ISSUE 86

DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING £5.99

SPOTLIGHT

ALL WORK Step out of

+
NO PLAY?
Why we all need
a third place
the shadows
A little self-trust
is all it takes to let
yourself shine

A LEAGUE OF
THEIR OWN
How the world of sport
is stepping up to tackle
the climate crisis

Burnt toast A love-hate

theory relationship
Could life’s little inconveniences Romantic revelations from
be part of a bigger plan? your favourite reality TV
“Courage is the power
to let go of the familiar
RAYMOND LINDQUIST

Photograph | Andrea Piacquadio

 Weathering
the storm
Have you ever felt like you had a lucky
escape? The frantic extra 10 minutes
searching for your keys, or the irritation
at getting caught by endless red lights
delaying your journey, putting you in a
bad mood, only for this to evaporate
upon seeing an accident you might have
been in were you on schedule?
It’s the feeling that minor
inconveniences that hold up your day,
or change your course, are actually
redirections from the universe, guiding
you away from the path of danger, or
steering you towards something that’s
meant for you.
That’s the idea behind burnt toast
theory, anyway (p12). And it can be a
helpful tool to reframe your outlook
on life’s minor frustrations – but blind
optimism isn’t the order of the day here.
Sticking a plaster over a broken arm
won’t do a lot of good. Likewise, trying
to sugarcoat the toughest parts of life
won’t make them any easier to swallow.
There are times when life just seems too
unfair, too cruel to imagine a justifiable
plot diversion. And in those moments,
it’s not about finding a theoretical silver
lining, or an answer that explains away
the pain. All you can do is be there for
one another.
Rebecca portrait | Studio Rouge
Sometimes you have to sit in those
dark moments, and know that one day,
even if you can’t imagine when or how, a
glimmer of light will break through once
again. In the meantime, having someone
by your side makes the darkness a little
less scary.
Our article on p21 explores this power
of social connections, by highlighting
our need for ‘third places’. Could finding
yours – a place beyond work and home
to connect with others – be a lifeline in
challenging moments?
It’s also vital to realise that you don’t need
to justify your wants or needs for the
approval of others. So we’re uncovering
‘worthsplaining’ (p61), which many of us
may be guilty of, without even realising.
Bob Marley once said: “You never know
how strong you are until being strong is
your only choice.”
If this speaks to you right know, just
know that strength isn’t about having a
At Happiful, inclusivity,
stiff upper lip. True strength of character
representation, and creating
is in being vulnerable, knowing when
a happier, healthier society
it’s OK to lean on others for support,
are at the forefront of
and finding your own way through
our mission. To find out
tough times, however you need to. No
more about our social and
explanation required.
environmental pledges,
visit happiful.com/pledges
Just know that you don’t have
to journey alone.
Happy reading,
W | happiful.com
F | happifulhq
X | @happifulhq
REBECCA THAIR |
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF I | @happiful_magazine
This is your space
12 What is burnt toast theory?
Discover the trend encouraging
you to reframe life’s inconveniences

21 Discover your ‘third place’

Why your life shouldn’t just revolve
around work and home

38 Living in someone’s shadow?

Five tips for finding your spotlight

43 Feeling good v mania

How can you tell the difference?

52 The power of mircobreaks

Could a purposeful pause be the
key to productivity?

75 Picking up a pattern?
What is ‘enhanced pattern recognition’
and how is it linked to ADHD?

21
Culture
7 Good news

11 The wellbeing wrap

41 Our book picks

Relationships
14 What is stonewalling?
70 Try these 10 things Do you feel like you’re facing a brick
wall during arguments?

Try this at home 25 Late bloomer

How compulsory heterosexuality can
32 Answer your inner critic impact people’s self-discovery

50 Is it toxic positivity? 33 Parenting tweens

Navigating five key challenges that
51 Picture riddle me this come with this stage of life

25
69 Reminders for tough times 46 Getting real
Michelle Elman on the relationship
73 Unusual ways to de-stress lessons we can take from reality TV
 Wellbeing
17 Five life-changing concepts
30 Handling AI anxiety
Our expert offers advice for anxiety
around rapidly evolving technology
48 Friendship and ASD
43
Ways to be there for an autistic friend
56 The manifestation mystery
What’s it all about and how does it
work? Our expert columnist explains
61 What is worthsplaining?
Food & health
28 How to quit a sugar addiction
58 Start the day right
Try this twist on classic beans on toast
30
66 Food myths, debunked
What’s the reality of food’s connection
64 Positive pointers
to mood?
18 Four wins for the planet
36 Escape to create
How to find space to be creative
64 Reclaiming your time
Is it possible to balance work,
parenthood, and you-time?
78 Go your own way
Unlock the benefits of solo travel
80 The ultimate daily habit
78
Discover the power of meditation
83 Journaling for tough times
38
*
Expert
review
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited
counsellor, to ensure we
deliver the highest quality
content while handling
topics sensitively.
The need to communicate
effectively in relationships
is of prime importance.
Unsurprisingly, it appears
that most issues in
relationships stem from poor
communication. How we
communicate with others is
equal to how we communicate
with ourselves, and observing
this can provide insight into our
internal world. Head over to p14
to identify how to overcome
barriers to communication
in relationships. The time
you invest in managing
communication is invaluable,
as it has great potential to
enrich your experience and
theirs, leading to healthier and
happier relationships.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor and
psychotherapist with
more than 10 years'
experience.
 Happiful Community Our team
Meet the team of experts providing information, EDITORIAL
guidance, and insight throughout this issue Rebecca Thair | Editor-in-Chief
Kathryn Wheeler | Features Editor
Lauren Bromley-Bird | Editorial Assistant
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Becky Banham | Content & Marketing Officer
Michelle Elman, Nikita Thakrar | Columnists
Ellen Lees | Head of Content
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
NIKITA THAKRAR DR REBECCA O’SULLIVAN
NLP BSc DCoP Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
Nikita is a multifaceted teacher, Rebecca is a psychologist specialising
mentor, and coach, supporting people in complex trauma, and working ART & DESIGN
to find their life purpose. in a holistic manner. Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product & Marketing
Charlotte Noel | Creative Lead
Rosan Magar | Illustrator

COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus | PR Manager
Emily Whitton | Marketing Coordinator

GEORGINA STURMER EMILY KNIVETT CONTRIBUTORS

BA (Hons) MBACP
Georgina is an integrative
counsellor helping clients
create a more confident life.
BA (Hons) MBACP
Emily is an integrative therapist who
is neurodiversity-affirming, and
based in Surbiton and online.
Fiona Fletcher Reid, Victoria Stokes, Lir Cowman,
Kai Conibear, Lydia Wilkins, Xuxa Milrose,
Emma Victoria Stokes, Nicki Bannerman,
Lara Green, Tanith Carey
SPECIAL THANKS
Emily Knivett, Dr Rebecca O’Sullivan,
Georgina Sturmer, Frances Trussell, Helen Robinson

LIR COWMAN
BA MBA ICF ACC
Lir is a personal and professional coach and
a business improvement consultant.
HELEN ROBINSON
Dip ACC
Helen is a coach who helps people make the
most out of their life by finding their purpose.
MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma Hursey | Director & Co-Founder
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
SUBSCRIPTIONS
For new orders and back orders, visit
shop.happiful.com, or call Newsstand on
+44 (0)1227 277 248 or email
subenquiries@newsstand.co.uk

CONTACT
Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building B,
Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL
Email us at hello@happiful.com

FRANCES TRUSSELL XUXA MILROSE HAPPIFUL FAMILY

MA PGDIP CL.HYP MPMT
Frances is an author, therapist and
mindfulness meditation teacher.
mBANT rCNHC mANP
Xuxa is a nutritional therapist with particular
interest in the brain-gut connection.
Helping you find the help you need.
Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory,
Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource,
Therapy Directory

Join the Happiful Expert Panel

Are you a wellbeing expert with valuable
insight to share? Happiful professional
membership includes opportunities to be
featured in our award-winning magazine.
Discover how to join by emailing us at
professionals@happiful.com
CBP006075
 The Uplift
ANIMALS

Retirement
village introduces
‘emotional
support chickens’
A retirement village in Lancashire
is spreading its wings and reaching
out into new territory by welcoming
a flock of chickens as part of its bid
to offer a ‘person-centred approach
to care’. The Lodge care home, part
of Buckshaw Retirement Village
near Chorley, was offered the birds
by local primary school teacher
Claire Harrison, following a recent
chicken hatching programme at
her school, St Paul’s CoE Primary
School.
It’s hoped that the chickens
will bring residents a number of
benefits, from fostering a sense of is not just about adding life to our staff – to embrace the theme
community to reducing stress and garden, but also about reconnecting by dressing as ‘funky chickens’.
anxiety, as well as in encouraging our residents with their heritage, This event promises to be a
mental engagement, physical and providing them with emotional memorable celebration, marking
activity, and nostalgia. support through the joy and the beginning of a new chapter in
Photography | HICA Group

“Caring and spending time with
the chickens will be a beautiful
reminder of the past for many who
recall their own families keeping
chickens,” says Hayley Rowson
de Vares, manager at Buckshaw
Retirement Village. “This project
serenity that comes with caring for
animals.
“One of our care workers is
leading a lovely chicken-naming
project and organising a coop
opening party, inviting everyone
– residents, their relatives and
our community’s life.”
Finding creative ways to bring
joy into our daily lives is a
surefire way to boost wellbeing,
and this latest offering sounds
like a squawker.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 7
8 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

Cabmen’s Shelter, Northumberland
Avenue at the junction with
Embankment Place, London
© Historic England Archive
TOURISM
Stepping back in
time can boost
our wellbeing
Could living near, and preserving, local
heritage sites have an impact on our
wellbeing? According to new research
from Historic England, that answer is a
resounding ‘yes’.
In its report, Historic England sets out to
examine the relationship between heritage
density and life satisfaction. What they saw
was that – similarly to the impact of green
spaces – the presence of nearby historic
places benefits residents’ quality of life,
whether or not they participate in heritage
activities.
It’s estimated that the overall ‘wellbeing
value’ for people’s day-to-day encounters
with their heritage is worth £29 billion
every year in England. Using the guidance
from the Treasury on measuring and
quantifying the effects of policies on
people’s lives in economic terms, the
report also shared that, on average, your
life satisfaction improves to the value of
£515 a year simply from living near to
heritage sites.
“People often experience emotional
connections with their local heritage, yet
the link between heritage and wellbeing
is frequently overlooked in economics,”
says Adala Leeson, head of social and
economic research at Historic England.
“This innovative research uses economic
techniques to demonstrate that heritage
is not just nice to have; it has significant,
measurable impacts on our overall
wellbeing.”
Interested in discovering what your local
area has to offer? Head to historicengland.
org.uk and search for listed buildings,
battlefields, monuments, gardens,
shipwrecks, and more, near you.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 9

CHARITY
Father and son both
‘adopt’ a grandparent
Though loneliness in older
communities is becoming
increasingly prevalent, there
are many charities doing
remarkable things to support
elderly people. One such
organisation that deserves every
ounce of recognition is Adopt a
Grandparent.
The charity pairs socially isolated
older individuals from UK care
homes with volunteers worldwide,
to help foster intergenerational,
long-lasting connections. The aim
is to alleviate feelings of loneliness
through companionship.
According to the charity’s website,
200,000 older people hadn’t had
a conversation with a friend or
BOOKS
Jacqueline Wilson revisits beloved
series in new novel for adults
In news that will delight many
childhood readers, Dame
Jacqueline Wilson has announced
her new book, Think Again, will
revisit the characters of her Girls
series nearly 30 years after the
books were first published.
Set to be released in September
2024, her new book returns
to life-long best friends Ellie,
Magda, and Nadine as they
navigate the highs and lows of
adulthood, self-discovery, and the
need to push themselves beyond
10 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
relative in more than a month,
but this innovative project is a
solution that could help.
One father and son who
enrolled in the scheme are
15-year-old Tristan Sue and his
48-year-old father, Jeff. Tristan
was paired with 78-year-old
David Abel because of their
similar interests in sports, and
their regular calls gave David
an opportunity to laugh and
smile, despite having advanced
dementia. Meanwhile, Jeff, who
had little contact with his own
grandparents, was matched with
74-year-old Margaret Smith,
which yielded conversations that
were meaningful to both of them.
their comfort zones to achieve
fulfilment.
Speaking about her new book
in a video on social platform X,
Jacqueline Wilson said: “Still today,
young women come up to me in the
street to tell me how much those
books meant to them, and they often
ask me what happened to those
characters. My new novel, Think
Again, will answer those questions.”
Revisiting beloved characters and
series from your childhood can
provide the perfect opportunity for
Tristan speaks with his ‘adopted’
grandparent David.
Speaking highly of the
scheme, the founder of Adopt a
Grandparent, Shaleeza Hasham,
says: “The calls they’ve already
had have been a great success,
bringing both parties joy and
companionship, and that’s what
the charity is all about. I personally
look forward to seeing the
relationships develop with every
future call.”
Inspired to make a difference? Visit
adoptagrandparent.org.uk
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird
experiencing a little nostalgia.
Creating not only a sense of
support and reconnection,
nostalgia can help us to feel more
optimistic and inspired, boost our
sense of self-esteem, and can even
help us to feel more purposeful
and youthful. Add in the wellbeing
benefits of reading, and you have
a recipe for a restorative and
comforting outlet for life’s little
stresses. So, will Think Again be
making your to-read list?
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
 The
wellbeing
wrap
DRIVING CHANGE
The UK government has announced Rising to the occasion
£4.65 million for the Accessible Lawmakers in Florida, USA, have passed a bill
Information Grant, which looks to ban all intentional balloon releases, and charge
to improve public transport by anyone who breaks this rule. As balloons are the
providing small business operators number one cause of marine debris-related death
Finland has with funds to enhance services to for seabirds, with scientists from the Ocean
been named the better cater to disabled passengers. Conservancy revealing that one in three seabirds
world’s happiest The aim is to ensure everyone that consume a single piece of a balloon will die, this
country for the has suitable transport links, and
seventh year is a change to be celebrated, that will hopefully save
is able to complete journeys with the lives of many marine creatures.
in a row
confidence and dignity.
Working it out
Open your mind Sedentary lifestyles aren’t good for us
In a bid to provide more free, easily accessible – we all know that, but, unfortunately, a
samples to students, teachers, scientists – and, of lot of us can’t change too much about
course, the general public – the openVertebrate it if our day job involves us sitting at
Marine scientists project was recently completed. Taking five a desk. But, there is some good news
have discovered with a recent study published in JAMA
potentially 100 years, and using CT scans to display the detailed
anatomy information of 13,000 amphibians, fish, Network Open, that looked at more
new species of
than 480,000 participants over 13
sea creatures off reptiles, and mammals, the project has created
the coast of New years, and found that just 15 to 30
a free online museum that anyone searching
Zealand minutes of physical activity a day could
for more knowledge on the inner workings of
be enough to counter the side-effects
creatures can find, and learn from.
of sitting for such prolonged periods.

Researchers in Sweden have developed a new way to identify high risk sepsis patients, likely to
have complications, utilising innovative artificial intelligence to screen blood tests.

The Early Cancer

Arizona, in the USA, is
Institute in
undertaking steps to abolish
You’ve got a friend in me
Cambridge, For anyone who’s had a dog, you’ll already be
dedicated to medical debt in the state, which
early detection, familiar with the wealth of wellbeing benefits your
is set to provide relief to nearly a
has been given four-legged friend can offer, but a new study suggests
million residents. Local authorities
£11 million by this can go even further for autistic kids. The research,
partnered with non-profit RIP
an anonymous published in Frontiers in Psychology, found that having
Medical Debt, with the value of
donor a service dog significantly improved the sleep quality
the wholesale relief estimated to
in children on the autism spectrum, after studying the
be worth $2 billion, going towards
habits and lifestyle of 75 families.
the spiralling medical bills for
many of the state’s residents.
WHY YOU SHOULD
EAT YOUR GREENS
THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR... If you needed more convincing
When asked what your favourite smell is, a lot of the power of green veg, a new
Nicknamed the of people reflect on that earthy, post-rain aroma three-year study by Australia’s Heart
‘Hardest Geezer’, (petrichor). But did you know some people have the Research Institute has compelling
Brit Russell Cook ability to sniff out when it’s about to rain? IFLScience
ran the length evidence. It found a natural chemical
of Africa in 352 says that some people can pick out the scent of an in broccoli can reduce the likelihood
days, and raised approaching storm thanks to the way strong winds push of having a stroke, thanks to it
£950,000+ for down ‘bubbles’ of the ozone, and their ability to recognise decreasing the formation of
charity that unique scent! harmful blood clots.
 What is burnt toast theory?
Is the latest concept going viral on TikTok just another craze, or could
it help us embrace the positives behind life’s little inconveniences?
W
hat if everything
happens for a reason?
It’s a theory that we’ve
all heard more than once. And in
many ways, burnt toast theory can
be seen as a modern take on this
classic idea.
Finding fame through the
#TherapyTikTok side of social
media, burnt toast theory centres
around the idea that every little
inconvenience we experience in
our day-to-day lives happens for
a bigger reason. But can burnt
toast theory help us to foster a
growth mindset, or can it risk
encouraging positive toxicity?
What is burnt toast theory?
We’ve all been there. Say
you accidentally burn your
toast before leaving for work.
According to burnt toast theory,
this single, tiny inconvenience is
enough to have a domino effect.
Your morning is then pushed
back by what, maybe three to
five minutes? Perhaps that is
enough time to leave the house a
little bit later than usual, and to
avoid getting in a car accident.
Or it might mean you end up
getting a later train, and avoid
bumping into an ex who you’d
really rather avoid. Or maybe you
meet someone who you wouldn’t
otherwise have bumped into,
12 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
resulting in a new friendship or a
chance at romance.
Burnt toast theory suggests
that little inconveniences are the
universe’s way of saving us from
bigger, more detrimental things
– or pushing us in new directions
we may have otherwise missed
out on. Much like with the
butterfly effect theory, the idea
is that little changes have a big
impact.
When we choose to view the
world in a more positive light,
we can help to reduce feelings
of anxiety, and release our fears
of being out of control of the
world around us. It’s a little way
of helping us accept life’s little
events and mishaps that are
outside of our control.
Why is it so popular?
Do you ever feel like you are
constantly on edge? Perhaps
you find yourself overthinking
day-to-day interactions, or
worrying about each and every
little detail. These can all be signs
of hypervigilance, which can be
caused when we feel high levels
of stress, anxiety, or a need for
perfection.
When we feel like things in
our lives are outside of control,
this can add to our sense of
hypervigilance, leaving us feeling
overwhelmed. Being able to focus
on the idea that everything happens
for a reason can help some people
to let go of their need to try to
control things, helping them to
break automatic negative reactions,
thoughts and feelings, and instead
reframe things more positively.
But is it actually helpful to
try to view every mistake as an
opportunity for positivity? Or could
we be doing ourselves a disservice
by not acknowledging when things
are tough?
Is it helpful?
While always looking for the
bright side can be helpful for
some people, it can also be seen
as a form of toxic positivity. While
maintaining a positive mindset
can be beneficial, only allowing
yourself to focus on positive
thoughts can mean that you are
denying yourself the chance to
properly engage with challenging
or difficult emotions, instead
focusing on creating a false positive
façade. By avoiding, suppressing,
or rejecting all negative emotions
and experiences, you may
inadvertently dismiss the impact
that they are having on you,
downplay how much they are
affecting you, or even end up
refusing to acknowledge when you
are struggling.

We cannot always be happy
and optimistic. Trying to force
ourselves to always see the
positive side can make us feel
worse about ourselves, may
lead to pushing down negative
feelings or experiences, and
refusing to acknowledge or deal
with them fully. Over time, this
can almost create a cycle of
shame and self-blame.
Acknowledging that bad things
can and do happen is actually
healthy. So, rather than all-or-
nothing thinking, try to find a
balance that works for you.
Embracing positivity
and developing a growth
mindset
Instead of focusing purely on
positive thinking, working
towards developing and nurturing
a growth mindset may be more
helpful. A growth mindset –
where you believe that your
abilities can be developed through
dedication and hard work, and
that your talents are just a starting
point – can help you rediscover
your love of learning, as well
as to become more confident,
motivated, and resilient.
your space
Embracing a growth mindset
can help you to improve your
relationships, how well you do
at work, and how fulfilled you
feel in life. It is also important
to remember that any shift in
how you think and approach
things will take time and effort.
Big, sustainable changes don’t
happen overnight, or without
self-reflection. Instead of trying
to make yourself see the reason
behind life’s little mistakes and
uncontrollable events, try to:
• Take the time to acknowledge
the little things that have gone
right in your day.
• Surround yourself with positive
influences and supportive
people.
• Improve your self-care routines
(the better you look after
yourself, the more energy,
motivation, and self-belief you
will have).
• Avoid negative self-talk.
While burnt toast theory can
help to provide a little mood boost
when events out of your control
get you down, it’s important to
remind yourself: you don’t always
have to look for life’s silver linings,
or even the meaning behind a
little burnt toast. Sometimes
things happen, and they suck.
But as long as we take time to
acknowledge how these things
make us feel, and recognise that
we can’t always control everything
around us, we can still work
towards improving ourselves, and
how we handle life’s unexpected
challenges – and that’s what really
matters.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 13
 What is
stonewalling?
If conflict erupts, communication breaks down, and you feel like
you’re being ignored, then you might be dealing with stonewalling.
But there is a way to have a connection breakthrough…
Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

I
magine you and your partner
have agreed to be a little
more frugal with your money
to save for a new home. A few
days later, your partner forks out
a big chunk of cash on a designer
watch and, understandably,
you want to discuss how this
purchase impacts your shared
finances. When you approach
the subject, they don’t respond.
When you push them further,
they leave the room, and refuse
to talk to you for days.
Something that could have been
an open discussion has now
become an elephant in the room,
and to make things worse, you’re
left feeling as though you caused
the conflict by bringing it up in
the first place. The relationship
becomes fractured, and you feel
isolated and unseen as a result
of being denied the opportunity
to have a helpful conversation.
You’ve been stonewalled.
What is stonewalling?
When someone is stonewalling,
they are choosing not to engage
in a discussion. They may avoid
eye contact, act too busy to
talk to you, give you the silent
treatment, refuse to discuss their
emotions, shut down, or leave
the conversation entirely, without
any effort to circle back once
they’ve gathered their thoughts.
And, look, taking time away to
process in private is fine, but
stonewalling is different because
it shuts down any possibility of
returning to the conversation.
Why do people
stonewall you?
People who stonewall aren’t
always doing so intentionally.
“Your partner may have learned
this technique as a child as a
method of peacekeeping, a
defence mechanism, or copied it
from a parent,” says Tini Riese,
a neurodevelopmental specialist
practitioner at Harley Row Clinic.
They may feel so flooded with
emotion during an argument that
they don’t know how to respond,
using avoidance as a way to
retreat from uncomfortable
conversations. Everyone has their
own way of communicating,
and yes, some people need time
to privately process emotions
to allow them to articulate a
response, but stonewalling has an
undeniably destructive impact on
relationships.
When used deliberately,
stonewalling can lean towards
abuse, with the perpetrator
claiming neutrality as a way
to gaslight their partner and
maintain power. Marriage
researcher and psychologist John
Gottman, PhD, found that 85% of
those who stonewall are men, but
women can also demonstrate the
same behaviours. “Whatever the
root cause of the issue,” says Tini,
“it doesn’t negate the harm this
can cause.”
The impact on
relationships
Trying to avoid an argument
might seem like a reasonable goal
for someone in a relationship,
but stonewalling can lead to
more conflict in the long term.
The lack of communication
creates unnecessary distance
between partners, which can
create a disconnect, and a lack
of emotional intimacy. When
stonewalling becomes a common

14 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

behaviour, the list of unresolved
issues accumulate, which creates
a build-up of tension and makes
communication more heated.
Think of it this way: when
you don’t get the chance to
express your concern over
the expensive designer watch
purchase, it’s likely your
partner will continue to behave
in ways that contradict the
money-saving plan you made
together. Without ongoing
communication, this is certain
to lead to further conflict, and
even more stonewalling.
Taking time away to
process in private is fine,
but stonewalling is different
because it shuts down any
possibility of returning to
the conversation
As a result, the person on the
receiving end will feel dismissed
and confused. If the person
stonewalling makes a habit of
cutting off communication or
fleeing the relationship, the
person affected may act out of
desperation to find a sense of
safety, doing anything to restore
the connection. This can lead to
resentment, as they continually
abandon their own needs to keep
the peace. Without addressing
the lack of communication, the
stonewaller will never learn to
regulate their emotions effectively.
relationships
How to handle
being stonewalled
Don’t accept stonewalling as
a behaviour that you simply
have to put up with. It’s entirely
reasonable to expect a partner to
engage in difficult conversations
with you. With that said, when
you notice the stonewalling
has started there is no sense
in continuing to push them
into talking. At that point, it’s
important not to retaliate with
aggressive language, or ‘give as
good as you get’ by counteracting
with the silent treatment. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 15

The solution lies in better
communication, not forcing
them to change.
Halt the discussion and give
your partner space. If possible,
agree on a specific date and time
when you’ll both come together
to pick up the conversation more
calmly. Use this time away to take
care of your own mental health,
by practising self-soothing
behaviours such as journaling,
exercising, or spending time on
your hobbies. The conversation
will likely flow more easily and
with fewer defensive behaviours
if you both take steps to
emotionally regulate.
Be clear and let them know
that you want to work through
the conflict in partnership.
Acknowledge that all
relationships go through rough
patches, but that you’re willing to
do the work to find a resolution
as a team.
16 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Having a neurodiverse
partner can add complexity
to the situation. People
with ADHD may struggle
to talk when emotionally
overwhelmed, and autistic
partners may shut down
completely. When they’re in
a calm state, ask how they
want you to handle difficult
situations and come up with
a plan of action together. For
example, you might agree
to discuss certain topics in a
safe place, or use text/email
instead of in person.
Improving
communication
Tossing around accusations is
a recipe for further conflict.
Try initiating conversation
using ‘I’ statements, like: “I felt
hurt when you ignored my text
messages.” Focus on reinforcing
the positive qualities you admire
in your partner by saying things
like: “You’re a really good listener,
it makes me feel loved.”
Instead of insisting they act
differently, make an effort to
understand their point of view,
and the deeper reasons behind
their conflict avoidance. “Being
clear and factual, giving them
time to process the information,
not putting pressure to answer
immediately, and agreeing
to alternative modes of
communication, may reduce
shutdowns and becoming
defensive,” says Tini. “This advice
could apply to a neurotypical
partner as well, depending on
their unique character.”
If stonewalling continues, ask
them to consider speaking to a
trained therapist. The cause of
stonewalling may be so deeply
rooted that they may need
support to find new ways to
regulate their emotions. The
safety of a therapist’s office will
give you both space to explore
your needs, and learn the best
way to communicate. Above
all, focus on finding solutions
together, rather than winning
an argument and, with mutual
effort, you can heal the hurt and
reconnect on a deeper level.

5 life-changing
counselling concepts
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes
to counselling. Discover five different
concepts from popular modalities
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
‘Counselling’ refers to general
psychological support, and
within it are a huge range of
different approaches, often
called ‘modes’. What works for
one person may not for another,
and so finding a counsellor who
works in the way you need is
imperative. Here, we’re offering
up an overview of five key
counselling concepts.
The answers could be
in your childhood
(psychodynamic theory)
Sometimes also called
‘psychoanalysis’, this counselling
mode originates from the work
of Austrian neurologist Sigmund
Freud. A big name in psychology,
Freud founded psychoanalysis,
a clinical method for treating
clients, which works with the idea
that unconscious forces drive
our behaviour. When working
with a psychodynamic therapist,
you may use tools such as ‘free
association’, which is essentially
just talking about whatever
comes up without censoring or
correcting, ‘dream analysis’, and
‘transference’ which refers to the
redirection of emotions (usually
originating in childhood) on to the
therapist.
Changing our actions
leads to positive behaviour
(behavioural therapy)
At the core of this approach is
the belief that our behaviour is
learned. The thinking comes
from the research of Ivan Pavlov
(yes, the one with the dog),
who focused on the effects of
building a learned response
by introducing a stimulus. The
goal of behavioural therapy is to
modify behaviour by changing
the external environment, and
teaching the client new coping
skills – for example, addressing
phobias, unhealthy eating habits,
or alcohol addiction, by fostering
positive change.
We are all innately good
people (humanistic approach)
The humanistic approach
in psychology in part came
about in reaction to what some
thought were the limitations of
behaviourist and psychodynamic
theory. At its core, humanistic
psychology is optimistic, and built
on the premise that humans are
wellbeing
innately good, but that this can
be disturbed during their process
of growth. This mode takes into
account the whole person, their
uniqueness, and individuality.
There may not be
one single solution
(integrative counselling)
Combining the elements of
different therapies together,
integrative therapists believe
that there is no single approach
that would work for all clients
in all situations. Instead, they
propose that each person needs
to be considered as a whole, and
counselling techniques should be
tailored to their particular needs.
To do this, they may draw on
many of the elements mentioned
in the other modalities here.
Negative feelings are a natural
part of life (acceptance and
commitment therapy)
Developed in the late 1980s
in America, and growing in
popularity ever since, acceptance
and commitment therapy (ACT)
works from the premise that
negative thoughts and feelings are
natural, and so does it not seek to
directly change or stop unwanted
problems and experiences, but
rather to apply mindfulness
strategies to help us accept the
struggles we face.
Of course, this is just a handful
of counselling approaches, with
many of these examples also
having multiple subcategories.
To get a full picture, and connect
with professionals specialising
in different areas, visit the
Counselling Directory.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 17
 A SPORTING
CHANCE
Discover what the summer’s
athletic exploits have planned for
the planet, and ways that green
thinking is getting a gold medal
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
W
e’re in for a summer
of sensational
sport but, this year,
organisers are thinking more
carefully about the impact these
events will have on our planet.
Here, we’re rounding up four
environmentally conscious
events in play in 2024.
Euro 2024, June
Coming in as the third-largest
sporting event worldwide, the
organisers of the UEFA European
Championships 2024 had an
opportunity to make a huge
difference by going green – and it
18 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
looks like they’re planning to do
just that.
Set out in their Environmental,
Social, and Governance
strategy, they plan to tackle the
environmental impact of the
event across six areas: smart
mobility (addressing the carbon
impact of travel to events),
carbon management, advocacy,
energy consumption, water
consumption, 4-R principle
(reducing and reusing products),
and waste management.
In practice, this strategy
includes actions such as match
ticket holders being entitled to
use public transport for 36 hours
on match days, discounted long-
distance train tickets, tournament
carbon footprint measurements,
reduction in floodlighting, use of
renewable energy sources, grey
water usage, limited packaging
on products, and vegan and
vegetarian options – to highlight
just a selection of planned
actions.
Wimbledon, July
Attracting more than 500,000
spectators each year, Wimbledon
is a staple on the British sporting
scene – and with it comes the

responsibility to consider the
environmental impact. But it’s a
responsibility the organisers take
seriously, and which they believe
is aligned with their values of
‘heritage, integrity, respect, and
excellence’.
To do this, the organisers
hope to reduce emissions from
operations to ‘net zero’, become
resource-efficient, and contribute
to a net gain in biodiversity by
2030. For now, solar panels have
been installed on clubhouses and
maintenance buildings, lighting
has been updated to LED lights
around the estate, electric lawn
mowers are used on the grounds,
visitors can use water refill
points, and menus are made up
of seasonal food from across the
British Isles.
But environmental
sustainability also crosses
over with social impact.
Approximately 55,000 tennis
balls are used throughout the
championships period but, fear
not, used balls are sold daily,
with the proceeds going to the
Wimbledon Foundation, which
donates £4 million a year to
local, national, and international
charities that champion
opportunities for all.
Formula 1, British
Grand Prix, July
The high-speed event is putting
sustainability in the driving seat.
By 2030, the goal is to achieve a
net zero carbon footprint ‘from
factory to flag’ which includes net
zero carbon powered race cars,
low/zero carbon logistics and
travel, 100% renewably powered
offices, facilities, and factories,
and credible offsets and CO2
sequestration programmes.
By 2025, the hope is that
every race qualifies as an ‘F1
sustainable spectacle’. This
includes using sustainable
materials, with all waste
to be reused, recycled, or
composted. Fans are offered
incentives to travel to the
events in ‘green’ ways, such
as by using public transport
or travelling by bike or by
foot. What’s more, increasing
biodiversity at circuits and
facilities is on the agenda, the
plan being that not only will
this have a positive effect on the
local environment, but it will
also improve fans’ wellbeing
by enhancing the space and
improving air quality.
PARIS 2024 WILL
USE 95% EXISTING
OR TEMPORARY
INFRASTRUCTURE
FOR THE GAMES
Olympic Games,
Paris, August
Without a doubt the sporting
event of the summer, all
eyes will be on the Olympic
Games in Paris, and so getting
positive pointers
sustainability right is of
paramount importance.
To get things started, Paris
2024 will use 95% existing or
temporary infrastructure for
the Games. This falls under
the ‘less’ concept for the
event, which includes ‘fewer
venues built, less equipment
produced, less single-use
plastics for food and drink, less
carbon, and fewer resources
used’. Along with ‘less’ comes
‘better’, which features
better design of temporary
infrastructure, better sourcing
of energy supplies, better
consumption and support
for local businesses, and
better adaptation to weather
conditions.
But the commitment to
sustainability doesn’t end with
the Games. In 2025, the Athletes’
Village is set to be transformed
into a neighbourhood where
more than 12,000 people will
live. Plus, pollution in the river
Seine is set to be cleaned up for
the games, which will enable
people across the Paris Region
to enjoy new bathing areas
going forward.
The determination and drive
to do things differently is the
only way that real change can
happen. So, this summer, enjoy
these sporting events with the
knowledge that they’re breaking
the mould, putting a green
foot forward, and making the
environment a priority.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 19
 “I dared to be
different, I
want to inspire
others to do
the same
SUSIE WOLFF

Photograph | Reyna Montgomery

20 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
 your space

This must
be the
placeLife shouldn’t just revolve around home and work. You
need to find your special ‘third place’ to reap the wellbeing
benefits of feeling supported, connected, and encouraged

Writing | Victoria Stokes Illustrating | Rosan Magar

W
hat does a typical
day look like for you?
For lots of people
across the globe the day follows a
predictable pattern: get up, leave
home, go to work, come home
again, go to bed.
Perhaps life looked a little
differently pre-pandemic.
Rather than leaving work and
going straight home, maybe you
regularly met up with friends
at a late-night café. Perhaps
there was an exercise class that
you religiously attended before
your working day began. Or you
wouldn’t let a week go by without
excitedly dropping into your local
book club.
But, post-pandemic, your
social routine has never really
recovered. Now you find yourself
navigating between work and
home and back again. Sounds
like you need a third place.
A CHANGE OF SCENERY
Defined in 1982 by American
sociologists Ramon Oldenburg
and Dennis Brissett, a third place
is simply a public place outside of
your home (your first place) and
your place of work (your second
place) where you can gather and
interact with others.
Here, you can fall into
conversation with a stranger,
catch up with a casual
acquaintance, reconnect with
an old friend, or simply feel
comforted by having people
around you.
You might have lost these
haunts post-pandemic, or
perhaps you never really had a >>>

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 21
22 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

third place to begin with. But
here’s the thing: third places are
vital for our wellbeing.
“Humans are social creatures.
We love to live in communities
and create a family, and we like to
work in teams or with colleagues
around. Put simply, being
sociable is in our DNA,” explains
Kelly Weekers, a psychologist
and best-selling author of Happy
Life 365, The Power of Choice, and
Choosing Me.
Sure, sometimes we like to be
left well alone, perhaps opting to
curl up with a good book or even
just our phones, but we all need
genuine, non-digital connections
to feel grounded and secure.
Kelly says third places offer us
exactly that. “In a world where
loneliness is at an all-time high,
it’s important to find yourself
a place that supports human
connection and community.”
It’s easy to assume that we
can replicate this feeling of
connection and community by
simply going online. The digital
world has become a kind of
virtual third place for many of
us, but social media is no match
for the bustling atmosphere of
your neighbourhood café, or the
camaraderie at your local gym.
Mental health-wise, the
ramifications of having a real-
world third place are huge.
Kelly says that when we’re in a
third place that makes us feel
supported, connected, and
encouraged, we get an instant
hit of dopamine and serotonin,
the happy hormones that boost
our mood.
In the long-term, she says
having a ‘home’ outside of home,
can help you counter feelings of
anxiety, stress and depression.
“Research shows that social
connectedness can lead to a
longer life, better health, and
improved wellbeing, too,” Kelly
points out.
So, what happens when we don’t
have a third place to give us that
extra feeling of belonging?
“When people are socially
connected and have stable and
supportive relationships, they
are more likely to make healthy
choices, and to have better
mental and physical health
outcomes,” Kelly says. “They
are also better able to cope with
hard times, stress, anxiety, and
depression; but exactly the
opposite happens when we only
hop from home to work and back
without a change of scenery.”
your space
Think how easy it is to dwell on
your problems when you cocoon
yourself at home, or how hard it
can be to see beyond your stress
when you spend too much time at
the office.
It doesn’t leave much room for
the fresh dose of perspective a
change of scenery often brings.
Now imagine how you might feel
if, instead of going straight home
after work, you met with a weekly
walking group and enjoyed some
casual conversation.
What if, once a week, you
joined a book club, visited the
gym, or joined a group of your
closest friends at your favourite
hangout?
It’s easy to see how these small
changes to your routine can lift
your spirits.
FINDING YOUR
THIRD PLACE
Whether you consider yourself
a home bird, or simply need a
little extra support to get out of
your comfort zone, Kelly believes
there’s an ideal third place for
everyone. So, how do you find
yours?
“Ask yourself where you feel
your best,” Kelly advises. Is it in a
quiet coffee shop? At the beach? >>>
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 23
 In the park? The forest? A library?
The theatre?
Some people love places that
are high in energy, while others
will seek solace in places that
are quieter and slower-paced, so
don’t feel like the odd one out if
your chosen place isn’t everyone’s
idea of fun.
Kelly’s advice? Look for
somewhere you can relax, have
fun, and let go of your worries. “A
third place should have a kind of
restorative quality; it must be a
place where you can unwind and
socialise.”
A quick visualisation exercise
might help. When you think of
community and connection what
springs to mind? What does that
place look like? Is there music
playing? Coffee brewing and
conversation flowing? Maybe
there are other people around
but everyone is doing their own
thing – like in a gym or a at co-
working space.
If you’re still struggling to come
up with ideas, ask around. Where
24 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
do your friends and colleagues
hang out? Maybe they have
a cool hobby, or a place they
recommend.
Often, it’s not so much a lack
of inspiration that prevents us
from seeking new places but our
own insecurities. Moving outside
of your comfort zone can be
intimidating, especially if you’re
shy and introverted.
Kelly suggests focusing on
finding something that better
aligns with your personality. “If
you’re really outgoing you might
find it lovely to go to a bar, but,
if you are more introverted, you
might feel happier somewhere
quieter like the park or a library,”
she points out.
This doesn’t mean you’ll miss
out on the opportunity to connect
with others. “Being sociable is
not only about speaking to other
people,” Kelly notes. “It’s also
being in an environment where
there are other people around.”
Bottom line? Kelly says it’s the
change of scenery and the feeling
A third place
should have
a kind of
restorative
quality; it must
be a place where
you can unwind
and socialise
of connectedness that provides
a lot of the benefits, and so, you
can feel more connected simply
by having a place where people
know your name or recognise
your face.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong
with slumping down on the sofa
now and again after a hard day at
work, but often, social interaction
and a change of scenery are the
things we really need to recharge
ourselves.
 relationships

What is compulsory
heterosexuality?

Recognising the
pressure society puts
on us to be ‘straight’ is
what empowers many
people to have a sexual
awakening in later life
Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

C
oming out as a lesbian at
the age of 35 makes me
what people call a ‘late
bloomer’, and one of the things
people ask me a lot is why I kept
my sexuality under wraps for so
long. But the truth is, I wasn’t one
of those people who pretended to
be straight while secretly hiding
my gayness. I believed – I assumed
– for all that time, that I was
straight. I was in a relationship
with a man for 17 years, and I
didn’t have crushes on female
co-workers or friends. So I was
definitely straight, right?
The thing about sexual
repression is that it’s entirely
unconscious. In the same way
that a victim of a car crash may
be unable to access memories of
the incident because their brain
blocks out traumatic memories
for self-preservation, people
can often be unable to witness
the truth of their sexual identity
through conscious thought alone. >>>

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 25
Further support
Mermaids provides support for gender-diverse and
transgender individuals, including those exploring
their sexual orientation: mermaidsuk.org.uk

Stonewall offers information, resources, and support for

individuals questioning their sexuality: stonewall.org.uk

It wasn’t until I stumbled upon
the concept of compulsory
heterosexuality that I began to
question everything I thought I
knew about my identity.
What is compulsory
heterosexuality?
Compulsory heterosexuality, a
term coined by writer Adrienne
Rich in the 1980s, is a theory that
heterosexuality (sexual or romantic
attraction to people of the opposite
sex) is forced on the general
population through patriarchal
systems and societal pressures.
The social consequences of
existing outside of a heterosexual
pair are very real, and the false
idea that the majority of people
are heterosexual perpetuates
the idea that anything else
is wrong, which stigmatises
LGBTQIA+ individuals and
perpetuates homophobia. The
heteronormative narrative of two
opposite genders falling in love
is only one option from a huge,
exciting spectrum of possibilities.
Compulsory
heterosexuality in real life
In school, sex education is still
largely heteronormative, and
a recent poll of young people
in England, carried out by
Censuswide, found that 54%
of respondents said they didn’t
receive LGBTQIA+ relevant
information. This is particularly
worrying because an inclusive
curriculum correlates with
increased safety, reduced
bullying, and fewer reports of
adverse outcomes such as suicidal
thoughts and plans among all
youth, regardless of gender or
sexuality, as reported in a 2020
article in the Journal of Adolescent
Health which reviewed 30 years
of data.
In the home, only 46% of
lesbian, gay, and bisexual folk
(and 47% of trans people) feel

26 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

able to be open about their sexual
orientation or gender identity to
everyone in their family, while
heterosexuality is celebrated as
the norm. Gay marriage wasn’t
legalised in the UK until 2014, a
stark reminder of how sexuality
has been consistently governed
by external systems, leaving little
room for experimentation and
authentic expression.
Media reinforcement also plays
a role. LGBTQIA+ characters in
TV and film are often minor or
portrayed negatively, meanwhile,
queer literature has faced
suppression, leading to the
erasure of non-hetero stories.
When opportunities for visibility
and self-exploration have been
shut down so consistently, it’s no
surprise that there can be a delay
in expressing a more accurate
sexual identity.
The psychological impact
Because heterosexuality is
assumed, you might not recognise
the signs pointing to a different
orientation. Without exposure
to diverse narratives, it’s easy to
believe being straight is the only
option. The fact that ‘coming out’
is a common milestone for queer
folk shows that heterosexuality is
the considered default. To deviate
from that norm requires actively
standing up and vocalising your
difference, which in itself is
a terrifying act, because it so
often leads to abuse and social
exclusion.
Some may consciously force
themselves to appear straight
if they witness discrimination
against LGBTQIA+ people, as a
survival strategy. But suppressing
your identity can cause anxiety,
depression, and internalised
homophobia.
Even when people are
openly queer, compulsory
heterosexuality continues to
harm, as Dr Kerry McBroome,
a licensed clinical psychologist
at Full Focus Therapy explains.
“Compulsory heterosexuality
can be particularly damaging to
bisexual and pansexual people,
who may find fulfilment in a
romantic or sexual relationship
that appears heterosexual.
“Being in a ‘straight-passing’
relationship may make it easier
for bi and pan people to dismiss
their same-sex attractions or
behaviours, or postpone exploring
that side of themselves.”
Exploring your sexuality
Questioning your sexuality later
in life brings unique challenges,
including disappointment and
grief for having repressed a key
part of yourself for so long. But
it is possible to overcome these
effects by recognising societal
influences, and exploring your
sexuality more openly. Reframing
it as a journey of self-discovery
can make it a positive experience,
and doing so with a queer-
affirming therapist might give you
the support you need.
Being aware of compulsory
heterosexuality theory allows you
to bear witness to the ways you
may have contorted yourself to
fit into the image of normality.
If you’re questioning your sexual
identity, powerful forces outside
of your control have likely played
a role in your repression, and
this knowledge can ease some
relationships
of the self-directed anger. Self-
compassion is essential here,
because there can be a tendency
to feel as though you’ve let
yourself down by giving in to
societal pressures.
“Embarking on a process of
self-discovery is a healthy part
of life, daunting as it may seem
to start exploring a new part of
yourself,” says Dr McBroome.
“You can think of exploring
your sexuality as similar to
going through a second puberty;
alarming when you are going
through it, and yet aren’t you
glad you did?”
If you’re questioning your
sexuality as a result of learning
about this, the important thing
is to be patient as you ‘unlearn’
the messaging that has been
imprinted on you over the years.
Start by exploring diverse
narratives in books, podcasts,
movies, and TV shows. This can
validate your feelings and widen
your understanding of what it
means to be queer. Try not to get
bogged down by the idea that
you’re ‘not queer enough’ – a
common feeling among adults
who come out later in life.
“Reframe the idea that there
is one correct answer to the
question of your sexuality,” says
Dr McBroome, “and rejoice in the
fact that there is a whole vibrant,
questioning community who
are playing around with some of
these same core queries as you.”
Fiona Fletcher Reid is a freelance
writer and author, whose book,
‘Work It Out’ is available now
(Welbeck Balance, £9.99). Visit
fionalikestoblog.com for more.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 27
 6 tips for dealing with
sugar addiction
We all know that too much sugar can be bad for us.
But how can we get our sugar intake under control?
W
ho doesn’t enjoy
something sweet
every now and then?
According to YouGov, 26% of us
have a sweet treat every day, while
one in 10 admits to eating several.
While it’s normal to enjoy some
sugary foods, and no one should
feel guilty for enjoying a tasty
treat now and then, if you feel
like you aren’t fully in control of
how much sugar you eat, find
yourself thinking about sugary
foods all day, rely solely on certain
foods for a mood boost, or eat
until you feel sick, it could be a
sign that you have a problematic
relationship with sweet food.
Nobody would be surprised to
hear that too much sugar can be
bad for their health. Consuming
too much sugar can put you at risk
of high blood pressure, weight
gain, inflammation, tooth decay,
heart disease, fatty liver disease,
and even some types of cancer.
Over time, it can also impact
you psychologically, as you may
start to struggle more with mood
dips, low self-esteem, and lower
confidence.
28 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
Whether you struggle with
how much sugar you are eating,
or would just like to cut back
and develop healthier, more
sustainable ways of eating, there
are a number of different things
you can try to help you feel more
in control of your eating habits.
Improve your
understanding
Knowing more about food,
nutrition, and what a balanced,
healthy diet looks like, can be
a helpful first step in cutting
back on sugar. The better you
understand the different ways
sugar may be sneaking into your
diet, the more prepared you
will be to make more conscious
choices about your eating.
Working with a nutritionist
can be a great way of learning
more about balanced diets,
healthy eating, and how food and
mood are interlinked. The NHS
website also provides helpful tips,
including swaps you can make
at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Head to nhs.uk and search ‘how to
cut down on sugar’.
Find your red
flags and triggers
Unhealthy habits are easy to form,
but hard to break. Knowing which
habits you’ve developed that are
feeding into your sugar addiction
can be a huge help. Perhaps you
find yourself staying up late and
eating sugary snacks as part of
your evening routine. Or maybe
you don’t have a healthy outlet for
stress, and turn to sweet treats.
Once you start to recognise these
triggers, you can tackle them.
Prioritise protein
Starting your day with high-
protein, high-fibre foods can
help you feel fuller for longer.
In fact, one study of overweight
men, published in the journal
Obesity (Silver Spring), found that
increasing protein intake to 25%
of calories reduced cravings by
60%, and the desire to snack at
night by half.
Ditch the fizzy drinks (yes,
even the diet versions)
We know drinking water is
the healthiest option, but it
 food & health

Increasing protein
to 25% of calories
reduced cravings
by 60%

can be tough if you’re used to
having drinks high in sugar and
caffeine. It can be tempting
to switch from the regular
fizzy to the diet version, but
research from the San Antonio
Heart Study has shown that
artificial sweeteners can actually
encourage our sugar cravings,
rather than help us to reduce
our sugar intake, as they may
prevent us from associating
sweetness with caloric intake.
So, where you can, ditch fizzy
drinks altogether.
Give hypnotherapy a try
If you’re worried you might
be addicted to sugar, it can be
a sign that you may want to
change your overall relationship
with food. Working with a
hypnotherapist can help
you learn how to recognise
and challenge unhealthy
behaviours, patterns, and
habits. A hypnotherapist can
also introduce you to new tools
and techniques to help manage
emotional eating.
Ask yourself: am I ready?
Getting in the right mindset
can have a huge impact on how
successful you may be. If you
can recognise that you have a
problem and want to start making
changes, you are already on your
way to success.

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 29
Ask the experts
How can I manage AI anxiety?
Personal and professional coach Lir Cowman answers
your questions on anxiety around artificial intelligence.

Read more about Lir on Life Coach Directory.

Q paradigm shift, so it’s harder to always in the news, often with

Is it normal to feel
anxious about artificial
intelligence?
guess what the impact will be. extremist headlines.
What makes it more stressful, However, the more extreme
is that it feels close to all of predictions – of nirvana and
us – everyone’s online and can apocalypse alike – are the least

A Yes. Even the experts at

the forefront of AI are a bit
anxious, as we’re all still unclear
about what lies ahead. This isn’t
a small, predictable change like
‘better broadband speed’ – it’s a
interact with AI. It’s easier to
understand its impact than, say,
Large Hadron Colliders or stem
cell research. And because it
touches all of us, the media uses
it for clickbait – so it feels like it’s
likely. Most people, including
the experts, are guessing it’ll
have a positive impact on
humanity, but we’ll need to
keep working hard to minimise
the negative impacts.

Q
How can we learn to For most, there will be some useful meeting notes, for
day-to-day impact which you example. Those in front
work with AI? might have noticed. It should get of technology have been

A The opportunities with AI

are constantly changing. AI
(in one form or another) has been
part of our online lives for a long
time – from the notorious ‘Clippy’
in 90s Microsoft Word, to the ad
systems that try to guess what
you want to see on websites.
easier to find the information
you want online, rather than
having to read through pages of
search results.
Office workers might have
found that Microsoft’s Copilot
is getting good at analysing
spreadsheet data and creating
harnessing AI for many months
to accelerate their work.
People work with AI in
different ways. Stay open and
treat it playfully. Experiment to
see what benefits you can get
from it. It’s not a hostile force,
it’s a new tool.

Life Coach Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

Q will help.
Can coaching help me overcome AI fears?
A Absolutely! Coaches work
with fears of all sorts – from
social anxiety to phobias – and
we have a range of techniques
to use. A coach would likely look
at what’s underlying your AI
fear and, through a questioning
process, help you adjust your
fear to a manageable level. Being
constantly anxious about a threat
that you can’t do anything about
is not a good way to spend your
one, wonderful life.
Interestingly, AI coaches –
‘coachbots’ – are becoming
increasingly popular. I see these
as a potential supplement to
human coaching. They are by
no means a replacement; a
conversation with a human
is fundamentally different to
typing information to a chatbot,
and AI won’t have the human
insight that enables a coach to
ask the questions that you need
– they’re much more predictable
and mundane. However, they
are likely to be useful for cheap,
practical, always-on coaching to
help you whenever needed.
Lir’s top tips for
managing AI anxiety
• Mindfulness is the top
recommendation for anxiety. It
helps you step away from being
consumed by negative thoughts.
Journaling, meditation, and other
techniques help you remember:
‘Don’t believe everything you
think!’
• Learning about AI is key to
overcoming AI anxiety. If your
knowledge is based on extreme
headlines and it feels like a vast,
horrible unknown, improve your
understanding. If you’re worried
your job is likely to be affected
by AI, take action – work out
how this might happen, and
how you can upskill. Feeling that
you’re doing something about it
• Talk with people whose
opinions you trust. Articulating
fears helps reduce them, and
hopefully, they’ll ask questions
that help you shift perspective.
And, obviously, coaching will
help a lot.
• Fact check. Focus on reputable,
research-based insights.
• Shift perspective. Most of us
get served information based on
what we’ve previously clicked
on – so once you start looking
at negative AI news, you’ll keep
seeing it. Start looking for the
positive aspects of AI too – there
are lots of advances in science
emerging thanks to it.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 31
 9 things to say to your inner critic

Self-doubt is self-preservation, I’m trying my best, I am allowed

but that doesn’t make it true. and that’s enough. to make mistakes.

Thoughts are There’s nothing wrong with I have the courage to

not facts. changing my mind. believe in myself.

No one is expected Progress I am enough,

to be perfect. takes time. exactly as I am.

32 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

The tightrope
of tween parenting (and how
to tread more confidently)
Explore five challenging situations that arise while raising
tweens, along with insight on how to navigate them effectively
N o longer a child, but not
yet a teenager, parenting
a tween is a delicate
tightrope walk. We now know that
this isn’t just an ‘in-between’ stage
in child development; it’s a phase
when kids’ brains are being fine-
tuned fast.
Synaptogenesis – the growth
of connections in the brain, and
pruning of unused brain cells
– means that a tween’s brain is
becoming more specialised and
efficient at various skills that they
practise. They are finding out
what they are good at, forming
their sense of identity, and
thinking in more complex ways.
But, as a parent, at times these
exciting shifts can feel like
challenges. While they are finding
out their strengths, they are being
introduced to a wider world, and
can fall victim to the comparison
trap, experience complicated
friendships and fallouts,
alongside a desire to enter the
digital world.
Writing | Tanith Carey
All these shifts may make you
question your skills as a parent, or
how you can help them through
this ever-changing landscape of
learning. But here I’m sharing
ways parents can tread a more
confident path through these
challenging years.
THE CHALLENGE:
Comparing themselves
negatively to others
When your child was learning
new skills in early childhood,
whether it was how to skip,
climb, colour in, or the alphabet,
they probably thought they were
brilliant at everything. Now, with
tweens experiencing life outside
their families, they are becoming
more aware of what other
children can do. They are also
observing how certain abilities,
like being ‘good at’ sport or maths
will win respect from peers. If
they notice that other children
find things easier than they do,
you may hear the first negative
relationships
self-talk from your tween, with
comments like ‘I’m useless’ or
‘They’re better than me.’
How to support your tween
While your first instinct is
probably to say: “Don’t be silly,
you’re good at lots of things,” take
a moment to acknowledge, rather
than dismiss your child’s feelings.
You could say: “I’m sorry you’re
feeling so frustrated. What makes
you say that?” Or “Everyone finds
things difficult at times. That
doesn’t make you a loser. It means
you’re still learning.”
Beyond this, if you often hear
these kinds of comments, it’s a
sign that your tween is developing
a critical inner voice. Suggest
they start to notice when they
hear this ‘mean’ critic, and give
them permission to question
it. To help them feel more
positive, encourage them to
develop a growth mindset by
letting them know that all their
learning is ongoing. Also, notice >>>
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 33
 the effort they put into things
like schoolwork, which they
can control, rather than the
grades they get, and ensure you
acknowledge that.
Tweens can also take a hit
in confidence because school
systems tend to celebrate a
narrow range of achievement in
a limited number of academic
subjects, like maths and English.
To maintain their self-belief, let
your tween know psychologists,
such as Howard Gardner who
devised this theory, believe there
are at least nine different types
of intelligence – such as musical-
rhythmic, visual-spatial, verbal-
linguistic, logical-mathematical,
bodily-kinaesthetic, interpersonal,
intrapersonal, existential, and
naturalistic. Explain that we all
have a unique cocktail of these,
and while they still are on the
way to finding out what their
strengths are, only a few of these
are recognised at school.

THE CHALLENGE:
First friendship fall-outs
As tweens branch out from the
security of the family, they seek a
tribe of peers to belong to – and
these relationships help them
define who they are becoming.
But as these friendships get closer
and more meaningful, they can
also become more complicated.
In the modern world, parents
tend to panic most about bullying
– which is repeated, one-way
aggression against another child
who can’t defend themself.
However, most conflict at this age
is relational aggression between
peers in the same social groups,
which is more subtle and harder
to spot. This can include alliance-
building against a target in the
group, name-calling, labelling,
back-turning, silent treatment,
and leaving others out.
How to support your tween
One way to buffer tweens is to
explain some of the basic social
science of human relationships.
Whenever humans create groups,
hierarchies form; it’s inevitable
people will have differences,
whatever their age. Allegiances
will develop and be broken, and
all of this is ‘normal social conflict’
– so learning to navigate this is
part of being human. Help your
child understand these are power
plays that occur in every group,
not to take them personally,
and how to move on to other
friendship groups, if necessary.
Help them make or keep up
out-of-school friendships, too – in
the neighbourhood or through
extracurricular activities. This will
remind them they are likeable,
even when excluded in their
school friendship groups.

34 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

THE CHALLENGE:
Wanting to go on social media
By now, your child probably
knows other kids their age who
have been allowed to sign up to
social networks, even though
the official age limit is 13. If
your tween asks to do the same,
you’re likely to feel torn, because
you’re worried they will miss out
on building connections with
their friends. But, your tween
doesn’t yet have the perspective to
understand the impact of entering
the online world. At this age, kids
tend to engage in black-and-white
thinking, and will insist they are
aware of the risks and know how
to handle them. In reality, without
the life experience to understand
how the wider world works, they
dramatically overestimate their
ability to deal with it.
How to support your tween
It is easy to be pressured into
saying ‘yes’ too quickly to social
media. But you are likely to find
it easier to stick to boundaries by
viewing social media as a health
issue for your child, given what
the research is now showing
about its potential impact on child
mental health and anxiety.
Tweens are actually still
developing impulse control and
empathy, which helps to explain
why one in five tweens have
been exposed to cyberbullying
(whether as a witness, a target, or
an aggressor) between the ages
of nine and 12, according to a
2022 study in the Journal of Early
Adolescence.
If they want to message friends
or family, set limits – allowing
them only to set up closed groups
on devices that belong to the whole
family, such as a household tablet.
Another safeguarding suggestion
is to make it clear that screens
must stay in the common areas of
your home, and are never allowed
in bedrooms, as this is where
sexting and grooming is most
likely to take place.
THE CHALLENGE:
Worries about the future
During the tween years, children
are starting to think about the
world beyond their immediate
community. At the same time, they
are hearing more about issues like
climate change, overpopulation,
as well as economic and political
uncertainty. When new things
aren’t fully explained, tweens use a
process called ‘magical thinking’ –
which means they make up a story
to fill in the gaps on what they
don’t yet understand. Because they
also put themselves at the centre of
every story, they may believe they
are personally to blame for things,
e.g. for the ice caps melting,
because they went on a plane.
Older tweens are also realising
that parents are not superheroes
who can magically fix every
problem, or control the world
outside the home. This may
make them feel disappointed and
powerless.
How to support your tween
When your tween tells you they
are worried about the future,
it’s tempting to immediately
jump to reassuring them. But
instead, hear them out. Ask what
they’ve heard about the issue in
question, so you can clear up any
misunderstandings.
relationships
With the example of climate
change, remind them that it is a
long process, and lots of scientists
are working hard to find solutions.
You can also give them hope by
talking about how mankind has
survived other big challenges, like
quickly developing vaccines to
control Covid.
Research shows young people
who feel empowered to do
something about climate change
tend to feel better about it, and
less despairing – as demonstrated
in several studies, including
research by the Yale School of
Public Health. So, encourage
them to channel their anxiety
into helping to make a difference
at local level – where they can see
the difference they are making
– whether it’s volunteering, or
helping you to raise money for
charity
Ultimately, bear in mind that
tweens are looking to you to see
how worried they should be. So,
take some time to process your
own fears, so you can be a solid
foundation for your child.
‘What’s My Tween Thinking?
Practical Child Psychology for
Modern Parents’ by Tanith Carey
with Dr Angharad Rudkin is out
now (DK books, £16.99).
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 35
 A ROOM OF ONE’S OWN
Where and when do you feel most creative? And could uncovering
your ideal conditions for working be key to pursuing your dreams?
T
he kitchen table, the sofa, a
bench… There is no limit,
really, on the space we
can use to work creatively. Some
people flourish in a dedicated
studio where they are away from
interruptions, whereas others
can perch themselves anywhere.
For many, though, there are still
conditions that can support our
creativity, and realising what these
are can help us with our artistic
pursuits.
NURTURING CREATIVITY
“When we nurture our creativity,
we are connecting with our inner
child,” says registered therapist
Emily Knivett. “If we know more
about what makes us feel curious,
open, and arty, we have another
space to turn to when life gets
disheartening. We can discover
solutions to problems, and we can
come up with new ideas. Creativity
is linked with calmness, and that is
a state we want to channel.”
I’ve been writing for most of
my life, from going along to my
local writers’ group as a teenager
to studying creative writing at
university, and working as a
professional writer for the past
few years. Throughout my writing
36 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Writing | Caroline Butterwick
journey, I’ve been conscious about
what does, and doesn’t, nurture
my creativity, and this is true for
many artists, whether a painter or
a potter, a crafter or a cook.
It doesn’t matter whether you
see yourself as a full-time artist
or just want to dedicate a little
more time to creativity. Perhaps
you have an idea for a novel that
you’re struggling to get started
on, or you want to compose
a new song, but seem to get
distracted anytime you pick up
the guitar.
“I recommend following your
passions and notice where you
feel joy, and follow that,” says
Emily. “When have you felt the
most free? Think back to when
you were a child, what did you
spend hours doing? Did you
write stories? Or perhaps you
went to a dance class where
you could express yourself
physically. Not all of us have
experienced much play in our
childhoods, so perhaps you
could be brave and step a bit
outside your comfort zone, and
you may discover a new hobby.
When you are being creative, try
to be kind to yourself, especially
if you are trying something new.
Allow yourself time to observe,
take it at your own pace and try
to embrace making ‘mistakes’.”
In her essay, A Room of One’s
Own, published in 1929, author
Virginia Woolf wrote of how “a
woman must have money and a
room of her own if she is to write
fiction”, and considered the
societal and financial conditions
that can prevent women from
being able to produce creative
works. It’s an important
reminder that, for many of us,
there are barriers beyond our
control that can make it harder
to create – whether a demanding
job, caring responsibilities, or
managing a health condition.
We can also think about what
can help us as individuals to
foster the conditions in which
we can best work. This can
be the physical environment,
which could be a room of your
own where you’re able to be
creative away from distractions,
or having a corner of the
kitchen counter where you feel
comfortable. Or you may find
the ideas flow best when you’re
around others.
Personally, while I work from
home, I regularly write in coffee

shops, especially when I hit a
creative block – there’s something
about the walk to my local café
and then being around people
that make a difference (a nice
coffee also helps).
FINDING WHAT
WORKS FOR YOU
It can help to take note, perhaps
over the course of a week or
month, of what helps kindle
your creativity. A few things to
consider are:
• Is there a certain place, or
places, that help, and does this
vary depending on what you’re
working on?
• What time of day do you feel
most creative and able to focus?
• Do you find it easier to work
when there is noise or silence?
• What materials do you need?
E.g. do you find a pen and paper
easier to write with than your
laptop?
• Do you prefer to work in a space
by yourself, or around other
people?
• If you’re working with others,
do they need to be working on
similar things, or is it just about
being near people?
• What would the physical space
you work at be like?
• What tends to distract you?
• When and where have you felt
most able to work creatively?
Can you pinpoint what it was
about this that made it ideal?
Of course, it’s important not to
get too set in the idea that there
must be the ‘perfect’ conditions
for you to be creative. “If we try to
set up specific, rigid conditions,
CREATIVE CORNER
Emily Knivett is a
registered therapist.
Head to the
Counselling Directory
to discover more.
and have high expectations of
ourselves, we can restrict our
creativity,” says Emily. Waiting to
paint a masterpiece until you have
the dream studio with a beautiful
view may mean the canvas stays
forever blank.
It can take time to realise what
works for you, and you may be
surprised along the way, perhaps
learning that your mind feels
freest when you get up early,
or that you love sketching in
the street. What nurtures our
creativity can also change with
time, and depending on what
we’re working with, so while
realising what supports us is
helpful, creativity can be sparked
in so many ways.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 37
 How
How toto handle
handle
living
living inin
someone’s
someone’s
shadow
shadow
Is there a relative, friend, or work colleague who
always makes you feel like a failure? Here are five
tips to help you find your own place in the spotlight
Writing | Victoria Stokes

N
o matter what you do,
they seem to do it better.
Whether it’s a sibling
who has always outshone your
achievements, or an equally
talented colleague who seems to
get all the praise while you get
next to none, living in someone
else’s shadow can be an incredibly
painful experience.
Left unchecked, it feeds into
feelings of inadequacy, anxiety,
and low self-esteem. It can
even contribute to feelings of
resentment, frustration, and
hopelessness. You might ask
yourself: “What’s the point in
even trying when they always
outshine me?”
Counsellor Georgina Sturmer
says it’s a natural instinct to
compare ourselves with those
closest to us. On the one hand,
it’s how we learn, grow, celebrate
success, and share experiences
with each other. On the other, it’s
how we measure our perceived
shortcomings. And one person
can become our yardstick for
success.
When you measure your
achievements against theirs and
fall short, it can be the catalyst
for feelings of ‘not enoughness’.
And the more you watch them
succeed, the more you feel like a
failure.
If you aren’t careful, living in
someone else’s shadow can slowly
erode your confidence, self-
image, and self-worth. So, how do
you handle it?
NOTICE YOUR TRIGGERS
Ask yourself this: when do
you feel most triggered by
this person? Is it when they’re
working the room at a social
event, or getting plenty of praise
and acclaim from those around
them?
Make a note of your triggers.
This will allow you to notice
patterns, and it paves the way for
self-reflection.
With these insights, Georgina
says you’ll be able to plan how to
protect yourself and work out in
advance what you need to do or
say to feel ‘enough’.
GET CURIOUS
Now it’s time to dig a little deeper.
You’ll want to ask yourself some >>>

38 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
 When you
xxxxxxxxxxxx

measure your
achievements
against theirs and
fall short, it can
be the catalyst for
feelings of ‘not
enoughness’

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 39
 Remind yourself of what you
have achieved, even if it feels as
if other people might overlook
those achievements
pointed questions about why this
person makes you feel inferior.
Maybe you’ve always felt your
social skills are lacking, but this
person is the life and soul of the
party. Perhaps you’re annoyed
they’re getting all the praise at
work, because – if you’re being
totally honest – you’re worried your
own work isn’t up to scratch.
Generally speaking, Georgina
says, these people trigger us
because they shine a light on our
own perceived failures or lack
of achievement. Using a journal
to document your thoughts
throughout this process can be
beneficial.
HUMANISE THEM
Often, when we feel
overshadowed, we put other
people on a pedestal. Georgina
says it can be helpful to remember
that we all have insecurities
and experience struggles and
challenges – even the person who
seems to outshine you.
“You never know, perhaps this
person has a fear of failure, or gets
trapped in a cycle of perfectionism,
too,” she points out.
Remembering that this
person also has insecurities and
imperfections, and may well have
felt overshadowed at some point in
their life, does two things.
First, it can remove the stigma
and embarrassment that
40 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
often comes with this kind of
comparison, because you’re able
to see that many people – even the
ones we idolise – sometimes feel
overlooked.
Second, it fosters empathy and
compassion, because you’re able
to see this person as someone who
is simply doing their best, just as
you are.
CELEBRATE YOUR
OWN SUCCESSES
“We all have the capacity to be us – it’s likely to impact on our
proactive in building our own confidence.
self-esteem,” says Georgina, That’s why finding a way to
“so think about how you can differentiate yourself from this
remind yourself of what you have person is key. It could mean
achieved, even if it feels as if other taking up a new hobby that you
people might overlook those know you’ll excel at, or asking to
achievements.” spearhead a project at work that
You might like to make a list and plays to your strengths instead of
refer to it when you’re feeling low. theirs.
And for an extra boost, consider This process allows you to
celebrating successes outside rebuild your self-esteem. By
of the areas where your friend finding new outlets that you enjoy,
typically succeeds. you can step out of their shadow
If they often outshine you and find your own way to shine.
at work, you could make a
conscious effort to note your
accomplishments at the gym, for
example.
FIND OTHER OUTLETS
Georgina says if we’re constantly
experiencing an unfavourable
Georgina Sturmer is an integrative
comparison – whether that counsellor helping client create a more
comparison is inside our own confident life. Visit the Counselling
heads or from those around Directory to get in touch.
Happiful
reads...
From a handbook showing us how to brighten
our homes, to a nature diary documenting
Cornwall’s wild treasures, here are four reads
ready to add to your list of must-haves
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

L
ife doesn’t always go the
way we intend it to. We
experience love, peace,
and good times, but we also
experience loss, unexpected
setbacks, and challenges. And
though these difficult times
can cause us great uncertainty
and difficult feelings, it’s an
opportunity for personal growth When Things
and self-discovery. Don’t Go Your Way
So, how can we strengthen our by Haemin Sunim
emotional agility, and reframe
our mindset so that we use these
circumstances as opportunities
for good? Buddhist teacher comes directly from the heart,
Haemin Sunim enlightens us accompanied by his comforting
with his powerful wisdom that illustrations.

Must reads
Colour Confidence:
A Practical
Handbook to
Embracing Colour
in Your Home by
Jessica Sowerby
Creating a wellbeing sanctuary
within our living spaces is
important when we spend the
majority of our time at home,
and one way of achieving this
is through the use of colour.
With Colour Confidence as your
guide, you can discover how to
use colour to transform your
space and mood.
Wild Treasures: A
Year of Extraordinary
Encounters with
Cornwall’s Wildlife by
Hannah Stitfall
Cornwall is home
to some of the nation’s most
remarkable creatures, and,
luckily for us, Hannah spends
the majority of her time
photographing and filming them.
In celebration of our wildlife, she
invites us to take a peek into her
nature diary, and read all about
her encounters with wildlife
throughout the seasons.
Eating Disorders
Don’t Discriminate:
Stories of Illness,
Hope and Recovery
from Diverse Voices
Tackling the
stereotypes and misconceptions
about what eating disorders look
like and who they impact, this
powerful book provides insight into
the way eating disorders present
themselves from the experiences of
athletes, activists, directors, models,
and health professionals, and gives
a voice to those struggling and
feeling underrepresented.

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 41
 “The moment you doubt
whether you can fly, you cease
for ever to be able to do it
J M BARRIE

Photograph | Sam Jhay

42 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
 your space

The difference between

feeling good and mania
Whether it’s to prevent misconceptions or experiences being
minimised, or to highlight signs someone is entering a manic episode,
being aware of the difference between joy and mania is valuable
knowledge that could ensure people get the help they need…

Writing | Kai Conibear

I
f you live with bipolar
disorder, a constant
problem is learning to
recognise whether you’re just
feeling good, or in the early
stages of hypomania or mania.
Hypomania and mania can be
sneaky, and creep up on you
without you realising. One day
you’re feeling productive and
happy, then a few weeks later
you find yourself in a full blown
manic or hypomanic episode.
A sign of mania, for me, is
reckless driving. It’s also extreme
overspending, and finding
myself in masses of debt that
takes years to clear. It manifests
as an irrational, intense anger
toward everything and everyone.
It’s believing I can rule the world,
and anything is possible. It can
also be hearing voices that boost
my self-belief. But developing my
self-understanding allowed me to
recognise these personal warning
signs; they can vary from person
to person.
To delve into recognising the
difference between feeling
good and mania, I spoke to
counselling psychologist and
trauma specialist Dr Rebecca
O’Sullivan.
“Feeling good usually refers
to a state of happiness that
most people experience from
time to time. It is moderate
in its intensity, and does not
tend to last for an extended
period of time,” Dr O’Sullivan
explains. “When we are feeling
happy, our daily functioning
is not significantly affected,
and we can continue with our
usual activities without much
disruption. Happiness typically
arises from positive life events
and experiences, and does not
tend to follow any patterns of
occurrence.”
On the other hand, Dr
O’Sullivan describes mania and
hypomania to be a level of mood
elevation beyond what would
be considered ‘normal’. “This is
more intense than ‘feeling good’,
in fact, some people describe
the experience as euphoria,”
she says. “This euphoria occurs
as a recurring pattern of mood
swings; in the case of bipolar
disorder, it would alternate with
episodes of depression. During
hypomania/mania episodes,
people tend to experience
high energy levels and a sharp
increase in productivity. Unlike
happiness, this euphoric state
is a more long withstanding
experience, lasting anywhere
from a few days to a few weeks.” >>>

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 43
 An important point to note, that
many people may not realise, is
that mania doesn’t always feel
good. A common misconception
is mania means you’re always
the life of the party, feeling
ecstatic, and full of energy and
productivity. And yes, life does
feel brighter, but it can be as self-
destructive and life threatening as
depression. It can feel so glaring
and loud, like your senses are
overloaded. It can be irritating
and unpleasant. I will often
feel like raging and screaming
because of the pressure building
inside of my head, but there’s no
release valve.
Exploring this further, Dr
O’Sullivan explains how
hypomania/mania can have a
significant impact on a person’s
daily life. “During these times,
some people notice an increase
in risky behaviours, have trouble
concentrating, racing thoughts, Being conscious of potential state when family and friends
and difficulties sleeping. triggers is always useful, as believed I was just happy. What
Understandably, this can have hypomania in its early stages can they didn’t see was that I was
a marked impact on our ability be difficult to spot as the lesser constantly ‘on’, like a light with
to complete everyday tasks, and extreme of mania, but it is still a faulty switch that can never
other important areas of life (e.g. serious and important to monitor. be turned off until you fix the
relationships, work). While experiencing it, your self- problem. It’s a dangerous time,
“It is interesting to note confidence is unbound, you feel as relentless energy pushes you
that – although it can occur constantly restless, and itching to on to do more and more. You
spontaneously – hypomania/ start that new project you’ve been may find it difficult to sleep
mania can also be triggered by dreaming about. A good mood or eat because your mind is so
stress, lack of sleep, substance and hypomania can present as active; it needs to be satiated
abuse, or medication changes extremely similar to an outsider, with action and excitement. If
(which provides a contrast to and even the same to yourself. this isn’t addressed and treated,
the usual positive triggers of I’ve personally experienced this for some, hypomania can turn
happiness or ‘feeling good’).” scenario, and was in a hypomanic into mania.

44 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
 your space

10 signs of mania/hypomania • Concern from others (where

Whether it’s awareness for yourself, or to help you be on the alert for external people have expressed
loved ones, there are some common signs to watch out for, which Dr concern about changes to your/
Rebecca O’Sullivan shares: their mood and behaviour)
• A history of bipolar disorder
• Elevated mood. Persistent feelings of euphoria or extreme happiness (or they have previously
that last multiple days. experienced episodes of
• Increased energy. Unusually high levels of energy, even without hypomania or mania).
sufficient rest and sleep.
• Sleep. Feeling rested after only a few hours sleep, or after experiences Feeling good, happy, or
of insomnia. optimistic are incredibly different
• Racing thoughts. Quickly jumping from one idea to the next, difficulty emotions to hypomania/mania.
staying on task. While we all strive to feel good,
• Increased talkativeness. Speaking more rapidly than usual, engaging or at least content, hypomania/
excessively in conversations, or interrupting others. mania are symptoms of being
• Grandiosity. Inflated sense of self-confidence, or beliefs around unwell, and can be unsettling,
having special powers or abilities. destructive, and even dangerous
• Impulsivity. Engaging in risky behaviours without considering the for the person experiencing
consequences, or impulsive decision-making. them. But, by learning about
• Irritability. Becoming easily annoyed or angered over what would the signs to watch out for, and
otherwise be considered minor issues. seeking appropriate treatment,
• Changes in behaviour or personality. Acting ‘out of character’ or hypomania/mania can be
behaving in a way that would be seen as unusual for the individual. managed and avoided, and
• Increased libido. Heightened sexual desire, or engaging in risky individuals can thrive and learn
sexual behaviours. to enjoy just ‘feeling good.’

Kai Conibear is a writer and mental

One of these symptoms that
particularly stands out to me
is how someone experiencing
mania/hypomania’s speech
quickens, and they’re always
waiting eagerly for their turn to
talk. When they do, the speech
is often pressured, and they may
speak more than they usually do,
or what feels like non-stop.
It’s worth noting that symptoms
can differ from person to person,
but if you’re exhibiting signs of
experiencing hypomania/mania,
it’s better to seek out help as soon health advocate. His first book,
as possible. A few key indicators ‘Living at the Speed of Light’, about
that it’s time to reach out for bipolar disorder, is out now.
professional help, according to
Dr Rebecca O’Sullivan, include:
• Symptom persistence
• Interference with daily life
• Risk of harm (to themselves
or others)
• Sleep disturbances (significant
Dr Rebecca O’Sullivan is a
changes to sleep patterns, psychologist working with complex
accompanied by other trauma. Get in touch via her profile
symptoms) on the Counselling Directory.

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 45
 Back to reality
With millions of viewers across the globe tuning-in to the constant
stream of reality TV, from Married at First Sight to Love is Blind, columnist
Michelle Elman reveals four communication lessons we can take
from these dating shows, and how relationships play out
Writing | Michelle Elman

R
eality TV has a bad
reputation as ‘trash telly’
but, as a psychology nerd,
my appreciation for it stems
from my fascination with human
behaviour – especially when it
comes to shows that revolve around
love. I believe you can learn a lot
from them as it is often easier to see
your own behaviours in an external
way. There might be people you
relate to, but also be people who
annoy you because their behaviour
actually reminds you of your own…
So, here I’m revealing four lessons
you can take from reality TV to help
foster healthy relationships, and
better recognise romantic red flags.
Body language tells you a lot.
The hit Netflix show Love Is Blind
features couples getting engaged
without ever seeing each other
in person, and while the premise
is about valuing compatibility
over looks, I wonder if there’s a
fundamental flaw in that while
those on the show can’t be swayed
by appearance, they also can’t read
each other’s body language and
subconscious signals.
In the most recent series’ reunion
show, we caught up with a couple
(Sarah Ann and Jeramey) who
met in the pods, but got together
after he proposed to another
woman on the show (Laura). What
I found particularly interesting
was during an old clip of the two
women talking, anytime Laura
said anything negative about
Jeramey, Sarah Ann nodded
along. It appeared to be an
unconscious response, but when
another participant revealed to the
audience that every time she has
seen Jeramey since filming he and
Sarah Ann had been broken up, it
all started to make sense.
While Sarah Ann may have stood
defiant in the face of criticism of
her actions and accusations that
she broke up the couple, and was
insistent it was worth it, the truth
was that she was encountering the
same turbulent relationship with
Jeramey that Laura experienced.
Similarly, in Married at First Sight,
the couples are always sure to be
cosy and affectionate when they
are in the spotlight and talking to
the experts, but the moment they
are sitting to the side and another
couple is being interviewed, it is
amazing to watch how quickly they
separate from each other.
As an external viewer, it is much
easier to see these small giveaways
in body language, but try to pay
attention to them on your next
date. If a person starts telling you
that you should trust them, but are
shaking their head no as they say
that, take their words with a pinch
of salt. It’s easy for them to say
what you want to hear.
People will tell you who
they are very early on.
A narrative that played out on
Love is Blind season six was how
Chelsea’s insecurities contributed
to the break-down of her
relationship with Jimmy, as it
appeared that she sought constant
reassurance of his feelings, while
he became increasingly frustrated
that nothing he did felt like
enough.
While outsiders can empathise
with both sides, and social media
went into a frenzy about Chelsea
bringing up appearances and
celebrity dopplegangers in the
pods, another sign I spotted that
her self-esteem would come into
play was in the first episode,
where Chelsea recounted dates
where guys watched football on

46 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

screens behind her. It may have
been a passing comment, but it
showed that she didn’t see herself
as worthy of someone’s full focus
and energy. Personally, I would
not have sat there and endured
it, because as much as it’s bad
behaviour on the date’s part, it is
also telling that you tolerated it.
Romantic red flags aren’t always
in others, sometimes they can be
in ourselves, and it’s important to
recognise where we have things
to work on in order to better
thrive in relationships – in this
case, building our self-esteem
before looking for love, or
seeking validation from others
that we should be able to provide
ourselves.
There is no point noticing a
red flag if you don’t act on it.
In the current season of Married At
First Sight Australia, we hear a man
yell at a different couple, telling the
man to “muzzle your woman” – and
yet his own wife pays no mind.
She doesn’t see his behaviour as
an issue, and even defends him by
saying that he has a dark sense of
humour.
It takes multiple conversations
with the experts for her to see why
this is a problem, and even then,
she doesn’t confront it, because she
doesn’t want to rock the boat in her
relationship. The fact is, if a man
can talk to another woman like
that, then he can talk to you like
that. But more than that, there is
@MICHELLELELMAN
never any reason to talk to a woman
like that, and therefore, she should
be seeing the warning signs of
misogynistic behaviour.
For me, this is a prime example
of when we bury our heads in the
sand, it is only a temporary solution
before we will see more of that
pattern of behaviour. We can’t be
surprised that ignoring the writing
on the wall has only negative
consequences.
If you look for a problem,
you will find one.
In many of these shows, we see
people who do not believe they
are deserving of love, and how
those insecurities play up within a
relationship. Largely, this occurs
by picking fights, which are
rarely about the underlying issue.
Whether it’s someone flirting with
another, or saying they want to
see if the other person will fight
for them, as outsiders we can see
what happens when we aren’t self-
aware and project our feelings onto
others.
So, next time someone judges you
for your taste in TV, don’t feel guilty.
Reality TV can be relationship
research, helping you see the
pitfalls of communication crossed
wires, and how to untangle them.
Michelle Elman is an author,
TEDx speaker, and five-board
accredited life coach. Follow her
on Instagram @michellelelman
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 47
 Tips for supporting
your autistic friend
From learning about special interests to communicating in different
ways, here’s what you can do to deepen your friendship
I
am autistic, and I have been
diagnosed for almost a
decade. I’m also an award-
winning freelance journalist, an
editor, and an author. Sometimes
I am recognised as an expert in
my field, too. But, in law, I am
recognised as a disabled person
– with some ‘extras’ I need to take
account of.
My diagnosis makes me a
member of the least employed
disability group, as well as more
likely to be at risk from issues
such as addiction, poor mental
health, economic violence, and
friendship-related issues – the
latter being a topic of imperative
importance. We are targets
for ‘mate crime’, and many
experience bullying – but we
often hanker for connection, too.
These are a few hacks that I
would like the other side of the
aisle to know about when it comes
to how to support your friend(s),
who also happens to be autistic.
Read up about their
‘special interest’
A special interest is a hallmark of
the autistic spectrum, and refers
to when someone is compelled to
48 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Writing | Lydia Wilkins
learn as much as possible about
any given topic or concept, often
in detail that may seem abnormal
to other people.
They are not ‘obsessions’, and
they are fundamental to good
mental health in an autistic
person. This can be anything from
carrots to Agatha Christie novels.
To know that there is another
person who has some awareness
about the interest is like gold dust;
something to connect about. So
read up about the special interest,
ask us about it, talk about it, and
what it means – it’s a way to make
a meaningful connection.
Think about the
social setting and
accommodations
An autistic individual may
experience sensory issues, but
they can be accommodated.
Each sensory profile is different;
some of us cannot abide noise,
while others need to lap up any
extra stimulation. Every autistic
person is different, so ask us
what our sensory needs are, and
take those into account when
socialising. If you’re going on
holiday, there are sensory rooms
in airports that can be booked.
AccessAble is a company that
offers information across a range
of venues to give you the autonomy
to decide where to go. This will
mean everyone can enjoy the
social occasion.
Be aware of change
and surprises
A surprise can be a lovely thing – if
you’re not on the autistic spectrum.
A surprise is something that
has a weight to it, and is a social
expectation that we might not be
able to read – the anxiety that this
can induce is overwhelming.
The same goes for change; it is
not a concept that we are able to
completely avoid in life, but we
need time to get used to it, and
to work out the anxiety and the
overwhelm that this can cause. For
example, if you’re going to be late,
let us know as soon as possible.
Setting up this context allows us
to adjust, as well as to have time to
prepare ourselves.
Direct communication
is a virtue
The ‘double empathy problem’
is a theory that suggests that,
 wellbeing

contrary to popular wisdom

where communication is a ‘two-
Read up about the way’ connection, when it comes to

special interest, ask autistic people this is often not the

case – and that when people with
us about it, talk about very different experiences of the
world interact, they may struggle
it, and what it means to empathise with each other.
An autistic person has to do
the ‘work’ of a conversation –
e.g. constructing their speech,
‘translating’ it to be understood by
a non-autistic individual – while
also having to take into account
things such as inflection, tone,
and being palatable enough to be
understood and received.
This is a lot of work for us, and
it is deeply refreshing if the noise
in the background is cut out.
Therefore, direct communication
is a virtue, and make sure that
you are prepared for us to answer
directly.

Think of ‘the pebble theory’

Penguins are known for giving
prospective partners a pebble as
a gift, something which sparked
‘pebble theory’, which refers to
sincere, small actions that can
include gift-giving in a friendship
or relationship.
Sometimes, an autistic individual
may express their emotions
differently, such as by ‘doing’
rather than ‘saying’. So, giving a
‘pebble’, rather than verbalising
said affection by saying ‘I love
you’. Keep this in mind throughout
your friendship, get to know their
‘love language’ in that respect, and
treasure those ‘pebbles’.

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 49
 The difference between
gratitude and toxic positivity
While, on the face of it, you might perceive these two things as similar, in
reality the attitude and intention behind them couldn’t be more different.

Toxic positivity Gratitude

I appreciate the good moments in life,

Focus only on the good. and recognise the lessons learned
from challenges.

We all face uniquely difficult

No crying or complaining. Life is so experiences. I’m grateful for the
much harder for countless others. support I have in place to help me
through it.

I can be thankful for many things

Just be grateful things aren’t worse. in my life, while still struggling
with others.

It can be hard to make sense of tough

There’s always a silver lining. times, but perhaps one day I can look
back on this differently.

Recognising my pain isn’t a failing.

Don’t be so negative! Addressing my feelings, rather than
pushing them away is healthy.

Complex feelings can and do co-exist. Don’t feel you have to hide them
behind toxic positivity. Instead, practise gratitude as a tool to help you navigate
tough times, while acknowledging and validating your full emotional experience.

50 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Take 5
Put those little grey cells to the test with these brain teasers

How
di
Rebus puzzles do? V d you
‘Freeb isit
Also known as ‘picture riddles’, think ‘literally’ to uncover these ies’ se the
shop. c
common sayings and expressions. happ tion on
to fin if
d the ul.com
a
Tip: Consider the word placement, direction, numbers, and m nswers,
and colours, to give you the best chance of success!
ore!

META T M
A U
U OUS
META
META MOONCEON H S AM
META T
W

oo ONCE
oo
POT
oo TROUBLE LEAST
oo

CROSS SUM + - =11

Use the digits 1 to 9 in the grid in
order to solve six different sums.
÷ x +
Each number can only be used once,
and the operations in each equation x ÷ =4
(+, -, x, ÷) apply left to right, or top to
bottom. Thinking caps at the ready... - ÷ x
+ x =12

=2 =28 =44
 pausing
THE POWER OF
How to make the most of microbreaks
T
he proof of a productive
day is often linked to
packing in as many hours
as possible. Waking up earlier,
powering through lunch, back-
to-back meetings, taking calls
when we’re off – these actions
have been normalised into
contemporary working life,
tipping into our down time in the
name of achieving more.
On the face of it, it makes
sense. Working more = greater
productivity. Greater productivity
= a better reputation at work.
A better reputation = a chance
of getting ahead. But we have
to ask ourselves: what is this
high-octane work culture
doing to our wellbeing? Are we
really getting more done? Or
is there a more balanced and
sustainable approach that fosters
52 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Writing | Lara Green
productivity, creativity, and
advancement at work, with big
wellness wins, too?
A pause for productivity
The popular narrative might be
to hustle hard 24/7, but planning
pauses in your day is highly
unlikely to hinder output. In fact,
studies suggest it can actually
boost it and enhance productivity
and reduce stress.
It’s all thought to come down to
our ‘ultradian rhythm’: a series of
90-minute, recurrent biological
cycles that our bodies follow
throughout the day. We’re in
the high focus zone during the
first 90 minutes, but as the cycle
progresses, focus wanes and
productivity suffers.
Pausing is a way to renew that
focus and refresh the skills we
need to thrive at work – like solving
problems, being creative, and
making confident decisions. By
purposefully stepping away from
the task at hand, and following the
natural ebb and flow of our energy
cycle, we create space for activities
that lift us, injecting a renewed
sense of vigour when we head back
to our assignments.
Indeed, a simple cup of tea and
a book might be just the ticket for
a mid-morning boost. But what if
you were to try other things that
provide a deeper sense of self,
nurture creativity, and present an
opportunity to grow physically,
emotionally, and spiritually?
An ikigai approach
Personal and professional
development coach Helen
Robinson says: “Having purposeful
 xxxxxxxxxxxx

breaks can encompass two

distinct meanings: firstly,
intending to take a break, and
secondly, deriving value from
that break.”
Where you find that value
exactly will likely come down
to personal preference and
interests, but the Japanese
custom of ikigai can be a useful
place to start.
“Ikigai offers a unique
perspective on how we can
maximise work breaks to
enhance wellbeing and
positivity,” says Helen. “The
most concise translation of
ikigai is finding value in daily
living. It embodies a sense of
purpose, meaning, and joy in our
existence. It’s about consciously
living in alignment with one’s
purpose, which fosters meaning
and contentment.”
It certainly stacks up that
people who are tuned into ikigai
tend to be more content and
motivated. And it’s believed
to be linked to lower levels of
depression and higher self-
esteem too, influencing all
areas of life, including work,
with one study published in the
International Journal of Mental
Health and Addiction finding that
participants who engaged with
ikigai had a high predictability
of strong mental wellbeing,
alongside low scores on
measures of depression.

Purposeful pauses
versus procrastination
Most of us will be familiar with
work procrastination via those
nagging, un-ticked tasks that sit
unnervingly in the back of our >>>

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 53
 minds. And yet, the more we
dread a task, the more we find
ways to put it off. You might think
that your current habit of social
media scrolling could count as
a break, but the reality is that
procrastination activities such as
this can overload our prefrontal
cortex, and don’t leave us with
that sense of accomplishment,
or rejuvenation we need from a
purposeful pause. In fact, a 2018
study, published in the Journal
of Social and Clinical Psychology,
found a causal link between
excessive social media use and
increased feelings of depression
and loneliness.
This intention behind how
you spend your time is the
key difference between
54 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
microbreaks and
procrastination –
the former being
a way to recharge
your energy
supplies, and
stimulate yourself
with fulfilling or rewarding encourage creativity, movement,
activities, while the latter is an or a connection. These types
avoidance technique, that most of breaks shift us away from
likely leaves you feeling more procrastination and help to
drained and stressed as it seems improve motivation.
like you’ve not made progress, or
replenished yourself at all. 3 ways to make the
Rather than mindlessly reaching most of microbreaks
for your phone throughout the
day, microbreaks bring routine 1. Build your break bank.
to the fore, and help us lean From finding your ikigai, to
towards productivity in a healthy, recognising what self-care
balanced way. Think about practices refill your cup, create
activities you want to do that a bank of activities to stimulate

your senses while taking a
purposeful pause. We all have
a unique set of emotional and
physical needs; if you’re an
active person, a break might be
a 30-minute power walk. For
creative blocks, colour, music,
or nature might be just the salve
to spark new ideas. By having a
range of options, and assessing
what we need from breaks, we
can effectively pull from the
break bank to best support
ourselves. And, what you’ll often
find is that the culmination
of these microbreaks over the
course of the day leaves you
feeling far more fulfilled by the
end of it. When you’re more
intentional with your time,
you’ll feel less emotionally
drained, have a greater sense
of achievement, and find that
balance of ticking off the work
to-do list, while also honouring
your own wants and needs.
2. Grow awareness of
your ultradian rhythm.
Whether it’s 60 seconds of
nature gazing or 30 minutes of
ikigai, every break that shifts
your perspective is a wellness
win. And while common time
management tools like the
Pomodoro technique (25-minute
stretches of work broken up by
five-minute breaks) can help set
a healthy routine, the timing of
your breaks – and how long you
break for – is best led by your
innate understanding of your
ultradian rhythm and what you
need in that moment.
While the typical energy
cycle is believed to be about 90
minutes, it’s worth developing
your space
a stronger awareness of how
your personal energy and Following the
attention fluctuates. You might
want to use a digital tracker, natural ebb
or simply a notebook, to
and flow of our
record the times throughout
your typical day when you’re energy cycle, we
flagging, and experiment with
what microbreak serves you create space for
best at these various moments. activities that
For example, disengaging from
work only for a few minutes, lift us, injecting
but on a regular basis, can be
all you need for a sufficient
a renewed sense
break in the morning. Mental of vigour when
fatigue tends to set in more in
the afternoon, so scheduling we head back to
longer breaks can be beneficial our assignments
at that point.
3. Recognise procrastination. Enabling productive pauses can
And tackle it head on by be hugely empowering – unlocking
planning purposeful breaks a new sense of self-awareness
that give you a renewed sense that can help us truly flourish in
of focus. By injecting activities life and work. So, next time you
into your day that serve you on feel guilty for having a breather,
a self-care level, you can refrain remember: taking a break can be
from falling into the negative pretty productive after all.
spiral of procrastination that
can trigger things like poor Lara Green is a writer, recipe
decision-making and avoiding creator, and sourdough bread
tasks. Microbreaks have the teacher. Follow her on Instagram
ability to shift you into the realm @_fromthegreenkitchen
of ‘doing’ rather than ‘avoiding’,
and are a great way to retrain
the mind.
You can approach this in two
ways: when creating your to-do
list, plan in microbreaks and
what activities you intend to do
in that time; or when you notice
yourself procrastinating, take it
as a sign you need a purposeful
Helen Robinson is a coach helping
pause, and instead refer back people make the most out of their lives
to your break bank to choose by finding their purpose. Find more
something that serves your insight on the Life Coach Directory.
wellbeing better.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 55
 Unravelling
the mystery of
manifesting
We are starting to hear more people talk about
the magic of manifesting, but what exactly
is this mysterious concept, and is there any
evidence to prove it works?
T
he concept of manifesting
suggests that individuals
can think, visualise, and
believe their goals into reality. It’s
often associated with the ‘law of
attraction’, based on the idea that
our thoughts impact our beliefs,
behaviours, and consequently our
outcomes.
While the effectiveness of
manifesting is not supported by
scientific evidence, research does
indicate that people who believe
they have control over their
lives (known as internal locus of
control) are more likely to achieve
their goals than those who rely
heavily on fate – highlighted in a
2022 Frontiers in Psychology article
that reviewed this concept from an
entrepreneurial angle. This belief
in personal agency is consistent
with having a growth mindset, and
contrasts the often misunderstood
‘passive approach’ to manifesting,
implying that people can
materialise their goals through
thoughts and beliefs alone.
So, while there isn’t conclusive
scientific evidence to support
manifesting, studies suggest
56 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
that having a positive attitude
can influence our approach to
achieving goals, especially when
accompanied by inspired actions.
As an advocate of manifesting,
here I will share five steps that
can support you to align your
thoughts, feelings, and actions
with your desired outcomes, to
help you create the reality you
truly deserve.
STEP 1: DECIDE WHAT
YOU WANT.
Although this sounds obvious,
many people are vague or unclear
about what they really want, and
instead focus their attention on
what they do not want. To manifest
effectively, you need to be specific
about what makes you light up
from within.
To fine tune your desires, write
them down in as much detail as
possible, e.g. instead of “I want to
be happy”, say “I want to wake up
every morning feeling grateful for
my life. I want a fulfilling career,
where I make a positive impact
on the world. I want to travel, and
experience different cultures.”
NIKITA THAKRAR
NLP
Nikita is a multifaceted teacher,
mentor, and coach, combining
transformative modalities to
support people to find their
life purpose. Visit the
Therapy Directory for more.
Being sure of what you want
creates a clear picture in your
subconscious mind, which acts as
a blueprint to work on attracting
that very thing into your life.
Portrait | Julia Morris
STEP 2: VISUALISE IT
HAPPENING.
This means that you not only
imagine yourself having that
outcome, but physiologically
experience being in the desired
state. E.g. if you are self-employed
and your desire is to have lots of
clients, you may imagine your
diary being full, and conversations
with prospective clients to explain
that there’s a waiting list.
Visualising your desired outcome
helps activate your imagination,
which is one of the most powerful
tools for creating your reality,
according to neuroplasticity.
Scientists say the brain has an
amazing ability to adapt and

rewire itself when engaged with
positive self-talk and visualisation.
Spiritualists say that when you
visualise something, you send
a signal to the universe that this
is what you desire and deserve,
and the universe responds by
matching your vibration.
STEP 3: BELIEVE IT
IS POSSIBLE.
The ability to trust that your
desires can come true is arguably
where most people stumble.
Believing it is possible means to
have faith and conviction that you
are deserving of whatever it is that
you want, and that it will come to
you at the right time and in the
right way.
Letting go of any doubt about how
it will happen can be challenging
for those who are governed by
their logical mind. The most
powerful manifesting is based on
trusting the flow of opportunities
that may present themselves when
you are fully aligned with your
authentic self. You may consider
working with a coach to help
eliminate limiting beliefs, and
replace them with empowering
ones that aid your vision.
STEP 4: TAKE ACTION
TOWARDS IT.
This is the step that some people
who advocate the law of attraction
miss out! Taking positive and
inspired action is fundamental,
EXPERT COLUMN
as opposed to a ‘watch and wait’
approach. For me, this means
doing something small every day
that brings you closer to your
desired outcome.
Many people misunderstand
manifesting, and assume that
we just sit back and wait for the
universe to grant our wishes! In
this step, we encourage you to
take inspired and aligned action
that matches your intention.
This creates momentum and
synchronicity in your life, which
attracts opportunities, as well as
boosting your confidence.
To do this, try breaking down
your goal into small, manageable
steps, and scheduling them into
your daily routine. It is important
to prioritise your tasks, along
with tracking your progress, and
celebrating your achievements.
STEP 5: LET GO OF
THE OUTCOME.
This may seem counterproductive,
but it simply means that you
detach yourself from the result,
and focus on the journey rather
than the destination. Letting go
allows you to enjoy the present
moment and appreciate what you
already have, rather than focusing
on what you lack. It also boosts
the immune system and improves
sleep quality, bringing an overall
sense of calm and wellbeing,
as found by Seligman et al. in
American Psychologist in 2005.
In my experience of following the
steps discussed, you can create the
reality you want and live the life
you deserve. I believe that we are
all powerful creators, and have the
ability to manifest anything.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 57
 Breakfast of
champions
A twist on your classic beans on toast
Writing | Xuxa Milrose
B
eans on toast is a
perennial and purse-
friendly breakfast, packed
with all the nutrients you need
to fuel both busy days and slow
mornings. As an ingredient,
beans are incredibly versatile,
and are the perfect delivery
vehicle for any flavour profile
your heart desires! For this
particular recipe, I’ve opted for
kimchi beans – packed with
flavour, they offer a blend of
sweet, spicy, and umami.
58 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Kimchi beans on sourdough with
jammy boiled eggs and sesame seeds
Ingredients
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 large white onion, finely diced
• 4 cloves of garlic, crushed
• 2 tbsp tomato puree
• 2 tbsp soy sauce/tamari
• 1 tbsp maple syrup
• 2 tsp smoked paprika
• 2 tins (approx 700g) of cooked
cannellini beans
• 1 tbsp gochujang
• 400g tin of chopped tomatoes
• 250g kimchi, roughly chopped
(as well as some kimchi juice
from the jar)
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 3 eggs
• Sourdough bread
To serve
• 2 spring onions, finely chopped
• 1 tbsp sesame seeds

Method
• Heat the oil in a pan and add
the diced onion, frying for 5–7
minutes on medium heat until
the onions turn translucent.
Add the crushed garlic and
cook for 3 minutes.
• Add the tomato puree to the
pan. Cook for 2 minutes before
adding the soy sauce, maple
syrup and smoked paprika.
Give it all a good mix.
• Add the beans and the
gochujang to the pan, stirring
Recipe image provided by Xuxa Milrose
thoroughly before adding the
chopped tomatoes, kimchi and
kimchi juice.
• Cook for 10 minutes on
medium-low heat until
the sauce has reduced and
thickened. Add salt and pepper
to taste.
• For the perfect soft-boiled
egg, fill a medium saucepan
with water and bring to a
rolling boil. Lower the eggs
(room temperature) into the
pan using a spoon – using
room temperature eggs means
they’ll be less likely to crack!
• Set your timer for 6–7 minutes.
Remove the eggs and transfer
to a bowl of cold water.
• Toast your bread. When the
eggs are cool enough to touch,
peel and slice in half.
• Serve the beans on the toasted
sourdough and top with a
hard-boiled egg, spring onions
and sesame seeds.
The healthy bit
Beans not only boast an
impressive profile of B vitamins,
iron and folate – crucial for the
transportation of oxygen around
the body and energy production
– but they’re also a brilliant
source of fibre and plant-based
protein. Including more beans in
your diet may also help reduce
cholesterol, decrease blood sugar
levels, and increase the amount
and diversity of beneficial
bacteria in the gut.
Kimchi is a traditional Korean
food made by fermenting
vegetables. This fermentation
produces lactic acid, which helps
grow specific strains of live
bacteria that can help populate
our friendly gut bacteria. This
aids in regulating immune
function, promoting healthy
digestion, and can even help
improve mood and our response
to stressors!
Studies have shown that the
consumption of eggs raises the
levels of HDL – often dubbed the
‘good cholesterol’ as it carries
excess cholesterol to the liver, to
be removed from the body.
Eggs are packed with vitamin
A, folate, vitamins B2, B5, B12,
vitamin D, E and selenium, all
needed for energy production,
proper immune function, and
prevention of cell damage.
They’re also an excellent source
of choline – a nutrient crucial for
food & health
building cell membranes and
helping to produce signalling
molecules in the brain,
impacting memory, muscle
function, and mood.
When available, try to opt
for sourdough. To make
sourdough, a ‘starter’ is used – a
culture of yeasts and beneficial
bacteria that naturally ferment
before being mixed with flour
to make the loaf. Although a
lot of this beneficial bacteria
is lost during the baking
process, the fibre, minerals,
and polyphenols become more
bioavailable. This is because a
naturally occurring compound
found in grains called phytic
acid gets broken down,
meaning we can absorb and
utilise the beneficial nutrients
more efficiently.
The combination of fibre and
protein from the beans, the
protein and fat from the eggs,
and the complex carbs from
the sourdough, will ensure
your blood sugar levels remain
balanced, and that you feel
energised, satiated, and ready to
take on the day!
Xuxa Milrose is a
nutritional therapist with
an interest in the brain-
gut connection and how
food can support mental
health and wellbeing. Get in
touch via her profile on the
Nutritionist Resource.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 59
 “It is not the mountain we
conquer, but ourselves
SIR EDMUND HILLARY

Photograph | Andy Vu

60 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

What is worthsplaining
(and how can we stop)?
Feel the need to over-explain your actions and justify why
you’ve done something? You could be worthsplaining…
P
icture the scene: you’re at
work, and decide to go out
to a restaurant for lunch.
When you tell your coworkers
your plan, you make sure they
know this is a ‘treat’ and that
you’ve saved money somewhere
else this week, which is why you
can afford it. Or perhaps you’ve
been invited out for a drink,
but all you really want is a night
in. You say no to the invitation
but then send multiple texts
justifying why you need a night
in (‘Work has been so full on!’ ‘I
can feel a headache coming on!’
‘The cat gets lonely!’).
Both of these are examples of
worthsplaining. This is when
we go to great lengths to justify
our actions, often because we
fear being judged. It may be
somewhat of a habit you’ve fallen
into, but it could have a negative
impact on your mental health.
The fear of judgement driving
worthsplaining can be due to low
Writing | Kat Nicholls
self-esteem and self-worth. It can
also be a sign that we’re seeking
external validation for our
actions, that it’s OK for us to make
these choices for ourselves.
When we live in fear of what
others think, and seek external
validation, we chip away at
our authentic self, and this
is what impacts how we see
ourselves, our self-esteem and,
ultimately, our happiness. When
we set healthy boundaries, feel
confident in our decisions, and
turn inwards for validation, we
build ourselves up, feel good
about who we are, and make
choices that fulfil us.
So, if you have fallen into this
habit of worthsplaining, how can
you put a stop to it?
RECOGNISE THAT
YOU’RE DOING IT
Awareness is the first step to
stopping most habits, and it’s no
different with worthsplaining.
wellbeing
Now that you know what it is,
you’ll likely recognise it more
easily. Try to tune-in with
yourself when you need to make
a decision, and notice how
you react. Take some time to
reflect on how you coped with
the decision, and see if you’ve
worthsplained to anyone.
Self-awareness can take
practice, and building up a habit
of reflection can really help.
Try journaling about your day,
mood tracking, or even starting
a meditation practice. All these
activities encourage us to slow
down and take stock, which
builds our self-awareness.
QUESTION YOUR MOTIVES
Once you’re more aware of
what you’re doing, you can dig a
little deeper and ask why you’re
doing it. For example, if you
want a night in and find yourself
justifying it, what’s driving this?
Are you worried your friends will >>>
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 61
 When we live in fear
of what others think
and seek external
validation, we
chip away at our
authentic self

62 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

be upset with you for not going
out? Do you struggle to make
time for rest, and need to justify
to yourself why you deserve it?
Do you want your friends to agree
with you, saying you deserve to
rest, because you aren’t sure that
you do?
This kind of examination can be
done in several ways. You might
want to journal it out alone, or
you may find it helpful to work
with a professional, such as a
counsellor or coach, to unpick
what’s going on.
SET SOME BOUNDARIES
Personal boundaries help you
draw a line in the sand when it
comes to what you will and won’t
do. They allow you to protect
your peace of mind, and can
act as a powerful form of self-
care. Try to think about some
situations where you tend to
worthsplain, and set yourself
some boundaries. These could be
around how many things you say
‘yes’ to in a set timeframe, things
you say ‘no’ to, how much you’re
willing to take on at work, your
spending habits, and more. Once
you set these boundaries, you can
check in with them when making
decisions, helping you stay on
track with what you need.
WORK ON YOUR
SELF-TRUST
A lack of self-trust is often at
the core of worthsplaining. You
may not trust that you’re making
the right decisions, or that you
deserve certain things. Working
on building that self-trust can go a
long way in helping to overcome
worthsplaining, and a few ways
you can do that include: creating
a more positive relationship with
your inner critic (acknowledging
comments and the intention
to keep ourselves safe, but
recognising we don’t have to act
on or agree with them); making
self-care a priority (scheduling in
time to do things that refill your
cup); recognise what a lack of self-
trust feels like (allowing you to
identify it, and pause to respond
differently in future); and letting
go of habits that undermine your
self-trust.
LET YOUR DECISION
STAND ALONE
This is perhaps the trickiest step,
but also the most important.
When you make a decision, try
to let it stand alone, i.e. without
worthsplaining to prop it up.
For example, if you decide to
go to a restaurant for lunch at
work, simply say “I’m heading to
wellbeing
[PLACE] for lunch, I’ll see you in an
hour.” Or, if you want a night in, say
“Thanks so much for the invite, I’m
going to skip this one and stay in –
have fun!”
It may feel uncomfortable at
first, not to explain or justify your
actions, but the more you do it, the
more your confidence in yourself
will grow.
KEEP PRACTISING
To move past worthsplaining and to
build up your sense of worth, it’s all
about practice. Keep noticing your
reactions, keep questioning your
motives, keep checking in with your
boundaries, keep working on your
self-trust, and keep letting your
decision stand alone.
As mentioned, working with
a professional can help you
understand what may be at the
root of your fear of judgement, or
desire for external validation. Here
you can look at other areas of your
life where your low sense of self-
worth is affecting you and discover
practices to help you build up your
authentic self again.
If you want to do some self-
exploratory work, journaling can be a
great tool for this. Turn to p83 to try
out our guided self-journaling pages,
exclusively in every print issue.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 63
 How to reclaim
your time as a
working parent
Juggling work and childcare can
seem like an impossible task.
Follow these tips for finding
moments for yourself
Writing | Emma Victoria Stokes
W
e all have moments
where everything
feels overwhelming.
Particularly when it comes to
balancing our working and
personal lives. Tackling all of this
while also raising children can
make it feel impossible.
It’s important to remember
that you’re not alone – in fact,
according to the Office for
National Statistics, 50.4% of
working families have both
parents employed full-time – and
there are always things you can do
64 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
to make life that tiny bit easier. As
parents, we understand that every
single minute is precious, so we’ve
curated some tips to help you
strike a balance.
Dedicate small moments for
yourself, every single day.
Regardless of how short the
slot between work and family
responsibilities might be, it’s
important to set aside time each
day, exclusively for you. Whether
it’s in the quiet moments after the
kids are asleep, or the peaceful
early hours before the household
wakes up and you begin getting
ready for work and school, make
sure there are non-negotiable
moments of rest.
This could mean indulging
in a few uninterrupted pages
of your favourite book or
magazine, pampering yourself
with a relaxing bath, or doing
some gentle yoga stretches.
The art of slowing down means
different things to different
people. Remember that you
are deserving of this self-care.

Taking time for yourself each
day will undeniably make a
huge difference to your overall
energy levels and wellbeing,
and this isn’t something that
should ever be compromised.
Lean on your
support system.
It’s easier said than done, but
sharing the daily load can
drastically reduce the stress that
comes with being a working
parent. It’s common to feel
overwhelmed by all the tasks
you need to do throughout
the working day, and then the
second round back home with
the kids. If possible, engage
in open conversations with
your partner, family, and even
friends who can support you.
Put in place small systems for
managing household chores,
grocery shopping, and any
urgent admin tasks, so you
have the capacity to prioritise
things you have to get done.
Consider involving your family
by assigning age-appropriate
responsibilities, such as tidying
their own rooms and doing the
washing up. Not only does this
create a sense of teamwork, but
it also gives you the freedom
to prioritise other meaningful
activities around the home.
Set clear boundaries.
As a working parent, it is crucial
to focus your time and energy
on what really matters so that
you are able to be your best self
at work and with your family.
Saying ‘yes’ to every birthday
party and activity will likely
cause burnout, so saying ‘no’
to commitments that do not
align with your priorities can
be extremely liberating. This
also goes for work life, by
ensuring that when you’re off
the clock, you’re off the clock.
That means logging off on time,
setting clear time expectations,
and vocalising if the workload
is becoming unmanageable in
your allocated work hours.
By setting firm boundaries,
respecting your time, and
being selective about the
responsibilities and activities
you take on, you are creating
room for the things that bring
you peace and fulfilment.
Make use of your weekends
and annual leave.
Annual leave and weekends are
there for a reason, so why not
take some time to intentionally
plan activities that recharge
and rejuvenate you? You may
wish to make these solo days
in order to fully recoup, or
you can intentionally plan
family days that are centred
around rejuvenation, such as
long refreshing countryside
walks together, or something
as simple as cosy movie nights.
Being intentional with your
time off can have a positive
impact on those around you,
so be sure to make these
conscious choices that will not
only allow you to show up, but
means you can be present for
your children and family in the
most fulfilling way.
relationships
Establish
technology-free zones.
Having screen breaks and
removing the need for phones
in certain areas of the house can
be a game-changer. In setting up
spaces and rules where technology
is not welcome – for example,
no phones at the dinner table
or after 9pm – you will begin to
create opportunities for genuine
connections and quality time
instead of being distracted. It
can also help you set boundaries
around work, by being unavailable
for out-of-hours work calls or
emails during family time. Not
only are you setting an example of
tech management to your children,
but it can also significantly reduce
your stress levels before bedtime.
Explore parenting
support groups.
When juggling your
responsibilities, it can be helpful
to connect with other working
parents who are going through
similar experiences. Exploring
parenting groups, both in person
and online, can provide great
opportunities to join a community
of individuals who also understand
the unique challenges and
demands of balancing free time,
work, and family life. Sharing
experiences, exchanging tips, and
seeking guidance from others
in the same situation, can be
incredibly comforting and can
also provide valuable insights. You
can learn a lot from each other’s
successes and find encouragement
in knowing you’re not alone on this
journey.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 65
 4 myths on food
and mood, busted
We’re learning more and more about the link between
what we eat and how we feel, but to utilise this
knowledge, it’s important to pick apart fact from fiction
Writing | Kat Nicholls

N
utrition can be a difficult topic to
navigate. Much like exploring an
ancient ruin, there’s treasure to be
found, but booby traps line our path. These
obstacles can often take the form of myths
and misconceptions, ideas about food offered
as fact when, in reality, they’re unfounded.
Sweeping statements that don’t take individual
circumstances into account, or theories tainted
with diet culture, steer us away from what
might be the right course for us.
The connection between our diet and our
mental health is a burgeoning and exciting area
to delve into. Research into this link continues
to reveal how food can be another tool to add
to our wellbeing toolbox. Like other areas of
nutrition though, we need to watch out for those
falsehoods that might stand in our way.
Here we’re investigating some of the most
common food and mood myths you may
have heard, and revealing the truth lurking
underneath.
MYTH: CARBOHYDRATES MAKE YOU
FEEL SLUGGISH
There was a time in diet culture when
carbohydrates were demonised (remember the
Atkins diet?), and the echoes of this still haunt us
today. Some still see carbs as foods that make us
feel heavy, bloated, and sluggish. While this
may be true for some people, of course,
so it’s important to seek medical
advice if you think you may have an
allergy or intolerance, for others,
this is a myth that needs busting.
Glucose is the main source of
energy for our body’s cells, tissues,
and organs, and when we eat
carbohydrates, it’s broken down
into glucose. So carbs quite literally
fuel us – they’re not something to
be feared. Not only this, but they
contain nutrients like calcium,
iron, and B vitamins, all of which
help us stay healthy. Wholegrain
varieties, and potatoes with skin left
on, are great sources of fibre, too, so
aim to include these where possible.
MYTH: EATING LESS GIVES
YOU MORE ENERGY
This myth is a loaded one that’s
guaranteed to invite debate. Some
say eating less means less time
digesting, which helps our
energy levels, or that eating
little and often is better
for metabolism. We’re all

66 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

different, and some people may find this to
be true. The problem here is that food, quite
simply, gives us energy.
Missing meals can affect our blood sugar
levels, making us feel tired and anxious,
as well as create physical side-effects like
headaches. Extreme calorie restriction
over time can even put our bodies into
‘starvation mode’, slowing our metabolism
and making us feel lethargic. A 2019 study
from Cambridge University actually revealed
that skipping meals was associated with
Learn more about the
link between what we
eat and how we feel on
our podcast episode,
‘Finding What Works:
Food and Mood’.
an increased likelihood of developing mood
disorders.
If you’re struggling with your energy levels and
suspect your diet has a role to play, try keeping
a food diary and note how you feel after certain
meals. This might reveal patterns you can
work with. For example, if you notice you feel
lethargic after eating a sugary snack, this is likely
due to the quick spike and drop in blood sugar
levels. You might choose to swap that snack for
something else, or you might consider what you
can add to it to help slow the sugar release. >>>
 Interested in working with a professional on your
food and mood? Visit the Nutritionist Resource.
MYTH: EATING FATTY
FOODS LOWERS YOUR
MOOD
Similarly to carbohydrates, fat
is often given a bad rep in the
wellness industry. As always
though, there is nuance to be
explored. Blanket statements like
‘fatty foods lower mood’ can lead
people to drastically cut their fat
intake, when some fats can be
beneficial for mood.
Eating too many highly processed
foods that contain high levels
of saturated fats can negatively
impact both mental and physical
health over time. It can help to
keep an eye on this, especially if
you’ve been advised to by doctors.
Some fat in our diet is
needed though, including
monounsaturated fats found in
nuts, avocados, and olive oil, along
with omega-3 fatty acids found in
fish, flaxseeds, and walnuts. These
fats are essential for brain health
and mood.
It’s also important for us to
consider our relationship with
food, and how this can impact
our mood. If we vilify certain
food groups and take drastic
measures, restricting ourselves can
feel punishing – and who’s ever
felt uplifted after punishment?
Sometimes, enjoying your
favourite snack without guilt is a
great way to boost your mood. The
line to look out for is when you’re
relying on food and nothing else
for your mood boosts.
68 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
MYTH: ALCOHOL LIFTS
YOUR MOOD AND HELPS
YOU SLEEP
Received a promotion? Crack
open the champagne! Had a long
day at work? Pour a glass of red.
Whether we’re celebrating or
wanting to wind down, a common
go-to for a lot of us is alcohol. A
glass or two to relax us and help us
fall asleep, a few more to loosen
our inhibitions and be the life of
the party.
This can all feel great in the
moment, and as though alcohol
is doing what we want, but when
we look closer, the truth is quite
different. Alcohol is actually a
depressant, so after those initial
feelings of loosening up give
way, other emotions like anxiety,
depression, or even anger can
surface.
The same goes for our sleep;
alcohol can help us fall asleep
quicker, but our quality of sleep
isn’t as good due to the disruption
alcohol causes us. And this even
goes for low levels of alcohol, with
a 2018 study in JMIR Mental Health
finding that less than two servings
of alcohol per day for men, and
one for women, decreased sleep
quality by 9.3%. This rose to a
decrease in sleep quality of 39.2%
when men have more than two
servings of alcohol per day, and
women have more than one.
In the long run, excessive
alcohol intake can negatively
impact both our mood and
sleep. Studies, including those
in Drug and Alcohol Dependence
and the International Journal of
Geriatric Psychiatry, note links
between long-term alcohol abuse
and chronic sleep problems,
with those who binge-drink on
a weekly basis more likely to
experience insomnia. There’s
also the possibility of it becoming
a crutch we rely on, leading to
problem drinking, and even
addiction, if left unaddressed.
Does this mean you have to quit
drinking immediately? No. All it
means is that it can be helpful for
us to consider our relationship
with alcohol and how it’s really
making us feel. This may prompt
you to cut down or even quit,
but the important thing is to
understand how you use alcohol,
and what might be a more
sustainable alternative.
Hopefully, after reading this,
you realise that there are rarely
absolutes in diet. When it comes
to food and mood specifically,
recognising our individualism
is key. Your body may respond
differently to certain foods than
mine, so get curious. Keep track of
what you eat, and how this makes
you feel mentally and physically,
and don’t hesitate to reach out to
a professional for more guidance.
Remember, the route to reward is
different for all of us.
GOING THROUGH
A TOUGH TIME?
Here are 10 things you need to know…

1. You don’t have to fake or force a smile for anyone.

2. There’s no timeline on grief or recovery. Take as long as

you need.

3. If you find moments of brightness and joy, don’t feel

guilty. The spectrum of emotions is vast, and you can
feel an array at once.

4. Going through a bad time doesn’t make you a bad

person – it’s not a punishment, or something you
deserve. Life is unpredictable, and we don’t always have
the answers for why things happen.

5. Some days will be harder than others, and there’s not

always a logical reason why. Allow your feelings to be,
and know they are valid.

6. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, and you are
not a burden. Your loved ones want to support you, in
whatever way they can.

7. It’s OK to not feel like the same person as before.

When something huge happens in your life, it can feel
like there’s a permanent tear marking it – time before,
and time after. Feeling lost as you try to adjust to that is
understandable.

8. You don’t owe the world anything when it comes to

how you deal with your pain. There’s not a perfect path to
follow or set of rules to guide you. You don’t have to put
on a front if you’re struggling.

9. Anger is a natural emotion; you don’t have to hide it or

be ashamed if that’s how you feel.

10. It might not seem like it right now, but no feeling lasts
forever. Hold on, you don’t have to go through it alone.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 69
 Happiful recommends
From a thrilling summer escapade to a confidence-boosting
gift that will ensure you start your day on the right foot, we
have 10 wellbeing recommendations that you’ll be eager to try
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

3
ACT OF KINDNESS

Donate items to Make-A-Wish

Make-A-Wish is looking for volunteers to help grant the wishes
of critically ill children, and bring light into their life. So, how can

1
you make a difference? The charity has a wish list of items on its website
that you can help to fulfil either through the donations of goods, services, or
skills. (Head to makeawishuk.my.site.com/GIK/s to view their wish list)

4
LEND US YOUR EARS

PAGE-TURNERS ‘Decluttering Untangled with Heather Tingle’

The Burnout Workbook by Amelia
Nagoski and Emily Nagoski
There are times in our lives when
we face challenges. And though
we can’t always control what
happens, we can control how we
react it. Helping us to manage
Decluttering professional Heather understands the link that
neurodiversity can have with clutter, and provides expert
tips and advice on how you can transform your home and
reclaim your space for those who are overwhelmed, have
ADHD, or autism. Are you ready to
take the first step towards a clutter-
free life? (Available on all podcast
platforms)

5
our emotions to avoid burnout
are Amelia Nagoski and Emily PLUGGED-IN
Nagoski, the experts behind
the New York Times bestseller Laura Jones
Burnout. (Out now, £14.99) Bring some
sunshine to your

2
feed by following
OUT AND ABOUT illustrator Laura Jones on
Instagram. She shares positive
Go waterfall chasing affirmations and reminders
There are so many serene waterfalls waiting to be paired with brightly coloured
appreciated around the UK, so why not bring a sprinkling of adventure illustrations, perfect for those
to your summer by seeking out as many waterfalls as you can? Not days when you’re not feeling
only is it a thrilling escapade, but research suggests that viewing yourself and need a little
waterfalls can have a calming effect on your mind and body. self-love.
(Find out about UK waterfalls by reading countryfile.com’s guide) (Follow @laurajaneillustrations)

70 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
 culture

7
TECH TIP-OFFS

Matched
It’s the same old story: you settle down in the evening to
watch a movie with your partner, but you can never find
common ground on what you want to watch. Put the
indecisiveness behind you because Matched (the Tinder of the movie
world) is here to help as you swipe left or right on films until you find the

6
LESSON LEARNED perfect match. (Available on app store and Google Play)

Learn a new instrument
Is there an instrument
that you’ve always thought about
learning, but haven’t mustered
up the courage to do? Then
now’s your sign to do exactly
that. Learning how to play a new
instrument has so many science-
backed benefits for your overall
wellbeing, including increasing
your memory capability and
creativity.
8
GET GOING
Indoor climbing
Whoever said exercise had to be
boring? Channel your inner child
and bolster up the courage to
go indoor climbing, just as you
did in your youth. The sense of
accomplishment that you get
from reaching new heights, and
the sociable nature of it, makes
it the go-to exercise for those

9
wanting to make their exercise
SQUARE EYES regime more fun, while engaging WIN A ‘PAGE-A-DAY
in friendly competition. AFFIRMATION EASEL’ FROM
Photographer KEEP IT BRIGHT
Ever wondered what the world looks like from the eyes
of a world-renowned photographer? In this fascinating For your chance to win,
series created by National Geographic, we are taken on an adventure to simply email your answer
follow some of the most incredible lens artists on their projects in visual to the following question to
storytelling. (Available to watch on Disney+) competitions@happiful.com

10
Page-a-day easel | keepitbright.co.uk

TREAT YOURSELF Which of the following

statements is not an affirmation?
Page-a-day affirmation easel a) I’m going to eat cheese today
How often do you wake up in the morning in a rush, feeling stressed or b) I am capable
anxious about the day to come? Well, fear not! Kickstart your morning c) I am worthy
with a boost of positivity by reading aloud one affirmation from this
desktop affirmation easel each day. It’s the secret tool to help you feel *Competition closes 30 June 2024. UK
more confident and strengthen your self-belief. and Northern Ireland only. T&Cs apply.
(£12.99, keepitbright.co.uk) Good luck!

happiful.com | Issue 86 | 71
 “ The gem cannot be polished
without friction, nor man
perfected without trials
CHINESE PROVERB

Photograph | Lil Artsy

72 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

6 unusual ways to
destress quickly
Scientifically-proven tools and techniques to
help you reduce overwhelm in an instant
Writing | Rebecca Thair
W
hile there’s no magic
solution that works
across the board
for everyone when it comes to
combating stress, the following
six strategies could be worth
exploring to help you find calm
in the moment. Of course,
recognising the underlying causes
for your stress is essential, but
hopefully something here could
provide you with a lifeline in a
moment of panic.
Suck on sour sweets
More so effective during bouts
or panic rather than general
anxiety, it’s been reported by Utah
State University that savouring
the tangy flavour of a sour sweet
can be a grounding technique.
Focusing on that sensation, the
taste, and smell, can distract you
from the anxious feelings and
overwhelm.
Sniff something citrus
That’s right: when life gives you
lemons, you should smell them.
According to research, such as
in a paper in Antioxidants from
2022, citrus smells (such as
orange, lemon, or lime) boost
the levels of the mood hormone
norepinephrine in your brain,
which can help to reduce stress.
If you find this effective, consider
keeping a roll-on aromatherapy
oil with you to help throughout
the day.
Cool your wrists
Cold water has been proven
to reduce cortisol levels, and
increase endorphins – one reason
why cold water therapy and
wild swimming have become so
popular. But when overwhelm
strikes, don’t feel like you need
to immediately find a natural
spring for a swim. You can just
use a sink to splash cold water on
your wrists (as these have major
arteries in them), and you should
benefit from the cool-down
effects.
Top up your tryptophan
This chemical is required by
the body to produce serotonin –
known as the ‘happy hormone’
– so you might find that eating
some tryptophan-rich foods gives
you a nice little mood boost. A few
options to try include bananas,
pineapple, or nuts and seeds, all of
which are useful snack options to
have to hand.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Chew some gum
While it’s been widely reported
for decades that chewing gum
can improve your focus and
attention span, more recent
research has explored the power
it has to reduce stress. One 2016
study, published in the Journal
of Clinical and Translational
Research, reviewed studies
conducted over the previous 10
years, and noted that there was
evidence of a greater reduction
in depression for patients who
utilised chewing gum alongside
their antidepressant medication,
compared to those who only had
the medication.
Roll your eyes
It’s a tempting reaction when
someone is testing our patience
anyway, but apparently
the mental focus it takes to
consciously roll your eyes can
be beneficial in reducing stress.
Simply roll your eyes upwards,
as if you’re looking towards your
eyebrows, and take a deep inhale
as you do. Hold your breath while
you hold your eyes in position,
before exhaling as you allow
them to return to their usual
position.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 73
 PUT
WELLBEING
ON THE
CORPORATE
AGENDA

Mind your
business
Your go-to guide
to thriving on the clock

A year of Happiful for staff

Support the beating heart of your business, by prioritising employees’
mental wellbeing. Purchasing a print subscription to Happiful provides a
monthly delivery of positivity straight to their door, packed with expert
insight, life-changing hacks, and a wealth of self-help guidance.
• Bigger discounts the more subscriptions your order
• Exclusive 50-page workplace wellbeing PDF
• Content that normalises mental health discussion
• For every tree used to print our magazine, we plant two
• 100% recyclable magazine and envelope

Visit happiful.com/hub/staff-subscriptions today!

74 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

Enhanced pattern recognition:
Joining the dots
Could the experience of enhanced pattern recognition in people
with ADHD and dyslexia be a hidden strength of the conditions?
T
he human mind is wired
to find patterns in the
world around us – it’s
a baseline survival mechanic
that helps us to predict what
might be coming. Our brains
are so good at this that we still
far outperform computerised
algorithms and artificial
intelligence, and our ability to
do so is what makes us distinctly
human.
While it’s something that will
feel familiar to many, people
with ADHD or dyslexia have
been found to experience
enhanced pattern recognition
– a label which describes the
ability to find and recognise
patterns with only vague or
limited information, beyond
what most people are capable of.
But why is this, what does it look
like in practice, and what is the
impact?
“The ADHD brain has greater
synaptic connections in the
part of the brain that deals
with visual imagery, therefore
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
making them ‘visual thinkers’
and enhancing pattern
recognition,” explains Dr
Tony Lloyd, CEO of the ADHD
Foundation. “Like dyslexia,
the ADHD brain processes
information in different ways.
So we can only hypothesise
that while ‘most’ ADHD brains
have poor working memory, the
greater ‘visual thinking’ may
be an evolutionary adaptation
for poor working memory – or
an example of the adaptive,
evolutionary diversity of human
neurocognitive capabilities that
is the ‘universal design’.”
Though highlighted as a
relatable experience for ADHD
individuals, recent research into
the link is fairly limited, and
enhanced pattern recognition
alone is not enough to fulfil
a diagnosis. That said, in
community forums and on
discussion boards, people with
ADHD describe various forms of
enhanced pattern recognition,
sharing examples such as being
your space
able to predict film and book
plots early on, strong word
association, and predicting
behavioural patterns in others.
Danielle Cannon was diagnosed
with ADHD, combined type, in
2021 at the age of 22. Although
she recalls recommendations
for getting tested as far back as
primary school, it wasn’t until
lockdown – when she saw a lot
more discussion around ADHD
– that she realised she ticked a
lot of boxes, and referred herself
to be tested. Enhanced pattern
recognition is an experience that
feels familiar to her.
“My first experience with
pattern recognition was
probably when I was a teenager,”
Danielle explains. “I’d always be
able to notice the small details
in the changes in someone’s
behaviour, such as a change in
mood or appearance indicating a
change in life, such as a difficult
time at home or a breakup,
or I could recognise early on
the signs of depression in a >>>
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 75
 classmate or, in the opposite
direction, I could recognise a
change in mood to being happier
or more calm indicating a new
relationship, a holiday, etc.”
Danielle feels as though
enhanced pattern recognition
is something that helps her in
daily life. She is able to notice
the small details that others
might miss, which she explains
is particularly helpful when
meeting new people and making
judgements on their character.
“When I was younger and
wasn’t aware of my ADHD or
any of the symptoms, I used to
ignore the heightened sense of
awareness, and often ended up
in friendships with quite toxic
people, believing that I was
wrong or trying not to see all the
warning signs,” she explains.
“It would also sometimes cause
conflict if I would notice a
change in someone and point it
out, only to be met with hostility.
So it took me a while to learn
when and where it is appropriate
to verbally note things and
have conversations – and how
to approach them in a more
tactical way. I now find myself
a very good judge of character

76 | Issue 86 | happiful.com

by picking up the small things
some people miss, and it enables
me to base my friendships on a
more peaceful existence, with
little conflict.”
Enhanced pattern recognition
can be a really helpful skill in
many scenarios. At work, it
can make you a good problem-
solver, and you may find that
certain tasks come naturally
to you, or that you are able to
make accurate predictions based
on the data that is available
to you. It’s a strength to bring
to an environment that can
sometimes prevent challenges
for neurodiverse people.
A review by the Attention
Deficit Disorder Association
found that adults with ADHD
are nearly 60% more likely to
be fired, and 30% more likely
to have chronic or ongoing
employment challenges.
Additionally, a 2018 study for
the Westiminder AchieveAbility
Commission found that 52%
of neurodivergent people
reported having experienced
discrimination during an
interview or selection process
– and, in the case of dyslexia,
while discrimination on the
grounds of dyslexia is prohibited
as it is covered by the Equality
Act 2010, it is not uncommon for
people to feel misunderstood,
or additional pressure in the
workplace.
However, awareness of
potential traits, such as
enhanced pattern recognition,
can help those with conditions
such as ADHD and dyslexia play
to their strengths. Dr Tony Lloyd
also takes it as an opportunity
to share his perspective and
challenge the idea of a ‘normal’
way of thinking.
“Everyone’s brain is as
unique as their fingerprints,
and neurotypes such as
ADHD, dyslexia, autism, and
dyscalculia, have been around
for as long as human beings
have been,” he explains. “Often,
in the context of Western
medicine, anyone who did not
meet criteria for the majority
was considered abnormal versus
the majority that was considered
‘normal’.
“The truth, perhaps, from a
21st-century perspective, is that
such differences in neurotypes
are the universal design and not
an ‘abnormality’ or a ‘disorder’
your space
I’d always be
able to notice
the small details
in a change
i n s o m e o n e ’s
behaviour
at all. Such classifications derive
from a culture within academia
of language that has proven,
ultimately, to be discriminating
and stigmatising.”
It’s an ability that many people
would wish to be better at, so it
makes sense to see enhanced
pattern recognition making
the list of ADHD and dyslexia
strengths. And while more
research on this link is needed in
order to better understand why
it may exist, and how precisely
it can manifest itself, for those
familiar with enhanced pattern
recognition, it presents an
opportunity to play into those
strengths, and offers a moment of
celebration against what can often
be a challenging experience.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 77
 5 ways travelling solo can
liberate you to self-growth
From a woman who has been there and done that,
discover how going your own way can be transformative
A
re you yearning to travel
to far-flung places, but
others have different
priorities? When my kids left
home, I turned a negative
situation on its head and
flipped on the happy switch as I
recalibrated into a new version
of myself.
The years fly by fast, so I
followed my own mantra to
‘embrace life’. Solo travel enabled
me to be a ‘digital nomad’ and a
‘FOGY’ (‘fun older gap yearer’).
Women traveling alone is no
longer perceived as a lonely
pursuit, it is an act of self-love.
I found new life-long friends and
memories. I saw the Deep South
in Elvis’s footsteps, visited friends
in Oz, and Asian temples at dusk
as dragonflies circled overhead.
It was life-changing. Here are five
more ways solo travel can lead to
self-growth to inspire you to pick
up your passport:
1. You will see how
brave you truly are
Get your first boost from
arriving at your destination
single-handedly. Your dopamine
will uplift you and, without
78 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
Writing | Nicki Bannerman
distractions, you can read, sleep,
or party when and how you want.
From seeing your bravery in
action, you will grow as a person.
Your sense of achievement will
uplift your wellbeing and give you
a new sense of freedom. Live the
life you want, and be your own
best friend.
2. Learn to be at one
with yourself
Alone, the joys are heightened.
With no one to take the focus, the
experience becomes mindful.
Food tastes better, views are
more tranquil, and sleep is more
indulgent. Be selfish in a good way!
When stripped of others
‘beholden’ demands, you go with
the flow, and the energy and
flexibility of how the mood takes
you. There is a huge difference
between being lonely and being
alone. I find exploring new places
stimulating and less lonely than
being in your own home. Surprise
yourself and enjoy the journey.
3. Reap the rewards of
company, when you want it
Mix up your itinerary or join tours
to meet like-minded souls. Join
groups in places that make you
feel slightly less comfortable.
Liberate yourself to explore
independently where you feel
more within your comfort zone.
Discover experiences through
apps or magazines. I did cooking
classes in Rome and New
Orleans. There are even walking
tours and rooftop cocktail groups
for drinks and dinners. To add to
the connection, I published daily
blogs on social media as I trailed
around.
4. Feel empowered
by personal safety
Your peace of mind is important
when you travel solo, and safety
is imperative. But it can lead to
gaining a new sense of being able
to cope on your own – now you
can survive anything, the world is
your oyster!
Keep your wits about you
avoiding quiet places late at
night – I asked a group of girls
if I could walk with them in
Nashville when my Uber didn’t
show. Judge whether valuables
are safer on you or left in your
accommodation – I took spare
everything, including travel
 I discovered how to be
truly present and enjoy
the little things there in
the moment
cards (which I needed when the
bank machine swallowed mine
in Vietnam) and even a packed a
spare phone.
Remember to be as safe as
you want to be, and always ask
for help if concerned. I was
searched for guns in Memphis
on Halloween, and chased by
a rabid monkey in Cambodia.
When you look back, you will be
proud of how you survived the
experiences. Even the setbacks
will fill you with pride.
5. Discover how to accept
your emotions as part of
your journey
On days I felt alone, I sat and
compiled playlists. Music or
radio is a huge comfort when you
need company. I took myself for
a walk to see beautiful views in
Dubrovnik, tried sumptuous food
in Italy, visited art and vineyards,
and found huge moments of joy.
Treating yourself to what makes
you happy can help with those
low moods.
But also try to have fewer
expectations around constant
happiness. I discovered how to
be truly present and enjoy the
little things there in the moment.
Not every day or minute will be
perfect – it wouldn’t be at home
either, but the highs will be
higher! Enjoy the journey to self-
growth for your mental health
and wellbeing, and the evolved
new version of yourself.
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 79
 Put your
mind to it
With evidence showing the huge benefits of
meditation, is it time you gave it a go?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

I
n schools, workplaces,
in classes, and at home,
meditation and mindfulness
are on the rise. Often heralded
as a supportive solution to stress,
anxiety, depression, and even
physical pain, meditation has a
lot to live up to – but more and
more people are beginning to
attest to its effectiveness.

The science
According to a US survey shared
by the National Center for
Complementary and Integrative
Health, the number of adults
who practise some form of
meditation tripled between
2012 and 2017, from 4.1% of the
population to 14.2%. So, what’s
got so many people interested in
meditation?

80 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
 In one study, published in
The Journal of Alternative and
Complementary Medicine, which
looked at nearly 1,300 adults,
meditation was proven to be
linked to a reduction in anxiety,
with the effect being strongest
in those who presented with
the highest levels of anxiety.
Another study, shared in the
Journal of Occupational Health
Psychology, also found a similar
effect in employees who used
a mindfulness meditation app
for eight weeks – they went on
to experience a decrease in job
strain and distress, as well as
improved overall wellbeing.
But decreasing stress and
anxiety is just one factor.
Research published in Frontiers
in Human Neuroscience found
that participants who listened to
a meditation tape experienced
improved attention, and a meta-
analysis of 22 studies, published
in the Journal of Consulting and
Clinical Psychology, found that
meditation has an ability to
increase our compassion towards
ourselves and others.
Setting your intention
Tempted to give it a go yourself?
Starting out with meditation can
feel intimidating, but it doesn’t
have to be.
“Short, daily meditation
can change our relationship
to thoughts. This, in turn,
reduces the overthinking
that causes so much of our
stress, leading to more clarity,
focus, and calm,” explains
Frances Trussell, hypnotherapist
and mindfulness meditation
teacher. “Becoming a meditator
transformed my own life; before
meditation, I’d had terrible
anxiety and depression for as
long as I could remember. That’s
why I went on to become a
teacher, and over the last decade,
I’ve seen it improve the lives of
thousands of people.
“Just like with physical exercise,
we get far better results by doing
a little consistently than a whole
heap once in a while. However
brief your meditation, by
showing up daily you are setting a
clear intention that you prioritise
being present in your life, and
taking care of your mental
health.”
Meditation has an
ability to increase
our compassion
towards ourselves
and others
Giving it a go
To get a taste of what meditation
has to offer, I set an intention
for the week: 10 minutes of daily
guided meditation each morning.
Here’s what I learned...
• The position doesn’t matter.
Like me, you might have been
under the impression that to
meditate you had to sit crossed-
legged on the floor, with a
straight back and your hands
resting on your knees. While
I started out like this, by the
third day I transitioned to lying
down on my yoga mat. I was
more comfortable this way, and
better able to fully relax.
• Not every guided meditation
will be right for you. To find a
recording, I turned to Spotify.
At the start of the week, I
shuffled through a couple of
options, before landing on the
‘10-Minute Guided Meditation’
from Headspaces’ Meditation
Made Simple collection. I was
drawn to recordings that were
warm and supportive, and
less so to ones that felt overly
formal. What works for you
may be different, and figuring
that out will help you find your
match.
• Small acts of self-care go a
long way. If 10 minutes seems
like a really short amount of
time, it’s because it is. But what
I found was that, even in such
a small amount of time, I felt
the effects. It was easy to slot
in, and taking that time each
morning to slow down, to
connect with my thoughts and
feelings, put me in a productive
head space at the start of
the day, and quickly became
something I felt grateful for.
• It gets easier. Even though
I’m a regular at my local yoga
studio, where meditation can
sometimes come into practice,
I did find the idea of meditation
alone a little intimidating. But
by allowing myself the freedom
to explore it in a way that suits
me (picking the position I was
in, the recording I used, the
length, and the time I did it) I
found it easier to sink into each
day – and it’s a habit I hope to
keep. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 86 | 81

Over to you
The first thing to consider when
starting out with short, daily
meditations is what you want
from it. Is it relaxation? Or to
improve self-compassion or
confidence? Is it for sleep or
healthy habits? Once you’ve
figured that out, you can decide
whether you want to find a
guided meditation (in which case,
searching on YouTube or Spotify
for meditation on the theme you
are interested in will bring up
plenty of results). Or you may
want to go your own way, and
prefer to set a timer and focus
only on your breathing.
Like me, start with just short
sessions – 10 or even five minutes
is a great place to begin. You can
set a goal of how often you want
to meditate, be it daily or a couple
82 | Issue 86 | happiful.com
of times a week. Once you’re in
the swing of things, you may
wish to meditate for longer, or
you may not – it’s your call. Get
comfortable, in whatever way
that is for you – you can even do
your meditation on the move (go
for a walk and sync your breath
to the steps you’re taking) if
that’s what suits you.
“Meditation can be
intimidating when you first
begin; we can have so many
doubts around whether
we are doing it ‘right’, and
preconceptions about how it is
supposed to feel,” Frances says.
“If there’s one thing for sure,
it’s that your mind will likely be
busy and you’ll get distracted –
this is just what the mind does.
Don’t get put off by this, or get
cross with yourself. It’s our
Frances Trussell is an
author, therapist and
mindfulness meditation
teacher. Find out more
on the Hypnotherapy
Directory.
job in meditation to simply pay
attention to what is happening,
without judging it, gently
bringing the mind back to the
object of the meditation (usually
our breath or the body) when
we notice we’ve got on a train of
thought.”
Frances described each time
we meditate as being like doing a
rep at the gym, as we strengthen
the neural pathways that bring
our attention back to the present.
“Ultimately, we don’t meditate
to be good at meditation,” says
Frances. “We meditate to get
better at showing up for our lives
– meditation is just the way we
practise this.”
So, with a compelling list of
evidenced benefits, and an entry
point that’s accessible to all, the
only question left is, why not?
 ISSUE 86
£5.99
H & WELLBEING
MENTAL HEALT
DEVOTED TO

Where to find help

Cover illustration | Rosan Magar

SPOTLIGHT
Step out of
the shadows
ALL WORK
+
ust
A little self-tr

NO PLAY?
let
is all it takes to
yourself shine

Why we all need

a third place

Looking for support with your mental health? A LEAGUE OF

THEIR OWN
Here are some places that can help: is stepping up
of sport
How the world tackle
to
the climate crisis

CRISIS SUPPORT
A love-hate
If you are in crisis and are concerned for Burnt toast
theory es
relations hip
tions from
Romantic revela reality TV
your favourite
le inconvenienc
Could life’s litt

your own safety, call 999 or go to A&E

plan?
be part of a bigger

Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email them

at jo@samaritans.org
Finished with
your magazine?
GENERAL LISTENING LINES Why not…

SANEline • Pass me on to a friend who

SANEline offers support and information might appreciate some articles.
from 4pm–10pm: 0300 304 7000 • Get crafty and use me for a
vision board or collage.
• Keep me on a coffee table to
Mind
pick up when you need a boost
Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank
• Remember I’m 100% recyclable,
holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk
so pop me in your recycling bin.
Switchboard
Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from
10am–10pm: 0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt

LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY AND SUPPORT

p25 To find out more about LGBTQ+ life, connect with a
community, and find support, visit stonewall.org.uk

Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts.

BIPOLAR INFORMATION Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC® certified sources.
p43 For support and information about bipolar disorder, The FSC® label guarantees that the trees harvested are
replaced, or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we
head to www.bipolaruk.org will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used,
by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful
is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions, views and
values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that
content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views
or values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on
CONNECT WITH A LIFE COACH which you should rely. It is provided for general information
p61 Learn more about life coaching and reach out to purposes only. We work hard to achieve the highest possible
editorial standards, however if you would like to pass on your
a professional using lifecoach-directory.org.uk feedback or have a complaint about Happiful, please email
us at feedback@happiful.com. We do not accept liability for
products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah
Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered
in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and
Head to happiful.com for more services and support VAT number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is
Building B, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.
 Exclusive journaling section
only £5.99 Includes UK delivery
per month Cancel at any time

Delivering on our mission

to create a happier,
healthier, and more
sustainable society.