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 Contents vii

■■ Theory in Practice 4.3 Terrorism or Warfare? 136

Implications for Realism 139
■■ Theory in Practice 4.4 The drone revolution 140
Conclusion 141
Review Questions 142
Key Terms 142
Endnotes 142

5 International Law and Organization: The Promise of

Liberal Institutionalism 146
International Law-Making 148
Treaties 149
International Custom 150
Other Sources of International Law 150
International Law Adjudication 151
Structure and Functions of the ICJ 151
The Impact of the ICJ 153
International Law Enforcement 155
Enforcement via Self-Help 155
The Role of International Organizations 157
■■ Theory in Practice 5.1
nGos in Afghanistan 159
The United Nations 160
UN Structure 160
UN Enforcement of Law and Order 163
■■ Theory in Practice 5.2
Peacekeeping
Versus Peacemaking in rwanda 169
Reforming the United Nations 170
Conclusion 175
Review Questions 176
Key Terms 176
Endnotes 176

6 The Human Rights Revolution: The Construction of

International Norms 179
Reasons for Hesitation 180
The International Order Argument 181
The National Interest Argument 181
The Cultural Relativism Argument 182
First Steps: Establishing Human Rights Norms 183
Monitoring Human Rights 188
UN Monitoring 189
NGO Monitoring 190
National and Regional Monitoring 192
viii Contents

Enforcing Human Rights 193

Economic Sanctions 193
Military Intervention 195
■■ Theory in Practice 6.1 The “G-Word” 199
Prosecuting Human Rights Violators 200
Universal Jurisdiction 201
Ad Hoc Tribunals 202
The International Criminal Court 203
■■ Theory in Practice 6.2 Palestine and the international
Criminal Court 205
Conclusion 206
Review Questions 207
Key Terms 208
Endnotes 208

7 Economic Globalization: The Consequences

of Liberal Commercialism 211
Perspectives on the Global Economy 213
Realism 213
Liberalism 214
Neo-Marxism 216
The Bretton Woods System 217
The International Trade Regime 218
■■ Theory in Practice 7.1 The Banana War: WTo dispute Settlement
in Practice 220
The International Monetary Regime 220
The Challenge of Development 223
Regional Integration 227
The Globalization Debate 232
What Is Globalization? 232
Why Globalization? 233
Cause for Celebration? 234
■■ Theory in Practice 7.2 The Walmart Phenomenon: A Globalization
Success Story? 235
A Backlash to Globalization? 237
Geopolitics and the Future of Globalization 240
Conclusion 245
Review Questions 246
Key Terms 246
Endnotes 247
 Contents ix

8 Transnational Challenges: The State System

Under Stress 250
From National Security to Human Security 251
The Global Environment 253
The Energy Challenge 255
The Climate Change Challenge 257
Responses to the Challenge: Three Scenarios 259
■■ Theory in Practice 8.1 Climate Change and the darfur Conflict 261
Global Health and Disease 267
The Reemergence of Infectious Disease 267
■■ Theory in Practice 8.2 Ebola vs. the Flu: The risks of a Pandemic 270
Globalization and Disease 271
Responses to Global Disease 272
The Internet and Global Communications 274
The Challenge to State Authority 275
The State Strikes Back 280
Conclusion 283
Review Questions 284
Key Terms 284
Endnotes 284

9 Global Futures: Competing Visions of the

Twenty-First Century 288
Future I: The End of History 290
■■ Theory in Practice 9.1 The End of history?: The russian Case 292
Future II: One World 293
Future III: A World State 296
Future IV: A Cascading Norm
Against War 299
Future V: An Engendered Peace 301
Future VI: A Clash of Civilizations 303
■■ Theory in Practice 9.2
The Cartoon Crisis and the Charlie
Hebdo Massacre: A Clash of Civilizations? 306
Future VII: Great Power War 308
Making a Better World 311
Review Questions 312
Key Terms 313
Endnotes 313

Credits 315
Index 316
This page intentionally left blank
Preface

A
s I wrote in the prefaces to the first two editions of this text, teachers
of international relations are fortunate to have the media do such
a good job of marketing their courses. The constant swirl of news
about global events provides a steady stream of students eager to make sense
of world politics and the implications for their own lives. Since the publica-
tion of the second edition, that swirl of events has continued unabated. The
Arab Spring, the Russian invasion of Crimea, the rise of ISIS, and the West
African Ebola epidemic are just a few of the noteworthy developments to
take place subsequent to the completion of the second edition. Part of the
goal in writing this third edition was to incorporate those events into the
analysis of the book.
Even more important, this third edition provides an opportunity to make
more general improvements to the book. In revising the text, however, the cen-
tral goal of the first two editions has remained unchanged. That goal is to tap
into and maintain the interest in global events that leads students to enroll in
international relations classes and to translate that interest into a conceptual
and theoretical sophistication that will remain useful long after today’s current
events become the stuff of history and long after the course in which this book is
assigned is completed.
To that end, How the World Works provides the detailed micro-level knowl-
edge and information that is necessary to understand world politics. Students
will read about such things as the structure of the United Nations, trends in
international conflict, the sources of international law, and the role of the World
Trade Organization. They will simultaneously pick up a new vocabulary, which
will include such terms as “deterrence,” “hegemony,” “collective security,” and
“comparative advantage.” But facts and concepts are not enough. In acquiring
a new vocabulary and in learning about the details of institutions and events,
it is important that students not become lost in the thicket of world politics to
the extent that they lose sight of the forest for the trees. Thus, they also need a
larger framework that provides context and meaning for the data, trends, and
terminology to which they are exposed.
In teaching over the years, I have found that most beginning students
of international relations and world politics come to the first class already in
possession of predispositions regarding how the world works. Some are in-
clined to accept conflict and violence in international life as inescapable, and
this leads such students to endorse approaches to foreign policy that entail a

xi
xii Preface

reliance on military power and a suspicion of global institutions. These stu-

dents are “instinctive realists,” even though they may never have encountered
the “realist” perspective on international relations as a formal theory. Others
come to the first class more optimistic about the prospects for global cooper-
ation and are thereby more inclined to eschew power-oriented approaches to
foreign policy and to favor working through institutions such as international
law and the United Nations. These students are “instinctive critics of realism”
even though they too have never formally encountered “realism” as a concept in
international relations theory and could not tell a “liberal” from a “constructivist”
from a “feminist” approach to world politics.
How the World Works helps students examine their natural inclinations,
question their assumptions, and subject their conclusions to the fire of classroom
debate and discussion. The most general goal of the book is to get students to
think about how the world works. To this end, the book is organized around
the story of realism and its critics, conveying the message that scholars disagree
among themselves about the world’s political and economic interactions and
trends. While some scholars, in recent years, have questioned the utility of ex-
amining international relations through the lenses of the various paradigms, the
TRIP surveys of international relations scholars continue to show that the major-
ity of scholars continue to work within one or more of those paradigms and that
many of the most influential scholars in the field (e.g., Alexander Wendt, Robert
Keohane, Kenneth Waltz, John Mearsheimer) are strongly associated with para-
digmatic analysis.
That said, it is important to note that this is not a “realist” book, and it does
not attempt to profess the merits of any single paradigm. On the contrary, the
goal is to expose students to contending perspectives and to provide the em-
pirical and conceptual foundation upon which they can begin to develop their
own assessment of how the world works. This book does not take sides.

New to This Edition

Revel™
Educational technology designed for the way
today’s students read, think, and learn
When students are engaged deeply, they learn more effectively and perform bet-
ter in their courses. This simple fact inspired the creation of REVEL: an immer-
sive learning experi-ence designed for the way today’s students read, think, and
learn. Built in collaboration with educators and students nationwide, REVEL is
the newest, fully digital way to deliver respected Pearson content.
REVEL enlivens course content with media interactives and assessments—
integrated directly within the authors’ narrative—that provide opportunities for
students to read about and practice course material in tandem. This immersive
 Preface xiii

educational technology boosts student engagement, which leads to better

understanding of concepts and improved performance throughout the course.

Learn more about REVEL at http://www.pearsonhighered.com/revel/.

The third edition of How the World Works features a number of substantive revi-
sions, including the following:

ChAPtER 1

• New section on non-paradigmatic research

• New Theory in Practice box on Obama and constructivism in his labeling of
terrorists

ChAPtER 2

• Takes account of recent scholarship on “the myth of 1648”

• Updated with discussion of Ukraine crisis and Arab Spring

ChAPtER 3

• Chapter reorganized around two themes: the levels of analysis and the as-
sumption of rationality in foreign policy decision-making
• More extended discussion of the cognitive model of decision-making
• New Theory in Practice box which applies rational actor, cognitive, and
poliheuristic decision-making approaches to student selection of colleges

ChAPtER 4

• New breakout section on the causes of war

• New Theory in Practice box on “The Drone Revolution”

ChAPtER 5
• General updating of all sections

ChAPtER 6

• Clarified the role of the Human Rights Council

• Added discussion of Libya to section on humanitarian intervention
• Expanded discussion and assessment of the record of R2P
• New Theory in Practice box on Palestine and the International Criminal Court

ChAPtER 7

• Updated EU discussion to take account of post-2008 trends and Greek crisis

• Updated discussion of the global financial crisis and its aftermath
xiv Preface

ChAPtER 8

• Clearer discussion of concepts of (global) public goods and common pool

resources
• Discussion of the fracking revolution and its impact on both the environment
and global energy politics
• Updated discussion of global climate governance post-Kyoto
• Discussion of the 2014 Ebola scare
• New Theory in Practice box on Ebola vs. the Flu: The Risks of a Pandemic
• Discussion of role of social media in the Arab Spring

ChAPtER 9
• Retained the seven competing visions of the global future approach, but
changed the hypothetical future histories style to a more straightforward
presentation and critique of the seven global futures

In addition to the key revisions noted above, many smaller substantive revi-
sions are found in every chapter. They include updating of data including that
found in many of the tables and figures, expanded or improved discussion of
some key concepts to reflect the latest literature, and use of new examples from
recent events to illustrate larger points.

Features
How the World Works begins by laying out the central assumptions of the realist
paradigm in Chapter 1 and then discussing the challenges posed to the realist
worldview by the paradigms that have emerged as alternatives to realism. Each
subsequent chapter then examines a specific issue in the real world of interna-
tional politics—such as war, human rights, and economic globalization—to shed
light on the differences between the realist approach and the alternative para-
digms. In different chapters of the book, the essential subject matter may seem to
privilege one theoretical perspective or another, but there will be enough com-
peting evidence and perspectives provided so that students will be encouraged
to think about and question the various worldviews.
Chapter 2 of the text examines the history of international relations and the
related rise and fall of the theoretical paradigms over time. Chapter 3 looks at
foreign policy-making and the several levels of analysis that are involved in
shaping state behavior, including the domestic sources of state behavior that re-
alists traditionally have tended to downplay. Given the centrality of war to the
realist perspective, the discussion of war and violence in Chapter 4 takes place
on realism’s turf, though there is plenty in the chapter to provide ammunition
for critics of realism. Chapter 5 then moves to the turf of liberal institutionalism
as the focus shifts to international law and organization. Constructivism gets the
 Preface xv

home-field advantage in Chapter 6, with its focus on international human rights.

Chapters 7 and 8 examine economic globalization and transnational issues, spot-
lighting the liberal commercialist and neo-Marxist perspectives and discussing
in some detail the tension between globalization and many of the core realist
assumptions.
Chapter 9 concludes the book with a discussion of seven alternative global
futures. Each of these seven different visions of the future extends the logic of a
different theoretical perspective on world politics. And each vision is then sub-
jected to a short critique. The goal of this chapter is to bring the reader full circle
to the theoretical perspectives presented in Chapter 1. On the basis of this dis-
cussion of possible global futures, and in light of the data and analysis absorbed
from Chapters 2 through 8, the reader should be in a good position to articulate
and defend, in a reasonably sophisticated manner, his or her own theoretical
preferences for understanding world politics.
Each chapter in How the World Works is structured not only to address the
central question of that chapter but also to contribute to an understanding of the
book’s larger themes and goals. The result is a book that hangs together and that
is more than just a collection of useful concepts and pieces of information exam-
ined in isolation. The approach to each chapter reflects an assumption that, for
beginning students, theoretical sophistication must be based on an understand-
ing of the real world of international relations and world politics. For example,
if students are going to be in a position to decide whether liberal institutionalists
best explain how the world works, they have to examine the record of liberal
institutions such as international law and organizations in practice. Similarly,
if students are to be in a position to judge the constructivist notion that norms
and ideas can shape world politics, then it is useful and necessary to examine in
detail the emergence and impact of the idea of human rights in the conduct of
world politics since World War II. To help students keep larger goals in mind,
each chapter begins and ends with a reminder of the larger theoretical debate,
but the bulk of each chapter focuses on the empirical record of the topic at hand.
You will find pedagogical features that support the goals in each chapter
and throughout the book:

• theory in Practice. Each chapter includes two or three “Theory in Prac-

tice” boxes, in which students will find a key chapter concept applied to a
recent world event. The goal is to reinforce the idea, stressed throughout
the book, that international relations concepts and theories have direct
relevance to the world in which students are living. Critical thinking ques-
tions at the end of each box encourage students to start doing their own
analysis using international relations concepts.
• Photos and Figures. Each chapter includes an opening photo and two interior
photos related to the substance of the chapter. Where appropriate, figures are
included to help visualize key ideas or put them into quantitative context.
xvi Preface

• Key terms and Glossary. In each chapter, key terms are highlighted and then
listed again at the end of the chapter. A marginal glossary provides brief defini-
tions of those terms for quick reference in the context of the chapter. Through
the key terms and glossary, students have a comprehensive list of the key ideas
and concepts necessary to understand world politics.
• Review Questions. At the end of each chapter, students are given three review
questions that focus on the big issues raised in the chapter. While the list of key
terms helps students ascertain whether they understand the details and specifics
of a chapter (whether they see the “trees”), the review questions help students
test their knowledge of the larger significance of those details (to determine if
they see the “forest”).
• Map Insert. A four-color insert with maps of the world, North America, South
America, Africa, Europe, the Middle East, East and South Asia, and Australia
and Oceania is included following page xix of this book. Basic geographical
knowledge is essential in the study of international relations, and the insert
is intended to put this knowledge within students’ immediate reach.

How the World Works strives for a conversational style that keeps its student
readers in mind. This approach does not require dumbing down the content. On
the contrary, the clearer the writing, the better the organization, and the more ac-
cessible the style, the more one can succeed in conveying sophisticated content
to the reader. Especially in a field as intrinsically interesting and compelling as
world politics, and at a time in world history when so much is in flux, there is no
reason that a text on the topic cannot be intellectually sophisticated and, at the
same time, readable, engaging, and even fun. This text introduces students to
the concepts and developments at the core of the discipline of world politics but
in a way that makes sense to them.
While How the World Works is perhaps half the length of many introductory
textbooks, it has the advantage of focusing attention on the most salient issues
and concepts that often get buried in longer texts. Brevity also provides greater
opportunity for instructors to assign supplementary readings that reinforce and
develop concepts and issues discussed in this text. There is such an array of good
writing, accessible at the undergraduate level, on issues of world politics and in-
ternational relations that it would be an omission not to be able to incorporate as
much of it as possible into the introductory course. Students will be armed with
the basic concepts and issues from reading this text. Thus, instructors can assign
additional readings by proponents or critics of a particular theory to extend the
discussion beyond the text.

Supplements
Pearson is pleased to offer several resources to qualified adopters of How
the World Works and their students that will make teaching and learn-
ing from this book even more effective and enjoyable. Several of the
 Preface xvii

supplements for this book are available at the Instructor Resource Center (IRC),
an online hub that allows instructors to quickly download book-specific supple-
ments. Please visit the IRC welcome page at http://www.pearsonhighered
.com/irc to register for access.

Instructor’s Manual/test Bank This resource includes learning objectives, lec-

ture outlines, multiple-choice questions, true/false questions, and essay ques-
tions for each chapter. Available for download from the IRC.

Pearson Mytest This powerful assessment generation program includes all of

the items in the instructor’s manual/test bank. Questions and tests can be easily
created, customized, saved online, and then printed, allowing flexibility
to manage assessments anytime and anywhere. To learn more, please visit http://
www.mypearsontest.com or contact your Pearson representative.

PowerPoint Presentation Organized around a lecture outline, these multimedia

presentations also include photos, figures, and tables from each chapter. Avail-
able for download from the IRC.

Longman Atlas of World Issues (0-205-78020-2) From population and political

systems to energy use and women’s rights, the Longman Atlas of World Issues fea-
tures full-color thematic maps that examine the forces shaping the world. Fea-
turing maps from the latest edition of The Penguin State of the World Atlas, this
excerpt includes critical thinking exercises to promote a deeper understanding
of how geography affects many global issues. Available at no additional charge
when packaged with this book.
Goode’s World Atlas (0-321-65200-2) First published by Rand McNally in 1923,
Goode’s World Atlas has set the standard for college reference atlases. It features
hundreds of physical, political, and thematic maps as well as graphs, tables, and
a pronouncing index. Available at a discount when packaged with this book.

Research and Writing in International Relations (0-205-06065-X) With current

and detailed coverage on how to start research in the discipline’s major subfields,
this brief and affordable guide offers the step-by-step guidance and essential re-
sources needed to compose political science papers that go beyond description
and into systematic and sophisticated inquiry. This text focuses on areas where
students often need help—finding a topic, developing a question, reviewing the
literature, designing research, and finally, writing the paper. Available at a dis-
count when packaged with this book.

Acknowledgments
In writing this book, I received valuable assistance from a number of people
who reviewed various editions of the text and offered their advice:
Nozar Alaolmolki, Hiram College; Kristian Alexander, University of Utah;
Stephanie Anderson, University of Wyoming; Vincent Auger, Western Illinois
xviii Preface

University; William Batkay, Montclair State University; Eric Cox, Texas Christian
University; Richard Chadwick, University of Hawaii, Manoa; John Dietrich,
Bryant University; Gregory C. Dixon, University of West Georgia; Vittorio Nich-
olas Galasso, University of Delaware; Stephanie Hallock, Harford Community
College; Maia Hallward, Kennesaw State University; James Hentz, Virginia
Military Institute; Nathan Jensen, Washington University in St. Louis; Michael
Koch, Texas A&M University; William Lahneman, Towson University; How-
ard Lehman, University of Utah; Keith Lepak, Youngstown State University;
Kristina Mani, Oberlin College; Scott Nelson, Virginia Tech; Laura Neack, Miami
University; Mark Schroeder, University of Kentucky; Johanes Sulaiman, Ohio
State University; Eugene Tadie, George Mason University; James Toole, Indiana
University-Purdue; Ivani Vassoler, SUNY-Fredonia; Julie Webber, Illinois State
University; and Andrew Yeo, Catholic University.
I would also like to thank Charlyce Jones Owen, Rob DeGeorge, Carol
O’Rourke, and the rest of the team at Pearson for shepherding this third edition
through to completion. I also appreciate the efficient work done by George Jacob
at Integra Software Services in overseeing the production of the print book from
manuscript to final printer files. Lastly, Susan Messer did a superb job as de-
velopment editor in helping to polish the writing of the very first edition of the
book. Though I have not worked with her on subsequent editions, her impact on
the book and on my approach to writing it are still very much in evidence in the
third edition.
In many ways, this book reflects a career spent teaching and writing at
Dickinson College, where I have been surrounded by first-class colleagues,
excellent students, and an administration committed to fostering an environ-
ment where both good scholarship and good teaching can thrive. In particu-
lar, I would like to thank my colleagues Douglas Stuart, for his thoughtful
comments on Chapters 1 and 3, and David Strand, for his useful sugges-
tions on Chapter 6. Students in numerous sections of my Political Science 170
International Relations class who have used the earlier editions of this book
also helped improve this new edition in various ways.
I have been sustained in the long process of writing and revising this book
by the memory and thoughts of those people (Rosemary, Serf, Sam, Tina, Shelly,
Angie, Elmer) whom I have cared most about in this world. Most important of
all, this edition, like the first two, is dedicated to my three daughters—Laura,
Samantha, and Alex—who give meaning and purpose to everything I do, and to
Candace L. Bova—my wife, my best friend, and my partner-in-life.

—Russell Bova
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Another random document with
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 But Arminius Wingrove was quite a man of the world, you know. If
your admirable parents consent to grace this celebration, said that
great man, I will exert any little influence I may possess to raise large
type in the Leading Morning Journal. But if your admirable parents
decide not to grace this celebration, let only the chosen few be
present, because to my mind good taste requires it.
These were wise words of Arminius Wingrove. Pray ponder ’em,
you young bachelors of Cam and Isis. And you young ladies of
Newnham and Girton, should you ever—which we hope you’ll never
—go to church in a mechanically propelled vehicle without the
consent of your parents, please to remember that in the mature
judgment of the arbiter elegantiarum, good taste requires that you
shall be married in your traveling dress, and that you shall go in by
the side entrance.
 CHAPTER XIX
A GREAT OCCASION

Mother was the first to see in the Morning Post that a marriage
had been arranged, and would shortly take place. She handed the
excellent journal across the table to Father with a sphinxlike
countenance. But, as Mr. Jennings subsequently informed the
housekeeper, Mrs. Meeson, in a private colloquy in the pantry, his
lordship took the blow with resignation.
“No more than I’ve been expecting for some little time past,
Agatha,” said the great Proconsul.
But the wife of his bosom was dumb with dismay.
“Agatha,” said the Proconsul, after Mr. Jennings had quitted the
scene, “have you seen the Person?”
“I have, Wally; and I am strongly of opinion that Philip is out of his
mind.”
Not very comforting, was it?
There was only one thing to be done, though, and that was what
generations of excellent parents have had to do before them—
namely, and to wit, To Grin and Bear It.
Frankly, the Governing Classes were not specially good at
grinning, but they bore the blow with resignation tempered by quiet
dignity. They had done nothing to deserve the unmerited Cross of
Fortune—the Reverend Canon Fearon came in person to inform
them of that. Their lives were virtuous; their aspirations blameless;
their good works manifest. But the ways of Providence were
inscrutable—cream, please, but no sugar, thank you—why the blow
should have fallen upon them of all people—a little brown bread and
butter—was one more familiar instance of the things that passed all
understanding.
 Consolation for the spirit, you see, was at the service of Mother.
Father received that form of sustenance also—at the Helicon, that
temple of light.
“My dear Shelmerdine,” said Ch: Bungay, the friend of his youth,
“it is good to know that the blow is sustained with the accustomed
resignation of a true Christian.”
It was by no means clear, however, that in Mount Street the
Christian Ticket was sweeping the polls at this period. The
resignation of Pa, in the opinion of rumor, was a little less
pronounced than that of his neighbors. The butler gave notice the
same afternoon. On the following morning her ladyship’s maid
declined to stay to have her head bitten off, and went to the length of
saying so. Even the Reverend Canon Fearon was constrained to
think that an Irish peerage was hardly the same as the home-made
article.
It was an unlucky state of things, said the friends of both families.
Rather depended upon how you looked at it though, thought the
People Next Door. A Love Match is sometimes superior to a Mariage
de Convenance, thought Ann Veronica, who had just returned from
Dresden. Perhaps She Won’t Be Quite So Stuck Up Now, wrote the
Flapper from Eastbourne. He’s swopped her for the absolute nicest
gal in London, anyhow, said the Probationer in His Majesty’s
Horseguards. And Mamma said that she was surprised that Percy
should talk in that way; and his Papa hoped that he wouldn’t go
making a fool of himself; and the Reverend Canon Fearon, when he
called to ask the People Next Door what they thought about it, was
rather inclined to agree with all parties, since yesterday at luncheon
his Bishop had given utterance to the profoundly searching moral
observation that the streams of tendency were apt to overlook their
banks a little by the time the rising generation was ready to embark.
It is good to know that the Great did not lack spiritual aid in their
hour of tribulation. But Pa in Mount Street and the Seventh
Unmarried Daughter were not so chastened as they might have
been, perhaps; and Father and Mother still went out to dinner
regularly, in spite of this humiliation.
 Nevertheless, Father and Mother declined the invitation to St.
James’s, Wilton Place, and to the reception afterwards, which, if they
would consent to grace it, would be held by Grandmamma, her
eighty-four years notwithstanding, at the Hyde Park Hotel.
The reply of Mother was a model of dignity, but the reception was
not held. It could have been, certainly, since there were a number of
people who would have been delighted to come; but the
goddaughter of Bean, in her conscious strength, agreed with
Arminius Wingrove that it would show good feeling not to wipe the
eye of Grosvenor Square.
The nuptials of Philip and Mary were not so brilliant as they might
have been, perhaps, had Father and Mother attended them, but
everything was very nice and cheerful all the same. The bridesmaids
were five ladies of the Profession, including Marge; and excluding
Timothy, who was a page in an extraordinarily smart blue suiting,
which he had to be most careful how he sat in it. It wasn’t Dr. Bridge
who played the organ, but a gentleman quite as clever, think some
who heard him on the festal afternoon. The ex-brother-officer
remembered where the ring was put; Philip remembered to kiss
Mary—and, you young bachelors of Cam and Isis you will hurt Her
feelings awfully if you should forget that part of the ceremony, so
kindly make a note of the foregoing—and everybody thought the
Bride looked absolutely sweet, and that Philip was a very fortunate
young man.
And in the judgment of Herb and Arminius Wingrove,
Grandmamma, in a fine new hat, was right in the foreground of the
picture.
Everything was just as it should have been; everybody looked
pleased and happy; and when forth the organ pealed the noble work
by Mendelssohn all agreed that they made a mighty handsome pair.
There was no reception at the Hyde Park Hotel; but Mr. Hollins
bade all and sundry attend a tea-party on the classic boards of
Drury. Grandmamma cut the cake that Mr. Hollins had provided; and
Marge and Timothy ate thereof—not a crumb more than was good
for ’em, although both came very near the limit. And then Mr. Hollins
made a speech which we feel obliged to quote verbatim in this place.
Said Mr. Hollins: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I sincerely hope this is
not the end of a great career. (Hear, hear.) I have my doubts about it,
though. I have seen this sort of thing before. (Cheers and laughter.)
We all envy the Bridegroom, and I am afraid we shall find it hard to
forgive him, if, as our prophetic souls have feared, he robs a great
profession of a chief ornament. (Hear, hear.) But if this is a grudge
we may have to cherish against him, there is a service he has
rendered to us that must always redound to his credit. He is the
means of summoning back to these classic boards, after an
absence, she tells me, of forty-three years, one of the great figures
of a bygone generation, whose name was as familiar as a household
word throughout the length and breadth of the land, before even the
improvident parents of the majority of those of us who are present
this afternoon had arranged about our cradles. Ladies and
Gentlemen, I refer to that true ornament of her profession, Mrs.
Cathcart. (Loud and prolonged applause.) We are exceedingly proud
to have her among us; and some of you will doubtless boast to your
grandchildren that you have had the opportunity of drinking the
health of this famous and venerable lady, because, after Sir Herbert
has proposed the health of the Bride, it is to be my great privilege to
propose that of one of the truest ornaments the English stage has
known.” (Great enthusiasm.)
This was not all by any means that Mr. Hollins was moved to say
on this historic occasion. But you will be able to gather, doubtless,
from the general tenor of the famous Manager’s remarks, that the
Bride was quite within her rights in being moved to tears, and that
the Bridegroom had warrant for the otherwise irrelevant observation,
“I wish the Mater had been here, old girl, that’s all.”
And then in grim earnest the bowl began to flow; enthusiasm
began to wax parlous; and the wretched Bridegroom had to get up
on his hind legs, feeling quite as uncertain about the knee-joints as
this unfortunate quadruped of ours, and proceeded to apologize very
sweetly and humbly to the profession for having robbed it of one of
whom it had a right to be proud, and who was a thousand and one
times too good, at a conservative estimate, for the chap who had
brought her back from St. James’s, Wilton Place. And candor forces
us to admit that this idle, rich young fellow, who had made a good
many enemies by his act of presumption, didn’t materially add to
their number by the speech which he made, which, if not exactly that
of an orator, was yet manly and sincere and unaffected and no
discredit to the famous Twin Brethren who had nurtured his youth.
 CHAPTER XX
LOVE’S YOUNG DREAM

The first fortnight of the honeymoon was spent in Paris. They

looked at pictures and saw new plays, and went racing on Sunday,
and walked in the gardens of Versailles, and did a hundred other
cheerful things, and were most marvelously happy. And Mary, who
hardly cared a bit about such matters, bought herself a new hat.
They were tempted to go on to the Riviera, but duty prevailed and
they went to Brighton on the fourteenth day. Grandmamma had gone
to that famous physician on her twenty-sixth annual excursion; and
Mary felt she must keep her eye upon her, for all that she was such a
hale and vigorous old thing.
Grandmamma was discovered in very nice lodgings along the
sea-front, in the care of a landlady, very civil and voluble, and a
mistress of the art of plain cooking. Everything very pleasant and
comfortable, and a sitting-room with a balcony overlooking the King’s
Parade. It really seemed that the young couple might put in a
fortnight very profitably here, while their chosen residence in the
metropolis was being painted throughout.
They had their little adventures, of course, this happy pair,
because Brighthelmstone is the home of so many romances. For
one thing, they attracted attention when they walked abroad. Philip
was sure that it was the hat from Paris; Mary was absolutely
convinced that it was the coat with the astrachan collar and the spats
by Grant and Cockburn. But what really impressed the floating
population of Brighthelmstone was the comeliness of both; the
simple pleasure they derived from the society of each other; their
abounding joy in being allowed to walk about this underrated planet.
Had this natural history of nothing in particular the least
pretensions to cynicism, which the world looks for in a modern
romance, the happy pair would be disillusioned already. They should
have been profoundly weary of one another by the fourth day in
Paris, according to all the rules of the game. He should have
discovered that she was shallow and half-educated, and
consequently a bit of a bore when she brought the same face
downstairs three mornings consecutively for café au lait. She should
have discovered that he was selfish and vain, and that in his heart
he didn’t think that Her belongings were equal to His, and that he
saw already what a fool he had made of himself. And that being the
case, she should have grown conscious of her own inferiority, and
begun to hate him because she had done so, and wish herself back
again on the boards.
Moreover, had the Author really known his business, they should
have quarrelled bitterly on the subject of Grandmamma. Who has
heard of a newly-married pair giving up the Riviera and going to
Brighton to look after an old lady of eighty-four with all her faculties?
He should have been obdurate, and she should have shed tears of
bitterness. He should have secretly cursed his gods for the blindness
that had shackled him for the rest of his days; she should have had
thoughts of the Seine, and have given them expression. He should
have yielded when he should have stood firm; she should have
despised him for his weakness. They should have snarled at one
another all the way to Brighton, and Grandmamma should have
been very disagreeable when they got there, and not in the least
need of their presence. But candor forces us to make full confession
of our incompetence. Because none of these things came to pass.
Very much the contrary, let us assure you. Their good looks and
their air of general happiness were the envy of all people of
observation along the sea-front. Still they had their adventures, and
some at least will have to be recorded.
One morning, as they proceeded almost arm-in-arm, but not
quite, looking as though they had just bought the cosmos at five per
cent. discount for cash, and were completely satisfied with the
transaction, they walked right into a bath chair which was
accompanied by a Sealskin Coat and a Himalayan Dust Spaniel.
 Salutations necessary, being right up against each other, so to
speak.
“How d’ye do, Adela,” said the Culprit, who in his happiness
seemed to have nothing to conceal and nothing to defend. “You
know my wife, don’t you?”
The wind was certainly blowing very chilly from the northern
heights this morning. ’Tis a little way it has in March at
Brighthelmstone.
Pa was not so bad as he might have been.
“Introdooce me,” said His Britannic Majesty’s former Ambassador
to Persia.
So Pa was introduced to the Bride; and she afterwards told
Hubby that he was like any other Pa, only a little more so. And, she
being a girl of sense as well as of spirit, Pa didn’t seem to mind
talking to her a little, particularly as she knew so much about
rheumatism, because it was Granny’s complaint.
Had Lord Warlock tried the new treatment?
No; what was that?
The new treatment called for explanation. Duly forthcoming with
minuteness and lucidity. No; not a designing minx, mesdames,
altogether. Tact, certainly; but it had its roots, remember, in a heart
as sound as a bell, overflowing with practical sympathy for all the
world and his wife.
“Grandmamma has a book about it, and a special apparatus. It
has done her a power of good—a power of good. She will be
delighted to lend them, I’m sure—that’s if you care, Lord Warlock. It’s
a wonderful invention, and I’ll bring it round this afternoon, and show
you how it works.”
“Thank yah,” said the Ex-Ambassador to Persia. “And I’ll be
devilish obliged.”
Hubby, though, was not doing quite so well with the Sealskin
Coat. Brighthelmstone so dull and tiresome, so cold, and hotels so
unpleasant; and all the time the fair speaker announced these
drawbacks she looked not so much at the young man who ought to
have married her, but out of the corner of a cold blue eye at the
person who was talking to Pa as though she knew all about his
complaint.
“Thank yah,” said Pa, touching his hat, one of those hard, square
felt ones whose ugliness nought can surpass, as the procession
passed on. “The Suffolk. Don’t forget.”
A designing minx—madam, we do not agree. Mere tact, you
know. And it was perfectly clear that her quick, spontaneous,
practical sympathy had left its mark even on that unpromising
subject.
Not such a fool as I thought he was not to have taken this gal off
my hands, reflected the Uncompromising Subject within the
precincts of his bath chair. And then, with the air of one who nurses
an injury, he proceeded to inquire of the Seventh Unmarried
Daughter—
“Well, Addie my gal, what do you think of the Mésalliance?”
“One doesn’t profess to be a judge of chorus girls,” said the rude
girl, jerking the unfortunate Himalayan Dust Spaniel right off his feet.
Actually rude to her Pa, you see. Really, miss! But are you quite
doing her Justice, young friend? says Mr. G-ls-w-thy. Do you think
the girl has had fair play? because, frankly, I don’t. Born with a silver
spoon in her mouth; every whim gratified; never had a soul to cross
or deny her; always able to go to the Stores and order what she
wanted within reason; never rubbed her shoulders against life in its
sterner aspects like your more fortunate heroine; never changed an
iota since she used to bully her nurse. Fact is, young friend, says Mr.
G-lsw-thy, you can’t expect people who have had a plumb wicket to
bat on all their born days to play as well as those who have been
well schooled on more difficult pitches. Mind, I don’t say that Adela
would ever have been as nice as your Mary, but I feel very strongly
that under fairer conditions there is a great deal of good in the girl
that must have reached the surface.
 Her manner would always have been a bit against her, of course,
Pa not being over-rich for his position; the eye would always have
been a little contemptuous, since it was its nature to; but there were
certain things in the girl that a hard, uphill, unprotected life in the
great textile towns of England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, a trip to
Australia and South Africa, and a six months’ tour in the United
States and Canada might have developed considerably. But,
concludes the Sage, it would have remained a nice question whether
she would have been as well fitted to be a Mayfair hostess, or to
arrange a shooting party, or to ride in Leicestershire, or to attend the
gracious Consort of our Sovereign, as she is at present.
These alternatives are of a character that we are not competent
to express an opinion upon; but, at present, Mr. Philip seemed to be
in no doubt as to the wisdom of his choice; and really that seems
rather important, particularly as the young fellow overflowed with
happiness as he walked along the King’s Parade, longing to take the
arm of the nicest girl in Brighthelmstone into his keeping, and yet
fearing to do so since it was rather advertising the fact that they had
only been married a fortnight.
“I say, kidlet”—overpass the epithet, you Old Married People; you
know you have once been as guilty yourselves—“you talked like a
book to the Belted One, didn’t you, what?”
“Yes, Phil-ipp, the poor old dear. The same complaint as Granny.
I’m going to take him her apparatus and show him how to work it,
and I’ve guaranteed that he will be able to walk upstairs after he has
used it a week.”
“Have you, though? But how you dared, I’m blest if I know.”
“Cow-yard, Phil-ipp. He’s rather a dear, really.”
“A most disagreeable old gentleman, and the worst manners of
any Privy Councillor in London.”
“A libel, Phil-ipp. I’m sure he’s not so bad as all that. Anyhow, if
he is, I shall try and reform him.”
 CHAPTER XXI
ADVENTURES RARE AND STRANGE

It was opposite the Magnificent that they came upon adventure

the second. Two gentlemen of somewhat informal aspect, one of
whom was in need of a shave, and both of whose hats were light
green, greeted Mary as if they were half afraid to do so, and yet
didn’t like to pass her by.
“Thought perhaps you mightn’t remember us, Mary.”
“Remember you, Horace! Could I ever forget you? And why, I
declare it’s Johnny?”
And Mary shook hands with Horace and Johnny so simply and so
cordially—for all that she had married a Toff—that they were obliged
to confess that they were quite sure she couldn’t.
The next moment Horace and Johnny were being introduced to
the Toff; with rather a display of wariness on their part, because
provincial stars who have had to carve out their own destiny have
not much use for the Breed, and they owed him a grudge as well for
having robbed the profession of an idol. So when the Toff held out
his hand and appeared pleased to meet them, it was not so certain
that they were pleased to meet him.
“Horace Allwright, Philip, the very first Pickles I ever played to—
and the best.”
“Oh, go hon, John Willie,” said the Star of the North, blushing to
the roots of his hair, which was red and, therefore, made his
pleasure the more conspicuous. But he wasn’t going to stand any
swank from Eton and Ch: Ch:; and the rather fierce eye of this fine
natural comedian said so pretty distinctly.
Mary was undefeated, though, and Johnny Dubosque not being
so great a man as Horace Allwright, and consequently having less in
the way of dignity to look after, was soon behaving as if nothing had
happened.
“But I expect you’ll never come to the provinces again, Polly,”
said Johnny Dubosque sadly. “I said to Horace it was all up with us
as soon as you got to the Lane. But you’ll be turning up the
perfession altogether now.”
Mary said it might be so, and Johnny Dubosque sighed deeply,
and informed the Toff in a burst of confidence that her place could
never be filled. And the Toff—for all that the Twin Brethren were not
a little discomposed by hearing one who was not a fellow alumnus
speak of the wife as Polly—apologized so nicely to the Perfession for
having done what it had done, that Johnny Dubosque, who had a
generous heart, felt not a little inclined to forgive him, and Horace
Allwright somewhat waived the question of his dignity.
“Come across to the Magnificent, old chap, and ’ave a drink,”
said Horace Allwright in a sudden and overwhelming burst of
hospitality.
The Toff accepted the invitation, and for that act of grace, my
lords and gentlemen, honor is due to the Twin Brethren, who as you
do not require to be told, would have disbursed current coin of the
realm to shirk this obvious duty. But it would never do to make an
enemy of a friend of Mary’s. Therefore the Twin Brethren allowed
themselves to be led across the road about as cheerfully as a lamb
is led to the slaughter; and the grandees of the place stared very
hard at the entrance of These Theatrical People; and the Twin
Brethren devoutly hoped that no stray member of the Button Club
was lying concealed among the ferns.
Modest libations were ordered by Mr. Horace Allwright in a rather
loud manner, with a lemon squash for Mary, although this was mere
natural politeness on her part.
“We shall not see her equal as Cinderella, not in our time, my
lord,” said Mr. Horace Allwright in a very audible aside to the Toff, in
order to keep in touch with the public.
 “Of course you will, Horace, and many a better one,” said the
Uncrowned Queen of Blackhampton, having with her ready tact and
her quick observation detected the plight of the unhappy Twin
Brethren who were blenching a little under their tan.
Not so far off were a pair of Contemporaries, out of sight,
perchance, yet by no means out of hearing.
“Why, if it isn’t that damned fool Shel, with his mésalliance!”
“No—yes—my God!”
“Rather nice, though, in spite of the friends of the family.”
“Let us go and pull the leg of the silly old fool, and make him turn
out for us to-morrow.”
Whereupon the Contemporaries rose from their table, very finely
grown young men and superbly tailored, as all distinguished athletes
should be.
“Why, Shel, old man, how are you?”
Hearty hand-grips were exchanged, although the Twin Brethren
were not feeling so very robust at present.
“Fancy meeting you here!”
There was no particular reason why they shouldn’t meet there,
but it is always a useful opening card. And then the Olympians were
introduced to Mary, and pretty keenly did they scrutinize her,
although they pretended so well that they were doing nothing of the
sort that it would have taken a woman to have told what the sly dogs
were at.
And then Miss Mary trod very hard on the foot of Eton and Ch:
Ch:, which begged pardon humbly and introduced Mr. Horace
Allwright and Mr. Johnny Dubosque, and piously hoped to its Maker
that it hadn’t got mixed in their names.
“Pleased to meet you, gentlemen,” said Mr. Horace Allwright
spaciously. “’Ave a drink.”
 The Olympians had had a drink already, but they had no
objection to having another; and this accommodating disposition
caused Mary to take them into favor at once, and they were invited
to sit down.
“’Ere’s a health to the bride,” said Mr. Johnny Dubosque.
“Thank you, Johnny.”
“I was just a-tellin’ his lordship,” said Mr. Horace Allwright, “that
she was absolutely the finest Cinderella I’ve ever played to, and I’ve
played to some of the first in my time, let me tell you. Good ’ealth,
gentlemen.”
And while Mr. Horace Allwright was happily engaged in pledging
the health of the company, Mary proceeded to transfix the first
Olympian with such a staunch, straight and demure gray eye that the
heart of the famous athlete was literally pinned against the
antimacassar of yellow plush upholstery which had been provided by
the hotel for the use of its patrons.
“His lordship’s drawn a winner in the lottery, gentlemen,”
continued Mr. Horace Allwright, and in this the first Olympian was
strongly inclined to concur.
“Cut it out, Horace,” said the Uncrowned Queen of Blackhampton
with a very arch glance at Johnny Dubosque. “It isn’t cricket, is it,
Johnny? in these fashionable watering-places. And I won’t have you
pull the leg of my Phil-ipp by calling him my lord, when he’s promised
me solemn to stand for Mr. Lloyd George.”
“You haven’t, Shel?” quoth the Olympians, feeling it was up to
them to say something, and that this was something they might say.
“Oh, but he has,” said the Uncrowned Queen, “and I should never
have married him if he hadn’t—should I, Phil-ipp?”
And she transfixed both the Olympians this time with that demure
glance of tremendous impact.
“Oh, but I say, Mrs. Shel,” quoth the first Olympian, beginning to
feel a glow within, “what about his Governor, you know?”
 “I don’t know about his Governor, Mr. Wilbraham, because I’m not
received in the Family at present.”
And this time the glance came right home to the Twin Brethren,
who at once began to feel like bucking up a little.
“But you are bound to be, Mrs. Shel, aren’t you?” said Mr.
Wilbraham with great Tact.
“Why am I bound to be?” inquired the Uncrowned Queen, whose
good gray eye had begun to play the dickens with the second
Olympian.
“Oh, you are, you know. Isn’t she, Toddles?”
Toddles was strongly of opinion that she was.
“Well, of course, if you both really think that—”
But in the secret recesses of his nature, Toddles was even more
strongly of opinion that if she persisted in looking at him in that way
he would be bound to kiss her.
“Are you and Mr. Wilbraham any good at snooker? Yes, I can see
it in your eyes. Well, Phil-ipp and Johnny and I will play the three of
you for a sovereign.”
“Done with you, Mrs. Shel,” said the Olympians with promptitude.
And then Mrs. Shelmerdine looked very demurely at Horace
Allwright, and imposed the condition that the stakes should be
deposited with the marker, as her success in life was entirely due to
the fact that she never trusted on principle a man who came from
Leeds.
“But I come from Leeds myself,” said Toddles, who, of course,
was none other than the popular Yorkshire cricketer when he had
time to spare for the game.
“Why not?”
“Yes; why not? But how could you tell I came from Leeds, Mrs.
Shelmerdine?”
“By your trousers.”
 Horace and Johnny roared long and loud at this brilliant sally. The
natural insight of those famous comedians had taught them already
that if Toddles had a weakness, it was an undue pride in his trousers,
which of course the young man was quite entitled to have, since they
were the work of Mr. F-ster of London and Oxford.
“Now, don’t let her pull your leg, old man,” said Philip, who, as
usual a little behind in the uptake, had only just begun his roar.
“She’ll rag the life out of you if you’ll let her.”
Without further preface or apology, an adjournment was made to
the billiard saloon, which was down a very long corridor. En route,
Mr. Wilbraham, whose name in athletic circles was Weary William,
because he was never in a hurry, confided to Toddles that she was
every bit as nice off the stage as she was on it.
To which Toddles, in whose cognomen a meaning has yet to be
discovered, rejoined that “He was always a far-seein’ old swine.”
Mary liked a light cue, and used it in a manner which did not
suggest the novice. By what means she had gained her skill, it would
be best, perhaps, not to inquire. At least, it is hardly likely that
Grandma had taught her.
The Olympians also had misspent their youth a little, and Horace
Allwright’s father had been a billiard-marker, so it was quite as well,
perhaps, that Mary was so skillful, and that Philip was able to say he
was a pupil of Mr. John Roberts, Junior. The master might not have
been very proud of him, though, to judge by the way he started; but
he improved as the game went on, and as Johnny Dubosque knew
Stevenson to talk to, the game was quite worth looking at in the
opinion of a somewhat saturnine-looking gentleman who sat in the
corner drinking Schweppe’s ginger ale, and picking winners out of
the Sportsman.
The game was twenty-nine all, and there was only one ball left on
the table, and that was “a sitter” on the brink of the left-hand top
pocket, which Mary, who had played amazingly well all through, had
left there to her unfeigned sorrow. It was all over, bar the shouting,
when Toddles proceeded to deliver his cue, for it really was a shot
that one who had used his youth as he had done ought not to have
missed with his eyes shut.
In the most unaccountable manner the famous center forward
missed the shot with his eyes wide open, promptly apostrophized his
Maker, and insisted in paying the stakes.
“You did that a-purpose, Mr. Toddles,” said Mary sternly, “and I
scorn to take your money. I am not a suffragist yet, but that’s the kind
of thing to make me one. Why, a woman can’t even have fair play at
a game like snooker.”
Followed a heated controversy. Mr. Toddles would not confess to
his guilt, which was really so flagrant that Mary wondered how he
dared deny the charge. Horace Allwright and Weary William lied
circumstantially to support the misdemeanant, but Mary refused to
accept the stakes, and in this we venture to think she was right.
No, Toddles, young friend, it is not the way to produce a race of
sportswomen. Your intentions were of the highest, certainly, but your
charming opponent had taken such degrees in the school of
experience, although she was hardly twenty-four at present, that she
didn’t even think it polite.
There was only one method of composing the quarrel, and that
was to play the match over again. And this time, it is sad to relate of
three excellent sportsmen, good care was taken that there should be
no doubt whatever about the issue.
“And now you have taken us on at this game, Shel,” said the first
Olympian, “we shall expect you to turn out for us to-morrow against
Brighton and Hove Albion.”
“But I haven’t kicked a ball for years.”
“So much the worse for you. The match is for the benefit of the
widow and young children of a good chap, and you were always a
great draw for the public.”
“Was I?” said Mr. Philip apprehensively, for he read in the eyes of
Mary that his doom was sealed.
 “Were you, Phil-ipp! Might never have kicked three goals against
Scotland, mightn’t you? Why, of course you’ll play; especially as it’s a
benefit match.”
“But I haven’t kicked a ball for years and years, and I’ve got no
gear either.”
“We’ll soon fix you up with some gear, won’t we, Mrs. Shel?” said
the exultant Olympians.
“Ra-ther.”
Poor Philip protested bitterly; but he knew, alas! that he would
have to bow to the inevitable. At a quarter-past three on the morrow,
after an absence of four years, he was doomed to reappear in the
ranks of the famous amateur team whom he had helped to make
history.
 CHAPTER XXII
IN WHICH PHILIP RENEWS HIS YOUTH

When Horace and Johnny resumed their walk along the King’s
Parade, they felt at least two inches taller for having rubbed
shoulders with the aristocracy. Everybody does, Sir, says Mr.
Thackeray; and no one is a penny the worse for this national feeling,
we venture to hope, provided it is not carried to excess. Certainly the
girls of Brighthelmstone had a rare treat for the rest of the day,
Johnny and Horace putting on wonderful “side,” and setting their
hats at an angle warranted to kill at sight.
The Idol of the Profession ought never to have married a Toff.
Still, they all did it if they had the chance, so you could hardly blame
her. But the great thing was, she hadn’t changed at all. She was just
the same honest pal as when she played at the Queen’s at Leeds.
Her heart was still in the right place in spite of her elevation. It wasn’t
always so, but it was in this case. She was one of the very best, and
she had proved it that morning to five places of decimals recurring,
by not being ashamed of old friends.
Thus you see, my lords and gentlemen, in spite of the fact that
Horace and Johnny swaggered along the King’s Parade in a way
that Eton and Oxford never do—do they?—and that you would
hardly have cared to accept their invitation to cross the road and ’ave
a drink at the good old Magnificent—at least, not when the wife was
with you—they were really modest men at heart, as most men are if
they ever attain to reasonable eminence in their particular walk of
life.
“Fancy you marrying a Toff!” Horace Allwright had whispered to
Mary over his beer.
“Why shouldn’t one, pray?” was the rejoinder of the future Lady
Shelmerdine of Potterhanworth.