More on the subject from Grantley Morris:

There seems a common belief that women are more complicated than men. This
belief has perhaps contributed to more marriage problems than any other belief.
Men generally conclude from it that women are so hard to understand that there’s
no point in even trying to understand them. (Women who try to maintain an aura of
mystery may be doing so to their own hurt.) And women tend to assume that men
are so easy to understand that there is no need to even try to understand them
better. So when it comes to better understanding the opposite sex, it’s often the case
that men feel defeated before they start and women barely see a need to start.

marriage problems than any other belief. Men generally conclude from it
that women are so hard to understand that there’s no point in even trying
to understand them. (Women who try to maintain an aura of mystery may
be doing so to their own hurt.) And women tend to assume that men are so
easy to understand that there is no need to even try to understand them
better. So when it comes to better understanding the opposite sex, it’s often
the case that men feel defeated before they start and women barely see a
need to start. Everyone believes that men are simple and women are
complicated. Despite this popular opinion, women are really very easy to figure
out. It’s our “Code” that’s hard to understand. However, men usually don’t give
us the full story on what they need from their mates. That’s what makes
understanding men so difficult … and complicated.This is one of my favorite
topics. Who’s more complicated men or women? I hear all the time that it’s the
women that are complicated, and men are really simple.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at a banquet or a luncheon or a
business meeting somewhere, and the conversation goes around the table what
do you do for a living. When they come to me, I say, “Well, I used to be a
professor.” Then someone asks, “What did you teach?”

I go through the list of classes that I taught when I was at Azusa Pacific University
and the class I taught at Biola University. I always saved this one for the last:

“I also taught a course on the psychology of men.”

The men often responded, “Well, that must have been a really short course. How
could you have enough material to cover an entire semester studying the
psychology of men?”
I understand that their responses to that. Because they have been taught that
they’re really simple. But when it comes to women being able to understand
guys, we don’t get you. We don’t get you at all. And you’re the last person we can
go to and say, “What’s going on with you? Help me understand what you need.”

On the other side of that is women, who are incredibly simple and yet talk in a
secret code that makes us sound incredibly complicated.

That’s part of what my goal is: to help people figure out the difference between

 what a woman needs, which sounds very complicated but is, in fact, very
simple, and
 what a man needs that sounds very simple, but is, in fact, very complicated.
I think I’m going to have to talk a lot more about this one. This is just an
introduction to the idea that women are simple, and men are the ones who are
complicated. We’ll need to get into that soon.

Everyone believes that men are simple and women are complicated. Despite this
popular opinion, women are really very easy to figure out. It’s our “Code” that’s
hard to understand. However, men usually don’t give us the full story on what
they need from their mates. That’s what makes understanding men so difficult …
and complicated.This is one of my favorite topics. Who’s more complicated men
or women? I hear all the time that it’s the women that are complicated, and men
are really simple.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at a banquet or a luncheon or a
business meeting somewhere, and the conversation goes around the table what
do you do for a living. When they come to me, I say, “Well, I used to be a
professor.” Then someone asks, “What did you teach?”

I go through the list of classes that I taught when I was at Azusa Pacific University
and the class I taught at Biola University. I always saved this one for the last:

“I also taught a course on the psychology of men.”

The men often responded, “Well, that must have been a really short course. How
could you have enough material to cover an entire semester studying the
psychology of men?”

I understand that their responses to that. Because they have been taught that
they’re really simple. But when it comes to women being able to understand
guys, we don’t get you. We don’t get you at all. And you’re the last person we can
go to and say, “What’s going on with you? Help me understand what you need.”

On the other side of that is women, who are incredibly simple and yet talk in a
secret code that makes us sound incredibly complicated.

That’s part of what my goal is: to help people figure out the difference between

 what a woman needs, which sounds very complicated but is, in fact, very
simple, and
 what a man needs that sounds very simple, but is, in fact, very complicated.
I think I’m going to have to talk a lot more about this one. This is just an
introduction to the idea that women are simple, and men are the ones who are
complicated. We’ll need to get intoz that soon.

Women can sometimes often be unpredictable.

Even as a woman, I regularly don’t understand the choices of my female friends, mother
(love you) and sisters (love you lots!).

Watch our video for the best dating icebreakers to spark instant chemistry:

x
1 second of 3 minutes, 30 seconds

But guess what? I have a little window into the odd world of women for you. Want
a fascinating peek into human behavior–especially women’s often baffling choices? Here
are my tips for dating women.

I am mildly obsessed with the show Dating in the Dark. In this show, three men and
three women show up to a house and ‘date’ each other in a completely dark room. It
basically takes looks out of the equation and forces the singles to choose their partner
based on personality alone. They go on group dates and one-on-one dates and in the end
they ‘reveal’ their physical appearance. Then they can choose whether they want to
continue dating after they have seen the person. It’s pretty great / trashy TV.

Here’s why it’s helpful for us:

  Snooping on Romance: There is nothing better than watching two people try
to build a connection and flail through awkward first impressions, get-to-
know-you conversations, and trying to kiss (ya, seriously) in the dark without
ever having seen each other.
 Simmering Attraction: Attraction is physical. Sexual chemistry is based on
looks–mostly. It’s also chemical and based on pheromones. So when you take
out the appearance ingredient, all kinds of magical and interesting things
happen.
 Raw Body Language: Another thing that happens in the dark is you get to see
body language unfiltered. Since the people aren’t trying to impress their dates
physically (since they can’t see each other) they focus on their words, and
body language goes on the back burner. This lets us see an unfiltered look at
attraction and disgust

x
1 second of 3 minutes, 30 seconds

But guess what? I have a little window into the odd world of women for you. Want
a fascinating peek into human behavior–especially women’s often baffling choices? Here
are my tips for dating women.

I am mildly obsessed with the show Dating in the Dark. In this show, three men and
three women show up to a house and ‘date’ each other in a completely dark room. It
basically takes looks out of the equation and forces the singles to choose their partner
based on personality alone. They go on group dates and one-on-one dates and in the end
they ‘reveal’ their physical appearance. Then they can choose whether they want to
continue dating after they have seen the person. It’s pretty great / trashy TV.

Here’s why it’s helpful for us:

 Snooping on Romance: There is nothing better than watching two people try
to build a connection and flail through awkward first impressions, get-to-
know-you conversations, and trying to kiss (ya, seriously) in the dark without
ever having seen each other.
  Simmering Attraction: Attraction is physical. Sexual chemistry is based on
looks–mostly. It’s also chemical and based on pheromones. So when you take
out the appearance ingredient, all kinds of magical and interesting things
happen.
 Raw Body Language: Another thing that happens in the dark is you get to see
body language unfiltered. Since the people aren’t trying to impress their dates
physically (since they can’t see each other) they focus on their words, and
body language goes on the back burner. This lets us see an unfiltered look at
attraction and disgust body language.
Many of our dating students know about my obsession with the show, and one of our
awesome readers (Thank you Wouter Cox!) sent me an episode of Dating in the
Dark that is a behavioral Gold Mine!

Here is the full episode:

Let’s take a look at the particularly interesting female behaviors in this episode.

#1: Women Do the Opposite of What they Say

Did you catch it? I actually laughed out loud after the initial group date. Why? In the
beginning of the episode, all three women say they like a man with a sense of humor. In
fact, 2 of them say it is the most important thing to them. Then, two of the men focus on
being funny during the group date–make the women laugh and have a grand ol’ time. But
guess what? The women leave the first group date and PUNISH the men for being funny.
They are like, ‘oh they just weren’t taking it seriously’ and ‘they were so focused on
jokes.’ And so ALL THREE PICK THE ONE UN-FUNNY GUY.

What the what? Women are terrible! They said they wanted funny, got funny and then
rejected them for being funny.

It’s madness–no wonder men go crazy trying to date us!

But to be real, I can so relate. If I am being honest, I think women do this all the time.
Just the other day, I asked my husband to try to take more initiative to get himself
healthy breakfast in the morning and then when he did, I got mad at him because I had
made him breakfast and it was waiting in the fridge. Oops. Even I realized how
confusing it was. I often wish he could just read my mind.
#2: What Women Actually Want

Ask most women what they are looking for in a relationship and they will tell you:

 Funny
 Smart
 Successful
 Attractive
 Honest
You know what they don’t say? Social proof. But guess what? That’s what actually
works. My favorite part of this episode was when the producers showed all 6 daters clips
of their friends talking about them. One of the men (brilliant) chose to have his female
friend recommend him. The girls ate it up. ALL THREE CHOSE HIM. That almost
never happens on the show. Why? Social proof is a powerful persuasion tool.

#3: Women Pick the Same Men Over and Over Again

I thought it was very amusing when during the early part of the show, Adele says
something like, “I usually like ***s, but I am trying not to do that now.” Then what does
she immediately do? Pick the ***. In my opinion, David was the biggest jerk on the
show and of course, she chose him. Why? We are sticklers for habit. As humans, we tend
to be attracted to the same kinds of people over and over again–even if they look
different, we like to have personality fits based on our genetics, history and spot in life.
Typically, we pick people who fill an emotional need. Why Adele gravitates towards
‘***s’ in her own words? Only she could tell us–or maybe she couldn’t. We are terrible
at recognizing our own patterns. My guess is that somehow they make her feel like the
good girl. I won’t psychoanalyze her right now, but I do challenge you to think about
this:

 Who do you pick over and over again?

 What emotional need are they filling?
 What emotional need are you filling in your partner?
For me, my husband is a rock. He is super calm, super stable, and I love that about him.
He grounds me and my frenetic, constant energy.
x
1 second of 3 minutes, 30 seconds

But guess what? I have a little window into the odd world of women for you. Want
a fascinating peek into human behavior–especially women’s often baffling choices? Here
are my tips for dating women.

I am mildly obsessed with the show Dating in the Dark. In this show, three men and
three women show up to a house and ‘date’ each other in a completely dark room. It
basically takes looks out of the equation and forces the singles to choose their partner
based on personality alone. They go on group dates and one-on-one dates and in the end
they ‘reveal’ their physical appearance. Then they can choose whether they want to
continue dating after they have seen the person. It’s pretty great / trashy TV.

Here’s why it’s helpful for us:

 Snooping on Romance: There is nothing better than watching two people try
to build a connection and flail through awkward first impressions, get-to-
know-you conversations, and trying to kiss (ya, seriously) in the dark without
ever having seen each other.
 Simmering Attraction: Attraction is physical. Sexual chemistry is based on
looks–mostly. It’s also chemical and based on pheromones. So when you take
out the appearance ingredient, all kinds of magical and interesting things
happen.
 Raw Body Language: Another thing that happens in the dark is you get to see
body language unfiltered. Since the people aren’t trying to impress their dates
physically (since they can’t see each other) they focus on their words, and
body language goes on the back burner. This lets us see an unfiltered look at
attraction and disgust body language.
Many of our dating students know about my obsession with the show, and one of our
awesome readers (Thank you Wouter Cox!) sent me an episode of Dating in the
Dark that is a behavioral Gold Mine!

Here is the full episode:

Let’s take a look at the particularly interesting female behaviors in this episode.

#1: Women Do the Opposite of What they Say

Did you catch it? I actually laughed out loud after the initial group date. Why? In the
beginning of the episode, all three women say they like a man with a sense of humor. In
fact, 2 of them say it is the most important thing to them. Then, two of the men focus on
being funny during the group date–make the women laugh and have a grand ol’ time. But
guess what? The women leave the first group date and PUNISH the men for being funny.
They are like, ‘oh they just weren’t taking it seriously’ and ‘they were so focused on
jokes.’ And so ALL THREE PICK THE ONE UN-FUNNY GUY.

What the what? Women are terrible! They said they wanted funny, got funny and then
rejected them for being funny.

It’s madness–no wonder men go crazy trying to date us!

But to be real, I can so relate. If I am being honest, I think women do this all the time.
Just the other day, I asked my husband to try to take more initiative to get himself
healthy breakfast in the morning and then when he did, I got mad at him because I had
made him breakfast and it was waiting in the fridge. Oops. Even I realized how
confusing it was. I often wish he could just read my mind.

#2: What Women Actually Want

Ask most women what they are looking for in a relationship and they will tell you:

 Funny
 Smart
 Successful
 Attractive
 Honest
You know what they don’t say? Social proof. But guess what? That’s what actually
works. My favorite part of this episode was when the producers showed all 6 daters clips
of their friends talking about them. One of the men (brilliant) chose to have his female
friend recommend him. The girls ate it up. ALL THREE CHOSE HIM. That almost
never happens on the show. Why? Social proof is a powerful persuasion tool.

#3: Women Pick the Same Men Over and Over Again

I thought it was very amusing when during the early part of the show, Adele says
something like, “I usually like ***s, but I am trying not to do that now.” Then what does
she immediately do? Pick the ***. In my opinion, David was the biggest jerk on the
show and of course, she chose him. Why? We are sticklers for habit. As humans, we tend
to be attracted to the same kinds of people over and over again–even if they look
different, we like to have personality fits based on our genetics, history and spot in life.
Typically, we pick people who fill an emotional need. Why Adele gravitates towards
‘***s’ in her own words? Only she could tell us–or maybe she couldn’t. We are terrible
at recognizing our own patterns. My guess is that somehow they make her feel like the
good girl. I won’t psychoanalyze her right now, but I do challenge you to think about
this:

 Who do you pick over and over again?

 What emotional need are they filling?
 What emotional need are you filling in your partner?
For me, my husband is a rock. He is super calm, super stable, and I love that about him.
He grounds me and my frenetic, constant energy.

#4: Attraction Is Blind

Take a look at the date with Adele and Ben at 15:00. Man, oh man, this is the perfect
example of what the body does when it is attracted to someone. Adele ends up choosing
Ben, and you can predict that just by watching this date. Remember, they hadn’t even
seen each other yet, but you can already tell they are super into each other. Typical
attraction cues you can see here:

 Leaning into each other

 Head tilts
 Mutual laughing
  Excuses to touch
 Attempts at making eye contact even though they can’t see each other

#5: Mucking Up First Impressions

When you take the physical out of the first impression, it really messes things up. No one
picked right in the beginning. That’s because we need nonverbal and physical cues to
truly gauge if someone could be a good match. This is why if you are online dating or
using a dating app, I highly recommend meeting in person–even if only for a few
minutes–as fast as possible. You can spend months chatting, talking and interacting and
know within a few seconds if you could really be with someone. Body language says so
much.

Related