Preacher’s Daughter StoryLine

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Supplemental material

Instagram @ _pitifulpearl_
 Family Tree (Intro)

We are introduced to the main character Ethel Lenora Cain. Her parents are Joseph and Vera
and she lives in the small town Shady Grove. She has two religious tattoos on her forehead -
the names Ashmedai and Gabriel. The location is significant - the Biblical Cain has a mark
placed on his forehead by god. Ashmedai is a Hebrew variation of the name Asmodeus - a
prince of hell (oftentimes associated with a swarm of flies). Gabriel is one of the four archangels
who is tasked with announcing God’s will to men (a parallel to what Ethel’s father did on earth).

She has a best friend named Jeanie, who there wasn’t room for on the album.

Source

Ethel age time-line

The sample of the sermon from the beginning is taken from the sermon that was given at
Hayden’s Great Grandmother’s funeral in real life.

Source

lyrics

These crosses all over my body

Remind me of who I used to be
And Christ forgive these bones I'm hiding
From no one successfully

Jesus can always reject his father

But he cannot escape his mother's blood
He'll scream and try to wash it off of his fingers
But he'll never escape what he's made up of

The fate's already fucked me sideways

Swinging by my neck from the family tree
He'll laugh and say, "You know I raised you better than this"
Then leave me hanging so they all can laugh at me
 Act I

American Teenager

We are introduced to Shady Grove in more detail and see more of Ethel’s life since her father
passed away. The album takes place in 1991 when Ethel is 20 years old, we learn through
supplemental material Hayden released at the same time that her father Joseph died ten years
ago.

Hayden ask/answer on song

From a fictional interview Ethel did with a local paper :

Since the passing of Rev. Joseph Cain, the community of Shady Grove has had
a hole in its heart so big that you could lead a steer through it. Even as we
approach an entire decade without him, a way to fill that hole still has yet to be
found. All who met him would agree that one would be hard-pressed to find a
better man, father, and preacher. Such a statement can be reflected truthfully in
his only daughter, Ms. Ethel Lenora Cain. A bright-eyed and gentle girl, Ethel
continues to uphold her father’s legacy through acts of servitude, as well as
through their shared love of music and worship. Present every Sunday morning
amongst the choir, she leads her late father’s congregation with heartwarming
fervor. In remembrance of his life, Ethel will lead a special Sunday worship
service on the 10th anniversary of his passing. Today, we sat down with her on
her break at Packie’s Diner to chat about faith, family, and what she hopes the
future looks like.

Silken Weinberg: Hi Ethel!

Ethel Cain: Hi! So nice to see you again, how are you?

I’m well, thank you! Was so nice running into you at the hanging of the greens,
even if for a moment. You looked pretty busy.

[laughs]

Yeah, the holidays put Mama on edge so I was trying to help her out.

Ahh yes of course. Speaking of which, how is your mother?

Oh, she’s good I suppose. Recently she’s been leaning back hard into
sewing. You know, typical mama. Anything to stay busy.

I know the feeling. Now, just to jump right into it, I wanted to give our readers a
chance to get to know you a bit better! Everyone knows of you, of course, but
we’d like to really know you. You’re more than just the preacher’s daughter!

[she laughs again]

I am?

Of course! Tell us, how was life growing up here in Shady Grove?

[she rubs her palms on her knees]

Well, it was the same for me as it was for everyone else, I’d imagine. Spent
most of my time either at Shady Grove Baptist or playing in the field next to
it. Lots of mosquito bites. Lots of cookouts.

The cookouts! Nobody threw a cookout like your daddy did. I wish they’d start
doing them again.

Yeah, me too.

So what about nowadays? What do you like to do for fun?

Well, I’m still pretty busy with church. Ever since Mrs. Cherry died, the
choir has been a lot less… structured, I’ll say that. Between that, my shifts
at Packie’s, and my chores and whatnot at home, I don’t really have time for
much else.

That’s a shame! You’re young, you should get out some this summer! I hear it’s
gonna be a hot one.

I heard that too. I’m sure I’ll find myself at the river at some point.

What about your love life? Anyone special come into the picture lately?

Not exactly.
What about Willoughby Tucker? I know you two seemed pretty close before he
moved away, have you kept in contact at all?

I don’t really wanna talk about him.

Well, tell him I said hi if you run into him again, we miss him in church!

Will do.

Now, I wanted to touch on your father a little bit. We all knew him, loved him, but
you obviously had a much closer relationship with him than any of us. Can you
tell us a little bit about what he was like at home, out of the suit?

[laughs]

Out of his civvies? He was a good man. He wasn’t perfect but I don’t think
anyone could have come closer. Towards the end, he really gave it all to
God. Spent long nights at the church preparing his sermons. I missed him
those nights, and still do, but… he had a calling, and he only ever got
closer and closer. When he did come home before I fell asleep, he’d never
forget to check on me and pray with me before bed. He cared. I’m grateful.

Gosh, I’m tearing up! He really did love you, it was clear in everything he did.
That fire really did take something irreplaceable. I like to think he’s watching over
us all, even now!

Me too.

Do you have a fondest memory of him?

When I was 7, he took me out of town for the first time. We went north to
the interstate and took a day trip to the lake. I remember stopping at a
farmer’s stand where he bought me a big bag of walnuts. My dress was
covered in shell bits when we got there, he had to shake me off after he
pulled me out of the truck. He had a stranger take a polaroid of us by the
water that day, see?

[she pulls a polaroid out of her wallet and shows me]

You were so adorable! And what a handsome man he was, my goodness!

You’re not the first person to say so.

Well, Ethel, I don’t wanna keep you too long but before I go, I just wanted to ask
if you had any testimonies or words you wanted to share before we wrap this up?

Hmm, let me think…

[She stares up at the ceiling for a moment before answering.]

Don’t wait too long for an answer or a reason, whether it be from God or
someone else. You just might wind up spending your whole life waiting.

Well said! You must get your wisdom from your daddy!

I sure hope so.

Ethel, thank you so much for your time. Looking forward to hearing you sing on
Sunday.

Of course, thanks so much. See you then.

*NOTE: since this interview was conducted, we have been informed that
Ethel Cain has been reported missing and last seen in Arlington, Texas.
Interview Source

lyrics

Grew up under yellow light on the street

Putting too much faith in the make-believe
And another high school football team
The neighbor's brother came home in a box
But he wanted to go, so maybe it was his fault
Another red heart taken by the American dream

And I feel it there

In the middle of the night
When the lights go out and I'm all alone again

Say what you want, but say it like you mean it

With your fists for once, a long cold war
With your kids at the front
Just give it one more day, then you're done
Done
I do what I want, crying in the bleachers
And I said it was fun
I don't need anything from anyone, it's just not my year
But I'm all good out here

Sunday morning
Hands over my knees in a room full of faces
I'm sorry if I sound off, but I was probably wasted
And didn't feel so good
Head full of whiskey but I always deliver
Jesus, if you're listening let me handle my liquor
And Jesus, if you're there, why do I feel alone in this room with you?

And I feel it there

In the middle of the night
When the lights go out
But I'm still standing here
Say what you want, but say it like you mean it
With your fists for once, a long cold war
With your kids at the front
Just give it one more day, then you're done
Done
I do what I want, crying in the bleachers
And I said it was fun
I don't need anything from anyone
It's just not my year
But I'm all good out here

Say what you want, but say it like you mean it

With your fist for once
A long cold war
With your kids at the front
Just give it one more day, then you're done
I do it for my daddy and I do it for Dale
I'm doing what I want and damn, I'm doing it well
For me, for me
For me, for me
 Wheels, Wheels, Wheels
by Sabrina Maxwell
Everyone had a different way of getting to and from school. The variety ranged
from bikes, to scooters and buses, to cars. The most popular form of
transportation was cars. When looking at the school parking lot, a big variety of
trucks and cars were seen. Many students owned four wheel drives and low
riders. Richard Hudson, a junior, owner of a black low rider stated, “The ladies
love it.” Some students enjoyed simple cars and some chose to style in their
sports cars. Michael Musgrove, a senior, owner of a 1990 Integra said his car got
him where he was going in “style.”
Those students who didn’t own a car, a scooter or a bike, were transported to
school by bus.
Tanya Jackson, a senior, stated that riding the bus was, “All right by her.”
Overall, the entire student body was involved with some form of transportation.
Whether it be owning their own car or riding the bus. All in all, transportation was
one “big wheel.” Senior Ethel Cain gets ready to leave for work in the parking lot
after school.

House in Nebraska

Ethel recalls her lost love Willoughby who has left her. She recalls the time they spent alone
together in an empty house in Nebraska and reveals the extent to which their breakup has hurt
her.
The Preacher’s Daughter B side songs are a prequel to the events of the album and focus on
the time Ethel and Willoughby spent together. Source The songs are

Waco, TX waco note

Dustbowl
Bambi
Lead Poisoning
Famous Last Words (An Ode to Eaters)
Nettles

B-side musings

Hayden talks about Willoughby

Hayden breaks down lyrics

Ethels sound vs Willoughby sound

random will musing

random Will musing II

Willoughby Tucker I will always love you

lyrics

Labored breaths and bed sores

Sing it to me all day long
When the aching sound of silence
Used to be our favorite song
You and me against the world
You were my man and I your girl
We had nothing except each other
You were my whole world
But then the day came
And you were up and gone

And I still call home that house in Nebraska

Where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor
Where the world was empty
Save you and I
Where you came and I laughed, and you left, and I cried
Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours
These dirt roads are empty
The ones we paved ourselves
Your mama calls me sometimes
To see if I'm doing well
And I lie to her
And say that I'm doing fine
When really I'd kill myself
To hold you one more time
And it hurts to miss you
But it's worse to know
That I'm the reason
You won't come home

But I still call home that house in Nebraska

Where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor
(When I needed you, and I need you still)
Where the world was empty
Save you and I
Where you came and I laughed, and you left, and I cried
Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours
(So I died there under you, every night, all night)

You know, I still wait at the edge of town

Praying straight to God that maybe you'll come back around
I cry every day, and the bottles make it worse
'Cause you were the only one I was never scared to tell I hurt
And I found photographs of our school, on the day we met
I thought that you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess
And you might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night
But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there, I just pray that you're all right

And I feel so alone

And I feel so alone out here
I feel so alone
And I feel so alone out here
And I feel so alone without you
I'm so alone out here
I feel so alone, I feel so alone
I'm so alone out here without you, baby
(I'm alone)

Western Nights

Ethel falls in love and begins dating a young man named Logan Phelps. Due to the poverty of
Shady Grove and lack of opportunities, Logan has resorted to crime as a way to support himself
and Ethel. Ethel ruminates on the difficult nature of their love as Logan’s crimes begin to
escalate and she sees herself being drawn into a life of crime alongside him.

Hayden confirms Logan is a hunky daddy and Will is a sloppy twink

lyrics

He's never looked more beautiful

On his Harley in the parking lot
Breaking in to the ATMs
Sleeping naked when it gets too hot
I watched him show his love through shades of black and blue
Starting fights at the bar across the street like you do
The neighbors beat on the wall while I'm face-first in the bed
Show me how much I mean to you, while I'm lying in these sheets undressed

I'd hold the gun if you asked me to

But if you love me like you say you do
Would you ask me to

Trouble's always gonna find you baby

But so will I
Crying only because I'm happy
Hold me across every state line
I'm never gonna leave you baby
Even if you lose what's left of your mind
'Cause you know I'll be right there beside you
Riding through all these western nights

I haven't spoken to my daddy in a long, long time

I don't want him to worry, always wondering if I'm alright
But the neighborhood keeps getting smaller
All starved out when the money's paper thin
All that's left are your walls and you'll die there
I should have known that there's no getting in

Trouble's always gonna find you baby

But so will I
Crying only because I'm happy
Hold me across every state line
I'm never gonna leave you baby
Even if you lose what's left of your mind
'Cause you know I'll still be right behind you
Riding through all these western nights

Through these western nights

Crying in the light of the TV static
I'll still be alright
Clinging onto you like some love blind addict
I'll be screaming your name
Past the gas stations, trailing down the interstate
Please don't love how I need you
And know that one day, you and I could be ok
 Family Tree

Logan escalates from breaking into ATMs to attempting to rob a bank and in the process, he is
killed by the police in a shoot-out. Scared, Ethel goes on the run and thinks back on her
relationship with Logan. She meditates on how her relationship with a violent man who loved
her imperfectly mirrors the relationship she’s had with her own family.

lyrics

[sound of flies]

These crosses all over my body

Remind me of who I used to be
Give myself up to him in offering
Let him make a woman out of me
I'm just a child but I'm not above violence
My mama raised me better than that
When the preacher talks, that man demands his silence
Daddy said shoot first then run and don't look back

So take me down to the river and bathe me clean

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride
All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me

I've killed before and I'll kill again

Take the noose off, wrap it tight around my hand
They say heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned
And baby, Hell don't scare me, I've been times before

So take me down to the river and bathe me clean

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride
All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me

These crosses all over my body

Remind me of who I used to be
Let Christ forgive these bones I've been hiding
And the bones I'm about to leave

So take me down to the river and bathe me clean

Put me on the back of your white horse to ride
All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me
 Hard Times

After the events in the previous song, Ethel finally reveals to the listener the family secrets she’s
been struggling with and why her current life is in such a bad state. Her father, Joseph Cain,
began molesting her at age 9 and continued until his death. As she goes on the run, she
struggles with reconciling the memories of loving her father with the memories of the man who
abused her.

lyrics

Hide me there
Under the leaves
9 going on 18
Lay it on me
Tell me a story
About how it ends
Where you're still the good guy
I'll make pretend
Cause I hate this story
Where happiness ends
And dies with you

I thought good guys get to be happy

I'm not happy
I am poison in the water and unhappy
Little girl who needs her daddy real bad

In the corner
On my birthday
You watched me
Dancing right there in the grass
I was too young
To notice
That some types of love could be bad
Praying I'd be like you
Doing all of the things that you do
And I still do
And that scares me

I'm tired of you, still tied to me

(Bleeding whenever you want)
Too tired to move, too tired to leave
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
(It's just the way that you are)
I'm tired of you, too tired to leave
(I just wanna sleep)
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
(I just wanna sleep)
Too tired to move, too tired to leave
(I just wanna sleep)
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
(Please, can I sleep, can I sleep?)
I'm tired of you, too tired to leave
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
Too tired to move, too tired to leave
 Thoroughfare

While on the run Ethel meets a third young man named Isaiah. He tells her that like her he is
from a small town (in Florida rather than Ethel’s Alabama) and that he is traveling west to
California and offers to let her ride with him. Also like Ethel, Isaiah’s father has passed away and
his memory plays a big part in his life - most noticeably that he wishes to one day be in a
relationship with someone who he will love as much as his father loved his mother. Ethel
accepts his offer for a ride despite her cynical opinion of his quest for love out west. However, as
the two of them travel together they begin to recognize their mutual attraction and upon
reaching the coast begin a relationship.

The end of Act I.

photo source

lyrics

You fell in love with America when you were 12 years old
And by 17 you knew you had to see it all
You loved your dad and the love he had for your mother so
You had to get out and go chasin' it's sweet call

I met you there in Texas somewhere on the thoroughfare

On the side of the road in some torn up clothes with a pistol in my pocket
I didn't trust no one but you said "Baby, don't run, I'll take you anywhere"
So I hopped right in, outta luck to spend, and at least your truck beats walking

And you said "Hey, do you wanna see the west with me?
Cause love's out there and I can't leave it be"
And I said "Honey, love's never meant much to me
But I'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need"

So we made off for California to find your lover, driving day and night
And every small town diner saw our faces at least once or twice
But in these motel rooms, I started to see you differently
Cause for the first time since I was a child, I could see a man who wasn't angry

And he said "It's been a long damn time since I left Florida, no one left to leave, no one
left to love
But now that I met you, I finally know just where I'm headin'"
And we found heaven in time where your western sunshine met my deep southern wet
And you got lost in it and yet you found yourself hard pressed for air and sweatin'

And you said "Hey, do you wanna see the west with me?
(Do you wanna see the west with me?)
Cause love's out there and I can't leave it be"
(I can't leave it, I can't leave it)
And I said "Honey, love's never meant that much to me
(Nothing much)
But I'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need"

Once we reached the coast you said "End of the line, we finally hit the edge, after all
this time
I didn't find my love but I still made it this far without it"
But then you turned to me and stared into me deep and said "But maybe not, cause
look at what I've got
You might not be my love, but, baby, I doubt it"

And you said "Hey, do you wanna see the west with me?
Cause love's out there and I can't leave it be"
And I said "Honey, love's never meant much to me
But I'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need"
Cause in your pickup truck with all of your dumb luck is the only place I think I'd ever
wanna be

Hayden’s Notes : Ethel is an unreliable narrator, like how her version of events in
Thoroughfare is different than the events in the missing person poster and newspaper article
about her. In the poster and article, Ethel is described as being kidnapped. In Thoroughfare,
Ethel describes her meeting Isaiah as charming and that he offers her a ride.

source

Hayden sung the wrong lyrics

Act II
 Gibson Girl

Having been out west for some time together, Ethel’s relationship with Isaiah begins to turn
abusive. As the two of them begin to fall into addiction Isaiah coerces Ethel into prostitution in
order to feed their habit. Her sense of self begins to dissolve. (keep scrolling for supplemental
material)
photo source
MADISON HERALD

NEWSPAPER

Volume 38, Number 22

March 17, 1991

P.O. Box 999

Madison, Texas 77402-0999

GOD-LOVESYOU

PREACHER’S DAUGHTER

GONE WILD

photo of Ethel Cain

found at The Red Velvet Swing

So-called “Gibson Girl” wanted in connection to a local prostitution ring.

By Kelsey Gibson

Aldine, Texas - Following a raid at The Red Velvet Swing, a local gentlemen’s club,
multiple persons are being questioned by police in regards to a secret prostitution ring
that operated out of the business’ back rooms. Amongst the women reported to be
involved is Ethel Lenora Cain (age 20) from Shady Grove, AL. Cain is currently wanted
by the police for her suspected connection to the robbing of First National Bank in
Montgomery, AL. Cain was reported to have been in a relationship with a man involved
in the robbery, Logan Harvey Phelps (age 23). Phelps was pronounced dead at the
scene after an altercation involving an officer. Phelps shot the officer in the shoulder
with a 9mm handgun as he made his exit from the bank following the robbery, toting a
duffel bank containing over $50,000 in cash. The officer then chased Phelps down the
sidewalk and into an alleyway where Phelps’ vehicle was located. The officer shot
Phelp’s twice in the back as he attempted to enter the driver’s side door. It was unclear
to the officer whether Cain or someone else was driving the vehicle. The car was found
abandoned on the southbound side of Route 87, less than 10 miles from Cain’s
residence. The duffel bag was recovered from the floorboard; all $50,000 were
accounted for. Cain’s mother reported her missing the prior evening. She had not
released a statement. According to a local witness who wishes to remain anonymous,
Cain was lodging at a local hostel with an unidentified man. The two were seen

regularly coming and going at late hours. Cain appeared to be under the influence of an
unknown substance, slurring her words and stumbling when she walked. Multiple
residents of the hostel reported seeing the two engage in illicit behavior involving illegal
substances. On the evening of March 15th, the pair were reported to have been
engaged in a domestic dispute. Cain, allegedly acting on the influence of psychedelics,
assaulted her partner, after which he knocked her unconscious and dragged her to his
vehicle. The two were last seen in the old Winn-Dixie parking lot in Arlington, Texas.

Following an tip from an anonymous resident of the hostel, the police were lead to a
now-closed gentlemen’s club on the south side of the city. Located in the back rooms of
the establishment were various photos of Cain in compromising positions posted on the
walls, allegedly used by her partner to advertise her for sexual services. After being
questioned by police, multiple persons of the club reported seeing Cain stumbling
around with various other men, presumably all who had paid to engage in intercourse
with her, amongst “other things”. Allegedly, Cain was a “disgusting, filthy slut”. Well
known in her hometown as the daughter of a beloved pastor, Cain “would do just about
anything on her knees”. Allegedly an avid user of heroin and other various opioids, as
well as a bottle of vodka, Cain spent long hours on her back in the dimly-lit, damp
recesses of the disgusting cess pool of human depravity that, in all honesty, should
have been closed shortly after opening. Without her father there to guide her, it’s
obvious how eager she was to fall off the wagon and into a black hole of putrid
fornication with anyone who would show her a scrap of attention. Apparently, it’s easier
than one would think to give into total despair even when you supposedly have it all
figured out. You’re a prominent member of this community. They all look up to you,
consider you a role model, and this is how you repay them? This is what they get for all
the kindness and support they extended to you after dear old dad burned to a crisp in
that fire? Poor little preacher’s daughter. What a mess you’ve made of yourself. Police
have put out a state-wide notice to be on the lookout for these two individuals. Upon her
last appearance, Cain has long brown hair and green eyes. She is approximately 5 foot
8, and may act irrationally. Her partner is blonde with blue eyes and is approximately 6
foot 2. They were last seen traveling in a black Chevrolet pickup truck with a dent on the
rear passenger bumper. It is unknown at this time whether they are armed but police
advise the assumption that they may be dangerous.

Cicada Swarm Engulfs Small Town

By Tommy-Lee Salt

August, Texas - A small town has been suffering the effects of a recently emerged brood
of cicadas, slightly earlier in the year in the residents are used to seeing. The brood is a

species unique to August, underground for a longer period of time than the average
species. The swarm covered cars, roads, and business fronts, prompting residents to
rush between buildings and their vehicles. “It felt like the end of times.” reports Ferris
Lancaster, owner of a feed store downtown. Local police officers wore protective
beekeeping gear while aiding any residents who had imperative business outside. While
cicadas are not capable of stinging or biting, it is easy to become overwhelmed by their
numbers, as well as the deafening sound of the swarm. Some residents compared the
phenomenon to a biblical plague. Commonly, cicada emergencies only last a short time
before they crawl upwards onto trees and other surfaces to molt. There is no report at
this time as to whether or not the swarm shows any signs of subsiding.

this is that girl they were talking about. have jennifer fax this to Shady Grove PD. ASAP

page 1
lyrics

You wanna love me right now

You wanna get alone with me
You wanna get my clothes off
And hurt me
You came alone to me
From however far away
Asking me to know how I know
You're all the same

Black leather and dark glasses

Pouring another while I shake my ass
He's cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed
Obsession with the money, addicted to the drugs
Says he's in love with my body, that's why he's fucking it up
And then he says to me

"Baby, if it feels good

Then it can't be bad"
Where I can be immoral
In a stranger's lap
And if you want it good
Downright iconic
Something they all want
That only you can have

You wanna fuck me right now

You wanna see me on my knees
You wanna rip these clothes off
And hurt me

And if you hate me

Please don't tell me
Just let the lights bleed
All over me

If it feels good
Then it can't be bad
Where I can be immoral
In a stranger's lap
And if you want it good
Downright iconic
Then I would show you something
You can never have

And if it feels good

Then it can't be bad
Where I can be immoral
In a stranger's lap
And if you want it good
Downright iconic
Then I would show you something
You can never have

You wanna love me right now

You wanna love me right now
You wanna fuck me right now
You wanna
You wanna love me right now
You wanna love me right now
You wanna fuck me, fuck me
You wanna love me, love me
You wanna
 Ptolemaea

While hallucinating on drugs Ethel realizes Isaiah is, at last, revealing his true nature to her -
that of a severely disturbed person affected with religious paranoia that has worsened due to
drug abuse. He commits an act of violence upon her. In the aftermath, and under the influence
of the drugs he has fed her, she hallucinates the words he says to her as either a demon
appearing as Isaiah or Isaiah in the shape of Death personified.

The song was named after one of four concentric rings of the Ninth Circle of Hell as depicted in
Dante’s Inferno, dedicated to those who betrayed their guests, which immediately struck a chord
with Anhedönia. “I was immediately like, ‘That’s how it feels.’ When someone invites you in,
brings you into their life, just to hurt you. I was scared of the demo the next day when I listened
to it.”

Source

Hayden talks more on Dante

random song notes

hayden lyric break down

Nine

lyrics

[sound of flies]

I followed you in
I was with you there
I invited you in
Twice, I did
You love blood too much
But not like I do
Not like I do

Heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you

Need you, love you, love you, love you
Heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you
Need you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, saw you, love you, gave you
Love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, saw you, felt you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you

Suffer does the wolf, crawling to thee

Promising a big fire, any fire
Saying I'm the one, he's gonna take me
I'm on fire, I'm on fire, I'm on fire
Suffering is nigh, drawing to me
Calling me the one, I'm the white light
Beautiful, finite

Even the iron still fears the rot

Hiding from something I cannot stop
Walking on shadows, I can't lead him back
Buckled on the floor when night comes along
Daddy's left and Mama won't come home

You poor thing

Sweet, mourning lamb
There's nothing you can do
It's already been done

What fear a man like you brings upon

A woman like me
Please don't look at me
I can see it in your eyes
He keeps looking at me
Tell me, what have you done
Stop, stop, stop, make it stop, stop
Make it stop
Make it stop, I've had enough
Stop, stop, stop, stop

I am the face of love's rage

I am the face of love's rage
Blessed be the Daughters of Cain, bound to suffering eternal through the sins of their
fathers committed long before their conception
Blessed be their whore mothers, tired and angry waiting with bated breath in a ferry that
will never move again
Blessed be the children, each and every one come to know their god through some
senseless act of violence
Blessed be you, girl, promised to me by a man who can only feel hatred and contempt
towards you
I am no good nor evil, simply I am, and I have come to take what is mine
I was there in the dark when you spilled your first blood
I am here now as you run from me still
Run then, child
You can't hide from me forever

Hayden song notes

 August Underground
Instrumental

Isaiah takes Ethel to an abandoned house in northern California (much like the one in Nebraska
she shared with Willoughby) where he murders her.

A note Isaiah leaves for his mother

Originally posted to Ethel’s Instagram but has since been deleted.

dear mama / i am sorry for what i did to her / but i did it for you / i love you mama / your son
isaiah

Unconfirmed: This video is said to be originally conceived as a visualizer for the moments before
Isaiah murders Ethel (or somewhere around that time frame) and then got scrapped, but I can’t find
a source to confirm if this is something that Hayden herself said and then deleted (something she’s
notorious for doing) or if it’s just fan lore. If you want the video here it is.

Hayden’s Notes : The demo for Ptolemaea was called Sempervirens. Sempervirens is the
scientific name for the redwood trees in northern California, where Isaiah trapped Ethel in the
attic in the old shack. Before Sempervirens, the song was called Shenandoah, based off the
disturbing vibe Hayden got while listening to the NoSleep podcast episode called A Ride
Through Shenandoah.

source

Televangelism
Instrumental

Ethel’s soul ascends from her body and into the afterlife.

this is Hayden's favorite song

more hayden thoughts on the song

Sun Bleached Flies

Ethel makes peace with her death. While doing so she looks back over her life, remembering
Sundays she spent in church with her family and community. She also recalls the final moments
of her death and her thoughts of how she might yet be saved before Isaiah ultimately murders
her.

lyrics
Sun bleached flies sitting in the windowsill
Waiting for the day they escape
They talk all about that money and how their babies are always changing while they're
breathing in the poison of the pain
What I wouldn't give to be in Church this Sunday
Listening to the choir, so heartfelt, all singing
God loves you, but not enough to save you
So, baby girl, good luck taking care of yourself

So I said fine, 'cause that's how my daddy raised me

If they strike once then you just hit 'em twice as hard
But in the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me
Then this heart would break and fall as twice as far

We all know how it goes

The more it hurts, the less it shows
But I still feel like they all know, and that's why I can never go back home
And I spend my life watching it go by from the sidelines
And God, I've tried, but I think it's about time I put up a fight

But I don't mind 'cause that's how my daddy raised me (How my daddy raised me)
If they strike once then you just hit 'em twice as hard
But I always knew that in the end no one was coming to save me
So I just prayed and I keep praying and praying and praying

If it's meant to be then it will be

So I met him there and told him I believe
Singing if it's meant to be then it'll be
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (Back to me)
If it's meant to be then it will be
So I met him there and told him I believe (I believe, yeah)
Singing if it's meant to be then it will be (Oh, oh)
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (It comes back to me)
If it's meant to be then it'll be (It'll be, it'll be, it'll be)
So I met him there and told him I believe (Yeah)
Singing if it's meant to be then it will be
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (Oh)

I'm still praying for that house in Nebraska

By the highway, out on the edge of town
Dancing with the windows open
I can't let go when something's broken
It's all I know and it's all I want now

Hayden’s Notes : it’s just her struggling with that need for violence that she’s always relied on
her whole life to protect herself and trying to let go of it in the end. the dancing with the windows
open line is just actually a straightforward lyric about her in the afterlife dancing in that house
she would always meet willoughby in where they would dance in front of the open window. “i
can’t let go when something’s broken” is her referring to their relationship, and how even though
she’s made her peace in life and moved on, he’ll always be the thing that was never going to
work that she still wants

Source

Additional notes by Hayden

Strangers
An epilogue. Before finally ascending to heaven and leaving Earth behind, Ethel looks back at
the house in California where she watches as Isaiah, having now fully descended into madness,
cannibalizes and performs acts of necrophilia with her corpse, which he now keeps in a
basement freezer. Her soul then visits her mother one last time before departing to heaven.

The opening contains the same excerpt from Hayden’s Great-Grandmother’s funeral sermon as
Family Tree Intro did.

song writing notes from Hayden

lyrics

“God is telling you and I there is death, for all of us

But then we find that the scriptures also tell us that we have a great promise, that there
is a better place for those who believe in the lord Jesus Christ"

In your basement, I grow cold

Thinking back to what I was always told
Don't talk to strangers or you might fall in love
Freezer bride, your sweet divine
You devour like smoked bovine hide
How funny, I never considered myself tough

You're so handsome, walking over to me now

I tried to be good
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence
I just wanted to be yours
Can I be yours?
Can I be yours?
Can I be yours?
If I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick

When my mother sees me on the side

Of a milk carton in Winn-Dixie's dairy aisle
She'll cry and wait up for me
We'll make love in your attic all night
Euphoric in some strange delight
I'm happier here cause he told me I should be
You're so handsome when I'm all over your mouth

I tried to be good
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence
I just wanted to be yours
Can I be yours?
Can I be yours?
Can I be yours?
If I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick

Am I making you feel sick?

Am I making you feel?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I?

Found you just to tell you that I made it real far

And that I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did while you were torn
apart
I would still wait with you there
Don't think about it too hard
Or you'll never sleep a wink at night again
Don't worry 'bout me and these green eyes
Mama, just know that I love you (I do)
And I'll see you when you get here

Hayden’s notes : Isaiah kills Ethel, then eats a piece of her before the police find him. He
doesn’t eat her entire body. Isaiah isn’t a cannibal by nature, he just has a psychotic break and
they have no money.

Source
Isaiah planned on killing Ethel the entire time

source

Additional Album Info :

This album is the first in a planned trilogy about three generations of a family. Anhedönia calls it
the Ethel Cain Cinematic Universe.

The story centers around three generations of women, and it starts with the youngest, the
daughter. It’s pretty much just a classic American tale. A common theme that I like to write about
is intergenerational trauma. Things that have been passed down through generations and how
your parents’ or your grandparents’ actions can affect you. It’s very much about this lineage of
women and how all their lives interconnect. Each album focuses on a different woman. I want to
explore how your actions affect others and the relationship between a mother and her child and
how things come full circle.
Overall, it’s definitely a cautionary tale of what happens if you don’t break a cycle and you let it
continue to almost a ruinous point. It’s what I see as a dark timeline of what would happen if
everything hit its lowest point. So it’s very much bittersweet [and] like a melodrama. This first
record is about this girl who is dealing with things from her past that her family has led her to
being involved in and her trying to find a place in the world and break out of it. It’s going to be a
big epic centered around her.

……I’m also super neurotic about stuff — I actually just made a family tree for all the characters
yesterday. I was plotting out the timelines and making sure all the ages matched up and
everything. Before I started making music, I wanted to write books and make films and tell
stories. So I wanted to incorporate that into the music.

Originally the album had more songs

source

Ethel, like Hayden is trans.

“I want some variation for the trans experience as depicted in trans art,” Anhedönia explains.
“Ethel Cain the character is trans, but I didn’t make it a big part of the story because to me,
being transgender is kind of boring. It’s like, ‘I have brown hair, I’m transgender’ — it’s very
‘whatever,’ you know? Ultimately, it’s not about the identity itself, it’s about the freedom to be
whatever you are.”

Source

Genius annotations are official source source

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