2011

T H E

J AC K

E D I T I O N

STILL FREE!

THE PHILLIPSES

Meet Jack
John Robertson Phillips (AKA Jack) entered the world on June 15, 2011 and changed everything. Now at 6 months old, he excels at vomiting, vomiting, and making fart sounds. (Seriously, my kid can kick the hiney of any other kid at making fart sounds!) He is also very skilled at laughing and making palatal trills (AKA gurgling), both of which are more rewarding for his parents than the vomiting. A friend asked how life had changed since Jack was born. Ditties. Ditties is the answer to that question. We now spend an inordinate amount of time composing and performing what can most generously be described as ditties. To our portfolios we have added: the Nice and Clean song for bathtime, the Please Change My Diaper song, and Rock the Jack. We have also been refreshing our skills at bilabial trills (AKA blowing raspberries).

JACK MEETS HIS NAMESAKE, UNCLE JOHN, & AUNT MEG

JACK MEETS A KOALA

JACK MEETS THE OCEAN

It was kind of a big year...

Jack not withstanding. In early winter I ran around the country going to several job interviews. In February we very nearly decided to take jobs in Washington, D.C. In the end, our colleagues and some key administrators at OU really came through for us. I was given the opportunity to interview for a tenure-track (i.e. permanent) position in the English department and was offered the job. We then spent 4 months waiting for my ofcial contract to come through. (No, seriously.) So, after 9 years of We might be leaving..., were staying. I started my new, full-time position in September. Now there is just the small matter of getting tenure. Ugh. Having chosen to stay, we decided to put our house on the market in March and attempt to move closer to town. We failed. As you can see from the return address label, we are still on Rhoric Rd. Well put the house back on the market next spring and hope for better luck. In the meantime weve been making some minor improvements and trying to keep track of whats been put in storage and what weve just misplaced in the fog of inadequate sleep. The spring pretty much felt like one never-ending doctors appointment. We did manage a brief trip to Virginia over spring break, but it was pretty low-key. Other than Jacks birth, we essentially have no memories of June/July except for watching a lot of episodes of Frasier in the middle of the night. We started nding our feet again in August when... Daniel became a U.S. Citizen! He took his citizenship oath on August 4th while we waited for the global nancial markets to implode from the Debtpocalypse. We applied for Daniel & Jacks U.S. passports in August and then for Jacks Australian citizenship and passport in the fall. I am now the only member of the family with one passport and I feel the sting.

MORE JACK

LIN CO LN MEMO RIAL

DANIEL

During the fall NOTHING HAPPENED except getting used to going back to work and going to daycare. We were very thankful to have some time to adjust. Its not like it felt relaxing, but given the rest of the year, it was pretty uneventful. As you can probably tell, we nished up the year by taking Jack to Australia, which was no. small. task. And if you dont get this letter until mid-January, Ill be BECOMES AN AMERICAN blaming the jetlag.

N I C E & C LE AN !

1 DAY O LD

H ALLOWE E N

Adjustments
An Introverts Guide to Parenting First of all, your best course of action is to have ugly babies. All babies draw unwanted attention and conversations with complete strangers, but cute babies seem to compel even more of such interactions. If your child is past the newborn stage, the stranger will substitute Congratulations with What a cutie!! or Awww!!! The stranger will gaze adoringly at your baby for another 3-5 seconds and then go away. And you can start breathing again. long as they get pictures of the baby. So no more stressing over your prole pic or website. Just slap a picture of your kid up there as a substitute. Everyone will be happier since your kid is way cuter than you are anyway.

To recap: THIS COMPLETE STRANGER IS NOT INTERESTED IN The good news is (even if you did not YOU AT ALL. He/she only wants to manage to have an ugly baby) all of gaze adoringly at your baby for a few these interactions go down in one of two ways. During the rst two months: seconds because most people nd babies adorable. The stranger is only While out in public, an utter stranger talking to you so that you dont call the walks up to you and says cops to report them as a pedophile Congratulations! and/or baby-snatcher. After 3-4 rote You reply with Thanks while smiling, conversational turns, the stranger will even though you desperately want said go away. Just turn on the stranger to go away. The smiling part is autoresponder: Thanks!, X weeks/ essential. Unlike other social months, and Oh, thank you. Yeah, hes situations, smiling will not lengthen this really something etc., blah blah blah particular unwanted interaction. Failure and remember to KEEP SMILING. to smile, in this case, will make said While the prospect of all these stranger believe you are a bad parent. unwanted conversations with strangers [If your child is gender-indeterminate at is understandably daunting until you get this stage the stranger may now insert your autoresponder set, parenthood Boy or girl?] also brings distinct benets for the introvert. For those people that you Stranger will then respond with How actually know/have a relationship with old is s/he? If you cannot remember (and, crucially, who are parents because you a) dont care or b) are so themselves), all conversations will now sleep deprived that you cant even gure out what season it is, you must lie begin in a similar vein. All hallway/ elevator/supermarket discussions will quickly and plausibly. Failure to do so now focus on your babys latest will, again, make said stranger believe developmental milestone. you are a bad parent. Or maybe high. And there will be added evidence for THIS IS A GODSEND!! IN 65% OF the drug diagnosis given that you are ALL CONVERSATIONS ALL YOU staggering around, glassy-eyed due to HAVE TO DO IS PROVIDE A STATUS sleep deprivation. Child Protective UPDATE ON YOUR KID!! NO MORE Services may be called. AWKWARD PAUSES!! Oh, how I wish someone had explained this to me After learning your childs age, the before and I would have spent all of stranger will make some related comment regarding the comparable age those awkward elevator moments asking about peoples children. of a grandchild, niece, etc. or Thats such a great age!. (Or, in a very Note that this is a double-bonus unfortunate case with a cashier, tell you because you are now so cut off from how, while you may think that this is a the rest of the world that you are fun age, really Age X is so much better. incapable of contributing in even banal While your child is screaming. And she ways to other current-event, small-talk is ringing up your items incorrectly. types of conversations. What about Which necessitated returning every Libya? Bin Ladens DEAD? What single item and then re-ringing them. the?!! Herman who?? Making you want to kill her just as slowly as she passed your items by the Another benet of having a baby is that no one ever wants to see pictures of scanner.) YOU again. They will be happy as pie as

The Traveling Phillipses Three Perhaps the greatest surprise of becoming parents (aside from how hilarious Jack is) is that the more things change, the more things stay the same. Life is very different now, but (in contrast to some of our fears) we have not become completely different people. We were happy to discover that at this stage, much of parenting is about being organized. And we kick butt at that. Most of the rest is about hugging/ kissing/rocking. And thats pretty fun. We took Jack on a roadtrip in August through the Midwest to visit friends and family. We did a quick weekend trip to D.C. in the fall and then went to Australia in December. Were happy to report that WEVE STILL GOT IT! Jack is a great traveler. He loves being around people (no idea where he got that from) and loves to see new things. As long as you keep changing his diaper and feeding him, he thinks traveling is pretty cool stuff. (There are so many more people to play peek-a-boo with!)

We are very thankful for the many, many blessings we received in 2011, including our friends who delivered quite a few of them.We pray wonderful things for you in 2012. And if youre traveling through Ohio, youre welcome to stop by. I shall now return to my 11 PM repainting of the bathroom following a home improvement project gone very, very awry. Blessings, Talinn, Daniel, & JACK!