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 Marine Pollution
Sources, Fate and Effects of
Pollutants in Coastal
Ecosystems
Ricardo Beiras
University of Vigo
Elsevier
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The Boulevard, Langford Lane, Kidlington, Oxford OX5 1GB, United Kingdom
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than as may be noted herein).

Notices
Knowledge and best practice in this field are constantly changing. As new research and experience broaden our
understanding, changes in research methods, professional practices, or medical treatment may become necessary.
Practitioners and researchers must always rely on their own experience and knowledge in evaluating and using any
information, methods, compounds, or experiments described herein. In using such information or methods
they should be mindful of their own safety and the safety of others, including parties for whom they have a
professional responsibility.
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Dedication

To Domingo
Foreword

Marine pollution is at present part of the media circus. Who has not been
shocked by the images of moribund seabirds spreading their coal-black wings,
or dolphins strained on a plastic-invaded beach? The advantage of this media
focus is the public support gained for pollution remediation and prevention
initiatives, but the disadvantage is the lack of scientific rigor in the debates
concerning pollution. According to H.L. Windom, “the focus of attention on
coastal [pollution] problems has been based more upon public perceptions
than on sound scientific evaluations of sources, fates and environmental
effects.”1 J. S. Gray illustrated the same problem with the case of the planned
dumping of the disused oil rig Brent Spar in deep water off the Scottish coast.
Eventually the dumping was stopped after a Greenpeace campaign against it,
but the decision did not include any rational elements since neither
Greenpeace nor Shell gave any data on the environmental risk of the
optionsdsinking or disposal on shoredand the decision-makers did not
consider any scientific study, though they were available.2
In 2009, at the onset of the economic crisis in Spain, President Zapatero
declared on TV, “I want to make a call to the citizens [.] they must keep on
consuming.” Consumption is considered by conventional wisdom as the en-
gine of the economy. In fact, this ignores the most basic principles of ther-
modynamics. Since the 1980s, E. Odum called our attention to the need to
change focus from maximizing production (and thus consumption of re-
sources and generation of wastes) to maximizing efficiency, the ratio between
production and consumption. Slowlydperhaps too slowly?dthis true wisdom
permeates societies, but the effects on the decision-makers are so far more
cosmetic than real. The part of this question that is scientists’ responsibility is to
conduct hard science to study environmental issues. Scientists replaced priests
as advisors of the empowered leaders only because their predictions were more
reliable. The higher the certitude of the scientific predictions the more influ-
ential they will be for decision-makers. Ecotoxicology must be just as rigorous
as medicine, and nobody conceives discussing in the media the diagnostic of an
ill patient or the most suitable drug and correct dose to be prescribed.
xiii
xiv Foreword

In fact, this book has a practical and applied vocation. I am an empirical sci-
entist fascinated by the elegant simplicity of the scientific method based on
contrasting hypotheses at the light of observation and experimentation. Excess
of theoretical apparatus has been identified as one of the limitations of
ecological sciences, and the debates on the effects of environmental factors,
including the nonconcept of “global change,” on the stability of ecosystems
seem to me a good example of this. As R.H. Peters complained, logic, i.e., the set
of possible alternatives, replaced theory, the set of probable alternatives, and
this eventually constrained some ecological theories to tautological formula-
tions whose implications are included in the premises, and thus not suitable to
experimental contrast.3
This book intends to be useful to a wide range of readers: academic audiences
seeking a basic theoretical background on marine pollution, but also pro-
fessionals involved in the daily routine of managing the marine environment
and seeking applied knowledge related to specific issues on pollution preven-
tion, monitoring, effects, and abatement. As a result, the book admits two levels
of reading. The advanced reader is offered with a broad selection of specialized
scientific references that back the statements made throughout the text, listed at
the end of each chapter. For didactic purposes, the learning reader can ignore
those references and look for more basic information in the Suggested Further
Reading section, and review the essential contents in the Key Ideas section at
the end of each chapter.
In short, the hopefully not-too-ambitious aim of this book is to provide a
rigorous tool to train marine ecotoxicologists and contribute to make them
familiar with the contrasted theories and quality-controlled methods that may
provide solid scientific foundations to their current or future work.
Ricardo Beiras

References
1. Windom HL. Contamination of the Marine Environment from Land-based Sources. Marine
Pollution Bulletin 1992;25(1e4):32e6.
2. Gray JS. Chapter 17. Risk assessment and management in the exploitation of the seas. In:
Calow P, editor. Handbook of environmental risk assessment and management. Oxford:
Blackwell Science; 1998. p. 453e74.
3. Peters RH. A critique for ecology. Cambridge University Press; 1991.
Acknowledgments

I thank my colleagues Marion Nipper, Paula Sánchez Marín, Juan Bellas, Inés
Viana, Filipe M.G. Laranjeiro, Miren B. Urrutia, Enrique Navarro, Silvia
Messinetti, Leo Mantilla, Iria Durán, and Leticia Vidal Liñán for their useful
comments and discussion on several parts of this book. Many ancient and
hardly available bibliographic references were readily obtained thanks to the
efficient work of the librarians at the University of Vigo. I apologize to Leticia,
Xulia, Roi, and Valentina for the time taken for this project.

xv
Abbreviations and Symbols

4-MBC 4-Methylbenzylidene camphor

ABS Alkyl-benzene sulfonate
AChE Acetylcholinesterase
AE Absorption efficiency/assimilation efficiency
AF Assessment factor
AhR Aryl hydrocarbon receptor
ALA-D d-Aminolevulinic acid dehydratase
Ant Anthracene
ANZECC Australian and New Zealand Environment Conservation Council
ASP Amnesic shellfish poison
ASTM American Society for Testing and Materials
ATP Adenosine triphosphate
AVS Acid-volatile sulfide
BaA Benzo-a-Anthracene
BAC Background Assessment Concentration
BAF Bioamplification Factor
BaP Benzo-a-pyrene
BbF Benzo-b-Fluoranthene
BC Background concentration
BCF Bioconcentration factor
BDE Brominated diphenylether
BeP Benzo-e-Pyrene
BEWS Biological Early Warning System
BghiP Benzo-g,h,i-Perylene
BkF Benzo-k-Fluoranthene
BMF Biomagnification factor
BMFTW Trophic web biomagnification factor
BOD Biological oxygen demand
BOD5 5-days biological oxygen demand
BODL Ultimate biological oxygen demand
BP Benzophenone
BPA Bisphenol A
(Continued)
xvii
xviii Abbreviations and Symbols

BTEX Benzene, toluene, ethylbenzene, xylene

CAT Catalase
CB Chlorinated biphenyl
CBB Critical body burden
CCME Canadian Council of Ministers of the Environment
cDNA Complementary deoxyribonucleic acid
CEMP Coordinated Environmental Monitoring Programme
CEP Caribbean Environment Programme
CF Contamination factor
CFU Colony-forming units
Chry Chrysene
CLC Civil liability convention
COD Chemical oxygen demand
CPI Chemical pollution index
Cpn60 Chaperon 60
CYP Cytochrome P450
Cys Cysteine
DDD Dichlorodiphenyldichloroethane
DDE Dichlorodiphenyldichloroethylene
DDT Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane
DEHP Diethylhexyl phthalate
DIN Dissolved inorganic nitrogen
DNA Deoxyribonucleic acid
DO Dissolved oxygen
DOC Dissolved organic carbon
DOM Dissolved organic matter
DW Dry weight
EC European Commission
EC50 Median effective concentration
ECHA European Chemicals Agency
EDC Endocrine disrupting compound
EEA European Environment Agency
EF Enrichment factor
EHMC Ethylhexyl methoxycinnamate
ELISA Enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay
ELS Early life stages
EMSA European Maritime Safety Agency
EPA Environmental Protection Agency
EQC Environmental quality criteria
EQC/S Environmental quality criteria and standards
EQR Ecological quality ratio
EQS Environmental quality standards
 Abbreviations and Symbols xix

ER Estrogen receptor
ERA Ecological risk assessment
ERL Effects range low
ERM Effects range median
EROD Ethoxyresorufin-O-deethylase
EU European Union
FC Fecal coliforms
FIAM Free ion activity model
fL Weight proportion of lipids
Flu Fluoranthene
fOC Weight proportion of organic carbon
FR Filtering rate
GPx Glutathione peroxydase
GSH Glutathione
GST Glutathione transferase
HBCD Hexabromocyclododecane
HC5 Hazard concentration for 5% of species
HELCOM Helsinki Commission
HRA Health risk assessment
HS Shannon diversity index
ICES International Council for the Exploration of the Sea
IF Interaction factor
IFREMER Institut Français de Recherche pour l’Exploitation de la Mer
IMO International Maritime Organization
IOPC International oil pollution compensation
IPy Indenepyrene
IR Ingestion rate
ISO International Organization for Standardization
KOC Organic carbon-water partition coefficient
KOW Octanol-water partition coefficient
LAS Linear alkylbenzene sulfonate
LC50 Median lethal concentration
LMS Lysosomal membrane stability
LW Lipid weight
MDS Multidimensional scaling
MeeHg Methylmercury
MFO Mixed function oxidase or monooxygenase
MLVSS Mixed liquor volatile suspended solids
MPN Most probable number
mRNA Messenger ribonucleic acid
MSFD Marine strategy framework directive
MSW Municipal solid waste
(Continued)
xx Abbreviations and Symbols

MT Metallothionein
NADH Nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide
NADPH Nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide phosphate
NOAA National oceanic and atmospheric administration
NP Nonylphenol
NPE Nonylphenol ethoxylate
NRRT Neutral red retention time
NSP Neurotoxic shellfish poison
OC Organochlorine
OD-PABA Octyl dimethyl-paraaminobenzoic acid
OPA Oil pollution act
OSPAR OsloeParis commission
PA Polyamide
PAH Polyaromatic hydrocarbon
PBDE Polybrominateddiphenylethers
PBT Persistent bioaccumulable toxic
PC Polycarbonate
PCA Principal components analysis
PCB Polychlorinatedbiphenyls
PCDD Polychlorinateddibenzo-p-dioxins
PCDF Polychlorinateddibenzofurans
PCR Polymerase chain reaction
PE Polyethylene
PEC Predicted environmental concentration
PEL Probable effect level
PET Polyethylene terephthalate
PFOA Perfluorooctanoic acid
PFOS Perfluorooctane sulfonate
PFOSA Perfluorooctane sulfonamide
PFU Plaque-forming units
Phe Phenanthrene
PLA Polylactic acid
PNEC Predicted no-effect concentration
PNR Proportion net response
POM Particulate organic matter
POP Persistent organic pollutant
PS Polystyrene
PSP Paralytic shellfish poison
PP Polypropylene
PUR Polyurethane
PVC Polyvinyl chloride
Pyr Pyrene
 Abbreviations and Symbols xxi

QA Quality assurance
QC Quality control
QSAR Quantitative structure-activity relationship
R Risk quotient
RBC Rotating biological contactor
RDA Redundancy analysis
REACH Registration, evaluation, authorization, and restriction of
chemicals
RNA Ribonucleic acid
RNO Réseau National d’Observation
ROCCH Réseau d’Observation de la Contamination Chimique
ROS Reactive oxygen species
RPLI Relative penis length index
RT-PCR Reverse transcription-polymerase chain reaction
RTR Ratio to reference
S Species richness
SARA Saturated, aromatics, resins, asphaltenes
SDS Sodium dodecylsulfate
SEM Simultaneously extracted metals
SER Smooth endoplasmic reticulum
SET Sea-urchin embryo test
SOD Superoxide dismutase
SQC Sediment quality criteria
SS Suspended solids
SSD Species sensitivity distribution
SW Seawater
T1/2 Environmental half-life
T90 90% die-off time
TBT Tributyl-tin
TC Total coliforms
TCDD 2,3,7,8-tetrachlorodibenzo-p-dioxin
TCEP Tris(2-chloroethyl) phosphate
TCPP Tris(chloropropyl) phosphate
TCS Triclosan
TDCPP Tris(1,3-dichloro-2-propyl)phosphate
TEL Threshold effect level
TL Trophic level
TOC Total organic carbon
TPM Total particulate matter
TSCA Toxic substances control act
TT Toxicity threshold
TTF Trophic transfer factor
TU Toxic units
(Continued)
xxii Abbreviations and Symbols

UDP Uridine diphosphate

UDPGT Uridine diphosphate glucuronosyltransferase
UK United Kingdom
UN United Nations
UNCLOS United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea
UNEP United Nations Environment Program
US United States
UV Ultraviolet radiation
VDSI Vas deferens sequence index
VTG Vitellogenin
WFD Water framework directive
WHO World Health Organization
WOE Weight of evidence
WQC Water quality criteria
WW Wet weight
WWTP Wastewater treatment plant
 CHAPTER 1

Basic Concepts

1.1 POLLUTION, AN ANTHROPOGENIC PROCESS

We normally understand as pollution the unwanted presence in the environ- A formal definition of
ment of diverse classes of toxic substances generated by human activities. As marine pollution
we will soon discuss, because of the main circulation pathways of matter in
the environment, those inputs frequently end up in the sea. In the context of
marine science, a more formal definition provided by a United Nations advi-
sory board, though strongly anthropocentric, was very successful and quoted
in the scientific literature. Marine pollution, according to that group of experts,
is “the introduction by man of substances into the marine environment
resulting in such deleterious effects as harm to living resources, hazards to
human health, hindrance to marine activities including fishing, impairment
of quality for use of seawater and reduction of amenities” (GESAMP 1969).1
Latter developments of this definition added the introduction of energy to
make clear that heat and radioactivity, already contemplated in the original
definition, could also be considered pollutants, and specified that the introduc-
tion into the sea might also be indirect via riverine or atmospheric pathways.
In the context of maritime transportation, the same board2 produced a list of
166 substances of major concern (Category 1), and their escape into the marine
environment should universally be prevented because they may cause long-term
or permanent damage, and 231 additional substances (Category 2) that because
of their short-term effects represented a hazard only in certain scenarios. From
this seminal report stems the many lists of so-called priority pollutants subse-
quently identified by agencies and institutions committed to environmental pro-
tection worldwide.
The first aspect inherent to pollution thus is its human origin, i.e., pollution is Pollution is
an anthropogenic process derived from human activities. Climatic, geological, quantitatively related
or oceanographic natural events (floods, earthquakes, red tides, etc.), even to population density
when they can be extremely harmful for the environment, are specifically and energy
excluded from the definition of pollution. Therefore, it is not surprising that consumption
the most polluted places were those supporting the highest human population

3
Marine Pollution. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-813736-9.00001-5
Copyright © 2018 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
4 CHAPTER 1: Basic Concepts

densities. But not all human societies pollute the same. Since many physical
and chemical pollutants are originated by industrial activities, industrialization
is also quantitatively related to pollution. A good quantitative subrogate for the
degree of industrialization is energy consumption. As illustrated in Fig. 1.1, the
per capita energy consumption may be up to two orders of magnitude higher in
industrialized societies compared to rural ones. According to this source, the
average American consumes approximately twice the energy than a person
from Europe, 10 times that of a person from India, and 100 times that of a
person from South Sudan.
Environmental Another societal factor affecting the environmental impact of its inhabitants is
regulations are more environmental awareness, which is directly related to the cultural level. This
strict in developed issue has been much less explored and quantified but can be illustrated by a
countries

FIGURE 1.1
Per capita energy consumption in the world in 2013. Units are Kg of oil equivalents per person and year.
Data source: World Bank.
 1.1 Pollution, an Anthropogenic Process 5

few examples. Environmentalism was borne in the most developed countries,

and under its influence environmental protection regulations are far stricter in
those countries. This translates into the fact that many chemicals that cause
environmental concern and were banned in the most developed countries,
such as persistent organochlorine pesticides, are still used in other parts of
the world with laxer environmental standards.
In 2002 the world’s largest mercury mine (Almadén, Spain) was closed as a
result of the different restrictions imposed by the European Commission to
the use of this metal in thermometers and many other applications. Currently
the global mercury production is largely dominated by China, and 79% of
global Hg emissions are located in Asia, Africa, and South America.3 Another
illustration of that is the export of waste from electronic equipment originated
in industrialized European countries to West Africa and other underdeveloped
countries, giving rise there to the uncontrolled and unhealthy “e-waste”
graveyards.

PHOTOGRAPH 1.1
Landfill of electronic equipments and other discarded appliances from all over the world in Accra (West
Africa). Photograph: Daily Mail (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3049457/Where-computer-
goes-die-Shocking-pictures-toxic-electronic-graveyards-Africa-West-dumps-old-PCs-laptops-
microwaves-fridges-phones.html).
6 CHAPTER 1: Basic Concepts

In short, for a given geographical region, a conceptual model can express pollu-
tion (P) as a function of human population density (N), directly related to the
degree of industrialization (i), and inversely related to cultural level (c):
i
P¼N (Eq. 1.1)
c
An interesting implication follows; pollution effects cannot be quantitatively
reduced in a scenario of continuous industrial development and population
growth.
Pollution implies The second aspect inherent to the formal definition of pollution is the delete-
deleterious effects rious effects caused, either to the environment or directly to people. If pollu-
tion became an issue in developed societies it is because it deteriorates the
natural environment, impairs its utility for humankind, and even poses a
risk to human health. We are now used to car traffic restrictions in the large cit-
ies caused by excessive levels of atmospheric particles, or beaches closed to
swimming due to detectable inputs of fecal waters. Accidental spillages or
chronic chemical pollution render some fisheries commercially valueless
because of accumulation of toxic substances in the animals. However, in
most instances the deleterious effects of contaminants are more subtle. Due
to factors such as environmental persistence, continuous input, chronic effects,
or trophic transfer, the manifestation of the harmful effects can be largely
delayed in time and space, and a direct link between input of a substance in
the environment and measurable deleterious effects on living organisms is nor-
mally difficult to establish.
Some authors advocated a formal distinction between pollutant (or pollu-
tion) and contaminant (or contamination), the latter not necessarily
harmful. Walker et al.4 identify at least three difficulties with this distinction.
First, harm is related to dose and not an inherent property of a substance. Sec-
ond, there is no general agreement about what constitutes environmental
harm or damage. For example, concerning ecological effects, the changes in
ecosystem structure and functioning caused by pollutants may be perceived
as deleterious or not depending on the perspective. A large anthropogenic
input of organic matter in an estuary may cause hypereutrophication and
replacement of sensitive by tolerant benthic species. Biodiversity may be
reduced but some commercially exploitable species may proliferate and the
ecosystem may become more productive. Third, pollution has been tradition-
ally assessed by measuring chemical concentrations, and corresponding
biological effects are seldom known. Therefore, the distinction between
pollution and contamination is not useful in theoretical nor in applied
science.
 1.2 Classifications of Pollutants According to Origin and Persistence 7

1.2 CLASSIFICATIONS OF POLLUTANTS ACCORDING

TO ORIGIN AND PERSISTENCE
Until the late 19th or early 20th century, waste disposal practices in the Western Ancient civilizations
world, in contrast with the progress made by Eastern civilizations in ancient already used water to
times, were fully careless, and turned the Thames or Seine rivers into open get rid of waste
sewers transmitting cholera and many other infectious diseases. Even the in-
habitants of the largest European cities got rid of their urine and feces at best
through pipes draining on the street or more frequently straight through the
window. The Spanish expression “aguava!,” warning away the window because
of that, is still remembered by older generations. The generalization of
sewerage systems simply applied the dilution principle to solve the problem
and transferred the contaminants to larger and more distant water bodies.
As reflected in the motto: “dilution is the solution to pollution,” physical Persistence and
dispersal was generally accepted as waste management strategy until a partic- accumulation
ular kind of pollutants entered the scene. In 1962 Rachel Carson published challenge dilution as
Silent spring, an influential book that put the focus on the persistent chemical an effective strategy
pollutants that rather than diluting and disappearing in the environment accu- against pollution
mulated into the birds and caused them unexpected side-effects such as repro-
ductive failure. Advanced societies grew aware of the dangers posed by
chemicals freely disposed in the environment, including risks to human health.
Only when environmental concerns rose worldwide from the 1960s on did
waste treatment and pollution abatement become priority issues in the politi-
cal agendas.
Many persistent pollutants have been found to accumulate in organisms at con-
centrations orders of magnitude above those found in their physical environ-
ment, a phenomena termed bioconcentration or bioaccumulation, dealt with
in Chapter 11. Bioconcentration factor (BCF) is the ratio between the concen-
tration in the organism and the concentration in its environment. According to
most regulations, a substance is considered as bioaccumulative if its BCF ex-
ceeds a limit between 2000 and 5000. Environmental persistence and accumu-
lation in the organisms challenge dilution as an effective strategy against
pollution and stress the need for reduction of industrial use and environmental
disposal of the so-called PBT substances, from persistent, bioaccumulative,
and toxic.
Considering the broad definition of pollution explained earlier in the chapter, Pollutants can be of
no universal method of pollution control is available, and the different charac- physical, chemical, or
teristics and sources will require different management approaches. Pollution is biological nature .
immediately associated to chemicals, but according to their nature, pollutants
can be classified into physical (heat and radioactivity, light, noise, particles,
8 CHAPTER 1: Basic Concepts

plastic objects), chemical, and biological (pathogen microorganisms trans-

mitted from fecal waters; see Chapter 4) pollutants.
According to the source, we can first make the difference between urban, agri-
culture, and industrial waste, and each of them can be classified into solid or
liquid waste. Thus, solid urban waste, for instance, is specifically managed sepa-
rately from other types of more dangerous solid wastes such as those of indus-
trial origin not suitable for recycling or reutilization and that may require more
careful disposal practices. Similarly, urban effluents are currently treated in
wastewater treatment plants (WWTP), normally not designed to receive indus-
trial wastewaters containing toxicants that would spoil the biological treatment
of the WWTP. Generally speaking, the more we could separate different wastes
the more efficient will be their treatment.
. or dissipating, Another useful classification attends at the environmental persistence of the
degradable, or contaminants. Dissipating pollutants are those that rapidly lose their
persistent according damaging properties once released into the aquatic environment. Any potential
to their effects are thus only local, and physical dispersion, instantaneous chemical re-
environmental life action, or rapid biological uptake solves the problem. Heat (cooling water from
power and nuclear stations), acids and alkalis, or cyanide are examples of this
type of contaminants. Nitrates and phosphates are also quickly depleted from
the environment by plant or microbial activity, and thus can also be classified
within this category.
Biodegradable pollutants are those susceptible of biological oxidation and
eventual mineralization to CO2, reduced nitrogenous and phosphorus, and
water under environmental conditions. Natural organic compounds, including
oil, are all biodegradable because bacteria and fungi have evolved to obtain en-
ergy from virtually every natural molecule, but the degradation rates and hence
environmental persistence may be very different, and in practice some types of
natural organic matter such as lignin or humic substances can be considered as
persistent. Environmental conditions such as temperature, oxygen availability,
and microbial flora may greatly affect degradation rates.
Persistent or conservative pollutants are those not very chemically reactive
and not readily subject to microbial attack either. Halogenated hydrocarbons,
synthetic polymers, radioactive isotopes, and trace metals fall within this class.
Conventionally, a contaminant is considered as environmentally persistent
when its half-life is in the order of months or even years. Environmental persis-
tence, as already stated, depends on phisic-chemical and microbiological prop-
erties of the environmental compartment, and hence half-life values must
always be indicated for a particular set of environmental conditions, a require-
ment not always fulfilled in regulatory studies. According to several American
and European regulations,5 a substance is considered as persistent if its half-
life in marine water is higher than 60 days, or higher than 180 days in marine
 1.3 Is an Ecosystem Polluted? A First Scientific Answer 9

sediment. Examples of persistent substances according to these criteria are

diuron, lindane, polybrominated diphenyl-ethers, or polyfluorinated plastic
additives.

1.3 IS AN ECOSYSTEM POLLUTED? A FIRST

SCIENTIFIC ANSWER: BACKGROUND
CONCENTRATION AND ENRICHMENT FACTOR
Moving on to practical issues, one is immediately interested in assessing pollu- Different types of
tion and answering the question whether a particular ecosystem is polluted or pollution require
not. Apart from the two common traits of anthropogenic origin and potential different methods of
harmful effects, little more is common to the wide range of processes labeled as assessment
“environmental pollution.” In fact the question of whether or not an ecosystem
is polluted is very difficult to answer if we are not more specific, since different
kinds of pollutants according to their physical nature, persistence, or type of
source may require very different techniques of assessment and pose very
different levels of risk depending on the kind of organisms, including humans,
potentially affected. For example, sewage waters may pose a high risk to human
health because of microbial pathogens but be innocuous or even beneficial for
the ecosystem production because of organic enrichment, whereas a potent
chemical herbicide may pose imminent risk to primary producers while being
innocuous to humans or perhaps beneficial for biodiversity in a hypereutro-
phic ecosystem. We thus should always pose questions such as, Is this
ecosystem polluted by .? to define the scientific tools capable to give an
answer to the question and, if needed, implement the correct management
tools for its abatement.
Once the type of pollution is defined, and provided the pollutant was a natural Preindustrial levels of
substance, the degree of pollution may be assessed by comparison of the cur- chemicals are called
rent levels of the substance in the environment with those corresponding to background
pristine areas not subjected to strong human pressure. Within the field of
aquatic sediments this approach was pioneered by Hakanson,6 who proposed
an index of contamination for each site based on the summation for all the sub-
stances measured of the rates between the mean measured concentration
(C) and the background concentration (BC), or reference value, defined as
“the standard preindustrial reference level.” The BC can be measured in sam-
ples from pristine areas of similar mineralogical composition or in deeper
layers of the sediment corresponding to preindustrial times. The ratio C/BC
has been later termed enrichment factor.
10 CHAPTER 1: Basic Concepts

This approach is not applicable for synthetic substances, for which the back-
ground level should be zero. Besides, the search for pristine areas is nowadays
difficult, and requires resorting to very remote sites or historical data. Faced
with these problems, the OSPAR Commission has established for common
chemical pollutants background assessment concentrations (BAC), which
are statistical tools derived from BC data that enable testing of whether
observed concentrations can be considered to be near BCs.7 The BAC, though
derived from purely chemical data bases with no ecotoxicological informa-
tion included, are an example of a useful concept in environmental
management that will be discussed in Section 1.5: the environmental quality
criteria.

1.4 POLLUTION IMPLIES A DELETERIOUS EFFECT:

TOXICITY TESTS AND ECOTOXICOLOGICAL
BIOASSAYS
Pollution implies a Once we have set a suitable background level for our study area, an issue far
deleterious effect from simple, and calculated an enrichment factor for the chemical pollutant
of concern, we face a problem that chemistry is no longer capable to solve.
Are those enrichment factors posing a risk to the native organisms or human
populations? How can we know whether a given concentration of a chemical
in an environmental compartment may be harmful? This question can only
be answered by means of biological tools allowing the establishment of quan-
titative relationships between the levels of pollutants and their harmful biolog-
ical effects.
Biological effects can This issue can be addressed a priori, in the laboratory, with toxicity tests dosing
be measured in the known amounts of individual substances or combinations of substances on
laboratory or by field biological models, and recording biological responses at molecular, cellular,
studies organismic, or micro- and mesocosm levels, or a posteriori, either in the labora-
tory exposing our biological models to known dilutions of environmental sam-
ples in ecotoxicological bioassays, or in the field, studying biomarkers and
ecological indices of communities in the sites affected by the pollutants (see
also Fig. 17.1). Therefore, the potential harm that pollution may cause on
native organisms from affected sites can be the subject of prospective studies,
aimed at prevention, and based on laboratory toxicity tests with the chemicals
of concern (see Chapter 13), or the subject of retrospective studies conducted
once the pollutants have been already discharged into the environment, aiming
at the diagnosis of the ecological status of the affected sites. The latter use
ecotoxicological bioassays with laboratory species exposed to environmental
samples, biomarkers measured in native populations at different levels of
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
 William Cullen Bryant, like most of the New England poets, was
not often humorous in his work. Perhaps the nearest he came to it
was in his Lines to a Mosquito.
TO A MOSQUITO
Fair insect! that with threadlike legs spread out,
And blood-extracting bill and filmy wing,
Dost murmur, as thou slowly sail’st about,
In pitiless ears, full many a plaintive thing,
And tell how little our large veins should bleed,
Would we but yield them to thy bitter need?

Unwillingly, I own, and, what is worse,

Full angrily men harken to thy plaint;
Thou gettest many a brush and many a curse,
For saying thou art gaunt and starved and faint.
Even the old beggar, while he asks for food,
Would kill thee, hapless stranger, if he could.

I call thee stranger, for the town, I ween,

Has not the honor of so proud a birth—
Thou com’st from Jersey meadows, fresh and green,
The offspring of the gods, though born on earth;
For Titan was thy sire, and fair was she,
The ocean nymph that nursed thy infancy.

Beneath the rushes was thy cradle swung,

And when at length thy gauzy wings grew strong,
Abroad to gentle airs their folds were flung,
Rose in the sky, and bore thee soft along;
The south wind breathed to waft thee on thy way,
And danced and shone beneath the billowy bay.

Calm rose afar the city spires, and thence

Came the deep murmur of its throng of men,
And as its grateful odors met thy sense,
They seemed the perfumes of thy native fen.
Fair lay its crowded streets, and at the sight
Thy tiny song grew shriller with delight.

At length thy pinion fluttered in Broadway—

Ah, there were fairy steps, and white necks kissed
By wanton airs, and eyes whose killing ray
 Shone through the snowy veils like stars through mist;
And fresh as morn, on many a cheek and chin,
Bloomed the bright blood through the transparent skin.

Sure these were sights to tempt an anchorite!

What! do I hear thy slender voice complain?
Thou wailest when I talk of beauty’s light,
As if it brought the memory of pain.
Thou art a wayward being—well—come near,
And pour thy tale of sorrow in mine ear.

What say’st thou, slanderer! rouge makes thee sick?

And China Bloom at best is sorry food?
And Rowland’s Kalydor, if laid on thick,
Poisons the thirsty wretch that bores for blood.
Go! ’Twas a just reward that met thy crime—
But shun the sacrilege another time.

That bloom was made to look at—not to touch;

To worship—not approach—that radiant white;
And well might sudden vengeance light on such
As dared, like thee, most impiously to bite.
Thou shouldst have gazed at distance and admired—
Murmur’d thy admiration and retired.

Thou’rt welcome to the town—but why come here

To bleed a brother poet, gaunt like thee?
Alas! the little blood I have is dear,
And thin will be the banquet drawn from me.
Look round—the pale-eyed sisters in my cell,
Thy old acquaintance, Song and Famine, dwell.

Try some plump alderman, and suck the blood

Enrich’d by gen’rous wine and costly meat;
On well-filled skins, sleek as thy native mud,
Fix thy light pump, and press thy freckled feet.
Go to the men for whom, in ocean’s halls,
The oyster breeds and the green turtle sprawls.

There corks are drawn, and the red vintage flows,

To fill the swelling veins for thee, and now
The ruddy cheek, and now the ruddier nose
Shall tempt thee, as thou flittest round the brow;
And when the hour of sleep its quiet brings,
No angry hand shall rise to brush thy wings.

Fitz-Greene Halleck wrote much in collaboration with Joseph

Rodman Drake, and it is often difficult to separate their work.
ODE TO FORTUNE
Fair lady with the bandaged eye!
I’ll pardon all thy scurvy tricks,
So thou wilt cut me, and deny
Alike thy kisses and thy kicks:
I’m quite contented as I am,
Have cash to keep my duns at bay,
Can choose between beefsteaks and ham,
And drink Madeira every day.

My station is the middle rank,

My fortune—just a competence—
Ten thousand in the Franklin Bank,
And twenty in the six per cents;
No amorous chains my heart enthrall,
I neither borrow, lend, nor sell;
Fearless I roam the City Hall,
And bite my thumb at Sheriff Bell.

The horse that twice a week I ride

At Mother Dawson’s eats his fill;
My books at Goodrich’s abide,
My country-seat is Weehawk hill;
My morning lounge is Eastburn’s shop,
At Poppleton’s I take my lunch,
Niblo prepares my mutton-chop,
And Jennings makes my whiskey-punch.

When merry, I the hours amuse

By squibbing Bucktails, Guards, and Balls,
And when I’m troubled with the blues
Damn Clinton and abuse cards:
Then, Fortune, since I ask no prize,
At least preserve me from thy frown!
The man who don’t attempt to rise
’Twere cruelty to tumble down.
 Albert Gorton Greene also wrote in the manner of his English
forebears, indeed, his Old Grimes is quite in line with Tom Hood or
Goldsmith.
OLD CHIMES
Old Grimes is dead; that good old man
We never shall see more:
He used to wear a long, black coat,
All buttoned down before.

His heart was open as the day,

His feelings all were true;
His hair was some inclined to gray—
He wore it in a queue.

Whene’er he heard the voice of pain,

His breast with pity burn’d;
The large, round head upon his cane
From ivory was turn’d.

Kind words he ever had for all;

He knew no base design:
His eyes were dark and rather small,
His nose was aquiline.

He lived at peace with all mankind.

In friendship he was true:
His coat had pocket-holes behind,
His pantaloons were blue.

Unharm’d, the sin which earth pollutes

He pass’d securely o’er,
And never wore a pair of boots
For thirty years or more.

But good old Grimes is now at rest,

Nor fears misfortune’s frown:
He wore a double-breasted vest—
The stripes ran up and down.

He modest merit sought to find,

And pay it its desert:
He had no malice in his mind,
 No ruffles on his shirt.

His neighbors he did not abuse—

Was sociable and gay:
He wore large buckles on his shoes
And changed them every day.

His knowledge, hid from public gaze,

He did not bring to view,
Nor made a noise, town-meeting days,
As many people do.

His worldly goods he never threw

In trust to fortune’s chances,
But lived (as all his brothers do)
In easy circumstances.

Thus undisturb’d by anxious cares,

His peaceful moments ran;
And everybody said he was
A fine old gentleman.

Ralph Waldo Emerson is seldom humorous or even in lighter vein.

His Fable about the squirrel shows a graceful wit.
FABLE
The mountain and the squirrel
Had a quarrel,
And the former called the latter “Little Prig”;
Bun replied,
“You are doubtless very big;
But all sorts of things and weather
Must be taken in together,
To make up a year
And a sphere,
And I think it no disgrace
To occupy my place.
If I’m not so large as you,
You are not so small as I,
And not half so spry.
I’ll not deny you make
A very pretty squirrel track;
Talents differ; all is well and wisely put;
If I cannot carry forests on my back,
Neither can you crack a nut.”

Nathaniel Parker Willis was a popular writer of society satire in

both prose and verse.
LOVE IN A COTTAGE
They may talk of love in a cottage,
And bowers of trellised vine—
Of nature bewitchingly simple,
And milkmaids half-divine;
They may talk of the pleasure of sleeping
In the shade of a spreading tree,
And a walk in the fields at morning,
By the side of a footstep free!

But give me a sly flirtation

By the light of a chandelier—
With music to play in the pauses,
And nobody very near;
Or a seat on a silken sofa,
With a glass of pure old wine,
And mama too blind to discover
The small white hand in mine.

Your love in a cottage is hungry,

Your vine is a nest for flies—
Your milkmaid shocks the Graces,
And simplicity talks of pies!
You lie down to your shady slumber
And wake with a bug in your ear,
And your damsel that walks in the morning
Is shod like a mountaineer.

True love is at home on a carpet,

And mightily likes his ease—
And true love has an eye for a dinner,
And starves beneath shady trees.
His wing is the fan of a lady.
His foot’s an invisible thing,
And his arrow is tipp’d with a jewel
And shot from a silver string.
 Seba Smith, among the first to break away from English traditions,
wrote over the pen name of Major Jack Downing. He was a pioneer
in the matter of dialect writing and the first to poke fun at New
England speech and manners.
Follows a part of his skit called

MY FIRST VISIT TO PORTLAND

After I had walked about three or four hours, I come along

towards the upper end of the town, where I found there were stores
and shops of all sorts and sizes. And I met a feller, and says I,—
“What place is this?”
“Why, this,” says he, “is Huckler’s Row.”
“What!” says I, “are these the stores where the traders in
Huckler’s Row keep?”
And says he, “Yes.”
“Well, then,” says I to myself, “I have a pesky good mind to go in
and have a try with one of these chaps, and see if they can twist my
eye-teeth out. If they can get the best end of a bargain out of me,
they can do what there ain’t a man in our place can do; and I should
just like to know what sort of stuff these ’ere Portland chaps are
made of.” So in I goes into the best-looking store among ’em. And I
see some biscuit lying on the shelf, and says I,—
“Mister, how much do you ax apiece for them ’ere biscuits?”
“A cent apiece,” says he.
“Well,” says I, “I shan’t give you that, but, if you’ve a mind to, I’ll
give you two cents for three of them, for I begin to feel a little as
though I would like to take a bite.”
“Well,” says he, “I wouldn’t sell ’em to anybody else so, but,
seeing it’s you, I don’t care if you take ’em.”
I knew he lied, for he never seen me before in his life. Well, he
handed down the biscuits, and I took ’em, and walked round the
store awhile, to see what else he had to sell. At last says I,—
 “Mister, have you got any good cider?”
Says he, “Yes, as good as ever ye see.”
“Well,” says I, “what do you ax a glass for it?”
“Two cents,” says he.
“Well,” says I, “seems to me I feel more dry than I do hungry now.
Ain’t you a mind to take these ’ere biscuits again and give me a
glass of cider?” and says he:
“I don’t care if I do.”
So he took and laid ’em on the shelf again and poured out a glass
of cider. I took the glass of cider and drinkt it down and, to tell you
the truth about it, it was capital good cider Then says I:
“I guess it’s about time for me to be a-going,” and so I stept along
toward the door; but he ups and says, says he:
“Stop, mister, I believe you haven’t paid me for the cider.’
“Not paid you for the cider!” says I; “what do you mean by that?
Didn’t the biscuits that I give you just come to the cider?”
“Oh, ah, right!” says he.
So I started to go again, but before I had reached the door he
says, says he:
“But stop, mister, you didn’t pay me for the biscuit.”
“What!” says I, “do you mean to impose upon me? Do you think I
am going to pay you for the biscuits, and let you keep them, too?
Ain’t they there now on your shelf? What more do you want? I guess,
sir, you don’t whittle me in that way.”
So I turned about and marched off and left the feller staring and
scratching his head as tho’ he was struck with a dunderment.
Howsomeever, I didn’t want to cheat him, only jest to show ’em it
wa’n’t so easy a matter to pull my eye-teeth out; so I called in next
day and paid him two cents.
 And now humor began to creep into the newspapers, and it came
about that American humorists, almost without exception, have been
newspaper men.
Following Seba Smith’s plan each author created a character,
usually of homely type, and through him as a mouthpiece gave to the
world his own wit and wisdom.
Mrs. Frances Miriam Whitcher wrote the Widow Bedott papers,
and Frederick Swartout Cozzens the Sparrowgrass Papers, but best
known today is the Mrs. Partington, the American Mrs. Malaprop,
created by Benjamin Penhallow Shillaber.

AFTER A WEDDING

“I like to tend weddings,” said Mrs. Partington, as she came back

from a neighboring church where one had been celebrated, and
hung up her shawl, and replaced the black bonnet in her long-
preserved band-box. “I like to see young people come together with
the promise to love, cherish, and nourish each other. But it is a
solemn thing, is matrimony—a very solemn thing—where the
pasture comes into the chancery, with his surplus on, and goes
through with the cerement of making ’em man and wife. It ought to
be husband and wife; for it ain’t every husband that turns out a man.
I declare I shall never forget how I felt when I had the nuptial ring put
on to my finger, when Paul said, ‘With my goods I thee endow.’ He
used to keep a dry-goods store then, and I thought he was going to
give me all there was in it. I was young and simple, and didn’t know
till arterwards that it only meant one calico gound in a year. It is a
lovely sight to see the young people plighting their trough, and
coming up to consume their vows.”
She bustled about and got tea ready, but abstractedly she put on
the broken teapot, that had lain away unused since Paul was alive,
and the teacups, mended with putty, and dark with age, as if the idea
had conjured the ghost of past enjoyment to dwell for the moment in
the home of present widowhood.
A young lady, who expected to be married on Thanksgiving night,
wept copiously at her remarks, but kept on hemming the veil that
was to adorn her brideship, and Ike sat pulling bristles out of the
hearth-brush in expressive silence.
Yet not all the wits of the day were newspaper men, for Oliver
Wendell Holmes left his essays and novels now and then to give his
native humor full play.
The “Deacon’s Masterpiece,” often called “The One Hoss Shay” is
a classic, and many short poems are among our best witty verses,
while Holmes’ genial humor pervades his Breakfast Table books.
THE HEIGHT OF THE RIDICULOUS
I wrote some lines once on a time,
In wondrous merry mood,
And thought, as usual, men would say
They were exceeding good.

They were so queer, so very queer,

I laughed as I would die;
Albeit, in the general way,
A sober man am I.

I called my servant, and he came;

How kind it was of him,
To mind a slender man like me,
He of the mighty limb!

“These to the printer,” I exclaimed,

And, in my humorous way,
I added (as a trifling jest),
“There’ll be the devil to pay.”

He took the paper, and I watched,

And saw him peep within;
At the first line he read, his face
Was all upon the grin.

He read the next: the grin grew broad,

And shot from ear to ear;
He read the third: a chuckling noise
I now began to hear.

The fourth: he broke into a roar;

 The fifth: his waistband split;
The sixth: he burst five buttons off,
And tumbled in a fit.

Ten days and nights, with sleepless eye,

I watched that wretched man,
And since, I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

ÆSTIVATION
In candent ire the solar splendor flames;
The foles, languescent, pend from arid rames;
His humid front the cive, anheling, wipes,
And dreams of erring on ventiferous ripes.

How dulce to vive occult to mortal eyes,

Dorm on the herb with none to supervise,
Carp the suave berries from the crescent vine,
And bibe the flow from longicaudate kine.

To me also, no verdurous visions come

Save you exiguous pool’s confervascum,—
No concave vast repeats the tender hue
That laves my milk-jug with celestial blue.

Me wretched! Let me curr to quercine shades!

Effund your albid hausts, lactiferous maids!
Oh, might I vole to some umbrageous chump,—
Depart,—be off,—excede,—evade,—erump!

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow is charged with the perpetration of

certain nonsense verses. His authorship of these has been stoutly
denied as well as positively asseverated.
The two poems in question are appended, and if Longfellow did
write them they are in no wise to his discredit.
THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL
There was a little girl,
And she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good
She was very, very good,
 And when she was bad she was horrid.

One day she went upstairs,

When her parents, unawares,
In the kitchen were occupied with meals
And she stood upon her head
In her little trundle-bed,
And then began hooraying with her heels.

Her mother heard the noise,

And she thought it was the boys
A-playing at a combat in the attic;
But when she climbed the stair,
And found Jemima there,
She took and she did spank her most emphatic.

MR. FINNEY’S TURNIP

Mr. Finney had a turnip
And it grew and it grew;
And it grew behind the barn,
And that turnip did no harm.

There it grew and it grew

Till it could grow no taller;
Then his daughter Lizzie picked it
And put it in the cellar.

There it lay and it lay

Till it began to rot;
And his daughter Susie took it
And put it in the pot.

And they boiled it and boiled it

As long as they were able,
And then his daughters took it
And put it on the table.

Mr. Finney and his wife

They sat down to sup;
And they ate and they ate
And they ate that turnip up.
 James Thomas Fields, an acknowledged humorist, wrote mostly
homely narrative wit.
THE ALARMED SKIPPER
Many a long, long year ago,
Nantucket skippers had a plan
Of finding out, though “lying low,”
How near New York their schooners ran.

They greased the lead before it fell,

And then, by sounding through the night,
Knowing the soil that stuck, so well,
They always guessed their reckoning right.

A skipper gray, whose eyes were dim,

Could tell, by tasting, just the spot;
And so below he’d “dowse the glim,”—
After, of course, his “something hot.”

Snug in his berth at eight o’clock

This ancient skipper might be found;
No matter how his craft would rock,
He slept,—for skippers’ naps are sound!

The watch on deck would now and then

Run down and wake him, with the lead;
He’d up, and taste, and tell the men
How many miles they went ahead.

One night ’twas Jotham Marden’s watch,

A curious wag,—the peddler’s son,—
And so he mused (the wanton wretch),
“To-night I’ll have a grain of fun.

“We’re all a set of stupid fools

To think the skipper knows by tasting
What ground he’s on: Nantucket schools
Don’t teach such stuff, with all their basting!”

And so he took the well-greased lead

And rubbed it o’er a box of earth
That stood on deck,—a parsnip-bed,—
And then he sought the skipper’s berth.
“Where are we now, sir? Please to taste.”
The skipper yawned, put out his tongue,
Then oped his eyes in wondrous haste,
And then upon the floor he sprung!

The skipper stormed, and tore his hair,

Thrust on his boots, and roared to Marden,
“Nantucket’s sunk, and here we are
Right over old Marm Hackett’s garden!”

John Godfrey Saxe has been called the American Tom Hood. His
verses are among our very best humorous poems.
MY FAMILIAR
Again I hear that creaking step!—
He’s rapping at the door!—
Too well I know the boding sound
That ushers in a bore.
I do not tremble when I meet
The stoutest of my foes,
But heaven defend me from the friend
Who comes,—but never goes!

He drops into my easy-chair

And asks about the news;
He peers into my manuscript,
And gives his candid views;
He tells me where he likes the line,
And where he’s forced to grieve;
He takes the strangest liberties,—
But never takes his leave!

He reads my daily paper through

Before I’ve seen a word;
He scans the lyric (that I wrote)
And thinks it quite absurd;
He calmly smokes my last cigar,
And coolly asks for more;
He opens everything he sees—
Except the entry door!

He talks about his fragile health,

And tells me of his pains;
He suffers from a score of ills
Of which he ne’er complains;
And how he struggled once with death
To keep the fiend at bay;
On themes like those away he goes—
But never goes away!

He tells me of the carping words

Some shallow critic wrote;
And every precious paragraph
Familiarly can quote;
He thinks the writer did me wrong;
He’d like to run him through!
He says a thousand pleasant things—
But never says “Adieu!”

Whene’er he comes—that dreadful man—

Disguise it as I may,
I know that, like an autumn rain,
He’ll last throughout the day.
In vain I speak of urgent tasks;
In vain I scowl and pout;
A frown is no extinguisher—
It does not put him out!

I mean to take the knocker off,

Put crape upon the door,
Or hint to John that I am gone
To stay a month or more.
I do not tremble when I meet
The stoutest of my foes,
But Heaven defend me from the friend
Who never, never goes!

Henry Wheeler Shaw, creator of the character of Josh Billings,

was a philosopher and essayist as well as a funny man.
Doubtless his work has lived largely because of its amusing
misspelling, but there is much wisdom to be found in his wit.
The following essays are given only in part.

TIGHT BOOTS
 I would jist like to kno who the man waz who fust invented tite
boots.
He must hav bin a narrow and kontrakted kuss.
If he still lives, i hope he haz repented ov hiz sin, or iz enjoying
grate agony ov sum kind.
I hay bin in a grate menny tite spots in mi life, but generally could
manage to make them average; but thare iz no sich thing az making
a pair of tite boots average.
Enny man who kan wear a pair ov tite boots, and be humble, and
penitent, and not indulge profane literature, will make a good
husband.
Oh! for the pen ov departed Wm. Shakspear, to write an
anethema aginst tite boots, that would make anshunt Rome wake
up, and howl agin az she did once before on a previous ockashun.
Oh! for the strength ov Herkules, to tare into shu strings all the tite
boots ov creashun, and skatter them tew the 8 winds ov heaven.
Oh! for the buty ov Venus, tew make a bigg foot look hansum
without a tite boot on it.
Oh! for the payshunce ov Job, the Apostle, to nuss a tite boot and
bles it, and even pra for one a size smaller and more pinchfull.
Oh! for a pair of boots bigg enuff for the foot ov a mountain.
I have been led into the above assortment ov Oh’s! from having in
my posseshun, at this moment, a pair ov number nine boots, with a
pair ov number eleven feet in them.
Mi feet are az uneasy az a dog’s noze the fust time he wears a
muzzle.
I think mi feet will eventually choke the boots to deth.
I liv in hopes they will.
I suppozed i had lived long enuff not to be phooled agin in this
way, but i hav found out that an ounce ov vanity weighs more than a
pound ov reazon, espeshily when a man mistakes a bigg foot for a
small one.
Avoid tite boots, mi friend, az you would the grip of the devil; for
menny a man haz cought for life a fust rate habit for swareing bi
encouraging hiz feet to hurt hiz boots.
I hav promised mi two feet, at least a dozen ov times during mi
checkured life, that they never should be strangled agin, but i find
them to-day az phull ov pain az the stummuk ake from a suddin attak
ov tite boots.
But this iz solemly the last pair ov tite boots i will ever wear; i will
hereafter wear boots az bigg az mi feet, if i have to go barefoot to do
it.
I am too old and too respektable to be a phool enny more.
Eazy boots iz one of the luxurys ov life, but i forgit what the other
luxury iz, but i don’t kno az i care, provided i kan git rid ov this pair ov
tite boots.
Enny man kan hav them for seven dollars, just half what they
kost, and if they don’t make his feet ake wuss than an angle worm in
hot ashes, he needn’t pay for them.
Methuseles iz the only man, that i kan kall to mind now who could
hav afforded to hav wore tite boots, and enjoyed them, he had a
grate deal ov waste time tew be miserable in but life now days, iz too
short, and too full ov aktual bizzness to phool away enny ov it on tite
boots.
Tite boots are an insult to enny man’s understanding.
He who wears tite boots will hav too acknowledge the corn.
Tite boots hav no bowells or mersy, their insides are wrath and
promiskious cussing.
Beware ov tite boots.—

A HEN

A hen is a darn phool, they was born so bi natur.

 When natur undertakes tew make a phool, she hits the mark the
fust time.
Most all the animile kritters hav instinkt, which is wuth more to
them than reason would be, for instinkt don’t make enny blunders.
If the animiles had reason, they would akt just as ridikilus as we
men folks do.
But a hen don’t seem tew hav even instinkt, and was made
expressly for a phool.
I hav seen a hen fly out ov a good warm shelter, on the 15th ov
January, when the snow was 3 foot high, and lite on the top ov a
stun wall, and coolly set thare, and freeze tew deth.
Noboddy but a darn phool would do this, unless it was tew save a
bet.
I hav saw a human being do similar things, but they did it tew win
a bet.
To save a bet, is self-preservashun, and self-preservashun, is the
fust law ov natur, so sez Blakstone, and he is the best judge ov law
now living.
If i couldn’t be Josh Billings, i would like, next in suit tew be
Blakstone, and compoze sum law.
Not so far removed from the Josh Billings type of humor is the
work of James Russell Lowell. His well known Biglow Papers exploit
in perfection the back country New England politics as well as native
character.
WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS
Guvener B. is a sensible man;
He stays to his home an’ looks arter his folks;
He draws his furrer ez straight ez he can,
An’ into nobody’s tater-patch pokes;
But John P.
Robinson he
Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.
My ain’t it terrible? Wut shall we du?
We can’t never choose him, o’ course,—thet’s flat;
Guess we shall hev to come round (don’t you?)
An’ go in fer thunder an’ guns, an’ all that;
Fer John P.
Robinson he
Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.

Gineral C. is a dreffle smart man:

He’s ben on all sides thet give places or pelf;
But consistency still was a part of his plan,—
He’s ben true to one party,—an’ thet is himself;—
So John P.
Robinson he
Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.

Gineral C. he goes in fer the war;

He don’t vally principle more’n an old cud;
Wut did God make us raytional creeturs fer,
But glory an’ gunpowder, plunder an’ blood?
So John P.
Robinson he
Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.

We were gettin’ on nicely up here to our village,

With good old idees o’ wut’s right an’ wut ain’t,
We kind o’ thought Christ went agin’ war an’ pillage,
An’ thet eppyletts worn’t the best mark of a saint;
But John P.
Robinson he
Sez this kind o’ thing’s an exploded idee.

The side of our country must ollers be took,

An’ Presidunt Polk, you know, he is our country,
An’ the angel thet writes all our sins in a book
Puts the debit to him, an’ to us the per contry!
An’ John P.
Robinson he
Sez this is his view o’ the thing to a T.

Parson Wilbur he calls all these argimunts lies;

Sez they’re nothin’ on airth but jest fee, faw, fum;
An’ thet all this big talk of our destinies
Is half on it ign’ance, an’ t’other half rum;
 But John P.
Robinson he
Sez it ain’t no sech thing; an’, of course, so must we.

Parson Wilbur sez he never heerd in his life

Thet th’ Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats,
An’ marched round in front of a drum an’ a fife,
To git some on ’em office, an’ some on ’em votes;
But John P.
Robinson he
Sez they didn’t know everythin’ down in Judee.

Wall, it’s a marcy we’ve gut folks to tell us

The rights an’ the wrongs o’ these matters, I vow,—
God sends country lawyers, an’ other wise fellers,
To start the world’s team wen it gits in a slough;
Fer John P.
Robinson he
Sez the world’ll go right, ef he hollers out Gee!

Phoebe Cary, though a hymn writer of repute, did some extremely

clever parodies. This work of hers is little known.
I REMEMBER
I remember, I remember,
The house where I was wed,
And the little room from which that night
My smiling bride was led.
She didn’t come a wink too soon,
Nor make too long a stay;
But now I often wish her folks
Had kept the girl away!

I remember, I remember,
Her dresses, red and white,
Her bonnets and her caps and cloaks,—
They cost an awful sight!
The “corner lot” on which I built,
And where my brother met
At first my wife, one washing-day,—
That man is single yet!

I remember, I remember,