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Contents
Preface xiv
About the Authors xxii

Become Other-Oriented 24
■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation
to Being a Competent interpersonal
Part 1 Communicator 26
Interpersonal STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 27
Communication
Foundation 1 2 Interpersonal Communication
and Self 29
1 Introduction to Interpersonal Self-Concept: Who You Think You Are 30
Communication 1 Attitudes, Beliefs, and Values Reflect Your Self-Concept 31
Mindfulness: Being Consciously Aware 32
Interpersonal Communication Defined 2
One or Many Selves? 34
Interpersonal Communication Is a Distinctive
Form of Communication 3 How Your Self-Concept Develops 35
Interpersonal Communication Involves Mutual Self-Esteem: Your Self-Worth 41
Influence Between Individuals 4 Facework: Presenting Your Self-Image to Others 43
Interpersonal Communication Helps Individuals Projecting Your Face 43
Manage Their Relationships 5 Protecting Others’ Face 44
Interpersonal Communication’s Importance How to Improve Your Self-Esteem 46
to Your Life 5 Engage in Self-Talk 46
Improved Relationships with Family 6 Visualize a Positive Image of Yourself 46
Improved Relationships with Friends and Avoid Comparing Yourself with Others 47
Romantic Partners 6
Reframe Appropriately 47
Improved Relationships with Colleagues 6
Develop Honest Relationships 47
Improved Physical and Emotional Health 6
Let Go of the Past 47
Interpersonal Communication and the Communication
Seek Support 48
Process 7
Self and Interpersonal Relationships 49
Elements of the Communication Process 7
Self and Interaction with Others 49
Models of the Communication Process 8
Self and Your Future 50
Interpersonal Communication Principles 10
Self and Interpretation of Messages 50
Interpersonal Communication Connects
Self and Interpersonal Needs 51
Us to Others 10
Self and Disclosure to Others 52
Interpersonal Communication Is Irreversible 11
Self and Communication Social Style 54
Interpersonal Communication Is Complicated 12
Interpersonal Communication Is Governed ■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation
by Rules 13 to Self and interpersonal Communication 57
Interpersonal Communication Involves STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 57
Both Content and Relationship Dimensions 13
Interpersonal Communication and Social Media 15 3 Interpersonal Communication
Differences Between EMC and Face-to-Face and Perception 60
Communication 17
Understanding Interpersonal Perception 61
Understanding EMC 19
Stage 1: Selecting 62
Interpersonal Communication Competence 23
Stage 2: Organizing 63
Become Knowledgeable, Skilled, and Motivated 23
Stage 3: Interpreting 65

vii
viii Contents

Forming Impressions of Others 66 Power: Centralized and Decentralized 94

We Develop Our Own Theories About Others 66 Time: Short-Term and Long-Term 94
We Form Impressions of Others Online: Happiness: Indulgent and Restrained 94
The Social Media Effect 67 Barriers to Effective Intercultural Communication 95
We Emphasize What Comes First: Ethnocentrism 96
The Primacy Effect 67
Different Communication Codes 98
We Emphasize What Comes Last: The Recency Effect 68
Stereotyping and Prejudice 99
We Generalize Positive Qualities to Others:
Assuming Similarities 100
The Halo Effect 68
Assuming Differences 100
We Generalize Negative Qualities to Others:
The Horn Effect 68 Improving Intercultural Communication
Competence 101
Interpreting the Behavior of Others 69
Develop Knowledge 103
We Attribute Motives to Others’ Behavior:
Attribution Theory 69 Develop Motivation: Strategies to Accept
Others 105
We Use Our Own Point of Reference About Power:
Standpoint Theory 70 Develop Skill 106
We Draw on Our Own Cultural Background: ■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation
Intercultural Communication Theory 70 to diversity: the Platinum rule 112
Identifying Barriers to Accurate Interpersonal STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 113
Perception 72
We Stereotype 72
We Ignore Information 73
We Impose Consistency 74
We Focus on the Negative 75
We Blame Others, Assuming They Have Control 75
We Avoid Responsibility 76
Part 2
Improving Interpersonal Perception Skills 77 Interpersonal
Be Aware of Your Personal Perception Barriers 78 Communication
Be Mindful of the Behaviors That Create Meaning Skills 115
for You 78
Link Details with the Big Picture
Become Aware of Others’ Perceptions of You
78
79
5 Listening and Responding Skills 115
Check Your Perceptions 79 Listening Defined 117
Become Other-Oriented 79 Selecting 117
■ aPPLYing an Attending 117
othEr-oriEntation Understanding 118
to interpersonal Perception 80 Remembering 118
STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 81 Responding 119
Listening Styles 119

4
Relational Listening Style 119
Interpersonal Communication Analytical Listening Style 119
and Diversity: Adapting Critical Listening Style 120
to Others 83 Task-Oriented Listening Style 120
Understanding Diversity: Describing Our Differences 84 Understanding Your Listening Style 120
Sex and Gender 85 Listening Barriers 121
Sexual Orientation 87 Being Self-Absorbed 122
Race and Ethnicity 87 Unchecked Emotions 123
Age 88 Criticizing the Speaker 124
Social Class 90 Differing Speech Rate and Thought Rate 124
Understanding Culture: Dimensions of Our Information Overload 124
Mental Software 91 External Noise 124
Individualism: One and Many 92 Listener Apprehension 125
Context: High and Low 93 Improving Your Listening Skills 126
Gender: Masculine and Feminine 93 How to Improve Listening Comprehension
Uncertainty: High and Low Tolerance 93 Skills 126
 Contents ix

How to Improve Empathic Listening Skills 129 Be Silent 176

How to Improve Critical Listening Skills 134 Paraphrase 176
Improving Your Responding Skills 135 ■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation
How to Improve Accurate Responding Skills 135 to Enhancing Your Verbal Skills 176
How to Improve Empathic Responding Skills 138 STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 177
Improving Your Confirmation Skills 141
How to Provide Confirming Responses 141 7 Nonverbal Communication Skills 179
How to Avoid Disconfirming Responses 143
■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation Identifying the Importance of Nonverbal Communication 180
to Listening and responding Skills 144 Nonverbal Messages Are the Primary Way We
Communicate Our Feelings and Attitudes 180
STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 145
Nonverbal Messages Are Usually More Believable
Than Verbal Messages 181
6 Verbal Communication Skills 147 Nonverbal Messages Work with Verbal Messages
to Create Meaning 182
How Words Work 148 Nonverbal Messages Help People Respond
Words Are Symbols 148 and Adapt to Others 182
Many Words Are Arbitrary 151 Nonverbal Messages Play a Major Role in Interpersonal
Words Are Culture-Bound 151 Relationships 183
The Power of Words 152 Understanding Nonverbal Communication Codes 184
Words Create Perceptions 152 Body Movement and Posture 184
Words Influence Thoughts 153 Eye Contact 187
Words Influence Actions 153 Facial Expression 187
Words Affect and Reflect Culture 154 Vocal Cues 189
Words Make and Break Relationships 155 Our Vocal Cues Provide Clues about
Our Relationships 190
Clues to Our Relationships Are Found in Our
Word Choice 155 Space 191
Clues to Our Relationships Are Found in What Territory 193
We Don’t Say 156 Touch 193
Clues to Our Online Relationships Are Found Appearance 194
in Our Tweets, Texts, and Posts 156 Improving Your Skill in Interpreting Nonverbal
How to Manage Misunderstandings 157 Messages 197
Be Aware of Missed Meaning 157 Look for Dimensions of Meaning in Nonverbal
Be Clear 158 Messages 197
Be Specific 158 Use Effective Strategies for Interpreting Nonverbal
Be Aware of Changes in Meaning 160 Messages 199
Be Aware of Polarizing Either-Or Extremes 161 Be Aware of Limitations When Interpreting
Nonverbal Messages 203
Be Unbiased 161
Improving Your Skill in Expressing Nonverbal
How to Use Words of Support and Comfort 165
Messages 205
Describe Your Feelings, Rather Than Evaluate
Be Mindful of Your Nonverbal Behavior 205
Behavior 165
Observe Others’ Reactions to Your Nonverbal
Solve Problems Rather Than Control 167
Behavior 205
Be Genuine Rather Than Manipulative 167
Ask Others About Your Nonverbal Behavior 205
Empathize Rather Than Remain Detached 168
Practice Your Nonverbal Behavior 206
Be Flexible Rather Than Rigid 169
■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation
Present Yourself as Equal Rather
to nonverbal Communication 206
Than Superior 169
How to Have a Conversation 170 STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 206

8
Starting a Conversation 170
Sustaining a Conversation 171
Conflict Management Skills 209
How to Apologize 172 Conflict Defined 210
How to Be Assertive 173 Conflict Elements 210
Describe 173 Conflict Triggers 211
Disclose 175 Conflict as a Process 212
Identify Effects 175 Conflict Myths 215
x Contents

Myth 1: Conflict Is Always a Sign of a Poor Stages of Interpersonal Relationship Development 250
Interpersonal Relationship 216 Relational Escalation 250
Myth 2: Conflict Can Always Be Avoided 216 Relational De-Escalation 252
Myth 3: Conflict Always Occurs Because Principles Underlying Relational Stages 253
of Misunderstandings 216
Theories of Interpersonal Relationship Development 255
Myth 4: Conflict Can Always Be Resolved 216
Social Exchange Theory 255
Conflict Types 216 Relational Dialectics Theory 257
Pseudoconflict: Misunderstandings 217 Self-Disclosure and Social Penetration Theory 259
Simple Conflict: Different Stands on the Issues 217
■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation
Ego Conflict: Conflict Gets Personal 218 to Understanding interpersonal relationships 264
Conflict and Power 219
STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 265
Power Principles 220
Power Sources 221 10 Managing Relationship
Power to Persuade 221 Challenges 267
Power Negotiation 222
Conflict Management Styles 222 Relationship and Communication Challenges 268
Avoidance 223 Violating Expectations 268
Accommodation 224 Challenging Communication: Addressing Grief
and Delivering Bad News 273
Competition 225
Maintaining Long-Distance Relationships
Compromise 226
(LDRs) 274
Collaboration 226
Relationships That Challenge Social Norms 275
Conflict Management Skills 228
The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication and
Manage Your Emotions 229 Relationships 276
Manage Information 232 Deception 277
Manage Goals 234 Communication That Hurts Feelings 280
Manage the Problem 234 Jealousy 281
■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation Unwanted Attention 282
to Conflict Management 237 Relational Violence 283
STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 238 Relationship De-Escalation and Termination 285
Signs of Relationship Problems 286
Repair and Rejuvenation 287
The Decision to End a Relationship 287
How Relationships End 288
Reasons for De-Escalating and Terminating 289
Part 3 The Relational Dissolution Process 290
Strategies for Ending Relationships 292
Interpersonal
Recovery Strategies 293
Communication
■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation
in Relationships 241 to relationship Challenges 295

9 Understanding Interpersonal STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 296

Relationships 241
11 Interpersonal Relationships:
Interpersonal Relationships Defined 242
Friendship and Romance 297
Shared Perception 242
Ongoing Interdependent Connection 243 Friendship 298
Relational Expectations 243 Making Friends 300
Interpersonal Intimacy 244 Friendships at Different Stages in Life 300
Circumstance or Choice 244 Same-Sex Friendships 302
Power 245 Cross-Sex Friendships 303
Genesis of Interpersonal Relationships: Attraction 246 Diverse Friendships 304
Sources of Initial Attraction 247 Romantic Relationships 307
Sources of Both Initial and Long-Term Qualities of Romantic Relationships 309
Attraction 248 From Friendship to Romance 313
 Contents xi

Dating 313 Strategies for Improving Family

Unrequited Romantic Interest (URI) 316 Communication 337
Interpersonal Relationship Strategies 318 Specific Family Relationships 339
Strategies Used Primarily to Initiate a Relationship 318 Workplace Relationships 346
Strategies Used to Initiate and/or Escalate Workplace Friendships 346
Relationships 319 Workplace Romances 349
Strategies Used to Escalate and/or Maintain Formal Relationships and Communication
Relationships 322 Directions in the Workplace 351
■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation The Dark Side of Workplace Communication 356
to Friends and romantic Partners 326 ■ aPPLYing an othEr-oriEntation
STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 326 to Family and Workplace relationships 358
STUDY GUIDE: Review, Apply, and Assess 359
12 Interpersonal Relationships:
Family and Workplace 328 Notes 360
Family Relationships 329 Glossary 394
Family Defined 329
Index 402
Family Types 330
Two Models of Family Interaction 333 Credits 408
Special Features
RElATInG TO DIvERSE OThERS
The World Is Here 9
The “Golden Rule”: Is Being Other-Oriented a Universal Value? 35
The Power of Being Other-Oriented 71
A Diversity Almanac 85
Tao: A Universal Moral Code 107
Who Listens Better: Men or Women? 122
Do Men and Women Speak the Same Language? 163
Cultural and Gender Differences in Interpreting Nonverbal Messages 195
Gender and Conflict 218
Cultural Differences in Self-Disclosure 261
Women’s and Men’s Responses to Relationships Challenges 286
Empathy and Sexual Orientation 289
Female and Male Dating Roles 315
Male–Female Communication in the Workplace 351
Intercultural Bargaining and Deal-Making 355

COmmUnICATIOn AnD EmOTIOn

The Role of Emotions in Our Relationships with Others 16
Self and Emotion: How We Influence How We Feel 40
How to Perceive the Emotions of Others More Accurately 80
Are Human Emotions Universal? 102
What’s Your Emotional Intelligence Level and Why Does It Matter? 133
The Timing of Saying “I Love You”: After You. No, After You. 167
How to Accurately Interpret the Nonverbal Expression of Emotions 191
Do You Know What Your “Hot Buttons” Are? 213
Assessing Your Emotional Responses to Relationship Challenges 294
Emotions at Home 344

ImPROvInG YOUR COmmUnICATIOn SkIllS

Practice Being Other-Oriented 25
Who Are You? 30
What’s Your Communication Social Style? 55
Assuming the Best or the Worst About Others: Identifying
Alternative Explanations 77
Identifying and Adapting to Cultural Rules and Norms 111
How to Identify Both Major Ideas and Details to Enhance Listening 128
Practice Using “I” Language and Extended “I” Language 168
How to Express Your Emotions to Others 174
Practicing Nonverbal Perception Checking 201
Dealing with Prickly People 235
Graphing Your Relationship Changes 252
Self-Disclosure as a Dance 263
Trait Forgiveness 272
Friends with a Difference 276
Understanding Your Relational Expectations 306
Identifying Your Family System 335
Other-Orientation at Home and Work 346
xii
 Special Features xiii

#communicationandtechnology
Always On 22
Comparing Your “Cyber Self” and Your “Realspace Self” 38
The SIDE Model: Forming Stereotypes Online 74
Relating to Others Online in Intercultural Relationships 96
Being “Listened to” by Our Facebook Friends 130
Relating to Others Online 175
Saying It Without Saying It Online 196
Conflict Happens 227
Do Cell Phones Threaten Your Autonomy? 258
Cyberstalking, Cyberbullying, and Partner Surveillance 284
Friendship, Romance, and the Internet 317
Networked Families 342
Networked Workers 353
Preface
T
he world does not revolve around you. This
un-profound observation has profound implications
for the study of interpersonal communication: At the
heart of quality interpersonal relationships is an empha-
sis on others. A focus on others rather than on oneself has
been the hallmark of most volunteer, community, and faith
movements in the world for millennia. Yet this book is not
about religion or philosophy. It’s about how to enhance the
quality of your interpersonal communication with others.
The importance of being other-oriented was the foun-
dation of the first seven well-received editions of Interper-
sonal Communication: Relating to Others, and it continues to
be the central theme of the eighth edition.
What’s New in the Eighth Edition
REVEL™
Educational technology designed
for the way today’s students read,
think, and learn
When students are engaged deeply, they learn more
effectively and perform better in their courses. This simple
fact inspired the creation of REVEL: an immersive learn-
ing experience designed for the way today’s students read,
think, and learn. Built in collaboration with educators and
students nationwide, REVEL is the newest, fully digital
way to deliver respected Pearson content.
REVEL enlivens course content with media interac-
tives and assessments—integrated directly within the au-
thors’ narrative—that provide opportunities for students
to read about and practice course material in tandem. This
immersive educational technology boosts student engage-
ment, which leads to better understanding of concepts and
improved performance throughout the course.
Learn more about REVEL
http://www.pearsonhighered.com/revel/
SPECIAL FEAtuRES FoR CoMMunICAtIon StuDEntS
REVEL is a dynamic learning experience that offers students
a way to study the content and topics relevant to communi-
cation in a whole new way. Rather than simply offering op-
portunities to read about and study interpersonal commu-
nication, REVEL facilitates deep, engaging interactions with
xiv
the concepts that matter most. For example, in Chapter 5,
students are presented with a self-assessment that scores
their skill in empathizing with others, allowing them to
examine their level of empathy and consider how they
could improve on it. Interactive text and figures on top-
ics like “What You Do with Your Communication Time”
are designed to capture student’s attention and engage
them in the text. In addition, students are presented with
video examples throughout the book on topics like listen-
ing styles, social media, nonverbal communication, percep-
tion barriers, and personal space. A wealth of student and
instructor resources and interactive materials can be found
within REVEL. Some of our favorites include the following:
• Audio Excerpts
Students can listen to audio clips while they read,
bringing examples to life in a way that a printed text
cannot. Throughout the book, dialogue excerpts high-
light effective as well as ineffective ways to communi-
cate. These audio examples reinforce learning and add
dimension to the printed text.
• Self-Assessments
Self-assessment instruments allow students to analyze
their own communication styles, enabling them to
learn and grow over the duration of the course. A vari-
ety of self-assessments are offered, including ones on
topics such as testing your empathy and strategies for
improving intercultural competence.
• Videos and Video Self-Checks
Video clips appear throughout the narrative to boost
mastery, and many videos are bundled with cor-
relating self-checks, enabling students to test their
knowledge.
• Interactive Figures
Animated figures help students understand hard-to-
grasp concepts, such as the model of relational devel-
opment, through interactive visualizations.
• Integrated Writing opportunities
To help students connect chapter content with personal
meaning, each chapter offers two varieties of writing
prompts: the Journal prompt, which elicits free-form,
topic-specific responses addressing content at the mod-
ule level, and the Shared Writing prompt, which encour-
ages students to share and respond to each other’s brief
responses to high-interest topics in the chapter.`

For more information about all the tools and resources
in REVEL and access to your own REVEL account for
Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others, Eighth
Edition go to www.pearsonhighered.com/revel.
Chapter Updates
In addition to the abundance of in-chapter interactive and
media materials you’ll find in REVEL, we have worked
to retain the strengths of the text that readers seem to
value most—an easily accessible style, our other-oriented
approach, and a balance of theory and skills. This new edi-
tion adds fresh examples and new research throughout.
Here are some reasons to give this new edition a close look:
• Chapter 1, “Introduction to Interpersonal Commu-
nication,” includes additional discussion, research,
and examples about social media. In addition, newly
titled #communicationandtechnology boxes, which are
included in each chapter, discuss the influence of new
technology on interpersonal communication.
• Chapter 2, “Interpersonal Communication and Self,”
presents additional research on the material self,
attachment styles, and self-disclosure, among other
topics. More social media examples have also been
added to the chapter.
• Chapter 3, “Interpersonal Communication and Percep-
tion,” contains a new discussion on active and passive
perception. New research on stereotyping and fun-
damental attribution error has also been added to the
chapter.
• Chapter 4, “Interpersonal Communication and
Diversity: Adapting to Others,” includes an expanded
discussion on discrimination and new content on the
cultural dimensions of happiness.
• Chapter 5, “Listening and Responding Skills,” contains
new research on social media and listening goals. The
chapter features a new #communicationandtechnology
box about being “listened to” by our Facebook friends.
Preface xv
A Relating to Diverse others box also explores the
updated topic, “Who Listens Better: Men or Women?”
• Chapter 6, “Verbal Communication Skills,” features a
new section on how to have a conversation with others.
The chapter also includes a new discussion on online
relationships.
• Chapter 7, “ Nonverbal Communication Skills,”
includes new research on how our vocal cues provide
clues about our relationships and how physical appear-
ance can influence perception.
• Chapter 8, “Conflict Management Skills,” has been
reorganized so that the content on conflict triggers
appears before the discussion of conflict as a process.
A new Communication and Emotion box covering
“hot button” issues has also been added. The discussion
of power negotiation has been streamlined.
• Chapter 9, “Understanding Interpersonal Relationships,”
contains new research on how intimate relationships
enhance our self-esteem and confidence, and how our use
of Facebook changes as relationships escalate. Additional
examples about online dating and speed dating have also
been added to the chapter.
• Chapter 10, “Managing Relationship Challenges,”
features a new discussion on addressing grief and deliv-
ering bad news. Coverage of cyberbullying has been
increased, and Facebook surveillance has been added.
• Chapter 11, “Interpersonal Relationships: Friendship
and Romance,” includes more social media examples
and research. The discussion on romantic relationships,
including dating, has been expanded with new exam-
ples and research.
• Chapter 12, “Interpersonal Relationships: Family and
Workplace,” has additional coverage on the dark side
of workplace communication, nontraditional families,
and the adoption of communication technology in the
workplace. New studies, data, and examples have been
added throughout the chapter.
xvi Preface

Unique Features
An Other-Oriented Approach
Becoming other-oriented is a collection of skills and principles that are designed
to increase your sensitivity to and understanding of others. Being other-oriented
doesn’t mean you abandon your own thoughts, ignore your feelings, and change
your behavior only to please others; that would not only be unethical, it would also
be an ineffective approach to developing genuine, honest relationships with others.
An other-oriented person is self-aware in addition to being aware of others. True em-
BEING Other-ORIENTED pathy, emotional intelligence, and sensitivity are possible only when we feel secure
It’s important to know your own about our own identities.
preferred listening style, but it’s
also important to understand the Becoming other-oriented is a mindful process of considering the thoughts, needs,
listening style of your communi- feelings, and values of others, rather than focusing exclusively on oneself. This process
cation partner. How can you do
this? Look for clues that help you involves all the classic principles and skills typically taught in interpersonal communi-
identify your partner’s listening cation courses—listening, feedback, conflict management skills, and verbal and non-
style. Relational listeners want to
hear stories and anecdotes about
verbal skills—and places additional emphasis on the importance of the perceptions,
others. Analytical listeners will be thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, values, and emotions of others.
interested in facts. Critical listeners
will be more focused on errors,
inconsistencies, and discrepan- BEIng othER-oRIEntED Being other-oriented boxes appear throughout the
cies when listening. Task-oriented
listeners will be focused on verbs; book and connect the other-orientation theme to specific discussions, often present-
they want to know what to do with ing thought-provoking questions to get students thinking about how other-oriented
the information they hear.
their own communication is.

APPLyIng An othER-oRIEntAtIon At the

Applying an Other-Orientation
to Listening and Responding Skills
It’s impossible to be other-oriented without listening and observing
others. Listening to comprehend information, empathize, or criti-
cally evaluate what others say is the quintessential other-oriented
skill. The following poem by an anonymous author, simply called
“Listen,” nicely summarizes the reason listening is such an import-
ant interpersonal skill.
Listen
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you
have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I
shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do
something to solve my problems, you have failed me,
end of each chapter, the summary section Applying an
And I can do for myself; I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged
other-orientation discusses essential applications and
specifically applies the other-orientation to the chapter
and faltering, but not helpless.
myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you content.
and can get about the business of understanding what’s
behind this irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need
advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s
behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes, for some
people—because God is mute, and doesn’t give advice or

A Balance of Principles and Skills

try to fix things,
strange as that may seem.
God just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen. Not talk or do—just hear
So, please listen and just hear me, and, if you want to talk, wait
me.
a minute for your turn and I’ll listen to you

This book provides a clear overview of interpersonal

communication theory and principles to help students
understand how they communicate, balanced with strategies to help students im-
prove their interpersonal communication skill. Every chapter includes both clas-
sic and contemporary research conclusions that document essential interpersonal
communication principles. Theory that helps explain the interpersonal communi-
cation behavior of others also helps students predict how best to enhance their own
interpersonal communication. The research-based skills and practical suggestions
throughout will show students how to apply the principles and improve such skills
as listening, conflict management, and verbal and nonverbal communication.

An Emphasis on Diversity
Inherent in our other-oriented approach is the understanding that people differ in
significant ways, such as culture, age, gender, sexual orientation, religion, political
perspectives, and other points of view. It is because of these differences that we need
skills and principles that allow us to develop links to other people and encourage us
to establish meaningful interpersonal relationships with them.
Communication occurs when people find commonalities in meaning that transcend
their differences. Using a competency-based approach, this book presents practical,
 Preface xvii

research-based strategies for increasing understanding when interacting with those who
are different from us. Using examples, illustrations, and research conclusions woven
throughout each chapter, we identify ways to become other-oriented despite differences
we encounter in people of the other gender or of other cultures, ethnicities, or ideologies.

IntERPERSonAL CoMMunICAtIon AnD

DIVERSIty: ADAPtIng to othERS This Relating to Diverse Others
9JQ.KUVGPU$GVVGT/GPQT9QOGP!
in-depth chapter (Chapter 4) not only identifies barri- Research provides no clear-cut answer to
the question “Who listens better, men or
ers to competent intercultural communication but also women?” There is evidence, however, that
men and women may listen somewhat dif-
• enhance a relationship.
• reinforce the existing structure in a
message.
• understand multiple elements in a
and women listen, may simply be perpet-
uating stereotypes based on the way men
and women think they are supposed to
listen.32 Additionally, although there may

presents strategies to bridge the chasm of differences

ferently. The following general patterns have message. be some differences, the distinctions may
emerged from research, but are not neces- not be based on a person’s biological
These differences have been summarized
sarily applicable to all men and women:31 sex; they more likely reflect differences

that still too often divide rather than unite people.

Men tend to listen to
• solve a problem.
• accomplish a task.
• look for a new structure in a message.
• focus on one element in a message.
RELAtIng to DIVERSE othERS This feature, in- Women tend to listen to
• search for relationships among pieces
of information in the message.
cluded in every chapter, presents research findings as
well as communication strategies for understanding dif-
ferences.
with this statement: Men listen to report
in gender (socially constructed, cultural,
while women listen to establish rapport.
or co-cultural learned behavior).33 As we
Yet even this broad distinction between the
have stressed, an other-oriented approach
ways men and women may process infor-
to interpersonal communication focuses
mation is controversial. Communication
on the individual needs or perspectives
researchers Stephanie Sargent and
of the other person, rather than relying on
James Weaver suggest that pop psychol-
ogy, which alleges dramatic “Mars” and
“Venus” differences between the way men
stereotypes to make definitive judgments
about another person.

An Emphasis on Technology
The line between face-to-face and electronically mediated communication has become
increasingly blurred as we text, e-mail, and Skype with our friends and share the lat-
est news and views via Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and blogs. This text explores the
ever-increasing role of technology in interpersonal communication and the implica-
tions of technology for our daily communication and our relationships with others.
Throughout the book we have included the latest research findings about how our
electronic connections affect our face-to-face interactions.

#communicationandtechnology The #communica-

tionandtechnology feature box focuses on research #communicationandtechnology
Being “Listened to” by our Facebook Friends
conclusions about the ways in which technology is Listening to others is a way to show our support and express that if we are fearful of being judged by close friends or we

changing how we relate to and interact with others
and offers practical applications relating to the impact
our affection toward them, especially if the other person is
having a difficult time. When we have a difficult day or have
had a disappointment, research suggests that we expect our
friends to be there for us and support us.
There is evidence that we increasingly turn to Facebook
feel at risk disclosing something personal that would invite
a detailed response, we may turn to Facebook to seek sup-
port in the form of a quick “like”—enough for us to know
that someone “hears” us and that we don’t have to provide
lengthy explanations.59

of such technologies as Skype, Instagram, Facebook, and other social media to seek a “listening ear” when life gets
tough.58 Although we may have many close friends in whom
How do you enhance your empathic listening skills?
First, think about what the other person may be thinking

and Twitter on establishing and maintaining interper- we can confide, Facebook provides us with a broader audi-
ence of acquaintances as well as good, close friends who can
by socially decentering; second, focus on the feelings and
emotions of your partner, truly empathizing with the other
listen to our concerns and life challenges. Research suggests person.60
sonal relationships.

An Emphasis on Relationships
As the book’s subtitle Relating to Others suggests, we highlight the importance of enhanc-
ing interpersonal relationships by developing an increased awareness of and sensitivity
to how we relate to others. Relationship chapters focus first on fundamental interper-
sonal theory and skills directly related to relationships and on theories of the stages of
relationship development. While we emphasize the positive nature of relationships, we
also provide a glimpse into the challenging “dark side” of relating to others, including
such issues as deception, jealousy, and the influence
of technology on our interactions and communica- Communication and Emotion
tion. A wide range of relationship types is then ex- 9JCVoU;QWT'OQVKQPCN+PVGNNKIGPEG.GXGNCPF9J[&QGU+V/CVVGT!

plored in detail, including relationships with friends,
romantic partners, family members, and coworkers,
You’ve undoubtedly heard about emotional
intelligence, perhaps on TV or in the media.
Researchers have found it is an important
factor in how you relate to others.
voices and paying attention to facial expres- emotions, but also the emotions of others.
sions, posture, and other cues. A skilled public speaker, for example,
knows how to use motivational appeals to
EI Helps You Think and Work More
Effectively
persuade or motivate others. Of course,
using one’s emotional intelligence to

as well as strategies for managing these relationships. What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability
Emotional intelligence can help you with manipulate others is unethical, just as it is
other cognitive tasks. For example, if you unethical to use one’s cognitive intelligence
to be empathic and aware of your own know you are usually in a more productive, to be deceptive and trick others. Many
emotions as well as the emotions of others. positive mood in the morning than in the thieves and con artists are quite emotion-
Emotionally intelligent people are also able evening, you will use the morning hours for ally intelligent, but they focus this intelli-

CoMMunICAtIon AnD EMotIon Revised to manage their own emotions. It has been
almost twenty-five years since Daniel Gole-
Communication and Emotion boxes through- man’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It
Can Matter More than IQ was published.
That book, along with a Time magazine
tasks (such as writing) that require focused
concentration.
EI Helps You Express Emotions
An emotionally intelligent person is able
gence on duping their victims. Emotional
intelligence, like cognitive intelligence, is a
gift that can be used for either good or bad
purposes.
Research has documented that peo-

out help students see how emotions affect their cover story about emotional intelligence
(sometimes referred to as EQ, for “emo-
to express his or her own emotions—to
use words accurately to describe feelings,
ple who are emotionally intelligent are bet-
ter listeners and are overall more socially

relationships with others. tion quotient”) helped to popularize the moods and emotions skilled than people who are not emotionally
xviii Preface

A Partnership with Students and Instructors

To use a music metaphor, we have provided the “notes,” but the instructor is the one
who makes the music, in concert with the student reader. We provide the melody
line, but the instructor adds harmony, texture, and color to make the instructional
message sing.
Built into the book is a vast array of pedagogical features:

• Learning objectives appear at the beginning of each

 .GCTPKPI1DLGEVKXGU %*#26'4176.+0'
chapter and are additionally highlighted in their re-
5.1 Define listening, and describe five elements of the listening process. Listening Defined
lated sections. Then, using the learning objectives as
5.2 Identify characteristics of four listening styles. Listening Styles an organizing framework, our Study guide feature
5.3 List and describe barriers to effective listening. Listening Barriers
5.4 Identify and use skills to enhance comprehension, empathy, and Improving Your Listening at the end of each chapter gives students the opportu-
critical listening. Skills
5.5 Identify and use skills to effectively and appropriately respond to Improving Your nity to review, apply, and assess key chapter concepts
others. Responding Skills
5.6 Identify and use skills to effectively and appropriately confirm Improving Your through critical thinking questions, and classroom
others Confirmation Skills
and group activities.
• Chapter-opening sections highlight the one-to-one
correspondence of the learning objectives and chap-
Recap
.KUVGPKPI$CTTKGTU ter outlines.
Listening Barrier
Self-Absorption
To Overcome the Barrier
Become conscious of the self-focus, and shift attention.
• Student-friendly Recap feature boxes periodically
summarize key concepts and terms.
Unchecked Emotions Use self-talk to manage emotions.
Criticism of the Speaker Focus on the message, not the messenger.
Differing Speech and Thought Rate Use the time difference between speech rate and thought rate to mentally summarize the message.

• Improving your Communication Skills boxes

Information Overload Realize when you or your partner is tired or distracted and not ready to listen.
External Noise Take charge of the listening environment by eliminating distractions.
Listener Apprehension Concentrate on the message as you mentally summarize what you hear.

throughout offer practical strategies for applying

Improving Your Communication Skills
*QYVQ+FGPVKH[$QVJ/CLQT+FGCUCPF&GVCKNUVQ'PJCPEG.KUVGPKPI
To become a skilled listener, you must know how to identify
both the major ideas and details of a message. How do you
do that?
chapter content.
• Key terms are defined in a full end-of-book glossary.
Key term definitions also appear in the margins.
Read each of the following statements. After you have read
each statement, cover it with your hand or a piece of paper.
In addition to the learning resources built into
First, list as many of the details as you can recall from the mes-

• First, ask yourself, “What is the key idea? What does

this person want or expect from me?” Or, “Is there one
main idea or are there several ideas jumbled together?”
Consider: Is your goal to remember the information, take
some action, empathize with the speaker, or just listen to
reflect and be a sounding board?
• Second, identify the overall emotional tone of the mes-
sage. Is the speaker calm, angry, happy, peaceful, or
upset? Assessing the emotion of the speaker can help
you identify the speaker’s purpose.
• Third, try to identify the overall organizational pattern.
Is the speaker telling a story in chronological order? Is
the message organized around general topics? Or is the
speaker elaborating on the reasons why something is
sage. Second, summarize your understanding of the major idea
or key point of the message. As a variation on this activity, rather
the book, we provide a wide array of instructional re-
than reading the statement, have someone read the statement
to you, and then identify the details and major idea. sources and student supplements.
Statement 1: “I’m very confused. I reserved our con-
ference room for 1 today for an important meeting. We
all know that conference space is tight. I reserved the room
last week with the administrative assistant. Now I learn that
you plan to use the conference room at noon for a two-hour
meeting. It’s now 11 . We need to solve this problem soon.
hold my meeting today, the boss is going to be upset.”
Statement 2: “Hello, Marcia? I’m calling on my cell
phone Where are you? I thought y ou were supposed to

Resources in Print and Online

Key instructor resources include an Instructor’s Manual (ISBN 0-13-420422-0), Test
Bank (ISBN 0-13-420419-0), and PowerPoint Presentation Package (ISBN 0-13-420420-
4). These supplements are available at www.pearsonhighered.com/irc (access code
required). MyTest online test generating software (ISBN 0-13-420417-4) is available at
www.pearsonmytest.com (access code required).
For a complete listing of the instructor and student resources available
with this text, please visit the Interpersonal Communication e-Catalog page at
www.pearsonhighered.com.

Pearson MediaShare
Pearson’s comprehensive media upload tool allows
students to post video, images, audio, or documents for
instructor and peer viewing, time-stamped comment-
ing, and assessment. MediaShare is an easy, mobile way
for students and professors to interact and engage with
speeches, presentation aids, group projects, and other
files. MediaShare gives professors the tools to provide
contextual feedback to demonstrate how students can
improve their skills.
Structured like a social networking site, MediaShare
helps promote a sense of community among students.
In face-to-face and online course settings, MediaShare
saves instructors valuable time and enriches the student
learning experience by providing contextual feedback.
• Use MediaShare to assign or view speeches, outlines,
presentation aids, video-based assignments, role-
plays, group projects, and more in a variety of formats
including video, Word, PowerPoint, and Excel.
Preface xix
• Assess students using customizable, Pearson-provided
rubrics or create your own around classroom goals,
learning outcomes, or department initiatives.
• Set up assignments for students with options for
full-class viewing and commenting, private com-
ments between you and the student, peer groups for
reviewing, or as collaborative group assignments.
• Record video directly from a tablet, phone, or
other webcam (including a batch upload option for
instructors) and tag submissions to a specific student
or assignment.
• Set up Learning Objectives tied to specific assignments,
rubrics, or quiz questions to track student progress.
• Embed video from YouTube to incorporate current
events into the classroom experience.
• Set up quiz questions on video assignments to ensure
students master concepts and interact and engage
with the media.
• Sync slides to media submissions for more robust
presentation options.
• Import grades into most learning management
systems.
• Ensure a secure learning environment for instructors
and students through robust privacy settings.
• Upload videos, comment on submissions, and grade
directly from our new MediaShare app, available
free from the iTunes store and GooglePlay; search
for Pearson MediaShare.
Pearson MediaShare is available as a standalone
product, as part of MyCommunicationLab, or in a
package with REVEL.
xx Preface
Acknowledgments
This book is not only a collaboration among the three of us,
but also a collaboration with a host of others. Without the
research conclusions of the talented, creative scholars who
have studied interpersonal communication and published
their results, a book of this scope would not be possible.
We also thank our students, who are a constant source of
questions, ideas, inspiration, and challenges that enrich our
teaching and writing.
We are especially thankful for the continuing outstand-
ing editorial support and leadership that kept our multi-
author team collaborating with aplomb. Publisher for
Communication, Karon Bowers, who has worked with us for
more than a decade, continues to be a source of inspiration
and unwavering support. Our talented development edi-
tor, Ellen Keohane, provided the perfect balance of atten-
tion to details while also helping us keep the larger issues
and goals in focus. We also appreciate the dozens of gifted
interpersonal communication instructors and scholars who
read the manuscript and offered suggestions that have
made this a better book. We thank the following people for
sharing their information, ideas, and ingenuity with us as
they reviewed this edition or previous editions of the book.
Eighth Edition Reviewers
Paula Casey, Colorado Mesa University; Linda Kalfayan,
SUNY Westchester Community College; Christa Tess Kalk,
Minneapolis Community and Technical College; Jeffrey
Lawrence, Ivy Tech Community College; Narissra Punya-
nunt-Carter, Texas Tech University; Elizabeth Ribarsky,
University of Illinois, Springfield; Dennis Sutton, Grand Rap-
ids Community College; Lindsay Timmerman, University of
Wisconsin–Milwaukee; Zuoming Wang, University of North
Texas; Michael Wittig, Waukesha County Technical College;
Denise Woolsey, Yavapai College.
Reviewers of Previous Editions
Rebecca Anderson, Johnson County Community College;
Leonard Barchak, McNeese University; Cameron Smith
Basquiat, Community College of Southern Nevada; Judyth Betz-
Gonzales, Delta College; Marion Boyer, Kalamazoo Community
College; Mark Bruner, University of Alaska–Anchorage;
Scott E. Caplan, University of Delaware; Carolyn Clark, Salt
Lake Community College; Norman Clark, Appalachian State
University; Carolyn P. DeLeCour, Palo Alto College; Carol
Z. Dolphin, University of Wisconsin–Waukesha; Terrence
Doyle, Northern Virginia Community College; Rebecca E.
Dunn, Westmoreland County Community College; Reginald
E. Ecarma, Campbellsville University; David L. Edwards,
South Central Technical College; Janie Harden Fritz, Duquesne
University; Neva Gronert, Arapahoe Community College;
Patricia M. Harris-Jenkinson, Sacramento City College; Sherry
J. Holmen, Albuquerque Technical Vocational Institute; Adna G.
Howell, Delta College; David D. Hudson, Golden West College;
Diana K. Ivy, Texas A&M University–Corpus Christi; Thomas
E. Jewell, Marymount College; Elizabeth R. Lamoureux,
Buena Vista University; Traci Letcher, University of Kentucky;
Heidi McGrew, Sinclair Community College; Charles R.
McMahan, Vincennes University; Timothy P. Mottet, Texas
State University–San Marcos; Lisa M. Orick, Albuquerque
Technical Vocational Institute; James R. Pauff, Bowling Green
State University; Nan Peck, Northern Virginia Community
College; Terry Perkins, Eastern Illinois University; Lori
Petite, Sacramento City College; Narissra Punyanunt-Carter,
Texas Tech University; Susan Richardson, Prince George’s
Community College; Michael Schliessman, South Dakota State
University; Xiaowei Shi, Middle Tennessee State University;
Cheri Simonds, Illinois State University; Anntarie Lanita
Sims, Trenton State College; Heather A. Smith, Santa Monica
College; Vincent Scott Smithson, Purdue University North
Central; Dickie Spurgeon, Southern Illinois University; Glen
H. Stamp, Ball State University; R. Weylin Sternglanz, Nova
Southeastern University; Douglas H. Stewart, Lake Washington
Technical College; Pamela Stovall, University of New Mexico–
Gallup; Claire Sullivan, University of Maine; Dennis Sutton,
Grand Rapids Community College; James J. Tolhuizen,
Indiana University Northwest; Sally Vogl-Bauer, University
of Wisconsin–Whitewater; Mary Walker, South Texas College;
Sheryl L. Williams, University of Wisconsin–Whitewater;
Bethany Winkler, Central Texas College; Lori Wisdom-Whitley,
Everett Community College; Richard L. Wiseman, California
State University–Fullerton.
We are blessed with the support and ideas of our many
colleagues and friends, as well as the ongoing love and
encouragement given to us by our families:
From Sue and Steve: We thank Thompson Biggers, a val-
ued friend and colleague who helped conceptualize this
book. Mary Jeanette Smythe, Tom Willett, Tim Mottet, and
Diana Ivy are long-time educators and friends who inspired
us with their knowledge and gift of friendship. Phil Salem,
Lee Williams, Cathy Fleuriet, and Maureen Keeley are friends
and colleagues at Texas State University who have positively
influenced our work. John Masterson, a valued friend and
colleague, also greatly influenced our teaching and writing
about interpersonal communication. Special thanks go to the
late Michael Argyle at Oxford University, Oxford, England,
who sponsored Steve as a Visiting Scholar at Oxford’s
Wolfson College and generously shared his research findings.
Thanks, too, to Peter and Jill Collett, friends and colleagues
from Oxford, for their assistance, support, and friendship.
Thane McCollough, now president of Gonzaga University,
also provided valuable support for this project.
We have outstanding support from many people. Sue
Hall, senior administrative assistant in the Department of

Communication Studies at Texas State, continues to be an
invaluable assistant and friend. Bob Hanna and Chelsea
Stockton are also valued colleagues and staff members who
provided skilled support. We thank our good friend Kosta
Tovstiadi for his skillful research assistance in helping us
secure the most contemporary research we could find about
interpersonal communication.
We want especially to thank our parents, Russell and
Muriel Beebe, who are beginning their seventy-fifth year of
marriage, and Jane and the late Herb Dye, who were mar-
ried for more than sixty years. These humble, loving, and
dedicated parental mentors were our first and finest teach-
ers of interpersonal communication. We also thank our son
Mark, who continues to teach us that the power of love can
overcome life’s challenges, and our son Matt, who teaches
us about the importance of finding music and beauty in
days filled with both sunshine and clouds.
From Mark: I have used the textbook for many years
in teaching the introduction to interpersonal communica-
tion course at Iowa State and I owe a debt to hundreds of
students, both for their feedback on the text and for teach-
ing me through their own interpersonal experiences. For
example, it was my students who first introduced me to
the term and meaning of “friends with benefits.” My
Preface xxi
Iowa State colleagues Denise Vrchota, Tina Coffelt, Stacy
Tye-Williams, Racheal Ruble, Todd Jenks, and David Vogel
continue to provide their support, encouragement, and
friendship. I would also like to acknowledge and thank a
group of colleagues I met years ago when we were all grad-
uate students at the University of Denver and with whom
I have developed lifelong treasured friendships: Rich
Arthur, John Masterson, Diane Ritzdorf, Marc Routhier, the
late Jim Tolhuizen, and especially Phil Backlund at Central
Washington University.
I am particularly thankful to my parents, the late
Jack and Alice Redmond; my brother, Jack; and my sis-
ters, Ruthann, Mary Lynn, and Tina, who helped shape a
family environment that planted the seeds for studying and
appreciating interpersonal communication. Those seeds
have been nurtured into a full-grown fascination with how
communication shapes our lives and personal development
by my wife, Peggy; my daughter, Beth; my son Nicholas
and his wife, Kimberlee; and my son Eric and his wife, Amy.
On a practical level, I owe a lot of my understanding of the
Internet and Facebook to my kids.
Steven A. Beebe
Susan J. Beebe
Mark V. Redmond
About the Authors
Steven A. Beebe is Regents’ and Uni-
versity Distinguished Professor in the
Department of Communication Studies
at Texas State University. He served as
Chair of his department at Texas State
for twenty-eight years and concur-
rently as Associate Dean for twenty-five
years. Steve is the author or co-author of
twelve widely used communication books, most of which
have been through multiple editions (including Russian
and Chinese editions), as well as numerous articles, book
chapters, and conference presentations. He has been a
Visiting Scholar at both Oxford University and Cambridge
University in England. He made international headlines
when conducting research at Oxford; he discovered a
manuscript that was the partial opening chapter of a book
that was to be co-authored with J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S.
Lewis called Language and Human Nature. Steve has traveled
widely in Europe and Asia, and has played a leadership role
in establishing new communication curricula in Russian
universities. He has received his university’s highest awards
for research and twice for service, has been recognized as
Honors Professor of the year, and was named Outstanding
Communication Professor by the National Speaker ’s
Association. In 2013 he served as President of the National
Communication Association, the largest professional com-
munication association in the world. His passions include
his family and a lifelong love of music; he is a pianist and
organist and a struggling cellist.
Susan J. Beebe’s professional interests
and expertise encompass both oral
and written communication. Sue has
co-authored three books and has pub-
lished a number of articles and teaching
materials in both English and com-
munication studies. She has received
the Texas State University Presidential
Awards for Excellence in Teaching and in Service and the
College of Liberal Arts Awards for Excellence in Scholarly/
Creative Activities, in Teaching, and in Service. After serv-
ing as Director of Lower-Division Studies in English for
xxii
eleven years, Sue retired in 2014 from the Department of
English at Texas State. An active volunteer in the commu-
nity of San Marcos, Texas, Sue was the founding coordina-
tor of the San Marcos Volunteers in Public Schools Program
and has served on the San Marcos School Board and the
Education Foundation Board. In 1993 she was named the
statewide Friend of Education by the Texas Classroom
Teachers’ Association; in 2000 the San Marcos school dis-
trict presented her with its Lifetime Achievement Award.
Sue enjoys reading, traveling, and caring for the Beebe
family cats, Luke and Bouncer. Sue and Steve have two
sons: Mark, a graduate of Rice University; and Matt, a
graduate of Southwestern University and a middle school
teacher in nearby Austin.
Mark V. Redmond is an Associate
Professor of Communication Studies
at Iowa State University. In 2012 he
received the College of Liberal Arts
and Sciences award for Outstanding
Achievement in Teaching. Besides this
book, Mark has authored an introduc-
tory text on communication theory and research, edited
an upper-level text in interpersonal communication, and
co-authored a public speaking text. His research focuses
on social decentering (taking into account another person’s
thoughts, feelings, perspectives, etc.), one of the themes
incorporated in this text. His research studies include
expectations associated with male–female relationships,
social decentering’s impact in marriage, initial interactions
between strangers, adaptation in interpersonal interac-
tions, and intercultural communication competence. He is a
Cyclone sports fan with an avocation for playing basketball
at least three times a week (despite an aging hook shot). An
unaccomplished piano and guitar player, he loves compos-
ing and writing songs and vows to someday complete the
musical he’s been working on for twenty years. Mark and
his wife Peggy have three children: Beth, a graduate of the
University of Iowa and Mount Mercy University; Nicholas,
a graduate of Iowa State University and McCormick
Theological Seminary; and Eric, a graduate of Iowa State
University and Northwest Missouri State University.
Part 1 Interpersonal Communication Foundation

Chapter 1
Introduction to Interpersonal
Communication

“Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to

maintaining life.”
Virginia Satir

Learning Objectives Chapter OutLine

1.1 Compare and contrast definitions of communication, human Interpersonal Communication

communication, and interpersonal communication. Defined

1.2 Explain why it is useful to study interpersonal Interpersonal Communication’s

communication. Importance to Your Life

1.3 Describe the key components of the communication process, including Interpersonal Communica-
communication as action, interaction, and transaction. tion and the Communication
Process
1.4 Discuss five principles of interpersonal communication. Interpersonal Communication
Principles
1.5 Discuss the role of electronically mediated communication in developing Interpersonal Communication
and maintaining interpersonal relationships. and Social Media
1.6 Identify strategies that can improve your communication competence. Interpersonal Communication
Competence
1
2 Chapter 1
other-oriented
To be aware of the thoughts,
needs, experiences, personality,
emotions, motives, desires, culture,
and goals of your communication
partners while still maintaining
your own integrity.
Interpersonal communication is like breathing; it is a requirement for life. And, like
breathing, interpersonal communication is inescapable. Unless you live in isolation,
you communicate interpersonally every day. Listening to your roommate, talking to
a teacher, texting a friend, and talking to your parents or your spouse in person or via
Skype are all examples of interpersonal communication. Like many people, you prob-
ably use a wide range of social media applications to develop, maintain, and redefine
social relationships with others. You may find yourself seamlessly toggling between
e-conversations and “realspace” interactions. Research suggests that online conver-
sations mirror the same kinds of topics and issues that occur during face-to-face (FtF)
interactions.1 You may well be one of a growing number of people who turn to online
dating sites to seek and develop relationships. More than 40 million Americans look
for love online, which is rapidly becoming a primary means of establishing relation-
ships with others.2
Whether on- or offline, it is impossible not to communicate with others.3 Even
before we are born, we respond to movement and sound, and we continue to commu-
nicate until we draw our last breath. Without interpersonal communication, a special
form of human communication that occurs as we manage our relationships, people
suffer and even die. Recluses, hermits, and people isolated in solitary confinement
dream and hallucinate about talking with others face to face.
Human communication is at the core of our existence. Most people spend
between 80 and 90 percent of their waking hours communicating with others.4 Think
of the number of times you communicated with someone today, as you worked, ate,
studied, shopped, or experienced your other daily activities. The younger you are,
the more likely you communicated via text message today. Young adults ages 18 to
24 send an average of 110 text messages a day—20 times more than someone 65 years
old.5 It is through these interactions with others, both on and offline, that we develop
interpersonal relationships.6
Because relationships are so important to our lives, later chapters will focus on the
communication skills and principles that explain and predict how we develop, sus-
tain, and sometimes end relationships. We’ll explore such questions as the following:
• Why do we like some people and not others?
• How can we interpret other people’s unspoken messages with greater accuracy?
• Why do some relationships blossom and others deteriorate?
• How can we better manage disagreements with others?
• How does social media influence making, maintaining, and ending relationships?
As we address essential questions about how you relate to others, we will empha-
size the importance of being other-oriented. Being other-oriented requires awareness
of the thoughts, needs, experiences, personality, emotions, motives, desires, culture,
and goals of your communication partners while still maintaining your own integrity.
Becoming other-oriented is not a single skill, but a collection of skills and principles
that are designed to increase your sensitivity to and understanding of others. In gen-
eral, research has found that we are becoming less empathic and other-oriented.7
This chapter charts the course ahead, addressing key questions about what inter-
personal communication is and why it is important. We will begin by seeing how our
understanding of the interpersonal communication process has evolved. And we will
conclude by examining how we initiate and sustain relationships through interper-
sonal communication.
Interpersonal Communication Defined
1.1 Compare and contrast definitions of communication, human communication,
and interpersonal communication.
To understand interpersonal communication, we must begin by understanding how
it relates to two broader categories: communication in general and human communi-
cation. Scholars have attempted to arrive at a general definition of communication for
 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication 3

decades, yet experts cannot agree on a single one. One research team counted more
than 126 published definitions.8 In the broadest sense, communication is the process communication
of acting on information.9 Someone does or says something, and others think or do Process of acting on information.
something in response to the action or the words as they understand them.
To refine our broad definition, we can say that human communication is the pro- human communication
cess of making sense out of the world and sharing that sense with others by creating Process of making sense out of
meaning through the use of verbal and nonverbal messages.10 We learn about the the world and sharing that sense
world by listening, observing, tasting, touching, and smelling; then we share our with others by creating meaning
conclusions with others. Human communication encompasses many media: speeches, through the use of verbal and non-
e-mail, songs, radio and television broadcasts, podcasts, online discussion groups, verbal messages.

letters, books, articles, poems, and advertisements.

Interpersonal communication is a distinctive, transactional form of human commu- interpersonal communication
nication involving mutual influence, usually for the purpose of managing relationships. The A distinctive, transactional form
three essential elements of this definition differentiate the unique nature of interper- of human communication involv-
sonal communication from other forms of human communication.11 ing mutual influence, usually
for the purpose of managing
relationships.
Interpersonal Communication Is a Distinctive
Form of Communication
For years, many scholars defined interpersonal communication simply as communica-
tion that occurs when two people interact face to face. This limited definition suggests
that if two people are interacting, they are engaging in interpersonal communication.
Today, interpersonal communication is defined not only by the number of people who
communicate, but also by the quality of the communication. Interpersonal communi-
cation occurs when you treat the other person as a unique human being.12
Increasingly, people are relating via Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Vine,
Pinterest, Google+, and Skype. Research confirms that many of us think of the various
electronic means we use to connect to others as natural ways to establish and main-
tain relationships.13 With a smartphone in our pocket, we are almost always within
easy reach of our friends, family, and colleagues. Although sometimes our tweets and
Facebook posts more closely resemble mass communication (sending a message to a
large group of people at the same time), we nonetheless also use social media to enrich
personal relationships with individuals.14

Interpersonal Versus Impersonal CommunICatIon Think of all

human communication, whether mediated or face-to-face, as ranging on a continuum
from impersonal to interpersonal communication. Impersonal communication occurs impersonal communication
when you treat others as objects or respond to their roles rather than to who they are Process that occurs when we treat
as unique persons. When you ask a server in a restaurant for a glass of water, you are others as objects or respond to
interacting with the role, not necessarily with the individual. You’re having an imper- their roles rather than to who they
sonal conversation rather than an interpersonal one. are as unique persons.

I–It and I–thou relatIonshIps Philosopher Martin Buber influenced our

thinking about the distinctiveness of interpersonal communication when he described
communication as consisting of two different qualities of relationships: an “I–It”
relationship or an “I–Thou” relationship.15 He described an “I–It” relationship as
an impersonal one, in which the other person is viewed as an “It” rather than as an
authentic, genuine person. For every communication transaction to be a personal,
intimate dialogue would be unrealistic and inappropriate. It’s possible to go through
an entire day communicating with others but not be involved in interpersonal
communication.
An “I–Thou” relationship, on the other hand, occurs when you interact with
another person as a unique, authentic individual rather than as an object or
an “It.” In this kind of relationship, true, honest dialogue results in authentic
communication. An “I–Thou” relationship is not self-centered. The communicators
Another random document with
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 The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Southern
Literary Messenger, Vol. II., No. 3, February, 1836
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States
and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no
restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it
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Title: The Southern Literary Messenger, Vol. II., No. 3, February,

1836

Author: Various

Release date: May 21, 2022 [eBook #68141]

Language: English

Original publication: United States: T. W. White, Publisher and

Proprietor, 1836

Credits: Ron Swanson

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE

SOUTHERN LITERARY MESSENGER, VOL. II., NO. 3,
FEBRUARY, 1836 ***
THE
SOUTHERN LITERARY MESSENGER:
DEVOTED TO

EVERY DEPARTMENT OF

LITERATURE AND THE FINE

ARTS.

Au gré de nos desirs bien plus qu'au gré des vents.

Crebillon's Electre.

As we will, and not as the winds will.

RICHMOND:
T. W. WHITE, PUBLISHER AND PROPRIETOR.
1835-6.

CONTENTS OF VOLUME II, NUMBER 3

SELECTION IN READING
SKETCHES OF THE HISTORY and Present Condition of Tripoli, with some
accounts of the other Barbary States (No. X): by R. G.

A LAY OF RUIN: by Miss Draper

BALLAD: by W. M. R.

THE GOURD OF JONAH

THE COUSIN OF THE MARRIED, and the Cousin of the Dead: from the
French

THE DUC DE L'OMELETTE: by Edgar A. Poe

THE ILIAD

RUSTIC COURTSHIP IN NEW ENGLAND

PALÆSTINE: by P.

MARTORELLI

LIVING ALONE: by T. Flint

THE VALLEY NIS: by E. A. Poe

NEW TESTAMENT

CASTELLANUS, or the Castle-Builder turned Farmer: by Nugator

SONG: by M. M.

LINES to Miss M——t W——s, of P. Edward

LIBERIAN LITERATURE

GIBBON AND FOX

STATIUS
LIONEL GRANBY, Chapter VIII: by Theta

BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH, of Jonathan P. Cushing

LINES on reaching the banks of the Mississippi at the junction of the

Ohio, 1st July, 1818: by H. R. S.

SKETCHES OF LAKE SUPERIOR: by M. L. W.

GREECE: by Eliza

READINGS WITH MY PENCIL, No. I: by J. F. O.

CRITICAL NOTICES
PAUL ULRIC, or the Adventures of an Enthusiast: by Morris
Mattson, Esq.
MARTIN'S GAZETTEER: by Joseph Martin
ROSE-HILL: by a Virginian
CHIEF JUSTICE MARSHALL
An Eulogy on the Life and Character of John Marshall: by
Horace Binney
A Discourse on the Life, &c. of John Marshall, L.L.D.: by Joseph
Story, L.L.D.
An Oration on the Life and Character of John Marshall: by
Edgar Snowden
THE CONFESSIONS OF EMILIA HARRINGTON: by Lambert A. Wilmer
THE AMERICAN IN ENGLAND by Lieutenant Slidell
CONTI THE DISCARDED: with Other Tales and Fancies: by Henry F.
Chorley
NOBLE DEEDS OF WOMAN
RIENZI, THE LAST OF THE TRIBUNES: by Edward Lytton Bulwer
ANIMAL AND VEGETABLE PHYSIOLOGY, considered with reference to
Natural Theology: by Peter Mark Roget, M.D.
CAREY'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY

AUTOGRAPHY
 SOUTHERN LITERARY MESSENGER.

VOL. II. RICHMOND, FEBRUARY, 1836. NO.

III.

T. W. WHITE, PROPRIETOR. FIVE DOLLARS PER ANNUM.

SELECTION IN READING.

Go to the Library of one of our Colleges; survey its five, or ten

thousand volumes. You are astonished, that human thought or
human industry could have produced such an accumulation of
quarto upon folio, of duodecimo upon octavo—of Science, Literature
—of History, Fiction—of Prose, and Poetry. But look into other
collections northward of us, and in each, of several, you find more
than forty thousand volumes! When you have wondered sufficiently
at these, turn your 'mind's eye' to Europe; and behold, libraries
containing each one hundred, or even one hundred and fifty
thousand books! Look around you, then, and see how many
hundreds every week is adding to the mass of tomes already in
existence. Glance at the book-sellers' catalogues—at their notices in
the gazette—at the monthly and quarterly "Lists of New
Publications," in Magazines and Reviews—at the countless host of
Reviews and Magazines themselves, and of newspapers, tracts,
pamphlets, speeches, addresses—effusions of ten thousand various
forms and merits—craving your attention and bewildering your
choice! Go forth into society: in one circle, politics—in another,
canalling, or railroad lore—in a third, some point touching the
Campaigns of Bonaparte, the Wars of the League, the American
Revolution, or the Conquests of Tamerlane—in a fourth, the beauties
of Greek and Roman literature—in a fifth, some topic in Chemistry or
Geology—in a sixth, Byron, Campbell, Moore and Wordsworth—in a
seventh, the fifty last novels—are discussed by their respective
coteries, each, as if that subject alone threw all others into the
shade. And if you are not so torpid as to be incapable of excitement
by sympathy with others, and by themes inherently interesting, or so
self-possessed as to curb and regulate discreetly, the curiosity and
proneness to imitation which will on such occasions be kindled in
any but a blockhead—you cannot, for your life, help wishing to be
familiar with each theme. You go home; and plunge headlong into a
dozen different studies. Your acquisitions are huddled chaotically into
your knowledge-box, so that you have a full, distinct idea, of no one
subject: you can never get hold of what you want, at the moment
when you need it; but must rummage over an immense pile of
trumpery, with a bare hope, after all, of finding the useful article you
want. You are a shallow smatterer.

If you would be otherwise, DARE to be ignorant of all books, and all

things, which you are not sure will repay your trouble in reading
them, or which are not parts of a pre-arranged course, laid down for
you by yourself, or by some judicious friend. DARE to disavow an
acquaintance with a fashionable novel, or even with a fashionable
science, if it fall not within your plan. Always reflect, when the claims
of a new book are pressed upon your notice,—that, if you have forty
years to employ in reading, and can read fifty pages a day, you will
be able, in those forty years, to accomplish only about SIXTEEN
HUNDRED VOLUMES, of 500 pages each. Yes—out of the millions of
tomes that litter the world, you can read, in twice the time that most,
even of the studious, employ in reading—only sixteen hundred
volumes! Surely, the motto of every one who reads for improvement,
ought to be "SELECT WELL!"
"It is a great, nay the greatest part of wisdom," says an old
philosopher, "to rest content with not knowing some things."1
1 ——"magna, immo, maxima, pars sapientiæ est, quædam æquo animo nescire
velle."

Dugald Stewart justly observes, that by confining our ambition to

pursue the truth with modesty and candor, and learning to value our
acquisitions only so far as they contribute to make us wiser and
happier, we may perhaps be obliged to sacrifice the temporary
admiration of the common dispensers of literary fame; but, we may
rest assured, it is thus only we can hope to make real progress in
knowledge, or to enrich the world with useful inventions.

"'It requires courage indeed' (as Helvetius has remarked,) 'to remain
ignorant of those useless subjects which are generally valued:' but it
is a courage necessary to men who either love the truth, or aspire to
establish a permanent reputation."2
2 Philosophy of the Human Mind, Vol. I.

SKETCHES OF THE HISTORY

AND PRESENT CONDITION OF TRIPOLI, WITH SOME ACCOUNTS OF THE

OTHER BARBARY STATES.

NO. X.—(Continued.)

To return to Algiers. The Dey having as he conceived, effectually

closed every avenue to reconciliation with France, actively prepared
to resist the attack which he had every reason to believe would soon
be made on him. The fortifications of his capital had been much
enlarged and strengthened since the bombardment by Lord Exmouth
in 1816; the arsenal was well provided with naval stores and
munitions of every description; the treasury was filled with specie,
men were not wanting, and provisions could be procured in
abundance from the interior. In this condition, he had no reason to
dread an attack from a naval force, nor the consequences of a
blockade however rigorously maintained. Against internal
commotions he also felt himself secure. From the commencement of
his reign, he had steadily though cautiously pursued the plan in
which so many of his predecessors had failed, of preventing the
enrolment of foreigners, and supplying their places by native troops;
in this he had so far succeeded, that the number of the former in
1827 was less than seven thousand, while he had more than sixteen
thousand Moorish soldiers, regularly disciplined and attached to his
system, by the strongest ties of interest. When the whole military
force of the country, consisted of a few foreigners, any one of whom
might be raised to the highest offices of the State at the will of the
remainder, it is not surprising that dissatisfaction and turbulence
should have constantly prevailed; for under such circumstances the
election of a new chief only caused a change in the ranks of the
malcontents, without diminishing their numbers or their violence.
That the alteration made by Hussein would contribute vastly to
ensure the stability of his power, it is unnecessary to demonstrate; it
had been often attempted by his predecessors and it is only
extraordinary that it had not been effected long before.

Having secured this important object, Hussein no longer took pains

to conceal his views with regard to rendering the Sovereignty
hereditary in his family; he had no son, but his eldest daughter was
married to Ibrahim, whom he raised to the office of Aga or
Commander of the troops and Minister of War, and who appears to
have been his intended successor; that officer having no children,
his nephew was married to the Dey's youngest daughter, who was
for that purpose divorced from her husband. It was also probably in
furtherance of the same ends, that Hussein maintained a degree of
state unusual in Algiers, manifesting in his intercourse with the
ministers and officers, that he was a Prince, and not the mere chief
of the Janizaries. In order to insure his personal safety he seldom
appeared in public, but remained within the walls of the Casauba,
surrounded by a chosen guard of Moors, sufficiently strong to defend
that fortress against any attack which could be expected.

The French appeared by no means disposed to drive Hussein to

extremities; their squadron generally consisted of two frigates, and
four or five smaller vessels, which hovered before the entrance to
the bay, but offered little or no impediment to the passage of vessels
either outwards or inwards. Within a few days after the declaration of
war, several Algerine cruisers quitted the harbor, and committed
great ravages upon the unprotected commerce of France, sending
their prizes into various ports of Barbary, and even of Spain. The
prisoners were generally spared and brought to Algiers, in
consequence of the Dey's humane or politic proclamation, that he
would give for each living Frenchman twice as much as for his head
alone. The inactivity and want of skill thus displayed by the
blockading squadron, at length encouraged Hussein to bolder
attempts. By great exertions, he had been enabled at the end of
September 1827, to have ready a frigate, two corvettes, two brigs
and six schooners in addition to the vessels at sea; this force
however not being sufficient either in size or in weight of metal, to
authorize a regular engagement with the heavy ships of the French,
his plan was to surprise some one of them at a distance from the
others, and endeavor to carry her by boarding. With this intention,
which was kept secret until the moment for carrying it into execution,
a number of soldiers accustomed to the sea having on the morning
of the 4th of October, been suddenly embarked in the vessels, they
set sail immediately and bore down upon the nearest French ship.
The movement was immediately perceived by the rest of the
squadron, and a general action, or at least a general discharge of
guns on both sides ensued; this having continued for some hours,
without any notable damage to either party, the Algerine Commander
found that it was impossible to board any of the French vessels as
they had the weather gauge of him, and in consequence he returned
with his whole force into port. This action is duly noticed in the
French papers; the commander of the squadron in his despatch,
compliments his officers highly for the success of their efforts in
preventing the Algerine flotilla from getting out of the harbor, and
assures the Minister of Marine, that nothing but the heaviness of the
sea prevented his destroying the greater part of them.

In the following spring, (1828) an offer was made by Admiral Collet

to renew the negotiations for peace; and after some difficulties,
Captain Bézart who commanded one of the French brigs, was
allowed to enter Algiers and communicate with the Sardinian Consul
on the subject. He subsequently had a conference with the Algerine
Minister of Foreign Affairs, the results of which induced the Admiral
to despatch him to Paris, in order to receive the instructions of their
Government.

The French government probably received with satisfaction, the

account that the Algerines were disposed to treat for peace. The
Martignac Ministry which had just come into power, were employing
every means to secure the tottering throne of Charles the Tenth
against the efforts of the Liberal party, and they were anxious for the
adjustment of a dispute, which occasioned an enormous addition to
the budget of expenses without any return whatever. Dignity, or
rather the fear of wounding the vanity of the nation, however forbade
their seeming to make any advances after the Dey's insulting
rejection of the demands first proposed to him. Great care was
therefore taken to avoid any appearance of direct communication
with the Algerine government; but the Admiral was instructed
unofficially to hint, that if the Dey would send an ambassador to
Paris, the differences between the two countries might be
accommodated.

With these instructions Bézart returned to the African coast. During

his absence Admiral Collet worn down with disease had retired to
Toulon where he shortly after died; Admiral Botherel de la
Bretonniere who succeeded to the command, on learning the views
of the Ministers, instantly wrote a letter to the Dey in the sense
enjoined by them, and despatched the Captain with it to Algiers. He
arrived there on the 11th of September 1828, but when it was known
that he only bore a communication from the Admiral, he was not
suffered to proceed farther than the landing place on the mole,
where he was required to await the answer. A Barbary Prince of a
more pliable character than Hussein, might probably have gratified
the French Ministers by sending an Ambassador to Paris, who would
have figured in the pages of the Moniteur as a supplicant for peace;
but the Dey was made of stubborn stuff. He had expected a direct
communication from the French government, and was indignant at
being addressed instead, by one of its officers not even an
authorized agent; moreover the letter contained a proposition that he
should take a humiliating step, without any assurance that it would
be attended with favorable results. Seeing at once through the whole
manœuvre of the French government, his reply was a peremptory
order to Bézart instantly to quit Algiers.

A few days after, the same proposition was conveyed more distinctly
to the Dey through the Sardinian Consul, with an assurance on the
part of the Admiral, that his Government no longer expected apology
or reparation, but wished merely to place affairs between the two
nations on their former footing. Hussein however remained firm in his
refusal to make any advances, only telling the Consul, that after
Peace had been signed at Algiers, he might perhaps to please the
Ministers, send them an Ambassador. The French Government
finding its recommendations thus treated, authorized the Sardinian
Consul to inform the Dey, that no farther overtures would be made
by it towards reconciliation, and that measures would be soon taken
to obtain complete satisfaction for the injury committed against
France. Hussein coolly answered, that he had men and ammunition
in abundance, and that he preferred the fortune of war to making or
seeming to make any apology.

The destruction of three Algerine feluccas of six guns each, was the
next event worthy of note in the history of the war. These vessels
were returning from a successful cruise and endeavoring to enter the
harbor of Algiers on the 1st of October 1828, when they were
discovered and chased into the adjacent Bay of Sidi Ferruch. The
prize was soon recaptured; the other vessels took refuge close to the
shore, under a small and ruinous battery mounting twelve guns,
where they were attacked by the whole of the blockading squadron.
After the first fire, the feluccas and the battery were abandoned;
boats were then sent by the Admiral to destroy the vessels, which
having been effected the fire was continued on the battery until it
was nearly demolished. The loss on the side of the Algerines is
believed to have been very small; the French had six men killed and
seventeen wounded, by the bursting of a gun on board the Admiral's
ship the Provence. This trifling affair was made the subject of a
special report by the Minister of the Marine to the King of France,
which may be found at length in the Moniteur of the 17th of October;
it was so far important, as it enabled His Majesty to say in his
Address to the Legislative Chambers in January following, that
—"most striking examples had already taught the Algerines, that it
was neither easy nor safe to brave the vigilance of his ships."

Another attempt on the part of the French to teach the Algerines

prudence, was not attended with equal success; for on the 19th of
June 1829, twenty-four of their men, who had landed in pursuit of the
crew of a stranded Algerine vessel, were surrounded by Arabs and
put to death. The heads of these unfortunate men were carried to
Algiers, where the Dey paid for them according to the tariff
established; they were however on the application of the Sardinian
Consul immediately delivered to him for burial.

The Government of France was by this time convinced of the futility

of the measures which had been for two years pursued with regard
to Algiers. The blockade had produced none of the results which
were anticipated; it had been maintained at an annual expense of
more than seven millions of francs, and although the number of
persons killed in action was small, yet many had fallen victims to the
diseases occasioned by the climate; in return the Dey appeared less
inclined than ever to agree to satisfactory terms of peace, and the
commerce of France in the Mediterranean had been severely injured
by his cruisers. The opposition had also taken advantage of the
circumstances, and the Ministry were frequently denounced in the
Legislature and in the public journals of Paris, for their vacillating and
dishonoring conduct in the affair.

Unable to resist these demonstrations of their own inefficiency, the

French Ministry prepared for more decisive operations, by
assembling troops in the Southern Departments of the Kingdom and
collecting vessels for their transportation. Before employing these
extreme measures however, they were induced to make one more
attempt at negotiation; the circumstances which led them thus to
recede from the determination expressed in the previous year, are
reported to have been the following.

The Dey had several times expressed to the Sardinian Consul, his
admiration of the form and sailings of a brig called the Alerte
belonging to the blockading squadron; something in his manner at
length induced the Consul to inform M. de la Bretonniere, that
possibly His Highness might be inclined to negotiate for peace, in the
manner desired by the French Government, if it were understood
that the brig would be presented to him after the signature of the
treaty. The Admiral eagerly accepted this overture as he considered
it, and authorized the Consul to say in general terms, that he had no
doubt the Government of France would willingly accede to the Dey's
wishes in this particular, if an arrangement of the difficulties between
the two countries could be effected. Hussein's reply was
encouraging, and the Admiral in consequence sailed for France to
receive in person the instructions of his Government. He found the
Ministers anxious to have the affair peaceably adjusted; they were
ready to treat with the Dey provided it could be made to appear that
he had himself proposed the negotiation, and were willing to promise
the brig in return for the mission of an Algerine Ambassador to Paris.
The Admiral was accordingly instructed to assure the Dey, that if he
would comply with this formality, peace would be immediately signed
and the brig would be presented to him; but in order that no proofs
might exist of the advances made by the French Ministry, the whole
negotiation at Algiers was to be conducted verbally, through an
interpreter chosen for the purpose from the School of Oriental
Languages at Paris.

With these instructions, and accompanied by M. Bianchi the

interpreter, M. de la Bretonniere returned to the Bay of Algiers. The
Sardinian Consul, who undertook to arrange the preliminaries of the
negotiation proposed to the Dey that it should be conducted in
conferences between His Highness and the French interpreter, who
had arrived at Algiers for the purpose on the 23d of July. This,
Hussein immediately refused to allow, and the Admiral was thrown
into the very dilemma which he wished to avoid; that is to say he was
obliged to write a letter, or to abandon the attempt at negotiation. In
order to avoid this difficulty a letter was written in the Turkish
language, proposing in very general terms the renewal of former
relations between the two Governments, but saying nothing either
about the Ambassador or the brig. Hussein in reply expressed his
satisfaction at the offer which had been made by the French Admiral,
whom he invited to come on shore and confer personally with
himself on the subject. M. de la Bretonniere accepted this invitation,
and accordingly entered the harbor on the 30th of September 1829,
in his flag ship the Provence of eighty guns, accompanied by the brig
which had been the proximate cause of the negotiation. He landed
on the following morning, and had a long conference with the Dey, of
which the particulars have not transpired. On the 3d of August they
had another conference, which lasted but a short time; on this
occasion it is said the Admiral insisted on the mission of an
ambassador as an act of reparation to France, at which the Dey
became so enraged, that he ordered him immediately to leave
Algiers; certain it is that the conference was suddenly broken up, and
the parties separated, each in a state of high excitement. M. de la
Bretonniere immediately embarked, and sailed with his ships out of
the harbor; on passing by the Mole the Provence received a shot
from the fort, and although the flag of truce was displayed at her
mast head, the firing was continued until she was beyond their
reach. The ship is said to have received eighty balls; her port holes
were however kept closed, for had she returned the fire, it is
probable that she would have been sunk. That this flagrant violation
of good faith was the result of the Dey's orders, no one in Algiers at
the time for a moment doubted; Hussein however pretended that it
arose from a mistake, and that he had only ordered a gun to be fired
in case the ship should approach too near to the batteries, as a
signal for her to keep off. He moreover dismissed from office the
Minister of Marine, on whom the responsibility of the act rested; in so
doing however, he only advanced one of his own ends, for the
vacancy was immediately filled by the appointment of his son-in-law
Ibrahim Kara-Dengirzli, the nephew of the Aga Ibrahim.

The feeble and distracted Ministry which authorized this negotiation,

had been dissolved ere the news of its result arrived in France; and
those who succeeded to power in that country, though possessing
energy and union of purpose, were for some time wholly occupied in
preparing to confront the liberal party at the ensuing session of the
Legislature. No decisive measures were therefore taken with regard
to Algiers during the remainder of 1829; the blockade was indeed
maintained, but with so little rigor as to be scarcely more than
nominal; the Algerine cruisers were spread over the western part of
the Mediterranean, and occasionally appeared before Marseilles,
while the French Admiral with the greater part of his ships remained
generally at Port Mahon.

Attempts were made at this period, to effect an adjustment of the

differences, by the Governments of Great Britain and Turkey, which
were the most interested in preventing any change in the political
condition of the Barbary States. When the British Government
received the news of Hussein's flagrant violation of good faith, in
firing upon the French Admiral, the Pelorus sloop of war was
despatched to Algiers, where her commander Captain Quin united
with the British Consul Mr. St. John, in endeavoring to prevail upon
the Dey to propose terms of peace. This effort proving vain, the
Pelorus sailed to Constantinople, where it was agreed between the
Ambassadors of France and England, that the Sultan should be
requested to interpose; to this the Turkish Government readily
assented, and Halil Effendi a venerable and respectable Turk, who
had long known Hussein and been much esteemed by him, was
ordered to proceed to Algiers, and to entreat or command the Dey
no longer to provoke the vengeance of his powerful enemies. Halil
arrived in the Pelorus on the 28th of November at Algiers, where he
was received with great kindness and affection by the Dey and by all
classes of the inhabitants. His arguments and entreaties soon
produced effects, from which the mediators augured the most
favorable consequences; for Hussein after some days of reflection
and consultation with his Ministers, agreed to propose to M. de la
Bretonniere the renewal of the negotiations, offering him every
assurance of honorable treatment in case he should come to Algiers,
and as an earnest of the sincerity of his intentions, promising the
surrender of all the French prisoners. The Pelorus sailed with these
proposals on the 10th of December for Mahon, where she was
detained nearly three months in expectation of the Admiral's reply; at
length M. de la Bretonniere declared, that as he was still bound by
the first instructions from his Government, he could admit of
negotiation on no other terms, than the mission of an Ambassador to
Paris to bear the explanations of the Dey. With this answer Captain
Quin returned to Algiers on the 1st of April 1830; but no arguments
could induce Hussein to adopt the measure proposed: "God is
Great!" said he, "Let the French come."

In the mean time the French Ministry had taken a most serious
determination. The insult offered by the Dey in firing upon M. de la
Bretonniere, was concealed from the public as completely as
possible; no mention of it was made in the Moniteur, yet it finally
became known, and the opposition press of Paris eagerly seized the
opportunity, to vilify the hated Ministry of Polignac for delaying to
avenge the insulted honor of France. In this condition of things it
became absolutely necessary for the Government to take some
decisive step towards a conclusion of the war, in order to relieve
itself from a heavy and increasing burthen of popular odium on this
account. To effect this purpose, two plans were proposed in the
Ministerial Council. Count de Bourmont the bold and active chief of
the War Department, was in favor of an expedition sent directly from
France, against the capital city of the offending Sovereign. Prince
Polignac the head of the Ministry, was doubtful of the propriety of