Unconditionally

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/47201038.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandoms: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington, Colin Bridgerton & Penelope
Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington, Colin
Bridgerton & Eloise Bridgerton, Benedict Bridgerton & Colin
Bridgerton, Anthony Bridgerton & Colin Bridgerton
Characters: Colin Bridgerton, Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Benedict
Bridgerton, Anthony Bridgerton, Violet Bridgerton, Bridgerton Siblings
(Bridgerton)
Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Eventual
Romance, Love Confessions, Healing, Forgiveness, Growth
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-05-15 Completed: 2023-07-05 Words: 30,855 Chapters:
12/12
 Unconditionally
by l1ttleG7ant3

Summary

Fic title based on Katy Perry's song "Unconditionally" because I feel like that's these two.

What happens when Colin learns why his friend hasn't been answering his letters? How does
it feel to learn someone you think you knew might be keeping secrets from you?

This is a story about friends, forgiveness, growth and love.

Notes

Hello! Please enjoy another one of my additions to the amazing Polin fics already out there.
Although I do read and enjoy a variety of the fics and tropes out there, this is not a Colin
hating or make him suffer story. I quiet like his character and want to spend more time
exploring his side and experience further.

If this suits your interests, read on. Hope you like!

 All Your Insecurities

Colin was frustrated. It was the best word he could find to describe the knot he felt in his
chest for the past few months. He had been on a tour across the beautiful valleys of Italy,
sights and food to enchant him, and yet he was frustrated. Now home, he felt it building in
him with each moment he continued to grow more confused.

Penelope had not responded to any of his letters. And at first, he was concerned they had
been lost. Then progressively he grew worried something might have happened to her.
However, this was quickly dispelled after asking his mother about how their esteemed
neighbor had been and was met with reassurances she was well, albeit had been around their
home less often.

Odd. He thought.

Still now that these worries had been quelled he was left with the hollowness of knowing it
was possible his dear friend was purposely not responding to his letters. Which a year after
exchanging numerous letters, a wonderful dance at a ball in which he unmasked her cousin
Jack, and much laughter left him utterly perplexed.

He had returned but two days ago and already he had a ball he had to attend alongside his
family. Normally he did not mind these affairs as he much enjoyed dancing (particularly with
Penelope) and would usually find a way to avoid the mamas pushing their daughters on him.
However as he readied himself, straightening his cravat and staring at his tense form
watching him in the mirror, he knew he was not looking forward to it. In fact, he was certain
he had never experienced such nervous energy buzzing through his body like this before.

He would see her tonight.

He had initially of course sought out his sister Eloise for more insight but that had proven a
mistake. The first night of his return he had approached her as she sat reading with a frown.

“El, would you happen to have any insight as to why Penelope has not responded to my
letters?” he asked cautiously.

In response she snapped her book shut before stiffening and turning to meet his eyes. “Truly I
have little interest in the inner workings of her mind. But perhaps like the rest of us she
finally grew bored of your pretentious ramblings.”

“Eloise!” their mother snapped, having overheard her rather loud declaration.

“I am only answering his question, mother.” Eloise replied with a bitterly fake smile. Colin
cringed and too affected by her words opted to leave the room before he let on just how much
she had hurt him.

Colin was well aware his siblings seemed to think very little about his excursions. Anthony
and Eloise were the most vocal about perceiving him to be aimless. At least his other siblings
seemed to miss him. Still, whenever he heard them make comments of this nature he was left
feeling small and wanting the world to swallow him whole. Benedict later found him in the
study sipping pensively on a glass of brandy and patted his shoulder lovingly as he took a
seat next to him.

"Do not pay her too much mind. She seems to have had a fight with Penelope. They have not
been speaking for the past months it seems. I’m afraid you touched a nerve brother.” He
attempted to reassure him.

Colin had merely nodded accepting his explanation. Benedict had always been the most
patient with him and he was not surprised he recognized he was in need of his comfort.

Now as he was preparing to see Penelope, part of him wanted to storm into that ball, find
whatever edge of the ballroom she was hiding in and demand some answers. Another part of
him dreaded learning the why. Perhaps the fear was rocking him with nerves at facing
whatever explanation there could be to the situation. He righted himself and with a
determined nod steeled himself for the night.

Once at the ball he found her almost immediately. She wore a pink gown decorated with
jewels which made her sparkle in the light. She took his breath away. He noticed her, but she
did not see him because she seemed to be focused on speaking with a gentleman. Dankworth,
he believed it was.

He slowly made his way closer to approach, yet not wanting to disrupt slipped behind them
to grab some lemonade as they stood a few paces in front.

“Well Miss Featherington what do you believe we can expect this season?” She giggled
nervously, curiously in a manner that sounded very much unlike her.

“Perhaps you would care to tell me your thoughts Mr. Dankworth.” She said, tilting her head
slightly with awkward forced motion.

Was she flirting with him? Or at least trying to.

“Ah…” Mr. Dankworth paused clearly not expecting to have to answer such a dull question
himself. Frankly Colin never understood why ladies were forced to hold such dense
conversations with gentlemen about the season, fashion, and embroidery. “I suppose we can
expect more of the same as last season.” He responded with a grin seeming proud of his
response.

“Right, of course!” Penelope responded again laughing in a way that sounded most unnatural.

“Yes indeed.” Mr. Dankworth confirmed.

This had to be the most excruciating exchange to witness. Colin rolled his eyes and took this
as an opportunity to intervene. Clearing his throat to call their attention, both turned to him.
Mr. Dankworth looked at him with relief, perhaps wanting a reprieve from their exchange
and Penelope with a frown.
Curious.

“Evening Mr. Dankworth, Miss Featherington.” He said bowing softly towards them. He
glanced up as Penelope curtsied in response with annoyed grimace it seemed.

“Bridgerton, I had not realized you returned already!”

“Well I could not miss the season of course. As you know my sister Francesca is out now as
well.”

“Of course. Nothing like a Danbury Ball to start a new season.” Dankworth added.

“Miss Featherington, how have you been?” Colin said, turning his attention to her. Yet again
she frowned and glanced away.

“Well, thank you.” she replied.

“We were just speaking about the prospects of the season,” Dankworth added happily, raising
his glass of champagne before taking a sip.

“Ah yes. I imagine you have already asked Miss Featherington for a dance, but perhaps I can
request the one to follow Miss Featherington?” He said keeping his eyes trained on her.

Penelope opened her mouth to speak but Dankworth interrupted, “Why how silly of me,
please Miss Featherington allow me to sign your dance card.”

Penelope stared back at Colin then turned to Dankworth nodding quietly. He smiled in return
before he bent down and signed her dance card. “I will return for our dance Miss
Featherington. Please excuse me for a moment,” Dankworth said bowing in a gentlemanly
fashion. “Bridgerton I will see you later at Monrich’s?”

“Perhaps.” He replied with a smile raising his glass of lemonade.

That left him alone with Penelope. After Dankworth had walked away he could sense the
tension cracking between them. Almost as if reading her mind, he extended his hand out
towards her arm out right in time to catch her before she fled.

“I wish to have a word with you…” he whispered.

“Well I do not wish to speak with you, please let go.” Penelope replied, her eyes glued to the
floor. Colin did as she asked and let go of her arm. She finally met his eyes and nodded
thanks.

“Please Pen,” Colin practically begged. “All I ask is for a moment.”

They stared at each other for a beat and he could tell the moment her resolve crumbled. She
tilted her head towards the terrace and he nodded in response. They quietly made their way
outside where a few people were milling around in quiet conversations and laughter.
Penelope stopped a few paces close to the entrance as if to make it clear she would not be
offering him much time. “What is it you wish to speak to me about Mr. Bridgerton?”

Colin winced at her tone and use of formalities. It was as if she was doing everything in her
power to keep him at a distance. It was maddening and perplexing.

“Penelope,” he uttered, then cleared his throat recognizing it had gone dry. “Are you cross
with me?”

“That is what you wish to speak to me about?” she huffed with annoyance.

“You are cross with me.” Her words so much as confirming it as his brows furrowed in
frustration. “Well that answers that, but may I ask why? I have written to you all summer and
have not heard from you at all. Now I see you after months and you are acting as if I am the
devil himself…”

“It is of no matter Mr. Bridgerton. Besides, it is most improper for us to continue a

correspondence.”

“It did not seem improper all of last year…” He said walking behind Penelope as she began
pacing away from him. He slipped his hand on her elbow to slow her down and gently
nudged her to turn towards him. “Please Pen, talk to me.”

“I don’t understand why this seems to bother you so much. You can have the attention of any
of the ladies in there, I am sure it is of little importance whether I reply to a letter or not.”

“That is not true, and you know it. You are special to me. Our correspondence is…was
special to me.”

“Special?” Now that seemed to awaken something in her. She started walking towards him
furiously, “Special? You are referring to what you said to me last year. Was that before after
you declared to your friends you would never dream of courting me?” She said tapping her
chin in mock consideration as she forced Colin to continue to step back while she moved
towards him. “Ah yes, I believe it was before.”

She suddenly stopped staring at him with fire in her eyes.

Oh. She had heard him. “Pen..” he started.

“Do not.” She cut him off. “I never asked you to court me. And you…” her voice cracked and
Colin then realized just how much his words had hurt her. “You were the one who said I was
special to you. You are the one who said you would look after me. I did not ask that of you.”

He nodded, swallowing down the hurt. “Penelope…” he tried again, softer. “I have no excuse
for hurting your feelings. All I can say is what I said in front of those gentlemen was my
careless attempt to win their favor.”

“Win their favor?” she repeated back with a frown and raised brow.
“Yes. You see, your cousin Jack had damaged Mondrich’s connections with the other
gentlemen. Mondrich had tried to warn me at his club knowing full well the possible
consequences of losing his customers. After I took to heart his warning and looked further
into his scheme, I wanted to make things right with Mondrich. When I found myself with the
other gentlemen I knew it would be important for me to convince them to return to
Mondrichs. Which I did…but now it seems utterly pointless when I have done so at the cost
of hurting someone who is so dear to me. And it seems quite ridiculous to say out loud
now…but Pen you do not know the ways of men and how …it's irrelevant. ” He cut himself
off and sighing with exhaustion. He knew it did not truly matter why he at the time thought to
say such foolish things. What mattered was her and the pain he had caused her. Colin stepped
closer to her and grabbed a hold of her gloved hand. “Please forgive me Penelope. I..I am
truly sorry. I only wish you would have talked to me sooner…”

“I do not wish to speak of this any further.” She bit back, turning her eyes to the floor.

“I understand. I only want you to know I am deeply sorry. I…I hate myself for causing you
this hurt and will do what I can to…”

“It is of no consequence. I do not need your pity. I do not need your false friendship.”

“Pity? I do not…”

“You can go back to whatever corner of the continent you wish to escape to next. I honestly
do not care where you go, just leave me be.” She said coldly.

He never knew words could ever hurt so much until he heard those come out of his dear
friend's mouth.

“You..” he cleared his throat recognizing how broken he sounded. He blinked rapidly to
avoid shedding the tears threatening to make their presence known. “I was mistaken perhaps
when I believed us to be friends.” Suddenly the hurt gave way to rage and he could feel
himself slipping into its cold embrace.

“Friends? You are the one…”

“Let me finish. You have said your part, let me say mine. I am deeply sorry for hurting you. I
own that I was an utter fool for saying what I said that night. And yet you are showing me
that perhaps I have always been a fool…I thought you saw me for who I was…but you see
what everyone else sees. Foolish Colin traveling and running away. You didn't even care
enough about our friendship, about me to actually talk to me about what you heard. You
didn’t care about leaving me in complete silence as if I did not even dignify an I hate you.
You merely wrote me off as a complete arse like all the other arses. Is that truly all you think
of me?” He spoke leaning down closer to her face, his cheeks emblazoned with rage.

She merely stared at him and stammered, her cold resolve melting. He knew she had never
seen him in such a state. He honestly could not remember ever feeling so angry…so utterly
destroyed.
“You need not answer. I will leave you be, Miss Featherington.” He said taking a few steps
back and bowing, his jaw clenched.

It was only after he was seated in his carriage alone that he allowed himself to break down
into the hollow feelings swallowing him whole.
 Don't Need Apologies
Chapter Summary

A little of Penelope's POV here. The day after the fight.

Are our heroes ready to move towards repairing things between them?

He was avoiding going inside. Once the carriage had delivered him in front of Number 5 he
had diverted towards the gardens where he had remained well over the past hour. After he
had finally found some calm in the silence, his eyes stayed steady in front of him on the
grass. Despite the darkness, his vision had now adjusted and he could make out the
individual blades glimmering in slight touch of the moon.

For the first half hour he allowed himself to wallow in his pain. Now he had wiped himself
clear of any evidence and longed for the silence of the night to hide him. He remained
perfectly still hoping he could blend into the gardens surrounding him. Perhaps then he could
escape every idiotic thing he had done and said.

Yet he was unable to, for every passing moment again he would replay every frown on her
face, the tremble of hurt in her voice and lastly land on the rage with which he spoke to her.

She should hate him, he thought, dejectedly slumping forward to rest his elbows on his
knees.

“There you are,” Benedict's voice startled him as he quickly walked over to where he sat on
the grass and plopped down next to him. He pulled out a flask from his coat and took a sip.
“Mother was worried when we could not find you at the ball. I told her you were likely
exhausted and returned home. Which it seems I was half correct…” He said, glancing at him
with a frown.

“Yes, I..I decided to leave early. Forgive me for not warning anyone..” Colin mumbled, truly
feeling exhausted at this point.

“What happened Colin? You are worrying me.” Benedict replied, placing his hand on Colin’s
shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

“I’m afraid I have made a blunder of things with Miss Featherington.”

“Miss Featherington?” Benedict repeated confused. “You mean Penelope…since when do

you refer to her so formally?”

“Perhaps that was my first mistake all along…” Colin said, sitting up and taking the flask
from his brother. He took two big gulps of the bitter drink. “I learned tonight she overheard
me talking with the other gentleman and I am embarrassed by the things she overheard me
say. Needless to say she no longer wishes to have anything to do with me now. I am afraid I
realized in between everything that perhaps I am not the man I thought I once was…”

“Colin…” Benedict began attempting to argue but he continued.

“I have been sitting here waiting for the ground to swallow me whole because…because I..I
have no idea where I can go from here.” He spoke with exasperation. “I am not the person I
believed myself to be and worse…I am struggling to perceive a world in which my best
friend seizes to be such…”

“Colin…” Benedict said, pulling away the flask from Colin’s hands. He tugged on his
brother's arm forcing him to meet his eyes. “Heavens…I don’t know what on Earth
happened between you two…but I can say this with certainty: Colin Bridgerton, you are my
brother and I know you are a good man…” Colin opened his mouth to fight him, but
Benedict raised his brow in response, silencing him. “Perhaps you have made a mistake or
mistakes…we all make them for we are human. A mistake does not define you brother, trust
me I am rather an expert on those. Perhaps our entire family is…” Benedict chuckled. “I
imagine you tried to apologize?”

“Well yes but then I made things worse…”

“No matter. Apologies can only get you so far anyways. What you need to do is earn back
her trust. Show her you mean to do right by her and can do right by her.”

“But Ben…you weren’t there. She hates me. She wants nothing to do with me now…” Colin
said, standing up abruptly and raising his arms up in defeat.

Benedict followed him and stood up as well. He faced him with a smirk on his face.
“Penelope Featherington does not hate you.”

“Ben…”

“Colin. If there is one thing I am certain it is that: Penelope Featherington does not hate you.
And I trust you will find a way to make amends.“ His brother said, placing his arm over
Colin’s shoulders. He gently pulled him towards their home and started walking them
inside. “Now let's get some sleep and you can have a fresh perspective in the morning about
how to fix things with Miss Featherington.”

Penelope barely slept. She had dragged herself out of bed only because she had no other
choice but to get herself ready for another day. Surely the night had been a minor success in
that Dankworth had danced with her. Albeit it had been due to Colin’s encouragement, but
he had followed up on it as promised. And although their conversation had been stilted
throughout the night she was determined to see it as a success that she could interact with
other gentlemen that were not Bridgerton’s.
Despite her eagerness to maintain a positive attitude, it would never last long. Throughout
the night she kept hearing echoes of her argument with Colin. When she shut her eyes she
could still see how the hurt flashed across his green eyes and had dulled them from their
usual brightness. She had never heard him sound so angry.

Truly she never imagined her avoidance of responding to his letters could have hurt him in
any way. She imagined he might have approached her at some point and she would have
been curt or denied him a dance and then he would have lost interest. But he surprised her.
He sought her out, wanted an explanation and then appeared crushed by her words.

Perhaps part of her had wanted to hurt him when she dismissed him in such a cold manner.
She struck him in a way she imagined would hurt him. But she did not consider she actually
had that sort of power. Apparently she did as she had never seen him lose his temper, not
even when she had quite literally caused him to fall off his horse when they first met.

She made her way down to the sitting room in a trance amidst her thoughts that she had
missed completely what Varley had said to her.

“Pardon me? I was not paying attention…” she excused herself realizing Varley was standing
across from her staring and waiting for a response of sorts.

“Miss Featherington, you have a visitor: Mr. Colin Bridgerton is here.” Varley said, eyeing
her curiously.

Penelope froze. She was but two steps from entering the sitting room and he had likely heard
Varley announce him to her. There was no polite way of avoiding him at this point. And
truthfully, a part of her wanted to see him. She needed to see him.

She nodded and took a deep breath in, before stepping into the sitting room with her head
held high.

“Penelope dear, it's about time you came down. You completely missed breakfast and have
kept Mr. Bridgerton waiting.” Her mother was the first to catch her attention. She was
standing in the middle of the room with Prudence next to her, both appearing ready to go out.

“I’m sorry mama. Are you going somewhere?” She asked.

“Yes, I told you last night we have to meet with the modiste. Honestly Penelope you never
pay attention to me do you?” Portia frowned then turned to look behind her where Colin now
stood. “Mr. Bridgerton, please excuse my daughter. She seems to have half her wits this
morning. I will leave you to your visit. Varley will be here if you need anything.”

Colin bowed in response, “Enjoy your stroll Lady Featherington, Miss Featherington,” he
said with his usual handsome smirk directed at them. Prudence giggled and then followed
their mother out.

For a few long seconds after they left, Penelope and Colin stood in silence not really meeting
each other's eyes. It wasn’t until Varley entered with a platter of tea and biscuits, that both
seemed to move.
“Please, Miss Featherington,” Colin said, motioning with his hand for her to take a seat. She
reluctantly moved forward and sat across from him. “By all means, have something to eat.
You have not broken fast yet.”

Penelope cleared her throat and served herself some tea, placing a few biscuits on her plate.
After taking a bite she glanced up at Colin who seemed to have just been watching her
patiently. “Are you not going to eat?”

“No, I am afraid I do not have much of an appetite.” He replied with a soft laugh.

“The sky must be falling…” Penelope uttered but clearly he heard her because he broke out
into a more honest laugh in response. It was contagious and she could not help but laugh as
well.

Suddenly feeling lighter, Colin leaned forward moving closer into her space. “I am sorry for
showing up here so early but I wanted to speak with you…”

“I am actually glad you are here too…” Penelope said quietly. “I must be honest, I did not
sleep well last night after our conversation.”

“Neither did I.” Colin sighed. “I want to apologize for losing my temper. I..I..um..I…it will
not happen again.”

“Col..”

“It was most unlike me, and for that I apologize.”

Penelope watched him for a moment. His eyes were on the ground and shoulders slumped
with exhaustion. He was not the confident Colin she always saw him to be. “I suppose you
were correct.”

“Me? About what exactly?” Colin said, meeting her eyes with a raised brow. The depth of
his green eyes distracted her for a moment as if being punched in the stomach.

She cleared her throat, it having suddenly grow dry. “You said I lumped you in with the
other…gentlemen.” She deliberately avoided using the language he had which earned her a
chuckle from him. “How you spoke about me…I suppose I understand it a little differently
now having heard your side of it more. And I did write you off…or at least wanted to do
that. But in my efforts to do so, I completely disregarded you and our friendship.”

Colin’s eyes softened at her words. “I would like…would truly appreciate it if you would be
willing to allow me the opportunity to repair our friendship. I have wronged you and I can
understand why you would want to push me away…and yet I cannot seem to want to let you
go.”

Penelope bit her lip taking in his words. This was dangerous, allowing him in again. She
could already feel the warmth enveloping her into blinding herself again from reality. “I want
that…and yet, I am afraid things will have to change at some point, Colin. I wish to marry,
and I imagine some day you will too…”
“Is that why you were flirting with Dankworth last night?” He asked with a smirk on his
face.

Her cheeks instantly reddened. “I..I was..uhm..”

“Well, you seemed to be trying at least. Pen, why were you acting like that?”

“Like what?” she said gulping down some tea wishing they would move away from this
topic.

“Like…like Cressida.”

She began choking on the tea, to which he responded by gently patting her back. Of course
this brought him closer to her, which only made her fumble more awkwardly. He served her
more tea and sat back into his seat once she had caught her breath.

“I did not mean to offend you.” He said with a serious tone.

Penelope scoffed, “Well perhaps next time try to avoid comparing me to such a person.”

“I meant to say…you were acting very much unlike yourself. Like a lot of the ladies do
when trying to catch the attention of a gentleman.”

“Well it was my intention.”

Colin watched her curiously. And opened his mouth but stopped himself before continuing.
Finally he spoke, “You need not act like them, Pen. Your beauty alone would capture the
eyes of any of those blokes. But it is your wit…your intelligence that truly wins anyone
over. That is what you need to show them. You, only you.”

Penelope had been familiar with the experience of being at a loss of words when it came to
Colin Bridgerton’s smiles or even his eyes. But never had she imagined herself being on the
receiving end of such gentle warm words coming from him. And even more, him saying it
with such conviction it felt like the only truth.

“I…I don’t know what to say…” she whispered, looking away from him lest she risk getting
lost in his eyes again. She shook herself off before pushing forward, “I suppose I have to
thank you for Mr. Danworth dancing with me. I do not imagine he would have thought to ask
of his own volition.” She fake laughed.

“That is on him. There are certain gentlemen, like Dankworth, who are rather dim witted and
do not think much about how to properly entertain a lady. But Pen, you can do better than
him, surely you know this.”

“I…I think the past seasons say otherwise…”

“Pen, if I am to earn your trust..that is to say if you are willing to give me a chance to prove
to you that I can indeed be a true friend to you…I can assist you in meeting some of the
gentlemen who would be worth your time.” He paused, seeming to struggle with his next
words. “If this truly matters to you, I would do this…anything you ask of me really. I only
wish…no need to show you I am more than the stupid words I uttered that awful night.”

He was looking at her with such determination she knew he was serious. And beyond that,
she knew Colin, knew in her heart he would never say something important as this without
meaning it.

“You would help me with talking with the other gentlemen?” She asked to be sure.

“If that is what you want. You will not need my help talking with them, of that I am certain.
Once I make the introduction, you need only be yourself.”

“You have a lot of confidence in me…”

“I know you, Pen. If this is important to you, then I will do it.” He said grabbing hold of her
hand in between his and giving it a gentle squeeze.

She smiled at how comforting it was to be held by him. Deep down she knew this was a
mistake. Anything that might continue to keep him close was a stupid idea feeding her
childish fantasies of them. And yet, part of her would do anything to keep him near, if only
for a moment longer. If she was lucky perhaps this would allow her the chance to say
goodbye to him and meet a husband who could offer her an escape from the mess of a life she
was currently in.

“Alright,” she smiled brightly at him which he mirrored. “Where do we begin?”

 Let Go
Chapter Summary

Colin continues to support his friend...

“Ms. Featherington does look stunning, does she not?” Anthony’s voice startled Colin as he
had come up around from behind. He glanced back at him and smiled as his brother handed
him a champagne flute.

It was the second ball of the season following his agreement to support Penelope in her
endeavors to find a match. This was Anthony and Kate’s first time hosting and it had been a
grand affair thus far. Colin thought everything looked lovely, in particular Penelope.

“She does indeed,” he agreed.

“Well it surprises me to find you here, rather than dancing with her.” Anthony continued, his
tone serious.

“I am doing my best to be a proper friend. Does this not please you brother?”

Anthony chuckled. “It can’t be because of anything I’ve said of that I am certain. Heaven
knows none of you ever listen to me.”

Colin laughed and turned more fully towards him, “We do…sometimes.” He smirked.

“I do find it peculiar…you two seem closer than ever and yet now I see her entertaining other
gentlemen.”

“I had not realized you were paying close attention to us. It is her hope to find a match this
season. And I am merely trying to be a supportive friend. She deserves to be happy.” Colin
said as he sipped on the champagne, the bubbles of the drink chilling in his throat.

“Hmm…” Anthony grunted. “You wish for her to find a match?”

“I only want her to be happy. That is her wish and so I will do what I can to be supportive.”

And he had been doing that for the past weeks. He had taken her on promenades and visited
her often both to encourage her and to rekindle their friendship. It had been awkward
initially but also not at all. One of them would only need to break the tension with a biting
remark and they would quickly fall into stride with each other. Colin knew this about them
but had not truly noticed it until they had been so off rhythm with each other. Now it was
much like it had been when they were exchanging letters only better because she was right
there, within his reach.
Yet even as they grew closer, he knew the inevitable future lay ahead of them which would
seal them to an eternal distance. It was a looming truth which lingered behind their shared
laughs and conversations. For even now as he watched Penelope dancing with Mr.
Dankworth (whom he knew was not truly in the running as she had told him so), he could see
her slipping away into that future in which they would be strangers across a room.

It hurt and yet as he saw her eyes sparkle in the light, the way in which she glided magically
across the room to the beat of the music, he felt happy. He felt happy because she was indeed
happy. He had always seen this side of her and yet now, it was a gift to see her share it with
the world carelessly.

So perhaps he could not say in all honesty that he wanted his dear friend to find a match;
selfishly he would keep her to himself for the rest of time. But knowing she wanted this was
enough for him to put his ego aside and plaster on his best smile for her.

“I worry about you.” Anthony whispered his gaze landing on the floor. It caught him by
surprise as it did not come with his usual reprimanding tone.

“Me? Whatever for Ant?” Colin said, seeking out his brother's eyes. When they finally did
meet he could see the concern etched across the frown on his face. He hungered to reassure
him, leaning forward and placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “I am here with our family. I
am doing my best to be here…”

“Yes I know.” Anthony stated calmly and sighed. “And yet I worry about your future
Colin.”

“I am working on a plan…”

“That is not what I am referring to. I know you will figure out a path forward, it is only…
you are so concerned about Miss Featherington’s happiness…I fear you have not given much
thought to your own.”

Colin scoffed. “I thought that had been your criticism last year…Remember? You said I was
too focused on seeking out my joys aimlessly? Now I am here and you are saying I am
unhappy…”

“Colin. Please, I do not wish to fight.” Anthony said, shaking his head. “I only want for you
to think of your happiness.”

Colin nodded. It was like this between them often. A push and pull between what was right,
what should be, what could be…It felt never-ending and often placed them at opposite ends
with each other. Colin was not certain when, but at some point it had become rather familiar
to displease his older brother. And since then, probably some time around the Marina
situation, he had struggled to find his way back to being in his good graces.

He opted to relent on this one. “I hear you, Ant, I will try to do better.”

“That is all I ask.” Anthony replied and suddenly brightened up completely. Colin then
realized it was due to his wife walking up behind him. He smiled happily at the sight of the
two of them together.

“Excuse me, I believe I will ask Miss Featherington for that dance after all.” He announced it
as an excuse to give them a moment together.

Colin did share a dance with Penelope and plenty of smiles as they moved across the dance
floor. She was after all his favorite dance partner after all these years. Once the song ended
he walked with her outside for some fresh air.

“Colin, at what point do you believe I can stop dancing with Mr. Dankworth? I have been
trying to push him to Philippa but he does not seem to comprehend.” She smiled up at him as
they slowed their steps by the balcony.

“As I told you before, some gentlemen do not think of these things. I can talk to him and
encourage the idea. You really believe they will be a good match?”

“Yes, I do think they are perfect for each other.”

“Well I trust your judgment over all others. I will speak with him.” He said, nudging her arm
gently with his shoulder. She smiled victoriously in return.

They stood in comforting silence for a few moments basking in the moonlight. Colin knew
he was standing rather close to her as he could feel the heat from her arm against his
stomach. It happened often that he found in these small moments they would lean into each
other almost as if by instinct. He would never know if she noticed it, but he was not going to
risk mentioning it and having her stop.

Penelope cleared her throat and turned to face him, “Colin?”

“Hmm?”

“Lord Anderson said he wishes to court me formally.” She spoke softly avoiding his eyes.

“I see…” Colin shifted in his stance. He knew this was coming and yet, now being here he
was unsure how to proceed. “And how do you feel about him as a prospect?”

She bit her lip and considered his question for a moment. “I suppose I think we have good
conversations. He is kind and a good dancer.”

“So…”

“So…I can’t think of a reason why it wouldn’t make sense.”

“Are you…” He was still considering his next words carefully. Part of him knew he was
stepping into unchartered waters but curiosity, especially when it involved her, was getting
the best of him. “Are you looking for a reason not to court him?”
She suddenly turned away from him. Interesting.

“I am not sure…” she sighed, “I am not sure how to explain what exactly…Perhaps I am
scared. Perhaps I didn’t imagine it this way…”

“What did you imagine?”

“I don’t know Colin,” she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. “I suppose I wanted
what any lady wants…romance, flirtation…love.”

“You do not feel Lord Anderson can deliver these things?” He asked as he walked around
her trying to get a better read on what was going through her mind.

“I can’t say for sure. He is a fine gentleman, perhaps he can…Maybe it is me, maybe I am
the one who cannot.”

Colin scoffed. “Please, that is not…”

“It does not matter.” Penelope interrupted him. “I will move forward with this. He is a good
prospect and I am…I am allowing my childish dreams to stall me from the inevitable.”

“Pen…” Colin whispered, reaching for both of her hands and tugging her closer to face him.
“It does matter: you deserve it all.” He tucked his finger under her chin leaning down to her
eye level in order to get her to look at him. “What is it that you want darling?”

The minute her blue eyes met him he knew he was in trouble. He could find himself lost in
them much like the seas he had crossed to get to Greece. Unsure of how much time had
passed since he spoke, he completely forgot what it was he had last said until she answered
with a soft murmur. Her voice barely audible, he nearly missed her next words.

“A kiss.”

“What?” he replied with wide eyes but nonetheless maintaining their closeness.

“Never mind.” She said softly, pushing him away and turning out towards the garden. When
she was not looking at him, it allowed him a brief moment to catch up with what she had just
suggested. And inevitably how enticing it truly was.

He had only caught his breath when she faced him again with fire in her eyes. “No, not never
mind. You asked me what I want and that is what I want. A kiss. And I know what you will
say, it is improper and what of Lord Anderson? Well, it does not matter…Everything is
happening rather rapidly Col and all I want is this one thing…this…this small moment to be
my choice. I do not want it at my wedding or stolen in the midst of courting whoever it is I
choose to court…I want it to be mine, only mine.”

“Gah...gah...gah...” He could not formulate words. “You want a kiss?” he uttered despite
knowing that was what she had clearly laid out in front of him.

She stepped closer, placing her hand on his. “Colin, would you kiss me? It does not have to
mean anything.”
“But Pen…” It would mean something, he knew this as much as he knew his name to be
Colin. There was no reality in which he would be able to kiss Penelope Featherington and
not risk everything. Not risk his heart.

“Please?” And with one word he lost sight of the last thread of sanity keeping his resolve to
maintain a distance.

One word and he found himself pulling her up to meet his lips.

This was a kiss.

 Did I Get Too Close?
Chapter Summary

More of Penelope's POV and Eloise and Penelope have a talk.

She surely must be dreaming. She had not just asked Colin to kiss her. And surely he had
not just responded by doing exactly that.

At first he took her breath away with the swiftness he captured her lips cradling her face with
both of his hands. But soon she found herself melting into the delicious warmth spreading
across her body.

This was a kiss.

He somehow had walked them back toward the wall of the building. She had not even
realized they were moving until she felt her back pressed up against the wall. And soon she
found he was all around her, demanding with his lips seeking more and more. She felt a
whimper escape her, a sound unfamiliar to her as he parted from her.

“You can kiss me too…” he whispered against her lips. “A kiss is for two people.”

“I don’t know what to do…” she did not dare open her eyes as she muttered a response. She
feared doing so would burst the bubble of this dream, reminding her she was tucked away in
a corner doing the most improper things with none other than Colin Bridgerton.

“Just do whatever feels good,” he sighed as he placed soft kisses against her cheek, then one
down on her chin, before landing back up against her lips.

She swore his goal was to rob her of her breath as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. She
found herself doing just as he said, whatever felt good. Much of it was mirroring what he
was doing but he seemed to like it as he groaned into her mouth. It was all too much and not
enough at the same time.

After an unknown amount of time lost in each other, their kisses began to slow down until he
pulled away slightly to catch his breath. Leaning his forehead against hers, she finally dared
to open her eyes. The sight of his swollen lips and fluttering lashes nearly undid her.

Finally he met her eyes and smiled, his green eyes seeming a darker shade than she had ever
seen before shining brightly in the night. He opened his mouth to say something but she
decided it was the moment to get ahead of any excuses he might make.

“Thank you,” She stated matter of fact and as soon as the words left her lips she knew
everything had changed. He pulled away from her completely and stared at her with
confusion and furrowed brows.

“Do not thank me.” he said with annoyance in his tone.

“Colin…”

“Please Penelope.” He cut her off, “Do not thank me.” He repeated with his eyes on the
ground.

She felt him slipping away from her and as he increased their physical proximity, she longed
for his closeness. Now knowing what it was like to be wrapped up in his arms, she started
realizing it had been foolish of her to ever believe she could go on without it.

“Colin.” She tried calling him back to her but she saw the shift in his demeanor as he put on
the mask he held up for the ton and became the gentleman once again. He cleared his throat
and handed her his arm.

“Miss Featherington, I believe I have stolen enough of your time. I should not want to keep
you from your suitor.”

She nodded, biting her lip to swallow down the desire to break down into tears right then and
there, the ton be damned. She felt she was losing him more than ever before and here she
thought she was prepared to do this very thing. Sharing a kiss with him had only made
matters worse.

He led her back into the ball and it appeared no one had noticed their absence. Colin walked
her over to where her mother was and said his goodbye with a bow before turning away.
Penelope watched him as she began walking around the room as he approached his brother
Anthony, exchanged some words and left. She noticed Anthony appeared concerned
watching his brother leave.

She took a breath and turned back towards the rest of the guests. She still had about an hour
or so to try to gather some gossip for the next Whistledown issue. Although it was always
her plan to secure a match, she truly had not considered how difficult it would make it for her
to maintain her column with her time being split between dances and suitors now.

Allowing herself a moment to focus on other people’s lives was helpful. She picked up some
scandalous remarks regarding Miss Goring and a potential match being made with Miss
Florence. For about half an hour she forgot all about her own problems as she found comfort
in being a wallflower again. However this was soon disrupted when she began hearing
whispers about Colin.

It happened when she walked behind Miss George as she whispered to her mother, “The third
Bridgerton appears to be in love, don’t you think?”

“Yes, it does appear that way. Perhaps we can try to match you with the second one?”

Penelope faltered in her step, tripping ungraciously. She turned away pretending to be
otherwise distracted when both of the women's eyes fell on her.
Similarly as she stood by the lemonade a few minutes later she heard two of the maids
replenishing the servings whispering amongst themselves.

“I always liked the third one, he has always been so kind.”

“And devastatingly handsome…such broad shoulders on that one..” the other added as both
giggled.

“What a lucky lady she is…”

Penelope felt her breathing falter and she turned away quickly walking towards her mother.

“Are you ready my dear?” Portia asked, seeming exhausted from the night. Penelope
nodded, feeling a frown unwantedly forming. For the short ride home, she kept her face
turned away from her mother and sister, not that they would have taken much note in her
silence. A heaviness sat in the pit of her stomach, a knot she knew from when Colin had
been courting Marina: she was jealous. She suspected one day it would happen again and
even if she had allowed herself free reign to get lost in a fantasy that very evening, she was
still aware he was not hers. And yet, now confirming the ton knew about his interest in a
lady was short of feeling shot in the chest.

Once she made it up to her room and began drafting the information she gathered, she
became reluctant to include the whispers regarding Colin into the issue. Sure she heard it a
few times from different sources, and still she felt if she were to report on it, it would lead to
an inevitable conversation in which he would tell her who she was.

She felt childish admitting it to herself, but she much preferred to put off that pain for as long
as she could.

A few days had passed and Lord Anderson had been visiting her more frequently. She had
not seen or heard from Colin since the ball. However she did receive a note from the
Bridgerton home requesting her presence for tea. The note indicated it had been requested by
Miss Eloise.

Penelope felt a spark of hope perhaps she was ready to mend their friendship, although it had
surprised her she had taken any steps toward doing so knowing how stubborn she could be.
She readied herself and left early that morning to see her friend.

When she arrived at Number Five, the home was surprisingly quiet. A butler walked her to
the sitting room indicating he would seek out Miss Eloise. Penelope could not contain her
nerves so she paced the room impatiently. It was in the midst of this that she caught sight of
a journal left open on one of the tables. As she neared it, she instantly recognized it was
Colin’s handwriting. Her honest intention had been to close the journal for his sake but as
she caught a few of his words, she felt unable to tear her eyes away from it. Before she knew
it she was seated having gone through a few pages when she heard him.
“What are you doing?” he asked furiously, approaching her. She stammered, unable to
respond as she quickly glanced behind him at the entrance of the room was Eloise staring at
her.

“I am so sorry Colin…” She stood leaving the journal abandoned where she had been
sitting. “It was not intentional…”

He raised a brow at her indicating her excuse was pathetic. “So you did not intend to read
my personal writings? Perhaps you should have taken note of that a lot sooner, maybe when
you noticed it was a journal.”

“Apologies Colin,” she flinched knowing she had made a mistake. “I just couldn’t help it.
Your writing is quite marvelous. I only meant to close it but it was so difficult to put it
down..to stop reading…”

“Really? You are not just saying that because I am upset with you?”

“No.” she sighed. “You have every right to be upset. But I do want you to know your writing
is quite good Colin.”

He smiled shyly at her and in that instance she recognized a new side to him she had yet to
discover. He had insecurities too and she wanted to spend her last breath removing them
from this beautiful man.

A throat being cleared brought her out of her thoughts. “Pardon my interuption, but I am
here too.” Eloise said as she approached them. Colin took a few steps back and allowed
Eloise room to join them, however, she maintained her distance.

He rolled his eyes and walked towards Eloise, pulling her closer gently by her arm.

“Pen, I wrote to you on behalf of my sister,” he said.

“What?” she replied surprised.

“Yes, well she was not going to do it…”

“I would have…” Eloise replied curtly.

“We have spoken some and I thought it was about time you two made amends. I do not
know what it is that caused this rift between the two of you, but I care for you both and know
you both care for each other. So please, talk to each other and fix this.” He said shifting his
gaze between the two of them, both of which still appeared reluctant to look at one another.
“I will leave you now…”

“Colin, wait,” Penelope said, reaching for him before stopping herself short of grabbing his
arm. She clocked Eloise noticing the gesture and scolded herself for acting too familiar with
him. Penelope turned back towards the settee, grabbed his journal and handed it back to
him.
He shook his head in response, “You can keep it. If you truly liked reading it, perhaps you
will enjoy reading the rest of it.” He said with a smirk before turning away.

There were some tears exchanged and some yelling as well, mostly from Eloise, but
eventually the two found themselves in familiar territory sitting arm to arm while holding
hands.

“I did not realize you were so close to Colin…” Eloise said, breaking a brief moment of
silence which had fallen between the two after they had caught each other up on different
things.

“We have always been friends El.”

“Yes,” she started, then became quiet again . “I suppose you are correct. Perhaps he was
right…”

“About what?”

“When he approached me about us fixing things between us, he reminded me that perhaps I
have not always been as attentive with you as I could be. He was speaking about how he had
realized recently that he had been grateful at the opportunity to mend things between you two
and how much it helped him realize how important you are to him.”

“Oh.”

“Penelope, I do think I have often overlooked so much about you and perhaps that is why it
took me by such surprise to learn what I did…but after I truly allowed myself time to reflect,
it had been there all along for me to see. I was just too foolish to take note of it, of all of
you.”

“Thank you for saying that Eloise.” She replied, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. She
laughed, “I did not realize how adamant he had been to have us make up.”

“Oh you have no idea Penelope.” Eloise laughed too. “It started soon after he arrived and
realized I was not even in the mood to talk about you. I was rather mean to him about it at
first. Eventually, my dear brother wore me down as he tends to do…he can be rather
persistent. And well he convinced me to take the step and talk with you after he told me you
would be courting Lord Anderson.”

“He told you about that?”

“Yes, I believe his words were along the lines of I will not be able to be her friend as I have
been anymore El…she needs a friend who can be there even after she has married. She needs
a true friend like you. “ Eloise chuckled warmly at the memory. “He seems like the most
confident of my brothers, and trust me has a big head on his shoulders…but my brother has
the biggest heart. He cares for you so much and it helped me remember how much I care for
you too.”

Penelope felt her heart beat faster in between her ribs. He cared for her, truly cared for her so
much he had taken on Eloise’s wrath and convinced her to talk things out with her. She
wanted to weep at his kindness. Instinctually, her free hand landed on his journal: a most
precious belonging now.

Eloise caught the motion and shook her head with a laugh. “You have no idea how secretive
he is with that thing. I have always seen him writing away in it and despite my insistence he
has never let me take a peak. And here he is handing it to you.”

“That is not…”

“Penelope, please do not lie to yourself or me anymore. I can tell you care for him. What I
do not understand is why you are courting another man when Colin is clearly in love with
you.”

The words fell on her like cold rain on summer night. Eloise was wrong, she had to be
mistaken making such outlandish statements. He could not love her. He did not, did he?
 Open Up Your Heart
Chapter Summary

Colin wonders what his feelings towards Penelope are now.

He had returned to the sitting room about an hour later just to see how things were going
between them. When he neared the door he could hear them laughing and it warmed his heart
to know they had mended their friendship. He sighed and took a step back allowing them
more time to catch up with each other.

He had been encouraging Eloise for some time to talk to Penelope. Oftentimes he was met
with her biting remarks and snarky responses. However, after what happened with Pen, he
knew he had to move things along faster. They had shared a kiss. And it was not simply any
kiss; it had opened his eyes to everything she meant to him. Then she went and thanked him,
piercing his heart with a harsh reality. A reality in which she longed to be married to someone
who would offer her more.

It stung and yet, he knew her entering a courtship meant things would change significantly.
For the majority of the season he had been her confidante, her support, a place most often
held by his sister before. But once she started courting Anderson, he could no longer excuse
their closeness as it would be most improper. He was hurting, but he could not fathom her
being alone through it all. So he endeavored to move things along with Eloise in order to
ensure she at least had one friend by her side as she took the next step.

He had not thought much of it until now. As he heard them laughing he felt out of place in
her life. And realizing this meant recognizing a truth he had been reluctant to outright name
to himself. His feelings for her ran much deeper than friendship. He had suspected as much
when she failed to answer his letters, well at least suspected stirrings of feelings. He pushed
those thoughts aside and focused on confronting her. However, things had taken a turn as he
spent more time with her and watched her blossom outwardly in front of the Ton. She was no
different than before and yet, now she seemed to be everything consuming his thoughts.

As he walked out of his home to take a walk and clear his head he found himself landing on
the same question over and over again. Was this love?

He considered what the poets mused about love and how consuming it was. And yet he could
not confirm that is what this felt like, not truly. His feelings for her were a constant, like
warmth. Was this love?

Before he knew it he had arrived at his sister Daphne’s home. He must have been lost in his
thoughts as he had been walking for sometime. He concluded it would be worth calling on
her and visiting his nephew.
He was invited in and led to the sitting room to wait for her. She was attempting to get
Auggie to sleep for his nap. A few minutes later, she entered the room sighing happily when
her eyes landed on him. He stood quickly and ran over to her, pulling her into a tight hug and
spinning her around. She giggled happily squeezing him tightly.

He adored all his sisters, but Daphne simply understood him in a way the others did not. He
also had not seen her in a while and he was glad for his accidental walk which landed him
there, catching up with her. She shared some of her joys in her marriage and with her son.
They shared some laughs as she told him about some of the blunders she had made when she
initially took on being the Duchess and now, how at ease she felt within this role. He felt a
smile plastered on his face as he took in how genuinely happy his little sister was in this
space, in this new life. It suited her.

He was distracted so much by her stories, he allowed himself to put aside the anxieties
surrounding Penelope for a moment. That was until Daphne rather directly prompted the
topic.

“What of you brother?” Daphne smiled mischievously as she sipped on her tea. “I’ve heard
from the others you have been frequenting Miss Featherington. Is there something you wish
to tell me?”

Colin shook his head. He did not plan on trying to lie to her as he knew he could not. And yet
the truth also seemed unpleasant to name. He sighed. “I did something hurtful last season and
have been trying to make amends by supporting her this season.”

“Hmm.” Daphne replied thoughtfully. She set her cup down and turned more fully to face
him. “What exactly…”

“It is of no import now. I believe I have been successful at earning her forgiveness. Lord
Anderson is courting her now.”

“And this pleases you?”

He winced. “It pleases me because it is what she wanted. To secure a match this season.”

“What is it you are not telling me?”

“Whatever do you mean Daph?”

She squinted her eyes at him clearly unfazed by his sad attempt to deflect. He sighed, giving
up and releasing the tension from his shoulders, leaning his elbows against his knees. “I do
not think it necessary for me to confirm what you already suspect.”

Her eyes widened and she leaned forward to grasp his hand. “Have you told her?”

“I do not know what I would say to her. My feelings for her are true, but am I willing to risk
her happiness on it? Of that I am not certain.”

“What do you mean?”

“Daph…Penelope is special and deserves happiness. Maybe it is with someone else like Lord
Anderson. After all, what do I truly have to offer her? I am but a third son with no plans for
the future. I am not even sure I can tell her this is love for I have no clue what that is…”

“But what about Marina, were you not in love with her?”

“I believed it to be love. But now I realize I was only looking to feel I knew my place. I
thought marriage would give me the maturity I sought but…well we both know how that
turned out. It was not love, at least of that I am sure.”

Daphne nodded, taking in his words. They sat in silence for a few moments before the
question scratching at the back of his mind became too difficult to avoid.

“Daph? How did…how did you know you were in love?”

She blushed instantly which led him to chuckle. Even now married for years and a child later
she seemed shy about her beloved husband. “I am not sure…”

“Surely you must have some advice. Simon and you are the perfect match if I ever knew any.
Your love is clear to anyone who knows you. How did you realize what you felt for him was
love?”

“I suppose it was not an instant realization. We were friends first. He was kind and made me
laugh. But at some point, it…it just became difficult to think of anything else but him. It was
like my day did not feel special unless he was in it. I found myself looking forward to the
next time I would see him or the next time he would make me laugh.” She laughed, shaking
her head. “I still do.”

Colin smiled nodding and considered what she was describing. Penelope and him had always
been friends. He only ever sought her out at balls so they could exchange barbs before
dancing together. When he would find her, he immediately felt at ease and everything else
would melt away. She had been a constant and although now his feelings for her had shifted,
as he thought about it more it became clear it really was not much different than before.
Simply he felt more…of what he was still unsure.

“Colin.” Daphne pulled him out of his thoughts. “Do you think you might be in love with
Miss Featherington?” she asked carefully as if he was about to bolt out of the room.

The question did not scare him though. And unlike in the past when something too big and
overwhelming was in front of him, he did not feel the urge to run. He merely stared at his
sister, no closer to knowing the answer he longed for. “I honestly do not know Daph. I wish I
did. But truthfully y, I don’t know that it will change anything. She is being courted and…”

“You still have time. Colin, if it is love, you can still fight for her. She deserves to know…”

“I do not wish to hurt her.” He blurted out, a knot in his throat. It was the only truth which he
was certain of. “I have already hurt her deeply and I do not believe I could bear ever causing
her any pain. So if I must carry this burden on my own, I will. Perhaps that seems…”
“No, I understand.” Daphne replied, her eyes landing on the floor with sadness. “Perhaps you
are closer to an answer than you believed.” She said, patting his knee. “I only hope you will
have the clarity you seek sooner rather than later. And Colin?” she paused her eyes landing
on him with seriousness, “You have everything to offer her. You are a good, kind man. Please
do not bring yourself down anymore. It hurts me to hear you think so little of yourself. We all
see who you are, Col, even if it doesn’t always come out that way. Trust me, we do.”

He laughed, causing an unwanted tear to spill at his sister’s gentle words.

Colin opted to stay for supper with them before returning to number five. It was to be his last
few days staying there as soon he would be moving into his own bachelor lodgings. As he
made his way past the plaza, he caught sight of a cloaked form exiting the Featherington
home. He paused, confused why a maid might be leaving the home at this hour and appearing
to be in quite a hurry.

It was not until the lady turned by the street light causing a sliver of her face and bright red
hair to be revealed under her blue cloak. Instantly his stomach dropped as he recognized her.
 All Your Dirty Laundry
Chapter Summary

The big blow up...enjoy!

What on Earth was he doing?

He had been dodging around town following none other than Penelope Featherington in the
middle of the night.

Where on Earth was she going?

The thought had crossed him multiple times that perhaps he should not have followed her.
Who was he to do so? Of course then he reasoned he was being a gentleman trying to ensure
her safety. But was that really true? He thought about Anthony in this situation and he knew
his older brother would have called her out the minute he saw her sneaking out and delivered
her back home. If it had been Benedict he would have thought it curious but probably found
it more amusing than considered the danger. Not that he wouldn’t be concerned for Miss
Featherington’s safety but rather he would not consider it his duty to ensure it.

Then there was him. His first instinct had not been to confront her or leave her be; it had
been to follow her. Because deep down he knew he was both concerned for her safety and
curious about where she was going. If he confronted her, she would lie and if he let her be
then he would never know either. In fact he would likely be unable to sleep knowing she was
out God knows where doing God knows what.

Which, as he skirted behind a building to avoid her seeing him as she glanced behind her, he
realized was really why he was following her. He needed to know why she had left her home
so late. The only possible explanation that came to mind was one at the moment leaving a
sinking feeling in his stomach: she might have a lover.

Why did that sting so much?

No it could not be. Or perhaps it could? She was courting Lord Anderson and perhaps they
were meeting… He felt he would be sick just thinking about it. Suddenly he glanced up and
noticed she was slowing down to enter a building. They were now in a dodgy part of town
which would explain why she was wearing a cloak and what appeared to be a maid’s outfit.
Perhaps she was trying to avoid drawing attention to herself.

He slowly approached the building and entered as quietly as he could. Once inside he
realized it was a church with empty pews, which was understandable at this hour. He hid
behind a pillar as he watched her take a seat in the third row.
Was she waiting for someone?

He watched her as she leaned down and grabbed a hymn book and seemingly placed
something inside. She returned the book back into its place before standing once again and
moving to leave.

He could not let her leave. Without much thought he stepped out from his hiding spot and
blocked her path. She was so distracted it wasn't until she was met with his form in her way
that her eyes raked up from the floor and landed on his face. The color instantly drained from
her.

“Col..Col..” she stuttered.

“That would be Colin, yes.” He said, taking a step forward and towering over her. He was
furious and quite certain she had just left a love note to someone. But he needed to be sure so
he looked towards where she had been moments ago and took a step forward. Penelope
quickly stepped in front of him with her hands raised up.

“Colin, please don’t.” She said weakly with tears in her eyes. He frowned.

“What are you hiding?”

“Colin, I am begging you. Leave this be. You…” but before she could finish he skirted
around her and ran towards the pew where she had left the note. “Please Colin, if you honor
our friendship, just leave it.” she cried.

Normally any instance of her crying would be enough for him to do anything for her to stop.
But in this moment it felt as if another force, the need to know the truth was stronger. Even if
it would possibly shatter him. And the moment he opened the book he heard her break down
into a sob as his eyes took in the words.

Dearest Readers…

He stumbled back surprised it was not a love letter. Then reality sank in at what this meant.
He looked up and saw a distraught Penelope holding her stomach as she stood frozen. Her
eyes meeting his in utter despair was enough to confirm it.

“You are Lady Whistledown?” he sputtered. She avoided looking at him as she began wiping
her eyes and trying to calm down. But he had had enough of this. He stalked towards her,
grabbed her elbow and tugged her outside with gentle pressure. She did not fight him as they
exited the church.

Once outside he took in their surroundings and tried to think of what to do next. He still had
the hymn book in his hand. He tossed it aside holding the crumpled paper Penelope had
intended to leave behind tightly in his fist. Raking a hand through his hair he took a shaky
breath. He saw a hack a block away and walked them towards it. He quickly spoke to the
coachman to return them to Mayfair taking the long way back.
He was not entirely certain why he had done so, but part of him wanted a moment to gather
himself and his thoughts. Everything he thought minutes ago about Penelope had shattered in
a matter of seconds.

They sat across from each other in silence. All he could hear was her sniffling, the sound of
hooves on pavement and his heavy breathing. He was trying to catch his breath but with each
thought crossing his mind he grew more uneasy.

She was Lady Whistledown. She had lied to him. She had put herself in so much danger.
She had bloody threatened the Queen…

“Colin?” she called out in a shy tone. He looked up at her with his brows furrowed, chest
heaving. “Please say something…” she all but begged.

He chuckled. “What do you expect me to say?”

“Really Colin? Clearly you have a lot you want to say. I can tell you are angry with me, just
out with it.”

He shook his head angrily. “Don’t act as if you know what is going through my head right
now…”

She huffed. “Oh I am sure it is something along the lines of How could you Penelope?” she
laughed and it infuriated him. Did she truly have the nerve at the moment to be angry? “Just
out with it so we can get over this. You yell at me and act all high and mighty about this.
Pretend that you care and then deliver me home…”

“Do not put words in my mouth.” He growled. “You think I am angry?” He said slowly
leaning across and switching to sit next to her on the bench. “I am not just angry Penelope, I
am furious. Not only were you out in a dangerous part of town in the middle of the night all
alone but you are…”

“Yes, Lady Whistledown.” she said, rolling her eyes. “Are you going to hand me over to the
Queen? Or what…are you planning to deliver me to my mama and have her scold me
instead?”

He gaped at her. “Do you think that…?” He shook his head in disbelief. “That is where you
think my head is at? How could …”

“Honestly Colin…” she said, raising her hand up to stop him. “If you are angry and are
going to yell, just do it already and be done with it.”

“Do you even understand why this is so upsetting for me?” he spoke through gritted teeth.

“There is a long list I am sure. I’ve written many things that likely have upset you. More
likely the whole Marina…”

“Stop.” He said, raising his voice. He had not even thought that far into what it was she had
written. “Not only are you putting yourself at risk, you have kept this from me.”
“I’ve kept this from everyone.”

“No, but this is different. I came to you trying to mend our friendship. I have been doing
everything I could the past few months to earn your trust…to be the man that…” he sighed.
“It does not matter because clearly it did not signify. Despite everything I did, you did not
deem me worthy of sharing this big secret with.”

“Colin I could not tell anyone…”

“I thought we shared a deeper friendship. I thought I had demonstrated I was worthy of your
trust…”

“You have Colin, but this is…this is different. I could not tell you…”

“Why?”

“Why?” she repeated back as if the answer was obvious. She waved her hands in the air
between them, “This is why! Look at how you are behaving. Look how upset you are. I
knew this would happen…”

“Obviously I am upset! You kept this from me. What’s worse you have been thoughtlessly
putting yourself at risk God knows how many times for this..this…silly gossip paper.”

She gasped. “It is not silly! This is my life’s work. This might seem thoughtless to you, but it
has taken so much effort to build and maintain. My putting myself at risk like you say, it was
all but a small sacrifice to keep this going. And I would do it over and over again. Because
Lady Whistledown is something I have built.”

He sighed exhausted. They sat in uncomfortable silence both catching their breaths.

“You wrote about Eloise. You…you wrote about Marina and the…” All the things she had
written over the past years started to cross his mind. “You…wrote so poorly about
yourself…”

She looked up at him with a frown and nodded.

“I don’t understand…” He said, leaning his elbows against his knees. It was odd sharing this
small space with a friend from his childhood. He thought he knew every one of her smiles
and laughs. He knew she hated the color yellow even though it was what he associated her
the most with. He knew her favorite biscuit was the one with pecans in it and that she took
no sugar in her tea. He knew she favored poetry, Byron in particular. He also knew she
absolutely detested embroidery but loved to dance.

Earlier that day he would have wagered he could earn himself a degree in everything he knew
about Penelope Featherington. Now, he was not sure who this person was. This woman who
had been writing the gossip of the Ton for years. This woman who had been sneaking out to
deliver her issues in the middle of the night. This woman who had built an entire empire on
her own.
She shook her head. “Of course you don’t. You’ve only ever seen me as shy Penelope. The
wallflower. You probably never considered what I was capable of…”

“Stop doing that.” He growled staring up at the roof.

“What?”

“Assuming you know what I am thinking.”

“Is it not?” she laughed. “You are mad at me because you say I didn’t tell you my big secret.
You are upset because I am not the simple lady you thought I was.”

He grabbed a hold of her hand which she had been waving around angrily and she stilled. He
did not look at her but kept his grip firmly on her. “You think that being upset with me is
going to overpower my anger. You think that by concluding the worse of me...you...you will
be able to once again just write me off. You are just looking for a reason to push me out so
you don’t have to confront this.”

She stammered at a loss for words. Good.

He released his hold of her. “I should not be surprised. You have made a sport of running
from me. You called me out about running away with my travels and you were correct in
some ways, I know. But you are doing the same thing with me. You are making all these
assumptions about me for what? You want to be angry with me so that…what, you can beat
me at it?”

“I..I..I…” she muttered. She bit her lip as tears spilled down her face. He turned to look at
her more closely. He took in her blue eyes shining as they became more watery. “I am
afraid…Colin. I…I…know what this means…for us. I know you must hate me now.”

He watched as tears streamed down her cheeks. She was beautiful. She had always been
beautiful to him. And now he was learning this other side of her had existed all this time and
it had not changed this fact: she was beautiful, the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his
eyes on.

Yes he was hurting. Yes he was angry. But...

“Pen.” He said gently placing his forefinger under her chin and encouraging her to meet his
eyes. When she did he laughed nervously. Why was she so disarming? He cleared his throat
and spoke softly. “You are right about some of the things you said. It really is frustrating that
you somehow can read my mind. And yes a few of those things crossed my mind. Yes I am
angry…so terribly angry and hurt because you lied to me. Kept something from me that has
impacted me and my family greatly…” She nodded, accepting everything he was saying.
Almost with finality she gently pushed his hand away from her face. But he was not having
it, he quickly placed both of his hands on her cheeks and pulled her closer to his face so that
she would finally listen.

“I have never felt this much betrayal and anger before…” he laughed helplessly. “And
despite all of it, all of what I am feeling and wondering in this moment…I need you to
understand one thing: I do not hate you. I could never…” he shook his head as his own eyes
began watering at the sudden realization. “I don’t think I could ever hate you Pen.”

And fearing another pause would threaten to break them apart again, he pulled her closer to
him and kissed her. He held her tightly, hoping in doing so it would leave no doubt what he
meant.
 Know You Are Worthy

He was kissing Penelope Featherington as if it was the last time, and he very much hoped it
would not be. He gently encouraged her to lie back on the bench leaning over her as he
continued to savor her lips.

She responded by kissing him back with equal tenderness. He could not tell if his cheeks
were wet from her tears or his own, but at the moment he couldn't care less. He felt her softly
pull back and then was met with her wide eyes piercing his heart with her adoration.

“Colin?” she whispered. “What…I thought you were cross with me…”

He chuckled and pressed himself closer to her, slotting his lips against her and dipping his
tongue into her in an inviting manner. She responded quickly following his lead. He paused,
“I am cross with you.” Pecked her lips again for an extended moment before pulling away
again. “I am very cross with you…” he sighed before continuing to pepper kisses onto her
lips, then on her cheek before lowering down to her neck.

She moaned in response and it only fed his hunger further. “You do not hate me?” she asked
despite how clear it was he did not as he was rather occupied nipping her collar with a soft
bite.

Her hand raked against his hair in response. “I very much do not hate you.” He responded
with a ragged voice. He could not get enough of her. He continued to alternate between soft
and hungry kisses against her decolletage and felt more empowered by the breathy moans she
was rewarding him with.

Suddenly he felt the carriage come to a slow stop. He pulled away from her looking up from
his spot towards the small window: they were in Mayfair. Penelope was gripping his arms
unwilling to release him. He took a deep breath trying to collect himself before meeting her
eyes. She was staring at him, biting her lip in wonder. He noted the slight doubt in her frown
and was not going to allow any of it to take space in their moment. He leaned down and
kissed her lips again before whispering against them, “We have arrived Pen, we unfortunately
have to stop…although believe me I very much do not want to.”

“Can we not ask the coachmen to keep driving?” she replied with a brow raised and it was
very tempting.

He groaned. “I’m afraid we cannot. I must make sure you are safe at home, even if it is from
me that I am keeping you safe.”

“I feel the safest with you Colin.” she uttered. He nodded leaning his forehead against hers.

“You understand what I mean,” he laughed in response. He sat up and offered his hand to
help her come up to sit as well. She shyly fixed her hair and adjusted her dress which he
apparently had tugged down. He began blushing like a school boy at the sight of her,
disheveled because of him.
He wished he did not have to be such a gentleman.

She cleared her throat pulling his gaze up from her chest to meet her eyes. He shrugged his
shoulders in response to indicate he could not help himself. She was blushing as well and
motioned him to exit the carriage so she could get out. He shuffled out and handed her his
hand to help her down as she shifted towards the door. However, he stopped her with the firm
grip on her hand, glancing back and forth on the street before boldly moving into her space
and stealing one more kiss before pulling away and allowing her to step out.

She sighed as she stepped down with her cloak covering her head once again. He made to
follow her but she raised her hand to stop him.

“I will be fine, go. I promise no one will notice me sneaking in through the servants
entrance.”

He nodded in understanding knowing he would still watch her from afar to ensure she was
safe. “Pen?” he said before she turned away from him. “There is much we must discuss. May
I call on you tomorrow…I mean later today?”

Penelope’s smile faltered a little, likely nervous to continue their discussion about his recent
discovery. She met his eyes with determination and nodded. She stood up on her tiptoes to
reach up and press a soft kiss on his cheek before darting away into the night.

In the morning Colin felt he was buzzing with newfound energy. He felt everything around
him was moving too slowly as all he wanted was to run across the street and find his
Penelope. However, that would be most improper and she deserved to be courted properly.
He already had made a mess of that, of this entire situation.

A thousand thoughts were running across his mind. What were her plans around Lady
Whistledown? How could he keep her safe? Did he even have a chance with her? Sure they
had shared a passionate moment the previous night but she was still courting Lord Anderson.
Could she possibly still choose him?

He plopped down onto his seat in the dining table as his siblings all settled in alongside him.
It was the last day he would be eating breakfast with his family as he was to move away that
afternoon to his own lodging. It was exciting and also bittersweet to leave their boisterous
mornings in the past.

“Alright, children please eat up as I have planned for us to go on a promenade this morning.
It is a beautiful sunny day and Francesca will be escorted by the Earl of Kilmartin, Mr. John
Stirling. We must all be there to support her.” His mother spoke happily to the entire room.

Colin frowned, “Does that mean…?”

“Yes dear, I would very much appreciate it if you would join us too. Anthony is taking care
of Kate at the moment as she is experiencing some unpleasant morning sickness and
Benedict…well I am not sure where he is at the moment. I need you to join us, it is perhaps
the last…” She turned away, choking up slightly. Colin sighed and stood from his seat to give
her a hug.

“I am moving away, not going off to war, mother. You will see me all the time, I promise.”
He reassured her by running his hand up and down her arm lovingly.

She sighed and nodded.

That was how he found himself on a promenade with his siblings and mother rather than
calling on Pen like wanted to. He was trying to focus on Hyacinths and Gregory’s antics
when he suddenly caught sight of red hair in the distance. He froze: Penelope was out on a
promenade with Lord Anderson, her mother and sister following close by.

He only mildly heard Hyacinth and Gregory exchange some insults before they scattered
away from him. Colin felt helpless watching Penelope with another man. He could feel his
stomach drop when he felt someone bump into him.

“What on Earth Colin?” Eloise complained. She noticed he was immobile and followed
where his gaze had landed. “Oh.” she uttered.

Colin shook his head and turned to his sister with a frown. “My apologies El, I was not
paying attention.”

He started to walk on to catch up with his family when he felt his sister’s hand land on his
arm stopping him.

“Are you upset?” she asked cautiously. They had never spoken about his feelings towards her
friend but he knew she had her suspicions. After he made a case for Eloise to talk things
through with her, he could see the intrigued way she watched him impassioned to support
Penelope. It was rather difficult to withhold anything from her as she was the smartest of
them all.

He frowned deeper. “I should not be surprised, they are courting.” he stated matter of fact.

“You did not answer my question.” Eloise replied, raising a brow.

He sighed, “Yes I am upset El.” He cleared his throat, “You two have repaired your
friendship? I heard you both laughing yesterday and I am glad you have made up.”

Eloise nodded, smiling. “Thank you…you know…for pushing me.”

“El…” he paused, checking to ensure the rest of his nosy family was not within listening
distance anymore. “Did you quarrel because you learned her secret?”
Eloise’s eyes widened, confirming his suspicion that she was aware Penelope was Lady
Whistledown. “How did…when did..when did you find out?” she stammered.

“Last night. I caught her sneaking out from her house and followed her.”

“Are you upset with her? I was…furious with her actually if you could not tell.”

“Yes, well I am. It’s rather hurtful to learn someone you trusted was keeping something so
big from you.” He replied.

“Well I suppose that frustrated me too…” she paused, looking at him with curiosity. “I should
not be surprised, but I am still adjusting to this reality in which the two of you are so close.”
she said, shaking her head.

“It will not be much longer, do not fret. By the way her courtship is going I would expect she
will receive a proposal rather soon. “ He said bitterly, swallowing his hurt.

Eloise scoffed and stood firmly in front of him confrontationally. “Are you seriously not
going to do anything?”

“What do…”

“Colin.” She stated, “You clearly want to be with Penelope. I don’t know what is stopping
you from doing anything about it.”

He stammered unsure how to respond. “El…” he sighed. “It is not that simple. I have made a
lot of mistakes but the one I regret the most is having hurt her. I…I only want her to be
happy, to find happiness in her life. She deserves that and she is courting someone else. She
has made her choice.”

“Honestly Colin, do not be so daft. She is a lady, we do not get to make choices. We merely
take the best one offered to us. Have you made her aware you could be a choice to her?”

“I think she knows,” he replied, recalling the previous night.

“I would not be so certain. Because if she did, I doubt she would be out here promenading
with that imbecile.”

“You cannot say that…”

“I am.” Eloise said, lowering her voice after her impassioned speech. She reached for his
hand and gave it a tight squeeze. “Have you considered what will happen once she marries?
What will she do with Lady Whistledown?”

“No…well I suppose she will keep it a secret. Most gentlemen would not be agreeable to
their wife sneaking out in the middle of the night.”

“And if you were her husband, what would you do?”

“I..uh..” the idea of being her husband warmed his heart. “I suppose I would want to know
what she wants to do. It is her creation and I can only support her in her decisions. I can only
do what I can to ensure she is safe.”

Eloise smiled warmly at him. “See, that is what I mean. I know I am hard on you, I know I
tease you…but Colin you are a good man. I know you would take care of my best friend. I
know she would be happiest with you.”

“You called me a buffoon this morning” he retorted,

“Yes but in my defense you were acting like a buffoon.” She said laughing.

He laughed alongside her. He stared at his sister, who he considered to be one of the strongest
most independent people he knew. And in this moment she was telling him that he might
deserve to be with Penelope. It made him believe for once that perhaps he could be worthy of
her.

He pulled her into his arms and gave her a tight hug, which she responded by groaning in
faux annoyance.

“Thank you El. I know I don’t say this often, but I appreciate you.”

“You called me annoying this morning.” She bit back a smile.

“Well in my defense, you were being annoying.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked, her eyes glancing back towards Penelope.

He cleared his throat. “I..I believe it's time I give Penelope a choice.”

He took a deep breath in before walking toward the Featheringtons with determination.
 Know You Are Worthy (Pt II)
Chapter Summary

Shorter chapter but this is Penelope's POV.

When Penelope had entered her room, she felt her heart would burst out of her chest. She
could not help the smile breaking out on her face and despite her best efforts to shake it off,
she kept giggling like a child.

Colin Bridgerton knew her secret and did not hate her. In fact, he had rather proven to her
how much he did not hate her if the way he held her in his arms had been any indication of
his feelings. He had kissed her again. And then again and in places no other had ever
touched her.

Still she knew he was angry with her and in some ways she understood why. But he had not
yelled at her or stopped talking to her. In fact he surprised her yet again with his insistence to
talk through it all. She had imagined he would be angry, but she was rather prepared for him
to yell at her and write her off. Part of her had wanted that, he was correct on that front. Had
he taken that path then perhaps she would have had sufficient to finally place a nail on the
coffin of her love for him. Despite how impossible that truly seemed, she thought his hate
might make her wake up from this childhood fantasy.

Yet he had refused to take the bait. He had instead kissed her.

She began frowning suddenly remembering he had mentioned there was a lot to discuss. She
suspected he wanted to clarify more about her secret identity or perhaps, to clarify what
exactly it was that had just transpired between them in the carriage.

Somehow she managed to sleep through the night despite the anxieties of what the next day
would bring. However, as she readied herself with the assistance of her maid, her mother
burst into her room announcing they would be going on a promenade this morning as Lord
Anderson had sent a note requesting some time with Penelope.

She had completely forgotten about Lord Anderson.

She was courting another man. She was on the path towards marriage with this man.

Her wide eyed gaze must have startled her mother, “What is the matter?”

“Uh..nothing Mama. I was merely not expecting it.”

“Were not expecting it? Child, you have been courting the gentleman most of the season. He
surely will propose soon at this rate.” Her mother walked up towards her and fiddled with
some of her curls. “Please make haste, we do not want to keep Lord Anderson waiting.”

That was how she found herself out on a promenade with Lord Anderson rather than at home
waiting for Colin’s call. She was anxiously fidgeting with her hands thinking about how she
could have written to him to let him know she would not be home.

“Miss Feartherington?” Lord Anderson said, abruptly calling her back into their
conversation.

“Yes?” she replied.

“I had asked if you had read anything new recently.” He shook his head, sighing, “Perhaps
my conversation topics are rather dry today…”

“No, it is not that.” Penelope tried to reassure him. Typically they conversed about books and
their families at times. It was quite pleasant to spend time with Lord Anderson and yet, not at
all like spending time with Colin. Why was that thought coming to mind now? She scolded
herself. “It is not you, it is me. I find myself rather distracted today. Please forgive me?”

Lord Anderson nodded and motioned for her to walk ahead of him. “Perhaps it is not the
best time to bring this up, but I have rather enjoyed getting to know you Miss Featherington.”

Penelope felt her throat constrict. She peered up at him fearfully.

“Well I was not expecting that reaction…” Lord Anderson replied, chuckling nervously.
“Miss Featherington I find you are someone I would like to spend more time with and yet…”
He paused, seeming unsure how to continue. He cleared his throat, “I want to be clear my
intention is to proceed with our relationship, however, I cannot…rather I will not do so unless
I feel you share the same sentiment. You need not make your decision at this moment, but I
want you to know if you can see a future with me, I am prepared to offer for you.”

Penelope gasped with surprise so rapidly a pocket of air got caught in her throat leaving her
in a coughing fit. Lord Anderson turned back to her mother muttering something about
grabbing her something to drink before stalking off.

Her mother approached her, patting her back and attempting to plaster on a fake smile to
communicate that she was fine to the curious eyes looking at them.

“Penelope,” she gritted between her teeth. “Gather yourself please, we are catching the
attention of others.”

For her own sake, she finally felt her breathing ease as the intrusion tickling her throat
appeared to have been coughed out. She nodded to indicate she was better to her mother who
stepped back to look at her.

“I am fine,” she asserted.

“Heavens girl…what am I going to do with you? Please be…” Portia began but was
immediately interrupted by throat clearing. She turned and there stood none other than Colin
Bridgerton in all his glory. How he managed to appear even more handsome than ever before
she could not understand. “Mr. Bridgerton!” her mother chirped happily.

Colin bowed and in turn both her mother and her curtsied. His eyes landed on her and she
felt she would melt. “I hope I am not interrupting…”

“No, of course not!” Portia said, stepping back and grabbing on to Prudence and pulling her
to her side. Penelope refrained from rolling her eyes at her obvious attempt to show off her
sister to any gentleman.

Colin smiled politely, pulling his eyes away from her mother to look at Penelope. “I was
hoping to call this morning but it seems my family had other plans in store for me, much like
yours it seems?”

“Yes well Lord Anderson requested a promenade with Penelope this morning,” her mother
intervened.

Colin nodded, his eyes briefly meeting the ground before he glanced back up with resolve. “I
wanted to speak with you as well, Lady Featherington.”

“Me?” she replied, puffing up instantly.

“Yes, I suppose this is as good as any moment. I wish to formally request the opportunity to
court your daughter.”

Penelope covered her mouth to attempt to hide her gasp.

“Oh how wonderful!” Portia said, clasping her hands together with joy. “Prudence, do you
hear that?”

“Pardon Lady Featherington,” Colin interjected. “I thought it was rather clear, I am speaking
of Penelope of course. I wish to court Penelope.” He said firmly, his eyes darting over to hers
once again. The swoop in her stomach nearly buckling her knees on the spot.

“Penelope?” Portia gaped at him. “Surely…you must…are you certain? You must know she
is being courted by Lord Anderson.”

“I am certain. This cannot be a surprise to you, but I hold her in the highest esteem. Surely
you must have noticed how I cannot seem to stay away from her at every ball. I always seek
her out for a dance or two when I have been lucky. And yes, I know she is being courted by
Lord Anderson…” he paused as said gentleman approached them.

“Bridgerton!” he exclaimed. “Fancy seeing you here.” He said politely as he handed

Penelope a glass of lemonade. She noticed how Colin appeared to doubt himself, seeming
out of place as Lord Anderson, her family and her all faced him now. In an instant the
insecurity disappeared as he squared himself and raised his chest up.
“I hope this will not be an unpleasant strain between us Marcus, but I am here because I have
asked Lady Featherington if I could formally court Miss Featherington. Penelope…that is.”
He clarified before there was any further misunderstanding.

This could not be happening, Penelope thought to herself as she glanced between Colin and
Lord Anderson. She noticed Lord Anderson’s jaw clench but nevertheless he maintained a
polite smile and nodded.

“Of course not. Well it is the Lady’s decision…” Lord Anderson said, turning to Portia who
seemed gobsmacked in the moment.

Portia smiled widely, enjoying the moment in which one of her daughters became desired by
not one but two gentlemen. “Well I suppose the only honorable thing to do is to accept Mr.
Bridgerton. Knowing your family and ours have always had a good relationship of
course…”

“Of course,” replied Colin with a joy sparkling in his eyes. He then turned to her more fully,
gently reaching for her arm and moving her a few paces away, creating a small separation
from the rest of the group. “Pen..” he whispered so only she could hear his nickname for
her. “I hope this does not displease you…”

“Uh..of course not…” she stammered trying to settle the butterflies in her stomach. He asked
to court her? This could not be real. Perhaps he did it out of a sense of propriety. Perhaps he
wished to have an excuse to seek her out later on to discuss Lady Whistledown more
thoroughly. The thoughts tumbled one after the other as he stared at her with his gorgeous
green eyes.

“I want to be clear about my intentions. And I hope we have time to discuss this and other
matters more fully later on. But…I simply could not allow this day to go on without you
knowing this is what I want for us. And..” he paused, looking at her warmly, “I want you to
know you have a choice. And if perhaps there is any hope for me…that maybe I can be the
one you choose.”

He offered her a bright smile exhaling nervously. It was the smile he only seemed to reserve
for her. Colin took a step back and bowed again. “I will take my leave now but will call on
Miss Featherington tomorrow, if that is alright?” He said more towards Portia who
enthusiastically nodded.

He stole one more look at Penelope before turning away and walking back towards where she
could now see the rest of his family.

They all stood dumbfounded by what had just occurred until Lord Anderson cleared his
throat to call their attention.

“I shall take my leave as well,” He bowed, seeming colder than before towards her mother.
He took Penelope’s hand and placed a kiss on it. “I will see you tomorrow as well,” he said
in a softer tone before also walking away.
After he had stepped far enough away her mother squealed, laughing merrily as she wrapped
her arms around her. Pulling back she kept her hands on her shoulders as she gazed at
Penelope with pride.

“You are marvelous my dear! Attracting another suitor! There is no doubt you will be wed
by the end of the season.”

“I..I…uh..” she clearly had no words today.

“Darling,” Her mother interrupted her sad attempt at responding. “I know I have been rather
hard on you…but I have always known you were a jewel.” She began dabbing the corner of
her eyes discreetly. “I am only ecstatic that others are finally taking notice as well. I am
incredibly proud of you my dear.”

Her own eyes began to water at her mothers words and instead of allowing her to see, she
surged forward and gave her another hug. Penelope was hungry for the warmth only her
mother's embrace could offer amidst so much changing around her. And in that moment she
began to allow herself to believe that perhaps she was worthy of this: she was worthy of
being courted by Lord Anderson. She was worthy of her mother’s respect and pride. And
more than anything, the belief that perhaps she was worthy of Colin Bridgerton’s affection
was beginning to take actual form in the reality before her.
 Acceptance Is The Key
Chapter Summary

A glimpse into courting the two gentlemen. Will things finally progress for one of the
couples?

Penelope was uncertain what stars had aligned to put her in this position, being courted by
two eligible bachelors in the middle of the season. Both Lord Anderson and Colin had been
visiting her regularly at times overlapping each other which had turned out to be quite the
tense experience. Usually one would fold and leave which was fortunate as Penelope was
new to the ways of men and how they would stand off in silent challenge.

This development of course was the talk of the Ton and she had no option but to report it
which had earned her a scowl from Colin during his next visit. They were sitting in the
gardens taking tea as it was rather early when he came to call on her.

“I wanted to ensure I had some time where we could actually speak before…” he drifted off.
He was being rather patient with the whole ordeal which was reassuring he was being honest
in courting her. He would often be the one to depart early when Lord Anderson arrived,
almost as if he could not bear sharing her time with him. Still he had never pushed her on the
matter and remained steady in his courtship. He had only missed one day as he had to make
some arrangements in his new residence which he had informed her of in a lovely note he
sent her with flowers that day.

“I suppose you have read the latest Lady Whistledown column…” Penelope muttered
glancing behind her where her maid was crocheting to chaperone them.

“I have,” he replied, setting his cup down to turn to her more fully. “Did you have to write
about yourself in that way, Pen?” he whispered.

She stared at him surprised. “What do you…”

“ It seems the overripe citrus Miss Featherington has managed the unimaginable by
attracting not one but two suitors. How she managed to entice Lord Anderson and the
charming Bridgerton is a mystery to us all.” Colin quoted her words back to her frowning.
“Do you truly think of yourself this way?”

“Colin, I merely write what others are thinking.”

“You think others think of you in this way?” he responded with a brow raised. “Just because
you’ve heard the likes of ladies such as Cressida talk about you in such a demeaning form
does not mean the entire Ton perceive you like that..”
“That is if they even perceive me at all…” she muttered but paused, noticing from his
displeased expression he had heard her. She sighed releasing the tension in her shoulders, at
this rate they would continue to talk around the matter in circles. “Colin, why does this
bother you so? It is how I have always written…”

“I know.” He cut her off. “It was one of the reasons why I was upset when I learned the truth.
Perhaps I never said this to you, but you can ask any of my siblings...I never had a big issue
with Lady Whisteldown…excluding certain moments…but I never liked how she would
write about you. And now melding together everything I know, it hurts to know there might
be a part of you that believes those words.” He leaned in closer, pulling her hands and
holding them between his in firm grasp. “Because Penelope you are magnificent and I only
wished you would see yourself how I do. How those who truly know you and care for you
do.”

She exhaled raggedly in response to the fluttering of nerves from his words.

“You must have started to see it. If anything, why else would you have not one but two
suitors after you?” he said, raising his brow with a smirk. “Even the charming Bridgerton,”
he playfully teased, pulling her hand up to his lips to kiss it discreetly before moving away
before her maid could scold them.

Penelope giggled blushing. She adored him. When she was but a child she thought herself to
have been in love with Colin Bridgerton. Now she was a woman and knew him. How he
managed to push her and challenge her. In the breath of one conversation he would say
things she needed to hear and yet still manage to find a way to make her laugh.

She wanted to do the same for him. So she steeled herself to bring up something she had
wanted to tell him for some time.

“Colin?” she said and he hummed a response. “I finished reading your journal…” she
noticed how he instantly became rigid and glanced at her nervously before landing his eyes
on his tea cup. “Actually…I’ve started reading it once again…” she laughed nervously, “I’m
halfway through it.”

“Why…erm…what did you…” he stuttered and took a slow breath out before resolving to
face her. “What did you think?”

“Colin I’ve nearly devoured your words every night. What do you think that means?”

He stared at her frozen. Perhaps she would have to spell it out to him.

“I need you to understand that your words are powerful. The way you describe things…it's
like I am right there with you, I feel as if I have actually seen and experienced the places you
described…the people. Colin, do you really not see how talented you are?” She said leaning
in closer to his space.

He coughed out a surprised laugh. “Truly? You mean it?”

“Yes of course I do. And that is coming from a fellow author, I would take me seriously.”
“I always do.” He smiled fondly at her.

“Good then I hope you will seriously consider my next suggestion: you should publish.”

“No Pen…no one but you is interested in hearing my silly musings.”

“That is not true. I think a lot of people would want to read about your travels…would want
to get lost in your words as I have.”

“But Pen, it is nowhere near ready to be published…”

“Right, well if you would like some assistance…” she shrunk a little to herself as she tried to
be bold with her next words. “Perhaps I could help edit.”

“Really?” he replied in disbelief. He could not help himself, he surged forward and wrapped
his arms around her middle holding her in a tight hug before Penelope felt the slapping of her
maid’s hand against Colin’s arm on her back.

“Separate instantly.” She yelped and they did as she said, both blushing furiously at their
misstep. “You are lucky your mother is not here and I will not speak a word of this to her.
But I will cut this visit short.”

“But…” Penelope started to protest but the frown on her maid’s face told her to cut herself
off. She nodded in miserable acceptance. “Can I at least see Mr. Bridgerton out?”

The maid continued frowning but a twitch in her lips told her she had earned herself a small
victory. Penelope stood and kissed her cheek before pulling Colin out behind her.

They made their way to the entryway in which maids were busy tending to setting up for the
ball the Featherington’s were hosting the following night.

“I am sorry for forgetting myself and costing us our time together.” Colin said sheepishly as
he stepped out of her home.

Penelope bit back a smile. “I am not.”

He smiled proudly at her and sighed. “I will see you tomorrow?”

She nodded and watched him as he walked away.

It was around midday when Lord Anderson arrived with a bouquet of white roses. He
glanced around the room before handing them to Penelope who had been sitting with her
mother and sister Prudence. She imagined he was looking for Colin and noticed his
shoulders ease with relief noticing he was absent.

“Lord Anderson,” her mother said happily. “Please have a seat. Prudence and I will allow
you both some space.” She said standing and pulling her sister up to move to the other side
of the room. Lord Anderson took a seat next to Penelope and smiled.

“How are you this morning Miss Featherington?”

“I am well. It has been a most enjoyable day so far.” Penelope said, smiling brightly as she
set down Colin’s journal next to her.

“Reading anything interesting?” Lord Anderson asked curiously as his eyes landed on the
journal next to her. “Or have you now taken to writing as well?” he smiled.

“Oh, me? I could not possibly,” she lied. “How are you Lord Anderson?”

“Fine. It was the most pleasant surprise to find I do not have to fight for your attention
today. Bridgerton did not show?” he asked with a brow raised and instantly made Penelope’s
skin prickle.

“Actually…” she smiled innocently, “he was here rather early today.”

“Oh.” Lord Anderson frowned. He stilled for a moment before looking at her intensely.
“May I be forward for a moment Miss Featherington?”

Penelope’s eyes widened, unsure of what he meant by his words. “What exactly do you
mean?”

“Although I was surprised your mother allowed Bridgerton to court you, I was not
threatened by it whatsoever. However as this charade has gone on long enough, I fear I must
be direct in voicing my displeasure. I am concerned you are taking his courtship in
earnest…”

“Should I not?” she replied curtly. She was starting to feel uncomfortable with where he was
going with this.

“Miss Featherington,” He paused, seemingly trying to gather his words before continuing.
“I am certain your mother has or will advise you adequately around making a decision. But
surely you must know there is much I can offer you that Colin Bridgerton would only ever
hope of being able to within this lifetime.”

“I fear I do not follow.”

“Surely you do. I have a title and I have riches that perhaps Bridgerton's family could equal,
but never him…not being a third son. He would never be able to give you the life that I
could. And..” he hesitated noticing the deep frown forming on her face, nevertheless he
continued. “I did not want to tell you this…but I fear I must…”

Penelope raised a brow with curiosity, partly wanting to tell him to stop speaking of Colin in
such a dismissive manner. However, a small part of her still wondered if there was a
possibility all of it was a lie. Perhaps Lord Anderson was about to unveil a most painful truth
that would finally burst her bubble.
“He declared rather loudly to some of the other gentlemen that he would never dream of
courting you.” He sighed, shaking his head, “I rather hate having to repeat such detestable
words to you but I fear he might be courting you in jest…or perhaps as part of a bet. It would
explain his sudden change of heart after speaking awfully about you.”

Penelope’s blood ran cold, “Do you truly believe there could be no other reason he would
want to court me other than as a jest or for a bet?”

“Uh..uh..no that is..that is not what I am saying,” Lord Anderson stammered.

“But it is. Rather you are telling me his courting seems utterly inexplicable otherwise.” She
spoke with a tense tone.

“I am confused Miss Featherington,” Lord Anderson said massaging his temple with his hand
as if the conversation was giving him a headache. “You are focused on what I have said
rather than how he spoke about you? Did you not listen to what I just informed you he
declared to the others?”

“I did. Actually I was there when that happened, I overheard him that night. And not that it
is any of your business but we discussed it already. He has since apologized to me and
sought to make amends through his actions. Moreover, Colin is my friend.” And as she
spoke the words she knew with all of her might she would stand by who he was in this
moment and in all moments to come. She felt the last piece of the puzzle falling into place
now that she had confirmed her feelings for him were true. She knew him, truly knew his
heart and there was no longer any doubt surrounding his intentions. He had proven himself
to be a true friend throughout the season and he had proven himself to be a worthy man
throughout their brief courtship.

“You refer to him by his Christian name?” Lord Anderson bit back with fury edging his
voice. “Miss Featherington, he is fooling you and for what reason I do not...I do not know. I
am merely trying to open your eyes to reality.”

“The only thing you have opened my eyes to is how you perceive me, Lord Anderson. You
either consider me a foolish girl by trying to poison my image of Colin or you consider me so
insecure of my own value that I would believe a man could only be interested in me as some
jest.”

“That is not what I said.” He replied. “If you would let me…”

“I have heard enough. Perhaps this is a good moment for both of us to realize we are not
well matched. Lord Anderson,” Penelope said standing up and curtseying before striding out
of the room with her head held high despite hearing him call her back.

Colin sipped on a glass of champagne as he waited on the edges of the ball for Penelope to
come downstairs. He had been unable to see her the day prior as she had sent him a note
telling him her family had too many preparations pending for the ball to entertain guests. He
understood and still he was slightly saddened by it. He was unsure when, but somehow her
presence had become indispensable to him. Now he stood with excited energy awaiting to see
her beautiful presence grace the room.

“Bridgerton.” Lord Anderson said, slapping a hand roughly against his back and spilling
some of his drink. He turned to look at him with a frown.

“Marcus,” he replied coldly, nodding in his direction.

“I suppose congratulations are in order. I have to acknowledge when I have been bested and
you have surely bested me.”

Colin raised a brow in confusion. “What are you on about?”

“Miss Featherington. She ended our courtship.”

“She did?” he answered with hope igniting deep within his chest.

Marcus laughed. “She had not told you?”

“I have not seen her since Thursday.”

“Well, she has ended our courtship. And I am afraid I must be honest it may have been my
fault…I was focused on making you look like a fool to her, I did not realize how much of a
fool I was making of myself. But you have bested me Bridgerton. I only hope you are
honest with your intentions.”

Colin frowned angered by his implication, “Of course I am. I have known Penelope most of
life and she is my dearest friend. I would never toy with her.”

Marcus nodded. “I can see I was wrong about you then. I do hope for her sake you are the
man she thinks you are.” He said before slipping away into the crowd.

Colin did not have much time to process their exchange when he felt a gentle tap on his
shoulder. When he turned he found his Penelope in a dark green gown sparkling in the
candlelights. She smiled at him shyly before curtseying. It was a change from their typical
interactions as he would often be the one to seek her out. But tonight she had intentionally
approached him which made him feel proud she was starting to grow more comfortable with
his affection.

“You look beautiful.” He uttered. She smiled happily up at him in response, her eyes
sparkling brightly. He grabbed hold of one of her hands. “Pen, did you really end your
courtship with Lord Anderson?” he blurted out without much thought.

He watched her carefully for any signs of regret or uncertainty. Instead her eyes held his
steadily as she bit back a smile, almost as if she could not contain a laugh.

“Yes.”
“Pen…” He started but gently pulled her slightly away from the pathway of the stairs and
other prying ears. He cleared his throat nervously, “If I were to ask you something right now,
how likely is it you would say yes?”

She fully laughed in response then. She bit her lip before replying, “I do not think there is
anything I would say no to when it comes to you.”

And with that any lingering doubt in him, that perhaps he was not good enough or that
perhaps she no longer held him with regard faded away. This was Penelope and this was
him. Logically he knew he should wait for a more proper moment or perhaps give their
courtship another month before taking another step forward. However, he did not want to or
rather, he felt he could not hold off any longer. For since the moment he had started to notice
how much longed for their conversations while he was away to the instant their lips first met,
he had known deep inside this is what he wanted.

“Penelope Anne Featherington, you are my dearest friend…but that word does not begin to
capture who you truly are to me. There is no one I trust more than you. No one who truly
knows me and sees me like you do. I know I have made many mistakes and that I hurt you,”
she began shaking her head as if she could not bear to hear him acknowledge their past but he
did not want to shy away from it, as it was part of their story. He pulled her closer into his
space looking at her warmly as if to reassure her. “And still you have been kind and offered
me another chance to work on myself…on us. And so I am here, in the midst of this ball
looking at the only person I hope to have next to me for the rest of my life. I will humble
myself before you everyday trying to be a better man for you, trying to be the person you
deserve if you will only…if you will only allow me the honor of marrying me. Will you
Pen? Will you bring your light to my life and accept being my wife?”

Her eyes were brimming with tears and she looked up at him. “Only if you promise to never
stop pushing me and encouraging me to be the person you deserve as well. Then yes Colin, I
will accept.”

He did not care where they were, only that he was there with her. He surged forward
grabbing hold of both her cheeks, pulling up towards his face and pressing their lips together.
He only half registered the gasps around them before separating from her and smiling widely
as they leaned their foreheads on each other. He pulled away and grabbed a hold of her hand
and raised it in the air loudly proclaiming to the room, “Miss Featherington has accepted to
be my wife.”

The room broke out into wild cheers, much of which was in the recognizable voices of his
family.
 There is no fear now
Chapter Summary

Coming up to the end of this story... one more chapter to go!

Hope you have enjoyed it :)

This chapter is more fluff and communication.

A part of Penelope had suspected once they were engaged, because truly since she could not
deny herself it was where her mind had been at since Colin asked to court her, that things
would simmer down between them. She had seen it before with other ladies how the
engagement led to a lot of preparations and marriage ultimately found the couple a lot more
reserved than perhaps in the midst of their courtship. Of course there were some who years
later still appeared in love such as the Viscount, but this was not a common occurrence.
Penelope considered herself lucky to not have only secured a husband as she hoped, but to
have found a match with the man she previously thought would never see her as more than a
friend.

She felt ecstatic about marriage and had been pulled to different appointments with her
mother and Lady Bridgerton in preparation for the event. And so she imagined she would
not see much of Colin anymore since there was so much to do and the courting part of their
relationship was done.

Yet again he surprised her.

He made an effort to casually run into her while she was out taking care of aspects for the
wedding and speak with her for a few moments (at times steal a kiss when no one was
looking). And despite how many times his mother had scolded him on the matter, he
continued to do so in an effort to see her. Then there were lovely notes they exchanged. He
would have Eloise help them pass his journal back and forth with her edits as they worked on
his writing. Although they would discuss changes he could make, he always made sure to let
her know how special she was to him and how much he missed seeing her every day.

Penelope did not imagine she would ever be romanced in such a way. And really he did not
need to do anything as she was already his, yet he continued to find any way possible to let
her know he was thinking of her. She felt like the diamond of the season with all of his
attention.

As she sat in the gardens with Portia and Violet discussing flower arrangements for the
engagement ball, Eloise and her were only half listening to their conversation.
“Pen?” Eloise whispered, nudging the journal discreetly in her direction. Penelope smiled
instantly.

“Thanks El.”

She rolled her eyes. “The two of you are incorrigible. I both adore seeing you this happy
and am immensely disgusted.”

Penelope laughed in response. “I appreciate your help nonetheless.”

“Is he truly planning on publishing?” Eloise asked and Penelope nodded in response. “Well
now we will never hear the end of it…”

“He really is quite good, you know.”

“And this is coming from your completely objective non biased opinion?” Eloise said with a
raised brow. She had her there.

“Fair. But he is a good writer.” She replied seriously. Colin had already contacted a
publisher and they appeared impressed with the first part he had submitted. He was on his
way to being a published author and Penelope couldn’t wait to share the news with the
family. She wanted them all to see and celebrate him in the way he deserved.

“I have an additional message to relay today.” Eloise said with a smirk.

“Oh?”

“Mother?” Eloise suddenly spoke up to catch Violet’s attention.

“Yes dear?” she replied.

“Would it be alright if I took Penelope inside for a moment? I promised her I’d give her a
book I recently finished but forgot to bring it down.”

Violet looked towards their home momentarily thinking, likely trying to remember whether
Colin was home or not. Then she nodded, “Alright but be quick please, Penelope has to be
off soon to meet with the modiste.”

No sooner had she finished her directions, Eloise had bolted up pulling Penelope away much
to her mother’s dismay. Penelope giggled at the little escapade, although she was unsure
what book her friend was referring to as she had already delivered Colin’s journal. Eloise
brought Penelope into the empty sitting room.

“Gregory and Hyacinth are with their tutor in the library and Anthony is out handling some
business. Kate is upstairs taking a nap, you know pregnant ladies…” she said, waving her
hand out.

“El, why did you bring me here?” Penelope asked, confused.

“Oh well I need to grab that book, why don’t you wait for me here.” She replied with a smirk
as she slid out the door. Penelope rolled her eyes, confused by her friend's strange behavior.
She turned to go sit and wait for her when she heard some footsteps. When she turned her
eyes instantly caught Colin standing at the entryway.

“Colin?” she whispered. She, likely as his mother had assumed, believed him to be in their
new lodgings making preparations. However, it instantly clicked that he likely had
orchestrated this impromptu meeting with Eloise’s help.

“Pen,” he sighed and ran towards her, wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her up
in an tight embrace. “I have missed you,” he uttered as he dug his nose close to her neck.
HIs warm breath tickled her and ignited butterflies in her stomach. He reluctantly set her
down but did not completely separate from her smiling down at her.

“Col…” but before she could continue he had dipped his head and covered her mouth with
his. He kissed her deeply and it warmed every fiber of her soul. When he pulled away,
Penelope followed him momentarily with puckered lips. She could never get enough of him
it seemed.

He chuckled but pressed another kiss on her forehead before leading her to sit.

“Sorry, that was not my primary intention…” he laughed as he ran his thumb over their
joined hands resting on her lap. “I wanted to speak with you privately and that has proven
near impossible since we became engaged. It was not something I could write…”

“What is it Colin?”

“I fear…I realized we never spoke about Lady Whistledown much after…” he did not finish
his sentence knowing she understood what he was referring to. Other than their angered and
passionate exchange after he learned her secret and the one time he called her out on how she
wrote about herself, he surprisingly had dropped the matter. Penelope had been so enthralled
in their courtship she completely left it aside in her thoughts. Or perhaps, she had been
avoiding this conversation afraid of where it would lead.

“Right.” Penelope muttered.

“I have not pushed on the matter much since you told me Madame Delacroix assists you with
the delivery to your publisher.”

“Yes, well I knew you were concerned about my safety…” Penelope replied. After he had
asked her mother to formally court her, she had written him a letter assuring him she was not
typically the one making deliveries at night. He had taken a big step to let his intentions
known to her and she had wanted to do the same by offering him that detail. The night he
followed her had been a rare occurrence in which she was unable to coordinate the latest
edition with the modiste. She knew he had not asked about it, but wanted to offer
something. Despite how angry she had been at him around his reaction to learning the truth,
she understood deep down he was taken aback by her keeping a secret and concerned about
her well being. The shame at being discovered had made her feel cornered and so she had bit
back before he could do as much as state his displeasure.
“Pen, we are soon to be wed and I am looking forward to our life together each day more.”
He paused furrowing his brows, seeming unsure of how to continue. “I am afraid I am not
sure how to say what I want to say…”

“Colin, you can tell me anything.” she said, squeezing his hand.

He nodded. “I must be honest with you Pen. I worry sometimes about saying something you
will dislike…or saying the wrong thing and...losing you completely.”

“Why?”

“Perhaps because I already hurt you so much before…”

“That is in the past now.” Penelope tried to reassure him, gently running her fingers under his
chin lovingly. He nodded accepting her comfort.

“I know and yet…in the past you have tried to push me away when things got difficult.”

Penelope turned away with a frown. She recalled him saying as much in the carriage during
their argument. It had been easier to reject him before giving him a chance to do so. But if
anything he had proven to her time and time again he was not leaving her side.

“I know.” she admitted with a whisper. Her eyes turned back to him and she could see how
he was trying to decipher what was going through her head. She cleared her throat before
continuing, “I do not want you to be afraid to speak with me. You are correct about how I
reacted before, but I was afraid…I was afraid if I let you in, that if I gave you a chance you
would hurt me. It was a little bit because of what I heard you say but I can’t blame it on that
only. I think I have always seen myself as unworthy…always felt small and invisible. But
when I am with you, I do not feel that way anymore. I do trust you Colin and I want you to
speak your mind openly with me. Trust that I will not run from you anymore.”

“Good. Because I want to give you the world Pen. But things will not always be easy, I
know this. I just want you to know I am always going to be on your side no matter what,
even when we do not necessarily agree.”

“So…this brings us to Lady Whistledown.” She said straightening up in her seat to talk
business. He smirked in response to the change in her demeanor.

“Yes, we should discuss what will happen next.”

“Are you going to ask me to stop publishing?” she asked seriously. It was what she had
expected. Perhaps a while back when the prospect of marrying anyone else had crossed her
mind she had imagined herself continuing to write as a way of distracting herself. Putting
down her pen felt impossible.

Colin looked deeply in her eyes and shook his head slowly. “I am to be your husband and I
will always make it my priority to protect you and keep you happy. The gentleman in me, that
not surprisingly sounds a lot like Anthony in my head might argue asking you to stop would
be to ensure your safety. The friend in me could never try to take away something that
matters so much to you. And Pen, I am going to be your husband but first and foremost will
always be our friendship, I do not want that to change.”

Penelope exhaled in relief. Somehow hearing those words from him offered her the final
glimpse into what life with Colin would be like. He would be a constant in her life, her
support. She felt it more than ever.

“What do you think I should do?” she asked with a brow raised.

“Uh..” Colin stammered. “I am not certain I can offer advice. Out of the two of us you are
the expert on these publishing matters. You are the one running a business and I have to
defer to your expertise.” He smiled fondly at her. “However, I want us to talk about it.
About what we both want for the future and how we can get there.”

“Perhaps I never considered a future in which I would be without her. She has been my
escape and refuge for so long. And yet, now here with you…I think I can finally feel there is
more I want for myself…for us than this.”

“What would you like to do?”

“I have been giving it some thought and I think I want to publish for a while longer as I
figure it out. I do want to write…but I am not sure how…”

“We will figure it out. If you could help me, then I will help you. We will be known across
England as famous Bridgerton authors.”

Penelope laughed leaning her head against his shoulder. They sat in silence taking in each
other's warm presence.

“I was afraid you would be disappointed in me.” Penelope whispered.

“What?” Colin replied confused, barely catching her words.

Penelope sat up again to look at him more closely as she spoke. “I didn’t tell you about it
because I was afraid you would be disappointed in me.”

Colin frowned, placing a soft kiss on her hands. “I suppose my initial reaction was not
helpful either…”

“It was to be expected. But what I mean is, I was scared you would see this ugly side of me
and that it would change everything…change completely how you saw me..”

“This is not an ugly side.” He laughed, shaking his head. “Perhaps I have not been clear
amidst my groveling for your affection and anger. I am proud of you Penelope, for what you
have accomplished…it makes you the most admirable woman. Maybe it all isn’t perfect and
yes, mistakes have been made…” they both laughed leaning their foreheads together, “and
still you are one of the most brilliant people I have ever known. If anything, learning this
about you has allowed me to see that more clearly. I believe you can accomplish even greater
things for yourself, things you will not shy away from attaching your name to in the future.”
“I want that too.” She whispered, closing the gap between them and pressing her lips against
his.

“One more thing…” he said, pulling away from her before their kiss became more heated.
She frowned in response. “I want us to be clear that if any real threat comes up again, like
the Queen, you will talk to me about it. And if you need to deliver yourself directly ever, you
will allow me to do so in your name.”

“But Colin, I do not wish to involve you should anything come out.”

“I am already involved. I want to be if only to ensure your safety. Please Penelope? This is
all I will ask from you regarding this matter.”

She considered his conditions and realized he was not truly setting any conditions at all.
Colin was asking her to inform him about anything that became a serious threat. He was
asking to be involved only to avoid having her make deliveries on her own. Suddenly it hit
her his recent actions, words, and behavior had all been communicating the same thing: you
are not alone. And for once in her brief life, Penelope truly did not feel alone. She had a
partner. She had Colin.

She nodded and instantly he wrapped his hands around her face, pulled her in and began
kissing her hungrily. He was easing her back to lie down when they heard loud feet stomping
in the hallway.

“I am returning now” Eloise screamed to the empty hallway, her way of warning them. Colin
and Penelope parted and stared at each other before giggling at her antics. He assisted her in
sitting back up and fixing her hair.

“Are you ready?” Eloise said, peeking her head into the room with a hand across her eyes.

“Just a moment…” Colin said as he stood and pulled Penelope up to stand as well. He
walked them to the other side of the room before whispering, “I will go out the servants exit
to avoid my mother spotting me.” Then he leaned down and kissed her once more before
disappearing.

Penelope felt her breath was taken away with him. She blushed furiously at the knowledge
he truly was hers. Walking back to Eloise she pulled away the hand covering her eyes and
smirked.

“So, did you get the book?”

 Walk Through The Storm
Chapter Summary

I got a little overly ambitious with the chapter count so I need one more to close
everything off!

Penelope finds herself in a little bit of trouble. Minor angst, lots of romance and Polin
being adorable.

Penelope was at a gathering at Lady Danbury’s home with other ladies for tea. It was meant
to allow time for socializing and enjoyment. She truly did not want to attend, exhausted by
all the running around in preparation for her engagement ball in a few days, but her mother
was not one to allow any opportunity to gloat to go to waste and had dragged her along.

At the moment she was rather loudly sharing the details of Penelope’s gown for the ball to
the group of mamas and ladies listening. Penelope smiled politely as they smiled at her with
curiosity.

She needed some air. As discreetly as possible she slipped out towards the terrace
overlooking the gardens.

Unfortunately for her this was a ladies gathering and there was no possibility Colin would be
lurking around the corner to rescue her. He had spoiled her with his presence and now she
was restless without him. She supposed she would have to get used to social events such as
these as soon she would have the responsibility to attend them as a married lady. Still, she
much preferred situations in which Colin would be next to her as she found his company the
most comforting.

Sadly Eloise had made an excuse to avoid this gathering leaving Penelope to fend for herself.
She resolved herself with a couple more breaths to try harder the next time she rejoined the
others to make conversation, at least do her best to put her best foot forward given the
situation. Unfortunately for her the brief smile she mustered up quickly faltered when she
turned and saw none other than Cressida Cowper, Miss Eden and Miss Goode approaching
her with determined steps.

“Penelope,” Cressida smiled at her as if sizing up her prey. “How wonderful to have you
grace us with your presence. One would have thought all the air of becoming a Bridgerton
might have gone to your head.”

The other ladies laughed. Penelope frowned but attempted her best to school her features.
Smiling, she replied, “While I am most excited about my upcoming nuptials, I truly do not
know what ever you could mean Cressida.”
Cressida looked at Penelope quietly before circling around her. “Surely you must think you
have it all figured out now. You found yourself a prince who would kiss you frog, but
unfortunately for him you are still the same beast.” She bit out between gritted teeth. Miss
Eden and Miss Goode covered their mouths in discreet chuckles.

Penelope glared at Cressida. Surely she had always been cruel with her words but something
about how she was regarding her at the moment made her skin crawl. This was not about
merely insulting her.

“Ladies, would you mind giving us a moment?” Cressida said, turning to Miss Goode and
Miss Eden. “I believe there is a lot that Penelope and I have to catch up on.”

The other two exchanged confused looks before nodding and heading back inside. Penelope
couldn’t help but feel as if she was being left to the lions.

“What is it that you want Cressida?” Penelope said walking away from her with annoyance.
“I understand you are perhaps surprised and more likely envious of the turn of events, but I
have no patience to keep doing this with you anymore.”

Cressida tugged on her arm pulling her back next to her forcefully. She smiled bitterly as she
whispered close to her, “I know your secret.”

Penelope froze instantly. It could not be possible. “What…”

“Oh don’t bother feigning innocence with me. You see, I never forget an insult. And you
and I have had our little back and forth from time to time, most at your expense of course...So
imagine my surprise when I read the most recent Whistledown papers and noted Miss
Cowper wore a gold embellished gown which was most fashionable and fetching.
Unfortunately for her no amount of luster or pearly smiles was sufficient to earn her a dance
with any gentleman last night, despite her best efforts.”

Instantly Penelope knew what she was referring to. A week prior to Lord Anderson and her
courting, Cressida had taken it upon herself to attempt to earn his attention as well. Yet no
amount of waving her dance card in his face or fanning herself to draw attention to her bosom
had made any difference. She attempted to take her anger out on Penelope later after he had
left, commenting on her gown's “atrocious color,” which in the past she would have allowed
to slip by. However, that same evening had been when Lord Anderson had made his
intentions to court her known and she had kissed Colin. Unsurprisingly she had felt rather
bold and in response bit back with “Perhaps my gown is atrocious as you say and yet Lord
Anderson danced not once but twice with me. I do pity you Miss Cowper for it seems no
amount of luster or pearly smiles was sufficient to catch his attention.”

Why had she not been more cautious? She completely forgot she had said those remarks to
Cressida herself.

“I will take your silence as all the confirmation I need. And please…” Cressida said, raising
her hand up as Penelope opened her mouth to defend herself, “do not waste my time with sad
attempts to deceive me. I suppose I should not be surprised you are the gossip of the Ton.
How convenient to gather the scandals of others from the edges of the ballroom where no one
even noticed you. I will say my piece quickly: I want 10,000 pounds for my silence and
glowing review in the next issue, enough to earn the attention from a worthy suitor.”

“10,000 pounds?! Cressida…there is no way I can…” Penelope uttered in horror, her voice
shaking.

“I do not care what you do. Whether it is from whatever poison you have spewed in your
issues or from your soon to be husband’s family. I want what is rightfully mine, or…”
Cressida paused, inching her face close to Penelope’s with a cold stare and malicious smirk,
“perhaps you will have to work it out with the Queen. And make no mistake, I am not one to
bluff.”

She tutted at Penelope as she walked away from her triumphantly without even glancing
back.

Penelope felt frozen in her spot as her mind began racing.

Of course she was discovered right as everything was going so magically for her. Why did
she think she could get a happy ending with Colin? She didn’t deserve her happy ending, she
was the gossip of the Ton. Perhaps this was a fitting end to her: either Cressida would turn
her into the Queen or she would end up destitute without a penny in her attempts to pay her
off. Maybe it was for the best it happened now…maybe this way she could still save Colin
from ruin. She could call off the wedding or leave in the middle of the night. She probably
had enough saved up to get her to Scotland and live there comfortably…

But Colin, oh he likely would follow her. He cared for her. Maybe even quite possibly loved
her. She knew this, had felt the strength of his adoration over the past months…Deep in her
heart she recognized leaving him would hurt him in an unimaginable way. She could not do
that to him, even attempting to reason with herself it would be for the best she knew deep
down it would break him. Moreover, she loved him. Even if it made sense, which her logical
side was starting to realize it did not, she could never leave him for she belonged with him.

Penelope felt cornered. She did not know what to do for once and surprisingly out of all the
people who had nearly discovered her, Cressida was the last of her concerns and now she was
her biggest threat. Instantly she recalled her conversation with Colin and how he had asked
her to tell him if any serious threat were to rise up around Whistledown.

It gave her a sense of direction enough so her feet began moving her with haste. She had to
find a way to speak with him.

Penelope made her way back inside. Scanning the room quickly she spotted Francesca by the
desserts table quietly picking out something to eat. She weaved through the crowd as
nonchalantly as possible despite the frantic energy buzzing throughout her body until she
made her way next to her.

“Oh Penelope,” Francesca smiled brightly at her as soon as she noticed her by her side.
“Would you like some? These cakes look delectable.” She said pointing at the chocolate
covered slices.
“Um…perhaps…” she cleared her throat nervously. “Maybe not, I do not have much of an
appetite.” She shook her head unsure where to begin. She had known Francesca like the
other Bridgertons all her life and although they were not close, she knew her to be kind and
quiet, much like herself. However, she had no idea where to begin to make the scandalous
request she was about to make.

Francesca noticed her discomfort and pulled her away from the table to the side of the room.
“Is there something wrong Penelope?”

Penelope nodded. “Well…it is quite a delicate matter.” she gulped.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Francesca replied with a warm smile and gentle voice.
She reminded her of Violet for an instant, the soft way she encouraged her and made her feel
comfortable.

“I am afraid what I am about to ask will seem rather improper…”

Francesca raised a brow but maintained a calm expression encouraging her to continue, as if
nothing would shock her.

Penelope whispered, “Can you tell Colin I must speak with him? I…it is rather urgent and I
know how this must sound…wildly inappropriate…I would not ask if it was not necessary...”

“You need to speak to Colin?”

“Yes…I would write to him myself but I fear he will not receive my message with the speed I
need. I cannot simply go to his bachelor lodgings…but perhaps he will be at Number 5 for
dinner or perhaps you can find a way to…”

“Penelope.” She cut her off, grabbing her hand gently. She met her eyes firmly before
responding, “of course I can. I will find a way to let him know.”

“You will?” she replied surprised.

“No questions asked. You are to be my sister and we Bridgertons stick together.”

Colin and Benedict had decided to spend the morning fencing with Anthony. In part it had
been at Kate’s request for a break from him as she had so gently put it, “he would not let her
as much as breath on her own.” However, both brothers knew Anthony was growing more
and more anxious with the upcoming arrival of his child given they all knew childbirth could
be a difficult process. They could see he was afraid and in Anthony that tended to present
itself through his irritable mood and frantic actions.

And so they had pushed Anthony to spend the past hours outside fencing and after a while he
seemed more at ease. In some ways Colin had missed this; spending time with his brothers
exchanging jabs and teasing each other. They were all spent and in a jovial mood by the time
they went back inside to clean up. As the three brothers entered they saw Francesca arriving
with her maid.
“Hello sister,” Benedict chirped, approaching her as if he was about to wrap his arms around
her but she quickly raised her hands up in protest.

“Do not, you all are disgusting.” Francesca said, rolling her eyes. “How long have you been
at it?”

“All morning,” Anthony said as he walked up behind her and pressed a soft kiss on her
temple. “How was tea at Danbury’s?” He asked as he continued walking down the hallway.

“Oh just the usual…” Francesca replied while taking off her gloves and setting them down on
a table. “The cake was quite delicious though. Colin, you would have enjoyed it.”

Colin laughed in response as he watched Benedict following Anthony up the stairs. He

began taking a step forward when he felt Francesca gently place her hand on his arm. He
looked down at her and could see she wore a serious expression on her face.

“Frannie? Something wrong?” he asked, concerned by her unusual demeanor.

“I’m afraid so…” she whispered. “I saw Miss Featherington at tea…rather she approached
me with a message for you.”

Colin stared at her as his heart began thumping rapidly in his chest.

“She seemed distressed and asked me to inform you she needed to speak with you.”

“Do you know if something happened?” he asked, grasping his sister’s shoulders.

She shook her head. “I am sorry Colin, she did not give me any details but it seemed urgent.”
Francesca noticed his eyes darting to the door. “I believe she must have returned home as
well by now. Go.”

With that he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss on Francesca’s cheek before rushing out of
the house. He snuck around the back of the Featherington home, and knowing exactly which
window was hers, began throwing pebbles to try to catch her attention. He only prayed she
had already made her way to her chambers.

After a few pebbles, he finally saw her peering down at him. Her eyes widened and she
quickly disappeared. A moment later she appeared at the back entrance and the moment she
was in front of him, he could tell she was upset. She immediately ran into him and wrapped
her arms around his middle holding him tightly in embrace.

“Pen…” he whispered. “Whatever is the matter…talk to me darling.” He cooed gently,

running his hands against her curls.

He could feel her shaking her head against his chest. “I…I..I messed up Colin.”

“What do you…”
“Cressida knows. She…recognized something I said to her in Whistledown…she knows
Colin…” She muttered against his shirt. She slowly, almost fearfully pulled away from him
before meeting his eyes. She looked at him as if she was expecting him to scold her.

God he could not wait for them to marry so he could show her she never had to be afraid of
being met with such judgment again once he removed her from her mother’s home.

He tenderly grabbed her cheek with his hand and leaned his forehead against her. “Tell me
what happened…what did she say to you?” he spoke softly.

She nodded against him. “She let me know she knew and then…she asked for 10,000 pounds
for her silence, well that and to write positively about her to garner her attention. Colin, she
threatened to turn me into the Queen…”

He could hear his heartbeat thrumming in his ears. The thought alone of anyone threatening
his love was boiling his blood, but the concern for the woman in front of him was
overpowering his anger towards Cressida. He took a deep breath in and focused only on her.

“Are you alright? Breathe darling, I am here.” He said as he pulled her into another tight
embrace. He was reluctant to let her go, and if it were possible he would never do so in order
to keep her safe from any and all threats to her happiness. She sighed, turning her face to rest
her temple against his arm.

“You should not have to deal with any of this…this is my fault, my mess.” she uttered, her
warm breath landing against his arm.

He chuckled. “It is our mess Pen, for what is yours is mine.”

“We are not married yet, perhaps…”

“Do not even finish that sentence,” he said, pulling away from her so she could meet his
eyes. She bit her lip and nodded. He searched her face and frowning said, “please tell me
you did not consider running away…”

Penelope scrunched up her face before breaking out into a small laugh. “It is rather annoying
that you can read my mind like that…”

“No it is not.” He affirmed knowing he indeed loved when she had done it to him in the
past. They knew each other, were so well versed in the others character and mannerisms it
was becoming rather easy to do.

“I did consider it but I am here. I asked Francesca to let you know we had to speak. Colin, I
do not know what to do.”

“I know.” He replied, smiling at her warmly. He gently ran his fingers down her cheek
before leaning down and capturing her lips. “Penelope, my darling, do you trust me?”

“Of course.” she replied without hesitation.

“Then let me handle this. You have had to do so much on your own and look out for yourself
for so long…but I am here. I am with you. Can you trust me to figure this out for us?”

“Colin what will…” she started but he cut her off with another peck against her lips
effectively silencing her. She took a deep breath before nodding, accepting his help finally.

“Thank you for trusting me.” he replied, smiling at her. She returned the smile before utter
shock crossed her face.

“Oh God…” she pulled away from him. “Someone might see us. I have completely forgotten
myself…” she stated covering her mouth with both hands.

Colin laughed, closing the gap between them again and running his hands up and down her
arms in a soothing manner. “I highly doubt it and…we are engaged. What exactly would
anyone do if they saw us?”

She rolled her eyes at his remark but at least no longer pushed him away. He noticed her
eyes taking in his form for the first time and a blush spreading across her cheeks.

“What are you wearing…” she whispered. “Oh goodness, how wanton of me to hug you
when your chest is nearly bare.” she blushed furiously.

He pulled her head to rest against said chest as he chuckled. “I was fencing with my
brothers. You said it was urgent, I did not have a moment to freshen up before coming. I
apologize for my appearance.” Although he was not sorry at all given her delectable
response to him.

She laughed, holding him closer to her by wrapping her arms around his middle again. “I do
not believe I actually mind it.”

“Good,” he whispered. He was growing fond of these little moments in which he observed
her slowly becoming more at ease with his affection and even more so, the brief glimpses of
her extending her own affection. Suddenly she pressed a tender kiss against his bare chest
and he could swear she read his mind at his hunger for her devotion. He melted into her
warmth.

“Pen…” he groaned and she giggled.

“I should return inside before anyone notices my absence.” She replied, smiling up at him as
she dabbed the edges of her eyes from the last remnants of tears. He placed his hand over
hers and pulled her in for one last kiss.

“We are going to be alright my darling Pen. I promise, I will fix this.” he said, his voice
steady with determination.

She stared at him for a moment, her bright blue eyes piercing his heart with her devotion.

“I know, I trust you Colin.”

 I will love you...
Chapter Summary

Alright friends here is the conclusion to Unconditionally!!

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank anyone who took the time to read, offer up
kudos and comments. This has to be one of my favorite fics I have written and so I truly
hope you enjoyed it! If anything I hope it has given you a little bit of comfort as we
anxiously wait for season 3.

Please feel free to enjoy this instrumental version of Unconditionally as you read along:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4g8acgzSy8

<3

Colin spent the remainder of the day freshening up and mulling over what to do. Every
option he considered seemed unpleasant and yet he was determined to find the least harmful
path possible for Penelope.

Offering Cressida the money was not truly a viable option; one because he knew Penelope
would hate to allow her to win and two because it likely would not end there. There was
nothing stopping Cressida from asking for more money or even pushing Penelope to publish
things that were untrue, which would kill her.

No, merely offering payment would not solve anything.

Unfortunately, it seemed this was going to pressure them to speed up the process of deciding
Lady Whistledown’s fate. Colin was determined to come up with a plan which would allow
Penelope to come out unscathed. He needed to protect her and ensure her happiness no
matter what and he felt even more motivated by the trust she had bestowed on him to finally
take care of her.

Which is what brought him the following morning to call on his brother Anthony. He found
him in his office reviewing some documents.

“Colin,” he said, glancing up from whatever it was he had been reading as he saw him enter
the office. “It is rather early for a visit. This must be rather urgent?”

Colin nodded as he closed the door behind him which caught Anthony’s eye. “I am afraid it
is a rather delicate matter brother. I only ask that you extend as much patience as you can
afford me to allow me to explain.” he spoke with a shaky voice.
Anthony stared at him momentarily frowning. “Please don't tell me you have compromised
Miss Featherington and are about to request a special..”

Colin laughed nervously. “No, unfortunately for us it is not something as simple as that.”

“Well now you have my attention.” Anthony’s frowning deepened as he stood to walk
around his desk and sit across from Colin. He sat down slowly and watched his brother,
perceiving the tension in his body which was alarming. He reached out, placing a hand on
his shoulder and squeezing. “What is the matter Colin?” he asked in a softer voice.

And so Colin delved into explaining how exactly they found themselves in the current
predicament they did. He was forced to disclose Penelope was Lady Whistledown which did
nearly pull Anthony out of his seat but he was able to coerce him to calm down. To his credit
Anthony was putting his best effort to hear him out and withhold his reactions to some
degree.

“Are you saying Miss Featherington alone is the person responsible for the scandalous
publishing we have been dealing with over the past years?” he gritted out while massaging
his temple.

“I know this must come as a surprise to you. But there is so much more to her than most
people see. I have always known how brilliant and witty she can be. Of course when I first
learned about her nom de plume I was furious but as the novelty faded I realized it only made
sense it was her. Anthony you must be impressed by what she has been able to
accomplish…”

“Impressed is a word for it…” Anthony growled. He shook his head and took a deep breath
before turning back to meet Colin’s eyes. “I have to admit she has bested all of us and it is
not an easy feat to accomplish. She has written things which have hurt us but nothing which
is not true…And I have to admit at times she has written things which have greatly saved our
necks.”

Colin nodded quietly. He watched his brother take a sip of brandy before sighing deeply.

“This isn’t the worst part of it, is it?”

“I am afraid not.” Colin heaved. “I would have kept her secret from you, that is unless she
wanted to share it with the family. However our hands are being forced at the moment. Lady
Cowper has somehow realized Penelope is Lady Whistledown and is now threatening her.”

“What does she want, money?” Anthony said, standing abruptly. “We can pay her...”

“No.” Colin responded forcefully standing up as well. He took another breath before
continuing, noticing Anthony’s confusion. “We are not paying that woman. And while I
value your amenability to support us, I want to present another option. It is not a path I can
with full certainty say will not have consequences but it is the best I have come up with. I
came to you because I want you to be informed about everything before I take a step which
will likely impact our family.”
“What is your plan?” Anthony asked with a brow raised as he eased himself to take a seat
once again. Colin followed and walked him through what he had come up with.

“So that is what I am thinking will be the best solution. If anything goes wrong, I will
confront the consequences. However, if you think the risks are too great for our family…I
am willing to consider leaving with Penelope as soon as possible to protect the Bridgerton
name from scandal.” Colin stated with sadness in his voice. He did not want to leave his
family but ultimately he had to recognize this wasn’t only about him and Pen. This involved
his siblings and her family as well. He wanted to ensure Anthony knew the risks before
taking another step forward and putting everything on the line.

He met his brother’s eyes after finishing his explanation and noticed he was regarding him
with a look he was unfamiliar with. It was not exactly the anger or disapproval, which he had
been prepared to confront.

Anthony cleared his throat. “I would never consider that Colin. No matter the consequences,
I would never leave or push any of you out. You are my brother and a Bridgerton. We will
stand by you no matter what.”

“Are you saying…” Colin spoke with disbelief.

“Yes, well you have presented me with a rather clever plan and if it truly plays out as you are
hoping…Well we will come out of this rather unscathed.” Anthony smirked, raising his glass
up to cheers.

Colin gaped at him. He had hoped for this outcome but rather prepared himself for a few
rounds of arguing prior to reaching this end.

“I have left you speechless.” Anthony laughed.

“Allow me a moment to come to terms with the fact you are actually agreeing with me on
something.”

Anthony scoffed and rolled his eyes. He set his drink down before leaning closer towards
Colin and meeting his eyes fully. “Brother I know we have had our differences but you must
know I only ever wanted the best for you. I felt I had to push you to be the man I knew you
could be. And if I ever have made you feel that…” he paused trying to gather himself before
continuing, “If I ever led you to think I am anything but proud of you, I am truly sorry.
Because I am Colin. I am utterly impressed with the man you have become. You have
shown me you will do everything in your power to protect your family, to care for Miss
Featherington. And I know…” He sighed sitting back in his chair, “I know I am only your
older brother who scolds you but I want you to know I am proud of you and I trust you to
steer our family through this challenge.”

Colin laughed, shaking his head as a few stray tears fell down his cheeks. He looked back at
his brother and placed a firm grip on his shoulder, lovingly squeezing. “You are not just my
older brother who scolds me…” his voice trembled. “Ant, you have been like a father to me
since dad…”

At that Anthony stood and pulled his brother up into a tight embrace. The two brothers held
each other for a moment quietly acknowledging the love and respect they had for each other.

“You will make a great husband and father Col.” Anthony muttered as he patted his little
brothers back.

Penelope had not seen Colin since their rushed conversation regarding Cressida. He had
written to her to let her know he had a plan in motion and was excited to see her at their
engagement ball. She was nervous for the matter to be settled, but most of all she longed to
see him.

And so she arrived at the Bridgerton home and was greeted by Lady Bridgerton, the Viscount
and his wife who welcomed her with open arms. She silently searched the room for Colin
before Kate linked arms with her and pulled her further into the room.

“He is running a little late as he was handling some matter. Do not fret, he should be here
soon.”

“Oh,” she replied, unsure of what to make of Colin’s absence.

“He asked me to keep you company until then…oh and how did he put it,” Kate said
mockingly putting a finger under her chin as if she was thinking, “keep any of those buffoons
away from my beloved until I am there to escort her to the dance floor.”

Penelope laughed. “Thank you…”

“Kate,” she interrupted before she could use formalities. “We are to be sisters soon, we can
drop the formalities. I am looking forward to having someone to keep me company in the
midst of some of their chaotic arguments. I am sure you are more familiar having grown up
next to them but the Bridgertons are…”

“Yes I am aware of their antics. Perhaps we can consider having a secret singal to exchange
should either of us need respite at any moment.”

Kate laughed in response before pausing upon hearing Colin calling out to them. The two
turned and bowed in greeting.

“Apologies for my delay. Mind if I escort my bride to the dance floor?” Colin said,
extending his hand out to Penelope. She smiled as she took hold of it and followed him.

In the midst of their first dance Colin kept staring at her adoringly. The next moment she was
closer to him he whispered in her ear, “My god Pen you are the most beautiful woman I have
laid eyes on…”

She instantly flushed at his words. She smiled demurely once they were facing each other
again. The dance, which they had done many times before, was now somehow so much
more. Each time she was closer to him she could feel the heat radiating from his body.
When he held her hand, she could perceive the gentle caress he would add to the top of her
hand with his thumb. It was the most delicious torture she had ever experienced, to dance
with the man she loved knowing she could be transparent about her feelings towards him
now.

When the song finally came to an end, Colin extended his arm towards her and began
walking them around the room. They took a few moments to greet their guests. Penelope
was on cloud 9 and almost forgot completely about her current predicament until she spotted
none other than Cressida Cowper entering the room.

She instantly tensed and Colin, noticing something had shifted turned to her. He followed
her line of sight and noticed Cressida had arrived. He gently tugged on Penelope and
motioned with his head for them to walk towards the hallway.

Once out of the purview of unwanted ears and eyes, Colin leaned down and placed a soft kiss
on Penelope’s hands.

“I am sorry about Cressida being here. I need her present in order for the plan to work.” He
whispered.

“Plan?” Penelope squeaked. “Is there something…”

“Darling, I asked you to trust me.” He chuckled and she responded by smiling.

“I do. But do you not think it wise to at least give me some idea as to what to expect?”

“And ruin the suspense? I think not.” Colin replied, smirking. He peered his head back out
to the main room and confirmed most of their guests were present including the Queen. It
was now or never. He turned back to Penelope and tugging on her hands pulled her closer
into his space.

“Pen, I don’t know for sure what will happen next, but I will be next to you no matter what.”

Penelope nodded mesmerized by the intensity in his green eyes. She brought her hand up to
his cheek and he leaned into her touch.

“We are in this together.” She confirmed staring up at him with what she imagined was a
lovestruck look. She determined this was the moment to let him know her last secret. She
felt her love for him bursting from her heart and the desire to share it with him was
overpowering any possible fear of him not echoing her words. It was a deeply rooted need to
let him know just how much he meant to her. “Colin...I…”

“Pen.” He interrupted her. “I love you. I love you with everything I am, everything I’ve
been, and everything I hope to be…”
“Colin…” she whispered with wide eyes.

“I love you with my past, and I love you for my future.” He felt emboldened now, freeing
himself from the thoughts he had not spoken out loud but had been tumbling around in his
heart for much longer than he could imagine. Leaning down he captured her lips. “I love
you for every one of my smiles, and even more, for every one of your smiles.” He leaned his
forehead down against hers as they breathed together heavily. “I love you Pen. You know
that, don’t you?”

“I..uh..” She stared up at him, her breath literally robbed by every one of his words. “I do.”

Both of them laughed at the not so distant future in which she would be speaking those words
again.

“I think I’ve known…or rather I had felt it. But I didn’t think…” she noticed Colin pouting
and instantly she got on her tiptoes to press another kiss against his lips to reassure him. “It
was not you I doubted Colin, never you. I suppose I doubted myself…didn’t think I
deserved…” she shook her head as if to empty out the last bits of doubt scratching at the
surface. She felt they no longer deserved her attention. “...But you have allowed me to feel
so much more. You have seen me and loved me long before I think either of us knew it.”
She smiled up at him as he gently wiped a few errant tears at the edges of her eyes. “I love
you Colin. I love you and I am ready to confront anything and everything with you by my
side.”

His smile grew impossibly larger and her heart clenched with joy at the sight. To know she
was the reason he was smiling, to know she could love this imperfect perfect man for the rest
of her life; she felt invincible.

And so with one more determined nod Colin grabbed her hand and led them back to the
party. He left her for a moment to turn to grab them both champagne flutes. She accepted it
with a smile and watched intrigued as she observed Colin exchange a knowing look with his
brother Anthony.

“Pardon everyone!” Anthony said lightly dinging on his champagne flute with a spoon to
gather the crowd's attention. “If you’ll indulge us for a moment before we return to our
festivities.” A few cheery chuckles erupted before Anthony continued. “I first want to extend
my deepest gratitude on behalf of my family for joining us to celebrate the upcoming union
of my little brother Colin and Miss Featherington.

Colin and Penelope exchanged a loving look as the crowd clapped in response.

“We are all ecstatic to have Miss Featherington be a part of our family. We have had the
fortune to see her grow up and mature into the lovely woman she has become. And more
than anything we are grateful because of how much happiness she has brought into Colin's
life. Now, he asked me to allow him a moment to say some words as well. Colin?” Anthony
said motioning for him to take the floor.

Colin cleared his throat as he walked towards the center of the room with Penelope still
holding his hand. “Thank you all for being here to celebrate with us. Penelope
Featherington, soon to be Bridgerton…” some laughs broke out Colin’s cheekiness, “has
been my sister Eloise’s best friend for many years. And most of you might not know this, but
she has also been my dearest friend for nearly just as long. As my mother has always
encouraged us to marry our best friend, this union was likely something she saw coming a
long time ago.” He looked towards where his mother was standing as she smirked,
confirming his suspicions. “I know a lot of you are surprised I asked her to be my wife.
Likely most of you did not realize how close we already were or as my mother had, you
would have called this union long ago as well. I think if more of you knew her, truly knew
and understood how brilliant, magnificent, and witty this woman next to me is you wouldn’t
be half as surprised I have been lucky enough to get her to agree to be my wife.”

Colin turned to Penelope and took her champagne glass and his, setting them down in a
nearby tray. Then he wrapped his hand around her waist and pulled her in close before
dipping her into the most romantic kiss she had ever dreamt of experiencing. Penelope only
half captured the whistles and cheers as her attention was rather focused on the warmth
growing deep within her at his public declaration in front of the Ton.

“You’ll have to forgive me, I can't help myself.” He said blushing as he kept Penelope close
by wrapping an arm around her waist. “Only because I truly need you to understand what a
diamond my soon to be wife is, I will let you in on a little secret.” He paused looking down
at Penelope almost as if readying her for something and instantly she caught up where this
was going. But before she could protest he loudly proclaimed, “please be fully acquainted
with the marvelous Miss Penelope Featherington, none other than Lady Whistledown.”

A few gasps were heard and then silence. But despite the momentary tension, Penelope was
caught in Colin’s eyes which were radiating all the confidence in the world and she could not
help but match his growing smile.

Then all of a sudden the silence was disrupted by clapping. Both turned in the direction of
the noise and saw Anthony clapping. He was soon joined by other Bridgertons. It did not
take long for the room to erupt in cheers and claps especially when their guests recognized
the Queen herself was also joining in. Penelope turned to Colin with eyes as wide as saucers
at the realization.

“To Lady Whistledown!” The Queen announced raising her glass high in the air.

“Cheers!” the crowd responded.

After a moment of a couple of curious onlookers approaching the couple to congratulate

them, the music resumed and it seemed the festivities were proceeding as if nothing
enormous had occurred.

“Well Lady Whistledown.” The Queen said as she approached them and both instantly
stiffened their postures before bowing respectfully. “Mr. Bridgerton, would you allow me a
moment with your bride.” She said, raising a brow as she looked at Colin. He nodded and
turned to press a kiss on Penelope’s hand before squeezing it gently to reassure her.
“Your Highness…I …” she began with a shaky voice.

“Perhaps you have a lot you wish to apologize for…”

“Yes your highness….of course I…”

“No need. I would save your breath.” The Queen responded with a smirk. “You will not
utter this to anyone else, as I will never repeat this to anyone again…but you have bested me
young lady. I am impressed with what you have accomplished.”

“Your Highness?”

“Well do not act daft. Surely you are not. If you are surprised by my current calm you can
thank your Mr. Bridgerton. He approached me to inform me of his plans to unveil your
identity.”

“He did?”

“Yes well he is an intelligent man and knew to approach me. He did tell me you were not
present as he had wanted to handle the situation on your behalf.” The Queen circled
Penelope with a smirk on her face. She paused and watched her curiously. “I will not deny
there have not been moments I was not furious with your publication. But I have to
recognize what you built is nothing short of admirable. Despite what the Ton might say these
days, I am no stranger to stirring up trouble. To know there are still young women capable of
taking society and turning it on its head tells me there is hope yet.”

“I am truly sorry for any harm I may have caused you. Or any insult…”

“What did I say about wasting your breath? Hold your head up high girl. You have shown
all of them you are not to be trifled with. Never back down from who you are.”

Penelope nodded with growing determination. “What will happen now? Did Colin…”

“No, he did not have to make any concessions with me. Although I must tell you that man
loves you with every fiber of his being. He was fully prepared to take on any consequence I
could think of in your place. However, your Queen is compassionate and understanding. I
did not tell him this, only that I wished to speak with you after all was said and done…but I
wish to propose something to you. As I imagine this will be the end of Lady Whistledown
now that everyone knows your identity, I am rather saddened to lose a source of
entertainment. I would like to propose your presence at tea with myself at least once a week,
after your honeymoon of course… I trust you will still be able to provide me with the juiciest
gossip especially now that you will be a married woman of the ton. What do you say Miss
Featherington?”

Penelope stared at her with surprise before she remembered how to speak. “Yes of course
your Highness. It would be my honor to indulge your Highness with entertainment.

“Perfect it is settled then.” The Queen said, smiling. “Congratulations on your engagement
Miss Featherington.”
Penelope waited a moment after the Queen departed to go seek out Colin. She found him
chatting with his brothers. It was almost as if he could sense her because the minute her eyes
landed on him, his eyes seeked her out. They both looked at each other with relief and
adoration across the vibrant dance floor.

It almost seemed to be some sort of silent agreement between the two as they made their way
out of the crowded room and met once again in the hallway. As soon as they were next to
each other, their hands joined. Colin quietly led them through the home and up the stairs
until finally they were in his bedroom.

And so after one of the most thrilling nights Penelope had ever experienced, which would
have thrilled Lady Whistledown to report on, she found herself freed from her moniker. She
was no longer on the edges of the room watching others finding love or exchanging
scandalous whispers. She found herself in a room with the love of her life smiling as he
asked her to stay. She felt for the first time she was truly living with each of his tender
kisses.

After exchanging countless I love yous and passions beyond her wildest dreams, she found
herself laying in a bed wearing only his linen shirt as he laid his head on her stomach. She
was threading her fingers through his chestnut hairs.

“I can’t believe it…”

“What part exactly my love?” Colin said, turning to try to meet her eyes. “Would it be the
unveiling of Lady Whistledown or the pleasures we…”

She slapped him lovingly on his arm. “I was referring to Lady Whistledown.”

“Ah.” he said . He sat up from his spot and crawled next to her to lay his head next to hers.
“Are you comfortable with my choice?” He said not quite meeting her eyes. She could tell
he was unsure if she was pleased with him. She gently placed her hand on his cheek and
moved closer to his face.

“Colin Bridgerton, there is no woman prouder of her husband. You have taken care of me,
protected me in ways I never thought I deserved.”

“Your husband…” he echoed.

“I love you.” she whispered as she leaned in to kiss him.

“I love you too.” he replied prior to losing himself to her once again.

It would be the first of many nights in which Penelope and Colin would fall asleep with the
comfort of knowing they had found their way to the purest unconditional love imaginable.
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