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Sex

A Guide On How To Get In The Mood For Sex

Learn how to get in the mood for sex with this guide to causes of low
libido and tricks for ramping it up. Here’s a hint: Stress less and
masturbate more.
By Quinn · January 3, 2024 · 8 min read

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It’s easy to feel self-conscious when you’re really just not in the mood — for
a certain movie, for a certain meal… for sex.

But when it comes to sex, not being in the mood is pretty normal. In fact,
Headspace App and Peanut weighed in, and 70% of people with vaginas
experience low libido.

While "Not tonight honey, I have a headache" is the punchline of many

unfortunate jokes, low sex drive is no laughing matter. You might feel like
something's missing or like something might be wrong as society becomes
more and more sex-positive (yay!). But there's nothing wrong with you if
you just aren’t in the mood, even if it feels like something really is.

With that said, not wanting to get down and dirty is linked to everything
from mood disorders to hormones, relationship dynamics, and medical
conditions. Antidepressants, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), stress —
all of these (and more) may take a toll on your ability to feel sexy and want
to give and receive sexual pleasure.

Dry spells are common, but, unfortunately, discussion of low libido in

people with vaginas isn't, as it can take a backseat to issues of sexual
dysfunction in people with penises. This guide to how to get in the mood for
sex throws that out the window to help you feel ready to get it on.

6 causes of low libido

Exploring the reasons behind your diminished sex drive is the first step
toward fixing it. Identify the underlying causes of how you're feeling so you
can work with yourself, your partner, and a medical professional, therapist,
or sex therapist (if you want) to find solutions that work for your unique
needs.

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If you never seem to be in the mood these days, these six factors might be
at play:

1. Mental health

Mental illnesses can do a number on your sex drive. Low sexual desire is
linked to depression, and a lack of subjective arousal and pleasure are
linked to anxiety. Anxiety can also make it harder to connect and
communicate with your partner.

Depression and anxiety cause a range of symptoms, from feelings of

hopelessness and apathy to uneasiness, tension, dizziness, and rapid
heartbeat. This can impact your ability and motivation to maintain a healthy
sex life with yourself and your partner. Decreased libido is also a side effect
of many medications for mental illnesses.

2. Stress

Stress can lower your sex drive, and chances are you've been there, even
if it was only for a day. If you feel emotionally and mentally burnt out, you
may not want to get it on, and this is because stress releases cortisol and
reduces the hormones that help you feel horny. While you can't always
mitigate stress in essential areas of your life, like your career, regular self-
care might help you discover how to get in the mood fast.

3. Relationship dynamics

If you're in a long-term relationship, you might just be less excited about

physical intimacy with your partner. As devastating as this might feel, it's
totally normal to experience decreased sexual interest (and emotional
connection) over time. This is normal, but this lack of excitement may
reduce sexual attraction. Low sex drive can also happen when your
relationship feels off-kilter, like if you're going through a rough patch or not
dedicating enough time to sexual aftercare.

4. Fatigue

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Physical and mental fatigue is another libido killer. When you're exhausted,
whether from a demanding job, raising small children, caring for aging
family members, or something else, the body's natural response is to seek
rest instead of arousal. Fatigue leaves little energy for sexual activity, no
matter how you slice it.

5. Hormones

Hormone balance impacts your sex drive, like how much estrogen,
progesterone, and testosterone are in your body. If you're wondering how
to get yourself in the mood, consider whether something might be
impacting your hormone levels, like pregnancy, birth control, or
menopause, and book an appointment with a medical professional to
discuss it. Imbalanced hormones affect people with penises, too, as low
testosterone contributes to erectile dysfunction (ED) and low sex drive.

6. Medical conditions

Various medical conditions can also lower your sex drive. These include
diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, osteoarthritis, and cancer, as
well as obstructive sleep apnea.

Sexual dysfunction is also common in over 57% of patients with Polycystic

Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), and the pain, discomfort, and hormonal
fluctuations caused by conditions like fibroids and endometriosis can
contribute to low libido.

12 ways to get in the mood

Once you pin down what's causing your low desire, you can start figuring
out how to ramp it up. While low libido caused by medical conditions and
mental illnesses may need treatment by a medical provider, there are a few
more immediate and natural ways to get in the mood for sex.

1. Reduce stress

Stress can have a significant impact on your sex drive. Try activities that
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Stress can have a significant impact on your sex drive. Try activities that
reduce stress, like yoga or walking outdoors, to help calm your mind and
body and enhance sexual arousal. Meditation is also a great way to reduce
sexual distress and increase sexual function.

2. Communicate more

Communicate clearly and openly with your partner about your sexual needs
and desires. Discussing what you like, what you don't like, and what you're
curious about can enhance intimacy and build trust. Proper communication
creates a strong foundation for a healthy sexual relationship.

3. Try erotic media

Erotic literature, audio erotica, and ethical porn are great for waking up your
sex drive and becoming sexually aroused. Enjoying these types of porn
alone or with your partner can introduce new ideas to your sex life and help
you achieve orgasm.

4. Run a warm bath

If you or your partner has a low libido, learning how to get her in the mood
(or yourself) can start with something as simple as a kiss and a warm bath.
This is a soothing way to transition into a more intimate mindset, and it
might help you relax enough to feel aroused. The warmth and relaxation of
the bath let your mind drift toward sexier thoughts.

5. Do some self-care

Regular self-care can help maintain your sexual health. Eat a balanced
diet, exercise, sleep, pamper yourself (whatever that means), and get time
to recharge. Feeling rested and sound in your own skin can boost your self-
esteem, confidence, and sexual desire.

6. Explore your fantasies

Exploring your own sexual fantasies and desires can be incredibly

arousing. Embrace your sexuality through daydreaming, manifesting sexual

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arousing. Embrace your sexuality through daydreaming, manifesting sexual

dreams, or discussing your ideas with your partner, and it might lead to a
more satisfying sex life and better emotional intimacy. Don't hold back.

7. Try something new

Introduce new elements to your sex life to get your engine going. Try new
positions, phone sex, or car sex to change the entire dynamic, experiment
with new styles of massage, or explore new types of kinks. You can also
use a vibrator if you normally don't use sex toys to change up the vibe —
literally.

If you usually get the ball rolling in person, sext instead. Sexting can help
you feel more open if you get embarrassed easily.

8. Schedule sex

Make time for sex instead of leaving it as an afterthought. Adding a fun

romp to the calendar creates a sense of anticipation and helps ensure both
partners are mentally and physically prepared for intimacy. Even if it
doesn’t sound sexy, you might surprise yourself with how much you look
forward to it.

9. Masturbate

Masturbating can be a critical factor in enhancing your sex life, and it has
many incredible benefits. Use your hands, a vibrator, or your favorite
couple's sex toys to explore what you enjoy and build sexual tension, which
you can then share with your partner.

10. Switch things up

Do you always have sex at night? Switch it up and get to it in the morning,
instead. This offers a fresh, fun perspective and can kickstart your sexual
energy. When you do things you don't normally do, this can make intimate,
sensual moments feel more exciting.

11. Wear something spicy

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Go commando or shop for and wear some steamy lingerie. Small changes
in your daily routine can add a sense of adventure and sexual confidence
to your day, and they're a great surprise for your partner. Wear your new
bra, thong, or teddy under an everyday outfit as foreplay. You'll be
surprised how much sexier you feel.

12. Reminisce

You know that one really hot night? Conjure it up in your memory.
Reflecting on past sexual experiences you really enjoyed, like that date
night that led to the best foreplay and orgasm of your life, can help you
achieve sexual arousal. Tap into your erotic memories and imagination and
see where it takes you.

Boost your sex drive with Quinn

Listening to Quinn's ethical porn can help you have a more satisfying sex
life, and you deserve it. Explore Quinn's diverse erotic content to learn
more about your sexual fantasies, kinks, and what brings you pleasure,
which can boost your self-confidence inside and outside the bedroom.

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Browse Creators, Categories, and Playlists to find what you like

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