Lesson 6: Love, Intimacy, and If you say you’re “in love,” that tends to

Relationship refer to the romantic kind of love.

Introduction Intimacy, the state of being

One nation that is extremely intimate, which is marked by the
passionate about what we refer to as consensual sharing of deeply personal
love, intimacy, and relationships is the information. It has cognitive, affective,
Philippines. We Filipinos have always and behavioral components. Intimates
been known as a loving people, and we reveal themselves to one another, care
have a natural tendency to care for deeply about one another, and are
everyone in our immediate surroundings comfortable in close proximity.
as well as our significant others. All
relationships are highly valued among When you’re in a relationship,
Filipinos. Relationships with God, family, you’re emotionally involved or at least
friends, and our particular someone connected in some way. If you’re related
could be included. Particularly when you to somebody your parents, your aunts
truly love someone, we have a tendency and uncles, your cousins you share a
to be more outspoken with our feelings. family relationship with them.
And it is how we Filipinos convey our
love to someone.
Love as a Human Experience
In February 15, 2015 an article
Love is a human experience differently
featuring a study by McCann World
defined and conceptualized.
group, among 30,000 respondents from
29 countries, came out of a national
1. Love as Culture Universal.
paper, bannering the title “ Filipinos
Love is construed as culture
most expressive about love among Asia
universal. A culture universal is a
Pacific countries” (Heigina, 2015). The
phenomenon experienced similarly by
article presented an interesting result:
people across time and cultures. This
Filipino say “ I love you” approximately
means that humans, whether those who
17 times in a week, making us sixth
lived in the past or who are living now
among the countries in the survey,
and regardless of their geographic
which are most articulate and
location and socio-cultural identities,
expressive.
have experienced love, in one way or
another. Said differently, love is an
Robert Sternberg, a renowned
experience that transcend time and
psychologist for his theory of love asked
culture. People before us, such as our
in his 1986 paper: “What does it mean
grandparents, parents, and other
to love someone? Does it always mean
adolescents who live in other countries,
the same thing, and if not, in what ways
are believed to know and encounter love
do love different from each other?” In
as we do. The way we experience and
this lesson, we will tackle, perhaps, one
appreciate this phenomenon may be
of the most complex and celebrated
unique, but it is a similar phenomenon
human emotion and experience: love.
altogether.
2. Love as a Social Phenomenon.
What is love, intimacy and
Likewise, love is viewed as a
relationship?
social phenomenon. Social
Love is an expression of emotion.
phenomenon are events or experiences
Love, it is said, can make you walk
which ensue within our interaction and
miles barefoot in the rain just to see the
relationship with other people. Loving
person you can’t stop thinking about. Or,
entails communication the process of
it can make you cross the street
giving and receiving information
because the store “you love” is located
between and among people. It also
there. Love is a versatile word — like
entails the use of language-symbols that
what it describes. Love takes many
are culturally agreed upon as
forms, but the word typically describes
possessing certain meanings and that
an affection that is deep and emotional.
are used by people to express certain
realities and worldviews.
3. Love as an Emotion.
Love is also construed as an
emotion. Emotions are physiological
responses that we evaluate
physiologically as we experience
particular life events. There are basic
emotions such as joy, sadness, fear,
disgust, and anger among others. There
are also complex emotions which are
combination of basic emotions in
varying magnitudes and are made
intricate by circumstances surrounding
the experience (e.g., the people
involves, the place and time where the
emotion is experienced). Love as we
know it, is a complex emotion.
4.Love as Neurobiological event.
With the recent advancement in
science, love, now, can be studied as a
neurobiological event. Every split of a
second, information is being passed on
within our nervous system- a personality development, Crucial to this
conglomerate of organs (Including our
brain, our spinal cord, and our nerves,
among others) responsible for our ability
to process and transmit essential
information among the many organs in
our body. The information comes in the
form of electrical signal running along
our neurons (nerve cell), which
movement is facilitated by our
neurotransmitters a variety of chemicals
found in our nervous system.
Neurobiologically, the experience of love
is associated with various parts of our
brain. For instance, the loving
experience is commonly associated with
the activation of the Ventral Tegmental
Area (VTA) of our brain which is just
right behind our left eyes. It is also
associated with the increased amount of
endorphins-hormones believed to
provide humans a good mood. Since
love is rather complex idea, which can
be described, defined and experienced
in myriad of ways, several theories and
frameworks offer diverse perspective on
how it can be understood and explained.
Theories on Love
1. Psychodynamic View on Love.
Psychodynamic theory is a
collective term, which pertains to the
psychoanalytic tradition forwarded by
Sigmund Freud (a Viennese neurologist,
as well as the succeeding theories that
support, redefine, or refute his
propositions.
In a nutshell, the psychodynamic
theory posits that we have desires and
motives fueled by our life (Eros) and
death (thanatos) instincts. For instance,
desirable behaviors that promote
positive relationship with others might
be viewed as influenced by our life
instincts, while aggressive behaviors
that hurt, manipulate, or harm ourselves
and others might be viewed as
influenced by our death instincts. Both
the life and death instincts are thought
to stream from our unconscious- the
province of the mind, which we are
highly unaware of. Likewise, the
psychodynamic view puts prime on the
influence of our early life experiences
(from conception to around six years
old)-referred to as formative years in our
life stage is our relationship with our
primary caregiver-typically the mother. It
suggest that the kind of attachment
(psychic bond) we have our primary
giver/s, influence our relationship in later
life, including our choice of romantic
partners and the way we relate and
operate within this partnership. Hence
from a psychodynamic view, love can be
seen as a manifestation of our Eros and
the placement of our libido (life energy)
unto an object (a thing or a person
towards who we transfer our psychic
energies to ease pain or achieve
pleasure).
2. Color Wheel of Love.
John Alan Lee, a Canadian
psychologist, suggested that there are
different types of love. The primory
types are: eros (sexual and romantic),
philip (friendly), and storge
(parental/filial love). The secondary
types are: progma (practical love),
agape (universal love), and philoutio
(self love). It is possible for us to
experience not just one, but two or more
of these types of love in our lifetime. A
child who loves her parents (storge)
might eventually find new friends whom
to like once they go to school (philia)
and then experience romantic love
(eros) especially during her youth.
 3. Triangular model of love.
One of the most popular theories
of love is the triangular model by
Sternberg, a psychologist. This theory
looks at love from a psychometric
stance, which means that it is generally
concerned about trying to measure as a
psychological variable and in
determining the various dimensions and
facets that love has experienced by
people. According to Sternberg, love
has three (3) interlocking dimensions-
passion, intimacy, and commitment.
Passion refers to the physical/emotional
aspect. Intimacy pertains to the
psychological aspect. Commitment
pertains to the agency component, that
is the choice we make with regards to
engaging and maintaining the loving
relationship. The combination of these
dimensions yields a particular love type.
For instance, when there is only passion
but no other components, infatuation is
formed. When there is only intimacy but
no other components, there is liking.
When there is only commitment, there is
empty love. When there is passion and
commitment, there is ludic love. When
there is commitment and intimacy, there
is friendly love. When all three (3)
components are present, then we can
say that consummate love exists.
4. Romantic and Companionate
Love.
Hatfield and Rapson, on the other
hand, suggests that there are two (2)
general types of love: romantic love and
companionate love. Romantic love is
characterized by intense passion- a
state of intense longing for union with
your partner. Companionate lave, on the
other hand, is characterized by intense
intimacy-emotional closeness-which is
also characterized of liking.
1. Love Languages
Gary Chapman, a world renown
author, suggested that people have
various ways through which we give and
receive love. He referred to these
unique ways as love languages.
Chapman posited that there are
generally five love languages; namely:
words of affirmation, touch, time, gifts,
and acts of service people whose love
language is words of affirmation tend to
verbally express their thoughts and
feelings of love towards the people they
love. They may be comfortable saying “I
love you” and articulating other words of
endearment. They also seem to be
generous in expressing through words
their appreciation of others’ presence in
their lives, as well as the positive impact
their loved ones have in them. Those
whose love language is touch, on the
other hand, express love non-verbally
through hugs, kisses, or, simply, a tap
on the back. They value proximity
proximity (nearness) and yearns for
physical contact (not necessarily sexual
in nature) with their partners. Those
whose love language is time tend to
value quality moments with their loved
ones. They are much willing to create
memories with the people they love.
Those love language is gifts, what to
show and receive affection through
material objects, especially during
special occasions. Finally, those whose
love language is act of service, are
much willing to serve the other person
by helping her or him in things that they
do.
Love and Intimate Relationship
Love, although well-studied and
variedly theorized, remains abstract and
obscure unless viewed in the of human
relationship. The Greek philosopher,
Aristotle, has been widely quoted as
referring to human as so This means
that we survive, thrive, and flourish
when we are together such that relating
to cithes buman is not only sentimental,
but also an evolutionary and practical
process Social connection is necessary
for our growth as individuals. In certain
cases, it also serves as a foundation for
family life, which then provides us
humans a venue for nurturance and
care and as a platform where we can
develop our greatest potentials. In other
cases, it enables us to secure our social
position and provides us human
resources to implement our goals for
ourselves and for the greater community
In his analysis of close human
relationships, George Levinger
postulated that there are stages that
intimate relationships go through. It
starts in: 1. acquaintance, 2. buildup, 3.
continuation or consolidation, 4.
sleterioration or decline, and 5. ending
or termination. Simply put, the ABCDE attraction. For one, there may be
of intimate relationships. change in priorities between the
individual couple, such that the conjoint
value of the partnership is not anymore
1. Acquaintance
sufficient. There may be infidelity-
Intimate human relationships start in
breech of loyalty and promises as
acquaintance. We meet up through
agreed upon by both individuals (eg,
circumstances and first learn about the
presence of a third party, extra- marital
basic information about one another.
affairs). Or, in other, there may be
Crucial at this stage is attraction. What
irreconcilable differences - which are
does it take for a person to actually
already harming each individual and the
decide to be acquainted with another?
partnership as a whole.
Attraction can take place in an enabling
environment. It can happen when there
5. Ending
is propinquity or proximity when we are
Finally, foe those intimate partnerships
physically close to one another, it can
who are unable to address the causes
happen when there is exposure-when
and circumstances leading to the
due proximity, there are repeated
deterioration of their relationship, the
possibilities of interaction. It can also
stages culminate into ending or
happen when there is similarity-common
termination of the agreements made
preferences, interests, and probably,
(either personal or socio-legal) through
beliefs and values.
informal (e.g. collective decision to end
the relationship) or formal (e.g. marriage
2. Buildup
dissolution) means.
Some acquaintances build up into
deeper relationships. Frequency of
Summary
interaction increases. Kinds of activities
Love, relationships, and intimacy are all
share become diverse. The involved
interconnected. Love is a complex
parties begin to introduce one another to
emotion that can be defined in many
each other's friends and families, thus
different ways, but it is generally
making the social network larger and
understood to be a feeling of deep
interconnected. This is the stage when
affection and care for another person.
two (2) persons test their boundaries.
Relationships are the social connections
They test the waters before engaging
that we form with others, and they can
fully and so committedly in the
range from casual friendships to close
relationship.
romantic partnerships. Intimacy is a
feeling of closeness and connection with
3.Consolidation and Continuation
another person, and it can be expressed
The third state of intimate relationship is
in many different ways, including
consolidation. This stage is when people
physical touch, emotional sharing, and
commits to a long term relationship with
shared experiences.
one another, either through a personal
agreement (i.e. exclusivity of
Love is often seen as the foundation of
partnership, or domestic partnership) or
a successful relationship. When two
a social-legal agreement (i.e. marriage),
people love each other, they are more
What people committo a relationship, to
likely to be supportive, understanding,
the point of legitimizing it through
and forgiving. Love can also motivate
marriage? Often, people set standards
people to work through challenges and
that are sustainable (e.g. ability of each
build a strong relationship together.
other to maintain a family or a
household, readiness of each other to
Relationships provide us with
raise children, career, and financial
companionship, love, and support. They
capacities).
can also help us to learn and grow as
individuals. Healthy relationships are
4. Decline or Deterioration
characterized by mutual respect, trust,
Unfortunately, some intimate
and communication.
relationships are unable to sustain and
maintain their commitments or
Intimacy is a key component of healthy
relationships. It allows partners to feel
close and connected to each other.
Intimacy can be expressed through
physical touch, emotional sharing, and
shared experiences. Physical intimacy
can include sexual activity, but it also
includes other forms of physical touch,
such as cuddling, kissing, and holding
hands. Emotional intimacy involves
sharing our thoughts, feelings, and
experiences with our partner. Shared
experiences involve doing things
together and creating memories
together.

Love, relationships, and intimacy are all

important for our well-being. They can
help us to feel happy, fulfilled, and
supported. Here are some tips for
building and maintaining healthy
relationships: Communicate openly and
honestly. This means being able to
share your thoughts, feelings, and
needs with your partner. It also means
being able to listen to your partner and
understand their perspective. Be
supportive and understanding. Everyone
makes mistakes. Be there for your
partner when they need you, and try to
understand their needs. Be respectful of
each other’s boundaries. Everyone has
different needs and preferences. It’s
important to respect your partner’s
boundaries and to communicate your
own boundaries clearly. Make time for
each other. It’s important to schedule
regular time to connect with your
partner. This could involve going on
dates, spending time together at home,
or simply talking to each other on the
phone. Nurture intimacy. Make time for
physical touch, emotional sharing, and
shared experiences. If you are
struggling in your relationship, it is
important to seek professional help. A
therapist can teach you communication
skills, conflict resolution skills, and other
tools to help you build a stronger
relationship.