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Do you often question, “Why do I feel guilty all the time?” Feeling guilty is a common issue we
support our clients with. It seems “feeling bad” about something can be the result that How to Navigate a Breakup

comes up in any aspect of our lives and can often drive a person to feeling shameful, Why Do I Feel Guilty all the
depressed and/or anxious. From experiences such as worrying about our work Time?
performance, setting boundaries with friends or family, or trying to ask for what we need in
Why Does My Partner Need
a relationship, guilt has an interesting way of rearing its ugly head.
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So why do I feel guilty all the time? How to Stop Parenting Your
Partner
Well, to start, we (as in all of us) are all really just figuring this whole “life” thing out, right? Stop Trying To Fix Everything
We all make mistakes, we all learn from lessons, we all have moments of extreme internal in Your Relationship
conflict when making decisions. You can’t blame us when you look at all the conflicting and
heavy messaging we receive from society, culture, family, religion, friends, social media, etc
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about what is “good” or “bad” or “right” or “wrong.” Sometimes this messaging is not align
with how we truly feel, thus making life more complicated and unpleasant feelings such as September 2023
guilt and anxiety manifest in such uncomfortable ways.
June 2022

Because Modern Love Counseling comprises of a group of therapists that support issues February 2022
(and desires) specifically centered around relationships, intimacy and sexuality, the topic of September 2021
guilt and shame come up quite often. No matter how progressive and accepting people’s
June 2021
frames of thought are becoming, unfortunately the topics our practice focuses on can
inherently breed guilt because there isn’t often a 100% correct or “normal” answer. April 2021

March 2021
It is pretty “human” of us to experience the most internal conflicts about being our authentic
February 2021
selves in the context of our relationships and in our sexualities. This is because we need to
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expose our vulnerabilities and this is never something that comes easily. When we perceive January 2021
that we are risking losing people or hurting people that we love or care about, it can be very
November 2020
overwhelming. It is easy for our hearts and our conditioned minds to be at bats with each
October 2020
other.
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As an example, we often hear one person of a
July 2020
monogamous couple expressing feelings of guilt
when they turn their partner down for sex, all March 2020

while hearing the other partner express feelings of February 2020

guilt for wanting sex. It is also common for us to
August 2019
hear singles to discuss feeling guilty about not
March 2019
wanting to be social every weekend; about
wanting to set a boundary with a parent or about September 2018
wanting to end a toxic relationship with a friend, July 2018
co-worker/job or lover. In almost any scenario a
March 2018
client comes in with, we most likely have heard
January 2018
repeating themes that lead to the question, why do I feel guilty all the time?
November 2017
Here are some reasons you may feel guilty all the time and what you can do about it:
October 2017

Reason #1: You struggle with self care. September 2017

July 2017
If you struggle with taking the time to take care of you in a way that is solely for you, then
most likely you will be experiencing constant guilt. This is because you are operating out of May 2017
someone else’s expectations/needs (or your perception of someone’s expectations/needs) March 2017
and trying to force something onto yourself that is inauthentic. Symptoms of this can look
December 2016
like being grumpy or reactive, apologizing constantly, not being present or engaged, conflict
about spending money on yourself, etc. You may also experience guilt for taking up too October 2016

much time, guilt for not doing enough, guilt for “overindulging”, guilt for saying something, August 2016
guilt for having sex with someone, guilt for letting stuff pile up, etc. When you struggle to June 2016
take care of yourself in a genuine way, you are neglecting a big part of yourself that is
April 2016
desperately needing some attention. If you are a people pleaser who tries to fix everything
and you are realizing that every time you try to take care of yourself you feel guilty, it’s time March 2016

to practice some serious self love. Start by telling yourself that you deserve self care, why? January 2016
Because it is imperative to your growth and overall health. Ways to start taking care of December 2015
yourself in genuine ways can look like taking solo time to do nothing, taking time to do an
September 2015
exercise that is fulfilling to your soul and not to your ego, taking a moment to journal out
your thoughts a feelings, take a mid day nap, etc. August 2015

May 2015
Reason #2: You are afraid of failure.
March 2015
Many of us assume that we can bully ourselves into achieving anything. Many of us are so January 2015
hard on ourselves that we don’t realize that it’s natural and quite important to struggle/fail
December 2014
sometimes. This is part of life. If we never allow ourselves to fail or to appreciate the
moments of “failure” or disappointment as lessons, we can develop a sense of shame with October 2014

every perceived challenge we face. Symptoms of this can look like having too high of August 2014
expectations of yourself and others, being constantly disappointed in yourself and others,
perceiving you let people down often, feeling self punishment for not being perfect or for C AT E G O R I E S
needing help, guilt or depression when you sense you aren’t good enough or we aren’t doing
enough, etc. Take time to sit down and process where your fear of failure comes from as well 2020
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as evaluate if the fear you are experiencing is disproportionate to what is actually going on. Anxiety
List ways that your “failures,” disappointments, and/or setbacks may actually have a positive
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sandwiched in the anxiety. What can you learn from them?
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Reason #3: You have unresolved trauma. Conflict

Feeling guilty from time to time is a natural emotion. As we mentioned, it can be the Control

response of over committing yourself, having too high of expectations, etc; but if you are Counseling
struggling with guilt constantly and about every little occurrence, maybe its the response of COVID19
a deep seeded wound of not feeling worthy. This response can often come from trauma.
Dating
Neglect, abuse of all kind, accidents, etc, can make a person believe that they are unworthy
or lovable. If this be the case for you, therapy is can be a hugely profound resource to Defense Mechanisms
helping you uncover your why, as well as help you reestablish a more loving belief system Friendship
about yourself.
Gratitude

Reason #4: You are worried you are morally wrong. Guilt

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Reason 3 and 4 can often be interconnected. If you experience anxiety about being morally
wrong, this could be the result of growing up with strict authoritative parents, strong Longterm Relationships

religious messaging, racial/ethnic or gender related oppression, etc. If you struggle with Marriage
asking yourself if you are being a “good person” or struggle with anxiety around identifying Misunderstandings
what is right or wrong, you may need space to explore more of your hidden desires, needs
Motherhood
and feelings to help you determine what path you morally feel is align. Try having more
conversations with friends or peers around topics that feel heavy to you to gain different Past

perspectives. Q&A

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Self Reflection
Alysha Jeney
Toxic Relationships
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ONE THOUGHT ON “WHY DO I FEEL

G U I LT Y A L L T H E T I M E ? ”
January 5, 2023 at 7:51 am

Giving oneself some head space and communicating with inner self solves a
lot of problems

Radhika

Potey
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