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An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us 1st Edition, (Ebook PDF) full chapter instant download
An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us 1st Edition, (Ebook PDF) full chapter instant download
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AN EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED WORKBOOK
FOR COUPLES
This workbook is intended for use with couples who want to enhance their
emotional connection or overcome their relationship distress. It is
recommended for use with couples pursuing Emotionally Focused Therapy
(EFT). It closely follows the course of treatment and is designed so that
clinicians can easily integrate guided reading and reflections into the
therapeutic process. The material is presented in a recurring format: Read,
Reflect, and Discuss. Readings help couples look at their relationship
through an attachment lens, walking them through the step-by-step process
of creating a secure relationship bond. Thirty-three Reflections invite
readers to engage with the material personally, expanding their own
awareness and ability to tune into their partner. Discussion sections suggest
relationship-building exercises and a framework for conversations that
promote safety, disclosure, and engagement. Case examples, along with
informative illustrations, are scattered throughout the book to validate,
illustrate, and inspire couples along their journey. Clinicians conversant
with EFT can use this workbook to extend the effectiveness of their work
with couples by giving them structured tasks to work on between sessions.
For clinicians training in EFT, the book can guide them in staying focused
on the EFT roadmap and illuminate how important change events unfold.
List of Tables
List of Reflections
List of Figures
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Appendix A Reflections
Appendix B Our Relationship Dance
Index
TABLES
2.1 Patricia and William’s relationship dance with behaviors and feelings
2.2 Our relationship dance with behaviors and feelings
5.1 Patricia and William’s relationship dance with behaviors, thoughts
and reactive emotions
5.2 Our relationship dance with behaviors, thoughts and reactive
emotions
6.1 Patricia and William’s relationship dance with behaviors, thoughts,
reactive emotions and core emotions
6.2 Our relationship dance with behaviors, thoughts, reactive emotions
and core emotions
8.1 Patricia and William’s relationship dance with behaviors, thoughts,
reactive emotions, core emotions and attachment intentions
8.2 Our relationship dance with behaviors, thoughts, reactive emotions,
core emotions and attachment intentions
FOREWORD
Dear Reader,
I would like to welcome you to An Emotionally Focused Workbook for
Couples: The Two of Us. I hope reading it will encourage you to work on
your relationship in a way that complements your sessions with your
emotionally focused couple therapist, or with any couple therapist who is
consulting with you on your relationship. Perhaps you are just wanting to
learn about or enhance the bond with your mate and want to use this book
to give you direction. Whatever the reason you reached out and picked up
this volume, I think you will not be disappointed.
The authors of this volume are expert couple therapists who have helped
hundreds of couples change their relationship for the better. They have
taken the wisdom of the emotionally focused model (EFT), garnered from
30 years of working with couples, and numerous research projects finding
that this approach shapes positive outcomes, and made it available to you in
a format you can use in your own home.
The approach to relationships that forms the basis for EFT and for this
volume is based on two decades of research on the bonds of attachment
between adult lovers. The perspectives and exercises offered here are right
on target; they arise from a clear understanding of the bonds of love and
how these bonds work in adult relationships. We believe that love is no
longer a mystery but something we can understand and shape. We hope that
this book will help you do just that—shape your precious relationship into a
more satisfying and lasting bond.
Dr Sue Johnson
(Drsuejohnson.com)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
If you are content in your couple relationship, needing help with your
relationship or recovering from a relationship breakup, then this book could
well be beneficial to you. This book is for people who want to understand
and experience how to build a secure bond with a relationship partner. We
have written this book for couples, because couple relationships are the
central focus of our professional lives. As therapists we have been invited
inside the lives of many, many couples. In so doing, we have witnessed the
anguish of broken relationships, the hard work involved in repairing
relationships and the joy of healed relationships. We want to help you make
your relationship as happy and secure as possible.
We are reaching out to both men and women of all ages, in couple
relationships of all stages. While it has been suggested by others that men
and women are inherently different, maybe even coming from different
planets1, we honor the ways that men and women are similar. Men and
women, from all over planet Earth, typically seek a romantic partner for
love, closeness, comfort and support. This core need for love and
acceptance cuts across gender. What men and women do with their basic
emotions is where the gender differences seem to emerge: As we see it,
girls and women have been given permission to show vulnerability whereas
boys and men have been socialized to shut it down and, further, to feel
ashamed for even feeling vulnerable. In couple relationships that are
working well, both partners are able to tune into, respect and respond to
their own and each other’s emotions and needs. So, whether you are newly
committed or in a relationship of long-standing, whether you are straight or
gay, and whether you feel quite satisfied or very dissatisfied with your
relationship, we expect you will find something in this book that will be
useful for you.
Whether your problems are about money, in-laws, children, sex or pretty
much anything else, this book will help you, not by giving you advice about
managing money, dealing with in-laws, raising children or fulfilling sexual
desires, but by helping you to go deeper into understanding yourself and
your partner and what happens between you both when problems in these or
other areas occur. This book aims to assist you to understand and influence
the dynamics of your relationship so you can find lasting solutions;
solutions that will keep your relationship strong no matter what challenges
you face now or in the future.
If you are content in your relationship, but it’s lost some of its lustre, you
and your partner may be able to use this workbook on your own to enhance
your relationship. However, you may already be working with a therapist
who has recommended this book. If your relationship feels troubled, it may
be best to work with a therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy
(EFT) for couples and use this workbook to complement your therapeutic
process. If you picked up this workbook on your own and are finding it
difficult to use independently, you can locate EFT therapists around the
world by visiting www.iceeft.com.
L-O-V-E Conversations
To have a loving relationship, you will each need to communicate in a
sensitive, loving way. You may feel very far from being able to do that right
now, but we have come up with a way of approaching your conversations,
called L-O-V-E conversations, that will give you a platform for creating
some safety in your discussions. You may like to make a flash card of the
following simple words to help you stay focused on keeping your
conversations “L-O-V-E conversations” throughout the discussion activities
of this book.
Listen with an
Open heart and mind.
Validate and acknowledge each other.
Express our thoughts and feelings softly, simply and slowly.
JOHN F. RYAN,
Supt. of Morgue.
Resp’y,
G. B. CONN.