P E O P L E

P L E A S I N G
People Pleasing
Workbook
E n d t h e i n t e r n a l s t r u g g l e of p e o p l e p l e a s i n g w i t h a w a r e n e s s ,
c o m p a s s i o n , and t e l l i n g the l o v i n g, t r u t h !

This entire worksheet is about lies and

manipulation.
When we aren’t telling ourselves or other
people, we are not doing anyone a service.
People pleasing is ingrained in our lives
starting from a very early age.
You are taught you shouldn’t hurt other
people’s feelings.
You shouldn’t be selfish.
Beginning with the process of first telling the
truth with love. Then acknowledging how your
thinking and underlying beliefs may not be
right. Finally, setting boundaries for yourself,
and giving with love and no expectation for
anything in return.
When you learn to accept yourselves, the
good and the bad, you give everyone else
the same space of love and acceptance!
You show up whole and healthy in the world.

Think of others before yourself. You evolve into your authentic, loving,
fabulous self!
Thinking in this manner sounds altruistic and
very loving, but it isn’t, and it isn’t every single When you can be in the presence of your
time. thoughts and not judge yourself, you will get
to know who you are.
Immediately our minds go to the opposite of
people pleasing. You think that you would You understand that if you choose to give, it
become selfish and that selfishness is wrong! will be with abundance.

You may think IF you are selfish, you will turn
into a very "me, me, I, I, and myself" type of
person!
I am not referring to this type of mentality in
the least.
The opposite is giving out of obligation and
duty. Giving out of fear, obligation, or guilt is
the people-pleasing type of giving, which is
manipulation.

When we love ourselves in our entirety and

honor our own need first, we give more, love
more, and end suffering.
You are giving not because you want to but so
that people will think... Insert your thought here.
You are offering to others to fill the void of
emptiness in yourself. So much of the time what
you are giving others you desperately want
yourself. You think, "If I just keep doing giving
what you want the people you love they will
eventually do this for me."
WRONG!
You are providing or doing things for other
people from a place of manipulation.
Giving from this place is never healthy.
Give what you so want first to yourself and
THEN AND ONLY THEN go back to martyring!
I'm teasing here, but you get my point!
Why and where does the belief that
we must please other people
develop?
1. Primal Brain
One facet of people pleasing comes from your
primal brain.
Your primal instinct is, if we aren't loved, we will
die. We are herd animals and being excluded
from the herd means death.
Think of these words, "Mommy is sad because
you hit Sally."
All of us have heard this and taught it to our kids
as well.
As a child, your emotional brain emotionally
under-developed. The problem is what if 'Sally'
was your much-needed boundaries?
What if she was terrorizing you and you are
trying to practice self-care?
Sally had been teasing you and taking your toys.
You told her no, ask her to stop, and she kept
stealing them! You had done your best, but alas
you decided to settle this once and for all and
smacked her!
As a result, you ended up getting scolded harshly!
What does your little emotional brain
think now?
As an adult, you can see that you were taking
care of yourself, but as a child, your developing
brain has no idea what happened.
As you are reading this, it may make sense that
Sally was in the wrong.
What would you do now that you are an
emotional adult?
You smile and seethe!

The fear of being discluded is our primal brain

talking.

In today's day and age, that way of thinking

keeps us lying, hiding, and in the illusion of safety.

Telling the truth brings up fear from your primal

brain. The only way to overcome this old
programming is to keep experiencing telling the
truth, feeling the fear, and eventually teaching
your mind you will not die.

2.Society

The other facet of people pleasing is society,

and our families train us all, to people please
throughout our entire life.

We learn from a very early age to seek approval.

When we are reprimanded, it leaves an intense

emotional memory that sears into our
consciousness.
You learn to give Sally the toys, and you won't
get yelled at. You also learn that the Sally's of
this world must be manipulated to get what you
want.
This behavior has continued right into adulthood!
You feel terrified to speak up, or you will lose all
your family and friends.
Or you become super aggressive.
Exclusion from the pack is your primal brain
biggest fear!
Remember Sally?
That a harrowing memory that your mind
remembers and is trying to protect you from a
painful situation like that again!
So, now you go through the motions trying to
avoid that intense emotional pain or anything
similar.
You feel like your needs don't get met or you
feel out of integrity with yourself because you
are lying to both yourself and everyone else!
You're doing things you don't want to
do to please people you don't like!
When you do this long-term, your relationships
erode because they are based on your fear of
rejection and not on love and truth.
Your resentment keeps building because you
haven't told your friends, family or spouse the
truth.
And as you lie, they believe you!
Now what.
You realize you are a total people pleaser, but
how do you end this cycle?
How do you go from lying and pretending it's all
fine to, "No way!"?
You have to start telling yourself the truth first.
Telling the truth takes courage.
Admitting you've spent years lying to get
approval or fit in isn't easy.
Start telling the truth to yourself about what do
you genuinely like, want, feel, and think?
You will instantly go to the thought, "Who knows?
I'm confused!".
If you can truly master this skill, your entire life
will change!
Your happiness and fulfillment are on the other
side of "No!".
In this works h e e t you will do a daily exercise
get to know yourself.
This daily practice is a massive step toward
awareness and may take a little digging around!
You will practice telling the truth, first to yourself,
then to the people in your life.
 Here comes the rage!

When you start to tell the truth, you will be so

angry.
RAGEPA GE First at everyone else, and then at yourself.

This anger feels awful, but it is the fuel that ends

people pleasing.

Before you start punching people in the face,

remember that you laid on the floor for them to
walk all over you.
Now stand up.

You will have to learn how to use this energy constructively.

Before you hate everyone.
Before you turn that anger at yourself, stop.
Pause
You can only change your future if you forgive and let go of the
past. Don't bring your old resentment to your future.

Use the anger fuel to make a fierce commitment to protect yourself and stand up for yourself from this
moment forward.

Act in your best interest even if it's excruciatingly painful.

Do you have an excellent reason for this?

Do you understand that this is self-inflicted?

Do you understand that, right now, you can say no?

Do you understand that you can change your future?

Use the anger fuel to draw a line in the sand & end the
lying!
"I will not do this to myself ever, ever, ever again!"
 D A Y

W h a t do I lik e + h o n e s t l y
wa n t ? W h a t do I pr e f er ? W h a t do I w an t f or m y
f u t u r e?

H o w w i l l y o u s t a y s t r o n g t o a v o i d g o i n g b a c k i nt o t h e " s a f et y " o f p e o p l e p l e a s i n g ?

Ar e y ou w i l l i n g t o f e e l s u p e r u n c om f o r t a b l e on p u r p o s e ? Ar e y ou r e a d y t o t e l l t h e t r u t h ?

W h a t d o e s a r ec o v er ed p e o p l e p l e a s e r l o o k l i k e a n d w h a t is t h e pr oc e s s o f ge t t i n g t o
t h e p l a c e o f s e l f -c o m p a s s i o n ?

No. It's a complete sentence.

Love yourself madly through that discomfort!
You have permission to go after what you
want!

Saying no will feel like dying. It's terrifying. You

In the beginning, this is extremely hard, and the will feel like your doing it all wrong.
guilt is intense!
Stay strong, keep going, your on the right track!
Stay strong and say, NO!
You will feel alone at first.
Feel the guilt, knowing it will be a very
uncomfortable vibration. Then your truth will appear.

You do not need everyone's support and
approval!
Your job is to support and approve of yourself!
What or who you genuinely like and don't like.
You will soon realize it's so amazing to give and
serve when you've taken care of your needs
first!
 Commitmen t o f the day:

You don't lie!

It's incredibly uncomfortable,
but the opposite is you ruin
relationships, create animosity, My plan t o f ollo w thr oug h:
you are seething, and a whole
host of negative emotions.

W h e n it ge t s u n c om f o r t a b l e , do I s m o o th t h e s i t u a t i o n o v er , a n d p e o p l e p l e a s e or s t i c k
to m y c o m m i t m e n t ?

Wh y do y ou t h i n k i t ' s e a s i e r t o g i v e in a n d a g r e e ?

Wh y ar e y ou u n c om f o r t a b l e w i t h d i s a g r e e i n g ?

W h a t is t h e w or st t h a t c o u l d h a p p e n ?