Redefining Love $0.

00
0

Change the way you love. Change your life. Change the world.

What is Redefining Love The Three Pillars Workshops

Events Learning Blog Shop About Contact

Grace is the guidepost

Leave a Comment / Accountability, Boundaries, Forgiveness, Grace / By Sara Wald
/ April 24, 2022

I’ve had grace on my mind a lot lately. It’s a thread that runs through all the
other work we do here in the Redefining Love Community.
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your pref
repeat visits. By clicking “Accept All”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may v
Over the
Settings" past few
to provide months, we’ve
a controlled talked about forgiveness, talking to our
consent.
wounded selves, adult friendship, perfectionism, and so many other things.
And woven through all of that is the phrase, “give yourself grace,” or “give
others grace,” grace, grace, grace, grace, grace…
:
 But what does grace really mean?
The word has always confused me a little. Growing up, the only place I ever
heard it was in church, and the only answer I ever received when I asked
about it was “God loves us no matter what.”

And I was like, “Okay… but why?”

And the grown-ups would say, “Because of His Grace.” And I’d suddenly feel
like I was front and center in an Abbott and Costello sketch.
:
 I went out into the world just as confused
as ever.
Then, about 10 years ago grace became a secular buzz word. And I was like,
“Wait a minute… I thought grace had something to do with God…?”

Suddenly it was everywhere – grace on co!ee mugs, grace on t-shirts,

grace, grace, grace, grace, grace…

So I decided it was time to get down to the bottom of this whole grace
thing, once and for all. In typical Sara fashion, I went straight to the
dictionary. None of the dictionary definitions of the word explained why an
atheist bougie millennial was wearing a black t-shirt adorned with the word
GRACE in white block letters across the front, tucked smartly into her high-
rise jeans.

So, also in typical Sara fashion, I set out to create my own definition of
grace. It took several years, but eventually, it clicked.

Grace is minding your own business. Grace is letting people be who they
are. Grace is forgiving yourself and others for being human.

Did that bougie millennial have any idea what the word on her shirt meant?
Maybe, maybe not. But it doesn’t matter, because I have enough grace to
understand that her shirt is not my problem. Grace, grace, grace, grace,
grace, grace…
:
 What grace is
Grace is the ability to look at someone’s shortcomings with compassion and
empathy.

Grace is the willingness to accept that we all grow at our own pace.

Grace is the love we hold for everyone, despite our di!erences.

Grace is the peace we find when we allow others their own path.

Grace is the self-respect we feel in spite of our own flaws.

What grace is not

Grace is not a free jerk pass. That is where boundaries and accountability
for others comes in.

Grace is not a get out of jail free card. That is where boundaries and
accountability for ourselves comes in.

Just because you love yourself doesn’t mean you are exempt from the
consequences of your own actions.

And just because you love others doesn’t mean they get to treat you like a
punching bag or yesterday’s day-old bagels.
:
 Grace isn’t a once-and-done kind of
situation.
It’s an ongoing journey. It’s a daily practice in patience, a willingness to ask
big questions, and accept hard answers. It’s sitting in discomfort until you
figure out how to play nice with others.

The need for grace changes as new relationships are formed, and old
relationships evolve. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, you
realize – ha, ha! – you actually don’t.

As for me and my life?

Every day is a new adventure, an opportunity to grow in grace both towards
ourselves, and others. And because I believe that we can only truly heal
when we allow light to shine on our hurts, I’ll share my current opportunities
to grow in grace with you.
:
 Grace towards others:
Marriage is hard. If you’ve never had a season of your marriage where you
wondered whether you should throw in the towel, you are one of the lucky
ones. This isn’t an observation about culture or a lack of family values. This
is a dose of realism.

You think your grandparents and great grandparents didn’t go through

days, weeks, months, years even where they wished they’d never laid eyes
on their spouse? Just because we no longer live in a culture that mandates
we spend our lives in misery doesn’t mean our predecessors lived in a
perpetual state of marital bliss.

It’s been a tough season for my marriage. There is therapy involved, both
together and separately. If ever there was a time I needed to pile grace on
top of grace on top of more grace, it is now. There’s no hidden story here,
no deep secrets being revealed. No monumental betrayal. It’s simply a
di!erence in worldview, in a culture that makes you believe di!erences in
worldview cannot be overcome. And yet, at least thus far, we have
prevailed.
:
 Grace towards myself:
When my dad died in March, I barely cried. Instead, in typical Sara fashion, I
got about the business of wrapping up his a!airs. I planned and performed
a memorial service. And some people thought maybe I should be a little
more sad. And when they wondered that, I wondered if maybe they were
right.

Then I took a deep breath, and settled into a place of grace for myself. I
don’t have to grieve in the way others believe I should grieve. I get to grieve
however I want. And getting things done and checking boxes makes me feel
centered and secure. So that’s what I did. To hell with everyone else’s
opinions on the subject. I gave myself grace for my own journey. As Frankie
says, “I did it my way.”
:
 Grace is the foundation for our
boundaries.
Without grace, boundaries become weapons of control, and accountability
becomes self-righteousness.

Grace allows each of us to be exactly where we are at, and to respect

others where they are at, even if we don’t like it very much.

Grace allows us to allow others their own journey, and to honor our own,
without judgement or condemnation.

Grace allows us to love others from whatever distance feels safe, so our
wounds can heal.

Grace is the guidepost against which we harness the gate we can

choose to hold open, or respectfully close depending on how others fit
into our voyage through life.

Grace is forgiving ourselves our own trespasses, and forgiving those who
have trespassed against us.

Grace is the window that we look through when we Redefine Love that
makes boundaries and accountability possible.
:
 Join the conversation!
You can learn more about Grace the Redefining Love Way in the online
library HERE.

If you’d like to join the Redefining Love Community and get access to the
entire online library, as well as the Redefining Love Community Facebook
group, you can join HERE:

Join the Rede+ning Love Community

Related Links
What is Redefining Love?
Boundaries
Accountability
Grace
Forgiveness
Talking with our Wounded Self

← Previous Post Next Post →

Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
:
 Type here..

Name* Email* Website

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I
comment.

Post Comment »

User Agreement |
Privacy Policy
Copyright © 2024 Redefining Love | Site by Content Empowered
: