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Sex Clubs
Recreational Sex, Fantasies
and Cultures of Desire
Chris Haywood
Sex Clubs
Chris Haywood
Sex Clubs
Recreational Sex, Fantasies and Cultures of Desire
Chris Haywood
Media, Culture and Heritage
Newcastle University
Newcastle-upon-Tyne, UK
© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive licence to Springer
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“The first rule of sex club is…”
For Vicky and Sophia Lelah Sandra Haywood.
Acknowledgements
As always, thank you to Mairtin Mac an Ghaill, who in the space of a few
words, can make you see differently. Always an inspiration—his criticality
continues to prompt me to reflect and remind me of how much I don’t
know. A big thank you to Jonathan Allan, Andrea Waling and Frank
Karioris for their support and advice. Also, for their patience as I tried to
navigate being joint editor of the Journal of Bodies, Sexualities and
Masculinities and this book. Thank you to Serena Petrella and Ryan Scoats
for your thoughtful and honest feedback. Thank you to my Swedish
friends Thomas Johansson and Jesper Andreasson for also being patient!
As always, Michael Kehler has been there to tell me when he was never
going to see me. Thank you to Professor Tewkesbury, who took time out
to spend an afternoon with me in Kentucky—hearing your commitment
and your pursuit of knowledge was a motivation! Gareth Longstaff has
been brilliant, sharing his thoughts and excellent insights. Thank you to
Nicola Gibson, Karen Robb, Rachel Clarke and my PhD students past and
present for your patience and understanding. A special thank you to the
School of Arts and Cultures research fund, and the Humanities and Social
Sciences bid preparation fund at Newcastle University that helped to sup-
port this work.
To Jade, Dave and Poppy, who have been understanding to the nth
degree—I love you so much. To Nicky and Ian for their help and support
and their special wine drinking and singing skills. A special thanks to Lelah
and Tony for making this book possible. Also, thanks to the lads at
Northumberland Recycling for keeping me grounded on sexual matters.
And to Elycia, always thought about and loved. During the writing of this
ix
x ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
1 Welcome
to the Erotic Oasis 1
Introduction 1
Welcome to the Club 2
Seeking Erotic Encounters: What Is This Book About? 5
Inside the Erotic Oasis: Looking Through the Book 10
Visiting the Playrooms: Moments of (P)leisure 12
Towards the End of the Night 16
Bibliography 19
xi
xii Contents
3 Cultures
of Desire: Erotic Hierarchies and Affective
Atmospheres 57
Introduction 57
Sex Clubs and Public Intimacy 58
The Playrooms 63
Complicating Hedonism: Erotic Hierarchies 68
Affective Atmospheres: Feeling the Place 72
Conclusion: Cultures of Desire 78
Bibliography 79
4 ‘Greedy
Girls’: Women and the Insatiable Abject 83
Preface 83
Introduction 85
Greedy Girl: ‘I Want It How I Want It’ 88
The Desirable Abject: The Pleasure of Fucking with Men 92
Black Women and Radical Passivity 97
Women Desiring Pleasure: Beyond Feminism and Post-feminism 101
Conclusion 104
Bibliography 105
5 Sex
Clubs, Dark Rooms and Post-Masculinity Erotics109
Introduction 109
Beyond Respectable Masculinities 111
Masculinity Rules, Consent and Same-Sex Practices 115
‘Leaving Behind Men as Studs’ 118
New Erotic Configurations and Post-Masculinity 123
Conclusion 130
Bibliography 130
6 ‘You
Lot Are So Hot’: Race, Black Men and Commodity
Fantasies135
Introduction 135
Black Bulls: ‘I Want a Black Man Who Knows What He Is Doing’ 139
The Desire for a Black Masculinity 141
Folding in Masculinities: Cuckolds, Hotwifing and Wittoling 148
Conclusion: Black Men’s Pleasure 154
Bibliography 156
Contents xiii
7 Erotic
Outlaws: Tactile Looks, Women Desiring Women
and Transgender Bodies159
Introduction 159
Collapsing Heteronormativity: Towards a Conjoining of Bodies 163
Sex Beyond the Heteronormative: Female on Female 168
Violent Transgression 174
Conclusion 180
Bibliography 181
8 Conclusion185
Introduction 185
Conclusion: Leaving with the Lights on 188
Bibliography 191
Index193
List of Tables
xv
CHAPTER 1
Introduction
I wasn’t sure whether it was the incessant fucking on the bed or the sheer
desperation of men to be involved in the fucking that first grabbed my
attention. I knew that what hit me second was the dank smell of sweat and
sex that I breathed in as I moved in closer to the bed to get a better look
at what was happening. The woman thrusting herself onto the man kneel-
ing behind her and the two men on either side reaching out for her breasts
brought my senses back to me. Here I was in a northern English civil par-
ish, in a building that had once been a thriving pub in a coal mining com-
munity, watching a woman losing her balance trying to switch between
putting one man into her mouth and then another. I had walked up from
the bus terminal no more than 90 minutes before, passing a young couple
pushing a pushchair with their fish and chips in a white bag hanging from
the handle. No less than three hours ago, I had been talking to my mum
about how to get her heating, with a boiler over 25 years old, working.
Earlier still, I had been staring up at the sandwich board in the local café,
wondering whether the sweetcorn and chicken or the bacon and tomato
had more calories. Somewhere in the past 12 hours, I had moved from the
banality of the everyday to the exuberant and rapacious twisting and
searching of hands, clits, teeth, cocks, nipples, arses and lips. It was at that
moment in the sex club, where desire appeared to be exceeding itself,
when the underpinning argument for this book began to emerge. The sex
club, a place outside of the everyday order yet fundamentally a part of it,
is a cultural space that both disrupts and reinforces contemporary sexual
norms and values, and in doing so ‘…provides analytical openings for con-
sidering sexuality as degrees of variation, experimentation and transforma-
tion’ (Paasonen 2018, p. 5).
passing through and a place of disclosure. In the club, patrons can bathe
in relative anonymity, as questions of identity tend to be off-limits. But not
here. Not in the bright lights of the reception, not in front of the club PC
where names, house numbers, email addresses and phone numbers are
collected. Not where identity documents are checked against faces and
utility bills photocopied. Access to the club and, importantly, the right to
enter the club is established at this point. This is a moment of disclosure.
Visitors often wait to sign in with nervous smiles or over-eager laughs. The
reception becomes a place of awkward unspoken mutual awareness of an
overt and non-negotiable desiring of sexual subjectivity. Perry writes: ‘It
seems to me that we heterosexuals have very little understanding of sexu-
ality. We never have to think about it!’ (Perry 2000, p. 81). Yet here, in the
non-place of the reception, heterosexuals have to declare their desire for
sex outside the contours of monogamous, reproductive-focused sex, not
only to themselves but to others around them. At this moment, at the
reception, heterosexuality becomes sexual; heterosexuals have become
desiring sexual subjects that are no longer swathed in the safe desexualized
space of heteronormativity.
The cashier first takes the money. This is a place where sexual value can
be measured by its pricing structure, with men paying around £30, cou-
ples £20 and single women £15 for entry. Those who are most valued by
the club pay less. On different nights, depending on the nature of the
event, the pricing structure changes. On receipt of a small deposit, you are
issued with a locker key and a towel (that is never quite big enough to fit
around the waist). The cashier asks loudly, ‘Have you been to a club
before?’ I deliberately answer ‘No’. ‘Don’t worry, love, Dave will be here
in a minute to tell you what’s what and show you around. We’re all here
to have a good time. Do you want to pass your bottles through?’ I pass my
carrier bag through the hatch and the cashier momentarily disappears
around the corner. Sex clubs often operate without an alcohol licence, and
the bar area is where ‘bring your own’ drinks can be stored and poured.
Bottles with sticky white labels with locker numbers written in felt-tip are
lined up behind the bar. As I hang around in reception waiting for Dave,
a couple comes through the door. I stand at the side, by the coffee table
and an A4 sign that details the club’s policies as pop music pumps out
from above. ‘Be presentable, Smile, Be confident, Don’t bring domestics,
Talk to people, Don’t be a dick, Play, Don’t be jealous, Have fun, Cum
again’. I look closely at number one: ‘Cum again. Every night is different.
Some chilled and sensual, some filthy and rammed. The more you visit us
1 WELCOME TO THE EROTIC OASIS 5
the more experiences you’ll have’. The list of rules provides an example of
how clubs appear to market themselves as a space of unlimited pleasure
and a realization of fantasies.
Once in the club, patrons are sometimes met with a social set-up remi-
niscent of a working-class social club, with some clubs providing finger
buffets, holding raffles or having pool tables or karaoke. Some clubs have
pole dancing stages that lead to men and women attempting to demon-
strate their flair, some more successfully than others. There is usually a bar
area where those ‘bring your own’ drinks (depending on the premise
licence) are stored and poured. Those working the bar often ask for locker
key numbers from casually dressed men, and women are often ‘dressed
down’ in more revealing clothing. However, in the warmth of the dimmed
lights, comfy chairs and over-familiar pop music, the sociability contains a
cold functionality. The agenda here is quite clear. Amongst the cliques and
patrons that have met each other numerous times (almost weekly), and
close-knit friends sit together in ways that make it difficult for others to
join them, men and women stand-by alone. Amid, men and women, care-
fully avoiding being seen, survey the room, watching and waiting for the
evening to progress; couples, sitting apart from each other, awkwardly
talking to one another across tables that are too large. Along with single
people standing with plastic cups held at face height, peering through to
people-watch. This is the place where teasing sex happens. For some, the
club is a meeting place for pre-arranged play; for others, the temptation
and the promise of fantastic sex, exciting encounters and lived-out fanta-
sies have drawn them to this place. Early in the evening, very little hap-
pens. Men tend to walk around and check in on the rest of the club,
looking for action. Everyone knows that sexual encounters will take place
soon and they wait and watch for the first couple or the first single woman
to seek out the playrooms. There is a waiting, an anticipation that some-
thing is going to happen. And something will happen.
Thus, sex clubs are part of a new circuitry of desire that has developed
connecting sites of pleasure that have previously been incongruous and
mutually exclusive. As such, we are beginning to witness affectivities criss-
crossing an increasingly porous private and public divide. Whilst much of
this can be seen online, sex clubs have emerged as a physical space where
the contours and the spatial dimensions of heteronormativity are being
challenged. Or, as Risman (2019, p. 124) puts it, ‘What is controversial
now is that sex is being liberated from relationships altogether’.
Sex clubs sell fantasies. Perhaps more accurately, sex clubs sell the prom-
ise of the fulfilment of a fantasy. They are not unique in this, as sex and
consumption have been increasingly imbricated (Brents and Hausbeck
2007; Martin 2016; Crewe and Martin 2017). Embedded in discussions
of recreational sex is its relationship to the commodification of sexual prac-
tices and desire. As the research for this book progressed, it became
increasingly clear that the sexual was imbricated with commodification.
Constable (2009, p. 50) clarifies how we can understand the relationship
between commodification and sex.
and Pöschl 2018; Fahs and Swank 2013). Alongside this, suggesting that
sexual practices are configured in ways that are closely linked to consump-
tion, recreational sex also points to sex having a different relationship to
the self. Attwood and Smith (2013) argue that sex has now become a key
part of how we make ourselves, suggesting that the meanings of sex and
how and why we do sex have changed. Sex has become embedded with
consumption that involves: ‘having the time to give to exercise one’s inter-
ests in sex [and] to engage in sex as a form of relaxation, entertainment,
self-realization, self-gratification and gratification of others, and personal
development’ (Attwood and Smith 2013, p. 330). It is suggested here
that the emergence of recreational sex results from and produces an
expanded relationship between the individual and the self. Sex, in this way,
becomes a lens of subjectivity where the relationship between the indi-
vidual and the self can be viewed, renewed and changed.
However, our understanding of our own subjectivity is a refraction
through the staging of desire, and the formation of fantasies. Sex clubs
provide the framing and erotic templates for how those fantasies are expe-
rienced and it is through the cultures of desire within the club that sexual
themes take shape and are lived out. Parker (1991, p. 79) describe sexual
culture as ‘systems of meaning, of knowledge, beliefs and practices, that
structure sexuality in different social contexts’. Sexual cultures have been
useful for making sense of a wide range of sexual practices, including BDSM
(Bennett 2018), Pup Play (Wignall 2018) and Chemsex (Mowlabocus
et al. 2016). However, this book focuses on cultures of desire rather than
sexual cultures. One of the reasons for this is that sexual cultures often refer
to something that is more stable and enduring. Instead, cultures of desire
make an appeal to the ‘here and now’, sometimes momentary encounters,
where people temporarily (dis)connect and then move on. It points to
encounters in the club as less about sexualities and more about the different
ways erotic pleasure becomes practiced. For example, sexual identities may
be publicly stated in one moment and then cast aside. At another moment,
the ‘sexual’ may become ambiguous, with encounters more aligned to the
erotic or the non-genitally focussed. In addition, cultures of desire are used
to capture the ways that erotic hierarchies and sexual capital become con-
figured through affective atmospheres. However, Parker’s later work
(1999) on cultures of desire aims to achieve something similar by suggest-
ing that gay identities within Brazil are not imported subjectivities that are
projected onto same-sex desire. Rather that cultures of desire are
inter-related with identities and collective cultures from a range of places.
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ŒUFS AU PLAT.
A pewter or any other metal plate or dish which will bear the fire,
must be used for these. Just melt a slice of butter in it, then put in
some very fresh eggs broken as for poaching; strew a little pepper
and salt on the top of each, and place them over a gentle fire until
the whites are quite set, but keep them free from colour.
This is a very common mode of preparing eggs on the continent;
but there is generally a slight rawness of the surface of the yolks
which is in a measure removed by ladling the boiling butter over
them with a spoon as they are cooking, though a salamander held
above them for a minute would have a better effect. Four or five
minutes will dress them.
Obs.—We hope for an opportunity of inserting further receipts for
dishes of eggs at the end of this volume.
MILK AND CREAM.
Boil a quart of new milk, and let it cool sufficiently to allow the
cream to be taken off; then rinse an earthen jar well in every part
with buttermilk, and while the boiled milk is still rather warm, pour it
in and add the cream gently on the top. Let it remain twenty-four
hours, turn it into a deep dish, mix it with pounded sugar, and it will
be ready to serve. This preparation is much eaten abroad during the
summer, and is considered very wholesome. The milk, by the
foregoing process, becomes a very soft curd, slightly, but not at all
unpleasantly, acid in flavour. A cover, or thick folded cloth, should be
placed on the jar after the milk is poured in, and it should be kept in a
moderately warm place. In very sultry weather less time may be
allowed for the milk to stand.
Obs.—We give this and the following receipt from an unpublished
work which we have in progress, being always desirous to make
such information as we possess generally useful as far as we can.
CURDS AND WHEY.
Break up a quart of the stock, put it into a clean stewpan with the
whites of five large or of six small eggs, two ounces of sugar, and the
strained juice of a small lemon; place it over a gentle fire, and do not
stir it after the scum begins to form; when it has boiled five or six
minutes, if the liquid part be clear, turn it into a jelly-bag, and pass it
through a second time should it not be perfectly transparent the first.
To consumptive patients, and others requiring restoratives, but
forbidden to take stimulants, the jelly thus prepared is often very
acceptable, and may be taken with impunity, when it would be highly
injurious made with wine. More white of egg is required to clarify it
than when sugar and acid are used in larger quantities, as both of
these assist the process. For blanc-mange omit the lemon-juice, and
mix with the clarified stock an equal proportion of cream (for an
invalid, new milk), with the usual flavouring, and weight of sugar; or
pour the boiling stock very gradually to some finely pounded
almonds, and express it from them as directed for Quince Blamange,
allowing from six to eight ounces to the pint.
Stock, 1 quart; whites of eggs, 5; sugar, 2 oz.; juice, 1 small
lemon: 5 to 8 minutes.
TO CLARIFY ISINGLASS.
Pour into a clean earthen pan two quarts of spring water, and
throw into it as quickly as they can be pared, quartered, and
weighed, four pounds of nonsuches, pearmains, Ripstone pippins, or
any other good boiling apples of fine flavour. When all are done,
stew them gently until they are well broken, but not reduced quite to
pulp; turn them into a jelly-bag, or strain the juice from them without
pressure through a closely-woven cloth, which should be gathered
over the fruit, and tied, and suspended above a deep pan until the
juice ceases to drop from it: this, if not very clear, must be rendered
so before it is used for syrup or jelly, but for all other purposes once
straining it will be sufficient. Quinces are prepared in the same way,
and with the same proportions of fruit and water, but they must not
be too long boiled, or the juice will become red. We have found it
answer well to have them simmered until they are perfectly tender,
and then to leave them with their liquor in a bowl until the following
day, when the juice will be rich and clear. They should be thrown into
the water very quickly after they are pared and weighed, as the air
will soon discolour them. The juice will form a jelly much more easily
if the cores and pips be left in the fruit.
Water, 2 quarts; apples or quinces, 4 lbs.
COCOA-NUT FLAVOURED MILK.
Pare half a dozen ripe peaches, and stew them very softly from
eighteen to twenty minutes, keeping them often turned in a light
syrup, made with five ounces of sugar, and half a pint of water boiled
together for ten minutes. Dish the fruit; reduce the syrup by quick
boiling, pour it over the peaches, and serve them hot for a second-
course dish, or cold for rice-crust. They should be quite ripe, and will
be found delicious dressed thus. A little lemon-juice may be added to
the syrup, and the blanched kernels of two or three peach or apricot
stones.
Sugar, 5 oz.; water, 1/2 pint: 10 minutes. Peaches, 6: 18 to 20
minutes.
Obs.—Nectarines, without being pared, may be dressed in the
same way, but will require to be stewed somewhat longer, unless
they be quite ripe.
ANOTHER RECEIPT FOR STEWED PEACHES.
Should the fruit be not perfectly ripe, throw it into boiling water and
keep it just simmering, until the skin can be easily stripped off. Have
ready half a pound of fine sugar boiled to a light syrup with three-
quarters of a pint of water; throw in the peaches, let them stew softly
until quite tender, and turn them often that they may be equally done;
after they are dished, add a little strained lemon-juice to the syrup,
and reduce it by a few minutes’ very quick boiling. The fruit is
sometimes pared, divided, and stoned, then gently stewed until it is
tender.
Sugar, 8 oz.; water, 3/4 pint: 10 to 12 minutes. Peaches, 6 or 7;
lemon-juice, 1 large teaspoonful.