What To Do When Sin Tries To Kill You (A True Story)

Five years ago, God brought a wonderful lady into my life. We spent many days together praying over and pondering life. Today, she has honored me by allowing me to post her story. I pray that it touches your heart and inspires you to pray for those around you and for those who call darkness home. Without God, we are truly blind and helpless. If you know of someone who needs help with substance abuse or a hand up to get back on their feet, please try to persuade them to seek help or at least plant the seed. Visit The City Rescue Mission web site for more information. http://crmjax.org/Aboutus.html. I pray for God to watch over each and every one of you. John 3:3 (NLT) Jesus replied, I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God. This is Sallys Story . . .

FREEDOM
Hello. My name is Sally and I have finally found freedom. I give thanks to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. For most of my life, I have battled with alcohol and drug use. It started at a very young age. In the early 1970s, I was enticed by sex, drugs, and rock and roll. In the beginning, I believed it to be the perfect shelter, because it didnt require me to expend emotion or feeling, and I could divert my energy into feeling good. I used myself up, so to speak, chasing a feeling that somehow I thought closed up and shut away other feelings; the feelings that crushed me.

My childhood was abruptly halted by alcoholic parents and a family friend who molested me. These events embedded in my mind false perceptions about the world around me, and came to rest in future decisions I would make that would later drown me in deeper despair. My first marriage ended in divorce and with that I knew no boundaries. I quickly learned how to manipulate any situation to get what I wanted, and I had mastered it! To this day, I still think of my childhood boyfriend whose father was a pastor. He too ended up in a lot of trouble and was sent away. Around that same time, my parents admitted me into a few different psychiatric hospitals. I really felt worthless and hopeless. There were only two things that I believed made me feel good about myself, and so I returned to them. I did more drugs and alcohol. By the age of 18, I was using meth and heroin; and had become very promiscuous. I was spiraling out of control, deeper and deeper; unable to pull up. I lived like this for several years. I married again, and continued in this death spiral. Out of my marriage came two beautiful children, but in the state I was in, it was very hard to take care of them. The toughest time for them, is probably when they were around 1 and 3 years old. At age 29, I admitted myself into a treatment center. I had used alcohol and valium all the way to the bottom of what could possibly be considered life, or maybe the edge of death? Needless to say, I was on the bottom of the pit. I worked hard, became sober and took good care of my children. I went back to school and got a great job as a counselor/nurse for the chemically dependant. I was doing well and rebuilding my life. I had gained back in my life, everything that ever meant anything to me. My life continued to thrive for 10 years, but what I lacked was Gods Spirit; His wisdom. I think its important for me to tell you, that my need to belong to a man was toxic. I always chose the kind of man that was not capable of being there for me or at the least being responsible. It was a devastatingly serious pattern in my life. I met my second husband. He was a very nice guy but he was my patient. Getting sober was not a goal to which he endeavored. However, I was clean and sober and raising two children, attending meetings, going to school, and working full time. For a time our lives were very

different, like night and day. It wasnt long before I began taking prescription drugs, opiates, and stimulates. I reasoned with myself that it was okay because my psychiatrist had prescribed them for me. I quickly became addicted again. I tried to hide my addiction, but eventually the addiction dictated what I would and would not do. At this time, I was a nurse working in a nursing home. I sampled the drugs in the nursing home and used cocaine on the side. Soon, heroin was back, and my life once again, spiraled out of control. I remained addicted for a very long time and eventually I was caught diverting drugs from the hospital where I worked. I was convicted of a felony with three counts of prescription fraud for each drug I took. This was a devastating blow. My world had just crumbled, as my license was suspended and again, I was addicted. In addition to heroin, for the first time, I began smoking crack which escalated the plummeting course that seemingly, I could not escape. Everything was exacerbated exponentially. I had become morally bankrupt and more desperate than ever. To face my problems was overwhelming and seemed futile, so I needed more and more drugs to get high. My lifestyle became insatiable and I could not control it. My children lived with their father and were of course, very unhappy with me. The guilt that I carried was enormous. I wanted to die, and yet I continued living. I did many unimaginable things to obtain drugs, and the longer I continued, the more I loathed myself and the more I wanted to die. I began to pray and asked God to please take my life. I was too weak to battle this pool of insanity in which I found myself drowning. I couldnt get out. I had become homeless and with every passing day, more and more desperate. I met another guy who turned out to be an absolute nightmare. He beat me on a daily basis, and he wanted me to prostitute myself, so that we could make money to feed our drug habits. He broke many of my bones and eventually he was arrested and jailed. I was ecstatic that he was gone, but I was still homeless; living here and there with other people who were in my same situation. I kept doing whatever was necessary to survive.

Around this time, I started to think about God a lot. I went to church when I was younger and was saved, but I never had a relationship with God. I knew I had to find the truth! I maintained my homeless, drug saturated lifestyle for a few more years, but then I began to read the Bible. I found comfort in Gods words and teachings. However, I was still using. The boyfriend that had abused me was released from jail and so we decided to move toFlorida. As it turned out, he was on the run and later was arrested and extradited back toVirginia. Now, I was really alone. I was in an unfamiliar city; had no friends, and no one I could call. I had used up all of my resources. I was in real trouble. As I found my way into the drug culture of my new surroundings, I began to ask whether there was a place I could go to for help. I kept hearing about The City Rescue Mission. I really wanted out of this life, so one day, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, took a bus downtown, and found out how I could at least get an overnight stay. I was sick, broken, addicted, bitter, and selfish, the perfect clay for God to work. I felt that maybe I could change. The people at City Rescue Mission took me in and told me that if I was serious, they would help me. I accepted. Even though I still had major issues, I did get clean and began to stay at the mission. I entered the Lifebuilders Program and a one night stay turned into 18 months. While there, I found my relationship with God! Now I didnt just believe that maybe I could change; I knew I could change. The most difficult part of changing was shedding the skin of the homeless person I once was, and with that, all of the attitudes which had entrenched themselves in my spirit. I now believed one thing to be true, and that is that God loves me. No matter what Ive done or where Ive been or how long Ive struggled against God, He loves me! We attended chapel everyday. I needed to hear Gods word; it was sweet to my soul. As my mind began to change, I couldnt get far enough away from the old me; the new me was breaking through; I was becoming a child of God, a treasure bought and paid for by the death and resurrection of His Son. My mind was being renewed and I learned that relying on God works better than any magic pill, button, or man. I was changing!! I was becoming a stronger person; a person that I didnt know existed.

The City Rescue Mission has excellent classes that certainly helped me in building good character. I continue working on it to this day. I was rebellious at first, but they didnt give up on me. I suffered chastisement for sure, but I learned that to give up my power, was to give in to the power, I had learned to submit to God. I went through many changes, every one of them worth their salt. Today, I have a relationship with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. I look for Him in everything I do, everywhere I go, and constantly build on my relationship with Him. He makes my life a much better place, not only for me, but for everyone around me. I love music, therefore, I love to worship through music; it lifts my spirit to sing to the Lord and He brings me peace. The Bible is my favorite book; I read it daily and study it with friends. I highly recommend it. Ive learned to surround myself with people who pull me up, and who love Jesus. I can say that I have never felt about life, the way I do now. I have been blessed by God who has brought my family together, it took patience, but God can do anything. I pray that my story and the miracles that God has performed in my life, can be the seed that propels others to look to God for help, so they can experience God for themselves. The world will never get better. Its hard, cruel, and at times torturous, but what God has done for me, He will do for you! He will amaze you with His power everyday, if you let Him! God bless you!