My conflict is with a very powerful and prevalent individual: Oxygen. Humans have a blatant bias for this individual.

Our species has enjoyed it for 6 million years, and have loved it by proxy for the 3,500 million years it took for us to evolve. Oxygen sympathizers have characterized those years as one big fat bachelor party, where the streets were paved with gold and ice cream was the base of the food pyramid. Hate to break it to you, but we are closer to finding Unobtanium then we are to living in that paradise. Wake up: Oxygen is no miracle gas. Sure, it has a few minor upsides but overall, has no legs to stand on. The Oxygen driven corporate elite, using their financial and political connections, have created a conspiracy matched only by McCarthyism and the Moon Nazis. Those 1 percent-ers tiptoe around this fact every day: that 100% oxygen is toxic in some pressure conditions. Suck that in. I understand that the some conditions portion of that sentence may have you scoff, but tell that to the Obligate Anaerobes. Oh wait, you cant, Oxygen kills them near instantly. This cover has continued for four centuries. Wilhelm Scheele discovered Oxygen in 1772 and named it vital air. In 1777, French chemist Antoine Laurent Lovoisier renamed this element to oxygene in 1777. Everything you need is spelled out right there. The Greek root for this word is oxys, meaning, you guessed it, acid. And thats just one float in the warning parade: many prominent philosophers, scholars, artists, and chemists have attempted to alert the public. Want to know what Da Vinci was trying to hide in The Last Supper? It wasnt Christs potential son. Think about it: all of those people were breathing Oxygen. And now theyre dead. Coincidence? You tell me. But my biggest problem with Oxygen is not its slow contribution to my death; my real problem is with its location everywhere. Currently ranked the third most abundant chemical element in the universe (the Scientific equivalent of the Billboard Charts), it seems to be letting the hype go to its head. All I hear is Oxygen this, Oxygen that, blah blah wah wah. I never have any room to breathe when its around. I dont get any Taylor time ever since Oxygen started breathing down the back of my neck. Its ugly mug suffocates my every move. Dont get me wrong, my lungs and I appreciate Oxygen every now and then. But all good things come in moderation, and I cant moderate my intake when Oxygen is stuffing magazines, TV networks, and itself down my throat. I might sound like a crazy person, but all the greats sound like loons before they change history. I encourage you to laugh at me, because it places me in a position of power when you finally come around. The contrast you create between lunacy and genius will only make my theory stronger; ingrained more heavily into your mind. Yes, I agree that oxygen can, in few minor cases, be beneficial. Yes, I understand that I breathe it daily. But my job is not about analyzing facts and creating logical conclusions; its to show a side you never see to a problem you unknowingly face. Until I see a warning label on every Oxygen tank, I will never cease that noble pursuit.