Redefining Love $0.

00
0

Change the way you love. Change your life. Change the world.

What is Redefining Love The Three Pillars Workshops

Events Learning Blog Shop About Contact

How does individual trauma impact the workplace?

Leave a Comment / Accountability, Boundaries, Grace / By Sara Wald / June 7,
2023

We typically think about trauma as primarily impacting our personal lives.

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your pref
But visits.
repeat we don’t leave our
By clicking troubles
“Accept at the
All”, you doortowhen
consent weofgoALL
the use to the
work. So how
cookies. is
However, you may v
Settings" to provide a controlled consent.
trauma impacting our professional lives?

This week, I explore the question of trauma’s impact on the workplace, and
explain why mental healthcare should be a priority to corporate America.
:
 The brain seeks connection, meaning,
and cause/e!ect.
The human brain is very much like a computer. It does what we tell it to do.
Once we’ve given it instructions, it follows them, even if those instructions
aren’t in our best interest.

What this means is, once we’ve singled out something as good or bad, the
brain records that and moves us towards or away from things based on its
programming. We are designed for connection with experiences and other
human beings. As such, our brains will seek out connections with people
and things we identify as worthy.

The word “worthy” is tricky, though!

The word “worthy” is defined di"erently by our conscious and subconscious
brain. Our conscious brain – the knowing brain that we are aware of inside
our head (also known as the ego) – defines worthy as all things good or
having value (worth).

However, our subconscious brain places value (worth) on wherever we

focus conscious attention.
:
 Our childhood experiences have an
enormous impact on what we deem
“worthy.”
If you grow up in a home that values wealth, you will subconsciously be
attracted to wealth and wealthy people as an adult. The same applies to
those who grow up in poverty.

What you live as a child is what your brain is programmed to connect with
as an adult.

Thus, if you have a subconscious connection to unhealthy personalities and

experiences, these are going to continue to show up in your life – including
your professional life – until action is taken to change the instructions in
your subconscious.

What is trauma?
There are countless definitions of trauma floating around out there.
Everyone from The American Psychological Association to the Substance
Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, and everyone in
between, have their own definitions of trauma.

Within the Redefining Love Framework, trauma is both the cause and the
e!ect. What I mean by this is, trauma is both the horrifying experience, as
well as the brain’s response to that experience.

So, If I were to ask you “What is your trauma?” You could answer: “I was in a
terrible car accident.” And you could also answer: “I can’t sleep at night
because of the nightmares caused by my car accident.”
:
 In Redefining Love, I use a term I call
"trauma brain."
This refers to the brain’s response to adverse experiences that creates a
lack or corruption of basic human needs or instincts. Studies show that
when we experience a traumatic event, our brain is literally rewired. The
way your brain processes information after the trauma is di"erent than it
was before the trauma.

In my work, the emphasis is less on the event or experience, and more on

the brain’s response to the event or experience. It is useful to know what
the traumatic experience is only insofar as it relates to how the brain has
processed and stored it. It is only when we understand how our brain has
responded to the experience that we are able to begin the healing process.

Same event, di!erent response

Have you ever wondered why two people can experience the same event,
and one has a trauma response and the other does not? This occurs
because although they had the same experience, they don’t have the same
brain. Each individual is unique, and therefore responds di"erently.

The reason trauma is so deeply damaging is because it denies us our basic

human needs, or corrupts our brain’s natural instincts. When this happens,
our brain gets muddled, similar to how a robot would blink out if you went
inside and starting moving wires around. Trauma prohibits our brain from
functioning as our system was designed to function.
:
 Every type of trauma relates to a lack or
corruption of one of the following basic
needs:
Nourishment (food and water)
Physical safety (avoid pain and stay alive)
Clothing to protect us from the elements
Shelter
Personal autonomy (free will)
Sexuality (instinctual procreation and human connection)
Community membership
Spirituality (connection with the energy of the universe)

When any of these basic needs or instincts are withheld or corrupted, our
brain no longer functions as it was designed.
:
 It’s all relative.
It’s important to note that what constitutes trauma is relative, and di"erent
for everyone. The same experience hits each person di"erently. Something
that sticks with one person might not phase someone else. This is based on
each individual’s unique inborn temperament and experiences. Just like a
fingerprint, no two brains are alike. Therefore, no two people will respond
to the same stimuli exactly the same way.

This explains why siblings who grow up in the same house might have
entirely di"erent sentiments about their childhood experiences, or why one
person walks away from a car accident unscathed, while another – though
physically uninjured – is plagued by nightmares.

This is why trauma is so di#cult to define. It’s literally di"erent for

everyone! This explains why it’s important not to compare ourselves to
others. Just because you haven’t experienced one of the big traumas
(sometimes called Big ‘T’ trauma) doesn’t mean you aren’t su"ering the
e"ects of your negative experiences.

Some of the so-called Little ‘t’ traumas can be just as debilitating. So it’s
dangerous to think, “I don’t have it as bad as so-and-so, so I’d better just
quit my whining.” Instead, it’s best to get curious about any negative
experience that feels stuck in your subconscious. If you’re still thinking
about it, it’s probably holding you back from living life to the fullest.
:
 How this shows up in our work life.
You’ve likely heard the old adage that you should never assume you
understand what someone else is going through based on outward
appearances. Most of us learn how to bury our negative past experiences
in order to function in our day-to-day life. But just because we’ve buried it
doesn’t mean it’s not there.

It is safe to assume that every single person that you interact with, both
professionally and personally, have some measure of trauma that they are
trying to balance as they move through life. Regardless of whether it was a
Big ‘T’ or Little ‘t,’ we’ve all experienced pain, and the vast majority of us
were not taught how to properly process it through and out. In short, we’re
all stuck to one degree or another.

Here's an example:
Let’s say you have a colleague named Joe. He’s a tough dude, quiet,
straightforward, hard working. Joe is really, really good at his job. Joe is also
a perfectionist. He holds others to the same high standards that he holds
himself. This makes him unpleasant to work with sometimes.

Joe’s grouchy temperament is o"-putting to everyone in the o#ce, but for

the receptionist Lucy it’s debilitating. She’s got a soft heart, and she really,
really wants to do a good job. Usually she does, but like all of us, sometimes
she makes mistakes. And when that happens, she’s in tears before Joe even
reaches her desk. In fact, she has been losing sleep at night worrying over
Joe’s next reprimand, even when she’s done nothing wrong!

This is a pretty typical o#ce dynamics scenario. Historically, how has this
been handled? typically, the rest of the sta" reacts in one of three ways:
:
 There’s the people who don’t seem to even notice. That’s between Joe and
Lucy, and they’ve got their own stu" to worry about. But even if they aren’t
inserting themselves into the middle of the situation, they still stop to
watch the show.

There’s the caretaker. This is the person who rushes to Lucy with a box of
tissues and an angry scowl every time Joe goes o" on one of his rants.
These folks vent to their spouse every evening at dinner about that darn
Joe. His bad energy is a"ecting everyone in the o#ce!

And there’s the tough cookies who think Lucy is just a drama queen, and
Joe’s not that bad.

In short, there’s drama. And what does drama do? Destroys productivity. If
people are stewing over the Joe and Lucy situation, they aren’t working. If
they aren’t working, that’s dollars going down the drain for the company.
:
 What we don’t know about Joe and
Lucy…
What we don’t realize is that Joe grew up with a very strict and demanding
father. He was expected to do everything perfectly the first time. If he asked
questions, he was called stupid. Joe graduated top of his class, went to
college on a sports scholarship, married his college sweetheart, had two
beautiful children, and has a successful career.

And yet, his dad still only speaks to him if he has something negative to say.
Joe cannot remember his dad ever being proud of him, or even saying “I
love you.” It may seem like Joe has it all, and he’s just a giant jerk. But
underneath that gru" exterior is a lonely little boy desperate to please an
unloving parent, severely damaging his sense of community membership,
which is one of the eight basic needs.

And Lucy! Poor Lucy is in an abusive marriage. She goes home every night
exhausted from a full-time job, receives no help from her husband with the
kids, and hides in the bathroom just to escape the constant barrage of
criticism from her husband, who is drunk (again!).

Lucy is accustomed to tiptoeing through her house, trying to make

everything just right, knowing that her husband is just looking for an excuse
to blow up. She feels helpless, lonely, and inadequate. She goes to work
with tears already brimming in her eyes. When Joe yells at her, it pushes
her straight over the edge.

Lucy’s abusive marriage robs her of her physical safety, personal autonomy,
and community membership, three basic needs that, when denied, create a
trauma-response in the brain.
:
 Trauma Drama is expensive
Now that you know Joe and Lucy’s backstory, it probably makes more sense
why they act the way they do at work. Consider how much drama the
trauma of these two individuals generates in the o#ce. A lot, right? Now
multiply that by the amount of people on the planet, roughly 7.9 billion.
Now that’s a lot of drama. Or, as I like to call it, Trauma Drama.

The mission of Redefining Love is to heal our culture by healing our trauma,
one individual at a time. It’s overwhelming to solve all of the world’s
problems. But if enough of us worked on solving our own trauma, and
supported those closest to us to resolve their trauma, we’d begin to see a
dramatic cultural shift.

When employers commit to supporting their employees with mental

healthcare, they are not only resolving their own systemic issues within the
company (saving them countless dollars on diminished productivity and
paid leave), but they are doing their part to resolve systemic issues
worldwide.
:
 Want to learn more about how trauma
a!ects the brain?
Check out my 90-minute online course that provides practical, relatable,
science-based information that you can begin applying to your life right
now. The course includes optional printed workbooks with each module,
and modules can be paused at any time, so you can take the course at your
own pace. Each 15-20 minute module contains powerful information in
short, manageable segments.

How Trauma Affects the Brain

Related Links:
What is Redefining Love?
Boundaries
Accountability
Grace
Naming, blaming, and the uncluttered subconscious
Emotions are the brain’s dashboard

← Previous Post Next Post →

Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
:
 Type here..

Name* Email* Website

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I
comment.

Post Comment »

User Agreement |
Privacy Policy
Copyright © 2024 Redefining Love | Site by Content Empowered
: