Love that Lasts 02 Lets Get Spiritual

Have you seen the commercial about the insurance? This guy looks like someone from This Old House. Theres a young couple standing in the kitchen. He walks in and they all smile. We just loved the Victorian charm. He says, Yes, the roof leaks the foundation is crumbling but I do have some good news. I saved a bundle on my car insurance. Homes can look good on the outside but the infrastructure is chaotic. Everyone wants a good home. Ive never met anyone that wanted their home to be broken up. But few know how to get there. Heres what I tell young couples in counseling. If I were a financial planner I would say, What do you want your life to be like when you retire? Plan for that now. I say, What do you want your marriage to look like at 65? What will it take to see that happen?

Lets set some goals

Genesis 2:24-25 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. What do you see in that? Take the first verse. Leaving. Cleaving. One flesh. Transparency. Security. I would wrap all that into a single word: intimacy. A better way is oneness. Thats our goal. Oneness in marriage. Solid. Compare it to a home. The house is solid. No cracks. No leaks. So how do you get to that? Matthew 7:24 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 "And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. 26 "Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 "The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it felland great was its fall." What can we take from that? What is the foundation of a solid home? The teaching of Jesus.

The imperative of a spiritual foundation

Psalms 127:1 (A Song of Ascents, of Solomon.) Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it So spiritual unity, or oneness is the foundation of a home. People are three things. Body, soul and spirit.

1 Thessalonians 5:23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any twoedged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart Ive always struggled to understand the distinction between soul and spirit. But its there. Spirit is the essence of who you are. Soul is the mind will and emotions. Body is the body. The flesh. Thats a way of looking at it. But its tough to tear it apart like that. I cant tell where my mind stops and my spirit starts or where my flesh ends and my mind takes over. Often times my mind seems bent on satisfying my flesh. At any rate, we are three parts and it helps to understand unity. When you come together God intends for you to come together in those three areas. First spiritually. Same values, passions, beliefs. Second, soulishly, same emotional connections. Finally, after marriage, fleshly. Is this the way the modern world does it? Back to my question last time, love at first sight. Infatuation at first sight. But you are being kind. Lust at first sight. Especially in light of the way modern singles interact. First spiritual. Second emotional. After marriage physical. Put the physical first, and you will struggle for years to achieve the other two. Some never do. The biblical model is 1: spiritual intimacy. 2. Emotional intimacy. Marriage. Then 3. Physical intimacy. Do that and the spiritual intimacy and emotional intimacy will grow throughout your lives as you enjoy oneness. The Modern model turns it all around. 1. Physical intimacy. 2. Emotional intimacy. Then Marriage. Result, fragmentation and longing. 1st. spiritual longing. 2. Emotional longing. And eventually physical longing. Very important that you follow his sequence. Get the steps wrong and you brew disaster. Once sex is introduced its very difficult to achieve the other two. Its like inviting a 500 pound gorilla into the house. He dominates everything. Unfortunately, after marriage that passion dissipates. And then the emotional and spiritual longing begins. This creates fragmentation in the other areas, physical and emotional. I had a young couple come and she wouldnt let him touch her. Before marriage their sex life was great. At least from their perspective. Now shes longing. Hes longing. And they feel alienated.

Freuds observation, that when sexual freedom is unrestricted, love (becomes) 1 worthless and life is empty. Sexual intimacy before you achieve spiritual and emotional intimacy will prevent you from having oneness. Thats why God said dont do it. We think God just wants to kill the fun. The truth is, he designed the machine and he knows how it works. If you read an owner's manual and it said, Dont pour oil in the gas tank would you be angry at the designer for killing the fun of that? I ask young couples to stop sexual intimacy. They sometimes break up. They discovered that when the 500 pound gorilla left the room that was all they had. So you must concentrate on the spiritual bond first. OK, now that you are married. All is not lost. Time to start now.

Five steps toward spiritual harmony

Place your Faith in Christ. Both partners must be believers. If your mate is a non-believer God will compensate for your children, but you will not be able to achieve spiritual oneness. Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. Gain spiritual knowledge Study the bible alone and together. Attend church. Develop meaningful relationships with growing Christians Iron sharpens iron. Seek ways to become involved in ministry James 1:27 Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. Pray together Nothing pulls two people together like prayer. Seeking Gods counsel in major decisions of life.

The blessings of the spiritual bond

Heres what the spiritual bonding will do for your marriage.

You will come under the blessing of God.

Do things Gods way and he will bless your life? You will begin to experience that. The lord will begin to build the house.

You will begin to find common values

When you and your mate are together your values run parallel. The most powerful place this shows up is the children. Consistency in values is the key to consistent children. Im convinced of that. If mom doesnt want him to go to that R movie but dad doesnt mind then guess what? Hell always ask dad.
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A New Dimension of the Youth Culture American Journal of Psychiatry April 1974 Armand M. Nicholi M.D. Harvard Psychiatry.

Amy doesnt like some of the cartoons for the kids. Rugrats is one. She thinks they are too bratty or she doesnt like the way they talk to the parents. So our kids cant watch it. I dont have anything against rugrats, but if its important to Amy its important to me.

Common shared submission.

Heres a key difference. The worlds idea is contractual, mutual suspicion. You get me and Ill get you. You give to me and Ill give to you. This creates conflict. The focus is on whether youve done your part. The biblical idea is mutual submission. I give 100 percent whether Amy gives any. Shes giving 100 per cent whether I give any.

Common dreams
God gives you the dream for your home and marriage. Heres a quick assignment. Jot down some ideas about what you want life to look like when you are older.