BIG HISTORY PROJECT / LESSON 1.

3 ACTIVITY STUDENT MATERIALS

WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS REVISION
Preparation
• Have your Score-graded essay ready to use for annotation and revision purposes

Purpose
The purpose of this activity is to show you how to use a rubric-aligned tool to evaluate and improve upon a piece of writing. A useful strategy for
improving writing skills is to analyze samples as an editor, using peer drafts or your own essays that were graded by Score. As you closely analyze the
BHP Writing Rubric and evaluate a piece of writing against it, you will develop a better understanding of what makes a piece of writing strong. This, in
turn, will make your writing stronger.

Process
In this activity, you’ll first review the Claim and Focus row of the BHP Writing Rubric with your class. Then, you’ll be introduced to the Claim and Focus
Revision Tool and how you to use it to improve upon claim and focus in an essay. Finally, you’ll use the tool to evaluate and revise an essay.

Start by reviewing and discussing the Claim and Focus row of the rubric with your class. Remember, a strong thesis/major claim and subclaims will help
establish good focus in an essay.

Next, take out the Claim and Focus Revision Tool. First, pay attention to the directions at the top, which ask you to review the prompt for the essay. Review
a prompt with your class and underline all the key words in the prompt that relate to what specifically is being asked of the writer. This will help you focus
your review on what was specifically asked for in the essay. Next, review the feedback received from Score to get a better sense of how the essay fared
in terms of claim and focus. This will help give you a general sense of where improvement is needed.

Finally, it’s time to use the table portion of the tool to really start digging into the details of the essay as they relate to claim and focus. This part of the
tool is broken into three steps. The first step addresses claim, the second step addresses focus, and the third step addresses counterclaim. Within each
step there is a review and revision process. For the review process, look at the checklist under the Review column and see if you can find those elements
of writing in the essay. If you find them, check the box and move to the next item in the list. If you didn’t find them, look to the Revision column for
suggestions about how to improve that aspect of the essay. Go through each item on the checklist so that you are prepared to revise for claim, focus, and
counterclaim in the essay where needed.

Now that you have an idea of how the tool works, it’s time to try this out on your own!

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BIG HISTORY PROJECT / LESSON 1.3 ACTIVITY STUDENT MATERIALS
WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS REVISION Name: Date:

Directions: First, review the Investigation question or prompt and underline all the key words in the prompt that relate to what specifically is being asked
of the writer. Second, review the feedback received from Score to get a sense of where the use of claim and focus can be improved in the essay. Third,
evaluate your essay based on each category in the Review column. For any items you do NOT check in the evaluation column, follow the suggestions in
the corresponding Action column to revise the essay.

Step 1 – Thesis/Major Claim

Review Revise
If you do not check a box in the column below, then try the suggested action in this column!

o The thesis/major claim directly responds to the prompt. o Turn the question from the prompt into a statement that answers
the question.

o The thesis/major claim includes details that make it more specific o Add brief phrases into the claim statement that summarize your
by including a preview into some of the supporting claims that specific reasons.
support thesis/major claim.

Step 2 - Improving Focus

o The contents of each supporting claim explicitly supports the o Add to or improve your supporting claims so readers can clearly
thesis/major claim. see how that paragraph supports your major claim. To do this, use
similar language or ideas from the thesis/major claim.

o Each supporting paragraph (that is, any paragraphs that aren’t the o Add another sentence of explanation, repeating key words
introduction or conclusion) clearly connects to the major claim. from the major claim to help show the connection. Remove any
extra information that isn’t related to the thesis/major claim or
counterclaim.

Step 3 – Improving Counterclaims

o A counterclaim has been addressed as part of the thesis/major o Start your major claim with a phrase that captures an alternative or
claim. opposing viewpoint, such as “While some have argued...”

o Counterclaims have been addressed in the essay. o Revise to address counterclaims anywhere you might imagine a
reader responding, “But what about…?” Or, think about alternative
or opposing viewpoints you’ve read about and incorporate them.

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BIG HISTORY PROJECT / LESSON 1.3 ACTIVITY STUDENT MATERIALS
WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS REVISION Name: Date:

Review Revise
If you do not check a box in the column below, then try the suggested action in this column!
Step 1 – Improving Thesis/Major Claim

o Review the Investigation question or prompt. o Underline all the key words in the prompt that relate to what
specifically is being asked of the writer.

o The thesis/major claim directly responds to the prompt. o Turn the question from the prompt into a statement that answers
the question.

o The thesis/major claim includes details that make it more o Add brief phrases summarizing your specific reasons into the
specific by including a preview into some of the supporting claims claim statement itself.
that support thesis/major claim.

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BIG HISTORY PROJECT / LESSON 1.3 ACTIVITY
WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS REVISION
BHP Writing Rubric
Advanced
Claim and Focus* The essay makes a precise and
significant claim based on the topic
Make a clear claim about the
and/or source(s). The essay maintains
topic early in the essay and
a strong focus on defending a directly
focus on proving it.
stated position, using the whole essay
to support and develop the claim
and counterclaims while thoroughly
addressing the demands of the prompt.
Analysis and Evidence The essay cites the most appropriate
and valid evidence to support
Choose the right evidence
its claim, drawing information
and explain how it supports
substantively from multiple sources
the claim and analysis.
to defend its position and effectively
refute counterclaims. The essay
demonstrates insightful reasoning and
careful understanding of the sources,
acknowledging inconsistencies or
weaknesses in evidence, and fully
explains the relationship between
claims and support.
Organization The essay incorporates precise
transitions within a sophisticated
Present ideas in a structure
organizational structure that
that enhances the analysis.
enhances the relationships between
Use transitions throughout
and among ideas and promotes
the essay to make
cohesion and clarity. A well-executed,
connections clear.
logical progression of ideas is clearly
constructed, including an effective
introduction and a conclusion which
follows from and supports the claim
and analysis.
Proficient
The essay makes a clear claim
based on the topic and/or
source(s). The essay maintains
focus on defending an identifiable
position, using most of the essay to
support and develop the claim and
counterclaims while addressing
the demands of the prompt.
The essay cites sufficient and
appropriate evidence to support
its claim, drawing information
from multiple sources to defend
its position and refute counter-
claims. The essay demonstrates
reasoning and understanding
of the sources, potentially
acknowledging inconsistencies
or weaknesses in evidence,
and adequately explains the
relationship between claims and
support.
The essay employs an
organizational structure that
shows the relationships between
and among ideas, yielding a
cohesive analysis. Clear transitions
support a logical progression
of ideas, including an effective
introduction and a conclusion
which follows from and supports
the claim and analysis.
Name:
Developing
The essay makes a claim based on
the topic and/or source(s), but it may
not fully address the demands of the
prompt. Counterclaims may not be
acknowledged, and the essay may
not stay focused on the purpose and
task.
The essay cites evidence to support
its claim, but it may be insufficient
or draw unevenly from available
sources. Support may be inadequate
in defense of the position and
refutation of the counterclaim
or rely too heavily on summary.
The essay demonstrates some
reasoning and/or understanding of
the sources, though explanations of
the relationship between claims and
support are not always clear.
The essay uses a simplistic
organizational structure, though
relationships between ideas may
not be consistently clear. Use of
transitions is sparse, repetitive, and/
or does not show the connections
among sections of the text. A
progression of ideas is evident,
however, the introduction and/
or conclusion may not be fully
developed or follow from and
support the claim and/or analysis.
STUDENT MATERIALS
Date:
Emerging
The essay makes an overly
simplistic or vague claim, or
a position on the topic and/
or source(s) may not be
stated. Counterclaims are not
acknowledged, and the essay does
not address the purpose, task, or
demands of the prompt.
The essay cites minimal or
irrelevant evidence to support
its claim. Support may rely
primarily on opinion, reasoning,
or summary of the source(s)
without clear cited evidence. The
essay demonstrates little to no
reasoning and/or understanding of
the sources. An explanation of the
relationship between claims and
support is not present.
An organizational structure is not
evident, and relationships between
ideas are not consistently clear.
The essay may read as a series
of unrelated ideas, as the absence
of transitions makes it difficult to
see connections among sections
of the text. An introduction and/
or conclusion is missing from the
essay.
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BIG HISTORY PROJECT / LESSON 1.3 ACTIVITY STUDENT MATERIALS
WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS REVISION Name: Date:

Advanced Proficient Developing Emerging

Language and Style The essay has an established, formal
style and objective tone that is
Use specific, interesting
maintained throughout. The essay
language and clear sentence
uses varied sentence structure,
structure to communicate
precise language, and domain-specific
ideas.
vocabulary in a way that addresses
the complexity of the topic. Few
errors are present, and they do not
interfere with meaning.
The essay has an established, formal
style that is maintained throughout.
The essay uses mostly correct,
varied sentence structure and
generally uses precise language
and domain-specific vocabulary in
a way that generally addresses the
complexity of the topic. The essay
may have some errors, but they do
not interfere with meaning.
The essay attempts to establish
a formal style that may not be
maintained throughout. The essay
attempts to vary sentence structure
and uses some precise language
that may be domain-specific at times
but may address the complexity of
the topic inconsistently. The essay
contains some errors that may
interfere with meaning.
The essay does not establish and/
or maintain a formal style. The
essay uses little variety in sentence
structure, and the language is
general and not domain-specific.
The essay contains errors that
interfere with meaning.

Applying BHP Concepts† The essay applies at least two The essay applies one BHP course- The essay tries to apply at least The essay incorrectly or
BHP course-level concepts and/or level concept and/or unit-level one BHP course-level and/or unit- inappropriately mentions at least
Choose and accurately apply
unit-level concepts or content. The concept or content. The concept level concept or content, but does one BHP course-level concept and/
the relevant BHP concepts
concepts or content are connected or content is connected to the not fully articulate the concept's or unit-level concept or content,
in a way that shows
to the argument or evidence in argument or evidence in the essay, meaning or connection to the and it may include misconceptions
understanding, and further
the essay, and misconceptions are and misconceptions are avoided. argument and/or evidence. It does of that concept. The essay may
supports the argument and
avoided. There are no errors in There are no errors in applying avoid explicit misconceptions of the make many minor errors or a major
evidence presented in the
applying BHP concepts or content, BHP concepts or content to concept but may make an occasional error in applying BHP facts or
essay.
and the essay demonstrates a clear illustrate or support concepts and minor error in applying BHP facts concepts.
understanding of the topic and the claims, or to inform the essay. or concepts to illustrate or support
concepts. The essay might include concepts and claims, or to inform
information about the overall time the essay.
period discussed in the essay and
might make use of broader historical
content than is located in the
course.

*Turnitin, LLC, created the first four rows of this rubric for use with their Revision Assistant and Turnitin tools.

†The “Applying BHP Concepts” row of the rubric should be used by teachers and students to assess student learning and understanding in this area. Teachers should not assess student
writing using Turnitin reports exclusively.

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