CONFLICT AND STRESS

MANAGEMENT
FIND YOUR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLE!

We each have our own way of dealing with conflict. Rate each of the following statements on a
scale of 1 to 4 indicating how likely you are to use this strategy.

1 = RARELY 2 = SOMETIMES 3 = OFTEN 4 = ALWAYS

Be sure to answer the questions indicating how you would behave rather than how you think you
should behave.

1. I explore issues with others so as to find solutions that meet everyone’s needs. _____
2. I try to negotiate and adopt a give-and-take approach to problem situations. _____
3. I try to meet the expectations of others. _____
4. I would argue my case and insist on the merits of my point of view. _____
5. When there is a disagreement, I gather as much information as I can and keep the lines
of communication open. _____
6. When I find myself in an argument, I usually say very little and try to leave as soon as
possible. _____
7. I try to see conflicts from both sides. What do I need? What does the other person need?
What are the issues involved? _____
8. I prefer to compromise when solving problems and just move on. _____
9. I find conflicts challenging and exhilarating; I enjoy the battle of wits that usually follows. _____

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10. Being at odds with other people makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious. _____
11. I try to accommodate the wishes of my friends and family. _____
12. I can figure out what needs to be done and I am usually right. _____
13. To break deadlocks, I would meet people halfway. _____
14. I may not get what I want but it’s a small price to pay for keeping the peace. _____
15. I avoid hard feelings by keeping my disagreements with others to myself. _____

SCORING
To find your most preferred conflict management style, total the points in the respective
categories. The one with the highest score indicates your most commonly used strategy. The
one with the lowest score indicates your least preferred strategy.
However, if you are a leader who must deal with conflict on a regular basis, you may find your
style to be a blend of styles.

STYLE CORRESPONDING STATEMENTS TOTAL

COLLABORATING: ADD STATEMENTS 1, 5 AND 7 ________

COMPETING: ADD STATEMENTS 4, 9 AND 12 ________
AVOIDING: ADD STATEMENTS 6, 10 AND 15 ________
ACCOMMODATING: ADD STATEMENTS 3, 11 AND 14 ________
COMPROMISING: ADD STATEMENTS 2, 8 AND 13 ________

1. COLLABORATING
Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative – the opposite of avoiding. Collaborating
involves an attempt to work with the other person to find some solution which fully satisfies
the concerns of both persons. It means digging into an issue to identify the underlying concerns
of the two individuals and to find an alternative which meets both sets of concerns.
Collaborating between two persons might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn
from each other’s insights, concluding to resolve some condition which would otherwise have
them competing for resources, or confronting and trying to find a creative solution to an
interpersonal problem.

2. COMPETING
Competing/Controlling is assertive and uncooperative – an individual pursues his or her own
concerns at the other person’s expense. This is a power-oriented mode, in which one uses

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whatever power seems appropriate to win one’s own position – one’s ability to argue, one’s
rank, economic sanctions. Competing might mean “standing up for your rights,” defending a
position which you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.

3. AVOIDING
Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative – the individual does not immediately pursue his
own concerns or those of the other person. He or she does not address the conflict. Avoiding
might take the form of diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue until a better
time or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation.

4. ACCOMMODATING
Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative – the opposite of competing. When
accommodating, an individual neglects his or her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the
other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. Accommodating might take the
form of selfless generosity or charity, obeying another person’s order when one would prefer
not to, or yielding to another’s point of view.

5. COMPROMISING
Compromising is intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The object is to find
some expedient, mutually acceptable solution which partially satisfies both parties. It falls on a
middle ground between competing and accommodating. Compromising gives up more than
competing but less than accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more directly than
avoiding, but doesn’t explore it in as much depth as collaborating. Compromising might mean
splitting the difference, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground position.

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 STRESS TEST!

Answer yes or no to the following questions:

1. Do you worry about the future?

2. Do you sometimes have trouble falling asleep?

3. Do you often reach for a cigarette, a drink, or a tranquilliser in order to reduce tension?

4. Do you become irritated over basically insignificant matters?

5. Do you have less energy than you seem to need or would like to have?

6. Do you have too many things to do and not enough time to do them?

7. Do you have headaches or stomach problems?

8. Do you feel pressure to accomplish or get things done?

9. Are you very concerned about being either well liked or successful?

10. Do you perform well enough in life to satisfy yourself?

11. Do you get satisfaction from the small joys or simple pleasures of life?

12. Are you able to really relax and have fun?

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Scoring: Give yourself one point for each question 1 – 9 with a yes response and one point for
each question 10 – 12 with a no response.

If your score is four or more, then you may be under significant stress. You may want to find
out more about managing stress.

Self assess yourselves by asking

• Do I know the facts, or am I guessing what other people think or mean?

• Am I jumping to conclusions about the results of a situation?

• Do I often assume the worst, or think about things in ‘always’ or

‘never’ terms?

• Am I blowing the outcomes and impacts out of proportion?

• Have I looked at times I have succeeded, or only considered my failures?

• Am I taking responsibility for something that isn’t in my control (e.g., other people’s
actions)?

• Do I automatically think I can’t do this, I won’t know how, or I won’t get

it right?

HOW TO MANAGE STRESS

Reducing the impact of stress- the three Rs

 RELAX,
 RESOLVE
 REFUEL

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From The University of Texas Learning Center. Making the grade 101. Austin: The University of Texas.
www.utexas.edu/student/utlc/makinggrade/Accessed 13 November 2001.

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 PERSONAL GOAL SETTING!

SELF-CARE PRESCRIPTION

- Things that I learned today:

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Remember, you matter.

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