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Front Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Video #1
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Video #2
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Thirty-Four
Thirty-Five
Thirty-Six
Thirty-Seven
Thirty-Eight
Thirty-Nine
Forty
Forty-One
Forty-Two
Forty-Three
Forty-Four
Forty-Five
Forty-Six
Forty-Seven
Forty-Eight
Forty-Nine
Fifty
Fifty-One
Fifty-Two
Fifty-Three
Fifty-Four
Fifty-Five
Fifty-Six
Fifty-Seven
Fifty-Eight
Fifty-Nine
Sixty
Sixty-One
Sixty-Two
Sixty-Three
Sixty-Four
Sixty-Five
Video #3
Sixty-Six
Sixty-Seven
Sixty-Eight
Sixty-Nine
Seventy
Seventy-One
Seventy-Two
Seventy-Three
Seventy-Four
Seventy-Five
Seventy-Six
Seventy-Seven
Seventy-Eight
Seventy-Nine
Eighty
Eighty-One
Eighty-Two
Eighty-Three
The Final Video
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Back Cover
For Molly
Video #1
But I kept looking, hoping for the one person who might have
posted something helpful—the one person with the missing piece of
the puzzle. But it never came. I finally put down the phone around
4:00 a.m. and tried to sleep. I closed my eyes, but it didn’t help.
Awake or asleep, I only see Chloe’s face, the wrecked car, the lonely
spot by the woods on County Road 250. Chloe was there that night
when the car crashed…wasn’t she?
Where is she now?
Water runs in the bathroom down the hall. My sister, Olivia, getting
ready for school. I know where I have to go today. I just don’t know
what lurks ahead.
The rumpled covers and the soft pillow tempt me to stay in bed,
but if I do, I’ll only think about Chloe all day. I’d stare at photos and
texts all day. I’d start to read the hateful comments again, the
conspiracy theories and accusations. The stories claiming Chloe was
taken into the woods by Satan worshippers. I know I’d give in to it
all.
I’ve been hiding in my room for almost a week, ever since I came
home from the hospital. The therapist said to go back to school,
return to my normal life.
Routine is therapeutic, she told me.
I grab the jeans I threw over a chair last night. A shirt from the
closet. Socks and shoes. I’ll give her advice a try, even though I
don’t believe for one minute anything will be therapeutic. And
nothing will ever make me feel normal again.
Two
In the kitchen, a bizarre sight greets me. Dad stands at the stove
holding a beat-up wooden spoon, stirring something in a pan.
Whatever it is appears to be smoking and smells like hot tar on a
summer day. I gag.
Dad is dressed for work. Tan pants, olive green sweater with the
sleeves pushed up. He smiles at me, but it’s forced. The way you’d
smile at someone you feel sorry for.
“I’m making oatmeal,” he says. “I thought…well, this is what you
eat in the morning. Right?”
“I usually have cereal.”
“Oh, I thought…not oatmeal. Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Dad.”
“Do you want me to…” He points at the refrigerator. “I can make
the cereal.”
“I can make cereal,” I say.
“Okay. I mean, if you’re sure. I just wanted to…”
Dad teaches history at the community college. He’s always reading
something or grading papers. His words frequently trail off in the
middle of sentences. People who’ve taken his class tell me it’s so
inspiring how much he loves history, that when he lectures about
some important topic like D-Day or the Civil Rights Movement, he
goes on and on until one of the students reminds him the period is
over.
When I ask if they’ve ever gone to his office hours, they say, “I’ve
never done that. He’s not really the kind of professor you go talk to.”
I always want to tell them, He’s not that kind of dad, either.
Which is why the oatmeal is so weird. Dad last made breakfast…
never. At most, he points to the coffee he brewed or the loaf of
bread for toast before he rushes out the door for his way-too-early
office hours.
He hands me the wooden spoon like it’s a fragile ancient artifact.
“Here you go. If you put some cinnamon in there…the burning taste
or whatever.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Since he’s made the effort, I grab a bowl, slide the pan off the
burner, and scrape out some oatmeal. Dad just stands there by the
table, holding his coffee mug like he has all the time in the world.
Like a guy trying to show no sense of urgency. And utterly failing.
This is about me going back to school. I can feel it.
“I’m okay, Dad. I can handle it.”
“I know, I know. I don’t doubt that.” He takes a loud sip of his
coffee. “It was on the news this morning that the latest search didn’t
come up with anything. They’re not…not sure when they’ll do a big
search again.”
“Are they giving up?” I ask.
“Not that,” he says. “It’s just…to get that many volunteers out.”
“People have short attention spans.”
Dad nods. He has as much faith in humanity as I do.
His overstuffed messenger bag and his laptop sit by the door. He
taps his foot against the tile, shifts his weight.
Dad is almost fifty but still thin, not like most dads. He rides his
bike on the weekends, rarely overeats. Once a month he sits in the
backyard looking at the stars and smoking a cigar that smells worse
than the burnt oatmeal. He must think about Mom on those nights,
but I never ask.
“You see, Hunter, people can be…cruel. They can say things.
You’ve been in the news, and some people always think the worst
about the boyfriend when something like this happens.”
“I know, Dad.”
“I’m just saying…”
The spoonful of oatmeal nearly chokes me. It tastes scorched, like
he stirred ashes into the pot as a seasoning. I don’t want to hurt his
feelings but…
“I’m just saying that if you want to stay home today, or if you just
don’t…I mean some kids get homeschooled. I can certainly help with
that. And my colleagues on campus can help, too.”
Mom died of breast cancer a year and a half ago. Since then, Dad
has pretty much had to do everything. He works a lot and pays the
bills. He drove us around everywhere until I got my license. He tries
in his own weird way to be both parents, even though it’s not his
strong suit. Things are always a little awkward with him.
Tears form in my eyes. I stare at the gross oatmeal like it’s the
most important thing in the world. Like black tar breakfast is my
absolute favorite. I can’t look at him. Not now.
“It’s okay, Dad,” I say. “I’m ready. I need to do it sooner rather
than later. Besides, it’s better than sitting around the house just…
thinking.”
“And your head, it’s... Is it feeling better? The nausea?”
“No nausea,” I say. Unless I eat more oatmeal. “Just a little
headache. It’s getting there.”
Dad nods. Maybe he even looks a little relieved. He wants me back
in school, getting on with my life. And he hates having his routine
disrupted.
He finishes his coffee and sets his mug on the counter with a little
thump. “Well,” he says.
One of our awkward silences descends on us. He’s ready to go but
doesn’t know how to leave.
And I don’t have anything else to say to him. As usual.
Olivia clomps down the stairs. She comes into the kitchen like a
miniature hurricane, her phone clutched in her hands, her eyes and
mouth wide.
“Oh my God, you guys,” she says. “Did you see this?”
Three
LEICESTER.