my home is your body

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/56909092.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz (9-1-1
TV)/Original Male Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Male
Character(s)
Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Additional Tags: Getting Together, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard Break Up,
Friends With Benefits, Gay Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bisexual Evan
"Buck" Buckley, Jealous Evan "Buck" Buckley, Post-Season/Series 07,
Buck and Eddie have a summer of hook-ups, Friends to Lovers, Bottom
Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Top Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2024-06-25 Words: 16,618 Chapters: 1/1
 my home is your body
by coldbam

Summary

“I’m on Grindr now.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, I’m serious.” Eddie pulls out his phone and opens the app for Buck to see. It’s a week
from the day of Pride, and his surprise sexuality crisis, and he’s already on the apps.

“Holy shit, you are on Grindr.”

*
Buck and Eddie have vastly different nights at Pride. Then very similar summers.

Notes

This is the longest thing I’ve ever written and I annoyed my friends soooooo much with it
and the various breakdowns I had before i cracked certain scenes, but WOW, it’s DONE! I
really wasn't sure I would get to this place when I started it on a whim.
Special thanks to crystal, mel and sierra for their edits and talks, could not have gotten
through this without you
Please mind the tags, Buck and Eddie do both have brief but positive hook-ups with other
people, if you don’t wanna read that this isnt for you!
Title from Felt This Way/Stay Away by carly rae jepsen, my personal fwb buddie jams.

See the end of the work for more notes

This is Buck’s first Pride. Sue him, he’s excited. He’s going all out.

As soon as Hen mentioned her and Karen’s plans three weeks ago, he jumped, inviting
himself along with his boyfriend and anyone else who wanted to join as an ally.

Maddie and Chimney weren’t able to make it, now with an even fuller house, and offered to
take Denny for the day. Bobby is still tied up with the whole Gerrard captaincy mess, all his
free time spent trying to undo that. But Eddie only needed a little bit of coaxing when Buck
asked. Maybe he had pulled the best friend card, but Buck thinks he also just needs to get out
of the empty house on his days off, and he’s more than happy to help with that, and provide
distractions when he can.

So maybe—maybe he went a bit overboard. With the emails and the color-coded schedule
that he sent out to everyone, but he wanted to get the most out of this. Experience it all.

The morning of pride, Buck shows up bright and early to Eddie’s to help him get ready. Buck
is emphatically not letting him show up in one of the two shirts that have been in his
depression rotation just because he’s their only straight today. Dress for the job you want, or
whatever. Buck wants him to have some fun today, get out of his head.

“I do know how to dress myself, you know," Eddie says. "I’ve been doing it for over thirty
years. I’m not that helpless.” They’re in Eddie’s room while Buck looks through his closet.
He did bring a few emergency options in his backpack too, but he figures that Eddie will be
more comfortable in his own clothes.

“I know that. But Pride is supposed to be bright and fun! I’m banning your black henley.” He
glances down at his own outfit, and okay, maybe it was a little exorbitant with the purple,
pink and blue shirt he tie-dyed himself and the temporary tattoos littering his arms. There
might be some glitter too. Eddie might be getting the wrong idea. “And I'm not going to dress
you up like a rainbow, or anything. But your job as an ally today is to at least give the gays
something nice to look at.”

Eddie just sighs behind him, but Buck can tell it’s fond and that he’s won. He smiles to
himself and continues looking through the clothes. “Where are your nice jeans?”

“My nice jeans?”

“The ones that show off your ass, like, more than the others.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Buck turns to look at Eddie, lounged on his bed. “Okay, we don’t have time for you to play
dumb, where are they? Fitted. Light wash? You wore them to Bobby’s last barbeque.” Eddie
stares back in confusion. Useless. Buck starts opening drawers and gets digging. By the third
one he finds what he’s looking for. “Aha! Eddie, why were these shoved to the back of your
drawer. What a waste. You should be putting them to use.” He tosses them back at Eddie.
“Put these on while I find you a shirt.”
“Yes, sir,” he says with an affectionate eye roll and starts removing his sweats. Buck turns
back to the closet to give him privacy, a well-practiced routine from work. He starts
skimming through Eddie's clothes, nothing catching his eye. “Don't you have anything…
sluttier?”

“Excuse me?”

“Like, what did you wear when you were trying to pick up women? Something that shows off
your chest or arms or both but doesn't look like you're just running out to get groceries?”

“Okay, well, I’m starting to take offense here.”

Buck throws his hands up in defeat and goes back to the dresser and grabs a plain black tank
top he passed by earlier. “Here.” He shoves it at Eddie. “It’s safe, understated, but a classic.
Tuck it into your pants though.”

Eddie strips out of his old t-shirt and puts it on. “Yeah, yeah.” After it’s tucked in, he spins
for Buck, then asks, “So?”

Buck laughs and gives his nod of approval. “You look hot, let’s go.”

Tommy is the first to join them at their designated meeting spot. He’s a few minutes late, but
Hen had texted that her and Karen would be late too, so it’s not a huge deal. This is why
Buck padded the schedule in a few spots, knowing it’s hard to keep big groups punctual.

Eddie saw him first, greeting Tommy with a fist bump. “Hey, man. And here I thought
henleys were banned.” Eddie raises an eyebrow towards Buck and Buck gives him a playful
shove in return.

Tommy gives Buck a quick kiss on the cheek, then looks between them, taking in their
outfits. “Well, I don't need to dress up to prove I suck dick.” The tone is dry. It’s just a joke
and Buck knows they don’t always land the right way, so he laughs away his discomfort.
Buck catches a frown on Eddie’s face, but he’s probably just mourning his henley still.

“Yeah. Obviously, I know that. And—and neither do I, just thought it would be fun.” Buck
stumbles out, feeling like he’s trying to assure his intentions. “I dressed Eddie too.” he adds.

“I can tell. You guys look great, Evan.” He offers Buck a smile and takes his hand, linking
their fingers together. The three of them wait by the designated meeting area and Buck
watches as Tommy raises his other wrist to check the time.

Hen and Karen arrive ten minutes later, and Buck ushers everyone along to their first stop; a
market filled with local vendors, set up in differently styled booths and stalls. Buck gives
everyone a very strict thirty minutes and watches as they disperse among the booths. Hen and
Karen make their way towards a booth with smoke glass blown art, while Eddie looks a little
unsure and just heads to the booth closest to them. Buck, though, grabs Tommy and heads
first to spots with the big signboards about history and safety. He takes as much in as he can,
reads the posters and takes a pamphlet, and just because he might as well he grabs some free
condoms before they move on, throwing a quick wink over to Tommy where he’s standing
waiting for Buck.

After that, he gives himself time to check out all the rest, looking to see if there’s anything he
wants to buy to commemorate today. At their first booth, he spots a small handmade clay
coin tray. It would be nice for his coffee table, a little reminder of today, and it’s small
enough to throw into his backpack. The fact he’s supporting a local business is a bonus.

While he waits for the vendor to wrap up his purchase, he looks over for Tommy and finds
him standing off to the side on his phone.

Tommy doesn’t doesn’t look as impressed with his new purchase as he hoped. He raises his
eyebrow when he notices the price tag. “I think you got ripped off. Pretty sure I've seen these
at a dollar store before.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “It’s handmade. I got a pamphlet for their store downtown too.”

“I bet the stuff they sell there is all overpriced too.”

Buck is saved from replying when the rest of the group joins them. “Okay, next stop: Food.”
Hen announces. They eat, they get some drinks, go view the actual parade, get some more
drinks, and watch the live music. Buck watches Hen and Karen dance together, in love, and
happy, and free. It’s inspiring. It always was, but now, here, he feels it even more.

“They look so happy right?” It’s Eddie beside him, flushed from both the sun and the drinks
all day. He’s got a dopey smile on his face, watching Hen and Karen dance like they're in
their own little world. Buck nods, and then turns to Tommy, intent on asking him to dance—
like they never got to at the wedding—but he’s checking his watch again. There’s a voice in
the back of his head saying Tommy’s not checking it to keep them on schedule, like he’s been
telling himself all day.

An hour later, they’re at their last stop for the day, a bar a few blocks away from the
festivities that Josh had recommended. Buck had invited him to join, but he had his own
plans, a bit of a tradition with a group of friends going back decades now. Hen and Karen had
said their goodbyes after the live music, because Karen has work in the morning. Their
original group was down to three now, so they got themselves a quiet booth in the back and
another round of drinks.

Out of the corner of his eye, Buck sees Tommy check his watch again, and something inside
him snaps. “You have somewhere else to be?”

Tommy sighs, “I’m just getting tired, Evan.”

“I mean, you’ve been checking that thing the entire day. Five minutes into when we got here.
You’ve been tired this whole time?”

“Look, this is all new and exciting for you, but I've done this before. Many times. And I had a
long shift yesterday, so yeah, I’ve been tired this whole time.”
“Well, I’m sorry for ruining your day off. Fuck me for trying to celebrate us, I guess.”

“Us?” There’s something in his tone, almost like he’s mocking, and that sets Buck off.

“Us, our community.”

Tommy scoffs. “Okay well only one of us has been coming here for the past ten years, so
don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

”Turn this into some moral failing on my part for wanting to take one year off to sleep
because I’m fucking exhausted.” He rolls his eyes at whatever is happening on Buck’s face.
“Jesus Christ, it doesn’t have to mean anything more than that, but now it’s all about you.”

“Do you even like me?” He blurts out before he can stop himself.

“What?”

Buck feels his face burning, but he can’t keep the words from spilling out, getting louder and
more convicted as he goes. “Besides our jobs, what do we have in common? We hardly just
talk. You don’t care about anything I care about. You're throwing it in my face that this is my
first Pride, and okay, maybe I went a little overboard, but that’s just who I am! That’s what I
do, I throw myself into things and I go big, and you keep making me feel like you're putting
up with it at best.”

“Right.” Tommy taps the table and sighs. The more tempered his reaction is, the more
hysterical Buck feels. “This is getting out of hand. You need to grow up.”

“There you go again!” Buck exclaims. “Yeah, I’m a kid, I’m adorable. Never taking me
seriously!”

Tommy stands up from their booth and grabs his jacket. “Okay, I’m gonna go.”

“Good. Leave! We’re done, by the way!”

“Yeah, I think that’s for the best. Take care, Evan.”

Buck turns away, not wanting to watch his latest failure of a relationship end. The universe
must be having a field day with this one—his first relationship with a man ending at Pride.
The polar opposite of what he was hoping for out of today. He sniffs before downing the rest
of his beer, trying to ignore the sting in his eyes. He realizes belatedly that he’s alone at the
booth now. Eddie must've slipped away at some point during the argument, uncomfortable
being a witness to that trainwreck.

He looks around the bar to see if he can spot him, but instead catches some of the other
patrons stealing glances, probably gossiping about the show he just put on.

Well, he knows when to give up at least. He pulls out his phone and types a quick message to
Eddie:
Hey, not sure if youre still here but i’m heading out now. This has been a nightmare, i’ll fill
you in tomorrow. Lunch at yours- around 1? I’ll bring beer lol

Once he hits send he orders himself an Uber and heads out.

When Buck had first insisted Eddie tag along to Pride—some may even say guilted with a
‘It’s my first time, I want my best friend there with me’—Eddie had been apprehensive. As
much as he knows Buck does want him around and involved in his life, it was also a pretty
clear pity invite. He hasn't been quiet about being worried about Eddie. On top of that, Eddie
was going to be fifth wheeling an event that he didn’t even really belong at. So, he’d been
preparing himself to have a bit of a weird day.

Instead, it’s been really fucking awesome. Freeing, like he’s breathing again for the first time
since Christopher left. Maybe even longer.

Eddie needed this, getting out of the house, a day with friends, surrounded by people
celebrating love, and Buck knew that. He feels lighter, he’s smiling unforced. The drinks
throughout the day probably helped with that too, his laughs coming easier, his body loose
and relaxed.

He even got their whole group to pose for a selfie, right at the start of their day, and sent it to
Christopher. It got a thumbs-up like from him in return. Eddie takes that as a big win these
days.

The point is, everything has been going well until around:

“Well, I’m sorry for ruining your day off, fuck me for trying to celebrate us, I guess.”

Eddie, feeling like this is a step above the tension already happening throughout the day,
quietly slips out of their booth to give them some privacy before he overhears anything else
he shouldn't. He heads up to the bar to order himself another drink, and figures he can give
them ten minutes to cool down before heading back to make sure everything’s okay. Make
sure Buck is okay.

He gets the bartender's attention and orders his drink, this bright orange monstrosity that
comes with a little rainbow umbrella. He and Karen shared one earlier and fuck it, today is
about having fun, and it was delicious. Eddie finds an empty seat at the bar and waits for his
drink.

A few minutes later, the cocktail is placed in front of him and Eddie hears a low whistle from
the guy sitting next to him. “A man with a sweet tooth, huh?”

Eddie laughs and takes a sip. He turns to the stranger, a handsome guy, probably in his late-
twenties, wearing a mostly unbuttoned shirt and a nice smile. Eddie returns it with ease and
replies, “I guess I’m indulging a bit today. It’s a day of celebration, right?”
Eddie feels something in his chest as the man’s gaze travels over his body. “You’re right, it
is.” There’s a playfulness to his tone.

They end up talking for a good fifteen minutes as Eddie sips on his drink, feeling looser and
looser as the low buzz from today continues to settle in his bones. Eddie realizes probably far
too late that this guy is flirting with him. Which makes sense. They're at a gay bar after the
Pride parade, but the realization still makes Eddie’s brain fill with static for a moment.

He should say something. Politely tell him he’s wasting his time with Eddie, that he has it all
wrong, he’s here as an ally. But the words are stuck at the back of his throat.

Instead what comes out is: “I’m Eddie, by the way.”

The guy gives him a dazzling smile in return. “Samuel,” he says as he leans in closer, hand
coming around Eddie’s back, and Eddie feels like he’s been lit on fire. His lips brush against
Eddie’s ear as he whispers, “Do you wanna get out of here?”

Eddie nods.

Fifteen minutes later, they’re through Samuel’s door, and Eddie is being shoved up against it,
kissed like he never has been before. Eddie’s not a small guy, but Samuel is taller by a few
inches, he’s strong, and he’s got Eddie pinned. It’s making his head spin. When they break
apart, Samuel cups his cheek, thumb brushing against his lip and mutters, “God, you’re so
fucking pretty.”

And Eddie doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing, all rational thought is gone from his head
as he’s suddenly sinking down to his knees. He wets his lips, trying to find the words. “I’ve,
uh, never done this before. That okay?”

“Fuck. Yeah, I can teach you.”

Eddie looks up, eagerly jerking his head, says, “Please.”

Eddie wakes up in an unfamiliar bed with someone snoring softly beside him. It takes him a
moment to remember the night before, and once he does, he waits for the anxiety to set in.

Only it doesn't come.

Instead, he feels something he can’t quite put a name to yet, but he’s familiar enough with
panic by now to know it’s not that.

Eddie quietly makes his way out of bed, picking up his discarded clothes on the bedroom
floor. His phone is face down on the floor next to his jeans, likely fallen out in the rush to get
undressed last night. Luckily, it’s undamaged, and there’s only one missed message from
Buck. He sends a quick thumbs up reply, then continues with his clothes.

He’s gotten halfway dressed by the time Samuel squints his eyes open.
“Morning.” His voice is rough from sleep, and his eyes rake over Eddie’s bare chest. “Not a
bad view to wake up to.”

Eddie feels the heat crawling up his face. “Morning. Um.” He continues dressing, throwing
his shirt on, just for something to keep him occupied, to hide his face even for a moment.
“Last night was fun.” He says, scrambling for words. “Thank you…” he finishes lamely.

Samuel is still smirking up at him from the bed though. “Well, I hope I didn’t scare you off.”

“No, no. Maybe just a bit confused,” Eddie replies, then immediately cringes at his word
choice. “Just, uh, wasn’t how I was expecting the night to go.” At Samual’s questioning
glance, Eddie continues “That friend I mentioned last night, I was there to support him. As an
ally. So,” Eddie laughs and scrubs a hand over his face. “This is a surprise.”

“Shit, man. I mean you mentioned that you hadn’t done anything before last night, but seeing
as where we met I assumed you knew.”

“Not quite,” Eddie says, a little sheepish.

“Well, hell of a way to find out, I’m glad I could help.” Samuel bites his lip then leans back
on his bed, the sheet dragging down, revealing more of his well-defined chest. “Would be
happy to offer my services again, anytime.”

Eddie feels a little hysterical, a laugh bubbling out of his throat. “Oh my God. Wow, you’re—
wow. Yeah—I mean, yes. That would be cool. Here.” Eddie tosses his phone onto the bed
and clears his throat. “You can put your number in?”

Samuel picks up the phone and adds himself. When he goes to pass it back he mentions,
“You’ve got a message from a ‘Buck.’”

“Oh, that’s the friend.” The first thing he sees on his phone is the new contact staring back at
him, listed as Samuel (Life-Changing Dick). His face heats up and he quickly navigates over
to Buck’s message, a string of smiling emojis Eddie doesn’t bother replying too. “I’m
supposed to meet him for lunch. Yesterday was his first Pride. He’s bi, recently.”

“And now you are too.”

“Um.” That would be the easiest answer here. It would make sense. Buck was just talking
about the research he’s done, how many bisexual people don’t realize it until later in life. But,
it doesn’t…it doesn’t feel like that. “Can I kiss you?” he asks, taking a leap.

“Of course.”

Eddie crawls onto the bed into Samuel’s lap. Samuel grips Eddie’s neck with one of his huge
hands and guides him down to join their mouths. Last night wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t the
alcohol. He doesn’t feel like he’s playing a role, counting the seconds and meeting his cues.
He just…is.

Eddie pulls away from the kiss with a small smile. This kiss—everything from the night
before—hasn’t felt quite like anything he’s had before, not with Ana or Marisol. Not even
with Shannon. It’s exciting, it’s—he feels like he’s floating and grounded at the same time.
Like he’s been walking around with everything slightly to the left and now it’s all clicked into
place.

“Yeah,” he whispers, “I think it’s something else.”

Eddie’s just dressing after his shower when there’s a knock at his door. When he goes to open
it, he’s greeted by Buck with a case of their respective beers in each hand.

“You’re early,” he says as he ushers Buck in, grabbing one of the cases.

“Only like twenty minutes! Didn’t think it would matter.”

“It doesn't. Just hopped out of the shower.”

Buck throws himself on the couch while Eddie deposits the beer in the fridge to keep cold,
opening one bottle each for him and Buck.

Buck barely waits for Eddie to sit down before he downs half the bottle Eddie hands it to
him,. Eddie watches him, guilt creeping in that he didn’t check in with his best friend sooner.
“So, you really needed that, huh?”

“Well, my night sucked.” Buck sighs and collapses further into the couch. “What about you,
where did you end up?”

Maybe there is something controlling the universe, and it’s using all of its power to mock
Eddie with Buck’s word choice. Yeah, there was some sucking involved for me too. He shoves
that thought aside for now, and redirects. “Uh, why don’t we just focus on you for now. What
happened, man?”

“Tommy and I broke up.”

That’s…not what Eddie was expecting per se, but it’s not a huge surprise either. Things had
not been going well when Eddie had left them last night, and it’s not like things had been
picture-perfect before then either.

But Buck had been…so excited about Tommy. And Tommy was a good guy, they were—are?
—were friends. Tommy had kind of pulled away from hanging out with Eddie after he and
Buck had started dating, and Eddie can’t really blame him, when he was probably a bit
frostier than needed after they got together but—something always triggers that protective
instinct with Buck’s girlfriends, or well, boyfriends now too. Buck doesn’t always take care
of his own heart, and as his best friend, that falls to Eddie.

“Shit, I’m sorry Buck. He’s an idiot.”

Buck laughs softly, “No, that was me I think. I kind of…made a whole scene. It was stupid.”
He sighs. “It was stupid but I just. I had this picture in my head of the perfect day. And I was
so focused on that, and wanted to make it work so badly, that when things didn’t…It just was
a fantasy. And, um, I said some pretty shitty things just because things weren’t going my
way.”

“Oh. Do you want to get back together?”

“No, no. Like, it was good that we broke up, I don’t think we were right for each other. I just
wish I didn’t act like a child about it.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“No, it was.” Buck winces. “People were staring. I basically threw a tantrum because my
boyfriend was tired.”

Eddie frowns. “He knew it was a big day for you. You’re allowed to be upset that he was
disinterested.”

Buck’s mouth twists, then he finishes off his beer before standing up. “Whatever. I’m gonna
grab another, you want one?”

“Sure,” Eddie answers automatically. He’s not even finished his first one yet, but he might
need another soon, if they circle back to his night. He’s not sure if he should even bring it up.
Eddie hasn’t fully worked out his own feelings on everything yet. And he doesn’t want it to
come off as callous, like he’s celebrating, after Buck was just dumped. Buck was so excited
for yesterday and had such a terrible time, and here Eddie is, like, stealing his gay thunder
and having a better Pride experience than Buck. It feels shitty, and maybe a little unearned.

But more than any of that, Eddie knows that he doesn’t want to keep anything from Buck.
He’s made some of his worst decisions by staying bottled up, keeping them to himself and
shutting his best friend out. So, when Buck gets back from the kitchen, placing two new
beers on the coffee table, Eddie takes a leap.

“Um…I actually do have a story from last night if you wanna hear. But it can wait if you
wanna just take the day and wallow.”

“No, it’s whatever. I could use the distraction, honestly.”

“Okay. Right.” Eddie takes a sip of his beer. “So, I slipped away to order a drink when you
and Tommy started to…”

“Break up.”

“Well, I thought you were just having a couples' spat. I wanted to give you some privacy. I
would’ve stayed if I thought you were gonna need me.”

“Eddie, I know. I was okay, I’m a big boy.”

Eddie blinks, his thoughts stumbling for a second, before getting back on track. “Right. So as
I was saying. I ordered a drink, and some guy came up to me at the bar. Started flirting with
me.”
A bright grin spreads on Buck’s face. “Hell yeah, man. I fucking nailed it with your outfit.
Thanks, that actually did cheer me up.”

Eddie looks down and nervously takes another sip. “Story’s not over yet, Buck.”

Buck laughs. “How many times did you get hit on?”

“Just the one guy. But, um,” He pauses, gathering the courage “I sort of forgot to mention I
was just there as an ally.” Eddie downs the rest of the beer and rips the bandage off. “And
then he asked if I wanted to go somewhere more private and I, uh, I went back to his place
and we had sex.”

Buck’s face is frozen when he looks back up. The whole house is silent for the longest minute
of Eddie’s life until: “Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“What does that—does that mean anything for you?”

Eddie leans back into the couch, making eye contact with the ceiling, fiddling with the empty
bottle in his hands. “Well, it’s only been like, twelve hours, but, uh, I’m pretty sure it means
I'm gay, or something.” His heart hammers in his chest. It’s been ringing through his head all
morning, what does this mean? Am I just jumping into another delusion? Am I gay?

Saying it out loud is something else altogether.

“Okay,” Buck pauses as if he’s taking a moment to gather his thoughts, before asking,
“And… you’re okay? That’s probably a pretty big deal for you.”

Eddie swallows against the lump in his throat. “Yeah.” He nods, finally looking over to Buck.
“But it’s good. You don’t have to worry about me this time.” He offers a small smile.

“Okay.” Eddie watches a grin slowly take over Buck’s face, and then Buck swiftly leans
forward, pulling him into a hug. “Holy shit, I’m so proud of you, man.” Eddie hears a sniffle.

“Are you…are you crying?”

“Sorry, I’m just really really happy for you. Fuck, this is amazing. You’re amazing.” Buck
just squeezes him tighter, not letting him go. “Obviously, I’m new at this too but like,
anything you need, you can talk to me. I wanna be there for you.”

“I know. I never doubt that, Buck.” He knows it down to his bones.

Finally, Buck pulls away, wiping his eyes with a laugh. “Oh my God. Look at us. Two newly
out guys in our thirties. They’re gonna start calling us co-dependent, you couldn’t even let me
have a sexuality realization without copying me a few months later.”

Eddie laughs along with him, but there's something there that clicks. Because, shit, yeah, the
timing of—-of everything this spring until now. It really all started right after Buck came out.
It’s not until later that night, when he’s alone in bed, that he lets himself think about it more.
How, while he can’t blame any of his actions on anyone but himself, maybe he wasn’t as…
unaffected by Buck coming out as he originally thought. Maybe it set something off in him.
Caused him to see everything that wasn’t working with Marisol, and at the same time cling to
one final, catastrophic delusion with Kim.

He was always searching for a mother for Christopher above a partner. Even with Shannon,
and before, it was a lot of him doing what he thought he was supposed to instead of what he
wanted. And if he’s gay, if he’s into men? That explains a lot of what he tried to not look at,
what made him feel so broken.

But it also might explain Buck. Why Eddie has always let him in so easily, built a life and a
family with him. Been so comforted by his presence. He’s always known he’s loved Buck,
but he always categorized it as platonic, what you should feel for your best friend, and never
looked at it further. But it’s different now, with this new knowledge, because it doesn’t have
to be platonic. If Eddie’s honest, it probably never was.

Eddie’s probably been in love with him since before he changed his goddamn will.

For the second time that day Eddie waits for the panic to consume him and finds that it
doesn’t. Nothing has changed. He was in love with Buck yesterday, just the same as he is
now, he just has a different awareness of it.

Nothing has changed.

“So, how’s Texas?”

“Hot.”

It only took a few days after he left before Christopher graced Eddie with daily phone calls.
They were short, and things are far from fixed between them, but he takes anything his son
will give him and treasure it, even if right now it’s stilted phone calls with a bored teenager.

Eddie laughs softly in response. He almost lost this, and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able
to forgive himself for that. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

He hears Christopher’s huge put upon sigh through the line. “Abuelo says it’s just a heat
wave, and it’ll break soon, but it’s taking so long.”

Eddie sits down at the kitchen table, and leans back in his chair. “Yeah, summers out there
can get pretty hot. There was this one summer, I think I was sixteen, just started my first real
job. I swear it didn’t drop below 100 for a full month.”

“Yeah, I think that’s happening now.” There's that teenage whine in his voice, and God, he
even missed that. Misses. “Abuelo was gonna take me horseback riding but he said it’s too
hot for the horses.”

“Well, you know…It’s only 85 in L.A. right now.”

Christopher’s laugh is like a balm on his soul. “Dad. You’re not smooth at all.”

“I know, I know. Trying to bribe you with the weather isn’t very cool.”

Christopher sighs heavily again. Eddie holds his breath, suddenly anxious he just ruined this
conversation by pushing too much.

“You know I’m coming back, right?”

Eddie nearly drops his phone. “What?”

“Like. I’m still really mad at you. But that won’t be forever. And I’ll be home by the end of
summer even if I am. Because school. And all my friends are there.”

“Oh.” Eddie swallows, his throat suddenly dry. “I don’t think I did know that. I hoped, but…”

“Well, now you do. So you don’t have to be so weird.”

“Right.” He nods to himself, alone in his kitchen, blinking through the stinging in his eyes.
He won’t cry on this call. “Okay, I won't be.”

“Okay, good. Um, Abuela’s calling for lunch, so I'm gonna go.”

“Of course. So, end of summer?” Eddie holds his tongue from saying anything more, for
reminding him he can come home earlier. This is enough.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to your grandparents, and we can work out the details before then.”

“Sure. Anyways, I gotta go. Talk to you later.”

“I love you, Chris.”

“You too, Dad.”

As soon as the line goes dead it’s like a damn bursting. Eddie puts his head in his hands and
lets out a sob. Things are gonna be okay.

By the end of the night, Eddie has the Grindr app on his phone.

It might look like a big jump from the outside, but all Eddie’s heard from everyone he’s
talked to since Christopher left is the same thing: he needs to make time for himself, try a
new hobby, find out what he likes and who he is outside of a father. Maybe they didn’t expect
that to ever be gay sex, but that’s where Eddie has found himself.

Now that Christopher is coming home by the end of August, not only does Eddie feel lighter,
and less guilty about having fun, he also has a deadline for his child-free house. He wants to
make the most of it while he can. So: Grindr.
The whole Buck thing is…overwhelming still. He’s put it to the back of his mind for now.
Buck just got out of his first relationship with a man, and Eddie doesn’t even know if he’s
looking for that again, let alone with someone who is a massive mess. There’s never been any
indication from Buck since he came out that he was into Eddie at all. And meanwhile…Eddie
isn’t sure he would be ready for something like that either. It’s been a week since Pride. He’s
technically still in the closet, seeing as he hasn’t gotten around to telling anyone other than
Buck yet. He’s sure that will change soon, but he just—He wants to learn about himself and
have some fun.

Setting up the profile was a little more overwhelming and honestly embarrassing than Eddie
was expecting, but he pushed through, determined to see this out, and at least try. And now
here he is, a newly gay man with a hook up app on his phone, and a handle of matches.

“I’m on Grindr now.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, I’m serious.” Eddie pulls out his phone and opens the app for Buck to see. It’s a week
from the day of Pride, and his surprise sexuality crisis, and he’s already on the apps.

“Holy shit, you are on Grindr.” Buck laughs, it’s light though, not a hint of mocking, not that
Eddie was worried about that. Then Buck looks genuinely curious. “Have you actually, you
know, met with anyone yet?”

“Not yet. But I’ve had a few matches. Messaged a few guys.” Received a few pictures of
dicks, and sent one in return. Most mortifying, yet arousing moment of his life so far. “Um, I
might meet someone tonight.”

Buck is silent for a moment, and then clears his throat. “Don’t take this the wrong way but,
Grindr is—like, from what I've heard, it’s mostly for hookups?”

Eddie nods. “I’ve just emerged from thirty-something years of repression, honestly I just
want something easy and fun to figure myself out with? I’ve never done anything like this
before, but after the night of Pride…I think it might be what I'm looking for for now. Before I
try to drive into another relationship.” Eddie shrugs, “Plus, I hopefully won’t have an empty
house again after this summer for many years, so I’m gonna do this while I can.”

“Wow, okay, good for you!" Buck replies, and Eddie breathes out a laugh at his excitement.
“Is it weird that I’m kind of jealous?” Eddie’s heart stutters at that word, but then Buck
continues. “Like you’re getting out there and having fun with this.” Buck takes another sip of
his beer. “I always thought that I had done everything in my twenties, you know? Like there’s
nothing more for me out there because I had tried it all. And now it’s like…there’s this whole
other side that I haven't even scratched the surface of.” He’s picking at the label of his bottle,
not meeting Eddie’s eyes. “Obviously Tommy and I had sex. A lot of it. But he knew what he
liked and we kind of stuck to that stuff. And I guess I wish I did get a chance to explore more.
I’m glad you're getting to do that at least. Good for you, man.”
Eddie scrunches up his face. and the words are tumbling out of him. “Wait, why can’t you?”

“Hm?”

He doesn’t take time to consider how it would affect him and his new feelings, his instinct
will always be to give Buck what he wants. “Like, if you want to explore, what’s stopping
you?”

“I don’t know, I’m—I’m not supposed to do that anymore. It wasn’t really good for me. Like,
Buck 1.0 was all about casual sex. And yeah, he had a lot of fun but he didn’t know what he
was missing out on. Or, he kind of did, but didn’t know how to get it.”

“Okay, yeah. And I wasn’t around for Buck 1.0, obviously. But I was kinda…under the
impression that it didn’t work out for him because…you were lonely.”

“Oh. Shit. Um, yeah. That’s—yeah. I mean, I was.”

“It might not be the same for you now then. Could be exactly what it’s supposed to be
instead.” There’s no hint of jealousy when he says it, there never is with Buck. Over
everything, he just wants him to be happy.

“Huh. You might be onto something.”

“Just don’t have sex on the clock this time.”

Buck shakes his head with a laugh and flips him off.

“So, you're single again.”

“Oof.” Buck mimes being wounded, a hand to his heart. It’s the first day he and Maddie have
been able to get together since the breakup. They’re having a grown up lunch at the kitchen
table, while Jee stays glued to her Disney movie on the couch. “Yes. I am. Again. And if this
is you checking in on me, don’t worry, I’m okay. I had my little pity party the night we broke
up. I’m good now.” He’s not even lying. After the sting wore off, he could see clearly that it
had been a long time coming.

“And Eddie came out?”

“Yeah, he did.” Buck can’t help the proud smile taking over his face. Eddie gathered the 118
on their last shift and told everyone. He downplayed it, said it wasn’t a big deal, no one
needed to dwell on it, he was just dating men now. But Buck knew it was a big deal for him,
his hands a little shaky throughout the shift. But obviously it went well, everyone respected
his wishes, and he looked completely at ease. Like a weight had been lifted by the time they
left the station the next morning.

“And you and Eddie aren’t…” She wiggles her eyebrows.

Buck laughs incredulously, “God, no! Just because we’re both into dudes now doesn’t
mean…he’s my best friend!”

“Okay, okay.” Maddie raises her hands in surrender. “I just needed to ask.” She goes back to
eating her salad, but it looks like she wants to say more. Before he can ask, she continues,
“Okay. Just one more question: Why not?”

Buck laughs again, “Oh my God, you are being ridiculous.” He pushes around the salad
greens on his plate, gathering his thoughts. “Okay. I think I stayed with Tommy because he
was the first guy that became an option, you know? Like. He’s a cool guy, and we have things
in common but, um, I don’t think we ever clicked. And I did that thing that I do where I keep
clinging and trying because. It was new and exciting.” Buck shrugs, “If I started anything
with Eddie wouldn’t that be the same? Just because we’re both into men, and we’re friends
doesn’t mean that we should jump into bed.”

“No, right. Of course. It just felt like it was maybe a bit…different between you too. Like, I
was playing back some of the conversations we had about him when you first met and…”
She shrugs and smiles. “Now it kinda sounds like you had a crush.”

Buck laughs. “I probably did. Eddie’s hot, everyone knows that. Like objectively one of the
hottest guys out there.”

Maddie scrunches up her face. “I mean…he’s fine.”

“Okay, no, you need your eyes checked. Maddie, he could be on billboards, come on. That’s
just a fact.”

“I think Howie’s hotter.”

Buck laughs and shakes his head. “That’s really cute, but wrong. Marriage made you biased.”

“So you don’t think Howie’s cute?”

“He’s like my brother! I’ve never once thought about him like that. I can’t!”

“But you can for Eddie…”

“Okay, you’re totally twisting my words. That’s different. Eddie’s my best friend.”

Maddie doesn’t respond, just takes a sip of her water.

“Whatever, you don’t get it.” Buck waves her off. “Anyways, what’s cool about this is that it
just gives us more things in common, more things to do together and talk about. Like we can
go out to gay bars, and we’re both on Grindr now.”

Maddie makes another face at that. “I thought that wasn’t for you, the meaningless
hookups?”

“It’s not like, long-term, obviously. But. I wanna explore this new side of me.” Buck actually
had his first “date” the night before. It was fun, maybe a little awkward at first after being out
of this game for so long, but after he loosened up it went really well, and most importantly it
felt insightful. He’s gonna do it again. “I thought I had done everything in my twenties, and
now it turned out I had missed this whole other half. And, I don't know. It’s different now.
Um, before…I was going into those hookups hoping that someone would stick around after,
if I made a good enough impression or something. Which was stupid and unrealistic because
that was never what the other person was looking for. Now I can go in knowing exactly what
it is. And–and I’m not, like…lonely the way I was back then. I know I have a family.”

“You do.” Maddie squeezes his hand.

“So, uh, yeah. I can go out and have mind-blowing meaningless sex just for fun. Without all
my baggage. And then when that gets old and I feel ready for a relationship again, I can go
back to looking for that.”

“Okay, ew, but also I’m proud of you.”

“Well, I have to go, but Happy Father’s Day.”

“Thanks for calling, Chris. I love you.”

“You too. Bye, Dad.”

Eddie holds the phone to his ear until he hears the dial tone, and then collapses back on his
bunk.

This is the first Father’s Day Eddie has worked since joining the 118. The first few years he
had been the only person on A-shift requesting it off, and after that, Bobby has always just
scheduled him off, without even putting a request in. He didn’t bother asking Gerrard this
year, happy to spend the day distracted with calls. He didn’t need the reminder that his house
was empty.

At least he got a phone call. He wasn’t convinced he would when he woke up today.

“Hey, everything good?” Eddie had left Buck upstairs, abandoning the pool table mid game
when Christopher’s call came through. He must've followed Eddie down, waited outside the
bunk room to make sure everything was okay while giving him privacy.

Eddie sighs, and feels the bed shift as Buck perches at the end. “Yeah. I mean, he called me,
which is a first since he left. So it’s progress, just in time for Father’s Day.” Last year
Christopher made him breakfast: toast with peanut butter, and an overly sweet cup of coffee.
After that, he spent about two hours teaching Eddie how to play his favorite video game,
something Eddie had been ‘too uncool’ for on a normal day. Christopher had been long past
the point where he was eager to spend a full day with his dad, but it had still been special.
Now he would give anything to get that back.

“You know…Tommy had a daddy kink.”

It shocks a laugh out of Eddie. He only has to look at Buck to know that was the intended
outcome, easy grin on his face. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not! He never actually asked me to call him that, but I bet if we were still together by
today…” Eddie keeps laughing, and Buck continues, “I think what you’re doing right now is
called kinkshaming, and it’s very frowned upon by the community.”

“Would you have done it?”

“I mean, gotta try everything once, right?”

“If someone called me that, or asked me, I would kick them out of bed. I can say with
certainty that's a line for me.”

“Well you should put that in your profile, you know, before you have guys asking.”

Eddie breathes out a laugh again, and lets the moment sit, a comfortable silence. Buck the
fixer, always managing to lift Eddie’s mood.

They haven't actually talked much about that, Grindr, since Eddie originally brought it up
and Buck had expressed some interest in doing it too. Buck had sent him a screenshot of his
profile the evening following their conversation, but that had been it. No updates since. He
doesn’t know if Buck ever followed through the way Eddie has, with a few successful
matches under his belt already. “So…are you getting to try things out?”

“Hm?”

“You know…the apps. Casual sex. We haven’t talked much about it. You doing that still?”
Eddie doesn’t know what he wants the answer to be.

“Oh!” There’s a slight blush on his face. “Yeah, I've had, uh, three ‘dates’ this week.” He
uses air quotes and everything, as if Eddie might miss the point, but he’s smiling now too.
“It’s been really good? I was kind of worried it would feel like…backsliding? But I think you
were right. I’m not using it as anything more than it is, so there isn’t any like,
disappointment, or emptiness when it’s over. It’s just a nice time with a good orgasm, plus
I’m learning some things about myself.”

Eddie schools his face, he is absolutely not going to be thinking of Buck having good
orgasms from other men tonight in bed. “That’s great, man. Me too!”

“Hell yeah!” Buck raises his hand, and Eddie high-fives him on instinct. He’ll never leave
Buck hanging. “Look at us, man, two newly-out queer men living our best lives. We’re kind
of Gerrard’s worst nightmare.” Eddie laughs and shakes his head. “But seriously, who
would’ve thought a year ago we’d be here, talking about all the gay sex we’re having.”

“Yeah, definitely not me.” Eddie has been surprised at how easily he has slipped into this new
identity for himself. Not even just being gay, but opening up to casual sex, something he
never even considered for himself. He never understood the need for it, before. But now,
actually letting himself give into the desires he was ignoring for his whole life, he gets it.
“Oh shit, speaking of, I found this cool resource for tips of better blowjobs, I was gonna send
it to you—”

“Okay, hold on, I haven’t had any complaints there.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Yeah, no-one’s gonna complain about a mouth on their dick, but this is
for, like, improving technique.”

Eddie gives his best condescending nod. “I’m really proud of you for recognizing that you
need improvement, and putting in the initiative. But some of us are just gifted with a natural
talent.”

“Oh my God, shut up.” Buck pulls out his phone. “I’m sending it to you anyways.”

“Don’t need it. Won’t open it.” Eddie shrugs with a teasing smile.

“Whatever, you’ll thank me later.”

After that, it quickly becomes their new routine: If Eddie had a date, Buck would find one
too. If Eddie didn't have one planned, Buck would spend the day with him, keeping him
company, comparing notes, just hanging out how they would before, but more.

They had talked a bit about dating and girlfriends in the past, but there was always something
holding them back. Eddie usually brought anything to him if things were going badly, and he
needed advice. Buck understands more now why that was the case; it’s like they’re free to
talk about everything. He never thought of Eddie as holding something back but now, how
open they can be, it's clear there was, like a level-up in their friendship. There’s no hiding
anything between them, as far as Buck is concerned.

Case in point, Buck has spent about five minutes now standing over Eddie’s shoulder,
watching him swipe through Grindr, occasionally hearing his commentary, what he likes,
what he doesn't.

Eddie pauses on the next profile long enough for Buck to realize—“Oh.”

“Hm?”

“I know that guy.”

“You do? From where?”

Buck makes a face and pointedly nods towards Eddie’s phone. “I know that guy. From about
two weeks ago.”

Eddie’s eyes are wide and he nods, taking in the information. “Right. Okay…how should I
swipe then?”
That’s not…what Buck was expecting. “Um.” He clears his throat. “Well, it was good, he
was really good. Five stars.” He finishes lamely.

Eddie scoffs. “Come on. That’s all I get?”

“What, do you want a rundown of our night?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Oh. Well, I, uh, blew him. And then he rode me. And, I don't know, he had a great ass. It
was good.”

“Okay. Good to know.” And then he goes to swipe left.

“Wait—what, did that not meet your standards?” Buck asks incredulously.

Eddie laughs. “I think I'm looking more for the you in that scenario.”

“Oh. Oh. Really?” His mind immediately, unhelpfully flashes back to that night two weeks
ago, except now it’s Eddie—and nope. No. He’s putting a stop to that right there. “You, uh,
want that?”

“Yeah.” Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Is that somehow an issue? Do I not look like I should
enjoy taking dick?”

Buck’s eyes go wide and he scrambles to correct himself. “No, obviously you can—you can
do whatever you want. I mean, I’ve—I’ve been fucked too!”

Eddie watches him, amused, but doesn’t interject.

“Tommy, he preferred to top. So, obviously I mostly—with him. A lot! Every way probably!
I just meant, I mean, like, it’s fine? And I don’t, uh, seek it out. But I'll do it. It can be nice.”
Buck scrubs a hand over his face. “I feel like I’m making an ass of myself here, and you’re
just letting it happen.”

Eddie laughs, “You’re fine, Buck. It’s all preference, right? And that’s what all of this has
been about. Finding out what we like.”

Something about Eddie saying 'we' sends sparks up his spine; illicit, and a little exciting, to
find out what Eddie likes. How it’s compatible with what Buck prefers—“Yeah,” he says,
cutting that thought off again. “Yeah, exactly. It just—It feels really stupid and selfish to say I
prefer having someone on my dick, but I guess do. It just feels good, and I’m really good at it
too.” Buck shrugs, trying not to brag too much, but. It is true. “And I’m not like, saying that
the sex was bad with Tommy? I don’t want you to think that—that I hated it. It was good. He
made it good, but…I guess if we lasted long term, at some point I would've had to talk to him
about it. If that was like, a dealbreaker for him, because maybe it would've been for me. Is
that shitty?”

Eddie levels him with a stare. “No, it’s shitty he didn’t ask you what you wanted.”
Buck rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile tugging at his lips. Eddie has been doing that a lot
lately, taking his role as best friend very seriously, and putting down his ex whenever he
could. It was sweet, but unneeded. “Whatever. What about that guy?” he says, pointing to the
next profile on Eddie’s phone.

“Mm. I don’t know if he looks strong enough.”

“Wow, okay. Someone’s being picky.”

“I just know what I like,” he says confidently, eyes on Buck, before looking back to his
phone, swiping to the next profile.

Buck leans against the truck eyes trained on the other side of the street, something cold
coiling in his gut. They had just finished a call, a literal cat-in-a-tree stereotype. This had
obviously attracted a bit of a crowd, curious neighbors coming out to watch. Just a few are
lingering now, and Eddie is over there talking to one of them, some tall guy in a tight shirt.

Eddie tilts his head back and laughs. Buck thinks there’s no way whatever this guy is saying
is that funny. He doesn’t realize how hard his jaw is clenched until Chimney walks up and
swats his arm. “What’s up with you?”

“What? Nothing.” Buck relaxes his stance, rolls his shoulders back.

Chimney follows his gaze. “Aw, are you jealous?”

Buck’s attention snaps over to Chimney. “What?”

“That Eddie has better game with men than you.”

Buck lets out a laugh. “Okay, that’s absurd. Eddie doesn't have any game.”

Hen joins them then. “Mm. I don’t know, Buckaroo. With women, yes, he was a disaster. But
it looks like our boy’s found his confidence with men.”

Buck scoffs. Across the street, the guy is handing Eddie a scrap of paper, presumably with his
number on it. “That guy isn’t even that hot. He’s just tall.” Absurdly so, 6’5, 6’6? And his
muscles are clearly for show, no practicality to them. So Hollywood. Buck could definitely
lift more than him.

Hen and Chimney share a look. But then Eddie starts making his way back over to them, grin
on his face. “Damn, Diaz. We saw that.” Hen smiles and pats him on the back.

Eddie laughs and shrugs, trying to downplay it. “Hey, Buck, would we be able to move our
hike to Sunday? Something just came up on Saturday.”

Buck forces a smile and says, “Of course.” He turns heading off into the truck, hearing Hen
and Chimney cackling behind him.
 *

“So, did your date with that guy go well?”

“Hm?” He’s not really paying attention, looking at the trail map on his phone, trying to figure
out if they need to go right or left at this fork.

Buck rolls his eyes, and hits the ground with his hiking stick with a little more force than
necessary. “The guy from the call. The one you moved our hike for.”

“Oh, Javier. Yeah, he was fantastic. Really…enthusiastic! Honestly a little worried I wasn’t
gonna be able to hike after what we got up to, if you know what I mean.” Buck does not want
to know what he means.

“Well, I’m glad you’re managing.” Buck doesn’t know why this conversation is bothering
him so much. They can talk about sex and dating. That’s been a big conversation point for
them this summer. But there was something about actually seeing it the other day that made
Buck feel antsy. Fuck, maybe Chimney and Hen weren’t as off-base as he thought. “You
know, Hen and Chim said something really funny the other day. When you got that date.”
Buck forces out a laugh. “They joked that you had better game than me now. Which is
hilarious. Isn’t that funny?”

The look Eddie gives him—sweet, but definitely amused—makes him feel even more
pathetic. “If that’s what you need to tell yourself.”

Buck scoffs. “I don’t need to tell myself anything. It’s just a fact.”

“Okay. Prove it then.”

“What?”

“Neither of us are doing anything after this, right?” Buck nods. “Okay, so let's go out to a bar.
Put your skills to the test. See who gets more numbers. Or better yet—who gets taken home
first. Loser buys dinner.”

Buck laughs, “You’re on.” He holds out his hand to shake on the deal. Eddie grasps it firmly,
and Buck ignores the feeling shooting up his arm.

Eddie’s wearing his nice jeans. That’s the first sign that Buck is in trouble. He’s paired it with
a nice black button up, and left the top few unclasped. The whole outfit is playing dirty, if
you ask him. Buck says as much to Eddie when he reaches him up by the bar, and Eddie just
smirks in return.

Buck orders a drink and starts casting his eyes around the room, looking for someone who
captures his interest. It’s not overly crowded, being Sunday after all, but there’s still a lot of
handsome men, probably looking for a good time.
Eddie’s eyes catch someone before Buck, giving him a wink and mouthing good luck before
disappearing off into the crowd. Buck spends ten minutes looking around for his own target,
but no one is holding his attention. There’s an itch at the back of his mind, wondering how
Eddie’s doing, if he’s already won. It’s pulling his focus away, and he decides to give in, to
check up on him so he can put it to rest and get his focus back.

Buck finds Eddie in a dark corner with a guy leaning into his space, talking real close. He
ignores the warning signs going off in his head and makes his way over to join them. “Eddie,
hey. I found you.”

The guy gives Buck a quick once over and turns back to Eddie. “Is this your boyfriend?”

“No, Buck here is just a friend. I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m completely single.”

The guy wets his lips, never taking his eyes off Eddie, then says, “Well, that’s great to hear.”

They practically ignore Buck for the next five minutes. The guy, Nathan, keeps whispering
straight into Eddie’s ear, making him laugh. He put his arm around him too, and Eddie leaned
right into it, tossing Buck a quick wink, as if to say I win.

Buck doesn’t know why he can’t just step away, find his own guy, or just admit defeat. But
he’s rooted to his spot, awkwardly sipping his beer, watching Eddie and this guy get closer
and closer.

Eventually, Eddie finishes his drink, and announces he’s getting another. He leans into
Nathan to say it, murmuring I’ll be right back.

Buck doesn’t know what has possessed him. But he knows he has to do something to stop
this now.

He waits until Eddie is out of sight, and then puts on his most charming smile and slides into
the empty space next to Nathan. He tells himself it’s just the stupid bet they made, that it’s
gone to his head. He gets competitive. But he knows this is a dick move, going after the guy
Eddie was wrapped around. “Hey.”

“Hi?” Nathan looks confused, but not disinterested. Buck has less than five minutes to make
this work.

Buck gets closer, lowering his voice “You are so fucking hot.”

“Yeah? You’re not so bad yourself.” He gasps when Buck bites down lightly on his earlobe.
“What about your friend?”

“What about him? He never should’ve left.” Buck continues to work his way down Nathan’s
neck, while weaving his arm around his back, pushing them closer together. “I want you so
bad. You can do whatever you want to me.”

“Fuck. Okay, okay. You wanna get out of here?”

“Please.”
Buck ends up getting fucked right up against the inside of Nathan’s apartment door. It’s good,
but he can’t stop thinking about how this was almost Eddie, how it would’ve been the rest of
Eddie’s night if Buck hadn’t gotten in the way, stolen it from him. Nathan’s thick cock inside
him, Eddie’s palms sweaty against the door, his forehead knocking against it, Nathan looming
over him, making him feel small, even more than Buck, because Nathan is tall, and broad.
It’s that thought that tips him over the edge, feet stumbling as he holds on through his
orgasm.

Sitting in the back of his Uber, Buck opens his messages, eager to text Eddie, I win. When he
does, Eddie has gotten to him first. I guess you won, sent over an hour ago. When Buck and
Nathan had just left the bar.

Maybe it’s that he lost his moment to brag, but the victory doesn’t taste as sweet as he
thought it would. He doesn’t text back.

“I’m sorry about the other night.”

“Hm?” Eddie invited Buck over to watch the baseball game. It’s an invitation Buck doesn’t
always jump on. He doesn’t follow the games much, but he’s always a good sport, letting
Eddie talk his ear off. Tonight, Buck had been quick, eager, to accept the invite, but he’s been
paying even less attention than usual.

“The guy from the bar. He was clearly into you, and I just wanted to win so badly. I don’t
know what's wrong with me.”

“I lost fair and square, Buck.”

“I don’t know about fair…” Buck is biting his lip, and not meeting Eddie’s eye. Eddie’s about
to say something reassuring when he adds, “Fuck, I guess I’m just jealous? Or—or I always
go after what I can’t have, what someone else had first. It's not even like it’s the first time I've
done this. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About Tommy. How I basically did the same thing
there.”

“Okay, that was different. Tommy wasn’t trying to pick me up.”

“Wasn’t he? Hear me out. He—he flew you to Vegas. Ringside seats to a sold out fight. Fuck,
I think he was more into you than he ever was with me.”

“Hey—no, fuck that. That’s just your head playing games with you.”

“Whatever. It’s not like I could blame him—or that guy I stole, or anyone else. Like, you're
amazing, why wouldn’t anyone try to get you?”

“Come on, man, that’s—you don’t need to say all that,” he says weakly, for lack of anything
else to say. Eddie almost hopes he doesn’t sound convincing at all, that Buck will keep going.

“No, I’m serious!” Buck says, looking like he very much is. “You’re—you’re funny, and
you’re compassionate, and competent, and—and you’re smoking hot. And you have this
whole new confidence now, like a sureness in yourself that just adds to it. It’s no wonder it’s
working out so well for you.” He’s talking with such earnestness, like he means every single
word. “Even as just a friend I can see it and, you know, I don’t mean it in that way. It’s
obvious, even to me. So: you have better game, you’ve established that, fair and square. I
played dirty, but, um, It won’t happen again. I’ll behave myself, I promise.”

Eddie feels like the room is spinning. Like he’s drunk. It’s a lot to take. Would be even if they
were just best friends, but Eddie has the added layer of being hopelessly in love with him, so.
How is he supposed to just sit here with Buck going on about how amazing and attractive and
—fuckable he is. Talking about behaving himself, when it’s Eddie that should, because—

“You think I’m hot?” This feels dangerous. But. What’s one more bad decision?

Buck laughs. “Come on, now you’re just fishing. You know you’re hot. I mean, if you were
just some random guy I’d be throwing myself at you for a chance.”

Eddie should drop it. He should take that, and all the other comments and lock them away.
Maybe give himself one hour in the privacy of his bedroom at night to continue the fantasy,
but that’s it. This shouldn’t change anything, when Buck keep’s adding clarifications like, ‘if
you weren’t my friend, if you were someone else’. Except—

“What if tonight I was just some random guy?”

It’s like all the air was sucked out of the room.

Buck laughs again, this time it sounds nervous though. “What—what do you mean?”

Eddie shrugs, trying to keep his cool. “I don’t know, neither of us are going out tonight,
we’ve got nothing to do. Just thought I could see the full Buck experience for myself. But
don’t worry about it if it’s weird.”

“Oh.” Buck blinks, and then he’s nodding to himself. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, I—” Suddenly Buck’s face is coming at him and Eddie’s brain isn’t working fast
enough. He goes to move, to meet him, but goes the wrong way and they collide, his nose
smacking into Buck’s chin. Buck starts giggling, “Sorry, sorry,” and then his lips are on
Eddie’s.

It’s almost overwhelming. One minute they were sitting beside each other on the couch and
now Buck is devouring his mouth with confidence. He’s got one hand at Eddie’s waist,
sneaking under his shirt, and the other cradling his head, angling it to take what he wants.
Almost overwhelming. Eddie lets Buck have it. Would let him have anything.

He wants to make an impression too, though. If this is his only chance…he has to leave a
mark. Show Buck he can give as good as he can take. Without separating, he slowly pushes
Buck back into the arm of the couch, and then crawls into his lap. When they finally break to
take a breath, Buck is looking up at him in—awe.
He looks like he’s about to say something, staring into Eddie’s eyes, lips parted, and Eddie
suddenly can’t breathe. Standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting to see if Buck jumps with
him. The pause makes him think that maybe he won’t, maybe he’ll laugh this off, what are
we, crazy? and Eddie will have to chuckle along, keep pretending for the rest of the night.
But then Buck’s gaze falls to his mouth, and he’s surging forward to claim him once again.

Buck’s lips start trailing down Eddie’s jaw, to his neck, while his hand moves to slide under
his waistband, palming his ass. A moan slips from Eddie’s lips, and he pulls Buck impossibly
closer to him. “You should fuck me.”

Buck bites down then, his hands freezing, before he starts nodding into his shoulder. He looks
up at Eddie, and frees his mouth. His voice is rougher when he speaks. “Bed?”

“Yeah.”

Buck shifts his hands to Eddie’s legs then, but he still isn’t expecting Buck to stand up with
Eddie still on him, carrying him like he weighs nothing. Eddie hooks his legs around Buck’s
hips, kissing up to his ear, too shy to show how excited he is. When they reach their
destination, Buck tosses Eddie down on the bed.

Eddie leans back on his elbows and watches as Buck gets undressed. He’s not graceful at all.
He gets stuck in his own shirt, and hops around on one foot as he gets a sock off, and
somehow he’s still the most beautiful man Eddie has ever seen. Buck eventually catches his
eye and throws a sock at him. “What are you waiting for? Why are you still wearing
clothes?”

Laughing, Eddie says, “Was just enjoying the show,” but then scrambles to catch up. Once
they’re both naked, Buck joins him on the bed, slowly crawling over him, until they’re eye-
to-eye, their noses brushing.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Eddie can’t stop smiling. Everything he’s feeling is probably blindingly transparent
right there on his face, which he solves by guiding Buck’s mouth down to his. Of course it’s
not really solving anything at all, but Eddie can’t focus on that now. If this is the only chance
he’ll have, he wants to enjoy it. Any heartbreak it’ll bring will be worth it. Now, he just slips
Buck some tongue, and hoists a leg over his waist, grinding their hips together. He can feel
Buck just as hard as him.

“Lube? Condom?”

“Nightstand.”

From there, Buck makes quick work of opening him up, neither of them have the patience to
draw it out. When Buck finally presses in with his cock, Eddie can’t look away from Buck’s
face .

Buck hasn’t moved yet, letting Eddie get adjusted. The room has gone quiet, their heavy
breathing the only sound, until Buck says, “You good?” Eddie nods, and hums, which turns
into a moan once Buck rocks into him for the first time. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Understatement. It’s fucking incredible, it’s better than anything Eddie’s ever had, and it’s not
even close. And Eddie has had great sex with men he barely knows a lot this past month and
a half.

This is different. Yeah, part of that is skill. Buck knows what he’s doing, and he’s attentive.
But it’s more than that. Eddie’s having sex with the man he’s in love with. He can’t deny that
or shut that off, not all the way.

Maybe, though, he can let himself get distracted a little.

Eddie manages to breathe out a laugh. “Not bad yourself. God, you’re big.”

Buck’s hips stutter at that, a strangled groan punched out from his throat. “Yeah?” It spurred
him on, his pace picking up, thrusting with more force. “You like that? The bigger the better
for you?”

Eddie takes it all with enthusiasm, meeting all of Buck’s moves. His nails dig into Buck’s
shoulders, and he gives him a playful smile. “Only if they know how to use it.”

He watches Buck light up at the challenge. “Lucky you found me then.”

Eddie doesn’t stand a chance after that. Buck snakes a hand between them, fisting Eddie’s
cock in time with his thrusts, switching up the angle to nail Eddie’s prostate. Eddie is spilling
over Buck’s hand in no time, pulling him into a hungry kiss as he chases his own release
moments later.

Afterwards, when they’re cleaned up, and Eddie has thrown himself back into the bed, Buck
hesitates, standing at the edge of the room, like he’s unsure where he belongs.

Eddie should protect himself, disengage now, before it's irreparable. They should say
awkward goodbyes, and Buck should go home, and Eddie will go to bed in a quiet, empty
house, like he has for nearly two months now. But he can’t do it. He doesn’t know if it’s the
loneliness or the being in love that gets to him, but he lets himself hold on to this moment as
long as he can, even if it’s a bad idea. He throws back the covers, and pats the empty space.
“What are you doing? Get over here.”

“You sure? I’ve been told I snore.”

“After that performance, you can do whatever you want. Won’t kick you out of bed.”

Buck smiles, and crawls into the warm bed.

For all the years that Buck has known Eddie, he hasn’t actually spent much time in his
bedroom, let alone slept in his bed. His mattress is on the firm side, and the sun shines
through his blinds, with no blackout curtains to help. It’s kind of the best sleep he's had in
ages. He wakes up wrapped around Eddie, nose to the back of his neck, morning wood
pressed into his thigh.

He should probably actually ease up, with that last part especially, until they talk. Make sure
Eddie isn’t gonna kick him out. That he isn’t having regrets in the morning light. Buck tries
to disentangle himself without waking Eddie, but he fails. Eddie rolls over, squinting his eyes
open, looking at Buck. “Hey,” he croaks out with a small smile.

Well, at least Buck doesn’t have to worry about being kicked out. He leans on his elbow,
propping his head up and returns the grin, “Morning.”

If this were any other time, any other person, he would try to play it a bit more cool. He
knows he can come off strong. And that instinct is still there, but this is Eddie, someone he’s
never had to hold back from for a moment. He throws caution to the wind.

“So,” he starts. “That was…amazing.” Buck can’t stop the giddy laugh that bubbles up from
his throat. “Like…well, I guess it makes sense, you know. Since we know each other so well
—of course you’re gonna know how to rock my world, but fuck.”

Eddie smiles back at him, looking a little smug. Buck carries on, wanting to get all of his
thoughts out there while he can. Ask the most important part: “Do you wanna…you know, do
this again? Like, I’m not saying that you have to stop what you’re doing with your other
hookups just—this could be fun too right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie says easily, softly. “It was fun.”

Buck lets the smile take over his face, the excitement bubbling up. “Great. Fantastic! God,
I’ve never really had this before. Like technically I’ve done the whole friends with benefits
thing, but it was friends in a much looser way—like, I’ve never even had a best friend before
you, and we’re just so in sync, it’s incredible. Just on the same page for everything. And now
we can have this too? Another thing we can do together when we hang out!”

“Yeah, you’re right, this is great.” There’s something unreadable in Eddie’s eyes, and for a
moment Buck’s worried he came on too strong and made things weird. But Eddie’s face
settles, pulling Buck down to him. “You know…we still have some time before we have to
do anything today—wanna make the most of it?”

Absolutely he does. Buck captures Eddie’s mouth so they can get started.

“God, why weren't we doing this before?” Eddie’s bent over the kitchen counter, and Buck is
thrusting into him at a steady pace. It’s hypnotizing, watching his cock slide in and out of the
perfect ass of his best friend. It's maybe the hottest thing he’s ever seen.

Eddie laughs, and Buck can feel it. “Because we’re idiots I guess.”

This thing with Eddie has been—a revelation. They haven't been able to keep their hands off
each other for a week straight now, any time they're alone. It’s like, everything that worked
about their friendship has just extended. It’s easy, it’s fun, they move together perfectly. He
always wanted to spend as much time as he could with Eddie before, and now they’ve added
mind-blowing orgasms.

Eddie clenches down on his cock, and Buck’s hips stutter, bringing him back to the present.
“How are you still so tight?”

Eddie groans. “That’s not on me, fucking Firehose.”

Buck laughs. “Oh my God, who told you about that?” He’s never laughed this much during
sex either.

“I’ve been hearing those stories for years. Finally get to see what all the fuss was about—oh,
fuck.” Buck grips Eddie’s hips, and keeps up the new angle he tried.

“Yeah? Is it living up to your expectations?” He reaches one hand down to wrap around
Eddie’s cock and picks up his rhythm.

The only answer he gets to say is some incoherent moaning as Eddie comes over Buck’s fist.

Buck pulls out, content to finish himself off, but Eddie wastes no time sinking to his knees
and taking Buck to the back of his throat. Buck was already on edge before, he doesn’t stand
a chance now, with Eddie—wait, working his tongue—

Afterwards, as soon as Buck catches his breath he says: “Oh my God. You read the article.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked wide-eye and innocent, as if Buck didn’t know exactly—

“That trick with your tongue was like word for word number five on that better blowjobs list
you mocked me about, you asshole!” He laughs, as he cradles Eddie’s grinning face in his
hand.

“Maybe I glanced at it.” He turns his face to brush a kiss against Buck’s palm.

The entire situation has put a skip in Buck’s step, lasting long after any orgasm. He’s lighter,
smiling more, throughout the last two weeks. He thought he had been doing an okay job of
keeping it to himself though, acting like nothing has changed—because it hasn’t, not really,
when it’s just that Buck had unlocked a new level of friendship. But his mood shift hasn’t
gone unnoticed. Hen finally corners him at the station, while he’s chopping up carrots for a
stew, humming to himself.

“Okay, spill. What’s got you in such a good mood lately?”

“Hen, I think I’ve figured out the secret to happiness.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Care to share with the class?”

Buck just smiles to himself, moving the carrots to the pot. “Sorry, no can do. Trade secret.”
He winks.
Truthfully, Buck wishes he could scream it from the rooftops. But they’re not really
broadcasting that they’re fucking, so that would probably be frowned upon. But he just can’t
get over how perfect this has worked out. Why haven’t people figured this out? Sex with your
best friend—the perfect, uncomplicated solution to all of life’s troubles. Have the most fun
you’ve ever had in bed with your favorite person in the world.

Sure, it’s not a long-term solution. It comes with an expiry date of whenever they both go
looking for whatever it is they really want, but right now Buck couldn’t even think of what
that would be. What could possibly be better.

Even when he was in love with Taylor, or Abby, there was always some insecurity at the back
of his mind. That doesn't exist with Eddie. He knows, in his bones, that Eddie loves him.
Hell, he’s known that for years. Now he gets to feel it with every touch, every kiss, in the
way they still laugh every moment they’re together. Their relationship hasn’t changed—
they’re still Buck and Eddie—just with a whole new layer to it.

“I think I need to tell Chris that I’m gay.” Eddie's sitting on his bedroom floor, naked back
against the wall Buck had him pinned up against less than five minutes ago. He’s gonna have
to wipe it down once his legs feel solid enough to stand.

Buck startles beside him. He’s been laid out on the floor, catching his breath as if he just ran a
marathon. “Oh, shit. Okay. Um, were you thinking about that just now…”

“Obviously not during.” Eddie pokes Buck’s side with his foot. “But it’s been on my mind
for a while now. It feels like I'm lying to him by omission, you know? And that could mess
everything up again.”

Buck props himself up on his elbows, and gives him a soft look. “Eddie, it’s not the same…”

“I know it’s not exactly the same. But it’s still…look, I want him to know. I don’t wanna hide
this from him. And I need to tell him before he comes home.” Eddie feels Buck gently grab
hold of his ankle, and it’s only then he realizes he’s been nervously tapping it against Buck.
He holds himself still and takes a breath. “I think I’ve been putting it off, using the excuse
that it’s not really a phone conversation, but…how else am I supposed to tell him? I can’t
ambush him with it first thing once he’s home. That could send him running again.”

“Okay. That all makes sense. Um, do you want me to be there with you? Like obviously, not
on the call. But, like, moral support?”

It’s something he wouldn’t even have questioned before they started all of this. But now…
Eddie should say no.

He's gotten way too wrapped up in Buck lately. His first mistake being when he stopped
sleeping with anyone else after the first time he and Buck hooked up. He’s not sure how he’ll
stop himself from unraveling once they take a step back from this. But he can’t help himself,
and it’s a problem he doesn’t want to face yet. So he puts all of that aside, and gives in. “You
don’t have to, like, listen in. But maybe if you hang out here in the house? Just in case it goes
bad.”

“Of course. I got your back.”

An hour later, Eddie sits at the dining table with a cup of tea, on the phone to Christopher
while Buck is nearby, taking care of the laundry. He gets through the standard greetings and
pleasantries before he just rips the bandage off and tells him.

Chris is silent for a long time before he speaks. “I’m not trying to be mean, but is this just…
another breakdown? Something else you're jumping into and then you’ll take it back in a
month?”

Eddie rubs at his chest. Jesus Christ, this is what his actions did. He’ll probably never
entirely escape it. “Chris, I…I’m sorry. That I’ve made it so you have to worry about that.
It’s…I guess I did rush into this a bit too. But I can promise you that it’s different. Um. And I
think a lot of those other times that I’ve scared you might’ve been because of this. Because I
was hiding from who I really was, and made some very bad and hurtful choices because of
that.”

“Oh.”

“I know this sounds like it’s coming out of nowhere to you, and you have every right to be
concerned after what I’ve put you through. But it’s been a long time coming for me. And I’m
sharing this with you now because I don’t ever want to keep big things from you again.”
Eddie takes a breath and steels himself for this next part. “And I want to make sure you knew
before you came home. In case it changes anything for you, if you need more time.”

“Dad, I’m not homophobic.”

Eddie laughs, and it sounds a little wet to his own ears. “I know, kid.”

“I’m still gonna come home next week. And I’m proud of you and stuff. But this doesn’t,
like, erase everything from before either.”

“I know. Of course.”

Buck peeks his head in the kitchen once the phone call wraps up. “Hey, did it go okay?”

Eddie huffs out a breath and leans back into his chair. “Well, it didn’t go terribly. I’m sure it
could’ve gone better, but he still wants to come back home next week. So that's a relief.”

Buck’s smile is blinding. “I knew he would. He’s a good kid, Eddie. And he loves you.”

Eddie stands up, and crosses the room to meet Buck. He brings a hand up to cradle Buck’s
face and looks him in the eye to say, “Thank you. For keeping me sane, and for just being
here.”

Buck’s eyes flicker down to his lips for a moment before returning, smile turning bashful.
“Yeah, well, where else would I be?”
Eddie kisses him then. He keeps it quick, but puts in all the love he can. He rests his forehead
against Buck’s when they part. “So. We have an empty house for one more week.”

“Well, we gotta make the most of it then.” Buck backs Eddie up into the sink, dipping his
hands below his waistband, palming his ass. “Like, just throwing out some ideas here, we’re
in the kitchen, I feel like you have something I could make a meal out of.”

“That was awful,” Eddie laughs, but strips off his shirt, and steps out of his pants.

Christopher arrives home three days before school starts. The ride home from the airport had
been a little quiet, just the two of them. Buck had been covering someone from B-shift for the
day. Meanwhile Christopher had insisted, during a video call three weeks prior, that he fly
home himself, that he was old enough. While Helena had been about to argue otherwise,
Eddie had cut in and agreed. He trusted his son, and he knew that now more than ever was
not the time to question his judgment.

Now though, with Christopher glued to his phone, and just the sound of the radio between
them, Eddie almost wished he had a buffer. He clears his throat. “So, do you want anything
special for dinner tonight? Tia Pepa sent over a new recipe we could try—”

“Actually, Damian and Frankie from school were gonna come over. We wanted to order pizza
if that’s okay.” A part of Eddie wants to push back. He hasn’t seen his son in close to three
months and he wants to spend tonight together, just them. Make up for the summer. But,
knowing he can’t start off on the wrong foot already Eddie swallows down his
disappointment. He wants Christopher to feel comfortable in their house again and having his
friends over instead of running off to one of their places is a good sign. He agrees with a nod.

When they get home, Christopher goes on ahead while Eddie gets his suitcase. He’s half
expecting Christopher to already be locked away in his room by the time Eddie gets in the
door. But instead he’s waiting in the living room. Eddie sets the luggage down as Christopher
slowly makes his way over, reaching towards Eddie for an embrace, one of his crutches
awkwardly pressed into Eddie’s back. When Christopher speaks, it’s mumbled into his chest.
“I’m really glad I’m home.”

Eddie wraps his arms around his son for the first time in months. “Me too, kid.” He presses a
kiss to his head. “Love you so much.”

“How’d today go?”

“Well, my house has been filled with teenage boys since about thirty minutes from when we
got home.” Eddie leans back on his bed, keeping his voice low. “Christopher is having a
sleepover with friends since he missed them more than me.”

Buck’s warm laugh comes through the phone. “Okay, stop feeling sorry for yourself. That has
nothing to do with what Chris feels about you, that’s just normal for that age.”
“You’re right, you’re right.” With a sigh he adds, “I just had this fantasy built up in my head
of how this would go and…”

“It didn’t live up to your expectations. Yeah. I know all about that.”

Eddie sighs again. “And now I have a full house and I can’t even invite you over to make me
feel better.”

“God, I’m gonna have to get used to that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that Chris is back
home, but no empty house means I can’t have you whenever I want you.”

Eddie bites back a smile, feeling his face heat. “Yeah, I guess you might have to rely on the
other numbers in your phone to get you off on a regular basis until things have settled down a
bit with Chris.”

“Honestly, I haven't really seen anyone else since that first night with you. You keep me too
busy, I guess.”

He says it teasingly, but Eddie’s heart is pounding in his chest. He squeezes his eyes shut
tight, and takes a breath. “Yeah? Me too.”

“Well then, we’ll just have to get a bit more creative. What are your thoughts on phone sex?”

“I’ve never tried it.”

“Okay, well now we have to change that. Go lock your door, and then you can start by telling
me what you’re wearing.”

“Hey, could you watch Jee tomorrow night?”

Buck is finishing up the dishes from their lunch, while Maddie has a glass of wine. It’s the
least he could do after Maddie put together the whole meal. Normally Buck would never turn
down time with his favorite niece but—“Um, I actually have plans. Can you get someone
else?”

“Ooh, do you have another ‘date’? I haven't heard about one of those in a while.”

Buck clears his throat, and takes off the rubber gloves. “Uh, I’m actually just hanging out
with Eddie.”

“Oh. You can’t move that?”

“Um,” Buck starts, failing to think of an excuse. It all comes tumbling out of him. “So, Eddie
and I have actually been sleeping together since last month, but since Chris has been back we
haven't had much of an opportunity, but tomorrow Chris is spending the night at a friend’s, so
we’re finally gonna be able to have sex again.”

“Wait, what? You’re dating Eddie?”

Buck reels back. “No! We’re just having sex.”

“I’m sorry, but again: what?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’?”

“I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. Didn’t we have a conversation at the start of
summer where you said nothing would ever happen between you two?”

“Okay, well I’m sorry I couldn’t predict the future then!” Buck shrugs before continuing,
“It’s just sex and, you know…he’s hot. Which I admitted back then! We were both having
fun exploring the whole new gay sex thing, and it always was with other people, but I don’t
know. One day there wasn’t anyone else, and we always have fun together with everything
we do. And one thing led to another, and now we’re here.”

“Right. Of course!”

“I feel like you're judging me.”

“I’m not.” She takes his hands in her own, and repeats with emphasis. “Evan, I’m not. I just
don’t want you to get hurt.”

Buck takes his hands back like they’ve been burned. “Why would I get hurt? It’s Eddie.”

“Yeah. Exactly,” Maddie says, sighing. “Buck, come on. You can’t be this naive. He’s
different for you.”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

“Stop saying that as if it rules out anything else. Howie and I were friends first too, you know
that.”

“Yeah but…” Buck takes a seat at the kitchen table, suddenly feeling a little unsteady.

“But what?”

“But I would know, wouldn’t I?” It comes out small. He feels so stupid for even having to
ask.

“I don’t know, I think…I might just be different. Because you didn’t know to look for the
signs with a guy. And then it became your normal, and you missed it.”

“What if Eddie doesn’t…”

“You should talk to him about that.” Maddie pats his hand reassuringly. “Why don’t you sleep
on it? You know, get more settled and think of what you want to say.”

“Yeah—Yeah, that sounds reasonable” He replies, fully knowing he’s not gonna do it.

Maddie levels him with a stare. “And you’re not gonna do that are you.”
He shakes his head. “No, I, uh.” He’s feeling revved up, and maybe a little stressed. But he
knows he can’t leave this overnight. “I’m gonna go there now. Yeah, I gotta talk to him right
now.”

Eddie is just finishing up laundry when he hears a frantic pounding on his front door. It’s so
jarring that he thinks he hallucinated for a moment, until it starts up again, even louder this
time.

Eddie leaves the half folded laundry and cautiously opens the door, slowly peeking through,
not sure what to expect, It’s certainly not Buck with wild eyes, pushing his way into the
house. “Uh, hey?” Eddie steps out of the way. “You okay?”

“Eddie, what are we?”

“Huh?”

“Like, are we dating?” Eddie’s stomach drops. But Buck doesn’t give him time to compute,
he just barrels on, pacing around the living room. “Because I was going over it, and it kind of
feels like we’re dating. We’re having sex, and not seeing anyone else. We’re best friends, we
spend all our time together, and we like each other, and have, like intertwined our lives. And
again, we’re having exclusive sex.”

Buck looks up at him then, with wide pleading eyes, like he believes Eddie has all the
answers. “Um.”

“Eddie.”

He says the only thing he can think of, what he’s needed to say for weeks: “I’m sorry!”

It stops Buck in his tracks and he stares back at him in confusion. “What?”

“I’m sorry, okay?” In the back of his mind, he’s always been waiting for this. Sure, ideally it
would've been nice if they could've gotten through this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing
without Buck ever catching on, but that’s just not the way this shitshow of a year is going for
Eddie.

Buck is watching him patiently, as always, even as he bites his lip with stress. Eddie gears up
to explain himself, to let Buck go. Hopefully, this can just be an embarrassing blip in their
friendship and they can move on. Maybe laugh about it in ten—twenty years. But Eddie
needs to do the hard thing, the right thing, and come clear first. “This is all my fault. I’ve
been so selfish this summer, monopolizing all of your time, and, God, I guess your dick too.”
He runs a hand through his hair, tugging a bit. “You’re right, I basically tricked you into
dating me.”

“What?”

“I was just,” Eddie gestures with his hands, trying to make the words come out. “Taking what
I could get. Determined to not think about the inevitable day it’d run its course and you’d put
a stop to it. It was shitty to let that happen without you knowing the whole story, I’m so—”

“You knew we were dating?”

Eddie winces, but corrects him. “I knew that we were having sex while I was in love with
you.”

“Wait—”

“And you were always clear that’s not what it was for you, that it was just friends, but I kept
doing it anyways—”

“You love me?”

It makes something catch in Eddie’s throat. The only sound in the house is the gentle
spinning of the ceiling fan in the next room. Buck’s stare is intense, all consuming. Eddie
can’t hold it, shifts his eyes up, and tries to deflect. “You know that, of course—”

“No, but you said ‘in love’. Eddie, I didn’t know.” He sounds anguished, and Eddie’s first
instinct is to comfort him.

He takes an aborted step forward before his mind catches up. You did this. He steadies his
hands on his hips to keep him from reaching out. “Because I didn’t tell you, Buck.”

“No, I didn’t know that I—that me too.”

It’s—Eddie feels like he missed a step. “What?”

“I’m in love with you too. I didn't know. Until just this moment, or on the way over or—I’ve
never had a best friend before okay?” Eddie is rooted to his spot, can’t speak, can barely
breathe, all he can give is a quick nod for Buck to continue. “I thought this was, like, normal.
How I felt. I know it sounds stupid, but like—you’re just Eddie. And my feelings haven’t
changed or anything they’ve just been, and I don’t know. Everything was always just better
with you and I never thought to question that.”

“Shit.” Eddie only realized he said that because panic flashes across Buck’s face. “Wait—no,
that’s not my response. You kind of broke me, just give me a second.” Eddie breathes for
what feels like the first time since Buck stepped in. “I never let myself get my hopes up about
this. So, you’re in love with me?” Buck nods. “And you’re sure?” Another nod. “And this
isn’t just you trying to fix me?”

“Eddie, no. Never.” Buck takes a tentative step towards him. “You don’t need fixing. Not any
more than any of us do.” He keeps walking towards Eddie, with a tentative smile on his face
now, until he’s right in front of him, taking his hands. “I think the relationship—everything
I’ve been chasing is just...what we already have. Or what we could have if we put a name to
it.”

“I think so too.” Eddie says softly.

“Yeah?” Buck’s eyes dart over his face.

“Yeah.” Eddie smiles, running his thumb over Buck’s wrist. “And you know, you were right,
when you first came in.” He clears his throat and nods to himself, like he isn’t in the middle
of one of the most important conversations of his life, like his heart isn’t hammering in his
chest. “It does sound like we’re already dating. So, maybe you could just be my boyfriend.”

There’s a blinding smile blooming on Buck’s face. “That’s it? That easy?”

“I mean, why not? There’ll be stuff that isn’t but we’ll figure that out then. And after what we
just untangled I think it’s deserved, right? What else is there?”

Buck surges forward to close the distance between them, pulling Eddie in for a desperate
kiss. When they break apart Buck rests his head on Eddie’s shoulder and lets out a whine.
“Why didn’t you say anything before? We could’ve saved so much time.”

Eddie rubs a hand down Buck’s back, hiding his own grin in Buck’s neck. “Well, every time
we had our dicks out, someone kept talking about our friendship. So I never really had an
opening.”

Buck laughs, and Eddie feels the rumble through his body. “God, I’m an idiot.”

“Look, don’t think of it as wasted time, okay? I spent a lot of this summer just... I don’t
know, I was never trying to get over you, because that always felt like a losing battle
anyways, so I just wanted to enjoy it while I could. And I did enjoy it. And you did too,
right?”

Buck traces the edge of Eddie’s waistband with his fingers, sneaking them under to brush
against his skin. He nuzzles further into Eddie and mumbles, “I think you know I did.” He
places a chaste kiss against Eddie’s neck that sets him alight. “When do you have to get Chris
from school?”

Eddie glances at his watch and groans. “Thirty minutes. Why couldn’t you have had this
revelation tomorrow when we had the whole night to ourselves?”

Buck slowly walks them towards the wall, backing Eddie into it. “I can do a lot in thirty
minutes. You know that.” He captures Eddie’s mouth again, and snakes a hand behind them,
undoing Eddie’s belt.

“Come on, we gotta get ready. Time to get up.”

Eddie stretches and mumbles into the pillow. “Five more minutes?”

There’s a light smack to his ass, followed by, “No! We have a schedule. It’s a big day.”
They’ve debated for weeks now on whether technically this is Eddie’s first or second real
Pride. Buck won out, of course. Eddie’s happy to go along with whatever will put a smile on
his boyfriend’s face. So, they're making a big show of it again this year.

“You gonna dress me up again?” Eddie’s still naked from last night, tangled in their sheets.
He turns to Buck sitting beside him in bed, letting the sheet slip down further.
Buck’s eyes drag over him. “Only so I can take it all off later.”

“Let me guess, my nice jeans again?”

“Okay, hold on—I know what happened when you were in those last year. I don't want ‘me
losing a boyfriend at Pride’ to become a new tradition.”

Eddie laughs softly, rolling on top of Buck. “Mm, you don’t have to worry about that. I think
you’re stuck with me.”

Buck smiles up at him. “You’re gonna make us late.”

Eddie gives him a quick kiss. “Well, we can’t have that. Come on.” He gets out of bed,
holding out his hand for Buck to take. “Let’s get ready.”
End Notes

THANK YOU FOR READING!!! kudos and comments much appreciated (but please know
im sensative, and i don't wanna hear anything you don't like!)
@colderbam on twitter and coldbam on tumblr
reblog link if you so desire

Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!