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Are you “Too Needy?” What does this title even mean and is it accurate?
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“You’re too needy.”

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If you have ever dated, most likely you have been told at one point directly (or have been
given an indirect message) that you are being “too needy.” Although our society How to Stop Parenting Your
predominately attaches this label more toward women than men, I think all of us (regardless Partner
of gender) can become overly cautious and insecure about our partner perceiving us as “too Stop Trying To Fix Everything
needy.” in Your Relationship

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In fear of being labeled “too needy” or “too emotional” we become insecure about any of March 2018
our needs and we suppress them to avoid these labels at all costs. We subconsciously over January 2018
compensate in the opposite way, denying most of our needs, in an attempt to project an
November 2017
“easy going” personality in all scenarios. Sound familiar?
October 2017
Unfortunately, as a direct causation, we lose our voice. This common dillema is confusing
September 2017
and can cause a lot of turmoil for you and/or your relationship.
July 2017
Initially, starting a relationship is tricky; it’s new and you don’t want to dive right in head May 2017
first, heart open. Some caution to the wind and holding back can be helpful in creating
March 2017
longterm safety and consistency. However, the issue becomes real when the suppression of
needs and feelings, and avoidance of expressing your authenticity is the norm, (especially December 2016

after the initial honeymoon stage is over). Fast forward through time and experiences October 2016
together as couple, and you my friends, have a bigger problem than being perceived as “too
August 2016
needy.”
June 2016
You may not even realize that even though you aren’t arguing, that your relationship is still April 2016
not healthy and/or secure. If you’ve gone this route to protect yourself and to avoid
March 2016
“starting drama,” you may not be able to fully understand each other or know how to relate
January 2016
to one another on a deep level, because you have built your relationship on partial truths
and un-reassured insecurities. (How do we fix this?) December 2015

September 2015
I was introduced to an electro band called Chromeo in high school. It was different than
most genres at the time and they almost have an 80s flare to them. I will never forget the August 2015
first time I heard their song titled “Needy Girl.” May 2015

March 2015
Its lyrics include:
January 2015
“You’re a needy girl, I can tell when I look in your big brown eyes.
December 2014
You want my world, but how can I do yours if i can’t do mine?
October 2014
I try to change but somehow I always feel I don’t feel the same.
It’s all about what you want, what you say, how you feel, how you play the August 2014
game.
C AT E G O R I E S
Of course I dance to it, still to this day, but being a therapist has definitely tainted a lot of
musical lyrics for me! I read into them more than my high school self did and I have the 2020
:
tendency to psychoanalyze most lyrical stories. I now think to myself, “Wow, there’s a lot to Anxiety
this catchy song.”
Breakups

In a nutshell, my professional opinion in regards to being “too needy,” is this: Children

Conflict
If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with asking for what you need in your
relationship, then you may be struggling with this insecurity. This fear is limiting you from Control
being heard and understood by your partner; it’s denying you the ability to feel reassured in Counseling
your partnership.
COVID19

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL SECURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, and believe it or not, Dating
we have to work together in order to achieve mutual security! YOU’RE NOT “TOO Defense Mechanisms
NEEDY” BECAUSE YOU WANT THIS!
Friendship

Here is the difficult part, because it requires you to look in the mirror. Even Gratitude
though you are not “too needy” for wanting security, you are responsible for Guilt
how you express yourself! Your behavior and/or expression (or lack of
Intimacy & Sex
expression) may be what’s “too needy” or “passive aggressive.” Make sense?
Longterm Relationships
You have to take a risk and be vulnerable in these requests, verses what we usually do and pick Marriage
petty arguments about things to snag attention. We have to be transparent and de-
Misunderstandings
escalated. There is a HUGE difference between, “I may be acting irrational, but I really need
some reassurance that you love me right now. I’m feeling insecure about that woman from Motherhood

your work,” vs “WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME? WHY DID YOU ALWAYS TALK ABOUT Past
THAT WOMAN FROM WORK?! I DON’T GET WHY YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH!” (Followed
Q&A
by passive aggressive sighs and endless text messages).
Romance
Your partner will thank you and you will be surprised how different your partner hears, Self Reflection
receives and responds to you if you take accountability for how you ask for what you need.
Toxic Relationships
This version of requesting your needs are not “too needy;” they are normal and healthy.
Conflict is normal and healthy, insecurities are normal and healthy. We are human. Suppressing Uncategorized

them, or indirectly expressing them are not healthy.

You will always be perceived as “too needy” or too much if you choose to not express your
fears and needs in a calm, vulnerable way.

Chromeo - Needy Girl

Alysha Jeney
ALL POSTS
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 ALL POSTS

15 THOUGHTS ON “ARE YOU “TOO

NEEDY?””
February 19, 2018 at 8:53 pm

If you are too needy, displaying a sad pic of yours as a profile pic helps as per
a study conducted on social media by University of Chicago.
Prof. J L

Mathew

March 5, 2018 at 7:38 pm

We fear being judged at all times, What we dont realize is what others think
of us is never our business..and yes we are needy…and we are also very
Saima
lonely in our relationships too
Masood

April 24, 2018 at 2:51 am

Omg I know A LOT of guys that are really needy! so yeah, that is definitely a
wrong tag! I had read so many books about relationships and how make
Eugenia
men to fall for you and honestly it helped me a lot. I’ve became a totally
different woman but I put time on it. I had a hard childhood, my parents are
divorce so you know what I mean.

May 2, 2018 at 2:42 pm

Hi Eugenia,
This article can absolutely go both ways! It’s just more normalized in
American society to view “women as needy,” which is why this article was
Alysha framed this way. Thank you for sharing your comment!
Jeney

Pingback: Are You "Too Needy?" | RelationShip Breakp Tips

May 17, 2018 at 8:59 am

We fear getting wrongly understood. We fear judgment, this is the reason

why we neglect our needs in the course of showing that we ain’t needy
Upwealthy
anymore.

August 6, 2018 at 5:43 pm

I struggle with being needy.

I struggle with trust issues from past relationships, which in turn makes me
Michelle
insecure.
I do need an opinion..
Is insecurity, or someone being shady.
Everytime I’m out with my bf.
He goes to the bathroom, sometimes several times in a 45 min span.
He has no medical issues
Everytime he takes his phone.
:
 Everytime he takes his phone.
There are times I’ve addressed .. he flips and tells me I’m crazy!
I’m thinking he’s guilty of something .
He is with me 6 days a week, we work together 3 days a week..

Pingback: Are You “Too Needy?” | LoveandHealthNews

October 27, 2018 at 9:18 am

If your expectations are too high then this article is for you. Thanks for
sharing.
Lisa Hales

May 13, 2019 at 4:15 am

Very helpful article. I have something for you that can add to your next post

Kc

July 31, 2019 at 6:28 am

I’m really happy to say it was an interesting post to read. I learned new
information from your article, you are doing a great job. Continue…
Anonymous

November 21, 2019 at 5:45 pm

Modern Love Counseling is literally the BEST self-help relationship

community anywhere, I read it every day,
Lisa Lopez

December 1, 2019 at 9:27 am

Love is hard girls, I struggled for years being an over thinker in relationships.

Brooklyn After many failed attempts I found something that worked for me. Making
Munro any guy I wanted fall for me, texting is key and after I signed up and got
some tips I was a pro.

Pingback: Are My Expectations Too High? – Modern Love Counseling™

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