1 The Residonts Episode 1 Suck it up We come upon the lobby of the posh Belmore-Beumont Fisher building, somewhere on the

Upper East Side of Manhattan. A uniformed doorman in his late twenties, CJ RIOS, sits on a stool, enthusiastically typing away on a laptop that sits on a desk strategically placed where it is hidden from plain view. CJ- (voiceover) Today marks my tenth anniversary working as a doorman in the same building no less. As I write this, my doorman memoir is about three quarters from being finished, but, as another day passes, I feel like I can continue adding more and more stories from behind the door. At this moment, a suited gentleman enters the building rolling a red colored vacuum cleaner and stops by the desk. Gentleman(Thomas Benedict)- Good afternoon. My name is Thomas Benedict from Suck it up. I have an appointment with the super. Thomas hands CJ a business card with his company logo on it, an ultra slick and futuristic looking vacuum cleaner with bulging and flexing biceps. CJ- Yes. I believe hes expecting you. Let me see if I can buzz him. CJ picks up the phone on the intercom system and presses the supers apartment number. CJ- Hey Dave. I have a gentleman here from suck it. Thomas- Ah, thats suck it up. CJ- Suck it up. Okay. Ill let him know. CJ hangs up the phone and looks at Thomas CJ- Hell be out in a second. Thomas- Thank you. So tell me, how long have you been working here in the building? CJ- As a matter of fact, ten years today. Thomas- Really? The people here treat you good? CJ- Half and half. Some are good and well, lets just say, some kind of suck. Thomas- Ahh, I like that. Check this out. Heres a few of my cards. Apart from business accounts well get a few individual sales. If you refer someone and they buy one of our machines, Ill hook you up with a nice commission. CJ- Why thank you. Thats awfully generous of you. Ill definitely hold onto these. At this moment, Dave Ritter, the buildings superintendant walks up to Thomas and shakes his hand.

Dave- Im Dave. Thomas- Nice to meet you. Thomas Benedict, suck it up. Any mess, spew or spill, our machines will, suck it up. CJ is hearing all of this with a disgusted look on his face. As the two gentleman walk away, CJ now begins to rip up the business cards that were given to him and he tosses them into his desk drawer. A CB radio on his desk is now heard CRACKLING with static. CB RADIO (DIEGO)- CJ, Where is Day-vid? CJ- Hes with some vacuum guy. Where are you? CB RADIO (DIEGO)- Im in Miss-us Tann-a-bows apar-men. Im all-mos finn-ish. I put up de shelf already. CJ looks outside and sees an elderly woman walking towards the front door. CJ- Guess what Diego? Youre just in time. Shes about to enter the building right now. CB RADIO (DIEGO)- Oh snap. Okay, Im comin down. Mrs. Tannenbaum is in her late seventies. She enters the building clutching onto an urn. She is followed by her close friend, a woman by the name of Gloria. CJ- Good afternoon Mrs. Tannenbaum. How are you feeling?" MRS. HILDA TANNENBAUM- Miserable CJ. This is whats left of my wonderful husband Theodore. She holds up the urn and shows CJ. CJ- Oh! Ill be sure to try and not sneeze then. Mrs. Tannenbaum HUFFS as she walks away. Meanwhile, Gloria nods her head disapprovingly and follows the elderly woman. GLORIA- Hilda, are you going to be okay with the urn? Can you make it upstairs? MRS. HILDA TANNENBAUM- I think so. GLORIA- Alright. Im going to go to the pharmacy and pick up your prescription. Ill be right back. MRS. HILDA TANNENBAUM- Thats fine Gloria. At this moment, DIEGO CORRALES, a Hispanic gentleman in his late forties exits from the elevators. He is the buildings handyman. DIEGO- Miss-us Tann-a-bow, how you doin?

3 MRS. TANNENBAUM- Diego. Were you able to put up the shelf? DIEGO- Its all dun. Jou want to take a look?" MRS. TANNENBAUM- Sure, Im going up right now. Actually, could you help me with this? Just be careful Diego, please. She hands him the urn. DIEGO- No pro-lem. Ill be up in a few mi-nuts. And, dont worry a-bou. I jou-s to play football, so de urn is in goo hands. Gloria now walks passed the desk area. CJ- You do know that he means futbol, as in soccer right? GLORIA(Disgusted)- You are something else! Meanwhile...... THIRD FLOOR The super pushes the red vac back and fourth as it WHIRLS and RUMBLES snatching every last particle of dirt from the carpet on the sixth floor of the building. THOMAS( Yelling)- Huh? What do you think? Dave seems satisfied with the results as he continues vacuuming. THOMAS- This bad boy here has two fans running with 5.0 PHP and two filters. And, in case of any sensitivity issues you may have or your workers, or even the residents here, rest easy. All our machines use a very high filtration bag coupled with a certified HEPA exhaust filter. Depending on usage, it should last you about a month and a half to two months before replacing. The elevator doors now open and Mrs. Tannenbaum steps out. Upon seeing her, Dave quickly shuts the machine off. DAVE- Good afternoon Mrs. Tannenbaum. MRS. TANNENBAUM- Hello Dave. Diego should be coming up, tell him to just enter. Ill leave the door opened for him. DAVE- Will do. Mrs. Tannenbaum proceeds to open her apartment door and walks in. THOMAS- So, whats the word? DAVE- I have to say, its definitely better than the last few vacs weve had in the building. I like the power. THOMAS- Quality. Thats the key word. I know you have your other typical name brands

4 machines out there, but this right here is the truth. We stand behind all our machines, one hundred percent guaranteed. LOBBY- Diego carries the urn and is about to enter the elevator. CJ- Diego, can you take these flower pots up to Ms. Rileys. Shes asking for them. DIEGO (Snickering)- Are jou serious? Why she no come down and get it herself? CJ- Dont know and dont care. DIEGO- Lemme get it. CJ places the two flower pots in Diegos arms. THIRD FLOOR- The elevator doors open and Diego steps out with hands full. DAVE- Diego. Just the right person to see. Mr. Benedict, this here is the buildings handyman. Diego. Diego nods at Thomas. DIEGO- Hello. I hear abou jou. Jou de man that sucks, right? THOMAS- No. Im from a company called suck it up. DIEGO- Oh, then thats jour prol-em. Thomas looks confused. DAVE- Diego, before you go into Mrs. Tannenbaums, why dont you give this machine a whirl? DIEGO- Sure, sure, sure, sure. Diego looks around trying to put the pots and urn down somewhere. THOMAS- Here, let me get those. Go ahead and turn the vac on. Diego now turns the machine on immediately feeling the power which brings a smile to his face. THOMAS- Here, check this out. Why dont you go crazy? Lets throw some dirt on the carpet. Really get them messy. Thomas flips over one of the pots and spills dirt on the carpet. Diego quickly passes the vacuum over it and it is cleaned up. Diego smiles. THOMAS- You like that right? Thomas now empties the soil from the other pot onto the carpet. Again, Diego cleans it up. All three gentleman are smiles.

Finally, Thomas pulls the cap off the urn and empties its contents on the carpet. Diego continues to smile as he cleans the dust up. Suddenly, Diego pearly smile begins to disappear. He quickly turns the machine off. DAVE- Whats the matter Diego? DIEGO- Jouston, we have a lot of prol-ems." DAVE- What!? DIEGO- We sucked de big one. DAVE- Sucked. What are you talking about? Sucked what big one? DIEGO- Mister Tann-a-bow. Dave looks down at the carpet and now at the empty urn in Benedicts hand. DAVE- Oh God help us. Thomas place the pots and urn on the carpet. THOMAS- Okay fellas. Im gonna leave the machine with you guys as a trial period thing. My number is on the back of the card. Just give me a call in about thirty days or so and let me know whats happening. He now presses on the elevator button, waits a few seconds and then bolts for the staircase. THOMAS- Ill take the stairs. I could use the exercise. Diego nervously looks over at Dave. DIEGO- What we gonna do? MRS. TANNENBAUMS APARTMENTDiego is on a ladder as he places the urn on the shelf in between two picture frames of a chubby, little old man. LOBBY CJ is at his desk as MS. RILEY, an older woman in her late sixites steps out of the elevator. He then gets up and opens the front door. CJ- Good afternoon Ms. Riley. MS. RILEY- Good afternoon CJ. Is Dave around? I wanted to make sure if the potting soil I

6 gave him was enough. CJ- Potting soil? MS. RILEY- Never mind. Ill see him tomorrow morning. She now head out and leaves. At this time, BILL WASSERTON, a chubby gentleman who happens to be the night time doorman enters the building. CJ- Your here early. BILL- I like to take my time. Ill be up at the door in a few. CJ- Yes sir. CJ (VOICEOVER)- Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. And sometimes potting soil. The messed up thing about the whole situation was, Dave really liked the machine, so we ended up keeping it. He would rave about the red demon as he would call it on occasions as having so much power it was unbelievable. Me personally, I never really cared too much for vacuuming, I mean I did if I had to but the machine was doing exactly what it was supposed to do. I could never really understand what the fuss was all about. To each their own I guess. PORTER ROOMBill sits down on a couch as he notices the red vacuum cleaner in a corner of the room. He gets up and checks it out. Bill now plugs the machine into an outlet and turns the vacuum on. The mere sound of the motor ROARING makes him smile. Bill then grabs a hose extension and puts it to his hand. The machine quickly sucks his hand up with a generated force. Bill is happy as shuts the machine off. Looking at his watch, Bill smiles once again. His hands now slowly reach down as he begins to unbuckle his belt and pulls down his zipper.