Small Habits for a Big Life: Release the

self-sabotaging behaviour that is

holding you back, one habit at a time
Rebecca Ray
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 About Small Habits for a Big Life

Change is not about grand statements and sweeping gestures. It is

about chipping away, a bit at a time, at the habits that hold us back.

Dr Rebecca Ray knows about the power of small habits to make big
changes. By introducing small changes into her own life, she
transformed her career as a clinical psychologist to become one of
Australia’s most effective communicators on matters of the mind.
Rebecca has helped many members of her large online community
and her clients do the same.

In Small Habits for a Big Life, Dr Rebecca Ray breaks down the
process for her reader. She explains how we can override the part of
the brain that seeks pleasure and comfort (ice cream and wine) and
activate the parts that tolerate some discomfort for the sake of long-
term goals (an hour of study instead of an hour of TV).

Small Habits for a Big Life clears the way for readers to embark on
their own path to change and provides exactly the right amount of
support along the way.
 Contents
About Small Habits for a Big Life
Title page
Contents
Dedication
Introduction

1 Self-sabotage: why do we do it?

The elephant and the rider
The cycle of self-sabotage
Reckon on resistance
2 Be clear on your why
Your values
Values vs Goals
Alignment
3 Be SMART with your goals
The SMART method
Reviewing your goals
4 Be ready to never feel ready
The myth of feeling ready
Getting comfortable with discomfort
Motivation
5 Creating and sustaining new habits
The habit cycle
Cues and rewards
6 Replenishing your willpower bucket
Expanding your bucket
Filling your bucket
Dopamine hits
7 Managing uncomfortable feelings
Toxic happiness
 Avoidance
Emotional awareness
8 How to handle unhelpful thoughts
No problems
Getting unhooked
Inner acceptance
9 Support crew
Count on yourself
Count on your change community
When change challenges others
10 Getting back when you’ve gone off track
Failing forward
The prison of perfectionism
Relapse
Progress through self-compassion
Self-trust
Small affirmations for a big life

About Rebecca Ray

Also by Dr Rebecca Ray
Copyright
Newsletter
 For you, dear reader, for picking up this book as a mark of
willingness to shape your habits. Your commitment to your personal
evolution is stunning, and I know from – personal and professional –
experience that it’s never easy. It’s my privilege to be alongside you,
no matter how many times it takes.
 Introduction

Dear reader, it’s no small act that you’re here with these pages in
your hands. It might feel small. But the intention behind you
choosing this book as your next read is far from insignificant. In
doing so, you are making a choice to transform the life of your
future self. And that, my friend, is big. Really big.
But I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that this is not the
first time you’ve made such a choice. You want something more for
your future self. You’re determined to be better than you currently
are, because there are things that you’re doing that are not working.
Things that were once mere blips off course from the mental GPS
that you hold for your life, that have insidiously become habits of
self-sabotage, that no amount of internal nudging to ‘Re-route! Re-
route!’ corrects.
It’s not that you’ve completely ignored the directives of your inner
voice to, well, get your sh*t together (Wait, I need to check if your
inner dialogue gets a little sweary like mine?). You’ve listened, and
tried to make changes. Multiple times. And it turns out that changing
habits is not as simple as programming yourself once to do what you
know you should do, and then staying there. Humans don’t operate
on a set and forget basis – immediately. But the good news is that
we can, when you understand the steps of habit formation. I’m here
to help you take back your direction by releasing self-defeating
habits and patterns of self-sabotage. I want to see you become the
sole author and editor of your life: to overcome your limiting beliefs
and fears and transform your self-doubt into confidence, so that you
can create a life that is fulfilling, unapologetic and free. And I’m
going to show you how with small steps that actually work to make
a big difference.
Honesty is my love language, and I need you to know that I’m not
here as someone who has discovered the secret key to having life all
sorted out. As humans, we are each climbing our own mountains.
From my mountain, I can see things ahead of you that you may not
yet see or feel confident to navigate. I use what I know from my
own climb to show you how to make your future self proud by
transforming your present-moment experience.
We’re going to be talking about making change for the better by
editing your life to align with the things that are most important to
you and finding clarity around what you want to stand for and create
for yourself. To do that, we need to start with where you’re at, what
is working, what isn’t working, and where you might be tripping
yourself up or blocking yourself from moving forward.
I know you’ve had enough of going around in circles. There’s only
so many times you can start again before you also start to lose trust
in yourself. With psychological strategies backed by the power of
science, I’m going to show you how to move forward in a workable,
sustainable way.
You’re here because you can see a life for yourself that is
meaningful, and inspiring, and full of courage, and I’m here to
remind you that it’s time you started living it.
You’re here because the space in between where you are now and
the future self you want to live into feels uncertain, and scary, and
perhaps a little overwhelming, and I’m betting you don’t feel quite
ready (but you’re willing to try anyway). Courage is always more
powerful when it has company, which is why we are going to create
this brave transformation together, me showing you the way, and
you taking the path. Are you ready for the first small step into a
bigger and better life?
 1
Self-sabotage: why do we do it?

Everyone engages in some form of avoidance on a regular basis. As

human beings, we are wired to reduce our discomfort as much as
possible. Thousands of years ago, when we were roaming the
savannah in clans, discomfort was a very real threat to survival. Feel
uncertain about whether the clan approaching over the hill is friend
or foe? Avoidance is the preferred option until certainty can be met.
Become unwell from some berries you found on a random bush?
Avoidance is the best course of action in the future. Punished by
other members of the clan for failing to find water when it was
needed? Avoidance of shame in the future ensures you continue to
belong with your people, because that belonging is what gives you
access to protection, information and resources that help you to
survive.
A characteristic of a species that helps it to survive will always
strengthen over time, and so today, we are great discomfort-
avoiders. And a little bit of avoidance is not a problem. In fact, it can
be useful when we need time out, time to replenish, or time to boost
our stores of creativity and willingness to do hard things.

Self-sabotage is anything we do that gets in the way

of what we need or want to be doing. It’s anything we
do that moves us away from being aligned with our
 values, even though its purpose is to assist us in
avoiding discomfort in the short-term.

Avoidance becomes self-sabotage when we spend more time on self-

sabotage behaviours than on doing things that are important to us,
or when it moves us further away from where we want to be, or
when it drains our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energy,
or time, money and resources.
Common types of self-sabotage include procrastination, making
excuses for your inaction, perfectionism, listening to, and believing,
negative self-talk, not taking time for self-care, comparing yourself
with others, seeking approval from others, and poor time
management.
Self-sabotage can become a habit that may affect any area of our
lives. A little Netflix is much easier than going to the gym, and
before you know it, you haven’t exercised in months. A busy period
at work might become years of long hours that could easily lead to
burnout. You tell yourself that some day, when you’ve got time,
you’ll open your own art studio. But some day is not a day of the
week. The fear of failing has your inner critic screaming at you to
stay safe in your comfort zone. And another decade passes, and
your art studio still remains only a dream, not the reality you’d
hoped to be living by now.

The elephant and the rider

Self-sabotage is not your fault. It’s driven by your biology . . . and
you can’t help the way you’re wired. The fear system in your brain
responds from a place of self-protection to reduce discomfort. There
are two parts of the brain that we are interested in when it comes to
self-defeating habits: the left prefrontal cortex (we’ll call this your
smart brain) and the limbic system (we’ll call this your emotional
brain).

Your smart brain is the part of your brain that performs smart tasks,
like logical thinking, problem-solving, decision-making and planning.
It’s also the part of your brain that filters your actions to ensure that
they’re socially appropriate. Your emotional brain is the fear centre
of your brain. It controls actions for self-protection, including the
survival instinct we know as the fight/flight/freeze response.
The limbic system is larger than the left prefrontal cortex, and it’s
fully wired in place in our brains by the time we’re about 12 months
old. The left prefrontal cortex is smaller and takes much longer to
develop, not reaching neural pathway maturity until females are
about 24 years of age and males are about 28 years of age.
Why are size and time so important when it comes to brain wiring?
Because the bigger and older brain structures are, the greater their
influence on our behaviour. Your emotional brain has many neural
connections that have been in place since you were a baby. Your
smart brain doesn’t have the same level of domination over your
behaviour because it’s smaller and younger in comparison.
Therefore, the drives of the emotional brain are harder to ignore,
and it has more sway over how we act.
To make this a little easier to visualise, let’s use the Buddhist
metaphor of the elephant and rider, recently popularised by
psychologist Jonathan Haidt. Imagine that – in terms of relative size
and capacity to trigger your behaviour – your emotional brain is the
large, discomfort-avoiding elephant, and your smart brain is the tiny
rider sitting upon the elephant, trying to train it to behave in a way
that’s aligned with who you want to be.
Your elephant will take over if you don’t train it to approach
discomfort that’s in the service of your growth rather than avoid it to
stay in your safe, but unfulfilling, comfort zone. You need your rider
to train your elephant to step forward. However, when your elephant
takes control, self-sabotage shows up. That’s when you’re driven by
negative thoughts and feelings, you feel disconnected from your
values and your vision for your life, and you feel like change is
impossible. This is when your actions happen outside of your
awareness. If you’ve ever said to yourself that you ‘just did that
without realising!’ after performing a self-defeating habit, this is
exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t have the power of choice
available because your awareness is low and your elephant is on the
loose.
However, when your rider is in control, you are aware of what your
elephant is trying to convince you to do (or not do). Your elephant
may want to run away because it seems hard or scary, but when
your rider is in control, you remain focused on your values and vision
for the life that you’re out to create. You take action that’s aligned
with who you want to be. You accept discomfort in the service of
living by your values and take steps to change self-defeating habits
into self-supporting habits. You approach your thoughts and feelings
mindfully, choosing how to respond to your thoughts and feelings
rather than reacting impulsively.

The cycle of self-sabotage

First, we experience a trigger. The trigger is always some form of
discomfort. It might be painful thoughts, such as, ‘I can’t be
bothered to go to the gym. I’m too tired. I’ve already had such a
busy day. I just don’t have the energy.’ Painful thoughts are
accompanied by uncomfortable feelings. The feelings that
accompany these thoughts about the gym might be fatigue,
reluctance, overwhelm or defeat. If our awareness is low then we
respond automatically, and you can probably already guess that the
automatic response is avoidance. Instead of going to the gym, we
think to ourselves, ‘I’ll go tomorrow.’ And we release ourselves from
the commitment and lie on the couch instead. Good old
procrastination – the most common and seductive self-sabotage
strategy. We don’t have to push through the discomfort and, more
importantly, we convince ourselves that we are absolutely committed
to going to the gym tomorrow. To facing and moving through the
discomfort, to doing the thing that is consistent with our values –
tomorrow. And this seduction feels good. It feels like relief.
And in our brains, the relief is so powerful as a contrast to our
discomfort at the idea of going to the gym that it stands out as
important and worth repeating. Our brains reward the avoidance of
discomfort by releasing a neurochemical called dopamine. Dopamine
motivates us to repeat a behaviour by rewarding us with the feeling
of positive satisfaction.
This is how self-sabotage becomes an unhelpful habit that we
repeat unconsciously. Our brain marks the relief of avoiding
discomfort with dopamine, which motivates us to continue avoiding
the thing in the future. In other words, it’s not you; it’s your biology.
Where self-sabotage has become a habit, this relief is only
temporary.

Because we don’t end up going to the gym tomorrow. Or the next

day. Or the day after that. Instead, we become stuck on an
avoidance roundabout. This avoidance roundabout stops us from
facing and moving through discomfort in order to do the hard-but-
important things that fit with who we want to be and what we want
to stand for. And so, we feel guilty and out of alignment and criticise
or punish ourselves, which creates more discomfort, which then
causes us to repeat our avoidance. And the cycle of self-sabotage
continues.
The more we repeat an unhelpful habit, the more it can become
ingrained as our sense of identity. Continuing the example of self-
sabotage around health, your identity might become someone who
is unfit or unhealthy. From this, you’re then more likely to live into
behavioural and psychological scripts that fit this identity, repeating
patterns and behaviours that reaffirm who you believe yourself to
be. In other words, if you start to believe that you are someone who
is unfit and unhealthy, you’re more likely to behave in ways that
support this belief, like not maintaining your hydration and choosing
take-away meals over home-cooked options, even when it’s not
consistent with who you really want to be.
The good news is that when we act in a way that is in alignment
with our values, the dopamine response is even stronger. I’m going
to show you how to use your biology to your advantage – to have
your brain rewarding values-directed action which will then
encourage you to repeat behaviour that supports you. By making a
few small but consistent changes, you can transform unhelpful
habits into actions towards a bigger, better life.

Take a moment
Where do you feel stuck? In what parts of your life has self-sabotage become your
go-to strategy? Perhaps it’s a habit that helps you avoid discomfort, but a habit
that all the same is stopping you from taking action that aligns with your values.
Our values represent what we want to stand for and who we want to be. Is it
possible your values are being obscured by self-sabotage? When it comes to
changing habits, the worst thing you can do is start with an overwhelming goal of
changing too many things at once. That’s a sure-fire way to set yourself up for
failure. Instead, consider which one habit stands out to you as the one you want
to change first. Starting off slow maximises your chances of success.
To identify the internal narrative that might be contributing to your self-
sabotage, find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Give yourself time to
get centred within. Ask yourself these questions and then write down whatever
answers come to you intuitively. Try not to judge the process, or your answers.

1. What is holding me back right now?

2. What am I frightened of right now?

3. What is my self-sabotage trying to protect me from in this moment?

4. What story am I telling myself about this situation? Is it true?

5. Is this pattern learned from someone else?

6. What will it take to evolve this pattern beyond the cycle of keeping me
stuck?
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
 How Sir Richard Neuill Earle of
Warwicke, and his brother Iohn, Lord
Marquise Montacute, through their too
much boldnesse were slaine at
Barnet, the 14 of Aprill, Anno 1471.
[1118]

1.

Among the heauy heape of happy knightes,

Whome fortune stald vpon her staylesse stage,
Oft hoyst on hie, oft pight in wretched plights,
Behold mee, Baldwine, a per se of my age,
Lord Richard Neuill, earle by maryage
Of Warwicke duchy, of Sarum by discent,
Which erst my father through his mariage hent.

2.

Wouldst thou beholde false fortune in her kinde?

Note well my selfe, so shalt thou see her naked:
Full faire before, but too too foule behinde,
Most drowsy still whan most shee seemes awaked:
My fame and shame her shift full oft hath shaked,
By enterchaunge, alow, and vp aloft,
The lysard like, that chaungeth hew full oft.

3.

For while the duke of Yorke in life remaynde,

Mine vncle deare, I was his happy hand:
In all attempts my purpose I attaynde,
Though king, and queene, and most lordes of the land,
With all their power did often mee withstand:
For God gaue fortune, and my good behauiour
Did from their prince steale mee the people’s fauour.

4.

So that through mee in fieldes right manly fought,

By force myne vncle tooke king Henry twise:
As for my cosin Edward I so[1119] wrought,
When both our siers were slaine through rash aduice,
That hee atchiefde his father’s enterprise:
For into Scotland king and queene wee chased,
By meane whereof the kingdome hee embraced.

5.

Which after hee had enioyed[1120] in quiet peace,

(For shortly after was king Henry take,
And put in prison)[1121] his power to encrease,
I went to Fraunce and match[1122] him with a make
The French kinge’s daughter, whome hee did forsake:
For while with paine I brought this sute to passe,
Hee to a widdowe rashely wedded was.

6.

This made the French king shrewdly to mistrust,

That all my treaties had but ill pretence,
And when I sawe my king so bent to lust,
That with his fayth hee past not to dispence,
Which is a prince’s honour’s chiefe defence:
I could not rest till I had found a meane
To mend his misse, or els to marre him cleane.
 7.

[Wherefore] I mee allied[1123] with his brother George,

Incensing him his brother to maligne,
Through many a tale I did against him forge:
So that through power that wee from[1124] Calais bring
And found at home, wee frayed so the king,
That hee did flie to[1125] Freseland ward amayne,
Whereby king Henry had the crowne againe.

8.

Than put wee th’earle[1126] of Worcester to death,

King Edward’s friend, a man to foule[1127] defamed:
And in the while came Edward into breath:
For with the duke of Burgoine so hee framed,
That with the power that hee to him had named,
Unlooked for hee came to England streight,
And got to Yorke, and tooke the towne by sleight.

9.

And after through the sufferaunce of my brother,

Which like a beast occasion fouly lost,
Hee came to London safe with many other,
And tooke the towne to good king Henrie’s cost:
Who was through him from post to piller tost,
Till th’earle[1128] of Oxforde, I, and other more,
Assembled power his freedome to restore.

10.

Whereof king Edward warned came with speede,

And camped with his hoast in Barnet towne,
Where wee right fearce encountred him in deed
On Easter day, right earely, on the downe:
There many a man was slaine and stricken downe,
 On eyther side, and neither part did gaine,
Till that I and my brother both were slaine.[1129]

11.

For wee to hart[1130] our ouermatched men,

Forsooke our steedes, and in the thickest throng
Ran preacing forth on foote, and fought so then
That downe wee draue them were they neuer[1131] so
strong:
But ere this lucke[1132] had lasted very long
With nomber and force wee were so fouly cloyed,[1133]
And rescue faylde, that quite wee were destroyed.

12.

Now tell mee, Baldwine, hast thou heard or read

Of any man that did as I haue done?
That in his time so many armies led,
And victory at euery voyage won?
Hast thou euer[1134] heard of subiect vnder sonne,
That plaast and baast his soueraignes[1135] so oft
By enterchaunge, now low, and than aloft?

13.

Perchaunce thou thinkst my doinges were not such

As I and other doe affirme they were:
And in thy minde I see thou musest much
What meanes I vsde, that should mee so prefer:
Wherein, because I will thou shalt not erre,
The truth of all I will at large recyte,
The short is this: I was no hypocrite.

14.

I neuer did nor sayd saue what I ment,

The common weale was still my chiefest care:
To priuate gayne or glory was I neuer bent,[1136]
I neuer past[1137] vpon delicious fare:
Of needefull food my bourd was neuer bare,
No creditour did curse mee day by day,
I vsed playnnesse, euer pitch and pay.

15.

I heard poore[1138] souldiers and poore workemen whine

Because theyr dutyes were not truely[1139] payde:
Agayne I saw how people did repine
At those through whom theyr payment was[1140] delayde:
And proofe did oft assure (as scripture sayd)
That God doth wreke the wretched people’s greues,
I saw the polls cut of fro polling theues.

16.

This made mee alway iustly for to deale,

Which whan the people playnly vnderstoode,
Because they saw mee mynd the common weale,
They still endeuoured how to doe mee good,
Ready to spend theyr substaunce, life, and bloud,
In any cause where to I did them moue:
For sure they were it was for theyr behoue.

17.

And so it was: for when the realme decayed

By such as good king Henry sore abused,
To mend the state I gaue his enemies ayde:
But when king Edward sinfull prankes still vsed,
And would not mend, I likewise him refused,
And holp Henry, better[1141] of the twayne,
And in his quarell (iust I thinke) was slayne.
 18.

And therefore, Baldwine, teach by proofe of mee,

That such as couet people’s loue to get,
Must see theyr workes and wordes in all agree,
Liue liberally and keepe them out of det,
On common welth[1142] let all theyr care be set:
For vpright dealing, dets payd, poore sustayned,
Is meane whereby all heartes are throwly gayned.[1143]
 [As soone as the earle had ended this admonition: “Sure,”
sayd[1144] one, “I thinke the earle of Warwicke (although hee were a
glorious man) hath sayd no more of himselfe then what is true. For if
hee had not had notable good vertues, or vertuous qualities, and
vsed laudable meanes in his trade of life, the people would neuer
haue loued him as they did: but God be with him, and send his soule
rest, for sure his body neuer had any. And although he dyed, yet ciuil
warres ceased not. For immediately after his death came queene
Margaret with a power out of Fraunce, bringing with her her yong
son prince Edward: and with such friends as she found here, gaue
king Edward a battayl at Tewkesbury, where both she and her son
were taken prisoners with Eadmund duke of Somerset her chiefe
captayne: whose son lord Iohn, and the earle of Deuonshyre were
slayn in fight,[1145] and the duke himselfe with diuers other
immediately beheaded. Whose infortunes are worthy to be
remembred, chiefly prince Edward’s, whome the king for speaking
trueth cruelly stroke with his gauntlet, and his brethren
tyrannously[1146] murdered. But seing the time so far spent, I will
passe them ouer, and with them Fauconbridge that ioly rouer
beheaded at Southampton: whose commotion made in Kent, was
cause of sely Henrye’s destruction. And seing king Henry himselfe
was cause of the destruction of many noble princes, being of all
other most infortunate himselfe, I will declare what I haue noted in
his vnlucky life: who wounded in prison with a dagger, may lament
his wretchednesse in maner following.”]
How King Henry the sixte, a vertuous
Prince, was, after many other
miseries, cruelly murdered in the
Tower of London, the 22 of May, Anno
1471.[1147]
1.

If euer woefull wight had cause to rue his state,

Or by his ruefull plight to moue men mone his fate,
My piteous plaint may please my mishap to reherse,
Whereof the least most lightely heard, the hardest hart
may perce.

2.

What hart so hard can heare of innocence opprest

By fraud in worldly goods, but melteth in the brest?
Whan guiltlesse men bee spoilde, imprisoned for their
owne,
Who waileth not their wretched case to whom the case is
knowen?

3.

The lyon licks[1148] the sores of seely wounded shepe,

The dead man’s corse may[1149] cause the crocodile to
wepe,
The waues that waste the rocks refresh the rotten redes,
Such ruth the wrack of innocence in cruell creatures
bredes.

4.

What hart is then so hard but will for pity blede,

To heare so cruell lucke so cleare a life succede?
To see a seely soule with wo and sorrow sounst,[1150]
A king depriude, in prison pent, to death with daggers
dounst.[1151]

5.

Would God the day of birth had brought me to my bere,

Then had I neuer felt the chaunge of fortune’s chere:
Would God the graue had gript me in her greedy
woumbe,
Whan crown in cradle made me king with oyle of holy
thoumbe.

6.

Would God the rufull tombe had bene my royall throne,

So should no kingly charge haue made me make my
mone:
O that my soule had flowen to heauen with the ioy,
Whan one sort cryed, God saue the king, another, Viue le
Roy.

7.

So had I not bene washt in waues of worldly wo,

My minde to quiet bent, had not bene tossed so:
My frendes had ben aliue: my subiects not opprest:[1152]
But death, or cruell destiny, denied me this rest.

8.
Alas, what should we count the cause of wretches cares,
The starres do stirre them vp, astronomy declares:
Our[1153] humours, sayth the leache, the double true
deuines
To th’[1154] will of God, or ill of man, the doubtfull cause
assignes.

9.

Such doltish heades as dreame that all things driue by

haps,
Count lacke of former care for cause of after claps,
Attributing to man a power fro God bereft,
Abusing vs, and robbing him, through their most wicked
theft.

10.

But God doth guyde the world, and euery hap by skill,
Our wit, and willing power, are payzed by his will:
What wit most wisely wardes, and will most deadly vrkes,
Though all our powre would presse it downe, doth dash
our warest workes.

11.

Than desteny, our sinne, God’s will, or else his wreake,

Doe worke our wretched woes, for humours be too
weake,
Except wee take them so, as they prouoke to sinne,
For through our lust by humours fed all vicious deedes
beginne.

12.

So sinne and they be one, both working like effect,

And cause the wrath of God to wreake the soule infect,
Thus wrath and wreake deuine, man’s sinnes and
humours ill,
Concurre in one, though in a sort, ech doth a course
fulfill.

13.

If likewise such as say the welkin fortune warkes,

Take fortune for our fate and starres thereof the markes,
Then desteny with fate and God’s will all bee one:
But if they meane it otherwise, skath causers skies be
none.

14.

Thus of our heauy haps, chiefe causes bee but twayne,

Whereon the rest depend, and vnder put remayne:
The chiefe the will deuine, calde desteny and fate,
The other sinne, through humour’s holpe, which God
doth highly hate.

15.

The first apoynteth payne for good men’s exercise,

The second doth deserue due punishment for vice:
This witnesseth the wrath, and that the loue of God,
The good for loue, the bad for sinne, God beateth with
his rod.

16.

Although my sondry sinnes doe place mee with the

worst,
My haps yet cause mee hope to bee among the fyrst:
The eye that searcheth all and seeth euery thought,
Is iudge how sore I hated sinne, and after vertue sought.

17.
The solace of my soule my chiefest pleasure was,
Of worldly pomp, of fame, or game, I did not passe:
My kingdomes nor my crowne I prised not a crum:
In heauen were my riches heapt, to which I sought to
com.

18.

Yet were my sorrowes such as neuer man had like,

So diuers stormes at once, so often did mee strike:
But why, God knowes, not I, except it were for this,
To shewe by paterne of a prince, how brittle honour is.

19.

Our kingdomes are but cares, our state deuoide of stay,

Our riches ready snares, to hasten our decay:
Our pleasures priuy prickes, our vices to prouoke,
Our pompe a pumpe, our fame a flame, our power a
smouldring smoke.

20.

I speake not but by proofe, and that may many rue,

My life doth cry it out, my death doth try it true:
Whereof I will in brefe rehearse the[1155] heauy hap,
That, Baldwine, in his woefull warpe, my wretchednes
may wrap.

21.

In Windsore borne I was, and bare my father’s name,

Who wonne by warre all Fraunce to his eternall fame,
And left to mee the crowne, to bee receiued in peace
Through mariage made with Charles his heyre, vpon his
life’s decease.

22.
Which shortly did ensue, yet died my father furst,
And both the[1156] realmes were mine, ere I a yeare were
nurst:
Which as they fell too soone, so faded they as fast:
For Charles, and Edward, got them both or forty yeares
were past.

23.

This Charles was eldest sonne of Charles my father in

lawe,
To whome as heire of Fraunce, the Frenchmen did them
draw,
But Edward was the heire of Richard duke of Yorke,
The heyre of Roger Mortimer, slaine by the kerne of
Korke.

24.

Before I came to age Charles had recouered Fraunce,

And kild my men of warre, so happy was his chaunce:
And through a mad contract I made with Raynerd’s
daughter
I gaue and lost all Normandy, the cause of many a
slaughter.

25.

First of mine vncle Humfrey, abhorring sore this act,

Because I thereby brake a better precontract:
Than of the flattering duke that first the mariage made,
The iust rewarde of such as dare theyr princes ill
perswade.

26.

And I poore sely wretch abode the brunt of all,

My mariadge lust so sweete was mixt with bitter gall:
My wife was wise and good, had she ben rightly sought,
But our vnlawfull getting it, may make a good thing
nought.

27.

Wherefore warne men beware how they iust promise

breake,
Least proofe of paynfull plagues do cause them wayle
the wreake,
Aduise well ere they graunt, but what they graunt
performe:
For God will plague all doublenes although we feele no
worme.

28.

I falsly borne in hand, beleued I did well,

But all thinges bee not true that learned men doe tell:
My clergy sayd a prince was to no promise bound,
Whose wordes to be no gospell tho, I to my griefe haue
found.

29.

For after mariage ioynde queene Margaret and mee,

For one mishap afore, I dayly met with three:
Of Normandy and Fraunce, Charles got away my
crowne,
The duke of Yorke and other sought at home to put mee
downe.

30.

Bellona rang the bell at home and all abroade,

With whose mishaps amayne fell fortune did mee lode:
In Fraunce I lost my forts, at home the foughten field,
My kinred slayn, my friendes opprest, my selfe enforst to
yeeld.

31.

Duke Richard tooke mee twise, and forste mee to resine

My crowne and titles, due vnto my father’s lyne:
And kept mee as a warde, did all thinges as him list,
Till that[1157] my wife through bloudy sword had tane me
from[1158] his fist.

32.

But though we[1159] slew the duke my sorrowes did not

slake,
But like to Hydrae’s head still more and more awake:
For Edward, through the ayde of Warwicke and his
brother,
From one field draue mee to the Scots, and toke me in
another.

33.

Then went my friendes to wracke, for Edward ware the

crowne,
From[1160] which for nine yeares space his pryson held
me downe:
Yet thence through Warwicke’s worke I was agayne
releast,
And Edward driuen fro the realme, to seeke his friendes
by east.

34.

But what preuayleth paine, or prouidence of man,

To help him to good hap, whom destiny doth ban?
Who moyleth to remoue the rocke out of the mud,
Shall myre himselfe, and hardly scape the swelling of the
flud.

35.

This all my friendes haue founde, and I haue felt it so,

Ordaynd to be the touch of wretchednes and woe:
For ere I had a yeare possest my seat agayne,
I lost both it and liberty, my helpers all were slaine.

36.

For Edward first by stelth, and sith by gathred strength,

Arriude, and got to Yorke and London at the length:
Tooke mee and tyed mee vp, yet Warwicke was so stout,
Hee came with power to Barnet fielde, in hope to helpe
mee out:

37.

And there, alas, was slaine, with many a worthy knight:

O Lord, that euer such lucke should hap in helping right:
Last came my wife and sonne, that long lay in exile,
Defied the king, and fought a fielde, I may bewaile the
while.

38.

For there mine onely sonne, not thirteene yeares of age,

Was tane, and murdered straight by Edward in his rage:
And shortly I my selfe, to stint all furder strife,
Stabde with his brother’s bloudy blade in prison lost my
life.

39.

Lo, here the heauy haps which happened mee by heape,

See here the pleasaunt fruites that many princes reape,
The painefull plagues of those that breake theyr lawfull
bandes,
Their meede which may and will not saue their friendes
fro bloudy handes.

40.

God graunt my woefull haps, too greeuous to rehearce,

May teach all states to knowe, howe deepely daungers
pearce,
How fraile all honours are, how brittle worldly blisse,
That warned through my fearefull fate, they feare to doe
amisse.[1161]
 [This tragedy ended, another sayd: “Either you or king Henry are
a good philosopher, so narowly to argue the causes of misfortunes?
but there is nothing to experience which taught, or might teach the
king this lesson. But to proceede in our matter, I finde mention here,
shortly after the death of this king, of a duke of Excester found dead
in the sea betweene Douer and Calais, but what hee was, or by what
aduenture hee died, maister Fabian hath not shewed, and maister
Hall hath ouerskipped him: so that except wee be friendlier vnto him,
hee is like to be double drowned, both in sea, and in the gulfe of
forgetfulnes.” About this matter was much talke, but because one
tooke vpon him to seeke out that story, that charge was committed to
him. And to bee occupied in the meane while, I haue found the story
of one drowned likewise, and that so notably, though priuely, that all
the world knew of it: wherefore I sayd: “Because night approacheth,
and that wee will lose no time, yee shall heare what I haue noted
concerning the duke of Clarence, king Edward’s brother, who all to
bee washed in wine, may bewayle his infortune after this maner.”]
How George Plantagenet, third sonne
of the Duke of Yorke, was by his
brother King Edward wrongfully
imprisoned, and by his brother
Richard miserably murdered the 11 of
Jan. An. 1478.[1162]
1.

The foule is fowle, men say, that files the nest:

Which makes me loth to speke now, might I chuse,
But seyng time vnburdened hath her brest,
And fame blowne vp the blast of all abuse,
My silence rather might my life accuse
Than shroude our shame, though fayne I would it so,
For truth will out, although the world say no.

2.

And therefore, Baldwine, hartely I[1163] thee beseche

To pause a while vpon my heauy playnt,
And vnneth though[1164] I vtter speedy speche,
No fault of wit nor folly makes[1165] mee faynt:
No heady drinkes haue gieuen my tongue attaint
Through quaffing craft: yet wine my witts confound,
Not of which I dranke,[1166] but wherein I drownd.[1167]

3.
What prince I am, although I neede not shewe,
Because my wine betrayes mee by the smell:
For neuer creature was[1168] soust in Bacchus dew
To death, but I, through fortune’s rigour fell:
Yet that thou maist my story better tell,
I will declare as briefly as I may,
My welth, my woe, and causers of decay.

4.

The famous house surnamde Plantagenet,

Whereat dame fortune frowardly did frowne,
While Bolenbroke vniustly sought to set
His lord king Richard quite beside the crowne,
Though many a day it wanted due renowne,
God so preserved[1169] by prouidence and grace,
That lawfull heyres did neuer fayle the race.

5.

For Lionell, king Edwarde’s eldest childe,[1170]

Both eame[1171] and heyr to Richard yssulesse,
Begot a daughter Phillip, whom[1172] vndefilde[1173]
The earle of March espousde, and God did blesse
With fruite assinde the kingdom to possesse:
I meane syr Roger Mortimer, whose heyre,
The earle of Cambridge, maried Anne the fayre.

6.

This earle of Cambridge, Richard clept by name,

Was sonne to Edmund Langley duke of Yorke:
Which Edmund was fift brother to the same
Duke Lionell, that all this lyne doth korke:
Of which two howses ioyned in a forke,
My father Richard, prince Plantagenet,
True duke of Yorke, was lawfull heyr beget.