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The evolution of a life

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 It isn’t often that I have writer’s block. I was blessed and cursed with a
whole lot to say (at least when I’m writing). But for two days this week I sat
at my keyboard and drew a blogging blank.

It isn’t that I didn’t have any words. It’s that I had too many. You see, I’m
trying desperately to finish the Redefining Love book, so I can finally get it
out into the world. I thought I could distract myself for just a thousand
words or so to do my weekly blogging, but I guess my mind wants to stay
there in that book writing space.

Finally, as this second day of the week wound down with no blog to show
for it, I decided I needed to do some recycling. For over eight years I wrote a
weekly column in a couple of small town Montana newspapers. I don’t like
to republish old work in the Redefining Love community, but this
afternoon, I pulled up that old archive in search of something to inspire our
discussion.

And so, without further ado, please enjoy these musings of a younger
version of myself…

The evolution of a life

This post was first published in the Lewistown (Mont.) News-Argus and the Sidney (Mont.)

Herald on January 23, 2016.

If I could do an audit of my brain, I’m willing to bet the single most

predominant thought over the entirety of my life has been about change. I
have been obsessed with change for as long as I can remember. I have
vacillated between being terrified that things will change and zealously
hoping for a change that isn’t coming fast enough.

When I was a child and young adult, I mostly feared change. Often I would
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 stick with something counterproductive long after I knew things needed to
change, simply to avoid the discomfort. Change is always associated with
risk, and I have never been much of a risk taker.

On the rare occasion that I looked forward to a change, such as graduating

or getting married or getting a new job or having a child, I became so
obsessed with how great life would be after the change came that I didn’t
enjoy where I was in the moment. I elevated the change to such unrealistic
heights that when it actually happened, there was no way it was ever going
to be as great as I’d imagined.

I was setting myself up for failure and disappointment.

I convinced myself that the change would be all things wonderful and
rosy. To admit even a single struggle associated with the change was to
become terrified of it.

I had zero understanding of the need for balance. I believed that everything
was either all bad or all good. There was no middle ground. And so I lived
with a continual sense of dissatisfaction.

When things were staying the same, I was constantly daydreaming about
how they’d be if only they would change. When things were changing, I was
equal parts terrified and disappointed – terrified because I didn’t know
what was going to happen, and disappointed because things weren’t going
exactly as I’d imagined they would.

By now I have experienced enough change to realize that even when it’s
uncomfortable it’s probably for my own good. It’s cliché, but it’s absolutely
true that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger (and bolder, more
courageous, more compassionate, more empowered, more whole).

What I still struggle with is being in the moment.

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 My life is in the most stable, content place it’s ever been. And yet, I find
myself continually waiting for something new and exciting to happen. I’m
sitting in the front row, watching my own life race by, waiting for the
previews to be over to get to the main event, the Big Show.

What I still struggle to accept is that what’s happening right now is actually
It. The here and now is all there is. Evolution is defined as “the gradual
development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex
form.”

I need to accept that life is always changing. During the static times, my
world is changing in minute ways that are undetectable to the human
heart. These tiny changes are slowly accumulating, and eventually they will
overflow. When that happens, a big change will come with it.

The tiny changes aren’t to be discounted, and the big changes aren’t to be
feared. They are all a necessary part of the evolution of a life.

Learn more...
To learn more about the Redefining Love Way, I encourage you to browse
the site. Have questions? Feel free to email me at sara@sarabethwald.com,
or schedule a free discovery call.

For more information on how to join the Redefining Love Community,

please visit redefine-love.com/coaching.
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