Steady On, My Love (This Shall Soon Pass)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/49481926.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandom: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Relationships: Kaya/Zeno (Akatsuki no Yona), Son Hak/Yona, Shin-Ah & Zeno
(Akatsuki no Yona)
Characters: Zeno (Akatsuki no Yona), Kaya (Akatsuki no Yona), Yona (Akatsuki no
Yona), Son Hak, Shin-Ah (Akatsuki no Yona), Kija (Akatsuki no Yona),
Jae-Ha (Akatsuki no Yona), Yoon | Yun (Akatsuki no Yona), Ao the
Squirrel (Akatsuki no Yona)
Additional Tags: Zeno-centric (Akatsuki no Yona), The Dark Dragon and the Happy
Hungry Bunch (Akatsuki no Yona), Alternate Universe - Canon
Divergence, Past Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Dreams, Ghosts,
Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort,
Immortality, Team as Family, Lack of Communication, Shin-Ah really
does try though, He does his best you'll see, Emotional Baggage, there's
quite a bit to unpack, Zeno I'm so sorry my precious dragon, also I stole
bad puns lady writing format, i LiKe thE iNdenTs okAy, Zeno and Shin-
Ah are best bros I just think their friendship is neat, btw there's like- o n e
mildly innapropriate joke near the end but it's Jae-Ha what do you expect
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-08-20 Updated: 2023-10-02 Words: 8,951 Chapters: 2/?
 Steady On, My Love (This Shall Soon Pass)
by AkaneEnaka33

Summary

Zeno doesn't know the exact date of Kaya's death.

He doesn't know the exact dates on which the people he loved most returned to heaven, but
he gets a feeling. A strange, heavy, lingering feeling that's tethered to the seasons--a sensation
he's learned to deal with fairly well. Grief is always a complicated matter, even after one has
been around for roughly two-thousand years.

But perhaps just this once, with the Crimson King's spirit and all the dragons reunited, it
might happen to get the best of him.

Basically, Zeno has had enough time to grieve. It most definitely doesn't hurt anymore
because it's been thousands of years!! Re-living memories he made with his wife won't
mentally impact him at all! Seeing that old house again? The meadow? The forest? Pshhht!
He's okay with that, absolutely, totally fine!

Spoiler alert:

He's not.

Notes

I listened to this song on loop while writing this.

I imagine it first from Zeno's perspective, becuse Kaya has told him about how she never
really knew her family or had friends or relatives she was close to because of her sickness,
(likely tuberculosis. It has been decided after a discussion with Bad Puns Lady) and he's
asking Hiryuu to take care of her up there in heaven for him. But then it turns into Kaya
watching him break down over and over again and hoping that he finds the dragons he is
destined to fight alongside soon, and that they're people he can rely on because Hiryuu
(literally) knows how bad he needs some more of those.

She just wants him to feel cared for and looked after because not only does she love him, but
she now knows the truth about his immortality and isn't there to comfort him. When they see
each other again--after all the mushy feels--Zeno has a very stern talking-to becuse Kaya
wishes he told her while she was alive.
 Case in point, I cried myself to sleep thinking about this. Especially the song thing.

Moving on! I have this random headcanon that Zeno is kind of weird about his grief. Like- he
doesn't mind talking about the og dragons and Kaya, but he feels likes he's had enough time
to mourn and should be over it. He's not trying to repress his feelings but he does without
realizing it; especially because he kind of has a sense of when they died. Not an exact day,
but more of like a seasonal feeling somewhere around the beginning of spring I think??? Its
complicated. You'll understand more as the fic progresses. Basically he gets kind of
depressed and he's fighting the grief that is causing it.

ALSO. ZENO AND KAYA WERE IN LOVE. THEY WERE SO IN LOVE. EVEN
THOUGH SHE'S NOT AROUND ANYMORE SHE WILL ALWAYS HAVE ZENO'S
HEART.

Now, enjoy another one of my rambles about grief-!

See the end of the work for more notes

 Apart, But Not Alone

Zeno has long since learned that time yields to no man.

No matter what pain or joy or experience or encounter he comes across, life goes on.
There comes a time after the harsh pains of winter when flowers bloom and fruits grow bright
and colorful, plentiful on the trees. The wind turns to a breeze–warm and fresh with new life–
and rain pours down to wash the last remains of the cold seasons away. It's happy, it's hopeful
. Spring is the season of life and growth, bursting at the seams with potential.

But in the first few weeks of it, Zeno can only think about how eventually, the flowers
wilt. This seasonal hollowness, this soft, melancholy breath lingering in the air...

This is how he knows another year has slipped by without her.

The pain of her loss is different from that of his dragon brothers. It's different from when
he felt Guen, Abi, and Shuten's lives draining from their bond. It's different from the day
Hiryuu died, because he'd grieved his brothers then. His family.

But Kaya, oh, his Kaya.

She was his love.

Zeno will never find another like her. He refuses to. The intimacy of his heart belongs to
Kaya and Kaya alone–no matter who he meets or how long he lives.

He's gotten better with his grief in time. Coping with her death–something that has never
been easy–has become more manageable, and not knowing the exact date of her passing often
helps. It gives him no day to dread or look forward to, but rather a week of seasonal
hollowness that he can accept as it is and move on.

As much as he loves and wants to remember her, he tries not to dwell on her death if he
can help it. He can't afford to let his sorrow hinder him when he's already picked himself up;
especially now that he's with the Princess. He has a responsibility to carry out, and he’s had
more than enough time to grieve.

When he feels the need to do something special in her memory, he picks flowers and
watches the stars late into the night. He falls asleep with the ghost of a kiss on his temple, and
dreams of her warmth–her heartbeat fluttering against his as he holds her close. His annual
remembrance of Kaya is simplistic and nostalgic in ways only Zeno understands, and this
year shouldn't be any different.

But for some unknown reason to the Yellow Dragon, it just is .

Perhaps it's because he's surrounded by the dragons once more. A fact that often drags
forgotten memories out of his head whether he likes it or not. Perhaps it's Yona and her
mannerisms, a couple of small, practically unnoticeable features that remind him of her. It
might even be the forest, triggering a strange sense of deja-vu that takes him by surprise.

Well, whatever it is. It's making everything so much harder .

"Zeno."

A gentle hand, warm and healthy and alive brushes his hair back as he looks up, meeting
rich, mahogany eyes. The sun is warm on his head as he runs a hand over lush grass and
dandelions, their velvet texture tickling his palms. She smiles, and he smiles back, searching
for her hand. He takes it in his; her slim fingers fitting perfectly across his palm.

“You miss me again.”

Zeno blinks, a harsh reality crashing into him as she squeezes his hand gently, sorrow
touching her gaze.

“You’re not real.” He breathes out as her head tilts, knees pressing against her chest.
“Oh, but Kaya is real,” She shifts closer to him, and Zeno wonders what kind of tricks his
mind is playing to be able to torture him so. “Very much here too. Just not as alive as I’d like
to be.”

“Real but not real, here but not here.” She nods. "Yes, something like that."

“Zeno is confused.” She grins at the use of his own name and nods again. “Zeno doesn’t
need to understand. Trust your wife, it’s complicated. I’m here with you now and that’s all
that matters.”

But is it really? Zeno questions silently, ignoring the knot tightening in his stomach.
Wouldn’t it matter more if you were really here, asleep next to Zeno, instead of in a figment of
his imagination?

“...Zeno-?” “Eh?” He shakes out of his thoughts, turning his attention back to her. “You
went quiet.” He sighs under his breath. “I didn’t mean to.” “Were you thinking about
something?”

“Yes... about how I see you in my dreams often.” “Oh, I know! It’s sweet, really.” “You
watch Zeno’s dreams?” He teases meekly and she laughs–a deep ache clawing into his chest
at the sound. “There is nothing Zeno can keep from me.”

The curse, this so-called gift of the Ouryuu flickers through his head, but he pays it no
mind. If she really is here, if she really does watch his dreams, she likely already knows. She
hums a distant melody to fill the comfortable silence and leave Zeno to his thoughts, but he
doesn’t want to think about how none of this is real. He'd like to deny it, how she’ll
eventually grow silent and his vision will blur–heavy with the light and reality of the waking
world. He doesn’t want her to leave, but even with her here, now, it feels empty. Her presence
is hollow.
 To cope, he hums along with her, pulling her into his chest and ignoring the shrieking
fact that he’ll be forced to let go soon enough. He buries his face in her hair, shoving the
thoughts away with her delicate scent–of wildflowers and the earthy loam surrounding her
small house–and with the melody of their wedding day, soft and sweet and wordless. He
holds her tightly, breath shuddering as he desperately attempts to fill the void with a faux,
temporary presence. She leans back against his shoulder, lifting a hand to his cheek.

"Zeno doesn't want you to leave." "I..." She swallows thickly, running her thumb across
his chin. "I'm already gone."

"I want the pain to go away. I don't want to be sad anymore."

“You’re allowed to grieve, Zeno.”

He doesn’t lift his head. He’s wise enough to know that if he does, he’ll be
unconsolable. “It’s been so long,” he murmurs shakily, "Zeno should have been done grieving
years ago.”

At this, she frowns, nudging him gently. “Zeno loved Kaya.” “...Yes.”

“Zeno loves Kaya.” “Yes.”

“With all his heart?” “ Yes.”

“So grieve. You aren’t ashamed of it, so share it. It might take an eternity for us to meet
again, so why shoulder this all on your own?”

He shakes his head, because sometimes these things just don’t make sense–no matter
how long he’s lived. His heart has broken so many times, and while he’s collected the pieces,
sometimes he still finds they’re lost; chipped away. “The past… you are long gone. There is
no sense in letting emotion fester.” “So let it heal.”

“It is healed. Just… resurfaced.” “ Zeno.”

Instantly, he knows her brows are furrowed in the gentlest form of frustration. He's
known her--he knew her long enough to recognize it, to hear it in her voice.

“I wish…" his voice breaks, taking in a soft, shuddered breath.

"Zeno wishes he could have saved you.” A silent tear drips off of his chin, and all she
can do is sigh and let him hold her, reach back and pull her hands through his mane of hair
with a soft touch and a quiet murmur.

“My life was not in your hands. My heart was, and you took care of it. I was lonely. You
saved me from my loneliness. You saved Kaya's heart from breaking.”

“...And you did mine.”

Her lips press into a thin line, saddened by the truth. He would tell her that over and
over in the middle of sleepless nights, that when she found him in the mud, dirty and
hopeless and worn, that she’d saved him. She hadn’t understood what he meant, but trusted
him nonetheless. With time and vague explanation, she came to know that after meeting her,
the medallion, the crest he always wore around his neck was no longer the only thing that
kept him sane then, and it shouldn't be now.

“And what about them? They love you. You lean on them, and they trust you. This won’t
be any different. You’ve told them about me, right?”

“ There was once a time when Zeno was married.”

“Not much…” She gasps in mock offense, a tiny smile tugging at her lips as she pulls
out of his grasp to properly face him. “How will they know Zeno is married? What if- what if
someone tries to steal you from me?” She manages to get a genuine laugh out of him, relief
weighing on her shoulders when she sees that although tired, his eyes are bright again. “Oh,
don’t pout. Zeno has found the loveliest, cutest wife.” He kisses her hand, smiling softly
when her face flushes pink. “He won’t ever get stolen from her.”

She gives him a flustered nod, leaning in to let him brush her hair back before the
sorrow returns to his eyes. He tucks it behind her ear–just like he always used to do–and she
pushes herself off the ground, watching as he follows.

“Do you think there’s a chance I’ll see you again, someday?”

She doesn’t answer, turning her back to him. She looks up for a moment; searching
above the trees, high above the sky and everything in it. The breeze tousles her short hair as
she pushes it back, giving him a determined grin. “Kaya will always wait for her husband.”

Zeno reaches out to her, wanting to hold her one last time.

“I promise.”

In a flutter of wind and petals, she’s gone, and the meadow goes dark.

In the middle of the night, Zeno slowly forces his eyes open. A sliver of moonlight paints
across his hand as he stares at it, silent tears dripping down his cheeks. This isn’t the first
time he’s had one of these dreams, and he knows it won’t be the last. They become more
common as he steadily approaches the date of her death, but there are very few of them
where Zeno can actually interact with his wife; feel her warmth, hear her laugh and her voice.
It’s been so long since he’s had one of these dreams–he feared he’d forgotten what she
sounded like.

He’s thankful he hasn’t, but such dreams, such fantasies cut deep into his heart. He longs
for her. He’s desperate for her, and it’s distressing. Waking up every single time, wanting for
more of a presence he can’t feel anymore.

He sits up, shoving down the lump in his throat, glancing behind him at the rest of the
dragons, still asleep. He pushes the blankets away and steps on light feet out of their
makeshift tent–taking in a deep breath of the midnight air.

He begins to walk aimlessly, choosing a path to get lost in–just enough to distract
himself, but not so much that he can’t find his way back. If for whatever reason he can’t,
someone will come find him eventually. He’ll be lectured for his recklessness, and Yoon
might refuse to let him out of his sight, but that's fine. It’s only because he cares.

Zeno lets himself wander throughout the rest of the night.

Hak finds Zeno asleep against a tree in the morning. It’s a strange sight, the Yellow Dragon
lazily curled up against its trunk, leaves and twigs matted in his hair, smudges of dirt
abundant on his clothes. Funnily enough, he looks quite peaceful. Unbothered by the rough
ground and the sunlight pouring through the leaves when he could be wrapped up in a soft
blanket. Such is the body of an eternal seventeen-year old, he muses internally. I doubt he'll
wake up with a single crick in his neck.

Judging would be hypocritical though. Zeno probably has a good reason to have fallen
asleep in such a weird place, so Hak isn’t sure whether to be worried or not. Maybe he just
sleepwalks, who knows?

“Hey, Zeno.” He crouches to shake him awake, leaning forward on his knees.

Zeno grumbles something incoherent, giving him a confused glance with half-asleep,
bleary eyes. “Good mornin’. Did the tree make a good pillow?” He smirks, leaning back as
the Yellow Dragon sits up with a yawn. He rubs his eyes, ignoring the dull ache behind them
as he glances around.

“...Zeno fell asleep outside.” “You did. White Snake kick you out for snoring?”

“Not exactly.” Zeno laughs, looking up at the tinted sky. “I needed to clear my head.”

“Nightmares?” Hak asks, raising an eyebrow with well-intended curiosity. Zeno shakes
his head, waving him away as he pushes himself up. “Only dreams.”

Lovely dreams. He thinks half-heartedly as Hak stands up beside him with a nod,
walking past him towards their campsite. He’d fallen asleep further from it than he’d
intended, but oh well. At least Hak is the only one who knows, and he isn’t the type to
mention these kinds of things without reason. Zeno will at the very least be spared some
questioning.

He goes to take a step forward, and the world tilts on its side.

His legs won’t listen, body much too heavy, too impossibly exhausted to even try to
catch himself.

Thank Hiryuu for Hak.

 Suddenly, there are hands on his shoulders, pushing him upright as he regains his
balance with an unsure stance, struggling to properly plant his feet on the ground. “Geez,
what happened there? Your old man bones finally give up on you?” His eyebrows are knitted
together, hands hovering over Zeno’s shoulders lest he fall again. He blinks rapidly, arms
stretched out to help him keep balance as he tries to rid himself of the blurriness tainting his
perfect vision.

“Oh- Zeno is fine! It seems my body is still trying to catch up with my brain.” He giggles
sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. “That’s what you get for sleeping on a tree.”
“Zeno blames it on the Castle that’s far away.” “Oh yeah? Does the distance make your legs
fall asleep?”

He shrugs. “I guess you could say that.”

“So it is your old man bones.” “No.” He laughs again, sluggishly running his hands over
his face. “No, it’s… it’s not.” He musters a grin, an attempt at reassurance. Hak almost buys
it, before he reaches out and flicks Zeno’s bangs out of his face.

“...Are you sure you’ve gotten enough sleep?” “Great sleep! The tree was more
comfortable than it looks.”

His eyes narrow, giving Zeno a strange look.

“You look like you’ve been crying.”

He blinks, eyes widening as he pushes his hair back to its normal state. “No! Zeno has
no reason to be crying, why would the Mister think such a thing?” Hak shrugs doubtfully,
shifting on his heels. “You never know.” “Yes, yes, true. But Zeno is okay. Glad you woke
him up before food is ready!” “...Of course you are.”

Zeno walks backwards to the campsite in favor of pushing the topic of small talk,
laughing when Hak reminds him he’d almost fallen moments ago as he just barely dodges a
large tree root.

But the heaviness lingers. It’s pure luck that Hak doesn’t suspect any further.

Later that morning, Zeno comes to the incredibly surprising, slightly horrifying realization
that he isn’t hungry.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the food itself, he’s just lost his appetite. Of course,
he isn’t going to tell Yoon that–he isn’t planning on mentioning anything about it to anyone.
The fact that Zeno out of all people isn’t hungry, is an immediate telltale sign that something
is wrong.

Throughout the entirety of breakfast, he doesn’t say a word; devoting all his attention to
forcing down at least some of the precious meal he helped prepare. He can easily get rid of it,
but that would be disrespectful, wasteful. Every bite, every drop of water, every spice,
vegetable, any animal that was killed for the sake of this meal is valuable. It would be
ungrateful if he poured it out behind everyone’s back, or pretended to drop it; and in the end,
Yoon would only reprimand him and give him another portion anyways. He can’t dispose of
his food, so he does the next best thing.

“...I don’t believe it.” “What? Zeno is done eating, that’s all!”

Jae-Ha snorts, unbelieving as he pushes Zeno away. “You’re never done eating. This has
to be some sort of trap.”

“Please, Ryokuryuu?” Zeno begs, glancing over his shoulder. “If the lad sees, he’ll know
I ate while cooking when he told me not to.” “I don’t know…” Jae-Ha hums teasingly, setting
his own bowl aside. “It seems like a crime fit for punishment. What do you think, Kija?” The
White Dragon looks up, glancing between Zeno and Jae-Ha. “What crime are we punishing
now?”

“Zeno stole food while Yoon was cooking and now he isn’t hungry anymore.” “Shh-!”
Zeno nudges him harshly, nervously looking over to where Yoon is next to Hak and Yona,
putting up with their antics. “Just take it! Quick, before the lad realizes what Zeno’s done.”
“Alright, alright! Goodness. Anything to avoid Yoon’s wrath, huh?” Jae-Ha quickly swaps
with Zeno, much to his relief, almost instantly downing whatever was left of his meal.

“Anything. The lad can be scary when he wants to be.” “Is that why you’ve been so
quiet then?” Kija asks, arms resting on his knees. “You don’t want to upset Yoon?”

“Whatever it is, I just never thought I’d see the day Zeno willingly gives up a free
meal.” Jae-Ha interrupts, flicking his plate away before leaning back. “But are you sure that
was it? You didn’t want him to find out? I understand the sentiment, but it still looked like
you’d barely touched your meal.”

“Definitely.” He deadpans, giving them a sheepish grin. “Zeno ate almost half the
ingredients.” “Zeno! You glutton!” Kija gasps. “But what about the rest of us?” “There was
still enough left, Hakuryuu.” Jae-Ha rolls his eyes with a sigh, collecting the empty dishes in
a short stack before pulling himself to his feet “Shin-Ah? You’ve been quieter than usual.”

Shin-Ah silently glances at the bickering dragons, tilting his head when Zeno sticks his
tongue out and Kija inhales sharply, turning away. Jae-Ha only laughs and keeps walking,
beckoning for Kija to follow. He quickly concedes, leaving Shin-Ah and Ao to Zeno’s full
attention.

“Fed up with his antics?” “He’s being especially childish today.” Kija grumbles while
sifting through a pile of traveling supplies. “Sometimes I really wonder how he can be
hundreds of years old. One might think he’d be a little more mature.” “I suppose you’re
right.” Jae-Ha agrees, setting down the dirty bowls to be rinsed out later by the river.

“However… I did find it strange.” “Hm?” “Zeno, with the food.”

Kija saw through it too.

 “And his general demeanor lately!” Kija mutters suddenly, his task interrupted by
realization. He turns to Jae-Ha, eyebrows furrowed. “Have you seen it too, or is it just me?”

“Well, what do you mean?”

“I… don’t you get this feeling like he’s trying to distract from something? Zeno’s
always been optimistic and at the very least mildly chaotic, but now, he’s either too
optimistic, or completely silent. Surely you’ve noticed?”

Jae-Ha, in fact, has noticed. Kija has a valid point, and it’s true; Zeno has been acting a
little stranger than usual. Jae-Ha thought it might be some effect of exhaustion–something
that can be blamed on the distance from Hiryuu’s castle; unless Kija’s right, and he is hiding
something. A personal reason, perhaps?

“...Old men and their secrets.”

“So you have?” “Somewhat, although I thought it had something to do with Hiryuu’s
Castle. We’re all being affected by the distance, I couldn’t find why Zeno would be any
different.” “The castle… right.” Jae-Ha nods, beginning to put some of the supplies now
strewn across the mossy floor back in order. “But I do believe you may have a point.”

“Should we confront him about it?”

“...I’m not sure. It could end up being nothing.”

“Yes, we don’t want to make any accusations either.” Kija trails off, deep in thought. If
they ask, they might accidentally stumble across a touchy subject, or accidentally accuse
Zeno of something he doesn’t even realize is going on. While he’s sure nothing necessarily
bad would happen, he doesn’t want to put anyone in an uncomfortable situation–himself
included.

“Why don’t we just keep an eye on him for now? If something similar to today happens,
then we’ll ask.” Kija frowns, stealing a glance at where Shin-Ah and Zeno are seated,
entertained by Ao, and Zeno’s mindless rambling.

“...Alright. I just… I hope it’s the right thing to do.”

It rains a day later. The dirt roads become muddy and hard to travel, and there’s something
about the trees hidden behind mist that makes Zeno uneasy–especially on top of the mess of
feelings he’s become lately. Additionally, Hakuryuu and Ryokuryuu have been acting
increasingly vigilant as well, and it only adds to the pressure of keeping a relaxed, normal
composure.

It’s his turn to help gather firewood for tonight. A particularly difficult task at the
moment–with the rain having dampened most of the available wood and all–but someone has
to do it, and he doesn’t mind. It’s a good distraction.

Speaking of distractions….
 “Zeno! How did you manage to get mud all over yourself?” Yoon sighs as Zeno sets the
firewood down, confused. “What? Zeno isn’t-!” “You kind of are…” Yona giggles from
behind him, reaching out to wipe a smudge off of his cheek. “Really?” He looks down at his
clothes, wincing when he realizes Yoon is right.

“Sit down.” Yona laughs, kneeling down with him. “I’ll help you get it off of your face.
Do you have a rag of some sort?” “I do. Here.” Yoon absent-mindedly passes a small cloth to
her before searching for a decent handful of kindling. “Did you fall in the mud or something?
There’s no way you got that dirty by accident.” “Zeno just got careless…” He shrugs, closing
his eyes and letting Yona wipe the cloth over his nose and the side of his face. She’s doing
her best to be gentle, her touch warm and light. It's familiar.

It's just like…

“Thank you, Miss!” Zeno snatches the rag out of Yona’s hands and turns away before
his thoughts go any further, before she can notice his face turning pink with embarrassment at
the kindling of such a thought. “Zeno can get the rest out of his clothes with water! It isn’t
much!” Yona blinks owlishly, surprised by the sudden outburst, but unbothered. “Oh, uhm,
alright! It is just dirt after all.”

“Yeah, but even dirt can be a pain to scrub out, so be careful," Yoon intervenes, all too
familiar with Zeno's habit of getting his clothes scratched up and tattered beyond repair. "Try
to keep your clothes clean and in good condition.” “Zeno can only try!”

“You’ve been distracted lately, so I’m just warning you.” Zeno laughs nervously, pulling
himself up in a swift movement. “Yes, well-”

"Hey, Princess!" Hak's voice cuts through the forest, interrupting Zeno’s excuse. "You
might want to see this!"

Zeno breathes a sigh of relief.

Again, thank Hiryuu for Hak

"We're coming! Come on you two, let's go! It sounds like the rest of the dragons are with
him." Yona springs to her feet, following the sound of the Thunder Beast's voice. "But we
need to start setting- hey, wait! Yona-!"

"Better run after her, lad." Zeno grins as Yoon lets out an annoyed groan. "Always
running off, isn't she?" He sighs, rushing to catch up to her.

“Oh, look!” Yona gasps, running forward through the trees. Yoon follows at her heels–
quickly forgetting about his petty frustration–and joins in her excitement as she breaks
through a clump of bushes, the foliage thick and uneven.

“Isn’t it beautiful?”

Zeno stops as everyone keeps moving forward, sheltered in the shadows of the trees.
 A vast clearing, vibrant green turned gold in the evening light stands before him.
Thousands of wildflowers sway in the breeze, their gentle, sweet fragrance carried by it.
Peach and gold and blush and lilac swarm his vision as the others rush forward, indulging in
nature and its beauty. He can see Shin-Ah leaning down with Ao in his hand, letting her
nibble at the budding flowers. Yoon, Kija and Jae-Ha face the sun, relaxing in its warmth,
pointing out the various different kinds of plants and insects.

Yona leans down and sits on her knees, waving to the group as she watches a butterfly,
elegantly drinking a sip of nectar.

Hak watches her for a moment before turning to survey the meadow, selecting a worthy
blossom and plucking it out of the ground.

He hides it behind his back, wandering over to the Princess with lighthearted mirth and
tenderness in his eyes; a look that Zeno is surprised to see with everyone still around. She
turns to him in greeting, and he gives her a soft smile.

“I have a gift for the Princess.” “A gift…” She tilts her head, trying to look behind him.
“What are you playing at now, Hak?”

“Here. I think it suits you.”

One might think Hak is giving her the most precious relic in history with the way Yona
smiles. Her eyes brighten as she reaches out for it. It’s a soft, violet colored flower; almost
pink in the sun, a deep shade of mauve in the shadows.

It matches her eyes.

“I thought you were going to put a worm in my hair.” She laughs, Hak rolling his eyes
with an amused smirk. “You slander me, Princess. I would never do such a thing.” He kneels
in front of her, wordlessly taking the flower out of her hands and gently weaving it into her
hair. “There. Now you won’t lose it.” “Are you saying I’m scatterbrained?” “...Perhaps.”

“Is it cute?” She brushes her hair back, and for a fleeting moment, Zeno swears he can
see a hint of color on Hak’s face.

“Not at all.”

She shakes her head, having expected it with a grin. “I’ll take it!”

“Kaya, I have a present for you today!”

Oh.

Zeno remembers that. It’s been a long time since he’s thought about that particular
memory, but it’s there, held close to his heart. That explains why–why he wants to laugh and
run in the field but he doesn’t. Why despite wanting to run up to Yona to tell her how cute she
looks, he just can't .
 The miss and the mister… He swallows thickly, watching as Hak takes her hand and
guides her to her feet.

They’re happy. I’m… Zeno is happy for them.

…Since when have his eyes been misty? When did he reach up to run a trembling thumb
across the medallion securely attached behind his ear? As far as he knows his vision is
perfect, and he hasn’t moved from his spot behind the trees.

No one seems to have noticed his absence just yet, all distracted and busy talking
amongst themselves to realize he’s alone. That’s fine. He needs to be alone right now–sort
out his emotions in silence.

Well, he isn’t jealous. That’s not it at all. He loves seeing Hak and Yona be affectionate
with one another–the bright glint in her eyes, the gentleness in his every touch. It’s sweet and
young and new, and he’s happy for them.

Zeno never knew seeing such happiness could hurt as it does now.

It leaves an aching pit in his stomach, a snake’s poison that slowly spreads throughout
him, sapping his strength with memories and longing during such a time as this. Her death
only hurt like this once before, there’s no reason for it to be so harsh on him now. Is it the
timing along with the forest and the dreams, the memories and the meadow itself?

He doesn’t know.

He takes a step back, and then another, and another.

Zeno retreats into the forest, Shin-Ah looking up just barely in time to realize it.
 More Than She Could Know
Chapter Summary

Zeno and Shin-Ah have some talking to do. The Zeno and Shin-Ah tag's really coming
in clutch for this chapter lol.

Enjoy~

Chapter Notes

The only AU's I can write for right now are Zeno angst AU, Hak needs hug AU, and
Charluca murder AU.

(And not yet published AUs that involve hot old people, Death and Taxes, and Dead boy
duo. Bad Puns Lady will know. ;)

No, seriously, like- she will k n o w.)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Shin-Ah doesn’t need to use the Seiryuu’s power to track Zeno, not when Ao leads right to
him.

It makes sense. Zeno is always petting the little creature; scratching her behind the ears,
letting her cuddle into his golden mane of hair, giving her tidbits of Yoon’s cooking to snack
on. Of course, the rest of the group looks after her as well–and Shin-Ah will always be her
favorite–but it’s safe to say that Zeno may come in close third, or even second.

It doesn’t take long before she excitedly bursts forward, Shin-Ah following quickly
behind. He finds the squirrel just in time to see her clambering up Zeno’s pant leg to rest on
his shoulder, nuzzling against his cheek.

Zeno is hidden behind a small set of brambles, curled into himself. His knees are pulled
into his chest, head resting on his arms. He looks up at the soft rustle of Shin-Ah’s steps and
scrambles to his feet, plastering on a wide smile. “Seiryuu!” He waves, sparing a glance at
the squirrel perched firmly on his shoulder. “It looks like your little Ao has found Zeno.”
Shin-Ah stares for a moment, nodding silently before looking around at the little hiding spot
Zeno has chosen.
 “Why…” Zeno blinks up at him, surprised by his voice, but attentive as he gives a warm
smile. “Why what? Is something wrong?”

He shakes his head quickly. “No, nothing’s wrong.” “That’s good.”

“No.” He shakes his head again, giving Zeno a curious look. “Nothing’s wrong with me.
Why… Why did you leave?”

“Oh! Zeno got distracted.” His shoulders tighten as he lets out a terse laugh. “Since the
pretty flower field isn’t far, Zeno thought he could go explore without getting lost.” Shin-Ah
frowns, stepping a little closer so that Zeno is now looking up at him, slightly tilting his head.
"...Seiryuu?"

Shin-Ah raises his hand and very gently, pokes the left side of Zeno’s chest. He looks
down, eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Zeno’s… heart?"

He nods silently, expectantly.

"Zeno's heart is fine." He smiles wryly, taking a step back under Shin-Ah's watchful
gaze. "It's not like it'll ever stop beating… right?"

Shin-Ah continues to stare, taking advantage of his patience. He surveys the Yellow
Dragon doubtfully, because he knows there's something out of line–something that's being
hidden, tucked away behind enthusiasm and smiles too bright to be genuine. Zeno is stubborn
and can hold his composure together for as long as he wants, but Shin-Ah will not ignore the
nagging feeling that something's wrong.

The forest air fills with nothing but the rustle of leaves and brambles, and that's when it
hits him.

He's too quiet.

Shin-Ah is no stranger to a bit of silence every now and then, but he's grown
accustomed to always having someone help him fill it with a comment, a joke, a complaint–
at times, a playful tackle or an embrace. An arm carelessly thrown over his shoulder, the hum
of some random song he's never heard before–simple things like that. And nine times out of
ten, it's Zeno who fills the silence with something that in Shin-Ah's opinion, is much better.
The Yellow Dragon's silence is loud; and lately, it's harbored nothing but still melancholy and
tired eyes.

He reaches out, placing his hands on Zeno’s shoulders in a quick, inescapable

movement. He isn’t afraid that Zeno will pull away–that he’ll be angry or frustrated with him
for attempting such a thing, so he moves boldly with newfound confidence.

In a swift movement, Shin-Ah easily pulls Zeno into his arms.

For a long moment, Zeno remains unresponsive. He makes no question, no comment,

and it's only thanks to the slow rise and fall of his chest that Shin-Ah can tell he's breathing.
The lack of commentary, the fact that there’s no excitement or even endearment coming from
him only makes Shin-Ah hold on tighter–having an inkling of the emotional turmoil going
through the Ouryuu's mind.

Eventually, Zeno lets himself slump forward with a heavy sigh, leaning into his
brother’s warmth.

“Seiryuu can’t be fooled… huh?” Shin-Ah hums–a soft twitch pulling at his lips when
Ao wriggles in between them–and he gently rests his chin on top of Zeno’s head. “You have
been sad, though you pretend you're not,” he comments, letting go just enough to be able to
face Zeno properly. “You’re good at it–at pretending.”

Zeno shrugs half-heartedly, unsure of how to respond now that he’s been outed.

“...It’s not a great thing to be good at, I don’t think.”

“Zeno! Shin-Ah!” Kija’s voice rings through the forest, followed by the obvious
muttering of a frustrated Yoon. Something almost incoherent about getting lost and creating
setbacks on dinner, but unmistakably Yoon. Shin-Ah frowns at the interruption, Zeno looking
over to where it sounds they’re calling from. “Well… better get going. The lad is already
worried,” he sighs–calling back out in response as he walks towards the group with Shin-Ah
by his side and Ao running ahead.

Just before they reach the clearing, Zeno stumbles back, a gentle but firm grip on his
arm keeping him in place as Shin-Ah stares intently. He’s still worried–to no surprise–and
Zeno shoots him a small smile. “Zeno will be fine.”

He doesn’t know how, but he can clearly tell that Shin-Ah’s narrowing his eyes.

“I promise. I will be.”

He feels the Blue Dragon looking him over once more, just in case. There’s still a hint of
doubt in his movements, but eventually, he lets go, giving a slight nod.

Zeno runs off again with that same smile on his face. The one that’s a little too wide,
that doesn’t wrinkle his nose with laughter or quite reach his eyes like it normally does. Shin-
Ah can do nothing but keep an eye on him–since relaying this to the others doesn’t seem like
something Zeno would want. He understands that.

But even so, he can't help but shake the feeling that he should've waited. That he
should've prodded a little harder, been more stubborn in letting go of his good, kind friend.

Later. He notes, a sense of determination brewing along with protectiveness deep

seeded into his chest.

I'll ask later.

For the thousandth time, Zeno decides that he very much does not like this forest.
 It’s a beautiful one, yes, but he still feels as if there’s something off. A lingering feeling
he hasn’t been able to shake for a few days now–only worsening after the flower field
incident, especially now that everyone is setting up camp for the night.

Yoon traverses into the forest with the promise that he won't wander far, in search of any
useful plants or herbs for dinner. He isn't gone for very long though, waving through the trees
a short time after having left–taking advantage of the final rays of dwindling sunlight.

"Hey! There's a small house nearby, if you want to go check it out!" "Is there?" “Yeah,
it’s pretty close, I can almost see it from here, actually.”

“I’ll go, anyone else?” Yona offers, turning to Hak and Kija as they stand, Zeno
hesitantly pulling himself to his feet with a shrug. “...Might as well. A quick adventure is
good for the soul.”

Perhaps a bit of exploring will lighten the weight on his shoulders.

“Shin-Ah, Jae-Ha, watch over the camp then, yeah? Make sure the fire stays lit.” Shin-
Ah nods at Yoon, before turning to Zeno. “Be careful.” “We won’t go far,” Yona reassures,
shifting her weight to peek through the trees, “unless you can see something we can’t?” “No,
everything is safe as far as I can see.”

“Bring us back lots of food!” Jae-Ha calls out from behind them with a grin, Yoon
rolling his eyes as he picks up his pace to lead the way and walk beside Yona. “If they have a
garden or field of some sort, I thought we could ask for something, or buy some vegetables
off of them.” “But are you sure it’s a good time to go now? It’s getting late.” “We can invite
them to dinner. No one rejects a free meal.”

Zeno winces, eyes darting to the forest floor as Kija stares. He can feel it–the White
Dragon’s piercing gaze boring into him as he does his best to move on and ignore it.

Hak pokes at Kija’s pride soon enough though, and thankfully, his attention is quickly
diverted.

While Kija is occupied defending his honor as the Hakuryuu, Yoon and Yona strike up a
conversation, Zeno quietly listening in–looking up to find a sparrow’s nest carefully woven,
hidden in between the branches above.

He wonders if the birds remember her, her offerings of crumbs and rice and grains of
wheat, and her songs. If they ever recall him standing next to her, helping her put up clothes
to dry with a fond smile and shy laughter as she tried to convince him to hum along.

He wonders if she remembers–if she sifts through her memories while she waits
patiently, eternally to see him again. If she has birds to inspire her songs, if she’s being
looked after and taken care of properly, no longer alone.

Vaguely, he remembers something Hiryuu once said about birds and humans; about
provision and care for both creatures alike.
 "Zeno? Are you alright?" Kija asks softly as he looks down, blinking back into focus
with wide eyes. "Oh!" "...You are falling behind." Kija remarks as Zeno pushes through the
brush to a clearer area with a more defined path. "Yes! Fine, just looking at the pretty birds."
"The birds?" "Yes!" He nods fervently, pointing back to where he'd been standing. "There is a
nest, maybe with eggs. Little chicks that might fill the morning sky one day."

Kija gives him a strange look, hesitance flickering in his eyes. "That's… wonderful and
all, but again," he clears his throat, "are you sure you're alright? Is there anything on your
mind?"

"Nothing!" Zeno chirps, bursting forward so that he lingers in the middle of the group's
formation. "My head is empty, nothing important to take note of." He holds his arms out in a
childish stance and continues forward, stuck in between dragging behind Hak, Yoon, and
Yona, and skipping ahead of Kija–wanting to face away from both parties, but without
drawing attention to himself by leading the way.

He feels guilty for leaving Hakuryuu behind, but he's onto him. They all are.

They've all noticed in one way or another, shot him a concerned glance or asked about
his well-being at least once each in the past two days, because they can tell. Because he isn't
himself.

Zeno isn't being Zeno.

This short walk was supposed to help. It was supposed to give his mind something new
to focus on, but instead, the weighted feeling sinks its fangs into him, advising him to stop, to
turn back. Dread lingers–looming over him like a dark cloud, but he trudges on.

Zeno catches a single glimpse of the house, and immediately regrets ignoring that
feeling: that this was all going to be a huge mistake.

This is...

"Oh… It looks like no one's here." Yoon hums, peeking in through the door, left slightly
ajar. "It's abandoned."

He sighs, scanning the clouds for any sign of smoke. "A shame, really. Shin-Ah said the
village isn't far, but a quicker, hidden route might have been nice along with something more
to add to tonight's meal." "I'm sure whatever you make will taste delicious regardless, it
always does," Yona comforts. "And it is still a nice place," she adds as Hak shifts beside her,
looking around.

"I wonder what it would have been like to live here, it feels isolated."

Yona turns to him, confused. "Isolated?" "Well… It's further to the village than what one
might deem convenient. Whoever lived here wanted to be alone." "Hak's right." Yoon looks
down a short path overgrown with brambles. "The place is so far deep in the forest, it's
almost hidden."
 She was sick. Zeno thinks, breath hitching at the dull reminder. She lived far away, so
the village would stay healthy.

"In that case, maybe it's better they're not here. I wouldn't want to disturb them." Hak
points out, Kija giving a short nod. "I suppose you're right," Yoon hums, "but on the bright
side…" He pushes through a section of the nearby forest that's visibly newer and lush with
weeds. They watch as he scans the area and takes a step forward– reaching down and
uprooting some sort of vegetable, a wide, satisfied grin on his face. "I knew it! Someone who
lives far from any nearby village or merchants is sure to have something planted nearby. It
looks like there was some sort of garden over here, and though it's not well taken care of, the
plants are still growing." "This is great then! We can bring back whatever is there, nobody's
using it, right?" "Yeah, it's pure luck we found it before the local critters did."

"I wonder how old this place is…" Yona curiously peeks in through a small window,
grinning when she catches sight of the Yellow Dragon as she turns back. "Hey Zeno! Why
don't you-”

Her smile fades, encountered by wide, terrified eyes.

“...Zeno?"

He hasn't moved since he caught sight of the worn down house, like he's been cemented
to the floor.

But even then, something urges him forward. If the others ask him what's wrong–call
out his name, he doesn't hear them. He forces himself to move step by step, until he's face to
face with that old wooden door.

How long has it been since-? It can’t be that long. Or perhaps it is. Is it decades?
Centuries…

He can narrow it down to a few decades at the very least, but due to his estranged
relationship with time and change, only the heavens would truly know. He takes a deep
breath, stepping forward to brush his hand against crumbling wood. It stains his fingertips as
he pushes it, and he flinches back when it creaks and falls with a heavy groan.

"...I broke it."

With a sharp breath, he steps in.

The inside is just as he remembered, but it's covered in layers of dust and grime, moss
and tiny sprouts invading the cracks. Something about it all stirs the grief in his chest,
swelling and threatening to burst; the ache that he's finally learned how to hide becoming
more than he can bear.

He can see her

In every corner, she’s there. His mind floods with memories he’d dismissed long ago, of
her cutting vegetables with a dull knife, sitting in that corner–mending his torn clothes and
altering the villagers' hand me downs. He can see her again in the morning light, her voice in
tune with the sparrows, the birds she so loved–her soft melodies giving him the strength, the
motivation needed to open his eyes and simply find a reason to be . He can feel the warmth of
her breath in his ear, her body curled into his late at night. The kisses she planted on his chin
or on his nose because she lost focus and couldn’t find his lips in time.

And then, her fragile body curled into itself as she shivers on the floor, coughs wracking
her deteriorating frame. She's sick and suffering, and he wants to help her feel better. He
reaches out, and she vanishes from his sight.

The hand he held for so long…

Even if it were nothing but bones, he'd do anything to hold it again.

“Kaya…” He whispers softly, calling out to her. As if she’ll hear him and come running,
as if he’ll see her again as more than a simple, longing dream after all this time. A painful
lump forms in his throat when he realizes he’s murmured her name for the first time in years–
since the moment he’d last talked to her, and she’d murmured his own name in return.

She was tucked under a blanket then–her breath shallow, life slipping from her grasp as
she poured all the love and affection and gratefulness she could manage into her final, few
words.

“Zeno.”

“Yes…” He holds her hand between his with a firm grip, to reassure her that it's him.
That her Zeno is next to her, making sure she won’t feel like she’s alone.

“Thank you.”

He smiles warmly. He doesn’t want her to be afraid.

In truth, in harsh reality, he’s terrified. He's terrified to lose her. To be alone again.

“Let’s meet again… Above the skies, okay?”

Zeno wonders if he's making a promise he can't keep.

He’s seen enough. A hand brushes against his shoulder as he backs away from the
entrance, and he flinches back, pushing it away.

“...no, Zeno!”

A flicker of recognition snaps him out of his stupor. The Misses voice , he notes absently
as he sluggishly pulls his hand close to his chest. He tears his gaze from the forgotten scene
in an attempt to pull himself together, meeting her amethyst eyes. His heart pounds in his
chest at the sight of them, his pupils shrink, and Zeno moves before he can think–
overwhelmed by grief and nostalgia.
 When he caught Yona’s gaze, he found it was soft–her kind eyes filled with gentleness
and worry.

They looked all too much like Hiryuu’s eyes

This is different from seeing Hak and Yona in the flower field.

Zeno knew why he left, he knew where he was going, that all he needed at the time was
a moment to clear his head and take a deep breath to collect himself. It’s different from his
late night walk, the need for fresh air and a distraction urging him to wander.

This time, he has absolutely no idea where he’s going.

He isn’t sure he wants anyone to follow him.

He can feel the presence of the other dragons hastily moving towards him, and it only
urges him to keep going. What will he do when he faces them? What is he supposed to say
after running off without an explanation, after making them all worry?

There’s steps steadily approaching behind him, and Zeno pushes himself to run faster,
make a point that he doesn’t want to be seen like this–that right now, he doesn’t want to be
seen at all.

A rock, a dip in the ground–something of the sort trips him and he falls forward,
catching himself on his hands and knees. The fall isn’t as harsh as he expects it to be,
cushioned by grass and dirt that stain his clothes as he looks up, any scratch on his hands
healing almost instantly. The thought of his regeneration sickens him, as Zeno finds himself
in that place from long ago–where he’d begged for the dragon gods to spare a single life.

He stares up at the sky, feeling mocked by fate itself.

The stars blink down at him innocently, and he envies them–it’s as if they know they’re
much closer to her than he’ll ever hope to be. Zeno grits his teeth, fighting the painful urge to
curse at them; the searing temptation to scream and cry all at once because as childish as it is,
it simply isn’t fair.

He buries his face in his hands–a final attempt at suppressing his grief by digging his
palms into his eyes.

Before he knows it, there’s a soft, warm weight being draped over his head.

Zeno had a feeling that once again, Shin-Ah would be the first to find him.

He’s crouched down in front of him, adjusting his fur piece in place to act as a makeshift
cloak, or perhaps even a blanket for Zeno to hide in.

“You said you were going to be fine,” he remarks quietly, pulling Zeno’s hands away
from his face. His eyes widen when he realizes that Shin-Ah’s mask is off–a pure display of
trust and vulnerability as golden eyes meet his own. “You promised.” He looks down, shame
burning in his throat, undeserving of the Blue Dragon’s trust.

“Seiryuu doesn’t understand…”

“No, but Zeno’s been holding something in.” Shin-Ah nudges him gently. “That doesn’t
seem fair.”

Zeno shrinks back with a shake of his head–fully intending to calm down and push this
all aside in one way or another–but Shin-Ah won’t give up just yet. The others will be here
soon, he can feel them getting closer.

“You never expected to be back there, at that house?” Zeno blinks, surprised at Shin-
Ah’s initiative.

“Something happened there. Something important.”

Zeno nods wordlessly, his lips pressed into a line, his voice caught in his throat. He’s
warm here in Shin-Ah’s presence. Kind, observant Shin-Ah, who’s trying so hard to make
him feel better–who frowns at his lack of speech and general mannerisms, brows furrowing,
creasing with worry Zeno can’t help but feel guilty of.

“If you need to… please, cry.”

“...Zeno shouldn’t-”

Shin-Ah interrupts him, cutting him off by pulling him into his arms yet again. He takes
Zeno by surprise for the second or third time today, and admittedly, if he wasn’t a mess right
now, the Yellow Dragon would be bursting with warmth and pride.

“You can cry here. No one will ask, and no one will see if you don’t want them to.”

Seiryuu…

Zeno shakes his head quickly, because that’s not it. As sweet as Shin-Ah is, Zeno isn’t
afraid of being vulnerable in front of him or any of the others. He trusts them wholeheartedly,
and his struggle isn’t against them–though he understands how he may have made it seem
that way.

“No, Zeno doesn’t mind… It’s- It’s not that.”

“Oh…" Shin-Ah trails off, a hint of confused worry in his voice, "what is it then?”

Zeno inhales sharply–every word she spoke, every laugh, every smile, every sweet,
loving glint in her eyes flashing through his memory. He wants her back. More than anything,
he wants her back. He wants to hear her voice, kiss her and hold her tenderly and he can't.

He misses her.

"It's that Zeno shouldn't-" He hiccups, a soft cry forcing its way out of his lungs.
 He's doing his best. He really is trying to hold it all in, and the desperation of not being
able to only makes everything worse.

"Because it's- it’s been so long. Too long-" He gasps, pulling the crest down, holding it
close to his chest. His heart pounds in his ears–breath coming in short spasms, an aching pit
burrowing deep inside his heart and soul.

“It’s been too long since then, to still feel so m-much grief .”

Everything that’s felt off, it's the result of loss. Of a deep-seeded pain from long ago .

He’s grieving. Shin-Ah realizes with wide eyes, pulling an emotionally deteriorating
Zeno closer to him.

"Kaya."

It starts as a whisper.

"Kaya. Kaya, Kaya, Kaya, Kaya -"

He sobs out her name, clinging onto soft fabric with desperation. The heaviness and
sorrow he's done his best to shove down and ignore for days now, manifesting in the messiest
way possible. Shin-Ah mumbles something in that kind, soft voice of his–something he can’t
quite make out. Perhaps he’s asking who Kaya is–but he's lost to sorrow as everything comes
rushing back.

"Why couldn't you save her??"

He brokenly repeats her name over and over into the night, and at some point, Abi,
Guen, Shuten, and Hiryuu's names manage to slip from his mouth. His cries are raw and
broken, reminiscent of that familiar feeling, that realization that comes with the twisted
blessing of perfect health and immorality.

Shin-Ah only continues to hold him, looking over his shoulder when the rest of the
dragons finally figure out where they are. Hak, Yoon, and Yona are with them, and Zeno
looks up with a shuddering breath–letting out another sob when Yona runs forward and drops
to her knees to embrace him.

He doesn’t recall what exactly happens next–only the whispers of concerned

conversation, and the warmth of being surrounded and wordlessly held.

The only thing Zeno knows for sure, is that he’s much too far from the castle to mistake
the exhaustion forcing his eyes shut.

A broken man kneels beside his beloved.

His thumbs run over her hand, cold and thin–devoid of life, of that which filled it with a
gentle spirit and a warm touch. He presses it to his forehead with desperation.
 He mourns.

"Please, my king… Take care of her for me. Don't let her feel alone," He begs to his
master, the one who will greet her with warmth.

"Let her feel at peace." His head is bowed, to the one that will welcome her with
gratitude. "Let her know… My king, my king..." Tears drip off of his chin, shoulders trembling
with grief and the weight of all that he has lost in a single life.

"Let her know how loved she is."

Chapter End Notes

So basically I said "SCREW schedules I write what I want WHEN I want" and I wanted
Zeno angst soooo.... :>

BTW there's some weird tense-switching/usage when Zeno freaks out because of Yona's
eyes and when he’s hallucinating(?) It's purposeful. I don't know if it's grammatically
correct or even makes sense but I swear I tried.

ALSO!! WAS THAT A BIBLICAL REFERENCE TO SPARROWS?!?! TO

MATTHEW 6:26?!?!?? BECAUSE HIRYUU IS A JESUS PARALLEL AND ZENO
ASKED HIM TO TAKE CARE OF HIS BELOVED WIFE WHOM HE ASSOCIATES
WITH BIRDS??? AND KAYA IS AN ACTUAL PERSON AND NOT A BIRD???
THOUGH HIRYUU PROBABLY LIKED BIRDS TOO???

I'm getting a little off track but yeah Matthew 6:26 is about how God takes care of the
birds and always provides for them and we worry a lot about stuff but we're humans and
we just need to trust that he'll provide for us and take care of us like he does for the birds
because he WILL and also Matthew 10:29-31 mentions sparrows and how not a single
one of them is not noticed by the Father and how we are all noticed and loved by him
and I just though it would be a neat thing to tie in because why not.

I will shamelessly sashay my way through biblical refrences, don't test me.

Hiryuu is a bird person lololol

End Notes

So, I did take some form of loose inspiration from sarcasm_and_bad_puns' fanfic, "Even
Now, My Heart Aches" with the dream scene at the beginning, because whether that form of
Kaya was ACTUALLY her ghost or not is totally up to interpretation! BY THE WAY GO
READ HER FIC BECAUSE KOUREN AND NEGURO ARE SO INCREDIBLE AND THE
WRITING IS GORGEOUS AN IT DESERVES SO MUCH RECOGNITION
AAAHHHUHRUR2BVUOUB3BVOU3B-

Actually scratch that just go straight up binge read all of sarcasm_and_bad_puns' works its so
worth it they are all incredible lol.

(Psst... fun fact, I finished the super rough draft/timeline for this in an airport - our flight was
delayed ELEVEN HOURS.

*cue insane sleep-deprived laughter*

:})

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