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Matthew R. Sanders · Alina Morawska Editors

Handbook of
Parenting and Child
Development Across
the Lifespan
viii Acknowledgments

c­ ultural and spiritual relationships to the land, waters, and seas and their rich
contribution to society.
Disclosure Statement
The Parenting and Family Support Centre is partly funded by royalties
stemming from published resources of the Triple P—Positive Parenting
Program, which is developed and owned by the University of Queensland
(UQ). Royalties are also distributed to the Faculty of Health and Behavioural
Sciences at UQ and contributory authors of published Triple P resources.
Triple P International (TPI) Pty Ltd is a private company licensed by Uniquest
Pty Ltd on behalf of UQ, to publish and disseminate Triple P worldwide. The
authors of this book have no share or of TPI. TPI had no involvement in the
writing of this book.
Matthew R. Sanders is the founder of Triple P and receives royalties from
TPI. He is a consultant to Triple P International and an employee at UQ. Alina
Morawska receives royalties from TPI and is an employee at UQ. James
Kirby, Amy Mitchell, Koa Whittingham, Karyn Healy, Divna Haslam, Sabine
Baker, Grace Kirby, Julie Hodges, Karen Turner, Trevor Mazzuchelli, Vanessa
Cobham, Alan Ralph, Kate Sofronoff, Amy Mitchell, Kylie Burke, Cassandra
Dittman, Keny Butler, Mandy Mihelic, and Nam-Phuong T. Hoang are either
contributory authors of Triple P, employees, affiliates or graduate students of
the Parenting and Family Support Centre at UQ who own the copyright in
Triple P.
Contents

Part I How Parents Influence Children’s Development

 he Importance of Parenting in Influencing the Lives


T
of Children������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������   3
Matthew R. Sanders and Karen M. T. Turner
 iological Factors in Parenting and Child Development �������������������� 27
B
Kirby Deater-Deckard, Mamatha Chary, and Sarah McCormick
 arent–Child Relationships and Attachment���������������������������������������� 47
P
Hedwig J. A. van Bakel and Ruby A. S. Hall
 ocial Learning Influences: Modelling, Instructions,
S
Consequences�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 67
Trevor G. Mazzucchelli
 ffects of the Parents’ Relationship on Children���������������������������������� 97
E
W. Kim Halford, Galena Rhoades, and Megan Morris
The Role of Fathers in Supporting Children’s Development�������������� 121
Louise J. Keown, Nike Franke, and Ripi Kaur
 rauma and Parenting: Considering Humanitarian
T
Crisis Contexts ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 143
Vanessa E. Cobham and Elizabeth A. Newnham

Part II The Effects of Parenting on Children’s Development

Parenting and Human Brain Development ������������������������������������������ 173


Michael I. Posner and Mary K. Rothbart
 ffects of Parenting on Young Children’s Language
E
and Communication�������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 201
Judith J. Carta
 he Effects of Parenting on Emotion and Self-Regulation������������������ 217
T
Sabine Baker
Peer and Sibling Relationships �������������������������������������������������������������� 241
Karyn L. Healy

ix
x Contents

 chooling and Academic Attainment ���������������������������������������������������� 263


S
Laurie M. Brotman, R. Gabriela Barajas-Gonzalez,
Spring Dawson-McClure, and Esther J. Calzada
 hildren’s Health, Physical Activity, and Nutrition ���������������������������� 289
C
Alina Morawska and Amy E. Mitchell
 hildren with Developmental Disorders������������������������������������������������ 313
C
Kate Sofronoff, Koa Whittingham, and Felicity L. Brown

Part III Determinants of Parenting

 hild Characteristics and Their Reciprocal Effects


C
on Parenting���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 337
Ann V. Sanson, Primrose L. C. Letcher, and Sophie S. Havighurst
 elf-Regulation and Parental Mental Health���������������������������������������� 371
S
Rachel M. Calam and Penny E. Bee
 arental Cognitions: Relations to Parenting and Child
P
Behavior���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 395
Charlotte Johnston, Joanne L. Park, and Natalie V. Miller
 amily Structure and the Nature of Couple Relationships:
F
Relationship Distress, Separation, Divorce, and Repartnering ���������� 415
Martina Zemp and Guy Bodenmann
 ocial Support and Relationships with Family and Friends���������������� 441
S
Susan M. Love and Theresa Knott
 ultural Background and Religious Beliefs������������������������������������������ 469
C
Joey Fung, Maria S. Wong, and Heejung Park
 ork, Poverty, and Financial Stress������������������������������������������������������ 495
W
Divna M. Haslam and Kylie Burke
 ong-Distance Parenting: The Impact of Parental Separation
L
and Absence due to Work Commitments on Families�������������������������� 511
Cassandra K. Dittman
 ommunities, Neighborhoods, and Housing ���������������������������������������� 535
C
Anilena Mejia
 olicies and Services Affecting Parenting���������������������������������������������� 551
P
Kylie Burke, Divna Haslam, and Keny Butler

Part IV Tasks and Challenges of Parenting and Child


Development Across the Lifespan

 reparation for Parenthood�������������������������������������������������������������������� 567


P
Mandy Mihelic and Alina Morawska
 arenting of Infants and Toddlers���������������������������������������������������������� 585
P
Angela D. Staples and John E. Bates
Contents xi

 arenting of Preschool and School-Aged Children������������������������������ 609


P
Grace Kirby and Julie Hodges
 arenting of Adolescents and Emerging Adults������������������������������������ 631
P
Alan Ralph
 arenting of Adult Children: A Neglected Area of Parenting
P
Studies ������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ 653
James N. Kirby and Nam-Phuong T. Hoang
 arenting and Carer Responsibilities During the Later Years������������ 677
P
Christine Brown Wilson

Part V Supporting Parenting

 he Impact of Poverty and Discrimination on Family


T
Interactions and Problem Development������������������������������������������������ 699
Jean K. L. Lee, Anthony Biglan, and Christine Cody
 ole of Universal Parenting Programs in Prevention�������������������������� 713
R
Raziye Salari and Pia Enebrink
 arenting and Family Intervention in Treatment �������������������������������� 745
P
Robert J. McMahon and Dave S. Pasalich

Part VI Implications for Policy and Practice

 owards a Comprehensive, Evidence-Based System


T
of Parenting Support over the Lifespan������������������������������������������������ 777
Matthew R. Sanders and Kylie Burke
 conomic Benefits of Sustained Investments in Parenting������������������ 799
E
Filipa Sampaio, Inna Feldman, Scott Richards-­Jones,
and Cathrine Mihalopoulos
 uture Directions for Research, Policy, and Practice �������������������������� 821
F
Matthew R. Sanders and Alina Morawska

Index���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 833
About the Editors

Matthew R. Sanders is a Professor of Clinical Psychology, founder of the


Triple P–Positive Parenting Program and Director of the Parenting and Family
Support Centre at the University of Queensland. He is considered a world leader
in the development, evaluation, and global dissemination of evidence-based par-
enting programs. He has held visiting appointments at multiple universities,
including the University of Auckland, University of Manchester, Glasgow
Caledonian University, and the University of South Carolina. He has conducted a
large number of high quality projects on the role of parenting in influencing
developmental outcomes in children and adolescents. He has developed or co-
developed a range of specific parenting programs. His work has been recognized
with a number of international awards. He is a Fellow of the Australian
Psychological Association, the New Zealand Psychological Association, and is
former Honorary President of the Canadian Psychological Association. He has
received a Trailblazer Award from the Association for the Advancement of
Behavior Therapy Special Interest Group on Parenting and Families, and a
Distinguished Career Award from the Australian Psychological Association, the
New Zealand Psychological Society, and is an Inaugural Honorary Fellow of the
Australian Association for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. He is a Fellow of the
Academy of Social Science in Australia and the Academy of Experimental
Criminology. He has received an International Collaborative Prevention Research
Award from the Society for Prevention Science. He has received a Top Innovator
Award and an Innovation Champion Award from Uniquest, the University of
Queensland’s main technology transfer company. He is a former Queenslander of
the Year. He is married to Trish and has two children and five grandchildren.

Alina Morawska is Deputy Director (Research) at the Parenting and Family


Support Centre, the University of Queensland. Her research focuses on
behavioral family intervention as a means for promoting positive family rela-
tionships, and the prevention and early intervention for young children at risk
of developing behavioral and emotional problems. In particular, her focus is
on improving the health and overall well-being of children and families. She
has published extensively in the field of parenting and family intervention
and has received numerous grants to support her research. She is a Director
of the Australian Association for Cognitive and Behaviour Therapy Ltd.

xiii
Contributors

Hedwig J. A. van Bakel Department of Tranzo, Tilburg School of Social


and Behavioral Sciences, Tilburg University, Tilburg, The Netherlands
Sabine Baker School of Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane,
QLD, Australia
R. Gabriela Barajas-Gonzalez Center for Early Childhood Health and
Development (CEHD), Department of Population Health, NYU School of
Medicine, New York, NY, USA
John E. Bates Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences, Indiana
University, Bloomington, IN, USA
Penny E. Bee School of Health Sciences, The University of Manchester,
Manchester, UK
Anthony Biglan Oregon Research Institute, Eugene, OR, USA
Guy Bodenmann Department of Psychology, University of Zurich, Zurich,
Switzerland
Laurie M. Brotman Center for Early Childhood Health and Development
(CEHD), Department of Population Health, NYU School of Medicine,
New York, NY, USA
Felicity L. Brown School of Psychology, The University of Queensland,
Brisbane, QLD, Australia
War Child Holland, Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Kylie Burke Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of Psychology,
The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Keny Butler Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of Psychology,
The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Rachel M. Calam School of Health Sciences, The University of Manchester,
Manchester, UK
Esther J. Calzada Steve Hicks School of Social Work, University of Texas,
Austin, TX, USA
Judith J. Carta University of Kansas, Kansas City, KS, USA

xv
xvi Contributors

Mamatha Chary Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences,


University of Massachusetts Amherst, Amherst, MA, USA
Vanessa E. Cobham School of Psychology, The University of Queensland,
Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Christine Cody Oregon Research Institute, Eugene, OR, USA
Spring Dawson-McClure Center for Early Childhood Health and
Development (CEHD), Department of Population Health, NYU School of
Medicine, New York, NY, USA
Kirby Deater-Deckard Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences,
University of Massachusetts Amherst, Amherst, MA, USA
Cassandra K. Dittman Parenting and Family Support Centre, The
University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Pia Enebrink Karolinska Institutet, Stockholm, Sweden
Inna Feldman Uppsala University, Uppsala, Sweden
Nike Franke Faculty of Education and Social Work, The University of
Auckland, Auckland, New Zealand
Joey Fung Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, CA, USA
W. Kim Halford School of Psychology, The University of Queensland,
Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Ruby A. S. Hall Department of Tranzo, Tilburg School of Social and
Behavioral Sciences, Tilburg University, Tilburg, The Netherlands
Divna M. Haslam Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of
Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Sophie S. Havighurst Mindful: Centre for Training and Research in
Developmental Health, Department of Psychiatry, University of Melbourne,
Melbourne, VIC, Australia
Karyn L. Healy Parenting and Family Support Centre, The University of
Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Nam-Phuong T. Hoang Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of
Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Julie Hodges Parenting and Family Support Centre, The University of
Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Charlotte Johnston University of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC, Canada
Ripi Kaur Faculty of Education and Social Work, The University of
Auckland, Auckland, New Zealand
Louise J. Keown Faculty of Education and Social Work, The University of
Auckland, Auckland, New Zealand
Contributors xvii

Grace Kirby Parenting and Family Support Centre, The University of


Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
James N. Kirby Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of
Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Theresa Knott Department of Social Work, California State University,
Northridge, CA, USA
Jean K. L. Lee Oregon Research Institute, Eugene, OR, USA
Primrose L. C. Letcher Department of Paediatrics, University of Melbourne,
Melbourne, VIC, Australia
Susan M. Love Department of Social Work, California State University,
Northridge, CA, USA
Trevor G. Mazzucchelli School of Psychology and Speech Pathology,
Curtin University, Perth, WA, Australia
Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of Psychology, The University
of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Sarah McCormick Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences,
University of Massachusetts Amherst, Amherst, MA, USA
Robert J. McMahon Department of Psychology, Simon Fraser University,
Burnaby, BC, Canada
B.C. Children’s Hospital, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Anilena Mejia Instituto de Investigaciones Científicas y Servicios de Alta
Tecnología (INDICASAT AIP), Panama City, Panama
Cathrine Mihalopoulos Deakin University, Burwood, VIC, Australia
Mandy Mihelic Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of Psychology,
The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Natalie V. Miller University of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC, Canada
Amy E. Mitchell Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of
Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Alina Morawska Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of
Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Megan Morris School of Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane,
QLD, Australia
Elizabeth A. Newnham School of Psychology and Speech Pathology,
Curtin University, Perth, WA, Australia
FXB Center for Health and Human Rights, Harvard University, Boston, MA,
USA
Heejung Park Bryn Mawr College, Bryn Mawyr, PA, USA
Joanne L. Park University of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC, Canada
xviii Contributors

Dave S. Pasalich Research School of Psychology, The Australian National


University, Canberra, ACT, Australia
Michael I. Posner University of Oregon, Eugene, OR, USA
Alan Ralph Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of Psychology,
The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Galena Rhoades University of Denver, Denver, CO, USA
Scott Richards-Jones Deakin University, Burwood, VIC, Australia
Mary K. Rothbart Department of Psychology, University of Oregon,
Eugene, OR, USA
Raziye Salari Uppsala University, Uppsala, Sweden
Filipa Sampaio Uppsala University, Uppsala, Sweden
Matthew R. Sanders Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of
Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Ann V. Sanson Department of Paediatrics, University of Melbourne,
Melbourne, VIC, Australia
Kate Sofronoff School of Psychology, The University of Queensland,
Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Angela D. Staples Department of Psychology, Eastern Michigan University,
Ypsilanti, MI, USA
Karen M. T. Turner Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of
Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Christine Brown Wilson School of Nursing and Midwifery, Queen’s
University, Belfast, UK
Koa Whittingham School of Psychology, The University of Queensland,
Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Maria S. Wong Stevenson University, Stevenson, MD, USA
Martina Zemp Department of Psychology, University of Mannheim,
Mannheim, Germany
Part I
How Parents Influence Children’s
Development
The Importance of Parenting
in Influencing the Lives of Children

Matthew R. Sanders and Karen M. T. Turner

do not provide equal opportunities to thrive


Introduction developmentally (Marmot & Bell, 2012).
When parenting occurs in communities that
Of all the modifiable factors that influence support parenting, value the parenting role, and
the course of a child’s development, none is have safe, low crime neighborhoods, children,
more important than the quality of parenting parents and the community benefit. Conversely,
­children receive (Collins, Maccoby, Steinberg, too many children live in homes with few of the
Hetherington, & Bornstein, 2000). Being a parent advantages above, where daily living is a strug-
can be a wonderfully fulfilling role that brings gle, and family members are exposed to chronic
immense joy, pride and happiness to the lives of stress. For example, an estimated 17% of
parents. At times, the parenting role can also be Australian children under the age of 15 live in
challenging, and for some it can become quite poverty (up from 15% a decade earlier), and 22%
overwhelming. In essence, parenting is easier and of children are developmentally vulnerable, with
less stressful when families live in environments more developmentally vulnerable children in
that are conducive to good parenting. Features of low-income areas and Indigenous families
such an environment include living in a stable, (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare,
supportive home with caring, capable and 2017). When parents are socially isolated from
involved parents that have access to regular partners due to relationship breakdown, and have
employment, secure housing, high quality early little or no access to extended family support,
childhood education and care, good schools, raising children solo can be a very demanding
affordable health and dental care, safe play and responsibility. Other stressful life circumstances
recreational facilities, and extended family and include parents being exposed to violence (inti-
social supports. However, parenting takes place mate partner, domestic, or community violence),
in a wide variety of socioeconomic circumstances experiencing or living with someone with serious
and children begin life in diverse situations that mental health issues, substance abuse, chronic
physical health problems, homelessness, or
involvement with the criminal justice system.
M. R. Sanders (*) · K. M. T. Turner High levels of stress diminish parental self-­
Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of efficacy (Crnic & Ross, 2017) and parenting
Psychology, The University of Queensland,
capacity. Children raised in toxic family environ-
Brisbane, QLD, Australia
e-mail: m.sanders@psy.uq.edu.au; ments are vulnerable over their life course to
kturner@psy.uq.edu.au developing serious social, emotional, health, and

© Springer International Publishing AG, part of Springer Nature 2018 3


M. R. Sanders, A. Morawska (eds.), Handbook of Parenting and Child Development
Across the Lifespan, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-94598-9_1
4 M. R. Sanders and K. M. T. Turner

mental health problems (Center on the Developing ents’ capabilities to raise their children at differ-
Child at Harvard University, 2016). ent developmental stages and promote healthy
When parenting occurs in a very low resource development. The determinants of parenting are
setting, children’s health and development are complex (Belsky, 1984). A host of genetic and
adversely affected (American Academy of biological factors (that are mostly nonmodifiable
Pediatrics, 2016). Many very low resource set- by parents) interact with environmental and cul-
tings are affected by high rates of violence, politi- tural factors (that, in theory, can be changed) to
cal instability leading to war and internal determine the kind of parenting children experi-
displacement of people, natural disasters such as ence as they grow up. This chapter provides an
floods and landslides, and few financial resources overview of the importance of the parenting role
to tackle complex problems like poor sanitation, in influencing the course of children’s develop-
water, and food security (Mejia, Calam, & ment and the determinants of parental behavior,
Sanders, 2012). Everyday life is characterized by parental knowledge, and parenting practices. We
high levels of toxic stress, and ensuring children’s identify key modifiable aspects of the broader
survival is the major challenge for parents. ecological context within which parenting takes
Parents differ considerably in their knowledge place and identify implications for research, pol-
of child development and effective parenting icy, and practice.
practices, their self-efficacy, and their emotional
resilience in undertaking the parenting role. For
example, Morawska, Winter, and Sanders (2009) Parenting Styles and Practices
found that parents with greater knowledge about
effective parenting strategies tended to use less Spera (2005) provides a comprehensive summary
dysfunctional parenting, and reported signifi- of the evolution of our thinking about typologies
cantly higher education and income levels. of parenting styles and parenting practices.
Parents with low levels of parenting knowledge Amongst the most impactful were Baumrind’s
and confidence in their parenting skills may be at early (1971) work detailing three distinct parent-
greater risk of dysfunctional parenting and might ing styles: “traditional” authoritarian parenting
benefit from interventions designed to enhance (i.e., restricting autonomy, exerting parental con-
both knowledge and confidence. Individual dif- trol, and punishment), permissive parenting (i.e.,
ferences in parents’ family of origin experiences, allowing a child to develop naturally without
financial and other personal resources, coping imposed authority, parent viewed as a resource
capacities and life opportunities mean that par- rather than an active agent shaping a child’s
ents start their parenting journey from different behavior), and authoritative parenting (i.e.,
starting points. Because of this variability, par- encouraging individual autonomy and social
ents differ in the type of parenting support they competence, as well as conformity with expected
need and seek out. Some parents need a great limits or standards). Maccoby and Martin (1983)
deal of support and professional assistance, while expanded upon Baumrind’s three styles of paren-
others need very little (Sanders, Burke, Prinz, & tal control by exploring the underlying processes
Morawska, 2017). The level and type of support of demandingness (e.g., the number and type of
parents need can change at difference stages of demands parents make) and responsiveness (e.g.,
the life cycle (e.g., toddlerhood, adolescence) sensitivity to children’s needs, contingency of
and with changed family circumstances (e.g., parental reinforcement). Thus, four parenting
divorce, death of a spouse or child). typologies were formed: authoritarian (demand-
A greater understanding of the fundamental ing, unresponsive), permissive/indulgent (unde-
importance of the parenting role itself is required. manding, responsive), authoritative (demanding,
This includes knowing how parenting shapes responsive) and additionally, neglectful (unde-
children’s developmental competence, well-­ manding, unresponsive). Darling and Steinberg
being and life course opportunities. It also (1993) further differentiated parenting style
includes understanding the determinants of par- (broader patterns and the emotional climate in
The Importance of Parenting in Influencing the Lives of Children 5

which parents raise their children) and parenting Emotional Care


practices (the specific behaviors used by parents
to socialize their children, such as teaching and This aspect of the parenting role focuses on pro-
discipline strategies, involvement in schooling, moting the emotional well-being of children. It
monitoring). Research continues to focus on the involves creating a warm, caring, nurturing envi-
influence of parenting styles and practices on ronment that ensures children feel loved and
child social, emotional, behavioral, and educa- accepted and that helps children learn to self-­
tional development. regulate their behavior and emotions. Emotional
care includes the development of a secure par-
ent–child attachment. Secure attachment, when
 he Influence of Parenting
T combined with positive parenting practices, helps
on Children’s Development, Well-­ children become emotionally self-regulated and
Being, and Life Opportunities more resilient in the face of adversity (Waters
et al., 2010).
There have been many evolving theories in the
nature vs. nurture debate and the exploration of
the impact of parenting and context on children’s Socialization
development (for a review see Sameroff, 2010).
The parenting role, according to Hoghughi and Parenting involves helping children develop the
Long (2004), involves a set of purposeful activi- social and emotional competencies they need to
ties that ensure the survival, care, development, relate well to others including parents, siblings,
and well-being of children. It involves a number extended family, peers, teachers, and eventually
of interrelated functions that gradually change partners and employers. Socialization (including
over the course of a child’s development. Parents the teaching of values, good habits and the self-­
engage in multiple caring activities, in varying regulation of emotions and impulses), has been
contexts throughout a child’s life to promote the described as the result of the behavioral, emo-
well-being of their children. How successfully a tional, and representational contingencies that
parent undertakes their parenting responsibilities emerge in the parent–child relationship
impacts on their children’s adjustment, mental (Maccoby, 2015). The development of children’s
health and well-being into adulthood. social and emotional competencies helps chil-
dren become well integrated into a broader social
network and community. The aim is for children
Functions of Parenthood to reach adulthood with the prosocial skills, inter-
ests, and health habits needed to live healthy,
Parenting involves a number of interrelated func- happy, and productive lives in caring relation-
tions related to the nurturance, care, education ships and with motivation and skills to play
and socialization of children. Some of these core meaningful prosocial roles in society (Wilson,
functions are outlined below. O’Brien, & Sesma, 2009).

Taking Care of Basic Needs Providing Guidance

These activities include providing physical care Parenting involves establishing expectations for
and nurturance that meet children’s survival children’s behavior and helping children to learn
needs (i.e., food, warmth, shelter, clothing, love, acceptable prosocial patterns of behavior.
affection). It involves ensuring that children are Parents’ expectations of children are informed by
safe, and that harm or risk (including accidents) culture, values and beliefs that are influenced by
is prevented or minimized. historical and family of origin socialization
6 M. R. Sanders and K. M. T. Turner

e­ xperiences, as well as other parents and com- cess in life. Active life skills coaching is a form of
munity opinion, including media and social parental guidance and education that helps chil-
media. Consequently, parents have a crucial role dren learn necessary social skills, self-care, inde-
in children’s socialization by establishing expec- pendence and autonomy. Parenting involves
tations (Maccoby, 2015). This socialization pro- modelling, providing advice, verbal and physical
cess also includes monitoring and supervising guidance, and necessary instruction to children
children, actively teaching children the cognitive, about specific skills children can use to handle
social, emotional, physical, and self-regulatory particular situations they encounter in their
skills they need to become independent in daily everyday social world. This kind of active skills
living (e.g., toilet training, dressing, and table coaching can include but is not restricted to the
manners), and providing guidance and positive following:
encouragement to help children learn acceptable,
age-appropriate behaviors (e.g., sharing, turn-­ 1. Social skills (e.g., saying “please” and
taking, and helping others). “thank you” when making requests, saying
“hello” and “goodbye,” taking turns, being
able to win and lose graciously);
Providing Boundaries and Limits 2. Effective communication and conflict man-
agement (e.g., communicating ideas, needs
Parenting also requires setting limits and bound- and opinions, making assertive requests,
aries in a developmentally and culturally appro- compromising and negotiating, being
priate manner. It involves helping children learn tactful);
to self-manage their emotions and behavior, and 3. Compassion towards others (e.g., showing
to control impulsive behavior and refrain from concern and helping others, being empathic);
unacceptable behavior (e.g., hitting, bullying, 4. Problem-solving (e.g., finding out informa-
temper tantrums, and disobedience), and how to tion to understand and solve a problem);
behave appropriately in varied social situations 5. Self-care (e.g., washing hands, cleaning
(e.g., visiting relatives, going shopping, attending teeth, using the toilet, using sanitary aids);
ceremonies). It also involves providing conse- 6. Appropriate mealtime behaviors (e.g., using
quences when children behave inappropriately. eating utensils, chewing with a closed mouth,
This requires parents to have clear expectations, table manners);
rules, and planned strategies that they are pre- 7. Safe and respectful use of technology (e.g.,
pared to use as needed to back up an instruction following family and school rules relating to
or respond to challenging behavior (e.g., planned use of devices, being aware of cyber safety,
ignoring of minor problems, brief removal of an avoiding high-risk behaviors on social
activity at the center of a dispute, or strategies media);
like quiet time or time-out for more serious situa- 8. Financial literacy and job search skills (e.g.,
tions). The type of backup consequences parents working for an allowance, saving, purchas-
use varies as a function of the child’s age and ing within a budget, looking for work, apply-
level of development, culturally based values, ing for jobs);
and views on discipline methods. 9. Being an informed consumer (e.g., under-
standing advertising and costs of goods, cre-
ating shopping lists, checking change);
Teaching Life Skills and Mentoring 10. Relationship and sexuality education (e.g.,
forming healthy relationships, dating, sexual
Parents are powerful role models, skills coaches anatomy, sexual identity, conveying healthy
and mentors, and educate their children in the life attitudes towards sexual activity, contracep-
skills they deem necessary for survival and suc- tion, consent, and pornography).
The Importance of Parenting in Influencing the Lives of Children 7

Being a Child Advocate doing well at school themselves often feel appre-
hensive, intimidated, anxious and/or avoidant
One aspect of being protective towards children about engaging with the school system. However,
involves advocating on their behalf to other car- communicating effectively with teachers is an
ers, educators, medical and health care profes- important relationship skill for parents to learn so
sionals and coaches (e.g., sports, performing arts) they can meaningfully support children’s
to ensure their needs are being met. This role can education.
include speaking to professionals about chil-
dren’s needs (e.g., medication, diet, mobility,
learning). These can be difficult conversations for Moral and Spiritual Guidance
parents and professionals alike, particularly when
the discussion is about a problem or crisis that Religious and moral beliefs and affiliation with
needs to be addressed (e.g., acute health problem, religious groups influences how parents raise
problems in the classroom). As many children their children (Brody, Stoneman, & Flor, 1996;
cannot advocate for themselves (e.g., young chil- Fung, Wong, & Park, 2018). In turn, parents
dren, children with a disability), parents must influence children’s religious beliefs, attitudes,
undertake this responsibility on their behalf. and behavior in relation to social and moral
issues. The family is where children are first
exposed to spirituality, religious practices, cul-
Supporting Children’s Education tural traditions and rituals, and role models for
moral and ethical behavior (e.g., honesty, kind-
Increasing evidence shows that parental involve- ness). The attitudes parents express in adult con-
ment in children’s education is related to how versations that children hear, or in conversations
well children do in school both academically and with children, can influence children’s attitudes
socially (Powell, Son, File, & San Juan, 2010). towards others (e.g., racial groups, minority and
Parents who have a good relationship with their marginalized groups, religions), work ethic, sex-
child’s educator are better able to advocate for uality, and intimate relationships (e.g., same- or
their children (Sanders, Healy, Grice, & Del opposite-sex relationships, gender roles, mar-
Vecchio, 2017). This includes communicating riage, abortion), and social issues (e.g., care for
openly about any concerns they may have about the environment, climate change, politics, war).
their children (e.g., behavior in class, learning Parents have an important role in encouraging
problems, peer relationship difficulties, grades). tolerance, compassion, and acceptance of others
Parents are then more likely to be aware of how (e.g., racial, cultural, and religious differences),
to promote or consolidate their child’s learning and the avoidance of inadvertently teaching chil-
outside of school hours and to support the school. dren to be prejudiced (Kirby, 2016).
Children tend to have fewer social or emotional
problems at school when parents actively involve
themselves in children’s learning and education Parenting Tasks and Phases
(Brotman, Basrjas-Gonzalez, Dawson-McClure, of Development
& Calzada, 2018; Kirby & Hodges, 2018).
Parents who avoid contact with teachers or the Apart from these more general functions, roles,
school in general or make demands, escalate or and responsibilities, there are specific tasks that
intimidate teachers, tend to be more poorly parents undertake in each stage of development.
informed about their children’s education and Table 1 summarizes these tasks during the prenatal
can be socially isolated from other parents. period, infancy, toddlerhood, preschool age, mid-
Parents with personal histories of disliking or not dle childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood.
8 M. R. Sanders and K. M. T. Turner

Table 1 Parental tasks and responsibilities across the lifespan


Phase of life Major parental tasks and responsibilities
Antenatal • Create healthy environment for growth of fetus.
(conception to • Ensure healthy nutrition of mother.
birth) • Restrict use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs.
• Create a “nest” for the care of baby.
• Ensure family has sufficient financial resources to support a family.
• Ensure safe, affordable housing.
• Reach agreement with partner about parental roles and responsibilities.
Infancy • Promote safe, secure, attachment.
(0–1½ years) • Be caring and nurturing.
• Provide adequate stimulation to infant.
• Be observant and responsive to infant’s cues.
• Ensure that engaging activities are available.
• Establish predictable routines.
• Establish sleep patterns.
• Find suitable child care as needed.
• Read often to children.
• Restrict exposure to screens.
Toddlerhood • Use praise and positive attention to encourage desirable behavior.
(1½–2 years) • Use incidental teaching to promote child’s language and communication.
• Encourage child to do things for themselves.
• Promote positive sibling interaction.
• Foster cooperation with adult instructions and age appropriate rules.
• Establish consistent predictable discipline routines for inappropriate behavior.
Preschool • Encourage a love of learning through books.
(3–6 years) • Facilitate successful sibling and peer interactions.
• Prepare child for making a successful transition to school.
• Communicate well with child’s teachers.
Middle childhood • Show an interest in child’s learning and communicate well with child’s teacher.
(7–12 years) • Help child learn to self-management skills.
• Encourage participation in physical activity and out-of-school activities.
• Assist child to manage their emotions (anxiety, disappointment).
• Assist child to become comfortable with gender identity and sexuality.
Teen • Encourage independence skills (e.g., transport, study, cooking, washing).
(13–17 years) • Support teenager to solve their own problems including practical and social problems.
• Teach skills to help teenager manage peer pressure and temptations that may lead to
undesirable consequences.
• Support teenager to develop and pursue recreational interests.
• Teach teenager how to discuss opinions calmly and how to listen to others’ views with
respect.
• Encourage teenager to contribute to the family’s chores.
Young adult • Provide guidance to promote financial independence.
(18–25 years) • Provide advice and support regarding life decisions (e.g., study, employment, housing).
• Provide advice and practical support regarding child rearing.
Reproduced with permission from Sanders, M. R., & Mazzucchelli, T. R. (Eds.), The power of positive parenting:
Transforming the lives of children, parents and communities. New York: Oxford University Press

 arenting in Different Family


P holds). There is no single right way to raise chil-
Contexts dren and many different parenting arrangements
can be made to work or fail. Living arrangements
Parenting takes place in many diverse family for the care of children can be complex and may
contexts (e.g., nuclear family, single parent, change over the course of a child’s development
adoptive, blended or stepfamily, foster or kinship by choice or necessity following major changes
care, multigenerational or multiple family house- or transitions in families, such as relationship
The Importance of Parenting in Influencing the Lives of Children 9

breakdown, repartnering of parents, incarceration between parents, and child behavior problems.
of a parent, death of a parent, or because of dis- More distal influences include interactions
placement, war, or natural disaster. between parents and schools, workplaces, and
Although there is no single family configura- health care systems (mesosystemic influences)
tion that is essential to produce healthy, well-­ and larger exosystems that include influences
adjusted children, there is still some stigma such as economic conditions, political systems,
associated with being raised in nontraditional policies, and mass media. These are all embed-
household arrangements in any community. For ded within the broader community context of cul-
example, an increasing number of children are tural ideologies and values (macrosystem).
being raised in households by gay or lesbian cou- An important implication of conceptualizing
ples (Biblarz & Stacey, 2010; Oakley, Farr, & the determinants of parenting as occurring within
Scherer, 2017) and, contrary to conservative con- a multilevel ecological system is that efforts to
cerns, parents’ sexual orientation has little if any improve parenting can concurrently target differ-
direct impact on children’s development ent levels. For example, advocacy for increasing
(Patterson, 2017). Children can thrive in any parental access to quality evidence-based, cul-
environment that creates a loving, stable, secure turally informed parenting programs can take
family context that caters for children’s social, place through the delivery of specific programs
emotional, and physical needs. Conversely, targeting the parent–child relationship. These
regardless of the type of parenting situation chil- programs can be delivered through different ser-
dren are raised in, if children experience harsh, vice delivery contexts in health, education, wel-
coercive, unpredictable, or chaotic parenting and fare, and work settings. Advocacy for funding
living arrangements, with high levels of family support for parenting programs can occur
conflict, they are at increased risk for adverse through engaging with policy makers and con-
developmental outcomes (Bright & Thompson, tributing to policy development and legislation,
2018; Hughes et al., 2017). In addition, if parents and through media communications targeting
feel unsupported, judged, criticized, and blamed, end users, parents as consumers, and the wider
and cannot access basic assistance (such as qual- public (Sanders, 2018). An enabling ecological
ity parent education support or paid parental environment that supports parenting is one
leave) they can find the task of raising children a where preparation for parenthood at each stage
challenging one. of a child’s development becomes socially nor-
mative, usual, unremarkable, expected, free of
stigma, readily accessible, and supported at mul-
Social Ecology of Parenthood tiple levels of the ecosystem.
Figure 1 summarizes how the broader ecologi-
Bronfenbrenner’s model of human development cal contexts (e.g., policies, laws, type of neigh-
(Bronfenbrenner, 1986; Bronfenbrenner & borhood) affecting parenting interact with more
Morris, 2006) provides a valuable conceptual proximal psychosocial influences that constitute
framework for understanding the multiple inter- enablers and barriers to parental behavior change.
acting determinants of parental behavior. This A range of interacting factors influence specific
influential model is referred to by multiple parental outcomes (e.g., completing a parenting
authors in this volume to describe the broader program). The types of potentially modifiable
ecological contexts (from proximal to distal) that enablers and barriers include the features of the
can influence parenting and ultimately children’s program itself and its delivery (appropriate con-
development. The family is considered a micro- tent, relevant and culturally informed examples
system nested within a range of other systems and activities, preferred delivery format), a favor-
that affect parenting directly and indirectly. able social context (parent attends with the sup-
Within-family proximal influences include a par- port of a partner or friend), and activation of
ent’s mental health, the quality of relationships positive cognitions or emotions associated with
10 M. R. Sanders and K. M. T. Turner

Fig. 1 Drivers of change in parenting

enacting a planned behavior change. Change is and using public transport). The capacity to par-
more likely when parental motivation is high ent children confidently and competently also
(Miller & Rollnick, 2002). This occurs when the changes over time as parents gain experience and
anticipated benefits are salient, the parent believes also face new developmental stages.
they have the capacity to change, the parent
anticipates reinforcers that stem from making a
planned change (e.g., less stress because of Personal Resources
improved child behavior), and the program is
viewed as a meaningful, desirable, and practical Each individual parent brings a unique profile of
way of addressing a key concern (e.g., reducing personal attributes, assets, and liabilities to the
learning difficulties). parenting role based on their history and prior
experience (Belsky, 1984). A parent’s personal
resources that express themselves in parenting
Proximal Influences on Parenting include their knowledge, education, experience
with children, attitudes towards child-rearing,
The multiple overlapping tasks and responsibili- and history of relationships including how they
ties involved in the parenting role involve both were parented themselves as children. Each par-
continuities and discontinuities depending on the ent has been exposed to gender-based socializa-
child’s age and developmental capabilities. tion experiences concerning their expected role
Continuities include the need to provide for chil- as a parent, including personal meanings pertain-
dren’s basic needs for food, shelter, clothing, ing to being a mother or father (Endendijk et al.,
love, emotional support, and a safe, secure envi- 2017). The average age for becoming a parent in
ronment. Discontinuities include the level of par- Australia has increased substantially in the last
enting support required as children develop 40 years. In 1976, the average age was 25.9 years
greater independence (e.g., independent toilet- for mothers and 28.7 years for fathers. In 2016, it
ing, dressing themselves, safely crossing roads, was 31.2 years for mothers and 33.3 for fathers.
The Importance of Parenting in Influencing the Lives of Children 11

The age span for transition to parenthood is very understand and explain their child’s behavior.
wide. The proportion of new mothers who were Parents will develop working hypotheses or
in their thirties increased from 12% in 1980 to attributions (causal inferences) about why the
28% in 2007. The proportion of new mothers in problem is occurring. The type of attribution
their late thirties has increased from 2% in 1980 can affect how the parent deals with the
to 12% in 2007, and was higher in 2007 than for behavior. If a parent believes that the child is
the proportion who were teenagers (Hayes, engaging in the behavior deliberately to annoy
Weston, Qu, & Gray, 2010). While later parent- them, they are more likely to blame the child
hood brings greater life experience, it also means and potentially react with annoyance or voice
potentially less energy and a greater clash with escalation themselves.
career demands. 3. Regulate their emotions. When children
engage in behavior that parents interpret as
problematic and requiring some kind of disci-
Parental Self-Regulation plinary response, the parent needs to manage
their own emotions or risk escalation and
Parenting requires the coordination of different potentially harming a child.
cognitive and self-regulation skills (Karoly, 4. Formulating and carrying out a parenting
1993). To successfully undertake certain parent- plan. Developing a parenting plan that
ing tasks (e.g., manage temper outbursts or settle addresses the parent’s understanding of the
a crying baby) or formulate and successfully reasons a problem has occurred involves the
execute a parenting plan (e.g., toilet training a parent gathering sufficient information about
toddler) involves activating self-regulatory pro- the problem and its causes, discussing it with
cesses and executive functions (Deater-Deckard, other carers as necessary, working out a strat-
Wang, Chen, & Belland, 2012), including egy to resolve the problem, and implementing
impulse control, emotion regulation, communi- the strategy.
cation and social skills, and problem-solving. 5. Communication with others. Parents need to
Executive functions are a set of cognitive pro- communicate with partners, grandparents,
cesses necessary for the cognitive control of carers, and teachers about needs of children or
behavior including selecting and successfully actions they have taken (e.g., new rules or
monitoring behaviors that facilitate the attain- routines).
ment of goals. Executive functions include basic
cognitive processes such as attentional control,
cognitive inhibition, inhibitory control, working The Immediate Couple Relationship
memory, and cognitive flexibility. Higher order
executive functions require the simultaneous use Parents are better able to undertake their parent-
of multiple basic executive functions and include ing responsibilities if they are living in a stable,
planning and fluid intelligence. loving relationship with a partner who can share
When a parent is dealing with a specific par- parenting roles and responsibilities. The relation-
enting challenge such as a child’s whining or ship between parents has a profound effect on
demanding, the parent must activate the follow- children (Halford, Rhoades, & Morris, 2018).
ing executive function processes: Having a supportive partner means that, apart
from having access to greater emotional and
1. Attentional processes. The parent needs to pay practical support with parenting tasks and respon-
attention and to tune in to the child’s behavior, sibilities, the family is less likely to be living in
notice when the whining first occurred, what adverse financial circumstances. Having a part-
triggered it and when it stops. ner who can be a companion, active contributor,
2. Formulate an explanation. Parents will problem-solver, and cocreator of a shared family
respond differently depending on how they history strengthens a parent’s capacity to cope
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Arabia, and to appear on the banks of the Euphrates—a river held
sacred to this day by every Shiah. He set out with his family, crossed
the barren expanse of desert, and approached the confines of
Assyria, where he was alarmed by the hostile aspect of the country
and “suspected either the ruin or the defection of his party.” His fears
were well founded. Obeidullah, the Governor of Kufá, had quelled
the rising insurrection; and Huseyn, in the plain of Kerbela, was
surrounded by a body of five thousand horse, who cut off his
communication with the city and the river. Rather than retreat to a
fortress in the desert and confide in the fidelity of the tribe of Tai he
proposed to the chief of the enemy the choice of three honourable
courses of action—that he should be allowed to return to Medina, or
be stationed in a frontier garrison against the Turks, or safely
conducted to the presence of Yazid. He was informed that he must
surrender unconditionally or accept the consequences of his
rebellion. “Do you think to terrify me with death?” he replied, and to
his sister Zainab, who deplored the impending ruin of his house, he
said: “Our trust is in God alone. All things, both in heaven and in
earth, must perish and return to their Creator. My brother [Hasan],
my father [’Alí], my mother [Fatima], were better than I am; and every
Mussulman has an example in the Prophet.” His little band of
followers consisted only of thirty-two horsemen and forty foot
soldiers. He begged them to make good their own escape by a hasty
flight; but they held firm to their allegiance, refusing to desert him in
his straits. In return he prayed that God might accept his death as a
propitiation for their sins; they vowed they would not survive him, and
the family of the Tent, as Huseyn and his fellow-martyrs are lovingly
called by the Shiahs, passed the night in holy devotions.
The last hours of their lives cannot be more tersely told, and
therefore more suitably to our purpose, than in the words of Gibbon:
“On the morning of the fatal day, Huseyn mounted on
horseback, with his sword in one hand and the Kurán in
the other; his generous band of martyrs were secured in
their flanks and rear, by the tent-ropes and by a deep
trench which they had filled with lighted faggots, according
to the practice of the Arabs. The enemy advanced with
reluctance, and one of their chiefs deserted, with thirty
followers, to claim the partnership of inevitable death. In a
very close onset, or single combat, the despair of the
Fatimites was invincible; but the surrounding multitude
galled them from a distance with a cloud of arrows, and
the horses and men were successively slain: a truce was
allowed on both sides for the hour of prayer; and the battle
at length expired by the death of the last of the
companions of Huseyn. Alone, weary, and wounded, he
seated himself at the door of his tent. As he tasted a drop
of water he was pierced in the mouth with a dart; and his
son and nephew, two beautiful youths, were killed in his
arms. He lifted his hands to heaven; they were full of
blood, and he uttered a funeral prayer for the living and
the dead. In a transport of despair his sister issued from
the tent, and adjured the general of the Cufians that he
would not suffer Huseyn to be murdered before his eyes; a
tear trickled down his venerable beard; and the boldest of
his soldiers fell back on every side as the dying hero threw
himself among them. The remorseless Shamer, a name
detested by the Faithful, reproached their cowardice; and
the grandson of Mahomet was slain with three and thirty
strokes of lances and swords. After they had trampled on
his body, they carried his head to the castle of Kufá, and
the inhuman Obeidullah struck him on the mouth with a
cane. ‘Alas!’ exclaimed an aged Mussulman, ‘on these lips
have I seen the lips of the Prophet of God!’ In a distant
age and climate the tragic scene of the death of Huseyn
will awaken the sympathy of the coldest reader. On the
annual festival of his martyrdom, in the devout pilgrimage
to his sepulchre, his Persian votaries abandon their souls
to the religious frenzy of sorrow and indignation.”
The date of Huseyn’s death was the tenth of Muharram. The month
is one of mourning throughout the Shiah world, every man and every
woman wearing black, and Passion plays based on the tragedy of
the Tent being performed in all the chief cities and even in the more
important villages of Persia, while the day itself is made the occasion
of a yearly outburst of grief, of rage, and of fanaticism, which is as
unbridled as it is sincere. On this the Day of Cutting, processions
bearing banners draped in black pass weeping through the streets;
the Muslim Friars, or, to give them their true title, the Seyyid Rúsé
Kháns, lead the way, rending their naked breasts with knives or with
needles, and swelling the shouts of “Yá-Huseyn! Yá-Hasan!” with the
refrains of their wildest hymns. The flow of blood drives the populace
beside itself. In every thoroughfare men of the lower classes run to
join the ranks of the mourners, laying bare their right shoulders and
breasts to the weapons they carry. And soon every ward of every city
in the country echoes and re-echoes, not less to the curses
showered on the head of Omar, than to the cries in lamentation of
’Alí’s assassination, of Hasan’s murder, and of Huseyn’s martyrdom.
The universal mourning animates the collective body of the nation as
with one soul. If it is mixed with a mean hatred for a man of
unrivalled integrity and force of character, it is still, as the expression
of the nation’s love for its chosen hero, a sentiment of loyal devotion
and enduring compassion. The noise of the grief over Huseyn’s
remote death may ring discordant, unphilosophic, and almost
barbaric, in these days of the lukewarm enthusiasms and uninspiring
scepticism which sap the energies of the more cultured of mankind;
but it rings all the more moving to those who can hear and
understand. For “it is the noise of the mourning of a nation” mighty in
its grief, as Lionel Tennyson has it.
So true and so deep is this outburst of sorrow that every Englishman
who believes the Persian people to be corrupt should weigh well his
evidence before he passes a sentence so sweeping and so unjust.
The nobility of a nation is dependent, not so much on ends which
consist in “immediate material possession” of European means and
methods of transport, as “on its capability of being stirred by
memories,” on its faculty to animate an alien creed with the breath of
its own spirit, or on the courage of its conscience to remain
incorruptible in the day of persecution and death. These tests,
though they be of the spirit and as such unworthy of the
consideration of a trading nation and a commercial age, would, if
applied to Persia, raise that distressful country to the rank of the first
eminence. The power of steam, though it rules the waves and
devours distance, has its limits as a civilising influence, among
mankind. It cannot fill the hungry heart, though it may be the means
of overloading the belly; much less, if less may be, can it inspire in
the soul by its achievements the passion whereof the religious
drama of Persia is the embodiment. The incorruptibility of the
Persian’s outlook on spiritual truth has been vindicated in the blood
of countless martyrs, and out of his susceptibility to be inspired by
the heroism of the mighty dead, or, to put the proposition more
particularly, out of his unfeigned devotion to the memory of the family
of the Tent, has sprung the Shiah Passion-drama, as from the depth
of a whole Empire’s sorrow. Were it not so, the growth of the Miracle-
play, that passionate outcry of the Aryan spirit in the Persian Muslim,
would be a miracle indeed.
The truth is, the Shiah religious drama makes a most touching
appeal to the best qualities of the heart and the mind. In its pathos,
the episode of the Tent recalls the tragedy of Calvary, and the virtues
of the members of the House of Hashem might have been modelled
on those of the twelve Apostles of Christ. The sublime figure of
Huseyn stands out among them as the redeemer of his people. As
the Founder of Christianity was tempted of the devil in the wilderness
to forego His lofty mission that He might gain a worldly kingdom, so
Huseyn, in the scene on the plain of Kerbela, rejects the assistance
offered to him by the King of the Jinns on purpose to atone for the
sins of his people by death. On the Cross Christ’s heart forsook him
—once, and only once. It was when He cried: “My God, My God,
why hast Thou forsaken me?” In like manner the heroic Huseyn,
within sight of Kufá, having to baffle the attack of Yazíd and his hosts
by turning aside from the direct road leading to his city of refuge, and
seeing the exceeding anguish of his beloved sister Zainab, had felt
the sting of his own destiny: “Ye crooked conducted spheres,” he
had cried, “how long will ye tyrannise over us? How long will ye act
thus cruelly to the family of God’s Prophet?” Then, nerving himself to
the trial, he prophesied his death on the morrow, and said, with his
customary fortitude, that the sacrifice of himself and his companions
was not a cause for grief, since it would work for the salvation of his
grandfather’s people; and thenceforward his resolution to meet the
fate he had chosen for himself never swerved; not even when the
very angels of heaven sought to save his life from sheer love of a
soul so dauntless and so incorruptible.
The reward of his martyrdom is won in the last scene of all, which
represents the resurrection. The Prophet, failing to save his followers
from punishment, notwithstanding the united efforts of himself, of
’Alí, and of Hasan, throws away his rod, his cloak, and his turban, in
his disappointment. Nor is he in the least pacified until Gabriel
makes it clear to him that Huseyn, who “has suffered most,” must
lend him the assistance he requires. The compassionate heart of the
man is wrung, so that when Huseyn makes his appearance it is to
receive from his magnanimous grandsire the key of intercession.
The Prophet says to him: “Go thou, and deliver from the flames
every one who hath in his lifetime shed a single tear for thee, every
one who hath in any way helped thee, every one who hath
performed a pilgrimage to thy shrine, or mourned for thee, and every
one who hath written tragic verses to thee. Bear each and all with
thee to Paradise.” And this being done, all the sinners redeemed by
their mediator enter into heaven, crying: “God be praised! by
Huseyn’s grace we are made happy, and by his favour we are
delivered from destruction.”
One word more. Among the sinners whom Muhammad commanded
Huseyn to rescue from hell-fire, as the reader will have read,
perhaps with a smile, were those who had written tragic verses in
praise of the martyr of the Tent. His smile may, possibly, ring out in a
laugh when we inform him that the Seyyid Rúzé Kháns, the Shiah
friars, are said to have been the originators of the Passion-drama.
The foresight of the authors in thus securing for themselves an
entrance into Paradise and for their fellow-writers the yearly prayers
of the endless generations of mankind, was it not ingenuously artful?
Part II
THE STORY OF THE PILGRIMAGE
CHAPTER I
LONDON TO JIDDAH
On bidding good-bye to the mighty capital of the world I reminded
her that though her sombre stone mansions and teeming streets—
and shall I say her epic atmosphere?—have for me an unspeakable
charm, I was glad to be on my way to the city of great concourse,
towards which I had so often turned my face in prayer, and in which
the hearts of many millions of people are deeply rooted. Indeed, so
certain are the majority of finding salvation within her sacred walls
that it would be no exaggeration to declare their highest aspiration to
be to see Mecca and die. Ah, well, I for one shall pray to see London
again, for how could I ever forget the least of her gifts to me? Dear
Alma Mater, au revoir!
While I was thus meditating the train puffed out of the station, and
the shore of the English Channel was reached. The weather was
mild, the sky was clear; even the worst sailor might feel sure of
having a delightful passage, and I, praise the Powers, am a good
sailor. And so it was: we reached the neighbouring shore without the
slightest qualm, and arrived in Paris at six o’clock in the morning.
Many people were already on the move—unlike London, where
hardly anybody is seen about at that time of the day, except,
perhaps, the loitering scum that begins to rise from the excess of the
previous night’s libations. On the way from the Gare du Nord to the
Gare de Lyon I noticed signs of the festivities in connection with the
Centenary of Victor Hugo, and I could not help admiring the new
statue raised this year to commemorate the strenuous genius of that
great man. One short hour in Paris, then our train sped southward in
brilliant sunshine, which seemed to draw me nearer to that burning
Arabian land whither I was bound.
On my arrival at Marseilles I booked a berth on board the steamer
Rewa, belonging to the British India Steam Navigation Company, as
it proved to be the only one that would enable me to reach Port Said
and to proceed thence to Suez by rail in time to catch the connection
by boat to Jiddah.
I shall neither tax the reader’s patience nor trespass on my space by
relating the trivial incidents of a voyage that presented little of
interest to a travel-worn mind. It will be enough to say that the wind,
which was as fair as one could desire till we reached the Straits of
Messina, was bent afterwards on making another and an angrier
sea. The discomfort of the passengers, most of whom were Britains
bound for India, was betrayed by their seclusion from the open air.
The nearer we approached the East, the more kindly grew the
elements, until, on the seventh day, about seven o’clock in the
morning, Port Said hove in sight. An hour later I had packed my kit
and was ready for a hearty landing. Steaming slowly into the canal
we passed the pier, which was still in course of construction, saluted
the statue of de Lesseps, and raised a shout of surprise on counting
not less than five Russian warships before we had reached our
moorings. Those guardians of Russian prestige had come from
Chinese waters, had remained five days at Suez, and were now
coaling at Port Said, where they had arrived on the previous day. Not
one single British man-of-war was to be seen. I had my breakfast at
eight, after which I bade farewell to the captain and my travelling
companions, going ashore in one of the boats that surrounded our
steamer.
Two trains start from Port Said to Suez every day, one in the
forenoon and one in the evening. The line as far as Ismailia is a
narrow tramway having a gauge of 2ft. 8in.; the cars are
consequently both narrow and uncomfortable, and take about three
hours to do the journey. On my bidding good-bye to the dragoman I
had engaged, he assured me that he was far too devout a Muslim to
fleece so pious a pilgrim as myself, and he would not accept a
centime more than five francs for the boat, the carriage, and his
special services. It was from him that I first heard of the outbreak of
cholera in Arabia—a report that was unfortunately confirmed at
Suez, whither I journeyed in the discomfort of a dust-storm and a hot
easterly wind. We arrived at Ismailia at one o’clock, or thereabouts,
having left Port Said at a quarter to ten o’clock. This place, when the
canal was being cut, was the headquarters of the workmen; but now
it has sunk in importance, many of the buildings having actually
fallen in ruins. Some of the managers of the company, however, are
still living there, and the best houses in the town are at their disposal.
Employment is provided on the canal for some hundred and twenty
pilots, most of whom are Greeks and Frenchmen, though a few
Englishmen have been recently added to the staff. The railway from
Cairo to Suez, which belongs to the Egyptian Government, passes
through Ismailia and picks up the passengers for Suez who have
travelled so far by the Canal Company’s toy line. Henceforward the
journey was made in comfort, for the line, though a single one, is a
standard British gauge and the train provided with an excellent
waggon-restaurant. Nearly all the passengers on board were Arabs
and low-class Europeans in the third-class compartments. We
stopped at three stations on the way, and every time it happened we
were greeted by a weird chorus of Arab song, of which the burden
was the “Wondrous names of God and the virtues of His Prophet.” I
was somewhat amused to hear the words, “Not I, by God!” in reply to
my inquiry as to whether or not a certain Arab would be good enough
to fetch a bottle of soda water for me. For I, being unused to the
climate, had suffered tortures from thirst in the scorching heat and
driving dust-clouds, the intervals between the stages being
extremely long and tedious—in fact, it took the train seven hours and
a quarter to cover the hundred miles that separate Port Said from
Suez. Nor was the prospect of a sort to slake the thirst of the weary
pilgrim. All along the line hugs the right bank of the canal, and
nothing is to be seen except the soft white sand of the glowing
desert, unless it be an occasional patch of green grass or a cluster of
date trees, irrigated by the fresh-water canal newly cut in order to
conduct the much-needed water from a spot near Cairo to Port Said
and Suez, the latter a place which stands in sore want of the
cleansing and refreshing element.
A PILGRIM “AT SEA”—SUEZ RAILWAY STATION.
A GROUP OF MIXED PILGRIMS.

On my arrival at the station a dragoman, one of the plagues of


Egypt, joined himself to my suite, informing me with glib mendacity
that he carried both Arabia and the Land of the Pyramids in his
pocket, whereas, as a matter of fact, he had not once left his native
town. However, as I could not shake the fellow off, I made the best of
a bad bargain by taking him out shopping with me. First, I bought a
deep crimson fez with a long black silk tassel and a straw lining.
Though it looked both cool and fanciful, and was therefore pleasing
to my Oriental eye, I am not certain that a turban would not have
been more in keeping with the complete Arab suit which I
subsequently purchased. This consisted of a thin linen shirt, a pair of
trousers, and two long and graceful robes. The shirt was worn as
long as a night-shirt, it had no collar, and the roomy sleeves were left
open at the wrists. The trousers were more interesting, and of a
curious shape and an odd material, being made of thin white calico,
and so cut that whereas an elephant’s thigh could scarcely fill the
ample width of the uppermost part, one had the greatest difficulty in
slipping the feet through the lower ends which clung tightly round the
ankles. As for the two robes, which were long enough to cover the
nether garments, the inner one was made of the finest silk, striped in
successive colours of red, yellow, and green, and was left entirely
open in front, but the left breast overlapped the right, to which it was
buttoned from the armpits downwards. The outer habit of a blueish
colour served as a cloak to the inner one, was made of the same
material, and cut in precisely the same way. No socks were worn,
and the shoes were not unlike ordinary slippers, with this exception,
that they were turned up at the toes.
On donning this picturesque attire I returned to the Hôtel d’Orient by
way of the narrow and filthy bazaars, where my attention was
attracted by a band of dancers who were drawing together a crowd
of sightseers of every nationality. While one man was cutting his
capers in the skin of a Polar bear, a second, tambourine in hand,
powdered his face to imitate a European, while a third, got up in
guise of a Negro, played with a lively monkey in chains, and three
dancing girls with huge artificial moles on their faces completed the
company. All these, including the monkey, pranced up and down to
the tune vociferated by the women and accompanied on the
tambourine by the man with the white face, repeating at intervals the
shrill cry of “Hullá-hee-há-há.”
As I sat within the courtyard of the Hotel, listening to the voice of the
Greek prima donna who sang nightly to the assembled guests, I
could not refrain from smiling within myself at the transformation in
my appearance and demeanour which recalled to my memory a line
of Obaid Zakani’s satire of “The Mouse and the Cat,” which runs: “Be
of good cheer, comrades, the cat has become pious.” These glad
tidings were spread abroad by a little mouse that, having hidden
itself under the altar of a mosque at Kirmán, overheard the cat
reading aloud the passage of repentance, meekly kneeling on its
knees. Unfortunately the cat, the symbol of vicious cunning, broke its
vows a little time after, and I wondered how far and how long I
should succeed in keeping mine.
Next morning I came across a blind Arabian priest patiently waiting
on the landing-stage for the departure of the steamer, and in the
evening he was still in the self-same spot, kneeling on his prayer-rug
and singing aloud the verses of the Kurán in a deep original Arab
melody, rosary in hand. His young son was kneeling by his side,
listening with downcast eyes to the never-ceasing chants of his
father, who knew by heart every word of the sacred book, to say
nothing of the saddening elegies of the Arabian traditionists. Like
most of the singers of the East, who pour out their rhapsodies all day
long in an ever-flowing torrent of melody, he was extremely
monotonous, and so I sought to stem the current of his song by
entering into conversation with him. On hearing from me that he
would be obliged to descend into the hell of the Turkish quarantine
and to remain there five days before he could hope to ascend into
the pilgrim’s paradise of Mecca, a look of keen distress swept like a
cloud over his enraptured countenance. Rising slowly to his feet, he
raised his sightless eyes, saying: “God, if it please Him, will provide
me with a swift means of transport to His city. We shall meet again.”
So confident was his tone that my own misgivings yielded to the
hope that I should yet overcome the difficulty of the quarantine. And
soon after I was informed that all the first-class passengers on board
the last pilgrim boat would be allowed to proceed to their destination
without let or hindrance, but the unfortunate deck passengers would
have to conform to the regulations. Never was the privilege of wealth
and the curse of poverty brought home to the hearts of the weary in
a more convincing fashion. The next best thing to being wealthy, I
told myself, is to have the prerogatives of wealth thrust upon one.
Having had my passport viséd, I booked a berth and went on board
the Khedivieh steamer, which completed the distance between Suez
and Jiddah—some six hundred and forty-five nautical miles—in
about eighty hours. At ordinary times these steamers are simply
employed on the mail service, one of them leaving Suez for Jiddah
every week—generally on Thursday—and another leaving Jiddah for
Suez on the same day. Though they practically belong to a British
syndicate, they go under the name of Khedivieh steamers. The
captain and the chief officers are English, whereas the crew are
Egyptians and Lascars. During the pilgrimage steamers run
frequently between the two ports, and in the year 1902 not less than
two hundred thousand pilgrims, I was told, had landed at Jiddah, the
majority of whom embarked at Suez. Among these numbers must be
reckoned the eighty thousand Russian subjects from the Caucasus
and Central Asia, who, for the first time since they came under the
Russian rule, had been granted the privilege of undertaking the
ancient pilgrimage. Rumour credited them with being the main cause
of the cholera that year. If only the half of what I heard about them
were true their pollution would still beggar description.
The cruise in the Red Sea is not so interesting as that in the
Mediterranean. Save an occasional ragged rock rising from the
yellow waters, or a flight of white birds over the steamer, nothing was
to be seen from hour to hour.
PREPARING TO EMBARK AT SUEZ.
When we sighted the port of Jiddah, which I shall describe by-and-
by, we were told to put on our ihrám, or sacred habit, before entering
the holy territory on our way to Mecca. As a preliminary, I at once
removed my Arabian costume, washed my hands, up to the elbow,
and my feet, up to the knees; I afterwards shaved the upper lip,
leaving the fresh-grown, unsightly beard to its own fate. Then, having
performed the prescribed ablution of the head, I closed my eyes and
expressed, with the tongue of my heart, the earnest desire to cast off
the garb of unrighteousness and pride and to put on the winding-
sheet of humility and of passive obedience to God’s will. Last of all,
that I might be worthy to visit His house, I prostrated myself on the
prayer-rug and said aloud the following formula of devotion: “O
Almighty God, Thou art without a mate; I praise Thy sovereign grace
with all my heart; Thou art pure and everlasting;” then I repeated
three times: “O Lord, Thou art without a mate,” adding, “I praise, O
Lord, Thy apostle Muhammad and his disciples and his family; in like
manner, I also praise our father Abraham and his house.” The next
thing I said was: “Send down upon me, O Lord, the healthful spirit of
Thy satisfaction; open unto me, I beseech Thee, the gates of
Paradise, and shelter me from the fire of Hell.” And this petition I also
repeated three times. I was then ready to don the sacred habit.
Now, my ihrám, which I had bought at Suez, consisted of two thin
woollen wrappers and a pair of sandals. One wrapper was tied about
the middle and allowed to fall all round to the ankles, while the other
was thrown over the shoulders, leaving my head and the forearms
bare. Both wrappers were spotlessly white, and had neither seam
nor hem. The sandal was a kind of shoe, consisting of a sole
fastened to the foot by means of a tie which passed between the
large toe and the first toe of the foot; it left uncovered both the instep
and the heel. This sacred habit was worn by all pilgrims during the
four days preceding the Hájj Day. While they have it on they must
neither hunt nor fowl, though they are allowed to fish—a doubtful
privilege in a dry land. This precept, according to Ahmad Ebn Yûsuf,
is so strictly observed that nothing will induce pilgrims to kill so much
as a flea. We are told by Al Beidáwí, however, that there are some
noxious animals that they have permission to kill during the
pilgrimage, such animals, for instance, as kites, ravens, scorpions,
mice, and dogs given to bite. Pilgrims must keep a constant watch
over their words and their actions so long as they wear the sacred
habit. Not a single abusive word must be uttered; all obscene
discourse and all converse with women must be avoided; and not a
single woman’s face must be seen, save that of a wife, a sister, or a
cousin-german, i.e., a sister’s or a brother’s daughter. The men, as I
have said, must now doff their sewn clothes and must keep both
their faces and their heads uncovered; but the woman must be, as it
were, hermetically sealed in their stitched cloaks and veils. The only
part of their bodies that they have the right to expose, if they like, is
the palms of their hands. For the rest, they must not travel alone, but
must be accompanied by a man who may lawfully see them
unveiled.
Poor pilgrims! They suffered from right and left. First came the blood-
suckers’ passport picnic. Here the pilgrim was plagued to death with
questions that the most cursory perusal of his safe-conduct had
rendered unnecessary. “Where do you come from? When did you
leave? How did you get here? What are your intentions? Why this?
How that? When the other?” The poorer pilgrims complained that
they were positively fleeced on the most frivolous pretexts. “Your
passport is not properly written; you must pay forty-eight piastres,”
and so on.
Then the customs’ authorities emerged. “Will you walk into my
parlour?” these mosquitoes said to the pilgrims. To the imaginative
mind the buzzing which filled the room spelt the word bakhshísh.
Woe betide the pilgrim who did not so interpret the sound! All these
officials, as a Persian would say, had arms longer than their legs—in
other words, they reached out an itching palm to every pilgrim, and,
casting an appealing smile on him, seemed as though they would
ask him to tickle it with the counter-irritant of a “tip.” They opened my
kit-bags and turned everything topsy-turvy before I had time to bridle
their official zeal in the customary way. Among the contents were an
English newspaper and a novel, and these were promptly
confiscated for no other reason than that I had read them both. I
cannot say that I made them a present of my purse by way of
pouring coals of fire on their heads. It was otherwise in my case. I
tied my purse-strings a little tighter, and responded to their
bakhshísh-coveting smiles with a smile equally bakhshísh-coveting.
It is wise, when you know the ropes, to husband your resources till
you reach the interior, for there your comfort in travelling will depend
on your having a purse well lined. By following this rule, I was not so
ill-prepared as I might otherwise have been to meet the claims on my
charity of the professional beggars who waylaid my every step in the
quaint old city of Jiddah.
Such a scene! Crowds of Arabs were lying on the filthy ground,
which, despite the heat, seemed strangely damp. Some were
praying, some were snoring, others were smoking, many were
wrestling in the mud, but by far the greater number of them merely
dreamed away the passing hours, too idle even to open their eyes.
You might stay from sunrise to sunset by the side of the more
meditative among them without their showing the least signs of life.
How differently constituted are these loafers from the free-born
Arabs of the desert! The women held themselves somewhat aloof
from the men, and sat smoking their pipes, or chatting like magpies,
in groups of three or four. The sight of a new face seemed to have
lost its attraction for them, or perhaps they had grown weary of
criticising the gait and the appearance of the incoming pilgrims.
Having now seen a good many of them, however, as it were by
stealth, I think I may say with confidence that among the Arabs of
Hejaz the men are far better-looking than the women. This is mostly
the women’s own fault, for they ruin the beauty of their faces by
tattooing their chins. Were it not for this unsightly custom, peculiar to
the Arabs, the womenfolk, though corpulent, might be regarded as
comely. The men, on the other hand, are fairly handsome, being tall
and lean, and having high-bridged noses, flashing black eyes, and
lofty foreheads. I am speaking more especially of the wild Arabs of
the desert and not of the townsmen, whose faces, however
handsome they may be, are too often marred by an expression of
cupidity and cunning.
Jiddah, though dirty, is a very picturesque city. It has narrow
serpentine streets which are rarely more than seven or eight feet
wide, and is surrounded by five turreted walls of great antiquity rising
to a height of twelve feet or so. Of these walls the northern measures
in length about seven hundred and thirty-one yards, the southern
seven hundred and sixty-nine, the eastern five hundred and eighty-
five, the western six hundred and twenty-four, and the south-eastern
some three hundred and seventy-nine. There are about three
thousand houses in the city, most of which are built of limestone and
shut out from the street by walls which sometimes conceal the roofs
of the houses within. Here and there a small window in the
surrounding walls affords ventilation to the house. It is only a few
years since a big well was dug at a place called Bashtar, some two
miles distant from the city, the water of which is conducted by means
of underground passages. This well bears the name of the reigning
Sultan of Turkey. Pure drinking water being scarce, sakkás or water-
carriers are seen about the streets carrying the precious liquid on
their backs in big leathern bags. Of recent years several mosques
and caravanserais and one steam mill have been erected outside
the city walls. The governor’s residence, together with the post-office
and almost all of the more modern buildings, lies outside the walls,
facing the Red Sea. The shops, raised not more than a foot above
the ground, are about two yards and a half in width and some three
yards deep in the interior. Butchers, grocers, fruiterers, and linen
drapers are crowded together much as they are in an English street.
The babble within the bazaar is beyond description. Your first
conjecture is that a free fight is about to begin between the
tradesman and his customer; but, on making ready to intervene in
the cause of peace, you find to your pleasure or your chagrin that the
vociferous couple shake hands, first by touching the right hand and
then by raising both hands to the right eye, after which the
shopkeeper makes tender inquiries as to his customer’s health, and
then the bargaining begins. It took me over an hour to buy a few
yards of cloth. The ancient draper was too lazy to reach out for the
stuff himself, so he ordered his boy to bestir himself in my interests.
The cloth being handed to him, the draper fingered it caressingly,
saying: “The cloth is soft to the touch, its splendour dazzles the eyes!
Such an exquisite material has not been seen in this market for
years!” The cloth was to my liking, and so I made haste to ask the
price of it. The draper shook his head reprovingly. Then he said:
“Hurry and haste belong to Satan: I usually sell this cloth at thirty
piastres a yard to my customers, but to you I will sell it for twenty-
five, because you have found favour in my sight.” I made him a
counter-bid of five piastres a yard in order to cut the barter short.
Whereupon the draper, nodding in admiration of my guile, gazed
around him for close on five minutes. When he opened his mouth at
last it was to say in his most winning voice: “My good sir, since you
are looking so well, so handsome, and so distinguished, I will part
with this priceless material at the trifling cost to yourself of fifteen
piastres a yard.” “Not so,” I replied. “Since you are a bright old man I
will increase my favour in your sight by adding a piastre to my last
bid; in other words, I now offer you six piastres a yard.” The draper
raised his hand to Heaven. “That is impossible! I ask pardon of God.”
I now turned on my heel and walked away. He called me back at
once. “Sir,” he said, “I would not have you leave me in displeasure.
Give whatever you like, the cloth is yours. I am your sacrifice.” I
retraced my steps. “Nonsense,” I returned; “how is it possible for me
to give what I like for the stuff, since you are the tradesman and
know its proper value?” The old man smiled, and said, “Honoured sir,
the lowest price I can possibly accept for this material is ten piastres
a yard.” It was now my turn to smile. “Sir,” I replied, “I have no wish
to offend you by leaving your shop, and so I will buy the cloth from
you for seven piastres a yard instead of going to your rival yonder,
who has offered to sell me some at six and a half piastres.”
The draper then handed me a stool, and said, smiling, “You are not
easy to deal with. Come, sit down, and smoke this hukah, and we
shall not part in anger.” So I sat down in front of the shop, and while I
sucked meditatively at the pipe he handed to me, the stuff was
measured, cut, and folded, the tacit understanding between us being
that we would meet half-way, namely at eight piastres and a half. By
the time I had finished my smoke the material was ready for me, and
so I lost no time in returning to the hotel.
The harvest season of the shopkeepers is during the journeying
months. Their most striking characteristic in the eyes of a Persian
pilgrim is that they all wear white beards. The reason of this probably
is that young shopkeepers would stand not a ghost of a chance of
competing successfully with their elderly rivals. Moreover, all
greybeards in the Muhammadan religion are entitled to receive
special veneration from the young. Another reason is that nearly all
the young men are employed by the pilgrims as guides, as servants,
and as drivers.

PILGRIMS EMBARKING AT SUEZ.

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