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Assignment Two Exercises
Assignment Two Exercises
Christopher Kelley
Associate Professor of Law
University of Arkansas School of Law
ckelley.christopher@gmail.com
Assignment No. 2
Exercises
Eliminating Unnecessary Words
Part A
Replace the long phrases in the right‐hand column with simpler, short phrases or one word.
Wordy Concise
at this point in time
it is recommended that
in view of the fact that
as per your request
in the near future
due to the fact that
in my own personal opinion
pursuant to your request
with regard to
in close proximity to
has the ability to
that being the case
to the fullest extent possible
for the reason that
until such time as
it has come to my attention that
it would be advisable for you to
four in number
rectangular in shape
red in color
Part B
In this exercise, you are to revise the sentences in bold to eliminate unnecessary words.1
Proceed as follows:
One
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Two
Each and every person in this room will eventually have to manage a crisis.
Revision: Every person in this room will eventually have to manage a crisis.
We noticed that various and sundry items had been removed from the room.
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1
This exercise is adapted from Terry Phelps, A Baker’s Dozen of Fat‐Cutting Exercises, on
the National Writing Project website: http://www.nwp.org/public/print/resource/756.
2
Three
The original contract called for thirty installments. The original contract was voided.
Revision: The original contract calling for thirty installments was voided.
Averil G. Smith is the owner of the car. Mr. Smith is five months behind in his payments.
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Four
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Five
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Six
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Seven
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3
Eight
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Nine
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Ten
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Eleven
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Twelve
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4
Thirteen
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Solutions
One
A good loan officer will gather all the facts before making an assessment.
Avoid redundant forms. Some redundancies are subtle because they are so common and
familiar that we don't notice them. But they are generally unnecessary space fillers. In the
examples in number one, requirements are always necessary, and anything gathered is
together. Other common redundancies include sum total, covered all over, completely unique,
adequate enough, past history, still persists, and just exactly.
Two
We noticed that various items had been removed from the room.
Eliminate unnecessary pairs of words when the meanings are basically the same. Many
redundant pairs of words are common in our speech: e.g., cease and desist, any and all, aid and
abet, fair and equitable.
Three
Averil G. Smith, the owner of the car, is five months behind in his payments.
Four
5
Eliminate expletives such as there and it when their removal will make the sentence more
concise without making it awkward. There is an adverb most often used to tell where but is
never a subject. A good strategy to eliminate there is to find the subject and reorganize the
sentence to begin with the subject. It is a pronoun that takes the place of some noun or idea. A
good strategy is to replace it with the noun or idea it is replacing, then restructure the
sentence. Notice also that the "before" sentences are complex (more than one clause) while
the "after" sentences are simple and easier to read.
Five
Generally, use active voice instead of passive voice. In active voice the subject does the
action of the sentence (e.g., "manufacturer decided," "Heartless Insurance provided"). In
passive voice, the subject receives the action (e.g., "decision was made," "policy was
provided"). Active voice is usually more direct and concise. To change a sentence from passive
to active usually means simply turning the subject (which has been receiving action) into a
direct object and making the new subject the doer. Tip: The doer is usually found in a
prepositional phrase beginning with by.
Six
Eliminate wordy nominalizations. Nominalizations are nouns formed from other parts of
speech (usually verbs or adjectives)—e.g. tendency from tends and provision from
provides—which necessitate additional words such as the verbs exhibits and makes. Here are
other common nominalizations revised: came to the conclusion = concluded; make an
adjustment = adjust; be in attendance at = attend; conducted an investigation = investigated; be
of help = help.
Seven
Eliminate not by replacing the negated word (e.g., allow and different) with its antonym
(e.g., denied and similar). This replacement additionally makes the statement more emphatic,
so it's not just leaner but meaner.
Eight
6
Replace being verbs with action verbs to eliminate unnecessary words and make sentences
more emphatic and vivid. Good action verbs in the revised sentences eliminate prepositional
phrases ("of their verbs" and "over the Giants") as well as an adjective, aware, and a noun,
winners.
Nine
Use specific verbs to replace weaker verbs combined with adverbs. This not only eliminates
fat but also makes the sentence more emphatic.
Ten
Replace fat phrases with single words that mean the same thing. In the revised sentences,
the phrases are reduced to an adjective, most, an adverb, soon.
Eleven
Use possessives to replace phrases and clauses indicating possession. In the sample
sentences, the simple possessive pronoun "her" replaces the clause "that she offered," and
making "Mr. Ivory" possessive eliminates the participial phrase "belonging to."
Twelve
Eliminate unnecessary use of that, which, and who with linking verbs (e.g., is, are, was,
were). In the first example above, the participial phrase "lying open on the counter" is
sufficient, as is the adjective cluster "distraught from her loss" in the second sentence. The
elimination of constructions like "who was" in the second sentence may also provide more
options for emphasis: for example, the sentence could be written, "Distraught from her loss,
the woman hired a lawyer."
Thirteen
7
Eliminate first‐person qualifiers. To appear less definite, writers often use hedges such as "in
my opinion," "I think," "I am of the opinion that," and "I feel." Instead, use less definite verbs
like should, might, may, and could. Note: You should understand that this is not a ban on all
first‐person uses.
Answers to Part A
Wordy Concise
at this point in time now
it is recommended that we recommend
in view of the fact that because, since
as per your request as you requested
in the near future soon
due to the fact that because
in my own personal opinion I believe, in my opinion
pursuant to your request as you requested
with regard to concerning, about
in close proximity to near
has the ability to can
that being the case therefore
to the fullest extent possible fully
for the reason that because
until such time as until
it has come to my attention that I have learned that
it would be advisable for you to you should, you ought
four in number four
rectangular in shape rectangular
red in color red