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Feeling Rejected or Criticized : How to Become More Self Aware and Empowered, Rather than Reactive and Isolated
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It’s inevitable, isn’t it? Feeling rejected or criticized.

RECENT
You may currently be feeling rejected by a romantic partner, although I am sure you can also POSTS
relate to feeling rejected or criticized by a friend, mentor, teacher, employer, family member,
parent, etc. How to Navigate a Breakup

Why Do I Feel Guilty all the

We are complex creatures and our emotions, behaviors and thoughts/assumptions are
Time?
extremely personal to us. Our reality may be a product of our irrational fears, insecurities,
and/or ego, yes. However, that doesn’t make our experience of pain any less real. Why Does My Partner Need
Space?
We may go through periods of our life feeling rejected or isolated, as if no one truly takes How to Stop Parenting Your
the time to really give a d*mn. It sucks. I’ve been there. Sometimes, still go there emotionally Partner
with my relationships. It’s normal.
Stop Trying To Fix Everything
We are allowed to be sensitive beings, you know. in Your Relationship

All my life I have been told I am “too sensitive,” as if my emotional experiences ARCHIVES
were something to be ashamed of. Maybe I am “too sensitive” to someone on
the outside, but on the inside, I have to be authentic to myself and my own September 2023
experience. When things affect me, I’m not good at hiding it. In fact, I actually June 2022
love that about myself now.
February 2022

#Sorrynotsorry September 2021

June 2021
We shouldn’t have to apologize for our sensitivities, however, we should be responsible for trying
to be mindful of our reactions and assumptions. As these can often lead to us pushing our April 2021
partners away, only intensifying our experience of feeling rejected and alone. March 2021

Relationships are a two-way street, my friend. You cannot speed and drive recklessly, while February 2021
:
expecting everyone else to abide by the rules. You need to take accountability of January 2021
the accident without blame and work toward the greater good together.
November 2020

The biggest thing that I have learned about my sensitivities, is that there is nothing wrong October 2020
with them; but rather, me being unaware of how I was using them to victimize myself, was the August 2020
problem.
July 2020
When I was feeling rejected or criticized, (which again was often), I would get so upset March 2020
internally that my innate reactions would be to either get aggressive and pushy, demanding
February 2020
a resolution to make the panic of abandonment go away… or I would shut down immediately
August 2019
and become withdrawn and bitter, only fueling myself with loneliness. In retrospect, I really
wanted someone to protect me, yet, if I were to be honest with myself, I wouldn’t let them. March 2019

September 2018
Can anyone relate?
July 2018
All too often, I would think to myself, “no one
March 2018
understands me and I am always going to be
January 2018
alone.” I had developed a chip on my shoulder that
was built up from pain and my experience of November 2017
feeling rejected. I needed to desperately feel October 2017
validated and accepted, but because of my
September 2017
unprocessed sensitivities and premature reactions, I wasn’t ready to take accountability of
what I could control to make it better. July 2017

May 2017
What I didn’t understand at the time was how to be self-aware and acknowledging of how
March 2017
my interpretations were causing certain behaviors that were actually pushing people away
from me. This only perpetuated my irrational (but very real) fear of being rejected. December 2016

October 2016
I now can use my sensitivities as a way to connect with my partner, rather
August 2016
than make the assumption “he doesn’t care,” only to push him away at any
perceived threat that enters my brain. June 2016

April 2016
I often tell my clients, “victimization and empowerment are on the same coin.” It can be
March 2016
difficult to flip over, but it’s not impossible. In fact, it’s actually extremely rewarding when
you do. This is not to achieve perfection (because there is no such thing), but rather make the January 2016
active steps to be empowered by your sensitivities, but not allow them to cloud your ability December 2015
to be objective.
September 2015

Here are some things to consider: August 2015

May 2015
Without dismissing your experience when you feel rejected or criticized by your partner,
just try to take a moment to reflect and ask yourself the following questions to calm yourself March 2015
down and gain an objective perspective: January 2015

1. What am I feeling? (Refrain from going into a narrative here, for example, “I feel like she December 2014

doesn’t have a clue…. ” As “feeling like…” something is not a feeling. Try to really narrow October 2014
down core emotions, i.e “I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel sad. I feel alone.”) August 2014
2. What I am thinking? (This is where your narrative may go. “I feel like she doesn’t have a
clue that this bothers me. I try my best and nothing ever seems to satisfy her. I must be
C AT E G O R I E S
the worst boyfriend on the planet.”)
3. How much of what I am thinking is based on my assumptions? (Here is where you try 2020
:
 to trick your brain to be objective. “Am I really the worst boyfriend ever? Has she ever Anxiety
really said that? Maybe I haven’t been clear about what I need from her and that is why she
Breakups
keeps dismissing me. Maybe she doesn’t realize I am trying my best because I haven’t told
Children
her.”)
4. Are my behaviors, thoughts and emotions align or do they completely contradict Conflict
each other? (i.e. “When I am feeling criticized, I shut down and become very quiet. My Control
energy shifts, as I attempt to ‘get over it’ without her knowing she bothered me. I can
Counseling
see that my withdrawn behavior may actually send her another message, possibly that
I am angry at her… which may be making her withdrawn. Or that I really don’t care. COVID19

Both are false. I can see how my assumptions take over to fuel my insecurities and Dating
instead of telling her that she has hurt me, I retract and put my wall up.” Defense Mechanisms
5. How might you better attempt to communicate your experience without blame or
Friendship
reactivity? By using your check ins, it’s always helpful to address the subject by owning
your own experience in a de-escalted way, i.e “This may be irrational, but I felt like you Gratitude
were critiquing my attempt at making you dinner again and that made me upset Guilt
because I am really trying to make you happy. I feel like my attempts are rejected by
Intimacy & Sex
you.” You can also take accountability for your behavior, i.e. “I realize I should have told
Longterm Relationships
you this right when it happened, rather than shutting down and withdrawing for the
rest of the evening, as I am sure that didn’t feel very good to you, but I was scared to Marriage
tell you how I really felt.” Misunderstandings

Obviously, this will have to be a work in progress, but it’s some food for thought. Any Motherhood
healthy relationship is based on two people owning their own experiences and being self- Past
aware and vulnerable. It takes two, but it can start with you. It’s not about changing yourself,
Q&A
it’s about learning how to communicate your experience more effectively for the better
Romance
good of your relationship and your own emotional needs… (because we all have them!)
Self Reflection
If you are interested in learning more about me and my counseling services in Denver, CO
Toxic Relationships
feel free to contact me. I’m here to help! Thanks for reading.
Uncategorized

Alysha Jeney
ALL POSTS

12 THOUGHTS ON “THINGS YOU

DON’T REALIZE YOU DO WHEN
YOU’RE FEELING REJECTED”
July 11, 2017 at 11:44 am

You let thoughts consume you of what other people think about you.

Mixxxer Rejection is something everyone faces, so you have to simply love yourself
for you to be able to fully love someone again.

July 19, 2017 at 6:51 pm

Agreed! Easier said than done sometimes. Thanks for reading and
sharing!
:
 sharing!
Alysha
Jeney

September 2, 2017 at 4:32 pm

rejection is really a big problem. no one can suffer rejection in their lives.

xrelation

April 4, 2018 at 6:38 am

Thanks for the information it was a great help for me.

love

thoughts

Pingback: Things You Don't Realize You Do When You're Feeling Rejected | RelationShip
Breakp Tips

May 22, 2018 at 6:13 am

Hi
Amazing post and also very informative. Thanks for sharing.
Davis

July 12, 2018 at 6:33 pm

Hits home. I really feel powerless towards trying to make it work.

Scott

October 19, 2018 at 2:00 am

Was in a relationship for 3 months and she was and is am Awesome woman.
But I was to blinded by my on selfish habits , staying out late nights and just
A Anderson
not being there for her. I guess in that time she mitt someone else . And
when she told me it was over, i was crushed. I began to realize how much i
really do love her and that she was all i wanted in a woman. It’s been 2
months since than , but i still find myself thinking about her . I have tried to
date other people, but my heart won’t allow me to open to anyone, even
when I’m with them, I think about her.so now I find myself alone, not
wanting to be around anyone. I feel as if I owe her something, because i
didn’t get a chance to show her the love she showed me. Because of my
habits. Now Im in a better place in my life, that has focus priorities in order. I
regret her not see this side of me. “If I could turn back time ” heart is heavy

December 10, 2018 at 8:15 am

Have you reached out to her?

Katice Marie

Riley

March 11, 2019 at 11:46 am

Hey this is very informative article thanks for sharing.

supriyamahe

shwari
:
 April 8, 2023 at 3:44 pm

Thank you for this! As someone recovering from lots of relational trauma in
a committed relationship, I often wish there were more posts in the vein of
Chelsea
“this is how to think and act in a healthy way”. I can identify that I’m messing
things up just fine, but now what do I do? And what does it mean to “love
yourself” anyway!? It can seem like a catchall phrase that is hard to resonate
with if you didn’t see anyone loving themselves growing up! So this is a
rare and wonderful guide. Thank you, thank you!

February 9, 2024 at 1:30 pm

I met someone and instantly we fell in love with each other.

Shes the most incredible person in the universe, 48 with a son of 13..
Max
Im in my 50’s.
Both of us opened up and discussed our dreams of a future together etc I
told her things i never spoke to anyone about before.
If i hadn’t of opened up then maybe she wouldn’t of ended the moment.
But for the 3 weeks we were together it was the most amazing, intense
relationship i’ve ever had.. And what makes it even more wow, is that we still
are pursuing those dreams together but not together. She wants to get to
know me better…Next week it will be 4 weeks since we met..
The love i have for her regardless of the outcome or how she feels for me, is
enough to create a new universe, i am the creator, i am the big bang, i am
her…

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