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15 signs it’s time to make a change in

your life – and key questions to move you
forward
15th April 2017  Creating change  4

Updated on July 3rd, 2020 Get Monica’s book and

conquer your excuses
How do you feel when
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you contemplate making
a (big or small) change in
your life? Excited? Or
dreading it? It seems that
the dread often gets the
upper hand. And that we
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are very good at ignoring
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the signs that change is
needed in our life – forgetting that it might well be positive and
beneficial for us, too!

Discover the 15 tell-tale signs it’s time for change in your life – and
some insightful questions to move you on towards it!
:
 Change – even positive change – can bring both excitement and renewal, as
Categories
well as discomfort and pain. The possibility of discomfort and pain usually
registers more strongly in our mind and brain. It seems that resistance to  Adventures (1)
change is wired into us, as, in the days of the dinosaurs and the sabre tooth  After divorce (1)
tigers, it was helpful for our survival not to stray too much from the well-  Authenticity (4)
trodden paths we knew were safe.
 Christmas (2)

Today, those ancient mechanisms persist in our brain even in the absence of  Corona Virus (7)

such immediate, life-threatening danger. Yet our brain’s discomfort with  Corporate life (2)
uncertainty and newness can actually stand in the way of us making  Creating change (17)
empowering choices and changes for the better in our life.  Experiences (7)

It can lead us to postpone or shelve changes that would transform us and  How To Guide to Life
You Love (8)
our life in positive ways. Instead, we keep putting up with dissatisfying and
 Inner wisdom (1)
frustrating life situations. And end up losing our vital energy, ooomph and
confidence, feeling stuck, stagnant, and a shadow of who we could be!  Life direction (1)

 Life purpose (3)

Lest this happens to you, here are 15 telltale signs that it’s time to make a
 Life stories (6)
change in your life. And the key questions you can to ask yourself in order to
 Life tools (21)
move towards that change.
 Living a Life You Love
(27)

1 Your life doesn’t fit you  Lockdown (2)

 New year (6)

anymore  Notes from self-isolation
(7)
It somehow doesn’t feel right anymore for who you are – or have become.
Like our clothes don’t fit us anymore when we’ve lost or gained weight. Or  Overcoming challenge
(6)
when we’ve changed on the inside, and now the dress style that suited us
 Overcoming excuses (4)
so far feels all wrong. Feeling that your life is out of synch with who you
really are now is a sign that it’s time to make adjustments: You have moved  Top tips / how to (22)

on, so can your life!  Transformation (3)

 Turning or being 50 (4)

Moving forward questions: Who am I now? What life would fit me
 Valentine's Day (1)
now?
 Yoga (1)

2 You feel you’re not living Recent Posts

your life  Living through unease

:
 I’ve felt like this for a long time in my early life. There was school to go and crises in your fifties

through. Then college. University. A decade-long career in management  Some nights, longing-
consulting. Year after year – with exception of a gap year – I was following Notes from Lockdown

programmes and subjecting myself to values and grading systems other  Freedom – Notes from
people had set for me. I kept thinking: “When will my life finally start?” Lockdown

 Every day a new

Until one day I clocked that, if I wanted to live my life, I had to find out who I beginning – Notes from
was, what life would feel mine, and then create it myself. Self-Isolation

 Love Is the Answer –

And that’s when I began to make real changes! Is it time for you to do so
Notes from Self-
too? Isolation

Moving forward questions: Who am I? What kind of life suits who I am?

(For help with this, check out my Reinvent Yourself coaching programme.)

3 Something has come to an

end
Everything eventually ends. This is positive, as it creates space for new
things to emerge and grow.

Some endings, however, come unexpectedly and can feel forced upon us
and traumatic – like a loved one passing away suddenly, a redundancy we
didn’t expect, or the end of our marriage. Other endings, like the kids flying
the nest, we can see coming, and yet we still feel pain when they happen.

Yet other endings, like the passing of a long-suffering relative we’ve been
looking after, or leaving a stressful job, can bring relief.

Sometimes we just know, quietly within ourselves, that we’ve come to the
end of the line and have given all we can to a person or a situation. Then we
feel clearly that it’s time to move on.

Endings are the perfect time to re-orient ourselves and our life. But before
we can do that, we have to do the work of letting things go. Process what’s
happened. Grieve what we lost. Be grateful for what we experienced.
Understand what we can learn. Only then will we be ready to start looking
forward again.
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 Moving forward questions: What do I need to let go of? How can I get
closure?

4 You’re falling out of step

with the world around you
Others move on – from a job, an organisation, an issue – and you don’t. Your
neighbourhood changes. You stay put. New technologies come on the
scene. You keep swearing by the old ones. Your family changes. You fall out
with them because you don’t adjust.

Not every change is meaningful or for the better, and it’s good to stand by
what you believe is important. However, when things and people around
you change, you have a choice: Go along with the change and change
yourself, or stay where and as you are. And face the consequences, in both
cases.

Whatever you do, make sure you choose consciously, and don’t just stay
put because of fear, resentment or not knowing what you want.

Moving forward question: Now that these things / people / situations are
changing, what do I want? How do I feel about staying put? How do I feel
about exploring changes for myself?

5 You’re feeling too

comfortable
We like to feel comfortable, of course, and why not? But it’s also true that,
when we are too comfortable, we don’t stretch ourselves anymore. And we
might get a little rusty in using the skills we once had. We might get a little
set in our ways. With too much comfort also comes boredom and
stagnancy.

When did you last do something that was out of your comfort zone? We’re
not talking a crazy, stressful stretch here. Just a little something that’s new or
different can do wonders to keep you interested (and interesting). It will
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 keep you learning, growing and renewing yourself. And you’ll feel
envigorated and enlivened.

Moving forward question: Which new thing could I explore?

6 You’re doing too much of

what you don’t want
We all have to do things we don’t want to do in our life. But when we’re
doing too much of what we actually don’t want, and not enough of what we
do want, it’s probably time for a review and a change. Because, complex as
our situation might seem, we always have a choice: Keep doing what we
don’t want – and risk, in the long run, our spirits and our wellbeing being
sapped. Or make a change for the better and feel happier.

Moving forward questions: What don’t I want (anymore)? How can I

stop this? What do I want (instead)? How can I get into this?

(Also read Are you doing what you want? and Not doing what you want?
Adjust in 7 steps. And if you find you don’t know what you want, check out
my free eBook How to Know What You Want.)

7 Your most prevalent feeling

is dissatisfaction
You seem to have turned into a grumpy old woman or man. You feel
frustrated, and unhappy – about a situation, a person or your life overall.
And perhaps you’re complaining a lot.

If it’s not temporary and it’s not shifting, then it’s time for you to initiate a
positive change. Because staying in unhappy circumstances will sap your
energy and joie de vivre. It will grind down your confidence, motivation and
belief that you can make changes for the better in your life. If not now, then
when?

Moving forward questions: What am I dissatisfied with? What am I

putting up with? What am I tolerating? Which single thing can I change to
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 make it better?

8 You rely on soothers to get

you through your days
You know: That chocolate fix. That daily glass or three of wine. Coffee.
Cigarettes. Or whatever else you use to relax, lift or soothe yourself when
you don’t like your life very much. Don’t get me wrong: I’m far from being
anti-chocolate. Anti-alcohol. Or anti-enjoyment altogether. Taken in
moderation, all of the above add to our enjoyment of life.

But notice when you’re using them because you cannot stand your life
anymore, to get you through what has become a sequence of joyless,
frustrating or stressful days.

We’ve all done that, at one time or the other in our life. But unfortunately, it
won’t resolve anything for us, and instead keep us chained to a just-about-
bearable life. Whereas tackling whatever our situation is, and making
changes for the better will help us live a life we can not just bear, but love to
live!

Moving forward questions: What am I using my soothers for? What are

they helping me bear? What do I need to change in my life to feel that I live
with more ease and joy?

9 You’re always looking for the

next escape
Do you live for your holidays? The weekends? Those rare times when you
can immerse yourself in something you love? Do you (day)dream of a
different life, with more stuff you love that suits who you are?

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a lovely holiday or exercising your

passion in your spare time. But if they’re your escape from a life you don’t
love, then isn’t it time to think about what you can change so you can be
happier in your everyday life, too?
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 Moving forward questions: What do I love? What do I do most of the
time? What do I notice if I compare the two? How much time do I actually
spend doing what I love? What if my life was as enjoyable every day as it is
in a holiday?

10 You’re feeling stuck or

stagnant
This comes in many varieties. Perhaps you’re feeling low, lethargic or
apathetic – in your body or in your mind. A cloying feeling weighs you down
and you’ve lost your energy and motivation. You feel like you’re treading
water in your own life, just going through the motions, waiting for I-don’t-
know-what. You’ve lost your joy and enthusiasm for life.

If you know you need something different, some kind of change in your life,
yet you are unsure what that is, it’s time to look for ways to gently get
moving again – if only because stuck is such an unpleasant way to feel!

Moving forward question: In which way – physical or metaphorical –

could I get moving?

11 You’re feeling trapped or

powerless
You see no viable alternative to your situation. No other way of life, no
escape. Perhaps you’ve tried to make changes, but it hasn’t worked. Perhaps
you’ve seen others try and fail, too. Somehow, you’ve come to believe you
have to accept your lot. Everyone has their burden to carry, why should you
be different?

But did you know there is such a thing as learned helplessness?

It’s our brain thinking and concluding that there is no solution for us. Like the
working elephants in India, who, after some time of being chained up, won’t
walk away even when tied up only loosely with a rope. Because their early
experience was that they couldn’t. And so they keep believing they can’t.
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 If this is you, is it perhaps time to look beyond what you think is tying you
down?

Moving forward questions: What if I didn’t have to bear this? What if

there was a way? What if I did walk away, or make a change? What would I
do then?

12 You go around in endless,

fruitless loops
You know you want a change in your life. And you’re researching what you
could do differently. How best you could do this. What the risks are, and
how you could minimise those. Who has done something similar and how
successfully. You’re analysing different options, study the pros and cons,
weigh up what the best decision would be. And where best to start.

You sketch out one scenario, only to scap it again and look for another. You
talk to everyone who will listen about the change you want – yet never do
anything.

All of the above can help you get ready to make a change. But if you’ve
turned into a cat biting its tail, going ’round in endless, fruitless loops, or if
you’ve got stuck in analysis paralysis and over-thinking, whilst nothing
changes in your life, then it’s probably time to look at ways to actually make
a change, rather than just talking or thinking about it.

Moving forward question: What’s the best next step – however small –
that I can take right now to get a change going?

13 You’re making excuses

There are times when initiating a change is not the right thing to do – when
it’s more important to stick it out with a situation and get through it. Or when
we just want to enjoy the status quo and a life that, overall, works quite well
for us.

But if you’re not in such a time, if you’re unhappy with your life, and yet you
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 notice how you’re finding one reason after another for not making a change
for the better, then chances are that you know, in your innermost, that you
need a change. Which probably scares you!

Moving forward questions: What’s behind the excuses I’m making? How
can I resolve that? How can I reassure myself?

(For more help with excuses, check out my friendly book What’s Your
Excuse for Not Living a Life You Love, for inspiration, motivation, and simple,
practical ways of overcoming over 40 different excuses for not making a
necessary change.)

14 You’re defensive or resistant

about change
It’s ironical that we often get most defensive or resistant about making a
change when we actually most need it! What’s behind this response is fear.
Of the uncertainty change might bring. Of losing – or having to let go of –
something that’s dear to us. Or that it won’t be what we want, and we’ll end
up unhappy or uncomfortable.

Some changes are not right for us, and we better avoid them. But if you’re
feeling defensive or resistant about a change, it’s always worth questioning
whether you’re perhaps avoiding a change that would be positive for you
out of fear…

Moving forward questions: What’s behind my defensiveness or

resistance? What am I (really) afraid of?

15 You’re getting cynical

This is the final stop. Cynicism is pure poison for change – and for
enthusiasm, motivation, belief, idealism and anything that can carry us
forward in life.

If you’re getting cynical, I feel for you. You might have been bitterly
disappointed. You might have stopped believing that change – any change –
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 is possible. And are you perhaps pre-emptively protecting yourself from
getting disappointed again?

This is hard to break through. The temptation is big to stay in a disappointing

life, because our thinking pattern is that ‘change doesn’t work anyway’. And
when we have been hurt, it’s difficult to open up to possibility, enthusiasm
or joy again. And take the risk again that change can bring.

Hopefully, you’ll have made some changes before reaching this quite
disillusioned stage. But if you notice yourself getting cynical – it’s definitely
the time to change!

Moving forward questions: How can I open up again? What do I need to

forgive? What if I believed that change was possible after all? If I could have
all I need to be happy, what would I want?

Now deliberately start finding and focusing on others who do or have what
you want – to prove to yourself that it is possible!

Over to you
Do you recognise some of these signs that it’s time for a change? I hope they
– and the questions to ask yourself – have helped you move forward on the
change you want.

Or perhaps you’ve noticed other signs it’s time to change in yourself? Why
don’t you share your experience below?

Photography: Monica Castenetto

 6 Steps to a Life You Love – Step 5: Get Underway

3 Ways to Clarity – And my Take on Forrest Gump 

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Adriana Montalvo 
18th November 2020 at 6:36 am 
Reply

At 21 I thought my life was getting better… I had a band I had a

dream I was living out and I worked somewhere I enjoyed working, I
had happiness. I met the love of my life that year and life has
changed since… the pandemic broke out my dad was fatally ill and in
a coma and my mom kicked me out and turned her back against me.
It’s as though my life took a huge 360.. I lived at my boyfriend’s
mom’s house and it wasn’t any better there so we finally got a place
of our own with the money we saved from unemployment.. now the
job hunt is rough and I feel like my life is slipping away from me. The
only thing left of me to live for is my boyfriend and future family but
even that’s not the most sure thing my life has. The last point got to
me though, and I really went from a hopeful 21 year old girl with a
dream and a goal and that was just crushed and torn apart from
me.. but I realized that now that I realized who I was and who I am
now I need to change, and I’m not sure what but I need it

Monica Castenetto 
18th November 2020 at 11:12 am 
Reply

Golly, Adriana – what a tough time you’re going through!

Thank you for sharing it with us. I really feel for you – you’re
coping with change on all fronts. I hear from a lot of people
that their life, with the pandemic, has taken a 360 degree
turn. It’s like life is throwing massive changes at us, whether
we want it or not – and it’s not pleasant. And yes – I totally
agree with you – there’s very little certainties in the world
:
 right now, for all of us. I commend you for working through
your work and living situation, and I am glad you’ve got your
boyfriend and his family on your side.

I wonder if there’s a way for you – and for all of us, who are
struck in one way or another by this pandemic – to keep
your / our dreams alive, while we’re dealing with the
hardship of the present time. A way of holding on to our
dreams… Keep thinking of them, keep cherishing them, keep
visualising them, keep talking about them to supportive
friends. Maybe there’s even a way we can still take tiny, tiny
steps that will move us towards a dream. It’s about keeping
the faith alive – I am convinced that this pandemic won’t go
on forever and eventually, things WILL get better.

The same is true for change, by the way: tiny, tiny changes
we can make to our life, even when life is challenging, will
help us move forward and feel at least a bit better. They’ll
give us a sense that, even though things are unpredictable
and uncertain, there are other things we can influence or
control, and that we’re still moving our life forward as best
we can. A tiny change could be to introduce something
small into your daily life that will nourish you, for example:
Have a hot bath every day. Or a hot drink you love. Go to
bed earlier. Remove something or someone from your life
that is no longer helpful. Or whatever is nourishing for YOU.
This will also help build your strength to deal with the tough
side of your life. I am thinking of you and wish you all the
very best. Let me know how you get on!

M 
7th October 2020 at 5:02 pm 
Reply

This was a great read. Everything is on point and makes one stop
and think about their lives and the future changes they want to
make,

Monica Castenetto  7th October 2020 at 9:52 pm  Reply

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 Thank you, M – glad you enjoyed it!

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