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 EMPLOYEES’ EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE, MOTIVATION
& PRODUCTIVITY, AND
ORGANIZATIONAL EXCELLENCE

A Future Trend in HRD

Gagari Chakrabarti
Tapas Chatterjea
Employees’ Emotional Intelligence, Motivation
& Productivity, and Organizational Excellence
Gagari Chakrabarti · Tapas Chatterjea

Employees’
Emotional
Intelligence,
Motivation &
Productivity, and
Organizational
Excellence
A Future Trend in HRD
Gagari Chakrabarti Tapas Chatterjea
Department of Economics Cardio-vascular, Geriatric, Internal
Presidency University and Critical Care Medicine; Diabetology
Kolkata and Thyroidology, Mental Health-Stress
West Bengal, India and Institutional Management
Kolkata
West Bengal, India

ISBN 978-981-10-5758-8 ISBN 978-981-10-5759-5 (eBook)

DOI 10.1007/978-981-10-5759-5

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017947723

© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s) 2018

This work is subject to copyright. All rights are solely and exclusively licensed by the Publisher, whether
the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse
of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and
transmission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by
similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed.
The use of general descriptive names, registered names, trademarks, service marks, etc. in this
publication does not imply, even in the absence of a specific statement, that such names are exempt
from the relevant protective laws and regulations and therefore free for general use.
The publisher, the authors and the editors are safe to assume that the advice and information in this
book are believed to be true and accurate at the date of publication. Neither the publisher nor the
authors or the editors give a warranty, express or implied, with respect to the material contained herein
or for any errors or omissions that may have been made. The publisher remains neutral with regard to
jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations.

Cover illustration: © John Rawsterne/patternhead.com

Printed on acid-free paper

This Palgrave Macmillan imprint is published by Springer Nature

The registered company is Springer Nature Singapore Pte Ltd.
The registered company address is: 152 Beach Road, #21-01/04 Gateway East, Singapore 189721,
Singapore
 Foreword

The study of Emotional Intelligence could be traced back to the era

of Charles Darwin when the crucial role of emotional expression was
emphasized for survival. While ancient Greek literature prioritised cog-
nitive skills, the European Sentimentalist Movement and the Emotional
Movement emphasized the ‘emotional expression of arts’ and recog-
nized the presence and relevance of intrinsic, emotional knowledge.
Gradually, scientists came to accept the inadequate role of standard
cognitive intelligence to be used as a tool to account for individual
behaviour, to analyze their success, and to predict their failures. Rather,
they tend to emphasize more on a combination of skills that allow a
person to recognize, comprehend and to control personal emotions; to
appreciate the emotions of fellow beings and to use this competence to
promote positivity that would make a system better functioning by nur-
turing the success of all those who are part of it. Passion and intellect
hence are not indeed antithetical. Rather than being ‘a state of complete
loss of rational or analytical control’, emotions are taken to allow peo-
ple to thrive in a complex world through successful dealing with people
and the environment. These are deemed to have strengthened cerebral
control and facilitated analytical thinking and dealing with real-life

v
vi   Foreword

situations are being claimed to require a perfect blending of reasoning

with emotions. Such a mélange of emotion and intellect coins a novel
term: Emotional Intelligence. The initial quail on treating emotional
intelligence as intelligence in its true sense was subsequently defeated
by the development of models those treated it as hot intelligence: a mem-
ber of the class of intelligence that include the social, practical, and per-
sonal intelligences. Recent literature considers emotional intelligence as
a separate branch of intelligence that may be acquired rather than being
innate.
Ever since its inception, the theory of emotional intelligence has
come to emerge as a theory of superior on-the-job performances and
abilities to lead an effective life. It has been an empirically proven fact
that while increasing emotional intelligence makes individuals more
efficient, productive, and successful; organizations can become more
productive by hiring emotionally efficient people and by offering oppor-
tunities to enhance these skills in the workplace.
This study is an exploration in this area in the context of an emerging
economy like India in recent time. The study kicks off from the under-
lying note that organizations desire to ensure a working environment
that is vibrant with positive thoughts and interactions; in an attempt
to dent unconstructive or disruptive factors and to ensure improved
performances over time. Such environment must be characterized by
rational and value-based decisions taken by those who are part of it and
this is ensured by effective teamwork achieved through cooperation,
cohesion and sense of integrity among the fellow members. However,
while ensuring positivity is vital, the question remains: how? Better
work-environment results from effective social interaction between the
employer and the employee and, more crucially, among the employees
themselves. Thus, ensuring positivity essentially requires choosing indi-
viduals who would be skilled to rationalize and control personal emo-
tions; with an ability to recognize, appreciate and respect the emotions
of the fellow beings. Such expertise is likely to mould the system in a
positive way to ensure better productivity in future. In this backdrop,
the book explores whether people with cognitive skills coming from dif-
ferent social and demographic strata possess enough excellence in non-
cognitive competences so as to help the organization, to which they
 Foreword   vii

belong, to attain certain specific goals. Do emotional intelligence skills

in employees indeed translate into superior on-the-job performances in
a country like India? An affirmative answer would emphasize the need
for an organization to look for such skills in potential employees and
the inevitability to nurture such skill in existing employees. Further,
it has attempted to inquire if hiring people on the basis of emotional
intelligence could help an organization avoid the problem of moral haz-
ards where hidden-actions on part of the employees, who are otherwise
skilled, might adversely affect the organization’s valuation of the transac-
tions in which they would be involved. Such exploration help explain
the urge of any success-oriented organization to look for the non-cog-
nitive skills (along with the pure cognitive efficiencies) in a potential
employee and the need to design incentive mechanism and/or to frame
policies to help existing employees develop such skills.

Kolkata, India Amitava Sarkar

May 2017 Professor and Director,
Indian Institute of Social Welfare
and Business Management and
former Vice Chancellor (Acting),
WB University of Technology
 Preface

This book is an attempt to recognize the relevance and significance of

combining non-cognitive skills along with the cognitive ones to help
explain one’s ability to lead an effective and successful life. Based on
a primary survey that approached the academicians, administrators,
professionals and other service-holders from India, the book applies
technical and quantitative methods to analyze employees’ emotional
intelligence, its determinants and variation across gender, age, income,
education and occupation structures. It seeks to explore whether and
how a combination of cognitive and non-cognitive skills could motivate
individuals to improve their productivity that would ultimately lead to
organizational excellence without introducing the much knotty prob-
lem of workplace moral hazard. To improve the flow of the book, the
study has been organized in four chapters. While Chap. 2 is devoted
to portray the conceptual development of Emotional Intelligence as
a distinct branch of intelligence, Chaps. 3 and 4 involve use of a fair
amount of appropriate qualitative data analysis techniques to answer
the questions raised by the study. It indeed finds the theory of EI, not
only as a theory of superior performances, but also as means to reduce
possibilities of work-place moral hazard.

ix
x   Preface

While the book is an attempt to quench the thirst of the researchers,

students and analysts who are interested in this field of study, the find-
ings bear significant implications for designing of effective hiring
and staff development strategies on part of the corporate personnel.
Selecting a group of people who can recognize, comprehend and respect
others’ emotions and can nurture effective teamwork through coopera-
tion and cohesion is found to be essential for achieving organizational
excellence. The organizations can benefit further by offering opportu-
nities to enhance these skills in the workplace. Further, attempts must
be initiated by the organization to foster better work environment with
suitable incentive schemes; to provide employees with a motivating
peer group that is vibrant with positive thoughts; and to develop effec-
tive support systems so as to free the employees from their social and
family responsibilities to an extent that is feasible. While an EI based
valuation is vital at all stages of the life of an organization, the book in
its final note exclaims the necessity to target the incumbents at a much
earlier stage in their life; possibly by making value based education pro-
grammes a part of the curriculum.
We take this opportunity to express our appreciation to those who
have influenced this work. The number of respondents who have will-
fully taken their part in the survey; and that of the students and col-
leagues whose cooperation has helped us build on our ideas is too large
to allow us to thank them individually. However, a sincere word of
appreciation goes to Dr. Sarmita Guha Roy for helping us immensely
in data collection. We owe a lot to Prof. Amitava Sarkar, IISWBM,
Kolkata: Prof. Anjan Chakrabarti, University of Calcutta; Prof. Bivas
Chaudhury, All India Institute of Hygiene & Public Health; and Prof.
Gaurav Manohar Marathe, IIM Ranchi. While it is our pleasure to
appreciate the suggestions of the anonymous referees, the usual dis-
claimer remains.

Kolkata, India Dr. Gagari Chakrabarti

Dr. Tapas Chatterjea
 Contents

1 Prologue 1

2 Intelligence? … Emotions? … or, the Emotional

Intelligence: Theories and Evidence in Global Context 11

3 Indicators of Emotional Intelligence: Determinants

and Interconnections 51

4 Benefit to an Organization: Intrinsic Skills

and (Or?) Psycho-social Factors 221

Author Index 291

Subject Index 295

xi
 List of Graphs

Graph 3.1 Classification of respondents according to gender 62

Graph 3.2 Classification of respondents according
to monthly income 63
Graph 3.3 Classification of respondents according to age in years 64
Graph 3.4 Classification of respondents according to occupation 64
Graph 3.5 Classification of respondents according to education 65
Graph 3.6 percentage of respondents excelling in terms
of EI indicators 75
Graph 3.7 Predicted probability of having above average
self regulation 90
Graph 3.8 Predicted probability of having above-average
skills in terms of self regulation with change
in efficiency in emotional intelligence dimension 92
Graph 3.9 Predicted probability of showing high trustworthiness
(across age, income, gender, occupation and education) 95
Graph 3.10 Predicted probabilities of having high
trustworthiness for levels of other EI items (across EQ) 96
Graph 3.11 Predicted probabilities of having high trustworthiness
for different levels of age, gender, income,
occupation and education 97

xiii
xiv   List of Graphs

Graph 3.12 Predicted probability of having above-average

trustworthiness against EQ 98
Graph 3.13 Trustworthiness, service-orientation, and predicted
probability of having high conscientiousness
at different levels of EQ 100
Graph 3.14 Trustworthiness, service-orientation and predicted
probability of having high conscientiousness
(across age, income, gender, occupation and education) 101
Graph 3.15 Predicted probabilities of having high
conscientiousness for different levels of age,
gender, income, occupation and education 102
Graph 3.16 Predicted probability of having high
conscientiousness at different values of EQ 103
Graph 3.17 Emotional awareness, self confidence, conflict
management and high self control (across EQ) 104
Graph 3.18 Emotional awareness, self confidence, conflict
management and high self control
(across age, gender, income, occupation, education) 105
Graph 3.19 Predicted probability of attaining above-average self
control (across age, gender, income, occupation,
education) 106
Graph 3.20 Probability of obtaining above average self control
across EQ 106
Graph 3.21 Predicted probability of having above-average
adaptability given ability to act as change catalyst
(across EQ) 108
Graph 3.22 Predicted probability of showing high
adaptability with enhanced skills as change catalyst 108
Graph 3.23 Predicted probability of attaining above-average
adaptability (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 110
Graph 3.24 Predicted probability of having high adaptability
across EQ 110
Graph 3.25 Predicted probability of having high innovativeness
at all levels of EQ for different levels of selected EI items 112
Graph 3.26 Marginal effects on predicted probability of showing
above-average innovativeness (across age, income,
gender, occupation and education) 113
 List of Graphs   xv

Graph 3.27 Predicted probability of attaining above-average

innovativeness (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 113
Graph 3.28 Probability of having above-average innovativeness
across EQ 114
Graph 3.29 Predicted probability of having above-average
self awareness against EQ 120
Graph 3.30 Predicted probability of showing high self awareness
with improvement in self regulation and EQ 120
Graph 3.31 Marginal effect of other EI items on predicted
probability of showing high self awareness 122
Graph 3.32 Predicted probabilities of having high emotional
awareness (across age, gender, income, occupation
and education) 123
Graph 3.33 Predicted probability of having strong emotional
awareness against EQ 124
Graph 3.34 Marginal effects on predicted probability
of above-average accurate self assessment
(across gender, age, income, education and occupation) 125
Graph 3.35 Marginal effects on predicted probability
of high accurate self assessment (across EQ) 125
Graph 3.36 Predicted probability of attaining above-average
accurate self assessment (across age, gender,
income, occupation, education) 126
Graph 3.37 Predicted probability of having above-average
accurate self assessment against EQ 127
Graph 3.38 Marginal effects on predicted probability
of above-average self confidence (across gender,
age, income, education and occupation) 128
Graph 3.39 Marginal effects on predicted probability
of above-average self confidence (across EQ) 128
Graph 3.40 Predicted probability of attaining above-average
self confidence (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 130
Graph 3.41 Predicted probability of showing high
self confidence against EQ 130
Graph 3.42 Predicted probability of having above average
self motivation 135
xvi   List of Graphs

Graph 3.43 Improvement in predicted probability of showing

strong self motivation with change in EQ 137
Graph 3.44 Innovativeness, commitment, EQ and probability
of high achievement drive (across gender, age,
income, occupation and education) 139
Graph 3.45 Predicted probabilities of having high achievement
drive for different levels of other EI items (across EQ) 140
Graph 3.46 Predicted probabilities of having high achievement
drive for different levels of age, gender, income,
occupation and education 141
Graph 3.47 Predicted probability of having above-average
achievement drive against EQ 141
Graph 3.48 Achievement drive, leadership and predicted probability
of having high commitment at different levels of EQ 143
Graph 3.49 Achievement drive, leadership and predicted
probability of having high commitment (across
age, income, ender, occupation and education) 144
Graph 3.50 Predicted probabilities of having high commitment
(across age, gender, income, occupation and education) 144
Graph 3.51 Predicted probability of having high commitment
across EQ 145
Graph 3.52 Optimism, commitment and high initiative (across EQ) 147
Graph 3.53 Optimism, commitment and high initiative
(across age, gender, income, occupation and education) 147
Graph 3.54 Predicted probability of exhibiting above-average initiative
(across age, gender, income, occupation, education) 148
Graph 3.55 Probability of showing strong initiative (across EQ) 149
Graph 3.56 Initiative, empathy and predicted probability
of showing high optimism (across EQ) 150
Graph 3.57 Predicted probability of high optimism with
enhanced skills in empathy and initiative
(across age, gender, occupation, education, income) 150
Graph 3.58 Predicted probability of showing above-average
optimism (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 151
Graph 3.59 Predicted probability of having above-average
optimism across EQ 152
Graph 3.60 Predicted probability of having above average
social awareness 157
 List of Graphs   xvii

Graph 3.61 Improvement in predicted probability of having

above-average social awareness with change in EQ 159
Graph 3.62 Optimism, conscientiousness, service orientation
and high empathy (across EQ) 162
Graph 3.63 Optimism, conscientiousness, service orientation
and high empathy (across age, gender, income,
occupation and education) 163
Graph 3.64 Predicted probability of exhibiting above-average empathy
(across age, gender, income, occupation, education) 163
Graph 3.65 Probability of obtaining above average empathy
across EQ 164
Graph 3.66 Initiative, emotional awareness, trustworthiness,
empathy, developing others and high service orientation
(across EQ) 166
Graph 3.67 Initiative, emotional awareness, trustworthiness,
empathy, developing others and high service orientation
(across age, gender, income, occupation and education) 167
Graph 3.68 Predicted probability of exhibiting above-average
service orientation (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 167
Graph 3.69 Probability of showing strong service orientation
across EQ 168
Graph 3.70 Relevant EI competences affecting skills
of developing others (across EQ) 170
Graph 3.71 Relevant EI competences and skills in developing
others (across age, gender, income, occupation
and education 170
Graph 3.72 Predicted probability of exhibiting strong skills
in developing others (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 171
Graph 3.73 Probability of demonstrating skills in developing
others across EQ 172
Graph 3.74 Relevant EI competences affecting skills in leveraging
diversity (across EQ) 173
Graph 3.75 Relevant EI competences and skills in leveraging
diversity (across age, gender, income, occupation
and education) 174
xviii   List of Graphs

Graph 3.76 Predicted probability of exhibiting competence

in leveraging diversity (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 175
Graph 3.77 Probability of demonstrating skills in leveraging
diversity across EQ 175
Graph 3.78 Relevant EI competences affecting skills in political
awareness (across EQ) 177
Graph 3.79 Relevant EI competences and skills in political awareness
(across age, gender, income, occupation and education) 177
Graph 3.80 Predicted probability of exhibiting competence
in political awareness (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 178
Graph 3.81 Probability of demonstrating skills in political
awareness across EQ 178
Graph 3.82 Predicted probability of having above average social skill 184
Graph 3.83 Improvement in predicted probability
of showing strong social skill with change in EQ 186
Graph 3.84 Relevant EI competences affecting skills
in influencing others (across EQ) 190
Graph 3.85 Relevant EI competences and skills
in influencing others (across age, gender, income,
occupation and education) 191
Graph 3.86 Predicted probability of exhibiting competence
in influencing others (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 191
Graph 3.87 Probability of demonstrating skills in influencing
others across EQ 192
Graph 3.88 Relevant EI competences affecting skills
in communication (across EQ) 193
Graph 3.89 Leadership and skills in communication (across age,
gender, income, occupation and education) 194
Graph 3.90 Predicted probability of exhibiting competence
in communication (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 194
Graph 3.91 Probability of demonstrating skills in communication
across EQ 195
 List of Graphs   xix

Graph 3.92 Relevant EI competences affecting skills in leadership

(across EQ) 197
Graph 3.93 Leadership and relevant EI dimensions (across age,
gender, income, occupation and education) 197
Graph 3.94 Predicted probability of exhibiting competence
in leadership (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 198
Graph 3.95 Probability of demonstrating skills in leadership
across EQ 198
Graph 3.96 Relevant EI competences affecting skills
in building bonds (across EQ) 200
Graph 3.97 Skills in building bonds and relevant EI dimensions
(across age, gender, income, occupation and education) 200
Graph 3.98 Predicted probability of exhibiting competence
in building bonds (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 201
Graph 3.99 Probability of demonstrating skills in building
bonds across EQ 202
Graph 3.100 Relevant EI competences affecting skills in cooperation
(across EQ) 203
Graph 3.101 Skills in cooperation and relevant EI dimensions
(across age, gender, income, occupation and education) 204
Graph 3.102 Predicted probability of exhibiting competence
in cooperation (across age, gender, income,
occupation, education) 204
Graph 3.103 Probability of demonstrating skills in cooperation
across EQ 205
Graph 3.104 Relevant EI competences affecting skills
in conflict management (across EQ) 207
Graph 3.105 Skills in conflict management and relevant
EI dimensions (across age, gender, income,
occupation and education) 207
Graph 3.106 Predicted probability of exhibiting competence
in conflict management (across age, gender,
income, occupation, education) 208
Graph 3.107 Probability of demonstrating skills in conflict
management across EQ 208
xx   List of Graphs

Graph 3.108 Relevant EI competences affecting team capabilities

(across EQ) 210
Graph 3.109 Skills in team capabilities and relevant EI dimensions
(across age, gender, income, occupation and education) 210
Graph 3.110 Predicted probability of exhibiting strong team
capabilities (across age, gender, income, occupation,
education) 211
Graph 3.111 Probability of demonstrating skills in team
capabilities across EQ 211
Graph 3.112 Relevant EI competences affecting skills
to act as change catalyst (across EQ) 213
Graph 3.113 Skills in acting as change catalyst and relevant
EI dimensions (across age, gender, income,
occupation and education) 213
Graph 3.114 Predicted probability of acting as change catalyst
(across age, gender, income, occupation, education) 214
Graph 3.115 Probability of demonstrating skills in acting
as change catalyst across EQ 214
Graph 4.1 Bidirectional relationship among skills in terms
of EI indicators 225
Graph 4.2 Unidirectional relationship among skills in terms
of EI indicators 226
Graph 4.3 Differences in skills in terms of EI indicators
(across Education Category) 227
Graph 4.4 Differences in skills in terms of EI indicators
(across income brackets) 228
Graph 4.5 Differences in skills in terms of EI indicators
(across age groups) 229
Graph 4.6 Differences in skills in terms of EI indicators
(across occupation types) 230
Graph 4.7 Differences in skills in terms of EI indicators
(across gender) 231
Graph 4.8 Increase in predicted probability of showing improved
performance with an improvement in intrinsic skill
(across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 249
Graph 4.9 Increase in predicted probability of showing improved
performance with an improvement in EQ 250
 List of Graphs   xxi

Graph 4.10 Increase in predicted probability of showing

improved performance with an improvement in EQ
(across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 250
Graph 4.11 Increase in predicted probability of showing ability
to manage situation with an improvement in intrinsic
skill (across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 253
Graph 4.12 Increase in predicted probability of showing
improved performance with an improvement in EQ 254
Graph 4.13 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills
in managing situation with an improvement in EQ
(across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 254
Graph 4.14 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills
in teamwork with an improvement in intrinsic skill
(across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 256
Graph 4.15 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills
in teamwork with an improvement in psycho-social
skill (across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 257
Graph 4.16 Increase in predicted probability of showing higher
teamwork with an improvement in EQ 258
Graph 4.17 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills
in teamwork with an improvement in EQ
(across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 258
Graph 4.18 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills
in leadership with an improvement in Intrinsic Skills
(across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 260
Graph 4.19 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills
in leadership with an improvement in Psycho-social
Skills (across age, gender, income, education,
occupation) 261
Graph 4.20 Increase in predicted probability of showing
higher quality leadership with an improvement in EQ 261
Graph 4.21 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills
in leadership with an improvement in EQ
(across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 262
Graph 4.22 Increase in predicted probability of showing
skills in shaping the future with an improvement
in Intrinsic Skills (across age, gender, income,
education, occupation) 264
xxii   List of Graphs

Graph 4.23 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills

in shaping the future with an improvement in
Psycho-social Skills (across age, gender, income,
education, occupation) 264
Graph 4.24 Increase in predicted probability of showing higher
leadership with an improvement in EQ 265
Graph 4.25 Increase in predicted probability of showing skills
in shaping the future with an improvement in EQ
(across age, gender, income, education, occupation) 265
Graph 4.26 External factors and predicted probabilities
of exhibiting strong commitment and stronger ethics
given commitment 276
Graph 4.27 Predicted probabilities of exhibiting strong commitment
and stronger ethics given commitment (across age,
gender, income, education, occupation) 277
Graph 4.28 External factors and % improvement in predicted
probabilities of exhibiting strong commitment
(across age) 278
Graph 4.29 External factors and % improvement in predicted
probabilities of exhibiting better ethics given strong
commitment (across age) 278
Graph 4.30 External factors and % improvement in predicted
probabilities of exhibiting strong commitment
(across income) 279
Graph 4.31 External factors and % improvement in predicted
probabilities of exhibiting better ethics given strong
commitment (across income) 279
Graph 4.32 External factors and % improvement in predicted
probabilities of exhibiting strong commitment
(across gender, occupation, education) 280
Graph 4.33 External factors and % improvement in predicted
probabilities of exhibiting better ethics given strong
commitment (across gender, occupation, education) 280
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27, or 36. And here, in this benign attention to the comfort of sick
people, you will observe the usual effect of a fine art to soften and
refine the feelings. The world in general, gentlemen, are very bloody-
minded; and all they want in a murder is a copious effusion of blood;
gaudy display in this point is enough for them. But the enlightened
connoisseur is more refined in his taste; and from our art, as from all
the other liberal arts when thoroughly mastered, the result is, to
humanise the heart.
A philosophic friend, well known for his philanthropy and general
benignity, suggests that the subject chosen ought also to have a
family of young children wholly dependent upon his exertions, by
way of deepening the pathos. And, undoubtedly, this is a judicious
caution. Yet I would not insist too keenly on such a condition. Severe
good taste unquestionably suggests it; but still, where the man was
otherwise unobjectionable in point of morals and health, I would not
look with too curious a jealousy to a restriction which might have the
effect of narrowing the artist’s sphere.
So much for the person. As to the time, the place, and the tools, I
have many things to say, which at present I have no room for. The
good sense of the practitioner has usually directed him to night and
privacy. Yet there have not been wanting cases where this rule was
departed from with excellent effect.

Lord Byron, whose works are variously adjudged by the critics,

owes much to the fact that he was possessed of a distinct and
definite sense of humor.
It is that which saves many of his long and dull stretches of verse
from utter unreadability.
His facile rhymes, apparently tossed off with little of or no effort,
embody in the best possible manner his graceful fun.
The ottava rima of Don Juan, though often careless, even
slovenly as to technical details, is surely the meter best fitted for the
theme.
Juan embarked—the ship got under way,
The wind was fair, the water passing rough;
A devil of a sea rolls in that bay,
As I, who’ve crossed it oft, know well enough;
And, standing upon deck, the dashing spray
Flies in one’s face, and makes it weather-tough;
And there he stood to take, and take again,
His first—perhaps his last—farewell of Spain.

I can’t but say it is an awkward sight

To see one’s native land receding through
The growing waters; it unmans one quite,
Especially when life is rather new.
I recollect Great Britain’s coast looks white,
But almost every other country’s blue,
When gazing on them, mystified by distance,
We enter on our nautical existence.

So Juan stood, bewildered on the deck:

The wind sung, cordage strained, and sailors swore,
And the ship creaked, the town became a speck,
From which away so fair and fast they bore.
The best of remedies is a beef-steak
Against sea-sickness: try it, sir, before
You sneer, and I assure you this is true,
For I have found it answer—so may you.

“And oh! if e’er I should forget, I swear—

But that’s impossible, and cannot be—
Sooner shall this blue ocean melt to air,
Sooner shall earth resolve itself to sea,
Than I resign thine image, oh, my fair!
Or think of anything excepting thee;
A mind diseased no remedy can physic.”
(Here the ship gave a lurch and he grew sea-sick.)

“Sooner shall heaven kiss earth!” (Here he fell sicker.)

“Oh, Julia! what is every other woe?
(For God’s sake let me have a glass of liquor;
Pedro, Battista, help me down below.)
Julia, my love! (you rascal, Pedro, quicker)
 Oh, Julia! (this curst vessel pitches so)
Beloved Julia, hear me still beseeching!”
(Here he grew inarticulate with retching.)

He felt that chilling heaviness of heart,

Or rather stomach, which, alas! attends,
Beyond the best apothecary’s art,
The loss of love, the treachery of friends,
Or death of those we dote on, when a part
Of us dies with them as each fond hope ends.
No doubt he would have been much more pathetic,
But the sea acted as a strong emetic.

AFTER SWIMMING THE HELLESPONT

If, in the month of dark December,
Leander, who was nightly wont
(What maid will not the tale remember?)
To cross thy stream, broad Hellespont;

If, when the wint’ry tempest roar’d,

He sped to Hero nothing loath,
And thus of old thy current pour’d,
Fair Venus! how I pity both!

For me, degenerate, modern wretch,

Though in the genial month of May,
My dripping limbs I faintly stretch,
And think I’ve done a feat to-day.

But since he crossed the rapid tide,

According to the doubtful story,
To woo—and—Lord knows what beside,
And swam for Love, as I for Glory;

’Twere hard to say who fared the best:

Sad mortals, thus the gods still plague you!
He lost his labour, I my jest;
For he was drowned, and I’ve the ague.

Thomas Hood, versatile alike in humorous or pathetic vein, was a

prolific and successful punster. If the form could be forgiven anybody
it must be condoned in his case. He also was apt at parody and
often blended pathos and tragedy with his humorous work.
 FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY
A PATHETIC BALLAD
Ben Battle was a soldier bold,
And used to war’s alarms;
But a cannon-ball took off his legs,
So he laid down his arms!

Now, as they bore him off the field,

Said he, “Let others shoot,
For here I leave my second leg,
And the Forty-Second Foot!”

The army-surgeons made him limbs;

Said he, “they’re only pegs:
But there’s as wooden Members quite
As represent my legs!”

Now Ben he loved a pretty maid,

Her name was Nelly Gray;
So he went to pay her his devours,
When he devoured his pay!

But when he called on Nelly Gray,

She made him quite a scoff;
And when she saw his wooden legs,
Began to take them off!

“O, Nelly Gray! O, Nelly Gray!

Is this your love so warm?
The love that loves a scarlet coat
Should be more uniform!”

Said she, “I loved a soldier once,

For he was blithe and brave;
But I will never have a man
With both legs in the grave!

“Before you had those timber toes,

Your love I did allow;
But then, you know, you stand upon
Another footing now!”

“O, Nelly Gray! O, Nelly Gray!

For all your jeering speeches;
At duty’s call I left my legs,
In Badajos’s breeches!”

“Why then,” said she, “you’ve lost the feet

Of legs in war’s alarms,
And now you cannot wear your shoes
Upon your feats of arms!”

“O, false and fickle Nelly Gray!

I know why you refuse:—
Though I’ve no feet—some other man
Is standing in my shoes!

“I wish I ne’er had seen your face;

But now, a long farewell!
For you will be my death;—alas!
You will not be my Nell!”

Now when he went from Nelly Gray

His heart so heavy got,
And life was such a burden grown,
It made him take a knot!

So round his melancholy neck

A rope he did entwine,
And, for his second time in life,
Enlisted in the Line.

One end he tied around a beam,

And then removed his pegs,
And, as his legs were off—of course
He soon was off his legs!

And there he hung, till he was dead

As any nail in town—
For though distress had cut him up,
It could not cut him down!

A dozen men sat on his corpse,

To find out why he died—
And they buried Ben in four cross-roads,
With a stake in his inside!

NO!
 No sun—no moon!
No morn—no noon—
No dawn—no dusk—no proper time of day—
No sky—no earthly view—
No distance looking blue—
No road—no street—no “t’other side the way”—
No end to any Row—
No indications where the Crescents go—
No top to any steeple—
No recognitions of familiar people—
No courtesies for showing ’em—
No knowing ’em!
To travelling at all—no locomotion,
No inkling of the way—no notion—
No go—by land or ocean—
No mail—no post—
No news from any foreign coast—
No park—no ring—no afternoon gentility—
No company—no nobility—
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member—
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees.
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds.
November!

The brothers James and Horace Smith, wrote what was in their
day considered lively and amusing humor, but which seems a trifle
dry to us. Their greatest work was the Rejected Addresses, a series
of parodies on the poets, such as Wordsworth, Southey, Coleridge,
Scott, Moore and many others.
One of these, an imitation of Wordsworth’s most simple style,
succeeds in parodying his mawkish affectations of childish simplicity
and nursery stammering.

THE BABY’S DÉBUT

[Spoken in the character of Nancy Lake, a girl eight years of age,
who is drawn upon the stage in a child’s chaise by Samuel Hughes,
her uncle’s porter.]

My brother Jack was nine in May,

And I was eight on New-Year’s day;
 So in Kate Wilson’s shop
Papa (he’s my papa and Jack’s)
Bought me, last week, a doll of wax,
And brother Jack a top.

Jack’s in the pouts, and this it is,—

He thinks mine came to more than his;
So to my drawer he goes,
Takes out the doll, and, oh, my stars!
He pokes her head between the bars,
And melts off half her nose!

Quite cross, a bit of string I beg,

And tie it to his peg-top’s peg,
And bang, with might and main,
Its head against the parlour-door:
Off flies the head, and hits the floor,
And breaks a window-pane.

This made him cry with rage and spite:

Well, let him cry, it serves him right.
A pretty thing, forsooth!
If he’s to melt, all scalding hot,
Half my doll’s nose, and I am not
To draw his peg-top’s tooth!

Aunt Hannah heard the window break,

And cried, “Oh naughty Nancy Lake,
Thus to distress your aunt:
No Drury-Lane for you to-day!”
And while papa said, “Pooh, she may!”
Mamma said, “No, she sha’n’t!”

Well, after many a sad reproach,

They get into a hackney coach,
And trotted down the street.
I saw them go: one horse was blind,
The tails of both hung down behind,
Their shoes were on their feet.

The chaise in which poor brother Bill

Used to be drawn to Pentonville,
Stood in the lumber-room:
I wiped the dust from off the top,
While Molly mopp’d it with a mop,
And brush’d it with a broom.

My uncle’s porter, Samuel Hughes,

Came in at six to black the shoes
(I always talk to Sam):
So what does he, but takes, and drags
Me in the chaise along the flags,
And leaves me where I am.

My father’s walls are made of brick,

But not so tall, and not so thick
As these; and, goodness me!
My father’s beams are made of wood,
But never, never half so good
As those that now I see.

What a large floor! ’tis like a town!

The carpet, when they lay it down,
Won’t hide it, I’ll be bound;
And there’s a row of lamps!—my eye!
How they do blaze! I wonder why
They keep them on the ground.

At first I caught hold of the wing,

And kept away; but Mr. Thing-
um bob, the prompter man,
Gave with his hand my chaise a shove,
And said, “Go on, my pretty love;
Speak to ’em, little Nan.

“You’ve only got to curtsey, whisp-

er, hold your chin up, laugh, and lisp,
And then you’re sure to take:
I’ve known the day when brats, not quite
Thirteen, got fifty pounds a night;
Then why not Nancy Lake?”

But while I’m speaking, where’s papa?

And where’s my aunt? and where’s mamma?
Where’s Jack? Oh, there they sit!
They smile, they nod; I’ll go my ways,
And order round poor Billy’s chaise,
To join them in the pit.
And now, good gentlefolks, I go
To join mamma, and see the show;
So, bidding you adieu,
I curtsey, like a pretty miss,
And if you’ll blow to me a kiss,
I’ll blow a kiss to you.
[Blows a kiss, and exit.

THE MILKMAID AND THE BANKER

A Milkmaid, with a pretty face,
Who lived at Acton,
Had a black cow, the ugliest in the place,
A crooked-backed one,
A beast as dangerous, too, as she was frightful,
Vicious and spiteful;
And so confirmed a truant that she bounded
Over the hedges daily and got pounded:
’Twas in vain to tie her with a tether,
For then both cow and cord eloped together.
Armed with an oaken bough—(what folly!
It should have been of thorn, or prickly holly),
Patty one day was driving home the beast,
Which had as usual slipped its anchor,
When on the road she met a certain Banker,
Who stopped to give his eyes a feast,
By gazing on her features crimsoned high
By a long cow-chase in July.

“Are you from Acton, pretty lass?” he cried;

“Yes”—with a courtesy she replied.
“Why, then, you know the laundress, Sally Wrench?”
“Yes, she’s my cousin, sir, and next-door neighbor.”
“That’s lucky—I’ve a message for the wench
Which needs despatch, and you may save my labor.
Give her this kiss, my dear, and say I sent it:
But mind, you owe me one—I’ve only lent it.”
“She shall know,” cried the girl, as she brandished her bough,
“Of the loving intentions you bore me;
But since you’re in haste for the kiss, you’ll allow,
That you’d better run forward and give it my cow,
For she, at the rate she is scampering now,
Will reach Acton some minutes before me.”
Horace Smith.
 THE JESTER CONDEMNED TO DEATH
One of the Kings of Scanderoon,
A royal jester,
Had in his train a gross buffoon,
Who used to pester
The Court with tricks inopportune,
Venting on the highest folks his
Scurvy pleasantries and hoaxes.
It needs some sense to play the fool,
Which wholesome rule
Occurred not to our jackanapes,
Who consequently found his freaks
Lead to innumerable scrapes,
And quite as many kicks and tweaks,
Which only seemed to make him faster
Try the patience of his master.

Some sin, at last, beyond all measure,

Incurred the desperate displeasure
Of his serene and raging highness:
Whether he twitched his most revered
And sacred beard,
Or had intruded on the shyness
Of the seraglio, or let fly
An epigram at royalty,
None knows: his sin was an occult one,
But records tell us that the Sultan,
Meaning to terrify the knave,
Exclaimed, “’Tis time to stop that breath:
Thy doom is sealed, presumptuous slave!
Thou stand’st condemned to certain death:
Silence, base rebel! no replying!
But such is my indulgence still,
That, of my own free grace and will,
I leave to thee the mode of dying.”

“Thy royal will be done—’tis just,”

Replied the wretch, and kissed the dust;
“Since, my last moments to assuage,
Your majesty’s humane decree
Has deigned to leave the choice to me,
I’ll die, so please you, of old age!”
Horace Smith.
 It is to be regretted that the feminine writers of this period showed
practically no evidence of humorous scintillation, but we have
searched in vain through the writings of Ann and Jane Taylor, Mary
Russell Mitford, Felicia Hemans and Letitia Elizabeth Landon,—
finding only some unconscious humor, not at all intentional on the
part of the authoresses, as they were then called.
William Maginn was also adept at parody, but his work was
ephemeral.
The rollicking rhyme of the Irishman is among the most interesting
of his poems.
THE IRISHMAN
There was a lady lived at Leith,
A lady very stylish, man,
And yet, in spite of all her teeth,
She fell in love with an Irishman,
A nasty, ugly Irishman,
A wild, tremendous Irishman,
A tearing, swearing, thumping, bumping, ranting, roaring Irishman.

His face was no ways beautiful,

For with small-pox ’twas scarred across,
And the shoulders of the ugly dog
Were almost double a yard across.
Oh, the lump of an Irishman,
The whisky-devouring Irishman,
The great he-rogue, with his wonderful brogue, the fighting, rioting Irishman!

One of his eyes was bottle-green,

And the other eye was out, my dear,
And the calves of his wicked-looking legs
Were more than two feet about, my dear.
Oh, the great big Irishman,
The rattling, battling Irishman,
The stamping, ramping, swaggering, staggering, leathering swash of an Irishman!

He took so much of Lundy-foot

That he used to snort and snuffle, oh,
And in shape and size the fellow’s neck
Was as bad as the neck of a buffalo.
 Oh, the horrible Irishman,
The thundering, blundering Irishman,
The slashing, dashing, smashing, lashing, thrashing, hashing Irishman!

His name was a terrible name indeed,

Being Timothy Thady Mulligan;
And whenever he emptied his tumbler of punch,
He’d not rest till he’d filled it full again.
The boozing, bruising Irishman,
The ’toxicated Irishman,
The whisky, frisky, rummy, gummy, brandy, no-dandy Irishman.

This was the lad the lady loved,

Like all the girls of quality;
And he broke the skulls of the men of Leith,
Just by the way of jollity.
Oh, the leathering Irishman,
The barbarous, savage Irishman!
The hearts of the maids and the gentlemen’s heads were bothered, I’m sure, by
this Irishman.

Thomas Haynes Bayly, though not especially a humorist, showed

the influence of a witty muse in his songs, which were numerous and
popular.
She Wore a Wreath of Roses, Oh, No, We Never Mention Her
and Gaily the Troubadour Touched his Guitar are among the best
remembered.
He was the author of many bright bits of Society Verse, and wrote
some deep and very real satire.
WHY DON’T THE MEN PROPOSE?
Why don’t the men propose, mamma?
Why don’t the men propose?
Each seems just coming to the point,
And then away he goes;
It is no fault of yours, mamma,
That everybody knows;
You fête the finest men in town,
Yet, oh! they won’t propose.

I’m sure I’ve done my best, mamma,

 To make a proper match;
For coronets and eldest sons,
I’m ever on the watch;
I’ve hopes when some distingué beau
A glance upon me throws;
But though he’ll dance and smile and flirt,
Alas! he won’t propose.

I’ve tried to win by languishing,

And dressing like a blue;
I’ve bought big books and talked of them
As if I’d read them through!
With hair cropp’d like a man I’ve felt
The heads of all the beaux;
But Spurzheim could not touch their hearts,
And oh! they won’t propose.

I threw aside the books, and thought

That ignorance was bliss;
I felt convinced that men preferred
A simple sort of Miss;
And so I lisped out nought beyond
Plain “yesses” or plain “noes,”
And wore a sweet unmeaning smile;
Yet, oh! they won’t propose.

Last night at Lady Ramble’s rout

I heard Sir Henry Gale
Exclaim, “Now I propose again——”
I started, turning pale;
I really thought my time was come,
I blushed like any rose;
But oh! I found ’twas only at
Ecarté he’d propose.

And what is to be done, mamma?

Oh, what is to be done?
I really have no time to lose,
For I am thirty-one;
At balls I am too often left
Where spinsters sit in rows;
Why don’t the men propose, mamma?
Why won’t the men propose?
 Frederick Marryat, oftener spoken of as Captain Marryat was
among the most renowned writers of sea stories, and easily the most
humorous of the authors who chose the sea for their fictional setting.
His books are well known in all households, and after Dickens
there is probably no English novelist who has caused more real
chuckles.

NAUTICAL TERMS

All the sailors were busy at work, and the first lieutenant cried out
to the gunner, “Now, Mr. Dispart, if you are ready, we’ll breech these
guns.”
“Now, my lads,” said the first lieutenant, “we must slug (the part
the breeches cover) more forward.” As I never had heard of a gun
having breeches, I was very curious to see what was going on, and
went up close to the first lieutenant, who said to me, “Youngster,
hand me that monkey’s tail.” I saw nothing like a monkey’s tail, but I
was so frightened that I snatched up the first thing that I saw, which
was a short bar of iron, and it so happened that it was the very article
which he wanted. When I gave it to him, the first lieutenant looked at
me, and said, “So you know what a monkey’s tail is already, do you?
Now don’t you ever sham stupid after that.”
Thought I to myself, I’m very lucky, but if that’s a monkey’s tail, it’s
a very stiff one!
I resolved to learn the names of everything as fast as I could, that
I might be prepared, so I listened attentively to what was said; but I
soon became quite confused, and despaired of remembering
anything.
“How is this to be finished off, sir?” inquired a sailor of the
boatswain.
“Why, I beg leave to hint to you, sir, in the most delicate manner in
the world,” replied the boatswain, “that it must be with a double-wall
—and be damned to you—don’t you know that yet? Captain of the
foretop,” said he, “up on your horses, and take your stirrups up three
inches.” “Aye, aye, sir.” I looked and looked, but I could see no
horses.
“Mr. Chucks,” said the first lieutenant to the boatswain, “what
blocks have we below—not on charge?”
“Let me see, sir. I’ve one sister, t’other we split in half the other
day, and I think I have a couple of monkeys down in the store-room. I
say, you Smith, pass that brace through the bull’s eye, and take the
sheep-shank out before you come down.”
And then he asked the first lieutenant whether something should
not be fitted with a mouse or only a Turk’s-head—told him the goose-
neck must be spread out by the armourer as soon as the forge was
up. In short, what with dead-eyes and shrouds, cats and cat-blocks,
dolphins and dolphin-strikers, whips and puddings, I was so puzzled
with what I heard, that I was about to leave the deck in absolute
despair.
“And, Mr. Chucks, recollect this afternoon that you bleed all the
buoys.”
Bleed the boys, thought I; what can that be for? At all events, the
surgeon appears to be the proper person to perform that operation.
—Peter Simple.
Douglas Jerrold was an infant prodigy and later a noted
playwright; beside being the author of the world famous Caudle
lectures.
He was a celebrated wit and punster and though many
epigrammatic sayings are wrongly attributed to him, yet he was the
originator of as many more.

COLD MUTTON, PUDDING, PANCAKES

“What am I grumbling about, now? It’s very well for you to ask
that! I’m sure I’d better be out of the world than—there now, Mr
Caudle; there you are again! I shall speak, sir. It isn’t often I open my
mouth, Heaven knows! But you like to hear nobody talk but yourself.
You ought to have married a negro slave, and not any respectable
woman.
 “You’re to go about the house looking like thunder all the day, and
I’m not to say a word. Where do you think pudding’s to come from
every day? You show a nice example to your children, you do;
complaining, and turning your nose up at a sweet piece of cold
mutton, because there’s no pudding! You go a nice way to make ’em
extravagant—teach ’em nice lessons to begin the world with. Do you
know what puddings cost; or do you think they fly in at the window?
“You hate cold mutton. The more shame for you, Mr. Caudle. I’m
sure you’ve the stomach of a lord, you have. No, sir; I didn’t choose
to hash the mutton. It’s very easy for you to say hash it; but I know
what a joint loses in hashing: it’s a day’s dinner the less, if it’s a bit.
Yes, I dare say; other people may have puddings with cold mutton.
No doubt of it; and other people become bankrupts. But if ever you
get into the Gazette, it sha’n’t be my fault—no; I’ll do my duty as a
wife to you, Mr. Caudle; you shall never have it to say that it was my
housekeeping that brought you to beggary. No; you may sulk at the
cold meat—ha! I hope you’ll never live to want such a piece of cold
mutton as we had to-day! and you may threaten to go to a tavern to
dine; but, with our present means, not a crumb of pudding do you get
from me. You shall have nothing but the cold joint—nothing, as I’m a
Christian sinner.
“Yes; there you are, throwing those fowls in my face again! I know
you once brought home a pair of fowls; I know it; but you were mean
enough to want to stop ’em out of my week’s money! Oh, the
selfishness—the shabbiness of men! They can go out and throw
away pounds upon pounds with a pack of people who laugh at ’em
afterward; but if it’s anything wanted for their own homes, their poor
wives may hunt for it. I wonder you don’t blush to name those fowls
again! I wouldn’t be so little for the world, Mr. Caudle!
“What are you going to do? Going to get up? Don’t make yourself
ridiculous, Mr. Caudle; I can’t say a word to you like any other wife,
but you must threaten to get up. Do be ashamed of yourself.
“Puddings, indeed! Do you think I’m made of puddings? Didn’t you
have some boiled rice three weeks ago? Besides, is this the time of
the year for puddings? It’s all very well if I had money enough
allowed me like any other wife to keep the house with; then, indeed, I
might have preserves like any other woman; now, it’s impossible;
and it’s cruel—yes, Mr. Caudle, cruel—of you to expect it.
“Apples ar’n’t so dear, are they? I know what apples are, Mr.
Caudle, without your telling me. But I suppose you want something
more than apples for dumplings? I suppose sugar costs something,
doesn’t it? And that’s how it is. That’s how one expense brings on
another, and that’s how people go to ruin.
“Pancakes? What’s the use of your lying muttering there about
pancakes? Don’t you always have ’em once a year—every Shrove
Tuesday? And what would any moderate, decent man want more?
“Pancakes, indeed! Pray, Mr. Caudle—no, it’s no use your saying
fine words to me to let you go to sleep; I sha’n’t. Pray, do you know
the price of eggs just now? There’s not an egg you can trust to under
seven and eight a shilling; well, you’ve only just to reckon up how
many eggs—don’t lie swearing there at the eggs in that manner, Mr.
Caudle; unless you expect the bed to let you fall through. You call
yourself a respectable tradesman, I suppose? Ha! I only wish people
knew you as well as I do! Swearing at eggs, indeed! But I’m tired of
this usage, Mr. Caudle; quite tired of it; and I don’t care how soon it’s
ended!
“I’m sure I do nothing but work and labour, and think how to make
the most of everything; and this is how I’m rewarded.”
—Mrs. Caudle’s Curtain Lectures.
“Call that a kind man,” said an actor of an absent acquaintance; “a
man who is away from his family, and never sends them a farthing!
Call that kindness!” “Yes, unremitting kindness,” Jerrold replied.
Some member of “Our Club,” hearing an air mentioned,
exclaimed: “That always carries me away when I hear it.” “Can
nobody whistle it?” exclaimed Jerrold.
A friend said to Jerrold: “Have you heard about poor R—— [a
lawyer]? His business is going to the devil.” Jerrold answered:
“That’s all right: then he is sure to get it back again.”
 If an earthquake were to engulf England to-morrow, the English
would meet and dine somewhere just to celebrate the event.

Of a man who had pirated one of his jests, and who was
described in his hearing as an honest fellow, he said, “Oh yes, you
can trust him with untold jokes.”

Jerrold met Alfred Bunn one day in Piccadilly. Bunn stopped

Jerrold, and said, “I suppose you’re strolling about, picking up
character.” “Well, not exactly,” said Jerrold, “but there’s plenty lost
hereabouts.”

Jerrold was seriously disappointed with a certain book written by

one of his friends. This friend heard that he had expressed his
disappointment. Friend (to Jerrold): “I heard you said it was the worst
book I ever wrote.” Jerrold: “No, I didn’t. I said it was the worst book
anybody ever wrote.”

Some one was talking with him about a gentleman as celebrated

for the intensity as for the shortness of his friendships. “Yes,” said
Jerrold, “his friendships are so warm, that he no sooner takes them
up than he puts them down again.”
 Thomas Moore, called the most successful Irishman of letters of
the nineteenth century, early developed a taste for music and a
talent for versification. To this add his native wit, and we have a
humorist of no mean order.
He wrote epistles, odes, satires and songs with equal facility, and
to these he added books of travel and biography and history.
His quick wit is shown in his lighter verse and epigrams.
NONSENSE
Good reader, if you e’er have seen,
When Phœbus hastens to his pillow,
The mermaids with their tresses green
Dancing upon the western billow;
If you have seen at twilight dim,
When the lone spirit’s vesper hymn
Floats wild along the winding shore,
The fairy train their ringlets weave
Glancing along the spangled green;—
If you have seen all this, and more,
God bless me! what a deal you’ve seen!

LYING
I do confess, in many a sigh,
My lips have breath’d you many a lie,
And who, with such delights in view,
Would lose them for a lie or two?

Nay—look not thus, with brow reproving:

Lies are, my dear, the soul of loving!
If half we tell the girls were true,
If half we swear to think and do,
Were aught but lying’s bright illusion,
The world would be in strange confusion!
If ladies’ eyes were, every one,
As lovers swear, a radiant sun,
Astronomy should leave the skies,
To learn her lore in ladies’ eyes!
Oh no!—believe me, lovely girl,
When nature turns your teeth to pearl,
Your neck to snow, your eyes to fire,
Your yellow locks to golden wire,
Then, only then, can heaven decree,
That you should live for only me,
Or I for you, as night and morn,
We’ve swearing kiss’d, and kissing sworn.
And now, my gentle hints to clear,
For once, I’ll tell you truth, my dear!
Whenever you may chance to meet
A loving youth, whose love is sweet,
Long as you’re false and he believes you,
Long as you trust and he deceives you,
So long the blissful bond endures;
And while he lies, his heart is yours:
But, oh! you’ve wholly lost the youth
The instant that he tells you truth!

WHAT’S MY THOUGHT LIKE?

Quest.—Why is a Pump like Viscount Castlereagh?
Answ.—Because it is a slender thing of wood,
That up and down its awkward arm doth sway,
And coolly spout, and spout, and spout away,
In one weak, washy, everlasting flood!

OF ALL THE MEN

Of all the men one meets about,
There’s none like Jack—he’s everywhere:
At church—park—auction—dinner—rout—
Go when and where you will, he’s there.
Try the West End, he’s at your back—
Meets you, like Eurus, in the East—
You’re call’d upon for “How do, Jack?”
One hundred times a day, at least.
A friend of his one evening said,
As home he took his pensive way,
“Upon my soul, I fear Jack’s dead—
I’ve seen him but three times to-day!”

ON TAKING A WIFE
“Come, come,” said Tom’s father, “at your time of life,
There’s no longer excuse for thus playing the rake.—
It is time you should think, boy, of taking a wife.”—
“Why, so it is, father,—whose wife shall I take?”