautiful girls and a strange
animal, wanted to burn the aardvark and his companions at the
stake thinking them a figment of their imaginations.
The elephant did not care for this in the least and rearing back on his
hind legs proceeded to tell the townsfolk so, much to their dismay. In
large groups they immediately depopulated the Swiss village.
Cassius, the Aardvark, finding himself alone in the middle of a
deserted town with a moustachioed elephant and two Valkyries
decided that here they were not appreciated, and made preparations
for leaving the country.
In a deserted haberdashery he found a fine, warm English tweed, a
top hat, white gloves, a white bow tie, and a pair of lavender
earmuffs, which he quickly donned. The elephant was equipped with
a can of moustache wax and a muffler, while the Schwartz sisters
doffed their filmy negligee type goddess gowns and donned two
lovely business suits.
Then, well clothed and happy, the elephant replaced his travelling
companions upon his back, and calmly swam the Atlantic Ocean to
arrive at the United States of America, where the Aardvark's
appearance was destined to cause a stir and tremor in the daily life
of every American.
CHAPTER 3
"... IT'S A BARGAIN"
A warning of the thing to sweep the country shortly was evidenced
when the moustachioed elephant Rubin came lumbering through the
water in the New York Harbor. People from miles around who got
wind of the news (he was a very smelly elephant) rushed to the
docks to watch, or climb to the tops of buildings with binoculars. And
when Rubin climbed ashore on Ellis Island, the city was thrown into
a panic.
It seems that Cassius began conferring at once with two of the
immigration officers about entrance into the country. This was flatly
refused by the officials, who cited a weak clause in the handbook
which excluded all uncivilized beings; and anyone could see that
Cassius was uncivilized,—whoever heard of wearing lavender
earmuffs with an English tweed?
When his traveling companions heard this, they were all for hurling
the immigration officers head first into ye olde New Yawk Harbor.
Right about there is where I came in. Yeah, good old Charlie Smirtz,
that's me. I had been waiting on the Island for a shipload of animals
from Africa and being a producer of some reknown, saw the latent
possibilities in the appearance of these, and I use the term loosely,
people. I had just finished a show on Broadway that had run three
years and was just getting together an animal circus to tour the
country. But when I saw this Aardvark in an English Tweed with a top
hat, tie, and ivory-topped cane, a moustached elephant wearing a
muffler, and two of the most gawjus dames in the world, I knew that
this was something a little unusual. I was sure of it when I saw that
the Aardvark was wearing lavender earmuffs.
Sauntering casually over to where the Aardvark and his companions
were sitting, I introduced myself, and in a low voice related to them
the fact that if they would consent to signing a contract, I would
personally see that they were inside the country before morning. The
Aardvark gives me the cold eye at first and then says, "If you
promise, and write it out in this contract that we are not to appear in
any sideshow type things, we might consent."
Before the fellow could twitch his short brown tail, I had pulled out
my Foster pen that writes under water, air, ink, blood, and money,
and was writing in the clause he mentioned. Then he signed the
contract, and so commenced the partnership of Smirtz, Aardvark,
Schwartz, and Rubin, Inc.

CHAPTER 4
THE CARBUNCLE VOYAGE
After the signing of the contract, Cassius and his companions retired
to the harbor to wait till I had made the arrangements. Late that
night, very late (about five o'clock), a small tug pulled up to the island
and out came one Hawser Dawson. I can truthfully say that Hawser
is the mouldiest looking animal ever to set foot upon dry land. Or wet
water, for that matter. He is so filthy that his clothes stand up by
themselves when he takes them off at night. And the smell!
WHEWWW!! Hawser Dawson smells like Mrs. Murphy didn't get
home with the eggs in time. He is dirty, smelly, and dumb besides,
but he is loyal and one of the best tugboat captains that ever tripped
on a two inch line.
We had arranged to get the Aardvark and his buddies into the
country under cover but I had forgotten to mention to Hawser how
big the group was. When Hawser saw the elephant he almost
fainted. His ship, which was as leaky as Stalin's head wouldn't carry
that load. It could hardly carry Hawser himself. So we arranged to
hang the Aardvark and the elephant under the ship while the
Valkyries and myself rode upstairs.
But not only did Dawson get paid twice as much as he should have,
he wanted the Aardvark and Rubin the elephant to work their way in.
He whispered something to Cassius and Rubin and then came
aboard. When the elephant and our hero were slung under the ship,
the leaky tub sank so low into the water that it was wetter on the
bridge than it was under the ship. We got under way shortly and as
we sailed around under cover of darkness we heard a weird sound.
It was a systematic metallic whonking under the boat. When we
asked Dawson what the noise was, he told us that the Aardvark and
Rubin were working their way over by cleaning barnacles off the
bottom of the tugboat with their teeth. I almost fainted when I heard
this. Our future star, the brightest new personality in years ...
scraping barnacles! Oh no!
After breaking a steel pipe over Dawson's head, we got the Aardvark
into the ship and started chipping the remnants of his work from his
bicuspids. It was about this time that we got into the small dock that
Hawser had told us would be waiting. We dragged the slightly
defunct sea captain out of the ship, got Rubin out from under and
proceeded to enter the United States of America, which as you know
has been renamed since by some people, the United States of
Aardvark. One of the reasons is because of what happened in the
Drunken Cockroach Nightclub. Oh was that a queer night. It
happened on the same evening we got into the States....

CHAPTER 5
IN THE DRUNKEN COCKROACH
We got the Aardvark settled quickly in a hotel near the center of town
and then decided to go out and eat someplace. Hawser Dawson
wanted to go along till he got his money and since he wanted it in
cash and the banks didn't open till the next day we decided to let him
tag along. There was but one stipulation: that he take a bath. This
almost broke Stinky's heart but he consented and when he met us in
the lobby a few hours later, he was (as he termed it) "disgustingly
filthy clean."
Rubin was looking quite elegant in a rented tux which was a size
sixty-seven. The Schwartz girls were absolutely ravishing in their two
evening gowns that were strapless, hemless, backless, topless,
bottomless, frontless, and with a plunging neckline.
But the really dashing one was Cassius Q Aardvark. He was decked
out in a conservative green and red suit with a yellow tie, spats, a
cane, top hat and the perennial lavender earmuffs. We could never
understand it but the newspapers said the next day that about fifty
cases of color blindness and shock were brought into the hospital
raving about an Aardvark with a top hat and earmuffs.
That was really a queer night. We started out at the Stork Club.
Sherm Billingsley had gotten wind of the Aardvark and had a special
room reserved with a wall knocked out for the elephant Rubin. The
men were practically fawning all over the Schwartz Valkyries who
calmly broke Champagne bottles over their heads and continued to
stay by their erstwhile pal, the Aardvark. After we had gotten well
well placed I looked at the Aardvark. He was holding sway like a
royal Sultan, complete with dancing girls. The young blade was
surrounded by the chorus line and was having a rough time with
them. But he had eyes only for the Schwartz sisters. They sat there
exchanging guttural sounds.
After we got finished at the Stork we took in rapid succession the
Mocambo, the 21, 22, 23, 24, and 25 Clubs, the Noire Pansy Club,
and the Hi, Low, Top, and Homburg Hat Clubs.
About nine o'clock we were just about pooped out when we noticed
that we had lost Hawser someplace. It was quite a relief to us as he
had poured the contents of a potted palm over himself at the Noire
Pansy Club to make himself feel more at home and he had begun to
reacquire the odor that was peculiar only to his body.
It was then that Cassius remarked, "Look at the neighborhood we're
in. This is lower than low."
Truer than true were his words. We were in a neighborhood that
looked like the inside of a shell-shocked oyster shell. We were
surrounded by broken down houses and buildings that looked as
though they had been old when Moxie's Army was chewing on
rattles. At the end of the street that we were on was a building that
was a little better; just a little. By better, I mean it was standing.
There was a sign over the door that proceeded to tell us in no
uncertain terms that this was the "Drunken Cockroach Nightclub."
I was all for turning back as was Cassius Q, but the Valkyries, Olga
and Ketanya who had consumed a great deal of wine (they learned
how in Valhalla, they told us) ran on ahead and without a backward
hiccough vanished into the rickety building which threatened at any
moment to fall on their heads.
With a shrug to the Gods of Chance Rubin, Cassius and myself
proceeded to the Spirit Hostelry, or as you choose, Beer Parlor.
The inside of the Drunken Cockroach was worse than the outside. It
looked like a nightmare by Dali on a night when he had run out of
brushes and had started using his feet.
The bar, which ran across the back of the smoke-filled room, was of
a seasick green color while the walls were a burnt umber tinged with
beige. The floor was ornamented with a five-pointed star that
showed several crawly type animals such as the kind that "... go
bump in the night." They were of various hues and were, in all, quite
sickening. The bartender was the worst. A small sign above the door
related to the fact that he was Oliver Absinthe. He was not only
repulsive, he was nauseating. A large bald head encased in folds of
pink flesh was what surmounted the largest bay window in the
country, outside of Rubin's. He was wearing an apron that showed
the demise of many a martini. There were also spaghetti, dirt, milk,
coffee, and gravy stains on the apron besides a group of green
blotches that I couldn't quite place. It looked like the remains of last
week's spinach.
Have you ever heard a sick Hippo tell you about his operation? Well,
if not try to imagine how it would sound, since that was what this
fellow's voice sounded like. "What's ya pleasure," he said.
"Nothing much," I answered, looking for a quick way to get out if it
was needed.
We seated ourselves in a booth next to the Valkyries who were fast
at work guzzling beer. Rubin just stood with one foot on the brass
rail, which at the application of his weight, bent. He ordered another
double double scotch and in one gulp downed it. It was then that the
elephant began screeching in an unelephantlike way and kicking
himself in his more than ample posterior. We started shaking him by
the trunk and asked him what the trouble was and he yelled that the
last drink was one too many. He was seeing pink people.
After this outburst I returned to the booth to see that the Aardvark
was gone. My attempts at locating him were halted suddenly by the
screaming of another person. It seems as though that evening was
open season on howling. The person yelling was Oliver Absinthe,
the bartender, who was yelling at Cassius who was in turn yelling
and alternately beating with his fists and a cuspidor, a slot machine
that was not acting in the way Cassius expected it to. With a
resounding howl the machine exploded showering colored lights,
nickels, pieces of wire, and an Aardvark at me. The last was caught
by Ketanya Schwartz in one hand while downing a beer with the
other. Absinthe was jumping up and down behind his seasick green
bar while the rather shady looking patrons were scrambling for the
nickels.
Absinthe, who had been systematically withdrawing each strand of
hair from his chest (his head was bald), let loose a barrage of verbal
abuse that even singed my ears. Besides that, he let loose a string
of whiskey bottles that sailed across the room and felled, one at a
time, the clientele on the opposite side. The bodies began piling up
as Oliver the bartender became not only bald on his head, but upon
his barrel chest also. I for one dove for safety under the table, and
there was pleasantly surprised to find the half-pickled Olga Schwartz
still swilling spirits. I raised my head in time to see the Aardvark
swinging across the nearly-ruined room on the trunk of Rubin, who
was sitting in the middle of the floor hitting himself and repeating,
"Go away, go away." Giving out a sound like Tarzan with the gout, he
flew through the murky smoke-filled air and with a sidearm that
would do Bob Feller credit, hit the still-bellowing bartender a
resounding clunk in the cranium. Absinthe fell like a poled ox.
By this time there was much yelling and hollering by everyone within
a radius of two blocks. In the distance we heard the mournful wail
that signals the entrance of the blue coated gendarmes. With a
significant look we aroused Rubin, whose moustache had begun to
droop sadly, climbed upon his back, and amidst the clatter and crash
of beer bottles, escaped the "Drunken Cockroach Nightclub." Like I
said, what a night!

CHAPTER 6
NONE SO BLIND AS LOVE
These were the times. The good times that I still remember as I rock
back and forth before my fire. Eh? Whassat? Oh, yeah, less
ruminating and more expostulating. Heh, that's a good one, sonny,
but don't be gettin' flip with me ... old Smirtz can still tan the hide off'n
any young whipper snupper like you.
Well, anyhow, I had been making plans to put Cassius and his band
into a supra-super-colossal extravaganza that would out Florenz
Ziegfeld. It was about six months after that mad night at the
Cockroach that rehearsals were over, the show was prepared, the
public waited with bated breath and fish-hooks to see what had been
the most highly touted production in a decade.
Then that night.
I can remember it as if it were twelve years ago. (As a matter of fact,
it WAS twelve years ago). The marquees blazoned their messages
to the crowd that had formed a line fourteen times around the block
in front of the Garden. New York had turned out en masse. And, as I
said, those marquees!

THE AARDVARK FOLLIES


starring CASSIUS Q. AARDVARK with RUBIN, OLGA
and KETANYA SCHWARTZ, MILTON BERLE,
LAURENCE OLIVIER, LIONEL BIRDBATH and others

an extravaganza to out-ganza all extras!! STANDING


ROOM ONLY
How d'y'like that? SRO signs up, and we hadn't even opened yet!
Well, when that curtain rose and the Aardvark came out on the
backs of seventy raging rhinocerii, the crowd went into fits. And
when the Schwartz girls danced the dance of the 8-1/2 x 11 Kleenex,
you could have sworn that the rafters would buckle. And when Rubin
did his imitation of the president (Oh that imitation of Mamie!), the
Garden sounded as though 12 billion Zulus were singing, "TIDE'S in,
Smirtz out."
Thirteen weeks went by with two shows a day except when Cassy
got tired, and the money was rolling in. We had to save a box seat
each night for Impelliterri, otherwise the cops would have closed us
down. It wasn't exactly blackmail, I don't blame him a bit, that was
one helluva show.
However, all good things must come to an end.
We had signed on a pair of kids named ... uh ... what in the ... oh
yeah—yeah, that's it, Martin, for some fill-in stuff 'tween acts (we had
to let 'em go eventually. We found 'em carrying on with one of the
hat-check girls name of Monroe, or something. Oh well.) and Cass
had taken off a week to go down to Monte Carlo for some sun and
air. That year, the rage of the Riviera were two three-headed girls
named Sally Louise Lee Munglefootz and Gertrude Alice Roberta
Hitslongle (they called them SLL and GAR for short), and when they
saw Cassius....
Well, it went on for three gay, mad days till I sent a wire back to New
York to tell Olga and Ketanya to get down to le ville de mazuma to
save Cass-boy from what might develop into a septangle.
SLL and GAR were entertaining Cass at a party one night, drinking
borscht from his sneakers, when who should drop in through a
skylight from a DC-6 but the Schwartz sisters who immediately
began laying about them with a pair of two-handed broadswords.
Fifteen minutes and ninety gallons of blood later the place was
cleared of all sentience save Cass, myself, the Schwartz girls, and a
drunken cockroach (something familiar about that boy) who
immediately staggered to the seashore, fell in and was poisoned to
death.

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