To remember

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/42898698.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Relationship: Kija (Akatsuki no Yona)/Reader
Character: Kija (Akatsuki no Yona)
Additional Tags: Pining, Like ALOT of pining, brief amnesia, Medical Examination,
Gardens, Medicinal Herbs, Sad with a Happy Ending, half of me wanted
to make this a sad ending but cooler heads prevailed, does this count as
angst?, i mean it's pretty angsty so..., Angst with a Happy Ending,
Holding Hands, like briefly but it still happens so i'm taging it, No Beta
We Die Like King IL, i stayed up until 2:00 in the morning to write this
so i hope you like it, this is here as a friendly reminder that i am dyslexic
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2022-11-06 Words: 3,236 Chapters: 1/1
 To remember
by TheGothGeek

Summary

Is it a curse or a blessing to remember?

Just upon arriving in the port town of Awa Kija becomes dizzy from tracking the green
dragon's movements; Yun mentions he knows a herbalist who lives nearby that may have the
medicine needed to help him; although he is barely able to stand, Kija decides to set out on
his own a decision that would lead him to happiness, sorrow and difficult decisions, ones he
can not help but reminisce about.

As mentioned above, This story takes place just as they enter Awa, and I tried really damn
hard to make it Canon Compliant, but who the hell knows, thus why I didn't tag it.

Notes

I don’t use Y/N in this, instead, I refer to the reader as “the herbalist”, so go wild. Project
yourself or your OCs onto her all you like.
I spent way too much time Researching for this, and half of it I didn't even use, so I’m putting
all the facts I learned here.
. Ginkgo (Ginkgo biloba) is a tree native to China and can be used to treat dizziness.
. Akatsuki no Yona/Yona of dawn was inspired by the Goguryeo era of Korean history.
. A traditional Korean dress is called a Hanbok.
. Hanboks date back to the Goguryeo era.
. white dragon (globba winitii), also known as Dancing Ladies Ginger or Dancing Girls
Ginger, is most commonly used for Flower arranging due to its remaining unwilted for long
periods after being removed from the main plant.

Feedback is always appreciated. Thank you for clicking; please enjoy.

Kija remembered every day with her, but the first time they met felt like it was almost still
happening.

“Feeling any better, Kija?” the princess knelt in front of him, reaching a hand up to rest on his
shoulder.

Kija sighed. “I'm sorry, princess. As your sworn protector, I should be standing in your
defence, not doubled over on the side of the road.”

Yona shook her head. “It’s fine, Kija; without you, we never would have gotten this far; you
rest up, okay?”

“But…” Kija would have continued protesting if he hadn't felt so sick; the world felt as if it
were swaying, his stomach churned, and the ground almost seemed to shift beneath him.

Yun Groaned. “If you’re going to be this stubborn about it, I know a herbalist that lives near
here, I don’t have the plants needed to make a medicine for you, but chances are she will”,

Yona brushed herself off as she stood. “I didn’t know you had been to Awa before, Yun.”

“I haven't. I met her just after I left my village with Ik-soo. Ik-soo tripped on a root and ended
up tumbling into a river; she came running to check if he was okay. She ended up sharing our
camp for the night.” Yun rifled through his bag for the map as he continued speaking.

“She mentioned that she lived just north of Awa and said if I ever came around that way, I
should visit. It’s been several years since then, but I'm sure she’d be glad to help if she's still
there.”

Yun grinned with satisfaction as he pulled the map from his bag; he took a second to examine
it before smoothing it out against the grass and pointing to a spot just north of them.

“My guess is she lives somewhere around there. It’s only a small way away from here. I
doubt we’ll find any trouble on the road, but it’s still not a good idea to send Kija alone. The
last thing I need is our white dragon passed out in a ditch somewhere.”

Kija jumped to his feet, swaying as he did so. “I’ll be fine! I don’t want to cause any more
trouble for the princess; I can go on my own!”

Yun scowled up at him but remained silent, knowing full well there was no arguing with Kija
when he got like this; he let out another large sigh before handing Kija the map“fine! Just
stick to the road; I don’t want to go rifling through the bushes to find you if you faint.”

Kija nodded.

“Be careful, Kija”.

“I will, princess. You have my word,” and with that, he was off.
Kija ventured up the pathway to the north, his head spinning with every step; about halfway
there, he began to think that perhaps Yun was right in thinking someone should have
accompanied him, but he was too far away now to go back.
After ten minutes more, he got to a hill, and halfway up, he felt his vertigo worsen, his vision
began to blur, and his knees buckled; he reached out a hand to cushion his less-than-graceful
fall as he tumbled off the road into the bushes.

Crack!

His head hit a rock, and everything went dark.

Kija remained still as he came to, re-orientating himself to the world around him.

Daylight warmed his skin as it slipped through the trees. he felt Damp ground, Breeze, and
Soft hands beneath his head.

His eyes fluttered open, his lashes casting shadows on his pale cheeks.

He blinked; there was a woman.

Her dress pooled around her knees as she knelt behind him, a pair of gardeners gloves shoved
haphazardly into the pocket of her apron as if done in a hurry.

She examed his face, her eyes carrying a gentleness that clashed with the focus now
occupying them.

Kija sat up with a start.

The woman clapped her hands over his shoulders. “Be careful! You took quite a fall just now;
if you get up too quickly, you may hurt yourself.” she nudged him back down towards the
grass. “I’m a Herbalist and a doctor, allow me to take care of you, or at the very least look
you over to make sure you didn't break anything.”

“A Herbalist?” Kija laid back down.

she ran her hands through his hair, feeling along his scalp as she answered, “Yes. I live
nearby; once I’ve made sure your safe to move, I’ll take you back there” she moved her
hands down his neck and to his sides
“oh! If that’s okay with you. I didn't mean to be Presumptuous.”

Kija went to shake his head, but the woman held him still “try not to move.”
“Oh, right” Their gaze met for a moment.
The woman smiled, her cheeks dusting with pink as her face grew brighter; it was a smile
that made Kija smile in return and brought a matching warmth to his cheeks.

Her hands roamed farther down, this time running along his sides and down his hips; the
blush on Kija’s cheeks grew brighter “w-what are you doing?”

“I’m checking your bones for breaks.”

“I’m going to ask some questions, and I would like you to answer to the best of your
Abilities, okay?” she shuffled over to better reach his legs.

“Yes, I understand” this was good; her questions would help better distract him from this
unbearable warmth he had begun to feel.

“Do you remember your name?” briefly, she glanced up at him from her examination.

“It’s Kija”

“that’s a beautiful name” a smile grew across her face before she continued.

“Does anything hurt?”

“My head, but nothing I can’t handle”

“Do you know where you are?”

“ just north of Awa.”

“Yes, that’s correct” she ran her hands up his front, her hands stopping at his chest to feel his
heartbeat. “Do you remember why you fell?”

“I…” he thought for a moment “ I don’t know.”

He stammered; The gravity of the situation settling in “i-i don’t know.”

She reached down to his hands, taking them in her own “it’s alright. Amnesia can be quite
common after a fall, especially if you hit your head. It usually goes away, though it may take
anywhere from a few minutes to years for your memory to come back.”

“Years!” Kija’s eyes widened, the new sense of dread settling firmly over him.

“Deep breathes, it’s alright, I've got you”, she hushed. “Squeeze my hands as hard as you
can.”

“I-I don’t think I should do that. I may hurt you.”

“Oh, I'll be fine. I'm a lot stro-” she cut herself off, her gaze settling on his right hand; she
took it gently in her own “What happened here? Your hand is bandaged up.”

Things had just gone from bad to worse. He can’t exactly tell her the truth now, can he?
Kija’s thoughts practically bounced around his head as he tried to find an excuse.

“It wasn’t from my fall”, he stuttered “it’s always been like that.”

“Does it hurt?” her eyes held such deep sadness and concern; it made Kija’s heart thud with
remorse. How could someone have so much empathy for someone they just met?

He laid his left hand over hers, his voice growing soft. “it’s alright, it’s not painful,” her
breath caught in her throat “that’s…that’s good.”
Kija couldn't help but notice how small her hands were compared to his own; he ran his
thumb over her knuckles in an absentmindedly comforting gesture, it was oddly forward for
him, but some part of him was content with that, as long as she wasn't sad anymore.

Finally, one of them spoke up. “Squeeze”, she moved her left hand back to his

“Right”, he murmured, squeezing her hands gently.

She removed her hands from his, a faint emptiness settling in his chest In response. “There
doesn't appear to be any external damage other than a few cuts and scrapes, no broken bones
either.”

“Let’s sit you up” she placed a hand on Kija’s back and helped him up “how do you feel.”

“A little dizzy” the vertigo was back. Kija reached his hands behind him to steady himself.
The herbalist’s hands remained on his back, her eyes growing restless as they flitted from the
clouds and back to him “do you think you can walk? In most cases, I wouldn’t try to move
you yet, but I see a storm coming, and the last thing you need today is getting rained on.”

“I should be fine; thank you for your concern”, Kija offered a comforting smile, the largest
one he could muster in his current state.

She helped him to his feet, her arms and legs tensing as she braced herself, ready to catch him
if he fell; luckily, Kija remained upright, his left hand settling on her shoulder.

“Good. Let’s get you back to my house, you can lay down there, and I can whip something
up for that vertigo”.
She escorted him through the trees, Kija having to duck his head once or twice to avoid lower
hanging branches.
After a minute or two, he found himself on a path; Silently, he thanked his ancestors for the
even ground.

The path led towards a small cottage, and beside it was a far larger greenhouse; The herbalist
murmured something about needing to close the doors before the storm hit as they passed by
it.

“One step at a time” cautiously, she helped him up the steps and inside the house.

She shuffled him through the living room and laid him down on a bed “make yourself
comfortable. I’ll be right back. I just need to grab some things before the storm hits.”

She gave a reassuring shoulder pat before she scampered out of the room, grabbing a basket
off the back of a chair as she went.

Kija sat motionless for several moments before the dread he felt before smothered him again,
a thousand questions suffocating him.

‘What was he doing here?’

Why is he on his own?

Where is the princess?

What happened before he woke up?

Why had he passed out?

Had they been attacked?!

Had something happened to the others?!

Kija jumped to his feet, his whole form swaying as he stood, his body’s loud rejection of
movement roaring in his ears as he made his way across the room; he was determined to find
them, adrenaline driving him forward.

He only made it halfway across the living room.

Thud.

His legs gave out underneath him.

Quickened footsteps sped towards him as he tried to get up.

“Kija!” the herbalist rushed to his side; she practically tossed the basket she was carrying
onto the table as she went. “Are you alright? You shouldn’t be moving yet. Let’s get you back
into bed” she reached out to him again, but Kija forced himself up on his own.

“I can’t! I have to get back to the others! We could have been attacked! If something
happened to them, i-i...

“I saw you collapse. No one was with you, and you weren’t attacked,” she spoke calmly, her
hands again placed on his shoulders.

“Everything is all right. I promise we will look for your friend once you can walk again, but
for now, you need to rest. You’ll be no good to anyone if you can’t stay upright.”

Kija’s eyes found hers, and his panic washed away under her gaze.

He took a deep breath. “Alright,”

A day and a night passed before Kija remembered why he had been north of Awa.
Once he had remembered he hadn't been attacked, it took another day to recover from his
concussion.
Even after he got what he originally came for, Kija would return to the herbalist when he
could. When he wasn't searching for the green dragon or, later on, assisting the pirates, he
was always with her.

Perhaps it was the concussion’s doing, but some of the time he spent with her was hard to
recall; the most important things, however, he recollected like it was yesterday.

He remembered how the first night of his stay with her, he couldn't sleep, so she sat beside
him and hummed a soft song until he drifted off.
The following day she showed Kija the greenhouse. She helped him inside, strolling beside
him in case he slipped.

The air was warm within its walls. A pebble pathway stretched out in front of him, blades of
grass sprouting defiantly along the edges. Morning dew caught in the light of the early risen
sun, leaving the sprawling garden glittering like stars.

He remembered how she pointed out each plant with the brightest smile as they passed.
Chrysanthemum, Ephedra, Ginseng, Pinelliae, he lost track.

He remembered how they sat together on that bench in the middle of the greenhouse, a basket
lined with fresh mandu sat perched on her knee, as well as the embroidery she did as they
spoke.

He remembered the blush that flooded his face when her hand brushed his leg.

He could never forget what she said when he asked what her favourite flower was, not as
long as he lived.

“White Dragon”, she had said.

The second time he visited, he came under the guise of asking about Jae-Ha in the slim
chance she may have seen him. He knew somewhere deep down that wasn't why he came to
see her, but it was what he told himself.

He remembered that visit, he helped her chop wood for the fire, and she remarked how strong
he was. The comment satisfied him a little more than it should have.

The fifth time he visited, Kija had no good reason other than to see her. So, when she asked,
he came up with the excuse that he needed some medicine for the Princess's hands as she had
injured them getting medical supplies for the captain.

He remembered how his heart did a flip when she offered her aid to him directly, suggesting
she come down the ship and aid the princess herself.

Kija had turned her down, half of him regretting it and the other satisfied, knowing she would
be safer in her cottage.

The eighth time he came, he had become sure of the reason for his visits; it was a reason he
had stumbled across when he laid eyes on her singing in the garden.

He had fallen in love with her, and he remembered the mix of marvel and horror he felt well.

He found a person who made the world's colours brighter, whose name seeped into every
thought in his head.

He wanted nothing more than to hold her close and keep her safe, to see her smile and feel
her warmth but a faint pain thrummed in the back of his mind every time he thought of her
because he knew it couldn't last.
They had found Jae-Ha; once their part to save the people of Awa had been complete, Kija
would be off again. he knew he couldn't stay, but still, a part of him wanted to tell her
everything, to say how much he loved her, to kiss her lips and feel her fingers in his hair once
more. But he knew it would only hurt her to know whether she felt the same or not.

And so he didn’t say a word of it.

Not until the day before the battle of Awa port.

That morning when he awoke, He found a quill and began to write; he wrote a word, a
sentence, and a paragraph.

The words wouldn't stop coming, like a burst dam, a wave of emotion flooded the page, all
the things Kija wanted to say, all the things he wished he could do and then a final Request,
one he wrote, crossed out, then rote again.

He found himself walking the path to her cottage before his mind could catch up.
He climbed the steps two at a time, placed the letter on the door mat and knocked on the
door.

He listened as her footsteps crossed the living room before he ran off, the half of him unable
to face his feelings driving him down the path, that same part of him hoping he would never
hear her answer.

Kija imagined how she would pick the letter up, how she would examine the parchment
carefully before she read it.

It said. ‘A confession from Kija. Part of me wanted to tell you this in person, but the other
feared what you might say. I have laid awake for so many nights thinking the same things,
and as the battle approaches, I find myself unable to hide it. This isn’t poetic by any means,
but it is true, every word of it.
I love how your hands feel in mine, how fragile they are in comparison.’
I love the sound of your voice when you talk about the things you are passionate in.
I love how you smile as if it were the last time you might ever get to.
I love how you look at me when you think I can’t see.
I love your laugh.
I love you.
I love you so much it hurts.
It hurts because I know I can’t stay.
I am sworn to protect my master. For centuries, my ancestors have waited for this chance,
and now that I am gifted with it, I can not shun the opportunity.
I don’t want to walk away from you. I understand and wish you the best if you don't feel the
same. But if you do, then I have a request for you.

Come with me.’

He could imagine how she would blink, read the letter again and then sit. She must have sat
with that letter in her hands for what felt like days.
That night, in the silent stillness, before the signal was fired, Kija remembered how he found
his eyes wandering to the cliffs above Awa, his mind straying to thoughts of her.

After they had won the battle, the others celebrated, drank, and sang; he did not. Instead, he
sat silently away from the crowd, waiting. Waiting for something—some sign of her.

Now it was dawn; every moment, every memory with her felt like a lifetime ago.

His eyelids felt like lead as he struggled to stay awake.

After a few moments, he let them close, tired, regretfully content. What had he expected?
Would he have thrown his old life away for a person he had met only weeks ago?

If It was her, perhaps.

Just as he drifted off to sleep, the sound of faint footsteps shook him awake.
His eyes fluttered open, his lashes casting shadows on his pale cheeks.

He blinked; there was a woman.

“Kija?” her hands rested softly on his shoulders, the herbalist's face beaming back at him.

“...You’re here?”

“I’m here.”

Kija lifted a shaky hand to her cheek, breathing her in and feeling her beneath his fingers.

He pressed his forehead to hers, only uttering three words “I love you.”

She smiled, tears brimming in her eyes. “I know”

She leaned into him, their lips meeting as the sky grew brighter, a blush of pink and orange
spreading across the heavens as Kija pulled her in close to hold her in his arms and never let
go.
Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!