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St Antony’s Series: Celebrating 40 Years Since 1978
Urban Chinese
Daughters
Navigating new roles, status and filial
obligation in a transitioning culture
Patricia O’Neill
St Antony’s Series
St Antony’s Series
Series Editors
Halbert Jones
St Antony’s College
University of Oxford
Oxford, UK
Matthew Walton
St Antony’s College
University of Oxford
Oxford, UK
The St Antony’s Series publishes studies of international affairs of con-
temporary interest to the scholarly community and a general yet informed
readership. Contributors share a connection with St Antony’s College, a
world-renowned centre at the University of Oxford for research and
teaching on global and regional issues. The series covers all parts of the
world through both single-author monographs and edited volumes, and
its titles come from a range of disciplines, including political science, his-
tory, and sociology. Over more than forty years, this partnership between
St Antony’s College and Palgrave Macmillan has produced about 300
publications.
Urban Chinese
Daughters
Navigating New Roles, Status and
Filial Obligation in a Transitioning
Culture
Patricia O’Neill
Visiting Academic, Contemporary China Studies (SIAS)
University of Oxford
Oxford, UK
St Antony’s Series
ISBN 978-981-10-8698-4 ISBN 978-981-10-8699-1 (eBook)
https://doi.org/10.1007/978-981-10-8699-1
This Palgrave Macmillan imprint is published by the registered company Springer Nature Singapore Pte Ltd.
part of Springer Nature.
The registered company address is: 152 Beach Road, #21-01/04 Gateway East, Singapore 189721, Singapore
To my mother, Lorraine Shipley O’Neill.
Acknowledgements
1 Introduction 1
8 Outsourced Care 255
ix
x Contents
References 311
Index 333
List of Figures
xi
List of Tables
xiii
1
Introduction
Thirteen years into the twentieth century, Lee Choo Neo wrote:
Although this was more than 100 years ago, the formula of dependency
Lee portrayed was quintessentially Chinese, and it lasted throughout a
Chinese female’s life. As a child, she was dependent on her father, as an
adult she was dependent on her husband, and in old age she was depen-
dent on her son (Blake 1994; Croll 1995; Deutsch 2006).
Dependency was reinforced through Confucianism and filial piety,
comprised of certain immutable elements: respect, gratitude and absolute
obedience, unconditional care and support for parents, producing a male
heir to continue the lineage, bringing honour to the family, and revering
all elders and ancestors. Children owed the performance of these
Prior research has shown that this traditional Chinese norm, while under-
going change, has not disappeared (Wong and Chau 2006). Thus, despite
the progress they have made, many Chinese women today are in a double
bind. For those who elect to provide care, the consequences are potentially
severe. On one hand, caregivers who remain in the workforce are reported
to miss more days off work, have poorer health, more stress at home, more
depression, and engage in more risk behaviour such as smoking and sub-
stance abuse. On the other, many women with extensive training and expe-
rience are forced out of the workplace due to caregiving obligations (Met
Life 2010).3 A single woman who forfeits her job and spends her savings
(assuming there is one) to provide care for her parents may in her own old
age end up broke, dependent and unhealthy with no one to care for her.4
Conversely, women who choose or are forced by circumstances to avoid,
limit or postpone filial obligation may be ridden with conflict when transi-
tioning norms compete with what has been called the ‘irredeemable obliga-
tion’ some feel toward their families (Berman 1987: 25). The women
interviewed for this book found caregiving to be more difficult when they
were torn between their perceived duty to their family and a desire for
greater freedom. This translated into a variety of mixed emotions, including
bitterness and resentment, apathy, resignation, frustration and anger over
the restrictive conditions imposed on them. In the worst extremes, even
daughters who were devoted to their parents could be driven to commit
acts of elder abuse,5 over which they anguished afterward.
With these notable changes to their roles and status, and the new con-
ditions under which they live, it is fair to ask if urban Chinese women are
still willing or able to undertake filial obligation in the same manner and
to the same extent as they have in the past. If not, who or what is going
to fill the gap?6 To address these issues, the following research questions
are presented for consideration.
Together, Hong Kong, Singapore and Kunming offer a solid basis for
comparing what has been happening among urban Chinese women and
to see whether there are any implications for what appears to be a slowly
emerging shift in filial obligation. For millennia, Confucian-based filial
obligation has been a widely shared value throughout East and Southeast
Asia.12 However, in the culturally fluid environment in which it currently
exists, the changing roles and status of urban women has been an under-
lying theme touching most families. This book illustrates how enduring
social norms and cultural expectations may compete with the realities of
the modern world, thereby necessitating a restructuring of priorities and
a modification of filial obligation in the many societies that still adhere
to it.
The Daughters
Key Demographics
Marriage, Divorce and Singlehood
Among the Baby Boomers, the median age at first marriage was similar in
all three locations: 24 in Singapore 25 in Kunming and 26 in Hong
Kong. The median age for the Gen X women was 24 in Kunming, 26 in
Hong Kong and 28 in Singapore. The median age at marriage of the over
65 age group was 27. In the main group, seven women divorced and four
re-married. In the comparison group, two of the women separated from
their husbands but never divorced. Among the 64 women in the main
group, 20 never married. These were all in Singapore and Hong Kong.
All the Kunming women in both generations were married, perhaps
reflecting more traditional values.
or, in their ‘fugitive and cloistered virtue,’ as Milton calls it, say,
Gower. Thanks, if you please, not reproaches. I was calling help for
you, I was summoning the fay to your assistance, to determine the
best possible order of your mystics.
Willoughby. The fay?
Gower. The fay. Down with you in that arm-chair, and sit quietly.
Know that I was this morning reading Andersen’s Märchen—all
about Ole-Luk-Oie, his ways and works—the queer little elf. Upstairs
he creeps, in houses where children are, softly, softly, in the dusk of
the evening, with what do you think under his arm?—two umbrellas,
one plain, the other covered with gay colours and quaint figures. He
makes the eyes of the children heavy, and when they are put to bed,
holds over the heads of the good children the painted umbrella,
which causes them to dream the sweetest and most wonderful
dreams imaginable; but over the naughty children he holds the other,
and they do not dream at all. Now, thought I, let me emulate the
profundity of a German critic. Is this to be treated as a simple child’s
tale? Far from it. There is a depth of philosophic meaning in it. Have
not the mystics been mostly childlike natures? Have not their lives
been full of dreams, manifold and strange—and they therefore, if
any, especial favourites of Ole-Luk-Oie? They have accounted their
dreams their pride and their reward. They have looked on the
sobriety of dreamlessness as the appropriate deprivation of privilege
consequent on carnality and ignorance; in other words, the non-
dreamers have been with them the naughty children. To learn life’s
lessons well is, according to them, to enjoy as a recompence the
faculty of seeing visions and of dreaming dreams. Here then is the
idea of mysticism. You have its myth, its legend. Ole-Luk-Oie is its
presiding genius. Now, Atherton, if you could but get hold of his
umbrella, the segments of that silken hemisphere, with its painted
constellations, would give you your divisions in a twinkling. That was
why I wanted him. But I do not see him letting himself down the
bellrope, or hear his tap at the door. I am afraid we must set to work
without him.
Willoughby. So be it. A local or historical classification of the
mystics is out of the question. I scarcely think you can find a
metaphysical one that will bear the test of application and be
practically serviceable. Then the division some adopt, of heterodox
and orthodox, saves trouble indeed, but it is so arbitrary. The Church
of Rome, from whom many of these mystics called heretical, dared
to differ, is no church at all in the true sense, and assuredly no
standard of orthodoxy. In addition to this I have a nervous antipathy
to the terms themselves; for, as I have a liking for becoming the
champion of any cause which appears to be borne down by
numbers, I find my friends who are somewhat heterodox, frequently
charging me with what is called orthodoxy, and those again who are
orthodox as often suspecting me of heterodoxy.
Atherton. Hear my proposed division. There are three kinds of
mysticism, theopathetic, theosophic, and theurgic. The first of these
three classes I will subdivide, if needful, into transitive and
intransitive.
Gower. Your alliteration is grateful to my ear; I hope you have not
strained a point to secure us the luxury.
Atherton. Not a hair’s breadth, I assure you.
Willoughby. Etymologically such a division has the advantage of
showing that all the forms of mysticism are developments of the
religious sentiment; that in all its varieties the relationship, real or
imaginary, which mysticism sustains to the Divine, is its primary
element;—that its widely differing aspects are all phases it presents
in its eccentric orbit about the central luminary of the Infinite.
Gower. Your theopathetic mysticism must include a very wide
range. By the term theopathetic you denote, of course, that
mysticism which resigns itself, in a passivity more or less absolute,
to an imagined divine manifestation. Now, one man may regard
himself as overshadowed, another as impelled by Deity. One mystic
of this order may do nothing, another may display an unceasing
activity. Whether he believes himself a mirror in whose quiescence
the Divinity ‘glasses himself;’ or, as it were, a leaf, driven by the
mighty rushing wind of the Spirit, and thus the tongue by which the
Spirit speaks, the organ by which God works—the principle of
passivity is the same.
Atherton. Hence my subdivision of this class of mystics into those
whose mysticism assumes a transitive character, and those with
whom mysticism consists principally in contemplation, in Quietism, in
negation, and so is properly called intransitive.
Willoughby. Yet some of those whose mysticism has been pre-
eminently negative, who have hated the very name of speculation,
and placed perfection in repose and mystical death, have mingled
much in active life. They appear to defy our arrangement.
Atherton. It is only in appearance. They have shrunk from carrying
out their theory to its logical consequences. Their activity has been a
bye-work. The diversities of character observable in the mysticism
which is essentially intransitive arise, not from a difference in the
principle at the root, but from varieties of natural temperament, of
external circumstances, and from the dissimilar nature or proportion
of the foreign elements incorporated.
Gower. It is clear that we must be guided by the rule rather than the
exception, and determine, according to the predominant element in
the mysticism of individuals, the position to be assigned them. If we
were to classify only those who were perfectly consistent with
themselves, we could include scarcely half-a-dozen names, and
those, by the way, the least rational of all, for the most thorough-
going are the madmen.
Atherton. The mysticism of St. Bernard, for example, in spite of his
preaching, his travels, his diplomacy, is altogether contemplative—
the intransitive mysticism of the cloister. His active labours were a
work apart.
Gower. Such men have been serviceable as members of society in
proportion to their inconsistency as devotees of mysticism. A heavy
charge this against their principle.
Willoughby. In the intransitive division of the theopathetic mysticism
you will have three such names as Suso, Ruysbrook, Molinos, and
all the Quietists, whether French or Indian.
Atherton. And in the transitive theopathy all turbulent prophets and
crazy fanatics. This species of mysticism usurps the will more than
the emotional part of our nature. The subject of it suffers under the
Divine, as he believes, but the result of the manifestation is not
confined to himself, it passes on to his fellows.
Gower. If you believe Plato in the Ion, you must range here all the
poets, for they sing well, he tells us, only as they are carried out of
themselves by a divine madness, and mastered by an influence
which their verse communicates to others in succession.
Willoughby. We must admit here also, according to ancient
superstition, the Pythoness on her tripod, and the Sibyl in her cave at
Cumæ, as she struggles beneath the might of the god:—
Phœbi nondum patiens immanis in antro
Bacchatur vates, magnum si pectore possit
Excussisse Deum: tanto magis ille fatigat
Os rabidum, fera corda domans, fingitque premendo.