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Full download The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection 3rd file pdf all chapter on 2024
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“Susan M. Johnson’s 15-year update of emotionally focused couple therapy
shows how powerful systematic research can be in developing a great theory.
This book is a must read for all therapists.”
—John Gottman, author of 8 Dates: Essential Conversations for a
Lifetime of Love
“In this remarkable book, Susan M. Johnson provides the definitive summary
of state-of-the-art practice in what is surely now the most widely disseminated
form of couple therapy. The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
not only comprehensively describes how to do emotionally focused couple
therapy, but also concisely summarizes the substantial evidence about
emotion and attachment upon which this approach is based and the extensive
research demonstrating its impact. This significantly revised and expanded
new edition of a classic book highlights the many significant advances in this
evidence-based approach since its second edition. Speaking in a voice that is
accessible and clinically meaningful to couple therapists, beautifully written,
and filled with compelling clinical examples, this book should be an essential
part of every couple therapist’s library.”
—Jay L. Lebow, Ph.D., ABPP, senior scholar and clinical professor,
Family Institute at Northwestern, Evanston, IL
The Practice of Emotionally
Focused Couple Therapy
Since its original publication in 1996, The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple
Therapy has been the definitive guide for couple therapists, supervisors, and
students wishing to practice emotionally focused therapy.
This cutting-edge third edition addresses recent changes in the field
of couple therapy, including updated research results relating to clinical
interventions, expanded understandings of emotion regulation, adult
attachment and neuroscience, and dynamic EFT applications for a range of
issues such as depression, anxiety, sexual disorders, and PTSD. Chapters
introduce micro-interventions for use in EFT couple sessions, as well as a
systematic presentation of a macro set of interventions called the EFT Tango.
Clinical examples are included throughout, bringing the in-session process of
change alive, and two case chapters offer in-depth commentaries of Stage 1
and Stage 2 EFT sessions.
Written by the leading authority on emotionally focused therapy, this
third edition is an essential reference on all aspects of EFT and its uses for
mental health professionals in the field of couple and marital therapy.
Susan M. Johnson
Third edition published 2020
by Routledge
52 Vanderbilt Avenue, New York, NY 10017
and by Routledge
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2020 Susan M. Johnson
The right of Susan M. Johnson to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in
accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by
any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying
and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the
publishers.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used
only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
First edition published by Routledge 1996
Second edition published by Routledge 2004
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
A catalog record for this book has been requested
ISBN: 978-0-8153-4800-9 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-0-8153-4801-6 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-351-16836-6 (ebk)
Typeset in Palatino
by Apex CoVantage, LLC
This book is dedicated, as in previous editions, to my generous and
loving partner, John Palmer Douglas—the love of my life.
And to all of my amazing colleagues in the International Center for
Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), who are taking
EFT all over the world with such passion and grace.
Contents
Introduction�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������1
Individual Sessions���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������120
Therapeutic Processes�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������121
Therapeutic Markers ���������������������������������������������������������������������������121
Intrapsychic Markers���������������������������������������������������������������������������122
Interpersonal Markers�������������������������������������������������������������������������123
Interventions �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������124
The EFT Tango in Early Sessions�����������������������������������������������������������������124
Move 1: Mirror and Reflect Present Process�������������������������������������124
Move 2: Affect Assembly and Deepening�����������������������������������������125
Micro-Interventions in Early Sessions�������������������������������������������������������127
1. Reflection�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������127
2. Validation �����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������127
3. Evocative Reflections and Questions �������������������������������������������127
4. Tracking and Reflecting Interactions �������������������������������������������128
5. Reframing�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������129
Couple Process and End State of Early Sessions���������������������������������������129
Epilogue���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������289
It is now 15 years since the 2004 edition of this book came out. So much has
happened in this decade and a half that, indeed, it is time for a substantial
revision. The model, EFT, for which this book provides the basic manual for
clinical practice, has grown enormously.
It has grown in conceptual depth, expanding along with adult attachment
theory, as an integrated way of understanding our basic vulnerabilities and
needs and how they play out in our most intimate relationships. Books for the
public, Hold Me Tight (2008) and Love Sense (2013), based on this model have
also taken attachment science into the popular conversation about love and
loving. EFT has expanded significantly in terms of its research base. In terms
of the number of positive outcome studies, investigations into the process of
change, and positive follow-up studies, this model now represents the gold
standard for empirical interventions in the couple therapy field.
The model has also grown in terms of its generalizability, that is the differ-
ent populations and problems to which it is applied. It is now used routinely
to address relationship distress compounded by clinical depression, anxiety,
and post-traumatic stress disorder, and has been used as a bridge between
couple and sex therapy modalities. It is used across cultures and different
racial groups, for both gay and straight, secular and faith oriented couples,
and for very educated and blue collar couples. Recently the educational pro-
gram based on this model, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of
Love, has been tested and formulated especially for couples facing cardiac
problems, and this program is also being applied to other physical health
issues. An educational program based on the creation of secure attachment
also has obvious relevance for, and is routinely used with, military couples
facing the stressors of separation and deployment. The training programs
teaching this approach have become systematic and highly successful, result-
ing in a large number of professionals not only taking externships and other
trainings but, becoming certified therapists with the International Center for
Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (www.iceeft.com) with more
than 65 affiliated centers supporting learning and research worldwide.
It is also worth noting that in a recent study, EFT was shown to impact
not only relationship distress but the attachment orientation of individual
partners, supporting the attachment concept that love relationships provide
fertile ground for the development of a more secure and integrated sense
of self and a sense of connection to and trust in others. This orientation to
2 ◆ Introduction
attachment science has facilitated the extension of EFT, as laid out in my most
recent book (Johnson, 2019a), to both individual and family therapy modal-
ities. EFT has always treated both self and system, the individual who con-
structs his or her emotional reality and the relational drama that shapes and
reflects this reality. It appears that this model with its focus on attachment as
a developmental model of the social self and on the compelling and transfor-
mational nature of emotion can contribute not just to the growth of the field
of couple intervention but also to psychotherapy in general.
In this volume, you will find micro-interventions that can be used in EFT
couple sessions, as well as a systematic presentation of a more macro set of
interventions titled “the EFT Tango.” The conceptual platform of attachment
theory and recent understandings of emotion and emotion regulation have
also been significantly expanded. You will find many clinical examples to
bring the in-session process of change alive.
As always, however, the essence of EFT and the reason it inspires such
passion in its practitioners remains the same. It offers a compelling way of
seeing our stuck places and a vibrant model of health for which to aim, a clear
set of interventions, and a way of being with our clients that is enlivening for
both therapist and client. In a world of quick fixes, it follows the dictum of Sir
William Osler (1849–1919), who suggests that “the good physician treats the
disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease.” It allows
therapists to, as Rogers states, revel in finding the “order in experience,” and
to grow with their clients.
The last years have been an intoxicating journey of discovery for the EFT
community of dedicated clinicians, supervisors, researchers, and trainers. My
own trust in the power of deliberately crafted emotional experience and the
map to human functioning offered by attachment theory grows with every
client, workshop, and research study. Therapy is so much easier when we can
tap into the innate power of emotion and potent motivations, like the longing
for connection, to fire up the change process. My hope is that this book will
inform and inspire you and open the door to confidence in our joint ability
to understand ourselves as relational beings and to finally bring each other
home.
1
The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT
From the beginning I had known that the pure forcefulness of my argument would
not penetrate deep enough to affect change. It almost never does. . . . Only when
one feels an insight in one’s bones can one own it. Only then can one act on it and
change. . . . [I]t is extraordinarily hard, even terrifying to own the insight that you and
only you can construct your own life design. . . . [I]t is only when therapy enlists deep
emotions that it becomes a powerful force for change.
Irvin Yalom, Love’s Executioner (1989)
can truly talk about couple therapy as an art and a science, based on descrip-
tion, prediction, and explanation. EFT has emerged from and contributed to
this revolution, and, as a model, it continues to evolve and grow.
The beginning couple therapist no longer has to accept the idea that, to
quote the songwriter Lynn Miles, “Love is a warm wind—you can’t hold it in
your hand,” and that the process of the repair of love relationships is therefore
a nebulous and random affair. There are now empirically validated patterns
of marital distress and road maps of adult bonding to help the therapist jour-
ney with a distressed couple toward a more stable and satisfying relationship.
This text offers the EFT clinical road map in a format updated from the 2004
edition and revised in light of the recent book, Attachment in Practice: Emo-
tionally Focused Therapy With Individuals, Couples and Families (Johnson, 2019a).
The goals of this new edition are to:
Author: C. M. Kornbluth
Robert W. Lowndes
Frederik Pohl
Language: English
Credits: Alex White, Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan & the online
Distributed Proofreaders Canada team at
https://www.pgdpcanada.net
Nick Hartnett stepped off the upper lip of the thousand-foot shaft
and floated gently downwards. When he had fallen about half the
distance, he reached out for a stanchion, grasped it easily and pulled
himself gracefully into the lounge-room of the Columbia.
What he saw there was precisely what he expected to see. There
was Dorothy Gilbert, curled in a spring-hammock, reading a book.
Nick was looking over’ her shoulder before she knew he had
entered.
“Bodie’s ‘Parecliptic Orbits,’ ” he read aloud. “Dorothy, don’t you
ever think of anything but your job?”
She looked up, smiling, brushing aside a lock of tousled hair that
sought her eye. “Often, Nick. But where would we be if I didn’t check
my courses against those plotted by a competent authority?”
“Just about where we’ll be if you do,” he guessed, tugging at his
ear with long, knobby fingers. “You’re my idea of a competent
authority yourself.”
“Thanks, Nick. How are the contracels holding out?”
“Wonderfully!” he grinned. “It seems as if my father did a fair job
of inventing there—though maybe not quite good enough.” He knelt
and touched a button inset in the floor; instantly the metallic luster of
it dulled and clouded, then the clouds seemed to vanish as the floor
became transparent. In an instant it appeared to have vanished
entirely, revealing an immense sweep of blackness interspersed with
white-hot, tiny specks of light that were stars and planets.
Nick stared out at them. The whole field of stars was moving, it
seemed, though, in actuality, it was the ship itself that spun on its
axis, providing them with the illusion of gravity they required. It was
hard for Hartnett to realize that this view was almost brand-new to
human eyes, that only twenty or thirty people could ever have seen
stars and the solar system from this vantage point, outside the plane
of the ecliptic. There were seven persons in the Columbia now, and
there had been eighteen or twenty in its predecessor which had
been reported lost some years before. Those two ships, the only
ones in the System’s great armada to be equipped with the counter-
acceleration devices that made it possible to venture out of the
confines of the Solar System, were also the only ones to leave the
plane of the ecliptic.
“Where’s Earth?” Nick asked absently without looking up.
Dorothy closed the book on a finger and leaned over the edge of
the hammock to look. “It’s not in sight now,” she said. “Wait until we
spin a little farther. Of course, I can’t guarantee you’ll be able to see
it then, either, because the ship may hide it. But we’ll see. We’re
looking out one side of the ship and Earth is directly in back of us.”
He snapped off the vision and the floor returned to normal. “As
soon as we get the reports from the two goops,” he mused, “we can
start making definite plans for the outing.”
“We heard you,” came a voice from just outside the lounge, and,
a second later, Bob Vickers appeared, climbing hand-over-hand
against the slight pull of the acceleration that managed to seep
through the not-quite-perfect guard of the contracels. He pulled
himself into the lounge and turned back, extending a hand to Fred
Marquis, who followed him in.
The two glared at Nick with injured expressions. “So this,” stated
Vickers sadly, “is how you refer to your loyal aides behind their
backs.” He turned to Marquis: “Colleague, we may as well tear up
that paper and save ourselves further humiliation.”
Dorothy Gilbert closed her book with a snap. “Far be it from me to
poke my pretty nose into your little brawls, but haven’t you two been
rather long in getting the data?”
Marquis made a sweeping bow. “Fair lady,” he replied softly, “I
appeal to your innate sense of justice and fair play. Did or did not our
noble captain, on two occasions, call us all away from our gruelling
labor to strain our ears trying to hear an alleged distress signal?”
Dorothy laughed gaily, shaking her hair away from her forehead.
“Indeed, our noble captain did. Not only was your invaluable time
wasted, but mine as well. I was rechecking the course and had to
start from scratch after the interruption.”
“My lady is as gracious as she is charming,” bowed Vickers. He
faced Nick. “We will be generous, sir, and accept your apology.”
“The ship’s company,” sighed Nick, “is reminded that the original
Hartnett expedition was not entirely lost. It is to be assumed that they
are still trying to contact someone, us in particular. Thus the careful
attention to what appeared to be distress signals.
“Now may I suggest that you save your precious time by letting
me know what you found?”
“That,” murmured Marquis to Vickers, “is as close to an apology
as he’ll ever get.”
“Wherever they are,” mused Nick, “it’s going to be one sweet job
finding the planetoid in this space. It’ll be practically invisible
because of the distance from the sun. We may go by it a couple of
times.” He jabbed a call button sharply then spoke into a mike.
“Grenville? What’s doing? Oh, you are!” He turned to the others.
“Our chemical engineer is turning his inventive genius to a superior
blend of the rocket blast. How lovely.”
“Noble pastime,” put in Dorothy. “The last batch was pretty raw—I
think it would have dissolved my teeth if I hadn’t swallowed it
quickly.”
“Listen,” yelped Nick. “Lay off the monkey business for a minute
and attend. Hop down to the observation room and look for a small
planetoid—I don’t know—could be any port. Use maximum
magnification because it may be small—oh, big enough to hold a
ship about this size perhaps. Possibly—quite probably dark. Signal
us as soon as you see something.”
“If he’s been sampling his wares, he’s likely to see anything,”
suggested Marquis.
“That being the case,” replied Nick, “you’d better go down and
help him, all of you. It’s a tough job for one man in any condition.”
“Coming?” inquired Marquis of Dorothy. She shook her head.
“Yaaah!” he jibed. “Captain’s pet!”
Dorothy bit her lip. “When I think that we almost went right by it
without suspecting. . . . almost missed it completely, I mean.”
Nick clasped her shoulder, his eyes fixed upon the almost
invisible planetoid slowly growing before them. “Were you and your
brother—very good friends?”
“I scarcely knew him,” she murmured. “He ran away from home
when I was seven or eight, and we only saw him once in awhile after
that. I think it was nearly six years after he first hit out before he
came back. He was mature then and I was just a silly adolescent,
but I idolized him because he was so famous.
“He spent nearly a whole month with me—with us, that is—about
four years before he signed up with your father. But all that seems
unreal now. If he’s—still alive, I’ll probably say ‘hello, Harry,’ and kiss
him with sisterly affection and be glad he’s all right, but it won’t really
mean much. What about your father, Nick?”
He frowned. “Dad and I were pretty close. Matter of fact, I never
called him ‘dad’ until after he disappeared. It was always Steve. He
preferred that; didn’t like his own name, though I didn’t know about it
for a long time.
“I never could figure out the relationships between the other kids I
knew and their parents. I always felt sorry for them; you see, Steve
explained to me once—it’s amazing that I got it the first time—that
‘father’ or ‘dad’ or ‘pop’ was something I’d better call him when other
people were around just for the sake of appearances. And, when I
was in school, why he was ‘my father.’ But when we were alone
together—or just the three of us, Steve, Mater, and I—we didn’t have
to be formal at all. We were always the best of friends.”
She drew closer to him. “I’d like to meet—Steve.”
He looked at her as if it were the first time they were meeting.
“Steve would like you, too,” he replied.
The alarm clanged for some time before they noticed it.
“Sorry!” exclaimed Timbie as he came into the room. “We’ve
spotted it. It’s less than 500 miles in diameter.”
He eased himself into the control seat and started to shift them
into the proper curve for landing. Fascinated, the three stared out the
large port at the rapidly increasing globe before them. Unbroken in
surface, it loomed before, a seemingly fantastic and impossible
thing, a perfect sphere.
Slowly, prodigiously slow, they approached, coasting gracefully,
for inertia or no, there was still the great mass of the ship to take into
consideration. There was something wrong about this—somewhere
—then, suddenly, the same thought struck all three of them.
“It isn’t a sphere!” voiced Nick. “It just looks that way because of
its tremendous speed of rotation!”
Dorothy wheeled out the z-special camera and turned on the
power, let it operate for a full minute. Quietly they waited for the
automatic developing process, then cut the lights and flashed a
projection on the panel in the rear of the room which was ideally
suitable for a motion-picture screen. Eyes glued on the meters,
Dorothy adapted the flow of film until the images of the planetoid on
the panel corresponded to what they saw outside.
“What’s the period of rotation?”
“100 per minute. That, to put it mildly, is fast. It must be extremely
dense to hang together at all—and even then, made of ultracohesive
matter.”