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14 Reasons Why Love Hurts So Much (& 6 Ways to Heal)
14 Reasons Why Love Hurts So Much (& 6 Ways to Heal)
An Expert
Guide to Dealing with Affection &
Heartbreak
Learn why love can feel so physically and emotionally painful
Written by Luis Congdon | Edited by Finn Kobler
Last Updated: April 17, 2024 Fact Checked
Physical Reasons | Emotional Reasons | What to Do if Love Feels Painful | Is it normal for
love to hurt? | Expert Interview
Growing up, we’re often told that love brings eternal joy, warmth, and
satisfaction…but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, love creates feelings
of fear and discomfort. In this article, we’ll walk through several of the reasons
love can also be associated with pain. We’ll explain the neurology and
psychology behind it and offer some expert advice on coping. Remember: if
love is causing you anguish, you’re not alone. Keep reading and you’ll see it
can happen to anybody.
This article is based on an interview with our relationship coach, Luis Congdon.
Check out the full interview here.
When we fall in love, our bodies flood with chemicals that activate our
pleasure center. This feels euphoric at first, but the withdrawals can be
physically painful.
Love leads to an increase in cortisol (the stress hormone) which can
trigger feelings of anxiety. This anxiety can be discomforting emotionally
:
and physically.
The best way to heal from a stressful love experience is to look inward and
determine the root of your insecurities through journaling and meditation.
1. When you fall in love, you might fear what comes next.
When you truly love someone, the stakes are high and it’s common to
worry about the future. It’s likely you’ll stress that your partnership
won’t work out or your love will start to fade at one point (even if it’s
going well; you’re only human). This worry can be exhausting and
painful.
Dealing with uncertainty in a relationship can feel scary, but try to
stay open and communicative with your loved one. Show your
affection through compliments, physical touch, and quality time.
The closer you are, the less uncertain things will feel.[11]
Tips
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about love,
check out our in-depth interview with Luis Congdon.
:
References
1. https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-
brain
2. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-12399-005
3. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9672904/
4. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-
depth/ssris/art-20044825
5. https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-
brain
6. https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/01/13/dopamine-withdrawal-is-
difficult#1
7. https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-process-of-love-addiction-withdrawal
8. https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-
brain
9. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
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10. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/broken-heart-
syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354617
11. https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/uncertainty-in-
relationships/
12. https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-what-you-cant-control
13. https://hbr.org/2022/04/change-is-hard-heres-how-to-make-it-less-
painful
14. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/the-early-
stages-falling-in-love
15. https://thrive.wfu.edu/2015/02/healthy-romantic-relationship-
expectations/
16. https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-
cultivate-it
17. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202206/fear-
commitment-6-sources-and-solutions
18. https://www.psychalive.org/7-reasons-most-people-are-afraid-of-love/
19. https://www.psychalive.org/7-reasons-most-people-are-afraid-of-love/
20. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-human-
experience/201304/how-stop-playing-the-victim-game
21. https://hbr.org/2017/03/why-you-should-make-time-for-self-reflection-
even-if-you-hate-doing-it
22. https://psychcentral.com/blog/cultivating-contentment/2020/07/22-
steps-to-better-communication-in-your-relationships
23. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/self-care-4-ways-nourish-body-
soul-2017111612736
24. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/pieces-
mind/201502/deciding-leave-relationship
25. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201502/6-ways-
get-past-the-pain-unrequited-love
26. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/finding-a-therapist-
who-can-help-you-heal.htm
27. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-shrink-tank/201103/five-
tips-how-talk-about-yourself-in-therapy
28. https://www.psychalive.org/7-reasons-most-people-are-afraid-of-love/
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